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1
00:00:01,336 --> 00:00:04,486
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,253
(SNICKERING)
3
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,528
Hey, hey, hey, there,
Wacky Race fans.
4
00:00:29,564 --> 00:00:31,004
This is Big Brick Crashman,
5
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:32,825
in the fabulous,
absolutely real,
6
00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:36,071
probably European country
of Ditzmoratopia,
7
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:39,337
for the first invitational
Ditzmoratopia Derby.
8
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,307
We are here in this
wonderful custom-built track
9
00:00:41,376 --> 00:00:43,906
at the personal invitation of
billionaire sports enthusiast,
10
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:46,411
and royal recluse,
the Dowager Duchess,
11
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,724
Delussionatta Dementia.
12
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:50,750
Hurray for all
the racers equally.
13
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:55,318
Isn't that right, Mr. Dingles?
14
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:59,327
And this is my artificial
butler, security chief,
15
00:00:59,394 --> 00:01:02,104
and accomplice,
I mean assistant, Bob.
16
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:02,933
Say hello, Bob.
17
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:07,540
Surrender, humans.
18
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:12,535
Enjoy the harmless sports entertainment, humans.
19
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:17,275
Muttley, fire the
heat-seeking missile!
20
00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:19,745
(SNICKERING)
21
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,377
(CROWD CLAMORING)
22
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:22,719
WOMAN: Look out!
23
00:01:22,784 --> 00:01:25,224
Oh, how sweet.
Yes, I love you all, too.
24
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,546
(SMOOCHES)
25
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,294
Muttley! (SCREAMS)
26
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,860
-DASTARDLY: This is
all your fault! -(MUTTLEY GRUMBLING)
27
00:01:31,927 --> 00:01:36,227
BRICK: And Peter Perfect
takes the lead.
28
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,970
Well, Mr. Dingles,
what do you think?
29
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:41,742
Time to spring
our fiendish trap?
30
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:44,295
-Bob... -Yes, mistress?
31
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:45,304
Fetch!
32
00:01:50,745 --> 00:01:52,445
Sorry, no autographs
while driving.
33
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,280
It's a Standards
and Practices thing.
34
00:01:54,316 --> 00:01:58,716
I am here to invite you to a victory party in your honor.
35
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,286
Really, a party for me?
36
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:02,121
Sounds fun but I'm
a professional sportsman and spokesmodel
37
00:02:02,157 --> 00:02:03,957
with far too
many responsibilities just to pick up and go--
38
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,331
There will be cake.
39
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:07,963
I'm so there.
40
00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:12,172
(TIRES SCREECHING)
41
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,966
Oh, my stars and garters!
42
00:02:14,002 --> 00:02:17,002
DASTARDLY:
Watch where you're going, you hyperthyroid halfwit.
43
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:18,314
PENELOPE: Look out!
44
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,439
(I.Q. YELLING)
45
00:02:26,848 --> 00:02:28,418
DASTARDLY:
I can't see a thing.
46
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,582
(COUGHS)
47
00:02:29,651 --> 00:02:31,621
Where is everybody?
48
00:02:31,686 --> 00:02:33,916
Oh, Peter, there you are!
49
00:02:33,989 --> 00:02:36,859
I'm so glad you're
all right. Peter?
50
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,534
Peter is a cardboard cutout.
51
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,926
I know. He's so shallow.
52
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:42,695
No, I mean he's fake.
53
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,003
A decoy. See?
54
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:47,031
Everything is. Look!
55
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,367
Wait, what? That's impossible.
56
00:02:51,439 --> 00:02:53,279
He was talking.
57
00:02:53,342 --> 00:02:56,382
I think that crazy Duchess
lady might have had her evil robot butler steal him.
58
00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,284
ALL: What?
59
00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:00,719
And Davy Bones found this.
60
00:03:00,782 --> 00:03:02,352
I.Q.: Peter's been kidnapped!
61
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,883
BELLA: We have
to un-kidnap him.
62
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,291
No, we don't.
63
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,463
But Dastardly,
Peter may be in real trouble.
