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00:00:03,108 --> 00:00:06,641
*THE SIMPSONS*
Season 30 Episode 08
2
00:00:06,718 --> 00:00:09,225
Episode Title : "Krusty the Clown"
3
00:00:09,599 --> 00:00:10,667
Hubert, great work
4
00:00:10,754 --> 00:00:12,462
on the cafeteria
gravy story.
5
00:00:12,549 --> 00:00:13,695
Answered
a lot of questions
6
00:00:13,782 --> 00:00:15,130
but raised
a lot more.
7
00:00:17,166 --> 00:00:18,406
I come bearing the thing
8
00:00:18,493 --> 00:00:20,892
you journalists
hate most: news.
9
00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:23,431
The Daily Fourth Gradian
is hemorrhaging money.
10
00:00:23,518 --> 00:00:25,009
Last month
the paper lost...
11
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:27,401
$32.
12
00:00:28,580 --> 00:00:30,642
But you can't put
a price on the truth.
13
00:00:30,729 --> 00:00:32,351
I finally got a
source to go on the
14
00:00:32,438 --> 00:00:34,899
record about dodgeball
concussions.
15
00:00:35,012 --> 00:00:37,133
Bombardment,
bombardment.
16
00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:39,665
Bombardment.
17
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,556
I'm sorry,
but I have no choice
18
00:00:41,643 --> 00:00:42,929
but to bring in
a new editor.
19
00:00:43,016 --> 00:00:44,249
The fifth grader
who somehow
20
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,931
turned the school
poetry magazine
21
00:00:46,018 --> 00:00:49,118
into a cash-blasting
fire hose: Billy.
22
00:00:49,929 --> 00:00:52,423
Preschool is over,
news skanks.
23
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,335
Today is gonna be
like Carrie Underwood
24
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,077
hosting
the Country Music Awards...
25
00:00:56,164 --> 00:00:58,187
we're in for
a lot of changes.
26
00:00:58,274 --> 00:00:59,438
You... I can tell
27
00:00:59,525 --> 00:01:00,648
you're a real talent.
28
00:01:00,735 --> 00:01:02,305
Get out.
You're fired.
29
00:01:02,541 --> 00:01:04,313
See?
No one's safe.
30
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,118
Fidget spinner.
31
00:01:06,752 --> 00:01:08,048
What are you doing?
32
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:09,790
Hubert's a
good journalist.
33
00:01:09,877 --> 00:01:11,257
Good journalism ain't
paying
34
00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:12,617
the pizza man, toots.
35
00:01:12,704 --> 00:01:15,024
We are going
online only:
36
00:01:15,111 --> 00:01:17,532
pop-culture quizzes,
sponsored lists,
37
00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,735
headlines
that grab you by the book bag:
38
00:01:19,822 --> 00:01:22,312
"You Won't Believe
What Milhouse Looks Like Now."
39
00:01:22,399 --> 00:01:24,040
You bet
your book bag I won't.
40
00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:25,999
But you can't just
turn the school paper
41
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,524
into online clickbait.
42
00:01:27,627 --> 00:01:29,203
We have
a responsibility to...
43
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,329
Oh, my God,
it's still talking.
44
00:01:31,416 --> 00:01:32,618
I hate you so much
45
00:01:32,705 --> 00:01:34,288
I'm giving you
the most important job
46
00:01:34,375 --> 00:01:35,696
at this swipe rag.
47
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:38,036
- You're a what?
- I'm a recapper.
48
00:01:38,197 --> 00:01:39,923
Huh? What?
49
00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:41,938
A TV recapper.
50
00:01:42,025 --> 00:01:44,009
I watch
every episode of a show,
51
00:01:44,096 --> 00:01:45,305
then write a summary,
52
00:01:45,393 --> 00:01:48,016
followed by snarky comments
and a letter grade.
53
00:01:48,103 --> 00:01:49,970
Well, sometimes
I do worry
54
00:01:50,057 --> 00:01:53,258
I have the wrong opinions
about what I've just seen.
55
00:01:58,525 --> 00:02:00,837
Ugh. This isn't me.
56
00:02:00,924 --> 00:02:03,632
What kind of person can just
spew out an endless stream
57
00:02:03,719 --> 00:02:05,485
of knee-jerk reactions?
58
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:07,992
They should hand out candy
at Thanksgiving
59
00:02:08,079 --> 00:02:10,165
and stuffing at Halloween.
