Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

We love you, Penelope.

Hey, race fans!

I'm Penelope Pitstop's super-fan, Brick Crashman.

(SCREAMING)

And today instead of a race,

our wacky team will be participating

in the Annual Good Sport Drive for charity.

The competitor who does the best

at three separate fund raising pit stops,

will be awarded this year's

Super Good Sportsmanship trophy.

(LAUGHS) Which means that I'll win for sure.

(ALL LAUGH)

What's so funny, you feckless philistines?

Dicky, you know Penelope always wins

the Good Sportsman Cup.

CROWD: (CHEERING) Penelope, yay!

(SCOFFS) What's she got, that I haven't?

(WHISTLES)

Penelope, good.

You're nicer than the moonlit graveyard.

Aww, y'all are so sweet.

Well, I better get ready.

Remember, this race is for charity.

So, let's play nice and have a fun day today, okay?

Isn't she just so nice?

Nice? Now we reward people for being nice?

What nonsense!

Oh, really? I bet you can't be nice

for one entire race, Dastardly.

All right, Perfect, you pompadoured portrune.

You're on! Starting right...

Now.

(STRUGGLING)

(HUMMING)

Huh? Is it me or does my hair look odd?

Hmm.

(EXCLAIMING)

Mmm. (CLICKS TONGUE)

(GRUNTS)

Whoo!

(GRUNTS)

Mmm.

-(GASPS) -(CHUCKLES)

Pandora.

Hello, dear sister.

It's lovely to see you, Panny.

I love the outfit.

I came to say, good luck.

You're gonna need it after I take your place,

and claim the Sportsman of the Year cup.

That's so nice of... Excuse me?

I spent my whole life coming in second to you, Penny.

You were even born first.

By ten seconds.

Well, I've had enough.

If I can't beat you by being me,

I'll beat you by being you.

Nighty, night.

PENELOPE: What's that?

(GROANS)

(SNORES)

The rare Siesta Fortuna Petunia plant.

Works every time.

Remember, you have to be nice to the entire race,

or you'll lose the bet.

Don't strain your pea brain, Perfect.

I'll be saying, "I told you so,"

faster than Tiny can form a sentence.

(MUMBLING)

Oh, there you are, Penelope.

I was wondering, what the holdup was.

-Mind your... (CLEARS THROAT) -(TINY CONTINUES MUMBLING)

I mean, I do hope little ol' me didn't keep you waiting?

After you.

Why, little ol' thank you.

(SHOUTS)

Well, she's in a hurry.

Is pushing nice?

Am I allowed to do that?

(MUMBLING)

(ENGINES REVVING)

On you marks, get set, go!

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(SHOUTS)

(GROANING) And they're off.

This is going great.

I wonder if my sleepy sister has even woken up yet?

(PENELOPE SNORING)

(GRUNTING)

(GASPS)

What in blue blazes is goin' on?

(GASPS) Pandora. That sneak.

Well, no use in ho-hummin'. I better start back for home.

(WHISTLES)

-Home, James! -(GRUNTING)

Actually, my name is Al Shamial.

Pleased to meet ya', Al. Mush!

(BLUBBERING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(I.Q. EXCLAIMS)

Did, did Penelope Pitstop just cut me off?

Was that nice?

Are there rules for this "being nice"?

(DASTARDLY READING)

Seriously?

(SNICKERING)

BRICK: Looks like our racers are arriving

at our first charity pit stop.

Out of my way.

Give me a box of those confectionary catastrophes, post-haste!

Sure. Here they are.

-(WHIMPERS) -These are almond gooeys.

I hate almond gooeys!

Why, you gaggle of gastronomic, good for noth...

(GROWLS)

What did you say, Dastardly?

Because it sounded like something that was not nice.

(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

I mean... (CHUCKLES)

Thank you. These will, these will be delightful.

Cookie me, kid. I'm in a hurry.

Would you please autograph these pictures for us?

Yeah, sure whatever.

Why am I... (CLEARS THROAT)

I mean...

Goodness and golly-wolly dewdrops. Why has someone scribbled over my dear sister?

Oh, we don't like her. She's mean and rude.

You're such a good sport and nice and kind.

And much prettier than her.

We're identical twins.

Oh, much, much prettier.

So much prettier.

(GROWLING)

-(STRUGGLING) -Little cookie pushin'...

(GRUNTS)

Penelope?

-(EXCLAIMING) -Wow, my hair is sticky.

Not sure what just happened.

Maybe, Penelope isn't feeling well.

(GASPS)

That was a bit strange.

How does Penelope put up with these people?

(CAMEL GRUNTING)

We almost there, boys?

I really must get back to my little ol' race.

