Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREECHES)

-(GASPS) -Eugene!

(GULPS)

-Manners! -Sorry, Mother.

And no more snacking between meals

we're having caveman for din-din tonight.

I don't like caveman,

they never take baths.

You'll eat your caveman and you'll like it!

Yes, Mother!

And help me carry this bag!

My arms are tired.

Ugg! Me Brick Caveman.

Me coming to you live from millions of years ago.

Me do special interest story

and talk to typical tribe of cave people.

Why Brick Caveman talk into dinosaur?

Me like it! His name Mike.

-Hi, Mike. -How you doing?

What you all doing?

-Oh, uh, nothing. -How come?

-Nothing been invented to do yet. -Arr.

(SCREECHES)

-BLUEBEARD: Arr? -(PTERODACTYL SCREECHES)

-We should invent something to do. -(CAT MEOWS)

-That good idea. -Like what?

A game?

Ooh, sound fun!

What is "game"?

Me call this game

-catch! -(BUZZER SOUNDS)

Okay, me catch ball.

Oh, no!

Me just invent unhealthy competitiveness.

Me must win catch!

Tiny, throw ball to Dastardly.

-Drat! -(GROANS)

-(SNICKERING) -Me no want to play catch.

You have other game?

Me call this game

-tag! -(BUZZER SOUNDS)

You it!

You it!

-You it! -You it!

-(SNICKERING) -(SCREAMS)

-You it! -(GASPS)

(GRUNTS) Not so hard, you Neanderthal nincompoop!

Uh-oh. (GROANS)

Drat!

-I.Q.: Bowling! -(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(ALL GASPING AND GROANING)

-(PTERODACTYL SCREECHES) -(SCREAMS)

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(ALL CHEERING)

-(GROANS) -(SNICKERING)

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

PENELOPE: Me all right.

Me still all right. (GROANS)

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(CHUCKLING)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANING)

Oh, no!

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

-(SCREAMS) -(GASPS) Oh!

-(GASPS) -Huh?

(BABBLING)

(BUZZER SOUNDS)

(LAUGHS CONFIDENTLY) Oh!

(EXCLAIMING)

-(SCREAMS) -(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

-(GROANS) -(LAUGHS OBNOXIOUSLY)

(PETER GROANS)

We need game that no hurt.

And no have rocks in it.

Game without rock. That toughie.

(GASPS)

Whoa!

Why everyone stare at obelisk?

It just ordinary square rock.

(GROANS)

(GASPS) Huh?

Ooh!

(BELL DINGS)

Why you ears smoke?

Me get idea for best game ever.

Me call game...

-Racing! -(BUZZER SOUNDS)

-Racing? -Racing?

-Racing? -Racing?

(SNICKERING)

-(PTERODACTYL SCREECHES) -(SCREAMS)

-And I can announce it! -(ALL GASP)

(ALL CLAMORING)

I say, me still under obelisk!

And me missing something.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

This first time me announce race.

Better me do Mike check.

-You good, Mike? -Test, test.

Yeah, I'm good.

Ugg, ugg, ugg, race fans!

We're here at start of first ever Race to Extinction 500.

Now, let's look at the cars!

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Maybe we should have invented engineering

before making cars.

-What we race with now? -Let's try that again!

-(ROARS) -(TRUMPETS)

-(SNORTS) -BRICK: Racers will go

from this starting stick to Big Fire Mountain over there.

First one to get there is winner!

That will be me,

because me have just invented something else,

cheating!

(SNICKERING)

On your mark, get set,

go! (GROANS)

Racing really exciting, isn't it, Mike?

-(PTERODACTYL SCREECHES) -(BRICK SCREAMS)

Goodbye, Mike!

Eh.

-(PETER EXCLAIMS) -PENELOPE: Yeah! (LAUGHS)

-Show 'em how it's done, kitty! -(ROARS)

Pardon me, boys.

-Ooh! -(ROARS)

Best game ever!

Hey!

(TINY GROANS)

Racing fun!