60
00:02:10,316 --> 00:02:11,860
Say, Dad,
61
00:02:11,947 --> 00:02:14,298
you sure have
a lot of strong opinions.
62
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,745
Why don't you
watch this show
63
00:02:15,832 --> 00:02:17,108
and tell me
what you think?
64
00:02:17,195 --> 00:02:20,743
♪ Fight, fight, fight,
The Itchy & Scratchy Show! ♪
65
00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:29,571
Hey, yeah. Ah!
66
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:31,572
Ta-da!
67
00:02:33,776 --> 00:02:34,875
Mm-hmm.
68
00:02:36,361 --> 00:02:37,421
Hmm.
69
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,734
The mouse and the cat
hate each other.
70
00:02:39,821 --> 00:02:41,430
That feels real to me.
71
00:02:41,588 --> 00:02:43,437
It was quite a ride,
and I was on board
72
00:02:43,524 --> 00:02:45,335
until the shawarma
screamed. Huh.
73
00:02:45,422 --> 00:02:47,094
Very disappointing.
74
00:02:47,181 --> 00:02:48,727
An instant classic.
75
00:02:48,814 --> 00:02:50,212
Dad, you were born
76
00:02:50,299 --> 00:02:52,671
to describe TV
at a fourth-grade level.
77
00:02:52,758 --> 00:02:54,149
Ooh, well.
78
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,964
Would you recap "The Krusty Show"
for my school paper?
79
00:02:57,051 --> 00:03:00,179
All you have to do is watch TV
and say things about it.
80
00:03:00,266 --> 00:03:04,085
Just say things
about TV.
81
00:03:04,172 --> 00:03:05,846
Umh.
82
00:03:11,334 --> 00:03:13,434
Krusty, a recapper
83
00:03:13,521 --> 00:03:15,536
is now
reviewing your show.
84
00:03:15,623 --> 00:03:16,707
Let me see that.
85
00:03:16,794 --> 00:03:18,223
"Monologue seemed endless"?
86
00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:20,253
"Pie clearly hits
face of stunt double"?
87
00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:23,059
"Overuse of
comedic rule of three"?!
88
00:03:23,419 --> 00:03:24,916
Why would
I possibly care
89
00:03:25,003 --> 00:03:27,989
about the opinion of this
pathetic bottom feeder?
90
00:03:28,193 --> 00:03:30,590
Huh? B-minus?!
91
00:03:32,816 --> 00:03:36,606
C-plus?! Aah!
92
00:03:36,818 --> 00:03:38,748
C-minus?
93
00:03:38,893 --> 00:03:40,443
Ow!
94
00:03:40,732 --> 00:03:43,520
Today's "Krusty Show" pulled out
all the stops.
95
00:03:43,607 --> 00:03:44,963
Which was
a huge mistake,
96
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:48,371
as many of the stops should have
been left in. D-plus.
97
00:03:54,925 --> 00:03:59,535
I'll teach you to insult a
thin-skinned Hollywood narcissist.
98
00:03:59,693 --> 00:04:02,840
Oh, Tesla,
your 900-pound feet
99
00:04:02,927 --> 00:04:06,707
of silent, instant torque is
the perfect killing machine.
100
00:04:09,044 --> 00:04:10,754
Where do I know that guy?
101
00:04:11,013 --> 00:04:13,051
Huh! Aah!
Ha!
102
00:04:13,138 --> 00:04:14,574
Vengeful clown!
103
00:04:16,653 --> 00:04:19,985
"Krusty is trying
to murder me.
104
00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:21,504
"If he does,
105
00:04:21,591 --> 00:04:24,746
it'll be the first time
he's killed in years."
106
00:04:25,403 --> 00:04:27,082
I'm not funny?
107
00:04:27,169 --> 00:04:30,058
You want to see
something really humor?!
108
00:04:31,575 --> 00:04:33,804
"Running me off the road?
109
00:04:33,891 --> 00:04:36,777
Clearly, a murderer
out of ideas."
110
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,926
Like my show!
111
00:04:42,013 --> 00:04:45,530
Why?
Is it season four again?
112
00:04:45,617 --> 00:04:47,336
Why, you.
113
00:04:59,046 --> 00:05:00,542
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
114
00:05:07,810 --> 00:05:09,979
- Agh!
- Oh!
115
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:13,013
Oh, please be okay.
Please be okay.
116
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:16,129
If anything happened to you,
I-I don't know what I'd do.
117
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:17,615
Oh, give me a sign.
