Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- Now Ryan's getting back together with Pam.

- Oh, I thought Pam was going out with Brett.

- Please! That was so last semester.

- Who knew? - I knew! See, I keep my ears open for info

and then I head to the hall to scope it out myself.

- Wow, Em. You're like

the scientist and the kids in the hall are your little lab rats.

- Just call me Doctor Em. - Well, Love Doctor Em,

what do ya' have to say about those 2 hall-rats?

- Derek and Kendra? I'm surprised they're still playin' in the maze.

See, Derek doesn't go out with a girl past 21 days.

It's day 32 now. See?

- It's color-coded and everything!

Em, you have research on every guy in the school?

- Well, my Derek-research is a little more thorough.

But I give those 2 maybe 1 week, tops.

Then it's "bye-bye Kendra".

- Uh... Hello, Max. - Hey, Casey.

- So, Doctor Em... was Max flirting?

- Well, he did give you the familiar "hey" instead of the formal "hi".

- But did you notice a spring in his step? A twinkle in his eye?

- Spring or twi... ah... no,

I must'a missed it, but I'll keep my eye open next time.

- Good! 'Cuz I really need to know if I have a chance with him.

- Do you want me to do some "Max" research?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah! Um... find out if he has a girlfriend,

everything about his childhood, all his interests

and if he has a girlfriend.

- I'm on the case, Case!

- ♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

tos

until it's obvious the other person likes me back.

And if that person is available, because otherwise it's just...

Not right.

Has anyone seen my ballet leotard?

- Put it in the dryer. - The dryer?

Leotards don't go in the dryer!

Didn't you check the "what doesn't go in the dryer" list?

- There's a list? - Right over the dryer! - Oh.

- Great! My leotard shrunk and my tights have a run.

- Then you better go catch them!

- It's not funny! Just... I need these for ballet class.

- Well, I guess you're going to have to wear your tutu.

- Or your three-three. - Joke all you want.

Just steer clear of the living room so Lucy and I can rehearse after class.

- What? We can't watch TV because you're rehearsing "Goose Lake"?

- It's Swan Lake! And it'll be nice to have some culture

in our house for a change.

- How 'bout some culture from this century? Like mud wrestling.

- How bout just giving me and Lucy some living-room time

so we can practice our duet.

No one in the living room after 2 o'clock, please!

- Lucy?

- Lucy.

- Nora, you shouldn't have accepted without asking me.

- What's the big deal? - The big deal is the big plans I have for Friday night!

- What big plans? - The big plans I'm gonna make

to get out of having dinner with the Aliens!

- The Allens. - Not Albie Allen's parents? - Yeah.

- No! - What's wrong with Albie? - What's right with Albie?

- Look, it's just one dinner.

- Oh, no, no, no, it isn't. Because first they invite us,

then we have to invite them, next thing you know

we're vacationing together. Lizzie will marry Albie...

- I don't wanna marry Albie! - You don't have to marry Albie.

But you have to go to dinner because I said we would.

- Everyone, this is Lucy.

- Lucy. - Hi, Lucy. - Hi, Lucy.

- Hi. - Well, I'm not going! And that's final!

- Oh, but you are going! And that is final! - Oh, no it isn't!

- Yes it is! - Aren't they cute?

- Um, aren't you leaving?

Oh, you McDonalds sure are bossy.

- No, we're not! Now go do your homework!

- Do you mind?

- Not at all.

- Don't you have something better to do?

- Nope. - I'm Derek.

- I'm Lucy. - I'm annoyed!

So, why don't you let us rehearse in peace?

- Oh, go right ahead. I love the ballet! It's like, ah...

poetry with people.

- Really? - No. Now go!

- Maybe Lucy wants me to stay.

- Actually... I'm a little self-conscious.

- Oh! I totally respect that.

Ballet away. I'll see you again, Lucy. I hope.

- Derek seems really sweet. - Yeah, no. He's really not.

[Clapping]

Uh, memo to Derek: Leave Lucy alone.

- Fine. - Thank you.

Right after you give me her phone number.

- Derek! Oh...

Number 1: Lucy is cultured and sensitive. Not a philistine!

- Who's "Phyllis Stein"? - You!

Number 2: don't date my friends! - You've dated mine.

- Okay, forget about number 2! But the number 1 reason

is number 3: You have a girlfriend!

- Oh! Just because I'm dating Kendra means

I can't have an innocent little phone conversation about the fine arts with Lucy?

