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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,881 --> 00:00:12,415 - ♪ The beat takes then I start rockin' ♪ 2 00:00:12,417 --> 00:00:14,017 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:17,689 --> 00:00:19,723 ♪ the beat takes then I start rockin ' ♪ 4 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,295 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:25,297 --> 00:00:27,630 ♪ the beat takes then I start rockin' ♪ 6 00:00:27,632 --> 00:00:29,232 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:33,105 --> 00:00:36,139 ♪ the beat takes then I start rockin ' ♪ 8 00:00:36,141 --> 00:00:38,141 ♪ ♪ 9 00:00:38,143 --> 00:00:39,476 ♪ go, go ♪ 10 00:00:39,478 --> 00:00:41,945 ♪ so what you know about that ♪ 11 00:00:41,947 --> 00:00:43,547 ♪ ♪ 12 00:00:47,018 --> 00:00:50,253 ♪ I make the party crack ♪♪ 13 00:00:50,255 --> 00:00:53,323 - who doesn't love thanksgiving break? 14 00:00:53,325 --> 00:00:55,458 Me, tori gillespie. 15 00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:59,429 Or, as everyone in high school used to call me... 16 00:00:59,431 --> 00:01:01,898 All: Whorie, whorie, whorie! 17 00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:04,567 - That nickname was meant to be ironic, by the way, 18 00:01:04,569 --> 00:01:07,137 although I did have sex with a zucchini once, 19 00:01:07,139 --> 00:01:09,606 so I guess that was kind of slutty. 20 00:01:09,608 --> 00:01:12,575 Needless to say, high school fucking sucked. 21 00:01:12,577 --> 00:01:14,811 But here's the thing about high school: 22 00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,980 It ends. 23 00:01:16,982 --> 00:01:19,015 And you get to go to college, 24 00:01:19,017 --> 00:01:21,951 where no one knows that you were a bed-wetter till 14, 25 00:01:21,953 --> 00:01:25,221 or that you broke your own hymen with a baby carrot. 26 00:01:25,223 --> 00:01:28,091 Only problem is, when the holidays roll around, 27 00:01:28,093 --> 00:01:32,028 you still have to go home. 28 00:01:37,736 --> 00:01:41,971 ♪ ♪ 29 00:01:41,973 --> 00:01:44,240 - hi! 30 00:01:44,242 --> 00:01:46,342 I missed you so much. 31 00:01:50,282 --> 00:01:51,314 - The alleghany railroad authority 32 00:01:51,316 --> 00:01:53,383 welcomes you to pittsburgh. 33 00:01:53,385 --> 00:01:55,685 Your train from new york... 34 00:01:55,687 --> 00:01:58,121 - I texted you on my new phone! 35 00:01:58,123 --> 00:02:01,224 - Look at my sign! 36 00:02:01,226 --> 00:02:04,160 - Want to switch lives? 37 00:02:04,162 --> 00:02:07,197 - I'd rather eat my own shit. 38 00:02:07,199 --> 00:02:08,431 And I do! 39 00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:10,633 This is shit up in here. 40 00:02:10,635 --> 00:02:12,268 - And yet I'm still jealous of you. 41 00:02:12,270 --> 00:02:13,636 - Where is she? 42 00:02:13,638 --> 00:02:15,705 Yay! 43 00:02:18,376 --> 00:02:20,543 I'm so happy you're home. 44 00:02:20,545 --> 00:02:22,245 - Yep, it's still you! 45 00:02:22,247 --> 00:02:23,580 - Unfortunately. 46 00:02:23,582 --> 00:02:25,215 - I can't wait to stay up all night 47 00:02:25,217 --> 00:02:27,317 gossiping about northwestern boys. 48 00:02:27,319 --> 00:02:28,551 - Or girls. We don't judge. 49 00:02:28,553 --> 00:02:29,586 Just don't talk details. 50 00:02:29,588 --> 00:02:30,820 It gives your mother nightmares. 51 00:02:30,822 --> 00:02:32,121 - Nightmares, it gives me nightmares. 52 00:02:32,123 --> 00:02:33,790 - Also, I have some huge news. 53 00:02:33,792 --> 00:02:36,025 - What, my train crashed and I'm actually in hell right now? 54 00:02:36,027 --> 00:02:38,027 - Gil and I are getting married! 55 00:02:40,365 --> 00:02:41,431 Are you looking at it? 56 00:02:41,433 --> 00:02:42,465 - Yeah, I'm looking at it. 57 00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:45,401 - Is it beautiful? 58 00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:49,239 - Shit, this is why I'm glad my family dead. 59 00:02:54,446 --> 00:02:55,912 - scott! 60 00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:56,914 Scott! 61 00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:57,915 Scott! 62 00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,250 Fucking look at me! 63 00:03:07,759 --> 00:03:11,661 - I missed you so much, boo. 64 00:03:11,663 --> 00:03:13,329 - Hey, maybe we should do this, 65 00:03:13,331 --> 00:03:15,131 I don't know, somewhere a little more private? 66 00:03:16,134 --> 00:03:19,869 You are a fucking genius! 67 00:03:29,447 --> 00:03:31,381 - I was actually thinking maybe more like my place. 68 00:03:31,383 --> 00:03:34,117 - Shh, public sex is way in right now. 69 00:03:34,119 --> 00:03:36,386 It's the second most searched term on youporn, 70 00:03:36,388 --> 00:03:38,354 right under "brother sister stuff." 71 00:03:40,825 --> 00:03:42,625 Shit! 72 00:03:42,627 --> 00:03:44,928 Here, hold my invisalign. 73 00:03:47,132 --> 00:03:48,398 My god. 74 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,899 It's a glory hole. 75 00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:52,268 I've only seen these in gay porn! 76 00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:54,537 - Why are you watching gay porn? 77 00:03:57,008 --> 00:03:58,274 - Wee! 78 00:03:58,276 --> 00:04:00,443 - Who are you, fucking spider-man? 79 00:04:00,445 --> 00:04:01,844 - Gimme your dick! 80 00:04:01,846 --> 00:04:03,913 - I don't know if I really want to. 81 00:04:03,915 --> 00:04:05,348 You oddly resemble 82 00:04:05,350 --> 00:04:06,616 the alice in wonderland cat right now. 83 00:04:06,618 --> 00:04:08,217 - Stop being such a pussy, 84 00:04:08,219 --> 00:04:12,121 and give me your dick. 85 00:04:24,336 --> 00:04:28,037 It's like the wall's eating my penis. 86 00:04:28,039 --> 00:04:29,872 - What the hell is wrong with these people? 87 00:04:29,874 --> 00:04:30,940 - I know. 88 00:04:30,942 --> 00:04:33,910 Some motherfuckers are so disgusting. 89 00:04:36,381 --> 00:04:37,981 - Dear god. 90 00:04:37,983 --> 00:04:39,382 Here it comes. 91 00:04:48,827 --> 00:04:50,560 - Are you crying? 92 00:04:50,562 --> 00:04:51,995 - I'm sorry. 93 00:04:51,997 --> 00:04:54,964 I didn't know how hard this was gonna be. 94 00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:58,801 Well, do you want to just, like... 95 00:04:58,803 --> 00:05:01,137 Parkour back over and finish me off in here? 96 00:05:01,139 --> 00:05:03,439 No, no. 97 00:05:03,441 --> 00:05:05,341 I really wanted there to be a wall between us 98 00:05:05,343 --> 00:05:08,011 when I said this. 99 00:05:08,013 --> 00:05:09,013 - What are you... 100 00:05:09,014 --> 00:05:10,213 What are you trying to say? 101 00:05:10,215 --> 00:05:12,348 - I'm sorry, scott. 102 00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:14,350 It's over. 103 00:05:15,887 --> 00:05:17,820 - What? 104 00:05:25,997 --> 00:05:29,999 - Okay, like, this is super awkward, but... 105 00:05:30,001 --> 00:05:34,337 Could you put my invisalign back in? 106 00:05:35,974 --> 00:05:38,107 Seewell high school wishes you a happy thanksgiving break. 107 00:05:38,109 --> 00:05:39,109 Be good people. 108 00:05:39,110 --> 00:05:40,510 Make good choices. 109 00:05:40,512 --> 00:05:42,045 - And I was like, "that's the last time 110 00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:45,281 I'm ever having sex with the cafeteria lady again." 111 00:05:45,283 --> 00:05:47,417 Bye, gross, stupid fucking bitch! 112 00:05:47,419 --> 00:05:51,020 Kidding. Not really. 113 00:05:54,025 --> 00:05:56,625 ♪ ♪ 114 00:06:06,971 --> 00:06:09,038 - janie, is that you? 115 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,273 - joel. 116 00:06:10,275 --> 00:06:12,608 What are you doing here? 117 00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:13,943 - Nothing much. 118 00:06:13,945 --> 00:06:16,779 Just visiting the old stomping grounds. 119 00:06:16,781 --> 00:06:18,381 - So are the rumors true? 120 00:06:18,383 --> 00:06:21,584 I hear you've turned into quite the pimp at cornell. 121 00:06:21,586 --> 00:06:23,119 - You follow my tumblr? 122 00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:24,253 - No. 123 00:06:24,255 --> 00:06:25,354 - Well, you should. 124 00:06:25,356 --> 00:06:26,722 I post a lot of blogs 125 00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:29,492 about my wild adventures, 126 00:06:29,494 --> 00:06:31,561 or, as I titled them, 127 00:06:31,563 --> 00:06:35,098 "♪assventures." 128 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,332 So... 129 00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:39,001 - That sounds kind of gay. 130 00:06:39,003 --> 00:06:40,703 - I disagree. 131 00:06:40,705 --> 00:06:42,305 - Well, welcome home, joel. 132 00:06:42,307 --> 00:06:44,841 I'll see you around. 133 00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:46,309 - Hey, I'm gonna be helping your dad out 134 00:06:46,311 --> 00:06:47,710 at the vinyl vault this weekend, 135 00:06:47,712 --> 00:06:49,245 if you want to stop by. 136 00:06:49,247 --> 00:06:50,513 - Yeah, maybe. 137 00:06:50,515 --> 00:06:51,948 - Yeah, man, it's gonna be tough 138 00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:56,252 to box up that whole place by monday, you know? 139 00:06:56,254 --> 00:06:57,720 - Why are you boxing it up? 140 00:06:57,722 --> 00:07:01,557 - 'Cause your dad is closing it down, 141 00:07:01,559 --> 00:07:03,159 which I'm guessing 142 00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:06,462 he wanted to tell you himself. 143 00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:12,702 Hell yeah, I think that went well. 144 00:07:12,704 --> 00:07:15,705 - ♪ Ooh, you're fixin' my hair ♪ 145 00:07:15,707 --> 00:07:20,676 - I can see that you've read them. 146 00:07:20,678 --> 00:07:22,145 - Well, I see college hasn't altered 147 00:07:22,147 --> 00:07:24,347 your sophisticated eating habits any. 148 00:07:24,349 --> 00:07:25,848 - Not now, dad. 149 00:07:25,850 --> 00:07:27,049 - Hey, what do you say we check out 150 00:07:27,051 --> 00:07:28,651 this surrealist photography exhibit 151 00:07:28,653 --> 00:07:30,286 at the art museum this weekend? 152 00:07:30,288 --> 00:07:33,156 - I'd say I'm su-really not in the mood right now. 153 00:07:33,158 --> 00:07:34,624 So, no. 154 00:07:34,626 --> 00:07:38,494 - Want to talk about it? 155 00:07:38,496 --> 00:07:39,829 - What the hell, dad? 156 00:07:39,831 --> 00:07:42,064 You're closing the store? 157 00:07:42,066 --> 00:07:42,932 - What? 158 00:07:42,934 --> 00:07:44,834 The vault's an institution. 159 00:07:44,836 --> 00:07:46,869 - I was gonna tell you guys about that this weekend. 160 00:07:46,871 --> 00:07:48,871 - Yet you told joel before us. 161 00:07:48,873 --> 00:07:51,340 - joel's my best employee. 162 00:07:51,342 --> 00:07:53,409 He's easy to talk to. 163 00:07:53,411 --> 00:07:54,977 Kind of soothing, 164 00:07:54,979 --> 00:07:56,145 like a woman. 165 00:07:56,147 --> 00:07:57,413 - Are we broke? 166 00:07:57,415 --> 00:07:58,681 - Come on in here. 167 00:07:58,683 --> 00:08:00,816 Sit down; Let's talk about this. 168 00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:05,621 Yes, I'm selling the shop. 169 00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:07,089 No, we're not broke. 170 00:08:07,091 --> 00:08:09,825 Truth is, the store is doing pretty well financially. 171 00:08:09,827 --> 00:08:12,028 But most of the business is from collectors online, 172 00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:16,332 so keeping the store open doesn't make sense anymore. 173 00:08:16,334 --> 00:08:19,202 Also, I met someone. 174 00:08:19,204 --> 00:08:20,303 - You did? 175 00:08:20,305 --> 00:08:21,971 - anastasia. 176 00:08:21,973 --> 00:08:24,440 - A stripper? 177 00:08:24,442 --> 00:08:25,474 What? 178 00:08:25,476 --> 00:08:26,909 I mean, with a name like that, 179 00:08:26,911 --> 00:08:28,811 she's either a disney princess or a total slut. 180 00:08:28,813 --> 00:08:31,047 - Come on, she's a vinyl collector down in florida. 181 00:08:31,049 --> 00:08:32,081 - Boo. 182 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,115 - And I was thinking 183 00:08:33,117 --> 00:08:34,417 after janie graduated this spring, 184 00:08:34,419 --> 00:08:35,685 I'd move down there with her. 185 00:08:35,687 --> 00:08:36,752 This is place is gonna be 186 00:08:36,754 --> 00:08:38,921 way too big for just me, anyhow. 187 00:08:38,923 --> 00:08:40,223 But, hey, 188 00:08:40,225 --> 00:08:42,892 we have one last thanksgiving at home before we move. 189 00:08:42,894 --> 00:08:44,927 That'll be fun, right? 190 00:08:53,238 --> 00:08:54,971 Okay. 191 00:08:54,973 --> 00:08:57,206 Good talk. 192 00:08:57,208 --> 00:08:59,575 - Am I doing it right? 193 00:08:59,577 --> 00:09:00,710 - No! 194 00:09:00,712 --> 00:09:02,278 Lou, pop your ass! 195 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,481 - I can't believe my parents turned my room into a gym. 196 00:09:05,483 --> 00:09:07,083 - lou, pop that ass! 197 00:09:07,085 --> 00:09:08,484 Watch my ass pop. 198 00:09:08,486 --> 00:09:09,552 - Your ass is poppin'. 199 00:09:09,554 --> 00:09:10,554 - Yeah. 200 00:09:10,555 --> 00:09:11,654 - Girl, it could be worse. 201 00:09:11,656 --> 00:09:12,855 I know a chick whose parents 202 00:09:12,857 --> 00:09:14,924 turned her room into a sex dungeon. 203 00:09:14,926 --> 00:09:16,492 - Not sure that's worse. 204 00:09:16,494 --> 00:09:19,562 Pop that ass, pop that ass, pop that ass. 205 00:09:19,564 --> 00:09:20,896 - Girl, why don't you go out tonight, 206 00:09:20,898 --> 00:09:22,431 get your mind off things? 207 00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:24,867 - The only way that I could get my mind off things 208 00:09:24,869 --> 00:09:28,237 would be to join a cult and get myself fucking brainwashed. 209 00:09:28,239 --> 00:09:30,206 - Girl, don't even play about that shit. 210 00:09:30,208 --> 00:09:32,642 I joined a cult once because they had red track suits 211 00:09:32,644 --> 00:09:34,844 and I wanted a red track suit. 212 00:09:34,846 --> 00:09:37,847 The amount of innocent I saw slain... 213 00:09:37,849 --> 00:09:40,383 Was not worth that red track suit. 214 00:09:43,388 --> 00:09:44,787 - God. 215 00:09:44,789 --> 00:09:48,224 Apparently, there is a kegger on plum street 216 00:09:48,226 --> 00:09:49,458 by the creek. 217 00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:51,093 - A kegger by the creek? 218 00:09:51,095 --> 00:09:52,495 Tell me you made that shit up. 219 00:09:52,497 --> 00:09:53,963 It sounds like a horror movie. 220 00:09:53,965 --> 00:09:56,332 - Believe me, it is all too real. 221 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,200 - Well, then go, and take video. 222 00:09:58,202 --> 00:10:01,237 I want to see where tori the whorie comes from. 223 00:10:01,239 --> 00:10:03,873 - No, look, the whole point of going to college 224 00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:05,808 is to get away from all of the people 225 00:10:05,810 --> 00:10:08,144 that you hated in high school. 226 00:10:08,146 --> 00:10:09,779 Why would I want to go back to that? 227 00:10:09,781 --> 00:10:11,213 I mean, it would be like taking a massive shit 228 00:10:11,215 --> 00:10:14,617 and then shoving it right back up my butt. 229 00:10:14,619 --> 00:10:16,152 - Really, girl? 230 00:10:16,154 --> 00:10:18,788 - Plus, I'm totally fine spending the night in. 231 00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:20,589 - I'm gonna fart. 232 00:10:20,591 --> 00:10:21,924 - Go ahead, honey. 233 00:10:21,926 --> 00:10:23,459 - No, it's gonna be so loud. 234 00:10:23,461 --> 00:10:26,562 - Come on, we've been married for 25 years. 235 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:32,335 - My god; My god. 236 00:10:32,337 --> 00:10:33,469 I... 237 00:10:33,471 --> 00:10:37,707 I have messed myself. 238 00:10:37,709 --> 00:10:39,675 Ooh. 239 00:10:39,677 --> 00:10:41,911 Ooh, yeah. 240 00:10:45,817 --> 00:10:48,250 Okay, okay. 241 00:10:48,252 --> 00:10:50,386 - Girl, you need to get out that house. 242 00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:52,154 - I'll send you videos. 243 00:10:57,662 --> 00:10:59,929 - Yo, queef, sick party! 244 00:10:59,931 --> 00:11:01,330 - Thank you, my friend. 