Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- Hey, Ed! Sandwich.

- Yeah, it is. Thanks for noticing.

- Hand it over. - No!

- Did you just defy me?

- I meant, ah, no, you don't want this sandwich,

I'll go make you your own. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Okay, I will have turkey,

salami, mustard, mayo, onions, more mayo.

- Anything else, your highness? [Doorbell]

- Yeah. Get the door.

[Doorbell]

- Hi. - What are you doing here, Teddy?

- Just hanging with my best buddy Eddie!

- Best buddy? I see us more as casual acquaintances.

- Ah! That's a good-looking sandwich you got there. You mind?

- Go ahead. Uh, look, Teddy, this really isn't a good time.

- Not a fan of the pop-in? - No, it's just Derek's home so--

- Edwin, I forgot about pickles. You!

- Oh boy. - The kid who tied me up!

- Hey, hey, Derek! Listen, why don't you say we let bygones be bygones?

- You tied me up,

tormented me in my own house,

aided and abetted by your accomplice. Edwin!

Why aren't you making me a sandwich?

- 'Cause I'm hanging with my best buddy, Teddy!

- Huh! No, you're not. - Derek, you're not allowed

to mess with my guest or make me do stuff while they're here. House rules.

- Fine. Then you keep him away from me.

- Teddy! You can stay as long as you like.

- Thanks, Eddie. I will! - Alright.

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married, that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school... A new house... ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora ♪

♪ Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

- When you meet someone new, you've gotta decide:

friend or foe?

Nice person like me, or not so nice person, like Derek?

Sometimes a person seems like a Casey

but is actually a Derek in disguise.

- So, you have any plans tonight?

- Plans. No, no... not that I know of.

Oh, uh, except for that, ah, date with... Truman.

- What! I can't believe you're going out with Truman!

- You went out with him. - I know, but I...

I didn't know he was trouble! You do!

- He's been bugging me for ages to go out with him and it's just one date.

- Fine, just don't say I didn't warn you.

Speaking of warning, here comes trouble.

- Emily.

Still mad at me? Look, what can I do to make it up to you?

- You can leave my friend alone. - She's very protective.

- I noticed! But if Emily wants to chaperone our date--

- Okay! - Not okay! And not necessary.

- Our first date! I can't believe it's finally happening.

- Hm. Neither can I.

- Well, we don't have to put too much pressure on it

because first dates can be kind of awkward.

- Had some bad experiences? - I have!

- Ah, actually, no.

Most of my first dates really haven't been that memorable.

- Well, what if I told you I was planning a first date

you'd never forget? - I'd say 'go away'.

But it's totally Casey's call.

- Edwin? - What? I only had two slices.

- Yeah and I get four. But I only had three.

- It was me. I'm so sorry. - Oh no!

You can have mine.

- You? Stay away from me! And you?

Pick me up another pizza.

- I'd love to, bro, but, ah,

I'm still hanging with my buddy Teddy.

- Fine.

But he has to go home eventually.

- Nice seeing you again, Derek!

So, Ed, what's on deck tonight?

- Well, Ted, you know, I was actually considering a quiet evening...

alone. - I understand.

You want me to leave. I'll go home,

even though your home is so much more... homey.

- You know what? It's okay. You can stay. Lizzie!

- Ow! - Nice shot.

- Goal! Well, this is really fun,

but don't you have to go home now?

- Nah, my parents are thrilled I'm out of the house!

You know, you're an amazing soccer player, Lizzie.

- Thanks. - I never hung out with a girl like you before!

So... athletic and...

dare I say, attractive?

- Huh? - It's just too bad we both weren't older!

Because I can see wedding bells in our future.

- Huh?

- Got any plans for this evening? - Oh, yeah, yeah!

Many plans. But Marti's available.

- Please, Princess Socks-a-lot.

Come with me to the sock-ball.

- Sorry, I have plans with a shoe.

- Oh, Marti! You are the cutest little sister ever!

This is the most fun I've had playing with socks!

- Teddy, have you met Nora? She loves socks. Nora!

- That is one fine looking salad, Nora.

Now, I know you're shorthanded with your husband away

on business, so, you know, I'd be happy to set the table.

- That's awfully sweet of you, but who are you?

- Oh, I'm Teddy. I'm a friend of Edwin's,

which makes me your step-son once removed.

- Okay.

Welcome to the family.

- Casey! - What's Teddy doing here?

- He says he's my step-son. Oooh! You look nice.

- Thank you. - So what time is Truman picking you up?

- Uh... [Horn] - Now?

[Unceasing horn]

- Guess he's not coming in.

- Yeah, guess not. Ah, so where are you kids off to?

- Truman didn't say, but he promised

that it would be memorable. - Oooh!

- Can someone lend me 10 bucks for a cab?

- Teddy at the ready.

- Thanks.

- Tissue? - Thanks again.

- Bad date, huh? - More like the worst date of my life.

- Well, I think that guy just made the biggest mistake of his life.

If he can't give you the dream date you deserve,

then I don't think he deserves to go out with you.

- Thanks.

- Now, how 'bout a hug?

- Um, no thanks. And Teddy, what are you doing here

at 10 o'clock on a school night?

