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(TRUCK ENGINE CHUGGING)

ROSSI:
Did you hear a scream?

Like a wild bird, maybe an eagle.

(JEEP SPUTTERS)

CLEARBOY:
Major...

I hate this Jeep.

(ENGINE TURNS OVER AND SPUTTERS)

ROSSI:
I baked an eagle once.

Made out of bread.

Finocchi's bakery in Los Angeles.

This nut from the wildlife federation
ordered it.

We came to the wrong war.

If we harness that mother,
he'll pull us to Maldorais.

Easily. Maldorais is just there,
beyond the hill.

FALCONER: I see Sainte-Croix on the map.
I don't see Maldorais.

Because Maldorais is not a village.
It is a castle.

(JEEP STARTING UP)

- A castle?
- Oh, we're gonna barrack in a castle.

It is my castle.

FALCONER:
We're gonna barrack in your castle?

The Germans did the same.

We're Americans.

I am Henri Tixier,
Comte de Maldorais.

Er... Captain Beckman.

Lionel Beckman, the art historian.
Castles interest him.

Oh?

And this is Major...?

Falconer. Let's go.

Keen horse you got there,
Mr. Tixier.

Thank you.

The Germans had no negro.

These kind gentlemen rescued me
from a slaver off of Santo Domingo.

Went down with all hands.

They thought they could
learn Swahili from me.

Private Benjamin wants to be a writer,
so he talks like a writer.

Private Benjamin thinks the war was
invented so he could write a book about it.

Yes, it is Maldorais.

Hey, how long was
the Hundred Years' War?

Exactly 215 years.

There are rooms off the great hall.

The enlisted men can
live in the keep.

- The keep?
- Castle keep, the tower.

All right, gentlemen.

Has anyone got the exact time?

There you are, Benjamin,
a title for your book: 'Castle Keep'.

Not bad.

BENJAMIN:
Castle Keep

by PFC Alistair P. Benjamin.

Once upon a time

eight walking wounded misfits
of the American Army

entered a castle in Belgium.

But this cannot be a Gothic tale,
because it was the Second World War.

Doesn't it give everything
another dimension?

No.

Maybe the Duke
could put in an elevator.

Yeah.

And a flush toilet.

You think my living here
will lower the real-estate value?

You trained for the ministry,
didn't you, Lieutenant?

Then why aren't you a chaplain?

(AMBERJACK LAUGHS)

BENJAMIN:
And then the snow came.

It was a good time to write.

All of us had been killed twice.

Some of us three times.

Maybe that's why
we were at the castle.

We had been sent to the castle
as a replacement company.

Or maybe we had
just been put there

away from everything

to nurse our wounds
and sit out the war.

That was three weeks ago
when the castle was occupied.

No one knows when the Major
occupied the Countess.

But no one was surprised.

-(FOOTSTEPS HURRYING)
-(RAPID KNOCKING)

(DOOR OPENS)

FALCONER:
Yes, Captain Beckman?

I'm sorry, sir, I didn't know.

You'll learn, Beckman.

It's 6 o'clock, sir.
I'm sorry.

You can't do anything about that,
Beckman.

- The men in the chapel?
- Not yet, sir.

Three minutes.

Bitch.

BECKMAN:
Sergeant Rossi, he's on the way down.

Do you have a pack
of cigarettes for me?

I have a chocolate bar.

Do you want it?

ROSSI: The Major wants everybody
to get his ass in the chapel!

It isn't necessary that we
admire each other.

FALCONER: This is where one U.S. Division
is holding a 23-mile front.

If the Germans decide not to lose
the war so fast, they'll counterattack.

They'll hit that green division
and those people will not stop them.

The Germans' first major objective

will be to secure the hub of the
road net in the Ardennes.

This town, Bastogne.

The easiest way to Bastogne
is through Verviers.

But they're not coming that way.

Last night there were star shells over
Sainte-Croix. You may have noticed.

They lit the crossroads.
It interests them.

I just want to explain
those star shells to you.

It means this is the way they're
coming. Right here. This castle.

Any questions?

I thought the war was over.

- That's not a question.
- Sir...

I think you ought to let the
Indian express himself.

Make him feel part of the group.

Express yourself.

According to the book, the Germans
couldn't move that many men

without our intelligence
knowing it.

That's right. Now you're
part of the group.

BECKMAN: I have a question.

If the Germans counterattack,

wouldn't we be more valuable via
pulling back to the Meuse river?

Saving the castle, the paintings,
the sculpture

has nothing to do
with your strategy?

Frankly, yes, it does.

Well, that's a business about
which I understand nothing.

We were put here
to service replacements.

But there are no replacements.

So we'll dig in, just like real soldiers.

I want the terraces mined;
also the gardens.

Major Falconer.

Maldorais must not become
a battleground.

Not a battleground, Duke,
an island of resistance.

I'll make a diagram of the mining
tonight. Also a patrol roster.

Any weapons left behind by the
Germans I want put in firing condition.

Meantime, keep the men occupied.
Find something. Anything.

Put on a play.

(RUMBLING)

BECKMAN:
I got a good play.

This army stops at a medieval castle.
They're embattled.

Now, they can surrender and
save the castle, or they can hold...

It won't work, sir.

The play should be about screwing.

Screwing was invented by the Swedes
during the First World War.

I got a play.

Tell it.

A small man comes on stage
with a great erection.

Then what?

Well, that's all I got.
Just the first act.

That won't carry the play by itself.

Well, suppose it goes down and down
and down in each succeeding act?

- To infinity.
- Nope.

Any actor who could play the part
would get better offers.

Track of the animal.

A boar?

No, a German.

Why not an American?