245 00:11:01,332 --> 00:11:03,599 I hope you're enjoying the delicious libations 246 00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:05,835 and jovial atmosphere, yeah? 247 00:11:05,837 --> 00:11:07,136 - How did you get your parents 248 00:11:07,138 --> 00:11:08,304 to let you have the house all weekend? 249 00:11:08,306 --> 00:11:09,972 - Not even a problem, brother. 250 00:11:09,974 --> 00:11:13,676 You see, I have an open dialogue with mata and pita. 251 00:11:13,678 --> 00:11:15,077 They respect me as an adult, 252 00:11:15,079 --> 00:11:19,048 and they trust my wise decisions. 253 00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:22,651 - I just threw up in this genie bottle. 254 00:11:22,653 --> 00:11:25,254 - That's my grandmother! 255 00:11:25,256 --> 00:11:26,822 - Let her out, man. 256 00:11:26,824 --> 00:11:28,991 Let her out! 257 00:11:28,993 --> 00:11:32,928 - ♪ I was like, "excuse me and my awkward approach" ♪ 258 00:11:32,930 --> 00:11:35,231 - hey, this is my personal hell. 259 00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:36,499 - Shit, shit. 260 00:11:36,501 --> 00:11:37,633 - Aw, that's adorable. 261 00:11:37,635 --> 00:11:39,034 You're still obsessed with her. 262 00:11:39,036 --> 00:11:41,170 - No, I'm not still obsessed with her. 263 00:11:41,172 --> 00:11:42,037 - Yes, you are. 264 00:11:42,039 --> 00:11:43,339 When is her birthday? 265 00:11:43,341 --> 00:11:44,874 - january 15th, 1996. 266 00:11:44,876 --> 00:11:46,242 Nice try. Everyone knows that. 267 00:11:46,244 --> 00:11:47,843 - Well, no one give's a fuck about me, 268 00:11:47,845 --> 00:11:50,346 so only you should know, when's my birthday? 269 00:11:50,348 --> 00:11:52,081 - Um... 270 00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:53,783 Today? 271 00:11:53,785 --> 00:11:54,785 My god, today. 272 00:11:54,786 --> 00:11:56,819 Happy birthday, happy birthday! 273 00:11:56,821 --> 00:12:00,156 All: Happy birthday! 274 00:12:00,158 --> 00:12:02,358 - I fucking hate you. 275 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,661 - Listen, this is my last chance. 276 00:12:05,663 --> 00:12:08,497 Janie is moving down to florida at the end of the school year. 277 00:12:08,499 --> 00:12:09,565 - My god. - I know. 278 00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:11,000 - No way. - Yes. 279 00:12:11,002 --> 00:12:12,468 - My god, that means you're only gonna have 280 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:13,502 christmas break and spring break 281 00:12:13,504 --> 00:12:14,670 to not fuck her. 282 00:12:14,672 --> 00:12:16,038 - False, because I have to go 283 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,640 visit my stupid, dying grandparents 284 00:12:17,642 --> 00:12:19,642 in arizona for christmas. Boring. 285 00:12:19,644 --> 00:12:21,577 Then I'm hitting up cancun with the pussy posse 286 00:12:21,579 --> 00:12:23,045 for spring break. 287 00:12:23,047 --> 00:12:24,413 - I'm sorry, what the fuck did you just say? 288 00:12:24,415 --> 00:12:25,281 Pussy posse? 289 00:12:25,283 --> 00:12:26,482 - It's my cornell boys. 290 00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:27,850 - That's so cute. 291 00:12:27,852 --> 00:12:29,151 You know, if you ever use that nickname again, 292 00:12:29,153 --> 00:12:30,453 I'm gonna punch you in the penis. 293 00:12:30,455 --> 00:12:31,754 - Okay, you're being very aggressive. 294 00:12:31,756 --> 00:12:33,088 Just hear me out. 295 00:12:33,090 --> 00:12:34,824 This is my last shot 296 00:12:34,826 --> 00:12:38,961 before she is out of my life forever. 297 00:12:38,963 --> 00:12:41,063 - Okay, um, look, 298 00:12:41,065 --> 00:12:42,865 I'm gonna try really, really hard 299 00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:43,966 not to be a dick here, 300 00:12:43,968 --> 00:12:45,034 because I can tell you're, like, 301 00:12:45,036 --> 00:12:46,235 really sensitive and everything. 302 00:12:46,237 --> 00:12:48,103 She was not into you in high school. 303 00:12:48,105 --> 00:12:49,939 She's not into you now. 304 00:12:49,941 --> 00:12:51,740 And she's never gonna be into you. 305 00:12:51,742 --> 00:12:56,078 But I just... you know, I feel like it's time we move on. 306 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:57,246 - Okay. 307 00:12:57,248 --> 00:12:58,113 Okay, yeah. 308 00:12:58,115 --> 00:12:59,315 Yeah, I guess you're right. 309 00:12:59,317 --> 00:13:00,349 You're right. 310 00:13:00,351 --> 00:13:01,183 - Shit, you, like... 311 00:13:01,185 --> 00:13:02,852 You handled that really well. 312 00:13:02,854 --> 00:13:04,420 - Psych, no, I'm fucking with you. 313 00:13:04,422 --> 00:13:07,122 She's totally gonna sit on my face later, like... 314 00:13:09,026 --> 00:13:11,227 - Wow, that's really not how that goes down at all, 315 00:13:11,229 --> 00:13:12,795 so it's clear you've never done that. 316 00:13:12,797 --> 00:13:14,830 - Yes, I have, I've eaten out, like, 17 pussies. 317 00:13:14,832 --> 00:13:16,098 Or 23. I don't know. 318 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,733 I know it's a prime number. 319 00:13:17,735 --> 00:13:19,401 - God, please stop doing that. 320 00:13:19,403 --> 00:13:20,403 Did you spit? 321 00:13:20,404 --> 00:13:21,804 - Yes. - That's disgusting. 322 00:13:21,806 --> 00:13:23,072 - A little bit. - Don't spit. 323 00:13:23,074 --> 00:13:24,573 Where did the straw come from? 324 00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:25,608 - My backpack. 325 00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:26,909 - You have a fucking backpack? 326 00:13:26,911 --> 00:13:27,911 - Yes, I have a backpack. 327 00:13:27,912 --> 00:13:28,912 It's an adventure. 328 00:13:28,913 --> 00:13:30,613 It's like a hike. 329 00:13:31,616 --> 00:13:33,282 This party is ♪lame. 330 00:13:33,284 --> 00:13:35,417 I've only been roofied and fingered, like, twice tonight. 331 00:13:35,419 --> 00:13:37,553 I mean, what is this, a bar mitzvah? 332 00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:39,889 - Let's hit up that party on oak street. 333 00:13:39,891 --> 00:13:42,124 I heard ethyl's gonna be there! 334 00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:43,792 - Ew, is that your grandma? 335 00:13:43,794 --> 00:13:45,394 No offense, but last time I saw her, 336 00:13:45,396 --> 00:13:48,163 she pretended to trip and grabbed my cooch for balance. 337 00:13:48,165 --> 00:13:51,200 - My dad is always tripping. 338 00:13:51,202 --> 00:13:53,636 - No, you stupid fucking dumb ecuadorian bitch! 339 00:13:53,638 --> 00:13:54,904 Ethyl's that new hybrid drug 340 00:13:54,906 --> 00:13:56,305 everybody's been blah-blah-ing about. 341 00:13:56,307 --> 00:13:58,207 It's molly mixed with old people medicine. 342 00:13:58,209 --> 00:14:00,276 It's supposed to be totes cray. 343 00:14:00,278 --> 00:14:02,511 - Well, anyone who would do that is totes retar. 344 00:14:03,548 --> 00:14:05,381 - Holy zachary quinto's eyebrows! 345 00:14:05,383 --> 00:14:06,582 She's learning! 346 00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,050 - No, seriously, though, 347 00:14:08,052 --> 00:14:10,386 haven't we been doing too many drugs lately? 348 00:14:15,259 --> 00:14:17,393 - You totally had me, bitch! 349 00:14:17,395 --> 00:14:20,596 Holy shit, that's my fucking jam! 350 00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:22,498 Mandy, hold my legs. 351 00:14:25,903 --> 00:14:27,136 Yeah. 352 00:14:27,138 --> 00:14:29,972 I think I queefed. 353 00:14:29,974 --> 00:14:32,441 Stop looking at my ass, you whore. 354 00:14:35,446 --> 00:14:38,948 ♪ ♪ 355 00:14:38,950 --> 00:14:41,483 - photo bomb! 356 00:14:41,485 --> 00:14:43,252 Shit, I'm sorry. 357 00:14:43,254 --> 00:14:44,987 Fuck, let me help you. 358 00:14:44,989 --> 00:14:45,989 I'll fix it. 359 00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:46,989 Let me help you dry it off. 360 00:14:46,991 --> 00:14:49,758 I'll dry it off. 361 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,360 - I highly advise you 362 00:14:51,362 --> 00:14:55,331 not to touch any of the hand towels, okay? 363 00:15:09,947 --> 00:15:11,780 - I got it from here. 364 00:15:11,782 --> 00:15:15,117 - Right. 365 00:15:15,119 --> 00:15:16,452 - More toilet paper. 366 00:15:16,454 --> 00:15:17,486 - Yeah, yeah. 367 00:15:17,488 --> 00:15:19,521 There you go. 368 00:15:25,997 --> 00:15:27,997 - It's not creepy at all. 369 00:15:27,999 --> 00:15:29,732 - Yeah, my bad. 370 00:15:29,734 --> 00:15:31,834 Sorry. 371 00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:33,035 So... 372 00:15:33,037 --> 00:15:35,504 Have you started applying to schools yet? 373 00:15:35,506 --> 00:15:36,572 - A few. 374 00:15:36,574 --> 00:15:38,207 I don't know where I want to go yet. 375 00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:39,475 - If you're thinking of cornell, 376 00:15:39,477 --> 00:15:40,843 you can always come visit with me. 377 00:15:40,845 --> 00:15:42,411 My dorm is super cool. 378 00:15:42,413 --> 00:15:45,047 We have a swimming turtle named randy. 379 00:15:45,049 --> 00:15:46,982 So, pretty fucking awesome. 380 00:15:46,984 --> 00:15:48,517 - cornell? 381 00:15:48,519 --> 00:15:52,054 Not with the "c" I have in mr. draper's class. 382 00:15:52,056 --> 00:15:54,289 - Draper the raper? 383 00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:56,725 Thought he'd give you an a-plus with those titties. 384 00:15:56,727 --> 00:15:58,560 I mean, god damn. 385 00:15:58,562 --> 00:15:59,695 - Thanks? 386 00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:02,731 - Does he still schedule that stupid midterm 387 00:16:02,733 --> 00:16:04,700 for the day after thanksgiving break? 388 00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:05,868 - Yup. 389 00:16:05,870 --> 00:16:07,202 Turns out he's not only a perv, 390 00:16:07,204 --> 00:16:10,272 he's also a fascist. 391 00:16:10,274 --> 00:16:11,640 - You know, I could help you. 392 00:16:11,642 --> 00:16:14,143 I mean, I aced... I aced draper's class. 393 00:16:14,145 --> 00:16:15,644 I knocked that midterm out of the park. 394 00:16:15,646 --> 00:16:17,913 I remember he actually said to me, and I quote, 395 00:16:17,915 --> 00:16:20,249 "you made that midterm your bitch." 396 00:16:20,251 --> 00:16:22,685 Or, no... or he said, "you did a good job." 397 00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:24,186 But he meant it, so... 398 00:16:24,188 --> 00:16:25,721 I mean, don't worry. 399 00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:27,156 No charge. 400 00:16:27,158 --> 00:16:29,858 Just two study buddies doing what they do, 401 00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:31,026 shooting the shit. 402 00:16:31,028 --> 00:16:32,327 Whip out a highlighter or two, 403 00:16:32,329 --> 00:16:34,496 make some marks on those textbooks. 404 00:16:34,498 --> 00:16:38,734 I don't give a fuck what the librarian says. 405 00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:41,003 - Okay, what the hell. 406 00:16:41,005 --> 00:16:42,371 - Seriously? 407 00:16:42,373 --> 00:16:44,006 - - Okay. 408 00:16:44,008 --> 00:16:45,140 Yeah, yes. 409 00:16:45,142 --> 00:16:47,042 So you will not regret this. 410 00:16:47,044 --> 00:16:48,177 I promise. 411 00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:51,113 How is 8:00 on friday? 412 00:16:51,115 --> 00:16:52,347 - Sounds good. 413 00:16:52,349 --> 00:16:54,616 - Good, I think so too, yeah. 414 00:16:54,618 --> 00:16:57,086 Okay. 415 00:16:57,088 --> 00:16:58,120 Bye. 416 00:16:58,122 --> 00:17:01,290 I love you, so much. 417 00:17:01,292 --> 00:17:04,893 - This is the first time I've drank in, like, ever. 418 00:17:04,895 --> 00:17:06,595 But I feel totally fine. 419 00:17:06,597 --> 00:17:08,864 - Yeah, no, you look totally great, 420 00:17:08,866 --> 00:17:10,132 not at all like a rhino 421 00:17:10,134 --> 00:17:12,401 who's been shot with a tranquilizer gun. 422 00:17:13,604 --> 00:17:16,171 I think the fucking tikka masala shit's 423 00:17:16,173 --> 00:17:18,073 gonna come back up. 424 00:17:23,013 --> 00:17:26,615 I feel so much better now. 425 00:17:26,617 --> 00:17:28,317 Want to hook up? 426 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:30,953 - She said yes. 427 00:17:30,955 --> 00:17:31,955 She said yes. 428 00:17:31,956 --> 00:17:33,322 Move, fuckers. 429 00:17:33,324 --> 00:17:34,990 She said yes, she said yes, she said yes. 430 00:17:34,992 --> 00:17:36,725 No. 431 00:17:36,727 --> 00:17:37,860 - Yeah. 432 00:17:37,862 --> 00:17:39,228 So I'm gonna go now. 433 00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:40,230 - Hey, motherfuck, 434 00:17:40,231 --> 00:17:41,231 did you not hear me? 435 00:17:41,232 --> 00:17:42,464 She said yes. 436 00:17:42,466 --> 00:17:44,533 - My god, that is so exciting. 437 00:17:44,535 --> 00:17:46,201 Hey, at what point in this conversation 438 00:17:46,203 --> 00:17:48,971 are we going to acknowledge that I'm covered in vomit? 439 00:17:48,973 --> 00:17:50,038 - What am I gonna wear? 440 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,840 Should I wear a suit? 441 00:17:51,842 --> 00:17:54,343 Maybe one of those sexy-ass tight vests 442 00:17:54,345 --> 00:17:56,044 with, like, a dragon on it for no fucking reason. 443 00:17:56,046 --> 00:17:57,479 And she's like, "what's that?" 444 00:17:57,481 --> 00:17:58,914 And I'm like, don't worry about it. 445 00:17:58,916 --> 00:18:00,582 But I don't know where to take her for dinner, 446 00:18:00,584 --> 00:18:02,117 because I obviously want to take her somewhere nice, 447 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,286 but I don't want to freak her out. 448 00:18:04,288 --> 00:18:05,954 - There's about ten different restaurants 449 00:18:05,956 --> 00:18:07,089 up in that girl's vomit, 450 00:18:07,091 --> 00:18:09,424 so you can take your pick. 451 00:18:11,796 --> 00:18:12,828 - Text me. 452 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,997 - Suck a dick. 453 00:18:14,999 --> 00:18:16,799 - No. 454 00:18:29,914 --> 00:18:31,513 - Shit, look, I'm sorry, 455 00:18:31,515 --> 00:18:34,716 but you came out of nowhere. 456 00:18:34,718 --> 00:18:37,553 Scott? 457 00:18:37,555 --> 00:18:39,087 - Do I know you? 458 00:18:39,089 --> 00:18:42,858 - We went to high school together. 459 00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,092 And middle school, 460 00:18:44,094 --> 00:18:48,130 and elementary. 461 00:18:48,132 --> 00:18:49,331 - tori the whorie? 462 00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:50,866 - And we're back. 463 00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,267 - Wow. 464 00:18:52,269 --> 00:18:53,702 You look kind of good now. 465 00:18:53,704 --> 00:18:54,803 You know, that nickname 466 00:18:54,805 --> 00:18:57,139 might not even be that ironic anymore. 467 00:18:57,141 --> 00:18:58,540 - Charming, okay. 468 00:18:58,542 --> 00:19:00,342 Well, you're not dead, so I'm gonna go. 469 00:19:00,344 --> 00:19:02,144 But this has been so fun. 470 00:19:02,146 --> 00:19:03,679 Thank you. 471 00:19:05,482 --> 00:19:07,382 Fuck. 472 00:19:07,384 --> 00:19:10,586 Can I get a ride? 473 00:19:14,458 --> 00:19:17,392 So you know this is a really bad idea, right? 474 00:19:17,394 --> 00:19:19,428 - It says the party is only one mile from here. 475 00:19:19,430 --> 00:19:20,830 - Fantastic, I'm glad there's an app 476 00:19:20,831 --> 00:19:22,631 that can make stalking more efficient. 477 00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:24,266 - I'm not stalking, okay? 478 00:19:24,268 --> 00:19:26,735 I'm merely using technology to help me locate someone 479 00:19:26,737 --> 00:19:29,771 who doesn't want to talk to me at the moment. 480 00:19:29,773 --> 00:19:30,773 Which is stalking. 481 00:19:31,842 --> 00:19:34,009 - Ooh, make that left. 482 00:19:34,011 --> 00:19:37,679 - You do realize that you're pathetic, right? 483 00:19:37,681 --> 00:19:41,783 - You do realize that you're covered in vomit, right? 484 00:19:41,785 --> 00:19:43,785 Besides, heather's gonna take me back. 485 00:19:43,787 --> 00:19:46,054 - Fantastic, so not only are you a stalker, 486 00:19:46,056 --> 00:19:47,289 but you're a misogynist too. 487 00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:48,690 - And I'm a romantic. 488 00:19:48,692 --> 00:19:50,792 - Ho-ho, and why would heather take you back? 489 00:19:50,794 --> 00:19:52,327 'Cause I think she's made it perfectly clear 490 00:19:52,329 --> 00:19:54,663 that she wants nothing to do with you. 491 00:19:54,665 --> 00:19:56,098 - She just needs some time to think 492 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,232 and, you know, reevaluate. 