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1
00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:04,418
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
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(SNICKERING)
3
00:00:26,528 --> 00:00:28,698
DASTARDLY: 'Twas the night before Christmas
4
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:31,002
and all through the garage,
5
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,525
not a racer was stirring,
except for me placing
6
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,370
a spring-loaded firmer,
vehicular charge.
7
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:40,267
Muttley, hand me the atomic
catapult capacitator.
8
00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:43,340
Razzle frazzle razzle.
9
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:47,311
What is that you are wearing?
Is that a Santa hat?
10
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,281
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
11
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:50,949
(BELL CHIMES)
12
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:52,447
(KISSES)
13
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,090
How many times have I told you
not to waste your time
14
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:57,056
with that jingle
Kringle nonsense.
15
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,834
(PEOPLE SINGING
IN THE DISTANCE)
16
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,393
What is that?
17
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,560
Is that singing?
18
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:05,500
I think someone is in there.
19
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,026
Must be robbers.
20
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,300
Muttley!
21
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,439
Fetch me the flamethrower
and the itching powder
22
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:12,314
and sharpen the pitchfork.
23
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:13,912
(MUTTLEY GRUNTS)
24
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,284
Ugh, it's worse
than I thought.
25
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:18,484
(ALL SINGING) ♪ Fa la la la la la la la la ♪
26
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:19,705
Huh?
27
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,080
Good to see you, old buddy.
28
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,148
(CHUCKLES) Well, y'all
come right in, boys.
29
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:24,847
You can help
decorate the tree.
30
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:27,489
Oh, is that mistletoe?
31
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,794
Merry Christmas, Muttley.
32
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:31,527
Mistletoe?
33
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,062
Kiss.
34
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,956
No! (GROANS)
35
00:01:36,031 --> 00:01:40,401
How about we
get this party swingin' with a little pirate ditty?
36
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:43,598
And a one and a two
and a hardy har har.
37
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,840
(MUSIC PLAYING)
38
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♪ Yo ho ho It's a pirate's Christmas
39
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♪ Lights on the tree Fair seas ahead
40
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♪ Yo ho ho It's a pirate's Christmas
41
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♪ Claim all the booty on old Santa's sled ♪
42
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Claim that booty.
43
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Arr!
44
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,521
That's right!
45
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(SQUAWKS)
46
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:06,258
(PARROT SQUAWKS)
47
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,297
♪ Yo ho ho It's a pirate's Christmas
48
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,832
♪ Wrap up the presents Off to bed
49
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:13,168
♪ Yo ho ho It's a pirate's Christmas
50
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♪ Top of the tree goes Davey's head ♪
51
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ALL: Ahoy!
52
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-Arr!
-Very good!
53
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,209
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
54
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,807
Are you going along
with this Noel nonsense?
55
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,649
They have fruitcake.
56
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:30,415
Well, I say
this whole trivial tradition is half-baked humbug.
57
00:02:30,485 --> 00:02:32,885
Come on, Dastardly.
You can help with the presents.
58
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:35,203
Ready, set, go!
59
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,439
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
60
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,737
Bah, that's easy.
61
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,310
See?
62
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,618
(SNICKERS)
63
00:03:00,682 --> 00:03:03,952
I refuse to waste my time
wrapping boxed -p balderdash.
64
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:08,148
I hereby challenge you
to a real rap battle.
65
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,221
ALL: Ooh!
66
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,559
Oh, it's on!
67
00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:14,355
BRICK:Penelope Pitstop raps against Dick Dastardly.
68
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,158
(RAPPING)♪ You're making a mistake stepping up to me
69
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,500
♪ 'Cause I'm the fastest and baddest
70
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,804
♪ Every fanboy's dream
71
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:19,766
♪ Your cheatin' and your bleatin'
72
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,443
♪ Have gone too far
73
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:25,712
♪ Now I'm gonna put you down like a rhymin' star ♪
74
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,043
Oh, yeah?
75
00:03:27,108 --> 00:03:28,638
♪ You defeat me? Don't make me cry
76
00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:31,050
♪ I'm the epicure of nasty Fashionably fly
77
00:03:31,112 --> 00:03:33,152
♪ This challenge from you I can barely dignify
78
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,724
♪ You're just another loser
79
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,782
♪ In bad hair dye ♪
80
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,420
-(DASTARDLY LAUGHS)
-Cut!
81
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,815
♪ Yo, it's like this
82
00:03:39,888 --> 00:03:42,088
♪ Winning ain't winning Unless it's all fair and square
83
00:03:42,156 --> 00:03:44,056
♪ Without your dirty cheatin' You ain't got a prayer
84
00:03:44,125 --> 00:03:45,955
♪ I'm the best as the rest My ride is great
85
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:50,326
♪ That's why I've been slamming you since 1968
86
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,267
Well...
