All language subtitles for Desperate.Housewives.S06E08.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+.5.1.x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

PREVIOUSLY ON...

NO SEX FOR AT LEAST A MONTH.
BREE MADE A DECISION...

FOCUS ON GETTING ME
A DIVORCE.
AND HIRED ANGIE.

LET'S GET COOKIN'.
GABY STRUGGLED AT HOME.

WHAT IS GOING ON?
IT'S CALLED HOMESCHOOLING!

LYNETTE'S BODY WAS CHANGING.

I HAVE TO HIDE THESE THINGS
AT WORK

SO CARLOS DOESN'T FIND OUT
I'M PREGNANT.

THE COPS WANTED TO KNOW
WHERE YOU WERE

THE NIGHT THAT JULIE MAYER
WAS STRANGLED.
YOU KNOW I NEVER ATTACKED HER.

ANGIE KNEW ABOUT THE AFFAIR.
UHH!

IS IT TRUE YOU SHOT
KATHERINE MAYFAIR?

AND SUSAN GOT IN TROUBLE.

(Mary Alice)
IF SOMEONE WANTED PROOF

THAT JUDGE MARY GALLAGHER
HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR,

ALL THEY NEEDED TO DO WAS
WATCH HER PRONOUNCE SENTENCE.

FOR THE SLUM LORD
WHO REFUSED TO FIX A FURNACE...

YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN YOUR OWN
TENEMENT FOR A MONTH...

STARTING IN DECEMBER.

THE WOMAN WHO THREW A PHONE
AT HER MAID...

YOU WILL CLEAN MRS. GARCIA'S
HOME FOR THE NEXT SIX WEEKS.

AND, YES, YOU WILL DO WINDOWS.

FOR THE HIGH SCHOOL COACH

WHO MADE LEWD REMARKS
TO A CHEERLEADER...

AT THE NEXT SCHOOL ASSEMBLY,
YOU WILL PERFORM A CHEER...

IN UNIFORM.

AND I'D SHAVE THOSE LEGS
IF I WERE YOU.

AND THEN THERE WAS

THE CASE OF THE HOUSEWIFE
WHO SHOT HER NEIGHBOR...

(whispering indistinctly)

SO SHE JUST POPPED UP
IN MY WINDOW, AND I FIRED.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

LIAR! IT WAS NO ACCIDENT!
SHE WANTED ME DEAD.

I DID NOT.
AT LEAST, NOT THEN.

AS YOU CAN SEE, YOUR HONOR, THIS
IS AN UNFORTUNATE SITUATION.

IT'S A MESS IS WHAT IT IS.

I ASSUME
THERE'S SOME HISTORY HERE.

SHE ONCE DATED MY HUSBAND.
SHE STOLE HIM FROM ME.

STOLE? HE CAME SCREAMING BACK
LIKE HE WAS RUNNING FROM A FIRE.

ENOUGH.

I TAKE IT
YOU'RE THE MAN IN QUESTION.

OH.

YES, YOUR HONOR.

I COULD SEE SHOOTING SOMEONE
OVER YOU.

THANK YOU?

OKAY, I'M GONNA RULE NOW.

MY INCLINATION IS TO AVOID
GIVING OUT JAIL TIME

IN THIS CASE.

I OBJECT!

OVERRULED!

HOWEVER...
A FIREARM WAS DISCHARGED,

AND THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES
FOR THAT.

YOUR HONOR, BEFORE YOU
HAND DOWN YOUR RULING,

MAY I SAY SOMETHING?

MAKE IT QUICK. I ALREADY
FIND YOU UNINTERESTING.

HA!

NOT ONLY DID SUSAN SHOOT ME
AT POINT-BLANK RANGE,

SHE TRASHED ME TO ALL OF
MY FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS,

TELLING THEM I WAS SOME KIND
OF CRAZY, STALKING NUT!

THAT TRUE?

HAVE YOU BEEN TRASHING HER?

I...

NEVER SAID "NUT."

I... SAID "LOON."

MM-HMM.

(clicks tongue)

(scoffs)

MRS. DELFINO...

OKAY, I TRASHED HER A LITTLE.

BUT WHAT I SAID WAS TRUE,

AND THAT'S FREE SPEECH.

YOU CAN'T PUNISH ME FOR THAT.

YES, WHEN IT CAME
TO SENTENCING,

JUDGE MARY GALLAGHER
HAD A SENSE OF HUMOR.

BUT NOT EVERYONE

FOUND HER FUNNY.

THERE IS A COFFEE SHOP
IN FAIRVIEW.

(door bells jingle)
IT'S KNOWN AS A PLACE WHERE YOU
CAN READ YOUR MORNING PAPER...

WHERE YOU CAN MEET
YOUR FRIENDS...

WHERE YOU CAN BUMP
INTO YOUR NEIGHBORS...

WHETHER YOU WANT TO

OR NOT.

HI.

BOY, I HOPE THEY HAVE DECAF
TODAY. (chuckles nervously)

LAST TIME I WAS HERE, THEY WERE
OUT, SO I HAD TO HAVE REGULAR

AND GOT SO WIRED,
I DIDN'T SLEEP ALL NIGHT.

DOES THAT HAPPEN TO YOU?

SERIOUSLY? YOU THINK I'M GONNA
MAKE SMALL TALK WITH YOU?

(scoffs)

EXCUSE ME?

(lowers voice) I KNOW
YOU SLEPT WITH MY HUSBAND.

OH.

(normal voice) SO...

I'M THINKIN' WE'RE PAST
THE CHIT-CHAT STAGE.

(sighs)

I AM SO SORRY.

LET ME TELL YOU
HOW SHAME WORKS.

WHEN YOU SEE THE WIFE
OF THE GUY YOU BANGED,

YOU DON'T MAKE CONVERSATION.

YOU DON'T EVEN SMILE
AND SAY HI.

YOU AVERT YOUR GAZE
AND YOU BLUSH.

