Original subtitles

(SNICKERING)

HOST:Hey, hey, Wacky Race fans.

Welcome to the legendary enchanted forest,

where today's magical race from here to Granny's house will be taking place.

And speaking of magical, this race will have a guest racer.

That wonderful world-famous wizard, Winsome Witch.

Hello.

It's great to have you racing with us today, Miss Witch.

Oh, that's very, um, nice.

Uh, thank you.

And good luck to all our racers.

Look at this place. Oh, it's just all so, magical.

Um, huh, yeah. It is, isn't it?

I thought you'd be happy about that, being magic yourself.

(STUTTERS) Oh, I haven't had so much luck with the magic.

See, I lost my confidence.

(STUTTERS) Well, see, I've had...

A few of my spells have gone a little terribly, terribly wrong.

Just atrocities, actually.

Oops.

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

Oops.

I'm gonna be a real boy.

Oh, Pinocchio?

Oh, that's just awful.

I thought if I won a race, that might restore my confidence.

I'm sure you'll succeed.

Yes, at failing.

Dastardly, be positive.

Fine. I'm positive she'll fail.

What kind of ridiculous racer always has their actions backfire on them.

(BLASTING)

(SCREAMING)

Drat!

Yes, I see the irony.

Racers, to your cars.

(ENGINES REVVING)

Oh.

(CHUCKLING) My, this is very exciting.

Oh, just you wait, Winnie, there should be an exciting complication any time now.

Yes, this is about the time

in every episode, when Dastardly thinks of an ingenious way to cheat.

Muttley, I've just thought of an ingenious way to cheat.

(SNICKERING)

(GRUNTING)

There, place your puppy peepers on this perfectly placed

postero predicament incidentally inspired by a similar trap set by the big bad wolf.

Aha! Hurry, you lingering mutt, get the basket in place.

Here they come.

(SCREECHING)

TINY: Goody. Good.

I don't see any goodies.

TINY:Goodies bad.

Hah, this is going to be easier than Humpty Dumpty falling off a wall.

(GROANING) Not cool, bro.

Not cool.

Hey, that guy can't use my big basket of goodies trap.

That thing's trade marked.

Muttley, aren't you done yet?

-It better be deep enough. -(GROWLING)

Geniuses wish free.

Hey, I'm a genius.

What should I wish for?

-(SNIGGERING) -(SCREAMING)

I wish I wasn't falling into a wishing well.

This is too easy.

We should do all our racing here.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Hey, who put an unauthorized wishing well here?

-Yo, it's still skidding. -Hi ho, wolfie.

Hey, you know what's going on here?

Yeah, it's some purple guy with a snickering rat

is setting traps for these weirdos trying to get to Grandma's house.

Is he a licensed fairy tale villain?

I haven't seen him in any union meetings.

Call everybody. We're gonna drop some classic fairy tale beat down on this fool.

(TIRES SCREECHES)

What the... Well, look at that.

That's suspiciously placed magic spinning wheel.

I'd love to try it even though there's every chance I'd prick my finger on

the magic spinning needle and fall under it's spell.

Oh, well. I guess I'll just get back to the race.

(GROANING)

Thank goodness. I didn't prick my finger.

-Little help? -(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

-Evil is fun.-I'm in a lot of pain.

PETER: Someone call a chiropractor.

Oh, hello, Rumple.

Well, he just used my spinning wheels

slash anvil, stick on some guy with a chin you wouldn't believe.

Yeah. Well, okay. I'll be right there.

Yoo hoo.

Won't you stop and help a harmless old lady?

Oh, dear. A harmless old lady with a mustache needs help.

Don't worry. I know a place that does great facial wax.

No, no, my dear.

I just need someone to walk into my perfectly normal cottage

and check to see if there are any dragons in it.

Well, of course.

Hello? No dragons here.

Hey, what's happening?

Dastardly, is that you?

Miss Penelope.

This will teach you to cheat like that.

By the powers of this mighty mage, I capture you in a smelly cage.

Yep, I really should have seen that one coming.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

I wouldn't have had to say smelly cage.

This isn't working out like a fairy tale is supposed to at all.

For one thing, this whole episode's got a smarmy tone.

For another, the bad guy is winning.

And there hasn't even been a decent song.

(CHIRPING)

Maybe that's why you're here, little guy.

(THROWING RASPBERRY)

I'm free.

We're not.

It seems nothing ever works out like it does in the old stories.

♪ Have you ever sat and wondered ♪

♪ If people have the dreams you do ♪

♪ About walking out that door and never coming back ♪

♪ Have you ever read a storyAbout someone lost or trapped ♪

♪ You thought it hit a little close to end ♪

♪ Well, I've read this story And I know how it ends ♪

♪ A dream in that you're special ♪

♪ Doesn't make your dreams come true ♪

♪ It takes a risk A leap of faith ♪

♪ I'm ready to jump So just give me space ♪

♪ Adventure is calling out my name ♪

♪ It's telling me that it's time to escape ♪

♪ Sun and wind and the air in your hair ♪

♪ It's calling from so far away ♪

♪ It's hard to hear ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ But I know in my heart That I'm ready to start ♪

♪ It takes a risk ♪

♪ A leap of faith ♪

♪ I'm ready to jump So just give me some space ♪

♪ I'll go as far away as I can ♪

♪ I was meant for more Than these ♪

♪ I just need some space ♪

♪ To fly ♪

Huh? Oh, Philly.

Why does that never work?

(GRUMBLES)

This episode's even worse than usual.

-Thanks, Penelope. -You're welcome.

Now, let's get the others.

(GASPING)

Oh, no. Looks like Dicky's in trouble again.

This certainly spells trouble. Spells! That's it.

Winnie can use her magic to sign Dastardly.

What? Oh, no. I'll just make things worse.

Well, probably. But worst case, Dastardly just gets eaten or something.

That's a risk I'm willing to take.

All you need to do is believe in yourself, Winnie.

That's easy for you to say. You're... you.

You get to sing special songs.

You have that hip to waist ratio.

Winnie, you need to try.

A man you've only just met and who locked in a cage is counting on you.

You're right.

Ippity, pippity, hoppity, hop.

(EXCLAIMING IN AWE)

(ALL SCREAMING)

This is working out great.

Oops.

(STRAINING)

What makes someone feel good about themselves?

Ooh, a transfusion.

Kitten sandwiches.

-The Internet? -Singing two songs in one episode?

♪ It takes ♪

Nice try.

The answer is friends do.

If your friends believe in you, then you have to believe in yourself.

I don't have any friends.

-Sure you do. -Huh?

(EXCLAIMING)

Well, it's about time.

To save this racer from being torn, turn those spellings to beeline torn.

(ALL MEWING)

You would've save me sooner but for that silly song.

Snacks.

Winnie, thanks for saving the day.

You can join us racers any time you want to.

Ah, well, thank you, Penelope.

I think we all learned an important lesson today.

-Um, I don't think so. -I never do.

Kittens tasty.

What?

Friends make magic. Good.

So true, big fella.

-That they do. -You said it too, brother.

WINNIE: Indubitably.

PENELOPE: Tiny, you ate the kittens, didn't you?

(TINY BELCHING)

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