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The '80s gave us the multiplex...
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00:00:03,367 --> 00:00:05,303
10 glorious movies under one roof,
3
00:00:05,328 --> 00:00:06,960
a heaven where you could literally spend
4
00:00:06,985 --> 00:00:10,065
a whole day inside, delighting
in mystery, action,
5
00:00:10,101 --> 00:00:11,867
and some of the greatest films ever made.
6
00:00:11,906 --> 00:00:13,906
One for "E.T." One
for "Indiana Jones," please.
7
00:00:13,941 --> 00:00:14,940
One ticket for "Mannequin".
8
00:00:14,976 --> 00:00:16,242
One for "The Lost Boys", please.
9
00:00:16,277 --> 00:00:17,810
One for "Weekend at Bernie's".
10
00:00:17,845 --> 00:00:22,414
They put sunglasses on a corpse.
11
00:00:22,450 --> 00:00:24,683
And then a movie came
along that changed everything
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00:00:24,711 --> 00:00:26,873
for countless young men
on the verge of adulthood.
13
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,954
"Porky's!" Oh, yes!
14
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,726
Hell, no!
15
00:00:31,492 --> 00:00:34,293
Do you realize that movie
is packed with potty language,
16
00:00:34,328 --> 00:00:37,496
adult situations, and Florida attitude?
17
00:00:37,617 --> 00:00:39,064
Yeah. That's why I want to see it.
18
00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:40,966
Not with those beautiful
and innocent eyes.
19
00:00:41,164 --> 00:00:43,187
One's kind of wonky. The
other one's all right.
20
00:00:43,289 --> 00:00:45,070
Point is, no "Porky's."
21
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,473
It's rated "R," and you
need my permission,
22
00:00:47,498 --> 00:00:49,541
which I will never, ever, ever give.
23
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,843
Well, in a few years, I won't
even need your permission.
24
00:00:51,937 --> 00:00:52,978
I'll just rent it on Beta.
25
00:00:53,132 --> 00:00:55,600
Well, not if I contact
every video store in the state.
26
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:56,664
Well, I'll legally change my name.
27
00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:58,484
Well, then I'll do a mass
mailing for your photo.
28
00:00:58,519 --> 00:01:00,443
Well, then I'll have
extensive plastic surgery
29
00:01:00,468 --> 00:01:01,053
and change my face.
30
00:01:01,088 --> 00:01:02,288
Well, then I'll hire the A-Team
31
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:03,756
to capture you and bring you home.
32
00:01:03,791 --> 00:01:05,268
Well, then I'll hire Delta Force
33
00:01:05,293 --> 00:01:06,692
to combat your precious A-Team.
34
00:01:06,727 --> 00:01:08,585
What's going on with you two?
35
00:01:08,632 --> 00:01:11,163
What's going on is, you're a good boy.
36
00:01:11,429 --> 00:01:14,300
And if I say that movie isn't
appropriate, then you'll listen.
37
00:01:15,636 --> 00:01:18,237
What about "Annie", huh?
38
00:01:18,459 --> 00:01:20,178
I hear you singing
"It's A Hard-Knock Life"
39
00:01:20,203 --> 00:01:22,992
every morning when you make your poopalas.
40
00:01:23,017 --> 00:01:24,242
But my mom was on to something.
41
00:01:24,412 --> 00:01:26,779
That little redhead
would be our perfect cover.
42
00:01:26,814 --> 00:01:28,847
Okay. Just got our "Annie" tickets.
43
00:01:28,968 --> 00:01:31,050
Now all we got to do
is sneak into "Porky's."
44
00:01:31,163 --> 00:01:33,937
This is it. The last time
we'll see each other as boys.
45
00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:36,437
Bear witness to the end
of my innocence, bro.
46
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Okay, no one panic,
but I'm like 99.9% sure
47
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,476
that ticket guy is on to us!
48
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You're freaking out.
49
00:01:44,465 --> 00:01:45,460
I am not!
50
00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:47,066
Then why is your voice
all high and squeaky?
51
00:01:47,101 --> 00:01:48,562
That's just how I sound now.
52
00:01:48,632 --> 00:01:49,935
Stop yapping and come on already.
53
00:01:50,179 --> 00:01:51,537
Wait! We missed the first minute!
54
00:01:51,572 --> 00:01:53,706
All the naughty stuff
will be way less enjoyable
55
00:01:53,741 --> 00:01:56,041
if we don't understand
how it fits into the story!
56
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It was one of those moments
57
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,413
that show you what you're made of.
58
00:02:01,449 --> 00:02:03,187
Was I gonna stay a scared little boy,
59
00:02:03,684 --> 00:02:05,601
or would I become a man?
60
00:02:07,888 --> 00:02:10,255
No, Annie! There's no way to go but up.
61
00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:12,187
How is this not rated "R"?
62
00:02:12,593 --> 00:02:13,866
This wasn't in the stage production.
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00:02:13,894 --> 00:02:16,039
I was not prepared for this.
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00:02:22,603 --> 00:02:25,371
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
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It was February 10, 1980-something,
66
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,881
and Valentine's Day was right
around the corner.
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00:02:35,916 --> 00:02:38,017
Barry, you know I love you,
but please don't be an idiot
68
00:02:38,052 --> 00:02:39,351
and go crazy on Valentine's Day.
69
00:02:39,453 --> 00:02:40,562
- I mean it.
- What?
70
00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:42,755
All I asked was if there
was anywhere to park
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00:02:42,790 --> 00:02:44,156
a hot-air balloon on your property.
72
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,457
I'm serious.
73
00:02:45,562 --> 00:02:46,578
I'm not one of those girls
74
00:02:46,603 --> 00:02:48,585
who likes big public
displays of affection.
75
00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:50,710
Just keep it small, okay?
76
00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:52,748
Back then, keeping it small meant
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00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,933
my brother's only option
was the love-a-gram.
