Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

I'm going to win.

None of y'all can stop me now.

Not so fast, Penelope.

I'm going to win or my name isn't Peter Perfect.

Your name will be Malodorous Mud when I'm through.

My twin brother and I are dead set on winning.

Winning good.

Brains always beat brawn.

This match is mine!

A-ha! My spell of Mystic Rain has washed away

your Chrysalis of Confusion, Pitstop.

-Oh, foo! -(FAN WHIRRING)

But I can use a level 10 Charisma card to encase you in Goblin Gold, Dastardly.

Oh, drat your excessive charisma, Perfect.

But your trident is useless against the Shimmering Shields of the Hasty Wastes.

You can't use your Shimmering Shield.

I already reversed its magic with my Rod of Reflection.

Shield bad. Rules say.

(ALL ARGUING)

(SIGHS)

What in the wide, wide world of sports cartoons is going on here?

Now, I asked you here today to help me finish the redecorations to our garage.

Do you think you can take a break

from trying to outdo each other for that?

My dear lady, I assure you

I can be far less competive than those antisocial antagonists.

I'm sure Dastardly meant to say

that I am the absolute most least competitive person here.

I hate to win. Losing looks great on me.

Tiny and I live to come in dead last. Don't we, Tiny?

-(ALL GASP) -Losing good.

(GROANS) Look, someone just change that light bulb, okay?

DASTARDLY: I'm on it!

(ALL CLAMORING)

(GROANS) Ahhh!

(ALL CLAMORING)

(BLEATING)

I'll finish the repainting.

-Not before me, you won't. -PETER: I'll do it.

DASTARDLY: It should be purple!

PETER: Red, white and blue.

-Oh, please. Pink. -Black.

Yellow.

Pink.

American pop, circa 1962.

(MUTTLEY SNICKERING)

Muttley!

(ALL SHOUTING)

BELLA: Black! I.Q.: Needs more yellow!

PENELOPE: Get out of my way!

BARNSTORM: Yuck!

Cut it out!

That is it! I'm as much for friendly competion

as the next multi-billionaire race promoter,

but you people are a menace.

Now, I'm sending you to my personal spiritual consultant

and mood moderation expert, Guru Who.

A guru? I refuse to admit myself to the ministrations

of some new aged, touchy-feely...

Go!

DASTARDLY: Out of my way!

PENELOPE: Here I come! I've got you! Oh!

-BELLA: Hold on tight! Faster! -(CARS HONKING)

PETER: I'm in the lead! No, I'm not! Yes, I am!

-PENELOPE: Get out of the way! -(PETER GRUNTS)

-(I.Q. GRUNTING) -(PENELOPE GRUNTING)

(BELLA AND TINY GRUNT)

(ALL GROANING)

PENELOPE: Race y'all to front door!

-BELLA: Oh! Ah! I'm on it! I got it! -(ALL GRUNTING)

-(I.Q. GRUNTS) -PETER: Oh! Oh! Watch out.

Hello, dudes and dudette.

-Um, hi. -Who are you?

(SLURPING)

-Who. -That's what I'm asking. Who?

Yes.

-Yes, what? -No. Yes, Who.

Who are you?

-Yes. -What?

-No, Who. -Me?

I'm Dick Dastardly.

Who are you?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHTER)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

Okay, wait a minute.

Are you Guru Who?

In this particular physical incarnation

-I am he. -What?

-Oh... Please, let's not do that again. -(CAT YOWLS)

-Um... -Ah...

What time is it?

It's 3:26 p.m. local time zone.

Correct but not the truth.

It isn't?

The time is now.

(SLURPING)

-Ohhh! -Wow!

Deep!

Leave yourself behind and enter.

He is so cool.

Ugh! This conniving con artist sounds like

he's swallowed a box of cut-rate fortune cookies.

(SNICKERING)

-Nice digs. -Is anybody hungry?

I've got some pizza around here somewhere.

It's a bit more lived-in than I imagined it would be.

Sit, please.

Now what?

-Breathe. -(ALL INHALING)

(ALL EXHALING)

Uh, someone had onions for breakfast.

When I bang my gong,

you will all get it on

and drop into a deep meditative trance.

