All language subtitles for Desperate.Housewives.S06E10.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+.5.1.x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

ORSON'S BLACKMAILING ME
TO STAY WITH HIM.

TO ESCAPE HER MARRIAGE...
LAMAR BENJAMIN?

YOU KNOW MY HUSBAND ORSON
FROM THE STATE PENITENTIARY.

BREE ARRANGED
HER OWN BLACKMAIL...

I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE.
WHILE A FRIENDSHIP...

OH.
HIT THE ROCKS.

LYNETTE,
YOU WANTED TO SUE US!

THAT PROVES THAT
YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND.
OH, MY GOD!

(Nick) ALL RIGHT, CALM DOWN.
ALL RIGHT? I'M NOT AN IDIOT.

I USED A PREPAID, AND THERE'S NO
WAY THEY'RE EVER GONNA FIND US.
(Angie) I KILLED A MAN.

A DESPERATE ACT...
DANNY? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

LED TO A REVELATION.

WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME JUICE, DANNY?
MY NAME'S TYLER.

THE WHOLE TIME I WAS WITH YOU,
ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT WAS SUSAN.

AND A REVELATION...
IF YOU MEAN IT,
THEN PLEASE KILL ME.

I DON'T CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOU
TO KILL YOU.

LED TO A DESPERATE ACT.
(shaky voice) I NEED
AN AMBULANCE RIGHT AWAY.

I'M LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD.
(gasps)

(clatters)

(Mary Alice) DAPHNE BICKS
WAS AN UNHAPPY WOMAN.

AND NO ONE KNEW THIS BETTER
THAN HER HUSBAND.

THAT'S WHY HE HIRED HER
TO WORK WITH HIM.

HE THOUGHT IT MIGHT
CHEER HER UP.

BUT SADLY,

JEFF BICKS SOON DISCOVERED

THAT IT WOULD TAKE
A LOT MORE THAN A JOB...

THIS COFFEE'S COLD.

TO KEEP HIS WIFE
FROM COMPLAINING.

(scoffs)

SHE COMPLAINED FROM THE MOMENT
THEY GOT UP IN THE MORNING...

WELL, ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT
THANKS TO YOUR SNORING.

(horns honking)
TILL THEY WERE
ON THEIR WAY HOME

AT THE END OF THE DAY.

YOU WANT TO SEE IF YOU CAN
HIT ALL THE RED LIGHTS?

THINGS HAD GOTTEN SO BAD,

JEFF BICKS BEGAN TO WONDER WHEN
GOD WOULD END HIS SUFFERING.

LUCKILY FOR JEFF,

GOD HAD A PLAN.

(engine whirring)

YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE!
YOU'RE SO CHEAP.

IT'S FRIGGIN' CHRISTMAS,
FOR GOD SAKE.

I'M NOT BUYING YOU
A NEW CAR.

TRICIA REED'S HUSBAND
GOT HER A NEW CAR.

IT ISN'T EVEN A HOLIDAY.
HE BOUGHT IT FOR HER
BECAUSE SHE BEAT CANCER.

YOU BEAT CANCER,
I'LL BUY YOU A CAR.

DON'T BEAT IT,
I'LL BUY YOU TWO.

WHY ARE WE EVEN TOGETHER?
(flatly) THE HOT SEX.

YOU'RE CHEAP, RUDE.

YOU LACK AMBITION.

I SHOULD JUST DUMP
YOUR SORRY ASS.

YOU WANT A GIFT?
YOU WANT A GIFT?

HOW ABOUT A DIVORCE?

HA. DON'T TEMPT ME.
I'M SERIOUS.

I ALREADY GOT THE NAME
OF A DIVORCE ATTORNEY.

(engine continues whirring)

YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

YOU GOT IT!

YES, VIRGINIA,
THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS,

AND HE'S GIVING ME
MY BALLS BACK!

CORRECTION--ONE OF THEM.
I GET HALF OF EVERYTHING.

BUT NOT THE BUSINESS.
I STARTED THAT.
WITH MY FATHER'S MONEY.

SO I GET HALF,
AND I'M SELLING IT.

WAIT A MINUTE.
LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.

OH-HO!
SO NOW YOU'RE SCARED?

YOU'D BE THAT VINDICTIVE?

DESTROY THE ONE THING I LOVE
OUT OF SPITE?

HELLO?! HAVE WE MET?
OF COURSE I WOULD.

AND I AM NOT STOPPING THERE.

BANK ACCOUNTS, PENSION FUNDS--
OOH, I'M GONNA RUIN YOU.

(gasps)
OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

(strained voice)
I CAN'T BREATHE.

(scoffs)
NICE TRY, BIG FAKER.

OH! MY CHEST HURTS LIKE HELL.
TAKE THE CONTROLS.

WHAT?

AH!
YOU GOTTA LAND THE PLANE.

UHH!

OH.

WHAT?! NO!
YOU PIECE OF CRAP!

YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!

AND THAT IS HOW

THE UNHAPPY MARRIAGE OF
JEFF AND DAPHNE BICKS ENDED--

IN A PLANE

LOSING ALTITUDE

RIGHT ABOVE A CUL-DE-SAC...

HEY, IS IT JUST ME,

OR IS THAT PLANE FLYING
REALLY LOW?

BY THE NAME OF WISTERIA LANE.

DAD, I THINK
IT'S GONNA CRASH.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER--

THAT'S WHAT THE RESIDENTS OF
WISTERIA LANE WERE DREAMING OF

AS THEY PREPARED FOR
THEIR ANNUAL YULETIDE FESTIVAL.

SO THEY HUNG UP A BANNER...

(panting)
BROUGHT OUT
THEIR CANDY CANES...

