Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- [Max]: Can you believe we made it to the city finals?

- Ooh! Of course I can. 'Cuz our team has the cutest quarterback in Canada.

- You two pumped for Friday? - Are you kidding? I can't wait!

- Oh, I know. The game is gonna be awesome! - I meant the parties!

- Casey, we wouldn't have made it to the finals without the cheerleaders.

- Go on! - No, I mean it.

- Yeah, so do I. Go on.

- You've cheered your guts out at every game

and you've been totally there for me.

Which is why I want you to have this.

- Oh, Max!

Thank you.

How does it look? - Perfect.

I gotta go watch some game film.

Lunch? - Lunch.

- It is perfect, isn't it? - Mm hm.

- [Girl]: Nice jacket! - But what would be even more perfect

is if you got Max to hook me up with the punter, Peter.

- Done. And what would be the most perfect of all

is if our team wins the city finals. - I know.

- [Sneezing]: Sorry.

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

stay 100% true to yourself.

Unless you're Derek,

who's never less than 100% himself.

- [Nora]: Sweetie, are you cold? - No.

- Do you have a cold? - No, why?

Oh, 'cuz I'm wearing Max's football jacket?

I totally forgot I had it on.

- Hey, hey! Can you sneeze at your own food?

- Yeah, like this meal isn't nauseating enough.

- Derek! - Derek!

- I meant Casey wearing that jacket is nauseating. - Derek!

- Well I like it! - Yeah, this coming from the pickle-and-peanut-butter eater?

- Derek!

- Ed, there's a giant red alien attacking your nose.

- So I have a minor blemish.

- Looks more like a big, red siren! ♪♪♪

- That's enough, Derek! - C'mon, Dad. I'm just keeping the table amused.

- Yeah, at the expense of everyone at the table. So could you cut it out?

- Got it. Hey Lizzie, nice necklace.

- Thanks, Jamie made it for me.

- Really? I thought he liked you?

- [All]: Derek!

- Hey, Case. You coming to the debating meeting?

- There's a debating meeting? - You're on the debating team?

- I was, but I haven't been forever. - We've noticed.

- I'm sorry! I promised Max I'd help him with geography,

so say hi to everyone for me, kay? - Okay.

♪♪♪

- Bless you. Bless you.

[Coughing] That it?

- Ah, sorry, stupid allergies.

I don't know what I'm allergic to. You know, I'm gonna try taking stuff out of my diet.

First wheat. Then dairy, then...

Hello?

- Sorry. Ah, so when can you have those geography notes for me?

- Oh, um... drop by my house after school.

- Any way you could drop them by my house after football practice?

- Sure. No problem.

Ooh! Cheerleading practice. Go Bulldogs!

Noel! How are you?

I feel like we haven't talked since the musical. - That's 'cuz we haven't.

- Oh, yeah, I know! I've been super busy since the football season started and...

Tada!

- A cheerleader?

Wow, that, that's really... something I didn't think you did.

- I know I didn't until this year, but it's super-fun and super-demanding.

Hey, you should come see us at the big game Friday.

- I'm not such a football fan. - You know, I wasn't either,

but now that I go to all the games as a girlfriend and a cheerleader

I am totally into it. [Bell ringing]

Oh, yikes! I'm going to be late for practice.

- Oh, oh, so does that mean you're not gonna be coming to the thing Friday night.

- What thing? - The poetry thing.

♪♪♪ - That's this Friday?

Oh, I loved it last year!

I even did my special 'life is like a merry-go-round' poem.

- Sorry I missed it.

- I'm sorry I can't come, but it's the same time as the big game.

Wish us luck! Go Bulldogs! Take it easy, Noel!

- Yeah! I, I saw it at the store and I thought it is so you!

- Really? Wow, it's like you know me so well.

♪♪♪ - It's not too flowery, is it?

- No, no, no! I mean, if anything, it's not flowery enough.

- [Derek]: Whoa, nice shirt.

Better make sure it gets lots of sunlight or it'll wilt.

- [Nora]: It is too flowery.

- Don't listen to Derek. - Hey, Daddy! Nice shirt.

Want me to water your flowers for you? Get it?

[Giggling] ♪♪♪

- I get that I should return the shirt.

- Nora. It... - It's okay.

- Okay, that does it.

It's bad enough that you make fun of everyone, but now you got Marti doing it too.

- Doing what? - Oh, the sarcasm, the put downs, the mocking.

