Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

[ Sniffing ] - What's that smell?

[ Sniffing ] - I don't smell anything.

[ Sniffing ] - It's you!

- Might be my lucky shirt.

- Lucky for who?

- Me. Since I've worn it,

I got my high scores working on and aced 3 tests.

- How long have you worn it for?

- Three weeks. - Three weeks?!

- Hmm-hmm.

- Assist on the winning goal.

- Are you wearing your lucky shirt too?

- Oh, that sweet smell's coming from my hockey bag.

- Ah, toxic fumes! Everyone, put on your gas masks!

- Oh, it was so cold in that arena, I just thought my toes were gonna fall off.

You know, I once saw this documentary about these guys climbing Mt. Everest.

Their toes turned black from frostbite.

They had to cut 'em off.

One of the Everest climbers,

he kept his baby toe on his mantel

as a memento.

- Stop!

- ♪ It used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school ♪

♪ A new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ Well this is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marty and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

- I miss the life before Derek,

when it was just us sweet girls living in our sweet condo.

Things were so... sweet.

Guys, on the other hand, are like bears at a dump.

And the 3 bears I'm forced to live with are

in some lifelong gross-out contest.

[ Burp! ] [ Burp! ] [ Burp! ]

- [All 3]: Nice!

- Men have disgusting habits:

The way they eat, the way they smell...

It's like they're completely unaware of their surroundings.

- And... all men are like that?

- At least the ones I live with.

They leave their clothes out everywhere.

They never replace the toilet paper

and they leave their food out for days.

- Well... well, you know what they say about boys.

They're made out of rats and snails

and puppy dog tails. And, uh, girls...

girls are made out of sugar and spice and everything nice,

right? - A nursery rhyme reference?

You are so hip with the kids.

- I try. So anyway,

how does your mom feel about the men in the house?

- She's in denial. She used

to be this tidy, organized person with great taste.

- And what happened? - She married George.

Not a full caveman, but he knows where the cave is.

You've gotta work on your aim.

- Yeah, I guess.

- Yeah, the boys are a little messy.

- Mom, "messy" left the house a long time ago.

He's been replaced by his cousin, "disgusting".

- Casey's right, mom. The boys are disgusting. What if we caught something?

- Like what?

- Something fungal? - Like athlete's foot?

- I bet everyone has athlete's body.

- Edwin seems pretty clean to me.

- Clean? He's been wearing the same shirt for 3 weeks!

- Really?

- It's embarrassing at school.

- Lizzie! I think I got your lunch by mistake!

- Oh, no...

- Lizzie!

- I have no idea who that is.

Or what that smell is.

How would you like to be Stinky's stepsister?

- And it's just as bad for me.

Ah, it's all sweaty!

- I like the sweaty look. Chicks dig it.

[ Knocking ] - No, they don't.

- Yeah, they do.

- Hi, Derek.

- So... you see!

- I'm sorry, but your brother is a hottie.

- That is gross on so many levels.

- Oh, come on! You guys are exaggerating.

- And it's not just their smell, it's their taste.

I mean, look at this place!

- It's smelly and ugly;

it's smugly. - It is smugly.

- Oh, it's... not...

so bad. I mean,

he's had some furniture from before.

- Mom, our chairs are terrified in their new surroundings.

- Yeah, well, it was a boys' club before we got here.

- Mom, we had the best girls' club in our condo, with that great sofa.

- Yeah, that was a great sofa.

This one's not so...

[ Creaking springs ] ...awful.

- It's a bacteria dancethon on that thing.

- You know what?

Maybe we could have it reupholstered.

Or burned.

Okay, I'm gonna talk to George,

and I'm sure I can get him to understand.

We are gonna make a few changes around here.

- Add hot pepper flakes to taste.

[ Choking ] Ah! Perfect.

- Hmm! Something smells good.

- Making chilidogs.

- Ah! Oh, make sure it's not too spicy, for the kids.

- Fine. I'll put in more ketchup.

[ Spurting ]

It's still good. Try some?

- No thanks.

Uh, George, can we talk about something?

- Not now, honey,

there's a genius at work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oops! You didn't see that.