118
00:05:17,702 --> 00:05:19,521
Let me know
my world isn't over.
119
00:05:19,608 --> 00:05:20,800
Don't look in my trunk!
120
00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:23,730
But if you do,
a Chinese doctor says I need it.
121
00:05:23,817 --> 00:05:26,177
Oh, you're okay.
122
00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:29,000
All right, tell me who assaulted
you, and we'll bring 'em in.
123
00:05:29,087 --> 00:05:31,614
Unless it's gangs
or motorcycle guys.
124
00:05:31,979 --> 00:05:33,700
A motorcycle guy will whip you
125
00:05:33,787 --> 00:05:35,560
right in the face with his chain.
126
00:05:35,716 --> 00:05:36,893
He doesn't care.
127
00:05:36,980 --> 00:05:39,176
Krusty tried to
run me off the road!
128
00:05:39,263 --> 00:05:41,536
But I'm still alive. C-plus.
129
00:05:44,436 --> 00:05:45,538
Ah.
130
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:47,607
Don't worry, Krusty.
131
00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:49,954
I know a place where the police
will never find you.
132
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:53,755
Yeah, good luck, kid,
but I'm a big-time TV celebrity.
133
00:05:53,858 --> 00:05:57,028
The last thing
I could ever do is blend in.
134
00:05:57,505 --> 00:05:58,678
Hmm?
135
00:06:01,209 --> 00:06:02,967
The circus? Why?
136
00:06:03,054 --> 00:06:04,185
You're a clown.
137
00:06:04,272 --> 00:06:06,613
I won't stand here
and be insulted!
138
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,708
You...
Oh, right.
139
00:06:11,755 --> 00:06:13,607
Kid, I'm a TV clown
140
00:06:13,694 --> 00:06:16,401
not like these trapeze-sucking
tent-fluffers.
141
00:06:16,488 --> 00:06:18,263
Circus clowns don't talk,
142
00:06:18,350 --> 00:06:21,988
while I perform to camera
with finely honed subtlety.
143
00:06:22,075 --> 00:06:23,327
Hey-hey!
144
00:06:25,764 --> 00:06:27,029
Easy on the "hey-heys."
145
00:06:27,116 --> 00:06:28,841
The cops are looking
everywhere for you.
146
00:06:29,069 --> 00:06:30,371
I can't go to jail.
147
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:33,114
I just quit smoking.
What do I do?
148
00:06:33,586 --> 00:06:34,651
Huh?
149
00:06:35,506 --> 00:06:36,736
So, what do you call yourself?
150
00:06:36,873 --> 00:06:41,349
- Soggy. Soggy the Clown.
- Thought we already had a Soggy.
151
00:06:41,514 --> 00:06:43,622
Nah, nah, you're thinking of Moisty.
152
00:06:43,741 --> 00:06:44,825
You're hired.
153
00:06:44,944 --> 00:06:47,458
So, Soggy, uh,
what's your act?
154
00:06:47,545 --> 00:06:49,842
Well,
I can introduce cartoons,
155
00:06:49,929 --> 00:06:50,975
pretend to enjoy
156
00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,676
children's breakfast cereal.
157
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,076
Oh, and I completely
blow my stack
158
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:57,350
when someone
takes my parking space.
159
00:06:57,507 --> 00:07:00,361
You sound like a... TV clown.
160
00:07:00,468 --> 00:07:02,237
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
161
00:07:02,324 --> 00:07:05,396
I hate TV clowns
from how you just said that.
162
00:07:05,679 --> 00:07:09,389
TV clowns. Riding
four to a car like royalty,
163
00:07:09,476 --> 00:07:12,217
eating their stew from a bowl
instead of cupped hands.
164
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,208
And you know who's the worst is that
165
00:07:14,295 --> 00:07:16,459
white-faced Judas:
Krusty.
166
00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:19,450
Wait.
Circus clowns hate Krusty?
167
00:07:19,528 --> 00:07:20,575
Don't you?
168
00:07:20,653 --> 00:07:23,131
In my way
I've hated him all my life.
169
00:07:23,218 --> 00:07:25,568
Yeah, you get it, Soggy.
You're a good kid.
170
00:07:25,655 --> 00:07:28,334
Anyway, this is where you eat,
this is where you sleep,
171
00:07:28,429 --> 00:07:31,490
and this is where
you sweep up the elephant crap.
172
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,615
So, all three in this cage.
