Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- So, did he call yet?

- Did who call?

- Prince William! Who do you think? Max!

- Why would Max call?

- Please! The way he was gazing into your eyes at the Valentine's Day dance?

- Em, he wasn't gazing.

Okay, maybe there was a little gazing. Do you think he really likes me?

- Likes you? If he were Prince William, I'd say you should pick out your tiara.

What's with your undercover stepbrother?

Oh, you mean...

DEREK! - Uh!

- He's probably just avoiding Kendra.

They broke up last night. Again.

- Why? - I'm sorry, Em, but the only relationship I care about is...

Max!

- Hi. - Hey! We were just talking about relationships.

- Really?

- So Max, did you make any weekend plans yet?

- Plans? Me? Um, that's a good question.

Well, see ya'!

- If it was such a good question, why didn't he answer it?

- Because maybe the relationship's over before it even started.

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

omance is great,

but when the mystery is whether there is a romance? Terrible.

If only guys could be more direct.

Yes, I like you, no I don't like you.

But instead they avoid, big time.

[Phone ringing] Is it Max?

- No! It's Kendra. Again.

- You know the routine, Ed. - Hello?

Derek? Um, no, he can't come to the phone right now. He's...

programming the VCR. Alright. Good-bye.

- Ed! You know we don't have a VCR anymore!

- Well, I'm running out of material. And I don't get it.

If you guys broke up, why is she still calling?

- Ah, 'cuz she probably wants to get back together.

- Derek, she knows you're avoiding her. It seems wrong.

Right. Wrong. What's the difference anyway?

What up, rentals?! - Hey Derek!

Hey, ah, honey, did you get the mail?

- Ah, yup. Got it right here.

Ah... I wonder what... what this could be.

- Rocky Pines Inn. Looks lovely. We should go sometime.

- How 'bout tomorrow? - Oh, yeah, right! Dream on.

- Nora, it's not a dream! It's a surprise!

Wha...? - Wa... wait!

You said you were frazzled, tired-- - Yeah, I am!

But the thought of taking a break makes me even more frazzled. There's so much...

- Nora, Nora! Just put everything on hold for a couple of days.

- What about reservations? - Confirmed. - Directions?

- Downloaded. I've taken care of everything. All you need to do is just relax.

- Alright, alright.

Who's watching the kids?

- I'll be right back!

Ah! I need help. Major help.

I'm taking Nora away for the weekend and I'm sure you've got plans--

- Don't be so sure.

Actually I'm looking for something to distract me from my emotional turmoil.

- Great! And that something could include looking after Lizzie, Edwin and Marti!

- Well, it would be the perfect opportunity to try out

some parenting tips from that childcare magazine you guys never read.

- Well, good luck with that.

Hey! Maybe Derek can help.

- Ah! Sorry G, no can do. I've got plans.

- Avoiding Kendra doesn't count as plans, Derek.

- You're avoiding Kendra?

- Yeah, we broke up. For real.

And I'm not into the post-breakup, crying,

"oh, what went wrong?" session. - Um, yeah!

- Oh, you mean you're a coward? - Or sensible.

And wrong! Very, very wrong!

Derek, you should talk to Kendra.

And since you're around this weekend you should help Casey!

- Of course, I will Dad.

- Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Okay, now the food money is in the cookie jar.

- Then where are the cookies? In the bank?

[Giggling]

- Nora, what did you pack?

- Just the essentials. Oh, right, now...

Edwin, don't play too many video games and Lizzie,

you'll remember to water my plants? And, um, Marti?

Just be careful, okay, bunny?

- Okay. Are you gonna go now?

- Ha! Ha! Yes. - Come on, let's go.

- We'll see you tomorrow night, okay? - Bye.

So long. - Have a good time.

- Thought she'd never leave! - Finally, it's chill time.

- Freeze!

- We have got a busy day ahead of us.

- What? - What? - What?

- Yeah, according to this parenting magazine, the 3 keys

to having a fun weekend with the kids: planning, planning, planning!

Alright, parenting tip number one:

Preparing meals and healthy snacks will make junk food less tempting.

