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Encoded by ♪ jDev. ♪
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00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,760
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
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00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,880
[THUDDING]
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00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,840
[COW MOOS]
5
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:19,880
[COW MOOING]
6
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:34,640
TESS:
And love slipped
the bonds of restraint.
7
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:40,320
His touch was like a cosmic ''yes. ''
8
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,760
EUSTACIA [ANGRILY]:
''Fuck you, '' screamed Kelly.
''Fuck you to hell. ''
9
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:50,160
Scott stepped back
from the cell door
as the gob of spit flew. ''Fuck you. ''
10
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:55,480
GLEN:
This matrix is what Hardy meant
by ''the ache of modernism. ''
11
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,200
Crap.
12
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,920
NICHOLAS:
Inchcombe knew too well
the dreadful mundanity of murder.
13
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,160
But Patel was stricken.
14
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:09,800
Inchcombe realized
his lack of feeling was almost...
15
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:11,880
Pathological.
16
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,080
[COW MOOS]
17
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,440
'''I've been wearing the wrong size
all my life,' says Katie.
18
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:22,280
'I was always popping out.
Turns out I'm a 30 GG,' she says.
19
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,400
'Now my bras finally fit.
20
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:26,680
[CHUCKLES]
21
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,040
Though Simon prefers me
without one.'''
22
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,360
[SlGHS]
23
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,680
We can go round mine, if you like.
24
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:40,040
And watch your dad
farting into a sofa?
25
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:49,800
A taxi?
26
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,880
In Ewedown?
27
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,320
Come on.
Where are we going?
28
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,480
Nowhere.
29
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:06,800
Glen, can I tempt you?
Oh, wow, thank you.
30
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:10,160
Uh, I often take something snacky
to Nicholas this time of day.
31
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,160
I know how the brain needs feeding.
Mm.
32
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,440
So how you
settling in?
33
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:17,680
Great.
34
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,920
The last writers' retreat I was at,
I kind of froze my balls off,
you know?
35
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,560
Screeching fire doors
and curried lasagna,
36
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,280
and a needy poet,
from whom I still bear the scars.
37
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:33,200
Well, we try to keep it peaceful here.
Far from the madding crowd.
38
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,880
May I?
Oh.
39
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,240
Well, it's paradise.
40
00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,160
[COW MOOS]
41
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:42,680
In Ewedown?
What are you doing there?
42
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,240
I haven't told her yet.
43
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,960
Why not? You keep saying
you want to be with me.
44
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,800
Well, I can't tell her just like that.
It's 25 years. A marriage.
45
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,240
Ah. Come on, Nicholas.
46
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,800
Or I'm gonna get in a taxi
and find your farm.
47
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,160
No.
Come up there and I'll drag you out.
48
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,440
No, don't.
49
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,560
I wanted to be with you.
I thought you'd be pleased.
50
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,240
Well, of course I'm pleased.
51
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:13,600
Nadia, go to the pub and stay there.
I'll come when I can.
52
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,320
Are you going to tell her?
53
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,160
NICHOLAS:
Just give me a couple of hours.
54
00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,760
Cock pie.
55
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,880
BETH: How's the worker?
Good, actually.
56
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,920
Just about to embark on forensics.
57
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:28,320
Well, give me your pages
and I'll get started.
58
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,600
Reckon I might pack it in
a bit early today.
59
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,880
Need to think
about my blood smears.
60
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,600
Might take a drive, have a pint.
61
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,800
Stir the old grey matter up.
62
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,280
Who were you talking to just then?
63
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,960
Judy. She said the lmpala contract
should be through in a day or two.
64
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,800
I could come with you.
65
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,520
What?
For a drive.
66
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,400
I don't know when we last went out.
67
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,040
Mm. This is absolutely yummy.
68
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,440
Or we could go into Hadditon,
get a meal.
69
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,000
Yes.
70
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,400
But what about the guests?
71
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:01,880
Mary's got Casey to help.
72
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,800
But I-- I'm supposed to be thinking,
you know, about...
73
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,440
You can run it by me.
I'm good at forensics.
74
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,640
[SlGHS]
75
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,560
[MOOING]
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00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,360
[GROANS]
77
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,040
Andy, can I tempt you?
78
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,360
Oh, uh, we've got a new academic.
Glen, American.
79
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,600
Turns out he's working
on Thomas Hardy.
80
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,200
Said he might have
some farming questions.
81
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:33,000
Needs an expert yokel, does he?
Would you mind?
82
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:35,640
Oh, and the--
The writers are eating
alfresco tonight.
83
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:39,000
Could you check
there's no bird shit
on the seats? Sorry.
84
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:40,520
You okay?
85
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,160
Yes.
86
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,000
Nicholas and I
are going out to dinner.