- Oh, I wish I hadn't.

- Ha.

- It's good, huh?

- Yeah, great.

- Just wait till the raffinose in those beans hits

the bacteria of your large intestine.

- What? [ Fart ]

- ♪ Beans, beans, the musical fruit ♪

♪ The more you eat, the more you toot ♪

[ Laughter ]

- Sauerkraut is worse than chilidogs, though.

- No, you gotta cup your hand.

- [Whisper]: Have you talked to George?

- [Whisper]: Not successfully.

- But for raw power, hands down, the onion bargee.

- Hmm. - What's onion bargee? - It's an Indian snack.

Kinda like onion rings, only better.

[ Farting sound ]

- Oh, good one!

- Yeah! Hey, that almost sounded real.

- Yeah, it was. - Oh, gross!

- Ha! Ha! Ha! - Edwin, we're at the dinner table.

- Nora's right.

Next time, call safety.

- [Whisper]: I'll try talking to him... again.

- [Whisper]: I think we may need to do more than talk.

- What're you doing with my trophy?

- I'm giving it to you to put in your room.

- Why? - Because it's tacky.

- No: That is tacky.

- No: That is folk art.

- No: This is folk art. See,

the guy's the folk,

and the trophy's the art.

- Oh! [ Crash! ]

- I scored 30 goals to get this!

- I went to 30 garage sales to get this!

- What the heck?

Lizzie, something weird happened in the bathroom!

- Too much information, Edwin.

- No. Come on.

- What's wrong?

- What's wrong? It's the attack of the fuzzy pink things!

And why is there a rug on the toilet seat?

- It's a toilet seat cozy.

- Why does the toilet seat need to be cozy?

That's not where you sit.

- Well, Casey thought the bathroom needed to be feminized, and I agree.

- Well, I don't, and...

[ Sniffing ] What's that smell?

- It's air freshener, extra strength. Trust me, we needed it.

- Well, I can't go in here anymore. Nope.

- Why not?

- 'Cause it's a girls' bathroom!

I'm going outside.

- George, shouldn't you be on the road?

Derek's hockey tournament is an hour away.

- Just in the middle of something here.

Where's that prize?

What were you doing outside?

- Don't ask. - Edwin, is that the same shirt

you were wearing yesterday? - Of course, it's my lucky shirt.

Sweet, the prize is still there!

- But I had my hand in there all morning!

- It's the lucky shirt.

- Edwin, it's not healthy

to wear the same shirt every day,

and maybe you have a luckier, cleaner shirt in your drawer.

- I can't change now, Derek's team is on a winning streak.

If I change it and they lose, he'll freak.

- Makes sense to me.

- Will you explain that to me? - Oh, come on:

Boys will be boys, right? You know,

they say riboflavin's good for you,

but seriously, what is that?

- Hmm-um.

[ Crash! ]

- "Boys will be boys"? That's the lamest excuse ever!

- Yeah, it is lame,

but you can't change people unless they wanna change.

- But we're going backwards down the evolutionary ladder!

It starts with chilidogs and wearing the same shirt for a month.

Next thing you know, we're living in a cave.

- Yeah, well, the men around here do have an amazing blindness

to dirt and ugly furniture.

- That's why we need to see for them.

- What are you talking about?

- Look, the timing is perfect.

The boys are at Derek's hockey tournament all day

and Marty's at her mom's, right? - Right.

- So I've implemented a few feminine touches around the house,

but that's just not gonna cut it. We need to go further.

- How much further?

- Total redecoration.

- Oh, that's not gonna happen.

- All right, then just the living room?

- I really ought to talk to George first.

- No, no! No need to confuse him with information.

Besides, do you think he's really gonna care?

- You know, you're right.

And we are only trying to make things nicer around here.

- So we're doing this? - Yeah, we're doing this.

- Aah! Oh, my gosh!

Here, put it on here! Don't touch it, don't touch it!

Ah! Ah!

Well, what do you think?

- I think it looks good.

- I think it smells good.

- Hmm. [ Door opening ]

- Well? Say something.

- What happened?

- It looks like a retirement home.

- My couch, where is it?

- Somebody stole our couch!