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00:02:55,226 --> 00:02:56,769
It made the cool kids feel cooler
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00:02:56,804 --> 00:02:58,971
and the lonely goobers feel even lonelier.
80
00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:02,341
Hey, uh, I'd like to send
a flower to chemistry class for,
81
00:03:02,906 --> 00:03:03,476
um
82
00:03:04,311 --> 00:03:05,101
Yourself?
83
00:03:05,859 --> 00:03:08,475
It's okay, Naked Rob.
You'll find love one day.
84
00:03:08,882 --> 00:03:09,882
Hey, man. How you doing?
85
00:03:09,907 --> 00:03:11,593
Uh, I'm fine.
86
00:03:12,195 --> 00:03:13,632
Gah! You're always, like, right there.
87
00:03:13,875 --> 00:03:15,234
Enough already. Okay?
88
00:03:17,187 --> 00:03:19,591
Look, just do what every high-school
boy on the planet does.
89
00:03:19,773 --> 00:03:20,726
Get her flowers.
90
00:03:20,890 --> 00:03:22,795
You want me to get Lainey flowers?
91
00:03:23,046 --> 00:03:25,123
They're nature's trash! They
don't even do anything.
92
00:03:25,148 --> 00:03:28,257
Trust me. Every girl loves roses.
93
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:29,968
Erica Goldberg!
94
00:03:30,004 --> 00:03:31,870
I got roses for you!
95
00:03:31,906 --> 00:03:33,272
Crap. Why?!
96
00:03:33,307 --> 00:03:35,007
Don't you just love V-Day?
97
00:03:35,234 --> 00:03:36,241
Ooh! Here.
98
00:03:36,277 --> 00:03:38,617
I got 100 roses from your secret admirer.
99
00:03:38,735 --> 00:03:39,710
100?!
100
00:03:39,921 --> 00:03:41,281
Come on, man!
101
00:03:41,328 --> 00:03:43,749
How mysterious and sexy.
102
00:03:43,784 --> 00:03:46,367
Not to mention bulky and unwieldy.
103
00:03:46,429 --> 00:03:47,109
Who knows?
104
00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:49,421
Maybe today, your secret
admirer will reveal himself
105
00:03:49,457 --> 00:03:51,957
and you'll realize that love
was under your nose the whole time.
106
00:03:52,179 --> 00:03:54,293
Or I tell him that I have
no feelings for him at all
107
00:03:54,328 --> 00:03:56,328
and we shake hands and go
our separate ways.
108
00:03:56,423 --> 00:03:58,601
Or you kiss him 'cause you
realize you're soul mates.
109
00:03:58,898 --> 00:04:00,304
Or I knee him in the coin purse
110
00:04:00,468 --> 00:04:01,875
because now he's getting creepy.
111
00:04:03,601 --> 00:04:05,070
I was so close.
112
00:04:05,273 --> 00:04:05,937
Were you, though?
113
00:04:07,808 --> 00:04:09,441
While Erica was breaking hearts,
114
00:04:09,477 --> 00:04:12,277
my friends were bragging
about breaking in to "Porky's".
115
00:04:12,313 --> 00:04:15,021
I feel like "Porky's" graphic
adult content wasn't blatant.
116
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:15,906
It was earned, you know?
117
00:04:16,054 --> 00:04:18,335
I feel like, at its core, it
was a story of friendship.
118
00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:19,985
Mm. And boobs.
119
00:04:20,453 --> 00:04:23,355
Not to be this guy, but Kim
Cattrall is so hot.
120
00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:25,304
Pbht! Know who's even hotter?
121
00:04:25,593 --> 00:04:26,792
Miss Hannigan from "Annie".
122
00:04:26,827 --> 00:04:28,727
I mean, not in a conventional way,
123
00:04:28,762 --> 00:04:29,962
but there's something there.
124
00:04:30,554 --> 00:04:31,765
This is just sad, pal.
125
00:04:32,162 --> 00:04:33,194
Murray: I can't believe it.
126
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,343
The boy saw "Annie" instead of "Porky's."
127
00:04:36,718 --> 00:04:38,337
My lord, you raised a wuss.
128
00:04:38,656 --> 00:04:40,772
Me?! He's your son!
129
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:43,342
I take a casual, non-committal
approach to parenting.
130
00:04:43,843 --> 00:04:45,043
You're the one in the trenches.
131
00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:47,880
He's not a wuss. He's a good boy.
132
00:04:47,915 --> 00:04:48,875
Too good!
133
00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:50,983
Now's the time for taking chances
134
00:04:51,018 --> 00:04:52,618
and spreading his wings a bit.
135
00:04:52,945 --> 00:04:54,386
Would you rather take over?
136
00:04:55,085 --> 00:04:56,121
Let's not get crazy.
137
00:04:56,157 --> 00:04:58,157
How about that scene in gym
class with Ms. Balbricker?
138
00:04:58,359 --> 00:04:59,892
- That was crazy!
- Yes!
139
00:04:59,927 --> 00:05:03,000
You want to talk crazy... Carol Burnett.
140
00:05:03,242 --> 00:05:05,197
She acts, sings, and dances.
141
00:05:05,232 --> 00:05:07,166
She's a Swiss army knife of entertainment.
142
00:05:07,304 --> 00:05:09,476
Okay, yeah. That was full
wuss right there.
143
00:05:10,117 --> 00:05:11,742
So, I wasn't a bad boy.
144
00:05:11,984 --> 00:05:13,038
But at least my girlfriend
145
00:05:13,073 --> 00:05:14,973
always appreciated my sensitive side.
146
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,576
Geez, I wish I was gonna see
you on Valentine's Day.
147
00:05:17,611 --> 00:05:19,710
You know what's just as good
as me going to Seattle?
148
00:05:20,101 --> 00:05:21,680
A 10-minute phone date where
we eat the same pasta
149
00:05:21,715 --> 00:05:24,016
and watch the same episode
of "Diff'rent Strokes."