Those are hobnail military boots.
We don't wear them.

- Should we not return for help?
- No, it's a patrol.

They probably broke
through our lines last night.

- Is there a place we can fort up?
- The summerhouse.

Does it have a clear
field of fire?

Yes.

Then we'll decoy them
to the summerhouse.

What have you got there?

- Han vase.
- What?

Second dynasty.

(GUNSHOTS)

They're high, about 2 o'clock.

- How's the vase?
- Intact, commandant.

They'll rush us when they
get into position.

That was harassing fire
to keep us down.

- I've been in a war, commandant.
- Then get rid of that junk.

It's cocked and ready to fire.

Wait till you've got
a clear target.

I've got them all spotted.

(GUNSHOTS)

(MACHINE GUN FIRE)

(SHOTS ECHO AND RICOCHET)

They had no leader.

One man is missing.

I don't think so.
There were only four tracks.

They wouldn't send a patrol
this deep without an officer.

Their officer left them earlier.

Perhaps he went to the castle.

COUNT:
To what purpose?

FALCONER:
Maybe a mission of his own.

(CHURCH BELLS CHIME)

What is it, Captain Beckman?

Jealousy, I'm afraid.

In a chapel?

I've always wanted to live with...

in a place like this.

Now that I'm here, I feel as if...

No. No, I am an intruder.

We are...

unwelcome.

Captain Beckman, you are the one
who belongs at Maldorais.

- FALCONER: I've got the German spotted.
- COUNT: Where?

Standing under
the topiary tree near the moat.

He's just left your
wing of the castle.

He's waiting to make sure it's all clear.

He has a rifle, but he doesn't know
where the shooting came from.

I'd estimate his range at 200 yards.

- My wing of the castle?
- Yes.

- Is everything correct?
Everything is correct, M. Le Duke.

(GUNSHOT)

You shot well, commandant.

He has been a visitor

when the Germans
occupied the castle.

He treated the castle with respect.

Your niece seems upset.

My niece is my wife, commandant.

I think you'd better see
to your wife, M. Le Duke.

COUNT:
God is neutral, along with the Pope.

But as a traditionalist,
he must respect the hierarchy.

The Maldorais.

The Maldorais line must continue.

And God must know
where the Americans fit.

Americans are brave and that is why
they seem like children.

They are young, wild animals.

So... what can you expect?

(POOL BALLS CLINK)

I can expect a child.

After the war,
the flowers will be dead.

And the husbands will take over.

Excuse me, sir.

I'd like your permission
to hang this Delacroix

and some other paintings
in the parlor for my lecture.

Your lecture?

I'm organising an entertainment
programme for the men.

If it is a matter
of their... requirements?

Requirements?

That can be taken care of in the village
at La Reine Rouge.

- The Red Queen?
- The whorehouse.

- A cigar, Captain?
- No.

- Hobbema.
- Yes, a very early one, isn't it?

You live with such things, Count.

Works I've read about, second-hand
descriptions that don't do them justice.

I've begun an inventory.
Unbelievable.

A Botticelli, two Corots...

- Fragonard...
- We are in danger.

Do you intend to do anything
about it, Captain?

(CAR ENGINE RUMBLING)

Wait! That's the Count's car!

Enlisted men can't
steal the Count's car.

Right.

- Where you going at this hour?
- ROSSI: Drilling, sir.

- Drilling?
- Drilling the girls at the Red Queen.

BENJAMIN: So now we were
on the way to Sainte-Croix.

The cowboy,
the 24-carat Indian, the cook

the baker and myself.

The rage of Paris, France,
and all women everywhere.

You better bring out early in your book
that you're very young and negro,

unscrewed and unpublished.

(CAR SPUTTERING)

(ENGINE BACKFIRES AND DIES)

CLEARBOY:
I hate this car.

Who's home to welcome the heroes?

Hey, Rossi.

Where there's a bakery,
there's a baker's wife.

The place is closed.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Where do you come from?
- We come from the castle.

To where are you going?

To the ends of the earth.
And I think we're there.

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH IN UNISON)

(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
Greetings and welcome, my children.

(SHOP DOOR BELL TINKLES)

Parlez English?

Enough.

I'm a baker.

I'm a baker's wife.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Where's the baker?

Gone.

That's what a man needs.

A baker's wife, kid, family, home.

Come to bed.

FALCONER: I've been making an
inventory too, Captain Beckman.

You should be interested
in that inventory.

'Cause if those Americans
don't hold that ridge

your inventory's gonna
be shot to hell.

We don't have to defend here,
we can drop back to...

I do, Beckman.

Major, I don't think you know
what this castle means.

It stands on the most important
crossroads in the Ardennes.

- Yeah, it is impassable...
- It stands on the road to Bastogne.

Major, I think we
should pull back.

Don't think, Beckman.

If something isn't saved,
then what's it all for?

You can't save anything
by giving it to the Germans.

If you give them anything, you
have to give them everything.

Is that what you wanna do,
Beckman?

You know all about this... castle.

But you don't know how to hold it.

You want it in ruins. Everything.

Do I, Beckman?

"My purpose is madness.

"It's the only way you can tell
what really happened in war.

"By lying, you can open the door
a little crack on the truth."

Right, baby.

I love the red queen.
Red queen is lovely.

Everybody loves the red queen.

Hey, where's Elk?

You're standing on him.

This whole thing has an ineffable,
dreamlike quality.

Like I've been here before.

This place, this queen, girls...

- Major Falconer is a warmonger.
- Yeah.

Besides that, he's immoral.

Huh, what?

Three of them. It just ain't right.
Three of them.

- Who?
- Major Falconer and the Duchess.

- Well, that's only two.
- No, the Duke is there.