87
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,373
♪ You've been lucky once or twice but never again
88
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,535
♪ My rocking purple wheels will roll out your end
89
00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,644
♪ Then after the race When my victory is won
90
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:01,006
♪ You and those nerds will be totally shunned ♪
91
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,575
-(DASTARDLY LAUGHS)
-Uh-uh.
92
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,254
Uh-uh!
93
00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:06,983
♪ Yo, dream on there, Dick 'Cause whatever you believe
94
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:09,017
♪ You and your mutt are just comic relief
95
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:10,753
♪ The real superstars are me and my boys
96
00:04:10,819 --> 00:04:14,489
♪ You better be checking all these super sweet toys ♪
97
00:04:14,554 --> 00:04:16,864
Ah, yes.
98
00:04:16,925 --> 00:04:19,085
♪ Now it's long past time you acknowledge my mastery
99
00:04:19,161 --> 00:04:23,231
♪ 'Cause none of these trophies ever said "Dick Dastardly" ♪
100
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:24,726
ALL: Ooh!
101
00:04:24,799 --> 00:04:27,599
BRICK: The winner of the Epic Christmas Rap Battle is
102
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,598
Penelope Pitstop!
103
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:30,700
-Word.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
104
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,041
(SIGHS)
105
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,436
Come on, Muttley.
106
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:35,778
(GRUNTS)
107
00:04:35,844 --> 00:04:38,954
(SIGHS) That girl does
throw down some kicking rhyme.
108
00:04:39,013 --> 00:04:40,753
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
109
00:04:40,815 --> 00:04:44,285
But none of her glib
and soulful street poetry will save her
110
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:47,492
from my righteous wrath
during the race tomorrow.
111
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:51,785
Hmm, I'd better test
the new traps I've installed in the Mean Machine.
112
00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:54,429
Muttley, old buddy, old pal,
113
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:59,495
would you mind standing
just over there?
114
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,239
(GROANS)
115
00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:07,804
It's perfectly safe. Trust me.
116
00:05:08,543 --> 00:05:11,183
-(GULPS)
-Now, now. Don't be a baby.
117
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:16,245
Just stand right there
and everything will be fine.
118
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:19,024
(CHUCKLES)♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells
119
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,286
♪ Robin laid an egg ♪
120
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:22,724
Okie-dokie!
121
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:24,359
-Ready, Muttley?
-No, no, no, no.
122
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,755
Activating the new
booby traps.
123
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,627
(WHIMPERING)
124
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:31,895
(SNICKERS)
125
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:35,495
(GROANS)
126
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,339
(EXCLAIMS)
127
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,744
(SCREAMS)
128
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,306
Huh?
129
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:42,874
(GROANING)
130
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,314
(GAGGING)
131
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:49,581
(GROANS)
132
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:59,860
(WHINES)
133
00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:02,627
See? You're fine.
134
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:03,896
(LAUGHS)
135
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,239
Who is that handsome
sleeping man?
136
00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:13,005
Oh, wait. It... That...
137
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,043
That's me!
138
00:06:14,108 --> 00:06:15,608
(EXCLAIMS)
139
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,531
(BELL DINGS)
140
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,542
Hello? Hello?
141
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,772
Excuse me.
Are you my 4:00?
142
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,167
I.Q., is that you?
143
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:46,309
Why are you dressed like that?
144
00:06:46,374 --> 00:06:48,084
(LAUGHS) No, I'm not I.Q.
145
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:50,282
I'm Maurice,
your celestial accountant.
146
00:06:50,344 --> 00:06:53,914
Good to meet you,
Mr. Dastardly.
147
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,481
How do you know my name?
148
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:58,890
You are
Richard Milhous Dastardly, are you not?
149
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,322
Yes, but...
150
00:07:00,388 --> 00:07:02,858
But why am I transparent?
Where's the garage?
151
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,933
-It's back on Earth.
-Back on...
152
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,192
You mean I'm...
153
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,060
Mmm-hmm.
As a macro, Mr. Dastardly...
154
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,428
Enough with this foolishness!
155
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,897
Send me back down
to my body this instant!
156
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,595
I'm afraid I can't do that.
157
00:07:13,668 --> 00:07:18,668
Oh, fine. If you want
something done, do it yourself.
158
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:23,611
Fine. Have it your way.
Now what?