150
00:05:24,051 --> 00:05:25,843
It's really not. Whatchu
talkin' 'bout, Dana?
151
00:05:28,882 --> 00:05:29,890
Dang it. That's time.
152
00:05:30,062 --> 00:05:31,557
Aw. Just a few more minutes?
153
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:32,484
I can't.
154
00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,026
You know how crazy my parents get
155
00:05:34,061 --> 00:05:35,627
about the long-distance bills.
156
00:05:35,663 --> 00:05:37,445
It's, like, a huge rule.
157
00:05:37,623 --> 00:05:39,304
Some rules are made to be broken.
158
00:05:42,234 --> 00:05:43,101
What the hell was that about?
159
00:05:43,289 --> 00:05:45,637
I think he's saying you can break
the rule and we can keep talking.
160
00:05:45,773 --> 00:05:47,039
No way. He's bluffing.
161
00:05:47,164 --> 00:05:48,000
Not bluffing.
162
00:05:49,351 --> 00:05:51,554
What kind of crazy mind game is this?!
163
00:05:51,679 --> 00:05:52,617
Maybe it's not a game.
164
00:05:52,742 --> 00:05:54,046
Oh, it's a game.
165
00:05:54,210 --> 00:05:54,859
Not a game.
166
00:05:55,101 --> 00:05:56,014
He said it's not a game.
167
00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:57,562
It's worse! It's a trap!
168
00:05:57,609 --> 00:05:59,084
It's not a damn trap!
169
00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:01,253
It's a trap, and I'm
gonna hang up and win!
170
00:06:01,288 --> 00:06:03,021
But he said...
171
00:06:04,058 --> 00:06:05,429
My god. What are you doing?
172
00:06:05,523 --> 00:06:06,992
What am I doing?! What are you doing?!
173
00:06:07,027 --> 00:06:08,414
Get out of my head, man!
174
00:06:08,492 --> 00:06:10,046
Adam, you're a good kid.
175
00:06:10,421 --> 00:06:11,882
But sometimes, you got to take a risk,
176
00:06:11,937 --> 00:06:14,585
like breaking the phone rule
or going to see "Porky's".
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00:06:14,648 --> 00:06:15,400
Shh!
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00:06:15,578 --> 00:06:17,869
Don't say the "p" word when
the "m" word is around.
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00:06:18,039 --> 00:06:19,835
My point is seeing an "R"-rated movie...
180
00:06:20,335 --> 00:06:21,974
That might be a rule that's okay to break.
181
00:06:22,009 --> 00:06:23,508
Hey, I break plenty of rules...
182
00:06:23,544 --> 00:06:25,410
Jaywalking, I once ran with scissors.
183
00:06:25,446 --> 00:06:28,180
They were safety scissors,
and I lied about the jaywalking.
184
00:06:28,215 --> 00:06:30,664
So lying! Lying is on the list now.
185
00:06:30,804 --> 00:06:31,583
Okay. That's it.
186
00:06:31,773 --> 00:06:33,485
Tomorrow, I'm taking you to see "Porky's."
187
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:34,720
What about Mom?
188
00:06:34,755 --> 00:06:35,755
She'll never find out.
189
00:06:35,789 --> 00:06:36,960
What's going on in here?
190
00:06:37,023 --> 00:06:37,623
"Porky's!"
191
00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:38,835
What? "Porky's!"
192
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:39,858
Pork and beans.
193
00:06:39,893 --> 00:06:41,727
The boy wants pork and beans for dinner.
194
00:06:41,898 --> 00:06:44,062
It's tuna taco Tuesday.
195
00:06:44,098 --> 00:06:46,978
But... I can move some things around.
196
00:06:47,416 --> 00:06:49,431
Good suggestion, my little angel.
197
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,338
Boy, you're really not good at this.
198
00:06:53,374 --> 00:06:55,507
While I was being forced
to break the rules...
199
00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:56,744
Psst! Hey, dummy!
200
00:06:57,645 --> 00:07:00,744
You looked! Means you're a dummy.
201
00:07:00,970 --> 00:07:01,980
But seriously, I need
your help and advice.
202
00:07:02,016 --> 00:07:02,881
Come on.
203
00:07:02,916 --> 00:07:04,549
Erica was about to discover
204
00:07:04,585 --> 00:07:06,681
that Barry broke into the A.V. club room.
205
00:07:07,384 --> 00:07:09,888
Okay, I know you told me
to buy Lainey flowers,
206
00:07:10,087 --> 00:07:12,666
but that's just too small
a gift for the love of my life.
207
00:07:13,025 --> 00:07:16,061
Luckily, I figured out the perfect
Valentine's gift to get her.
208
00:07:16,096 --> 00:07:17,896
A new boyfriend? Burn!
209
00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,865
I don't agree with your insult,
but I respect it.
210
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,600
Anyway, I was watching MTV,
211
00:07:21,635 --> 00:07:24,202
and this crazy genius video popped up.
212
00:07:24,580 --> 00:07:27,406
And there it was...
the answer I was looking for.
213
00:07:30,144 --> 00:07:31,410
♪ Hello ♪
214
00:07:31,445 --> 00:07:33,679
"Hello"? How is this the answer?
215
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:35,180
-♪ Is it me you're looking for?♪
- Lainey loves Lionel.
216
00:07:35,215 --> 00:07:36,515
And this video right here
217
00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:38,550
is the most romantic story ever told.
218
00:07:38,585 --> 00:07:39,618
Granted, Lionel is cool
219
00:07:39,653 --> 00:07:41,620
and can pull off a striped sweater,
220
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:43,822
but this whole video
is, like, super weird.
221
00:07:43,857 --> 00:07:47,259
33 years before Adele,
this was the "Hello"
222
00:07:47,294 --> 00:07:50,429
that took the world by storm
thanks to Lionel Richie.