Probably tucks them in.
It just ain't right.

I see. When there are
two people it's okay,

when there are three people,
then it's dirty?

For Chrissake, Alistair,
can't you see it just ain't natural?

Besides that, she's his nephew... niece.
Anyhow, it just ain't right.

A cowboy like you.
American cowboy!

So that's what goes on in that big,
wide, white outdoor brain.

The movies never told us
this about cowboys.

You wanna fight?

Not now, I'm thinking.

I could whip your ass.

Yeah, but that's not what concerns me.

Right now I'm working on your
moral indignation.

(DRUNKEN SINGING FROM ANOTHER ROOM)

What the hell is that?

Your evangelists.

- My evangelists?!
- The evangelists of the American Army.

(LOUD SINGING)
♪ Do not wait to shed your light afar

♪ To the many duties ever
near you now be true,

♪ Brighten the corner where you are. ♪

Hey, you're waking everybody up!
Go back to your outfit!

- ♪ Brighten the corner where you... ♪
- ROSSI: Hey!

Excuse me?

You're waking everybody up.
Go back to your outfit.

We have no outfit.
We've withdrawn.

- We don't believe in fighting.
- Well, who believes in fighting?

We believe in God.

That frightens you, doesn't it?

All you believe in
is fornication and killing.

What?

We're conscientious objectors.

You mean you conscientiously
object to fornicating?

♪ Brighten the corner where you are.

♪ Brighten the corner where you are. ♪

Hey, didn't you tell 'em?

They're supposed
to excuse you from combat.

They said that our sect
was too small!

- Your what was too small?
- Sect! S-E-C-T!

♪ Brighten the corner where you... ♪

(GUNSHOT)

Let the people of the city sleep.

(QUIETLY)
♪ La la la la la la la...

♪ La la la la la la la... ♪

(PIPE ORGAN PLAYS)

(PLAYING ENDS DISCORDANTLY)

What the hell's the matter
with you, Lieutenant?

Can I tell you something?

I wish I had the courage
to go to the Red Queen's.

It would be a way of breaking away
from my father.

How does one get the courage,
Captain Beckman?

You have to be an enlisted man.

In the story Cinderella left the ball in
such a hurry, she forgot her glass eye...

slipper. Now, that's how the prince
traced her. She had the smallest eye...

- Foot in the world.
- Now, wait a minute...

You say at midnight,
if we don't get back to the castle

-we're gonna turn into soldiers?
- No, we'll turn into soldiers anyway.

I just thought it'd be nice to be
in the castle when it happens.

- Where do you come from?
- My bakery.

- To where are you going?
- To that table where my buddies are.

Everybody should eat more bread.
It feeds the heart.

And remember, the heart's the second
most important organ in the human body.

(FLARES FIRING)

COUNT: It disturbs you,
my wife and the Major.

You find me degenerate.

Or worse - French.

No, I am only impotent.

And I want a son.

What could be more bourgeois,
puritan, even American, than that?

- You're how old? 20? 21?
-23.

There ought to be an age limit
on the killing.

That doesn't interfere with you,
does it?

The German officer under
the topiary tree threw his life away.

He made it difficult not to kill him.

He was billeted here?

Yes.

In this room?

Well, how do you feel?

I don't understand.

You don't show much, do you?

What do you want me to do?

I guess there isn't much you can do.

You're not 20 or 23.

You're 1000 years old and you're
trying to keep a castle, aren't you?

The war came close today.

I would like to end it.
For a little while, if I can.

You want to end it, don't you?

For a little while.

For a night.

BENJAMIN: Just before the end of the world,
Captain Beckman gave us soldiers,

a lecture on the history of art.

I mean, here was a Captain
in the American Army

talking about the strength and the force...

Private Benjamin, if you feel
more qualified to give this lecture.

Thank you, sir. No, sir.
I'm sorry. Go ahead, sir.

Thank you, Private Benjamin.

We have the privilege of living
in this monumental tribute

to man's concept of beauty.

I want you to note the connubial chase
in Rubens' finest, most supple style.

That must've been his horny period.

Sergeant Rossi.

Gentlemen, I suspect
ten years from now, or twenty,

at some American Legion convention

one of your nightmares will be
that day in the Ardennes

when you weren't blown up
by a bomb...

you were bored to death by
Captain Beckman.

Now, the purpose of my talk
is to shock you.

Sir? Isn't the purpose to make sure the
troops don't get an hour off?

The function of all art
is to disturb and awake.

Now, if I may make
a small analogy...

You do that, sir.

Corporal Clearboy. Was it
your estimate that your General Patton

planned in advance his
breakthrough out of Normandy?

I sure as hell don't know, sir.

I wanted to hear you say that.
Now, Cpl Clearboy was with General Patton.

He and I were never close, sir.

Nevertheless, I think
it makes my point.

There's the same kind of spontaneity
in war as in art.

War is an art of becoming,
a culmination.

An orgasm?

Yes, art is like a sexual experience.

And the sexual experience, like art,
cannot be culminated alone.

You certain about that, sir?

You gentlemen recall the training film
Lieutenant Amberjack showed you?

The one on sex, sir?

I'd like to link that
to the art of war

which the film didn't cover, of course.

When you have a sex film,
you can't cover everything.

No, but I mean seriously, gentlemen,
erm, sex without love

like art without feeling,
is nothing more than masturbation.

Shall we write that down, sir?

No, I'm just throwing things out.

Could we pursue
that sexual thought further?

No. No, no, no, no.
My point is that...

Sex is an art.

- No, no.
- Masturbation...

- No, no, de Vaca.
- CLEARBOY: Sir...

What would you say if your best girl
were sleeping with a 4F?

