Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

- Can we watch soccer?

- No, I'm watching cartoons.

- Ah, yes, the familiar Marti versus Lizzie

cartoon versus soccer fight.

And up next, Dad's curiosity.

- What are you doing, Edwin?

- It's a human predictability project for social studies.

I've noticed some patterns in this family's behaviour.

- Such as?

- Such as Marti's constant questions.

- What questions, when's dinner, can I have a pony?

- Mm-mm.

- Derek's constant eating.

- Whoops.

- Nora's attempts to get Derek to clean up after himself.

- Uh, Derek, you dropped something.

- Derek's obnoxious response.

- Marti, vacuum, now.

- And the old parental one, two.

- Marti, don't clean up Derek's mess.

- Derek, Marti isn't a vacuum.

- [Derek] Can't hear you.

- But of all family behaviour, the most predictable.

- I thought you all should know, Sam and I broke up.

- [All] Again?

♪ It used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ When mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George ♪

♪ And Nora, Marti, and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪♪

- Some relationships are like emotional roller coasters.

There are way ups and big downs.

But when the ride gets too rough,

my family's always there to smooth things over.

- So you and Sam broke up again, huh?

- Yeah, but let's talk about something else, okay?

- Okay.

- I can't believe Sam, I mean, most of the time

we get along great, but then somehow we always end up

fighting, and I can't figure out why.

- I don't know, sweetheart.

- But you have to know 'cause if you don't know

and I don't know, then who knows?

- You want my boyfriend advice?

But I've never even been on a date.

- But you know me and you know Sam, so what should I do?

- Okay, um, try talking to him.

- We do talk, a lot, doesn't work.

- Marti!

- You should eat more spaghetti.

- How will that help me and Sam?

- Sammy likes spaghetti.

- But Sam and I are having trouble resolving

our ongoing conflicts.

- Nora, your turn again.

- Oh, I'm starving.

How's the grub, boys?

- Let me guess, you're in a great mood

'cause Casey and Sam broke up again.

- No, I'm in a great mood because when win our hockey game

this Saturday, our team gets to go to Sweden.

And hockey plus Swedish girls equals the greatest trip ever.

- Yeah, well, you sound pretty confident.

- Well, as long as Sam keeps up his goal-scoring streak,

we can't lose.

- And how is Sam reacting to this latest breakup with Casey?

- I don't know.

- Why does Casey have to think so much?

Dude, it takes her 20 minutes to decide on pizza toppings.

- Pizza, good call, here, number's on speed dial.

- [Sam] What are you doing, anyway?

- Doing some research.

- Modelling agencies in Stockholm.

- Yeah, I figure we'd do some Swedish sightseeing

when our team wins that trip.

- Mm-hmm, I have a girlfriend, remember?

- Uh, you're a guy, remember?

- No, I know, 'cause I'd have to be a girl or something

to translate what Casey says half the time,

and the other half the time she says I'm not listening.

- Half the time Sam doesn't get what I'm saying,

and the other half it's like he's not listening.

Emily?

- Sorry, I missed that, but let me guess.

You were talking about how Sam never listens.

- How did you know?

- Because it always happens.

You and Sam get along great,

then you ask Sam a simple question,

then you search for deeper meaning in his simple answer.

- So what do you wanna do Saturday?

- I don't know, you'll think of something.

- 'Cause I always have good suggestions

or 'cause I always get what I want?

Or 'cause you can't be bothered to think of a suggestion

or 'cause you just don't care?

- Yeah, um, the last one.

- You don't care what we do or you don't care about us?

- Wait, I, no, I didn't say that, did I?

- No, but it's what you meant.

(school bell ringing)

Who knew we were that predictable?

Guess it's a good thing it's over.

- Oh, no, it's not over.

You two will gaze into each other's eyes, then bam,

you two will be back together by tomorrow.

- Not this time, this time I mean business, I promise.

- Really, so why are you still wearing Sam's necklace?

- Who says I am?

All right, fine, I'm gonna go give it back to him right now.

- Casey, no, no eye contact!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- [Lizzie] Back together already?

- And by my tabulations, that was their shortest

breakup ever, see?

- Do you mind?