223
00:07:50,464 --> 00:07:51,464
♪ I love you ♪
224
00:07:51,498 --> 00:07:53,198
He's in love with a blind girl.
225
00:07:53,233 --> 00:07:55,400
He follows her through the halls,
and she has no idea.
226
00:07:55,436 --> 00:07:56,728
It's so romantic. Is it?
227
00:07:57,004 --> 00:07:59,267
Yes! And she loves him, too!
228
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,540
Just look at the sculpture
she made of his face.
229
00:08:01,575 --> 00:08:03,197
It's scary but sincere.
230
00:08:03,259 --> 00:08:05,911
What does this have to do
with Valentine's Day or anything?
231
00:08:05,946 --> 00:08:07,713
Duh! I'm gonna be just like the video
232
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,047
and make Lainey a Clay bust.
233
00:08:11,985 --> 00:08:13,418
Oh, it's wonderful.
234
00:08:13,454 --> 00:08:15,454
This is how I see you.
235
00:08:15,489 --> 00:08:17,422
The point is, stop while you're ahead.
236
00:08:17,458 --> 00:08:20,025
Trust me. Girls don't like it
when a guy tries too hard.
237
00:08:20,298 --> 00:08:21,159
What up, what up?
238
00:08:21,195 --> 00:08:23,158
Guess who's all about V.D. today.
239
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:24,896
Wait. That sounded really bad.
240
00:08:24,932 --> 00:08:26,598
I've got math class, Geoff.
What do you need?
241
00:08:26,736 --> 00:08:29,001
Me? Nothing. Just thought you'd need
something from your locker.
242
00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:29,701
Nope.
243
00:08:29,737 --> 00:08:32,134
Well, maybe just check to see
that everything's okay.
244
00:08:32,658 --> 00:08:33,572
Why wouldn't it be okay?
245
00:08:33,607 --> 00:08:34,509
Just open it!
246
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,146
What the hell?!
247
00:08:41,181 --> 00:08:43,615
Doves. Someone must like you.
248
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,869
Dear lord! They pooped all over my stuff!
249
00:08:46,072 --> 00:08:48,754
It's like a bottle of Elmer's glue
exploded in there.
250
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,369
Geoff, this has to stop.
251
00:08:50,591 --> 00:08:52,330
Don't worry. I-I'll go
get some paper towels.
252
00:08:52,416 --> 00:08:54,345
Geoff to the rescue. I'm such a good guy.
253
00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:56,884
While Erica was trying to ignore Geoff,
254
00:08:57,166 --> 00:08:59,564
my dad just wanted me to ignore the rules.
255
00:08:59,751 --> 00:09:00,595
All right, son.
256
00:09:00,768 --> 00:09:02,298
I'm not looking.
257
00:09:02,469 --> 00:09:04,269
Now's your chance to go
see your jiggle movie.
258
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:06,251
What? Aren't you coming with me?
259
00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:07,639
Who's gonna buy me a ticket?
260
00:09:08,275 --> 00:09:09,875
That would defeat the whole purpose!
261
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,110
You got to do this on your own.
262
00:09:11,145 --> 00:09:12,744
You buy a ticket for "Annie",
263
00:09:13,048 --> 00:09:14,579
and then you sneak into "Porky's".
264
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:15,580
Easy-peasy.
265
00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:17,244
But I just saw "Annie".
266
00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:19,317
You think they'll believe
I'd see that garbage
267
00:09:19,353 --> 00:09:20,452
twice in a week?
268
00:09:24,792 --> 00:09:27,025
Even better. Now it's free.
269
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,700
Now you're telling me to cheat the theater
270
00:09:28,729 --> 00:09:29,795
out of the price of a ticket?
271
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,496
All right. That's it. I've had enough.
272
00:09:31,532 --> 00:09:33,665
You go see that movie
now or you're punished.
273
00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:36,635
What?! You can't punish me
for not breaking the rules!
274
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:37,720
Move it now!
275
00:09:37,916 --> 00:09:38,501
Fine!
276
00:09:38,775 --> 00:09:40,582
But I'll never forgive you
for helping me get into
277
00:09:40,607 --> 00:09:42,574
the movie I've been dying to see.
278
00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,289
Even though I was doing
exactly what my dad said,
279
00:09:48,314 --> 00:09:51,455
for the first time in my life,
I felt like a total rebel.
280
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:52,617
Show time.
281
00:09:52,653 --> 00:09:55,111
That is, until someone
interrupted the movie.
282
00:09:55,423 --> 00:09:56,955
Excuse me. Pardon me, everyone.
283
00:09:56,990 --> 00:09:58,455
I hate to interrupt your smut,
284
00:09:58,826 --> 00:10:00,926
but my innocent little boy is in here.
285
00:10:01,087 --> 00:10:02,227
She's here!
286
00:10:02,262 --> 00:10:03,884
I know you're in here, Adam!
287
00:10:04,447 --> 00:10:05,939
A mother always knows.
288
00:10:06,384 --> 00:10:07,032
Surrender!
289
00:10:07,251 --> 00:10:07,900
Oh, balls.
290
00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:09,334
I don't mean to judge any of you,
291
00:10:09,369 --> 00:10:10,455
but you're all terrible.
292
00:10:11,548 --> 00:10:12,804
Best of luck.
293
00:10:14,361 --> 00:10:15,827
Valentine's Day was fast approaching,
294
00:10:16,181 --> 00:10:18,556
and Barry had finally found
the perfect gift for Lainey.
295
00:10:18,658 --> 00:10:20,197
How long have you been here?
296
00:10:20,266 --> 00:10:21,228
Been in here since the crack of dawn,
297
00:10:21,283 --> 00:10:23,580
but it'll all make sense
once you see my masterpiece.
298
00:10:24,361 --> 00:10:25,410
♪ Hello ♪
299
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,330
Was that a scream of delight?
300
00:10:28,478 --> 00:10:29,595
That was terror.
