Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- This is gonna be the best T-Y-K-whatever Day ever!

- T.Y.K.T.W.D. Take Your Kid To Work Day.

- I call it D.O.S.D.: Day off school day.

- T.Y.K.T.W.D. Okay, it's a hologram.

- No, it's an anagram. - Actually it's an acronym.

- Hm? - You sure you guys can afford to take the day off?

- Whatever! You're just jealous 'cause I get to help my dad be a roadie!

- Isn't there, like, a lot of heavy lifting involved?

- Who cares? I get to hang with the band!

- Yeah, well, Sammy's gonna go hang out with his Mom at her accounting office.

- Cool! Tell Sheila I say Hi.

Hey, if you want backstage passes--

- No! And stop calling her Sheila.

- Well, I am looking forward to hanging out at my Dad's law office.

- Since when are you interested in the legal world?

- Uh, I'm not. I'm interested in legal secretaries.

- The term is administrative assistant and you won't be meeting one.

- Excuse me?

- Because tomorrow is T.Y.S.K.T.W.D!

Take Your Step Kid To Work Day.

So I'm going with George and you get to work with my Mom.

- What does Nora do again?

- Window treatments, Derek. - I don't do windows!

- [Casey]: You do now. [Bell ringing]

- ♪♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married, that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school... A new house... ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora ♪

♪ Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪♪

- Most kids are interested in what their parents do at work all day.

Slacker kids? Not so much.

Thinking about a career is meaningless for the Dereks of the world,

who are allergic to work of any kind.

- Ah-Ah... Choo!

- [George]: Gesundheit.

- I got a hanger! - Ew...

- Alright, I've gotten to the root of the problem,

Casey, or should I say "roots"? - Edwin!

You are a mechanical genius! - I know it.

- What? Did you just cough that up?

[Marti coughs]

- Dad, we seriously need to talk.

- Too late.

But, if you'd like to speak with Mister Venturi,

please give us a call at the office.

- When did you cast me off?

You know, what happened to the quality

bonding time with my dear old dad?

- Well, for one thing, you've never expressed

an interest in what your dear old dad does.

- That's not true. I am very interested!

How's your boss, Mr. Bryzawazawhozit?

- Derek, Casey asked first.

And my boss's name is pronounced Bryznewscovitch.

- Dad... [Marti coughing]

Don't make me treat windows! I wanna throw perps in jail!

- I work at a community legal assistance office.

I try and keep perps out of jail.

- Fascinating. Shall we continue

this discussion on the way to the office?

- Nice try, Derek, but you already have a job with Nora.

- Yeah, Derek and those windows won't treat themselves.

- [Casey]: Let's go, George! - Ah, coming, Casey!

- Objection! - Overruled.

[Giggling]

[Laughing]

- Come on guys! I've got a really important meeting!

- Actually, we've got a really important client meeting to go to.

Ah, dear, Lizzie!

Are you sure you're okay to go back to school?

- I have to go to school! Lakisha's bringing in her armadillo!

- I'm really sorry, Lizard. Back up to bed you go.

- This is so unfair.

- Ah, I'm sorry, Derek,

but I'm just gonna have to cancel this meeting.

- You know what, Nora? You go.

And I'll stay here with the patient.

- But you won't get to see what I do.

- As a working parent, childcare is a big part of what you do.

- I didn't think you noticed. - Mm.

- Thanks. It's taken me a long time to get this meeting together.

Okay, good.

Um, Marti, Edwin!

- Let's go! Move it, kiddo! Come on.

- Oh, dear! Marti, are you okay?

- I don't know...

- No, no! The answer is: "I'm sick and I can't go to school,

and it would be unfair of me to spread my germs

to the other children."

- You're burning up. You must have what Lizzie's got.

[Coughing]

- You call that a fake cough?

- Derek, I am not faking.

In fact, I think I'm sick.

and it would be unfair to spread my germs

to my fellow classmates.

- Ah, Edwin, you're warm too. Derek, do you mind?

Two more patients? - Hey, I'm just happy to help.

- Thanks. Okay, love you guys. Wish me luck.

- Good luck.

- Here is where the magic happens!

- Really...

So who're we suing?