NOD IF YOU UNDERSTAND.

HERE'S YOUR MOCHA LATTE.
THAT'LL BE $3.50.

OH. IT'S ON HER.

SHE OWES ME.

HEY.

YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE
FOR CLASS.

DAD?

ALL MY CLOTHES ARE TOO TIGHT.
I HAD TO BORROW YOURS.

I WAS GONNA
WEAR THAT SHIRT TODAY.

WELL, WHEN YOU'RE HIDING

YOUR FOURTH MONTH OF PREGNANCY
WITH TWINS,

YOU CAN HAVE IT BACK.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I'M STILL ATTRACTED TO YOU
IN MEN'S CLOTHES. IS THAT WEIRD?

(chuckles) ALL I NEED IS TO PULL
THIS OFF FOR TWO MORE DAYS.

YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD CARLOS
TWO MONTHS AGO.

THERE'S NO WAY HE WON'T
BE FURIOUS WHEN HE FINDS OUT.

TOM, I MAY BE WEARING
MEN'S CLOTHES,

BUT I AM NOT AN IDIOT.
I'VE GOT THIS.

TERRENCE HENDERSON AND I
ARE ABOUT TO CLOSE

THE BIGGEST DEAL
IN THE HISTORY OF THIS COMPANY.

ONCE CARLOS SEES
HOW GREAT TERRENCE IS,

HE'LL SEE THE WORK
CAN STILL GET DONE

EVEN WHEN
I'M ON MATERNITY LEAVE.

AND YOU'RE SURE THIS DEAL
IS GONNA CLOSE?

NOPE. (laughs)

THAT'S WHY WE NEED
TO KEEP OUR FINGERS CROSSED.

OKAY, NOW WISH ME LUCK.

GOOD LUCK.

NOW COME HERE, MISTER.
I WANNA KISS YA.

OKAY, NOW IT'S WEIRD.

BLESS ME, FATHER,
FOR I HAVE SINNED.

GO AHEAD, MY CHILD.

WELL, I'VE BEEN HOMESCHOOLING
MY DAUGHTER,

AND IT'S BEEN A LIVING HELL,

SO I TRIED TO BRIBE SOMEONE
TO GET HER INTO CATHOLIC SCHOOL.

MM, AND, UH, WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, YOU TELL ME.

GABRIELLE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, COME ON, PADRE.
YOU'RE THE HEAD OF ADMISSIONS.

AND YOU'VE GOT
A GREAT SCHOOL HERE,

BUT THERE'S
A 2-YEAR WAITING LIST!
(sighs)

PUT YOUR MONEY AWAY.

IT'S YOUR MONEY. SLEEP WITH IT
FOR A WHILE. SEE HOW IT FEELS.

NO!

I WISH I COULD HELP,
BUT MY HANDS ARE TIED.

OH, COME ON. I'M NOT ASKING YOU
TO PART THE RED SEA.

JUST FIND A SPOT FOR ONE KID
IN THE SECOND GRADE.
LOOK, IF A STUDENT
WERE TO WITHDRAW,

I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MOVE YOU
TO THE TOP OF THE WAITING LIST.

(whispers) FANTASTIC!
BUT FRANKLY,

WE TEND TO FAVOR THOSE
WHO ARE MORE FAITHFUL.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WELL, I'VE NOTICED THAT YOU
DON'T COME TO MASS VERY OFTEN.

(gasps)
OH! I HEAR YA, PADRE.

YOU'RE OKAY WITH MONEY
AS LONG AS IT COMES

COMES IN ONE OF THOSE LITTLE
WICKER BASKETS YOU PASS AROUND.

NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.
OF COURSE NOT.

I REALIZE IT'S DARK IN HERE,
BUT JUST KNOW I'M WINKING BACK.

(door opens)

SO YOUR FIRST OPERA...
THAT'S QUITE A MILESTONE.

THROW IN "LAST,"
AND IT'S TWO MILESTONES.

OH, STOP. I SAW YOU TEAR UP
AT THE END OF ACT TWO.

ONLY BECAUSE I REALIZED
THERE WAS AN ACT THREE.

(chuckles)

"MADAME BUTTERFLY"
IS PUCCINI'S MASTERPIECE.

DIDN'T YOU ENJOY IT
JUST A LITTLE?

(gasps) WHAT ABOUT THAT SCENE
WHEN BUTTERFLY TELLS HER CHILD

NOT TO FEEL SORROW
FOR HER MOTHER'S DESERTION?

DIDN'T THAT MAKE YOU FEEL
ANYTHING?

ACTUALLY, THAT'S WHEN
YOU LEANED FORWARD,

AND I SAW A LITTLE PEEK
OF YOUR BOOB.

SO I GUESS
IT MADE ME FEEL HORNY.

KARL, DON'T.

COME ON. IT'S A DARK
PARKING STRUCTURE.

PEOPLE ARE JUST GONNA THINK
I'M MUGGING YOU.

WE AGREED
NO SEX FOR A MONTH.

WE NEED TO FIND OUT IF WE CAN BE
TOGETHER IN A NONSEXUAL MANNER.

I'M SERIOUS.

CAN YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS
TO YOURSELF?

CAN I?

THANKS TO YOU,
IT'S MY ONLY CHOICE.

(opera playing)

(door opens)

HEY, HOW WAS
YOUR BUSINESS DINNER?

OH. UM... OUR BID WAS, UH,
TOO HIGH.

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GONNA
GO WITH ANOTHER CATERER.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

IT'S A NEW RECORDING
OF "MADAME BUTTERFLY."

(woman singing in Italian)

ISN'T THAT GLORIOUS?

IT IS. I SHOULD...
GO TO BED, ORSON.

GOOD NIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

YOU SIGN THE LEASE,
AND WE'LL POP THE CHAMPAGNE.

THE FLORIDA BRANCH
IS OFFICIALLY A GO.

