All language subtitles for The Anniversary.1968.336p.1M.EN1-mp3.en

www.moviesubtitles.org

* OH *

* HOW WE DANCED *

* ON THE NIGHT *

* WE WERE WED *

* WE VOWED *

* OUR TRUE LOVE *

* THOUGH A WORD *

* WASN'T SAID *

* THE WORLD *

* WAS IN BLOOM *

* THERE WERE STARS *

* IN THE SKY *

* EXCEPT *

* FOR THE FEW *

* THAT WERE THERE *

* IN YOUR EYES *

* DEAR, AS I HELD YOU *

* SO CLOSE IN MY ARMS *

* ANGELS WERE SINGING *

* A HYMN TO YOUR CHARMS *

* TWO HEARTS GENTLY BEATING *

* WERE MURMURING LOW *

* DARLING, I LOVE YOU SO *

* COULD WE *

* BUT RECALL *

* THAT SWEET MOMENT *

* SUBLIME *

* WE'D FIND *

* THAT OUR LOVE *

* IS UNALTERED *

* BY TIME *

[TRUCK HONKS]

GET THAT BLEEDING THING OUT OF THERE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

THANK YOU.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

I'M LOOKING FOR MR. TAGGART.

I'M MR. TAGGART.

OH, YOU MUST BE...

TERRY? NO.

HENRY. YES.

I'M SHIRLEY.

HOW DO YOU DO?

IS TOM ANYWHERE ABOUT?

OH, YES. HE'S ON PLOT FOUR.

THANKS.

OH, MAY I LEAVE MY CASE HERE? YES.

EXCUSE ME, MISS, UH, SHIRLEY.

IS TOM EXPECTING YOU?

OH, DIDN'T HE TELL YOU? WHAT?

HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.

I'M SHIRLEY BLAIRE, TOM'S FIANCEE.

SEE YOU LATER.

[GRUNTS] WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?

WELL, SOMEONE'S GOT TO DO IT. THEY'RE MOVING IN TONIGHT.

WELL, WHERE'S GEORGE HANSON? I HAD TO SEND HIM HOME. HIS WIFE'S SICK.

WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING FIT IN THESE ROTTEN HOUSES?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THAT MATE OF HIS-- JIMMY WHAT'S-HIS-NAME?

I HAD TO SEND HIM OVER TO PLOT NINE.

STAIRCASE IS COMING AWAY FROM THE WALL.

OH. MOVING STAIRCASE. [CHUCKLES]

HERE. DO YOU KNOW TOM'S GOT A GIRL WITH HIM?

SHE SAYS SHE'S HIS FIANCEE. SHE SAYS WHAT?

WELL, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. SHE'S GOT A SUITCASE WITH HER.

I'LL BREAK HIS BLOODY NECK!

TOM!

TOM!

TOM! TOM?

[CAR DOOR SHUTS] WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BIRD? TOM, GET OUT OF IT!

TOM?

TOM!

THAT TWO-FACED, CONNIVING LITTLE BASTARD!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I'M GOING TO WARN KAREN.

[WHISTLE BLOWS] I'LL SEE YOU AT MUM'S.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FLOORBOARDS? STUFF THE FLOORBOARDS!

NIGHT, GUV.

OH, WHAT ABOUT A BIT OF OVERTIME, CHARLIE? NO, NOT TONIGHT, GUV.

FRED? I'M SORRY, MR. TAGGART.

I'M TAKING THE OLD WOMAN TO THE DOGS.

TELL THE BOSS LADY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. EH?

YOUR MUM. TELL HER HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE LADS.

IT'S NOT HER BIRTHDAY. IT'S HER ANNIVERSARY.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, THEN.

[CHARLIE] NIGHT, GUV.

SEE YOU IN THE MORNING, GUV.

[RATTLING KNOB]

I WAS JUST CLOSING. OH, I'M SORRY.

THERE WE ARE.

I DID THEM UP ALL NICE.

THEY'RE FOR AN OCCASION, AREN'T THEY? MY MOTHER'S ANNIVERSARY.

THANK YOU.

WISH HER A HAPPY ANNIVERSARY FROM ME. OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

OH.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PLACE?

WELL, IT'S NICE. VERY NICE.

DID YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS BUILD IT?

COME OFF IT. WE WOULDN'T LIVE IN ANYTHING WE BUILT.

OH, WE DID THE CONVERSIONS.

WELL?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME? YOU LOOK GREAT.

[QUIETLY] HOW ABOUT POPPING UPSTAIRS FOR A QUICK ONE?

NO, WE WON'T.

NO MORE QUICK ONES. AND NOT HERE, EITHER.

WE'RE ENGAGED. WE'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED.

WE CAN DO IT IN COMFORT NOW.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO CONTAIN YOURSELF.

ANYWAY, I CAME HERE TO MEET YOUR MUM. REMEMBER?

I REMEMBER.

HAVE YOU LEARNED YOUR PARTY PIECE, THEN? WHAT?

A TURN. WE ALL DO A TURN.

YOU KNOW, SING A SONG, RECITE. PLAY THE PIANO.

WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO DO A TURN. MUM WON'T LIKE IT.

YOUR MUM WILL HAVE TO LUMP IT, WON'T SHE?

AND YOU'LL TELL HER, WILL YOU? SHE'LL NOT GET ME DOING ANYTHING.

SHE'LL BE LIVID.

SHE CAN THROW THAT POT AT ME, FOR ALL I CARE. AND SHE PROBABLY WILL.

THEN I'LL JOLLY WELL THROW IT BACK AT HER.

THAT'S MY GIRL.

NO, TOM, DON'T.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WILL SHE?

WILL SHE WHAT?

THROW THE POT AT ME?

WELL, SHE DOESN'T LIKE NOT GETTING HER OWN WAY.

SEEMS TO BRING OUT THE FEMININITY IN HER.

I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY YOU NEVER ASKED ME HOME TO MEET YOUR MUM. NOW I KNOW.

KEPT THINKING SHE WAS SOME SORT OF CRIMINAL

OR COULDN'T KEEP OFF THE GIN.

I NEVER GUESSED IT WAS BECAUSE SHE MIGHT START THROWING POTS AT ME.

I'M SURE SHE WON'T.

HAVE YOU BEEN JOKING, THEN?

DEPENDS WHAT YOU THINK'S FUNNY, DOESN'T IT?

WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT IS.

I'M FULL OF NERVES AS IT IS.

ANYWAY, IF YOU DO SEE HER GOING FOR THAT POT,

JUST GRAB ONE OF THESE THINGS IN HERE.

THAT'LL MAKE HER DROP IT.

WHY, THAT UGLY THING?

UGLY? THAT'S A THING OF BEAUTY TO MY MUM.

I MIGHT HAVE WON IT IN A FAIR, BUT IT'S THE EQUIVALENT OF THE CROWN JEWELS IN HERE.

MUM'S TREASURES.

THAT'S MY FIRST TOOTH,

HENRY'S ONE AND ONLY CURL,

AND TERRY'S NAPPIE, ALL BEYOND PRICE

'CAUSE MUM'S GOT "NOSTALGIAITIS" IN BOTH LEGS.

AW, WAS IT HIS LITTLE EGG CUP, THEN?

THAT'S MUM'S. SHE BOUGHT IT ON HER FIFTH BIRTHDAY.

HER VERY FIRST PURCHASE.

OOH! YOUR DAD MUST HAVE BEEN CLEVER.

DAD? YES. ALL THESE CERTIFICATES.

THEY'RE MINE AND MY BROTHERS'.

YOU'RE CLEVER.

MASTER THOMAS, THIRD PRIZE BIBLE STUDIES.

MASTER TERENCE, SECOND PRIZE FOR THE BEST LOSER.

AND MASTER HENRY, FIRST PRIZE

FOR CONSISTENT IMBECILITY.

I GIVE YOU FAIR WARNING.

YOU MOCK ALL THIS AT YOUR PERIL.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOUR MUM.

[DOOR CLOSES]

OH, HELLO, TOM.

SHIRLEY, YOU'VE MET HENRY,

THE ELDEST SURVIVING MALE TAGGART.

YOU ARE SURVIVING, AREN'T YOU, HENRY?

YOU KNOW MUM'LL BE HERE SHORTLY.

DOES IT MATTER? SHIRLEY'S STAYING.

OH. IN THE GUEST ROOM.

OH. MUM DIDN'T SAY.

MUM DOESN'T KNOW.

I THOUGHT YOUR MUM HAD INVITED ME. I DIDN'T SAY THAT, LOVE.

TOM, THIS MEANS SHE'S BEING IMPOSED UPON. I DON'T SEE WHY.

YOU CAN'T HAVE SOMEONE STAY IN YOUR OWN HOUSE AND NOT KNOW ABOUT IT.

SHIRLEY'S RIGHT. YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD MUM.

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GO? YES, I DO, REALLY.

SHE'S NOT LEAVING. YOU'RE NOT LEAVING, SHIRLEY.

YOU'RE ASKING TOO MUCH OF SHIRLEY.

WELL, YOU CAN'T ASK TOO MUCH FROM SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU.

AH, NOW, THAT'S SWEET.

ISN'T THAT SWEET, HENRY?

I'M GOING TO GO AND CHANGE.

[TOM] COME AND HAVE A LOOK AT THE KITCHEN.

LOOK, TOM, IF THIS IS A FAMILY AFFAIR--

IF YOU LOVE ME LIKE YOU SAY YOU DO,

YOU'VE GOT TO STAY AND SEE IT OUT.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE AN ENDURANCE TEST OR SOMETHING.

WELL, UH, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ALL THIS, THEN?

YOUR MUM DOES KNOW WE'RE ENGAGED, DOESN'T SHE?

I'M TELLING HER TONIGHT.

I SUPPOSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE BABY, EITHER.

SHE'LL KNOW IT ALL TONIGHT.

TOM! [BLOWS]

RIGHT. NOW GO AND SIT DOWN AT THAT TABLE, WILL YOU?

BOTH OF YOU.

SIT DOWN, JANE. GO ON.

NOW THEN. YOU GO HERE. [BABY CRIES]

PET, NOW DON'T START CRYING.

YOU'VE BEEN SUCH A GOOD BOY.

THERE YOU ARE. THERE YOU ARE, DARLING.

NOW I DON'T WANT A WORD OUT OF ANY OF YOU UNTIL NANNA COMES DOWN.

OH, HI, TOM. HELLO, LOVE. KAREN, THIS IS SHIRLEY.

SHIRLEY, KAREN. HELLO.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE ONE IN THE EYE FOR HER LADYSHIP. [TERRY] COME ON. IN YOU GO.

LOOK, YOU TREACHEROUS BAS-- WHAT'S--

GO ON THERE.

I WANT WORDS WITH YOU. WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE MATTER. COME ON. SIT DOWN THERE, JAKE.

GO ON! ALL RIGHT. THERE, LOVE.

ALL RIGHT?

HELLO. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

[BABY'S CRYING CONTINUES]

OH, DARLING.

NOW DON'T MOVE A MUSCLE, ANY OF YOU.

KEEP HIM QUIET, DAWN, WILL YOU?

I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO FLING YOU THROUGH THAT DOOR!