- And that's supposed to make junk food less tempting?

[Doorbell] - Casey, we're kids, not gerbils.

Yeah and we want real food, like--

- Pizza! - You're paying for your pizza with our food money?

Last time I checked, pizza was food. Who wants my crust?

- [All]: Me!

- I'll have a carrot later, 'kay Casey?

- But...

- Alright, guys, it's time to play my favourite game:

"Spin the Wheel of Fun"!

Vacuuming? Dusting? Dishes? Garbage?

- This game stinks!

- Yeah! What's so fun about chores?

- Um, avoiding them? - No, no, no, no, no!

The fun part is you never know which chore you're gonna get!

- Work wheel? You forgot the space for, ah, eating chips and watching TV.

- Derek, use a plate!

- Good call.

- Oh, hey! You're right, Casey! The wheel is fun!

- Um-um. - [Girls]: Yeah!

- C'mon, you couch potatoes!

It's a beautiful day outside, uh?

Why don't we go to the park and get some exercise?

- [All]: Hey!

Ah.

- Derek, may I speak to you in private?

Uh-oh! Mom junior's angry at me! [All laughing]

- Stop undermining my authority!

- What authority?

- The authority I'd have if you'd leave!

- Sorry, I'm not going anywhere. Can't be seen in public.

[Phone ringing] If that's Kendra, I'm not here!

- Is this Kendra? 'Cuz if it is, Derek's not here.

Hey, Kendra! Oh, no, Derek's meditating.

Oh yeah, he's very Zen. Bye-bye.

- Fine. If Derek's not leaving, then I am!

I mean it!

Guys, I'm gonna really leave and don't even try and stop me, cause I'm gone.

- We won't! Bring back more chips.

- Yeah! - Whoa!

I just don't get it! When I was younger, I loved the wheel of fun!

- Why am I not surprised?

Make that very surprised.

- Max!

- Derek, will you read me a story?

- Sure! Grab me the TV listings.

- Hey, bro! Can you take me to Teddy's?

- Sorry, Ed, I've got big plans this aft.

- Derek, can we play, ah, soccer?

- Look, you guys can do anything you want as long as

it doesn't involve me leaving the house.

- But Derek! We're bored! Entertain us!

- Sorry Smarti, but this is my Saturday.

And after a hard week of homework...

- What? - Look, I'm in charge now, so I make the rules.

And I only have one rule: There are no rules.

Every kid for himself!

That's a good thing! Now go!

Wait! If you really wanna do something...

You clean my room, you do my laundry...

And you... go grab some nail clippers. We got a busy afternoon ahead of us.

- Derek, I am not cutting your fingernails!

- I meant my toenails. - Forget it Derek!

- Yeah, forget it Derek! - Yeah forget it, Smerek!

- Hey! You said you wanted entertainment!

- So, what do we do now?

- Well, if we can't go anywhere, then I'm bringing the fun here.

- Why aren't you going over there?

- Because if Max had wanted to go out with me this weekend he would've asked me.

- But Casey, it's fate! - What's fate?

- Your sibs treated you like dirt, so you called me,

we end up here at the same place as Max!

It's so romantic I could barely stand it!

So you need to go up there and you need to talk to him!

- Okay.

Not okay.

- Teddy! Glad you could make it.

- Thanks for having me over. Most parents have banned me from their houses.

- Well, you won't have to worry about that here

'cuz the 'rents are outta town!

- Rent-free! Well, then what are we waiting for?

Let's get this party started!

- There's one slight problem. You know my older brother?

- Course! Dude's a legend.

- Well, the dude's being a bit of a party pooper.

So, maybe you could use your skills to convince him to let us have some fun?

- Edwin, it would be an honour. - Sweet.

- What the--

- Who are you?

- I'm your worst nightmare. And your biggest fan. Teddy.

- So that's why Max was being all-weird at school.

He had a date with his ex-girlfriend.

- Listen, don't jump to conclusions.

They're just probably old friends hanging out.

Or not.

- Comfy? - Very. Who are you?

I know you don't know me, but I know about you.

The lies, the cons, the scams.