- 'Cause you're so interested in the fine arts?

- Look, I'm not a one-girlfriend kinda guy. Kendra knows that.

- Hum! So, even though you spend every lunch, every day after school

and every weekend together, Kendra thinks you're not exclusive?

- Right. - That is wrong, Derek!

And I have to believe that even you know that.

- Okay, well, then let's look at this another way.

I don't believe in long-term relationships, so technically it's okay

'cuz I'm gonna break up with Kendra any day now.

- Then "technically" until you do, we'll be rehearsing at Lucy's.

- What time should I be there?

- Okay, password, password...

C-A-S-E-Y. Oh, darn! She changed it!

'Kay, let me think. How can I figure this out?

Um! That's one way! Down with Derek. Ah!

Bingo.

Busy.

You knucklehead, this is our phone number. Casey tricked you!

How am I gonna get in touch with Lucy now?

[Phone ringing] Hello...

Lucy! - That's one way.

- No, ah, actually Casey can't come to the phone right now.

I guess you'll have to settle for me.

Uh huh.

- George, do your sons have any morals?

- 'Course they do! How many morals are we talking?

- Oh, the moral that requires having one girlfriend at a time.

- Well, they better have that moral.

'Cuz I want my sons to treat the girls they date

with the same respect they show their sisters!

I mean much better than they treat their sisters.

- Oh! Well, then, you'd be very disappointed in Derek...

- Yes! He always is. So Dad, you psyched

for your dinner with the Allens tomorrow night?

- Yes, he is very psyched! - Oh yeah, yeah!

Majorly psyched. I just hope I don't get sick before then.

[Fake coughing]

- You call that a fake cough? Try this.

[Fake coughing]

- Oh, you fake cough all you want. We're goin' to the Allens!

- I am not faking, Nora!

And I think it would be rude for me to spread my germs to the Allens!

[Fake coughing]

- No, it would be rude to cancel for a fake reason!

- Stop fighting! I'm trying to eat!

- We were just joking around, Marti.

- We sure are. Would you help me with the dessert, Georgie? [Cracking]

- Sure, Nora.

- George, you are so going to that dinner!

- We can hear you in there!

- He'll get out of it. - He doesn't stand a chance.

- Oh, and Casey, you might want to call Lucy.

- Oh, so you can hit redial after I call her?

- No, she called before dinner, she wanted to schedule the next rehearsal.

A little info: she's unavailable Friday night.

- Why? - 'Cuz she's going out with me.

- Derek!

Could Derek be any slimier? - I dunno. Maybe?

- You know I should tell Kendra what he's doing.

- Yeah, you do that. - No, I can't!

As much as Derek deserves to get in trouble, I'm just not sure

I should meddle! He is after all... oof... family.

- Yeah, don't meddle... - Unless I should meddle!

Because innocent people could get hurt, like Lucy and Kendra.

- Yeah meddle... - On the other hand... Liz?

- We need to talk.

- I need to spit.

- Uh! Suppose Kendra happens to phone while you're out with Lucy, Friday night?

- Ed covers. Says he doesn't know my whereabouts.

- So you do feel guilty about what you're doing!

And you want your little brother to lie to protect you?

How can you live with yourself? - Uh! Very happily.

- Ah!

Okay, Derek, I'm gonna make myself absolutely clear.

While you're still going out with Kendra it is wrong

to go out with Lucy. So either you break up with Kendra first,

or you cancel your date with Lucy. It's your choice.

Unless you'd like me to make the choice for you?

That's some tough talk from uh...

someone wearing bunny slippers.

- You're a... you...

- So? What did you find out? - About what?

- Why are you tormenting me? - 'Cuz it's fun.

- Oh... - Okay! Here are the Max facts so far.

On an average, he's late for school 3 days out of 5,

but he does have early morning football practice.

On a messy locker scale from one to 5, he's a solid 3.

His favorite color is burgundy.

His style ranges from preppy to sporty

and he's not a picky eater, but he is a picky dater.

- Okay, so how about the most important Max-fact?

- And what would that be? - Is he single?

- Yes and no.

It's an on-again, off-again thing with this blonde girl named Amy,

but 3 out of 4 respondents believe they're officially back on.

Although there is a 10% margin for error.

- Well, I'm a 100% bummed.

I guess I'll just have to pine and wait for the day Max'll be single.

- Someday soon, Derek's gonna be single.