What criminal are we slamming behind the cold, steel bars of a prison cell?

- Ah, well, Casey this isn't a big corporate office,

like your dad's firm. We just mostly deal with immigration cases,

evictions, that sort of thing.

- Well, okay, okay, well then what wrongly accused victim

of the faceless justice system are we going to help drink

from the fountain of freedom once more?

- Well, actually, all that's on tap today is just filing one brief.

But it's a very long brief. [Laughing]

- There's a little legal humour there. - Very little.

Okay, ah, then how about a tour?

Who's in that room next door? - That's Bertha...

Watch out for that one. She's a real mean machine.

- Oh yeah? Bertha? She the big boss? She a real brow-beater?

- No, paper-eater. Bertha's a photocopier.

Took me two years to figure her out.

If you want, I can introduce you.

- Ah, that's okay.

Gotta save a little excitement for later.

- Here you go.

- Mm! The bubbles hurt my tongue!

- Well, then pop them with your teeth. - That's your beside manner?

- Ah, must've left that at my bed, which is where I'll be napping.

[Vocally playing guitar]

- Ah!

[Coughing]

- You know, they say solid cardio's a great way to beat the flu.

- Ed, I know you used a hot cloth to fake a fever.

But if you don't get out of my room now,

you really are going to need a doctor.

- Please, bro, don't make me go back upstairs.

It's so boring up there. - [Marti]: Derek!

Bucket! Barf!

- Okay, you don't have to go back to your room

and I won't rat you out.

But you're going to have to earn your keep.

Now get Marti a bucket ASAP.

- Forget it! - [Marti]: Too late!

- Fine. Make it a mop.

- Casey, call security. Someone has stolen my files!

- George, I made you a new system.

- You moved my stuff? - Organized, George.

I "organized" your stuff. This is a filing cabinet.

It's where you put your files. And I've categorized yours alphabetically

by case type and by the name of the accused.

- Where's the Van Winkle file? I need it for my meeting.

- [Sighs]: Van Winkle is under "V".

Voila! Here is the Van Winkle file, George.

An organized system is its own reward.

- Yeah, I'll remember that. Uh, yikes, I gotta get going.

Casey, can you stay here and man the phones? - Woman the phones.

- Woman the phones. My secretary Gina? She's sick.

- Administrative assistant. And I am happy to help.

- Ah! I forgot my swatches! Derek!

I thought you were supposed be watching the kids!

- Oh, relax, N-dot. The kids got pillows,

and flat ginger ale and Marti's the only one who's chucked.

- Marti threw up? - Yeah.

- Did she make it to the bathroom?

Oh, boy!

- Chillz! It's being taken care of.

- By Edwin?! He's sick!

- Well, I figured he was already sick so why should I get sick too?

[Coughing]

- Give me that. Go back to bed.

- Thanks, Nora. [Coughing]

- Ew!

- You are obviously not taking either of our jobs seriously.

- So I'm going to have to call Mrs. Marchesano and re-schedule.

- Marcha-whose? - She's a rather wealthy client

with a huge contact list that could lead to other huge clients!

But no biggie. - [Marti]: I'm gonna barf again!

- Ah, I'm coming, Marti!

- Good luck.

[Phone ringing]

Nora, your phone's ringing!

[Phone ringing]

- Hello? Oh! Mrs. Marchesano.

Ah, yeah, we were just talking about how huge you are.

Let me get Nora. - [Marti]: No! Back away!

- Uh, you know what? Nora's just...

Up to her elbows in... stuff right now.

But I think she was about to call and reschedule.

Now or never? Now.

Where? Ah, how 'bout here?

[Phone ringing]

- George Venturi's office. Casey speaking.

- Immigrant accent: [Yes, hello. I am seeking justice.]

Someone stole my job!

- Well, I am very sorry to hear that. How can we help?

- Ah, well, I'd like to sue my stepsister for utter lameness.

- Derek! You know, some of us are actually trying to work on T.Y.S.K.T.W.D.!

- Hey, I just scheduled a giant meeting with an enormous client

that might have saved Nora's career!

- Oh, yeah? Well...

Well I made a new filing system... alphabetically!

[Phone ringing]

Leave me alone or so help me...