Edwin's told me everything.

You're sort'a my...

inspiration.

- Really? Then untie me and I'll inspire you some more.

- Nice try Derek. But you can't scam a scammer.

Now I'll be back in a sec. Don't go anywhere.

Operation "bother brother" has commenced!

- Yeah!

- Commenced? You mean there's more?

- Of course! Derek can't get away with what he did!

What did he do? Not that it matters.

- Well, that's just it! He wouldn't do anything,

but lie on the couch and order us around!

- Yeah! No food, no stories, no sports, no friends.

- And he calls himself a caregiver?

Well! It's time to have some fun with Mister...

No-fun-at-all.

- Yeah!

[Laughing]

- C'mon Smarti!

- Oh! You want her to stop?

- No! I mean, c'mon Smarti.

[Laughing]

Keep tickling me! I love it!

Okay, Smerek!

[Laughing]

Since you refuse to buy food, we got some ourselves.

Ha... From your secret stash!

- Hey! How'd you know about that?

- Cuz... I'm inside your head!

Oh, but don't worry. We have a snack for you too.

- I don't think I can do this.

- Why not? I'll bet Derek loves broccoli.

- Actually I do. Do your worst.

Mmm... Crunchy.

- He's good. So we're gonna have to be...

better.

- [TV]: ...Goes through the caribou's first stomach,

where it is formed into small balls called cud. This semi-digested...

- Hey, Ted. Just one question...

- I know, I know: Can you turn this off before you get bored to death?

- No. I was wondering if you brought "Part Two: The Mating Ritual"?

- That's it! To the diabolical planning room!

[Whispering]: The kitchen.

[Cell phone ringing]

Hello? Hey, Derek.

No, I don't know when I'm going to be home. Why?

Are the kids okay?

- Casey! What are you doing here?

- Oh, I'm just here with Emily. - Who are you here with?

- Um, I'll let you 2 catch up.

I'll call you later, Case. See you Max.

- Casey! Hello! Hello! Oh!

- Okay, maybe, maybe we should consider untying Derek

'cuz you've kinda freaked out Lizzie.

- Well, we haven't broken him yet!

- I didn't want to break him! I just wanted to get back at him.

But if we don't break your brother, your brother will break you later!

- You're right! So, what do we do?

- We have to find... his real weakness.

[Phone ringing]

- Hello. Oh, hi Kendra.

Yeah, Derek's here but he's... tied up at the moment.

[Grunting] But he said if you called

to invite you over! Oh, okay. Good bye.

- Who was that? - That was his real weakness.

[Doorbell] - Hey bro, thought you'd like some company.

- Edwin that better not be...

Kendra! Hey!

I was gonna call you, but as you can see,

I'm really tied up right now.

Perfect! Now we can finally talk...

About our break up.

- Let's leave you 2 love-birds... alone.

- No, no! Stay, ah, we'll all talk.

Well, sorry bro.

You know, it was like you said, it's every kid for themself.

- So, Kendra. Wanna untie me?

- Not without some answers! You can't just break up with me and then avoid me!

- I wasn't avoiding you.

'Kay, maybe just a smidge.

Look, I understand why we broke up.

You are so not a relationship guy and I am so not a relationship girl!

But, aren't we still friends?

- Well, that's why I was avoiding you!

- What? - See, I can handle being your friend, but I...

I can't handle the break up tears. And see? No tears!

So maybe we can just be friends.

- Oh, Derek! That makes me so happy

because it was so great going out with you

and I am really going to miss you even though

you were selfish and inconsiderate.

Because underneath it all, you are a very special person.

Oh!

- Kendra. You forgot to untie me.

- No I didn't.

- Kendra!

Wait! Kendra! Wait!

Oh! Well, this is good.

Look I think you've learned your lesson

and we're ready to untie you...

right? - Right.

- Wrong!

But if you were to apologize...

- Oh, of course. And what exactly am I apologizing for?

For being the worst babysitter ever, right, Edwin?

- Well, in Derek's defense, Casey was pretty bad too.

- Oh, no. It's okay. I am sorry. Sorry Teddy can't tie a better knot!