IT WOULDN'T HURT. IT'S ONE OF YOUR DOORS, ALL GLUE AND MATCHES.

YOU'RE NOT TELLING HER TONIGHT. I AM.

I'M HAVING MY SAY FIRST. I'M TELLING HER ABOUT ME, FIRST,

THEN YOU CAN DETONATE YOUR FLOOZY IN HER FACE. NO, YOU DON'T.

I WANT TO BE HERE WHEN THAT HAPPENS. I'LL PICK MY MOMENT.

YEAH, I'LL BET YOU WILL.

WHERE'S HENRY? [TERRY] CHANGING.

IT'S NEARLY TIME, ISN'T IT?

OH, HELLO, KAREN, TERRY.

MUM'S COMING DOWN.

** [ANNIVERSARY SONG]

[DOOR CLOSES]

* OH *

* HOW WE DANCED *

* ON THE NIGHT *

* WE WERE WED *

* WE VOWED *

* OUR TRUE LOVE *

* THOUGH A WORD *

* WASN'T SAID *

* THE WORLD *

* WAS IN BLOOM *

* THERE WERE STARS *

* IN THE SKIES *

* EXCEPT *

* FOR THE FEW * BLOODY HELL.

* THAT WERE THERE *

[FAMILY] HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MUM. THANK YOU, DARLINGS.

OH, MY DEAR!

THEY'RE SO LOVELY.

WHO DIED?

HOW DO YOU DO, MY DEAR?

YOU'RE NOT ONE OF KAREN'S, ARE YOU?

HOW CAN SHE BE ONE OF MINE, MUM? SHE DON'T LOOK LIKE TERRY.

COULD HAVE HAD HER BEFORE TERRY.

SHIRLEY, THIS IS MY MOTHER.

HOW DO YOU DO? HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MRS. TAGGART.

WOULD YOU LIKE HER TO STAY, TOMMY? SHE IS STAYING.

THAT'S JUST WHAT I SAID, DEAR. WOULD YOU LIKE HER TO STAY?

YES, MOTHER.

OH, THANK YOU.

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THIS. THAT'S WHY I GAVE IT TO YOU LAST YEAR FOR CHRISTMAS.

WHERE ARE MY GRANDCHILDREN? THEY'RE IN THE KITCHEN, MUM.

WELL, WHY AREN'T THE LITTLE DARLINGS IN HERE?

'CAUSE LAST TIME YOU THUMPED HIM WHEN THEY THREW UP ALL OVER THE CARPET.

HENRY, GO AND KEEP THEM COMPANY. THERE'S A DEAR. YES.

DO YOU LIKE IT, MUM? YES, DEAR. IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED!

AT LEAST HE KNOWS HOW TO HANDLE CHILDREN.

HOPE HE HAS SOME OF HIS OWN ONE DAY. HE DESERVES IT. I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS MARRIED.

YOUNGSTERS. ANYONE OVER 20, AND HE'S READY FOR BURNING.

HENRY'S PUSHING 40, MUM.

HE HAPPENS TO BE WAITING FOR THE RIGHT GIRL, KAREN,

NOT LIKE SOME I KNOW WHO'LL MARRY THE FIRST TART

WHO WINKS THEM INTO THE NEAREST BED.

EH, TERRY? NO.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HENRY, SHIRLEY? I THOUGHT HE WAS VERY NICE.

HE'D HAVE BEEN AN AMBASSADOR BY NOW IF HE'D JOINED THE DIPLOMATIC CORPS.

[TOM] THAT'S TRUE. TOOK HIM AGES WHEN HE LEFT SCHOOL, DECIDING BETWEEN

THE DIPLOMATIC CORPS AND BEING A PLUMBER.

[LAUGHS]

WE DON'T HAVE TO ASK WHO THIS IS FROM, DO WE, TOMMY?

LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT WORKS.

I LOVE IT! LET ME HAVE A GO.

[CRASH, CLANG] [CHILDREN LAUGH]

ARE THE CHILDREN STAYING? WHY? DO YOU WANT 'EM TO STAY, THEN, MUM?

WHO'S GOING TO LOOK AFTER THEM? MY MOTHER.

I SEE.

FIVE MINUTES WITH ME AND FIVE HOURS WITH HER.

I'D LIKE TO SEE MY GRANDCHILDREN OCCASIONALLY, TERRY.

THEY'RE, UH, WAITING FOR YOU, MUM.

WAITING TO SEE WHAT I BOUGHT THEM?

WELL, WHAT HAVE YOU BOUGHT THEM, THEN, MUM?

YOU SEE, SHIRLEY, NO SUBTLETIES WITH KAREN.

"WHAT HAVE YOU BOUGHT THEM?"

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW, I'M GIVING THEM MONEY.

OH, GOOD IDEA. THEN THEY CAN BUY WHAT THEY LIKE.

I'VE ALREADY BOUGHT IT.

I'M PUTTING THE MONEY IN TRUST FUNDS

SO NO ONE CAN GET THEIR HANDS ON IT.

[CRASH] [CHILDREN LAUGH]

THEY'RE IMPATIENT. I KNOW.

I'VE HAD THREE CHICKS OF MY OWN.

ONLY THREE, I GRANT YOU, KAREN,

BUT NATURAL GOOD MANNERS TOLD ME

WHEN TO PUT THE PLUG IN.

[CHILDREN LAUGH]

[EXHALES] WELCOME TO THE FAMILY.

HOW DO YOU FIND YOUR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW?

WELL, SHE'S--

I ALWAYS LEAVE HERE WITH A SCREAMING HEADACHE,

AND MY WHOLE BODY SHAKING WITH MURDER AND HATE.

BUT...

NOT FOR LONG NOW.

WE'LL SOON BE OUT OF IT, WON'T WE, LOVE? OH. YEAH.

WHERE YOU GOING, THEN? CANADA.

WHERE WE SHOULD HAVE GONE YEARS AGO.

YEAH, BUT MY TROUBLE IS, I DON'T LIKE HURTING HER.

YOU'RE SCARED WITLESS OF THE OLD BAG.

AT LEAST I'VE GOT SOME CONSIDERATION, WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR YOU.

FANCY DRAGGING YOUR FLOOZY HERE TONIGHT. TONIGHT'S MUM'S NIGHT.

SHE'S GOING TO DO HER BLOODY NUT WHEN SHE FINDS OUT ABOUT YOU AND HER.

SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER THAT YOU'RE EMIGRATING?

YEAH, WELL. THAT'S DIFFERENT. I'VE GOT TO GIVE HER A WEEK'S NOTICE.

YOU COULD HAVE TOLD HER YESTERDAY OR LAST WEEK.

NO, YOU'RE GOING TO TELL HER TONIGHT. STOP GETTING AT TERRY.

HE'S SENSITIVE. WELL, TOM'S SENSITIVE, TOO.

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT BEING TICKLISH IN THE LONG GRASS, SHIRLEY.

I AM SENSITIVE. I'LL NOT GOING TO STAND HERE AND SEE YOU BEING RIDICULED!

AH, POOR TERRY. DON'T BE RUDE, TOM!

I'M NOT BEING RUDE! AH, SHUT UP, THE LOT OF YOU!

YOU'RE LIKE A PACK OF WOLVES, SNAPPING AWAY AT NOTHING!

[SHOUTING] IT'S THIS BLOODY HOUSE! FIVE MINUTES INSIDE IT, AND--

[CALMLY] AND-AND EVERYBODY GETS A-SCREAMING--

HE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW. YES, HE IS.

IT MAKES YOU WANT TO SCRATCH AND DRAW BLOOD.

IT OUGHT TO BE PULLED DOWN OR BURNED.

YEAH. NOW THERE'S A THOUGHT.

POUR PETROL OVER IT. START A BLOODY GREAT FIRE! [KAREN] WHERE'S MUM, TOM?

SHE'S IN BED SLEEPING PEACEFULLY,

AND THE FLAMES ARE LICKING AWAY AT HER LEGS. SHE THINKS OLD DAD'S RETURNED!

TOM, SHE'S YOUR MUM!

IT'S ONLY A GAME, LOVE.

NO, IT'S NOT.

[BABY CRIES]

HERE YOU ARE-- DARLING.

THANK YOU, GRAN.

NOW...IT'S YOUR TURN.

[BABY WHIMPERS]

WHEN'S THE WEDDING? [BABY CRIES]

HMM?

LITTLE MISS BAG OF BONES.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I DIDN'T. YOU JUST TOLD ME.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT, MUM.

HE JUST SAID THEY WERE ENGAGED. MMM.

SHE SEEMS A NICE ENOUGH GIRL.

I'M SURE SHE IS, FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S SON.

I'M TIRED OF PLAYING NURSEMAID. [CHILDREN SHOUT AND CRY]

LET'S GET THIS LOT OUT OF HERE.

[HENRY] COME ON, CHILDREN. OUT TO THE CAR.

[BOY] WE'RE GOING HOME!

[GIRL] WE'RE GOING HOME! COME ON!

[BOY] COME ON. HURRY UP. RUN.

[GIRL] I CAN'T RUN ANY FASTER.

[LITTLE GIRL] I BEAT YOU DOWN THE GARDEN. [LITTLE BOY] WAIT FOR ME, THEN!

[BOY] I KNOW WHAT TO DO. [HONKS HORN]

TAKE THEM HOME, KAREN,

OR THEY'LL WRECK THE CAR.

THEY'RE LOVELY,

BUT QUITE EXHAUSTING.

THE BABY'S MAKING ME FEEL QUITE FAINT. NONSENSE.

[HONKING] OH, SHUT UP!

I'LL TAKE THEM HOME.

IT'S NOT CONVENIENT, TERRY.

SHALL I TAKE THEM, THEN?

AH.

HENRY, THE WORLD'S A BETTER PLACE FOR HAVING YOU AROUND. OH.

NO MESSING ABOUT. COME STRAIGHT HOME.

MOVE UP. COME ON.

HERE YOU ARE. HERE ARE THE KEYS.

YOU BEHAVE YOURSELVES WITH UNCLE HENRY.

LOOK, MUM. LOOK WHAT GRAN GAVE US.

YEAH. LOVELY.

THERE ARE TIMES, SHIRLEY,

I'M SORRY WE'RE NOT ROMAN CATHOLICS.

HENRY WOULD MAKE A LOVELY POPE.

"HENRY THE HUMBLE."

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T GIVE THEM POCKET MONEY.

THEY'LL ONLY BUY ICE CREAM, AND THEY GOT THEIR RATION FOR TODAY.

RATION? WHAT YOU PREPARING THEM FOR,

THE NEXT WAR?

DO THEY SLEEP IN THE UNDERGROUND

AND WEAR GAS MASKS AROUND THE HOUSE?

YOU'RE A HARD MOTHER, KAREN, VERY HARD.

THAT'S HOW I WANT THEIR TEETH TO BE, MUM. GOOD AND HARD.

NOW DON'T PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH. I DIDN'T SAY "GOOD."

I DON'T THINK YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER,

BUT IT'S NOT MY PLACE TO SAY SO.

ICE CREAM IS VERY BAD FOR TEETH.

COME HERE, MY DEAR.

LET ME TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOU.