AND PUT UP SANTA'S WORKSHOP,

AS EAGER AS CHILDREN
FOR THE HOLIDAY TO BEGIN.

OF COURSE,

SOME WERE MORE CHILDISH
THAN OTHERS.

LOOK AT THIS MESS.
IT'S LIKE SANTA'S COLON.

(laughing)

(laughs)

THAT'S FUNNY.
DID YOU HEAR THAT?

HILARIOUS. ALMOST AS FUNNY
AS WHEN ORSON SAID IT LAST YEAR.

OKAY. HOW ABOUT
SOME CHRISTMAS MUSIC?

PARKER, YOU GOT
THAT SOUND SYSTEM FIXED?

(loud electrical pop)

(chuckles) ALMOST.

DO WE REALLY WANT THE KID
WORKING WITH ELECTRICITY?

HE CAN'T EVEN GET
THE NEWSPAPER ON MY PORCH.

YOU'RE CLUMPING.

HEY, WHAT IS GOING ON
WITH YOU TWO?
I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO IT.

WELL, WHATEVER IT IS,
YOU NEED TO WORK IT OUT.

WE ARE CAROLING AT THE FESTIVAL
ON SATURDAY,

AND WE CAN'T HAVE TWO OF
OUR JINGLE BELLES FIGHTING.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU NEED
A REPLACEMENT,

I'VE BEEN TOLD
THAT I HAVE A DUSKY ALTO.
(Karen) NO WAY!

GIRLS ONLY.

WE'RE THE JINGLE BELLES,
NOT THE JINGLE BALLS.

SHOULDN'T YOU BE OUT STEALING
THE LAST CAN OF WHO HASH?

YOU WANT TO SEE ME
GO ALL GRINCH ON YOUR ASS?

TO BE HONEST, BREE,
I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA BE ABLE

TO SING WITH LYNETTE
AFTER SHE WAS--
AFTER SHE WHAT?
ARE YOU ABOUT TO TRASH ME?

I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH CLASS
TO TRASH YOU,

NO MATTER HOW MUCH
YOU DESERVE IT.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME.
WHAT DID SHE DO?

SHE'S SUING CARLOS.

YOU'RE SUING HIM?
BECAUSE HE FIRED ME.

HE FIRED HER?
BECAUSE SHE LIED
ABOUT BEING PREGNANT.

YOU'RE PREGNANT?!
WITH TWINS.

YOU KNEW?
I TOLD HER
TO KEEP IT QUIET.

CONGRATULATIONS.
SURE, TAKE HER SIDE.

SHE'S NOT!
STOP FIGHTING.

I MEAN, WITH ALL WE'VE
BEEN THROUGH LATELY--

JULIE BEING ATTACKED,
DANNY BOLEN'S OVERDOSE--

WE REALLY NEED SOME
CHRISTMAS SPIRIT AROUND HERE.

SUSAN'S RIGHT.

THIS IS THE TIME
WE SHOULD COME TOGETHER

AND CELEBRATE PEACE ON EARTH

AND GOOD WILL
TOWARDS MEN AND...

(sirens wailing,
dogs barking in distance)

OH, CRAP. WHO'S DEAD NOW?

(gurney rattling)

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

SOMETHING'S HAPPENED
TO KATHERINE.

OH, MY GOD. I WAS JUST THERE
FIVE MINUTES AGO.

WAS SHE OKAY?

WELL, SHE WAS REALLY UPSET.

I HOPE SHE DIDN'T
DO SOMETHING TO HERSELF.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA BELIEVE THIS,

BUT I JUST HEARD THE COPS SAY

THAT SOMEONE STABBED KATHERINE
RIGHT IN THE GUT.
WHAT? WHO WOULD DO THAT?

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

HEY THERE. HOW YOU FEELING?

A LITTLE HUNGRY.

THAT'S 'CAUSE
THEY PUMPED YOUR STOMACH.

BUT IF YOU WANT, TYLER,

I CAN HAVE THEM
BRING YOU SOME SOUP.

WHY DID YOU JUST
CALL ME THAT?

YOU TOLD ME TO, LAST NIGHT.
NO, I DIDN'T.

YES, YOU DID. TWICE.

YOU WERE STILL
A LITTLE GROGGY,

BUT YOU DEFINITELY SAID
YOUR NAME WAS TYLER.

UM, MAYBE I WAS DREAMING.

MY NAME'S DANNY.

OKAY.

UM, CAN I SEE MY MOM?

PLEASE.

I'M SORRY. NOT WHILE
YOU'RE UNDER OBSERVATION.

I'LL HAVE SOMEONE
BRING YOU THAT SOUP... DANNY.

I DON'T GET THIS.
WE GAVE YOU A CHECK

TO COVER THE AMBULANCE
AND EVERYTHING ELSE SO FAR.
I KNOW.

BUT WE STILL NEED YOUR INSURANCE
INFORMATION, MR. BOLEN.

IT'S HOSPITAL POLICY.
LIKE US NOT BEING ABLE
TO SEE OUR KID?

SO YOU HAVE
TWO STUPID POLICIES.

THERE COULD BE
SOME UNFORESEEN EXPENSES,

TESTS WE MAY HAVE TO RUN.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE INSURANCE,
THERE ARE GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS.
(sighs)

MM.
IF YOU COULD JUST GIVE ME
YOUR INFORMATION--

NO! WE DON'T NEED
A HANDOUT.

WE HAVE CASH.
THANK YOU, THOUGH.
GAYLE.

CAN I SPEAK WITH THE BOLENS?

I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP

THE MOMENT
YOU MOVED ONTO THE LANE.

I MEAN... YOU NEVER
TALK ABOUT YOUR PAST.

