Original subtitles

[twinkling music]

[twinkling music]

[ Casey is taking a shower and closing the faucet ]

- Ah.

Oh...

Oh!

Where is it?

[ Squeaking duck ]

Ewww!

Ew!

I need some SPACE!!

♪ Used to be my mother and my sister and me ♪

♪ A happy little family and all right with me ♪

♪ But Mom got married that's when everything changed ♪

♪ Some things were lost and others were gained ♪

♪ A new school, a new house ♪

♪ So many changes it makes my head spin ♪

♪ Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Derek ♪

♪ This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George and Nora, Marti and Casey ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

♪ Living life with Derek ♪

Let me tell you a fairy tale

about an unappreciated princess and her wicked stepbrother.

The princess used to live in a very nice place with her mother and her sister.

Then they were forced to move into a home full of commoners.

[ Crunching sounds ]

So one day she lost it because she couldn't find

a place for her flipping toothbrush!

- Edwin! - Yes, sir!

- So, ah... Get on with it!

- All right then.

- Hey that's Daphne's!

- Whose? - Marti's invisible friend.

- Oh, tell Daphne, I'll give it back as soon as I'm done.

- You just stepped on her. Say you're sorry.

- Hum!

- Sorry, Daphne. - Too late.

You hurt her feelings. She hates you.

- Okay...

Thank you all for coming

to the first-ever post-merger MacDonald-Venturi meeting.

- [ Loud burp! ]

- 'Scuse me.

- I have identified five disputed areas in the house

which are not being shared with Lizzie and me. One...

The chair currently under Derek's butt.

Two...

The hiding spot under the window seat.

Three...

Prime time in the washer.

Four... Good hook on the coat rack.

And of course, five...

The middle shelf in the bathroom cabinet. Oh!

Now, I think we can all agree

that these shared spaces should be, well, shared.

- You wish.

- [Dad]: Kids! - [Kids]: Hi. - [Mom]: Hi guys.

- 'Kay. You got it? - Hey Dad.

- G... the door, Nora. - Yeah.

- Good. Okay. - Oh, George! Watch out for the-

[ Broken glass ] - Ah! - Ahhh.

- Ah, it wasn't an heirloom!

- Anyway, ah, I figured a good compromise

to the space issue is to rank

which space is your priority on a scale of one to five.

This way we can best accommodate everybody.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. I gotta stop you there, sister.

Compromise? Accommodate?

Tha... that's really not how we do things here.

- Then how DO you do things?

- Each marble represents one of the five disputed territories.

- May I? Thank you.

- We'll make the chair the yellow marble.

The coat hook the white.

The hiding place under the window seat the green.

Prime time in the wash will be the blue

and the middle shelf in the washroom cabinet will be

the silver.

I will now randomly distribute the marbles.

Washer. Chair.

Coat hook and a hiding spot.

Look at that. I got the middle shelf in the bathroom cabinet.

- This doesn't work for me.

- Wait, wait, wait. We haven't even gotten to the good part.

You can either keep the marble you just got, or you can bet your marble

against somebody else's marble in a game of chance.

- That's how you decide things around here? Games of chance? - Yeah.

- But why can't we just share? Why does there have to be a competition at all?

- Ah, I don't share. I either have or...

I don't have, but usually I have.

- So it's every man for himself?

- No. Let's keep it inside the family.

Venturis versus the MacDonalds.

- But then you guys have three marbles and we only have two.

- Yeah, but we have more kids so we need more space, so...

Are you up for this, or are you too scared to give it a try?

- So, I'm like, scared?

Bring it on!

- Okay... [ Clears his throat. ] So, ah,

this... What is this all about again?

A-a-a shelf in the bathroom and a... a coat hook.

- More than that! It's about a place to put my toothbrush!

If you don't have a place to put your toothbrush,

then what exactly DO you have?

- I don't really know.

Okay, so... th... this shelf is a sort of metaphor?

- No, the shelf's a shelf. - Uh-huh.

- Unless you mean that it symbolizes how Derek doesn't want

to make space for us in his house. It is a metaphor!

- That's right. And you agreed to play these games of chance?

- I had to! It was either take a stand now

or forever be treated like second-class interlopers

who have no right to exist on Derek's turf.

- Wow. Wow. I didn't realize you're so competitive, Casey.

- Oh, I'm not at all! - Oh.

- But Derek... [ Broken glass ]

...is so going down!

- That was a... a picture of my wife and kids.

Fine.

[ Military marching tune ]

- Hup!

I've gathered the two of you here to discuss the Venturi Strategy.

- Three!

- You forgot to count Daphne.

Her imaginary friend.

- Fine. The three of you will meet here for strategy sessions

precisely one hour before every competition.

There is no way we are losing even one of the disputed territories.

- A hook in the coat room? Middle shelf in the medicine cabinet?

Not exactly beachfront real estate.

- It's the principle, Ed.

We must destroy the MacDonald uprising.

We must crush their spirits! Right, Marti?

- Right! - And how do we do that?

- Simple.

We...

cheat.

- "Games closet. Come alone. Now."

How'd you get a key to the games closet?