I don't have to answer that.

I wanna get back to the war.

But I wanna leave you with a thought
that might do you some good.

I'll say to you burns that if you ever
lecture an hour to a bunch of idiots...

then resign your commission.

(KNOCKING)

-I'd like to be alone, Alistair.
- You're a fun guy.

- Your talk on art turned me on.
- I don't particularly wanna be a 'fun guy'.

- You mind if I sit down, sir?
- No, you can stand.

You took your lecture too hard.

Is war a subjective thing, sir?

That's a good point.

You know I've...

Are you comfortable?

Do you mean that facetiously?

No, I mean, you being a private
and me being a captain and everything.

- And everything?
- Yes.

Well, the enemy, the whole American Army
is out there and we're talking...

Never underestimate the intelligence
of the American soldier, sir.

- You get that in a training manual?
- You shouldn't be bitter, sir.

If a soldier didn't value art,
he wouldn't be much of a soldier.

Napoleon before Venice said: "If my
cannon destroy but one statue

I would rather not take Venice."

Did Napoleon say that?

Doesn't sound like Napoleon.

Oh, well, no... he didn't,
but I thought it would cheer you up.

I appreciate that.

But Napoleon was a louse.

- I think all soldiering is a bore, don't you?
- Yes, sir.

But I see you have the Purple Heart
and Silver Star.

I got excited. For a whole year I was
out of my mind, but I've recovered now.

But you'd fight for this castle.

Yes.

I don't know who.

I don't know which side
would want to destroy it.

One thing more, sir.

Sorry I couldn't come to your aid
during the lecture.

Oh, that would've been beyond
and above the call of duty.

Still...

When you write your
book you can rescue me.

No, don't bother.

Just write well about this castle
and how we kept it.

It's really not a bad title:
'Castle Keep'.

Thank you, sir.

'Castle Keep'.

We will try, sir.

Will that be all, Captain?

That is all.

BENJAMIN:
No one knew exactly when

Corporal Clearboy fell in love
with the Volkswagen.

But there he was one morning

petting it, shining it up
like a silver whore...

FALCONER: I understand you've been
sleeping with the Volkswagen.

Yes, sir. Is there a regulation
against it, sir?

Yes.

- Sodomy?
- That's animals.

There's a regulation against using
enemy equipment. Creates confusion.

Sir. She's a beautiful car, sir.

You must love the Volkswagen
very much, Clearboy.

Thirty-six horses.

No water, sir. Hides her engine
in her rear, air-cooled. No water, sir.

Is the world suffering
a water shortage, Corporal Clearboy?

Not now, sir, but suppose this war
just goes on and on and on

and destroys everything in the world.

Since the Volkswagen can
get along without water

she's bound to survive
when other creatures die off.

Someday the world will be populated
with nothing but Volkswagens.

You've figured that out, have you Clearboy?

Very well, Corporal Clearboy,
keep it.

Corporal Clearboy has this thing
about the Volkswagen.

- Why doesn't he see a doctor about it?
- Think that's abnormal, sir?

I think it must be frustrating as hell.

- Lt. Amberjack, I want patrols stepped up.
- Yes, sir.

Be on the lookout
for infiltrators.

They'll try to slip through
town in advance of any attack.

I think the place to look for
infiltrators is the Red...

Exactly.
That's where I'd go if were one.

Sir, you want me to go
to the Red Queen's ?

No, come back here and play the flute
while Captain Beckman saves statues.

That's the way to fight a war.

ROSSI: Seen any infiltrators lately,
honey, baby, pussy-lamb?

(FLUTE PLAYING A LULLABY)

I gotta draw a Lieutenant
to lead a patrol who's a flutist.

AMBERJACK:
Flautist.

I gotta draw a Lieutenant
who plays the "flaute".

(WHISTLING LULLABY)

(WHISPERING)
Shhh. Hey. Knock it off, you men.

VOICE:
I'm a German.

All right.

You knock it off too.

- May I a criticism make?
- No.

The 'Brahms Lullaby' goes:
'Da da daa, da da daa...'

Not:
'Da da da, da da da...'

I studied music in London.

- What are you doing here?
- Surrounding the castle.

- What century is it?
-20th, for Chrissake.

He means the castle.

Tenth.

Beckman says the north wing is 15th.

Lionel Beckman, the art historian?!

Yeah.

Have you read his book:

'Twelfth-Century Ivory Miniatures'?
It's wonderful!

No, I haven't.

That's right, don't tell him anythin'.

If you will throw me your flute,
I will fix it for you.

I studied under Mayerhorn.

He's a good man.

He's liable to toss back a grenade.

Never trust a Kraut.

I'm not trusting a Kraut.

I'm trusting a colleague.

Suppose a high-ranking officer came
and asked what you did with the flute.

What would you tell him?

The stops were not smooth.
Now listen:

(FLUTE PLAYS 'BRAHMS' LULLABY'
AT PERFECT PITCH)

(GUNSHOT)

What did you do that for?

That's what we do for a living,
Lieutenant.

What were these old
tunnels built for, Beckman?

Escape.

One branch there comes out
behind Maldorais. The swamp.

This one goes under
the moat to the northeast.

Toward the German lines.

You're a collector, Beckman.

I try to be selective, sir.

Suppose you were
without an education.

I'd probably collect...

old string, newspapers.

Fallen women.

Don't judge her, Beckman.
She's not a work of art.

Hey.

- You guys hear somethin'?
- Probably a goldfish spawning.

I hate myself for doing this.

I'll come back after the war
and salvage it.

- What do we do?
- Keep our heads.

Volkswagen can't swim.
It's just showing off.

It's still showing off.