493 00:19:57,234 --> 00:19:58,234 She'll be fine. 494 00:19:58,235 --> 00:19:59,735 - Wow. 495 00:19:59,737 --> 00:20:02,404 Because obviously she must be in a weird mental place 496 00:20:02,406 --> 00:20:05,674 to dump you, mr. perfect with the amazing hair. 497 00:20:05,676 --> 00:20:07,109 - Think I have amazing hair? 498 00:20:07,111 --> 00:20:08,443 - My god, you know you're attractive. 499 00:20:08,445 --> 00:20:09,845 It's annoying. 500 00:20:09,847 --> 00:20:12,314 - Wow, amazing hair and I'm attractive? 501 00:20:12,316 --> 00:20:14,016 - Yeah, here I go. 502 00:20:14,018 --> 00:20:15,317 - Wait a minute. 503 00:20:15,319 --> 00:20:16,652 Are you into me? 504 00:20:16,654 --> 00:20:18,720 - No, god, I'm not into you. 505 00:20:18,722 --> 00:20:20,622 I mean, would I have sex with you? 506 00:20:20,624 --> 00:20:23,525 Yeah, probably, but that does not mean that I'm into you. 507 00:20:23,527 --> 00:20:25,627 - You'd have sex with me? 508 00:20:27,631 --> 00:20:29,164 Wow, I mean, I'm not surprised. 509 00:20:29,166 --> 00:20:30,999 I'm just surprised that you actually admitted that. 510 00:20:31,001 --> 00:20:32,668 - My god, it's 2014. 511 00:20:32,670 --> 00:20:34,536 Women should be able to openly talk about sex. 512 00:20:34,538 --> 00:20:35,971 - I mean, I know what year it is. 513 00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:37,306 I'm just saying... 514 00:20:37,308 --> 00:20:38,573 - Okay, here's the thing, prom king. 515 00:20:38,575 --> 00:20:39,875 Women think about sex all the time, 516 00:20:39,877 --> 00:20:41,677 including your precious, wonderful heather. 517 00:20:41,679 --> 00:20:43,612 So if she wanted you in her bed, 518 00:20:43,614 --> 00:20:45,547 you wouldn't be in this car with me right now. 519 00:20:45,549 --> 00:20:49,217 And that is a fact. 520 00:20:49,219 --> 00:20:50,919 Wait, hold on one second, 521 00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:52,788 because I really want to film this, 522 00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:57,125 because fail videos always go viral. 523 00:20:57,127 --> 00:20:59,161 Go on. 524 00:20:59,163 --> 00:21:00,262 - Yeah, I don't know. 525 00:21:00,264 --> 00:21:01,330 Maybe now isn't the best time. 526 00:21:01,332 --> 00:21:02,497 - No, come on, scott. 527 00:21:02,499 --> 00:21:03,932 The internet wants to see you 528 00:21:03,934 --> 00:21:07,069 get kicked in the balls really bad. 529 00:21:07,071 --> 00:21:08,870 - Why are you so mean? 530 00:21:08,872 --> 00:21:10,272 - I'm mean? 531 00:21:10,274 --> 00:21:11,940 Wow, that's a double standard. 532 00:21:11,942 --> 00:21:14,276 I recall it going a little bit differently in high school. 533 00:21:14,278 --> 00:21:17,245 Maybe nobody has told you that high school is over. 534 00:21:17,247 --> 00:21:19,214 That big ceremony thing that we all did, 535 00:21:19,216 --> 00:21:20,449 that was graduation, 536 00:21:20,451 --> 00:21:21,516 where we all move on 537 00:21:21,518 --> 00:21:22,784 and we all do different things. 538 00:21:22,786 --> 00:21:24,152 You don't stay here and be like, 539 00:21:24,154 --> 00:21:25,420 "I was prom king; I'm cool, 540 00:21:25,422 --> 00:21:26,588 so that means I'm cool forever." 541 00:21:26,590 --> 00:21:28,090 Nobody gives a shit. 542 00:21:28,092 --> 00:21:30,692 So maybe it's time that you try something new. 543 00:21:30,694 --> 00:21:32,194 Try something a little bit different, 544 00:21:32,196 --> 00:21:34,062 'cause obviously this whole... 545 00:21:47,277 --> 00:21:48,877 - Wait, wait. 546 00:21:48,879 --> 00:21:51,513 I don't have any condoms on me. 547 00:21:53,784 --> 00:21:55,017 Who are you? 548 00:21:55,019 --> 00:21:56,418 - tori the whorie. 549 00:21:56,420 --> 00:21:57,586 - Yeah, I came up with that name. 550 00:21:57,588 --> 00:21:59,855 - Yeah, you're an asshole. 551 00:22:04,895 --> 00:22:07,362 - tori the whorie is back, bitch! 552 00:22:07,364 --> 00:22:08,530 - Okay, first of all, 553 00:22:08,532 --> 00:22:09,965 she never existed. 554 00:22:09,967 --> 00:22:12,434 Second of all, it was a mistake. 555 00:22:12,436 --> 00:22:16,038 It was a big, stupid mistake. 556 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:17,639 - How big? 557 00:22:17,641 --> 00:22:18,607 - What? 558 00:22:18,609 --> 00:22:19,975 - Come on, girl, give me something. 559 00:22:19,977 --> 00:22:22,077 I haven't looked at porn since I got home. 560 00:22:23,113 --> 00:22:24,246 It was huge, enormous. 561 00:22:24,248 --> 00:22:25,414 And he put it in my butt 562 00:22:25,416 --> 00:22:26,882 and slapped me in my face with it. 563 00:22:26,884 --> 00:22:29,017 - I know you're lying, but... 564 00:22:29,019 --> 00:22:30,152 Thank you. 565 00:22:30,154 --> 00:22:32,320 - I just... I really want to forget about it. 566 00:22:32,322 --> 00:22:34,189 - So you're not gonna see him again? 567 00:22:34,191 --> 00:22:35,590 - No, it was a one-time thing. 568 00:22:35,592 --> 00:22:37,325 I'm never talking to that douche again. 569 00:22:38,328 --> 00:22:40,128 And does he know that? 570 00:22:40,130 --> 00:22:41,363 - Please. 571 00:22:41,365 --> 00:22:43,298 Scott is so far up his own ass, 572 00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:44,766 he won't even notice. 573 00:22:44,768 --> 00:22:47,402 - How far? 574 00:22:50,274 --> 00:22:51,473 - Here's the turkey. 575 00:22:51,475 --> 00:22:52,541 Here's the bird. 576 00:23:08,025 --> 00:23:10,759 Hey, I'm sorry you guys got stuck over here. 577 00:23:10,761 --> 00:23:14,029 - Hey, at least we don't have to sit with crazy aunt flo. 578 00:23:14,031 --> 00:23:16,064 - Did I ever tell you about the time 579 00:23:16,066 --> 00:23:17,766 I got abducted by aliens? 580 00:23:17,768 --> 00:23:19,835 Funny story, actually. 581 00:23:21,171 --> 00:23:23,071 Their queen impregnated me, 582 00:23:23,073 --> 00:23:28,543 and the baby grew to full size in less than eight hours. 583 00:23:28,545 --> 00:23:31,480 And then it ate its way out of my uterus. 584 00:23:31,482 --> 00:23:33,014 Want to see the scar? 585 00:23:35,486 --> 00:23:37,285 - Why can't we just have an alcoholic aunt 586 00:23:37,287 --> 00:23:39,087 like every other family? 587 00:23:39,089 --> 00:23:43,158 - Today, you can consider me an alcoholic father. 588 00:23:47,431 --> 00:23:50,298 - Hey, you remember tori the whorie? 589 00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:54,136 - The girl whose pimples used to pop in the sunlight? 590 00:23:54,138 --> 00:23:55,170 - That was graphic. 591 00:23:55,172 --> 00:23:56,271 Yes. 592 00:23:56,273 --> 00:23:57,273 You should see her now. 593 00:23:57,274 --> 00:23:58,373 She looks totally different. 594 00:23:58,375 --> 00:23:59,808 - No thanks. 595 00:23:59,810 --> 00:24:00,876 - No, seriously, look. 596 00:24:00,878 --> 00:24:02,077 She's, like, photoshopped. 597 00:24:02,079 --> 00:24:03,278 - No, seriously, 598 00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,348 I'm not interested in your dumb little crush. 599 00:24:06,350 --> 00:24:07,716 - I don't have a crush. 600 00:24:07,718 --> 00:24:09,384 I mean, that's ridiculous. 601 00:24:09,386 --> 00:24:11,486 - You know what else is ridiculous? 602 00:24:11,488 --> 00:24:12,954 "Modern medicine." 603 00:24:12,956 --> 00:24:15,524 I mean, why do I need a "doctor" 604 00:24:15,526 --> 00:24:17,092 to tell me that I'm "crazy" 605 00:24:17,094 --> 00:24:19,661 and a "danger to myself and others"? 606 00:24:19,663 --> 00:24:21,429 I mean, hello? 607 00:24:21,431 --> 00:24:24,833 I already have the voices in my head telling me that. 608 00:24:27,938 --> 00:24:30,906 I can't kill them. They're family. 609 00:24:35,846 --> 00:24:38,513 - You know mental illness runs in our family, right? 610 00:24:38,515 --> 00:24:42,250 - Hey, as long as baldness doesn't, then I'm fine. 611 00:24:43,654 --> 00:24:45,687 - But what I'm most thankful for 612 00:24:45,689 --> 00:24:48,890 is joining this wonderful family. 613 00:24:48,892 --> 00:24:52,961 I feel like the luckiest man in western p.a. 614 00:24:52,963 --> 00:24:54,996 Aw, heck, in the entire state of pennsylvania. 615 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,101 - marissa, honey, what are you most thankful for? 616 00:25:00,103 --> 00:25:04,906 Well, other than this beautiful treasure of a man. 617 00:25:04,908 --> 00:25:06,408 - I don't even know where to begin. 618 00:25:06,410 --> 00:25:07,676 - Great, next. 619 00:25:07,678 --> 00:25:08,910 - I'm thankful that my paintings 620 00:25:08,912 --> 00:25:11,413 were selected to hang at the met. 621 00:25:11,415 --> 00:25:14,149 - You did. 622 00:25:14,151 --> 00:25:17,886 - And that I finally learned how to drive! 623 00:25:17,888 --> 00:25:19,321 - Yes! 624 00:25:19,323 --> 00:25:20,355 Scary. 625 00:25:20,357 --> 00:25:21,423 - You did. 626 00:25:21,425 --> 00:25:22,757 You're an inspiration, sweetie. 627 00:25:22,759 --> 00:25:24,092 - Yeah, no, we get it, she's perfect. 628 00:25:24,094 --> 00:25:25,760 Now, could somebody please pass the wine 629 00:25:25,762 --> 00:25:27,963 so I can drink till I black the fuck out? 630 00:25:27,965 --> 00:25:29,130 - Language! 631 00:25:29,132 --> 00:25:31,666 - Look, I'm real nice when I'm drunk. 632 00:25:40,510 --> 00:25:42,277 Yeah. 633 00:26:08,372 --> 00:26:10,138 - Aw, she's pretty. 634 00:26:12,142 --> 00:26:13,475 How did you get in here? 635 00:26:13,477 --> 00:26:15,277 - The real question is, 636 00:26:15,279 --> 00:26:20,015 how did we get here? 637 00:26:20,017 --> 00:26:21,383 P'shoo! 638 00:26:25,656 --> 00:26:27,522 What? 639 00:26:27,524 --> 00:26:30,025 - I hope you like it. 640 00:26:30,027 --> 00:26:32,927 - I can't believe you made this from scratch. 641 00:26:32,929 --> 00:26:36,631 - Who wants to play dance central? 642 00:26:36,633 --> 00:26:37,699 I do! 643 00:26:37,701 --> 00:26:39,100 - I want to kill myself. 644 00:26:39,102 --> 00:26:40,102 - Yay! 645 00:26:40,103 --> 00:26:41,136 Let's play. 646 00:26:42,205 --> 00:26:46,041 - Hey, tore, can you get the door? 647 00:26:47,911 --> 00:26:50,245 - Gil, you are so clever. 648 00:26:50,247 --> 00:26:51,346 - What can I say? 649 00:26:51,348 --> 00:26:53,415 She's rubbing off on me. 650 00:26:53,417 --> 00:26:56,318 - Okay, well, if I'm not back in five, 651 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:57,419 assume that I'm dead, 652 00:26:57,421 --> 00:26:58,953 and don't come looking for me. 653 00:26:58,955 --> 00:27:01,256 - Okeydokey, honey. 654 00:27:01,258 --> 00:27:05,960 Yeah, gil, you should try my pie. 655 00:27:08,699 --> 00:27:10,532 - What the hell? 656 00:27:10,534 --> 00:27:11,733 - Hey. 657 00:27:11,735 --> 00:27:12,867 - Did you run here? 658 00:27:12,869 --> 00:27:14,169 - I needed to talk to you, 659 00:27:14,171 --> 00:27:15,470 and you weren't answering your phone. 660 00:27:15,472 --> 00:27:16,905 - Yeah, it's thanksgiving, 661 00:27:16,907 --> 00:27:18,306 and my mom makes us put our phones and beepers 662 00:27:18,308 --> 00:27:20,241 in a basket before we sit down to the table. 663 00:27:20,243 --> 00:27:21,276 - Who has a beeper? 664 00:27:21,278 --> 00:27:22,278 - Gil. 665 00:27:22,279 --> 00:27:23,678 - I'm a doctor! 666 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,681 - Orthodontist! 667 00:27:26,683 --> 00:27:29,451 So you wanted something? 668 00:27:29,453 --> 00:27:30,618 - When we had sex last night... 669 00:27:30,620 --> 00:27:32,754 - My god, dude. 670 00:27:32,756 --> 00:27:35,290 My parents are, like, right in there. 671 00:27:35,292 --> 00:27:37,559 - Sorry. 672 00:27:37,561 --> 00:27:39,060 When we had sex last night... 673 00:27:40,664 --> 00:27:42,797 - Did you feel something? 674 00:27:42,799 --> 00:27:45,734 - It took me a minute, but yeah. 675 00:27:45,736 --> 00:27:46,801 - Come on, I'm serious. 676 00:27:46,803 --> 00:27:48,837 Like... like a... 677 00:27:48,839 --> 00:27:50,138 Connection? 678 00:27:50,140 --> 00:27:51,106 - My god. 679 00:27:51,108 --> 00:27:52,874 Please do not say things like that. 680 00:27:52,876 --> 00:27:55,110 I mean, it's so prom-y. 681 00:27:55,112 --> 00:27:57,112 You're, like, so stuck in high school. 682 00:27:57,114 --> 00:27:58,546 It's really frightening. 683 00:27:58,548 --> 00:28:00,148 - You can't say you didn't feel anything. 684 00:28:00,150 --> 00:28:01,483 - I mean, I thought it was pretty clear 685 00:28:01,485 --> 00:28:04,619 that we were just two sad, horny adults 686 00:28:04,621 --> 00:28:06,020 getting some in a car. 687 00:28:06,022 --> 00:28:08,189 It was just sex, nothing more. 688 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:11,960 Okay, look, I get it. 689 00:28:11,962 --> 00:28:13,828 You're like... Your girlfriend dumps you, 690 00:28:13,830 --> 00:28:15,296 and then you randomly hook up with me, 691 00:28:15,298 --> 00:28:17,565 and you're, like, all confused and shit. 692 00:28:17,567 --> 00:28:19,200 And I understand. 693 00:28:19,202 --> 00:28:21,002 But I think it's best if you just, like, 694 00:28:21,004 --> 00:28:23,405 leave me out of the equation altogether, okay? 695 00:28:23,407 --> 00:28:24,439 - Tortellini! 696 00:28:24,441 --> 00:28:25,673 What's going on? 697 00:28:25,675 --> 00:28:27,041 - Nothing, mom, we're just... 698 00:28:27,043 --> 00:28:29,911 - Ooh, who's this strapping young man? 699 00:28:29,913 --> 00:28:31,880 - He was actually just leaving. 700 00:28:31,882 --> 00:28:33,648 - Hey, I'm scott, friend of tori's. 701 00:28:33,650 --> 00:28:34,749 - Got a grip. 702 00:28:34,751 --> 00:28:36,017 - Friend, that's interesting. 703 00:28:36,019 --> 00:28:37,752 - Well, come on in, scott. 704 00:28:37,754 --> 00:28:40,455 We're just about to play dance central. 705 00:28:40,457 --> 00:28:41,790 - Yeah, I do have some pretty sick moves. 706 00:28:41,792 --> 00:28:42,991 You know, in high school, 707 00:28:42,993 --> 00:28:44,492 they used to call me a depressed dog. 708 00:28:44,494 --> 00:28:46,161 - No, why? 709 00:28:46,163 --> 00:28:49,297 - Well, 'cause I ain't got no bones! 710 00:28:49,299 --> 00:28:50,799 - Whoa! 711 00:28:53,103 --> 00:28:54,903 - Did they also call you the scarecrow? 712 00:28:54,905 --> 00:28:59,007 'Cause you ain't got no brain! 713 00:28:59,009 --> 00:29:01,743 - Okay, I like scott's joke better. 714 00:29:01,745 --> 00:29:04,045 Come on, I'll steal you. 715 00:29:04,047 --> 00:29:05,346 - We're dancing. 716 00:29:07,284 --> 00:29:09,851 Good. 717 00:29:09,853 --> 00:29:10,919 Seriously? 718 00:29:14,124 --> 00:29:17,125 ♪ ♪ 719 00:29:17,127 --> 00:29:19,360 - she's an inspiration! 720 00:29:19,362 --> 00:29:22,096 - Perfect! 721 00:29:22,098 --> 00:29:24,399 Awesome! 722 00:29:24,401 --> 00:29:26,334 Marissa wins. 723 00:29:29,706 --> 00:29:31,739 - Okay, tora the explorer, 724 00:29:31,741 --> 00:29:32,941 it's your turn. 725 00:29:32,943 --> 00:29:36,678 - Come on, tore, hit the dance floor. 726 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,079 They just come to me. 727 00:29:38,081 --> 00:29:40,315 - What's wrong, angelina tori? 728 00:29:40,317 --> 00:29:41,349 Scared to lose? 729 00:29:41,351 --> 00:29:43,184 - No, no, no, I just hate dancing. 730 00:29:43,186 --> 00:29:45,253 - You seem to hate a lot of things. 731 00:29:45,255 --> 00:29:46,120 - Yeah, I do. 732 00:29:46,122 --> 00:29:47,489 I hate everything and everyone. 733 00:29:47,491 --> 00:29:48,923 It's kind of my thing. 734 00:29:48,925 --> 00:29:51,926 - Well, we don't hate you, tore. 735 00:29:51,928 --> 00:29:54,429 - I'm a little scared of you, but I don't hate you. 736 00:29:54,431 --> 00:29:55,897 - It's okay. 737 00:29:55,899 --> 00:29:56,965 - You know what, fine. 738 00:29:56,967 --> 00:29:58,733 Fine, I will play. 739 00:29:58,735 --> 00:30:01,636 But if I win, you have to leave. 740 00:30:01,638 --> 00:30:02,638 - All right. 741 00:30:02,639 --> 00:30:05,840 But if I win... 742 00:30:05,842 --> 00:30:07,509 You have to kiss me. 743 00:30:07,511 --> 00:30:10,945 - I want to play! 744 00:30:10,947 --> 00:30:14,349 Or tori can play. 745 00:30:17,354 --> 00:30:21,856 ♪ ♪ 746 00:30:21,858 --> 00:30:24,859 - cool move. 747 00:30:24,861 --> 00:30:27,495 Awesome! 748 00:30:27,497 --> 00:30:28,830 Right on. 749 00:30:28,832 --> 00:30:31,332 - Hey, we work pretty well together. 750 00:30:31,334 --> 00:30:35,236 - This is how I always pictured black people playing this game. 751 00:30:35,238 --> 00:30:37,138 - We're much stronger as a team. 752 00:30:37,140 --> 00:30:39,007 We should challenge marissa and gil. 753 00:30:39,009 --> 00:30:40,542 - I don't really do teams. 