64
00:03:07,522 --> 00:03:09,892
He may be being tortured,
humiliated.
65
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:13,797
Ooh, I would like to see that.
66
00:03:13,795 --> 00:03:15,895
PETER: No, no more, please!
67
00:03:15,997 --> 00:03:18,397
I can't take any more.
No more, really.
68
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:21,296
-I couldn't eat another bite. -Are you sure, sir?
69
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:23,299
It's wafer-thin.
70
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,911
No, thank you.
71
00:03:25,006 --> 00:03:27,136
Well, Duchess, this really is
a very nice castle you have here.
72
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,978
Oh, do you think so, Peter?
73
00:03:29,044 --> 00:03:32,084
It's really too big
for just the two of us to rattle around in.
74
00:03:32,146 --> 00:03:33,746
It can get so lonely.
75
00:03:33,848 --> 00:03:35,678
-More milk?
-Thank you.
76
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,219
(EXCLAIMS) Mmm.
77
00:03:37,252 --> 00:03:39,922
Cow-flavored. So, it's just
you and Bob here, then?
78
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,520
Bob? Oh, no.
79
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,163
Bob is just a robot.
80
00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:45,925
A simple artificial device.
81
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,103
A worthless bucket of bolts.
82
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:49,925
I'm standing right here.
83
00:03:49,998 --> 00:03:53,168
He could never provide me with
the real human companionship
84
00:03:53,235 --> 00:03:57,935
a person needs to keep from
going totally barking bat glitter crazy.
85
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,568
Oh, I thought you said two.
86
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:03,577
I did. Mr. Dingles
keeps me company, don't you, Mr. Dingles?
87
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:04,780
Yes, I do.
88
00:04:04,879 --> 00:04:07,349
You could say,
we're inseparable.
89
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:12,215
Oh, Mr. Dingles,
how very witty.
90
00:04:12,921 --> 00:04:15,621
Run for your life,
she's completely insane.
91
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,863
-What?
-Nothing.
92
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,128
I really should go.
93
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:21,603
You mean you're not
enjoying my company?
94
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:25,429
But I'm your biggest,
best-est fan ever!
95
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,066
See?
96
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:38,246
Don't make her angry.
97
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,145
He didn't mean it, duchy dear.
98
00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:41,954
I really, really
must be going.
99
00:04:41,983 --> 00:04:44,993
But you can't.
Not before the party.
100
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:46,922
Everyone will be there.
101
00:04:46,988 --> 00:04:49,918
Bob will personally make sure
your friends attend the party tonight.
102
00:04:49,991 --> 00:04:52,091
I mean, what kind
of a ridiculous,
103
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,930
weird, uncomfortable,
super creepy night
104
00:04:54,996 --> 00:04:56,656
would it be if only
you and I showed up
105
00:04:56,764 --> 00:05:00,904
for the most perfect,
beautiful, dreamy wedding, I mean...
106
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,498
Party ever.
107
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,000
(LAUGHS)
108
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,074
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Yeah, creepy.
109
00:05:06,141 --> 00:05:09,181
Bob, go.
Take care of Peter's friends.
110
00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:12,853
Yes, I'll take good care of them.
111
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:14,346
(ALL LAUGH)
112
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:18,048
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Help.
113
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,862
Whoa! A real moat.
114
00:05:23,958 --> 00:05:25,628
You don't see
many of these anymore.
115
00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:27,133
How do we get in?
116
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:30,704
There's an intercom.
117
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:33,627
Hello?
118
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:34,974
May I help you?
119
00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:38,106
Uh, yes, we were wondering
if Peter Perfect is in there.
120
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,542
Peter is our prisoner.
121
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:42,208
Go away!
122
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:43,976
We have to get in there
to save Peter.
123
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,714
Maybe we could swim across.
124
00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:50,152
(EXCLAIMS)
125
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:53,450
(BLUEBEARD GRUNTING)
126
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:54,724
Oh, my!
127
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:56,959
This must be one of those
new Motomatic 3,000s
128
00:05:57,025 --> 00:05:59,885
I've seen in Psychopathic Recluse of the Month magazine.