Look, if we put a bullet
right below the water line, it'll sink.

Put one below the water line.

- Jesus Christ, reverend, it's still alive.
- Gimme that.

Whoa. It won't do any good. We're dealing
with something supernatural, here.

Hey. My Volkswagen!

They're drowning her.

Through there. It's faster.

Damn!

I didn't know there's a stair here.

Probably a goldfish... spawning.

(VOLKSWAGEN ENGINE STARTING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

(CAR HORN HONKING)

FALCONER: What are you
gentlemen doing down there?

Simplistic, Lieutenant.
Play it real simplistic.

- What's that?
- Tell him we're not here.

FALCONER:
Who's that with you, Lt. Amberjack?

Private first class
Alistair P. Benjamin, sir.

- What does the 'P' stand for?
- Pearsall, sir.

Have you gentlemen been drinking?

We stopped off at the Red Queen
to look for infiltrators, sir.

I want you boys to go home
and sleep it off.

Will you see that Pvt. Benjamin
gets to bed, Lt. Amberjack?

Yes, sir.

Will you see that the Lieutenant
is taken to his quarters,

- Private Alistair P. Benjamin?
- Yes, sir.

- Sir, I have a report to make.
- Keep it simplistic.

FALCONER: Yes?

There are three Puerto Ricans
at the Red Queen's.

- New girls?
- No, sir. All soldiers.

That's a very succinct report,
Lieutenant Amberjack. Good night.

I haven't finished
my report yet, sir.

Very well, Lieutenant,
finish your report.

The Germans have broken
through in the Ardennes.

Good night, gentlemen.

- Good night, sir.
- Good night, sir.

COUNT: The castle is strong.
It has never failed.

No.

No, and you've never failed the castle,
not in 1,000 years.

But the end of a castle must come.
Civilisation.

Falconer will try to stop the army
of the Nazis right here

if it costs a castle.

What's one castle?

Major Falconer is mad.

He looks like a buffalo, doesn't he?

Well, they've been close
to extinct for a long time.

He could be extinct.

He fights that way,
out of a kind of desperate doom.

And I wonder who is mad?

Major Falconer has the war
on his side.

And we have history. We
have the truth, Captain.

The beauty.

How many guns does truth have?

How many troops, mortars, grenades,
anti-tank weapons?

When does beauty fight?

And who the hell wants history
on his side?

Or going today, Captain?

We could sit here sipping wine through
the whole war and win it with words.

If the situation called for bravery,
I would be brave.

I am the bravest man I ever knew.

And yet...

I've never committed
what you would call a brave act.

And what wars have you won?

Therese is pregnant.

We are going to have a child.

My home is a ranch on the slopes
of the Jemez Mountains.

Where you can see everything.

Almost 100 miles.

It's a country of red and white mesas,
sharp arroyos,

and mountain meadows
that roll all the way home.

It's a country of mud houses
and hogans and tents of the Apaches.

And sky that goes straight up blue
for a million miles.

It's a country where you see
and feel so far

you think you've seen
and felt everything.

Then they start a war and you
come to another planet to end it.

And you see all these castles.

- What's that?
- W hat?

A plane?

Shh. Listen.

THERESE:
Don't do it.

FALCONER:
Don't do it?

THERESE:
Don't defend the castle.

You mean you want to save it too.

I want to save you.

You wanna save me
and you wanna save the castle.

I want to save you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

-(SOUND OF A PLANE ENGINE OVERHEAD)
-(KNOCKING)

- FALCONER: Beckman?
- Yes, sir?

Go up on the roof. Man the .50 calibre
machine gun and shoot that bastard down.

- Anything more, sir?
- Yes, I'll be up when I'm dressed.

- Beckman?
- Yes, sir.

Do I have to take you by the hand
and lead you on the roof?

- No, sir, but I was thinking...
- Don't think-.

Yes, sir?

Get your ass up on the roof.

(RAPID MACHINE GUN FIRE)

(RUNNING FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

FALCONER:
You're low, Beckman. Bring her up.

You're not leading, Beckman.
Lead 10 yards.

Ignore it, Beckman. Get the engine.

Perfect, Beckman. Perfect.

You did a beautiful job, Beckman.
Beautiful.

Thank you, Major. I still don't think we
should defend... destroy the castle.

I warned you about thinking, Beckman.

Yes, Major. Yes, you did.

What do you see out there,
Beckman?

- No Krauts yet, sir.
- You never will.

You're a dreamer, Beckman.
They'll get you first.

Take care of your arm. I'll see you
in the chapel. Every man.

Very good, sir.

I want you to set up in town.
Hold.

Do what damage you can to
the German lead elements

-and before you're cut off, fall back.
- Fall back where, sir?

Right here, gentlemen.
We'll pull up the drawbridge.

Yeah. That'll drive the Germans crazy.

Give my compliments to the
baker's wife. Tell Sgt. Rossi to re-enlist.

Sir, what happened to that division
on the ridge?

They're in town, Clearboy.

But they're not holding.

If I can pick up stragglers
from the retreat

they can help to
defend the castle.

- They say we have no vehicle at the castle.
- BECKMAN: That's correct, sir.

- FALCONER: Catch me a horse.
- BECKMAN: "My castle for a horse."

- FALCONER: What's that, Beckman?
- BECKMAN: Nothing, sir.

FALCONER:
Catch me a horse.

(SHELLS EXPLODING)

(RETREATING TROOPS SINGING)

(JEEP HORN HONKING)

(SHELLING CONTINUES)

We're gonna try to hold it.

Hold this.

It seems to me that with the
front collapsing you could

-think of something else to do.
- There's plenty to do.

I want to give you an order.

Yes, sir.