754 00:30:40,544 --> 00:30:42,744 - Well, maybe you'll find that having a partner 755 00:30:42,746 --> 00:30:45,146 to keep you on beat is a good thing. 756 00:30:45,148 --> 00:30:46,648 I mean, I'm not saying 757 00:30:46,650 --> 00:30:48,483 we should start an official dance club or anything. 758 00:30:48,485 --> 00:30:49,851 - Foot slide! 759 00:30:49,853 --> 00:30:52,720 - I'm saying maybe just try it for one game, you know? 760 00:30:52,722 --> 00:30:54,422 - Slap the ground! 761 00:30:54,424 --> 00:30:55,323 - What do you think? 762 00:30:55,325 --> 00:30:56,824 Might make you a better dancer. 763 00:30:56,826 --> 00:30:57,926 - You know what? 764 00:30:57,928 --> 00:30:59,727 Maybe I don't want a partner 765 00:30:59,729 --> 00:31:01,763 who's merely average-sized, 766 00:31:01,765 --> 00:31:03,331 somewhat herky-jerky, 767 00:31:03,333 --> 00:31:05,633 and pays nowhere close to the attention to detail 768 00:31:05,635 --> 00:31:10,371 that one would expect from an aspiring photographer. 769 00:31:10,373 --> 00:31:14,409 - tori wins. 770 00:31:14,411 --> 00:31:17,645 - Congrats. 771 00:31:17,647 --> 00:31:19,380 Guess I got to go now, right? 772 00:31:19,382 --> 00:31:21,816 Aw. 773 00:31:21,818 --> 00:31:25,587 - Happy thanksgiving. 774 00:31:25,589 --> 00:31:27,221 Bye. 775 00:31:38,134 --> 00:31:42,103 - ♪ And you are my radio ♪ 776 00:31:42,105 --> 00:31:46,074 ♪ turn you up when I feel low ♪ 777 00:31:46,076 --> 00:31:51,412 ♪ you are the soundtrack to all I know ♪ 778 00:31:51,414 --> 00:31:53,514 ♪ you are the rock to my roll ♪ 779 00:31:53,516 --> 00:31:54,949 what's eating gilbert grape? 780 00:31:54,951 --> 00:31:57,251 I love that movie. 781 00:32:13,403 --> 00:32:15,703 Wow, baby, you're good at that. 782 00:32:15,705 --> 00:32:16,971 Where did you learn? 783 00:32:16,973 --> 00:32:18,973 Did your mama teach you? 784 00:32:18,975 --> 00:32:21,509 God, you are the blowjob queen. 785 00:32:21,511 --> 00:32:24,712 Someone should give you a crown made out of dicks, 786 00:32:24,714 --> 00:32:26,814 made out of wangs. 787 00:32:26,816 --> 00:32:27,849 I'm gonna cum. 788 00:32:27,851 --> 00:32:29,150 Oops-a-daisy. 789 00:32:29,152 --> 00:32:30,184 Don't want to come in your mouth. 790 00:32:30,186 --> 00:32:31,186 You're a lady. 791 00:32:31,187 --> 00:32:32,587 Where should I do it? 792 00:32:32,589 --> 00:32:34,155 Idea. 793 00:32:34,157 --> 00:32:36,057 On those tits! 794 00:32:36,059 --> 00:32:38,092 - Hey, what you looking at? 795 00:32:38,094 --> 00:32:39,094 - The internet. 796 00:32:39,095 --> 00:32:41,195 There's just pictures 797 00:32:41,197 --> 00:32:44,499 of arctic creatures, polar bears. 798 00:32:44,501 --> 00:32:45,900 - Polar bears. - Going extinct. 799 00:32:45,902 --> 00:32:47,201 - I see. 800 00:32:47,203 --> 00:32:49,303 - Yo, dick-muncher, time to go. 801 00:32:49,305 --> 00:32:50,538 Black friday's almost over, 802 00:32:50,540 --> 00:32:53,207 and I haven't seen anybody die yet. 803 00:32:58,114 --> 00:33:00,748 - This... 804 00:33:00,750 --> 00:33:01,916 Homework. 805 00:33:01,918 --> 00:33:03,818 Sex-ed. 806 00:33:03,820 --> 00:33:05,753 Never mind. 807 00:33:09,259 --> 00:33:11,993 Okay, so this one is a bit on the pricier side. 808 00:33:11,995 --> 00:33:13,795 But she pinned it multiple times 809 00:33:13,797 --> 00:33:15,363 to her personal pinterest page, 810 00:33:15,365 --> 00:33:18,700 and I want her to feel as beautiful as I do right now, 811 00:33:18,702 --> 00:33:21,235 which is very. 812 00:33:21,237 --> 00:33:23,938 - I just want you to realize how fucked up this is. 813 00:33:23,940 --> 00:33:25,506 - If by "fucked up" you mean awesome 814 00:33:25,508 --> 00:33:27,975 and sexually stimulating, then I agree. 815 00:33:27,977 --> 00:33:29,377 But I need you to focus right now, 816 00:33:29,379 --> 00:33:31,713 because I need your brutal honesty. 817 00:33:36,219 --> 00:33:37,218 - Yeah, that's way too slutty. 818 00:33:37,220 --> 00:33:38,786 If you give that to her, 819 00:33:38,788 --> 00:33:40,655 she's gonna think that you're trying to bang her. 820 00:33:40,657 --> 00:33:41,789 - But I am. 821 00:33:41,791 --> 00:33:43,024 - Yes, I know. 822 00:33:43,026 --> 00:33:46,994 But the key is to make her forget that. 823 00:33:46,996 --> 00:33:48,830 - Good note. 824 00:33:53,136 --> 00:33:54,969 - Hey, tori. 825 00:33:54,971 --> 00:33:57,338 - What the fuck? 826 00:33:57,340 --> 00:33:59,173 - Hey, crazy, right? 827 00:34:00,643 --> 00:34:03,544 - Um, hey, I just want to say sorry 828 00:34:03,546 --> 00:34:05,880 for coming to your family's dinner last night. 829 00:34:05,882 --> 00:34:08,015 That was... I shouldn't have done that. 830 00:34:08,017 --> 00:34:09,417 It was inappropriate. 831 00:34:09,419 --> 00:34:12,320 - Yeah, you know what else is inappropriate? 832 00:34:12,322 --> 00:34:14,822 You stalking my instagram account 833 00:34:14,824 --> 00:34:16,457 and following me here. 834 00:34:16,459 --> 00:34:19,026 - Does this look too, like, "ooh, I did anal once, 835 00:34:19,028 --> 00:34:21,028 and now it's all I want"? 836 00:34:21,030 --> 00:34:22,730 Scott. 837 00:34:22,732 --> 00:34:24,132 Did janie send you? 838 00:34:24,134 --> 00:34:26,934 - What? No, why would she? 839 00:34:26,936 --> 00:34:28,436 - No reason. 840 00:34:31,508 --> 00:34:32,306 - Okay. 841 00:34:32,308 --> 00:34:34,542 So back to you stalking me. 842 00:34:34,544 --> 00:34:36,878 - Aw, you thought I'm stalking you? 843 00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,312 No, I was just taking pictures in the mall, 844 00:34:38,314 --> 00:34:39,747 and I saw you through the window. 845 00:34:39,749 --> 00:34:42,383 - 'Cause that doesn't sound creepy. 846 00:34:44,721 --> 00:34:47,088 - I like shooting all the black friday craziness. 847 00:34:47,090 --> 00:34:48,289 Usually get some pretty cool stuff. 848 00:34:48,291 --> 00:34:49,557 I mean, for the most part, 849 00:34:49,559 --> 00:34:52,894 it's just random people getting tasered. 850 00:34:52,896 --> 00:34:54,862 - All right, let me see that. 851 00:35:03,106 --> 00:35:07,108 Dude, this is fucked up. 852 00:35:07,110 --> 00:35:09,277 Would you send these to me? 853 00:35:11,681 --> 00:35:14,816 Aw. 854 00:35:14,818 --> 00:35:19,086 I found your fetish. 855 00:35:19,088 --> 00:35:21,322 It's not a fetish. 856 00:35:21,324 --> 00:35:23,424 - Hey, look close. 857 00:35:23,426 --> 00:35:25,126 You see how that old couple is sitting perfectly 858 00:35:25,128 --> 00:35:28,029 right between that trash can and that stained glass window 859 00:35:28,031 --> 00:35:29,230 and that fountain? 860 00:35:29,232 --> 00:35:31,265 It's like... 861 00:35:31,267 --> 00:35:33,801 It's kind of like beauty meets its opposite. 862 00:35:33,803 --> 00:35:35,236 You know? 863 00:35:35,238 --> 00:35:36,971 Amidst all the craziness of black friday 864 00:35:36,973 --> 00:35:40,141 and everybody's freaking out around them, 865 00:35:40,143 --> 00:35:41,943 they're safe, you know? 866 00:35:41,945 --> 00:35:46,180 They found their little place to go and share a kiss. 867 00:35:46,182 --> 00:35:49,050 It's kind of cute, beautiful. 868 00:35:49,052 --> 00:35:51,919 - My god. 869 00:35:51,921 --> 00:35:54,455 I didn't sleep with the cool guy. 870 00:35:54,457 --> 00:35:56,691 I slept with the formerly cool guy 871 00:35:56,693 --> 00:36:01,229 who's actually a big frickin' dork. 872 00:36:01,231 --> 00:36:02,463 I'm not a dork. 873 00:36:02,465 --> 00:36:03,497 I'm cool. 874 00:36:03,499 --> 00:36:04,966 - I'm currently cool. 875 00:36:04,968 --> 00:36:06,067 - Okay. 876 00:36:06,069 --> 00:36:07,368 So then, just tell me 877 00:36:07,370 --> 00:36:09,837 one currently cool thing that you've done 878 00:36:09,839 --> 00:36:11,906 post-graduation. 879 00:36:17,313 --> 00:36:20,314 What are you doing later? 880 00:36:20,316 --> 00:36:21,482 - I don't know, why? 881 00:36:21,484 --> 00:36:23,050 - 'Cause we're hanging out. 882 00:36:23,052 --> 00:36:25,386 Really? 883 00:36:25,388 --> 00:36:26,454 - All right. 884 00:36:26,456 --> 00:36:27,488 - But I am driving, 885 00:36:27,490 --> 00:36:28,823 and I am planning everything. 886 00:36:28,825 --> 00:36:32,159 And you have to do everything that I say. 887 00:36:32,161 --> 00:36:35,062 - All right, deal. 888 00:36:35,064 --> 00:36:36,464 - All right. 889 00:36:36,466 --> 00:36:38,499 Now go continue taking those creepy pictures, 890 00:36:38,501 --> 00:36:40,167 and quit stalking me. 891 00:36:40,169 --> 00:36:42,136 - Is this guy stalking you? 892 00:37:06,596 --> 00:37:09,597 - ♪ I used to wait for her after school ♪ 893 00:37:09,599 --> 00:37:12,934 ♪ by the gates with my books, baby, feeling a fool ♪ 894 00:37:12,936 --> 00:37:16,771 ♪ I used to walk her home every night ♪ 895 00:37:16,773 --> 00:37:20,675 ♪ in the summer or winter, in the sun or ice ♪ 896 00:37:33,089 --> 00:37:34,722 - fuck it list. 897 00:37:34,724 --> 00:37:36,424 Okay, what is this, some kind of bucket list? 898 00:37:36,426 --> 00:37:38,025 - Yeah, except you don't die in it. 899 00:37:38,027 --> 00:37:40,328 - I mean, spoiler alert. 900 00:37:40,330 --> 00:37:42,129 - Okay, this is what I'm talking about. 901 00:37:42,131 --> 00:37:44,699 You're like, so regimented. 902 00:37:44,701 --> 00:37:45,900 I mean, everything about you 903 00:37:45,902 --> 00:37:47,835 has to be, like, so fucking perfect, 904 00:37:47,837 --> 00:37:49,537 or you, like, freak out. 905 00:37:49,539 --> 00:37:50,938 So, what I'm gonna do 906 00:37:50,940 --> 00:37:53,407 is just loosen you up a little bit. 907 00:37:55,411 --> 00:37:56,610 - I'm not shaving my head. 908 00:37:56,612 --> 00:37:59,380 - Okay, one thing at a time. 909 00:37:59,382 --> 00:38:00,548 - Seriously, I'm not doing it. 910 00:38:00,550 --> 00:38:01,682 - That's what I'm talking about. 911 00:38:01,684 --> 00:38:03,150 You're so regimented. 912 00:38:03,152 --> 00:38:04,518 - Look at it. - I see it. 913 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:05,519 - Look at the way it flows. 914 00:38:05,521 --> 00:38:06,554 - No, yeah, I see it. 915 00:38:06,556 --> 00:38:08,089 - Look at how it moves. 916 00:38:08,091 --> 00:38:09,824 - You know what, this is exactly what I'm talking about. 917 00:38:09,826 --> 00:38:15,096 You're so set in your little perfect scott hair ways. 918 00:38:15,098 --> 00:38:17,465 - Fine, okay, can we just do something a little easier 919 00:38:17,467 --> 00:38:18,899 to ease me into it? 920 00:38:18,901 --> 00:38:19,934 - Yeah, absolutely. 921 00:38:19,936 --> 00:38:21,168 I thought we should probably start 922 00:38:21,170 --> 00:38:23,471 with number four. 923 00:38:27,243 --> 00:38:28,242 - No, I'm not gonna do that. 924 00:38:28,244 --> 00:38:29,244 - Yeah. - No. 925 00:38:29,245 --> 00:38:30,245 - You certainly are. 926 00:38:30,246 --> 00:38:31,512 - No fucking way. 927 00:38:31,514 --> 00:38:32,913 - No, you're gonna do it. - No. 928 00:38:38,621 --> 00:38:40,721 - Seriously, just poop already. 929 00:38:40,723 --> 00:38:42,490 - I'm trying, okay? 930 00:38:42,492 --> 00:38:43,557 I have a sensitive stomach. 931 00:38:43,559 --> 00:38:45,226 - My god. 932 00:38:45,228 --> 00:38:46,394 - Turn around. 933 00:38:46,396 --> 00:38:47,495 - What? 934 00:38:47,497 --> 00:38:48,497 - Turn around. 935 00:38:48,498 --> 00:38:49,897 - Seriously? 936 00:38:49,899 --> 00:38:51,165 This is ridiculous. 937 00:38:51,167 --> 00:38:52,633 - Plug your ears. 938 00:38:52,635 --> 00:38:54,468 - What are you doing? - It's gonna be loud. 939 00:38:58,207 --> 00:38:59,340 - scott? 940 00:38:59,342 --> 00:39:00,474 - Shit! 941 00:39:00,476 --> 00:39:02,743 Abort mission! Abort mission! 942 00:39:02,745 --> 00:39:03,811 Go, go! 943 00:39:03,813 --> 00:39:06,180 - It's locked. - Just get in! 944 00:39:06,182 --> 00:39:09,216 Get the fuck in the car! 945 00:39:11,754 --> 00:39:14,388 - Why weren't you into poop stuff 946 00:39:14,390 --> 00:39:16,357 when we were together? 947 00:39:16,359 --> 00:39:19,193 - ♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪ 948 00:39:19,195 --> 00:39:22,963 ♪ we got the summer nights under our tongues ♪ 949 00:39:27,970 --> 00:39:30,371 my god. 950 00:39:30,373 --> 00:39:32,473 Don't even. 951 00:39:32,475 --> 00:39:33,874 What... 952 00:39:33,876 --> 00:39:35,576 Asshole. 953 00:39:46,656 --> 00:39:50,057 - ♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪ 954 00:39:59,402 --> 00:40:02,770 ♪ we have fun, we have fun ♪ 955 00:40:09,445 --> 00:40:11,345 - better late than never, I guess. 956 00:40:11,347 --> 00:40:13,047 - Yeah, it's so true. 957 00:40:13,049 --> 00:40:15,649 - Well, it's hard to prepare for it when it's rape. 958 00:40:18,121 --> 00:40:19,121 Kidding. 959 00:40:19,122 --> 00:40:20,488 No, I'm totally kidding. 960 00:40:20,490 --> 00:40:22,356 Yeah, I definitely, definitely wanted it. 961 00:40:23,759 --> 00:40:25,593 - Especially because it wasn't with him. 962 00:40:25,595 --> 00:40:26,694 - She's kidding. 963 00:40:26,696 --> 00:40:28,395 - No, I'm not. 964 00:40:28,397 --> 00:40:31,398 - Well, good luck with the baby. 965 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:32,466 - Thank you, yeah. 966 00:40:32,468 --> 00:40:35,402 We are gonna need it. 967 00:40:35,404 --> 00:40:36,937 - You have a nice day, ma'am. 968 00:40:36,939 --> 00:40:39,807 - Yeah, bye. 969 00:40:39,809 --> 00:40:41,942 Whoa! 970 00:40:46,449 --> 00:40:47,515 - No way. 971 00:40:47,517 --> 00:40:48,517 - Come on. 972 00:40:48,518 --> 00:40:49,518 Don't be a pussy. 973 00:40:49,519 --> 00:40:50,751 - It's permanent. 974 00:40:50,753 --> 00:40:51,552 - Yeah. 975 00:40:51,554 --> 00:40:53,020 Okay, you know what, fine. 976 00:40:53,022 --> 00:40:54,922 I have another idea. 977 00:40:58,161 --> 00:40:59,326 - I don't want to do it. 978 00:40:59,328 --> 00:41:00,361 It's gonna hurt. 979 00:41:00,363 --> 00:41:01,662 - Stop being such a baby. 980 00:41:01,664 --> 00:41:05,232 - Ay, can you please hurry the fuck up? 981 00:41:05,234 --> 00:41:07,201 My daughter is waiting. 982 00:41:11,007 --> 00:41:12,706 - Go! 983 00:41:15,178 --> 00:41:16,178 - See? 984 00:41:16,179 --> 00:41:18,145 That wasn't that bad. 985 00:41:18,147 --> 00:41:21,348 - I guess it wasn't. 986 00:41:22,718 --> 00:41:25,019 Is anyone else losing their vision? 987 00:41:28,958 --> 00:41:31,525 At least he didn't pierce your dick. 988 00:41:33,930 --> 00:41:37,498 - I'm not really a pot kind of guy. 989 00:41:37,500 --> 00:41:38,566 - You know what, that's fine. 990 00:41:38,568 --> 00:41:39,667 I'll get the clippers. 991 00:41:39,669 --> 00:41:40,968 - Give me that fucking brownie. 992 00:41:40,970 --> 00:41:42,236 - My god. 993 00:41:42,238 --> 00:41:43,971 - Okay, what if it makes me all chatty and paranoid 994 00:41:43,973 --> 00:41:45,472 and annoying? 995 00:41:45,474 --> 00:41:47,341 - My gosh, then we're gonna know that it didn't work. 996 00:41:47,343 --> 00:41:48,509 - Is it gluten-free? 997 00:41:48,511 --> 00:41:50,010 I have a really sensitive stomach. 998 00:41:50,012 --> 00:41:51,612 - My god, I know you have a sensitive everything. 999 00:41:51,614 --> 00:41:53,581 Yes, it's gluten-free. 1000 00:41:58,354 --> 00:42:00,588 My god. 1001 00:42:00,590 --> 00:42:01,689 - That's fucking good. 1002 00:42:01,691 --> 00:42:02,691 - I know. 1003 00:42:02,692 --> 00:42:03,624 - That's real good. 1004 00:42:03,626 --> 00:42:06,493 - Isn't that good? 1005 00:42:06,495 --> 00:42:08,562 - I think I'm high. 1006 00:42:12,068 --> 00:42:15,302 - ♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪ 1007 00:42:15,304 --> 00:42:19,607 ♪ we got the summer nights under our tongues ♪ 1008 00:42:23,212 --> 00:42:24,878 are you ready? 1009 00:42:26,415 --> 00:42:29,250 - ♪ We have fun, we have fun ♪ 1010 00:42:29,252 --> 00:42:33,220 ♪ we got the summer nights under our tongues ♪ 1011 00:42:33,222 --> 00:42:34,822 ♪ ♪ 1012 00:42:49,272 --> 00:42:50,671 - your car broke down, 1013 00:42:50,673 --> 00:42:53,274 so you rented a party bus? 1014 00:42:54,777 --> 00:42:56,777 - I did, yeah. 1015 00:42:56,779 --> 00:42:58,078 Every once in a while, 1016 00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,614 it's just nice to treat yourself. 1017 00:43:00,616 --> 00:43:02,383 - Quit the bullshit, joel. 1018 00:43:02,385 --> 00:43:03,550 What's going on? 1019 00:43:03,552 --> 00:43:05,919 - No bullshit. Nothing is going on, 1020 00:43:05,921 --> 00:43:09,857 besides the start of our glorious evening. 