WELL, WE'RE PRIVATE PEOPLE.
IS THERE A LAW AGAINST THAT?

HAVING NO INSURANCE, WANTING TO
PAY CASH FOR EVERYTHING,

HAVING A SON WHO CAN'T REMEMBER
IF HIS NAME IS DANNY OR TYLER...

WHERE YOU GOING
WITH ALL THIS, MONA?

YOU'RE IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION
PROGRAM, AREN'T YOU?

HUH.

YOU ARE ONE SHARP COOKIE.

(laughs)

HOW'D YOU FIGURE IT OUT?

HONESTLY?

ONCE I NOTICED YOU WERE ITALIAN,
I JUST KINDA WENT FROM THERE.

NO OFFENSE.

NONE TAKEN.

(chuckles)
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M RIGHT.

SO... WHAT WENT DOWN?
YOU WITNESS A HIT?

DID YOU RAT ON
ONE OF THE FIVE FAMILIES?

WE, UM...

WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT, MONA.

AND NEITHER CAN YOU,
TO ANYBODY.

OF COURSE NOT.

BECAUSE IF YOU DO
SAY ANYTHING...

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
HAVE YOU WHACKED.

(laughs)

(laughs)
(laughs)

(all laughing)

MM.

ANY MORE NEWS
ABOUT MIKE AND KATHERINE?

NO. BUT I'M SURE
HE'LL BE EXONERATED.

MIKE COULD NEVER
DO SOMETHING THAT AWFUL.

THAT'S MY BREE--ALWAYS SEEING
THE GOOD IN PEOPLE.

YES.

WELL, UM...

FORGIVE ME FOR STARTING YOUR DAY
ON A SOUR NOTE,

BUT I FILED FOR DIVORCE.

HERE ARE THE PAPERS.

AND IF YOU TRY TO STOP ME,

YOUR PAROLE OFFICER
WILL SEE THESE.

CONSORTING WITH A KNOWN FELON
IS A PAROLE VIOLATION.

IF YOU SEND ME TO JAIL
FOR FRAUD,

YOU'RE GOING WITH ME.

IT'S OVER, ORSON.

THIS MUST HAVE BEEN
QUITE A PROJECT FOR YOU--

FINDING LAMAR,
SETTING UP THE CAMERA.

SORRY TO PUT YOU THROUGH
SO MUCH NEEDLESS TROUBLE.

I WOULD HARDLY SAY
NEEDLESS.

WITHOUT THESE, YOU'D STILL
HAVE A GUN TO MY HEAD.

DO YOU REALLY THINK
I WOULD SEND YOU TO JAIL?

IT'S WHAT
YOU'VE BEEN THREATENING.

I WAS BLUFFING, BREE,
RIGHT FROM THE START.

I COULD NEVER HURT YOU
THAT BADLY, NO MATTER WHAT.

Y-YOU DIDN'T NEED THESE.

YOU COULD'VE CALLED MY BLUFF
AND WALKED AWAY ANYTIME.

I SUPPOSE THE FACT
THAT YOU DID BELIEVE ME,

THAT YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT I'D
DESTROY YOU JUST OUT OF SPITE,

THAT ALONE SHOULD'VE TOLD ME
IT WAS OVER.

I WILL PACK AFTER BREAKFAST.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

I'M SORRY
IT HAD TO END THIS WAY.

ME, TOO.

THESE SCONES YOU MADE
ARE DELICIOUS.

I'LL MISS THEM.

HERE'S KATHERINE'S ROOM.

NOW YOU MIGHT HEAR
SOME SCREAMS FOR HELP IN THERE.

IGNORE THEM.

IS THAT WHAT YOU MEANT BY,

"I'LL BEHAVE CALMLY
AND RATIONALLY"?
THAT WAS JUST TO GET YOU
TO UNLOCK THE CAR DOOR.

SUSAN, YOU GOTTA GO IN THERE

AND BE KATHERINE MAYFAIR'S
BEST FRIEND,

BECAUSE SHE COULD PUT MIKE AWAY
FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
I KNOW. I KNOW.

MIGHT HELP
IF YOU GIVE HER THESE.

GOOD IDEA.

SHE PISSES ME OFF, I CAN
CRACK THE VASE OVER HER HEAD.

(clatter)

NO, DYLAN. THE POLICE HAVE
EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.

THERE'S NO REASON FOR YOU
TO FLY OUT HERE.

UH, HONEY,
I-I'VE GOT A VISITOR.

I GOTTA GO.

OKAY, TALK TO YOU LATER.

(hangs up receiver)

SUSAN, COME IN.

HI, KATHERINE.

OH.

OH...

WHAT A SWEET GIFT.

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK
I'D SEE YOU HERE.

WELL, I WAS... CONCERNED
ABOUT YOU, KATHERINE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE.

ACTUALLY, THE ONE THEY SHOULD
BE CONCERNED ABOUT IS YOU.

WHY IS THAT?

BECAUSE THE MAN
YOU JUST MARRIED

TURNED OUT
TO BE A MANIAC.

YEAH, UM...

(chuckles)

ABOUT THAT--UH...

WE BOTH KNOW...

THAT MIKE DIDN'T DO THIS.

REALLY?

I'VE GOT SEVEN STITCHES

AND A KNIFE
WITH MIKE'S FINGERPRINTS

THAT SAY OTHERWISE.

IT DOESN'T MAKE...

ANY SENSE.

WHY WOULD MIKE

WANT TO STAB YOU?

WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW...

I TOLD HIM I WAS IN LOVE
WITH SOMEONE ELSE,

AND HE FLEW INTO A RAGE.

WILL YOU STOP LYING?