- You're right! Ed, can I stay over?

- Emily, I was wrong not to heed your warning.

Truman is trouble and that is the last time I will ever say his name.

- Nameless guy heading this way. - Let's go.

- Casey! You aren't avoiding me are you? - No. I'm shunning you.

- Well, what's wrong? Date a little too memorable?

- You made me play paintball, we had donuts for dinner

before going to a monster truck rally and then I had to take a cab home!

- What's wrong with you? - Nothing!

Casey, it was supposed to be funny! I promised you a date you'd never forget?

So I took you on the anti-date.

I was going to tell you right before you jumped in the cab.

- Well your anti-date will be our only date. Which I assume is what you intended.

- No, it really wasn't. Look, let me make it up to you. Please?

- Forget it! - Yeah, forget it!

- Can we speak alone for a moment? - No!

- Come here. I want to make this right.

Let me take you on the perfect date.

- And what would that be, Mister Anti-date?

- You decide. Design the perfect date and I will be the perfect gentleman.

- Seriously? - Your date,

your rules, my treat.

- A designer date?

Ooh! That could be-- - A huge mistake? - You're on.

- Hm.

[Doorbell] - Oh no!

- Is it...?

[Doorbell]

- Hello? Anybody home?

Yo, Nora. 'Sup.

- Yo, Teddy. You're... back.

- Yeah, um, is Lizzie home? - She's, ah...

...at soccer. - Oh. Well, what about Marti?

- Um...

Ballet.

- Edwin? - He's break dancing.

- Oh, okay. No problem.

What's for dinner?

- We need to do something about Teddy. He won't leave me alone!

He says I'm the "best friend he never had"!

- He says I'm the cute little sister he never had!

- He says he wants to marry me!

A small ceremony. Immediate family only.

I said no! - [All]: Ahhhhhhhhh! - It's just me.

Ah, I don't mean to interrupt and I don't mean to be mean,

but someone's got to tell Teddy to go home!

- Well, Nora, if that's the way you feel, then you tell him. - Forget it. He's your friend.

- Well, I think he should hear it from his little sister?

- No way! His fiancée should do it.

- I beg your pardon?

- Hello, Derek. Is everything to your liking?

- What are you doing in here?

- Waiting for you. - Look, Freaky Freakerson,

you're really tempting fate here so why don't you go home

before somebody... gets hurt.

- No, it's not what you think! Look, I come here

not to freak you or annoy you,

but to praise you.

- What are you talking about?

- Look, right now Eddie, Lizzie,

Marti and Nora are in the closet trying to figure out a way to get rid of me.

- Yeah? Well, maybe you should join them.

- No, please, Derek! The real reason I've been hanging out

all week and the reason why I pranked you a year ago

is just 'cause I wanted to earn your respect!

- I'm listening. - Look, Derek,

I need a big brother, a mentor,

a spirit guide, if you will.

And all I ask is the chance to learn from the master.

- Oh, well. I am the master.

- I'll do anything you tell me to.

- Whoa!

- Meet my new personal executive assistant!

Teddy.

- You realize that before the prank master imparts his wisdom

you will have to pay for your previous pranks, Teddy.

- Understood, sir. - There are duties. Some of them will not be pretty.

- Not here to be pretty, sir. - Very well. Ready, Teddy?

- Sir, yes, sir!

Your hockey gear, sir. And might I say

it was an honour to clean the jockstrap

of a hockey legend such as yourself.

- You like hockey?

Well, I think you've earned yourself a short break.

I'll show you something really cool.

- Wow! - My first MVP trophy.

Got it when I was eight. - May I?

- Sorry, Teddy. It's my most prized possession. It means everything to me.

- Everything?

- Oh, nice! Okay, so let me get this straight...

You had the worst date ever with Truman, but you're going out with him again?

- Yes, but this time, it's going to be perfect.

- How do you know? - Because I've combined

every romantic idea I've ever had into a perfectly perfect evening.

- Sounds... fun?!

- Oh, it will be. We're going to go to see a foreign film,

which kind of makes us cry, but maybe we pretend we don't and then later,

over a crème brûlée, we'll discuss our hopes and dreams.

[Doorbell] Oh, that's him! Right on time.

- Hello, Casey. - Truman!

Faded jeans and a Merino sweater. - As specified.

- This is my mother, Nora McDonald.

- Very nice to meet you, Nora. - You too, Truman.

- Bye, Mom! Let's go, Truman.

- Ha.

- Edwin. Why are you lurking?

- Wha...? I'm not lurking, I'm observing.

Something strange is going on in this house.

Or, should I say, someone strange.

- Well, if we're not talking about you, I assume we're talking about Teddy?

- Yes! Why is he playing up to Derek?

Because he likes being his butler? Or because he's trying

to cut me out of the little brother position?

- Oh, Edwin!

- Locked? That's not acceptable.

- Are you Teddy? - No.

- Wasn't that door locked? - Yeah.

- Then what are you doing in here? - I'm here to protect you!

- From who? - Teddy! He's up to no good.

- No good? The kid's great, alright?

He does everything I ask without complaining, once.

