Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- [Lizzie]: Uh, I'm done. - Me too.

That was really, ah... Filling.

- You say filling, I say disgusting.

- Hey, you want mine? - Oh! You know it.

- Uh, I'm done too. Later gators.

- Ah, Marti, can you help Edwin and Lizzie clear so they can do the dishes?

- No, thank you. - You mean 'Yes, please'.

- Ah, it's Casey's turn. - Oh, sorry, Liz, but it's midterm week

and I've got a major math exam tomorrow. - Me too!

Gotta stay focused. Eye on the prize.

- Hey! We have homework too, you know!

- Yeah! And how come I'm supposed to do chores when I'm supposed to take a bath?

- Because you don't have to study for a bath. - Yes I do!

- Like you've ever studied for a test in your life.

- I don't have to! Math smarts is on the "guy" chromosome.

- That would be the Y chromosome, you dolt. - As in "why should I care"?

- Well if you don't need to study, then you can help clean up.

- Oh, well, in that case -- I'm studying.

See ya later!

- Isn't his room that-a-way?

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

one Derek plus zero studying

equals a big fat F.

Because if X equals annoying and Y equals impossible,

then X plus Y equals D-E-R-E-K.

- Okay, uh, Ralph, remember

angles on any line must add up to a hundred and eighty degrees.

- Yeah, but what if it's a really, really long line like...

Like the cafeteria line on chili day?

- Still a hundred and eighty degrees.

- My head hurts.

- Ralph, c'mon, man. You can do this.

Okay, think of your drum kit.

Ralph, open your eyes, please. If your bass drum is this angle

and your snare drum is right here,

then the hypotenuse of your crash cymbal is...?

- How should I even know? I don't even have a snare anymore.

I traded it in for these monogrammed drum gloves!

- Uh, Ral?

- Yeah, I couldn't afford the 'ph'.

And why are you so chilled? You need a sixty-five on this test

or you can't even play in the hockey playoffs next week.

- Sixty-five out of a hundred: that's like three- to-one odds in my favour.

- Dude that made no sense... Right?

- Yeah! No, right -- Derek, you can't leave this test up to chance.

Not this one. What is our hockey team gonna do

without a captain in the playoffs?

- Guys, you don' study for math.

You just solve the problem in front of you.

Like my broken lock Hm?

Excuse me.

- That's my lock.

- Problem solved.

- Dude, how's he gonna get that open?

- I don't know.

- Casey, it's math. You're going to do just fine.

- Fine is not fine.

Med school requires great, or greater than great.

So therefore I need just slightly less than perfect.

- Well I think you're slightly less than perfect.

I mean you're greater than great. You're huge!

Look, you've got nothing to worry about.

[School bell ringing]

- Alright everybody - take your seats.

Okay. Turn 'em over and begin.

[Drums playing]

Okay! Time's up.

Thank you, Rosa.

Case? Forgot to put your name on it.

- Oh! Sorry Mr. Gilmour. [Loud thud]

[Laughter] - Ralph!

[Reactions of surprise]

Ralph - get up!

- Oh, great, you're home.

Could you do me a favour? Or three?

Edwin those dirty clothes need to go in the laundry.

Lizzie could you fold the dry stuff and Marti,

can you take Derek's hockey gear up to his room

so it's not blocking the entire laundry room?

- Ah, those aren't my clothes! - Derek's underwear is in there!

- I don't care whose stuff it is or what's in there!

You guys need to pitch in. Now hustle,

I'm in the middle of making dinner, okay?

- This is so unfair. - Tell me about it.

[Marti screaming in effort] - [Edwin]: Ewww!

- Hey, ah, Readie McBooks-a-lot-

what are you doing studying the text book when we just wrote the test?

- I'm not. I'm just going over the test material to see how I did.

- Whoa! There is test material in the textbook?

- Help! - One sec, Smarti.

Look, I'm sure you did just fine. You always do fine. I mean, you're you.

- I know who I am, Derek.

It's just math isn't exactly my strongest subject.

Not that I wanna perpetuate

any "girls are bad at math" stereotypes, because I actually do fairly well in math.

- Then I'm sure you did fairly well on the test, too -- right?

- Why do you care? - [Marti]: Are you ready to help yet?

- Marti! How long have you been under there?

- Awhile.

I - I can't feel my legs. Is that bad?

- No. They're just asleep.

Derek should carry his own hockey bag.

- Edwin! Hockey bag! Upstairs - now!