173
00:07:34,702 --> 00:07:35,801
Efficient, right?
174
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,733
Now meet the finest clowns
175
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:40,389
from the greatest closed
circuses in the world.
176
00:07:40,476 --> 00:07:42,373
Skitters,
Bumpo, Wiggles,
177
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:44,733
Clabby, Dr. Pickles,
Mr. Bindle,
178
00:07:44,820 --> 00:07:46,583
Barrels, Drooly,
Trembles,
179
00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:47,748
Blitzy, Handsy,
180
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,195
Boobsy, Mr. Boobsy,
181
00:07:49,282 --> 00:07:51,420
Baby Boobsy, the Boobsy Twins,
182
00:07:51,515 --> 00:07:53,254
Ding-a-ling, Bing-bong,
Ring-a-ling,
183
00:07:53,341 --> 00:07:55,282
Flip-Flop, Fiddle-Faddle,
Flap-Jack,
184
00:07:55,369 --> 00:07:56,725
and Scene Blow.
185
00:07:56,858 --> 00:07:58,178
Nice to meet...
186
00:08:00,196 --> 00:08:01,328
Yeah.
187
00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:06,498
It's him.
It's really him.
188
00:08:06,585 --> 00:08:09,363
Ohh! A regular dork
and a girl one.
189
00:08:09,468 --> 00:08:12,692
It is an honor to meet the man
whose recaps were so devastating
190
00:08:12,779 --> 00:08:15,404
that the star of the
show tried to kill him.
191
00:08:15,507 --> 00:08:17,818
The secret is,
say what happened.
192
00:08:17,905 --> 00:08:20,348
Oh, it's like
we're talking to Hemingway.
193
00:08:20,435 --> 00:08:22,959
Or Shep Goldfein
from TV Zorp.
194
00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:25,364
How would you like
to come recap for us
195
00:08:25,451 --> 00:08:27,396
full-time at Culture Smash?
196
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:29,709
You'll pay me to watch TV?
197
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:33,287
God bless you,
content-addicted clickbaiters.
198
00:08:33,398 --> 00:08:35,584
We'll start you on 30 shows.
199
00:08:35,687 --> 00:08:36,865
This month?
200
00:08:36,952 --> 00:08:38,259
Uh, no, tonight.
201
00:08:38,346 --> 00:08:40,701
Welcome to Peak TV.
202
00:08:42,601 --> 00:08:44,198
This Is Us.
203
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,639
This is me.
204
00:08:46,796 --> 00:08:47,913
C-plus.
205
00:08:54,484 --> 00:08:56,062
Hey there, Soggy.
206
00:08:56,149 --> 00:08:57,779
You excited
for your first show?
207
00:08:57,866 --> 00:08:59,741
Nervous?
I'm not nervous.
208
00:08:59,828 --> 00:09:01,413
Get this kid. "Nervous."
209
00:09:01,906 --> 00:09:02,953
Nervous.
210
00:09:03,056 --> 00:09:05,004
Well, you sure are saying
"nervous" a lot.
211
00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:06,537
Shut up,
you nervous little punk.
212
00:09:06,624 --> 00:09:08,585
I'm the king
of 4:00 p.m. TV.
213
00:09:08,672 --> 00:09:11,158
I can clown
the pants off these losers.
214
00:09:18,462 --> 00:09:20,843
Whoa, what is that?
215
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:23,429
That's what the clowns here
drink before the tent opens.
216
00:09:23,516 --> 00:09:26,036
- It's called Hippo Juice.
- Do you even know what's in it?
217
00:09:26,123 --> 00:09:27,819
I need my Hippo Juice!
218
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,056
Okay, Walking Dead.
219
00:10:09,143 --> 00:10:11,603
Too much walking,
not enough dead. C-plus.
220
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:14,954
Game of Thrones.
Who is everybody? A-plus.
221
00:10:15,059 --> 00:10:18,735
Stranger Things.
Spielberg's back. C-minus.
222
00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:21,673
Homie,
you're watching so many shows.
223
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:23,383
Why don't you take a break?
224
00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:26,767
We can open the third drawer
of the nightstand.
225
00:10:26,854 --> 00:10:28,782
The anniversary drawer.
226
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,041
Mmm. Mmm.
227
00:10:33,446 --> 00:10:35,726
Making out on the bed...
a familiar formula,
228
00:10:35,813 --> 00:10:37,351
but still delivers the goods.
229
00:10:37,438 --> 00:10:39,493
Mmm. Ooh, a butt-squeeze.