- I have a proposition from Team MacDonald.

- Save your breath. I'm happy with Team Venturi.

You got two minutes. I'm taking a risk just being here.

Okay, you got four minutes.

- My team leader's very serious about winning this competition.

- And I wish your leader luck, I really do.

She's a fine person and a wonderful human being.

But Derek will win. He always wins -- it's inevitable.

- My team leader wants you to know, you have options.

- Options? - If you're ever unhappy with Team Venturi,

Team MacDonald would be very interested in talking.

And we'll make it worth your while.

- The new edition of Zorkanon! - Options.

[ Cash box bell ]

- [Dad]: Ahh! Ahhh...

Ah.

Here?

- Mmm...

- In there?

- Yeah. - Ahh...

- Ah!

- Right there? Yeah?

- There. - Okay. Oooh.

Ah, finally.

- Um... That's my side.

- No, no. This is the same side I slept on upstairs

before we gave Casey our bedroom.

Why did we give Casey our bedroom?

- Ah, because we were being mature and putting our kids first.

- Well, we all make mistakes.

But, ah... this is definitely my side.

- Yeah, but now I'm closer to the window and I'm never going to get to sleep.

- Why not? - Because a bad guy might come in through the window.

And you're the man, and the man should be the first line of defence.

- Oh Nora! Come on! I always sleep on this side.

It... it's just who I am.

I'm just a left side of the bed kinda guy.

- Ah, that is ridiculous. My reason is way more legitimate.

- No it's not. It's just as dumb as my reason.

- You can see the tension on their faces.

This one is for all the marbles.

- Actually it's for one marble.

You're the challenger. Call the game.

- Rock, paper, scissors.

I bet my chair against Edwin's window seat hiding spot.

- Voilà.

I accept.

- Ready? - One, two, three...

One, two, three...

One, two... - You're signaling him! That's cheating.

- I was just scratching my nose!

- Well, go scratch over there!

- Not a problem.

I'll bury the punk. - [Both]: One, two, three...

- Rocks again? - It's an avalanche!

- One, two, three...

- Yes! - Ahhhh.

- Yeah. - Victory!

Team Venturi... you lost a marble.

- Oh no!

- Paper? What'd I say?

Always stick with rock!

- Maybe I like having options.

- Yes, Edwin. Options are good.

- Very good.

- They got to you!

- No. I... I met with them once.

- You met with them? And you didn't tell me?

I trusted you. - Derek, please!

- Now... you're dead to me.

Marti! Let's go.

- Coming Derek!

- So, uh... Do I still have options?

- You certainly do.

[ Military marching tune ]

- What's a guy to do?

- Yeah?

Think they bought it?

- Oh yeah. They bought it.

- Nice work, Double Agent Ed.

Now that they think you're on their side...

We'll know every move Casey makes

before she makes it.

- Au contraire, Pierre.

I'll know every move you make.

You don't have to do this, you know.

You don't have to 'cross the street.'

- Look, you heard Derek. I'm dead to him.

At least here I'm alive.

And I appreciate the gift.

- What's the next step, boss-woman?

- Well, our team has won three of the disputed territories.

The chair, the window seat and the washer.

- That's good! Let's cash in now and keep 'em!

- No. We have an ace in the hole.

An informant in the enemy camp.

That's why we're going for all the marbles.

- So what is our next move?

- Well, a team is only as strong as its weakest link.

And on Team Venturi that weak link is...

- [Together]: Marti.

[ Military marching tune ]

- We've got our work cut out for us.

They're going to challenge Marti next.

- What about Daphne?

- Think she's up for it?

- Yeah, but she'll need help. Luckily it's our turn

to pick the game. Edwin... Dice.

- You think Marti can win at dice?

- She can with these. Loaded dice.

They're rigged to land on double sixes.

- Huh. Cool.

- So Smarti, Daphne hates Casey, right?

- Uh-huh.

- And she'd want to make her mad, right?

- Uh-huh. - So if you...

help Daphne roll the dice like...

this...

Then Casey will get really

mad. Get it?

- Got it!

Hoo! Hoo! - Prrrr!

[ Marti laughing ]

- Very good.

[ Military marching tune ]

So Marti, I'm betting my blue marble

against your white marble, okay? - Okay.

- Since we lost the last match, she gets to choose the game.

- Fine. Marti what game would you like to play?

- Dice. - Good choice!

Ummmm... high roll wins?

- Sure. - But wait.

Do we have any dice? - Yeah. - Yeah.

- Check it out, Marti. I bet Daphne would like

these sparkle dice. - Sparkle dice! Yeah... Let's roll!

- [Derek]: No Marti! - [Ed]: No!

- Ohhhh. Snake eyes.

- Is that good? - For me it is.

Three! Team MacDonald wins again.

- Whoa! Oh yeah, oh yeah! - So Marti,

I'm going to take your marble now. - No!

- Oh, but you can keep the dice.

Team Venturi, you only have one marble left.

- Thanks for the update.

- Looks like you underestimated me Derek.

I like that. Keep doing it.

- You're goin' down. Yeah, you're goin' down.

- Marti. - Down! Down!