- Or maybe even sooner. - You have more data to add to my research?

- As a matter of fact I do.

Derek has a date on Friday night with someone else.

- But, that's so wrong. And out of character.

He usually has the courtesy to break up with a girl before dating another.

- Well, if he won't right this wrong, I said I'd right it for him.

Unless that's not right either.

- Casey, you think too much.

- So Paul, do you think I should tell Kendra what Derek's doing?

- What do you think? - Apparently too much.

On the "tell Kendra" side, there's the feminist argument.

We girls need to stick together, right?

- Right. - But maybe telling Kendra would devastate Kendra.

- Maybe. - So maybe I should just mind my own business!

Maybe ignorance is bliss! Maybe that's why Derek's so happy all the time.

- What do you think? - What do you think?

- I think...

I think...

I think for once you should just tell me what to do!

- You really think I'm gonna do that?

- It'd be nice for once if you did!

- Kendra, what are you doing with that guy?

- I know. If only she knew Derek was about to cheat on her.

- No! Kendra's not with Derek! She's with André.

- Who? Why? Where?

- Here, take these, but be discreet.

- Well, would you take a look at that! They seem awful chummy.

- And that's not their first moment of chumminess.

According to my research they've had 3 hallway "stop and talks"

and a close encounter at the water fountain.

- Intriguing. But are they talking or are they flirting?

And if they are flirting, is it the harmless kind,

or the "don't tell Derek" kind?

Interesting question. I'll have to investigate.

- There may not be time, Doctor Em.

I'm gonna have to try the direct approach.

- So, how are things between you and Kendra?

- Same! Unless you told her something you shouldn't have.

- Nope. Because I know you're going to tell her yourself.

- Yeah! You just keep thinking that.

- I will, but you might wanna think about what Kendra's

been doing with a certain French guy

who has a certain... je ne sais quoi.

- André? No way.

- Oh yes way. Bother you? - Not at all.

- Hum!

- What is Kendra doing flirting with "Frenchy Frencherson"

when she is going out with me?

- The same thing you're doing with Lucy.

- So, 2 wrongs don't make a right!

I mean, what has she been doing flirting with that André?

I bet his name was Andrew when he moved from Buffalo!

- Actually no, his brother Serge is in my class.

So, unless they're a fake French family... - It's possible!

- Are you, dare I say, jealous?

- No, you dare not say! Now get out.

Go!

Hello? Hi, is Kendra there? Oh, she's not?

Uh, do you know where she is?

Is she with a guy in a beret?

- I can't believe we're debating this!

If the Allens are nice enough to ask us over, we should go!

Yeah and it's rude to say no for no reason.

[Little bell] - Venturi's turn!

- But it's just as rude to pretend to be friends with someone.

- Which is why I don't pretend to be friends with Albie Allen.

- Good point! - Ah!

[Little bell] - McDonalds' turn.

- But if we get to know the Allens, we might like the Allens,

then we won't have to pretend to be friends with them!

- And the Allens already like the McDonald-Venturis,

which means they have good taste. - Oooh! Good point.

[Little bell] - Venturi's turn. Wrap it up.

- Well, here's a great point: I don't want to go.

And I shouldn't have to do something that I don't want to do.

- Yeah. Guys shouldn't get bossed around by girls!

- Oh yeah! [Little bell] - McDonalds' last turn.

- George, we're a team. We make decisions together.

- You mean you decide and I have to go along with it!

- No. You support my decisions.

[Little bell] - My turn to decide.

Well, I think... Well, I...

Well, I think you should decide this yourselves.

Like, I'm 6! [Little bell]

- Burgundy shirt. Nice.

- So, has Max passed by on his way to math yet?

- Not yet. His class starts in 2 minutes.

- There he is! Ah! He's alone!

Is it cheesy if I accidentally bump into him on purpose?

- Very cheesy. - Well, I'm doing it anyway!

You. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oh! I am so sorry.

- Don't be. - Ew! Oh!

- Ha! Ha! So you and Kiegan? Who knew?

- Kiegan? What? No, no, no! I accidentally bumped into him

when I wasn't paying attention.

- Then he won't mind if I call you later?

- No, no, no! He wouldn't mind at all!

- Cool. Maybe I will... [School bell]

- Did you see that?

- When you body-checked Kiegan? - No, no! When I talked to Max,

he said he was going to call me later! Isn't that great!

- No, that's terrible! My latest research shows

Max's on-again-off-again-Amy relationship? Definitely on-again!