230
00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:42,337
Motivated by character
and moves the story forward.
231
00:10:42,424 --> 00:10:44,314
Mmm.
Could an ear nibble be the thing
232
00:10:44,409 --> 00:10:46,751
to reinvigorate
this tired franchise?
233
00:10:46,838 --> 00:10:49,242
Wait. Are-are you
recapping our snuggle?
234
00:10:49,329 --> 00:10:51,554
No, no, just pillow talk, baby.
235
00:10:51,672 --> 00:10:53,242
If you say so.
236
00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:54,701
Savvy viewers will notice
237
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,975
the husband hasn't
brushed his teeth.
238
00:10:57,062 --> 00:10:58,185
That is it.
239
00:10:58,272 --> 00:11:01,935
You're watching so many TV shows
for your recapping job,
240
00:11:02,022 --> 00:11:03,710
it's ruining our life.
241
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,085
And don't you dare give me
a letter grade.
242
00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:09,788
Okay,
I'll just let this be... minus.
243
00:11:10,438 --> 00:11:12,679
It's either me
or the job.
244
00:11:12,868 --> 00:11:16,726
Hmm. Marge creates what feels
like false jeopardy.
245
00:11:16,883 --> 00:11:19,577
No, the moment is
well earned.
246
00:11:21,123 --> 00:11:24,040
Oh, they just got rid
of their best character.
247
00:11:25,877 --> 00:11:28,665
Soggy, a word of advice:
you suck.
248
00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:30,507
Turn in your Hippo Juice bucket,
249
00:11:30,594 --> 00:11:32,773
your hippo crystals,
and your hippo pipe.
250
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,201
You're fired.
251
00:11:35,474 --> 00:11:36,946
Oh, come on, Tootso.
252
00:11:37,033 --> 00:11:38,790
You don't really mean that,
do you?
253
00:11:39,346 --> 00:11:40,726
Oh, it's true.
254
00:11:40,813 --> 00:11:43,220
I'm a terrible clown.
255
00:11:43,916 --> 00:11:45,102
Cheer up, Krusty.
256
00:11:45,189 --> 00:11:48,120
There's got to be another circus
out there, a worse one.
257
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,423
Nah. I'm not a TV clown.
258
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:51,751
I'm not a circus clown.
259
00:11:51,838 --> 00:11:53,354
I'm nothing.
260
00:11:54,518 --> 00:11:56,893
Soggy,
the high wire bear got sick
261
00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:58,681
after eating
the Guess-Your-Weight Guy,
262
00:11:58,768 --> 00:12:00,417
so we need somebody
to do his act.
263
00:12:00,504 --> 00:12:02,069
And none of the other clowns
will do it
264
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,271
because there's no net.
265
00:12:03,358 --> 00:12:04,979
So, well,
we thought of you.
266
00:12:05,106 --> 00:12:07,690
You mean a last chance
to redeem myself?
267
00:12:07,777 --> 00:12:09,829
No. No, no. If you live,
you're still fired.
268
00:12:09,916 --> 00:12:11,401
Oh, who cares?
269
00:12:11,488 --> 00:12:12,902
I'm in.
270
00:12:13,074 --> 00:12:14,393
♪ I don't care ♪
271
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,050
♪ If I live or die ♪
272
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:19,031
♪ Wait, I do, I want to die ♪
273
00:12:19,118 --> 00:12:20,462
♪ Who will claim my body? ♪
274
00:12:20,549 --> 00:12:22,034
♪ Maybe the monkey ♪
275
00:12:22,121 --> 00:12:23,228
♪ Do-do-do-do-do. ♪
276
00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:24,388
Whoa!
277
00:12:24,490 --> 00:12:26,190
Oh. Whoa!
278
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,326
Ow!
279
00:12:29,413 --> 00:12:31,143
Oh!
280
00:12:31,230 --> 00:12:32,230
Whoa!
281
00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:36,267
Ow.
282
00:12:43,476 --> 00:12:45,075
Ta-da.
283
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:47,717
They're applauding.
284
00:12:47,804 --> 00:12:49,183
And there's no applause sign.
285
00:12:49,270 --> 00:12:50,802
I didn't know
that was possible.
286
00:12:50,889 --> 00:12:54,194
Circus cheers are the greatest
cheers in the world!
287
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,944
There he is,
there's our new star.
288
00:12:57,032 --> 00:12:58,945
That was the most daring act
I've ever seen.