301
00:10:29,876 --> 00:10:31,986
Seriously, this thing
is gonna haunt me forever.
302
00:10:32,041 --> 00:10:32,603
In a good way?
303
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,830
Who gets haunted in a good way?
304
00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:35,176
Kevin Costner in "Field of Dreams."
305
00:10:35,423 --> 00:10:37,078
Okay, that was a fantastic example.
306
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,783
But this thing is beyond disturbing.
307
00:10:38,908 --> 00:10:39,431
Thing?!
308
00:10:39,478 --> 00:10:41,149
It looks like sloth from "The Goonies"
309
00:10:41,184 --> 00:10:42,750
got botched plastic surgery.
310
00:10:42,786 --> 00:10:43,830
It's clearly Lainey.
311
00:10:43,926 --> 00:10:44,658
Lainey?!
312
00:10:44,869 --> 00:10:46,666
It looks like someone sat on a puppet
313
00:10:46,744 --> 00:10:47,855
from "The Dark Crystal."
314
00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:48,587
Damn it!
315
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:49,587
Okay. I know what I got to do.
316
00:10:50,181 --> 00:10:51,876
See, the girl in the video was blind.
317
00:10:52,212 --> 00:10:53,791
I've been looking at Lainey with my eyes
318
00:10:53,994 --> 00:10:55,884
when I should really be
looking at her with my hands.
319
00:10:56,259 --> 00:10:57,564
The hands are the eyes of the arms.
320
00:10:58,041 --> 00:10:59,119
I don't know, man.
321
00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:01,205
This whole thing is just so off the rails.
322
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,493
Ceramics, am I right?
Can we talk about us?
323
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,142
There isn't an us.
324
00:11:05,439 --> 00:11:07,134
And you're, like, terrible at icebreakers.
325
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:09,707
Cool. Cool. So, I've come
to a major life decision.
326
00:11:10,041 --> 00:11:11,186
We're done. Sweet.
327
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,439
You do realize what that means.
328
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:14,797
Now you have to just sit back
329
00:11:14,822 --> 00:11:16,728
and watch me date a parade of hot ladies,
330
00:11:16,753 --> 00:11:17,994
knowing in your heart that you missed out.
331
00:11:18,229 --> 00:11:19,494
Well, live and learn.
332
00:11:19,541 --> 00:11:21,141
Okay, but you're making me uncork
333
00:11:21,176 --> 00:11:22,576
all this charm I've been hiding!
334
00:11:24,646 --> 00:11:26,713
Hey, hallways, am I right?
335
00:11:28,657 --> 00:11:30,931
You broke my rules, you broke my trust,
336
00:11:31,259 --> 00:11:32,509
and you broke my heart.
337
00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:34,681
The bad-boy triple axle.
338
00:11:34,856 --> 00:11:36,509
Well, gold medal, bad boy.
339
00:11:36,692 --> 00:11:38,337
You are grounded for a month.
340
00:11:38,501 --> 00:11:41,142
No Nintendo, no telephone, no snuggies.
341
00:11:41,229 --> 00:11:42,996
What?! You can't do that.
342
00:11:43,031 --> 00:11:43,697
You're right.
343
00:11:44,232 --> 00:11:45,932
I'm not gonna deny myself snuggies
344
00:11:45,968 --> 00:11:47,673
just because you love perverted cinema.
345
00:11:47,869 --> 00:11:51,271
We can snug, but still... No
Nintendo and no telephone.
346
00:11:51,306 --> 00:11:52,439
But Sunday's Valentine's Day.
347
00:11:52,474 --> 00:11:54,341
I have a whole phone
date planned with Dana.
348
00:11:54,376 --> 00:11:56,509
Well, too bad. And if you think I'm angry,
349
00:11:56,545 --> 00:11:58,267
just wait till your dad gets going.
350
00:11:58,478 --> 00:11:59,813
This is gonna get ugly.
351
00:11:59,947 --> 00:12:01,982
You're gonna hear it! Brace yourself, boy!
352
00:12:05,187 --> 00:12:06,886
I am so proud of you.
353
00:12:06,922 --> 00:12:08,121
Please. Don't be.
354
00:12:08,156 --> 00:12:09,222
Oh, but I am.
355
00:12:09,257 --> 00:12:10,757
Go and make Mom unground me.
356
00:12:10,792 --> 00:12:12,392
Oh, I can't do that. You broke the rules.
357
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,493
Because of you!
358
00:12:13,528 --> 00:12:15,528
And you have my respect.
359
00:12:15,564 --> 00:12:16,529
I don't want it!
360
00:12:16,565 --> 00:12:19,366
I want to have my first
Valentine's Day with my girlfriend.
361
00:12:19,401 --> 00:12:21,201
You are angry and defiant.
362
00:12:21,236 --> 00:12:23,069
And it makes my heart full.
363
00:12:23,105 --> 00:12:24,704
No! Stop! Empty your heart.
364
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,573
Way to go, son.
365
00:12:26,608 --> 00:12:28,408
Don't call me "son" with pride ever again.
366
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:29,509
Son.
367
00:12:29,544 --> 00:12:31,277
You really want me to break the rules?
368
00:12:31,313 --> 00:12:33,480
That's exactly what I'm going to do!
369
00:12:33,515 --> 00:12:37,951
And so, I started my life
as a rule breaker, big-time.
370
00:12:37,986 --> 00:12:39,619
One ticket to Seattle, please.
371
00:12:39,655 --> 00:12:40,695
My girlfriend lives there.
372
00:12:40,722 --> 00:12:41,921
You flying alone today, kid?
373
00:12:41,957 --> 00:12:45,025
Uh... Is that a problem?
374
00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:47,093
Nope, but you can meet the captain,
375
00:12:47,129 --> 00:12:49,062
and we'll let you steer the plane.
376
00:12:49,097 --> 00:12:50,830
Lucky for me, it was the '80s.