Mr. Bryznewscovitch?

Hm, excellent fake name, Derek.

You're Mr. Venturi's boss?

I am so sorry, sir, you see it's T.Y.S.K...

Okay, you need 20 copies of the Gage evidence by four this aft?

Yes, sir! I'm writing it down as we speak.

Okay. It was great talking to you Mr. ... Brizna...

whosa... civvy. Bye!

[Doorbell]

- Mrs. Marcha-- - Mrs. Marchesano? Ah... hi.

I'm Nora. I wasn't expecting you.

- Do I smell throw-up?

- Please, Mrs. Marchesano, come in.

My friend Debbie tells me that you're redecorating your family room

and I understand that you already have an interior designer,

but I was hoping you would consider me to design your curtains,

or your blinds, or whatever you had in mind.

- If you'll excuse me.

- Yes, of course. Take your time.

You invited her here?!

- You were taking care of Marti, so I made an executive decision.

- Executives make executive decisions, teenagers do not!

And in the rare occurrence that they do,

don't you think you should have told me before the doorbell rang?

- I was just trying to help. - You want to do me a favour?

Take this! - No way! Barf remnants.

- Fine! But do not let her leave.

I've got one shot with her and, unfortunately, this is it. Ha! Ha!

I'll be right back with some snacks.

- Well, this is... quaint.

- Okay! Want to take a load off?

Oooh, actually that's my chair.

- Hi Bertha! I'm Casey

and I'm going to be gently placing some papers in you today.

Maybe you could give me twenty copies back?

Okay.

You're alright, girl.

[Buzzing]

Ah, sorry Bertha, wrong paper!

Okay, um, you need legal-sized eggshell.

Okay!

Okay. Tray one, staple, left side, twenty copies, okay.

Aaah!

Nine hundred and twenty copies?!

No, cancel, Bertha, cancel! [Beeping]

Aaah! Ohh!

Oh... That's not even my good side!

- It's a family room. It's very sleek, but classic,

with distressed leather furniture.

his is what the chesterfield will look like.

- [Lizzie]: Nora! I need you!

- I'm so sorry, Mrs. Marchesano. I'll be right back.

- So, this family room...

is there actually going to be a family in there?

- Yes, I have two sons about your age who actually attend school.

- Ah, shouldn't it be something they'd actually use?

- I appreciate your input.

Maybe your sick siblings have some thoughts, as well.

- He! He! Good one.

- I'm afraid I really have to get going.

Please tell Nora that I'm sorry that this just didn't work out.

- Ah, you're leaving? No, but, Uh...

you haven't let Nora do her pitch yet.

- I don't think this is a good fit. - No, but you can't go!

- Excuse me? - If you leave,

Nora will kill me, and she is doing everything she can!

I mean, she's treating windows and sick kids!

And, if you give her a chance,

she may turn out to be an amazing window...

treater... decorating... person. I mean,

look at those red curtains! See how they match the credenza?

- Do you even know what you're talking about?

- I have no clue, but Nora does and here she is!

- You're leaving? What did you say to her?

- I don't know, but I used the word "credenza".

- I'm very sorry, Mrs. Marchesano. I have to apologize for Derek.

- Actually, he's starting to grow on me.

And his "get-me-to-stay" pitch was very, uh, thorough.

So the least I can do is to stay and see if your pitch is as good.

You have got exactly twenty minutes.

- Thank you. - [Both]: You're welcome.

♪♪♪

- [George]: Casey?

[Static shock] [Gasps]

It looks like Bertha puked purple paper.

What're you doing in here?

- George, your boss told me to make twenty copies of the Gage file to send to the courthouse,

so I'm like "Okay, how hard can photocopying be?"

And now I know: really really hard!

- No problem, no problem. We'll take the original

to the copy shop down the street.

- The original? Uh...

Oops... [Gasps]

The original's stuck inside Bertha.

- Bertha ate the original?! - [Both]: Nooooo!

- So the room I'm redoing is for my two teenage boys

and their taste is... nonexistent, really,

so I'm going classic chic, neutral colours...

Oh, and I've just got these marble globe stools

which will add a "funky" touch.

- Well, they sound very... - [Derek]: May I speak?