159
00:07:23,678 --> 00:07:26,278
It's my job to make sure you
learn the important lessons
160
00:07:26,347 --> 00:07:28,847
of your life before you
move on to the great beyond.
161
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,946
Let's get started, shall we?
162
00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:33,919
Do you know what your problem
has been, Mr. Dastardly?
163
00:07:33,988 --> 00:07:37,088
I'm far too
clever and handsome for my own good.
164
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,187
Oh, my. My goodness, no.
165
00:07:39,261 --> 00:07:43,701
Why don't I show you
some highlights from your life so you can see for yourself?
166
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:46,704
(LAUGHING)
167
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,867
(BLABBERING)
168
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:53,007
(EXCLAIMS)
169
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,843
Where did you get
a bomb at that age?
170
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:59,708
Gift shop.
171
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:01,280
(SNICKERS)
172
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:06,852
Hmm.
173
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,360
And what can we
learn from that?
174
00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:10,592
I should've used
more dynamite?
175
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,257
(SIGHS)
176
00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:14,427
The point is,
you have always been the cause of your own trouble.
177
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:17,725
Let's see if this doesn't
clear things up.
178
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,128
Drat. Drat.
179
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,999
Drat. Drat.
180
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,438
Drat! Drat!
181
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:23,803
-(HORN HONKS)
-Drat!
182
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,770
Drat. Drat. Drat.
183
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,939
Drat. Drat!
184
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,608
(LAUGHING)
185
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:31,977
There. See?
186
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,145
So what do you want me to say?
187
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,253
Hmm? I wasted my life? Fine.
188
00:08:36,317 --> 00:08:38,647
I wish I'd never been born.
Happy?
189
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:39,918
No skin off my nose.
190
00:08:39,988 --> 00:08:41,918
But you know who would
be happier? Your friends.
191
00:08:41,990 --> 00:08:44,290
Here's what would've happened
to the other Wacky Racers
192
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:45,788
if you had never been born.
193
00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:48,130
BRICK:Ladies and gentlemen, time for
194
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,755
Way Too Late Tonight.
195
00:08:49,831 --> 00:08:52,031
With your ghost of a host
with the most,
196
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,439
Tiny Gruesome!
197
00:08:54,502 --> 00:08:55,742
(AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
198
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,872
Night is good!
199
00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,168
Hey, yo! Oh, he kills me!
200
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,140
It's sure hot
in Burbank today.
201
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,850
AUDIENCE: How hot was it?
202
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,051
H-h-hot!
203
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,663
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
204
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,855
Oh, and everything's pink
up here. Love it.
205
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:24,368
Peter Perfect has now won
more races than any other person in history.
206
00:09:24,432 --> 00:09:29,432
And has officially been named
the greatest sportsman of all time!
207
00:09:30,204 --> 00:09:31,944
Let me get this straight!
208
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:34,376
You're telling me
that if I was never born,
209
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,141
Perfect would win more races?
210
00:09:36,211 --> 00:09:38,751
That's not really the point.
Hey, did you eat my popcorn?
211
00:09:38,813 --> 00:09:40,783
I'll tell you
what I've learned.
212
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:43,818
I've learned that I've got
too much to live for to stay up here.
213
00:09:43,885 --> 00:09:46,345
I need to go back
and really stick it to those
214
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:49,520
reprobate racers to keep them
from being successful.
215
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,930
-But that's not...
-Out of my way, shorty!
216
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:55,762
Oh, this is so...
217
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:59,969
I hate my job.
218
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,973
(LAUGHS)
219
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:07,436
I've got a lot
of living to do.
220
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,557
(YELLS)
221
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,980
(SHUDDERS)
222
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,819
(GROANS)
223
00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:20,585
Oh, my stars
and Christmas stockings! You're okay.
224
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,524
I... I am?
225
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:25,290
(CHUCKLES)
I think I had a dream.
226
00:10:25,359 --> 00:10:28,599
You were there,
and you were there. And...
227
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,062
(KISSES)
228
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,830
I have this new
229
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,299
-sense of purpose.
-What's that, Dicky?
230
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,938
To finally beat you
sacks of gas.
231
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,814
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
232
00:10:38,873 --> 00:10:41,383
A horrible Christmas
to you all!
233
00:10:41,442 --> 00:10:44,912
And to you all,
a rotten, stinking night!
234
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:48,818
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
235
00:10:48,883 --> 00:10:50,123
-You know what's strange?
-What?
236
00:10:50,184 --> 00:10:51,294
He does this every year.
237
00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:55,062
Oh, well. Merry Christmas.
238
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:59,292
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
239
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,560
(SNICKERING)
240
00:11:01,610 --> 00:11:06,160
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