1021 00:43:09,859 --> 00:43:12,793 - No sex in the car, kids. 1022 00:43:12,795 --> 00:43:14,194 Last thing I want to see 1023 00:43:14,196 --> 00:43:16,430 is two underage, 1024 00:43:16,432 --> 00:43:17,865 semi-ethnic-looking, 1025 00:43:17,867 --> 00:43:20,301 possibly native american teenagers 1026 00:43:20,303 --> 00:43:24,104 making a mess on my brand-new pleather interior, 1027 00:43:24,106 --> 00:43:26,807 forcing me to lap, lap, lap it up 1028 00:43:26,809 --> 00:43:30,678 like a golden retriever on a hot-ass day. 1029 00:43:32,081 --> 00:43:34,481 Fuck. 1030 00:43:34,483 --> 00:43:36,350 - Well, I feel safe. 1031 00:43:36,352 --> 00:43:37,451 - don't worry about her. 1032 00:43:37,453 --> 00:43:38,552 I'll kick her ass. 1033 00:43:38,554 --> 00:43:40,020 I'm here for you. 1034 00:43:40,022 --> 00:43:41,722 - joel, I don't have time for this. 1035 00:43:41,724 --> 00:43:43,924 I have 200 years of european history 1036 00:43:43,926 --> 00:43:45,259 to memorize by monday. 1037 00:43:45,261 --> 00:43:47,895 - Which is why I am going to help you 1038 00:43:47,897 --> 00:43:50,931 connect those boring, mundane facts 1039 00:43:50,933 --> 00:43:53,400 to ideas that are personal to you. 1040 00:43:53,402 --> 00:43:55,903 - How? 1041 00:43:55,905 --> 00:43:57,771 - Okay, champagne. 1042 00:43:57,773 --> 00:43:59,640 What do you think of when you drink champagne? 1043 00:43:59,642 --> 00:44:01,742 - Old people, headaches. 1044 00:44:01,744 --> 00:44:03,877 - Okay, perfect, let's go with headaches. 1045 00:44:03,879 --> 00:44:05,546 Champagne is from france. 1046 00:44:05,548 --> 00:44:09,650 It was originally used in the coronation of kings. 1047 00:44:09,652 --> 00:44:13,954 King louis xvi also got a headache 1048 00:44:13,956 --> 00:44:16,957 when he was beheaded by his own subjects 1049 00:44:16,959 --> 00:44:20,160 on january 21st, 1793, 1050 00:44:20,162 --> 00:44:23,697 during the french revolution. 1051 00:44:23,699 --> 00:44:24,932 - Not bad. - Yeah. 1052 00:44:24,934 --> 00:44:26,266 - Just letting you know 1053 00:44:26,268 --> 00:44:28,936 I'm changing the atmosphere up a bit. 1054 00:44:33,676 --> 00:44:35,642 Why is my ass getting hot? 1055 00:44:35,644 --> 00:44:37,845 - Seat warmers! 1056 00:44:37,847 --> 00:44:40,347 You're welcome. 1057 00:44:40,349 --> 00:44:42,583 - Well, anyway, a few mnemonic devices 1058 00:44:42,585 --> 00:44:45,018 won't be enough to get me an "a" in draper's class. 1059 00:44:45,020 --> 00:44:47,988 - You knew about mnemonic devices? 1060 00:44:47,990 --> 00:44:50,591 - What I don't know is what to study. 1061 00:44:50,593 --> 00:44:54,194 Draper's cramming way too many chapters into one test. 1062 00:44:54,196 --> 00:44:57,364 - Well, I don't go back to cornell 1063 00:44:57,366 --> 00:45:02,136 until sunday, so... 1064 00:45:02,138 --> 00:45:05,939 - And I thought you were actually gonna help me study. 1065 00:45:08,043 --> 00:45:09,643 Pull over. - Wait, wait, hold on. 1066 00:45:09,645 --> 00:45:11,412 Hold on. 1067 00:45:13,849 --> 00:45:15,349 Would this help? 1068 00:45:18,587 --> 00:45:20,521 - You have the test? 1069 00:45:20,523 --> 00:45:24,057 - Draper uses the same password for all his secure files. 1070 00:45:24,059 --> 00:45:27,394 It's "ariana grande's puffy nipples 555." 1071 00:45:28,531 --> 00:45:30,497 Well, why didn't you lead with this 1072 00:45:30,499 --> 00:45:32,633 instead of the lame mnemonic? 1073 00:45:32,635 --> 00:45:35,269 - Well, once you had the actual test, 1074 00:45:35,271 --> 00:45:38,806 there'd be no reason for you to hang out with me. 1075 00:45:38,808 --> 00:45:40,841 - joel. 1076 00:45:40,843 --> 00:45:42,376 I still want to hang out with you. 1077 00:45:42,378 --> 00:45:46,113 I just don't want to lead you on. 1078 00:45:46,115 --> 00:45:48,649 Like, nothing's gonna happen between us. 1079 00:45:48,651 --> 00:45:49,817 - Fuck! 1080 00:45:49,819 --> 00:45:51,418 - No, duh, I know that. 1081 00:45:51,420 --> 00:45:52,653 - Yeah. - Sure. 1082 00:45:52,655 --> 00:45:57,624 - Seriously, like, it's not gonna happen. 1083 00:45:57,626 --> 00:45:58,992 - Okay, what if you and I 1084 00:45:58,994 --> 00:46:01,028 were stuck on a deserted island together 1085 00:46:01,030 --> 00:46:02,396 and you were getting super horny. 1086 00:46:02,398 --> 00:46:04,097 You're diddling yourself every night, sure. 1087 00:46:04,099 --> 00:46:06,366 But what you really need is a penis. 1088 00:46:06,368 --> 00:46:08,302 Now, you're thinking, "I'll go artificial." 1089 00:46:08,304 --> 00:46:10,103 You're looking for a dildo, you're looking for a dildo. 1090 00:46:10,105 --> 00:46:11,638 You're searching the island. You can't find one. 1091 00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:13,106 All of a sudden, you see me. 1092 00:46:13,108 --> 00:46:15,008 I just gave myself a nice little saltwater bath. 1093 00:46:15,010 --> 00:46:16,543 I look great. 1094 00:46:16,545 --> 00:46:17,711 I shoot you a wink. 1095 00:46:17,713 --> 00:46:19,580 What are my chances? 1096 00:46:19,582 --> 00:46:20,948 - Well, in that scenario, 1097 00:46:20,950 --> 00:46:23,550 I guess you might actually have a shot. 1098 00:46:34,330 --> 00:46:36,296 Almont? 1099 00:46:36,298 --> 00:46:38,665 I've always wanted to eat here. 1100 00:46:38,667 --> 00:46:41,935 - What a lucky guess. 1101 00:46:41,937 --> 00:46:43,871 - But I'm not dressed for this. 1102 00:46:43,873 --> 00:46:46,106 - I got it covered. 1103 00:47:03,859 --> 00:47:05,058 A-vooga-vooga! 1104 00:47:05,060 --> 00:47:06,560 Heh-la-la-la! 1105 00:47:06,562 --> 00:47:07,961 Yes, please. 1106 00:47:07,963 --> 00:47:09,363 I'm kidding. 1107 00:47:09,365 --> 00:47:11,431 But seriously, you look really fucking good. 1108 00:47:11,433 --> 00:47:14,868 - joel, I can't believe you got me this dress. 1109 00:47:14,870 --> 00:47:16,670 I've wanted it for so long. 1110 00:47:16,672 --> 00:47:17,971 - Really? No way. 1111 00:47:17,973 --> 00:47:19,439 My god, baby. 1112 00:47:19,441 --> 00:47:23,777 Who knew our tastes were so sympatico? 1113 00:47:23,779 --> 00:47:25,245 - joel... 1114 00:47:25,247 --> 00:47:28,315 - Only on a dildo-less abandoned island, I know. 1115 00:47:37,726 --> 00:47:39,927 - Fuck. 1116 00:47:39,929 --> 00:47:41,828 I think I broke my vagina. 1117 00:47:43,432 --> 00:47:44,932 You know what's good as hell when you're high? 1118 00:47:44,934 --> 00:47:46,033 - What? 1119 00:47:46,035 --> 00:47:47,301 - Motherfuckin' french fries. 1120 00:47:50,506 --> 00:47:51,905 I can only burp like that when I'm high. 1121 00:47:51,907 --> 00:47:53,840 - Classy. 1122 00:47:53,842 --> 00:47:55,676 Okay. 1123 00:47:55,678 --> 00:47:57,878 I have something to tell you. 1124 00:47:57,880 --> 00:47:59,012 - You're a lesbian? 1125 00:47:59,014 --> 00:48:00,180 - What? No. 1126 00:48:00,182 --> 00:48:02,349 Why would you even think that? 1127 00:48:02,351 --> 00:48:04,651 - You're the one that made me buy charlene. 1128 00:48:04,653 --> 00:48:06,553 - My god, you named her? 1129 00:48:06,555 --> 00:48:07,688 - Yeah. 1130 00:48:07,690 --> 00:48:10,023 I even gave her a backstory. 1131 00:48:10,025 --> 00:48:12,426 She's had a hell of a year, charlene. 1132 00:48:12,428 --> 00:48:13,527 Abusive husband. 1133 00:48:13,529 --> 00:48:15,762 Children died in a plane crash. 1134 00:48:15,764 --> 00:48:17,965 Went to rehab a few times. 1135 00:48:17,967 --> 00:48:19,266 Even tried to kill herself. 1136 00:48:19,268 --> 00:48:20,268 - Aw. 1137 00:48:20,269 --> 00:48:21,435 - But she's bouncing back. 1138 00:48:21,437 --> 00:48:24,571 One day at a time, right, charlene? 1139 00:48:24,573 --> 00:48:26,740 - You're not high. 1140 00:48:26,742 --> 00:48:28,108 - What? 1141 00:48:28,110 --> 00:48:29,910 - That's what I had to tell you. 1142 00:48:29,912 --> 00:48:32,579 I just gave you a plain old brownie. 1143 00:48:32,581 --> 00:48:35,182 There was no weed in it. 1144 00:48:35,184 --> 00:48:37,651 - Was it even gluten-free? 1145 00:48:37,653 --> 00:48:38,785 You bitch. 1146 00:48:38,787 --> 00:48:40,354 - I'm sorry. 1147 00:48:40,356 --> 00:48:41,955 My god, I don't even know what the fuck gluten is, 1148 00:48:41,957 --> 00:48:43,457 to be honest. 1149 00:48:43,459 --> 00:48:44,925 - The nation's leading killer, at the moment. 1150 00:48:44,927 --> 00:48:46,560 - Bullshit. - Yeah. 1151 00:48:46,562 --> 00:48:47,861 Okay, wait a minute. 1152 00:48:47,863 --> 00:48:49,763 If I'm not high, then how do you explain the fact 1153 00:48:49,765 --> 00:48:51,698 that I've been really fucking high for the last two hours? 1154 00:48:51,700 --> 00:48:52,966 - It's a placebo effect. 1155 00:48:52,968 --> 00:48:54,267 You had this preconceived notion 1156 00:48:54,269 --> 00:48:56,770 of how you would respond to the brownie, 1157 00:48:56,772 --> 00:48:58,138 so when you ate the brownie, 1158 00:48:58,140 --> 00:48:59,606 your brain automatically responded 1159 00:48:59,608 --> 00:49:03,710 as if the chemical reaction were actually happening. 1160 00:49:03,712 --> 00:49:05,646 - You fake-drugged me? 1161 00:49:07,349 --> 00:49:09,483 That's not funny. - It's kind of funny. 1162 00:49:09,485 --> 00:49:10,817 - No, it's not. It's fucked up. 1163 00:49:10,819 --> 00:49:12,052 - Well, you know what? 1164 00:49:12,054 --> 00:49:14,154 Then I guess payback's a bitch, 1165 00:49:14,156 --> 00:49:15,156 and we're even. 1166 00:49:15,157 --> 00:49:16,590 - Even for what? 1167 00:49:16,592 --> 00:49:18,091 I've never done anything this fucked-up to you. 1168 00:49:18,093 --> 00:49:20,794 - Are you serious? 1169 00:49:20,796 --> 00:49:22,129 - Here we go. 1170 00:49:22,131 --> 00:49:24,398 - Yeah, here we go. 1171 00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,133 Yeah. 1172 00:49:26,135 --> 00:49:28,568 - Hey, I took that. 1173 00:49:28,570 --> 00:49:31,071 It's actually one of my favorite shots. 1174 00:49:31,073 --> 00:49:32,973 I love the way the light hits your hair. 1175 00:49:32,975 --> 00:49:34,207 See the natural composition... 1176 00:49:34,209 --> 00:49:35,575 - Fuck your composition. 1177 00:49:35,577 --> 00:49:37,411 That was my life that you were photographing. 1178 00:49:37,413 --> 00:49:39,880 I mean, do you have any idea when that was taken? 1179 00:49:39,882 --> 00:49:40,882 - Prom. 1180 00:49:40,883 --> 00:49:42,315 - Yeah, exactly. 1181 00:49:42,317 --> 00:49:44,885 The night that that asshole from murrysville 1182 00:49:44,887 --> 00:49:46,186 who took my virginity 1183 00:49:46,188 --> 00:49:47,988 decided to stand me up and tell me 1184 00:49:47,990 --> 00:49:50,090 that I was just his dumb little slam-pig 1185 00:49:50,092 --> 00:49:53,694 whom he wouldn't be seen in public with. 1186 00:49:53,696 --> 00:49:54,696 - I didn't know. 1187 00:49:54,697 --> 00:49:56,096 - Yeah, no, nobody knew. 1188 00:49:56,098 --> 00:49:57,531 But you still went and you posted the picture 1189 00:49:57,533 --> 00:49:59,299 like it's just no big fucking deal, 1190 00:49:59,301 --> 00:50:01,802 because you have absolutely no idea what it's like 1191 00:50:01,804 --> 00:50:03,704 to be a loser. 1192 00:50:08,744 --> 00:50:11,611 - You want to know a secret? 1193 00:50:11,613 --> 00:50:13,313 This is the first time on a friday 1194 00:50:13,315 --> 00:50:17,084 I've actually done anything in, like, months. 1195 00:50:17,086 --> 00:50:19,086 You know what I usually do on fridays? 1196 00:50:19,088 --> 00:50:21,321 I'll walk you through it. 1197 00:50:21,323 --> 00:50:24,758 I get home from class, lay in bed, 1198 00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:26,126 and I masturbate, 1199 00:50:26,128 --> 00:50:29,663 like, viciously, 1200 00:50:29,665 --> 00:50:31,164 like, for five hours, 1201 00:50:31,166 --> 00:50:32,733 like a marathon. 1202 00:50:32,735 --> 00:50:34,401 God! 1203 00:50:34,403 --> 00:50:35,869 - And then I go to the fridge, 1204 00:50:35,871 --> 00:50:40,674 and I get a bunch of food, and I eat my feelings. 1205 00:50:40,676 --> 00:50:43,343 Then I go to sleep. 1206 00:50:43,345 --> 00:50:45,712 Every friday night. 1207 00:50:47,850 --> 00:50:50,150 I hate college. 1208 00:50:50,152 --> 00:50:51,485 I fucking hate it. 1209 00:50:51,487 --> 00:50:52,686 I hate everything about it. 1210 00:50:52,688 --> 00:50:53,688 I hate my classes. 1211 00:50:53,689 --> 00:50:54,755 I hate my professors. 1212 00:50:54,757 --> 00:50:57,224 They suck the fun out of everything. 1213 00:50:57,226 --> 00:50:58,425 I'm failing every class. 1214 00:50:58,427 --> 00:51:00,327 I'm failing yoga. 1215 00:51:00,329 --> 00:51:03,463 How do you fail yoga? 1216 00:51:03,465 --> 00:51:05,565 You know what the worst part of everything is? 1217 00:51:05,567 --> 00:51:09,136 This whole time we've been having this conversation, 1218 00:51:09,138 --> 00:51:10,871 all I can think about is how happy I am 1219 00:51:10,873 --> 00:51:13,473 to be in this gym, 1220 00:51:13,475 --> 00:51:16,276 because... 1221 00:51:16,278 --> 00:51:18,845 I fucking miss high school so bad. 1222 00:51:20,582 --> 00:51:24,818 - And we will cue the cw soundtrack... 1223 00:51:24,820 --> 00:51:26,653 Right there. 1224 00:51:26,655 --> 00:51:27,487 - I mean, really? 1225 00:51:27,489 --> 00:51:28,688 We were having a nice moment. 1226 00:51:28,690 --> 00:51:32,125 You got to be a bitch? 1227 00:51:32,127 --> 00:51:34,928 - No, honestly, though, 1228 00:51:34,930 --> 00:51:36,496 I think that heather dumping you 1229 00:51:36,498 --> 00:51:41,168 is probably the best thing that could have happened. 1230 00:51:41,170 --> 00:51:42,170 Think about it. 1231 00:51:42,171 --> 00:51:43,703 She was giving you 1232 00:51:43,705 --> 00:51:45,906 a reason to resist your new environment. 1233 00:51:45,908 --> 00:51:48,775 She was giving you an excuse to hate it. 1234 00:51:48,777 --> 00:51:51,178 I think you're gonna like school a whole hell of a lot better 1235 00:51:51,180 --> 00:51:53,213 when you go back. 1236 00:51:55,384 --> 00:51:57,450 Okay, seriously, though, we need to leave right now, 1237 00:51:57,452 --> 00:51:59,419 because I can't stand this gym much longer. 1238 00:51:59,421 --> 00:52:01,221 I promised myself the only way I would come back 1239 00:52:01,223 --> 00:52:02,823 is if I had telekinetic powers, 1240 00:52:02,825 --> 00:52:06,126 and that has not happened today, so let's go. 1241 00:52:06,128 --> 00:52:08,328 - All right, but I'm driving. 1242 00:52:08,330 --> 00:52:09,429 - What? Why? 1243 00:52:09,431 --> 00:52:11,631 - I know cool places too. 1244 00:52:14,736 --> 00:52:17,270 - You're not high, but you still can't catch. 1245 00:52:23,979 --> 00:52:25,278 - Dad's dead! 1246 00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:26,746 Dad's dead. 1247 00:52:26,748 --> 00:52:28,815 Yo, my dad's dead, dad's dead. 1248 00:52:28,817 --> 00:52:31,651 - I can't believe you like what's eating gilbert grape? 1249 00:52:31,653 --> 00:52:33,286 I thought I was the only one. 1250 00:52:33,288 --> 00:52:34,554 - Are you kidding me? 1251 00:52:34,556 --> 00:52:36,523 Okay, literally, the only thing hotter 1252 00:52:36,525 --> 00:52:38,692 than leonardo dicaprio is, like, 1253 00:52:38,694 --> 00:52:42,462 a retarded leonardo dicaprio wearing a fucking sexy diaper. 1254 00:52:42,464 --> 00:52:45,899 - That shit makes me so wet. 1255 00:52:47,302 --> 00:52:49,636 Okay, good. 1256 00:52:49,638 --> 00:52:55,275 Hey, do you want to get retarded with me? 1257 00:52:55,277 --> 00:52:56,776 - What's that? 1258 00:52:56,778 --> 00:52:58,311 - It's ethyl. 1259 00:52:58,313 --> 00:53:01,548 It's like molly mixed with bran muffin 1260 00:53:01,550 --> 00:53:03,116 and prune juice or something. 1261 00:53:03,118 --> 00:53:04,117 I hear it's supposed to be... 1262 00:53:04,119 --> 00:53:05,585 - Totes cray? 1263 00:53:05,587 --> 00:53:08,488 - Exactly. 1264 00:53:08,490 --> 00:53:11,124 I thought that you loved this stuff. 1265 00:53:11,126 --> 00:53:14,794 - What gave you that impression? 1266 00:53:14,796 --> 00:53:16,229 - I... 1267 00:53:16,231 --> 00:53:18,031 - You facebook stalked me. 1268 00:53:18,033 --> 00:53:19,332 - What? 1269 00:53:19,334 --> 00:53:21,067 - lacy posted that stupid shit on my wall, 1270 00:53:21,069 --> 00:53:22,235 like, six hours ago, 1271 00:53:22,237 --> 00:53:23,470 about getting fucked up on ethyl. 1272 00:53:23,472 --> 00:53:24,504 - What is facebook? 1273 00:53:24,506 --> 00:53:25,506 Is that a website? 1274 00:53:25,507 --> 00:53:26,940 - In fact, this whole night 1275 00:53:26,942 --> 00:53:29,376 has been a little too perfect, hasn't it? 1276 00:53:29,378 --> 00:53:31,111 The restaurant, the dress, 1277 00:53:31,113 --> 00:53:33,346 our... our nonstop conversation. 