129
00:05:59,961 --> 00:06:03,371
They come fully stocked
with piranha, sharks, killer whales,
130
00:06:03,398 --> 00:06:07,628
seals, Navy SEALs,
Army seals, electric eels, tigers in scuba gear and...
131
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,171
Oh, no!
132
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,736
What? What is it?
133
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,037
The worst.
134
00:06:12,073 --> 00:06:16,013
Most terrible
thing imaginable.
135
00:06:16,077 --> 00:06:21,077
It's... (SOBS)
An improv comedy crew!
136
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,752
Hey, how's everybody
doing today?
137
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:27,888
I said, how's everybody doing?
138
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,418
Oh, great.
139
00:06:29,524 --> 00:06:31,864
For our first game, we just
need someone to suggest a job,
140
00:06:31,926 --> 00:06:35,696
a Midwestern water district
and an incurable disease!
141
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:36,933
Just call 'em out.
142
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,230
Oh, my stars and garters!
143
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,265
I'm so afraid.
144
00:06:39,367 --> 00:06:40,997
BELLA: Why are they so perky?
145
00:06:41,069 --> 00:06:44,439
CAPTAIN DASH: (EXCLAIMS)
There be no structure to their act at all.
146
00:06:44,506 --> 00:06:47,066
DASTARDLY: Go away!
PENELOPE: Get out! Go away! Go away!
147
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,207
Leave us alone!
148
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:49,905
It's just lazy comedy.
149
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,013
Hire a writer!
150
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,449
(EXCLAIMS)
151
00:06:53,548 --> 00:06:55,618
How will we
get past that moat?
152
00:06:55,717 --> 00:06:57,047
Leave it to us, matey.
153
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,547
We be men of action.
154
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,960
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
155
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:05,785
(GROANING)
156
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:10,703
(PIRATES EXCLAIMING)
157
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:13,248
(PIRATES YELLING)
158
00:07:16,070 --> 00:07:17,470
Too short.
159
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:21,578
(SNICKERING)
160
00:07:21,576 --> 00:07:23,976
(INTERCOM BEEPS)
161
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,407
Yes, what is it?
162
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,980
(SPEAKS IN ITALIAN ACCENT)Buongiorno, y'all.
163
00:07:29,084 --> 00:07:31,294
-(SIGHS)
-We are the caterers.
164
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:33,988
We got food for the wedding.
165
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,164
Caterers?
166
00:07:35,256 --> 00:07:37,156
But I stayed up all night
167
00:07:37,258 --> 00:07:40,158
making 400 finger sandwiches.
168
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,497
And it was my birthday.
169
00:07:42,597 --> 00:07:47,597
I guess you better come in.
170
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:52,665
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
171
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:53,983
Just one pizza?
172
00:07:54,008 --> 00:07:56,978
(SPEAKS IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
It's got everything on it.
173
00:07:57,010 --> 00:08:00,920
Let me see it.
174
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:05,915
(SQUAWKS) She did say
it came with everything.
175
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,786
(SNICKERING)
176
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:09,415
(SPEAKS IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
Let's go find Peter.
177
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,930
DASTARDLY: Will you stop
talking like that?
178
00:08:11,993 --> 00:08:16,663
Do you, Duchess, take this
super-tight, hunky block of man meat
179
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,367
to be your lawfully
wedded husband?
180
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,143
Oh, I don't know.
This is so sudden.
181
00:08:21,202 --> 00:08:23,372
I don't know what to do.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
182
00:08:23,471 --> 00:08:26,211
And do you,
the luckiest guy on Earth,
183
00:08:26,274 --> 00:08:31,274
take her supreme and totally
sane royal-ness to be your snuggly-wuggly sweetikins,
184
00:08:32,146 --> 00:08:35,046
forever and ever and ever?
185
00:08:35,149 --> 00:08:37,049
Uh, well, um...
186
00:08:37,152 --> 00:08:42,152
That is a very complicated
question involving questions.
187
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,393
Peter, are you trying
to embarrass me
188
00:08:45,493 --> 00:08:49,733
in front of all our guests?