289
00:12:59,032 --> 00:13:02,404
And I saw a circus do a Beatles
tribute without permission.
290
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:05,010
I think I'm falling for you,
Soggy.
291
00:13:05,097 --> 00:13:07,233
I don't think
you're really my type.
292
00:13:10,014 --> 00:13:11,623
Mmm, you.
293
00:13:16,717 --> 00:13:19,043
My whole life up till now
was nothing.
294
00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:22,351
From this day forward,
I am Soggy,
295
00:13:22,442 --> 00:13:24,789
Soggy the Clown!
296
00:13:47,429 --> 00:13:49,193
I'm flattered, Tootso,
297
00:13:49,327 --> 00:13:51,115
but I'm already seeing
someone.
298
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,498
I'll meet you behind
the seal tank in half an hour.
299
00:13:56,124 --> 00:13:57,979
Good news.
Your agent just called.
300
00:13:58,066 --> 00:14:00,418
A Japanese game show needs
an American celebrity
301
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:03,342
to pop out of toilets
to scare couples on dates.
302
00:14:03,429 --> 00:14:05,084
The cops will never
find you.
303
00:14:05,171 --> 00:14:07,278
Two weeks ago,
I would've jumped at that.
304
00:14:07,365 --> 00:14:09,513
But I'm a circus clown now.
305
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,560
But you're
a big-time TV star.
306
00:14:11,647 --> 00:14:13,598
Ain't the circus worse
by far?
307
00:14:13,685 --> 00:14:16,084
Oh, I used to love celebrity,
308
00:14:16,171 --> 00:14:18,348
but I've got big top clarity.
309
00:14:18,452 --> 00:14:20,593
Because...
310
00:14:24,350 --> 00:14:26,092
♪ Circus clowning ♪
311
00:14:26,179 --> 00:14:27,770
♪ Is the life for me ♪
312
00:14:27,857 --> 00:14:31,028
♪ Gonna flip the bird
to lousy kids' TV ♪
313
00:14:31,115 --> 00:14:34,420
♪ Circus folk have
real camaraderie ♪
314
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:37,207
♪ I can't be fired 'cause
they don't test my pee ♪
315
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:40,771
♪ He'd be positive
for every sedative ♪
316
00:14:40,858 --> 00:14:43,943
♪ Circus laughter,
there's no greater high ♪
317
00:14:44,194 --> 00:14:47,006
♪ Crowd is fired up 'cause
they might see you die ♪
318
00:14:47,093 --> 00:14:48,551
♪ If he breaks his neck ♪
319
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,567
♪ What a thrill they'll get ♪
320
00:14:50,654 --> 00:14:53,739
♪ All my problems have
been solved for free ♪
321
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,838
♪ Talking to the bear
sure beats therapy ♪
322
00:14:56,925 --> 00:15:00,146
♪ A hug can beat
fear of women's feet ♪
323
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,199
♪ Can I join the circus
if I'm only ten? ♪
324
00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:06,529
♪ Here's a fake I.D.,
now your name is Ben ♪
325
00:15:06,725 --> 00:15:09,357
♪ Ain't no mom to keep
me safe and sound ♪
326
00:15:09,444 --> 00:15:11,017
♪ I get to juggle swords ♪
327
00:15:11,104 --> 00:15:12,936
♪ Eat corn dogs off
the ground ♪
328
00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:16,255
♪ So, good riddance
to TV ♪
329
00:15:16,366 --> 00:15:19,052
♪ I feel alive instead
of live-plus-three ♪
330
00:15:19,139 --> 00:15:20,942
- ♪ Because circus clowning ♪
- ♪ Because circus clowning ♪
331
00:15:21,029 --> 00:15:24,427
- ♪ Is the life for me. ♪
- ♪ Is the life for me. ♪
332
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,579
Bad news:
333
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:29,936
we're shutting down the circus.
334
00:15:30,071 --> 00:15:32,024
Shutting it down?
But why?
335
00:15:32,111 --> 00:15:34,641
- A terrible video got out.
- Which one?
336
00:15:34,728 --> 00:15:36,524
The video we sell here at the circus.
337
00:15:37,298 --> 00:15:40,429
If they close this place down,
what do I run away to?
338
00:15:40,516 --> 00:15:41,485
College?
339
00:15:41,572 --> 00:15:42,626
It's all over.