You gotta stop it, Derek, or at least cut back.

- Remember when I had the swear jar for when Derek taught me how to say...

- Yeah! I remember!

In fact, that's a great idea Marti.

- Ah, you're joking, right? - No, you're the joker!

And every time you rib, rag, or slag anyone,

it's gonna cost you $1. And we're all going to keep tally.

- So I'm being punished because people in this house can't take a joke?

Dad, that idea is lamer than this shirt.

- Really? - One dollar please!

- Tally ho! ♪♪♪

That means write it down, pumpkin. - Okay flower man!

- Ahh.

- What're... you doing?

- Just trying to figure out what I'm allergic to.

You know, it's weird, I've never had allergies before.

Is that necklace too tight? - A little.

I'm trying to stretch it out 'cuz I don't want to hurt Jamie's feelings.

- Oh, Liz, if it doesn't feel right, you really shouldn't wear it.

Sometimes you have to think of yourself first. - You think?

[Phone ringing] - Hello?

Hey Max!

Yeah, yeah! Your, your geo notes are all finished.

No, no, I totally don't mind bringing them by your house.

This week is all about you.

- Like usual. - Oh, you wanna hear our new cheer?

Okay.

Who's got the loudest bark in town?

The Thompson Bulldogs take ya' to the pound!

- [Lizzie]: Okay! Nice talking to you!

- Yeah, so I'll see you later!

- [Derek]: How's that zit? Oh! Nice make up job.

Now all you need is a giant wig, big red shoes and you're off to the circus.

- Ahem...

- Mm. You make these for Jamie as payback for the necklace?

- Derek look at this, look.

I exchanged Nora's flower shirt for this. What do ya think, huh?

What's this?

It's only a dollar an insult and you didn't say anything?

- I did in my head and trust me, it was a $2 insult.

- Oh, well, you know what?

I'm actually making some, uh, pretty good coin off of this.

What do we have here? Twelve disses for Lizzie, nine disses for Marti...

Thirty-five disses for Ed,

carry the 6, add... You owe me $56.

- Dad, come on! Joke's over.

You're not really gonna make me pay for being funny. That's who I am!

- Sorry D. You crack wise, I get the prize.

- Oh, Dad!

- Tell you what, then. I will consider not making you pay

if you don't insult anyone for one week.

- Dad, you know our family, that's impossible!

- Okay, then fork over the dough. Come on! And no cheques.

- Okay, what about a $50 bonus

if I pull it off?

- Okay. If you refrain from insulting us,

plus you respond in a considerate and sensitive manner.

You think you can do that?

- Considerate and sensitive? ♪♪♪

You're on.

- Allergy season, huh?

- Well it's my allergy season and it's happening at the same as football season!

Football finals are Friday and I still have banners to paint and cheers to practice.

- So you're stressed out? - Please, I'm not the one with stress. Max is!

- Sometimes what you're feeling can manifest physically. It's called psychosomatic reaction.

- Paul, these allergies aren't in my head,

they're real and all I have to do is figure out what food I'm eating that I'm allergic to

and everything'll be perfect again.

- Right. Why don't you take the box?

- Thank you. [Sniffling]

- Okay! I have got our post-game social calendar figured out:

you and Max appear briefly at post-game party number 1,

then a quick visit to party number 2

and then you hit the place to be at party number 3!

Casey you just sneezed all over our social calendar!

- Sorry, Em, but I've run outta things to eliminate from my diet.

- Let's see, when did this all start?

- I dunno, uh... Oh, remember when I sneezed on you on the stairs?

- Good times. That's right after Max gave you his jacket!

- And I've been wearing it ever since! Emily, that's it!

[Doorbell] I'm cured!

- You're cured! - [Marti]: Casey, it's Max!

- Oh no. ♪♪♪

- [Marti]: Casey, I said... - It's Max.

Emily, I am allergic to my boyfriend!

- Casey, I don't know how to say this gently but...

that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

- But I am! You saw it!

Just the mention of his name made me sneeze!

- Casey how is that possible? It's a coincidence.

Max! - Coincidence? I think not!

I don't believe this!

My wonderful, sweet, charming, perfect Max is making me ill!

- Casey, think logically, okay?

You've been dating him for 4 months and you've never sneezed before.

- Well, that's true.

- So he's probably just wearing a new cologne or something.

So, I'll wait here while you go downstairs and give him a good whiff!

- Okay. ♪♪♪

- Hey! I wanted to make sure you're...