377
00:12:50,866 --> 00:12:53,299
Things were a tad looser back then.
378
00:12:53,335 --> 00:12:55,101
As I was off to see my Valentine,
379
00:12:55,137 --> 00:12:56,836
Barry was still feeling his out.
380
00:12:56,872 --> 00:12:57,904
Hey, babe.
381
00:12:57,939 --> 00:12:59,739
Hello. Oh, boy.
382
00:12:59,775 --> 00:13:02,075
And with that, Barry did some research...
383
00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,177
Terrible, invasive research.
384
00:13:04,212 --> 00:13:05,345
Do you trim your nose hairs?
385
00:13:05,380 --> 00:13:07,080
Wow. Your forehead's so big.
386
00:13:07,115 --> 00:13:08,815
What's that right there?
I never noticed that.
387
00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:09,849
Your eye looks different today.
388
00:13:09,885 --> 00:13:10,885
What's going on?
389
00:13:10,919 --> 00:13:12,252
What's happening right now?
390
00:13:12,287 --> 00:13:14,454
Oh, nothing. Just passing
on by before social studies class.
391
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,156
Thought I'd give you a little face feel.
392
00:13:16,191 --> 00:13:17,624
Please don't touch my face.
393
00:13:17,659 --> 00:13:18,925
You got tater-tot hands.
394
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:23,530
Ooh! That is a big noggin!
395
00:13:23,565 --> 00:13:26,399
Dude! I don't know what this
is, but now I'm pissed!
396
00:13:26,435 --> 00:13:27,967
Well done. Wait. How
many teeth do you have?
397
00:13:28,003 --> 00:13:29,402
- Let me count your teeth.
- Ugh!
398
00:13:29,438 --> 00:13:30,770
Teeth, am I right?
399
00:13:30,806 --> 00:13:32,238
Stop doing what you're doing!
400
00:13:32,274 --> 00:13:33,506
No, it's not what you think, okay?
401
00:13:33,542 --> 00:13:35,341
I just wanted to say sorry.
402
00:13:35,377 --> 00:13:37,177
I've been annoying. I get it.
403
00:13:37,212 --> 00:13:38,678
Spending all that money on flowers
404
00:13:38,714 --> 00:13:40,413
and white pigeons was a real wake-up call.
405
00:13:40,449 --> 00:13:41,915
I thought they were doves.
406
00:13:41,983 --> 00:13:44,451
You put gross albino pigeons in my locker?
407
00:13:44,486 --> 00:13:47,420
The point is, I give up, okay?
408
00:13:47,456 --> 00:13:48,555
I made a deal with myself.
409
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:50,323
If I couldn't win you
over by Valentine's Day,
410
00:13:50,358 --> 00:13:52,025
then it was time to move on.
411
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:54,627
So... I guess... friends?
412
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,052
For sure.
413
00:13:57,099 --> 00:13:57,970
Friends.
414
00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,066
There it was... the one word that killed
415
00:14:00,102 --> 00:14:01,759
any romantic relationship.
416
00:14:02,204 --> 00:14:03,336
That was very mature of you, man.
417
00:14:03,371 --> 00:14:04,504
Oh, no. Just wait.
418
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:05,638
Here's where she turns around,
419
00:14:05,674 --> 00:14:07,340
gives me a longing look
because she didn't realize
420
00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:08,675
what she had until now.
421
00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:11,525
It's my master plan. Here we go.
422
00:14:11,947 --> 00:14:13,613
Right...
423
00:14:13,648 --> 00:14:14,914
Now!
424
00:14:16,194 --> 00:14:17,744
Right now!
425
00:14:18,386 --> 00:14:19,419
Right... Now!
426
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:22,055
It's over, bro.
427
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,861
Shut up, Robert. Everyone knows
you gave yourself that flower.
428
00:14:25,260 --> 00:14:27,712
As Geoff realized he had
to get over his broken heart,
429
00:14:28,096 --> 00:14:29,791
I was breaking the rules.
430
00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:31,231
Suck on this, Murray Goldberg.
431
00:14:32,534 --> 00:14:34,167
Welcome aboard. This is your captain.
432
00:14:34,202 --> 00:14:36,936
Our flight time to Seattle
will be about five hours.
433
00:14:36,972 --> 00:14:38,972
Wait. Did he say five hours?
434
00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:40,440
Rough weather in the Midwest,
435
00:14:40,475 --> 00:14:42,342
so we'll see some minor turbulence.
436
00:14:42,377 --> 00:14:44,778
Minor turbulence? Oh, that's not great.
437
00:14:44,813 --> 00:14:46,312
Or major turbulence.
438
00:14:46,348 --> 00:14:48,648
Just, uh, please keep
your seat belts fastened.
439
00:14:48,683 --> 00:14:50,650
They don't know? They should know!
440
00:14:50,685 --> 00:14:53,586
Oh, god! Why am I here?! What have I done?
441
00:14:53,622 --> 00:14:56,256
Sure, as a boy, I was afraid of flying.
442
00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:59,592
But as a man, I wasn't gonna
wuss out and call my parents.
443
00:15:02,264 --> 00:15:03,329
Murray!
444
00:15:08,003 --> 00:15:09,369
Murray!
445
00:15:09,404 --> 00:15:11,838
I can't! I'm busy!
446
00:15:11,873 --> 00:15:13,406
Murray!
447
00:15:13,441 --> 00:15:15,241
Fine.
448
00:15:17,479 --> 00:15:19,151
Hello?
449
00:15:19,948 --> 00:15:21,447
Uh-huh.
450
00:15:21,483 --> 00:15:22,682
Uh-huh.
451
00:15:22,717 --> 00:15:23,683
Uh-huh.
452
00:15:23,718 --> 00:15:25,218
Who is it?
453
00:15:25,253 --> 00:15:27,654
Adam's at the airport.
454
00:15:27,689 --> 00:15:28,721
Seattle?!