- Isn't teen behaviour fascinating?

If you're interested, I could use a research assistant.

- Does the job involve spying?

- Yep.

- I'm in.

- Edwin, Lizzie, get lost.

- Very interesting.

- Disturbing.

- You waited for me?

That is so sweet.

So do you wanna eat lunch now or maybe take a walk first?

- I don't know, whatever.

- What is that, your new catchphrase?

- I don't know, whatever.

- Sam, is something bugging you?

- No, something bugging you?

- No, it's just that we never talk.

- Sure we do, I mean, at least you do.

- What does that mean?

- Uh, I don't know, whatever.

- Well, when you do know, call me.

- What?

(sobbing)

- Sam?

- Yes, Sam, we had another fight.

I just, I don't know what's wrong.

Is it me or is it him?

- Maybe it's the both of you and how you communicate.

(cell phone ringing)

- Sorry. - It's okay.

- Just one sec. - Of course.

- A text message from Sam. - Mm-hmm.

- "I'm really sorry," aw, how sweet.

- So about your problem with Sam.

- Oh, no, no, it's okay, everything's fine again.

- Really? - Really, bye.

- Ew!

- What's going on here?

- Casey and Sammy were nekkid.

- Uh, you mean necking, right?

- Yes, but I was just leaving, so, bye, everyone.

- Bye, Sam.

- [George and Marti] Bye, Sam.

- So, you and Sam are back together again, huh?

- Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?

- 'Cause when you called and interrupted my meeting today,

you sounded a little upset.

- Oh, well, it's all fine again.

- [George] I think you should tell her, Nora.

- Yeah, tell her, Nora.

- Tell me what?

- Well, you know the story about the boy who cried wolf.

- Boy who cries wolf so often that when a wolf

actually shows, nobody believes him, so?

- So--

- So you think I'm the girl who cried breakup?

- [All] Yes.

- Just 'cause we're on again, off again,

my family thinks I'm the girl who cried wolf.

I know, isn't that hilarious?

No, they just assume we're gonna break up again.

(speaking in fast forward)

Well, if that's how you feel, then maybe we should break up.

For good.

Hey, Em, Sam and I broke up, for good.

(dial tone blaring)

Hello, hello?

Sam and I broke up, for good.

- Oh, brother.

- Well, you better wash up, dinner's almost ready.

- I can't eat, I'm in a state.

- Remember, Marti, it's fork left, knife right.

- I'm not crying wolf.

Really.

(upbeat music)

- [Voiceover] Up next, your local forecast.

- Aw, what about my Swedish forecast?

- Well, if I were you, I'd be worried about

your Casey and Sam forecast, you know they broke up again.

- Why would I ever be worried about that?

- Because of the inverse relationship between Casey

and Sam's relationship and your hockey team's performance.

It's all in my research.

- You're not normal, you know that, right?

- Oh, just look at this.

When Casey and Sam are together, your team wins.

When they break up, you lose, big.

- Are you sure?

- Well, the numbers don't lie, Sam's emotional state

affects his ability to score goals.

- That's pathetic.

- But true.

- So what, Sweden's a done deal.

Those two will get back together faster than you can say

(speaking in Swedish), that's Swedish for what's up.

- Here, make sure Sam gets this back.

- Derek, that could be very bad.

- Why?

- 'Cause that necklace is symbolic of their relationship.

Casey hasn't taken it off since they started going out.

- You mean they may have broken up for good?

Thanks for having tea with me, Nora.

- Oh, you're very welcome, Derek.

What's on your mind?

- Actually, it's not about me, it's about Casey and Sam.

Those two just can't seem to work it out.

- Yeah, I know, but I didn't know that you knew or cared.

- Oh, come on, Nora, you know that deep, deep, deep,

deep, deep down I

care about Casey.

- Well, that's pretty deep.

- Look, you know that I was against them getting involved.

But they are just so darn adorable together.

- They are?

- I think they just need someone to help them

sort things out, you know, like a middleman

or a middle mom.

- Okay, what's your angle?

- Nora, I'm hurt.

I assure you my intentions are true.

- Oh, I'm sure they are, but you don't need me

as a middle mom.

Anyway, Sam and Casey will be back together in no time.