TOMMY'S TASTE IS CHANGING.

HE USED TO LIKE A LOT OF FLESH.

YOU WOULDN'T FETCH MUCH ON THE BUTCHER'S SLAB.

IS SHE SLEEPING IN THEGUESTROOM, TOMMY?

THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA, MUM.

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO BUY A NEW BED.

WHEN TOM HAS GUESTS,

I NEVER GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

ALL THAT CREAKING.

BUT THEN, HE HAS SO MUCH ENERGY,

HE HAS TO USE IT UP SOMEHOW.

THANK YOU.

WE'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED.

WILL IT BE A WHITE WEDDING, MY DEAR?

YES. YES, IT WILL.

HOW MANY BRIDESMAIDS, TWO? ALL IN YELLOW?

AND THEY'LL EACH CARRY A BOUQUET

AND YOU'LL CARRY A PRAYER BOOK?

AND THE BELLS WILL RING TING-A-LING,

AND YOU'LL BE SO HAPPY?

AND WE'LL ALL BE SO VERY SYMPATHETIC

WHEN TOMMY DOESN'T TURN UP.

ISN'T IT ABOUT TIME WE CHANGED THE SUBJECT?

YOU HATE NOT BEING IN THE SPOTLIGHT, DON'T YOU?

WE HAVEN'T NOTICED YOU FOR TWO MINUTES.

NEVER SEEN SUCH A STRONG FACE.

GRANITE.

THE FACE OF A MAN WHO'S SUFFERED AND COME THROUGH IT ALL. AM I RIGHT, KAREN?

I SHOULD SAY HE'S STILL SUFFERING, WOULDN'T YOU, MUM?

YOU THINK YOU FAILED HIM, DO YOU DEAR? [TELEPHONE RINGS]

AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST ABOUT IT.

[MRS. TAGGART] ELWOOD DOUBLE-FOUR-DOUBLE-NINE.

YES.

OH, THAT'S VERY BAD, ISN'T IT? ALMOST CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE.

I'LL SEND SOMEONE OVER RIGHT AWAY.

ONE OF YOU

FORGOT TO PUT THE KITCHEN FLOORBOARDS DOWN

IN PLOT 10.

THEY'RE MOVING IN.

LOOK AFTER IT, TERRY.

WHAT, NOW? WELL, TOMORROW WILL BE SOON ENOUGH.

WE SEEM TO BE GETTING A LOT OF COMPLAINTS LATELY.

I'VE TOLD YOU WHY. IT'S THAT CLAUSE YOU'VE GOT IN ALL THE CONTRACTS--

50 QUID OFF THE PRICE FOR EVERY DAY WE'RE BEHIND SCHEDULE.

THAT'S KNOWN AS A GOOD SELLING POINT.

NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S BLOODY RIDICULOUS. WE'RE FLOGGING OURSELVES TO DEATH

JUST TRYING NOT TO BE FINED, AND YOU WON'T BRING IN EXTRA STAFF.

BRING IN MORE STAFF AND OUR STANDARDS WILL GO DOWN.

THATWOULD BE DIFFICULT.

WE CAN'T KEEP UP THE PACE, MUM. IT'S CRIPPLING US.

SHIRLEY, MY DEAR.

WOULD YOU MIND SITTING SOMEWHERE ELSE?

BODY ODOR OFFENDS ME.

I HAVEN'T GOT BODY ODOR!

TERRY, YOU WON'T FEEL THIS WAY

ONCE YOU'VE MOVED.

[GULPS]

SURPRISE. I'VE BOUGHT YOU A NEW HOUSE.

WHY?

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR SUCH NEWS, KAREN.

YOU ASKED ME WHY AS IF I WERE SPITING YOU.

YOU HAVEN'T PAID FOR IT YET, HAVE YOU, MUM?

NEXT WEEK. �15,000.

WHAT?

WHERE'S THE CONTRACT, THEN, MOTHER?

WITH THE SOLICITOR.

WATCH HER, TERRY. SHE'S FISHING.

SHUT UP, TOM.

�15,000 POUNDS, EH, LOVE?

[SHEEPISHLY[ WHAT ABOUT THAT, THEN? [CLINKING ICE CUBES]

IT'S--IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU MUM. VERY KIND, INDEED.

ASK TO SEE THE CONTRACT.

I HAD YOU SUMMED UP

THE MOMENT YOU POKED YOUR HEAD OUT.

"THIS ONE'S A THOMAS," I SAID.

AND I WAS RIGHT. RIGHT!

WELL, TERRY, ARE YOU GOING TO PLEASE YOUR MOTHER

ON HER ANNIVERSARY AND ACCEPT THE HOUSE?

WELL, AS I SAID, MUM, IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU.

VERY KIND, INDEED. TELL HER, TERRY.

TELL ME WHAT?

UH, NOTHING, MUM. NOTHING AT ALL.

SHE WANTS TO KNOW, SO TELL HER.

WELL, I CAN'T TELL HER NOW, NOT AFTER JUST BEING OFFERED A HOUSE.

IS THERE SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW?

NO, MUM. NO, NO. IT'S JUST THAT, UH--

WELL, KAREN AND ME, WE WERE THINKING--

WE'VE ARRANGED IT!

ARRANGED WHAT, MY PRECIOUS?

IT COULD ALWAYS BE CANCELED, COULDN'T IT, LOVE?

NO, IT COULDN'T, "MY PRECIOUS"!

[DEFIANTLY] WE'RE EMIGRATING TO CANADA, MUM.

I KNEW...

THERE WAS SOMETHING.

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME, TERRY.

WHENEVER YOU WERE A NAUGHTY BOY,

STRAIGHT INTO A SHELL YOU'D GO.

TERRY WAS NEVER A LEADER, SHIRLEY.

HE WAS ALWAYS LED.

AND NOW HE'S BEING LED OFF TO CANADA

BY THAT PREGNANT COW OVER THERE!

WHEN DO YOU THINK YOU'RE LEAVING?

A WEEK TOMORROW.

HAVE YOU A JOB TO GO TO? YEAH.

DOING WHAT? WELL, MY TRADE, OF COURSE.

TRADE?

YOU HAVEN'T GOT A TRADE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M A MASTER CARPENTER.

A CARPENTER? YOU CAN'T HAMMER A NAIL IN

WITHOUT BEING RUSHED TO HOSPITAL WITH A BROKEN THUMB.

WHO BUILT THAT BROOM CUPBOARD BEHIND THE DOOR

SO YOU HAD TO WALK INTO THE KITCHEN SIDEWAYS?

THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD AT IS MAKING SHAVINGS.

TWO WEEKS IN CANADA, AND YOU'LL BE DEPORTED FOR SABOTAGE.

COME OFF IT, MUM. HE'S NOT AS BAD AS ALL THAT.

OF COURSE NOT,

COMPARED TO YOUR ELECTRICAL GENIUS.

REMEMBER THAT HOUSE ON CHURCH AVENUE,

WHEN THE OWNER PRESSED THE SWITCH IN THE LOUNGE AND THE LAVATORY FLUSHED?

I THOUGHT YOU BOYS UNDERSTOOD

I MADE YOU BOSSES

BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO BE WORKERS.

OH, I'VE BEEN CRITICIZED, BUT IS IT SO WRONG TO PROTECT ONE'S OWN CHICKS?

MIND YOU, I UNDERSTAND. IT'S THE CONSTANT WORRY OF WORKING AGAINST TIME.

BUT WHAT'S ONE TO DO,

BUILD FEWER HOUSES?

THAT'S UNFAIR TO THE HOMELESS,

TO THE MILLIONS OF FAMILIES

WHO LOOK TO US TO PUT A ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS.

WE ARE DOING A SERVICE TO THE NATION

BY GIVING PEOPLE DECENT HOUSES TO LIVE IN.

GET OUT OF IT!

OUR HOUSES AREN'T DECENT.

THEY'RE OBSCENE!

WE'RE THE ONLY BUILDERS PUTTING UP CONDEMNED PROPERTY.

YOUR FATHER NEVER PUT UP A JERRY-BUILT HOUSE IN HIS LIFE.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT DAD.

THIS BUSINESS STARTED TO GO ROTTEN WHEN HE SNUFFED IT.

THEN HOW DO YOU ACCOUNT FOR THE 250% PROFIT SINCE HE DIED?

BECAUSE YOU GOT US TO KNOCK OUT TWO HOUSES IN THE TIME THAT IT TOOK HIM TO BUILD ONE!

TIME AND MOTION, DEAR.

NOW WILL YOU SHUT UP?

A LITTLE THING TO REMEMBER, SHIRLEY.

TOMMY DOESN'T LIKE CRITICISM.

TELL HIM HE'S BRILLIANT, OFTEN.

TERRY, COME AND SIT BY ME.

HERE.

NOW...WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO TO CANADA?

TELL MUMMY. SHE'LL UNDERSTAND.

WELL, IT-IT-IT'S SORT OF WANTING MY INDEPENDENCE, MUM.

INDEPENDENCE IN A STRANGE COUNTRY,

WITH A WIFE AND SIX CHILDREN

AND NO MONEY.

IT'S-IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

IT'S BEING PART OF SOMETHING THAT'S ALL WRONG.

WE'RE NOTHING BETTER THAN CON MEN.

WELL, THEN WE'LL BUILD FEWER HOUSES, DETACHED HOUSES.

THAT'S ASKING FOR IT. WHAT'S GOING TO KEEP 'EM UP?

WE'RE-WE'RE WORKING 12 HOURS A DAY, SIX DAYS A WEEK! IT'S A KILLER!

WELL, THEN WE'LL HAVE AN EIGHT-HOUR, FIVE-DAY WEEK.

YOU'VE SAID ALL THIS BEFORE,

BUT IT NEVER HAPPENS!

WHY BE SO DESTRUCTIVE, KAREN?

BE CONSTRUCTIVE FOR A CHANGE.

I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU IN WRITING, WITNESSED BY THE HOUSE OF LORDS.

IT'S NOT JUST THE WORK, MUM. THEN WHAT?

WELL, IT'S--

GO ON. TELL HER!

[YELLING] TELL HER!

IT'S YOU! ME?

YOU'RE INSIDE HIM ALL THE TIME,

SCRATCHING AWAY AT HIS ULCER!

AH!

THAT'S MORE LIKE MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW,

DOWN ON ALL FOURS, SPITTING AWAY,

WITH HER WHISKERS QUIVERING.

OH, NO.

YOU'RE HOPING THAT I'M GOING TO FORGET WHAT WE WERE ARGUING ABOUT,

GET BACK TO THE MUD-SLINGING.

WELL, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT.

TERRY NEEDS ORDER IN HIS LIFE.

ALL YOU'VE EVER GIVEN HIM IS CHAOS!

AND I'M TAKING HIM AWAY FROM YOU.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

ELWOOD DOUBLE-FOUR-DOUBLE-NINE.

WHEN?

GOD!

OH, MY GOD! WHAT IS IT, MUM?

THAT WAS THE COTTAGE HOSPITAL.

HENRY'S BEEN IN A CRASH. THE CAR OVERTURNED.

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS, MUM?

POOR HENRY! THEY'RE OPERATING ON HIM.