- I'm coming! - Down!

[ Military marching tune ]

- Double-agent Edwin reporting for duty sir!

- I was wondering, Edwin.

How did Lizzie just happen to have those dice?

- I don't know. It's kinda funny, hunh?

- You find this funny, Edwin?

I make you laugh. Like a clown, I amuse you.

Whose side you on?

- Well, Casey thinks I'm on her side,

but you know I'm on your side,

right buddy.

- I don't know, Edwin.

Maybe you're a triple agent?

- What? No. No way.

- Get back! - Hey! Hey! Let go of me.

- What's this? - No!

- Where'd you get this?

- Ah, ah... nowhere. It was a gift.

- A baby monitor! Oh!

- Wait! No! I had no idea that was there! They must have planted it on me!

- So this is how she knew.

Ha. Devious.

Clever,

but not clever enough.

- Oh! Ah! - What are you doing?

- Moving the bed.

- Why? You slept on your side last night, right?

- Yeah, I know, I know, but you didn't sleep last night

at all and that isn't right,

so since your side is too close to the window

and I need to sleep on the left, I figured moving the bed's

easier than building a new house.

- Ahhh! Well, here let me help you.

I don't want you to throw out your back.

- No, that's fine. That's fine honey.

- No, no! - I can carry a mattress.

- No it's heavy... - It's not! - Yes, yes it is.

Here, let me help you. - Abby, please! - Abby?

As in your ex-wife?

- Nora that was... it was like an accident. I mean,

I just said the first name that came to my mind--

- Un-huh. And... [ They go on arguing ]

- What's wrong, Marti? Upset about losing your marble?

- No.

- Oh. You and Daphne have a fight?

- No, not us.

- So you're worried about their fighting, hunh?

- No, not me, but Daphne is.

- Oh, c'mere.

You know what kiddo? They love each other.

And my guess is they'll be making up in no time.

- Making out? Ew, gross.

- Agreed. But speaking of making UP,

is Daphne still mad at me for stepping on her?

- No, not anymore.

- Looks like Marti's playing nice with Team MacDonald.

- Should I stop her? - No. We can use this

to our advantage, my triple agent friend.

Edwin, the script.

[ Beep! ]

Okay Team Venturi -- last chance,

final round.

I'm gonna challenge Casey to a game of high card/low card.

Low card wins.

You'll hide the two of clubs under the table for insurance.

- Cool.

- You understand, Marti...

and Daphne? We're going to cheat to beat Casey.

- But me and Daphne LIKE Casey!

Hi Casey!

- Shhh, Marti! No! Give it back!

- That was weird. Marti just said "Hi" to you.

- Which means she knows we're listening!

Which means Derek knows, too. The jig is up.

- What jig? Whose jigging?

- Don't you get it? They're telling us what they want us to hear.

But what they don't know is we know they know we're listening.

- So...? - So they're feeding us false information.

We've heard that the next game they're going to play is high card/low card, right?

- Right. - And they've said they're going to say low card wins, right?

- Right. - But that's what they want us to think!

I bet they're actually gonna say high card wins.

- But if they're actually gonna say high card wins,

then why are they hiding the two of clubs?

You can't win high card/low card with the two of clubs, right?

- Right! But, they think we'll switch it for a high card.

- But we won't? - Right!

- That's genius! I know! And all you'll have to do

is double check that the two of clubs is actually there.

Got it? - Got it.

[ Military marching tune ]

- Okay. Looks like this'll be the last game.

I bet my coat hook for Derek's middle shelf in the bathroom cabinet.

Venturis, pick your game.

- High card, low card.

- Which one wins? - High card.

- Time out. You checked under the table, right?

It's the two of clubs?

- Check.

- Ready to deal?

Care to make things interesting?

- How? - We up the stakes.

- Forget it. Besides you don't have the marbles to up the stakes with!

- You humiliated me at my own competition.

The least you could do is hear me out.

- Fine.

- If I win, my team gets all the marbles.

But, if you win, your team gets all the marbles and...

the games closet to yourself.

- The games closet? No way!

- Cool!

- All right. Yeah, we could use the space.

Deal.

High card wins?

Oh! A queen. Beat that.

- An Ace. Beat that.

- No way!

- There's nothing there.

There was a card there earlier. I checked!

- But that would be... cheating.

I believe this is yours.

- I told you. Derek wins. He always wins.

- Whoo hoo! - Team MacDonald...

You lost your marbles.

All five disputed territories remain in the Venturi domain.

Where they belong.

- C'mon, Nora, I like this side better!

- No, Georgie, I like this side better.

- Just once... just give my side a try!

[ Laughter ]

- See, Daphne. Casey was right. They are making out!

- Come here honey!

Sweet little bunny.

- I cleaned the middle shelf in the cabinet for you. Congratulations.

- It's okay. I don't need the shelf space, anyway.

- Oh no -- you won. You deserve what you get.

Enjoy!

- Nice...

[ Loud burp! ]

- Excuse me.

[ Burp! ]

- Uh...

Sorry about that one. That was my fault.

[ Laughter ]

Closed captioning - Technicolor Creatives Services - Montreal

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0