- Not this time, it's symbolic.

- Okay, Derek, your concern for Casey is touching,

but I really think that we should both stay out of it.

- Thanks for the advice, Nora, I'll do just that.

Hey, Sam.

This is from Casey.

- Well, give it back to her.

- I don't think she'll take it.

So this breakup's for real, huh?

- You don't wanna know.

- No, no, sure I do, I mean we both know

that that necklace is symbolic,

so if you wanna talk, I'm ready to listen.

- Really?

Okay, well, I know me and Casey have problems,

but I really wanna work things out.

- Great, go talk to her.

- I can't.

Every time we talk, we end up in a fight.

Like there was this one time, we were talking about

this movie we saw, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

- [Derek] This is so boring. - [Sam] Blah, blah, blah.

- [Derek] When is he gonna - [Sam] Blah, blah, blah.

- [Derek] stop, I'm hungry. - [Sam] Blah, blah, blah.

- [Derek] Wonder what's for - [Sam] Blah, blah, blah.

- [Derek] lunch, maybe pizza. - [Sam] Blah, blah, blah.

- [Derek] Mm, pizza. - [Sam] Blah, blah, blah.

- [Emily] What are you doing?

- I'm just having a chat with

nobody.

But maybe we could have a little talk.

- Sure.

- Okay, look, I know this is gonna sound weird,

but I want Sam and Casey to get back together.

- Why?

- It's embarrassing.

- It's okay, you can tell me.

I mean, we're supposed to be friends, remember?

- It's just I think Sam's happier when he's with Casey.

Lame, huh?

- Actually, it's really sweet.

- And I figured you'd want Casey to be happy, too.

- Of course.

- So maybe together we can get Casey and Sam

to get back together.

- Well, I guess we could.

- Yeah, yeah, great, so you go talk to Casey now

'cause this has to happen by Saturday.

- But why?

- 'Cause, uh, it's their date night, now go, go, go, go, go.

(upbeat music)

Useless practise.

(knocking)

Tell me they're getting back together.

- 'Fraid not, Casey says it's really over.

- No, no, no, it can't be.

You gotta talk to Sam and tell him what to say

so Casey will forgive him, okay?

- But what should I tell him to say?

- I don't know, something from that secret romantic

language you girls speak.

Now go, go, go, go, go, go.

(upbeat music)

- Since when does Derek care about

Casey's relationship with Sam?

- No, Lizzie, it's not about Casey and Sam.

It's about Sweden.

- I talked to Sam and he'll consider getting back together.

- Great.

- But he doesn't wanna make the first move.

- Then get Casey to make the first move.

- Casey says it's over, remember?

- Then get her to change her mind.

- Have you met Casey?

Besides, we need to figure out why they can't get along

'cause even Casey doesn't know.

- All right, then maybe we need to find a consultant

who's an expert on Casey.

It's Paul, right, I've heard good things.

- Do you have an appointment?

- No, but I'm sure you're dying to talk to me.

I'm Casey MacDonald's stepbrother.

(spitting) (coughing)

(laughing)

- Please, Derek, have a seat, please.

- Let me guess, Casey's mentioned me once or twice.

- Mm-hmm.

- See, here's the deal, Casey's in this

totally messed up relationship with Sam, and I just--

- And how do you feel about Casey dating your best friend?

- Nice try, but we're not talking about me.

We're talking about Casey.

So I figured that we could

solve their relationship problems together.

- Sorry, Derek, I can't talk to you about Casey

or her relationship, but we could talk about you.

- Fine, the truth is,

oh, this is hard.

I'm the one with the problem.

Me and my girlfriend, we fight constantly.

Could you tell me how to patch things up by Saturday?

- I don't believe in quick fixes.

- You don't?

Well, could you point me in the direction

of somebody who does?

- All I can say to you and your girlfriend

is that communication is key.

- Communication is key, that's it.

How much is Casey paying you?

- Communication is key?

- I know, useless, huh?

- Well, maybe not, what if we get Casey

to really communicate with Sam?

- You want Casey to talk more?

- Not more, better.

We need a communication friendly setting.

- Oh, good idea, how about a romantic dinner for two?