87
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,640
[LlLY ALLEN'S
''THE FEAR'' PLAYlNG]
88
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,240
Now.
89
00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,440
[TlRES SQUEALlNG]
90
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,840
Fucking bingo.
91
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,560
[SlGHS]
92
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:12,920
[SlGHS]
93
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,560
What a dump.
94
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,080
Yeah.
We could walk up the garage.
95
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,520
Oh. I'm supposed to be
helping my mom
up at Stonefield.
96
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,080
They keep you busy.
Yeah.
97
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,720
You never stop, you.
98
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,360
Bet them writers are wankers.
99
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,560
It was called From Hearth to Heath:
100
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,320
The Doomsday and Revelation
in Victorian Verse.
101
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:09,480
What was it about?
102
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:13,840
Well, you know,
pale poets on laudanum
and dark towers and sunless seas.
103
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,000
A little Sturm und Drang
in a teacup.
104
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,240
Did it sell?
105
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:22,880
Well, of course, my kind of books
aren't about sales,
that's not why I write. So, no.
106
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,960
TESS:
So, what are you working on next?
107
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:28,480
GLEN:
Thomas Hardy.
108
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:31,800
Is there anything left to say
about that maudlin bore?
109
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,640
Excuse me, but there's
nothing dull about Hardy.
That is a misconception.
110
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,680
At least you've been published.
I'm seething with envy.
111
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,200
I'd love to be published.
I publish myself on the lnternet.
112
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,840
Oh, do you earn money doing that?
No.
113
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,800
GLEN: What do you write?
Lesbian crime.
114
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,640
I'm here picking up tips
from the master.
115
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,840
[PHONE BEEPlNG]
116
00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,240
[FOOTSTEPS]
117
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,440
Beth?
BETH: Yeah?
118
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,720
Why don't I just pop out on my own?
119
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,920
Well, I'm ready now. Come on.
120
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,720
Is that..?
121
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,080
I mean, are you wearing that?
122
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,200
Oh.
123
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,040
It just looks a bit hot.
124
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,560
You know, Hadditon's
always packed with pissed
Londonites on a Friday.
125
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,240
I doubt we get a table anyway.
126
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,960
Let's do it properly next week.
Make an occasion.
127
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:28,600
I'm always taking you for granted.
I'm vile, I know.
128
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,360
You should kick me, really.
129
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,160
Who is she?
130
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,000
What?
131
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,640
Oh, come on, Beth.
132
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,720
Tell me who.
133
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,040
Look, it's nothing.
134
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,080
It's been once or twice, that's all.
It's just--
135
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,080
Beth, it's not anything.
Who is she?
136
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,880
So she's on her way in,
the bride and groom are--
137
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,880
Just a researcher on Radio 4.
What's her name?
138
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,520
Nadia. Nadia Patel.
Patel? She's in your book.
139
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,880
No. No. I met her when I was on
Desert lsland Discs.
140
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,040
You put her in your book.
Well, just the name.
141
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,840
Desert lsland Discs was a year ago.
Yes--
142
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,040
So ''once or twice''?
143
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,520
I was going to tell you.
Ha-ha!
144
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,480
In the book, from your woman,
Shh! Shh!
145
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,480
saying that they're coming
to the par--
146
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,840
I've had enough of this.
Beth. I'm a ruin, I know.
147
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,240
But I've been in a real state
about this.
148
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,680
I-- I didn't want to hurt you.
Oh!
149
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,520
BETH:
How could you lie to my face?
150
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,200
NICHOLAS:
Can we talk calmly?
There are people out there.
151
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,040
BETH:
You looked me in the face and lied.
152
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,200
For God's sake,
we're surrounded by novelists.
153
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,760
You bastard.
Beth,
154
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,760
we're like a pair of compasses,
Oh, don't you dare.
155
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,760
joined solidly at the top,
156
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,760
but with the ends
able to roam in freedom.
157
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,680
[PHONE BEEPlNG]
158
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:47,200
That's her, isn't it?
Are you keeping her waiting?
159
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,240
We've talked a lot
about the creative mind,
160
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,680
and we agreed
it needs a certain freedom
to explore.
161
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,240
Take your freedom.
I can't live like this anymore.
162
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,920
It makes me feel worthless.
Calm yourself down.
163
00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:00,040
Go set up home with Patel.
See if she does your tax returns.
164
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,160
Do you love her? Is she young?
165
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:04,080
For heaven's sake--
Is she?!
166
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,120
Yes!
167
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,840
lf you leave here tonight
to be with her, don't come back.
168
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:18,000
NICHOLAS:
Beth, you're making fools of us both.
169
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,200
Liar!
170
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,080
[SOBS]
171
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:26,760
[DOOR SLAMS]
172
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,880
[MOUTHS]
Fuck.