189
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:52,500
No, no, no.
No, of course not.
190
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:54,737
Actually, I was just stalling
until my friends get here.
191
00:08:54,836 --> 00:08:57,406
What makes you
think your friends are even coming for you?
192
00:08:57,472 --> 00:09:01,182
Because Peter's family,
and we take care of family.
193
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,011
Um, do I know you?
194
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,906
(SIGHS)
195
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,409
Penny, I knew you'd come.
196
00:09:06,514 --> 00:09:08,424
-Perfect.
-Um, hi, guys.
197
00:09:08,516 --> 00:09:09,976
This isn't what it looks like.
198
00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:11,921
It looks like you've been
kidnapped by a crazed fan
199
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:14,256
and are being forced to allow
her hand puppet to marry you.
200
00:09:14,322 --> 00:09:15,992
Oh, then this is exactly
what it looks like.
201
00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:18,757
-Am I glad to see you guys.
-Not so fast.
202
00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:21,060
Peter is not
leaving this castle.
203
00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:22,925
And neither are any of you!
204
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,196
Bob, come.
205
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,434
-(WHEELS CREAKING)-I quit.
206
00:09:27,535 --> 00:09:32,535
I think it's safe to say,
Duchess...
207
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:35,837
-The wedding's off.
-Cool.
208
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:38,510
You may have defeated
my man-droid,
209
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:41,519
but I still have Mr. Dingles.
210
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,682
I have no idea
what to say about that.
211
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,891
En garde!
212
00:09:45,887 --> 00:09:47,247
(EXCLAIMS)
213
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,187
Ha-ha!
214
00:09:52,460 --> 00:09:54,800
So, you went with
the empire line waist?
215
00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:56,056
I like the flow.
216
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,959
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
217
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,234
(GRUNTING)
218
00:09:59,301 --> 00:10:02,401
Ha-ha! Is that
all you got, pinky?
219
00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:05,070
-(MR. DINGLES GRUNTS)
-(SIGHS)
220
00:10:05,140 --> 00:10:08,140
-(MR. DINGLES GRUNTS)
-Huh?
221
00:10:08,142 --> 00:10:11,912
(LAUGHS)
222
00:10:11,913 --> 00:10:15,153
(YELLS AND GRUNTS)
223
00:10:15,149 --> 00:10:16,619
Give it up, Dingles!
224
00:10:16,651 --> 00:10:18,491
Never!
225
00:10:18,586 --> 00:10:20,246
All right, you know,
this is just too weird.
226
00:10:20,321 --> 00:10:21,321
Brick?
227
00:10:21,422 --> 00:10:22,662
Hey, hey, race fans,
228
00:10:22,757 --> 00:10:25,087
this is Big Brick Crashman
saving the day
229
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:27,829
with smoke bombs!
230
00:10:27,829 --> 00:10:28,959
(COUGHING)
231
00:10:28,997 --> 00:10:31,327
They're getting away.
Close the drawbridge!
232
00:10:31,432 --> 00:10:33,682
(ALL CLAMORING)
233
00:10:36,772 --> 00:10:39,942
Peter, I can't tell you how
good it is to have you back.
234
00:10:40,008 --> 00:10:41,778
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
235
00:10:41,843 --> 00:10:43,513
It's great to be back.
(SNIFFING)
236
00:10:43,578 --> 00:10:45,908
Dastardly's car smells like
feet and hot cheese.
237
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:49,120
If you don't like it, Perfect,
you can get out and walk!
238
00:10:49,183 --> 00:10:50,853
Right, Mr. Dingles?
239
00:10:50,952 --> 00:10:53,452
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
240
00:10:53,454 --> 00:10:54,824
Okay, thanks, everybody.
241
00:10:54,856 --> 00:10:56,626
And please
check out our website.
242
00:10:56,692 --> 00:10:59,262
And remember, we teach classes
alternate Thursday nights
243
00:10:59,327 --> 00:11:02,497
behind the slop chute
at the meat processing plant.
244
00:11:02,547 --> 00:11:07,097
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