IF YOU DON'T
TELL THE TRUTH SOON,

YOU ARE SENDING
AN INNOCENT MAN TO JAIL.

YOU ARE TAKING A FATHER
AWAY FROM HIS SON.

IT'S MIKE'S FAULT,
NOT MINE.

KATHERINE, PLEASE!

EVEN THOUGH I AM
SO ANGRY WITH HIM,

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

IT'S REALLY
KIND OF FLATTERING...

TO GO THIS FAR TO KEEP ME
FROM BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

(sighs)

SO HOW DID IT GO?

I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

I CAN'T TELL IF SHE'S CRAZY
OR JUST DEVIOUS.

I THINK
SHE'S A LITTLE OF BOTH.

OKAY. SO TELL ME HOW I GET
THE CRAZY PART COMMITTED.

ONLY A FAMILY MEMBER

CAN COMMIT SOMEBODY
TO AN INSTITUTION.

REALLY?

EXCUSE ME.

I WAS JUST WITH
MY FRIEND KATHERINE IN 607,

AND SHE WAS TALKING
TO HER DAUGHTER,

AND SHE WANTED ME
TO FOLLOW UP ABOUT SOMETHING.

DO YOU HAVE THAT NUMBER?

(British accent)
DYLAN MAYFAIR?

YES. WOULD YOU MIND
DIALING THAT NUMBER?

CERTAINLY.

THERE YOU GO.

(imitates British accent)
HELLO.

THIS IS DR. BREWSTER CALLING
FROM FAIRVIEW GENERAL.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WERE
JUST SPEAKING WITH YOUR MOTHER.

RIGHT.

WELL, I DO FEEL,
GIVEN HER CONDITION,

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU
TO COME HERE IF YOU CAN.

LOVELY.

SEE YOU SOON.

NOW THAT'S DEVIOUS.

50 CENTS OFF PAPER TOWELS--

THAT'S A GREAT COUPON.

THIS IS FUN.
YEAH, IT SURE IS.

AND ME DOING MY OWN ROOTS
IS GONNA BE FUN,

AND GETTING RID OF CABLE
IS GONNA BE FUN.

WE'RE GONNA BE HAVING
SO MUCH FUN AROUND HERE.

MOMMY?
HMM?

ARE WE POOR?

OH. ONLY FINANCIALLY.

HEY. HEY,
DON'T FORGET THAT ONE.

RAVIOLI IN A CAN?
I LIKE POOR FOOD!

(laughs)

WHAT'D THEY SAY?

I'VE ATTENDED CLASSES
FOR SIX WEEKS.

(clears throat) THEY WON'T
REFUND ANY OF MY TUITION.

UNBELIEVABLE.

IS THERE A SIGN OVER US
THAT SAYS "CRAP HERE"?

IT'LL BE OKAY.

I'M LOOKING FOR A JOB,
AND IN THE MEANTIME,

WE GOT ENOUGH MONEY TO LIVE ON
FOR THE NEXT... MM, FOUR MONTHS?

SO WE'LL RUN OUT RIGHT BEFORE
THE BABIES ARE BORN.

YES, BUT REMEMBER,

KIDS DON'T MISS
WHAT THEY NEVER HAD.

AH, LIKE FOOD, CLOTHING,
SOBER MOTHER?

(chuckles)

I AM SO SORRY.

FOR WHAT?

FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE
TO THIS FAMILY.

YOU HAVE TO
DROP OUT OF SCHOOL.

PENNY IS CLIPPING COUPONS.

I HAVE REALLY, REALLY
SCREWED THIS UP.

WELL, WE'LL GET SOME MONEY
IF WE WIN THE LAWSUIT.

YEAH. WON'T THAT BE GREAT?

LIVING OFF THE MONEY WE MADE
SUING OUR BEST FRIENDS.

AT LEAST GABY TRIED
TO APOLOGIZE AND STOP THIS.

WELL...

MAYBE IT'S YOUR TURN.

DAMN IT!

WHATEVER IT IS,
I CAN EXPLAIN.

THAT WAS THE CHAIRMAN
OF MY BOARD.

THIS LYNETTE THING
IS TURNING INTO A FIASCO.

I THOUGHT THAT LAWYER SAID
YOU DID EVERYTHING BY THE BOOK,

THAT WE WERE COVERED.

IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT THE LAWYER SAID.

BOTTOM LINE IS, IT LOOKS BAD
FOR GLOBAL VENTURE--

BIG CORPORATION GOING AFTER
A PREGNANT WOMAN.

SO WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN?

IF THIS SUIT GOES TO TRIAL...

I'M DONE.

AND EVEN IF IT DOESN'T,
I MIGHT STILL LOSE MY JOB.

I'VE PUT EVERYTHING
INTO THIS COMPANY.

CARLOS.

CARLOS.

(doorbell rings)

(sighs)

(sighs)

HI. I KNOW I'M PROBABLY

THE LAST PERSON
YOU WANT TO TALK TO.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

(door slams)

IT'S, UH, DONE, KARL.

ORSON SIGNED THE PAPERS.

YES, UH, I KNOW.

I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

I ABSOLUTELY
WANT TO SEE YOU, TOO.

UH, MEET ME AT THE MOTEL,

AND WE'LL FIND A WAY
TO CELEBRATE.

TILL THEN, MY DARLING.

(cell phone beeps)

WHEN YOU MOVE ON,
YOU DON'T WASTE ANY TIME.

(sighs)

I'M SORRY.

I WANTED
TO TELL YOU THIS MORNING,

BUT I... FELT I'D HURT YOU
ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY.

YES.

MUCH BETTER
TO PARCEL OUT THE PAIN.

IS IT SOMEONE I KNOW?

NO, NO, NEVER MIND.