Oh, he is like the perfect little brother.

- Well, fine.

I hope you and your perfect little brother are perfectly happy together.

- Oh, hey, Ed. Enjoying your Derek-free time?

- Yes! Actually, it's given me more time

to get to know Marti and Lizzie better.

You know, your favourite little sister and your fiancée?

Yeah, actually, I was about to go spend some quality time with them.

- Oh! Sounds like fun. Listen, if you need me,

I'll be with my big brother. I mean, mentor.

- Ah...

- A little security upgrade is in order. To keep out the riffraff.

- What are we doing? - Spending quality time together.

- More like quantity time. Mm.

Cracker? - Look, I'm trying to figure out

what Teddy's doing up there 'cause I'm convinced he's up to no good.

- Hm. I'll admit the way Teddy's following Derek around is creepy.

And he's intensely annoying. But are you sure he's up to no good?

Or are you just jealous he's hanging out with Derek?

- Pfft. Jealous? Me?

Okay, the point is, jealous or not,

I know Teddy's up to something!

- Well, if you feel this strongly,

I think we should take you seriously. - Really? You believe me?

- Let's just say I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

- Me too, whatever that is.

Mostly I'm on your side because you're my brother.

- Thanks for the support, you two.

- Didn't you just love that film?

- I loved it. It was profoundly...

- Yes? - ...beautiful.

- Oh, I'm so glad you liked it.

Ah, I'd love to live in Provence.

- I'd rather live in Paris. - Maybe just a summer home then.

- By the sea. - Perfect for dinner parties.

- Under a gazebo.

- But, seriously,

if you could do anything in the world, what would you do?

- What if I was doing it right now?

- Ah, Dutch? - No, no.

My treat. Really.

Last bite of crème brûlée?

- Try it from your side.

Teddy? - Just... tying my shoes!

- Um, it's locked.

- Yeah, I know it's locked. Switch places.

Hey, ah, where's the second key?

- Um, I think I might have both keys, Derek.

- Very funny. Open up.

- Actually, I gotta go, Derek.

But I've taken a small memento of our time together.

- Teddy, open the door now.

- Gotcha! I want to thank you, Derek, for being such a...

such a worthy opponent. You know, I'm sure you never would have imagined

that I would return to the very place that I scammed you before.

But I did, because I, Teddy Picaluga,

am the true Prank Master!

Mwahaha...

- Edwin!

Lizzie?

Marti?

[Telephone]

- Hello? Oh, hey boss! How's it going?

Called to thank me? Oh, you are too kind!

Uh huh. Really?

Okay, buh-bye.

[Derek is knocking]

Long day. Really, really beat. [He turns up the volume to hide Derek's knocking]

- Hey, Ted, you want a snack or anything?

- Ah, nah, I'm just going to go home. Give you guys a break from me.

- Say Teddy? - Uh-huh?

- Why are you wearing your backpack in the house?

You know, any normal kid would've taken it off at the door.

- Come on, I mean, we both know I'm not normal.

- Wanted a cute little sister, huh?

- And a small ceremony?

- Get him! - Come back here!

- Hey!

- Close! A little tip, kids?

You can't out-scam the Scam King! Mwahaha!!!

- Gotcha. - Oh!

[Doorbell]

- I believe you have something that belongs to me?

- Okay, okay! But I wasn't stealing it.

I was only borrowing it as a joke.

- The joke's on you, Teddy.

You think I didn't know you were up to something the minute I saw you?

- You knew? Oh, you are good.

- No, I'm the best.

But I must admit, you do have some raw talent.

And so for that, I'm going to let you keep...

my most prized possession. - Huh?

- Really? Thanks, Derek, you know, you really are awesome!

- I'm so sorry! I'll fix it! Oh, I...

- You think that trophy's my most-prized possession?

It's tiny. I got like twenty of those.

Edwin, call his parents.

I think it's time Teddy goes home.

- Did you just tell me to do something for you?

- Yeah. Of course. You're my brother.

And, ah, Teddy, if you ever want to hone your pranking skills,

talk to Eddie. Taught him everything I know.

- I gotta say, Truman, I didn't think you were capable

of taking me on the perfect date, but you did it.

Makes me think you really like me after all.

- Ah, you know, Casey, this doesn't feel right.

- But we didn't even kiss yet. - No, I meant about tonight.

- What? You didn't have fun?

- Honestly? If that's your idea of the perfect date,

then I'm outta here.

- But you seemed to be enjoying yourself.

- I said I'd do it, but I couldn't do it again.

- Gotcha!

- What?

- A little payback for paintball and monster trucks.

You didn't really think that was my perfect date, did you? - Yeah, I did.

- Okay, I knew it was a bit much. - A bit?

- Okay, I went totally overboard. - So then what is your idea

of a perfect date? - Well, as long as the company's good,

who cares?

- My sentiments exactly. - Ah, I'm sorry, Truman,

but we haven't gone on a real date yet. - Oh, then maybe

we should do that.

- Maybe we should. Call me.

Closed Captioning by sette inc.

- Have to hang out with my best buddy, Eddie. Teddy!

- Oh, Teddy.

- Embarrassing!

- ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0