BUT THE KIDS, MUM. WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

I'M AFRAID THEIR CONDITION IS CRITICAL.

OH, NO! HOW DID IT HAPPEN, MUM?

DIDN'T SAY.

OH, GOD, LET THEM BE ALL RIGHT.

OH, GOD, LET THEM BE ALL RIGHT!

WE'D BETTER GO DOWN THERE, LOVE. IT'S ALL MY FAULT, TERRY.

I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THEM.

IT'S ALL MY FAULT! NO, NO, IT'S NOT. COME ON.

I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THEM!

[SOBS]

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?

I'LL GO UP TO MY ROOM.

HOW BAD ARE THEY, MUM?

THE KIDS.

WHAT DID THEY SAY ABOUT THE KIDS?

TO LOSE ONE'S CHILDREN...

WHOEVER WOULD WANT TO BE A MOTHER?

[TOM] WHAT IS IT, LOVE? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

HENRY'S HERE! WHO?

HENRY! WHERE?

IN MY ROOM.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, MUM?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, LOVE?

DID YOU HEAR WHAT SHIRLEY SAID, MUM?

WHAT, DEAR?

SHE SAW HENRY UPSTAIRS!

WELL, HE LIVES HERE, DOESN'T HE?

YOU SAID HE WAS BEING OPERATED ON.

A LITTLE FIB, I'M AFRAID.

WHO WAS THE PHONE CALL FROM, MUM?

THAT MAN ABOUT THE FLOORBOARDS AGAIN.

I WANTED KAREN TO FIND OUT WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOSE A SON.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE.

THAT WAS A DIABOLICAL THING TO DO, MUM.

I DON'T AGREE.

I HOPE IT'S TAUGHT HER A LESSON.

THEN I WON'T HAVE TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT MY TERRY LEAVING.

IT'S ALMOST TIME TO LEAVE FOR THE PARTY.

I BOOKED THE TABLE FOR 9:00.

SOMETHING THE MATTER, MY DEAR?

IT'S HENRY.

WHAT ABOUT HENRY?

HE'S IN MY ROOM.

HE'S DRESSED HIMSELF UP IN MY CLOTHES.

YOU SHOULD TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT.

HE ONLY WEARS CLOTHES THAT ARE CLEAN AND PRETTY.

VERY PARTICULAR, IS MY HENRY.

GET THAT STUFF OFF, HENRY!

THERE'S A DEAR!

YOU CAN'T GO TO DINNER DRESSED LIKE THAT!

YOU KNOW NYLON BRINGS YOU OUT IN A RASH!

[RESTAURANT CHATTER]

I WAS A BIT LIKE YOU AT THE TIME, SHIRLEY,

WANTING TO FALL THROUGH THE FLOOR

WHEN SOMEONE LOOKED AT ME,

FUMBLING WITH WORDS,

NOT VERY PRETTY, EITHER, BUT MY HUSBAND, BLESS HIM,

HE COULD SEE.

UNLIKE YOU, I HAD ONE MAGICAL QUALITY--

A SENSE OF HUMOR.

"DELICIOUS," HE CALLED IT.

"A DELICIOUS SENSE OF HUMOR."

I'VE STILL GOT IT, OF COURSE.

I CAN FEEL IT WAFTING OVER US, LIKE POISON GAS.

IT'S NOT FUNNY, MUM. SHE WAS CRYING HER EYES OUT WHEN I LEFT HER AT HOME.

WANTING YOUR SYMPATHY, I SUPPOSE.

YOU'RE NOT EATING, DEAR.

YOU'RE UPSET.

KAREN SHOULD BE HERE.

SORRY I'M LATE.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME. CHANGED MY MIND.

DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR HER TO GET AT YOU.

IN FIVE MINUTES YOU'D BE BEGGING NOT TO BE SENT TO CANADA.

I'M NOT HUNGRY.

THE CHILDREN ARE ALL RIGHT.

YOU SHOULD BE THRILLED THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM.

A GLASS OF WINE WILL PUT YOU TO RIGHTS. TERRY, POUR HER A GLASS OF WINE.

HERE WE ALL ARE TOGETHER.

YOUR FATHER WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO SEE US LIKE THIS,

A FAMILY UNITED BY BONDS OF LOVE SO STRONG.

WHICH ONE OF YOU IS TAGGART?

THERE ARE THREE OF THEM. TAKE YOUR PICK.

OH, WELL, WHICH ONE OF YOU DIDN'T PUT MY FLOORBOARDS DOWN?

I'VE GOT THE WHOLE FAMILY WITH ME, I'VE DRIVEN ALL THE WAY FROM SCOTLAND,

AND THERE ARE NO FLOORBOARDS IN MY KITCHEN!

[TERRY] THEY'RE HALF-DOWN. WAS YOU, WAS IT?

WELL, HALF ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO FINISH THEM. GET OVER THERE. FINISH THEM NOW.

I'M HAVING MY DINNER. WHAT ABOUT MY DINNER?

MY WIFE AND KIDS CAN'T EVEN GET INTO THE KITCHEN!

WELL, I'LL FIX THEM TOMORROW.

I WANT THEM FIXED TONIGHT.

GO ON, TERRY. GO FIX HIS FLOORBOARDS.

IF YOU HADN'T SCREWED UP THE WIRING, WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO PULL THE BLOODY THINGS UP!

THE WIRING'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S THE FLOORBOARDS HE'S COMPLAINING ABOUT.

YEAH. I'M NOT FIXING ANY FLOORBOARDS TONIGHT!

BUZZ OFF, OR I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. THE DIPLOMATIC TOUCH.

YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS!

ARE YOU GOING TO BUZZ OFF? YOU GONNA MAKE ME?

YEAH. I'M GONNA MAKE YOU. JUST YOU TRY IT.

ALL RIGHT. YOU JUST TRY.

I'M NOT AFRAID OF A CHAP YOUR SIZE! WATCH IT, MATEY.

I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU. THE FLOORBOARDS IN THE KITCHEN! I WANT THEM FIXED!

LOOK, I'VE DONE 12 HOURS WORK TODAY!

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FLOORBOARDS!

** [ANNIVERSARY SONG]

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MADAM. THANK YOU, CARLO.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

MR. BIRD.

I'M AFRAID MY SON IS A LITTLE DISTRAUGHT THIS EVENING. I TELL YOU WHAT WE'LL DO.

GO COLLECT YOUR FAMILY AND BRING THEM HERE FOR DINNER--

AS MY GUESTS, OF COURSE, AND WHILE YOU'RE HERE,

I'LL HAVE YOUR FLOORBOARDS PUT DOWN. HOW DOES THAT SOUND TO YOU?

YOU'RE GOING TO PUT THEM DOWN TONIGHT?

NOT PERSONALLY, OF COURSE.

OH, NO. SO...

I BRING ALL MY FAMILY HERE, AND-AND YOU PAY?

EXACTLY. I'LL RESERVE A TABLE FOR YOU. HOW MANY ARE YOU?

NINE.

OH, WELL, OFF YOU GO, MR. BIRD, AND PICK THEM ALL UP.

OH, THANK YOU, MA'AM. THINK NOTHING OF IT.

IT'S A GREAT PITY YOU HAVEN'T INHERITED SOME OF YOUR MOTHER'S KINDNESS.

NINE. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT A LITTLE SQUIRT LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS LOT'S GOING TO COST ME?

YEAH. WELL, I'M STILL NOT LAYING ANY FLOORBOARDS TONIGHT.

HENRY...

GO AND FIX THE FLOORBOARDS.

I WANT THEM ALL TO CREAK.

HOW WILL I DO THAT?

JUST DO YOUR USUAL JOB. THEY'LL CREAK.

NOW...

[KAREN] YOU'VE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, MUM.

I MADE MY WISH.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[GASPS]

[DOOR CREAKS] OH.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

I JUST WANTED TO BRING THESE BACK BEFORE I WENT OUT.

THANK YOU.

WHERE SHALL I PUT THEM? UH...

WELL, ANYWHERE. ON-ON THE BED.

I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.

I WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BEFORE,

BUT THE RESTAURANT DIDN'T SEEM QUITE THE RIGHT PLACE.

[SOFTLY] IT'S ALL RIGHT.

ANYWAY, WE'VE ALL GOT OUR LITTLE...

IDIOSYNCRASIES.

THAT THE RIGHT WORD?

IT'S A VERY NICE WORD, SHIRLEY. AND IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU TO LOOK AT IT LIKE THAT.

I MUST HAVE GIVEN YOU QUITE A TURN, COMING IN ON YOU LIKE I DID.

WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT THERE, SHIRLEY.

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HELP FEELING A BIT GUILTY, BEING FOUND WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S CLOTHES ON.

NO, I'M SURE YOU CAN'T.

I APOLOGIZE.

GOOD LORD. IT'S NOT YOU WHO SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING. IT'S ME.

THE FACT IS, ONCE I GET THE URGE, I JUST CAN'T STOP MY...

IDIOSYNCRASY.

I KNOW IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF GOING TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST?

I DON'T REALLY SEE THE POINT.

IT'S NOT AS THOUGH I DO ANYONE ANY HARM, IS IT?

EXCEPT YOURSELF.

WELL, I LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS, SHIRLEY.

IF I DIDN'T...

DO...WHAT I DO...

WELL, THERE'S NO SAYING WHAT I MIGHT...DO.

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

I SUPPOSE SO.

I LIKED YOUR SLIP.

IT CAME FROM MARKS & SPENCERS, DIDN'T IT? YES.

I'VE GOT A LOT OF MARKS & SPENCERS.

YES. THEY'RE VERY NICE.

GOOD VALUE FOR MONEY.

YOU'VE GOT SOME NICE CLOTHES, SHIRLEY.

YOU'VE GOT GOOD TASTE.

HELLO, KAREN. I'VE GOT TO GO AND LAY T HOSE FLOORBOARDS.

MAKE THE MOST OF IT, MATE. THAT'S ALL YOU'LL EVER LAY.

OH...

YOU STILL HERE?

I'D HAVE ESCAPED AFTER DINNER. I DON'T WANT TO.

YOU'RE BARMY. YOU'RE STILL HERE.

I WOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO DINNER AFTER WHAT SHE DID TO YOU AND TERRY.

YOU'RE NOT USED TO HER LITTLE WAYS.

IS SHE ALWAYS LIKE THIS?

TOM SAYS THAT, WHEN SHE'S GOT HER SONS TO HERSELF, SHE'S ALMOST HUMAN,

BUT AT THE FIRST WHIFF OF PERFUME, SHE TAKES TO HER BROOMSTICK.

I'VE BEEN LET OFF RATHER LIGHTLY, HAVEN'T I?

WHAT? SHE HASN'T EVEN STARTED ON YOU YET.

SHE WILL.

SHE'LL FIND YOUR WEAKNESS,

AND SHE'LL DRAG IT ROUND THE ROOM IN TRIUMPH.

TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME. I CAN BE PRETTY NASTY IF I PUT MY MIND TO IT.

REALLY? WELL, IT'LL BE A CHANGE FOR ME TO HAVE A RINGSIDE SEAT.

I'M USUALLY INSIDE THE RING ON THE ROPES.

