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1
00:00:33,074 --> 00:00:34,450
(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:01:08,192 --> 00:01:09,318
(BURPS)
3
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:10,444
Another one?
4
00:01:10,611 --> 00:01:13,196
Well, I'm still vertical,
so I'd like to change that.
5
00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:24,875
Ho, ho.
6
00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:28,962
Bitter. Pint.
7
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:31,924
You just get off?
8
00:01:37,513 --> 00:01:38,931
I'm taking a break.
9
00:01:39,056 --> 00:01:41,141
Between shifts,
I guess you could say.
10
00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:43,059
You ain't driving,
are you?
11
00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:45,896
I steer a little, but the
reindeer do most of the work.
12
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,481
(LAUGHTER)
13
00:01:50,192 --> 00:01:52,152
This is my fourth year
as a Santa.
14
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:53,737
Ah.
15
00:01:53,821 --> 00:01:54,822
How about you?
16
00:01:54,947 --> 00:01:56,114
Lost count.
17
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,119
I forget why I started
doing it in the first place.
18
00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:02,662
Same reason anybody
does anything.
19
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,207
The money.
20
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,001
(CHUCKLING)
Money. Money.
21
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:10,045
This whole planet
runs on greed.
22
00:02:10,129 --> 00:02:11,421
(CRACKING)
23
00:02:11,505 --> 00:02:12,881
(GROANS)
24
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,675
(SIGHS)
25
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,011
MAN: It's the look on
the kiddies' faces, innit?
26
00:02:17,136 --> 00:02:18,470
That's what
does it for me.
27
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,098
The look.
Yeah, that look.
28
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:24,602
Lasts about
two seconds.
29
00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:26,895
As soon as they're
finished unwrapping,
30
00:02:27,229 --> 00:02:29,439
they want
the next present,
31
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:32,109
they want
the next cool thing.
32
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:34,111
That's how
this world works.
33
00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:36,238
And kids...
What kids have become.
34
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:39,575
They're just like
little junkies.
35
00:02:40,576 --> 00:02:43,036
They're little shits.
They just demand.
36
00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:44,663
They don't believe.
37
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:48,334
They just want,
crave, consume.
38
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,466
Maybe this is
my last year.
39
00:02:58,302 --> 00:02:59,720
The last Christmas.
40
00:03:04,141 --> 00:03:07,936
I can't stand seeing
another Santa in distress.
41
00:03:08,145 --> 00:03:09,896
(BURPS) Put his
drinks on my tab.
42
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,106
Okay?
Yeah.
43
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:13,150
Very merry of you. Okay.
44
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,652
I better get going.
45
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,697
Presents aren't gonna
deliver themselves.
46
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,658
(CHUCKLES)
47
00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:23,660
For your grandson.
Save me a trip.
48
00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,996
It's that new video game.
49
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,874
It's Astro Blaster,
Blaster Astro.
50
00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,167
I don't know.
51
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,460
Merry Christmas.
(BURPS)
52
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,629
How'd he know
my grandson's name?
53
00:03:35,172 --> 00:03:37,007
How'd he know I have a
grandson? (DOOR OPENS)
54
00:03:38,175 --> 00:03:41,136
Oi! That door
leads to the roof.
55
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:43,222
Piss head.
56
00:03:43,305 --> 00:03:45,598
Go easy on him.
It's Christmas.
57
00:03:47,935 --> 00:03:51,104
Hey! You can't
be up here.
58
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,066
If you break your neck,
I'm the one...
59
00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:57,653
(PANTING)
60
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,213
My God.
61
00:04:23,053 --> 00:04:24,095
It's...
62
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:25,973
(VOMITING)
63
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:27,349
Beauti...
64
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,687
(BREATH TREMBLING)
65
00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,195
(DECK THE HALLS PLAYING)
66
00:04:59,089 --> 00:05:00,381
(EXHALES)
67
00:05:04,386 --> 00:05:05,678
(HORN HONKING)
68
00:05:14,563 --> 00:05:15,897
Hi. Hi, hi, hi.
69
00:05:17,024 --> 00:05:18,859
There she is.
Hello, muffin.
70
00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:21,611
Let's go
see Grandma.
71
00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:25,323
Ooh.
72
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:27,534
Merry Christmas.
73
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,455
Merry Christmas, Trudy.
74
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:32,831
Merry...
75
00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:38,708
Merry Christmas, Daddy,
ya filthy animal. (LAUGHS)
76
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,507
She got to stay up late
and watch Home Alone.
77
00:05:41,590 --> 00:05:43,341
Uh-huh.
It was so funny.
78
00:05:43,425 --> 00:05:44,509
(SCREAMING)
79
00:05:45,469 --> 00:05:47,929
That... That hurts.
Yep.
80
00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:49,347
All morning.
Okay...
81
00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:51,307
Thank you.
82
00:05:52,726 --> 00:05:53,935
For doing this.
83
00:05:54,603 --> 00:05:56,021
I'm not doing it
for you.
84
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,484
It's Christmas!
Yeah!
85
00:06:05,614 --> 00:06:07,240
(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
86
00:06:20,629 --> 00:06:21,838
Merry Christmas, Al.
87
00:06:21,922 --> 00:06:23,214
Hi, Linda.
Merry Christmas.
88
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,009
Mr. Lights tone.
Hey, Al.
89
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,385
Hey, you back
there, Tru?
90
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,387
Yeah, I bet you're
excited for Christmas.
91
00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:30,054
What did you
ask Santa for?
92
00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:31,890
Not to work
on Christmas Eve.
93
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,267
Must've been naughty
this year, 'cause here I am.
94
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,229
Just make sure you let Santa
through the gates later, Al.
95
00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:38,646
Yeah.
Have a merry one, now.
96
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,774
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Al.
97
00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,484
Merry Christmas, Tru.
98
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,152
Thank you, Al.
Yeah.
99
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,767
(TOY LAUGHS)
100
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,518
Merry Christmas.
101
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,603
Hope you're on
the nice list.
102
00:07:19,688 --> 00:07:21,064
WOMAN 1: That doesn't
go over there.
103
00:07:29,114 --> 00:07:30,323
WOMAN 2: Excuse me.
104
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:36,329
What the hell is this?
105
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:39,415
You are the worst catering
company on the planet.
106
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,126
It's lengthwise,
not width.
107
00:07:41,251 --> 00:07:42,335
Unbelievable.
108
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,180
(WATCH BEEPS)
109
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:00,729
Okay.
110
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,856
Hi. Hi, guys.
Merry Christmas.
111
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,108
Hi. I'm fine. Thank you so much.
112
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:11,406
I'll never get over the fact
that you grew up like this.
113
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:15,368
My therapist says I'll
never get over it, either.
114
00:08:16,328 --> 00:08:17,329
I need a drink.
115
00:08:17,454 --> 00:08:19,372
(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY
OVER SPEAKERS)
116
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,586
(TOY TRAIN HONKING)
Hey, look at that.
117
00:08:34,471 --> 00:08:35,805
ALVA: Hi, Linda.
118
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,225
How's it going, Alva?
119
00:08:39,184 --> 00:08:40,602
You gained weight.
120
00:08:40,769 --> 00:08:42,604
(COUGHS) Looks
good on you, though.
121
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,523
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
122
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:46,316
"Sup, limp dick?
123
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,567
(SIGHS)
124
00:08:47,651 --> 00:08:49,527
I got great feelings
about this Christmas.
125
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,031
You want to know why? Yeah.
126
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:53,824
"Cause I think
this is the year
127
00:08:53,907 --> 00:08:55,742
that Mom's gonna
kick herself upstairs
128
00:08:55,951 --> 00:08:58,370
and choose one of us
to start running the show.
129
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:02,624
And I got to tell you, Jason,
that I'm gunning for your ass.
130
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,794
What would a Lights tone
family Christmas be
131
00:09:05,919 --> 00:09:07,587
without groveling
and infighting?
132
00:09:07,963 --> 00:09:09,005
(ALVA CHUCKLING)
133
00:09:09,089 --> 00:09:10,548
WOMAN: Your rosé,
ma'am.
134
00:09:10,674 --> 00:09:13,259
Honey, smile.
It's Christmas.
135
00:09:14,803 --> 00:09:16,054
Good. Good girl.
136
00:09:18,974 --> 00:09:21,935
I am sorry
about my sister.
137
00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:29,025
It is really
nice to see you.
138
00:09:31,653 --> 00:09:32,654
To have you here.
139
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,661
Okay, I'm behind. Catch
me up on all the hot goss.
140
00:09:40,704 --> 00:09:43,289
Hot goss. Okay. Um...
141
00:09:43,999 --> 00:09:46,584
Well, you remember Bert,
my sister's pride and joy.
142
00:09:46,668 --> 00:09:50,296
Yo, yo, yo.
This is the Bert Locker
143
00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:53,633
living that bling life
on Christmas Eve.
144
00:09:53,717 --> 00:09:55,009
(LAUGHS)
145
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,595
Hashtag blessed.
146
00:09:57,721 --> 00:09:59,597
He just got
what I can only assume
147
00:09:59,681 --> 00:10:02,350
will be his first of many
sexual harassment accusations.
148
00:10:02,976 --> 00:10:04,394
Mom paid off the school,
149
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,688
and now the gymnasium
is named after us.
150
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,023
Of course she did.
151
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:09,315
What about
Tragic Mike?
152
00:10:09,983 --> 00:10:11,067
All I'm saying is,
153
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,944
if I was on one
of those planes,
154
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,280
9/11 would've ended
with a bunch of terrorists
155
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:18,617
skydiving over Connecticut
without their parachutes.
156
00:10:19,159 --> 00:10:21,411
ALVA: Yes. Yes. Boom.
Yeah. You like that?
157
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:22,913
Yeah, I do like it.
158
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,165
Kiss me in front of my son. Now?
159
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:30,337
He might actually be
a decent actor.
160
00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:32,547
He's been doing
an Oscar-worthy job
161
00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:34,508
of pretending to find my
sister appealing. (SNICKERS)
162
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,093
Now he wants Mom
to fund a film for him.
163
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:40,096
GERTRUDE: Not a chance.
That's not gonna work for me.
164
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,390
MORGAN: It's Gertrude!
ALVA: It's Mom.
165
00:10:42,474 --> 00:10:44,350
Okay, let's do this.
Okay, okay. Come on.
166
00:10:44,476 --> 00:10:45,977
Come on. Bert, get over
here. No. Mom. Mom!
167
00:10:46,061 --> 00:10:47,520
Positions.
Game time, buddy.
168
00:10:47,604 --> 00:10:48,605
Okay. Okay.
This is my good side.
169
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:50,523
BERT: I'm busy. We've
gone over this! Come on!
170
00:10:50,607 --> 00:10:51,649
MORGAN: Gosh. Okay.
171
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:53,193
ALVA: Bert,
get in the middle.
172
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,528
So it begins.
173
00:10:54,611 --> 00:10:56,362
Seriously, come. You
know what that means.
174
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:58,490
Shall we
jockey forward?
175
00:10:58,615 --> 00:10:59,616
No.
176
00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:02,869
No, we can hang back.
177
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,080
Yeah.
178
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,124
Trudy, honey?
179
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,168
Come on over here.
180
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:11,544
(GIGGLES)
(GROWLING PLAYFULLY)
181
00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:13,338
Just, like...
182
00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:15,465
GERTRUDE: Threaten
'em or bribe 'em.
183
00:11:15,757 --> 00:11:17,133
This isn't
rocket science.
184
00:11:17,217 --> 00:11:18,676
Same shit
we always do.
185
00:11:19,803 --> 00:11:21,012
That's what?
186
00:11:22,055 --> 00:11:23,598
That's the best
you can do?
187
00:11:23,807 --> 00:11:25,517
Excited to see
your grandma?
188
00:11:25,642 --> 00:11:26,893
Listen,
you cocksucker.
189
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,854
It's Christmas,
so why don't you take
190
00:11:28,937 --> 00:11:30,813
your best offer,
gift wrap it,
191
00:11:30,939 --> 00:11:33,775
and ram it up
your fucking box.
192
00:11:34,943 --> 00:11:37,487
Maybe you don't
realize who I am.
193
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:39,031
Those were Grandma words.
You know, forget them.
194
00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,824
ALVA: Oh, boy. Look
at Mr. Cool back here.
195
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,951
Yeah, what's your
angle, man, hmm?
196
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,620
No angle.
I'm not doing anything.
197
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,205
Oh, yeah.
198
00:11:47,372 --> 00:11:48,956
GERTRUDE: No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no. No!
199
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,793
Don't shit in my mouth and
tell me it's chocolate cake.
200
00:11:52,127 --> 00:11:53,586
(SNICKERS)
Grandma's cool.
201
00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:55,463
GERTRUDE: I can make
that story go away...
202
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,132
I think your brother's
up to something.
203
00:11:57,257 --> 00:11:58,883
No, I just decided
to let you guys
204
00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,677
have all the fun
sucking up to Mom today.
205
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:03,471
Please. You are
King Suck-up.
206
00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:05,640
You named
your kid Gertrude.
207
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,144
Alva, you named
your son Bert rude.
208
00:12:09,811 --> 00:12:10,895
Okay.
209
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:12,856
Sorry, Bert, but
that's not a real name.
210
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:15,817
Sorry, Linda. We can't all be
lucky enough to have daughters.
211
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:17,152
Mom, I can hear you.
212
00:12:18,987 --> 00:12:21,364
You know something
we don't. What is it?
213
00:12:21,531 --> 00:12:23,032
No, I don't. I don't.
214
00:12:23,158 --> 00:12:24,325
I got it. Bingo.
215
00:12:24,451 --> 00:12:25,618
I'm onto you, man.
Come on!
216
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,328
We were just...
Come on,
217
00:12:27,454 --> 00:12:28,663
come on.
218
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,248
GERTRUDE:
You big sack of shit.
219
00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:32,166
Ooh. No wonder
your husband left you.
220
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,753
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
221
00:12:36,129 --> 00:12:38,339
Merry Christmas to you,
too, Senator.
222
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,384
Merry Christmas, Mommy.
Merry Christmas.
223
00:12:42,469 --> 00:12:43,636
LINDA: Merry Christmas.
224
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,598
Why in the hell are you
standing all the way back there?
225
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,476
Merry Christmas,
Grandma!
226
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:50,727
Little bitch.
GERTRUDE: Aw.
227
00:12:51,019 --> 00:12:54,063
Little Gertrude. And how is
my favorite granddaughter?
228
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:56,441
Everybody calls me
Trudy now.
229
00:12:57,317 --> 00:12:58,526
Trudy?
230
00:12:59,611 --> 00:13:01,863
That makes her sound
like a whore. Okay.
231
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,282
Oh, she doesn't even know
the meaning of the word.
232
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,701
I'm starving. Let's eat.
233
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,078
Great.
234
00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:10,663
And, Mom, I think
Gertrude is a beautiful name.
235
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:13,041
Mm-hmm.
I only call her Gertrude.
236
00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:14,375
Merry Christmas, Gertrude.
Come on, Bert rude.
237
00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:15,877
(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
238
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:26,262
(REINDEER GRUNTING)
239
00:13:29,057 --> 00:13:30,266
(GRUMBLES)
240
00:13:42,195 --> 00:13:43,487
(BURPING)
241
00:13:44,781 --> 00:13:46,032
Whoo-hoo!
242
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:55,708
(SCOFFS)
243
00:13:58,712 --> 00:13:59,879
(URINATING)
244
00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:02,757
(EXHALES)
245
00:14:19,399 --> 00:14:21,734
Another fucking Christmas.
246
00:14:25,572 --> 00:14:27,198
TRUDY: I made these
all by myself.
247
00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:28,867
JASON: No way.
248
00:14:28,992 --> 00:14:30,910
TRUDY: I even made one
that looks exactly like Santa.
249
00:14:31,536 --> 00:14:33,746
(SOFTLY) Exactly.
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
250
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,707
Santa gets
a candy cane, too?
251
00:14:35,832 --> 00:14:37,041
Yeah.
252
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,209
Okay.
253
00:14:40,253 --> 00:14:41,462
It's perfect.
254
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,048
No peeking.
255
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:47,260
This house has SO many
chimneys. (LINDA CHUCKLES)
256
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:49,346
How will Santa know
which one to come down?