173
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:33,160
I didn't know
they provided material too.
174
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:47,960
Beth does everything for him,
you know.
Types his manuscript,
175
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,240
deals with his agent, makes his
female characters convincing.
176
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,720
She even came up with the name
Dr. Inchcombe.
177
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,240
DlGGORY:
No wonder he's bored.
178
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,960
I hope she takes him
to the fucking cleaners.
179
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,960
[ENGlNE STARTS]
180
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:14,040
At the end of the day,
this is why I'm glad I'm single.
181
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,160
[GASPlNG]
182
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,720
Will she take him back though?
That's the question.
183
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,000
Would you?
Well, I'd be torn.
184
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,040
He's far too up himself.
Yeah, but what about their farm?
185
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,720
Splitting up all this?
Must be worth a fortune.
186
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,640
BETH:
Nadia Patel.
187
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,720
''Gazelle eyes. '' ''Tantric sex. ''
188
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,680
She's very rash,
making him choose.
189
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,200
Why would he choose me?
190
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:59,360
I thought you weren't going to come.
I was busy. Rowing with my wife.
191
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,840
Where are we going?
Home.
192
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,160
To your farm?
193
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,760
[LAUGHS]
194
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,440
[SlGHS]
195
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,800
We could have gone on
just as we were.
196
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:13,000
Yes, but you said
you wanted to be with me.
197
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,480
Yes. In London.
198
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:18,280
Now and then.
199
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,480
[ENGlNE STARTS]
200
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,840
Big glass of Rioja, please.
And I need a room.
201
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,760
Sure. How many nights?
202
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,040
Don't know. Just one?
203
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:41,320
Are you here for the writers' retreat?
No, but I'm a writer.
204
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:42,760
Well, journalist.
205
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,600
I don't mean to pry.
I'm just really nosey.
206
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,640
I'm from here. Sort of.
207
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,840
Well, it's a nice place. I love it.
208
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:56,640
I keep meaning to leave, but--
Hard to get away.
209
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,720
My mom's house
is just up the road.
210
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,080
You're not staying with her?
She's-- She died.
211
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,080
Have that on me.
212
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,640
And here's your key.
213
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,120
Up the stairs, right in front.
You can't miss it.
214
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,760
Thanks.
215
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,800
Didn't think I'd see you tonight.
216
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:23,400
Bit of an atmosphere at Stonefield.
Tell me everything.
217
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:27,000
Marriage. Remind me never to try it.
218
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:31,640
Andy, you're just a sex object.
No one would have you.
219
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,520
[CHUCKLES]
220
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:53,760
[SlGHS]
221
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,120
GLEN:
Ahem. So the Hardiments
have lived here for centuries, huh?
222
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,480
No. About 20 years.
223
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,560
Still strangers, by local standards.
224
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,000
[DOOR CLOSES]
225
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,640
Andy, uh, come look at lngrid.
I, uh--
226
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,160
I think she's coming into heat.
227
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,120
She's very nice, Beth.
228
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,080
Yeah. I owe her a lot.
229
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,360
Husband's kind of a sleazebag,
huh?
230
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,960
We'd say ''prick'' here, actually.
231
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,680
Or wanker.
232
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,920
That's good.
We might even call him a fuck.
233
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,800
That's good too.
234
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:53,480
Can I help?
It's going rotten underneath.
235
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,840
Can I have a look at lngrid?
Look, it's-- It's falling apart.
236
00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,880
Yeah, well, I can do that. Beth...
237
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,280
He won't last five minutes.
238
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:22,800
GLEN:
Oh, Jesus. He's been translated
into lcelandic and Swahili.
239
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:24,920
[SlGHS]
240
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,200
What an output.
241
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,560
I need my book to be a success.
242
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,880
I need a tiny reward
for all my endeavors.
243
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,560
[SlGHS]
244
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,880
I need a dump.
245
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,640
[GRUNTS]
246
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,360
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
247
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,800
NICHOLAS: Beth.
BETH: No, don't touch me.
248
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,520
Don't you dare.
I'm sorry.
249
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,800
Not good enough, not anymore.
I'm sorry.
250
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,120
You do what you like,
then you're sorry?
251
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,920
I hate myself. I hate myself.
252
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,800
BETH:
Where were you?
253
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,600
NICHOLAS:
I drove her back to London.
Took all night.
254
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:18,440
BETH: You drove her home?
I finished it. She was in a state.
255
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,120
BETH: So it's over?
NICHOLAS: I'm sorry.
256
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,360
[CRYlNG]
I don't know why I'm like this.
257
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,080
I couldn't manage without you.
258
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,200
[BETH AND NICHOLAS SOBBlNG]
259
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:56,760
BETH:
I've got to go to the bottle bank.