1278 00:53:33,348 --> 00:53:35,015 - The conversation was all me. 1279 00:53:35,017 --> 00:53:36,082 - Really? 1280 00:53:36,084 --> 00:53:37,584 Because it's kind of weird 1281 00:53:37,586 --> 00:53:41,021 that all of your favorite things are the same as mine. 1282 00:53:41,023 --> 00:53:43,723 Do you even like what's eating gilbert grape? 1283 00:53:43,725 --> 00:53:44,958 - That was true. 1284 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,394 That fat mom being lit on fire at the end? 1285 00:53:47,396 --> 00:53:48,662 Fucking beautiful! 1286 00:53:48,664 --> 00:53:50,463 Killed me. 1287 00:53:53,669 --> 00:53:55,168 Okay, fine. 1288 00:53:55,170 --> 00:53:57,203 Fine, all right, so what? 1289 00:53:57,205 --> 00:53:58,405 What's the big deal? 1290 00:53:58,407 --> 00:54:00,006 I wanted to give you a special time. 1291 00:54:00,008 --> 00:54:01,341 Is that a crime? Am I in trouble? 1292 00:54:01,343 --> 00:54:02,709 Are you gonna yell at me? 1293 00:54:02,711 --> 00:54:04,644 I mean, I got one chance to take you on a date, 1294 00:54:04,646 --> 00:54:06,112 and I just wanted to make sure... 1295 00:54:06,114 --> 00:54:08,982 - I said no. 1296 00:54:08,984 --> 00:54:13,086 I think it's really sweet you tried to impress me. 1297 00:54:13,088 --> 00:54:14,088 - You do? 1298 00:54:14,089 --> 00:54:15,089 - Yeah. 1299 00:54:15,090 --> 00:54:16,256 I mean, nobody cares 1300 00:54:16,258 --> 00:54:18,224 about what I think or what I like. 1301 00:54:18,226 --> 00:54:19,559 - But I don't get it. 1302 00:54:19,561 --> 00:54:20,860 If you're not into this ethyl stuff, 1303 00:54:20,862 --> 00:54:22,963 then why did you "like" lacy's post? 1304 00:54:22,965 --> 00:54:25,966 - I don't like half the stuff I "like." 1305 00:54:25,968 --> 00:54:28,969 It's just easier to go along with everybody. 1306 00:54:33,342 --> 00:54:35,875 Thank you for dinner. 1307 00:54:35,877 --> 00:54:38,945 It was really retarded, 1308 00:54:38,947 --> 00:54:42,315 in a good way. 1309 00:54:42,317 --> 00:54:45,785 - Well, I've got one more stop. 1310 00:54:45,787 --> 00:54:47,954 And I promise this is gonna be something 1311 00:54:47,956 --> 00:54:50,623 you'll actually "like." 1312 00:54:56,198 --> 00:54:58,264 I got three words: 1313 00:54:58,266 --> 00:55:01,501 Di-a-rrhea. 1314 00:55:01,503 --> 00:55:03,903 Am I right? 1315 00:55:03,905 --> 00:55:05,372 Slam dunk! 1316 00:55:07,075 --> 00:55:08,708 - All right, we're almost there. 1317 00:55:08,710 --> 00:55:12,645 - Almost there, down the steps to your deep, dark basement 1318 00:55:12,647 --> 00:55:14,914 where you'll chop my body up into a million pieces, 1319 00:55:14,916 --> 00:55:16,483 reveal that you're a serial killer, 1320 00:55:16,485 --> 00:55:19,619 and wear my skin until you die? 1321 00:55:19,621 --> 00:55:22,422 - No, but I will do that on our second date. 1322 00:55:22,424 --> 00:55:23,757 - Great. 1323 00:55:23,759 --> 00:55:25,425 - This is a little bit more awesome. 1324 00:55:32,067 --> 00:55:33,299 Seriously? 1325 00:55:33,301 --> 00:55:34,701 - Yeah, cool, right? 1326 00:55:34,703 --> 00:55:37,070 - My god, how did you even get in here? 1327 00:55:37,072 --> 00:55:38,538 - I have connections. 1328 00:55:38,540 --> 00:55:41,841 Security guard was in my community photography class. 1329 00:55:43,412 --> 00:55:46,980 I've never actually even been here. 1330 00:55:46,982 --> 00:55:48,148 - Really? - Yeah. 1331 00:55:48,150 --> 00:55:51,151 - I used to come here, like, every sunday. 1332 00:55:51,153 --> 00:55:52,352 - Really, you? 1333 00:55:52,354 --> 00:55:53,586 'Cause I never pegged you 1334 00:55:53,588 --> 00:55:55,455 for the prototypical football fan. 1335 00:55:55,457 --> 00:55:56,556 - Really? - Yeah. 1336 00:55:56,558 --> 00:55:57,690 - No, I love the football. 1337 00:55:57,692 --> 00:55:59,325 - You love the football? 1338 00:55:59,327 --> 00:56:01,528 - Yeah. - Yes. 1339 00:56:01,530 --> 00:56:03,463 Well, mr. football man, 1340 00:56:03,465 --> 00:56:07,600 how many points does one get for a touchdown? 1341 00:56:07,602 --> 00:56:10,036 - Here, wait, let me think. 1342 00:56:10,038 --> 00:56:11,905 - Nice, good. 1343 00:56:11,907 --> 00:56:13,173 Yeah, awesome. 1344 00:56:13,175 --> 00:56:14,441 - Wait, almost got it. 1345 00:56:14,443 --> 00:56:16,209 - That's the one I was looking for. 1346 00:56:16,211 --> 00:56:17,811 Perfect form. 1347 00:56:17,813 --> 00:56:19,212 Well done. 1348 00:56:19,214 --> 00:56:20,980 - All right, I don't know anything about football. 1349 00:56:20,982 --> 00:56:22,015 But what I do know 1350 00:56:22,017 --> 00:56:23,850 is they got some bomb-ass hotdogs here. 1351 00:56:23,852 --> 00:56:26,319 And the bathrooms are way cleaner than you'd expect. 1352 00:56:26,321 --> 00:56:27,587 - Classy. - Yeah. 1353 00:56:27,589 --> 00:56:28,888 - Classy stadium. 1354 00:56:28,890 --> 00:56:30,256 - Yeah, we used to come here every weekend. 1355 00:56:30,258 --> 00:56:31,558 My mom was a big fan, 1356 00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:35,095 so this was usually the family outing. 1357 00:56:38,700 --> 00:56:44,604 - I've never heard you talk about your mom before. 1358 00:56:44,606 --> 00:56:47,507 It was cancer, right? 1359 00:56:47,509 --> 00:56:49,342 - No, actually, she was a sagittarius. 1360 00:56:49,344 --> 00:56:51,077 What's your mom? 1361 00:56:55,750 --> 00:56:58,451 Yeah, she passed away a few years ago. 1362 00:56:58,453 --> 00:56:59,919 Can we actually skip this whole 1363 00:56:59,921 --> 00:57:01,621 "how did it feel when she died?" Thing? 1364 00:57:01,623 --> 00:57:03,189 I have done that with so many guidance counselors. 1365 00:57:03,191 --> 00:57:04,124 I am good. 1366 00:57:04,126 --> 00:57:05,592 - Yeah, no, I mean, 1367 00:57:05,594 --> 00:57:07,093 I was already getting bored, 1368 00:57:07,095 --> 00:57:09,295 so I'm really glad that we're moving on. 1369 00:57:09,297 --> 00:57:10,430 Thank you so much. 1370 00:57:10,432 --> 00:57:13,299 - Awesome. 1371 00:57:13,301 --> 00:57:15,935 - So, um... 1372 00:57:15,937 --> 00:57:19,472 What would you prefer to talk about? 1373 00:57:19,474 --> 00:57:21,975 - Actually, you know the other night 1374 00:57:21,977 --> 00:57:24,277 when you said it was "just sex"? 1375 00:57:25,580 --> 00:57:29,249 - Was that, like "just sex" one time, 1376 00:57:29,251 --> 00:57:33,353 or could we just have "just sex" 1377 00:57:33,355 --> 00:57:35,922 just again? 1378 00:57:35,924 --> 00:57:38,124 - From the dead mom to sex. 1379 00:57:38,126 --> 00:57:42,495 That is a very impressively smooth segue there, romeo. 1380 00:57:42,497 --> 00:57:44,931 - I'd say it's a touchdown. 1381 00:57:44,933 --> 00:57:46,032 - Yeah, awesome. 1382 00:57:46,034 --> 00:57:47,600 It's not real without the dance. 1383 00:57:47,602 --> 00:57:48,902 Okay, there it is. 1384 00:57:48,904 --> 00:57:52,572 There you go, yeah, nice. 1385 00:57:52,574 --> 00:57:54,707 - No, seriously, though, 1386 00:57:54,709 --> 00:57:57,043 you didn't answer the question. 1387 00:58:05,253 --> 00:58:06,253 - Shit! 1388 00:58:06,254 --> 00:58:07,620 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1389 00:58:07,622 --> 00:58:09,255 No, I thought it was gonna be, like, romantic. 1390 00:58:09,257 --> 00:58:10,290 My god, are you okay? 1391 00:58:10,292 --> 00:58:11,292 - It's okay, it's okay. 1392 00:58:11,293 --> 00:58:12,293 - You okay? 1393 00:58:12,294 --> 00:58:13,294 - I think I taste blood. 1394 00:58:13,295 --> 00:58:14,295 - Shit. 1395 00:58:14,296 --> 00:58:15,495 - I think I taste blood. 1396 00:58:20,435 --> 00:58:24,103 - All right, we're here. 1397 00:58:24,105 --> 00:58:26,172 - So you brought me to a place 1398 00:58:26,174 --> 00:58:29,909 I've been to a billion times before? 1399 00:58:29,911 --> 00:58:31,644 - Hit it. 1400 00:58:35,417 --> 00:58:39,485 - ♪ Whatever it takes ♪ 1401 00:58:39,487 --> 00:58:41,254 ♪ you know I can make it through ♪ 1402 00:58:41,256 --> 00:58:43,556 - degrassi? 1403 00:58:43,558 --> 00:58:46,359 That was my favorite show growing up. 1404 00:58:46,361 --> 00:58:47,961 - I know. 1405 00:58:47,963 --> 00:58:50,663 You performed the theme song at the middle school talent show 1406 00:58:50,665 --> 00:58:52,098 three years in a row. 1407 00:58:52,100 --> 00:58:55,235 - My favorite episode is when jimmy gets shot. 1408 00:58:55,237 --> 00:58:58,838 No, where emma gets gonorrhea in her throat. 1409 00:58:58,840 --> 00:58:59,872 No! 1410 00:58:59,874 --> 00:59:02,475 When spinner gets ballsack cancer. 1411 00:59:02,477 --> 00:59:04,310 My god, so sad. 1412 00:59:04,312 --> 00:59:07,113 I almost cried. 1413 00:59:07,115 --> 00:59:10,283 - jesus, that show is, like, really fucked up. 1414 00:59:10,285 --> 00:59:11,584 - I know. 1415 00:59:11,586 --> 00:59:15,154 It goes there. 1416 00:59:17,959 --> 00:59:19,726 - All right, and we're gonna slow it down 1417 00:59:19,728 --> 00:59:22,862 with the after-the-credits version. 1418 00:59:24,866 --> 00:59:27,834 - We have to dance. 1419 00:59:27,836 --> 00:59:29,602 - I don't know how to dance. 1420 00:59:29,604 --> 00:59:31,971 - Yes, you do know how to dance. 1421 00:59:31,973 --> 00:59:33,406 Come on. 1422 00:59:33,408 --> 00:59:34,408 Put your hands here. 1423 00:59:34,409 --> 00:59:35,575 - Okay. 1424 00:59:35,577 --> 00:59:37,443 - And then I put my hands up here. 1425 00:59:37,445 --> 00:59:39,279 And now we just sway. 1426 00:59:39,281 --> 00:59:40,281 - Sway. 1427 00:59:40,282 --> 00:59:41,881 - Sway, sway. 1428 00:59:41,883 --> 00:59:42,715 - Okay. 1429 00:59:42,717 --> 00:59:44,317 - Move your hips. 1430 00:59:44,319 --> 00:59:45,852 - But I don't want to step on your feet. 1431 00:59:45,854 --> 00:59:47,620 - You're not gonna step on my feet. 1432 00:59:47,622 --> 00:59:48,622 Chillax. 1433 00:59:48,623 --> 00:59:49,789 - But it could happen. 1434 00:59:49,791 --> 00:59:51,791 - That's good, joel-ski. 1435 00:59:51,793 --> 00:59:52,793 - You're lying. 1436 00:59:52,794 --> 00:59:53,794 I know you're lying. 1437 00:59:53,795 --> 00:59:55,728 - I'm not lying. 1438 01:00:21,423 --> 01:00:22,955 - My god. 1439 01:00:22,957 --> 01:00:24,290 This is just like the episode where clare left eli 1440 01:00:24,292 --> 01:00:26,893 because she found out he was bipolar. 1441 01:00:53,555 --> 01:00:55,154 - What's wrong? 1442 01:00:55,156 --> 01:00:57,457 - Nothing. 1443 01:00:57,459 --> 01:00:58,591 - You nervous? 1444 01:00:58,593 --> 01:01:00,093 - No. 1445 01:01:00,095 --> 01:01:01,594 - I mean, we've kind of already done this before. 1446 01:01:01,596 --> 01:01:02,695 - Yeah, it's just this time 1447 01:01:02,697 --> 01:01:05,431 I'm not covered in puke. 1448 01:01:11,272 --> 01:01:13,439 - You're beautiful, you know that? 1449 01:01:15,410 --> 01:01:17,377 You always were. 1450 01:01:35,597 --> 01:01:37,430 - Shit. 1451 01:01:41,236 --> 01:01:43,870 My god. 1452 01:01:43,872 --> 01:01:47,106 Shit, is it 6:00 already? 1453 01:01:47,108 --> 01:01:48,708 I promised I would help set up 1454 01:01:48,710 --> 01:01:51,477 for my sister's engagement party. 1455 01:01:52,881 --> 01:01:54,547 Hey, does this shirt say, like, 1456 01:01:54,549 --> 01:01:57,250 "I don't want to be here, and I don't give a fuck"? 1457 01:01:57,252 --> 01:01:58,050 - Yeah. 1458 01:01:58,052 --> 01:02:01,020 - Awesome, perfect. 1459 01:02:01,022 --> 01:02:03,856 You can come if you want to. 1460 01:02:03,858 --> 01:02:05,057 - Really? 1461 01:02:05,059 --> 01:02:06,726 All right, I love engagement parties. 1462 01:02:06,728 --> 01:02:11,964 - All right, let's not make me regret fucking you. 1463 01:02:11,966 --> 01:02:14,667 - Hey, I was thinking about it. 1464 01:02:14,669 --> 01:02:15,902 Me and you should go on a road trip. 1465 01:02:15,904 --> 01:02:17,937 - What, like, over christmas? 1466 01:02:17,939 --> 01:02:19,705 - No, like, this week. 1467 01:02:19,707 --> 01:02:22,108 - I have classes on monday. 1468 01:02:22,110 --> 01:02:24,444 - Well, then you can just skip them. 1469 01:02:24,446 --> 01:02:27,413 - I can't, and I don't want to. 1470 01:02:27,415 --> 01:02:31,451 - Come on, we can go somewhere awesome, you know, like... 1471 01:02:31,453 --> 01:02:33,019 kentucky. 1472 01:02:33,021 --> 01:02:35,655 You know, you're allowed to have sex with your dog there. 1473 01:02:35,657 --> 01:02:37,990 - That sounds fantastic, 1474 01:02:37,992 --> 01:02:40,993 but didn't you just tell me 1475 01:02:40,995 --> 01:02:44,397 that you were, like, flunking out of school? 1476 01:02:44,399 --> 01:02:47,700 - I don't really want to go back anyways. 1477 01:02:47,702 --> 01:02:50,903 - What are you talking about? 1478 01:02:50,905 --> 01:02:53,473 - I just want to stay here, you know? 1479 01:02:53,475 --> 01:02:55,107 Why am I gonna go back? 1480 01:02:55,109 --> 01:02:57,777 I mean, we've got all this random shit in your trunk 1481 01:02:57,779 --> 01:02:59,212 that we can play with. 1482 01:02:59,214 --> 01:03:02,114 We could have sex in parking lots every night. 1483 01:03:02,116 --> 01:03:04,517 - Okay, yeah, I really can't tell 1484 01:03:04,519 --> 01:03:07,420 if you're being serious or not right now. 1485 01:03:07,422 --> 01:03:09,188 - Dead. 1486 01:03:09,190 --> 01:03:10,523 - No. 1487 01:03:10,525 --> 01:03:12,925 - Come on, you already forget about the fuck it list? 1488 01:03:12,927 --> 01:03:14,193 Let go a little. 1489 01:03:14,195 --> 01:03:16,195 - Wow, you completely misinterpreted 1490 01:03:16,197 --> 01:03:18,197 the entire purpose of that exercise. 1491 01:03:18,199 --> 01:03:20,967 - All I'm saying is that I want to hang out with you more. 1492 01:03:20,969 --> 01:03:23,336 So why is that so bad? 1493 01:03:23,338 --> 01:03:26,939 - You were supposed to take lessons from the list 1494 01:03:26,941 --> 01:03:29,475 and apply them to your new life in new york. 1495 01:03:29,477 --> 01:03:31,811 You're supposed to kick ass in school 1496 01:03:31,813 --> 01:03:33,246 and meet new people 1497 01:03:33,248 --> 01:03:34,981 and have all these great experiences. 1498 01:03:34,983 --> 01:03:36,183 You're not supposed to retreat 1499 01:03:36,184 --> 01:03:38,751 back to whatever is easy for you. 1500 01:03:38,753 --> 01:03:40,086 - Come on. 1501 01:03:40,088 --> 01:03:42,288 You weren't that easy. 1502 01:03:42,290 --> 01:03:44,023 - Really, dude? 1503 01:03:46,594 --> 01:03:47,627 - Come on, I was kidding. 1504 01:03:47,629 --> 01:03:48,661 - No, it's... 1505 01:03:48,663 --> 01:03:49,663 You know what, it's fine. 1506 01:03:49,664 --> 01:03:51,731 It's fine. 1507 01:03:51,733 --> 01:03:52,932 - Can we not end on a fight? 1508 01:03:52,934 --> 01:03:54,000 - We're not having a fight. 1509 01:03:54,002 --> 01:03:55,535 Just, like, chill out. 1510 01:03:55,537 --> 01:03:56,969 I just have to get back, 1511 01:03:56,971 --> 01:03:58,471 so just tell me how to get to your house. 1512 01:03:58,473 --> 01:03:59,739 - Why? 1513 01:03:59,741 --> 01:04:02,275 I thought we were going to your house for the party. 1514 01:04:02,277 --> 01:04:07,613 - I... yeah, I got to check and make sure that's cool. 1515 01:04:07,615 --> 01:04:10,449 - You can just take route 28. 1516 01:04:10,451 --> 01:04:12,151 - Okay. 1517 01:04:18,059 --> 01:04:20,593 - Well, that's the last one, boss. 1518 01:04:20,595 --> 01:04:22,595 - That's it? 1519 01:04:22,597 --> 01:04:24,330 Well, I suppose we should go 1520 01:04:24,332 --> 01:04:26,766 before crackheads and hookers move in. 1521 01:04:31,306 --> 01:04:32,738 - Too late. 1522 01:04:32,740 --> 01:04:34,640 - Hey, you made it. 1523 01:04:52,260 --> 01:04:53,526 - So... 1524 01:04:53,528 --> 01:04:54,627 How was your night? 1525 01:04:54,629 --> 01:04:56,529 Did you kiss any dudes 1526 01:04:56,531 --> 01:04:59,832 and then run away crying and leaving them stranded 1527 01:04:59,834 --> 01:05:02,335 with a shitty two-person band 1528 01:05:02,337 --> 01:05:05,705 to talk about that one time they almost got signed? 1529 01:05:05,707 --> 01:05:07,406 - joel, I like you. 1530 01:05:08,543 --> 01:05:09,642 Could have fooled me. 1531 01:05:09,644 --> 01:05:10,644 - As a friend. 1532 01:05:10,645 --> 01:05:12,111 - Perfect. 1533 01:05:12,113 --> 01:05:14,080 - I'm sorry I don't like you more than that. 1534 01:05:14,082 --> 01:05:15,548 I wish I did. 1535 01:05:15,550 --> 01:05:17,016 Unfortunately for me, 1536 01:05:17,018 --> 01:05:19,151 I'm attracted to muscular, 1537 01:05:19,153 --> 01:05:22,288 more conventionally attractive men. 1538 01:05:22,290 --> 01:05:23,589 - That's not nice. 1539 01:05:23,591 --> 01:05:24,790 Why are you saying... 