340
00:15:42,713 --> 00:15:45,093
I'm losing the only happiness
I didn't have to chug,
341
00:15:45,180 --> 00:15:47,758
snort, shoot,
bet on, or get enlarged.
342
00:15:47,845 --> 00:15:50,633
For the first time,
I was a real clown.
343
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,176
And now
I've lost that.
344
00:15:55,111 --> 00:15:57,343
To save my marriage,
effective immediately,
345
00:15:57,430 --> 00:15:58,889
I'm resigning as recapper.
346
00:15:58,976 --> 00:16:00,804
My apologies
to Culture Smash
347
00:16:00,891 --> 00:16:03,571
and the entire
Garbage Blast media family.
348
00:16:03,886 --> 00:16:05,002
Mm.
349
00:16:09,419 --> 00:16:11,473
- Get in.
- Okay.
350
00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:19,068
Homer, I'm the CEO of a major
media conglomerate.
351
00:16:19,185 --> 00:16:20,653
We can't have you quit.
352
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,840
You're
one of America's top recappers.
353
00:16:23,011 --> 00:16:26,012
I had to quit;
recapping was ruining my marriage.
354
00:16:26,099 --> 00:16:28,417
There were so many shows,
I couldn't keep up.
355
00:16:28,504 --> 00:16:30,277
It's true.
Currently there are
356
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,278
over 500 scripted shows
357
00:16:32,389 --> 00:16:34,339
on network, cable,
and streaming.
358
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:36,559
Why are you making
so many shows?
359
00:16:36,646 --> 00:16:39,114
No one could watch
more than 300 of them.
360
00:16:39,201 --> 00:16:41,011
Oh, we don't care
if people watch.
361
00:16:41,098 --> 00:16:42,919
We just care
if they subscribe
362
00:16:43,006 --> 00:16:44,858
for $13 a month.
363
00:16:44,990 --> 00:16:46,208
- Ohh!
- You see,
364
00:16:46,295 --> 00:16:47,792
if people subscribe
but don't watch,
365
00:16:47,879 --> 00:16:50,300
then we don't actually
have to make the shows.
366
00:16:50,449 --> 00:16:53,104
We just need viewers to believe
they can watch them.
367
00:16:53,192 --> 00:16:54,394
Fake shows?
368
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:55,931
But what if people try to
see them?
369
00:16:56,018 --> 00:16:58,354
They won't,
because recappers like you
370
00:16:58,441 --> 00:17:00,425
will give those shows
a B-minus.
371
00:17:00,535 --> 00:17:02,945
No one ever watches
a B-minus.
372
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,065
But, but that's crazy.
373
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:06,339
It could never work.
374
00:17:06,456 --> 00:17:07,548
It already has.
375
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:10,416
Are you familiar
with the USA Network?
376
00:17:10,503 --> 00:17:14,214
Sure. Royal Pains,
Suits, White Collar.
377
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,831
Have you ever seen
any of those shows?
378
00:17:17,098 --> 00:17:20,011
No, but somebody
must have...
379
00:17:20,137 --> 00:17:21,517
Surely somebody...
380
00:17:21,604 --> 00:17:23,439
There is no USA Network.
381
00:17:23,526 --> 00:17:25,500
There hasn't been for 20 years.
382
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,539
It's just bus ads!
383
00:17:27,626 --> 00:17:29,017
Oh, my God.
384
00:17:29,127 --> 00:17:31,735
Peak TV is a lie.
385
00:17:31,924 --> 00:17:33,804
Your plan is insane.
386
00:17:33,891 --> 00:17:34,896
Perhaps.
387
00:17:34,983 --> 00:17:36,742
But not
as insane as making...
388
00:17:36,829 --> 00:17:40,688
that... many... shows.
389
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,601
I never had faith in God
or family,
390
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:46,040
but I had faith
in television.
391
00:17:46,127 --> 00:17:48,625
And I won't let you do this
to Him.
392
00:17:48,814 --> 00:17:53,289
I have everything you said
recapped right here.
393
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:54,991
And I'm gonna tell
the whole world
394
00:17:55,078 --> 00:17:57,610
every detail
of your terrible plan.
395
00:17:59,074 --> 00:18:01,499
Hey, there's half a birthday
cake in the break room.
396
00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:02,656
Mind if I...?
397
00:18:02,751 --> 00:18:04,414
All right, I get it, I get it.
398
00:18:13,564 --> 00:18:15,837
No, no,
you can't close the circus.
399
00:18:15,924 --> 00:18:18,141
There's got to be a way
to keep this place running.