SHE'S GOT TO BE SHOWN THAT, AS FAR AS TOM IS CONCERNED,

I'M THE BOSS NOW.

THE BOSS?

WELL, I MEAN, IF WE'RE GOING TO BE MARRIED.

OH. DOES TOM KNOW THIS?

WHAT?

THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE THE BOSS?

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, AREN'T WE?

INTO THE FRYING PAN. INTO THE FRYING PAN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

NO. I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU DO.

POOR OLD TOM.

ONE THING'S FOR SURE. YOU WON'T BE GOING TO CANADA.

I WILL. YOU WON'T!

I WILL! YOU WON'T!

TWO CAN PLAY THIS PREDICTION GAME.

YOU'VE HAD YOUR TURN, I'LL HAVE MINE.

YOU WON'T BE MARRYING SHIRLEY. YEAH? WHO WILL STOP ME?

SHE WILL, IF SHE'S GOT ANY SENSE, WHICH I DOUBT,

AND SHE'S LIKE ALL THE REST THE BIRDS YOU'VE-- [CLEARS THROAT]

WELL, I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS HOUSE.

IT NEEDS SOME LOVE PUMPING INTO IT.

WHAT THIS HOUSE NEEDS

IS A HEAVY LEAD BALL CRASHING AGAINST THE WALLS.

YEAH, AND WHERE'S MUM, TOM? WHERE'S MUM?

SHE'S STANDING UP THERE. YEAH.

SHE SEES THE BALL. "STOP!" SHE SAYS. "STOP! THIS IS MY HOUSE!"

YES, BUT THE BALL DOESN'T STOP. NO!

BIFF! RIGHT ON HER HEAD!

HER HEAD GOES DANCING DOWN THE STAIRS.

AND SHE'S LEFT WITHOUT A HEAD, STANDING UP THERE. YEAH!

HELLO, MY DEARS.

WELL, 40 YEARS AGO,

THE BEGINNING OF A WONDERFUL MARRIAGE.

THIS IS THE DAY WE THINK ONLY OF KINDNESS AND LOVE,

AND WE CAN BEST DO THAT BY THINKING OF YOUR FATHER.

HIS LAST WORDS TO ME WERE--

AND THERE WERE TEARS IN HIS EYES WHEN HE SAID THEM--

"I DID TRY, MUM.

I DID TRY."

AND THEN HE LOOKED UP AT THE CEILING,

SIGHED, AND SAID HOARSELY BUT CLEARLY,

"NOW, I CAN GET A BIT OF BLOODY PEACE."

DON'T TALK LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF YOUR FATHER.

IF YOU TWO ARE STARTING, I'M GOING.

SIT DOWN.

THIS IS MY DAY, ISN'T IT, LOVE?

I'M NOT YOUR LOVE.

YES, YOU ARE.

YOU BELONG TO ME.

IF I COULD STUFF YOU,

I'D PUT YOU IN THAT CABINET THERE,

ALONG WITH MY OTHER BEAUTIFUL POSSESSIONS.

AND THAT'S LOVE. IS IT?

NONE OF US CAN WAIT TO GET CLEAR OF YOU.

HENRY'S ALREADY GONE. HE WENT THE QUICK WAY: 'ROUND THE BEND.

TERRY THERE, HE'S OFF TO CANADA.

HE'S NOT GOING. [KAREN] HE IS.

HE PROMISED FAITHFULLY HE WOULDN'T.

WHEN DID I DO THAT, MUM? YOU DIDN'T, TERRY.

TAKE NO NOTICE OF HER.

BUT YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE NOTICE, AREN'T YOU, DEAR?

NO. I DON'T THINK SO, MUM.

I THINK SO...

'CAUSE WE HAVE A LITTLE SECRET, HAVEN'T WE?

AND WE WOULDN'T WANT IT TO COME OUT, WOULD WE?

NOT IN FRONT OF KAREN.

SHE'D NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN. LEAVE IT ALONE, MUM.

ONLY IF YOU SAY YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CANADA.

STOP IT, MUM. WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY, THEN?

THE 5,000 QUID? �1,000 IN FIVERS,

EVERY TIME YOU TELL ME KAREN IS PREGNANT.

YOU SWORE YOU'D NEVER LET ON ABOUT IT.

SHE GIVES YOU 1,000 QUID EVERY TIME KAREN'S GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN?

I MAKE ONLY ONE CONDITION-- TERRY IS THE FATHER.

WELL, YOU KEPT QUIET ABOUT THIS ONE, THEN, DIDN'T YOU? [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

YEAH, BUT WHY?

TO SAVE THE MARRIAGE.

A HOUSE FULL OF CHILDREN, A PREGNANT WIFE,

HE NEEDS AN OUTLET.

CARDS, ROULETTE, DOGS, HORSES--

THAT TAKES MONEY. CODSWALLOP!

YOU'RE RIGHT, TOM. IT IS CODSWALLOP.

WHEN MY MOTHER HEARD

THAT MY SECOND BABY WAS ON THE WAY,

SHE STARTED ON AT ME

ABOUT NOT ALLOWING A DECENT INTERVAL IN-BETWEEN.

SHE STARTED GOING ON ABOUT MY HEART.

YOU'VE GOT A DICKEY HEART? NO.

BESIDES, KIDS COME OUT OF ME LIKE BULLETS,

BUT YOU KNOW MOTHERS. I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE HAD PLEURISY WHEN I WAS A KID.

EVER SINCE THEN, SHE'S MAINTAINED I'M DELICATE.

[CHORTLES] ME, DELICATE.

WELL, MY MOTHER

HAD A QUIET WORD WITH TERRY'S MUM

ABOUT MY POOR OLD HEART,

AND WHAT DID TERRY'S MUM DO ABOUT IT?

SHE GAVE TERRY 1,000 QUID AND SAID,

"HOW QUICKLY CAN YOU GET THE NEXT ONE ON THE WAY?"

FOR YEARS, SHE'S BEEN WAITING FOR ME TO DROP DOWN DEAD.

SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA COMMIT THE PERFECT MURDER,

BUT ALL SHE'S BEEN DOING

IS PAYING US TO HAVE KIDS THAT WE WANTED ANYWAY!

BUT WHERE'S THE MONEY NOW?

I'VE GOT IT STOWED AWAY.

CANADA, HERE WE COME!

YOU TRY HIDING A WAD OF FIVERS AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE, MUM.

IT CAN'T BE DONE. BUT YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF IT, TOMMY.

SHE GAVE TERRY 1,000 QUID BECAUSE OF THE LATEST ONE THAT'S ON THE WAY,

ONLY THERE ISN'T ONE!

THERE ISN'T ONE? NO. I'M NOT PREGNANT, LOVE.

I THOUGHT SHE WAS, MUM. IT'S WHAT SHE TOLD ME.

WELL, WE NEEDED THAT EXTRA 1,000.

WELL, YOU BOOBED BRINGING THIS ONE OUT IN THE OPEN, DIDN'T YOU, DARLING?

CLOBBERED INTO SILENCE, AT LAST.

NO. SHE'S UP TO SOMETHING.

[DOOR OPENS]

CLOSE THE DOOR.

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THE HEAT.

I DISLIKE DOING IT, CHILDREN,

BUT I DON'T SEE ANY WAY OUT.

DOING WHAT?

HAND HENRY OVER TO THE POLICE.

HAND HENRY OVER TO THE POLICE?

I CAN'T POSSIBLY

COPE WITH HIM ON MY OWN.

YEAH, BUT-- BUT YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO HIM, MUM.

HE'S GETTING WORSE.

I CAN'T GET INSIDE HIS ROOM FOR UNDIES.

HE HAS TO BE WATCHED MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT.

WITHOUT YOU, I JUST HAVEN'T GOT THE TIME.

SO LET HIM GO FOR TREATMENT OR SOMETHING. HE'LL GET TREATMENT IN PRISON.

I'M SORRY...

BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANY ALTERNATIVE.

UNLESS TERRY STAYS.

UNLESS, AS YOU SAID,

TERRY STAYS. [CLICKS OFF LIGHT]

YEAH, BUT-BUT THAT'S BLACKMAIL.

SHE'D NEVER DO IT, NOT TO HENRY.

[TOM] YOU WANNA BET?

MUM, YOU WOULDN'T SEND HENRY TO PRISON.

ONLY ON HUMANITARIAN GROUNDS, DEAR.

MY ELDEST NEEDS HELP.

WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER WOULD I BE IF I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO HIM?

THAT'S JUST THE KIND OF HELP YOU WOULD GIVE. SLING SOMEONE IN THE NICK FOR SIX MONTHS.

I'M NOT "SLINGING HIM IN THE NICK,"

AS YOU PUT IT, TERRY IS.

DARLING, COULD YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR BIG BROTHER?

HE WAS THE ONE WHO GRABBED YOU OUT OF THE POND WHEN YOU WERE FOUR YEARS OLD.

HE WAS THE ONE WHO LET YOU PLAY WITH HIS CLOCKWORK TRAIN.

HE WAS THE ONE WHO WENT OUT ONE MORNING

AND BOUGHT 72 MARBLES AND GAVE THEM ALL TO YOU.

HE WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK YOUR CHAIR AWAY THAT TIME AND NEARLY BROKE YOUR BACK.

HE NEVER DID. HENRY'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING ROTTEN TO ME IN HIS LIFE.

I KNOW HE HASN'T, IDIOT.

IT'S JUST THAT I FIND MUM'S SENTIMENTAL RUBBISH NAUSEATING.

I KNOW ALL THAT, BUT I STILL DON'T WANT HENRY TO LAND UP IN THE NICK!

[KAREN] I THINK MUM'S RIGHT.

HENRY SHOULD BE LOCKED UP.

IT'S FOR HIS OWN GOOD.

IT'S HUMANITARIAN.

MY GOD, SHE'S QUICK!

NOTICE HOW SHE'S PINCHED MY ARGUMENT.

WELL, IT WON'T WASH, DEAR.

IF YOU'RE REALLY A HUMANITARIAN,

YOU'LL SEE TO IT THAT HENRY DOES NOT GO TO JAIL.

I DON'T THINK HE OUGHT TO GO TO JAIL, EITHER. YOU DON'T?

NO, I DON'T.

EDUCATION IS A WONDERFUL THING, KAREN.

WE HAVE AN EDUCATED WOMAN HERE.

SHE SAYS HENRY SHOULD NOT GO TO JAIL.

WE CAN'T ARGUE WITH AN EDUCATED WOMAN, CAN WE?

HE'D ONLY BE RIDICULED IN PRISON, WOULDN'T HE?

NO ONE WANTS HIM RIDICULED, SURELY.

WELL, LET'S ASK THEM, MY DEAR. TERRY?

DO YOU WANT HENRY RIDICULED? [SHIRLEY] IT WOULDN'T HELP HIS ILLNESS.

HE'D ONLY COME OUT, DO IT AGAIN, AND BE GIVEN A LONGER SENTENCE.

THEN ONE DAY HE'D GO IN AND NEVER COME OUT AT ALL,

JUST BECAUSE OF TERRY'S SELFISHNESS.

OH, I THINK TERRY SHOULD GO TO CANADA.

YOU DO? YES. DEFINITELY.