(man) Terrific. So when we get
our branch manager?

WE HAVE GOT SOMEBODY GREAT
LINED UP.

WE JUST NEED TO FINALIZE
SOME THINGS.

WE'LL GET BACK TO YA. THANKS.
WHO DO WE HAVE LINED UP?

NOBODY. THAT'S THE THING
WE NEED TO FINALIZE.

OH.
BUT TODAY, WE CELEBRATE.

LYNETTE, YOU REALLY
HIT THIS ONE OUT OF THE PARK.
I GOTTA GIVE CREDIT
WHERE CREDIT IS DUE.

TERRENCE DID A LOT OF
THE HEAVY LIFTING ON THIS ONE,

AND I DON'T CARE IF I EMBARRASS
HIM. THIS GUY IS A STAR.

STRANGELY,
I'M NOT EMBARRASSED.

(beep)
(woman over intercom) Carlos,

I didn't want
to interrupt your phone call,

but your wife is here.
UH, JUST TELL HER TO WAIT IN
MY OFFICE UNTIL WE'RE FINISHED.

(Gabrielle over intercom)
You listen to me, Carlos Solis!

I just came from St. Ursula's,
and we've got big trouble!

Do not blow me off!
(line disconnects)

SO ACCORDING
TO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH,

WE'RE NOT HOLY ENOUGH.

BUT I HAVE A FEELING A BIG,
FAT CHECK MIGHT SLAP ON A HALO.
HOW BIG?

WELL, SOMETHING THAT'LL
MAKE A PRIEST SAY

"HOLY" AND "MOTHER"
IN THE SAME SENTENCE.

THAT SHOULD GET HER TO
THE TOP OF THE WAITING LIST.
I'M NOT GOING
TO WRITE A BIG CHECK

ON THE CHANCE
THAT IT MIGHT GET HER IN.
CARLOS!

GABY, I CAN'T DO THIS NOW.

YOU KNOW THE PROBLEMS
THAT I'M FACING

TRYING TO GET THE NEW FLORIDA
OFFICE UP AND RUNNING.

NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND...

FINE.
CAN I TROUBLE YOU FOR $5?

I'LL BUY JUANITA A HAIRNET

AND PREPARE HER FOR A FUTURE
IN THE FAST FOOD INDUSTRY.

(door opens)

(Terrence and Lynette
speak indistinctly)

HEY!

HELLO... GENTLEMEN.

WHAT? A LOT OF PEOPLE
ARE WEARING THIS STYLE.

WELL,
DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT.

HEY, UH, GABY, I HEARD
YOU MENTION ST. URSULA'S.

IT IS WORTH THE HASSLE.

OUR DAUGHTER MOLLY'S
IN THE SECOND GRADE.

SHE LOVES IT THERE.

OH, I DIDN'T KNOW MOLLY WAS
IN THE SAME GRADE AS JUANITA.

YEAH.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A SECOND?

(door closes)

HEY, THAT BRANCH IN FLORIDA?

I THINK I FOUND OUR MAN.

NO, NO, NO, YOU CAN'T
SEND TERRENCE TO FLORIDA.

YOU SHOULD TAKE IT
AS A COMPLIMENT.

YOU TRAINED HIM WELL.
EXACTLY.
YOU CAN'T SEND HIM AWAY.

WHAT IF YOU NEED HIM HERE?
WHY WOULD I? I'VE GOT YOU.

BUT... (sighs)

WHAT IF I WAS HIT BY A BUS

AND I WAS... PUT ON BED REST
FOR, SAY, THREE MONTHS?

WHO--WHO WOULD COVER FOR ME?

(laughs)
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

HEY!

YOU JINXED IT. NOW FOR SURE SOME
VERSION OF THAT IS GONNA HAPPEN.

LYNETTE, IT'S DONE. WE ARE
SENDING TERRENCE TO FLORIDA.

OH, AND I REALLY LIKE THIS
NEW LOOK THAT YOU'VE GOT GOING,

BUT CAREFUL--
ROBERTA IN ACCOUNTING ASKED

IF I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE
TO GO BOWLING WITH HER.

(sighs)

(horn honks)

HI, SUSAN!

OH, GOD. UGH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST HAVING LUNCH

WITH SOME FRIENDS
WHO ARE NOT ON A CHAIN GANG.

(singsong voice)
THOUGHT I'D STOP BY AND SAY HI.

YOU MEAN STOP BY AND GLOAT.

MAYBE A LITTLE.

(singsong voice)
SO... HOW'S IT GOING?

(normal voice)
MEETING ANYBODY?

THEY SAY THE FRIENDS
YOU MAKE ON THE INSIDE...

(singsong voice)
YOU'LL HAVE FOR LIFE.

YES, KATHERINE,
THIS ALL SUCKS.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

AT THE END OF THE DAY,
I GO HOME TO MIKE...

WHICH MEANS I WON.

THAT'S BIG TALK FOR A WOMAN
STANDING IN AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT

WITH BLISTERS ON HER FEET.

WELL, MIKE WILL RUB THEM
WHEN I GO HOME.

AND FOR THE RECORD,
I TOTALLY MAKE THIS WORK.

THE FACT THAT YOU THINK
YOU LOOK GOOD IN ORANGE

SHOWS I'M NOT DEALING
WITH A RATIONAL PERSON.

OH, BY THE WAY...
YOU MISSED SOMETHING.

NO, I DIDN'T.
YEAH, YOU DID.

BYE-BYE.

HEY! COME BACK HERE!

(scoffs)

SHE LITTERED! SHOOT HER!
WHAT A MORON.

I WISH I'D CAUGHT
HER LICENSE PLATE NUMBER.

SHE'D BE SORRY.

REALLY?

WHAT KIND OF DAMAGE COULD YOU DO
WITH HER HOME ADDRESS?

YOU MISSED SOMETHING.

(speaking inaudibly)

DID YOU GET 'EM ALL?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT IT,
NOT WEAR IT.