(SIGHING)

(SNORING)

-(PETER SNORING) -Oh, please.

It's going to take more than mumbo jumbo and a dinner bell to put me under.

Hmm, I think this calls for the Love Mallet.

-DASTARDLY: The what? Ahhh! -(MALLET BONKING HEAD)

-(DASTARDLY SNORING) -(MUTTLEY SNICKERING)

(MALLET BONKING HEAD)

-Works every time. -(SNORING)

Hmm! Pretty!

Ohhh, pink clouds! I like it.

PETER: Where are we?

This is Nirvana, an interactive dream state

created by your collective unconsciousness.

That's great. Thanks.

-I only have one question. -Yes?

Where are we?

I get it. If this place is created by our minds then...

Hey, how did you do that?

It's like a dream. Just wish. Go ahead and try.

(GRUNTING)

If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up.

You try it, Tiny.

Um...

Um...

Uh...

Hand?

(LAUGHS)

Hey y'all, check this out.

Whoo-hoo!

Go ahead, Peter. Wish for the best thing you can imagine.

Okay. Hmm...

Oh, yeah. Looking good.

Best vacation ever.

BOTH: Ooh! (GRUNT)

That transcendental trickster hit me with a hammer.

How's that appropriate viewing for our time slot?

Never mind that, Dastardly. This place is great. Make a wish.

A wish?

Anything you want. I'm getting a mani-pedi

and having my highlights done by Chez Manuel.

How about a makeover?

Oh, this would be my greatest challenge.

Drat!

(SNICKERING)

(GROANS)

Come on, Dastardly, make a wish.

-(GASPS) -Here all things are possible.

Really? Hmm...

For me? Oh, I love this place.

I know, right?

I humbly accept this trophy

for being the greatest racer in the history of racing everywhere

-and every when in the entire universe... -(GRUNTS)

-What? Who are you? -I'm you. And that's mine.

-Give that back. -I deserve it more than you.

You loquacious loser.

Loser?

This is all Muttley's fault.

(GRUMBLING)

What's going on?

Dastardly's negative attitude is affecting the dreamscape.

That's not good, is it?

Hmm... No.

Apparently, Dastardly is his own worst enemy.

No kidding.

It's not my fault. It's them.

They're you.

I know.

(EXCLAIMING)

Oh!

Ooh! Ow!

Dastardly, you need to lighten up.

-(SCREECHING) -(GROWLING)

-Seriously? -Dastardly, you are one sick puppy.

I know.

(SNICKERING)

Guru Who, what should we do?

Um... Run?

(BELL DINGS)

Thanks. Okay, guys, we need to get out of here.

-How? -Like this.

(TIRES SCREECH)

Oh! Drat!

(GRUNTING)

(MONSTERS GROWLING)

You'll never escape yourself, Dastardly,

you worthless wastrel.

(DASTARDLY WHIMPERING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Who? Who?

-What? -Oh, no.

-Who? -Yes.

-What do we do to get out of this? -(TIRES SCREECHING)

Beats me! Maybe you could imagine an exit.

All right, everybody, you heard him.

Imagine an exit ahead of us.

-(BICYCLE BELL CHIMES) -(WHIMPERING)

Uh, I don't think Dastardly's gonna make it.

But what can we do?

For once we gotta work together. Quick.

Everybody ram the dune buggy!

-What? -Working together bad.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

-Go get him, Bone Daddy. -(GROWLS)

(WHIMPERING)

Ahhh!

(DASTARDLY YELLING)

(ALL GASP)

Don't look under my bed!

Ah, you made it.

-Cool. -You fraudulent fickster.

Dude, don't blame me.

You are the one with issues.

I guess we'll never find inner peace.

I think we learned a valuable lesson today, guys.

We learned that by caring for one another

and working as a team we can accomplish much more

than we ever could separately.

You're so right, Peter.

-Co-operation. -(GROANING)

(GRUMBLES)

Come on. Let's go show Ms. Barnstorm

how non-competitive we are now.

Great idea, Penny.

Me first!

(ALL YELLING)

(ALL STRAINING)

Those dudes are seriously wacked.

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