I CAN'T HANDLE THAT RIGHT NOW.

JUST, UH, TELL ME THIS...

HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR FRIENDS
YOU'RE SEEING ANYONE?

OF COURSE NOT.

GOOD.

PLEASE DON'T UNTIL I'M GONE.

I'M SAYING GOOD-BYE TO EVERYONE
AT THE PARTY TOMORROW.

I DON'T WANT IT TO TURN INTO
A PITY FEST FOR POOR ORSON.

I WON'T GO PUBLIC
WITH MY NEW RELATIONSHIP

UNTIL WE'RE DIVORCED.

AND I'LL SAY WE STARTED
SEEING EACH OTHER...

AFTER YOU AND I SEPARATE.

WHAT A TASTEFUL SOLUTION.

YOU MUST WRITE AN ETIQUETTE BOOK
FOR ADULTERERS.

I DON'T BLAME YOU
FOR BEING ANGRY.

AND I GIVE YOU MY WORD,

I WILL NOT LET MY AFFAIR
BE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO YOU.

SO WHEN THE PLANE FLIES OVER
THE CHRISTMAS PARTY,

I WANT IT PULLING
A BIG-ASS BANNER THAT READS,

"WILL YOU MARRY ME, BREE?

LOVE, KARL."

OH, ISN'T THAT ROMANTIC?

GLORIOUS.
THAT'LL BE 600 BUCKS.

I DON'T CARE.
YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON LOVE.

HE CAN. OUR ANNIVERSARY?

$20 GIFT CERTIFICATE
TO A RIB JOINT.

WELL, YOU DIDN'T
HAVE TO COOK THAT NIGHT.

SO THE GIFT
WAS FOR BOTH OF US.

GOOD LUCK, MR. MAYER.

I HOPE THIS BREE
SAYS YES...

ALMOST AS MUCH AS I WISH
I HAD SAID NO.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
I'M A DIVORCE LAWYER.

OH, FOR GOD SAKE!

JEFF, LOOK AT THE MESS
IN HERE!

DO YOU HAVE A CARD?

(Susan) DYLAN.

DYLAN!

I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY
TO YOU.

I KNOW WHAT YOUR MOTHER
MUST HAVE TOLD YOU.

IT'S WHAT SHE TOLD EVERYONE.
BUT IT'S NOT TRUE.

DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M GONNA
TAKE YOUR WORD OVER HERS?

PLEASE. I AM SO WORRIED
ABOUT YOUR MOM.

I AM NOT JUST THINKING
ABOUT MIKE.
THE HELL YOU'RE NOT.

GET OVER HIM.
HE'S MARRIED TO MY MOTHER.

WHAT?
YOU KNOW, IT'S BAD ENOUGH

THAT YOU MAKE A SCENE
AT THEIR WEDDING

AND YOU HOUND THEM
NIGHT AND DAY.

AND YOU STAB HER
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM?

IS THAT WHAT SHE TOLD YOU?

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE NOT
LOCKED UP RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

DYLAN!

(dog barking in distance)

WE NEED TO TALK.

OH, MY GOD.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

FOR MONTHS,
MY MOM HAS BEEN TELLING ME

ABOUT HER LIFE WITH MIKE--

THE GIFTS THAT HE'S GIVEN HER
AND TRIPS THAT THEY'VE PLANNED.

YOUR MOM NEEDS HELP.

AND SO DOES MIKE.

(sighs)

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

HEY, GOOD NEWS.

DR. CHENG SAYS

I CAN GIVE YOUR PARENTS
AN EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

YOU'RE RELEASED.

GRAB YOUR STUFF.
I'M TAKING YOU HOME.

HEY, THANKS FOR THE RIDE.

HAPPY TO HELP.

I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW TOUGH IT IS
FOR YOU GUYS TO LIVE THIS WAY.

WHAT WAY?

RUNNING ALL THESE YEARS,

ALWAYS LOOKING OVER
YOUR SHOULDER.

RELAX, DANNY. YOUR PARENTS
TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.

WELL, ACTUALLY,
I FIGURED IT OUT.

YOUR MOM JUST
FILLED IN THE DETAILS.

WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?

WELL, FRANKLY,
I THINK SHE WAS GLAD

TO FINALLY FIND SOMEONE
SHE COULD BE HONEST WITH.

AND THAT GOES FOR YOU, TOO.

IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK,
YOU CAN TRUST ME.

(sighs) I HOPE SO.

'CAUSE IF YOU SAY ANYTHING,

THEY'RE GONNA
THROW MY MOM IN JAIL.

NO, NO.
IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

EVER SINCE 9/11,

THE FEDS ARE HARD-CORE
ON ANY TERRORIST STUFF,

EVEN THE OLD CASES.

IF THEY FIND HER,
SHE'S DEAD.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

DANNY!

I THOUGHT WE WERE
PICKING YOU UP TOMORROW.
MA, I SCREWED UP.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I TOLD MONA EVERYTHING.

(car engine idling)

HEY, MONA.

THANKS FOR GIVING DANNY
A RIDE.

AND, OH, I AM SO SORRY

HE DRAGGED YOU INTO
OUR FAMILY DRAMA.

(sighs) I MEAN,
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE

WHAT A BAD HEAD SPACE
HE'S IN RIGHT NOW.

HE'S SO ANGRY AT ME AND HIS DAD,
HE JUST WANTS TO HURT US,

WHICH WOULD EXPLAIN
THE WILD STORY HE JUST TOLD YOU.

SO...

WE GOOD?

I HATE MY JOB.

ALL I DO IS
DEAL WITH DISTURBED PEOPLE,

WIPE THEIR DROOL,

STRAP THEM DOWN.

I HATE IT.

WELL...