Uh... Okay.

- Me? Yeah! I'm great. Never better.

Hey! Did you get a new cologne?

- I don't wear cologne. - Aftershave? - No.

- How 'bout deodorant. You do wear deodorant, don't you?

- Why? Do I smell?

- No. All clear!

- So how much allergy medication are you taking?

- I, I'm sorry, Max.

It's just all this sneezing is messing with my head

and I've been really confused about everything and then I had these bizarre ideas--

- You're probably just overtired.

Which is why I thought I'd save you a trip to my house.

- A trip to your house? - My geography notes? You were gonna drop them off.

- Oh, Max, I am so sorry!

I had them, uh... Um, here. There you go.

- Thanks! And, uh, maybe I should go. You know, just in case it is a cold.

I, I shouldn't get sick. - Yeah.

Oh, well, that, that's a good idea.

'Kay, we'll talk later.

By the way, you smell great. Go Bulldogs!

- [Derek]: Oh, yeah!

Just come on in.

My door's always open even when it's not.

- Oh, do I detect a hint of sarcasm?

- No, no, no! No hint. Not, not at all.

- Good. 'Cuz I need to talk to you about my zit.

- And since Dad told me you had to be sensitive this week,

well I figured I could spill my guts to you.

- Of course, my dear brother Edwin.

Spill your guts about, ah...

your unfortunate blemish.

- It's that every time I try to squeeze it

the only thing that pops out is a little bit of my self-esteem.

- Edwin, look.

Everybody gets a pimple from time to time.

And, uh, the best thing you can do is just leave it alone

because squeezing it can actually make the pimple worse.

If that's even possible.

- Derek...

- Hey, Lizzie.

I see you're enjoying the, ah, 'open-my-door' policy.

- Yeah I am, 'cuz I really need your advice.

I don't want to wear this necklace anymore. What do I tell Jamie?

- Tell him you lost it and then bury it in the yard.

- But that would seem careless, which is even meaner.

- Yeah, yeah. I see where you're coming from, Liz, so, ah...

Let me suggest you start wearing turtlenecks

and then you can still wear the necklace but avoid the public embarrassment, uh?

♪♪♪ - Sure.

- Uh huh. - Sensitive Derek,

my imaginary friend Daphne won't talk to me any more.

What do I do?

- Marti,

if your imaginary friend is giving you the silent treatment,

then don't talk to her because an imaginary friend

that won't talk to you isn't worth having around.

- Can you tell her for me? - Ah, okay.

Daphne?

Yeah, Marti won't be speaking to you any more.

- She's over there.

- Today's the day we become city champs! - Yeah!

- Those allergies still bugging you?

- Yeah... I feel kind of awful.

- That's too bad. But I think I can help. - You can?

- Yeah! We'll just put on some make up to hide your red, runny nose.

- Oh, you're, you're just gonna cover it up?

'Cuz I kinda thought it was more important to get to the root of the problem.

- Casey, you can focus on your problems later.

Right now we need to be 100% focused on the big game

because the bulldogs are gonna win it all! [Hooting & whistling]

- Hey, Casey, check it out. ♪♪♪

- Good one!

- [Noel]: Tortoise, onerous...

Useless... - Hey, Noel! Everything alright?

- Oh, yeah. Just writing something. Are you okay?

- Oh, yeah, just some allergy thing.

- What're you allergic to? - I dunno. Maybe it's all in my head.

What are you writing?

- A spoken-word piece for the poetry thing tonight.

I mean, do you know a word that rhymes with slurp?

- Burp?

- Other than burp. - Oh, okay, ah...

How about usurp?

- That's a fancy word for a cheerleader.

Okay, thanks.

- "Drink at the fountain, I gargle and slurp,

but don't stand there all day or some kid will usurp."

It's kinda weird.

- Yeah, but it rhymes. Hey, I had a poetry column in the paper once.

It was on the back page and nobody read it but...

- Hey, Noel. Hey Case. - Hey--

- Hey, guess who's gonna be on the front page of the school paper?

- Who? - The quarterback and his girlfriend.

So c'mon, let's go. Oh, and can you change into your cheerleading outfit?

- Why? - That's the picture they want.

And you look great in that outfit. You don't mind, right?

- Course not.

Go Bulldogs. ♪♪♪

- Oh, hey, I thought you'd be gone to the big game by now.

Is everything okay? - Mom, have you read my journal lately?