YOU'RE A BIT OF A CRETIN ON THE QUIET, AREN'T YOU?

I THOUGHT SHE WAS AN EDUCATED WOMAN!

ONLY A FACADE, OBVIOUSLY.

LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK.

WHAT ELSE IS FALSE ABOUT YOU, MY DEAR?

NOT YOUR LASHES...

NOT YOUR NAILS...

YOU'RE NOT WEARING A WIG, ARE YOU?

WHY ARE YOU HIDING YOUR EARS? LET ME SEE YOUR EARS. NO.

LET ME SEE THEM.

HA! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN EARS LIKE THAT, KAREN?

COME AND LOOK. THEY'RE BOXER'S EARS, ALL MOTTLED.

SHUT HER UP, TOM...PLEASE?

WAVE GOODBYE, TOM. SHE'S FOUND HER WEAK SPOT.

I'M MARRYING HER, MUM.

HAVE YOU SEEN HER EARS?

THEY'RE REPULSIVE.

AREN'T THEY REPULSIVE, MY DEAR?

YES. YOU SEE? SHE AGREES WITH ME.

[TOM] BECAUSE SHE'S GOT A THING ABOUT THEM, THAT'S ALL.

I HAVE AN AVERSION TO ANYTHING THAT'S REPULSIVE.

COULD YOU LIVE WITH THOSE EARS?

OH, COME ON. LEAVE HER ALONE.

SHE CAN'T HELP HER EARS.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HER EARS!

DO THEY LET IN MUCH OF A DRAFT, MY DEAR?

COME, CHILDREN.

THE TOAST.

LET US NOT FORGET YOUR FATHER.

I EXPECT HE'S LISTENING IN.

OH, DAD...

WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME WITH ALL THIS RESPONSIBILITY?

WOULD YOU FORGIVE ME IF I GAVE IT ALL UP AND RETIRED...

MAYBE TO CANADA? [POP]

IF YOU'RE HERE, DAD, GIVE US A SIGN.

CAREFUL. HE MIGHT HAVE THE HOUSE DOWN ON TOP OF US.

DO SOMETHING USEFUL, DAD. GET THE GOVERNOR TO TURN HER INTO A PILLAR OF SALT.

I'M SURE YOUR FATHER IS THINKING,

"THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED, HAVE THEY?

THERE'S MUM, IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS TREACHERY...

STILL LOVING.

ALWAYS LOVING.

AH, WHOSE IS THAT NEW FACE I SEE?

MUST BE A GIRLFRIEND OF TOMMY'S.

STRANGE WHAT MEN FIND ATTRACTIVE." MUM...

I WAS JUST TELLING YOU WHAT YOUR FATHER WAS SAYING. HE'S DEAD.

HE STILL HAS A RIGHT TO BE HEARD.

WELL...

HERE WE ARE, DAD, PAYING OUR RESPECTS TO YOU,

THE SAME AS LAST YEAR, THE SAME AS IT WILL BE NEXT YEAR.

YOU ARE OUR FATHER,

THE ROCK UPON WHICH WE STAND.

NO ONE WILL EVER LEAVE.

THEY ARE OUR CHILDREN

AND HAVE IT NOT IN THEIR HEARTS TO DESTROY US,

BECAUSE IT IS US WHO WILL BE MORTALLY WOUNDED

AND THE PAIN, THE AWFUL PAIN,

WILL BE SUCH AS NO PERSON HAS EVER BORNE BEFORE.

THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD IT.

TO DAD.

[TOM, TERRY] TO DAD.

DAD.

* ROCK OF AGES *

* CLEFT FOR ME *

* LET ME HIDE MYSELF IN THEE *

* LET THE LA DEE AND THE BLOOD *

* FROM THE DEE DAH AND, UH, FLOWED *

* ROCK OF AGES *

* CLEFT FOR ME *

* LET ME HIDE

* MYSELF IN THEE *

THAT WAS MY HUSBAND'S FAVORITE HYMN, SHIRLEY.

HE KNEW ALL THE WORDS, TOO.

WELL, I'VE DONE MY SOLO BIT.

IT'S YOUR TURN, TERRY.

HEY, HEY. COME ON, MAESTRO.

COME ON, LOVE. GET IT OVER WITH.

** [F�R ELISE]

[CHANGES TUNES]

[PLAYS F�R ELISE OFF-KEY]

YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT, WERE YOU, SHIRLEY?

THAT'S WHY I KEEP THE PIANO, IN THE HOPES THAT TERRY WILL TAKE IT UP AGAIN.

TAKE IT UP AGAIN, TERRY.

YOU OWE IT TO CULTURE.

[MRS. TAGGART] NOW, WHAT YOU GOING TO DO FOR US, LITTLE TOMMY TUCKER?

I'M GOING TO RECITE A POEM.

WE WON'T FIND IT IN THE GOLDEN TREASURY, WILL WE?

"THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY OF BOW WHO SLEPT WITH 10 MEN IN A ROW,

'BECAUSE,' AS SHE SAID, 'WHEN I GET INTO BED,

I FORGET WHAT THE WORD IS FOR NO.'"

VERY GOOD, VERY RIBALD.

FETCH ME SOME CHAMPAGNE.

NOW, IT'S YOUR TURN, SHIRLEY.

ME? YES.

NO. I'D BE TOO EMBARRASSED.

[MRS. TAGGART] I WANT YOU TO ENTERTAIN ME.

GET UP AND DO SOMETHING.

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO A THING.

I CAN STOP YOU FROM MARRYING HIM.

NO, YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE I SHAN'T BE LIKE KAREN.

I DON'T NEED ANYTHING FROM YOU.

YOU'LL NEED A SEDATIVE WHEN I TELL YOU TOMMY'S ALREADY MARRIED.

THAT'S NOT TRUE, SHIRLEY.

WELL, AT LEAST IT SHUT HER UP. GAVE US A BIT OF RESPITE.

PERSONALLY, I PREFERRED LAST YEAR'S EXHIBIT.

WHAT WAS HER NAME? HEATHER.

SO THERE WAS A GIRL HERE LAST YEAR.

YES, THERE WAS, SHIRLEY.

YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE THE FIRST, DID YOU?

YOU'RE THE THIRD-- AND ALWAYS ON THIS DAY.

I WONDER WHO IT WILL BE NEXT YEAR.

YOU'VE BEEN ENGAGED TWICE BEFORE?

SHE WAS ALWAYS ABLE TO BREAK THEM INTO LITTLE PIECES.

SHE THINKS SHE CAN DO THE SAME WITH ANYONE I BRING HERE. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

I HAD TO SEE IF SHE COULD BREAK YOU, TOO. AS I SAID, YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST.

BUT I'M GOING TO BE THE LAST.

EVEN IF I TELL YOU TOMMY GETS ENGAGED EACH YEAR

TO SPIT IN MY EYE?

I'D SPIT IN THE OTHER ONE IF YOU HAD IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY DON'T CALL YOU OLD ONE-EYE! SHUT HER UP, TOM!

I'M ONLY GIVING HER WHAT SHE GAVE ME! STUPID LITTLE BITCH.

SHH. YES. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT THAT UP, MY DEAR.

WHY?

YOU'RE RIGHT, OF COURSE. I HAVE ONLY ONE EYE.

MUM, PLEASE.

ONE, HOT DAY IN AUGUST WHEN TERRY WAS A LITTLE BOY,

HE CREPT INTO HENRY'S BEDROOM AND TOOK HENRY'S AIR PISTOL.

HE RAN UP TO ME IN THE GARDEN. HE WAS SO EXCITED.

AND AS HE PRESSED THE TRIGGER

WITH BOTH OF HIS LITTLE HANDS, HE SHOUTED,

"BANG! YOU'RE DEAD, MUMMY."

AND HE LAUGHED AND LAUGHED,

UNTIL HE SAW THE BLOOD SPURTING OUT.

HE HAD NIGHTMARES FOR TWO YEARS.

HE'S NEVER LOOKED ME IN THE FACE SINCE.

SO...

INSTEAD OF BEING CRUEL TO ME, MY DEAR,

YOU'RE BEING CRUEL TO TERRY,

BY REMINDING HIM OF THAT HOT DAY IN AUGUST

WHEN HE STUNG THE LIFE OUT OF HIS MUMMY'S EYE.

BUT MUMMY FORGAVE, DIDN'T SHE, DARLING?

YOU'VE NEVER FORGIVEN.

WELL, I CAN'T EXACTLY STOP LOOKING AT HIM.

IT WAS NOBODY'S FAULT. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

TERRY DOESN'T THINK SO. AS FAR AS HE KNOWS, HE BLINDED HIS MOTHER IN ONE EYE.

AND HOW IS HE REPAYING HER?

BY GOING OFF TO CANADA AND SHOOTING OUT THE OTHER.

WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN THE LITTLE FOOL ABOUT IT? IT--

I'VE DONE NOTHING I'M ASHAMED OF.

I'M NOT HAVING HER DICTATE TO ME!

WHY? WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT YOU?

I WANTED TO RAM IT HOME TO HER THAT I'M NO CLAY PIGEON FOR A SHOOTOUT

WHENEVER IT TAKES HER FANCY!

AND WHILE WE'RE ABOUT IT, WE MIGHT AS WELL GET MORE FACTS SORTED OUT.

FROM NOW ON,

I COME FIRST WHERE TOM'S CONCERNED.

HE ANSWERS TO ME!

I'VE MADE UP MY MIND WHERE WE'RE GOING TO LIVE AND IT'S NOT NEAR HERE!

AND I KNOW THE SORT OF JOB HE'LL BE DOING. IT WON'T BE WORKING FOR YOU.

AND I KNOW HOW MANY KIDS I'M GONNA HAVE, AND I'LL TELL YOU THIS.

NOT ONE OF THOSE KIDS WILL BE SEEING ANYTHING OF OLD ONE-EYE!

AND I'M STAYING THE WEEKEND, BECAUSE I'M NOT TO BE GOT RID OF!

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?

NOTHING, MY DEAR.

YOU'VE FOUND SOMEONE WHO CAN STAND UP TO YOU, AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DO YOU?

TOM AND I ARE GOING FOR A WALK AND WHEN WE COME BACK

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE TALK ABOUT THE WEDDING.

IT'S BEEN SETTLED. I'VESETTLED IT.

TOM AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED.

AND IF YOU START UP AGAIN,

I'LL--

I'LL POKE OUT YOUR OTHER EYE! NOW, COME ON, TOM!

GO ON, TOM.

YES.

WELL... [SHIRLEY] TOM?

[SHIRLEY] TOM!

AND JUST YOU REMEMBER WHAT SHE SAID.

[WHISTLES A DOG CALL]

WELL...

NOW LET'S LIGHT THE BONFIRE.

COME, CHILDREN.

FIREWORKS TIME.

[VOICES FROM INSIDE HOUSE]

[MAN] HERE! THERE'S SOMEBODY AT YOUR WASHING.

SOMEBODY HAS STOLE SOME THINGS.

[WOMAN] GO ON, AFTER HIM. [GASPS]

[MAN] AFTER HIM? IN MY PAJAMAS? [WINDOW SLIDES OPEN]

[MAN] HERE, COME BACK, YOU THIEVING PERISHER!