- No, honey, we had it taken away.

- What? - For only 20 bucks!

- But there was 40 bucks' worth of change in the cushions! - I loved that couch!

- That old thing? - It wasn't old! It had history!

It's been in the family since I was a teenager.

I had my 1st kiss on that couch.

- Me too!

- And I was gonna have my 1st kiss on it.

- Hey, what happened to our art?

- And what happened to our television?

- Tell me you did not give away our television.

- No, we just moved it to the basement.

- Why would you move our most prized possession to the basement?

- We can still watch it, we just have to go downstairs.

- What? - I know it's not ideal, but, I mean,

it really was such an eyesore, don't you think? - It was thing of beauty.

- You just need to get used to the new look.

I'll bet by tomorrow you'll love it.

- This must stop.

- A blue couch?

- It's not blue, it's indigo.

- What's indigo?

- It's girl talk for blue.

- Well, maybe we just need to give it a chance.

I mean, the girls did put a lot of work into redecorating.

What is this behind me? Is this like a big pillow or what?

- Don't you see what's going on here?

The plants, the coasters?

- And that gross fruit in that bowl.

- That's potpourri. You know you're not supposed to eat that.

- I do now.

- This place is being...

- Feminized. - Exactly.

- Well, there are women living here now, it's bound to happen.

- Oh, okay, so you're just gonna sit there,

on an indigo couch,

not watching TV while your sons are being brainwashed by women?

- He's right, it's a cult.

First they cut you off from your old life, from everything you love,

and then they try and turn you into them.

- Yeah. Do you want Edwin to be a girl?

- I don't wanna be a girl!

- What are we supposed to do?

- Well, we need to take a stand.

You need to take a stand.

- Still wearing the same shirt, I see.

- Yup.

- Bet you'd rather he wore a dress. - Yeah!

- I'd rather he took it off.

- Can't. It's no longer just a lucky shirt.

Now it's a symbol... of resistance.

- Oh, Edwin,

I see you're wearing the same shirt.

- It's not a shirt, it's a thimble.

- Okay.

Dinner is served.

- That's not dinner, that's salad.

- The salad is the dinner. It's a "salade niçoise".

- Yeah, but there's some egg in it.

- It's supposed to. - Yeah, but is it supposed to have tuna in it?

- [Both]: Yes.

- Um, honey, uh...

I would like to discuss something. It's about the living room.

- What's wrong with the living room?

- Yeah, what's wrong with the living room?

- Nothing, nothing. It's just that there's a...

there's a big hockey game on TV tonight.

- Very big. - Massively big.

- You don't even like sports.

- Yes, I do.

- Anyway, um, I would like to bring the television back up from the basement.

- What? - Got a problem with that? - No, no, no, Casey.

Of course you can bring the television back

into the living room. At least for tonight.

Uh, you will try and keep the room clean, right?

- Of course.

- Ah!

- He's offside!

- Where's the ref?

[ Door opening ] - What's offside again? - Ref!

- Aah!

Boys, you have to use coasters!

- I'll call 'em on Friday, I promise. - George.

- Just on top of the fridge, I think.

- Are you even listening to me? - No!

- Yeah! I mean: No! - How much are they paid just to stop a puck?

- That guy couldn't stop a beach ball!

- Mom, they're wrecking all our hard work!

- George! - Anything you say, honey.

- You have to do something. - Yeah, you're right.

- Oh! - Hey!

- Dad, do something! - Nora, what are you doing?

- You promised that you would keep this room clean.

- I'll just... I'll clean it up after.

Nora, this is a very critical point in the game.

- Yeah!

- Well... then, you should be using coasters.

- And who said you could eat on our brand-new couch?

- Uh, couches are made for eating and watching sports.

- Ha! - Uh, not this one. It's expensive.

- Oh, see? That's it, it just goes to the...

the imprudence of the purchase. - Oh!

- Okay, the old couch was perfect for eating and... How expensive, exactly?

- Three thousand dollars.

- Three...? You... three...

You spent $3,000 on a couch

without telling me?

- Why would she have to tell you? This isn't the Stone Age!