Racing so exciting I can feel my pulse pounding!

(WINCES) Nevermind.

Oh! Look out!

That's a good kitty.

Enough of this Cro-Magnon chicanery.

It is now time for me to cheat for the first time.

In this thing, which me call henceforth "a bag,"

are dozens of angry bees.

(BEES BUZZING)

Not quite angry enough.

(GRUNTING)

(BEES BUZZING LOUDLY)

(MUTTLEY GROANS)

That should do it!

We will now release the bees.

They will unleash their insect wrath

upon our fellow racers enabling us to win the race!

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

(BEES BUZZING)

From now on, whenever anyone thinks of the name Dastardly,

they will think of winners!

(MUTTLEY SNICKERING)

What is that you're eating?

-Is that honey? -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(GASPS)

Oh, drat.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

-(TIGER ROARS) -(ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)

I.Q.: Dinosaur, me need lift.

Look, it dinosaur nesting ground ahead of us.

ALL: Whoa!

Ooh!

BELLA: Oh! Ah, careful!

(FEET SLIDING)

-(I.Q. GROANS) -(GRUNTS)

(DINOSAUR ROARS)

Wonderful, that caveman restaurant

finally started delivering.

I would rather have spinach, Mother.

You stop that herbivore-talk right now, young man!

I am so sorry. I don't know where he gets it from.

I'd blame television but it hasn't been invented yet.

So, who's first to be eaten?

Oh? Razzle-frazzle-razzle!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(DINOSAURS ROARING)

The dinosaurs are gaing on us!

Me no want to be extinct.

Muttley, me know I've never said this before,

-but this is all your fault! -(ROARS)

Head for jungle!

-(PETER SCREAMS) -PENELOPE: It all jungle!

-(PETER GRUNTING) -(GROWLS)

Low branch!

We're all going to be eaten!

Chewed up by big, stinky dinosaur teeth

and then swallowed, and then digested.

-And then... (BABBLING) -Dastardly, you not helping!

Maybe we lose them in jungle?

Me idea exactly!

When we pass through bushes turn right!

-What is a right? -(GROWLS)

I.Q.: It's a direction me just invented.

Just... Everybody do it!

(DINOSAURS ROARING)

(BOTH WHIMPERING)

Me no hear little-arm lizards.

Did they leave?

(ELEPHANT GROANS)

Dastardly, go and see.

Oh, please.

Somebody need look.

(YAWNS)

Hmm?

Razzle-frazzle. Razzle-razzle-frazzle.

Ooh!

(SNICKERING)

Well, look at that.

Mean dinosaurs all get stuck in tar pit.

Oh, that's nice.

Which means we can get back to race.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Wait minute!

If there tar pits around here...

Oh...

(ALL STRUGGLING)

Don't worry, guys.

-Me know exactly how to get you out of there. -(PTERODACTYL SCREECHES)

(SCREAMS)

Drat!

This is all... (GROANS)

-Your fault! -Me fault?

You one who kept cheating!

Me wanted to keep playing with the rocks.

Tiny butt sticky.

Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

(STRAINING)

(SIGHS) Me knew me should have found

a less lively clan to hang around with.

-(PTERODACTYL SCREECHES) -(GRUNTS)

Who won race?

(ALL ARGUING)

That's it, me no speak to any of you ever again.

-Fine with me. -Music to my ears.

Harumph! Marvelous.

Ignore. Good.

Just imagine, this is what people looked like 10,000,000 years ago.

I wonder if they were anything like us.

They had teeny-tiny little brains, Pete.

They didn't have any of the refined qualities

-of modern man. -Arr.

Yes, yes, yes, this has all been very edutainment-y,

but we need to get back to the track!

There's a race starting soon!

(ALL CLAMORING)

One more thing...

Me still not talking to you!

(GROANS) There's nobody me do not hate!

(SNICKERING)

-(PTERODACTYL SCREECHES) -Razzle-frazzle,

razzle-mazzle razzle-frazzle!

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