FETCH THOSE THINGS BACK!

I'LL CALL THE POLICE! [TRASH CAN CRASHES]

[CAT SCREECHES, DOG BARKS]

[GASPS]

OH!

[WHIMPERS]

[TRAIN WHISTLE]

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING. YES, THERE IS. WHAT IS IT?

YOU'RE EVEN BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE MUM.

WHAT A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.

IT'S BEEN WORRYING ME EVER SINCE YOU WENT FOR HER BACK THERE.

YOU TOOK OVER, DIDN'T LET ME GET A LOOK IN, YOU KEPT ME OUT.

I WANTED TO PROVE THAT I LOVE YOU.

THAT'S THE SORT OF REPLY I'D OF GOT FROM MUM.

WILL YOU STOP COMPARING ME WITH YOUR MUM?

I LOVE YOU.

WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO,

IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.

SUCH AS?

YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

WE COULD--

YES, THAT'S IT. THE TWO OF US

WILL SPEND THE NIGHT IN MUM'S BED.

I-I DON'T THINK I'D ENJOY THAT, TOM.

YOU'RE THINKING OF YOURSELF AGAIN. NO. IT'S NOT THAT.

WELL, I--

IT JUST WOULDN'T BE ANY GOOD.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S ENOUGH TO BE JUST LYING THERE,

HEARING HER THUMPING AWAY ON THE LOCKED DOOR,

AND SCREAMING THROUGH THE KEYHOLE.

LET'S GO BACK TO MY PLACE.

AND WHAT WOULD THE OTHERS THINK IF I LEFT NOW? I'D BE FINISHED IN THEIR EYES.

A HEN-PECKED WRITE-OFF.

NO. I CAN'T LEAVE UNTIL MUM'S BEATEN AND I'M BACK ON TOP AGAIN.

LISTEN, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ASKING, TOM.

I FEEL UNCLEAN.

YOU NEEDN'T. THE SHEETS ARE CHANGED ONCE A WEEK.

THAT WASN'T WHAT I MEANT.

THERE YOU GO AGAIN.

I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WHAT YOU MEAN.

IT'S WHAT I MEAN, I FEEL, I WANT!

SO MAKE UP YOUR MIND, LOVE. WHAT'S IT TO BE?

SORRY YOU MISSED THE FIREWORKS, DEAR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU GET LOST IN AN UNDIE FACTORY?

OH, NO. IT WAS THE POLICE.

THEY NEARLY CAUGHT ME.

I'D GOT HOLD OF A GARMENT

AND WAS JUST PINNING THE 10-BOB NOTE TO THE CLOTHESLINE.

SOMEBODY STARTED SHOUTING, I'VE BEEN RUNNING EVER SINCE.

IT'S A GREAT PITY YOU WEREN'T CAUGHT.

A SCANDAL LIKE THAT MIGHT BRING YOU TO YOUR SENSES.

WHAT ABOUT THE CAR?

OH, MY GOD. FORGOT ABOUT THE CAR.

THE POLICE ARE SURE TO FIND IT.

AND IT'S GOT A SARI, SUSPENDER BELT AND A COUPLE OF PAIRS OF PANTIES ON THE FRONT SEAT!

GOOD. HEADLINES ACROSS THE FRONT PAGE WILL SERVE YOU RIGHT.

I'M SORRY BUT I'VE GOT NO SYMPATHY WITH YOU.

BUT IT'S NOT MY CAR, KAREN. I WAS STILL USING YOURS.

TERRY'S CAR?

THE--THE POLICE WILL THINK IT'S ME!

TALK YOUR WAY OUT OF THAT ONE, TERRY! BUT...MUM?

HENRY'S ROOM NEEDS A SPRING CLEANING.

MAKE SURE THE BONFIRE'S STILL BURNING, TOMMY.

[TERRY] MUM.

IF THE POLICE COME, YOU'LL TELL THEM, WON'T YOU? WHAT, DEAR?

THAT IT WASN'T ME. IT'S YOUR CAR.

MUM, LOOK. I MEAN--

SURELY YOUR MUM WON'T LET TERRY TAKE THE BLAME.

GIVE HER HALF A CHANCE, SHE'LL DRIVE THE WAGON HERSELF.

YOU SEE IT FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW, TERRY.

THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.

I SEE IT FROM THE POLICE'S POINT OF VIEW,

SIMPLY AS A GOOD CITIZEN.

LOOK, MUM. YOU MIGHT BE SENDING ME TO PRISON.

DISHONESTY SHOULD NOT GO UNPUNISHED, SON.

BUT I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!

BUT THE CAR GIVES YOU AWAY.

EVEN A MOTHER CAN'T BE BLIND TO THAT EVIDENCE. LOOK, MUM.

LOOK, HENRY, YOU CAN'T LET YOUR BROTHER TAKE THE BLAME FOR WHAT YOU DID.

IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS THAT, KAREN.

IT COULDN'T BE MORE SIMPLE! YOU DID IT, AND YOU'VE GOT TO PAY.

I'LL GET CLAUSTROPHOBIA, IF I'M SHUT UP IN THERE.

YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!

OH, PLEASE, KAREN, I'VE GOT TO PUT THESE ON THE BONFIRE.

I'M SURPRISED AT YOU, TERRY,

TRYING TO PUT THE BLAME ON YOUR BROTHER,

KNOWING WHAT AN ADVERSE AFFECT IT WOULD HAVE ON HIM.

YOU WERE THE ONE, EARLIER, THAT WAS ALL FOR TELLING THE POLICE ABOUT HENRY!

GOD! SOME PEOPLE WILL STOP AT NOTHING,

EVEN TRYING TO TURN A MOTHER AGAINST HER ELDEST SON.

NOW, GO ON.

OH, WELL...

IN FOR A PENNY, IN FOR A POUND.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR BED. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S TIME FOR?

YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL THE POLICE ARRIVE AND YOU TELL THEM IT WAS HENRY.

[TOM] LOOK, MATE, WE'VE ALL GOT OUR PROBLEMS.

ANYWAY, IT'S YOUR FIRST OFFENSE.

IT'S NOT EVEN MY FIRST OFFENSE!

YOU'LL PROBABLY ONLY GET PROBATION.

BUT LOOK, IF YOU-- TERRY.

YEAH?

I'D BE AWFULLY GRATEFUL IF YOU'D ASKED FOR 62 OTHER OFFENSES

TO BE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION.

LOOK, HENRY.

IF YOU WERE A MAN LIKE TERRY, YOU'D GIVE YOURSELF UP.

IF I WAS A MAN LIKE TERRY, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED. WHAT ARE YOU, THEN?

I'M GOING BY WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS CALLED ME: A PERVERT.

WELL, NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO REFORM. BUT I LIKE BEING ONE.

MMM. SORRY, I DIDN'T KNOW.

THAT'S GOING TO BE A COMFORT TO YOU, TERRY, WHILE YOU'RE SEWING YOUR MAILBAGS.

KAREN, AS TOM SAYS-- GET OUT.

AS TOM SAYS, IT'LL ONLY BE PROBATION.

HENRY, I AM NOT GONNA HAVE MY MATES THINKING I GO CREEPING OFF

GETTING MY SATISFACTION FROM A CLOTHESLINE!

NEXT THEY'LL SAY I CAN'T BE THE FATHER OF ME OWN KIDS!

LOOK, HENRY.

TERRY, TRY AND SEE IT FROM MY VIEW.

THIS TIME I'LL GET PROBATION, BUT NEXT TIME, PRISON.

WHEREAS, IF I KEEP QUIET, NEXT TIME WILL BE MY FIRST TIME,

SO I'LL ONLY GET PROBATION.

DON'T YOU SEE? IT GIVES ME A BIT OF BREATHING SPACE.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, TERRY, DO HIM IN.

[KAREN] CHOKE A CONFESSION OUT OF HIM!

DO SOMETHING TO THE FAT CREEP BEFORE I MURDER HIM!

THERE IS ONE THING I WILL NOT TOLERATE IN MY HOUSE.

THAT IS THE SHOUTING OF ABUSE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING, TOMMY? BED.

I SEE.

SHIRLEY, IF THE POLICE COME, KEEP OUT OF THE WAY.

I DON'T WANT THEM TO THINK I'M RUNNING A HOUSE OF ILL REPUTE.

GOOD NIGHT, ALL.

A KISS FOR YOUR MUM ON HER ANNIVERSARY?

FOLLOW THAT, IF YOU CAN.

GOD, YOU'RE DISGUSTING!

WELL, I FEEL BETTER FOR THAT,

GIVEN ME A BIT OF THE OLD SPARKLE.

NOW...

LET'S ALL START TALKING LIKE MAD

SO THAT SHIRLEY WILL HAVE A CHANCE TO SLIP UPSTAIRS.

TAKE YOUR TIME, MY DEAR.

JUST KEEP WALKING, SHIRLEY, OUT THE FRONT DOOR.

[QUIETLY] BUT I NEED HIM.

I LOVE HIM. I'VE GOT HIS BABY.

NOT VERY ORIGINAL, ARE YOU?

WELL, I KNOW IT DOESN'T SHOW, BUT--

OH, NO.

HE'S NEVER GONE THIS FAR BEFORE.

WE OUGHT TO MAKE HER LEAVE.

HENRY, IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU HAD TREATMENT FOR YOUR COMPLAINT.

IT'S AFFECTING YOUR MIND.

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT OUGHT TO WALK OUT, HENRY.

I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO.

NEITHER HAVE I WHEN MY PARENTS FIND OUT ABOUT THE BABY.

THANK GOD THERE ARE SOME OF US

WHO STILL HAVE CHRISTIAN VALUES,

NOT MANY, BUT A FEW.

YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BABY, THEN, MRS. TAGGART?

NO. I KEEP SEEING IT WITH YOUR EARS.

WELL, WALKED OUT DIFFERENTLY THIS TIME, DIDN'T SHE?

GOING SOMEWHERE, HENRY?

I'M JUST GOING TO LOOK AT THE BONFIRE.

MUM, DID YOU MEAN WHAT YOU SAID JUST NOW ABOUT HENRY NEEDING TREATMENT?

WHY? THAT'S WHAT HE'LL GET IF HE'LL GIVE HIMSELF UP.

WELL, THAT'S NOTHING TO WHAT YOU'LL GET IF THE POLICE FIND YOUR CAR.

OF COURSE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO APPEAR IN FRONT OF ANY MAGISTRATE

IF YOU FORGET ABOUT CANADA.

ALL RIGHT, LOVE. NO!

BUT I'M NEVER GONNA GET INTO CANADA WITH A PERVERT LABEL STUCK ALL OVER ME!

WHAT IS IT, TERRY?

YOU LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO STAY?

DON'T YOU WANT TO GO?

WOULD YOU RATHER WAIT FOR HER TO FORGIVE YOU

FOR SOMETHING YOU DID 20 ODD YEARS AGO,

AND TO HELL WITH ME AND THE CHILDREN, IS THAT IT?

HAVE YOU JUST BEEN KIDDING ME ALONG ABOUT CANADA?

COME ON, LOVE.