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET
A DIFFERENT JOB.
I WANTED TO,

BUT THEY SAY YOU SHOULD HAVE

A YEAR'S WORTH
OF LIVING EXPENSES.

AND I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE I'D GET THE MONEY.

$67,000.

THAT'S WHAT I'VE NEEDED
TO COVER MY MORTGAGE, MY CAR,

EVERYTHING FOR A YEAR.

(scoffs) MONA--

67 GRAND.

IF YOU COULD DO THAT
FOR ME,

THEN WE'D ALL BE FREE.

HEY, MOM.

OH! (chuckles)

DYLAN!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I-I ASKED YOU NOT TO COME.

I HAD TO.

YOU WERE HURT.

HAVE YOU BEEN
TO THE HOUSE?

OH, I'M SO SORRY MIKE
WASN'T THERE TO WELCOME YOU.

HE'S AWAY ON BUSINESS.

NO, HE'S IN JAIL.

YOU TOLD THE POLICE
HE STABBED YOU.

I... NEVER SAID THAT.

I TOLD YOU--
SUSAN ATTACKED ME.

THEN WHY DID THE POLICE
ARREST MIKE?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE HE CONFESSED
TO PROTECT HER.

MOM, SUSAN'S HIS WIFE.

(scoffs) THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

(laughs)

WHAT--WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
SUSAN?

NO. MIKE.

THEY LET ME SPEAK
WITH HIM.

MOM, MIKE IS IN JAIL,

AND THAT'S NOT RIGHT
IF HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

(sighs)
DID YOU STAB YOURSELF?

MOM, DID YOU?

(voice breaks)
I ASKED YOU NOT TO COME.

OH, MOM.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

SUSAN TRAPPED HIM,

FILLED HIS HEAD WITH LIES.

THIS IS GONNA SAVE HIM.

HE KNOWS WHY I DID IT.
HE WANTS THIS.

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

I WANNA HELP YOU, KATHERINE.

I HAVE TO GET TO MIKE.
(slides tray)

(sheets rumple)
HE'S EXPECTING ME.

I CAN FIX IT. YOU'LL SEE!
I HAVE TO GO!
(woman) MRS. MAYFAIR, STOP!

(Dylan) MOM, PLEASE.
(woman) MRS. MAYFAIR!

(panting)
(Susan) OH! WE NEED
A LITTLE HELP HERE.

MOM, PLEASE!

EVERYTHING'S GONNA
BE WONDERFUL! (grunts)
MOM!

(crying) NO,
I HAVE TO GET TO MIKE!
(man) WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

NO! NO!
GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!
NEED SOME HELP HERE.
MRS. MAYFAIR, PLEASE!

MRS. MAY--
NO! NO! NO! (sobbing)

PLEASE, MRS. MAYFAIR,
WE'RE TRYING TO HELP YOU.

(gasps)

OKAY, IT--IT--IT'S OKAY.

HONEY, EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE OKAY.

(sighs)

(softly) I ASKED YOU
NOT TO COME.

HEY, WAIT UP.
I WANNA GO WITH YOU.
CAN'T I HAVE
ONE MOMENT OF PEACE?

OUR THERAPIST SAID WE NEED
TO DO MORE STUFF TOGETHER.

I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I DON'T GO
TO THE THERAPIST WITH YOU.
OH, COME ON.

WOULD IT KILL YOU TO SPEND SOME
TIME WITH THE WOMAN YOU LOVE?

I DON'T KNOW. WOULD YOU
BE UPSET IF I BROUGHT HER?
AS LONG AS SHE DOESN'T
DEFLATE IN THE PLANE.

("We Wish You
a Merry Christmas" playing)

GABY, PLEASE TALK TO ME.
I FEEL JUST AWFUL.

YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE YOU ARE AWFUL.

YOU'RE AN AWFUL PERSON.
OKAY, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT
TO BE MAD AT ME.

THANKS, LYNETTE, AND YOU HAVE
EVERY RIGHT TO GO TO HELL.

STOP TALKING TO ME!
(scoffs)

THANK YOU, ALL, FOR COMING OUT
TO OUR ANNUAL HOLIDAY FESTIVAL.

AND, AS IT'S BEEN OUR TRADITION
THESE LAST 12 YEARS,

PLEASE WELCOME BACK
THE JINGLE BELLES.

(cheering)

ALL RIGHT, LADIES. SPARKLE!

(plays note on pitch pipe)
I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WOULDN'T
LET YOU SING WITH THEM.

IT'S THEIR GROUP.
THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.

WHORES.

(women) ♪ SILENT NIGHT ♪

♪ HOLY NIGHT... ♪

DO YOU MIND? YOU'RE BLOCKING ME
WITH YOUR BIG FAT HEAD.

I THOUGHT
WE WEREN'T TALKING.

♪ 'ROUND YON VIRGIN MO-- ♪

YOU KNOW,
I WAS TRYING TO APOLOGIZE.

WELL, IT'S TOO LATE. CARLOS IS
PROBABLY GONNA LOSE HIS JOB

OVER THIS STUFF
YOU'RE PUTTING HIM THROUGH.

WELL, GEE, I WONDER
WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE.

SHH!

♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE... ♪

BY THE WAY, BECAUSE
YOUR HUSBAND CANNED ME,

TOM HAD TO QUIT SCHOOL.

AW, THE 45-YEAR-OLD FRESHMAN
HAS TO DROP OUT?

MAYBE HE'LL GET
A PAPER ROUTE.

MOVE!
NO.

FINE.
YOU WANT TO BE A JERK?

(gasps) GABY,
GIVE ME MY HAT BACK.
NO! NO!

GABY, GIVE ME MY HAT BACK!