- So Derek and Casey get twenty bucks a week,

while we get five? - You get five?

I only get two!

- Yeah, we should get equal pay for their work!

- The point is we three youngest kids work our butts off and barely see any return.

- Yeah! It's a total rip-off.

- Guys, chipping in for one week while Casey and Derek study

does not mean you get a raise in your allowance.

- And why not? - Because...

because...

because I'm through with this conversation, that's why not.

When you're older you'll get the same as they do now.

- You can give us their chores, but you can't take our dignity!

- Yeah! We want our dinity!

- Dignity! - Dignity!

- I hope I didn't fail. I hope I didn't fail. I hope I didn't fail.

[Casey gasping]

- Fifty-five percent! But how?

- Seventy-one percent? But how?

- I feel faint.

No, no! There has to be some sort of mistake!

This - this is impossible! That's the worst mark I have ever gotten in my life!

- Okay, let's just walk.

- Seventy-two! Sweet. - Fifty-one! Yes!

- Ah, ha, ha! Sixty-eight. I'll take it.

- Good goin', Ralph! - Yeah!

- A fifty-five? I can't take that!

- Fifty-five? Well, at least you passed.

- Go- far- away.

- Bye, Emily.

- I'm sorry, Casey, there's no error.

And I triple checked your test 'cuz I was just as surprised as you are.

Everything okay at home? - No, Derek still lives there, but that's not the problem.

The problem is I just got the worst mark of my life!

- So what happened? - I don't know.

Is there any way I could get the test back?

I'd like to see where I went wrong.

- Sure.

- Thank you, Mister Gilmour.

- You're welcome.

- Derek!

Der-ek! - Uh-oh!

- I've called this meeting to discuss our rights

as the youngest, hardest-working laborers in this house.

- Yeah, this place would fall apart without us! - Totally!

- It's time to take action. - We need to tell 'em!

No more discrimination towards all kids who aren't the eldest! - Mm-hm!

- No! We need to do more than just tell them.

It's time to show them who runs this lemonade stand.

- Excuse me! This room is reserved. - Yeah! We're having a meeting!

- Well, have your little meeting somewhere else 'cuz I need to...

- ...Hide? - Uh, no, no! I'm just looking for, uh...

- The Be-a-Divine Princess Rhinestone Kit.

- Well, I need to talk to you. - Can you just send me a memo?

- No! Now! - Oh, whoa.

- Marti, get your crayons.

It's time for some arts and crafts.

- You switched our tests? - Who switched whose what now?

- Derek, you spelt my last name wrong.

McDonald is "m-c" not "m-a-c".

- You sure? 'Cuz M-A-C just feels right!

- I am going to tell everyone you cheated.

Starting with George and ending with Mister Gilmour, you scheming, selfish-

- Okay... I didn't do it for me. I did it for the hockey team.

If I didn't get a sixty-five, I would'a been kicked outta

the playoffs and the entire school would be crushed.

- Oh! Oh, okay, so I should just take it for the team? - Oh, yes!

- Well, the hockey team's problems

are not my problems, and neither are yours! A fifty-five?

- Okay, look! Hear me out.

'Kay, I think I know a way this could work out for both of us.

Ask Mister Gilmour for a make-up test.

- I couldn't do that! I wouldn't do that! Why should I do that? - Casey!

What is the point of doing so well in school

if you can't get one make-up when you tank a test?

- Derek, I didn't tank the test! You did!

- Ah - fifty-five, sixty-eight - so different?

- I will admit sixty-eight does not reflect my best work,

but I blame that on the polynomial-mental-block!

And yes, sixty- eight is bad,

but a fifty-five is a disaster!

- So you're gonna settle for the bad sixty-eight?

- Yes, I will settle for my bad sixty-eight because that is the mark I got.

Even though it's one of my worst marks ever!

I guess I could ask Mister Gilmour for a rewrite.

But if I don't get a better grade on that rewrite I'm taking you down with me.

- Well, then, ah...

You better get studying! Because we both want you to ace that test!

[Drum march]

- What is going on here?

You kids need to go to school.

- Well, if I'm, ah, seeing this correctly,

and I'd like to think that I am, I believe our children have gone on strike.

- That's right! We will no longer be minority shareholders

in the McDonald- Venturi corporation!

- Our voices will be heard!

- We, the dishwashers and the trash removers,

will no longer fold like the cheap towels you force us to launder!

- Our towels aren't cheap! - [Liz and Marti]: Equal pay for equal chores!