1540 01:05:24,792 --> 01:05:26,292 Is this supposed to be making me feel better? 1541 01:05:26,294 --> 01:05:27,627 - I almost slept with you last night. 1542 01:05:27,629 --> 01:05:30,296 - Again, not making me feel better. 1543 01:05:30,298 --> 01:05:33,032 - joel, I wanted you to be my friend. 1544 01:05:33,034 --> 01:05:34,300 I'm not like you. 1545 01:05:34,302 --> 01:05:36,502 I don't have anyone to talk to. 1546 01:05:36,504 --> 01:05:37,903 - What? What are you talking about? 1547 01:05:37,905 --> 01:05:39,839 You're, like, you. 1548 01:05:39,841 --> 01:05:41,340 You're super popular. 1549 01:05:41,342 --> 01:05:43,776 - Yeah, with people I'm never going to talk to 1550 01:05:43,778 --> 01:05:45,444 once I graduate. 1551 01:05:45,446 --> 01:05:49,115 Mandy, stacy, and lacy are totes retar. 1552 01:05:49,117 --> 01:05:51,984 My brother's a self-absorbed asshole. 1553 01:05:51,986 --> 01:05:55,554 Even my dad prefers talking to you over me. 1554 01:05:55,556 --> 01:05:57,623 I feel comfortable around you, joel. 1555 01:05:57,625 --> 01:05:59,925 You listen to me, and for some reason, 1556 01:05:59,927 --> 01:06:02,261 you like me for who I am. 1557 01:06:02,263 --> 01:06:04,030 I didn't want to throw that all away 1558 01:06:04,032 --> 01:06:06,632 by having meaningless sex. 1559 01:06:08,169 --> 01:06:10,269 Am I making sense? 1560 01:06:12,540 --> 01:06:14,006 Thank you. 1561 01:06:14,008 --> 01:06:15,241 I felt so bad. 1562 01:06:15,243 --> 01:06:17,610 I'm sorry I abandoned you. 1563 01:06:17,612 --> 01:06:18,744 - It's okay. 1564 01:06:18,746 --> 01:06:20,179 To be fair, you warned me ahead of time 1565 01:06:20,181 --> 01:06:22,248 that you weren't interested. 1566 01:06:22,250 --> 01:06:24,550 - Well, you were pretty hard to discourage. 1567 01:06:24,552 --> 01:06:25,651 - I know. 1568 01:06:25,653 --> 01:06:27,119 I guess I just wanted my first time 1569 01:06:27,121 --> 01:06:29,622 to be with someone special. 1570 01:06:29,624 --> 01:06:30,624 - First time? 1571 01:06:30,625 --> 01:06:31,857 - No. 1572 01:06:31,859 --> 01:06:33,359 I mean my 17th time. 1573 01:06:33,361 --> 01:06:36,262 I wanted my 17th time to be with someone special, 1574 01:06:36,264 --> 01:06:38,698 because that's... That's my lucky number. 1575 01:06:38,700 --> 01:06:40,633 That, and 69, 1576 01:06:40,635 --> 01:06:43,536 because of... Oral sex. 1577 01:06:43,538 --> 01:06:46,072 - That's not how you do it. 1578 01:06:47,108 --> 01:06:48,974 Please don't tell anyone. 1579 01:06:48,976 --> 01:06:50,643 - What about your tumblr? 1580 01:06:50,645 --> 01:06:52,311 - I made that up. 1581 01:06:52,313 --> 01:06:55,581 Only boobs I've ever seen are my mom's. 1582 01:06:56,851 --> 01:06:58,884 Joel! 1583 01:06:58,886 --> 01:07:00,052 I'm sorry. 1584 01:07:00,054 --> 01:07:01,087 I'm sorry; That's not funny. 1585 01:07:01,089 --> 01:07:02,154 - No, it is. 1586 01:07:02,156 --> 01:07:03,422 My mom's titties are hilarious. 1587 01:07:06,894 --> 01:07:10,062 Well, lucky for you, we're friends now. 1588 01:07:10,064 --> 01:07:12,098 - Should we get bracelets? 1589 01:07:12,100 --> 01:07:15,434 - I was thinking I'd get you laid. 1590 01:07:15,436 --> 01:07:17,436 Friends don't let friends stay virgins, 1591 01:07:17,438 --> 01:07:18,971 and I happen to know a trio 1592 01:07:18,973 --> 01:07:23,709 of overly promiscuous, easily impressionable ladies. 1593 01:07:23,711 --> 01:07:25,678 - So you're just going to pimp them out? 1594 01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,113 Really? 1595 01:07:27,115 --> 01:07:29,181 - Yes. 1596 01:07:29,183 --> 01:07:30,683 - Okay, I can live with that. 1597 01:07:30,685 --> 01:07:31,951 - joel-ski. 1598 01:07:31,953 --> 01:07:33,152 - janie. 1599 01:07:34,455 --> 01:07:35,821 - Sorry. 1600 01:07:35,823 --> 01:07:38,157 I didn't... okay. 1601 01:07:43,765 --> 01:07:47,500 - At least turn off your send receipt feature. 1602 01:07:47,502 --> 01:07:50,970 I mean, come on! 1603 01:07:50,972 --> 01:07:52,538 - Hey, aren't you supposed 1604 01:07:52,540 --> 01:07:56,175 to be at shareef's crazy rager tonight? 1605 01:07:56,177 --> 01:07:57,576 Yeah, I know shit. 1606 01:07:57,578 --> 01:08:01,013 - Nah, I'm not in the mood. 1607 01:08:01,015 --> 01:08:02,114 - Come on. 1608 01:08:02,116 --> 01:08:03,249 Go on out and have some fun. 1609 01:08:03,251 --> 01:08:04,617 Just don't do maria. 1610 01:08:04,619 --> 01:08:05,651 - Who? 1611 01:08:05,653 --> 01:08:06,786 - maria. 1612 01:08:06,788 --> 01:08:08,020 It's molly. 1613 01:08:08,022 --> 01:08:09,054 Little bit of chili, 1614 01:08:09,056 --> 01:08:10,589 little bit of cayenne pepper. 1615 01:08:10,591 --> 01:08:12,191 Muy caliente. 1616 01:08:12,193 --> 01:08:14,894 I told you I know shit. 1617 01:08:16,731 --> 01:08:20,733 All: Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 1618 01:08:21,969 --> 01:08:23,135 Tori the whorie? 1619 01:08:23,137 --> 01:08:24,470 - don't call her that. 1620 01:08:24,472 --> 01:08:28,107 - I cannot believe you had sex with her. 1621 01:08:28,109 --> 01:08:30,109 - What the fuck! 1622 01:08:30,111 --> 01:08:31,544 - Ooh. 1623 01:08:31,546 --> 01:08:32,578 - Her? 1624 01:08:32,580 --> 01:08:33,979 You're telling me that you had sex 1625 01:08:33,981 --> 01:08:35,981 with that butter-everything? 1626 01:08:35,983 --> 01:08:37,817 - Did somebody say, "butter"? 1627 01:08:39,453 --> 01:08:40,653 What, are you crazy? 1628 01:08:40,655 --> 01:08:41,687 - Hey! 1629 01:08:41,689 --> 01:08:44,723 Mental illness is nothing to laugh at. 1630 01:08:44,725 --> 01:08:46,425 It's personal! 1631 01:08:49,397 --> 01:08:51,797 - That was fucking awesome! 1632 01:08:53,968 --> 01:08:55,634 - heather, stop. 1633 01:08:55,636 --> 01:08:57,937 - Yeah, you better run, bitch! 1634 01:08:57,939 --> 01:08:59,839 - I didn't have sex with her. 1635 01:08:59,841 --> 01:09:01,740 - You didn't? 1636 01:09:01,742 --> 01:09:05,845 Scotty, I missed you so much. 1637 01:09:05,847 --> 01:09:07,680 For reals, boo. 1638 01:09:07,682 --> 01:09:10,416 Let's go back to the way things were. 1639 01:09:19,894 --> 01:09:22,661 - I'm not afraid to beat the shit out of you, either, 1640 01:09:22,663 --> 01:09:24,597 megatron. 1641 01:09:33,174 --> 01:09:35,608 - stan, thank you for coming. 1642 01:09:35,610 --> 01:09:37,509 - stan the man. 1643 01:09:37,511 --> 01:09:39,645 - zack, how nice of you to join us. 1644 01:09:39,647 --> 01:09:41,447 - zack attack. 1645 01:09:41,449 --> 01:09:43,582 - jennifer, did you lose weight? 1646 01:09:43,584 --> 01:09:46,986 - No, no, she didn't. 1647 01:09:46,988 --> 01:09:48,687 Whoo. 1648 01:09:48,689 --> 01:09:52,124 - So you really think janie's gonna hook it up? 1649 01:09:52,126 --> 01:09:53,192 - Hell yeah. 1650 01:09:53,194 --> 01:09:54,994 She gave me her word. 1651 01:09:54,996 --> 01:09:56,128 Finally gonna get to... 1652 01:09:56,130 --> 01:09:59,331 ♪ See some areolas ♪ 1653 01:10:03,404 --> 01:10:04,536 - what, is it scott again? 1654 01:10:04,538 --> 01:10:05,704 - Yeah, he's at shareef's. 1655 01:10:05,706 --> 01:10:07,740 He just wanted to let me know. 1656 01:10:07,742 --> 01:10:09,375 - So, what, you're just gonna ignore him? 1657 01:10:09,377 --> 01:10:10,976 - After I go back to school tomorrow, 1658 01:10:10,978 --> 01:10:14,079 it's gonna be like this weekend never even happened. 1659 01:10:14,081 --> 01:10:17,516 - You are a fucking idiot. 1660 01:10:17,518 --> 01:10:19,885 You actually like him. 1661 01:10:19,887 --> 01:10:21,320 And I don't know if you know this, 1662 01:10:21,322 --> 01:10:23,422 but you hate everyone, 1663 01:10:23,424 --> 01:10:24,790 like, everyone. 1664 01:10:24,792 --> 01:10:25,758 You hate my grandma, 1665 01:10:25,760 --> 01:10:27,192 and she baked you a birthday cake, 1666 01:10:27,194 --> 01:10:29,828 and she has alzheimer's. 1667 01:10:32,300 --> 01:10:33,332 Who's that? 1668 01:10:33,334 --> 01:10:35,334 - joel, I got to go. 1669 01:10:37,104 --> 01:10:38,837 - All right, bye, bitch. 1670 01:10:40,241 --> 01:10:42,474 - Dad turned my room into a gym. 1671 01:10:42,476 --> 01:10:45,911 - I thought you were setting up a trap to kill me. 1672 01:10:45,913 --> 01:10:49,281 - Wow, I actually never thought about doing that. 1673 01:10:49,283 --> 01:10:51,650 Weird. 1674 01:10:53,821 --> 01:10:57,389 So, why did you leave your engagement party? 1675 01:10:57,391 --> 01:10:58,958 Did everyone get explosive diarrhea 1676 01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:00,092 and have to go home? 1677 01:11:00,094 --> 01:11:01,927 - No, why would that happen? 1678 01:11:01,929 --> 01:11:03,095 - I don't know. 1679 01:11:03,097 --> 01:11:04,964 I mean, big punchbowl, no one guarding it. 1680 01:11:04,966 --> 01:11:06,098 Things happen. 1681 01:11:06,100 --> 01:11:07,232 - No, I just needed a break. 1682 01:11:07,234 --> 01:11:08,634 I mean, I love the family, 1683 01:11:08,636 --> 01:11:10,636 but sometimes they drive me crazy. 1684 01:11:10,638 --> 01:11:11,971 You know what I mean? 1685 01:11:11,973 --> 01:11:13,439 - Yes. 1686 01:11:13,441 --> 01:11:16,976 My god, I related to a solid half of that statement. 1687 01:11:16,978 --> 01:11:19,411 - So why aren't you at shareef's party? 1688 01:11:19,413 --> 01:11:21,981 - Wait, how do you even know about that? 1689 01:11:21,983 --> 01:11:23,615 - Sixth sense. 1690 01:11:23,617 --> 01:11:26,485 - don't you mean, like, a fifth... 1691 01:11:26,487 --> 01:11:27,820 You know, never mind. 1692 01:11:27,822 --> 01:11:28,954 Too easy. 1693 01:11:28,956 --> 01:11:30,789 - I mean, you know that scott likes you. 1694 01:11:30,791 --> 01:11:32,124 - Well, you know, that's too bad, 1695 01:11:32,126 --> 01:11:34,660 because I don't like him. 1696 01:11:36,464 --> 01:11:38,130 - Yes, you are full of shit. 1697 01:11:38,132 --> 01:11:40,366 - Okay, fine, I like him. 1698 01:11:40,368 --> 01:11:41,368 But you know what? 1699 01:11:41,369 --> 01:11:42,568 It's complicated. 1700 01:11:42,570 --> 01:11:43,869 He's complicated. 1701 01:11:43,871 --> 01:11:45,170 Actually, you know what, he's simple. 1702 01:11:45,172 --> 01:11:46,338 He's far too simple, 1703 01:11:46,340 --> 01:11:48,974 and so scared of everything. 1704 01:11:48,976 --> 01:11:51,844 I mean, I was so close to fixing him. 1705 01:11:51,846 --> 01:11:54,947 He was so fucking close to being... 1706 01:11:54,949 --> 01:11:55,949 - Just like you. 1707 01:11:55,950 --> 01:11:57,182 - With a penis! 1708 01:11:57,184 --> 01:11:58,751 - He's not your project, tori. 1709 01:11:58,753 --> 01:12:00,519 You can't force him to be something he isn't. 1710 01:12:00,521 --> 01:12:03,622 You just have to accept him for who he is. 1711 01:12:03,624 --> 01:12:06,492 My god, how do you accept gil? 1712 01:12:06,494 --> 01:12:07,559 - I drink a lot. 1713 01:12:07,561 --> 01:12:09,128 I'm actually not even blind. 1714 01:12:09,130 --> 01:12:11,497 I'm just in a constant state of blackout drunkness. 1715 01:12:13,901 --> 01:12:19,204 God, we have far more in common that I thought. 1716 01:12:19,206 --> 01:12:21,840 - I always knew you were gonna grow up to be beautiful, tori, 1717 01:12:21,842 --> 01:12:25,944 and that you were gonna have to beat the boys away with a stick. 1718 01:12:25,946 --> 01:12:28,947 Just don't beat them all away. 1719 01:12:35,289 --> 01:12:36,522 - I don't want to talk to you, 1720 01:12:36,524 --> 01:12:38,190 so leave a message, mother-. 1721 01:12:38,192 --> 01:12:39,858 - Fuck. 1722 01:12:39,860 --> 01:12:43,529 - I won't take no for an answer, scott. 1723 01:12:43,531 --> 01:12:44,531 - heather? 1724 01:12:44,532 --> 01:12:46,031 What are you doing? 1725 01:12:46,033 --> 01:12:47,699 - I found this in shareef's mom's closet. 1726 01:12:47,701 --> 01:12:49,601 Isn't it fucking hot? 1727 01:12:49,603 --> 01:12:52,237 It'll jingle while you fuck me. 1728 01:12:52,239 --> 01:12:53,872 Whoo! 1729 01:12:55,743 --> 01:12:58,310 I know you want to do me, scott. 1730 01:12:58,312 --> 01:13:00,312 - I really don't, and you're really racist. 1731 01:13:00,314 --> 01:13:01,380 My god. 1732 01:13:01,382 --> 01:13:03,982 - Your penis no not think so. 1733 01:13:03,984 --> 01:13:04,984 Thank you. 1734 01:13:04,985 --> 01:13:06,418 Come again, please. 1735 01:13:08,222 --> 01:13:09,354 Get it? 1736 01:13:09,356 --> 01:13:11,023 It's, like, come? 1737 01:13:11,025 --> 01:13:12,391 - Yeah, no, I got it. 1738 01:13:12,393 --> 01:13:15,828 - Oops, look what I found in your car. 1739 01:13:15,830 --> 01:13:20,199 It's almost big enough for both of us. 1740 01:13:20,201 --> 01:13:21,700 Boop. 1741 01:13:21,702 --> 01:13:24,736 God, I missed you so fucking much. 1742 01:13:26,674 --> 01:13:28,307 What's with all the violence? 1743 01:13:28,309 --> 01:13:30,909 - Sorry, I'm on rihanna. 1744 01:13:30,911 --> 01:13:34,012 It's molly mixed with steroids and adrenaline. 1745 01:13:39,820 --> 01:13:40,986 ♪ ♪ 1746 01:13:40,988 --> 01:13:43,222 - scott? 1747 01:13:43,224 --> 01:13:44,356 Scott? 1748 01:13:44,358 --> 01:13:45,657 Has anyone seen scott? 1749 01:13:45,659 --> 01:13:47,092 - He's getting fingered in the garage. 1750 01:13:47,094 --> 01:13:49,128 - I'm sorry, scott is getting fingered? 1751 01:13:49,130 --> 01:13:50,996 - No, but you are. 1752 01:13:50,998 --> 01:13:52,531 - Okay. 1753 01:13:52,533 --> 01:13:54,299 Has anyone seen scott? 1754 01:13:54,301 --> 01:13:55,534 - scott is here? 1755 01:13:55,536 --> 01:13:56,735 I love that guy! 1756 01:13:56,737 --> 01:13:59,104 Everybody, scott's here! 1757 01:14:15,689 --> 01:14:17,556 - You fucking miss me? 1758 01:14:17,558 --> 01:14:19,091 - Please, no, I do not want this. 1759 01:14:19,093 --> 01:14:20,093 - Shh. 1760 01:14:20,094 --> 01:14:20,893 I love you so much. 1761 01:14:20,895 --> 01:14:21,927 - Please, no, I hate you. 1762 01:14:21,929 --> 01:14:23,328 - I fucking love you so much! 1763 01:14:23,330 --> 01:14:24,530 - I fucking hate you! 1764 01:14:24,532 --> 01:14:26,498 - I fucking hate you too! 1765 01:14:30,671 --> 01:14:33,172 - My god. 1766 01:14:35,776 --> 01:14:38,977 This is too good. 1767 01:14:38,979 --> 01:14:40,979 - tori, wait. 1768 01:14:48,189 --> 01:14:51,790 - Yeah, that one's definitely the ugliest. 1769 01:14:53,561 --> 01:14:55,427 - tori, wait. 1770 01:14:55,429 --> 01:14:56,429 Come on. 1771 01:14:56,430 --> 01:14:58,564 - Let go of me. 1772 01:14:58,566 --> 01:14:59,765 - It wasn't what it looked like, okay? 1773 01:14:59,767 --> 01:15:02,734 - No, I came here to apologize. 1774 01:15:02,736 --> 01:15:05,904 I came here to tell you that I like you for who you are, 1775 01:15:05,906 --> 01:15:09,274 only to find out that you are a fucking asshole! 1776 01:15:09,276 --> 01:15:10,309 - It's not what it looked like. 1777 01:15:10,311 --> 01:15:11,643 Heather basically raped me. 1778 01:15:11,645 --> 01:15:14,112 - My god, she weighs 90 pounds. 1779 01:15:14,114 --> 01:15:16,982 - 87. 1780 01:15:16,984 --> 01:15:21,386 - Just stay the fuck away from me. 1781 01:15:21,388 --> 01:15:23,989 Tori, whorie. 1782 01:15:23,991 --> 01:15:27,125 Tori, whorie. 1783 01:15:27,127 --> 01:15:29,228 Tori, whorie. 1784 01:15:29,230 --> 01:15:31,330 Tori, whorie. 1785 01:15:31,332 --> 01:15:33,298 Tori, whorie! 1786 01:15:33,300 --> 01:15:39,504 Whorie, whorie, whorie, whorie, whorie, whorie, 1787 01:15:39,506 --> 01:15:43,141 whorie, whorie, whorie! 1788 01:15:43,143 --> 01:15:45,777 - She raped me! 1789 01:15:58,926 --> 01:16:01,393 - All right, my little sweethearts, 1790 01:16:01,395 --> 01:16:03,195 name of the game is strip cup. 1791 01:16:03,197 --> 01:16:06,498 Now, for every miss, you have to... 1792 01:16:06,500 --> 01:16:09,167 Take off an article of clothing. 1793 01:16:09,169 --> 01:16:10,435 - And for every make, 1794 01:16:10,437 --> 01:16:13,505 we have to take off an article of clothing too. 1795 01:16:13,507 --> 01:16:15,140 Yay. 1796 01:16:15,142 --> 01:16:15,941 - Is she... 1797 01:16:15,943 --> 01:16:17,342 - Retarded? Yes. 1798 01:16:17,344 --> 01:16:21,513 - Sometimes I drink bleach. 1799 01:16:22,916 --> 01:16:24,216 - Hey, I got to talk to you. 1800 01:16:24,218 --> 01:16:25,684 - I'm busy here. 1801 01:16:25,686 --> 01:16:26,718 - What, with strip cup? 1802 01:16:26,720 --> 01:16:28,253 Come on, it's important. 1803 01:16:28,255 --> 01:16:30,989 Come on. 1804 01:16:30,991 --> 01:16:34,192 Okay, tori's really pissed at me, and I need your help. 1805 01:16:34,194 --> 01:16:35,594 - Go fuck yourself. 