I DON'T WANT TO.

ALL RIGHT, MUM.

WE WON'T GO.

GOD! YOU'VE HAD A GOOD ANNIVERSARY.

HAVEN'T YOU? IT'S NOT OVER YET.

I WANT AN I.O.U. FOR �5,000.

BUT THAT'S TERRY'S MONEY.

YOU GAVE IT TO HIM. YOU TOLD HIM TO BLOW THE LOT.

NO DOUBT HE'S SORRY HE DIDN'T TAKE MY ADVICE.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL SIGN IT.

I PREFER IT FROM KAREN.

SHE'S GOT IT STOWED AWAY.

WILL INK DO, OR WOULD YOU LIKE IT IN BLOOD?

INK WILL BE FINE, DEAR.

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES] THERE SHE GOES AGAIN.

PROBABLY DISCOVERED MY GLASS EYE. I LEFT IT ON THE PILLOW.

HAVE YOU SIGNED IT, DEAR? [SHIRLEY SOBS]

THEY REALLY SHOULD NOT BE IN MY BEDROOM, YOU KNOW.

THANK YOU, DEAR.

VERY SWEET OF YOU.

[SOBBING CONTINUES]

[DOOR SLAMS]

IS SHE STILL LOOKING AT MY GLASS EYE?

I THINK IT'S GIVEN HER A MISCARRIAGE.

POLICE, PLEASE.

GOOD EVENING.

I WANT TO REPORT A STOLEN CAR, MY SON'S, ACTUALLY.

WE'D BEEN HAVING A PARTY.

WHEN HE WENT TO LOOK FOR HIS CAR, IT WASN'T WHERE HE PARKED IT.

HOLD ON, PLEASE.

YOU SEE...

WHOEVER PINCHED THE CAR, PINCHED THE UNDIES.

SIMPLE?

USE THE PHONE IN THE STUDY.

THEY WANT YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, REGISTRATION NUMBER.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING, KAREN? TO SHIRLEY.

SOMEBODY SHOULD BE SITTING WITH HER.

SHE'LL BE ALL RIGHT, MUM, WON'T SHE?

SHE SEEMED TO BE IN A LOT OF PAIN. NOT PAIN, DEAR, JUST DISCOMFORT.

LIKE, HAY FEVER.

OH, TERRY, IF YOU'RE GOING TO PICK ME UP AT SIX IN THE MORNING,

YOU'D BETTER BE ON YOUR WAY HOME.

YOU CAN USE HENRY'S CAR. 6:00?

I WANT TO START WORK ON THAT NEW OFFICE BLOCK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

WHAT OFFICE BLOCK?

REMEMBER THAT PLOT I BOUGHT NEAR THE STATION A FEW YEARS AGO?

THEY WANT AN OFFICE BLOCK THERE. DIDN'T I TELL YOU?

THE LAST THING YOU SAID ABOUT THE BUSINESS WAS THAT WE WOULDN'T BE WORKING SO HARD.

AH, THAT WAS BEFORE YOU ALL UPSET ME.

SHE'S NOT LOSING IT.

IT'S A FALSE ALARM.

THAT GIRL.

BEEN WORRYING MYSELF SICK ABOUT HER.

YOU COULD HAVE MURDERED THAT BABY.

YEAH, YOU OUGHTN'T TO HAVE DONE THAT.

YOU WENT TOO FAR THIS TIME, MUM!

LISTENTO THEM! JUST LISTEN TO THEM!

SO RIGHTEOUS!

ACCORDING TO YOU LOT,

I'VE BEEN PLAYING WITH SHIRLEY,

LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING.

WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU FACE UP TO ME, TELL ME TO PACK IT IN?

NO, MY DEARS, THE FINGER'S NOT POINTING AT ME!

IT'S CROOKED!

IT'S POINTING BACK TO ALL OF YOU!

NOW...

WHAT DID YOU SAY? I SAID, "NUTS."

YOU WERE HOPING SHE'D LOSE THAT BABY.

GOD! WHAT KIND OF A WOMAN DO YOU THINK I AM?

I'LL TELL YOU.

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CONTENT JUST KNITTING AWAY DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION,

LIKE THE OTHER HAGS, OH, NO!

YOU'D HAVE BEEN UP THERE, WORKING THE GUILLOTINE YOURSELF!

THEN YOU'D HAVE GONE ROUND WITH A BASKET, SELLING THE HEADS FOR DOORSTOPS!

SHE MUSTN'T GET AWAY WITH THIS, TOM.

YEAH? WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST, KAREN?

PUT HER ON A BONFIRE? TIE HER TO A STAKE?

YOU LOVE YOUR MUM!

FLAMES ARE CREEPING UP ROUND HER LEGS AND SHE THINKS OLD DAD'S RETURNED!

[KAREN] NO, TOM! NO MORE GAMES!

THIS TIME, WE REALLY KILL HER.

JUST CLEAR OUT!

WITHOUT ALL OF YOU LOT TO FEED ON, SHE'D STARVE!

OOH, AND I WANNA SEE HER STARVE.

I WANNA SEE HER BODY SHRIVEL.

I WANT TO SEE THE CRACKS APPEAR.

I WANNA SEE THE MAGGOTS GET AT HER! LEAVE HER!

MY, GOD, SHE'S SCUMMY!

GREEN WITH ENVY!

GO ON, TOM. GET OUT!

GO TO SHIRLEY. SHE WON'T HAVE ANYTHING MORE TO DO WITH ME.

SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU IN THE CAR.

SHE STILL WANTS ME?

YEAH. SHE'S A REGULAR LITTLE NUTCASE.

GO ON, TOM.

SHE'S GOT YOUR THINGS.

I'M LEAVING YOU, DEAR. DON'T FORGET TO MENTION ME IN YOUR WILL.

YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE ME.

I'M LEAVING WITH SHIRLEY,

AND I'M GETTING A SPECIAL LICENSE IN THE MORNING.

CAN I BE YOUR BEST MAN, TOM?

YOU CAN BE MY BEST MAN WITH PLEASURE!

IN FACT, IF YOU LIKE, YOU CAN EVEN BE ONE OF THE BRIDESMAIDS.

[DOOR CLOSES] YOU GOADED HIM INTO LEAVING!

YOU'RE LIKE A CANCER! [CAR DRIVES AWAY]

FROM THE MOMENT YOU CAME INTO THIS HOUSE, THE DISEASE SPREAD.

LOOK, MUM, I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT-- AND YOU BROUGHT HER!

I PROMISE YOU, I'LL HAVE YOUR SKIN FOR RAGS

AND WIPE THE FACES OF YOUR CHILDREN WITH THEM!

GOD, HE'S YOUR SON!

HE'S NOT A SON.

HE GIVES ME THE SHUDDERS, ALWAYS HAS DONE.

YOU'VE NEVER FELT ANYTHING FOR ME?

IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?

[YELLING] IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID?

YOU MEAN, IT WASN'T THE ACCIDENT THAT TURNED YOU AGAINST ME?

NO, NO, NO!

SHE'S NEVER GIVEN A DAMN!

YOU'VE GOT TO GET THAT INTO YOUR THICK SKULL, TERRY.

TO HER, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN JUST A WET SPANIEL WITH THE SLOBBERS.

LISTEN, TERRY.

FOR YEARS,

YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR HER TO SHOW THAT SHE CARES FOR YOU.

BUT, LOVE, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT FROM YOU.

JUST SOME LITTLE SIGN

TO SHOW THAT I'M NOT JUST...

SECOND BEST.

WELL, SURELY MY LOVE'S BETTER THAN NOTHING,

AND THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING TO GET FROM HER:

A BIG FAT NOTHING!

WELL, WE BETTER BE PUSHING OFF, KAREN,

PICK UP THE KIDS.

WE DON'T WANT YOUR MOM TO START WORRYING. YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE.

DON'T FORGET. 6:00.

I'LL BE TOO BUSY, MUM.

I'VE GOT A LOT TO SORT OUT BEFORE WE LEAVE FOR CANADA.

[MRS. TAGGART] CANADA, HE SAYS,

AS IF IT WERE JUST OUTSIDE WIMBLEDON. WHAT I WANT--

[YELLING] LOOK, IT'S FINISHED, MUM! SO FORGET IT!

COME ON, KAREN. TERRY!

[SNIFFS] HE'S NOT MUCH TO WRITE HOME ABOUT, IS HE?

BUT HE'S BEAUTIFUL, REALLY.

[CRYING] OH, GOD! HE'S BEAUTIFUL!

[KAREN, SHOUTING] WHOOPEE!

[CAR DRIVES AWAY]

HE'S JUST LIKE HIS FATHER,

ANOTHER WET SPANIEL WITH THE SLOBBERS.

OH, NOW, NOW, MUM. YOU WERE VERY FOND OF DAD.

OF COURSE I WAS,

AFTER HE'D BEEN LAID OUT.

YOU CAN'T MEAN THAT, MUM.

OTHERWISE WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN REMEMBERING HIM TONIGHT.

WELL, I--

I THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS, HAVE MY BATH.

OH, HENRY?

WHO WAS THAT MUCKY FRENCH ARTIST

WHO USED TO PAINT FAT WOMEN GETTING IN AND OUT OF BATHS?

I DON'T KNOW, MUM. WHY?

OH, NEVER MIND.

GOOD NIGHT, HENRY.

GOOD NIGHT, MUM.

CARTER, THIS IS MRS. TAGGART.

I KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. ARE YOU MY SOLICITOR, OR AREN'T YOU?

VERY WELL. LISTEN.

FIRST THING IN THE MORNING,

I WANT YOU TO START LEGAL PROCEEDINGS

FOR THE COLLECTION OF AN I.O.U. FOR �5,000, THEN I WANT YOU TO GET ON TO

[MRS. TAGGART, VOICEOVER] THE CANADIAN IMMIGRATION PEOPLE

AND TELL THEM LEGAL PROCEEDINGS ARE BEING TAKEN

AGAINST ONE OF THEIR PROSPECTIVE IMMIGRANTS: TERRENCE OLIVER TAGGART.

NO, I HAVENOT FINISHED.

I WANT YOU TO TEAR UP TOM'S SERVICE AGREEMENT.

SACK HIM.

HE'S MARRYING A-- A SHIRLEY SOMETHING OR OTHER.

QUITE SWEET, REALLY. SHE REMINDS ME OF MYSELF.

I WANT TO GIVE HER A WEDDING PRESENT.

�5,000 SHOULD DO IT.

WE'LL SEE HOW LONG THE MARRIAGE LASTS WITH HER HANDS ON THE PURSE STRINGS.

YES, THAT'S ALL.

I'LL BE AROUND IN THE MORNING,

SIGN WHATEVER'S NECESSARY.

GOOD NIGHT.

IT'S BEEN A LOVELY ANNIVERSARY, DAD.

TILL NEXT YEAR.

** [ANNIVERSARY SONGPLAYS]

* DARLING, I LOVE * [LAUGHS]

* YOU SO *

* COULD WE *

* BUT RECALL *

* THAT SWEET MOMENT SUBLIME * [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

* WE'D FIND *

* THAT OUR LOVE *

* IS UNALTERED *

* BY TIME *