WELL, THEY CALL IT CRUMB CAKE
FOR A REASON. COME ON.

EMILY, CAN YOU STEAM ME
SOME 2% MILK?

(door bells jingle)

(indistinct conversations)

HEY.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN I'M FIVE MINUTES LATE?

WHAT?

THE WAITRESS WITH THE HANDS.

SHE WAS BRUSHING CRUMBS
OFF MY SHIRT.

WHAT, THE ONES JULIE MISSED?
OH, GOD.

IS THIS HOW IT'S GONNA BE
EVERY TIME I TALK TO A WOMAN?

YEAH, PROBABLY.

ANGE, I'M SORRY.

I-I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES
I CAN SAY IT.

I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.
I'LL DO COUPLES THERAPY.

GREAT IDEA.

LET'S TELL SOMEBODY
ALL OUR SECRETS,

AND THEN WHEN WE'RE CURED,
WE CAN KILL HIM.
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT.

I WANT YOU TO BE THE GUY
YOU USED TO BE,

THE GUY WHO SAVED MY LIFE,
NOT THE GUY WHO DESTROYED IT.

HOW WE DOING HERE?

NEVER BEEN BETTER,

HEY!
HI!

COME ON IN!
YEAH!

THIS IS SO NICE OF YOU. YEAH.
OH, NO.

IT'S NOT EVERY DAY
THAT ONE OF MY ASSOCIATES

GETS A BIG PROMOTION.
THANK YOU.

TOM, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE CRYSTAL
IN THE DEN AND GET COMFORTABLE

WHILE I STEAL THIS GUY
TO HELP ME MAKE COCKTAILS?

COME ON. RIGHT THIS WAY.

SO HOW EXCITED ARE YOU?
MIAMI!

PRETTY JAZZED.
IT'S AN EXCITING OPPORTUNITY.

I THINK IT'S GREAT

HOW YOU'RE CONCENTRATING
ON THE UPSIDE OF THIS.
THERE'S A DOWNSIDE?

NO, NOT REALLY.
FORGET I MENTIONED IT.

(glasses clink)
IT'S JUST...

DO YOU REMEMBER TIM BAKER

WHO WAS SENT TO HEAD UP
OUR CHICAGO OFFICE?

NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

(whispers) EXACTLY.

SO... YOU ARE MOVING
TO FLORIDA.

WOW! PECAN?

OH, NO, THANKS. I'M ON A DIET.
OH.

AW, YEAH, I CAN'T WAIT.
(singsongy) NO MORE WINTER.

YEP, JUST HEAT
AND HURRICANES.

(normal voice) OH, I'M WILLING
TO PUT UP WITH THAT.

MIAMI HAS SO MANY OTHER THINGS
TO OFFER.

OH, IT CERTAINLY MUST TO ATTRACT
ALL THOSE COLOMBIAN DRUG LORDS.

THE CHICAGO BRANCH WAS
A LITTLE SLOW OUT OF THE GATE.

CORPORATE FREAKED
AND MADE TIM THE SCAPEGOAT.
WHERE IS HE NOW?

HE'S IN PLASTICS...
OR PAPER,

DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU WANT
YOUR GROCERIES IN. WINE?

AND WHEN THEY CUT
INTO THE ALLIGATOR'S STOMACH,

NOT ONLY WAS THE GUY'S ARM
STILL INTACT,

BUT IT WAS STILL HOLDING
HIS GOLF CLUB.

I THINK HE WOULD'VE BEEN FINE
IF HIS WIFE HADN'T LEFT HIM.

THAT LED DIRECTLY
TO THE ALCOHOLISM,

WHICH PROBABLY
HAD SOMETHING TO DO

WITH HIM THREATENING
THE PRESIDENT.

BOY, IS THAT A BITCH
ON THE OLD RéSUMé.

(exhales deeply)

THAT HUMIDITY... YOUR HAIR?

I THINK IT'S A RECIPE
FOR COTTON CANDY.

HERE WE GO, EVERYBODY.
WE'VE GOT THE WINE.

I WOULD LIKE
TO PROPOSE A TOAST.

TO TERRENCE AND CRYSTAL,

MAY MIAMI BE EVERYTHING
YOU THINK IT WILL.

HEAR, HEAR.
(clink)

(woman singing in Italian)
KNOCK KNOCK. ANYBODY HOME?

COME ON IN, ANGIE.

THIS IS PRETTY.
WHAT IS IT?

IT'S FROM THE OPERA
"MADAME BUTTERFLY."

SHE SOUNDS SO SAD.

WELL, ACTUALLY, IN THIS ARIA,
BUTTERFLY IS HOPEFUL

THAT ONE DAY HER LOVER
WILL RETURN TO HER.

OH. DOES HE?

NO.

BECAUSE OF HIS ABANDONMENT,

SHE KILLS HERSELF.

OH.

YOU EVER SEE "AVENUE Q"?
THE MUSICAL WITH THE PUPPETS?

NOW THAT'S GOOD THEATER.

(sighs)
(turns off stereo)

BREE'S NOT HERE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WELL, I NEED TO TALK TO HER
ABOUT SOME WORK STUFF.

WHERE IS SHE?
SHE'S OUT.

THAT'S GENERALLY
WHERE BREE IS THESE DAYS.

OUT.

SHE'S MEETING
WITH A PROSPECTIVE CLIENT,

SO SHE SAYS.

SHE'S HAD FOUR CLIENT MEETINGS
THIS WEEK,

AND NOT ONE HAS RESULTED
IN A BOOKING.

WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

(sighs) IT'S A ROUGH ECONOMY.

SEE, I THINK
SHE'S TAKEN A LOVER.

(laughing)

WHAT? OH, COME ON.

NO WAY.

HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?
AN AFFAIR?

OH, PLEASE, THE WOMAN MAKES
HER OWN CROUTONS.

PERHAPS.