1806 01:16:35,596 --> 01:16:37,529 - Excuse me? 1807 01:16:37,531 --> 01:16:39,064 - Shall I repeat myself? 1808 01:16:39,066 --> 01:16:40,799 I thought I was clear the first time. 1809 01:16:40,801 --> 01:16:42,901 - Okay, why are you being such a bitch? 1810 01:16:42,903 --> 01:16:45,237 I just need your help. 1811 01:16:45,239 --> 01:16:46,471 - If I had to guess, 1812 01:16:46,473 --> 01:16:48,473 I'd probably say tori's not talking to you 1813 01:16:48,475 --> 01:16:51,176 because you're only ever thinking about yourself. 1814 01:16:51,178 --> 01:16:52,044 - That's not it. 1815 01:16:52,046 --> 01:16:53,412 - Will you shut the fuck up? 1816 01:16:53,414 --> 01:16:56,114 The depth of your selfishness is astonishing. 1817 01:16:56,116 --> 01:16:58,550 How dare you come to me for advice? 1818 01:16:58,552 --> 01:17:00,719 You know how many times I've tried talking to you 1819 01:17:00,721 --> 01:17:02,220 but you were too busy for me? 1820 01:17:02,222 --> 01:17:04,256 Too busy with your hair, your photography, or heather, 1821 01:17:04,258 --> 01:17:06,024 whatever bullshit was consuming you at the time. 1822 01:17:06,026 --> 01:17:07,592 - Look, I didn't know, okay? 1823 01:17:07,594 --> 01:17:08,894 You always seem so happy. 1824 01:17:08,896 --> 01:17:11,129 - Well, that's kind of the point. 1825 01:17:11,131 --> 01:17:12,898 You're only worrying about yourself. 1826 01:17:12,900 --> 01:17:14,466 You're not aware of your surroundings, 1827 01:17:14,468 --> 01:17:18,136 let alone your only sister. 1828 01:17:18,138 --> 01:17:19,538 I'll see you at home, scott. 1829 01:17:19,540 --> 01:17:21,306 - Wait. - What are you doing? 1830 01:17:21,308 --> 01:17:22,308 - I'm hugging you. 1831 01:17:22,309 --> 01:17:23,408 - Why? 1832 01:17:23,410 --> 01:17:25,110 - I don't know, but I think we should. 1833 01:17:25,112 --> 01:17:25,911 - scott, enough. 1834 01:17:25,913 --> 01:17:28,513 This is way too disney channel. 1835 01:17:28,515 --> 01:17:30,449 - Yeah, I don't care. 1836 01:17:30,451 --> 01:17:31,451 Come on. 1837 01:17:31,452 --> 01:17:33,218 Let's hug it out. 1838 01:17:37,424 --> 01:17:38,657 - I'm sorry. 1839 01:17:38,659 --> 01:17:40,459 I love you. 1840 01:17:40,461 --> 01:17:41,860 - I love you too. 1841 01:17:41,862 --> 01:17:45,964 - I knew you did. 1842 01:17:45,966 --> 01:17:48,667 So, I'm a self-absorbed asshole, right? 1843 01:17:48,669 --> 01:17:50,469 - Pretty much. 1844 01:17:54,007 --> 01:17:55,507 I always wanted to do that. 1845 01:17:55,509 --> 01:17:56,509 - Yeah, feel good? 1846 01:17:56,510 --> 01:17:57,510 - Yeah, it feels great. 1847 01:17:57,511 --> 01:17:59,311 - Okay, good; Good for you. 1848 01:18:01,515 --> 01:18:02,714 My god. 1849 01:18:02,716 --> 01:18:04,883 I know what I got to do to get her back. 1850 01:18:06,387 --> 01:18:08,153 Unless you need me to stay here and talk about... 1851 01:18:08,155 --> 01:18:08,954 - Go. 1852 01:18:08,956 --> 01:18:09,955 - Do you want another hug? 1853 01:18:09,957 --> 01:18:11,156 We can hug again. 1854 01:18:11,158 --> 01:18:12,791 - Go, go. 1855 01:18:15,195 --> 01:18:18,196 - stacy got tired of waiting. 1856 01:18:21,668 --> 01:18:23,268 - Excuse me. 1857 01:18:26,306 --> 01:18:27,639 - Mata! 1858 01:18:27,641 --> 01:18:29,274 Pita? 1859 01:18:29,276 --> 01:18:31,676 Run! 1860 01:18:34,248 --> 01:18:36,681 - No! 1861 01:18:41,455 --> 01:18:43,355 Sorry, man. 1862 01:19:02,376 --> 01:19:03,909 - Take me as a hostage. 1863 01:19:03,911 --> 01:19:06,578 - scott, what the fuck are you doing? 1864 01:19:06,580 --> 01:19:09,047 - This. 1865 01:19:18,025 --> 01:19:20,492 - I'm a complete asshole. 1866 01:19:20,494 --> 01:19:22,060 I'm selfish, 1867 01:19:22,062 --> 01:19:24,029 I'm self-absorbed, 1868 01:19:24,031 --> 01:19:27,232 and I suck pretty much all of the time. 1869 01:19:27,234 --> 01:19:30,902 - Yeah, well, you're just stating the obvious. 1870 01:19:30,904 --> 01:19:32,671 - But I want to change. 1871 01:19:39,246 --> 01:19:42,314 I'm sorry about the prom picture. 1872 01:19:42,316 --> 01:19:44,549 And I'm sorry about heather. 1873 01:19:44,551 --> 01:19:47,853 And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like... 1874 01:19:47,855 --> 01:19:49,821 I was better than you 1875 01:19:49,823 --> 01:19:52,491 or that you didn't matter, 1876 01:19:52,493 --> 01:19:56,094 because you do, so much. 1877 01:20:02,436 --> 01:20:07,305 What happened with heather didn't mean anything to me. 1878 01:20:07,307 --> 01:20:10,876 Yesterday was the best day of my life. 1879 01:20:10,878 --> 01:20:12,878 And I really wish it wouldn't have taken me so long 1880 01:20:12,880 --> 01:20:14,813 to start my fuck it list. 1881 01:20:14,815 --> 01:20:15,815 - Language. 1882 01:20:15,816 --> 01:20:18,216 - You shut the fuck up. 1883 01:20:18,218 --> 01:20:21,253 - I know that hating everything and everyone 1884 01:20:21,255 --> 01:20:25,257 is kind of your thing, but... 1885 01:20:25,259 --> 01:20:28,894 God, I don't hate you. 1886 01:20:28,896 --> 01:20:31,963 - Damn it. 1887 01:20:31,965 --> 01:20:34,533 I don't hate you either. 1888 01:20:47,714 --> 01:20:49,514 My god. 1889 01:20:49,516 --> 01:20:52,117 Your hair looks like shit. 1890 01:20:54,021 --> 01:20:55,654 - I don't care. 1891 01:20:55,656 --> 01:20:57,389 - I do. 1892 01:21:02,296 --> 01:21:03,495 - It was rape, all right? 1893 01:21:03,497 --> 01:21:04,529 I swear to god. 1894 01:21:04,531 --> 01:21:05,797 She tricked my penis into a boner. 1895 01:21:05,799 --> 01:21:08,433 - Shut up. 1896 01:21:13,674 --> 01:21:15,273 All right. 1897 01:21:15,275 --> 01:21:16,174 All done. 1898 01:21:16,176 --> 01:21:18,443 - How does it look? 1899 01:21:20,781 --> 01:21:21,781 - Awesome. 1900 01:21:21,782 --> 01:21:22,782 - Yeah. 1901 01:21:28,021 --> 01:21:30,088 - I want to go somewhere. 1902 01:21:30,090 --> 01:21:32,524 - Looking like that? 1903 01:21:32,526 --> 01:21:34,993 Just kidding. 1904 01:21:34,995 --> 01:21:36,595 Not really. 1905 01:21:39,600 --> 01:21:42,200 ♪ ♪ 1906 01:21:51,878 --> 01:21:54,346 - my god! 1907 01:21:54,348 --> 01:21:57,582 What did you do? 1908 01:21:57,584 --> 01:21:58,750 - Something pretty stupid, 1909 01:21:58,752 --> 01:22:02,087 but it was worth it. 1910 01:22:02,089 --> 01:22:04,389 Wow, what made you do all this? 1911 01:22:04,391 --> 01:22:06,591 - Well, if we didn't throw a party, 1912 01:22:06,593 --> 01:22:08,126 how would joel get laid? 1913 01:22:08,128 --> 01:22:09,194 - Yeah. 1914 01:22:09,196 --> 01:22:10,629 Where is that shit-face? 1915 01:22:10,631 --> 01:22:14,599 - He's in the back room getting a lot of stds. 1916 01:22:14,601 --> 01:22:18,036 - I'm sorry, what? 1917 01:22:18,038 --> 01:22:20,138 - Baby, you're so fucking hot. 1918 01:22:20,140 --> 01:22:21,140 Well, not really, 1919 01:22:21,141 --> 01:22:22,607 but I have a lot of issues. 1920 01:22:23,744 --> 01:22:24,809 Asshole, here I come. 1921 01:22:24,811 --> 01:22:26,144 - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1922 01:22:26,146 --> 01:22:27,712 Okay, quick question, 1923 01:22:27,714 --> 01:22:29,314 and let me know if this is, like, totally out of line, 1924 01:22:29,316 --> 01:22:31,149 but it's always been a dream of mine. 1925 01:22:31,151 --> 01:22:35,687 Is there any way I could come on your tits? 1926 01:22:35,689 --> 01:22:38,156 - ♪duhzeez. 1927 01:22:41,762 --> 01:22:44,663 - Those are so much better than my mom's. 1928 01:22:46,133 --> 01:22:48,166 That is honestly... 1929 01:22:48,168 --> 01:22:51,803 The nicest thing any guy has ever said to me. 1930 01:22:51,805 --> 01:22:56,374 This is totes our rachel mcadams ryan gosling notebook moment. 1931 01:22:58,311 --> 01:22:59,878 - God damn it, you're sexy. 1932 01:22:59,880 --> 01:23:01,546 - I know. 1933 01:23:01,548 --> 01:23:04,949 - ♪ Hey, we don't really got another place to go ♪ 1934 01:23:04,951 --> 01:23:07,318 ♪ and I know you don't want to sleep alone ♪ 1935 01:23:07,320 --> 01:23:10,689 ♪ so take me home tonight ♪ 1936 01:23:10,691 --> 01:23:12,424 ♪ so I hit her with a ♪ 1937 01:23:12,426 --> 01:23:15,560 ♪ I know we don't got another place to be ♪ 1938 01:23:15,562 --> 01:23:16,895 - come on. 1939 01:23:16,897 --> 01:23:18,463 - I don't dance. 1940 01:23:18,465 --> 01:23:20,365 - Only in your living room? 1941 01:23:20,367 --> 01:23:23,968 - Okay, well, that's very, very different. 1942 01:23:26,973 --> 01:23:28,173 ♪ ♪ 1943 01:23:28,175 --> 01:23:30,041 - ho-ho, come on. 1944 01:23:30,043 --> 01:23:32,077 It's perfect. 1945 01:23:33,747 --> 01:23:36,481 - Okay, okay, fine, fine. 1946 01:23:36,483 --> 01:23:40,085 ♪ ♪ 1947 01:23:40,087 --> 01:23:42,520 - ♪ now that I've got you ♪ 1948 01:23:42,522 --> 01:23:45,957 ♪ I won't let you go ♪ 1949 01:23:45,959 --> 01:23:48,526 ♪ no, no, no, no ♪ 1950 01:23:48,528 --> 01:23:51,128 ♪ ♪ 1951 01:24:04,211 --> 01:24:06,845 ♪ now that I've got you ♪ 1952 01:24:06,847 --> 01:24:09,814 ♪ I won't let you go ♪ 1953 01:24:22,229 --> 01:24:25,130 - ♪ to keep the light on, honey ♪ 1954 01:24:25,132 --> 01:24:30,135 ♪ is the least that I can do ♪ 1955 01:24:30,137 --> 01:24:32,737 ♪ if I keep running back to you ♪ 1956 01:24:32,739 --> 01:24:33,905 - hi, sweetie. 1957 01:24:33,907 --> 01:24:35,340 - Dad, I'm sorry. 1958 01:24:35,342 --> 01:24:38,576 - It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. 1959 01:24:38,578 --> 01:24:40,478 This is perfect. 1960 01:24:56,463 --> 01:25:01,166 - ♪ And all my childhood dreams ♪ 1961 01:25:01,168 --> 01:25:05,570 ♪ never turns out the way that they're supposed to be ♪ 1962 01:25:05,572 --> 01:25:08,540 ♪ I don't want to live a day past 29 ♪ 1963 01:25:08,542 --> 01:25:11,309 - sorry, but the world does not need to know 1964 01:25:11,311 --> 01:25:14,546 how I feel every second of every day. 1965 01:25:14,548 --> 01:25:15,847 Call me crazy, but I think 1966 01:25:15,849 --> 01:25:18,349 that as soon as we comment on the present, 1967 01:25:18,351 --> 01:25:20,685 we kind of lose it forever. 1968 01:25:20,687 --> 01:25:23,154 And the present is where things happen. 1969 01:25:23,156 --> 01:25:26,224 Sometimes it's difficult. 1970 01:25:26,226 --> 01:25:29,694 Sometimes it's glorious. 1971 01:25:29,696 --> 01:25:31,563 But it's always the place to be, 1972 01:25:31,565 --> 01:25:34,866 because life happens in the present, 1973 01:25:34,868 --> 01:25:38,069 one second to the next. 1974 01:25:38,071 --> 01:25:42,373 And if you're living with one foot in the past, 1975 01:25:42,375 --> 01:25:45,743 well, you're missing a fucking foot. 1976 01:25:45,745 --> 01:25:50,215 - 892 train to chicago, now boarding. 1977 01:25:55,555 --> 01:25:57,155 ♪ ♪ 1978 01:26:00,360 --> 01:26:01,759 - don't spit, god. 1979 01:26:01,761 --> 01:26:03,094 - Sometimes it needs some lubrication. 1980 01:26:03,096 --> 01:26:04,096 - No, it does not. 1981 01:26:04,097 --> 01:26:05,330 - Natural lubrication 1982 01:26:05,332 --> 01:26:06,731 is one of the best types of lubrication, 1983 01:26:06,733 --> 01:26:09,167 especially when you're eating fucking pussy. 1984 01:26:09,169 --> 01:26:10,235 - God! 1985 01:26:10,237 --> 01:26:11,970 - All right, cut. 1986 01:26:18,011 --> 01:26:19,077 - That's some good-ass shit. 1987 01:26:19,079 --> 01:26:20,578 - My god, yeah, thank you. 1988 01:26:20,580 --> 01:26:22,080 - Your mama teach you how to make these brownies? 1989 01:26:22,082 --> 01:26:23,648 - No, I... 1990 01:26:23,650 --> 01:26:25,250 - Your daddy taught you how to make them brownies? 1991 01:26:25,252 --> 01:26:26,818 Go make them brownies. Get the pot, girl. 1992 01:26:26,820 --> 01:26:28,052 You want some? 1993 01:26:28,054 --> 01:26:29,454 - No, no. - I think I'm high. 1994 01:26:29,456 --> 01:26:31,016 - I don't think it happens that quickly. 1995 01:26:35,028 --> 01:26:36,628 ♪ ♪ 1996 01:26:39,966 --> 01:26:41,065 - hey, kathleen. 1997 01:26:42,535 --> 01:26:44,936 - ♪ I'm gonna come on those tits ♪ 1998 01:26:44,938 --> 01:26:47,071 wamp-wamp-wamp, dubstep remix. 1999 01:26:47,073 --> 01:26:48,206 ♪ Ch-ch-ch come ♪ 2000 01:26:48,208 --> 01:26:51,576 ♪ b-zzz, dup-dup-dup, sperm ♪ 2001 01:26:55,348 --> 01:26:56,814 - and that's the last time 2002 01:26:56,816 --> 01:26:58,850 I'll ever have sex with an amputee again. 2003 01:26:58,852 --> 01:27:02,420 That's the last time I'll ever have sex with a veteran again. 2004 01:27:02,422 --> 01:27:03,888 And that is the last time 2005 01:27:03,890 --> 01:27:06,291 I'll ever have sex with a special ed teacher. 2006 01:27:06,293 --> 01:27:08,893 ♪ ♪ 2007 01:27:14,734 --> 01:27:15,800 - cut. 2008 01:27:17,837 --> 01:27:21,372 - Sometimes I masturbate with a blender. 2009 01:27:24,778 --> 01:27:28,046 - Raper uses the same password for all his secure files. 2010 01:27:28,048 --> 01:27:31,282 It's "titty fuck" with three exclamation points. 2011 01:27:31,284 --> 01:27:33,518 "Cunt bunny" with a smiley face. 2012 01:27:33,520 --> 01:27:36,087 "ariana grande's tight little ass 420." 2013 01:27:36,089 --> 01:27:37,622 "Teeny ass 99." 2014 01:27:37,624 --> 01:27:39,490 "Titty boner" with a smiley face. 2015 01:27:39,492 --> 01:27:42,360 "Pussy popper 88." 2016 01:27:42,362 --> 01:27:44,395 "Dripping wet clit 99." 2017 01:27:44,397 --> 01:27:46,197 "Anus party 85." 2018 01:27:46,199 --> 01:27:49,834 "The clits go marching one by one." 2019 01:27:49,836 --> 01:27:52,203 "Clit massacre 89." 2020 01:27:52,205 --> 01:27:53,438 Okay, wait. 2021 01:27:53,440 --> 01:27:55,673 - Three more! 2022 01:27:55,675 --> 01:27:57,842 - "Titty titty bungalow 420." 2023 01:27:57,844 --> 01:28:01,412 "Pussy wagon pussy wagon make me a cake." 2024 01:28:01,414 --> 01:28:03,581 - Try something with "asshole"! 2025 01:28:03,583 --> 01:28:04,449 - Okay. 2026 01:28:04,451 --> 01:28:05,583 Your tits are so fucking nice. 2027 01:28:05,585 --> 01:28:06,718 - My god, you're so sweet. 2028 01:28:06,720 --> 01:28:07,986 - You want to suck my nipple? 2029 01:28:07,988 --> 01:28:11,022 - Okay. 2030 01:28:14,627 --> 01:28:15,426 - Cut. 2031 01:28:15,428 --> 01:28:16,995 - It's done. 2032 01:28:24,971 --> 01:28:27,571 ♪ ♪ 2033 01:28:45,925 --> 01:28:49,494 - ♪ hey, love, when you fall asleep ♪ 2034 01:28:49,496 --> 01:28:53,131 ♪ there's a piece of you in every song I sing ♪ 2035 01:28:53,133 --> 01:28:59,337 ♪ where your childhood runs wild and free ♪ 2036 01:28:59,339 --> 01:29:00,838 ♪ without me ♪ 2037 01:29:00,840 --> 01:29:04,308 ♪ held your love in a silver spoon ♪ 2038 01:29:04,310 --> 01:29:08,212 ♪ walked outside just to kiss the moon ♪ 2039 01:29:08,214 --> 01:29:14,152 ♪ looking back, I wish I kissed you ♪ 2040 01:29:14,154 --> 01:29:19,424 ♪ kissed you ♪ 2041 01:29:19,426 --> 01:29:21,859 ♪ to keep the light on, honey ♪ 2042 01:29:21,861 --> 01:29:26,931 ♪ is the least that I can do ♪ 2043 01:29:26,933 --> 01:29:31,669 ♪ if I keep running back to you ♪ 2044 01:29:31,671 --> 01:29:34,772 ♪ ♪ 2045 01:29:34,774 --> 01:29:37,375 ♪ your heart is a slow train coming ♪ 2046 01:29:37,377 --> 01:29:42,346 ♪ I'm afraid to make my move ♪ 2047 01:29:42,348 --> 01:29:49,120 ♪ if I keep running back to you ♪ 2048 01:29:49,122 --> 01:29:52,623 ♪ hey, old lover, it's a lonely day ♪ 2049 01:29:52,625 --> 01:29:54,392 ♪ there's a record on ♪ 2050 01:29:54,394 --> 01:29:56,427 ♪ and the song remains ♪ 2051 01:29:56,429 --> 01:29:58,162 ♪ if we dance real slow ♪ 2052 01:29:58,164 --> 01:30:02,066 ♪ until the music fades ♪ 2053 01:30:02,068 --> 01:30:03,935 ♪ will we do the same ♪ 2054 01:30:03,937 --> 01:30:07,004 ♪ held your heart till the bitter end ♪ 2055 01:30:07,006 --> 01:30:10,741 ♪ you held my hand like I was your best friend ♪ 2056 01:30:10,743 --> 01:30:17,448 ♪ in another life we will meet again ♪ 2057 01:30:17,450 --> 01:30:22,453 ♪ again ♪ 2058 01:30:22,455 --> 01:30:24,956 ♪ to keep the light on, honey ♪ 2059 01:30:24,958 --> 01:30:30,027 ♪ is the least that I can do ♪ 2060 01:30:30,029 --> 01:30:34,465 ♪ if I keep running back to you ♪ 2061 01:30:34,467 --> 01:30:37,735 ♪ ♪ 2062 01:30:37,737 --> 01:30:40,438 ♪ your heart is a slow train coming ♪ 2063 01:30:40,440 --> 01:30:45,510 ♪ I'm afraid to make my move ♪ 2064 01:30:45,512 --> 01:30:50,081 ♪ if I keep running back to you ♪ 2065 01:30:50,083 --> 01:30:52,950 ♪ ♪ 2066 01:30:52,952 --> 01:30:58,256 ♪ if I keep running back to you ♪ 2067 01:31:03,930 --> 01:31:09,667 ♪ you ♪ 2068 01:31:11,538 --> 01:31:17,041 ♪ you ♪ 2069 01:31:19,279 --> 01:31:25,149 ♪ you ♪ 2070 01:31:27,020 --> 01:31:31,122 ♪ ♪ 2071 01:31:31,124 --> 01:31:38,896 ♪ if I keep running back to you ♪ 2072 01:31:38,898 --> 01:31:43,267 ♪ if I keep running back to you ♪ 132122