- Well, but you said there was a 10% margin for error!

- Okay, then I'm 90% sure Max is cheating on her by going after you.

- Did you have to tell me the truth?

No, no, actually, I'm glad you did.

- Uh! Why can't I watch the game with Derek?

- Actually, ah... I've got plans.

- George, it was very mature of you to agree to go to dinner.

- Yeah, well, I'm going under protest.

- Nora, I am too old for play dates!

- Edwin, it's not a play date!

You and the girls were invited to join us for dinner

so you could play with Albie.

- Mom that's a play date! And we don't wanna go!

- I do! Has anyone seen my white gloves?

- Thank you. - What are you doing tonight?

- I got a little play date of my own.

- Ah... Well uh... say hi to Kendra.

- Sure.

- Kendra? What are you doing here?

- Oh, just, ah, thought I'd drop by.

- Really? Shouldn't you be brushing up on your French?

- Shouldn't you be practising your plié?

- Casey!

I'll be right back.

You ratted me out? You broke the sibling code!

- Yeah! 'cuz you weren't being honest with Lucy or Kendra.

They deserve to know the truth! - You told Lucy too!

- Yeah! And she's not coming. We girls need to stick together

to protect ourselves from guys like you and Max.

- Max? What does Max have to do with this?

- That's none of your business! - Yeah! My business is your business!

- Look, you have plenty of time to be angry with me,

but Kendra is waiting for you downstairs. - To freak on me thanks to you!

- Maybe she just wants to straighten things out and I know it's none of my business,

but maybe you want to straighten things out too.

- You're right... It is none of your business!

Okay, before you freak out on me, just remember

you were the one who was flirting with Frère Jacques!

- His name is André! How did you find out about him?

- Casey. - She broke the girl code!

- Yeah, she's a real code breaker. - Well, you know, I am glad

that Casey told me what was going on since you didn't have the decency.

- Oh, well, then I'm glad that she told me about André.

- Well, it's not like I went on a date with him.

- What about last night? - I was shopping with my Mom.

But how can you be jealous of me flirting with another guy,

when you asked out another girl?

- Look, I meet a cute girl, I hit on her That's what I do..

And then Casey went crazy on me for not

breaking up with you before going out with someone else--

- You're planning to break up with me? - You know I'm not a planner!

And then I met this cute girl--

Who wasn't nearly as cute as you

and I did what I usually do. I guess I'm not used to going out

with 1 person for more than a few weeks.

- Me either.

- But maybe I didn't break up with you because

I don't want to break up with you. Because I like you.

- Well, I like you too, but I am not okay

with you going out with other girls.

- I am not okay with you going out with other guys.

- Wait? Are we breaking up?

- I think we're staying together.

- Wow. Now there is a healthy break-up.

- Ah, we didn't break up.

- What? But you have to be strong!

We can't let guys walk all over us!

[Phone ringing]

Hello. Oh hey Max! Casey's right here.

- Max?

Hi. Yes, I'm glad you called, beecause there's something I need to say.

Max. Though clearly there is an attraction between us,

as a morally responsible woman, I cannot in good conscience

pursue any date-like activities until your issues

with your alleged girlfriend, Amy, are resolved.

What? You and Amy broke up?

Oh. Well, in that case, never mind!

- Hey there! - Hey! How bad was it?

- Not bad at all! Alex is great!

You know what? We ended up watching the hockey game on his home theatre.

Yeah, and Albie's cool too!

He had this space simulator game which totally rocks!

- Totally! - And Albie's parents can actually cook!

All in all, a lovely evening. - Oh, well, I'm glad to hear it.

- Yeah, well I'm glad everyone else had a great time

because I had absolutely nothing in common with Alice.

All she wanted to talk about was gardening and golf.

- Well, that's too bad because I invited Alice and Alex and Albie

here for dinner next Saturday. - Without asking me?

- Yeah! And we're gonna rent a cottage with them next summer.

- What? - So Lizzie can get to know her future husband.

- What? - Let's get him!

[Laughing] - George, that wasn't funny!

- Oh, yes it was!

Closed Captioning by SETTE inc.

- It would be very rude of you to can... - Be rude to cancel for dinner.

- And it would be rude to spread my germs to the Al...

[Laughing] - Allens!

- I will. - I should say my line.

[Coughing]

Ah!!

- ♪ Living life with Derek! ♪

♪ Living life with Derek! ♪

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