257
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:50,972
Oh, Santa just knows.
258
00:14:51,431 --> 00:14:52,682
Christmas magic.
259
00:14:56,311 --> 00:14:57,687
Honey, what's wrong?
260
00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,816
Daddy never took me to see
Santa at the mall this year.
261
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,360
LINDA: He didn't.
262
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,780
I am so sorry.
263
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:12,284
This year has been weird.
264
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,914
I never got to tell Santa
what I wanted for Christmas.
265
00:15:16,456 --> 00:15:18,416
Oh, honey.
Come here.
266
00:15:22,295 --> 00:15:23,421
You know what?
267
00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,592
You go put
your pj's on,
268
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,930
and I will be
two minutes.
269
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:39,103
Yes!
270
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,984
Okay...
271
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:53,451
(SOFTLY) Yes.
272
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:58,581
Yes!
273
00:16:01,042 --> 00:16:05,212
Because you have been So
good to me and Mommy this year,
274
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:09,175
we decided that
you could have one gift...
275
00:16:09,926 --> 00:16:11,010
Early!
276
00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:12,553
Really?
277
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:19,352
What is it?
278
00:16:21,771 --> 00:16:24,440
That is a very special
walkie-talkie.
279
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,609
It's magic.
280
00:16:26,985 --> 00:16:28,111
Magic?
Mm-hmm.
281
00:16:28,403 --> 00:16:29,821
What you got
right there
282
00:16:30,655 --> 00:16:32,740
is a direct hotline
to Santa Claus himself.
283
00:16:33,241 --> 00:16:34,492
I can talk to Santa?
284
00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:39,076
Oh, yeah. It's just like
writing him a letter, but better.
285
00:16:39,372 --> 00:16:40,498
Mm. Mm.
286
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,042
Now, the only
thing is,
287
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,503
he might not have time
to answer you.
288
00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:47,797
He's delivering a lot
of presents tonight.
289
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:48,924
Mm-hmm.
290
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:51,384
But he'll hear everything
you want to say to him.
291
00:16:55,722 --> 00:16:56,848
(BEEPS)
292
00:16:58,266 --> 00:16:59,642
Hello, Santa?
293
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:02,103
This is Trudy Lights tone.
294
00:17:03,563 --> 00:17:05,231
I hope you're having
a nice night.
295
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:11,571
It's really cold tonight, so
don't forget your mittens.
296
00:17:13,281 --> 00:17:16,158
So, I wanted
to tell you, Santa,
297
00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:18,286
I was extra
good this year,
298
00:17:18,745 --> 00:17:22,123
so I wrote a big list for you
with all the stuff I wanted.
299
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:24,709
But then...
300
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:28,797
Then I realized I
don't need any of that.
301
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:33,134
I really only want
one present for Christmas.
302
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,388
I want Mommy and Daddy
to make up
303
00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:40,975
SO we can be
a family again.
304
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:43,520
Okay.
305
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,605
Good night, Santa.
306
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,025
Good night,
Mr. Bunny.
307
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:55,072
(SIGHS)
308
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,576
(SNOW SLOSHES)
309
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,787
(GRUMBLES)
310
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:03,915
Which one of you
did that?
311
00:18:05,208 --> 00:18:06,542
You can't go
two seconds without
312
00:18:06,626 --> 00:18:08,252
crapping on the roof
like a bunch of pigeons?
313
00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:12,590
So unprofessional.
314
00:18:16,094 --> 00:18:18,346
You know, Rudolph
will never do this crap.
315
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:32,943
Hmm.
316
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:38,866
Mm.
317
00:18:44,205 --> 00:18:45,664
(CHUCKLES)
318
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,043
Mm, mm.
319
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,628
Homemade.
320
00:18:51,921 --> 00:18:53,088
Mm.
321
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:59,929
Ugh. Skim.
322
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:11,983
Oh, yeah.
323
00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:13,651
That's the stuff.
324
00:19:21,868 --> 00:19:22,952
Dubois.
325
00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:25,997
That's some prewar
shit right there.
326
00:19:26,873 --> 00:19:28,082
Good shit.
327
00:19:41,137 --> 00:19:42,304
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Mm.
328
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:43,764
That pairs well.
329
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:46,225
What do we have here?
330
00:19:59,864 --> 00:20:01,031
(BEEPS)
(WHIRRING)
331
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:03,868
Oh, yeah.
332
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:05,912
That's the stuff.
333
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,131
You know...
334
00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:18,550
(SIGHS)
335
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,843
Christmas
is all right,
336
00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:24,972
but you Americans don't
celebrate my favorite holiday.
337
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,558
Yeah? What?
338
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:29,269
Boxing Day.
339
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:40,989
(WATCH BEEPS)
340
00:20:42,365 --> 00:20:44,241
(BEEPING)
341
00:20:49,956 --> 00:20:51,374
(WATCH BEEPS)
342
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,005
(WATCH BEEPS)
343
00:21:03,052 --> 00:21:04,511
Yo, yo.
B. Lights tone here,
344
00:21:04,637 --> 00:21:06,180
live streaming the
dream, you know.
345
00:21:06,973 --> 00:21:08,724
They say
the richest man...
346
00:21:10,059 --> 00:21:11,310
Say goodbye.
347
00:21:11,895 --> 00:21:12,896
And if you...
348
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,567
Grandma! Your Wi-Fi
sucks dick.
349
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:18,985
Damn it!
350
00:21:19,694 --> 00:21:21,862
When he was small,
I begged you to beat him.
351
00:21:39,547 --> 00:21:41,465
Hey. Merry Christmas.
352
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:43,259
Or should I say
"Happy holidays" now?
353
00:21:43,384 --> 00:21:45,803
Right? I mean, it's like,
people, make up your minds.
354
00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:47,305
You know what I'm
saying? Can I help you?
355
00:21:47,430 --> 00:21:49,348
Yeah. I sure
hope so. See...
356
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:51,142
My car broke down
a little ways...
357
00:21:51,267 --> 00:21:53,394
Out here? This is
a private road.
358
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:54,896
You're telling me.
359
00:21:55,063 --> 00:21:56,689
It's the first place
I've seen for miles.
360
00:21:56,773 --> 00:21:57,982
I think I got frostbite.
361
00:21:58,316 --> 00:21:59,608
Where the hell
am I, anyway?
362
00:21:59,692 --> 00:22:01,652
G.T. Lights tone
family compound.
363
00:22:01,861 --> 00:22:02,987
I'll call you a tow.
364
00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:07,116
(SILENCED GUNSHOT)
365
00:22:12,789 --> 00:22:14,373
All right, revelers.
366
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:16,125
Time to steal Christmas.
367
00:22:16,251 --> 00:22:17,460
Sound off.
368
00:22:17,585 --> 00:22:18,919
Jingle. Check.
369
00:22:19,045 --> 00:22:20,671
Peppermint. Check.
370
00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:21,839
Sugarplum. Check.
371
00:22:22,257 --> 00:22:25,051
Krampus. Ready
to fuck shit up.
372
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,052
Candy Cane. Check.
373
00:22:27,262 --> 00:22:29,597
Go for Frosty.
Go for Tinsel.
374
00:22:29,973 --> 00:22:31,474
Go for Gingerbread.
375
00:22:31,599 --> 00:22:33,976
Are we gonna use these
stupid code names all night?
376
00:22:34,310 --> 00:22:35,853
SCROOGE:
'Tis the season.
377
00:22:36,354 --> 00:22:38,898
Welcome to your worst
Christmas ever.
378
00:22:40,733 --> 00:22:42,943
Trudy loves seeing
Santa at the mall.
379
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,571
She loves going
with her father.
380
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:47,156
And you should've
taken her yesterday,
381
00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,866
like you do
every Christmas,
382
00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:50,326
but we didn't even
hear from you.
383
00:22:50,451 --> 00:22:51,660
Mom put me on
a special project.
384
00:22:51,786 --> 00:22:53,204
It's complicated.
But it's not,
385
00:22:53,329 --> 00:22:55,289
because it keeps happening
over and over.
386
00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:57,708
Your mother forcing herself
between us. You're right.
387
00:23:02,755 --> 00:23:04,673
What if we could give Trudy
her Christmas wish?
388
00:23:04,757 --> 00:23:05,799
(SCOFFS)
389
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:06,885
You're trying
to win me back
390
00:23:07,010 --> 00:23:09,178
with a romantic weekend
at your mother's?
391
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:12,473
What if things really
changed this time?
392
00:23:14,684 --> 00:23:16,852
We got out from under
my mother's thumb.
393
00:23:17,437 --> 00:23:18,855
We'll walk away.
394
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:21,107
From the company,
the family.
395
00:23:24,485 --> 00:23:25,611
Tonight.
396
00:23:27,113 --> 00:23:28,114
What are you up to?
397
00:23:28,364 --> 00:23:30,824
(GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE)
398
00:23:33,077 --> 00:23:34,203
(SILENCED GUNSHOTS)
399
00:23:40,543 --> 00:23:41,710
(GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE)
(SNORTS)
400
00:23:45,632 --> 00:23:46,758
(BEEPS)
401
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:48,301
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
402
00:23:53,014 --> 00:23:54,515
(MEN GROANING)
403
00:24:14,118 --> 00:24:16,703
Let's go. We need
to get you out of here.
404
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,581
Mommy, where
are you going?
405
00:24:19,248 --> 00:24:20,832
She's going for the
panic room! What?
406
00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:22,293
Yes. Go, Bert rude.
Without us?
407
00:24:22,377 --> 00:24:23,795
(GUNFIRE)
408
00:24:26,881 --> 00:24:27,882
(GASPS)
409
00:24:27,966 --> 00:24:29,550
ALVA: Fuck, fuck, fuck.
410
00:24:39,185 --> 00:24:40,436
(GUNFIRE NEARBY)
411
00:24:52,073 --> 00:24:53,657
GERTRUDE: There isn't
room for all of us.
412
00:24:53,741 --> 00:24:55,576
She can fit at least two
of us. Mom, take me.
413
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,578
Mom!
Oh, yeah.
414
00:24:57,662 --> 00:24:59,288
Mom, can Bert
come, too?
415
00:24:59,372 --> 00:25:00,498
(BEEPING)
416
00:25:01,958 --> 00:25:03,167
MAN: Okay. Move it
or lose it, son.
417
00:25:03,292 --> 00:25:04,793
Move it!
Whoa, whoa.
418
00:25:05,503 --> 00:25:06,962
You're supposed
to protect us.
419
00:25:07,088 --> 00:25:08,380
We protect
the primary asset.
420
00:25:12,593 --> 00:25:13,760
Who the hell
are you?
421
00:25:14,429 --> 00:25:16,514
You can call me
Mr. Scrooge.
422
00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:18,682
Hilarious.
423
00:25:18,808 --> 00:25:19,934
Get him.
424
00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:22,728
(GRUNTING)
425
00:25:23,062 --> 00:25:24,188
(BONES CRACKING)
426
00:25:29,318 --> 00:25:31,194
Bah humbug, motherfucker.
427
00:25:40,663 --> 00:25:41,872
SCROOGE:
Hey. Step aside.
428
00:25:44,250 --> 00:25:46,335
Tinsel, Peppermint,
sweep upstairs.
429
00:25:46,669 --> 00:25:48,712
I want all the
Light stones together.
430
00:25:49,630 --> 00:25:51,256
Kill anybody else
you find.
431
00:26:01,559 --> 00:26:03,936
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
432
00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:07,231
LINDA: Trudy, honey,
we got to go.
433
00:26:08,649 --> 00:26:10,275
Wake up, honey.
Wake up.
434
00:26:10,401 --> 00:26:12,861
Maybe we can get out the
back by the servants' stairs.
435
00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:21,954
Come on.
Not now. Not now.
436
00:26:23,456 --> 00:26:25,040
Fuck! Fuck!
437
00:26:26,167 --> 00:26:27,710
Mistletoe,
gingerbread.
438
00:26:31,672 --> 00:26:32,798
(GASPS)
439
00:26:39,847 --> 00:26:42,307
(BANGING ON DOOR)
440
00:26:51,150 --> 00:26:52,151
Hey!
441
00:26:54,695 --> 00:26:57,739
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Hi.
442
00:26:58,616 --> 00:26:59,908
You got me.
443
00:27:00,451 --> 00:27:02,369
I don't want
any trouble, okay?
444
00:27:02,453 --> 00:27:04,121
Downstairs. Now.
445
00:27:04,747 --> 00:27:08,333
Look, mister, I don't
want to get involved.
446
00:27:08,459 --> 00:27:10,586
I just have a job to do.
447
00:27:10,711 --> 00:27:11,878
Okay? That's it.
448
00:27:12,547 --> 00:27:14,048
I'm just gonna
take my bag,
449
00:27:14,757 --> 00:27:17,009
and I'm just gonna
scooch up that chimney.
450
00:27:17,426 --> 00:27:18,635
(GRUNTS)
451
00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:20,429
Enough talk. Let's go.
452
00:27:21,764 --> 00:27:23,098
You don't want
to do this.
453
00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:24,391
What? This?
454
00:27:24,475 --> 00:27:26,059
(GROANING)
455
00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:27,436
Now, move!
456
00:27:28,855 --> 00:27:29,939
Are you deaf?
457
00:27:30,022 --> 00:27:31,148
Fucking move!
458
00:27:38,531 --> 00:27:40,115
(SNORTING)
459
00:27:40,867 --> 00:27:42,159
(HOOVES THUDDING)
460
00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:44,036
No, no, no.
461
00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:46,789
No! Wait!
462
00:27:47,331 --> 00:27:48,707
Wait.
463
00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:50,459
Wait! Don't go!
464
00:27:50,543 --> 00:27:52,253
Come back!
465
00:27:56,716 --> 00:27:58,300
(BOTH GRUNTING)
466
00:28:11,731 --> 00:28:13,065
(SIZZLING)
467
00:28:13,232 --> 00:28:14,983
(GASPING)
468
00:28:34,837 --> 00:28:36,088
(STRAINING)
469
00:28:57,818 --> 00:28:58,985
(SCREAMING)
470
00:29:07,912 --> 00:29:08,913
Fuck!
471
00:29:10,831 --> 00:29:13,083
(GRUNTS, COUGHS)
472
00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:19,882
(GROANING)
473
00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:34,647
Oh, shit.
474
00:29:47,285 --> 00:29:48,786
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
475
00:29:56,335 --> 00:29:59,421
Damn chickenshit reindeer
leave me here to die.
476
00:30:08,472 --> 00:30:11,391
SCROOGE: (SINGING)
Violent night
477
00:30:11,517 --> 00:30:14,478
Gory night
478
00:30:14,854 --> 00:30:16,939
All is calm
479
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:20,901
If all doesn't want to get
Shot in the fucking head
480
00:30:21,861 --> 00:30:22,903
GERTRUDE: Cute.
481
00:30:23,237 --> 00:30:26,114
Do you have any idea
who you're fucking with?
482
00:30:29,952 --> 00:30:32,287
I know exactly
who I'm fucking with.
483
00:30:32,788 --> 00:30:34,581
Wait, wait.
Did you actually think
484
00:30:34,707 --> 00:30:36,208
that I spent months
485
00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:39,003
planning a complex break-in
to the most secure
486
00:30:39,086 --> 00:30:40,629
private residence
in the country
487
00:30:40,755 --> 00:30:42,298
and I didn't know
who lived here?
488
00:30:42,423 --> 00:30:43,757
Well, you're wrong.
489
00:30:44,592 --> 00:30:46,135
"Cause your staff
are dead.
490
00:30:46,844 --> 00:30:48,387
Your security are dead.
491
00:30:48,471 --> 00:30:51,974
Now, sit down
and shut the fuck up!
492
00:30:54,101 --> 00:30:55,393
(SCREAMS)
493
00:31:21,253 --> 00:31:22,337
Fuck.
494
00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:26,717
We planned it.
It's all right.
495
00:31:26,842 --> 00:31:28,260
It'll be solved
in a couple minutes.
496
00:31:28,386 --> 00:31:29,637
Better be solved.
497
00:31:30,054 --> 00:31:32,139
So much like a scene from
my movie Dark Ransom.
498
00:31:32,264 --> 00:31:33,640
Oh, my God.
499
00:31:34,892 --> 00:31:36,351
If they didn't
have guns,
500
00:31:36,435 --> 00:31:38,353
I could take out three,
maybe four of them.
