Original subtitles

(SNICKERING)

(SQUAWKING)

Salutations, seekers of adventure.

Welcome ye to Ancient Greece

during the legendary age of heroes.

There be the legendary Race-Gonauts.

ALL:Opa!

BRICK:Sisters of fate have spun wildthe strands of destiny

to bring us all here so we may observe the end of a long and epic journey.

(CHUCKLES)

Seek they the greatest prize in all history.

The golden fleece that hangs from the Tree of Destiny

at the end of the world.

And the first one to find it wins.

But it's very hard to find.

It's not on any map.

So, we've been at this for quite a while now.

Along the way, the heroic Race-Gonauts

have been harried by many a vengeful god and monster.

Hey, I'm cool.

"Monster" is a derogatory term.

We prefer, "Supernaturally Challenged Mythological Being."

Hey, I think I see the golden fleece.

-You do? -Where?

Over there.

BELLA:Ooh!

ALL:Opa!

(GROANING)

(YELPS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

PENELOPE: Out of my way...

What friendly fish people,

giving me a happy wave goodbye.

And kindly throwing good luck seafood.

Mmm, fishy.

Hey, there it is.

I got it, I got it.

I win.

Hmm? No, wait, this isn't the golden fleece,

it's just another fish?

Just another fish?

I've never been more insulted in my life.

I, sir, am an actor.

(YELPS)

Oh, my, Peter, I think I see it over there.

ALL:Opa!

(ALL CLAMORING)

Ugh.

Huh? So those puny mortals think they're going after my golden fleece?

No, no, no, no.

As Athena, the goddess of wisdom and beauty,

and fleece hoarding,

I call godly wrath over this one here.

Pluto, I got a job for you.

-(SCREAMS) -Hey, how you doing?

I, a goddess glorious, (BURPS)

and immortal,

have noticed that they have these "races" down dirt side

on his quest to nab my golden fleece.

Ha! Can you believe the nerve?

I need you to smite them.

Ooh, I do love a good smiting.

But I'll need help!

I call forth the legendary three-headed Cerberus!

(SLURPING)

(GROWLING)

(SNICKERING)

(GROWLING)

Come, evil heck-hound,

we shall enlist the many supernaturally challenged mythological beings

to smite the bejeebers out of these prattling mortals.

Yeah, you go have fun.

Waiter, I thought this is an "All you can eat."

How about some crab claws up in here.

I ordered the jumbo.

(SCOFFS) What? No butter?

(GASPS)

Ugh, really?

You know it's very rude to turn to stone just like everyone else.

What do you have to say about that?

You're boring.

I hate my life.

-(SCREAMS) -PLUTO: Medusa!

Don't bother me, Pluto, I'm having a bad hair day.

(HISSING)

The gods themselves task you

to smite the approaching mortals.

Fine. Smite them how?

By having them gaze at your serpentine locks.

Hey, my stylist said this haircut made me look ten years younger.

Oh, you do. Yes, yes, yes, you do.

You look lovely. Doesn't she, Cerberus?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, fine, I'll smite them.

But you better come to my birthday party this year.

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, I'll try to get away.

(CHUCKLING) Just text me and I'll check my calendar.

Kisses. Bye-bye.

He's not gonna come.

(ALL CLAMORING)

(GROANING)

We're here for you, brother.

Bye-bye.

Ha! Prepare to be smited, unwary mortal.

Hey, this hairdo is awful.

I should've gotten the perm...

(GASPS) Oh, how nice!

Someone left me a little boat decoration.

Pfft, well, at least I didn't have to go to her birthday party.

It's up to you to stop them now, my dear siren.

Worry not, my purple sire,

for none can resist the song of my lire.

(SINGING)

Yes, that's enough.

Hubba, hubba, hubba.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

(SIREN SINGING)

(GASPING)

Pretty music.

Whoa, I'm completely enchanted.

It's the most beautiful thing ever.

You're so lovely. Look at those teeth.

Your hair, your enchanting chin dimple.

Hey, buddy, I'm enchanting over here-- Hmm?

(GASPS)

Huh? Oh, yes. Yeah, very nice.

I have fallen under the eternal spell of your beauty.

This happens all the time. Try to breathe.

And whatever you do, don't start writing fan fiction about--

As we locked eyes, I knew only we could save the magic ponies

and live forever on an island of candy clouds

and careful character continuity.

Goodbye. She's gone.

Let's get back to the quest.

Peter. Peter.

So beautiful.

-Peter! -What's that?

Let's go.

You let them get away.

Leave me alone. Busy.

Hmm, it's okay, I suppose. But I have a few notes.

I don't need notes!

Ha, writers are all so touchy.

PETER: Look out.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SNICKERING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SIGHS) Tickets.

Get your tickets to the inescapable Minoan Labyrinth,

fun for the whole family.

Anybody?

No.

I'll take five tickets, my good Greek.

Ooh,opa.

That'll be 17 serpent tongues,

and two spider faces.

Ugh, I do wish someone would get around to inventing money.

I have three goat spleens, a Kraken tooth,

and the entrails of a bull.

All right, make it a kitten thorax

and two bull entrails and we got a deal.

I'm not made of bull entrails.

Ha, that's not what I hear.

Fine.

Hey, these aren't entrails, these are yak foreheads.

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING)

Where under earth are we?

It appears as if we're stuck in a labyrinth.

(EVIL LAUGHTER)

It's not a labyrinth, it's a maze.

They're synonymous.

I don't think you can say that on TV, little buddy.

Enjoy being trapped for eternity.

Toodle-oo, bye-bye, see you never.

Well, now what?

It is well known that if one walks along a maze with a hand on the wall,

one will discover the egress.

I warned you about your language, young man.

But maybe this nasty "egress" thing is near the exit.

Let's go.

There's the egress up ahead.

(GROWLING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERING)

Oh, gadzooks!

Tiny?

Tiny, is that you?

Hi, Mini.

Y'all know each other?

"Know each other?"

We've only been married for 900 years.

Have you been out questing around with that no-good brother of yours?

Oh, hello, Mini.

You see, there was Trojan War, and then this quest thingy we're on and...

Quest good, pumpkin?

Aww, crumpet face.

You boys go have your fun.

But bundle up.

You'll catch your death out there.

(KISSING)

ALL: Eww, eww.

ALL:Opa!

Hey, no refunds.

Bring me back something nice.

Yes, buttercup.

Drat! I'll get them next time!

By the heavenly haunches of Kronos, look there.

PENELOPE: Is that?

BELLA: The golden fleece.

At last.

Oh, I've completely and totally had enough of you, gang of Grecian glory hounds.

I call forth the horrible Hydra to smite them.

(GROWLING)

(GASPING)

(WHIMPERS)

Hydra, tiny.

Hmm, I've been sick.

Oh, he's just adorable.

All right, that's it, I quit.

Athena can do her own smiting from now on.

(ALL CLAMORING)

PETER: I feel fleeced already.

BELLA: Look at it.

(ALL GASPING)

(BUZZING)

So, I guess this is it.

Yup. The end of the quest.

One of us just has to grab it and the race is over.

We can all go home.

And never see each other again.

PENELOPE:Or.

-(THUDS) -MAN:Ow!

Or we could just start another race.

Yes! Let's do that instead.

All in favor.

ALL:Opa!

BRICK:And there you have the tale of the Quest for the Golden Fleece

and a band of warriors that struggled to find it

only to realize that wherever you're going,

getting there should be the fun.

ALL:Opa!

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