GIVE THAT BACK TO ME!
GIVE ME MY HAT BACK!

GABY, GIVE IT BACK!
ALL IS CALM! ALL IS CALM!

DON'T LOOK AT ME.
SHE'S THE ONE WHO STARTED IT!
SHE'S BEING A BITCH.

I DON'T REMEMBER THE WORD
"BITCH" BEING IN THE SONG.
OH, NO, IT'S ALWAYS
BEEN THERE.

YOU ARE--AAH!

(audience gasps, singing stops)

(Bree sighs)

WE ARE GOING TO TAKE
A LITTLE... UH, BREAK MID-SONG,

AND WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

HAVE A LITTLE PUNCH.

(mutters)

I REALIZE YOU TWO ARE HAVING
A PROBLEM--A GIANT PROBLEM.

AND NOW HALF OF FAIRVIEW DOES,
TOO.

SO, "A," YOU'RE FIRED,
AND "B," WORK IT OUT.

(indistinct conversations)

GABY, I'M SORRY
ABOUT EVERYTHING,

BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT LOSING
MY JOB HAS DONE TO MY FAMILY.

OH, BOO-HOO, YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU SLIP YOUR CANKLES
INTO MY SHOES AND WALK A MILE?

YOU JUST DON'T CARE
ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.

NO, I DO.
I CARE ABOUT MY FRIENDS.

SORRY YOU ARE NO LONGER
A PART OF THAT GROUP.

(thud)

I'M IN.

IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

WE CAN'T JUST LET
SOME STUPID HOUSEWIFE

SHAKE US DOWN FOR 67 GRAND.

NICK,
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

WE GOTTA TRY
TO MAKE THIS GO AWAY.

WE GOT
THE EMERGENCY 10 GRAND,

BUT THAT IS A LONG WAY
FROM $67,000.

(sighs)

OH...

MAYBE THIS'LL GET US CLOSER.

(band playing "The Twelve Days
of Christmas")
OH, YOU LITTLE--

NOW DO BE CAREFUL,
YOU LITTLE MUNCHKINS.

EXCUSE ME.

KARL? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I JUST THOUGHT I'D COME BY

AND GIVE YOU
AN EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
STOP IT!
WE CAN'T BE SEEN TOGETHER.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

SUSAN KNOWS.
THE CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG.
ORSON DOESN'T KNOW.

YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?
ABOUT THE AFFAIR, YES.
BUT HE HAS NO IDEA IT'S YOU.

NOW, KARL, PLEASE GO.

I PROMISED HIM
THERE'D BE NO SCENES TODAY.

(Orson) KARL?
OH, LORD.

(clears throat)

HEY, ORSON. JUST CAME BY
TO CHECK ON THE DECORATIONS.

GREAT JOB, MRS. HODGE.

SAVE IT, KARL.
I'M NOT AN IDIOT.

ORSON, PLEASE.

YOU OBVIOUSLY HEARD
BREE AND I ARE DIVORCING,

AND, VULTURE THAT YOU ARE,

YOU'VE SWOOPED IN TO MAKE A BUCK
BY REPRESENTING BREE.

HEY, A MAN'S GOTTA EAT.

PERHAPS. BUT SOLICITING BUSINESS
AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY?

THAT'S TACKY,
EVEN FOR YOU, KARL.

IF THIS IS WHO YOU WANT
REPRESENTING YOU,

THAT'S YOUR CHOICE.

BUT FRANKLY, I THOUGHT
YOU HAD HIGHER STANDARDS.

REMIND ME NOT TO LET HIM
MAKE A TOAST AT OUR WEDDING.
IT'S NOT FUNNY, KARL.

NOW JUST GO
BEFORE HE FIGURES IT OUT.
YEAH, ABOUT THAT...

UH, Y-YOU KNOW THAT
CHRISTMAS PRESENT I MENTIONED?

DON'T YOU DARE GIVE ME A PRESENT
IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE!

I'M NOT SURE I CAN STOP IT.
IT'S BEING DELIVERED... BY AIR.

KARL, WHAT DID YOU DO?
JUST LET ME MAKE
ONE QUICK CALL.

(sighs)

(engine whirring)

MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

GOD, HOW DO YOU
TURN THIS THING ON?

SOMEBODY HELP!

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FLY!

(engine whirring, sign flaps)

OKAY, I RELEASED THE BANNER.
NOW WHAT?

(man over radio)
Look for a place to land--

a field, a large parking lot.

ALL I SEE ARE NEIGHBORHOODS.

Negative. Street landing
is too dangerous.

WELL, THAT'S ALL THERE IS!
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

Okay, calm down.
Keep her steady.

JEFF, IT'S KARL.
ARE YOU THERE?

Hello?

Come on, pick up. Okay.

IF YOU GET THIS MESSAGE,

AND PLEASE, PLEASE GET
THIS MESSAGE--YOU NEED TO ABORT.

DO NOT, REPEAT, DO NOT FLY OVER
WISTERIA PARK WITH THAT BANNER.

WHAT BANNER?
CALL ME.

KARL, WHAT BANNER?

YOU KNOW HOW
YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING TO ME

I SHOULD BE MORE ROMANTIC?
WELL, I THOUGHT,

WHAT IF I HIRE A PLANE
TO FLY OVER BREE'S STREET

CARRYING A BANNER WITH
A HEARTFELT PERSONAL MESSAGE?

KARL, WHEN YOU PUT A MESSAGE
ON A BANNER,

IT CEASES TO BE PERSONAL.
WHAT DOES IT SAY?

UH, SOMETHING LIKE, UH...

"BREE, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
LOVE KARL."

OH, DEAR GOD!
I WAS TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC.