400
00:18:18,228 --> 00:18:20,539
If we only had 50 grand,
we could start over
401
00:18:20,626 --> 00:18:22,058
with a new name
and a new act.
402
00:18:22,145 --> 00:18:24,679
Yeah. We can get
the Flying Branzinos.
403
00:18:24,766 --> 00:18:27,672
Nobody pickpockets a crowd
like those guys.
404
00:18:28,790 --> 00:18:31,695
But we don't have
the 50 grand.
405
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,711
The circus is done.
406
00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:38,040
No, no, listen.
407
00:18:38,853 --> 00:18:40,649
I can get you your money.
408
00:18:40,736 --> 00:18:42,330
With this.
409
00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:44,647
You're gonna teach us to read?
410
00:18:44,734 --> 00:18:47,094
No. I'm Krusty.
411
00:18:51,885 --> 00:18:53,181
Hey-hey.
412
00:19:17,474 --> 00:19:19,713
On the count of attempted murder
of Homer Simpson,
413
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,519
the jury finds
Herschel Krustofsky...
414
00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:24,300
not guilty?
415
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,260
It was self-defense, Your Honor.
416
00:19:27,347 --> 00:19:30,871
That recapper gave Krusty's show
bad grades.
417
00:19:31,153 --> 00:19:33,465
It was justifiable
Homer-cide.
418
00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:36,176
He gave Outlander a B-minus.
419
00:19:36,263 --> 00:19:39,488
That show knows what it wants
to be. Come on.
420
00:19:39,575 --> 00:19:43,323
Ooh, I've heard that gets really
good about eight episodes in.
421
00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:45,285
Krusty, you're free to go.
422
00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:46,946
Mmm.
423
00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:52,915
Is there room on that train
for one more clown?
424
00:19:53,044 --> 00:19:54,957
Well, he did save the circus.
425
00:19:55,052 --> 00:19:56,355
What do you say, Scuzzo?
426
00:19:56,442 --> 00:19:59,504
Please, I'm
not Krusty anymore.
427
00:19:59,638 --> 00:20:01,574
I'm a circus clown.
428
00:20:01,677 --> 00:20:03,802
I'm Soggy.
429
00:20:05,009 --> 00:20:06,920
You're a,
you're a TV clown.
430
00:20:07,044 --> 00:20:10,504
The greatest TV clown
I've ever had the honor to know.
431
00:20:10,591 --> 00:20:12,001
But you're a traitor
to our kind.
432
00:20:25,153 --> 00:20:26,886
Goodbye, circus.
433
00:20:27,247 --> 00:20:28,447
Goodbye.
434
00:20:35,169 --> 00:20:38,315
- Haa!
- Another terrible show.
435
00:20:38,402 --> 00:20:41,293
Thanks a lot,
Chris Pine.
436
00:20:42,513 --> 00:20:44,512
And now the bad recap.
437
00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:47,918
They always find some new chump
to tear me down.
438
00:20:48,044 --> 00:20:49,746
"A"? I got an "A"?
439
00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:51,909
Everything I've ever done
has been great!
440
00:20:51,996 --> 00:20:55,058
I'll never be sad again.
441
00:20:55,806 --> 00:20:57,699
"A" is for Ralph.
442
00:21:09,342 --> 00:21:10,451
Dad, Look!
443
00:21:10,575 --> 00:21:12,770
They posted our story this morning.
444
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,271
Hmm.
445
00:21:14,553 --> 00:21:17,497
Together we've exposed
the truth.
446
00:21:17,615 --> 00:21:20,218
It'll be the one legitimate
piece of journalism
447
00:21:20,305 --> 00:21:21,727
on the whole site.
448
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:24,610
What's with this boring
Peak TV article?
449
00:21:24,697 --> 00:21:27,821
My patience is growing shorter
than Rachel Maddow's crew cut.
450
00:21:27,908 --> 00:21:29,515
How many times
do I have to tell you:
451
00:21:29,602 --> 00:21:31,008
no bait, no clicks.
452
00:21:31,102 --> 00:21:32,581
Hey, you, yeah,
gummy bear,
453
00:21:32,668 --> 00:21:33,738
put up a slideshow
454
00:21:33,816 --> 00:21:35,230
that'll get me
some eyeballs.
455
00:21:35,339 --> 00:21:36,891
Eyebaaaalls!
456
00:21:44,168 --> 00:21:45,535
Oooh!
32145
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