ANGIE, I HAVE TO GO AWAY
ON A GOLF WEEKEND.

WHILE I'M GONE,

COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR
AND KEEP AN EYE ON BREE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
JUST OBSERVE HER.

DOES SHE COME HOME AT NIGHT?
IS ANYONE WITH HER?

LOOK, IF YOU WANNA BE PARANOID,
GO AHEAD. IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

BUT I AM NOT GONNA
SPY ON YOUR WIFE FOR YOU.

(whispers) YES.

(normal voice) I SUPPOSE
THAT'S FOR THE BEST.

I MEAN, IF I DID FIND OUT
SHE WAS BETRAYING ME,

I'D PROBABLY
DO SOMETHING STUPID.

(turns on stereo)

♪♪♪

(speeding vehicle approaching)

(coughing and gagging)

(gasping)

(coughing)

(sobbing)

OH, TOUGHEN UP.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE DUST.

OH!

(crying softly)

LOOK, I HAVE TO CLEAN
THAT AREA.

WOULD YOU MIND HAVING
YOUR BREAKDOWN SOMEPLACE ELSE?

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, OKAY?

YOU WON, I LOST.
ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?

WHAT?

WHEN YOU'RE SITTING
ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD

PICKING UP STYROFOAM
AND WADS OF GUM,

IT'S TIME TO ADMIT DEFEAT.

THE MAN I LOVE CHOSE YOU.
IT'S OVER.

ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME?

NO.

I'M BEING HONEST.

(sighs)

(voice breaks) WHY HAS THIS
BEEN SO HARD ON ME?

WELL...

YOU LOVED HIM.

I DID.

I REALLY DID.
AND NOW HE'S GONE.

KATHERINE, YOU'RE AN ATTRACTIVE,
INTELLIGENT WOMAN.

YOU'RE GONNA MEET OTHER GUYS.

NOT LIKE MIKE.

WE CONNECTED
ON SO MANY DIFFERENT LEVELS...

(sniffles)

INTELLECTUALLY,

EMOTIONALLY,

SEXUALLY.

(exhales deeply)

OH, I'VE NEVER FELT
SUCH PASSION.

WHERE AM I GONNA FIND
ANOTHER GUY

WHO'LL MAKE LOVE TO ME
FIVE TIMES IN ONE DAY? (sobs)

THAT'S A LIE.

NO, IT'S NOT.

FIVE TIMES?

SUSAN, COME ON.

DON'T TELL ME THAT
YOU AND MIKE HAVE NEVER...

OH.

HMM. (sniffles)

MAYBE I DIDN'T LOSE
AFTER ALL.

MMM. MMM.

AHH.
(sighs)

OH.

GOD.
(laughs)

REMIND ME TO ASK YOU WHAT YOU
WANT FOR BREAKFAST MORE OFTEN.

BEATS A BOWL OF OATMEAL,
DOESN'T IT?

YOU KIDDING?
THAT BEAT A WAFFLE.

LISTEN, I HAVE A CRAZY IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE BOTH
CALL IN SICK

AND SPEND THE DAY IN BED
NAKED TOGETHER?

(giggles)
DID I MENTION NAKED?

YOU WANNA GO FOR SECONDS?
MM-HMM.

OH, WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?
MMM.

EVEN ON MY BIRTHDAY
YOU TOLD ME TO HURRY UP

BECAUSE "THE BACHELOR" WAS ON.

WELL... CAN'T A WIFE JUST WANT
TO SPEND TIME WITH HER HUSBAND?

WELL, YEAH. IT'S JUST
THAT YOUR TIMING'S BAD.

GOTTA FINISH
MR. HINKLE'S SHOWER.

I PROMISED HIM
I'D BE THERE YESTERDAY.

I'M SERIOUS.
(giggles)

THE OLD MAN HASN'T
HAD A SHOWER IN THREE DAYS.

AND THAT'S A LONG TIME...
(moans)
MM-HMM.

FOR AN OLD MAN...

MM-HMM.

TO NOT TAKE A SHOWER.

MMM.

OH, THE HELL WITH IT.

HE SURVIVED WORLD WAR II.
HE'LL GET THROUGH THIS.
OH!

(singsongy) FATHER CROWLEY, HI.
THIS IS FOR YOU.

(normal voice) I THOUGHT
I'D CATCH UP ON MY GIVING

TO MY FAVORITE PARISH.

WOW. I CERTAINLY
DIDN'T EXPECT THIS.

WELL, DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WILL--
BUY A NEW PIPE ORGAN,

HELP THE NEEDY,

TAKE A TRIP TO TAHITI.
I REALLY DON'T CARE.

OH, LISTEN.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH NUN
YOU'RE GONNA PUT MY KID WITH,

BUT MAKE SURE SHE'S HAD
A TETANUS SHOT.

JUANITA'S A BITER.
UH, GABRIELLE, I THINK
YOU'RE JUMPING THE GUN HERE.

WHY? A SPOT OPENED UP.

MOLLY HENDERSON
IS MOVING TO FLORIDA, RIGHT?
WELL, SHE WAS.

HER FATHER WAS GOING
TO TAKE A NEW JOB,

BUT HE DECIDED AGAINST IT.

WHAT? NO!
NO, THIS CAN'T BE!

I'M AFRAID IT IS.
(groans)

ANYWAY, H-HOW DID YOU
EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS?

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT
IN CONFESSION.

HAVE FAITH, GABRIELLE.

WHEN GOD CLOSES A DOOR,
HE OPENS A WINDOW.

THANK YOU, FATHER CROWLEY.

(sighs)

(door closes)

(singsongy) HEY. I GOT THE STUFF
FOR THE MUSHROOM TARTS.

(normal voice)
HOW'S THAT CAKE COMING ALONG?

JUST WHEN I THINK I CAN'T
TOP MYSELF, I DO. HMM.

HMM. HOW ABOUT THAT?

OH, BY THE WAY, ORSON THINKS
YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR.