501
00:31:38,729 --> 00:31:40,272
ALVA:
Try all of them.
502
00:31:40,815 --> 00:31:43,025
Ew, Mom. Yuck.
503
00:31:43,150 --> 00:31:45,026
If you'd really done your
research, you'd know
504
00:31:45,152 --> 00:31:47,696
that my brother Rory
was kidnapped in the '70s.
505
00:31:48,447 --> 00:31:50,782
But my father never
called the police.
506
00:31:51,325 --> 00:31:53,827
Dad sent in our own
private extraction team,
507
00:31:53,911 --> 00:31:56,413
and Rory was home safe
and sound a week later.
508
00:31:57,832 --> 00:31:59,917
And the kidnappers
were never found.
509
00:32:01,335 --> 00:32:02,377
If you get me.
510
00:32:04,755 --> 00:32:06,006
I know.
511
00:32:06,132 --> 00:32:08,926
I know all about
your extraction team
512
00:32:09,051 --> 00:32:10,761
that you affectionately
call "the Kill Squad"
513
00:32:10,886 --> 00:32:12,387
behind closed doors.
514
00:32:12,471 --> 00:32:14,639
I also know that
they're on their way
515
00:32:14,765 --> 00:32:16,641
and how long it's gonna
take 'em to get here.
516
00:32:16,767 --> 00:32:19,311
I even know their credit
ratings and their dick sizes.
517
00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:20,521
If you get me.
518
00:32:20,646 --> 00:32:23,231
Then you should also know
you're already dead.
519
00:32:23,482 --> 00:32:25,108
We don't do ransoms.
520
00:32:25,234 --> 00:32:27,694
Again, I know. I know.
521
00:32:27,820 --> 00:32:29,696
See, I know a lot,
Gertrude.
522
00:32:29,822 --> 00:32:31,073
I really do.
523
00:32:31,740 --> 00:32:34,701
Like the fact that you have
300 million in U.S. dollars
524
00:32:34,827 --> 00:32:37,454
sitting in your personal
vault downstairs.
525
00:32:37,538 --> 00:32:38,956
The fuck?
That's right.
526
00:32:39,665 --> 00:32:41,875
300 million that
the U.S. government
527
00:32:42,001 --> 00:32:45,462
gave Lights tone to quietly
distribute in the Middle East
528
00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:47,297
to all the worst people,
529
00:32:47,381 --> 00:32:51,259
to grease the wheels and
keep that sweet oil flowing.
530
00:32:51,385 --> 00:32:55,806
300 million that... Oops...
Disappeared in the fog of war.
531
00:32:55,890 --> 00:32:58,434
Except it didn't really
disappear, did it, Gerty?
532
00:32:58,851 --> 00:33:00,143
"Cause you stole it.
533
00:33:00,519 --> 00:33:01,686
Did you know about this?
534
00:33:01,812 --> 00:33:02,979
SCROOGE:
Man, this family.
535
00:33:03,606 --> 00:33:05,941
This moneygrubbing
family.
536
00:33:06,609 --> 00:33:08,277
Clinging desperately
to your wealth,
537
00:33:08,402 --> 00:33:10,612
when your poor employees
don't even have enough coal
538
00:33:10,738 --> 00:33:12,197
to keep
Tiny Tim warm.
539
00:33:12,281 --> 00:33:14,408
What is it with you and
all this Christmas shit?
540
00:33:15,910 --> 00:33:17,328
Talk all you want.
541
00:33:17,745 --> 00:33:19,413
You'll never
get in the vault.
542
00:33:19,538 --> 00:33:22,791
Oh, oh, oh. Because when
you hit the panic button,
543
00:33:22,958 --> 00:33:24,584
it reset
the combination?
544
00:33:24,710 --> 00:33:27,587
I keep telling you,
I know.
545
00:33:33,302 --> 00:33:36,013
This is what breaking
into a vault has turned into?
546
00:33:36,847 --> 00:33:40,517
Remember when you just had
to drill holes and blow shit up?
547
00:33:40,809 --> 00:33:42,185
I don't know,
maybe I'm getting old,
548
00:33:42,311 --> 00:33:43,854
but there was something
romantic about that.
549
00:33:44,146 --> 00:33:45,480
CANDY CANE: (OVER
WALKIE-TALKIE) Boss, you copy?
550
00:33:46,065 --> 00:33:47,483
I'm kind
of busy here.
551
00:33:47,983 --> 00:33:49,484
You're gonna
want to see this.
552
00:33:59,870 --> 00:34:01,037
Maybe he fell.
553
00:34:01,580 --> 00:34:02,998
You rappel down
buildings with him.
554
00:34:03,123 --> 00:34:05,041
You gonna tell me
he just fell out a window?
555
00:34:06,418 --> 00:34:08,586
All right, look lively,
gang. We got a gopher.
556
00:34:25,437 --> 00:34:26,438
LINDA: You know what?
557
00:34:26,855 --> 00:34:30,859
Um, I think Mr. Bunny
wants to go to sleep.
558
00:34:31,110 --> 00:34:32,861
So, let's tuck him in.
559
00:34:32,987 --> 00:34:34,029
Okay?
560
00:34:35,698 --> 00:34:37,074
It's gonna be okay.
561
00:34:51,505 --> 00:34:53,798
Hello? Santa?
562
00:34:54,216 --> 00:34:55,467
Are you there?
563
00:35:01,682 --> 00:35:02,683
Shit.
564
00:35:05,978 --> 00:35:07,437
(FEEDBACK OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)
565
00:35:08,355 --> 00:35:10,190
This is Candy Cane
at checkpoint three.
566
00:35:10,816 --> 00:35:13,568
Shit. Shit. Shit.
567
00:35:16,864 --> 00:35:18,282
Video game.
568
00:35:19,992 --> 00:35:21,118
Video game.
569
00:35:21,243 --> 00:35:23,536
Didn't anybody ask
for a bat or a sword
570
00:35:23,662 --> 00:35:26,039
or Molotov cocktails?
571
00:35:26,123 --> 00:35:27,499
(DOOR OPENS)
572
00:35:35,174 --> 00:35:36,341
Wait.
573
00:35:52,316 --> 00:35:53,483
TOY: Mommy, I love you.
574
00:35:54,818 --> 00:35:56,027
Poetry book.
575
00:35:56,904 --> 00:35:58,906
Die Hard
on Blu-ray. Fuck!
576
00:35:59,073 --> 00:36:00,240
(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
577
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:09,207
(GAGGING)
578
00:36:12,503 --> 00:36:13,754
(GRUNTS)
(GUN CLICKS)
579
00:36:13,837 --> 00:36:15,255
Safety's on, dipshit.
580
00:36:26,141 --> 00:36:27,934
Wait. Hang on. Hang on.
581
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,855
Wait, wait, wait. Look.
582
00:36:32,147 --> 00:36:33,398
I don't want to kill you.
583
00:36:33,482 --> 00:36:34,524
(SCOFFS)
584
00:36:37,486 --> 00:36:41,114
Well, a big fat guy,
gray beard.
585
00:36:43,784 --> 00:36:44,993
Santa...
586
00:36:46,036 --> 00:36:47,746
I'm gonna rip
your fucking balls off.
587
00:36:48,789 --> 00:36:49,831
(SCREAMING)
588
00:37:01,427 --> 00:37:02,511
Shit.
589
00:37:04,638 --> 00:37:05,764
(BEEPS, CHIMES)
590
00:37:11,437 --> 00:37:12,604
(SCREAMING)
591
00:37:31,373 --> 00:37:32,957
(BOTH STRAINING)
592
00:37:34,001 --> 00:37:35,460
(SCREAMING)
593
00:38:07,785 --> 00:38:08,952
(SCREAMING)
594
00:38:10,829 --> 00:38:12,163
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
595
00:38:13,123 --> 00:38:14,707
(WHIMPERING LOUDLY)
596
00:38:15,751 --> 00:38:18,211
(GROWLS)
597
00:38:30,474 --> 00:38:32,100
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(SHUDDERS)
598
00:38:44,071 --> 00:38:45,197
(GROANS)
599
00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:47,324
(CHUCKLES)
600
00:38:48,116 --> 00:38:49,492
Oh, God.
601
00:38:50,869 --> 00:38:51,995
Ooh.
602
00:38:53,038 --> 00:38:54,289
Ooh.
603
00:38:55,374 --> 00:38:56,666
Ooh.
604
00:38:57,209 --> 00:38:58,793
CANDY CANE: (OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)
This is Candy Cane checking in.
605
00:38:58,877 --> 00:39:00,628
Compound is clear
and secured.
606
00:39:02,339 --> 00:39:04,299
SCROOGE: Copy. What's
the status on the Kill Squad?
607
00:39:05,801 --> 00:39:07,761
GINGERBREAD: Kill Squad
won't be here for two hours.
608
00:39:07,886 --> 00:39:10,388
So we're doing good. The outer
seal's already been breached.
609
00:39:10,848 --> 00:39:12,641
Is there a 911 thing
on here?
610
00:39:14,309 --> 00:39:15,518
My...
611
00:39:16,061 --> 00:39:17,520
Am I doing that correct?
612
00:39:17,646 --> 00:39:18,938
Hello?
613
00:39:19,064 --> 00:39:20,523
Hello, can anybody
hear me?
614
00:39:20,983 --> 00:39:22,234
TRUDY: Can you
hear me, Santa?
615
00:39:25,279 --> 00:39:26,405
Hello?
616
00:39:26,989 --> 00:39:28,073
Santa?
617
00:39:31,410 --> 00:39:32,828
Yeah, this is Santa.
618
00:39:36,081 --> 00:39:37,791
I hope I'm not
bothering you.
619
00:39:40,002 --> 00:39:42,587
Daddy said you were
very busy tonight.
620
00:39:44,548 --> 00:39:47,842
I'm... I'm on a break.
621
00:39:48,886 --> 00:39:50,429
Who am I speaking to?
622
00:39:53,223 --> 00:39:55,141
My name is Trudy Lights tone,
623
00:39:55,642 --> 00:39:57,602
and I've been
very good this year.
624
00:39:59,104 --> 00:40:00,396
Trudy...
625
00:40:02,816 --> 00:40:04,317
Trudy Lights tone.
626
00:40:13,744 --> 00:40:14,786
Yeah, Trudy.
627
00:40:16,038 --> 00:40:17,664
You're on my nice list.
628
00:40:18,457 --> 00:40:20,250
You've been a very
good girl this year.
629
00:40:22,336 --> 00:40:23,879
Where are you now, Trudy?
630
00:40:26,131 --> 00:40:28,550
I'm in a big room
with all my relatives.
631
00:40:28,675 --> 00:40:31,636
There's two bad men
with guns watching us.
632
00:40:35,390 --> 00:40:36,432
Oh, no. Six left.
633
00:40:36,808 --> 00:40:38,226
Are you gonna
help us, Santa?
634
00:40:40,062 --> 00:40:41,730
Yeah. Of course
I'm gonna help you.
635
00:40:41,855 --> 00:40:44,190
I'm gonna get you
out of there.
636
00:40:45,025 --> 00:40:47,736
Take all these bad guys
on my naughty list...
637
00:40:48,904 --> 00:40:51,406
I'm gonna take
a lump of coal,
638
00:40:51,698 --> 00:40:55,284
each and every one of them,
and shove it straight up...
639
00:40:55,410 --> 00:40:56,536
The ass.
640
00:40:59,581 --> 00:41:01,165
I mean, come on, sweetie.
641
00:41:01,291 --> 00:41:03,793
We want to keep you
on the nice list, you know.
642
00:41:05,629 --> 00:41:07,756
Sorry. Can I say
"butthole," then?
643
00:41:08,590 --> 00:41:09,841
I mean, it's borderline.
644
00:41:10,258 --> 00:41:11,884
How about "anus"?
645
00:41:12,511 --> 00:41:16,264
Technically, yes,
"anus" is the tech...
646
00:41:16,390 --> 00:41:18,058
Okay, look, Trudy.
647
00:41:18,350 --> 00:41:20,769
I got to call for help,
and the phone lines are down.
648
00:41:20,894 --> 00:41:23,187
You probably know this
house better than anybody.
649
00:41:23,522 --> 00:41:25,232
You got any suggestions?
650
00:41:25,357 --> 00:41:26,524
I have an idea.
651
00:41:29,528 --> 00:41:31,821
All right, you're telling me
there's a goddamn Santa Claus
652
00:41:31,947 --> 00:41:33,156
running around here?
653
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,705
Okay, well, he looks jolly as
fuck, but who the hell is he?
654
00:41:40,831 --> 00:41:42,666
There's no Santa listed
on the employee manifest.
655
00:41:42,791 --> 00:41:44,167
Yeah, there's more.
656
00:41:44,292 --> 00:41:46,335
Frosty hasn't checked in.
I can't reach him.
657
00:41:46,503 --> 00:41:47,670
All right, keep trying.
658
00:41:50,924 --> 00:41:51,966
All right,
it's official.
659
00:41:52,217 --> 00:41:54,010
We got a gopher on the
loose, and he's dangerous.
660
00:41:54,094 --> 00:41:55,220
Watch your backs.
661
00:42:00,684 --> 00:42:02,727
Al? Al?
662
00:42:09,151 --> 00:42:11,027
Oh, shit.
663
00:42:19,578 --> 00:42:20,579
Oh, shit!
664
00:42:20,704 --> 00:42:23,665
SCROOGE: Frosty,
what's your status?
665
00:42:27,210 --> 00:42:29,128
Frosty, sound off.
666
00:42:30,297 --> 00:42:31,423
Uh...
667
00:42:31,965 --> 00:42:33,049
Frosty?
668
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,846
Is that... Is that the naughty
guy I met in the basement?
669
00:42:37,971 --> 00:42:39,430
Your friend is dead.
670
00:42:39,681 --> 00:42:42,767
He got a star in his face,
then his head caught on fire.
671
00:42:42,893 --> 00:42:44,644
It's a long story.
672
00:42:45,103 --> 00:42:46,479
Oh.
673
00:42:47,647 --> 00:42:49,690
Is this our Santy?
674
00:42:49,816 --> 00:42:52,610
Is this our
Santy Claus?
675
00:42:52,736 --> 00:42:53,987
Yeah, it is.
676
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:56,823
To whom am I speaking?
677
00:42:57,032 --> 00:42:58,950
Well, for tonight,
I'm Mr. Scrooge.
678
00:42:59,076 --> 00:43:02,829
Now, what is it that
you want exactly, Santa?
679
00:43:02,954 --> 00:43:05,414
I want you to put
down your weapons,
680
00:43:06,374 --> 00:43:08,417
I want you to let
this family go,
681
00:43:09,044 --> 00:43:10,378
and then I want
to find my reindeer,
682
00:43:10,462 --> 00:43:12,422
and I want to continue
delivering my presents.
683
00:43:15,634 --> 00:43:17,010
Are you
fucking with me?
684
00:43:17,260 --> 00:43:19,345
All right, who the hell
are you really, huh?
685
00:43:19,471 --> 00:43:21,890
Some security guard who's
watched too many action flicks?
686
00:43:22,015 --> 00:43:24,475
Some loser ex-cop
stuck in a mall
687
00:43:24,601 --> 00:43:26,519
playing dress-up with fat
kids pissing on your lap?
688
00:43:26,645 --> 00:43:28,104
Stop me when
I get it right.
689
00:43:28,230 --> 00:43:30,190
It's a little more
complicated than that.
690
00:43:30,315 --> 00:43:31,941
Not to me, it's not.
691
00:43:32,067 --> 00:43:33,985
"Cause I want to make it
my personal mission,
692
00:43:34,111 --> 00:43:38,365
my holiday to-do list,
to find you and to end you
693
00:43:38,490 --> 00:43:41,951
and to wipe my ass with you
and this whole fucking holiday.
694
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,620
That's what I want
for Christmas, Santa.
695
00:43:44,746 --> 00:43:48,541
That is a terrible thing
to want for Christmas.
696
00:43:49,459 --> 00:43:52,253
But maybe you and I should
discuss that in person.
697
00:43:53,797 --> 00:43:56,007
Santa Claus
IS coming to town.
698
00:44:08,145 --> 00:44:09,187
Shit.