I'd like a piece of bread.

I've got no place to go.
No place to retreat to.

(INCOMING SHELL WHISTLING)

(SCREAMING)

You give me ten of your best men,
I can hold this whorehouse.

You want the day's communiqué
to read: "the whorehouse is ours"?

Commands the town.

I haven't got ten men.
We got us four.

We're trying to stop the German army
with a cowboy, an Indian...

...a book.

- The book bother you, Sergeant?
- Yes, sir. It does, sir.

What the hell happened to you,
reverend?

- German tanks will be here any minute.
- We better have a drink.

- Or is it: "the most reverend"?
- The very most.

We should state the things
of this world with precision.

- What's wrong?
- I'm okay.

- Did you hear a bird cry?
- No.

ROSSI:
Jesus! I see a buffalo riding a horse!

Looking at us from on top
of that white horse.

Looking at me, Billy Byron Bix,
who knows the Word.

Billy Byron Bix, who is not a fornicator.

Who is not up on a white horse.

That man on the white horse
wants to protect his castle.

Wants to protect his fornication.
I have the Word! The Word...

I was born again, born with the Word.

They think that I'm a chaplain!

They think I'm still Billy Byron Bix,
the Lieutenant from...

- Where to, soldier?
- Following my Captain, sir.

- Your Captain's dead.
- Yes, sir. He's up ahead.

They don't know that I have been
reborn again!

The prophet and the...

- Where's your outfit, Lieutenant?
- Where is everybody else, sir?

Go to that drugstore.
The one right behind you.

Wait for me. The one
with the red bottle in the window.

- The red bottle.
- Yes. We've got a castle here to defend.

- Red bottle and wait. Thank you, sir.
- That's right.

They want their Sodom and Gomorrah!

- This your horse?
- Yes, Lieutenant. Now do as I say.

You got a castle and a white horse,
and you want me to do as you say?

Yes, general.

The man on the white horse,
my enemy, he has lost the war!

Yet he is unafraid!

And he has something too!
It is not the Word!

But he has something.

Bonjour, Monsieur Honey.

- Bring the girls over here.
- Pourquoi?

Clearboy, see if you can drum up
a jerrycan of gasoline.

- Anything else, sir?
- Yes. Make it back.

When the German tanks get here,
we'll have a reception.

They're brave sons of bitches

and we should not allow their
heroic actions to go unsung.

- They should all have a cocktail.
- Cocktail?

- Cognac bottles filled with gasoline.
- Who will the damage pay?

- I will the damage pay.
- But you will away go.

Fine. We'll blow the cafe.
We'll put it out in the street.

That'll stop the Germans for a while.

Okay. I'll help.
Venez, venez, girls.

The Corporal will come back with
gasoline. Fill each bottle, then cork it.

Tie a wick around the neck
just like this.

Then get your make-up on so the Germans
can see how beautiful you are.

Go up to the balcony, light this.
Drop it.

When it hits the tank,
the war will end.

No, Monsieur Major honey.
The war, it will begin.

And the woman was arrayed
in scarlet colours

and decked in gold!

And then across her forehead
was written:

"Mystery, Babylon the Great,
The Mother of Harlots!"

- You need help.
- We've come to save.

Come back to the castle,
there's protection there.

Germans will shoot you,
you'll make lousy prisoners.

It's too late for that.

Did you think about all that
while you were sinning?

- I've got a job for you.
- I'm sorry, Major.

You don't have to be sorry
because you're gonna do it.

- Are you threatening me, sir?
- I'm simply gonna blow your brains out

-if you don't follow orders.
- What orders?

Those people are in shock,
they'll follow something.

A group, a noise.
That tambourine, a drum.

Now, sing something, play something.
Lead them to the castle.

I'll do it under protest.

I don't care how the hell you do it,
you just do it.

- "Shall We Gather at the River"?
- That's fine.

♪ Shall we gather at the river?

Louder!

♪ Where bright angel's feet have trod

♪ With its crystal tide forever

♪ Flowing by the throne of God

BIX: Yes, you're going up
the gangplank to home.

Your castle, your ship, has arrived!

There stands all that hope rising up
to infinity and all the beauty,

all that love and hope and surcease!

It's all in the book,
all writ in the book!

And the end too.
Remember the ending?

That terrible ending?

That's all in the book!

I'll see you gentlemen at the castle.

Gentlemen, what are you doing?

We'd like some bread.

Bread?

Elk and I have a plan to end the war.

- What's that?
- Win it.

It's been tried before.

Winning wars is for children,
Generals and recruits. Get over that.

Settle for a meal, for a drink, a lay,
a house, a castle, a horse.

We thought we'd bring the Major
a German tank on our shield.

What are we, in the Middle Ages?

Is Major Falconer some knight
with a flower in his ass?

Sorry, reverend.

Cut it out, Sergeant.

He's a soldier.
He looks like a buffalo.

But we can't let him try it alone.

No man alone.

None of us a goddamn island.
I know the bit.

Who's gonna take care of the bakery?

You're entitled to one day off
for the war, Rossi.

Don't you wanna end the war,
Sergeant?

I tried it. When I landed in North Africa,
I was gonna win the war that day.

All through Normandy it was gonna be
the next day, the next week.

At the Siegfried line I figured:
"All right, maybe it'll take me a year."

When I saw it running into centuries,
I came here and started

a small family and a
reasonable business.

End the war.

Game, Rossi?

How you gonna take a tank away
from the Germans? It's theirs.

Bazooka.

Aim for hitting a track.
They bounce off the armour.

- You game, Rossi?
- Yes, but I'm not crazy.

Screw the castle.
I've got a better idea.