Aaah!

[Screaming]

Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Listen, Case. I can explain.

That girl you saw me with was my ex-girlfriend, Amy.

And she wanted to get back together.

- Oh, well now I feel so much better.

- But I said no.

Because... I met someone else.

- Who?

Oh, you mean me?

Wait, wait you do mean me, right?

- Right. See, the thing is I really like you and I think we should--

[Cell phone ringing] Hold that thought.

- Hello? Yeah, not a good time, Liz!

- So, you were saying?

- She hung up on me! - I'm scared.

Of the big bad Derek? Please!

[Banging on the door] [Screaming]

- Open the door now before I huff and I puff and I kick this door down!

[Screaming]

- Ah... what do we do now?

- Run!!

[Screaming] You can't escape me!

- So as I was saying--

- You really like me and--

[Cell phone ringing] Leave me alone!

Marti? What's wrong?

Edwin's friend who? Hello?

I'm sorry Max, but my family really needs me.

- Do you want me to come with you?

- No, no, no! This is my responsibility, but I will be right back.

- Well... - Don't move!

- Come out here you cowards and face the music!

- Derek, what's going on? Are the kids okay?

- No, the kids are far from okay!

- What? - [Lizzie]: Casey! - [Marti]: Casey!

- [Edwin]: Casey!

- Derek! What have you done to the children?

- Me? I didn't do anything! Yet!

Perhaps you'd be interested to know what they did to me!

- We only did what we did because you wouldn't do anything but lie on the couch!

- Derek how could you? Me? What about you?

You were supposed to be in charge!

And then you went gallivanting off when they wouldn't follow your orders.

- Oh, well they would've followed my orders if it hadn't been for you!

- Nuh-uh! You were way too bossy.

- And you were way too lazy!

- Well, at least we had fun with Teddy!

- Where is Teddy? - Teddy is still here?

- Teddy! - Who's Teddy?

- I'm Teddy. And that's my ride. Well, this was fun!

Let's do it again soon.

- Wow! You're letting him leave without getting back at him?

- No.

No. I totally got him back.

- You did? - Oh, yeah!

And you didn't bail after trying to impose martial law in the house!

- She didn't? - No!

And you and Marti didn't help Teddy tie me up

and Marti didn't tickle my feet and I didn't eat broccoli!

- Yeah! And you don't have to pound me for inviting Teddy over!

- Right! This day never happened.

It will be a sworn sibling secret. Agreed?

- [All]: Agreed.

- Good. Now let's celebrate this agreement

with cold pizza and milk of the chocolate variety.

- Oh, you guys mind if I skip the refreshments?

I got a football player holding his thought.

So, you were saying?

- You've been gone for an hour.

- Oh, nope... Ah, 57 minutes, actually.

But, ah, go ahead, finish your thought.

- Um, well...

Will you be my girlfriend?

- I thought you'd never ask!

- Hey, hey! We're home!

- Hey! Welcome back!

- Where are the kids? - Oh, they're all tucked in their little beds.

- Oh, yeah, they're all tuckered out from such a fun-packed weekend.

- And, ah, how was your weekend? - Oh, it was great!

Derek was a huge help. He even took over for a bit,

so I could, uh, go out on a date.

- You helped? You must have really wanted to avoid Kendra.

- Actually she came over here. We had a nice little chat.

- Oh, and I had a nice chat with Max. A very nice chat.

- Oh! I hope the kids didn't get in the way.

- Oh, they were model children. Oh, yeah. Little angels.

- Night. - Night, peeps.

- Georgie, what... what are you doing?

- I'm... I'm just looking for damage 'cuz there's some lying going on here.

Do you think they had a party? Did they break something?

I'm going to check the living room.

- You know what, George? The house is clean,

the kids are in bed, Casey and Derek are getting along.

Let's just go with it. - Good call.

Closed captioning by SETTE inc.

- Yeah!

Don't shoot. - Max...

- Fine, if Derek... [Laughing]

- Why don't you... [Laughing]

It's so romantic I could barely taste it.

[Laughing] What!

- What? [Laughing]

- ♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0