(chuckles nervously)
HE THINKS WHAT NOW?

HE THINKS
YOU'RE STEPPIN' OUT.

BUT I TOLD HIM
THERE IS NO WAY

BREE VAN DE KAMP IS WHORING
IT UP IN SOME SLEAZY MOTEL.

UH, THANK YOU FOR THAT.

SORRY TO SPRING IT ON YOU
LIKE THAT.

I JUST FELT YOU SHOULD KNOW
WHAT HE WAS SAYING.

WELL, I APPRECIATE IT.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY HE WOULD GO TO YOU.

WELL, HE WAS DRINKING A LOT.

ALSO, HE ASKED ME
IF I WOULD SPY ON YOU.

RELAX, BREE.

OBVIOUSLY I SAID NO.

AND I APPRECIATE THAT, TOO.

WOULD YOU MIND, UM,
CLEANING THIS UP FOR ME?

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE DONE
TOPPING YOURSELF?

(chuckles nervously)

THIS IS SERIOUS, KARL.
HE ASKED ANGIE TO SPY ON ME.

AND GOD KNOWS WHO ELSE
HE HAS WATCHING ME.

(sighs) I DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN

UNTIL AFTER
YOU'VE GOTTEN ME A DIVORCE.

DON'T ASK ME HOW.
YOU'RE THE LAWYER.

(door opens)

HEY. AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE AT SCHOOL?

YOU NEVER COME HOME
FOR LUNCH.

I THOUGHT I'D TRY
SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

MMM.
HEY, SINCE WE'RE BOTH HOME,

WHY DON'T WE GO UPSTAIRS
AND MAKE LOVE?

WHAT, SERIOUSLY?
YOU WANT TO DO IT AGAIN?

W--I JUST GOT A SUB
FROM MARTINELLI'S.

MIKE, I AM OFFERING YOU
A NOONER.

DROP YOUR PANTS
AND GET UPSTAIRS.
CAN I BRING MY SANDWICH?

YES. BRING IT. GRAB A PICKLE.
I DON'T CARE.

YOU'RE THE BEST WIFE EVER.

COME ON!
CAN I TURN ON
"THE THREE STOOGES," TOO?

(knock on door)

LYNETTE, IT'S GABY!

IN A MINUTE.

UM...

(knock on door)

(sighs)

HEY, GABY.

HEY, NANOOK.
WHY YOU WEARING A PARKA?

BECAUSE... FUR IS MURDER.
WHAT'S UP?

I-I TALKED TO CRYSTAL HENDERSON,

AND SHE SAID YOU TALKED TERRENCE
OUT OF GOING TO MIAMI.

IS THAT TRUE?
I DIDN'T TALK HIM OUT OF IT.

I MERELY POINTED OUT
THE PROS AND CONS.
WELL, APPARENTLY, THE CONS WON.

YOU'VE GOTTA UNTALK HIM
OUT OF IT.

I NEED HIM OUT OF THIS STATE.
WHY? (gasps)
ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HIM?

NO! TRUTH IS,
IF HE DOESN'T GO,

JUANITA CAN'T TAKE
HIS KID'S SPOT AT ST. URSULA'S.

YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE.

YOU WANT THIS GUY
TO UPROOT HIS ENTIRE LIFE

JUST SO YOU CAN GET OUT
OF HOMESCHOOLING YOUR DAUGHTER?
YEAH, YEAH, SELFISH GABY.

SAME OLD SONG.
JOIN IN IF YOU KNOW THE WORDS.
WELL, SORRY, GABY,
I NEED TERRENCE HERE.

WHY? (gasps)

(whispers)
ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HIM?

NO! I JUST NEED HIM HERE.

EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND,

SOMEONE IS TRYING TO
MAKE MY LIFE MORE COMPLICATED.

(voice breaks) WHY CAN'T
EVERYONE JUST LET IT GO?

(normal voice)
HEY, I'M SORRY.

COME HERE.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.

(chuckles) WHY ARE YOU
GETTING SO UPSET?

OH!

WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT WAS WHAT?

YOUR STOMACH JUST KICKED ME.

OPEN THE PARKA.
I'D RATHER NOT.

OPEN IT!

(gasps)

YOU'RE PREGNANT?

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!

BECAUSE...

I KNEW YOU'D TELL CARLOS.

YEAH, SO I TELL CARLOS.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH...

OH, NO.

WHEN CARLOS OFFERED YOU
THAT PROMOTION,

YOU KNEW YOU WERE PREGNANT

AND YOU KNEW YOU'D
BE LEAVING HIM IN THE LURCH?
GABY--

CARLOS JUST GOT
THIS COMPANY!

HE BROUGHT IN PEOPLE
HE COULD DEPEND ON,

AND HE THOUGHT
HE COULD DEPEND ON YOU!
I DIDN'T TELL CARLOS

BECAUSE I KNEW I WAS
THE BEST PERSON FOR THE JOB,

AND I WANTED TO PROVE IT.
WELL, YOU CERTAINLY PROVED
SOMETHING.

GABY, WAIT!
PLEASE DON'T TELL CARLOS.

I THINK HE SHOULD HEAR IT
FROM ME.

YEAH. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER,
RIGHT?

(door closes)

(sighs)

SUSAN, I'M HOME!

ARE YOU HUNGRY?

UP HERE!

HELLO, LOVER.

OH, GOD.

SUSAN, I CAN'T.

I-I-I GOT NOTHING LEFT.

I HIT MY HAND
WITH A WRENCH TODAY,

AND WHEN I CRIED,
ONLY DUST CAME OUT.

YOU CRIED?

THAT IS SO SEXY.

MM. WHAT IS GOING ON
WITH YOU?

IT'S LIKE YOU JUST
GOT OUT OF PRISON.

IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH
A HUSBAND AND WIFE HAVING SEX?

WE HAVE A PASSIONATE
RELATIONSHIP, DON'T WE?