My idea is that we stay here
and pass out bread to both sides.

We can't do that, Rossi,
it would upset the whole war.

Furthermore...

furthermore...

we had our idea first.

Are you ordering me
into a German tank?

No. Just give us some more bread.

Bread, bread, bread!
Bread is for people that wanna live.

No bread?

Then we'll count you out.

- Did you hear a scream?
- No.

Like a woman. Or an eagle.

Or a world coming to an end.

Everything I've never heard.

Nothing.

- I don't wanna be alone.
- Then we'll count you in?

Yeah. We'll shove the castle
up their ass.

Tell the Major, the cowboy, that
knight... tell the buffalo to deal me in.

Let's get a bazooka.

It was so quiet around here.

And business was so good.

You think she'll throw the cocktails?

There's been a lot of sentimental junk
wrote about whores.

But they're just plain defeated women.

WOMEN: Allô! Allô!
Oooh! Hello!

Those defeated women
are serving cocktails!

"He leadeth me beside still waters.

"And though I walk in the valley
of the shadow of death

"I shall fear no evil,
for thou art with me."

Are you finished with it?

"And surely

"goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life."

Fire at the son of a bitch!

I'll be back, Suzanna, baby,
honey-screw.

While I win the war,
you make the bread.

Save the cat.

Punch David.

DE VACA: Why they sent us to
this castle in the first place?

AMBERJACK: Because we're...

we're the kind of soldiers who would
defend a meaningless castle.

Maybe we oughta check out
that second panther.

CLEARBOY:
It's in church.

-I'm gonna make a run for that cellar.
- Okay.

When they start firing at me,
you fire at them.

Yes, Sergeant.

- Then follow me.
- Okay.

Thank God we got rid of him.

Two... three...

We'll run this tank right up
Major Falconer's drawbridge.

What's so hard about operating a tank?

I used to run a tractor for years.

Why don't we take him one
of our own abandoned tanks?

Theirs are better.

I believe, sir, if we don't
get out of this church,

we're gonna be dead of
carbon monoxide.

If we get caught, can they shoot us
for wearing a German tank?

This holding action is over!
Pull back to the castle!

Red Queen!

You're the only Red Queen...
in the world!

(FOOTSTEPS ECHO)

You are with them now.

They planned this war...

because there was something
they hadn't yet smashed.

The enemy's neither side.

To them, the enemy's
something in between.

They don't want to destroy each other,
they want to finish us.

Who are we, Henri?

We are the keepers.

Why, Captain Beckman?

Why?

To stop the tanks.

But I had counted on you.

They'll grow back in 50 years.

Captain Beckman, you are a traitor.

- What's wrong, Beckman?
- Everything. It'll all be destroyed, sir.

- Will it, Beckman?
- Europe is dying.

No, Beckman, she's dead.
That's why we're here.

Don't you read the newspapers?

- See anything, sir?
- Paths of glory.

We're fighting a war in a garden.

Cowboy?

Here.

When it's over, I'm gonna give up
punching cows and buy a gas station

and water the goddamn gas.

That's good, Corporal Clearboy.

Now, move on up into position.

- Sergeant de Vaca.
- Sir?

I think that mortar would be better off
up on the battlement.

Lieutenant Amberjack,
that's good enough.

Private Benjamin, put your book away.

Don't fire on the first rush.
Wait till they hit the wire.

-I'm gonna go up on top to have a look.
- Check the Duke.

- He's harmless.
- No. He's not gonna let this happen.

I see, Beckman. The Duke will have
the Germans build a wooden horse.

We'll be so curious
we'll bring it in the castle.

At night the Duke will let the Germans
out and they'll conquer the castle.

And the castle will not be destroyed
by the battle.

FALCONER:
Private Benjamin, up here.

Wait.

Wait.

Now.

Drop two-zero.

- You leave your position to tell me this?
- He'll do it, sir.

There's no wooden horse but he
knows that passage under the German lines.

We'll blow the passageway.

Let the water from the moat
into the cellar.

That's where I hid the Corots,
two Fragonards, Delacroix...

Fine. We'll let the Germans take us.
We'll let them take everything.

But we'll save your paintings.
Great, Captain Beckman, great.

There'll be no more private wars,
Captain Beckman.

Private wars are over. You lost yours.
That's how that one ended.

Attach the detonating wires to the
blast charges in the passageway.

You'll find the detonator box inside,
under the main entrance.

THERESE:
You wanted to save the castle.

Yes.

Where is Major Falconer?

Probably throwing rocks
at the Germans.

Kicking their teeth in as they
come over the hedgerows.

Staring 'em down with his one eye.

Preparing vats of boiling oil
to pour down on the Huns.

The Duke is being helpful.
He's delaying the fight.

He's going to give us a bunch of
Germans in the passageway.

- He won't be with them?
- They don't trust him.

- Therese, I want you to...
- No.

I won't leave.

Everything is here.

- You are here.
- Private Benjamin.

Stay. But you'll have
to watch with these.

The Germans will enter the
passageway by that motte of woods.

I want you to count to about 50
and then signal Captain Beckman.

Captain Beckman
will blow the passageway, Therese.

I know.

Let me see you.

Private Benjamin.

- Right here, sir.
- Come with me.

(SOUND OF TANKS APPROACHING)

Diesels.

Nineteen.

Elk!

You goddamn Indian!

I knew all along
the war would never end.

CLEARBOY:
Rossi, you got any bread?

The best.

They let the drawbridge up.

I can't see. There's too much smoke.

You don't shave, do you, Alistair?

No, sir. I don't have to yet.

Alistair, you're gonna come out
all right.

- Do you still have your little book?
- Yes, sir.

You can finish it.