699
00:44:19,197 --> 00:44:20,489
All right,
who did you hire
700
00:44:20,615 --> 00:44:22,742
to play Santa at your
Christmas party, huh?
701
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,663
I said, who's playing Santa at
your fucked-up Christmas party?
702
00:44:27,205 --> 00:44:29,040
(BREATHLESSLY)
I didn't hire a Santa.
703
00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:31,835
I never have a Santa.
It's tacky.
704
00:44:32,460 --> 00:44:33,711
SCROOGE:
So, who is he?
705
00:44:33,795 --> 00:44:34,796
(FESTIVE MUSIC
PLAYING FAINTLY)
706
00:44:36,923 --> 00:44:38,090
Huh?
707
00:44:38,341 --> 00:44:39,383
Who is he?
708
00:44:39,509 --> 00:44:41,135
Somebody better
start talking,
709
00:44:41,261 --> 00:44:43,346
or I'm gonna bash
her brains in with this...
710
00:44:44,472 --> 00:44:48,392
Damn, Gertrude. You really
got a thing for nutcrackers, huh?
711
00:44:50,020 --> 00:44:53,982
So, I'm gonna torture
everyone in your family
712
00:44:54,357 --> 00:44:56,859
until you tell me who's
running around your mansion
713
00:44:56,985 --> 00:44:59,529
playing Santa
and fucking with my shit.
714
00:44:59,654 --> 00:45:01,530
And who should
I pick first?
715
00:45:02,199 --> 00:45:03,491
Should I go by age?
716
00:45:04,951 --> 00:45:06,452
Or should I go by IQ?
717
00:45:07,162 --> 00:45:09,831
Pick Jason.
He's my mom's favorite.
718
00:45:09,956 --> 00:45:11,707
Yep. Him.
The one in the sweater.
719
00:45:11,958 --> 00:45:14,293
All right.
Jason Lights tone it is.
720
00:45:14,419 --> 00:45:15,628
The number one son.
No.
721
00:45:15,754 --> 00:45:17,046
Wait. No,
we don't need...
722
00:45:17,172 --> 00:45:18,548
We don't need to do that.
No, it's okay.
723
00:45:18,673 --> 00:45:20,508
No. We don't
need to do this.
724
00:45:20,634 --> 00:45:21,801
No.
725
00:45:21,927 --> 00:45:23,428
Don't.
726
00:45:23,553 --> 00:45:25,763
No, don't... Put it...
Don't... No.
727
00:45:25,889 --> 00:45:27,765
No, no, no. CANDY CANE:
Give me this fucking...
728
00:45:29,059 --> 00:45:31,102
(BONES CRACKING)
(JASON SCREAMING)
729
00:45:31,186 --> 00:45:32,228
(GRUNTS)
730
00:45:33,271 --> 00:45:34,563
(SCREAMING)
731
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:39,652
I'm telling you,
no one hired a Santa.
732
00:45:39,778 --> 00:45:41,196
All right.
You're right.
733
00:45:41,321 --> 00:45:42,363
You're right.
Let's stop it.
734
00:45:42,447 --> 00:45:44,449
What are we doing here?
Come on.
735
00:45:44,574 --> 00:45:47,493
What are we, amateurs?
We're half-as sing this.
736
00:45:47,619 --> 00:45:50,580
Come on. It's not
called a finger cracker.
737
00:45:52,374 --> 00:45:53,625
Okay, Candy Cane.
738
00:45:53,750 --> 00:45:55,084
Stick one of his bozaks
in there.
739
00:45:55,210 --> 00:45:56,419
I'm not touching
his balls.
740
00:45:56,544 --> 00:45:58,003
SCROOGE: What, are you
a princess all of a sudden?
741
00:45:58,129 --> 00:45:59,797
I've seen you
scoop out brains before.
742
00:45:59,923 --> 00:46:01,090
CANDY CANE: You want
me to scoop his brains out,
743
00:46:01,216 --> 00:46:02,550
I'll scoop his brains
out right now,
744
00:46:02,676 --> 00:46:03,760
but I'm not
touching his junk.
745
00:46:03,885 --> 00:46:05,177
I don't care who does it.
746
00:46:05,303 --> 00:46:06,762
I better be looking
at flat balls,
747
00:46:06,888 --> 00:46:08,055
like, in
three seconds.
748
00:46:08,682 --> 00:46:09,849
I'll do it.
749
00:46:10,684 --> 00:46:11,935
Krampus. Perfect.
750
00:46:12,060 --> 00:46:13,394
Not that guy.
Not that guy.
751
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:16,105
That's what I love about sociopaths.
Always up for trying new things.
752
00:46:16,231 --> 00:46:17,523
You don't need
to do this, okay?
753
00:46:17,649 --> 00:46:19,484
No, it's all
right. No.
754
00:46:19,609 --> 00:46:21,902
No. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
755
00:46:22,028 --> 00:46:24,321
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
(UNZIPPING PANTS)
756
00:46:24,406 --> 00:46:25,490
(JASON GASPS)
757
00:46:26,157 --> 00:46:27,491
KRAMPUS:
Put your nuts in.
758
00:46:27,826 --> 00:46:29,035
Yummy, yummy.
759
00:46:29,744 --> 00:46:31,537
Stop hurting my daddy,
760
00:46:31,830 --> 00:46:33,873
or Santa will get mad.
761
00:46:34,958 --> 00:46:37,293
Oh. What a cutie.
762
00:46:37,877 --> 00:46:39,587
So, what do we know
about Santa, little one?
763
00:46:39,671 --> 00:46:41,047
She doesn't know
anything about Santa.
764
00:46:41,172 --> 00:46:43,424
(GROANS)
He wasn't asking you.
765
00:46:44,175 --> 00:46:46,343
She's playing
make-believe.
766
00:46:46,469 --> 00:46:48,387
She's pretending
to talk to Santa.
767
00:46:48,763 --> 00:46:50,639
It's not pretend.
Santa's my friend,
768
00:46:50,765 --> 00:46:52,266
and he said he's going
to save us.
769
00:46:52,392 --> 00:46:53,559
JASON: No.
770
00:46:53,643 --> 00:46:55,811
And beat you up.
SCROOGE: Oh, is he?
771
00:46:56,062 --> 00:46:59,106
I bet he'd come out of hiding
if you asked him to, huh?
772
00:47:00,025 --> 00:47:01,109
What do you say
you come with me
773
00:47:01,192 --> 00:47:02,568
and we play a little game
with him? JASON: No.
774
00:47:02,652 --> 00:47:03,653
Trudy, come on.
Tell him the truth now.
775
00:47:03,778 --> 00:47:05,362
You aren't talking
to Santa. Yes, I am.
776
00:47:05,488 --> 00:47:06,864
No, you're not.
Come on, now.
777
00:47:06,990 --> 00:47:09,367
Yes, I am. Damn it,
Trudy, Santa isn't real!
778
00:47:09,784 --> 00:47:10,785
(GASPS)
779
00:47:10,869 --> 00:47:12,036
(SIGHS)
780
00:47:18,251 --> 00:47:19,377
I'm sorry, honey.
781
00:47:20,712 --> 00:47:22,630
Santa's just a thing
adults tell kids
782
00:47:22,756 --> 00:47:24,299
to make them
feel better, okay?
783
00:47:27,427 --> 00:47:29,011
Your mommy and I give
you the presents,
784
00:47:29,471 --> 00:47:30,972
and we say
they're from Santa.
785
00:47:32,724 --> 00:47:34,892
He's not coming to
save us. He doesn't exist.
786
00:47:36,353 --> 00:47:37,687
It's all made-up.
787
00:47:40,065 --> 00:47:41,066
Really?
788
00:47:41,524 --> 00:47:44,735
SCROOGE: Aw. What a way
to find out that there's no Santa.
789
00:47:44,861 --> 00:47:47,905
Hey, let's come back Easter and
ruin the Easter Bunny for her, too.
790
00:47:48,865 --> 00:47:50,283
LINDA: Trudy!
Come back here!
791
00:47:50,408 --> 00:47:51,367
SCROOGE: Stop her!
LINDA: Trudy!
792
00:47:51,493 --> 00:47:53,244
KRAMPUS: Hey! CANDY CANE:
You idiots, stay at your posts.
793
00:47:53,370 --> 00:47:54,537
LINDA: Trudy!
794
00:47:54,662 --> 00:47:56,372
I'll find this
little brat.
795
00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:02,253
(PANTING)
796
00:48:58,768 --> 00:48:59,894
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
797
00:49:03,231 --> 00:49:04,398
(MUTTERS)
798
00:49:19,539 --> 00:49:20,790
(GROANS)
799
00:49:24,294 --> 00:49:25,837
(PANTING)
800
00:49:33,219 --> 00:49:35,971
TRUDY: (OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)
Santa. Santa!
801
00:49:36,222 --> 00:49:37,473
Santa!
802
00:49:37,557 --> 00:49:38,641
(GASPS)
803
00:49:39,976 --> 00:49:41,227
This is Trudy.
804
00:49:42,353 --> 00:49:43,896
Are you okay, Santa?
805
00:49:47,609 --> 00:49:48,943
Hi. Hey.
806
00:49:49,068 --> 00:49:50,235
Are you okay?
807
00:49:50,904 --> 00:49:52,196
I'm good.
808
00:49:52,947 --> 00:49:54,448
I was just wrapping
something up.
809
00:49:55,700 --> 00:49:57,326
I ran away and hid
in the attic.
810
00:49:57,702 --> 00:49:59,495
Okay. If you're safe,
811
00:50:00,747 --> 00:50:03,624
just stay there and
stay quiet, all right?
812
00:50:03,875 --> 00:50:08,375
Okay. I can set up booby
traps, like in Home Alone.
813
00:50:08,588 --> 00:50:10,006
Okay, I don't know
what that means,
814
00:50:10,131 --> 00:50:11,632
but, yeah, do that.
815
00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:13,009
Just do it quietly.
816
00:50:15,136 --> 00:50:16,971
Are you really Santa?
817
00:50:17,597 --> 00:50:18,931
(CHUCKLES)
818
00:50:20,892 --> 00:50:22,310
Of course I am,
sweetheart.
819
00:50:24,103 --> 00:50:26,188
My daddy says
there isn't any Santa.
820
00:50:28,441 --> 00:50:31,318
He says parents just tell
their kids that Santa's real
821
00:50:31,444 --> 00:50:32,903
to make them feel better.
822
00:50:33,780 --> 00:50:35,782
He said they give us presents
823
00:50:35,907 --> 00:50:37,533
and say they're from Santa.
824
00:50:38,284 --> 00:50:39,451
Yeah.
825
00:50:40,453 --> 00:50:42,037
Yeah, a lot
of parents say that.
826
00:50:42,705 --> 00:50:45,999
But I still bring presents
to kids that need me.
827
00:50:47,919 --> 00:50:49,420
Kids who really believe.
828
00:50:51,673 --> 00:50:53,800
How do you know
who really needs you?
829
00:50:54,801 --> 00:50:56,594
Christmas magic.
830
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:58,762
I'm not really sure
how it works.
831
00:51:06,604 --> 00:51:07,896
But, uh...
832
00:51:09,148 --> 00:51:10,399
(EXHALES)
833
00:51:11,109 --> 00:51:12,443
I remember
834
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:16,113
when Trudy Lights tone
wrote to me.
835
00:51:16,948 --> 00:51:18,616
She must have been
about six years old,
836
00:51:18,741 --> 00:51:22,077
and she said that
she felt lonely sometimes.
837
00:51:22,537 --> 00:51:24,247
She missed having
a best friend.
838
00:51:24,831 --> 00:51:27,959
And so I brought her a
beautiful little stuffed rabbit.
839
00:51:28,084 --> 00:51:29,418
Mr. Bunny.
840
00:51:29,544 --> 00:51:31,420
And then I remember
the next year,
841
00:51:31,546 --> 00:51:33,548
and you said you had
this amazing dream
842
00:51:33,673 --> 00:51:37,343
and that, afterwards,
all you wanted to do was...
843
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:38,886
To fly!
844
00:51:39,012 --> 00:51:40,972
(CHUCKLES)
To fly. To fly.
845
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:46,852
I mean, Santa might have
some magic, but...
846
00:51:47,687 --> 00:51:50,439
Making a little girl fly?
847
00:51:53,526 --> 00:51:55,194
But giving you a kite,
848
00:51:57,238 --> 00:51:59,198
floating just beneath
the clouds,
849
00:52:00,491 --> 00:52:03,160
well, it's about
as good as it gets.
850
00:52:03,286 --> 00:52:04,704
(SOFTLY)
I Knew it.
851
00:52:05,163 --> 00:52:07,373
I knew you
were real, Santa.
852
00:52:10,251 --> 00:52:12,419
Don't be too hard on
your parents, all right?
853
00:52:15,173 --> 00:52:17,758
Grown-ups have a hard time
believing things.
854
00:52:19,594 --> 00:52:21,012
Can you use
your Christmas magic
855
00:52:21,137 --> 00:52:23,264
to make them love
each other again?
856
00:52:23,389 --> 00:52:25,224
I wish I had that
kind of power.
857
00:52:26,851 --> 00:52:29,144
Mrs. Claus and I have
been going on year...
858
00:52:30,396 --> 00:52:31,605
1,100, and...
859
00:52:33,691 --> 00:52:35,567
Grown-up relationships
are complicated.
860
00:52:37,236 --> 00:52:38,362
It takes work.
861
00:52:39,489 --> 00:52:40,823
A lot of work.
862
00:52:43,785 --> 00:52:44,994
Do you still love her?
863
00:52:46,204 --> 00:52:47,496
Yeah, I do.
864
00:52:49,207 --> 00:52:51,918
But sometimes, even if you
want to make somebody happy...
865
00:52:53,753 --> 00:52:55,463
...the magic
just goes away.
866
00:52:58,299 --> 00:52:59,508
Hey.
867
00:53:00,343 --> 00:53:01,969
I've got an idea.
868
00:53:02,387 --> 00:53:03,513
This will be fun.
869
00:53:04,972 --> 00:53:08,100
Why don't you guys
open your presents?
870
00:53:09,268 --> 00:53:12,479
I want to see what you
rich assholes get each other.
871
00:53:13,481 --> 00:53:17,234
And some of you might not
make it till tomorrow morning,
872
00:53:18,695 --> 00:53:21,114
so this could be
your only chance.
873
00:53:22,407 --> 00:53:23,533
Come on.
874
00:53:23,658 --> 00:53:25,534
Where's the
Christmas spirit?
875
00:53:28,621 --> 00:53:29,872
MORGAN: Uh...
876
00:53:31,165 --> 00:53:35,127
Gertrude, uh, I got you
something pretty special.
877
00:53:35,253 --> 00:53:36,545
KRAMPUS: Did you
hear that, Gertrude?
878
00:53:36,671 --> 00:53:38,506
He got you
something amazing.
879
00:53:38,798 --> 00:53:40,382
What could it be?
880
00:53:41,634 --> 00:53:43,719
Oh, my God,
this is exciting.
881
00:53:43,845 --> 00:53:44,929
Mom.
882
00:53:46,347 --> 00:53:47,514
Can I call you Mom?
883
00:53:48,975 --> 00:53:50,518
Mrs. Lights tone.
884
00:53:52,562 --> 00:53:55,648
Okay, so in the business,
they call this...
885
00:53:56,816 --> 00:53:57,858
...a pitch deck.
886
00:53:59,235 --> 00:54:00,236
Pitch deck.
MORGAN: Yeah.
887
00:54:00,653 --> 00:54:01,987
It's called
Explosive Force.
888
00:54:02,405 --> 00:54:03,656
Starring me.
889
00:54:03,781 --> 00:54:05,240
And if you look
in the back,
890
00:54:05,491 --> 00:54:08,911
there are the
financial numbers.
891
00:54:09,370 --> 00:54:12,122
I'm kind of
a big deal in Asia.
892
00:54:13,791 --> 00:54:15,501
Parts of Asia, at least.
893
00:54:16,043 --> 00:54:17,961
We were in parts of
Asia once, and, like,
894
00:54:18,087 --> 00:54:19,630
we couldn't even
go to a restaurant.
895
00:54:20,548 --> 00:54:22,716
What is there
a better gift than
896
00:54:23,217 --> 00:54:26,386
gift of a golden
opportunity?