WELL, OF COURSE WE DO.

IT'S JUST, I WAS HOPING
T-TONIGHT WE COULD...

CUDDLE.

CUDDLE?

AM I THAT REPULSIVE TO YOU?

WHAT?

IT'S OKAY, MIKE.
YOU CAN SAY IT.

(voice breaks)
I'M A LOUSY LAY.

SUSAN, WE HAD SEX
THREE TIMES TODAY.

ALL RIGHT,
I CAN'T DO IT AGAIN.

IT'S NOT YOU.
IT'S BASIC BIOLOGY.

REALLY? BIOLOGY?

WELL,
HERE IS SOME BASIC MATH.

(blows)

YOU HAD SEX WITH KATHERINE
FIVE TIMES IN ONE DAY

AND ME THREE.

FIVE MINUS THREE EQUALS

KATHERINE TURNS YOU ON,
AND SEX WITH ME IS A CHORE.

YOU AND KATHERINE
ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT THIS?

MORE LIKE SHE RUBBED IT
IN MY FACE.

OKAY.

LOOK, THE ONLY REASON THAT
THAT "RECORD" EVER HAPPENED

WAS WE GOT SNOWED IN
DURING A SKI TRIP.

AND WE HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
TO TALK ABOUT.

SEX WAS ALL WE EVER HAD!

UHH!

(sighs)

(huffs)

DON'T YOU GET IT?

THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE
TO THE RELATIONSHIP.

BUT YOU AND I--
WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING.

WE HAVE A RICH, FULL LIFE
TOGETHER.

WE COULD FINISH
EACH OTHER'S SENTENCES.

OH, MIKE, I--

"I'VE BEEN SO FOOLISH."

IS THAT WHAT
YOU WERE GONNA SAY?

AND?

YOU WANNA CUDDLE.

I WAS GONNA SAY
"THE BACHELOR" IS ON.

(chuckles)

BUT CUDDLING'S GOOD, TOO.

(door creaks)

KARL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
SOMEONE COULD SEE YOU!

YEAH, ESPECIALLY IF YOU LEAVE ME
STANDING ON YOUR DOORSTEP.

(door closes)

RELAX.
I PARKED TWO BLOCKS AWAY.

I DON'T APPRECIATE
YOUR TAKING RISKS LIKE THIS.

IF ORSON FIND OUT ABOUT--
AH, AH, AH, AH.

YOU WON'T HAVE THAT
TO WORRY ABOUT MUCH LONGER.

I FOUND A WAY TO SPRING YOU
FROM THIS MARRIAGE!

ORSON'S STILL ON PAROLE,
RIGHT?

FOR ANOTHER YEAR. WHY?

IF HE VIOLATES PAROLE
BY, FOR INSTANCE,

ASSOCIATING WITH A KNOWN FELON,
THEY CAN REVOKE IT.

AND SEND HIM BACK TO JAIL.
ALL WE NEED TO DO

IS GET SOME EX-CON
IN A ROOM WITH ORSON,

TAKE SOME PICTURES, AND BAM!

HE CAN'T TOUCH YOU
BECAUSE IF HE DOES,

THE PAROLE OFFICER
WILL GET THE PICTURES,

AND IT'S BYE-BYE, ORSON.

KARL, THAT'S PERFECT! AND THEN
HE'LL HAVE TO LET ME GO.

AHH. I THINK SOMEONE
DESERVES A KISS.

(giggles)

MM!

KARL, WE AGREED.

BREE, FOR THE FIRST TIME
SINCE WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER,

YOUR HUSBAND IS OUT OF TOWN.

DO WE REALLY WANT
TO LET THAT GO TO WASTE?

MMM.

(moans)

(car approaches)

(scoffs)

(dialing)

COME ON. COME ON!

(ring)
MMM. MMM.

DO NOT ANSWER THAT.
(ring)

This is Bree.
Please leave a message.

OH, DAMN IT!
(dials)

MMM!
(ring)

(sighs)
(grunts)

(beep)
HELLO?

BREE, YOU GOTTA GET THAT MAN
OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM RIGHT NOW!

WHAT? THERE'S NO MAN
IN MY ROOM.
OH, GOOD,

'CAUSE IT WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET
A WHOLE LOT MORE CROWDED.

Orson is home.
(gasps)

ORSON.

YOU'RE HOME EARLY.

Is something wrong?

WHY ARE YOU BACK SO SOON?

I'M COMING DOWN WITH A COLD.

YOU KNOW HOW I HATE TO BE SICK
AWAY FROM HOME.

(hangers rattle)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THERE ARE TWO GLASSES DOWNSTAIRS
AND ONE HAS WINE.

You are obviously
not alone here.

WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?

YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL
WHAT I'M IMPLYING, BREE.

WHO WAS DRINKING THE WINE?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL,

I AM INSULTED THAT YOU WOULD
EVEN THINK THAT--

BREE, WHERE ARE YOU?
OH, THERE YOU ARE!

ORSON.

WOW, I POP HOME
FOR FIVE MINUTES

TO TOSS SOME CLOTHES
IN THE DRYER,

AND YOU GOT A MAN
IN YOUR BEDROOM.
(chuckles nervously)

YOU WERE HERE TONIGHT?

OH, YEAH. JUST TOSSIN' BACK
A LITTLE VINO AND GOSSIPING.

YES, THIS GIRL KNOWS
EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYBODY.

IS THERE ANY WINE LEFT?
I COULD USE A GLASS.

YES, DOWNSTAIRS ON THE TABLE.
YOU GO ON AHEAD.

WE'RE GONNA FINISH UP
OUR GIRL TALK.

(lowered voice)
WHERE ARE THE CLOTHES?
(lowered voice)
BEHIND THE PILLOW.

(door closes)

HEY. YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO JUMP.

THERE'S ROSE BUSHES,
SO PUT YOUR PANTS ON FIRST.