We want cash to mop the floors!

- I don't think I should cross this picket line.

- Well, maybe we need to hear them out.

- So, are we ready to negotiate?

- Edwin, can't we just talk? - No!

I'll have my people call your people.

- We're his people. - Mm-hm. That's right.

- Do you wanna call our people? - I'm a lawyer! I am my own people.

- Did I, ah, mess up on your test?

- Sadly, no. And that's why I'm here.

See I was wondering, sir,

if there was any possible way I could possibly do...

A make-up test?

- Well, getting a bad grade is not a good reason to retake a test.

- Oh, but it is! See, I need good grades

if I'm going to be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer.

And this one bad grade could ruin my chances of ever amounting to anything!

- You're a top student.

One bad test is not going to ruin your overall GPA. You know that.

- If I do know it, I don't believe it. - Well, I'm sorry, Casey.

Unless there's a legitimate reason for a make up- [Cell phone ringing]

- Sorry. [Still ringing]

- Max! - Excuse me?

- My boyfriend! - Sorry, I don't, ah...

- The reason I need a make-up... Oh! This is so embarrassing!

Um, my boyfriend and I had the biggest fight.

Our first fight, actually. And it was right before the test

and I - I came in here and I just - I completely blanked!

So, all I'm asking is if there's just any way

I could have another chance, you know?

With a clear head. It's just...

Sometimes I wish I just wasn't such a romantic.

- Okay, please -- don't cry.

Alright? No crying.

The, ah, department

does allow students one make-up test per semester

at the discretion of the teacher.

So given your state of mind, I'll allow it. But it's going to have to be today at lunch.

- Oh, great! Thank you for being so understanding!

I can't believe I just lied because of Derek!

- I can't believe Mister Gilmour's such a pushover.

- I am aiding and abetting a known cheater! My academic reputation is on the line here!

Not to mention my own ethical standards. - C'mon, Casey.

Derek was just trying to help out his team.

I might have done the same if the football season was in jeopardy.

- What? - I said 'might have'.

And, c'mon, you saw me sneak a peak at a few of your answers, didn't you?

- What! - They were mostly wrong anyway.

- Stupid polynomials! But I can't believe you cheated too!

How would you feel if the other team was looking at your playbook?

- I'd be mad like you, but maybe not so loud.

- You know, Max, I thought you were different.

But you're just a cheater, just like... Derek.

- Um, aren't you the one who just lied about a fight to get a make-up test?

- I'm sorry Max, I'd love to stay and discuss this further,

but I need to go and write a test and I need to be prepared

because I don't have someone else to cheat off of.

- Casey? Whoa! - Uhhhh - You okay?

- Solve for Max. I mean, solve for X...

- 'Kay, just chillz. You're gonna ace this thing, no problem.

- Oh, but there is a problem. Why? 'Cuz in order to get the re-write,

I had to lie about a fight with Max even though I've never had a fight with Max.

Except right now when I did have a fight with Max, but that's because he's just like you!

- Slow down, slow down! 'Cuz you're scaring me.

- And even doing this I'm acknowledging that cheating's okay!

Oh sure, you just switched the tests, and Max just took a few answers,

but I'm the one on the ice with the football about to get tackled by the outfielders.

And where's Max? Oh, he's off reading the other team's playbook!

- Casey... Take a deep breath.

Out with the bad thoughts, in with the right answers.

- Okay? Hello, Casey. - Jerk!

- Mmmm... Still fighting? You sure you want to do this now?

- I'm sure. - Alrighty, well...

Here's your test. Have a seat.

I'm just, ah, going to go the staff room for five minutes, okay?

[Door closing shut]

- Polynomials? Oh no! Come on, Casey! Focus, focus!

- I'm sorry, Casey, I know that you want to be a neurologist,

but ever since that sixty-eight on your math test,

I can't see you becoming any kind of physician.

- Oh, c'mon! There's gotta be something else I can do!

Forget about neurology! What about podiatry!

- Foot doctor? That still requires med school.

But if you're interested in feet,

I hear that being a foot model can be very lucrative.

- A foot model? - Um-hm.

- Derek, what are you doing? - Don't panic! I have a plan.

- I'm not panicking, I'm blanking!

- Casey, take a deep breath, okay? I'm here to help you.

- Please! Like you care about helping me!

You only care about helping yourself! Just like Max helped himself to my answers!

- Hn! Alright, Max.