897
00:54:28,931 --> 00:54:29,932
KRAMPUS: (LAUGHING) Oh, no.
898
00:54:31,350 --> 00:54:33,477
Granny doesn't like it.
899
00:54:34,103 --> 00:54:36,146
Mother, I got you
something really special.
900
00:54:42,862 --> 00:54:45,239
It's a sentimental photo
of the day I was born.
901
00:54:45,990 --> 00:54:47,366
I remember.
902
00:54:47,784 --> 00:54:48,785
I was there.
903
00:54:49,327 --> 00:54:50,828
KRAMPUS: She
doesn't give a shit.
904
00:54:51,037 --> 00:54:52,121
(LAUGHING)
905
00:54:53,581 --> 00:54:55,040
Swing and miss again!
(SHATTERING)
906
00:54:55,166 --> 00:54:56,458
This is so fun.
907
00:54:56,584 --> 00:54:57,751
ALVA: Mommy, how
about another one?
908
00:54:57,877 --> 00:54:59,336
I got you a lot
of good things.
909
00:54:59,462 --> 00:55:01,380
I'll grab one.
Alva, sit down.
910
00:55:01,506 --> 00:55:03,132
You've already
given me one. It's...
911
00:55:03,257 --> 00:55:04,383
It's Jason's turn.
912
00:55:04,467 --> 00:55:05,551
JASON: Uh...
913
00:55:06,594 --> 00:55:09,513
[... I think I left it
in the car.
914
00:55:09,639 --> 00:55:11,557
No, I saw you put one
under the tree earlier.
915
00:55:12,350 --> 00:55:14,018
No. It's in the...
Yeah, I did.
916
00:55:14,143 --> 00:55:17,187
I could've sworn.
You know what, it's...
917
00:55:17,313 --> 00:55:19,231
You don't...
You don't...
918
00:55:19,357 --> 00:55:22,109
It's this one, right?
Yeah, I got you, bro.
919
00:55:22,193 --> 00:55:23,402
Come on.
920
00:55:25,238 --> 00:55:26,656
GERTRUDE:
Thank you.
921
00:55:28,032 --> 00:55:29,783
It's my favorite whiskey.
922
00:55:30,910 --> 00:55:32,161
You can skip the note.
923
00:55:56,811 --> 00:55:57,895
Thank you, Jason.
924
00:56:04,235 --> 00:56:05,736
What's the card say?
925
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:08,655
I think I'll just keep that
between Jason and I.
926
00:56:09,240 --> 00:56:12,534
No one really needs
to know. Right, Jason?
927
00:56:15,329 --> 00:56:16,580
Right.
928
00:56:18,249 --> 00:56:20,251
TRUDY: Did you ever have
a mommy and daddy?
929
00:56:22,378 --> 00:56:24,254
Yeah, of course
I had a mommy and daddy.
930
00:56:24,380 --> 00:56:27,758
I wasn't... I wasn't
always Santa Claus.
931
00:56:28,801 --> 00:56:30,385
I had a life before this.
932
00:56:32,054 --> 00:56:34,222
A long, long,
long time ago.
933
00:56:38,936 --> 00:56:40,562
They used to call me...
934
00:56:41,856 --> 00:56:43,440
Nicomund.
935
00:56:47,653 --> 00:56:49,112
Nicomund the Red.
936
00:56:50,907 --> 00:56:52,617
TRUDY: You had
a different job then?
937
00:56:53,618 --> 00:56:54,910
SANTA: Yeah,
you could say that.
938
00:56:56,370 --> 00:56:57,621
I was a warrior.
939
00:56:58,164 --> 00:57:00,374
A raider. A thief.
940
00:57:01,542 --> 00:57:03,210
And if somebody
got in my way,
941
00:57:04,295 --> 00:57:05,713
me and Skullcrusher would...
942
00:57:05,838 --> 00:57:07,214
TRUDY: Who's Skullcrusher?
943
00:57:08,341 --> 00:57:10,092
Skullcrusher's my...
944
00:57:11,469 --> 00:57:12,636
My hammer.
945
00:57:14,138 --> 00:57:15,681
My favorite hammer.
946
00:57:16,515 --> 00:57:18,391
I was a surgeon
with that thing.
947
00:57:18,893 --> 00:57:21,103
Used to be able to take
three heads, line 'em up...
948
00:57:21,604 --> 00:57:22,688
(MIMICS HAMMER THUDDING)
949
00:57:22,772 --> 00:57:23,981
But why?
950
00:57:25,566 --> 00:57:26,775
What?
951
00:57:27,026 --> 00:57:28,736
Why'd you do those things?
952
00:57:31,489 --> 00:57:32,781
Because I was mean.
953
00:57:34,867 --> 00:57:36,076
And I was greedy.
954
00:57:38,788 --> 00:57:40,748
And I wanted gold, jewels.
955
00:57:41,791 --> 00:57:44,043
Yeah, I mean, if there was
a naughty list back then,
956
00:57:44,168 --> 00:57:45,794
I'd be top dog.
957
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:49,214
Well, maybe...
958
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:51,884
What?
959
00:57:51,968 --> 00:57:53,970
Maybe all those bad things
you used to do...
960
00:57:55,554 --> 00:57:58,348
Maybe you can use them
to do good things instead.
961
00:57:59,225 --> 00:58:00,392
To help.
962
00:58:01,811 --> 00:58:03,020
What do you mean?
963
00:58:03,729 --> 00:58:07,149
Mr. Bunny,
he wasn't just a toy.
964
00:58:08,150 --> 00:58:10,694
That night, you gave me
what I wished for.
965
00:58:11,654 --> 00:58:13,155
A best friend.
966
00:58:14,365 --> 00:58:16,575
"Cause you're
good and kind.
967
00:58:17,159 --> 00:58:19,744
And you mean more than just
the presents you bring.
968
00:58:20,579 --> 00:58:22,706
That's why I believe
in you, Santa.
969
00:58:23,249 --> 00:58:24,875
That's why I believe.
970
00:58:27,128 --> 00:58:28,337
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
971
00:58:31,257 --> 00:58:32,466
Thank you.
972
00:58:34,802 --> 00:58:37,721
You stay hidden, Trudy,
till I come get you.
973
00:58:39,098 --> 00:58:40,349
Stay safe.
974
00:58:42,018 --> 00:58:44,437
SCROOGE: All right, we
got satellite confirmation.
975
00:58:44,562 --> 00:58:46,355
Extraction team's
on the go.
976
00:58:46,731 --> 00:58:48,899
ETA, 30 minutes.
977
00:58:49,025 --> 00:58:50,317
We're on schedule.
978
00:58:50,609 --> 00:58:52,027
Everything's good.
979
00:58:52,194 --> 00:58:53,570
(ENGINE REVVING)
THORP: All right, fellas.
980
00:58:53,654 --> 00:58:55,030
Look alive, look alive.
981
00:58:55,698 --> 00:58:56,990
You all know the plan,
982
00:58:57,199 --> 00:59:00,160
and I like my operations
like I like to fuck.
983
00:59:00,536 --> 00:59:03,121
Hard and fast
with minimal cleanup.
984
00:59:03,664 --> 00:59:07,584
Now, some idiot gets in
your way, what do you do?
985
00:59:07,793 --> 00:59:09,669
ALL: Fuck their shit up right!
986
00:59:10,087 --> 00:59:11,379
Damn right.
987
00:59:12,089 --> 00:59:13,590
Time to lube up.
988
00:59:13,758 --> 00:59:15,176
(ENGINES REVVING)
989
00:59:16,218 --> 00:59:18,511
Let's go, motherfuckers!
Let's go!
990
00:59:24,727 --> 00:59:26,520
(SOFTLY)
This fucking family.
991
00:59:46,373 --> 00:59:48,333
TOY: Ho, ho, ho, ho.
992
00:59:48,459 --> 00:59:50,085
Merry Christmas.
(GASPS)
993
00:59:50,211 --> 00:59:51,420
Happy holidays.
994
00:59:51,545 --> 00:59:52,546
Traitor.
995
00:59:54,799 --> 00:59:56,133
I got him
in the east wing.
996
00:59:56,342 --> 00:59:57,885
SCROOGE: All right,
we're on our way. Hold him.
997
00:59:57,968 --> 00:59:59,302
(GASPS)
998
01:00:07,603 --> 01:00:08,937
(GRUNTS)
999
01:00:12,274 --> 01:00:13,566
Step aside.
1000
01:00:19,448 --> 01:00:20,449
(YELLING)
1001
01:00:28,124 --> 01:00:32,294
SCROOGE: Now, how did this tired,
old, fat piece of shit get the drop on us?
1002
01:00:32,878 --> 01:00:34,129
GINGERBREAD:
I don't know.
1003
01:00:34,463 --> 01:00:35,797
CANDY CANE:
He's not even armed.
1004
01:00:36,465 --> 01:00:38,258
This bag is the only
thing he had on him.
1005
01:00:38,342 --> 01:00:39,593
SCROOGE:
What's in there?
1006
01:00:41,095 --> 01:00:42,346
Can't see anything.
1007
01:00:47,101 --> 01:00:48,310
SCROOGE: Here,
give it to me.
1008
01:01:00,156 --> 01:01:01,532
What kind of moron
1009
01:01:02,241 --> 01:01:03,992
carries a chess
set with him?
1010
01:01:08,289 --> 01:01:09,581
What the fuck?
1011
01:01:09,707 --> 01:01:11,917
Doesn't make any sense.
Look at all this shit.
1012
01:01:14,795 --> 01:01:16,087
(CHUCKLES)
1013
01:01:19,383 --> 01:01:22,094
So, you're gonna tell us
what's the gimmick with the bag?
1014
01:01:22,428 --> 01:01:23,846
It's magic.
1015
01:01:24,263 --> 01:01:26,682
You put your hand in,
out comes a present.
1016
01:01:28,601 --> 01:01:30,686
I don't really understand
how it works, either.
1017
01:01:32,563 --> 01:01:35,482
So, you're Mr. Scrooge.
1018
01:01:35,900 --> 01:01:37,401
That's right.
1019
01:01:37,610 --> 01:01:38,986
But who are you?
1020
01:01:39,862 --> 01:01:41,405
Weihnachtsmann.
1021
01:01:42,907 --> 01:01:44,325
Julenissen.
1022
01:01:45,659 --> 01:01:47,535
Shéngdan Laorén.
1023
01:01:48,662 --> 01:01:51,331
Babbo Na tale, Pére Noel,
Kris Kringle.
1024
01:01:51,916 --> 01:01:54,001
Jolly old Saint Nick.
1025
01:01:54,293 --> 01:01:56,336
People call me
a lot of things.
1026
01:01:58,088 --> 01:02:00,507
SCROOGE: (LAUGHS
SARCASTICALLY) Very funny.
1027
01:02:00,633 --> 01:02:02,968
Or should I say,
"Ho, ho, ho"?
1028
01:02:03,510 --> 01:02:06,471
If you're Santa,
where's your reindeer?
1029
01:02:06,889 --> 01:02:08,473
They were on the roof
1030
01:02:08,599 --> 01:02:11,018
until that guy I turned
into an ice kebab just...
1031
01:02:11,101 --> 01:02:12,310
(SANTA SPLUTTERING)
1032
01:02:13,687 --> 01:02:14,854
You don't believe me?
1033
01:02:15,189 --> 01:02:16,481
Go check.
1034
01:02:16,607 --> 01:02:19,234
Prancer left a tasty
log up there.
1035
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:20,986
SCROOGE:
This fucking guy.
1036
01:02:21,111 --> 01:02:22,320
You don't think...
1037
01:02:22,988 --> 01:02:25,573
Now, I know you're an idiot,
but don't be an idiot out loud.
1038
01:02:25,658 --> 01:02:27,660
Come on, he's
just in Santy Claus
1039
01:02:28,035 --> 01:02:29,911
with a fucking
trick bag.
1040
01:02:30,037 --> 01:02:31,955
SANTA: Oh, no!
1041
01:02:32,081 --> 01:02:33,707
That bag was full
of kids' dreams!
1042
01:02:33,832 --> 01:02:35,416
SCROOGE:
Oh, come on.
1043
01:02:35,542 --> 01:02:37,961
Everybody knows that
Christmas dreams are bullshit.
1044
01:02:39,046 --> 01:02:41,131
My father used to make
a big deal out of it
1045
01:02:41,257 --> 01:02:42,883
every Christmas.
1046
01:02:43,259 --> 01:02:45,302
Every freaking Christmas
with the presents
1047
01:02:45,427 --> 01:02:47,637
and the candy
and the decorations
1048
01:02:47,763 --> 01:02:51,224
and the Christmas caroling
and all that bullshit.
1049
01:02:52,685 --> 01:02:54,019
And then when I was...
1050
01:02:55,020 --> 01:02:57,689
I don't know, 10, 11,
1051
01:02:58,565 --> 01:03:00,358
he got laid off,
and that Christmas,
1052
01:03:00,484 --> 01:03:01,735
couldn't even
afford a tree.
1053
01:03:01,860 --> 01:03:03,444
No Christmas dinner,
no gifts.
1054
01:03:03,570 --> 01:03:05,863
Nothing, nada, culo, dick.
1055
01:03:06,824 --> 01:03:08,200
But our neighbors...
1056
01:03:08,325 --> 01:03:10,035
Our neighbors,
oh, they had it all.
1057
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:13,830
I could see all that yuletide cheer
through their window, mocking me.
1058
01:03:14,581 --> 01:03:16,749
So Christmas Eve
rolls around, and...
1059
01:03:19,086 --> 01:03:20,837
I waited for everybody
to go to bed.
1060
01:03:21,588 --> 01:03:24,257
And then I snuck in there
to take it all.
1061
01:03:26,593 --> 01:03:28,761
Only problem was that the
gramps got up to take a piss
1062
01:03:28,846 --> 01:03:31,056
and the two of us scared
the shit out of each other.
1063
01:03:31,140 --> 01:03:34,268
And, he fell down
the stairs
1064
01:03:34,351 --> 01:03:37,645
and broke his neck,
and he died in the hospital.
1065
01:03:38,897 --> 01:03:41,441
Everybody thought that I did it,
and every time I tried to tell them,
1066
01:03:41,567 --> 01:03:43,068
I tried to tell
them that...
1067
01:03:45,654 --> 01:03:46,988
Anyway, maybe I did do it.
1068
01:03:48,198 --> 01:03:49,699
Maybe I did push him.
1069
01:03:49,825 --> 01:03:51,159
Poor old fucker.
1070
01:03:51,785 --> 01:03:54,996
So, you see,
Christmas ruined my life.
1071
01:03:55,497 --> 01:03:56,664
Okay?
But you know what?
1072
01:03:56,874 --> 01:03:58,041
It set me on the path
1073
01:03:58,167 --> 01:04:00,127
and made me the great
man that I am today.
1074
01:04:00,252 --> 01:04:01,544
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
1075
01:04:03,297 --> 01:04:04,298
I really am.
1076
01:04:05,257 --> 01:04:07,259
But I do gifts.
I do Christmas cheer.
1077
01:04:07,509 --> 01:04:09,636
I don't get involved
in people's lives.
1078
01:04:09,762 --> 01:04:13,140
Oh, yeah? Yeah, well,
maybe you fucking should!
1079
01:04:18,020 --> 01:04:20,772
Um, how did
he know your name?
1080
01:04:21,732 --> 01:04:22,774
Bjorn.
1081
01:04:23,150 --> 01:04:24,943
What's your excuse?
1082
01:04:25,194 --> 01:04:26,361
Huh?
1083
01:04:26,737 --> 01:04:29,531
Didn't I get you that Huffy
bike you wanted back in '827?
1084
01:04:29,948 --> 01:04:32,241
The one you wrote me
50 times about!
1085
01:04:33,243 --> 01:04:34,702
What about you, Kira?
1086
01:04:35,371 --> 01:04:37,706
You made your
brother eat worms.
1087
01:04:38,082 --> 01:04:39,291
That's naughty!
1088
01:04:39,583 --> 01:04:41,209
Okay, how does he know
about my bike?
1089
01:04:41,585 --> 01:04:44,754
It's a lucky guess, like,
"Hey, do you like big tits?"
1090
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:46,965
Come on, every kid
wants a fucking bike.