ANGIE, I CAN'T THANK YOU
ENOUGH.

I DIDN'T DO THIS FOR YOU.
I DID IT FOR ORSON.

FOR ORSON?
I DEFENDED YOU.

I TOLD HIM YOU HAD TOO MUCH
CLASS TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
I UNDERSTAND YOUR DISDAIN,

BUT THIS IS
A COMPLICATED SITUATION.

LET ME MAKE IT SIMPLE FOR YOU--
TWO MEN WANT YOU. CHOOSE ONE.

BUT WHICH ONE?

ORSON'S BLACKMAILING ME
TO STAY WITH HIM.

HE'S MANIPULATIVE
AND CALCULATING AND--

THEN GO WITH LOVER BOY.
BUT WHAT KIND OF LIFE
WOULD I HAVE WITH KARL?

HE'S CRASS AND CONCEITED

AND THE ONLY THING WE SEEM
TO HAVE IN COMMON IS SEX.
THEN WHY ARE YOU
HAVING AN AFFAIR

WITH SOMEONE
YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE?
(whispers)
DID I MENTION THE SEX?

(normal voice)
KARL BRINGS OUT PASSION IN ME

I NEVER KNEW I HAD.
I MELT EVERY TIME HE TOUCHES ME.

GREAT! THEN FIND A WAY OUT
OF YOUR MARRIAGE

AND--AND START BUILDING A LIFE
WITH THIS... KARL.
I WOULD. IT'S JUST...

WHAT?

(whispers) ORSON LIKES OPERA.

HEY, YOU BUSY?

NO.

SO, DID, UH, GABY TALK TO YOU
LAST NIGHT?

NO. BUT I NEED
TO TALK TO YOU.

OH.
I WANT YOU TO RUN
THE MIAMI OFFICE.

WHAT?
IF IT ISN'T GONNA BE TERRENCE,
THEN IT HAS TO BE YOU.

THE FUTURE OF THE COMPANY
IS AT STAKE.

I NEED MY BEST PEOPLE
ON THE SPOT.

IT WON'T BE FOREVER,

AND DEPENDING ON HOW THINGS GO
AFTER A COUPLE OF YEARS,

MAYBE YOU COULD EVEN MOVE BACK
AND TELECOMMUTE FROM HERE.
CARLOS, WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT'S WHAT?

OH, COME ON, I KNOW YOU KNOW
I'M PREGNANT.

(flatly) YOU'RE PREGNANT?
WOW. GREAT.

CARLOS, PLEASE,
I KNOW GABY TOLD YOU.

NOPE.

I WOULD REMEMBER SOMEBODY
TELLING ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

SO WHAT'S YOUR ANSWER?

YOU SEND SOMEONE ELSE
TO MIAMI... (sighs)

AND I STAY HERE.
THAT'S MY ANSWER.

EXCEPT I NEED YOU IN MIAMI,
AND I DON'T NEED YOU HERE.

NOT ANYMORE.

CARLOS, I AM SORRY.

I KNOW I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU
WHEN I FIRST FOUND OUT.

BELIEVE ME, I WISH I HAD NOW.
BUT...

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME
FOR BEING PREGNANT.

I'M NOT FIRING YOU, LYNETTE.
I'M OFFERING YOU A PROMOTION.

IF YOU CHOOSE TO TURN IT DOWN
AND QUIT INSTEAD,

I CAN'T STOP YOU.

ALL I CAN DO
IS SAY GOOD LUCK.

AND CONGRATULATIONS.

(door opens)

NO, IT'S LATE,
AND I STILL GOTTA CLOSE UP.

YEAH, UM...
TOMORROW'S NO GOOD EITHER.

LISTEN, YOU'RE A NICE GUY.

I'M JUST NOT LOOKING
FOR A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW.

SORRY.

HELLO?

(beep)

I KNOW YOU GIRLS THINK
THAT'S LETTIN' A GUY DOWN EASY,

BUT, UH, TRUST ME, IT AIN'T.

(chuckles) YOU OKAY FOR NOW?
I GOTTA CLEAN UP IN THE BACK.

YEAH. I'M GOOD.

(beeping)

(phone rings)

AGENT PADILLA?

LITTLE MEMORY QUIZ FOR YOU.

THIS IS BLACK OWL.

(chuckles) DAMN, CHRIS,
STILL SHARP AS A TACK, HUH?

NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T--DON'T ASK
ME ANYTHING. DON'T TALK.

THIS CONVERSATION WILL LAST
LESS THAN 60 SECONDS.

WE BOTH KNOW WHY.

I'M THINKING ABOUT COMIN' IN.

YOU INTERRUPT ME AGAIN,
AND I HANG UP.

I SAID I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT IT.

NOW HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED
TO THINK ABOUT.

I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME,

BUT I HAVE TO KNOW
SHE GETS A PASS.

THERE'LL BE
NO FURTHER DISCUSSION ON THIS

UNTIL THAT IS FIRM.
NEXT TIME YOU HEAR FROM ME,

YOU WILL HAVE AN ANSWER TO THAT
QUESTION, AND IT BETTER BE YES.

YOU EAVESDROPPIN' ON ME?

NO.

NO, I JUST GOT HERE.

AND I WANNA GO HOME.

I'LL SEE YOU.

(door bells jingle)

THERE IS A COFFEE SHOP
IN FAIRVIEW.

IT'S KNOWN AS A PLACE

WHERE YOU CAN READ
YOUR MORNING PAPER...

WHERE YOU CAN MEET
YOUR FRIENDS...

WHERE YOU CAN HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE

AT THE END OF A LONG DAY.

(dishes clatter)

YES,

IT WAS A PLACE
KNOWN FOR MANY THINGS.

(jingles)

OH.

HEY.
DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING?

(click)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

(grunting)

(jangles)

BUT AFTER THIS NIGHT,

IT WOULD BE KNOWN
FOR SOMETHING...

(jingles)

FAR WORSE.