We're now at the second stop, folks.

And it looks like our racers will soon be finished with their donations.

(STOMPING)

Ah, I feel like a bat in a belfry store.

So nice for them to let me make a withdrawal.

I gave 11 pints.

(GROANS)

The human body only has 10.

I'm a giver.

No way! Just give me the sticker 'cause you ain't getting any of my blood!

But your blood is the very best, most wonderful blood ever.

Last year we used what you donated

to cure baldness and recreate unicorns.

-(EXCLAIMS) -(NEIGHS)

Thanks, Penelope.

Last year I was different.

Now, give me.

(STRUGGLING)

Penelope, I must say, that isn't very nice of you.

I can't believe I noticed.

(CHEERING)

ALL: Huh?

(MEOWS)

(SNEEZING)

Now my allergies are even worse.

(GASPS)

-(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING) -(CATS MEOWING)

Why, Penelope? Why?

Why are you saying and doing these horrible things?

PANDORA: Move it or lose it, losers.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

-Huh? -What's wrong with Penny?

I hope my dear sister is having as rotten a time as I am.

What do you mean, I'm not as good as I was last year?

Anybody can wash a stinky car.

See! See!

(ALL SHOUTING)

Allow me to be your human shield.

(SHOUTING)

I don't know what's gotten into you, Penelope.

But you're better than this.

You're the best person I've ever met.

I bet I'm just so sweet and pretty and wonderful and loved by everybody,

every minute of every stinkin' day, aren't I?

-Aren't I? -Why, yes.

(SCREAMING)

(SOBBING) Muttley, you have to do something.

I can't seem to stop being...

Nice. (SOBS)

Oh, that is so nice of you.

I know, I just can't help it.

(WHINING)

(SOBBING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

I'll show Penelope. When she gets back,

she'll see I've won her race and I'm just as good as she is.

PETER: Whoa! I.Q.: Hey!

DASTARDLY: Now, now, Penelope. Don't do anything you might regret.

(DASTARDLY EXCLAIMING)

-What does she think she's doing? -(GASPS)

Oh, no.

-(SNIFFING) -(GIGGLES)

Now, why is that even there?

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(GIGGLING)

Quick, Muttley. What do I do?

Do I plow through them and win?

Or save them?

(GROANING)

(GRUNTING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

I win! I win! I'm the winner!

-(CACKLES) -(GROANS)

It's mine, it's all mine!

And now, Miss Pitstop, that wasn't very sporting of you.

(CACKLES)

Congratulations, Pitstop. Good race. I lost.

All because I was nice. I can't recall how to be mean again.

(EXCLAIMS)

Watch and learn, loser.

I Pandor... (CLEARS THROAT)

I mean, Penelope Pitstop, would like to thank, well, me, for being so incredible.

And for me putting up with all of you.

Give me that.

For her deplorable behavior, bad sportsmanship and makin' children cry,

we've decided not to give, Penelope Pitstop, the Good Sportsman of the Year award.

But instead give it to, Dick Dastardly.

Here, take it.

(CHUCKLES)

Folks, I'm not gonna lie here,

I'm freaking out!

Dastardly? Good is bad. Day is night! Up is down!

(SHOUTING) Will Penelope Pitstop's reign of terror ever end?

-PENELOPE: Yes. -Aah!

Right now!

There are two Penelope Pitstops!

(SCREAMS)

(EXCLAIMING)

Okay. This explains a lot.

You have no idea what's going on.

-Not a clue at all. -Me either.

How in the world, did you get back here from Timbuktu?

One thing you forgot, Pandora.

And what is that?

There's only one Penelope Pitstop.

(SCREAMS)

It's not fair! I demand I get what's coming to me.

-(GRUNTING) -(YOWLING)

(NEIGHING)

You did say you wanted what was comin' to ya'.

That's not what I meant.

-(SHOUTS) -(YOWLS)

Gadzooks!

That was a bit strange.

So, Dastardly, congratulations.

You're the Good Sportsman of the Year.

Pitstop, please. You have to help me. I can't stop.

I keep being nice to people.

Congratulations, Dastardly. You won, fair and square.

Golly, thanks, Pete. You really look great.

Have you lost weight?

Even Perfect! You have to help me 'cause...

Gosh, you're just the most nicest, helpful person I know.

(EXCLAIMING)

I can't stop! No!

Looks like the real Penelope Pitstop is back.

And the world makes sense again.

(ALL CHEERING)

We love Penelope!

If there's one thing I love...

(EXCLAIMS)

-(GRUNTING) -(YOWLING)

It's a happy ending.

(SNICKERING)

-(YOWLING) -(STRUGGLING)

(MUMBLING) Razzle, frazzle.

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