- Teenagers don't want marble balls, you know?

They want disco balls! You know, like all that old-school stuff

like a shag carpet and bean-bag chairs, ooh...

Tie it all together with like

a fifty-inch flat screen. Ouh!

- Really.

- Ah, actually Derek,

Mrs. Marchesano's family room plans are already set.

- Right. - I'm hoping to do her window treatments.

- Yeah, all I'm saying is that your ultra-uncomfortable,

uber-ugly plans aren't really for your kids. They're for you.

No offense.

- So, that's the way you want to play, huh?

Yeah, well!

We'll see who's laughing after Dr. George operates!

- Ah, George, I was thinking... - Ow, hot!

- Yeah, there's a hotline-- - Ow, sharp!

- Perhaps a professional-- - Ew, wet!

- You wanna call the hotline, huh? Last time they took three days to get here.

So... [Beeping]

You can stand here making suggestions,

or you can just help me talk some sense into...

Bertha! Argh! [Kicking]

Argh! Ha!

- George, stop!

- It's time to call the mechanical genius himself.

- Edwin? - Yeah.

- Edwin, where are you going?

You're sick!

- Nora, I was faking it. But when I return from saving my Dad's job

and Casey's sanity from the big bad Bertha,

you may punish me as you see fit. Now wish me luck.

- You now have six minutes.

- Well, uh, come to think of it...

Derek actually has some really good ideas.

- He does? - I do?

- Yes! Have you ever considered some retro elements?

You could do a retro-modern medley!

Consider, for instance, a stainless steel arc lamp

over a modern, big, yet cozy sofa.

- You know, I have always liked those old egg chairs.

- You know what? You could replace those marble stools

with a couple of those! And, oh,

I've seen some really great Danish teak coffee tables.

- Yeah! And a mini-fridge!

- I'm here!

So, we meet again, Bertha!

♪♪♪

- You know, I don't think we should even discuss the windows. - I'm sorry?

- I like your ideas a lot better than what I have here.

So, why don't you just design the whole room?

What'd you say? You up for it?

- Ha! I'd love to. - Great.

Now, I really must be going.

- Well, nice meeting you, Mrs. Marchesano.

- Oh, and Derek? The next time a lady comes over,

let her sit where she wants. - Yes ma'am.

- Goodbye. - Thank you.

- Ah, you did it! - No! We did it!

Oh! You took a risk, you stood up for me!

And you had the courage to tell her your own ideas

and if you hadn't, I don't think that I would have been able to.

So, thank you, Derek.

- Hey and, you know, a job is like high school:

you got deadlines and difficult people and, you know,

you make it up as you go along. Who knew?

- George, I'm sorry for being such a total failure.

- And I'm sorry that Bertha

is the most exciting thing that happens around here.

Ha! Ha! Your Dad's law office must be a whole lot more impressive.

- Yeah, but you help people who can't afford to help themselves.

Plus I rearranged all of your files without asking

and I thought Bertha would work for me just because I'm nice!

I always try way too hard. [Repair noises]

- Wait a second...

Do you think people become doctors and lawyers

and leaders by not trying hard?

You're going to do great things, Casey,

because you go the extra mile.

- You really think so?

- Of course!

[Repair noises]

It was the rear cog all along!

Well, my work here is done.

Here you go, the original.

- Hey, Casey, if you wanna redo your room, you know, I've got some ideas.

- Ah, thanks, Derek.

But if I wanted my room to look like yours, I'd just move into a landfill.

- Oh! Ho! Ho! Tough words! Why don't you photocopy them?

- Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Daddy's briefcase is scary. - I know.

So far I've found six different files all mixed up

and corned beef on rye.

- I found a bunch of parking tickets.

[Gasps! - Ouh, great!

Now let's arrange those tickets by date of offense.

George is going to be so pleased with his new and improved briefcase.

- Oh, ya think? Hey, Dad!

Casey's organizing your stuff again!

- [George]: Please, Casey! Nooo!

[Laughing]

- Hmm? Hm!

- [Gibberish]

- What criminal are we slamming behind the cold...

[Gibberish]

[Laughing]

[Ringing]

Closed Captioning by SETTE inc.

- ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0