KARL, WHEN WE BEGAN THIS AFFAIR,
WE AGREED TO BE DISCREET.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT DISCREET MEANS?
NO SKYWRITING!

OH, GOD! POOR ORSON!

DO YOU KNOW
HOW HUMILIATED HE'LL BE?

I HAVE TO WARN HIM.
BREE, WAIT.

("God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"
playing)
I MADE THIS MESS.

I'LL DEAL WITH IT.

ORSON DESERVES THE TRUTH,

AND HE SHOULD HEAR IT FROM ME,
NOT A BANNER.

BUT I... (sighs)

YOU GOT A MINUTE?
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT, HERE? CAN'T IT WAIT?

UH, NOT REALLY.

UH...

♪♪♪

IF THIS IS
ABOUT THE SETTLEMENT,

I TOLD BREE
THERE'S VERY LITTLE I WANT.

THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.

IT'S WHAT I WANT--BREE.

YOU'RE TOO LATE.
SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.

YOU?

HEY,
IF I WERE A BETTING MAN,

I'D HAVE LOST A BUNDLE
ON THIS, TOO.

S-SO WAIT.

Y-YOU'RE HAVING SEX
WITH MY WIFE?

(chuckles) THE POINT IS,

WE DON'T WANNA MAKE THIS
ANY HARDER FOR YOU

THAN IT HAS TO BE.

I-I JUST WANTED TO WARN YOU
THAT IN A FEW MINUTES--

(sighs) (nasally)
OKAY, YOU'RE THE HUSBAND.

I'LL GIVE YOU THAT ONE.
(sniffs)

I'M TRYING TO SPARE
YOUR FEELINGS, WHICH IS WHY--

(sighs)

THAT'S IT.

THE HELL WITH YOUR FEELINGS.

I AM PROPOSING TO BREE TODAY
WITH AN AIRPLANE BANNER.

AND TRUST ME, THAT WILL BE
THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR DAY!

(grunts)

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

(whack)

(choir) ♪ JOY TO THE WORLD! ♪

♪ THE LORD IS COME ♪

♪ LET EARTH RECEIVE... ♪

HI.

HI! HAVE YOU BEEN
TO SEE SANTA YET?

UNH-UNH.
YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU?

YEAH? OKAY.

(Gabrielle) CELIA!

COME ON. I WILL TAKE YOU
TO SEE SANTA.

♪ AND HEAVEN ♪

♪ AND HEAVEN AND NATURE SING ♪
(exhales deeply)

♪♪♪

HEY.

OH. WE'RE GONNA DO THIS
RIGHT HERE? JUST LIKE THAT?

THIS SEEMS LIKE
A PRETTY SMALL ENVELOPE

FOR SUCH A BIG SECRET.

IT'S 10 GRAND.

AND--AND MY WEDDING RING.
IT WAS MY GRANDMOTHER'S.

IT'S ALL WE HAVE RIGHT NOW.

BUT... (sighs) I-I GAVE
NOTICE AT THE HOSPITAL.

I-I CAN'T GO BACK THERE.

MONA, THAT'S THE BEST
WE CAN DO.

(sighs)

I-I HAVE A JOB AT BREE'S.

I-I-I COULD PAY THE REST
AS I MAKE IT.

SURE, UNTIL YOU DISAPPEAR
INTO THIN AIR.

JUST BECAUSE I HAVE LAWN GNOMES
DOESN'T MEAN I'M STUPID.

YOU--YOU DON'T KNOW
THE WHOLE STORY.

I KNOW YOU KILLED SOMEONE
AND WALKED AWAY SCOT-FREE.

SCOT-FREE?

DOES THIS LOOK SCOT-FREE?

YEAH, I DON'T THINK DANNY
TOLD YOU THE WHOLE STORY,

BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD HEAR IT.

4 MILES I RAN TODAY,
AND NOW I'M DRINKING EGGNOG.

IT'S LIKE MAYONNAISE
WITH RUM IN IT.

(Karl and Orson grunting)

(banging in distance)
(sighs)

EXCUSE ME.

(airplane engine whirring
in distance)

(engine sputtering)

(gasps)
(grunts)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP IT!

(both grunting)
THIS IS RIDICULOUS! PLEASE!

OH, FOR GOD SAKES, STOP IT!

...AND THAT WAS
18 YEARS AGO,

AND WE'VE BEEN LOOKING
OVER OUR SHOULDERS EVER SINCE.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE
A VERY REASONABLE STORY...

SO REASONABLE
THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY YOU COULDN'T JUST
CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW

AND EXPLAIN IT TO THEM.

SOMEONE'S DEAD.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT.

WHAT I KNOW IS
YOU'VE GOT TILL TOMORROW

TO COME UP
WITH THE REST OF THE MONEY,

OR I GO TO THE POLICE.
CAPISCE?

IS IT JUST ME,

OR IS THAT PLANE FLYING
REALLY LOW?

MONA,
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

DON'T DO THIS.

YOU ARE SCREWING
WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES HERE.

THIS COULD BLOW UP
IN YOUR FACE.

(airplane approaching)
$67,000 BY TOMORROW
OR I CALL THE POLICE.

HOUSE. HOUSE.

HOUSE!

HEY, WE'RE NOT DONE HERE.

YOU CAN RUN,
BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!

♪♪♪

(screaming)

CELIA!

RUN!

THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER...

THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE
HAD WANTED.

BUT SOMETHING WENT WRONG...

HORRIBLY WRONG.

FOR THOSE WHO SURVIVED,

IT WOULD BE A DAY
THEY WOULD TRY TO FORGET.

FOR THOSE WHO DIDN'T,

THIS CHRISTMAS
WOULD SIMPLY BE...

THEIR LAST.