1091
01:04:47,341 --> 01:04:50,093
You're gonna tell me who
you work for... Christ. No.
1092
01:04:50,219 --> 01:04:52,804
You've got five seconds to
tell me who you really are.
1093
01:04:52,888 --> 01:04:56,016
Five, four, three, two...
1094
01:04:56,141 --> 01:04:57,725
I'm Santa Claus!
1095
01:04:57,976 --> 01:04:59,268
Well, not anymore.
1096
01:05:25,504 --> 01:05:26,671
GINGERBREAD:
Is it snowing?
1097
01:05:27,047 --> 01:05:29,924
CANDY CANE: Is he
doing this with Santa magic?
1098
01:05:37,099 --> 01:05:38,850
Let it show!
1099
01:05:51,196 --> 01:05:52,697
It's not snow.
1100
01:05:53,031 --> 01:05:54,115
It's Styrofoam.
1101
01:05:54,241 --> 01:05:56,243
I told you this
guy's a big phony.
1102
01:05:56,577 --> 01:05:57,703
(GRUNTS)
1103
01:06:05,878 --> 01:06:06,879
(GROANS)
1104
01:06:10,883 --> 01:06:12,217
Where'd he go?
1105
01:06:13,010 --> 01:06:14,386
He went up
the chimney.
1106
01:06:14,761 --> 01:06:16,012
I saw it. SCROOGE: I don't know,
1107
01:06:16,096 --> 01:06:18,014
he had a rig
or some pulley system
1108
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:20,016
that just yanked him up.
You can't fit up there.
1109
01:06:20,142 --> 01:06:21,643
It's impossible.
You see one weird thing,
1110
01:06:21,768 --> 01:06:23,811
and then you think
you're in a fairy tale?
1111
01:06:23,937 --> 01:06:26,064
MAN: Incoming. We've got
sleigh bells approaching.
1112
01:06:26,356 --> 01:06:27,648
Oh, my God.
1113
01:06:27,900 --> 01:06:29,234
It's his reindeer.
1114
01:06:31,528 --> 01:06:33,738
(SLAMS TABLE)
It's the extraction team.
1115
01:06:33,822 --> 01:06:35,406
Pull yourselves together!
1116
01:06:35,908 --> 01:06:37,242
(ENGINES REVVING)
1117
01:06:48,170 --> 01:06:49,171
(ENGINES REVVING
IN DISTANCE)
1118
01:06:50,672 --> 01:06:54,092
And that is the
sound of my Kill Squad.
1119
01:06:54,718 --> 01:06:58,388
(LAUGHS) You're
fizzity-fucked now.
1120
01:06:58,514 --> 01:07:01,099
Huh? What are you gonna
do? You little elf bitch.
1121
01:07:01,350 --> 01:07:03,143
(GROANS)
Bertie.
1122
01:07:03,268 --> 01:07:04,560
Hashtag blessed.
1123
01:07:05,020 --> 01:07:06,354
(YELLING)
1124
01:07:08,357 --> 01:07:09,608
Yeah!
1125
01:07:10,359 --> 01:07:11,401
Park our.
1126
01:07:11,527 --> 01:07:12,653
Kill him, babe!
1127
01:07:16,448 --> 01:07:17,782
Morgan's
gonna save us.
1128
01:07:19,910 --> 01:07:22,996
Jean-Claude Van Dipshit
just ditched us, sweetie.
1129
01:07:30,629 --> 01:07:32,255
Hold your fire.
1130
01:07:32,631 --> 01:07:33,798
MORGAN:
Barrel roll!
1131
01:07:35,592 --> 01:07:36,759
Easy, easy.
1132
01:07:36,969 --> 01:07:38,720
Yeah!
Easy.
1133
01:07:38,845 --> 01:07:40,012
Identify yourself.
1134
01:07:40,764 --> 01:07:42,515
I'm one
of the hostages.
1135
01:07:42,641 --> 01:07:45,518
Morgan Steel,
the actor.
1136
01:07:46,478 --> 01:07:48,646
Played a lot of
soldiers in my career.
1137
01:07:48,772 --> 01:07:51,900
Can I just say, thank you
for your service. Semper fi.
1138
01:07:53,110 --> 01:07:54,861
What's the
situation inside?
1139
01:07:55,696 --> 01:07:57,364
Bunch of
ex-military guys,
1140
01:07:57,489 --> 01:07:59,365
but I got to warn you,
they know you're coming.
1141
01:07:59,491 --> 01:08:00,950
I think they're
ready for you.
1142
01:08:01,201 --> 01:08:02,368
They better be.
1143
01:08:02,911 --> 01:08:04,329
We're on
a tight schedule.
1144
01:08:04,997 --> 01:08:06,498
Shit.
1145
01:08:09,876 --> 01:08:11,127
(GASPS)
1146
01:08:12,504 --> 01:08:15,381
All right, let's move out.
MAN: Let's move out.
1147
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:20,929
Come on.
1148
01:08:22,055 --> 01:08:23,598
You got to be
kidding me.
1149
01:08:23,724 --> 01:08:26,309
Hey, Thorp, you're 10
minutes late. What kept you?
1150
01:08:26,893 --> 01:08:29,103
Looks to me like your
net's got a hole in it.
1151
01:08:29,229 --> 01:08:31,481
Or are you just letting your
hostages out for some exercise?
1152
01:08:31,607 --> 01:08:33,775
No, no, no. We got a
wild gopher running around
1153
01:08:33,900 --> 01:08:36,277
complicating shit
and causing problems.
1154
01:08:36,403 --> 01:08:37,987
Who? Lights tone security?
1155
01:08:38,113 --> 01:08:39,447
Nah, I don't think so. Some
intruder dressed as Santa.
1156
01:08:39,573 --> 01:08:40,991
But I'm telling you,
I'm telling you,
1157
01:08:41,116 --> 01:08:42,742
there's something
weird about him.
1158
01:08:42,826 --> 01:08:44,285
Might be
the real Santa.
1159
01:08:45,454 --> 01:08:47,080
The fuck did she just
say? SCROOGE: Nothing.
1160
01:08:47,205 --> 01:08:48,247
She's joking.
1161
01:08:49,207 --> 01:08:50,666
My squad will
take care of it.
1162
01:08:53,211 --> 01:08:55,713
Beta Team,
go find this asshole.
1163
01:08:55,839 --> 01:08:57,048
Go.
1164
01:08:58,091 --> 01:09:02,095
Now, let's unwrap
our present, shall we?
1165
01:09:02,596 --> 01:09:04,431
All right,
you heard the man.
1166
01:09:04,681 --> 01:09:06,391
Time to kill Santa.
1167
01:09:07,100 --> 01:09:09,185
I've got him,
He's on the roof.
1168
01:09:09,645 --> 01:09:11,396
Roger that.
I got eyes on him.
1169
01:09:15,817 --> 01:09:17,443
(GASPING)
1170
01:09:20,197 --> 01:09:21,198
(YELLING)
1171
01:09:23,033 --> 01:09:24,534
(GROANING)
1172
01:09:29,331 --> 01:09:31,207
SCROOGE: Right,
Sugarplum. Hit that button.
1173
01:09:31,291 --> 01:09:32,875
(KEYS CLACKING)
1174
01:09:38,423 --> 01:09:39,674
SCROOGE: Here we go.
1175
01:09:40,133 --> 01:09:41,467
Our skeleton key.
1176
01:09:41,593 --> 01:09:43,136
The "open”
magic stick.
1177
01:09:43,428 --> 01:09:45,138
This better
fucking work.
1178
01:09:45,472 --> 01:09:47,724
I'm flushing my career
for this, my reputation.
1179
01:09:48,016 --> 01:09:50,268
Yeah, then you can
buy yourself a new rep.
1180
01:09:50,936 --> 01:09:52,812
(THUDDING)
1181
01:09:59,736 --> 01:10:03,072
THORP: As a kid, I loved unwrapping
Christmas presents so much
1182
01:10:03,198 --> 01:10:05,658
that my mom would wrap
empty boxes for me.
1183
01:10:07,119 --> 01:10:08,995
I didn't care that
nothing was inside.
1184
01:10:21,967 --> 01:10:23,635
Is this a fucking joke?
1185
01:10:23,802 --> 01:10:24,886
No.
1186
01:10:26,513 --> 01:10:28,264
THORP: You said it
would fucking be here!
1187
01:10:28,807 --> 01:10:31,810
I'm telling you, my
intel was rock solid.
1188
01:10:31,935 --> 01:10:33,978
I had guys
on the inside.
1189
01:10:35,689 --> 01:10:38,858
300 million in cash was
delivered here yesterday
1190
01:10:38,984 --> 01:10:40,944
to this
fucking mansion.
1191
01:10:46,700 --> 01:10:48,493
Somebody must've
intercepted it.
1192
01:10:53,123 --> 01:10:54,624
Son of a bitch.
1193
01:10:57,919 --> 01:10:59,378
(GROANING)
1194
01:11:17,522 --> 01:11:18,814
Shit.
1195
01:11:19,357 --> 01:11:21,025
Santa, you okay?
1196
01:11:22,110 --> 01:11:23,194
Santa.
1197
01:11:23,320 --> 01:11:26,364
A bunch of new bad guys showed
up. They're on the naughty list.
1198
01:11:27,449 --> 01:11:30,076
They got their gadgets
and their gizmos on them.
1199
01:11:31,369 --> 01:11:33,496
I'm sorry. I think
this is it, kid.
1200
01:11:33,747 --> 01:11:35,373
No, no, don't say that.
1201
01:11:35,499 --> 01:11:36,708
The naughty list...
1202
01:11:38,251 --> 01:11:39,585
It just grows and grows.
1203
01:11:48,804 --> 01:11:52,182
He's in that structure.
Body cams on.
1204
01:11:52,432 --> 01:11:53,766
TRUDY: Don't give up.
1205
01:11:54,518 --> 01:11:56,561
You make a wish
this time, Santa.
1206
01:11:56,978 --> 01:11:58,479
Just this once.
1207
01:11:58,772 --> 01:12:01,107
If you could have
anything in this world,
1208
01:12:02,025 --> 01:12:03,526
what would it be?
1209
01:12:09,741 --> 01:12:12,076
I wish I could see
Mrs. Claus again,
1210
01:12:13,370 --> 01:12:15,080
tell her how
much I love her.
1211
01:12:16,289 --> 01:12:18,582
Then you make
that wish come true.
1212
01:12:18,708 --> 01:12:19,792
(CLATTERING)
1213
01:12:19,876 --> 01:12:20,918
Shit.
1214
01:12:21,127 --> 01:12:22,920
No, no.
1215
01:12:24,840 --> 01:12:26,091
Oh, God.
1216
01:12:26,216 --> 01:12:27,467
No.
1217
01:12:41,815 --> 01:12:44,400
You said these guys,
they're naughty.
1218
01:12:44,860 --> 01:12:46,903
And what do you do
to the naughty ones?
1219
01:12:47,487 --> 01:12:48,988
I give them a lump of coal.
1220
01:12:49,406 --> 01:12:51,408
Yeah. Give them their lumps.
1221
01:12:52,909 --> 01:12:54,911
Take that coal and shove it
straight up their...
1222
01:12:55,036 --> 01:12:57,204
Anuses.
Yeah!
1223
01:13:03,295 --> 01:13:04,629
They're right outside.
1224
01:13:19,352 --> 01:13:21,187
Santa's gonna eat
through these guys
1225
01:13:21,730 --> 01:13:23,481
like a plate
full of cookies.
1226
01:13:28,278 --> 01:13:29,570
SOLDIER 1:
Move, move.
1227
01:13:33,408 --> 01:13:34,742
(SOFTLY)
Hey, lock it up.
1228
01:13:36,995 --> 01:13:38,162
Lights down.
1229
01:13:39,998 --> 01:13:41,290
Stay at my back.
1230
01:13:42,375 --> 01:13:43,959
All right,
we got this, boys.
1231
01:13:47,047 --> 01:13:48,381
(SCREAMING)
1232
01:13:53,178 --> 01:13:54,429
(MUFFLED GASP)
1233
01:13:54,512 --> 01:13:55,638
(BONES CRACKING)
1234
01:14:01,645 --> 01:14:02,896
(SCREAMING)
1235
01:14:03,104 --> 01:14:05,231
All right, where
the fuck is my money?
1236
01:14:05,357 --> 01:14:07,150
Where's the money?
1237
01:14:09,152 --> 01:14:10,153
(YELLS)
1238
01:14:18,620 --> 01:14:21,122
All right, I've been
a sweetheart up to now.
1239
01:14:21,498 --> 01:14:22,749
But that's all over.
1240
01:14:22,874 --> 01:14:24,417
No more fucking games!
1241
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:26,086
Where's the money?
1242
01:14:26,211 --> 01:14:28,755
Or I will shoot every last
one of you and enjoy it.
1243
01:14:33,468 --> 01:14:35,970
It's in the vault.
I just looked in the vault.
1244
01:14:36,096 --> 01:14:37,472
Had the money
been in there,
1245
01:14:37,597 --> 01:14:39,056
I'd have a different
expression on my face.
1246
01:14:39,182 --> 01:14:40,391
Impossible.
1247
01:14:40,642 --> 01:14:42,644
Takes days to get
into that thing.
1248
01:14:42,852 --> 01:14:46,146
Not if we have the key,
Mrs. Lights tone.
1249
01:14:47,649 --> 01:14:48,816
GERTRUDE: Thorp.
1250
01:14:49,859 --> 01:14:51,026
(SIGHS)
1251
01:14:51,111 --> 01:14:53,446
You can't trust anyone
these days.
1252
01:14:53,738 --> 01:14:55,656
SCROOGE: I'm not
sure how, but you
1253
01:14:55,782 --> 01:14:58,242
or one of your shithead
kids moved the money.
1254
01:14:58,702 --> 01:15:00,286
And this upsets me.
1255
01:15:01,037 --> 01:15:02,413
It upsets me
1256
01:15:02,539 --> 01:15:06,167
in a way that makes me want
to just randomly shoot at people.
1257
01:15:07,293 --> 01:15:09,169
Hold on.
Just... Sorry.
1258
01:15:09,546 --> 01:15:10,964
What? What?
1259
01:15:11,089 --> 01:15:13,633
What if you randomly shoot the
only person who knows where it is?
1260
01:15:16,052 --> 01:15:18,054
Oh, fuck you people!
1261
01:15:22,976 --> 01:15:24,519
(FESTIVE ROCK BALLAD PLAYING)
1262
01:15:33,737 --> 01:15:35,488
(ALL GROANING)
1263
01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:49,669
(SOLDIER SCREAMING)
1264
01:15:53,006 --> 01:15:54,257
SANTA: Suck on this.
1265
01:16:19,491 --> 01:16:20,950
I need some
feedback, guys.
1266
01:16:22,118 --> 01:16:23,869
Guys, what the hell
is going on?
1267
01:16:48,394 --> 01:16:50,896
(SOLDIERS SCREAMING)
1268
01:17:05,203 --> 01:17:06,454
(WHIRRING)
1269
01:17:09,499 --> 01:17:10,833
Huh?
1270
01:17:13,419 --> 01:17:14,545
(GRUNTING)
1271
01:17:27,350 --> 01:17:28,642
(STRAINING, SCREAMING)
1272
01:17:49,831 --> 01:17:51,165
Jesus Christ.
1273
01:17:52,917 --> 01:17:55,711
Nope. Just jolly
old Saint Nick.
1274
01:17:57,755 --> 01:17:58,839
(GRUNTS)
1275
01:18:07,849 --> 01:18:10,434
Oh, God!
There you go.
1276
01:18:10,727 --> 01:18:12,103
A little
stocking stuffer.
1277
01:18:13,229 --> 01:18:16,565
Where is it?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
1278
01:18:16,691 --> 01:18:19,110
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
1279
01:18:19,235 --> 01:18:21,654
I got to watch.
Fuck!
1280
01:18:23,072 --> 01:18:25,199
Ho-Ho-Holy shit.
1281
01:18:27,660 --> 01:18:30,204
Gertrude would never
trust anybody
1282
01:18:30,330 --> 01:18:32,498
who wasn't blood
with this kind of info.
1283
01:18:32,624 --> 01:18:33,708
So...