- Derek, we tried going out once.

It didn't work, remember?

- I meant Sam and Casey.

- Oh, I knew that, it was just a little joke.

- (laughing) Oh.

We make a pretty good team, huh?

- Yeah, we do.

Well, I better go before the guests of honour arrive.

- Yeah, I better get upstairs.

But stop by later, see how it all works out.

- They're kind of chummy.

- Yeah, and Derek help set the table.

Remember to mark that down.

- Shh, someone's coming.

- Wow.

Everything is perfect.

- Yeah, I know.

- But that doesn't change how I feel.

I still don't think we should get back together.

- Okay, then what am I doing here?

- You're having dinner with a friend.

- You make romantic dinners for all your friends?

- I don't, you do.

Didn't you?

- Casey, I didn't make this dinner.

Derek said you wanted to meet me.

- And Emily told me you wanted to meet me.

Something's going on.

(banging)

- [Edwin] Ow, neck cramp, neck cramp.

- Edwin, are you spying again?

- [Edwin] No, we're observing.

- [Sam and Casey] We?

- [Lizzie] Uh, thanks a lot, Edwin.

- Okay, start talking, you two.

- Yeah, what are you doing, and what does it have to do

with what Derek and Emily are doing?

- We don't know anything, I swear.

- It'll go easier for you if you cooperate.

Now let's start with this.

- That's just boring research.

- Yeah, nothing of interest.

- Really, I think there is, so you tell me

what you've learned, or I'll tell Mom and Dad

you were spying.

- You'd really rat us out?

- You just watch me.

- Look, guys, you come clean, and no one needs to know

about this unfortunate little incident.

- Come on, Liz, you know you wanna tell me.

- No.

- Derek did it for Sweden!

- I knew it. What?

- My research shows that Sam's hockey team loses

when you guys break up, ergo--

- Derek wanted us to get back together

and he tricked Emily into helping him.

- No.

- [Both] Yeah.

- Oh, Sam, we are so getting him back.

(upbeat music)

- Dude, we're back together.

- Really, oh, that is great, I am so happy for you.

- Yeah, and we finally figured out

why we're always fighting.

- Yep, the whole problem is--

- [Both] Hockey.

- Yeah, Sam's way too sports focused.

He wasn't paying attention to what really matters, me.

- So I'm quitting the hockey team.

- What, no, no, no, you can't quit.

Dude, you have to play on Saturday

so I can meet some Swedish girls.

- [Emily] What?

- Emily!

- We did this so you can meet Swedish girls?

I thought you wanted to help out your best friend.

You don't know the meaning of friendship.

- No, he really doesn't.

- Emily, I can explain.

- Don't bother.

Sorry, Casey, I really thought his intentions were true.

- It's okay, Em, we've all been there.

- Emily, wait, I can explain.

- Wow, you'd think they were the troubled couple.

- Yeah, but they're not make up experts like we are.

- Sam, come on, we still haven't figured out

why we keep fighting.

- Well, if we keep making up, who cares?

- I do, I don't wanna fight with you anymore.

I like you too much.

- I like you, too, that's why I try not to say anything

to bug you, so then we don't fight.

- And the less you say, the madder I get,

and then we end up fighting anyway.

- But the making up part is good.

- Yeah, but when the time in between making up

and the next fight is so short, is it really worth it?

- I hate to say it, but I guess not.

- And I hate to hear it, but I think you're right.

- No, you keep it.

It's symbolic.

- [All] No.

(upbeat music)

- Unbelievable.

- Lost the game, huh?

- No, we won and Sam played great.

- But he and Casey broke up.

You guys should've lost.

- Who cares, Sweden's cancelled.

We're going on a road trip instead, to Winnipeg.

- I don't believe this, Lizzie, our research was flawed.

- Well, that's it, my teen researching days are so over.

- Agreed, next time I say we choose more normal

animals to observe.

(playful music)

- Did you just observe that?

- Way ahead of you, sis.

(upbeat music)

(screeching) (crashing)

(screeching)

(laughing)

- (laughing) I didn't wait for the bell.

We need to see a cons...

Maybe we need to find a consultant.

We need to keep.

(laughing)

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

(upbeat music)

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