Alright! You gotta calm down. Take a deep breath.

[Derek taking a deep breath] - Focus.

- Oh, I'm focused! Focused on failing this test!

Now get out before I have to kick you out

and risk hurting my feet and ruining my future foot-modeling career!

- I don't like the sound of that. I'll be in touch!

[Dialing beeps]

[Cell phone ringing]

- Um, I -- I was just checking the time.

You know, I think the clock on the wall's a little fast.

- Alright, well... let me look after that until you've finished writing your test.

- No!

- Busted?

What is she talking about?

Oh. - Never in all my years

have I seen such a blatant disregard for morality and ethics.

- But you don't understand, Mister Gilmour. I didn't want to cheat! He just texted me!

- It was an innocent mistake.

I mean, it's not like it was textual harassment! [Laughing]

- You know, this is all Derek's fault! If he hadn't switched the papers-

- Casey! - Then I wouldn't have needed to rewrite the test

and he never would have texted me and we wouldn't be here. - What?

Okay -- you're the one who lied directly to Mister Gilmour!

You should be ashamed.

I mean, how do we know she's not lying right now?

- What? I'm not lying! And if I was lying, you're the cheater who turned me into a liar!

- Switched papers? Texted answers? Lying?

How 'bout you tell me a little truth - right now -- fast.

[Both talking at the same time]

- ...and I don't want to be a podiatrist. - What?

- No more silly explanations, okay? [Knocking at the door]

Come in.

- Umm. Mr. Gilmour.

I took a few of Casey's answers from her test. They were wrong,

but I was wrong for doing it.

I'm here to accept the consequences. - Well, Max.

Thank you for having the decency to be honest about your mistake.

- Yeah, thank you, Max.

- Shows a lot of integrity.

Seems you've learned your lesson, so you're free to go.

But you two? Derek -

you cheated multiple times on the same test.

So there's no way you're playing in the next hockey game

and you're gonna have to work mighty hard just to pass this course -

given the zero you're getting on the midterm. [Casey laughing]

And you? - Hm.

- You didn't say anything when you knew the tests were switched.

Plus you lied to get a make-up test.

And then you were caught in the exam with texted answers.

- D-d-does that mean... I get a zero, too? - No.

No, you don't exactly deserve a zero.

- Ah, cool! So I can keep my sixty-eight?

- No, you get to keep Derek's fifty-five

and then you thank me for being so understanding. - I thank you?

- You're welcome. - Does anybody have a...

A paper bag? I'm losin' air fast here.

- So... how was your day at school?

- Cut the chit-chat, George.

Let's get down to brass tacks.

- Fine! I'm not happy about it,

but I'll agree to a six per cent allowance increase. Are we done?

- Not quite. - Yes quite! Edwin, that's more than what we wanted!

- No it's not! Because we haven't discussed the benefits package.

- The benefits package? - Of course!

Chore reduction, bed-time extenditure -

- That's not even a word! Is it? - [Whispering] No.

- What about cookies? - Cookies is a word. - Oh, yes!

No cookie jar shall be higher than the second shelf in any given cupboard.

Do we have a deal?

- Yes -- we have a deal. [Edwin chuckling]

Now, go to your rooms! - But you're only saying that 'cuz you got out-negotiated!

- That's right.

- Oh, get, get! Go! Get it! [Sports game on TV]

- So, are you as bad at studying as you are at cheating? - Huh?

Actually, it turns out this whole "math" thing isn't that tough.

When one applies oneself,

one finds one can get one pretty sweet grade.

- Not possible. What'd you get? - On this exam?

Seventy-six.

- There's no way. You cheated!

- No, I just, ah, picked up one of those giant books with the numbers on the front and, uh...

Did you know everything you need to know is in there? What'd you get?

- Well, if you must know, eighty.

Minus seven.

- Ah! Let the record show! Casey MacDonald got a seventy-three

while her slacker brother got a seventy-six.

- This is so unfair! What happened to the whole

'cheaters never win and winners never cheat' rule?

- Ah, Casey, when will you learn?

I am the exception to all rules.

Where's the remote?

Closed Captioning by SETTE inc.

- But if I don't bag... - Let the record show...

...that Casey MacDonald got a seventy-three while her...

[Laughter] - I can't do it!

- We got it! We're good!

And trying so hard in school...

- Or I'll kick you and risk... hurting my feet.

[Racket]

- It's time to take... Sorry! - You could be lying right now!

How do we know she's not lying right now?

- ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

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