1284
01:18:34,500 --> 01:18:36,835
The in-laws
wouldn't know shit,
1285
01:18:38,046 --> 01:18:40,381
which means that
I can shoot her...
1286
01:18:42,133 --> 01:18:44,009
...unless you tell me
where the fucking money is.
1287
01:18:44,135 --> 01:18:46,095
LINDA: Please don't,
okay? It's Christmas.
1288
01:18:46,221 --> 01:18:47,513
Shut up!
1289
01:18:49,140 --> 01:18:50,474
I swear, I'll blow
her brains out
1290
01:18:50,600 --> 01:18:51,767
unless you tell me
where the money went.
1291
01:18:51,893 --> 01:18:53,227
I did it!
1292
01:18:54,187 --> 01:18:56,522
What?
Okay. Yeah, I did it.
1293
01:18:56,648 --> 01:18:58,441
I moved the money.
No, don't be an idiot.
1294
01:18:58,566 --> 01:19:00,109
What? The money's
our only leverage.
1295
01:19:00,235 --> 01:19:01,861
My wife has a fucking
gun to her head, so...
1296
01:19:01,986 --> 01:19:03,779
Yeah, how did you find
out that we were coming?
1297
01:19:03,905 --> 01:19:05,364
I didn't.
I was stealing it.
1298
01:19:06,407 --> 01:19:08,075
Yeah, coincidence.
GERTRUDE: Oh, my God.
1299
01:19:08,201 --> 01:19:10,119
I was planning
to take the money
1300
01:19:10,203 --> 01:19:12,580
and leave with my wife
and daughter tonight
1301
01:19:12,705 --> 01:19:13,997
and never come
back here.
1302
01:19:14,832 --> 01:19:18,001
And then
my mom would
1303
01:19:18,127 --> 01:19:20,045
read the note with her
whiskey in the morning
1304
01:19:20,171 --> 01:19:21,714
and know
what I had done.
1305
01:19:21,839 --> 01:19:24,132
For years, I have
been telling you
1306
01:19:24,259 --> 01:19:26,594
to stop caring about your
mother's fucking money!
1307
01:19:26,719 --> 01:19:29,805
And you think the solution
was to steal a bunch of it.
1308
01:19:30,848 --> 01:19:34,268
Well, yeah, it does sound
stupid when you say it like that.
1309
01:19:34,394 --> 01:19:36,312
ALVA: How can you
do this right now?
1310
01:19:36,437 --> 01:19:38,397
It's disgusting. After all
that Mother has given us?
1311
01:19:38,523 --> 01:19:40,441
Come on, Alva. Everything
she ever gave you,
1312
01:19:40,566 --> 01:19:41,775
she made damn
sure we knew
1313
01:19:41,901 --> 01:19:43,068
she had the power
to take right back.
1314
01:19:43,736 --> 01:19:46,905
I have spent years
groveling to you.
1315
01:19:47,031 --> 01:19:49,616
In the meanwhile,
I was destroying
1316
01:19:49,701 --> 01:19:51,744
the only good
thing in my life.
1317
01:19:51,869 --> 01:19:53,245
KRAMPUS: What are
we doing here, huh?
1318
01:19:53,371 --> 01:19:55,998
Family therapy
or doing a heist?
1319
01:19:56,124 --> 01:19:58,626
Yeah, enough of
this sharing bullshit.
1320
01:19:59,127 --> 01:20:00,628
All right.
Where'd you put it?
1321
01:20:07,343 --> 01:20:08,802
Look at this
little idiot.
1322
01:20:13,850 --> 01:20:14,934
Oh, no.
1323
01:20:15,059 --> 01:20:16,477
What?
1324
01:20:16,811 --> 01:20:18,604
The bad guys found me.
Okay.
1325
01:20:19,272 --> 01:20:20,564
I'm coming.
1326
01:20:27,238 --> 01:20:30,950
You know, booby traps don't
work unless you hide them.
1327
01:20:33,953 --> 01:20:35,120
You little moron.
1328
01:20:38,750 --> 01:20:40,585
(GROANING)
Jesus! Shit!
1329
01:20:44,756 --> 01:20:46,507
Help me! Help me! Help!
1330
01:20:48,134 --> 01:20:50,177
You'll be... (RETCHES)
You'll be fine.
1331
01:20:51,137 --> 01:20:52,304
Sit tight.
I'll be back in a sec.
1332
01:20:55,391 --> 01:20:57,601
Right after I kill
this little piece of shit!
1333
01:21:01,022 --> 01:21:02,648
You little fucking brat.
1334
01:21:08,571 --> 01:21:09,905
(GASPING)
1335
01:21:22,502 --> 01:21:23,711
(SCREAMING)
1336
01:21:28,758 --> 01:21:29,842
(GROANS)
1337
01:21:32,178 --> 01:21:33,262
(SQUELCHING)
1338
01:21:33,388 --> 01:21:34,931
(SCREAMING)
1339
01:21:38,476 --> 01:21:40,269
(YELPING)
1340
01:21:51,739 --> 01:21:52,906
CANDY CANE:
You're dead!
1341
01:21:53,116 --> 01:21:54,867
You're so fucking dead!
1342
01:22:02,667 --> 01:22:04,377
Fucking piece of shit.
1343
01:22:10,174 --> 01:22:12,259
(SCOFFS) You little...
1344
01:22:22,520 --> 01:22:25,481
(GASPING)
1345
01:22:30,820 --> 01:22:32,071
Incoming!
1346
01:22:36,826 --> 01:22:39,411
(STRAINING)
1347
01:22:41,122 --> 01:22:42,248
(GIGGLES)
1348
01:22:46,419 --> 01:22:47,545
(SQUELCHING)
1349
01:22:48,754 --> 01:22:50,672
(WINCES)
1350
01:22:51,007 --> 01:22:52,216
(YELLING)
1351
01:22:52,300 --> 01:22:53,676
Son of a fucking...
1352
01:22:57,972 --> 01:22:58,973
(CRUNCHING)
(GROANS)
1353
01:23:02,977 --> 01:23:04,103
Fuck.
1354
01:23:04,854 --> 01:23:06,522
I got you now, kid.
1355
01:23:06,647 --> 01:23:08,065
Yeah? Heads up.
1356
01:23:10,610 --> 01:23:12,069
That's all you got?
You fucking...
1357
01:23:12,195 --> 01:23:13,196
(CLANGS)
(GROANS)
1358
01:23:14,947 --> 01:23:16,406
Enough of this shit.
1359
01:23:22,705 --> 01:23:23,914
(GRUNTS)
1360
01:23:43,100 --> 01:23:44,142
Santa!
1361
01:23:47,522 --> 01:23:48,564
SANTA: Aw.
1362
01:23:54,278 --> 01:23:55,988
Hi, Trudy.
1363
01:23:56,572 --> 01:23:59,241
I made booby traps like in
the movie. It was so funny.
1364
01:23:59,367 --> 01:24:01,744
Ho, ho, ho.
1365
01:24:04,038 --> 01:24:05,080
(GRUNTS)
1366
01:24:08,042 --> 01:24:11,420
Trudy, I want you to...
Just do me a favor.
1367
01:24:12,713 --> 01:24:15,465
Just turn around
and close your eyes.
1368
01:24:15,716 --> 01:24:17,718
Maybe put your fingers
in your ears,
1369
01:24:18,344 --> 01:24:21,055
and sing Jingle Bells
as loud as you can.
1370
01:24:21,764 --> 01:24:23,599
(SINGING)
Jingle bells, jingle bells
1371
01:24:23,683 --> 01:24:25,685
Jingle all the way
1372
01:24:25,810 --> 01:24:27,978
Oh, how fun it is to ride...
1373
01:24:28,104 --> 01:24:30,940
You were about to murder
an innocent child.
1374
01:24:31,065 --> 01:24:32,107
Jingle bells, jingle bells...
1375
01:24:32,233 --> 01:24:33,234
Innocent?
1376
01:24:34,026 --> 01:24:35,235
It's naughty.
1377
01:24:35,778 --> 01:24:37,029
Naughty.
1378
01:24:38,030 --> 01:24:39,364
Naughty!
1379
01:24:39,574 --> 01:24:41,158
It's part of the
Lights tone legacy.
1380
01:24:41,284 --> 01:24:42,660
We're horrible
people.
1381
01:24:43,035 --> 01:24:44,745
So I get why you
did what you did.
1382
01:24:44,870 --> 01:24:46,830
When your grandfather told
me I'd never run the company
1383
01:24:46,956 --> 01:24:49,124
because a girl doesn't
have what it takes,
1384
01:24:49,625 --> 01:24:51,501
I had to snatch the
reins away from him.
1385
01:24:51,586 --> 01:24:52,670
But the point is,
1386
01:24:52,795 --> 01:24:54,379
a Lights tone takes
what's theirs.
1387
01:24:54,505 --> 01:24:56,048
I'm proud
of you, son.
1388
01:24:56,173 --> 01:24:57,424
All right, where
the hell is it?
1389
01:24:59,885 --> 01:25:01,386
The money's
hidden inside.
1390
01:25:03,347 --> 01:25:06,016
SCROOGE: And the Three
Wise Men presented him with gifts
1391
01:25:06,142 --> 01:25:09,103
of frankincense, myrrh...
1392
01:25:11,063 --> 01:25:14,066
...and cold hard cash.
1393
01:25:14,191 --> 01:25:15,609
Load it up, boys.
1394
01:25:15,776 --> 01:25:17,778
All right,
we're securing the money.
1395
01:25:18,070 --> 01:25:19,821
Kill the hostages
and meet us outside.
1396
01:25:20,448 --> 01:25:21,532
What?
1397
01:25:21,657 --> 01:25:22,783
No.
1398
01:25:25,620 --> 01:25:26,871
BERT: Mom.
1399
01:25:26,996 --> 01:25:28,330
It's fine, Bert.
1400
01:25:28,456 --> 01:25:29,665
Everything's fine.
1401
01:25:29,790 --> 01:25:30,999
Okay.
1402
01:25:31,959 --> 01:25:33,627
Everybody, get up.
1403
01:25:34,086 --> 01:25:38,340
(SINGSONG) It's time
for a murder.
1404
01:25:38,924 --> 01:25:40,967
Come on. You don't
want to kill us.
1405
01:25:41,177 --> 01:25:42,261
You really don't.
1406
01:25:42,595 --> 01:25:44,430
Oh, yes, I do.
1407
01:25:45,097 --> 01:25:47,599
I really, really,
really do.
1408
01:25:47,725 --> 01:25:49,184
And I'm gonna
start with you.
1409
01:25:49,310 --> 01:25:51,478
No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
1410
01:25:54,065 --> 01:25:55,566
You got to kill
Aunt Linda first.
1411
01:25:55,650 --> 01:25:57,026
What the hell, Bert?
1412
01:25:57,109 --> 01:26:00,695
You want to squeeze in being a
little shit before you die, Bert rude?
1413
01:26:00,821 --> 01:26:02,239
I say shoot him
first. BERT: What?
1414
01:26:02,531 --> 01:26:04,324
ALVA: Wait.
No. Don't shoot him.
1415
01:26:04,450 --> 01:26:06,410
Don't shoot him first.
And don't you call him
1416
01:26:06,535 --> 01:26:08,787
a little shit,
you gold-digging bitch.
1417
01:26:08,871 --> 01:26:10,581
Okay. I changed
my mind.
1418
01:26:10,706 --> 01:26:12,541
Shoot the alcoholic bitch
first. Don't call my mom
1419
01:26:12,625 --> 01:26:14,001
an alcoholic bitch.
Your mom's an alcoholic.
1420
01:26:14,126 --> 01:26:15,752
I'm sorry. You're a
gold-digging bitch.
1421
01:26:15,878 --> 01:26:18,005
I'm a gold-digger, when I
have a whole-ass career?
1422
01:26:18,130 --> 01:26:19,548
You're not even part
of the fucking family.
1423
01:26:19,674 --> 01:26:22,301
She's an engineer.
You know goddamn well...
1424
01:26:22,426 --> 01:26:23,635
Shut up!
1425
01:26:25,346 --> 01:26:26,388
(EXHALES)
1426
01:26:27,473 --> 01:26:30,559
Just like rats
in a barrel.
1427
01:26:32,269 --> 01:26:34,437
Why don't you die
with some dignity?
1428
01:26:35,815 --> 01:26:37,107
(ALL GRUNTING)
1429
01:26:39,944 --> 01:26:41,195
Get off of me!
1430
01:26:41,570 --> 01:26:42,862
Okay, okay.
1431
01:26:43,197 --> 01:26:44,406
Fuck you!
1432
01:26:44,615 --> 01:26:46,867
This is for yelling
at my child!
1433
01:26:46,992 --> 01:26:48,368
Creep!
1434
01:26:48,494 --> 01:26:50,078
That's for slapping me,
motherfucker!
1435
01:26:50,204 --> 01:26:51,955
ALVA: This is for
your dumb fucking hat!
1436
01:27:01,632 --> 01:27:02,841
LINDA: Is he...
1437
01:27:03,592 --> 01:27:04,843
Is he dead?
1438
01:27:08,889 --> 01:27:10,015
Yeah.
1439
01:27:11,767 --> 01:27:13,143
Thanks, Linda.
1440
01:27:13,728 --> 01:27:16,188
Well, it's nice to do something
as a family for a change.
1441
01:27:17,606 --> 01:27:19,065
(SPUTTERING)
Oh, shit!
1442
01:27:19,692 --> 01:27:20,943
I'm gonna... (GRUNTS)
1443
01:27:25,406 --> 01:27:26,698
ALVA: That was
for Morgan.
1444
01:27:27,575 --> 01:27:31,453
He may have been stupid,
but he was very, very hot.
1445
01:27:33,456 --> 01:27:35,332
(GASPS) Trudy!
1446
01:27:35,499 --> 01:27:36,666
Mommy!
1447
01:27:37,835 --> 01:27:39,461
Thank God, baby.
1448
01:27:40,087 --> 01:27:41,379
Oh. Are you okay?
1449
01:27:41,881 --> 01:27:43,090
I'm okay, Mommy.
1450
01:27:43,215 --> 01:27:44,257
Okay.
1451
01:27:44,383 --> 01:27:46,802
This is my
friend, Santa.
1452
01:27:51,265 --> 01:27:52,933
What the fuck?
1453
01:27:53,350 --> 01:27:55,060
I can't thank you
enough, Mister...
1454
01:27:55,186 --> 01:27:57,730
Claus. But please
call me Santa.
1455
01:27:57,938 --> 01:27:58,980
Mm-hmm.
1456
01:27:59,064 --> 01:28:01,733
You guys should get out
of here. It's dangerous.
1457
01:28:02,568 --> 01:28:04,528
They took my husband
and her grandmother.
1458
01:28:06,739 --> 01:28:08,198
Anybody know how
to work these gizmos?
1459
01:28:08,324 --> 01:28:09,575
I think so.
1460
01:28:09,700 --> 01:28:11,034
I used to hunt
with my dad.
1461
01:28:11,494 --> 01:28:12,495
Ow.
1462
01:28:12,578 --> 01:28:14,329
MAN 1: Copy that.
How's that looking?
1463
01:28:14,455 --> 01:28:15,747
MAN 2: Yeah,
I got it on lockdown.
1464
01:28:15,831 --> 01:28:16,832
MAN 1: Heads on
a swivel, boys.
1465
01:28:17,166 --> 01:28:18,250
(GUNSHOT)
1466
01:28:18,417 --> 01:28:19,793
MAN 3: Incoming!
MAN 4: Heads up!
1467
01:28:21,420 --> 01:28:22,712
MAN 4: Who's shooting?
1468
01:28:23,798 --> 01:28:25,132
(GASPS)
1469
01:28:25,216 --> 01:28:26,300
MAN 5: Cap, get down!
1470
01:28:31,180 --> 01:28:32,181
(GASPING)
1471
01:28:32,723 --> 01:28:34,975
Gun 'em down.
Mow them all down.
1472
01:28:43,275 --> 01:28:44,526
(SANTA YELLING)
1473
01:28:45,486 --> 01:28:46,778
(GUNFIRE)
1474
01:28:52,034 --> 01:28:53,660
SCROOGE: Let's get the
fuck out of here. Let's go.
1475
01:28:53,869 --> 01:28:56,246
Go where? Come
on, move, you old bat.