- No, no, it's okay, Casey. Why would I have to tell you?

This isn't the Stone Age! And I make my own money!

- Oh, and dad doesn't!

- Derek, please. And I don't?

- No! Yes! I mean...

But you hate furniture shopping!

And besides, Casey thought we should surprise you.

And we worked really hard on this.

- Oh, so this was your idea. I should have guessed.

- Nora, you know what? You're cramping my style.

- Oh? - And Derek, here, rightly pointed out

that you're just trying to brainwash us.

- Brainwash you?

- At least your brains would be clean!

- No, no, it's okay, Casey. George?

- Nora?

- We have to talk, in private. Excuse me.

[ Muffled argument ]

- Guys,

you can't eavesdrop on a private fight!

- Ssh! - What'd she say?

- Uh, something about calling the whole thing off

and you guys moving back to your old place.

- Really? - She did not say that.

- Ssh! Okay.

Okay, okay. Uh, something's... something comprised...

- Compromise?

Compromise.

Something standard, something hygiene...

Edwin's shirt?

- So it's your fault they're fighting.

- It is not!

- Ssh! - Nora redecorated for Casey. Nice, Casey.

- Please, it was a pit here before I got mom to do something about it.

- Please, the living room was fine before you sanitized it.

- George thinks the boys are being feminized.

- Oh, I wonder where that came from?

- Ssh! I can't hear them.

- They're not saying anything.

- Maybe the fight's over.

- Three thousand is just insanely too much to pay for a couch!

We should put wheels on it and drive it!

[ Sigh ]

- What are you doing?

- Trying to rearrange things back to their original disgustingness.

- Why?

- Because I tried to make things nice,

but I messed everything up.

I pushed my mom too hard to change things, okay?

- Yeah, you did. Do you want a hand?

- No. And just so you know, this is your fault too.

- Uh, hardly my fault. You sold the couch

and hid the TV in the basement.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

But I didn't know these things were so important to you men.

Girls are different than boys, you know.

- Yeah, I found that out the fun way on our old couch.

- We've got to fix things, don't we?

- Yeah. We do.

- Why am I in here? Is this another women's brainwashing session?

- No.

- What are you doing in here?

- We've gotta stop our parents from fighting.

- Derek's right. And we need all your help.

- "Derek's right"?

- Wait, are you guys on the same side? - Never.

- Except for this. Now, listen...

[ Video game sounds ]

- My couch!

- Fungus and all. - Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah!

Whoo! That's the stuff!

- Is that your... couch?

- Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with it.

- We did. - We got it back from the thrift shop.

- Can you believe no one bought it?

- Uh, what happened to our couch?

- Uh, your couch? - Yeah. - Yeah, we sold it.

- Sold it? Hey, Nora spent--

- Three thousand dollars, we know.

And we sold it online for 3,500.

- I said it was vintage.

- But it was only a week old.

- I didn't say what vintage.

- I shouldn't have pushed you into redecorating, mom.

- And dad,

Casey shouldn't have pushed Nora into it. Ow!

- It's okay. I wanted to redecorate, but I should have talked to George first.

- You know what? You did a nice thing.

Besides, this place needs a woman's touch.

And I'm growing rather fond of our new painting.

- Aw...

- See, I knew everything would work out.

Thanks to my lucky shirt.

- Edwin, uh, it's time to wash your shirt.

- Noooo!

- So explain to me why Edwin thought washing his shirt

would diminish its luckiness? - 'Cause you don't mess with a good thing.

- It's a guy thing. - Yeah, like the hockey playoffs last year,

I used the same red towel for a month straight without washing it.

- You mean the one in the bathroom right now? - Hmm, hmm.

- Uh, throw it out after dinner.

- You washed Edwin's shirt more than once, right?

- Oh yeah, hot water and bleach. It should be fine.

- Yeah, for Marty.

- I'm not wearing Stinky's shirt!

- Edwin, I'm sorry.

- It's okay, I'll just wear the same underwear every day, instead.

- Ew! - Ew!

- What's wrong with that? [ Laughter ]

- Silly...

- Who makes us laugh.

Closed captioning: Technicolor, Creative Services - Montreal

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