Original subtitles

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNICKERING)

Oh, I do love the view out west.

She won't be savoring the sartorial sights

after my latest dirty trick. Right, Muttley?

(SNICKERING)

Activate the wonderful wily whirlwind whirly blades.

Here's sand in your eye, my abhorred antagonists.

Oh, my stars in garters.

Car! Engage anti-grav!

CAR:Engaging emergency anti-gravs.

Time for the Turbo Terrific's Terrific Turbo.

Activating glider mode!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Drat! They're still on our tail.

(MUTTLEY GRUMBLING)

Gosh, I'm excited.

We must be getting close.

I can hardly wait.

According to onboard nav systems,

we're approaching the destination.

There it is!

Gangway, goodniks!

(ALL LAUGH)

PETER: Not so fast.

PENELOPE: Passing on the left.

(ALL CLAMORING)

PENELOPE: Out of my way.

Hail me as the champion, you muddle-headed motorists.

I am clearly the winner.

I don't think so. My quantum nano chronograph

says you came in second, behind me.

(LAUGHS) Now, boys, not everything has to be a race.

Even though this was and I won. Boo-yah, baby!

That's right, I won, I'm the winner. Look at me!

Penny's right, fellows. We race every single day.

We didn't go on this vacation to be competitors.

We did it to get away as friends.

What? No one told me that.

-Ow! -Peter, friend...

(YELLING)

Sorry.

No worries. My head is as hard as a rock.

Not that way, Perfect.

Head rocks hard is no my way.

Nope, still wrong.

(SNICKERING)

How did you get... Anyhoo...

Let's set up our tents and enjoy our vacation.

We're here to relax, not to race

or to see who could get their tent up first.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Hmm, tie.

Um, maybe we should all make fires.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Another tie? Drat!

How about a little music?

(ALL CLAMORING)

ALL:♪ O my darling, o my darling, o my darling Clementine ♪

This is ridiculous. Can't we stop competing just for a day?

No!

Now, the Grand Canyon is just down the road.

Let's take a nice, relaxing drive over there

and do some nice, relaxed sightseeing.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Drat it, Muttley! We're losing.

Find the shortcut.

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Where's Dastardly?

Muttley, you noodle-headed navigator!

How can we be lost?

We were only 100 yards away when we started.

(GRUMBLING)

Ah!

Pretty.

Ah! And I think this is just what we all needed.

Some nice, relaxing time together.

(ALL SIGH)

You know, this view makes me feel glad to be almost alive.

(SCREAMING) Muttley!

What's that? Look out!

(ALL SCREAMING)

-Phew! -What do you mean, lucky?

That was skill, you doubtful doggerel.

In case you haven't realized it,

Richard Milhous Dastardly does not make mistakes.

Drat!

(SNICKERING)

Not so fast.

(BEEPS)

Where I go, you go!

(SNICKERING)

(SCREAMING) Muttley!

(SNICKERING)

Y'all snuggle up over here. Let's get a selfie.

Say, "I'm having a grand time at the Grand Canyon."

ALL: I'm having a grand time at the Grand Canyon.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(ALL SCREAMING)

What the hey?

Well, what do you know? We're alive.

-Hey! -No offense.

That was a humdinger of a drop, wasn't it?

I saw my life flash before my eyes.

I need to get out more.

(YELPING)

(SNICKERING)

Okay, how are we going to get back to the top?

Simple, old buddy. We fell down into the canyon, we'll just fall back up.

I know. You all wish you'd thought of it. I'll go first.

(EXCLAIMING)

Hmm, let me try that again.

(EXCLAIMS) Difficult.

It's a steep climb. How long will that take us?

Hmm. Considering the slope of the canyon walls,

the composition of the rocks, the lengths of our legs

and the prevailing weather conditions, 27 hours, 16 minutes and 41 seconds.

(LAUGHS) I could get out faster than that.

No offense, dear, but I'm fairly certain I could get out faster than you.

That is, if we were racing and not on vacation, of course.

(EXCLAIMING) Did someone say "race"?

I'll leave all of you (YELPS) vacuous vacationers (YELPS)

in the dust. (YELPS)

(SNICKERING)

It's on.

I.Q.: Me first.

-Hmm. -(BEEPS)

(GIGGLES)

I'll fly my way to first place.

Bella leave Tiny.

Bye, Bella.

Oh, I may be ghoulish but blood is thicker than water,

and better tasting, too.

Bella! Bella back.

(STRAINING) Yes, uh, my back... Ow.

Quick, get something to climb on.

Right away, Bella.

Oh, hurry up.

Y'all see what I see?

-Yippee ki-yay! -(DONKEY GROANS)

(YELPS) Muttley!

(SNICKERING)

(GRUMBLING)

Stop blathering, you nattering nag. Now giddy yourself up.

Neat.

Even better.

Better still.

Almost there.

Oh, hurry up.

Not quite.

(EXCLAIMS)

We need to pay the toll. Dastardly, do you have any change?

Why don't you ever carry currency,

you congenially conceited clodhopper?

Because I give all my money to charity. Don't you?

(GRUMBLES)

(RATTLING)

I'm free. Oh, it's been so long.

Be careful with these, they're family heirlooms.

-Nickels? Really? -Just get on with it.

(BELL DINGS)

-Drat! -(MUTTLEY GRUMBLING)

(WHOOPING)

Tiny, come on. Quit fooling around.

Oh. Not so fast, boys.

Wait for me.

Ride my trusted seed, ride like the wind.

Will you take an IOU?

Finally!

Drat!

Shucks! Back at the bottom?

If we keep going like this, we'll be skeletons before we get to the top.

Which would be lovely but that's not the point.

We have to work as a team.

He's just as right as pink on a partridge.

It does seem logical to cooperate.

One for all and all for one! Right, my noble stallion?

(EXCLAIMS)

Now, everybody, climb on top of Tiny.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Excellent! Now, into that cave.

(ALL GRUNTING)

PENELOPE: Let's go.

Hurry up, you procrastinating pooch!

Only a complete dundering dunderhead

would want to stay in this filthy, stinking

horrible hole in the ground.

Oh. I... Of course, I wasn't actually talking to you.

Ouch! (YELPING)

(SNICKERING)

(ALL CLAMORING)

Seriously?

Well, I think we all learned a valuable lesson today,

which is, never ride a mule

while wearing leather racing pants.

No, Peter, the lesson is that a team works better than any one person.

And not everything needs to be a competition.

Huh! I knew that before we even got to the top.

You did not! I thought of it first.

Tiny know first, after Bella.

I think that we can all agree that I knew the lesson first.

But I don't need to take credit,

as long as you all admit I was first, of course.

BELLA: I beg to differ, my friend.

(ALL ARGUING)

(HORN HONKS)

Last one back to the camp ground has to sleep downwind of Dastardly.

(ALL ARGUING)

Wait just one moment.

If you think that I'm going to sleep downwind from myself, you have another thing coming.

Ouch! I have a stone in my shoe. Oh, wait a moment.

Ah! I'll just toss this away.

(CLEARS THROAT) Dastardly?

Piffle and balderdash, Perfect.

What harm could one little stone do?

-Drat! -(ALL CLAMORING)

Dang tourists. Going outta my Grand Canyon, filling it up like this.

It took me years to do a thing, dang it!

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