1476
01:28:57,206 --> 01:28:58,665
Get your fucking
hands off of me.
1477
01:29:07,967 --> 01:29:09,510
(YELPS)
Oh!
1478
01:29:10,052 --> 01:29:11,261
Oh, shit.
1479
01:29:11,387 --> 01:29:14,473
My balls!
My fucking balls!
1480
01:29:19,061 --> 01:29:20,437
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1481
01:29:23,315 --> 01:29:26,109
(SOLDIER SCREAMING)
1482
01:29:31,699 --> 01:29:34,201
My balls! Why did you
shoot me in the ball...
1483
01:29:38,038 --> 01:29:39,497
Jesus.
1484
01:29:40,916 --> 01:29:41,917
Sorry.
1485
01:29:44,169 --> 01:29:46,546
Don't worry about us,
Mr. Claus. We got this.
1486
01:29:47,506 --> 01:29:48,882
JASON: Who is that guy?
1487
01:29:49,216 --> 01:29:51,343
He said
he was Mr. Claus.
1488
01:29:53,762 --> 01:29:55,221
Fuck. Trudy.
No, no.
1489
01:29:55,347 --> 01:29:56,765
She's in the house.
She's okay.
1490
01:29:56,891 --> 01:29:58,225
She's safe.
1491
01:29:58,767 --> 01:30:00,435
Oh, thank God.
Yeah.
1492
01:30:00,644 --> 01:30:01,770
(BOTH PANTING)
1493
01:30:19,663 --> 01:30:20,830
(GUN CLICKS)
1494
01:30:21,165 --> 01:30:22,624
No, no.
1495
01:30:22,750 --> 01:30:24,710
Go, go, go.
No. Wait.
1496
01:30:32,593 --> 01:30:33,677
(YELLING)
1497
01:30:50,110 --> 01:30:51,111
(GASPS)
1498
01:30:52,988 --> 01:30:54,114
(YELLING)
1499
01:30:59,995 --> 01:31:01,037
(ENGINES REVVING)
1500
01:31:11,340 --> 01:31:13,133
Oh, shit!
1501
01:31:15,970 --> 01:31:17,346
Ho, ho!
1502
01:31:20,349 --> 01:31:21,391
Fuck!
1503
01:31:41,829 --> 01:31:43,038
(LINDA CHOKING)
1504
01:32:05,394 --> 01:32:07,145
Fucking die.
1505
01:32:20,826 --> 01:32:22,202
(LINDA COUGHING)
1506
01:32:26,832 --> 01:32:28,959
(GROANING)
1507
01:32:30,878 --> 01:32:32,421
(PANTING)
1508
01:33:01,075 --> 01:33:02,493
SCROOGE: Come on.
Come on. Come on.
1509
01:33:02,951 --> 01:33:05,203
Yeah, over here.
Over here.
1510
01:33:06,038 --> 01:33:07,414
Santa!
1511
01:33:08,373 --> 01:33:09,665
Come on!
1512
01:33:10,167 --> 01:33:11,459
Yeah.
1513
01:33:21,804 --> 01:33:23,347
(SANTA YELLING)
1514
01:33:27,935 --> 01:33:29,311
(GROANING)
1515
01:33:29,394 --> 01:33:30,478
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1516
01:33:52,251 --> 01:33:53,585
(GUN CLICKING)
1517
01:33:55,420 --> 01:33:56,421
Fuck.
1518
01:34:20,362 --> 01:34:21,696
You're real?
1519
01:34:23,782 --> 01:34:25,617
You're him.
1520
01:34:29,204 --> 01:34:30,580
You're you.
1521
01:34:30,706 --> 01:34:33,208
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
1522
01:34:33,500 --> 01:34:36,461
The real goddamn
Santa Claus.
1523
01:34:37,296 --> 01:34:39,006
This is not
your night, pal.
1524
01:34:39,590 --> 01:34:41,550
Oh, I don't know.
I think you're wrong.
1525
01:34:42,342 --> 01:34:45,470
I think my whole shitty
life's built up to this moment.
1526
01:34:45,596 --> 01:34:46,930
Because when I kill you,
1527
01:34:47,556 --> 01:34:50,225
this whole goddamn holiday
finally ends.
1528
01:34:52,102 --> 01:34:53,436
Whatever it takes...
1529
01:34:55,731 --> 01:34:57,649
...Christmas dies tonight.
1530
01:34:57,733 --> 01:34:58,942
(YELLING)
1531
01:35:05,157 --> 01:35:07,117
(ENGINE REVVING)
1532
01:35:08,994 --> 01:35:10,036
(STRAINING)
1533
01:35:21,089 --> 01:35:22,340
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1534
01:35:33,060 --> 01:35:34,478
(COUGHING)
1535
01:36:00,754 --> 01:36:01,796
(SCREAMING)
1536
01:36:13,767 --> 01:36:14,851
(BOTH STRAINING)
1537
01:36:44,756 --> 01:36:45,798
(THUDDING)
1538
01:36:52,723 --> 01:36:54,015
(GROANING)
1539
01:36:57,227 --> 01:36:58,436
(LAUGHS MALICIOUSLY)
1540
01:37:04,276 --> 01:37:05,485
(SCREAMING)
1541
01:37:16,913 --> 01:37:19,373
The last Christmas.
1542
01:37:29,468 --> 01:37:31,303
(SOFTLY) Not if you
still believe.
1543
01:37:33,722 --> 01:37:35,390
No!
1544
01:37:35,932 --> 01:37:37,683
(SCROOGE SCREAMING)
1545
01:37:45,734 --> 01:37:46,735
(LAUGHS)
1546
01:37:52,824 --> 01:37:54,116
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
1547
01:37:54,201 --> 01:37:55,243
(GUNSHOTS)
1548
01:38:04,002 --> 01:38:07,380
I have no idea what
the fuck is going on here.
1549
01:38:10,175 --> 01:38:11,551
But this ends now.
1550
01:38:16,932 --> 01:38:18,683
Damn right it does.
1551
01:38:21,186 --> 01:38:22,520
(ENGINES REVVING)
1552
01:38:28,193 --> 01:38:29,861
LINDA: Trudy,
be careful.
1553
01:38:33,698 --> 01:38:35,116
TRUDY: Santa!
1554
01:38:36,076 --> 01:38:37,994
Oh, no. Santa.
1555
01:38:39,538 --> 01:38:40,789
Oh, no.
1556
01:38:48,004 --> 01:38:49,964
You saved
my daughter.
1557
01:38:50,924 --> 01:38:52,216
SANTA: No.
1558
01:38:53,343 --> 01:38:54,761
She saved me.
1559
01:38:55,345 --> 01:38:57,638
Help him.
Please help him.
1560
01:38:57,764 --> 01:39:00,057
Honey, I don't think
there's anything we can do.
1561
01:39:00,183 --> 01:39:01,350
SANTA: It's okay.
1562
01:39:02,102 --> 01:39:03,561
It's too late for that.
1563
01:39:03,687 --> 01:39:04,938
Too late.
1564
01:39:06,690 --> 01:39:07,857
I'm cold.
1565
01:39:08,400 --> 01:39:09,526
(WINCES)
1566
01:39:09,609 --> 01:39:11,611
I haven't felt cold
in years.
1567
01:39:12,279 --> 01:39:13,780
We need
to keep him warm.
1568
01:39:15,157 --> 01:39:16,908
All of the fires
are going out.
1569
01:39:17,033 --> 01:39:18,659
We need to find
something to burn.
1570
01:39:20,620 --> 01:39:22,038
I got an idea.
1571
01:39:28,587 --> 01:39:29,963
No.
1572
01:39:30,088 --> 01:39:32,215
No, no, no, no.
No, Jason, no.
1573
01:39:32,340 --> 01:39:33,341
TRUDY: Please, Santa.
1574
01:39:33,884 --> 01:39:35,886
I don't want
you to die.
1575
01:39:39,556 --> 01:39:41,057
ALVA: Jason, let's
slow this down.
1576
01:39:41,183 --> 01:39:42,684
What are you doing?
1577
01:39:43,643 --> 01:39:46,062
I've lived longer than
any man should ever live.
1578
01:39:46,188 --> 01:39:48,690
He's pretty much dead.
What the hell is happening?
1579
01:39:48,815 --> 01:39:50,775
You don't need to burn money.
JASON: Okay. More. Yeah.
1580
01:39:50,942 --> 01:39:54,153
You can't die, Santa.
You have to get up.
1581
01:39:54,279 --> 01:39:56,739
I think I used up
all my Christmas magic.
1582
01:39:58,074 --> 01:39:59,241
Sorry.
1583
01:40:01,536 --> 01:40:05,081
I'm sorry I can't give
you what you asked for.
1584
01:40:06,708 --> 01:40:08,501
JASON: Take that. Take that.
1585
01:40:09,044 --> 01:40:10,336
TRUDY: But you did.
1586
01:40:13,632 --> 01:40:15,508
Santa, please don't die.
1587
01:40:15,634 --> 01:40:18,178
Wake up. Wake up.
1588
01:40:18,303 --> 01:40:20,013
JASON: We need to
get him close to the fire.
1589
01:40:20,847 --> 01:40:22,014
Jason.
1590
01:40:23,642 --> 01:40:25,310
Just wake up.
1591
01:40:26,478 --> 01:40:27,770
Please.
1592
01:40:28,063 --> 01:40:29,481
No.
1593
01:40:34,778 --> 01:40:36,946
Oh, |I am
SO, SO sorry.
1594
01:40:42,327 --> 01:40:43,619
This man...
1595
01:40:46,122 --> 01:40:49,458
This brave, brave man,
whoever he was...
1596
01:40:49,584 --> 01:40:50,835
He's Santa.
1597
01:40:51,378 --> 01:40:53,129
The real Santa.
He is.
1598
01:40:53,755 --> 01:40:55,590
And I still believe
in him.
1599
01:40:57,175 --> 01:40:59,552
I'll always believe
in you, Santa.
1600
01:41:04,516 --> 01:41:06,184
I believe
in him, too.
1601
01:41:09,521 --> 01:41:10,855
He saved Trudy.
1602
01:41:12,274 --> 01:41:13,817
He saved our family.
1603
01:41:16,611 --> 01:41:18,154
What's realer
than that?
1604
01:41:23,118 --> 01:41:24,285
Yeah, and maybe...
1605
01:41:27,455 --> 01:41:28,706
I believe
in him, too.
1606
01:41:30,000 --> 01:41:31,292
Uh, So do |I.
1607
01:41:33,003 --> 01:41:35,255
Oh. Shit.
1608
01:41:35,463 --> 01:41:37,089
(SNIFFLES)
I guess...
1609
01:41:38,091 --> 01:41:39,550
I guess I do, too.
1610
01:41:40,135 --> 01:41:41,553
ALVA: Fuck me.
1611
01:41:41,928 --> 01:41:43,304
I believe, too.
1612
01:41:53,023 --> 01:41:54,107
(COUGHS)
1613
01:41:54,190 --> 01:41:55,566
(GASPS)
Oh, my God.
1614
01:41:55,692 --> 01:41:56,776
Santa!
1615
01:41:58,445 --> 01:42:00,321
(GROANING)
1616
01:42:02,240 --> 01:42:03,324
JASON: You...
1617
01:42:05,285 --> 01:42:06,411
You were dead.
1618
01:42:08,038 --> 01:42:09,205
Christmas magic.
1619
01:42:10,749 --> 01:42:12,834
I still don't really
understand...
1620
01:42:13,668 --> 01:42:15,002
...how it works.
1621
01:42:16,504 --> 01:42:18,088
(SANTA CHUCKLES)
1622
01:42:21,426 --> 01:42:22,802
Thank you.
1623
01:42:23,094 --> 01:42:24,845
I don't know how we
can ever repay you.
1624
01:42:25,513 --> 01:42:28,182
You brought me back from
the dead, so we'll call it even.
1625
01:42:29,893 --> 01:42:31,019
Even?
1626
01:42:31,144 --> 01:42:33,187
We just burned
half a million dollars.
1627
01:42:34,522 --> 01:42:35,940
Look, Santa!
Hmm?
1628
01:42:36,066 --> 01:42:37,233
Look who came.
1629
01:42:39,319 --> 01:42:41,946
(REINDEER SNUFFLING)
1630
01:42:44,741 --> 01:42:47,452
Now you show up, huh?
1631
01:42:48,203 --> 01:42:49,662
You leave me
here to die,
1632
01:42:49,788 --> 01:42:51,915
come back after all
the work's done, huh?
1633
01:42:52,040 --> 01:42:54,625
You know what? I should
make you guys into a stew
1634
01:42:54,751 --> 01:42:56,294
and feed you
to the elves!
1635
01:42:57,003 --> 01:42:58,421
(REINDEER SNORTING)
1636
01:42:59,005 --> 01:43:03,384
Yes, Blitzen! Yes,
I'm talking to you!
1637
01:43:03,677 --> 01:43:05,470
You, too, Prancer.
1638
01:43:11,101 --> 01:43:12,519
You got my sack.
1639
01:43:13,269 --> 01:43:16,563
My spare... You went home
and you got my spare sack?
1640
01:43:19,359 --> 01:43:21,903
God, I can't stay mad
at you guys. I...
1641
01:43:23,279 --> 01:43:27,157
Aw. I can't. I can't.
1642
01:43:31,746 --> 01:43:32,872
Oh.
1643
01:43:34,207 --> 01:43:35,208
Oh.
1644
01:43:45,093 --> 01:43:46,344
Hello, beautiful.
1645
01:43:46,886 --> 01:43:47,928
Skullcrusher!
1646
01:44:01,317 --> 01:44:02,526
Guess this
is goodbye.
1647
01:44:02,944 --> 01:44:04,195
I gotta go.
1648
01:44:05,405 --> 01:44:06,656
Do you have to?
1649
01:44:10,869 --> 01:44:12,954
It's Christmas Eve,
and there's a lot of
1650
01:44:13,079 --> 01:44:14,622
boys and girls
on the nice list
1651
01:44:14,748 --> 01:44:16,374
that want their
presents, you know?
1652
01:44:19,169 --> 01:44:20,503
Thank you.
1653
01:44:21,713 --> 01:44:23,047
For what?
1654
01:44:23,465 --> 01:44:24,716
For believing in me.
1655
01:44:25,759 --> 01:44:28,011
For reminding me that
Christmas still matters.
1656
01:44:29,971 --> 01:44:31,389
And that I still...
1657
01:44:32,557 --> 01:44:33,766
...matter.
1658
01:44:36,561 --> 01:44:38,145
You gave me
my "Ho, ho, ho" back.
1659
01:44:48,656 --> 01:44:50,407
All right.
Get out of here.
1660
01:44:54,537 --> 01:44:57,248
Merry Christmas!
1661
01:44:59,876 --> 01:45:01,127
Hyah!
1662
01:45:01,211 --> 01:45:04,547
Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer!
1663
01:45:04,672 --> 01:45:06,715
Now, Prancer and Vixen!
1664
01:45:06,841 --> 01:45:10,052
On, Comet! On, Cupid!
1665
01:45:10,178 --> 01:45:13,097
On, Donner and Blitzen!
1666
01:45:13,223 --> 01:45:16,851
Come on,
you beautiful bastards!
1667
01:45:16,976 --> 01:45:20,062
We've got
some work to do!
1668
01:45:20,313 --> 01:45:22,690
Hyah!
1669
01:45:23,233 --> 01:45:25,777
Ho, ho, ho!
1670
01:45:25,902 --> 01:45:28,988
Merry Christmas!
1671
01:45:34,160 --> 01:45:35,870
(FESTIVE ROCK SONG PLAYING)
1672
01:46:57,493 --> 01:46:59,578
Hey, yo! What's Gucci,
squad fam?
1673
01:46:59,704 --> 01:47:02,665
It's the Bert Locker,
living the dream.
1674
01:47:02,790 --> 01:47:05,167
You know what? See
this guy? Dead as hell.
1675
01:47:05,251 --> 01:47:06,543
Santa's real,
all right?
1676
01:47:06,669 --> 01:47:08,337
Don't end up on
the naughty list.
1677
01:47:08,463 --> 01:47:09,672
Do better.
1678
01:47:09,797 --> 01:47:11,131
Bert Lights tone out.
1679
01:47:51,506 --> 01:47:52,798
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)
112506
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