- Yeah, of course! I get Derek's summaries every day.

That was a joke.

- You wanna hear a better joke? Here's a recent excerpt from my journal.

Max threw for 270 yards today and he looks great in football pants.

I mean what is that? - Uh, well, I'm sure it's true.

- Compare that to last year's entry when I first moved here.

I'm really sensing a kindred spirit in Emily.

I admire her lighthearted way of dealing

with my many rational and irrational thoughts. - Also true.

- I mean, I know it's kinda pretentious, but at least it's thoughtful.

And here, look at my handwriting! It's all slanted and loopy.

Mom, have I turned into an airhead?

- Why, 'cuz of your handwriting?

- No, because I'm a cheerleader! - Oh, honey! Cheerleaders aren't airheads!

- I know! It's just cheerleading's really time-consuming

and maybe I made a mistake dropping debating and ballet

and the poetry column and pottery class.

- You were doing an awful lot.

- I'm still doing a lot. It just all involves Max and his world.

- Gesundheit. - I just don't feel like myself anymore.

- Well, you know, honey, sometimes that happens.

But the Casey I know and love has a really strong sense of self

and I know, I know you're going to find you.

- Ah, well I'm gonna have to find me later 'cuz I gotta go.

Are you coming to the game, 'cuz I could really use a ride to school.

- Sure. Uh, are you okay?

- Are you asking me because you have to be sensitive or because you really care?

- Oh, oh, the first one.

- Well then try and be sensitive to this:

I've developed an allergy to Max.

- Ah, you're allergic to your boyfriend?

The moderately cool, nice guy that I actually like?

The guy who has raised you close to the top of the social ladder

and turned you into someone who cheerleads at sporting events?

You've changed for the better because of him!

- Exactly! I've changed! But what was wrong with me before?

- Uh, sensitive Derek is not at liberty to answer that.

Now lemme ask ya this: did he ever ask you to change?

- No! Max is way too nice to do that.

It just kinda happened. - Well, then here's an idea.

Change back!

- Change back? How? Take a break from cheerleading? Start writing poetry again?

Ha! I'm gonna take a break from cheerleading and start writing poetry again!

Yeah, yeah! That'll do it! Oh, thanks for listening, Der.

So can I get that ride now?

♪♪♪

[Cheering]

- We won!

- A Hail Mary touchdown pass to win the game?

Unbelievable, man!

- Thanks. - We won! We won!

- Whoa! - Could this moment be any more perfect?

Go Bulldogs! I can't believe we won!

♪♪♪

- Oh no.

- Alright, let's go celebrate! - Uh, actually... I, I have to go home.

- Whatcha talking about? You're my girlfriend, everybody's waiting for us! Come on.

- Max, I can't go with you.

- Why not? - Because... I think I lost my identity.

- Did you check your wallet? - No, no, no. I mean...

I think I need some time to figure out who I am.

- What are you talking about? - Does it make any sense?

- Not at all. But feel free to explain it on the way to the party

or better yet, after the party.

- I'm sorry Max.

But until I figure all this out,

I need to take a break from us.

- But the Bulldogs just won the championships...

And you're breaking up with me?

- No, no. I just...

Need some time to think.

- Really?

Well, I don't.

- [George]: Hey, Derek!

So, how was the party?

- Not good because my sensitive side is really getting to me.

This was the craziest party of the year

and all I wanted to do was talk.

- Well, you're just in time 'cuz Casey's just about to do a poetry reading.

- A what-now? - Yeah.

I was feeling a little blue so

I just started writing and the words just started flowing.

I call it The Meaning of Life by Casey McDonald.

[Clearing throat] Oh, life!

Whatever do you mean? Is the answer found in the stars?

Or can it be heard in a baby's cry?

Or the soulful tears in a puppy dog's eye?

Woof, woof, woof...

Woof, woof, woof.

- That was really... truly...

The worst piece of poetry in the history of the world.

'Kay, here's a little advice, Pappy von Happystock:

stick to cheerleading, alright?

And here you go, Dad. Small price to pay to be me.

Woof, woof, woof. Doesn't get much profounder than that!

- Told you that would break him.

- You were right. - Uh huh.

- Um, here's your cut. - Thank you!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

- Do I have punch all over my face? - It's Max!

- [Derek]: Done. [Laughing]

- Woof.

[Whimper]

- Ow!

- Step Bom. Step, bom, bom.

- Was it that bad? What?

- Let's do the whole thing again.

- ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

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