- That's what you are, isn't it? A writer?
- Yes, sir.

Then you must have
imagination, insight.

But you don't have a weapon.
Where's your gun?

Here, sir.

When it's all over,
I want you to get her out.

Take her through the passageway.

The one that comes out at the swamp.
There are boats.

They're getting ready to attack again.

They're regrouping behind that statue
of the naked woman.

You see it, Alistair?

Yes, sir. It's beautiful, isn't she?

They'll try to come through
the rose garden.

Clearboy, Amberjack
and Rossi are holding.

- Hold my ass!
- Or we can swim the moat.

The moat?
What the hell war is this?

- I can't swim.
- What the hell war is this?

Beckman, get de Vaca.

- We're screwed.
- I got a plan.

- Jesus.
- My plan is take my Volkswagen,

drive it back to the Red Queen's
and buy her a drink.

- We could go back to the bakery.
- The bar.

I got a family there.

- Jesus, it's hot.
- Where's Elk?

Listen, battles are lost
because people get excited.

There's one way to calm the situation
down: go to bed with a woman.

Afterwards, I'll be
able to concentrate.

Did it ever occur to you
gentlemen there's a war on?

Easy, Lieutenant.
I'll take care of everything.

I've already told Alistair
how to write a book

-and Beckman where to hide a statue.
- Where's Elk?

Now I've gotta tell Falconer
how to win a war.

You're hit again, Clearboy.

You better get back to the castle.

Go down that column of roses
and across the moat.

- Yes, sir.
- Can you make her?

No. I can't swim, sir.

Can you, Rossi?

If I have to.

Look, I'll swim the moat,
drop the drawbridge, you dash in.

We'll cover you.

Keep your helmet on so the Americans
in the castle can see you're one of us.

Get going.

- Take the bread.
- All right, get going.

One thing, Lieutenant...

If I were to get badly hurt or even
killed, what would the report say?

Would the bastard say:
"Killed crossing a moat"?

You won't get killed.

The report will say
you took a castle.

To get some wine for the bread.

Clearboy, in minutes now,
Rossi will swim the moat.

He'll scale the chain, lower the
drawbridge and we'll cross it to safety.

The castle's rescued us. Right?

If it'll make you feel
any better, Lieutenant.

I don't need a lot of
your crap, Clearboy.

Very well, Lieutenant.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

- Does it hurt real bad?
- Yes, sir.

It should just be a minute now.

Lieutenant, they tell me
you're a goddamn preacher.

Don't talk.

They tell me you're a preacher.

Tell me a story about a castle.

Keep your eyes open.

Jesus.

I'm pretty bad, aren't I?

Yes, you are.

Did I talk bad?

Yeah, you did.

We're doing lousy, aren't we?

Where's all my buddies?

Where's Rossi? Elk?

De Vaca? Where's Benjamin?

As long as the band's playing,
I wanna play.

Easy. You'll be more
comfortable lying down.

- On the bench.
- I don't think you can stay on it.

There'll be plenty to eat in the castle.

And drink.

And the Duke's young wife
will be there too.

She's his sister, actually.

(LAUGHS)
The French.

Egyptians used to do it too.

- Cleopatra slept with her brother.
- Did she?

You ain't using obscene language
anymore, Clearboy.

What's wrong?

I'm tired.

Well, we'll have you asleep
in a nice, warm bed in the castle.

It'll be very nice.

Thanks, Lieutenant.

I think I hear Rossi swimming.

Do you hear him swimming, Clearboy?

He swims beautifully, doesn't he?

He must have got up the wall
when we weren't looking.

Soon he'll drop the bridge.

- Will you feel strong enough to make it?
- Sure.

I've always followed you...

Haven't I, Lieutenant?

There goes the bridge.

We're home.

Follow me, Clearboy.

BENJAMIN: They both got up in
the forest of dead roses

and moved toward
the stricken castle.

They walked and staggered
fine formation to the moat.

The water was cool and clear, blue.

They swam beautifully
across the cold moat.

They entered the castle and
marched up the wide marble stairs

clear to the high alone turret on top

where they could see
all the way home.

Lt. Amberjack, Sgt. Rossi and Cpl. Clearboy
all dead in the rose garden, sir.

Now we can raise the drawbridge.

"Hang out banners on the outside walls!

"And the cry is still 'They come!'

"Our castle's strength
will laugh a siege to scorn."

Get Beckman.

- You come to reinforce the castle?
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

You behave yourself, sir.

- Private Benjamin.
- Yes, sir?

Get the rest of that gasoline
in the moat right away.

Bring me some more ammunition.
Probably better if you keep busy.

(SIRENS WAILING, APPROACHING)

Benjamin!

Can they do this, sir?

They're doing it, Beckman.

(FIRE ENGINE SIREN)

(SIREN CEASES)

- Benjamin!
- Sir!

Look for her.

In the chapel.

- Isn't that where you said, Beckman?
- When I took de Vaca down, she was.

- I want you to get out too, Beckman.
- I can't.

- How do you feel?
- I feel all right, sir.

There's only something wrong
with my legs. They won't move.

(FIRE ENGINE BELLS RINGING)

- Where's Alistair?
- Here, sir.

We can hold till you
make it down the stairs.

Sir, we could all make it down
through the passageway.

No, we can't. Beckman and I are hit.

- Sure you can't make it out, Beckman?
- I'm certain, sir.

Alistair Pearsall Benjamin.

Major Falconer?

- Get going.
- Captain Beckman?

Get going.

No! No!

How you doing, Beckman?

Keeping busy, sir.

BENJAMIN: 'Castle Keep'
by Alistair P. Benjamin.

Once upon a time,
eight walking wounded misfits...

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