455
00:15:28,757 --> 00:15:30,657
I mean, really?
456
00:15:30,692 --> 00:15:33,159
You are not dressed
for that kind of rainy weather.
457
00:15:33,195 --> 00:15:35,228
At the very least, pack some duck boots.
458
00:15:35,263 --> 00:15:37,730
I mean, you could have
gotten a head cold and died!
459
00:15:37,766 --> 00:15:40,233
Dad said to break the rules,
so that's just what I did.
460
00:15:40,268 --> 00:15:43,703
I meant leave the seat up! Eat
a grape at the supermarket!
461
00:15:43,738 --> 00:15:46,105
Not fly across the damn country!
462
00:15:46,141 --> 00:15:47,607
But, deep down, you're proud of me.
463
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,042
No, I'm the opposite of that.
464
00:15:49,077 --> 00:15:50,243
Gotcha. Mom's here,
465
00:15:50,278 --> 00:15:52,111
so you can't give me
the respect that I deserve.
466
00:15:52,147 --> 00:15:54,080
No respect! You're a moron!
467
00:15:54,115 --> 00:15:56,549
Yep. I really am.
468
00:15:56,585 --> 00:15:58,017
You really are.
469
00:15:58,053 --> 00:16:00,520
Let's just all agree... In the future,
470
00:16:00,555 --> 00:16:02,922
we leave the parenting to me and Bev.
471
00:16:02,958 --> 00:16:04,224
Yes. For sure.
472
00:16:04,259 --> 00:16:05,592
Absolutely.
473
00:16:05,627 --> 00:16:07,493
Guys, guys, I think the headline here
474
00:16:07,529 --> 00:16:09,596
is that I did the right thing in the end.
475
00:16:09,631 --> 00:16:10,730
True.
476
00:16:10,765 --> 00:16:12,498
I cried until they turned
that plane around.
477
00:16:12,534 --> 00:16:15,635
That was not easy and cost
me every bit of my dignity.
478
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:16,836
He did do that.
479
00:16:16,872 --> 00:16:18,271
And I did not try smoking,
480
00:16:18,306 --> 00:16:21,241
even though the other passengers
said it would calm my nerves.
481
00:16:21,276 --> 00:16:22,876
You should head upstairs now.
482
00:16:22,911 --> 00:16:24,944
Same goes for the tiny vodka bottles.
483
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:26,446
Head upstairs now.
484
00:16:26,481 --> 00:16:27,614
Everybody go!
485
00:16:29,251 --> 00:16:31,517
Well, I hope you're happy.
You've ruined our son.
486
00:16:31,553 --> 00:16:34,754
Adam used to be a good
boy, and now he's a real [beep].
487
00:16:34,789 --> 00:16:36,623
I'm not gonna apologize for that.
488
00:16:36,658 --> 00:16:39,626
Bevy, do you really want to have
the only kid in the world
489
00:16:39,661 --> 00:16:41,761
who's afraid to see an "R"-rated movie?
490
00:16:41,796 --> 00:16:42,596
Yes!
491
00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:44,270
That's the dream.
492
00:16:44,399 --> 00:16:45,798
Well, it's not mine.
493
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:48,334
Look, I know I'm not down in the trenches
like the two of you,
494
00:16:48,370 --> 00:16:50,549
but we need to raise a man,
495
00:16:50,906 --> 00:16:53,773
one who's not afraid to go
out and take a risk,
496
00:16:53,808 --> 00:16:56,042
even if it means disappointing us.
497
00:17:02,362 --> 00:17:03,762
Valentine's Day had arrived,
498
00:17:03,797 --> 00:17:06,487
and Barry was finally ready
to unveil his masterpiece.
499
00:17:06,565 --> 00:17:09,518
Dude, are you still in here
making Lainey heads?
500
00:17:09,589 --> 00:17:11,889
I'm so close, Erica!
501
00:17:11,925 --> 00:17:14,192
Come. Prepare yourself for beauty.
502
00:17:14,227 --> 00:17:15,823
♪ Hello ♪
503
00:17:16,096 --> 00:17:17,161
Oh, no!
504
00:17:17,186 --> 00:17:18,120
Okay. That's a no.
505
00:17:18,151 --> 00:17:19,564
Don't worry. Got many more.
506
00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:20,832
Behold.
507
00:17:20,867 --> 00:17:22,133
♪ Hello ♪
508
00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:22,934
Ew!
509
00:17:22,969 --> 00:17:25,151
Okay. Good note.
510
00:17:25,372 --> 00:17:26,638
Feast your eyes on this.
511
00:17:26,673 --> 00:17:29,221
♪ 'Cause you know just what to say ♪
512
00:17:29,476 --> 00:17:30,441
I got one you're gonna love.
513
00:17:30,477 --> 00:17:32,979
♪ And you know just what to do ♪
514
00:17:33,346 --> 00:17:34,812
That's supposed to be your girlfriend?!
515
00:17:34,848 --> 00:17:38,643
♪ And I want to tell you so much ♪
516
00:17:39,586 --> 00:17:41,286
-♪ I love you ♪
- No. Stop.
517
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:44,205
You can't show Lainey
any of these clay monstrosities.
518
00:17:44,357 --> 00:17:46,057
She'll think you're a serial killer.
519
00:17:46,092 --> 00:17:47,510
I know.
520
00:17:47,861 --> 00:17:49,360
I blew it.
521
00:17:49,396 --> 00:17:52,674
I ruined the first
Valentine's with the girl of my dreams.
522
00:17:52,899 --> 00:17:54,026
Barry?
523
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,299
Lainey! Lainey, don't look at me, please,
524
00:17:56,369 --> 00:17:57,969
or anything else in this room.
525
00:17:58,004 --> 00:17:59,937
Also, happy Valentine's Day.
526
00:17:59,973 --> 00:18:01,005
What the...
527
00:18:01,041 --> 00:18:03,374
You made all this for me?
528
00:18:05,879 --> 00:18:07,178
So, you like them?
529
00:18:07,606 --> 00:18:09,773
Don't take this the wrong
way, but they're nightmares.
530
00:18:09,809 --> 00:18:11,709
This was supposed to be
your Valentine's gift.
531
00:18:11,744 --> 00:18:14,344
I just wanted to show
how I see you, but...
532
00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:17,497
It's just impossible to make
something as beautiful as you.
533
00:18:17,983 --> 00:18:20,484
Barry, I told you not to go all crazy.
534
00:18:20,519 --> 00:18:22,086
I know, but the fact that you love me
535
00:18:22,121 --> 00:18:26,223
more than any man in this
world is everything to me.
536
00:18:26,258 --> 00:18:28,358
It's everything.
537
00:18:28,394 --> 00:18:32,196
The fact that you'd sit here
for days and try over and over...
538
00:18:34,467 --> 00:18:37,634
that's exactly why I love
you, you big idiot.
539
00:18:37,670 --> 00:18:45,142
♪ I've been alone
with you inside my mind ♪
540
00:18:45,177 --> 00:18:51,081
♪ and in my dreams, I've kissed
your lips a thousand times ♪
541
00:18:51,117 --> 00:18:52,916
I saw that.
542
00:18:52,952 --> 00:18:58,922
- ♪ I sometimes see you pass outside my door♪
- What? Ew. You saw nothing.
543
00:18:58,958 --> 00:19:00,357
Lights out.
544
00:19:00,392 --> 00:19:02,126
- ♪ Hello ♪
- And Mom says no sneaking T.V.
545
00:19:02,161 --> 00:19:03,927
Still punished. Got it.
546
00:19:03,963 --> 00:19:06,330
- ♪ Is it me you're looking for? ♪
- I've got to say... flying to Seattle?
547
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:08,022
You really took a big swing.
548
00:19:08,058 --> 00:19:11,224
- ♪ I can see it in your eyes ♪
- Don't worry. I'll get the hang of it.
549
00:19:11,837 --> 00:19:14,943
♪ I can see it in your smile ♪
550
00:19:15,808 --> 00:19:17,674
♪ you're all I've ever wanted ♪
551
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:20,477
That night, I decided
to start breaking the rules,
552
00:19:20,513 --> 00:19:22,646
but it wasn't because my dad said to
553
00:19:22,681 --> 00:19:24,581
or because I thought
I would prove I was a man.
554
00:19:24,617 --> 00:19:26,617
- ♪ 'Cause you know just what to say ♪
- I did it simply because...
555
00:19:26,652 --> 00:19:29,553
- ♪ And you know just what to do ♪
- I was a boy in love with a girl.
556
00:19:29,588 --> 00:19:32,322
And after being in such
a hurry to grow up...
557
00:19:32,358 --> 00:19:35,492
- ♪ And I want to tell you so much ♪
- In that moment, I just wanted time to stop.
558
00:19:35,528 --> 00:19:37,327
And I was willing to risk everything.
559
00:19:37,363 --> 00:19:39,429
♪ I love you ♪
560
00:19:42,101 --> 00:19:44,034
He snuck out to call Dana.
561
00:19:44,069 --> 00:19:46,745
Well, what do you know?
562
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,872
You gonna bust him?
563
00:19:48,908 --> 00:19:50,507
Oh, for sure.
564
00:19:50,543 --> 00:19:52,432
But he's a good boy.
565
00:19:52,812 --> 00:19:54,492
- ♪ Hello ♪
- I'll give him a couple of minutes.
566
00:19:55,614 --> 00:19:59,416
♪ Is it me you're looking for? ♪
567
00:19:59,451 --> 00:20:02,820
- ♪ 'Cause I wonder where you are ♪
- That's the thing about love.
568
00:20:02,855 --> 00:20:05,823
- ♪ And I wonder what you do ♪
- It makes you want to take risks and go out on a limb,
569
00:20:05,858 --> 00:20:07,991
no matter the consequence.
570
00:20:08,027 --> 00:20:09,504
♪ But let me start by saying ♪
571
00:20:09,529 --> 00:20:12,136
But for the right person,
it's totally worth it.
572
00:20:12,565 --> 00:20:14,364
♪ I love you ♪
573
00:20:16,347 --> 00:20:18,318
Ugh. Why is that Lainey head here?
574
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,842
They made me remove them
all from the school premises
575
00:20:19,878 --> 00:20:21,277
'cause they were scaring
the first graders.
576
00:20:21,312 --> 00:20:24,322
Me and the JTP are gonna blow
this one up with some fireworks.
577
00:20:24,347 --> 00:20:27,348
Do it now. I am not gonna sleep
with that thing in the house.
578
00:20:27,383 --> 00:20:29,851
Oh, my.
579
00:20:29,886 --> 00:20:31,619
I get it. I suck at sculptering.
580
00:20:31,654 --> 00:20:32,553
No.
581
00:20:32,589 --> 00:20:35,362
Baby, you're a genius.
582
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:38,793
And I am so honored that this
is how you see me.
583
00:20:38,828 --> 00:20:42,573
I mean, what a beautiful tribute
to the love of your life...
584
00:20:44,734 --> 00:20:45,800
me.
585
00:20:45,835 --> 00:20:46,968
Oh, no.
586
00:20:47,003 --> 00:20:48,202
Mom, just so you know,
587
00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:49,570
this is actually a sculpture
of Lainey's head.
588
00:20:49,606 --> 00:20:50,638
Toss it in the trash.
589
00:20:52,842 --> 00:20:54,642
That's my stupid brother right there.
590
00:20:54,677 --> 00:20:56,410
He's talking with his girlfriend.
591
00:20:58,481 --> 00:20:59,914
What was that?
592
00:20:59,938 --> 00:21:01,938
Synced and corrected by Nest0r
www.addic7ed.com
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