260
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,360
NICHOLAS:
Okay.
261
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:02,640
Let's talk later.
BETH: Yeah.
262
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:06,720
The goat's come into heat.
NICHOLAS: Has it?
263
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,600
I love you so much.
264
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,360
Me too.
265
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,320
[DOORKNOB RATTLlNG]
266
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,560
[SlGHS]
267
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,200
I've just seen the Hardiments kiss
and make up.
268
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:43,560
The hat's on.
Looks like she's taking him back.
269
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,000
When the hat's on,
it means don't speak.
270
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:51,240
So peace is restored.
271
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:52,800
[ALARM WAlLlNG]
272
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,040
Oh, for fuck's sake!
273
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,480
I don't like cows.
Yeah.
274
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,600
They exude bovine malice.
Yeah.
275
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,960
These girls are killing machines.
276
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,560
They don't like Americans either.
Very funny.
277
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,720
[AND Y CHUCKLES]
[COW MOOING]
278
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,440
AND Y:
It's Winnards Farm.
279
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,920
Lady there died a while back.
Place is empty.
280
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,200
Think it's being robbed?
Nah.
281
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,240
Probably just kids.
282
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,520
Nothing to do around here
except make trouble.
283
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,600
What if it's bad guys?
284
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,800
Don't you have a blunderbuss
or a fowling piece or something?
285
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,680
[CHUCKLES]
286
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,880
AND Y:
Used to belong to my dad,
this place.
287
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,600
Really?
But it all went tits up.
288
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:40,160
The land was flogged
to a consortium
and the house sold to Londoners.
289
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:44,160
The Drewes.
So this is your ancestral pile?
290
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,000
Was.
291
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,320
Born in that room up there.
292
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,280
You must have been
pretty resentful.
293
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:57,840
AND Y:
Oil This farm's mine, big nose.
294
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,320
[TAMARA GRUNTlNG]
295
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,440
[HAMMER STRlKlNG]
296
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:09,080
Hey, what are you doing?
Who are you?
297
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,720
Andy, you moron. It's me.
298
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,480
Tam?
299
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,800
I didn't even recognize you.
300
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,800
Well, you won't do it that way.
301
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,760
Then help me.
302
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:23,360
Used to do bits of work
for your mom.
303
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,400
Been keeping an eye on the place
since she died.
304
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:26,960
What kind of work, graphics?
305
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,520
No, I do horticulture now.
You're a gardener?
306
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,440
Wow, this is a great old house.
307
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,760
Thanks. Do you want to buy it?
308
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:41,320
I'm not the property-owning type, no.
I prefer my life to fit in hand luggage.
309
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:45,000
That why you're back, to flog it?
Yep.
310
00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:47,560
AND Y:
Make a nice second home
for some banker wankers.
311
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,360
Look, Andy, if you want it,
why don't you just make me an offer?
312
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,960
Because, sadly,
I'm still prey to the economic forces
313
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:57,360
that threw the peasant classes
off the land.
314
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,560
Unlucky.
315
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,440
AND Y:
Tam.
316
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,800
What the fuck have you done
to your nose?
317
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,800
Oh, come on, Andy.
Aliens came and took it.
318
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,280
She's completely different.
319
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,240
What was she like before?
What's the story?
320
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:16,960
There isn't one.
Oh, come on.
321
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:21,280
It was nothing. Decade ago.
Just a teenage thing.
322
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,760
You should find someone
you're in love with.
323
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,280
Stupid prick.
You saying you love me, frosty tits?
324
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,400
You first.
You're the girl, you say it.
325
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:30,840
I love you.
326
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:34,560
Fuck off. I love you!
327
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,680
Romeo and Juliet, huh?
328
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,160
Something classy
in the wood shed, huh? Heh.
329
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,560
[BOTH CHUCKLlNG]
330
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,280
[BELL TOLLlNG]
331
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,840
Would you do him?
No.
332
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,000
What about him?
He's gay, you dobbin.
333
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,320
So?
Oh.
334
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:58,600
Swipe.
335
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,840
JOD Y:
Ben Sergeant.
I'd walk through fire to do him.
336
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,200
CASE Y: The drummer?
JOD Y: He's not just the drummer.
337
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,880
He writes all the lyrics. It's his band.
He's the fucking genius.
338
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,680
Not Steve Culley,
or any of these wankers. It's Ben.
339
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,080
Okay, yeah. I-- I'd do Ben.
340
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:20,120
I wanna be her, in that dress,
with him licking my teapot lids.
341
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,040
Yeah, me too.
342
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,480
So has the muse shone on you,
Greg?
343
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,600
I've been pretty distracted
most recently
344
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,560
by those delicious cookie things
Beth brought around this afternoon.
345
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,600
Oh, yes. Of course,
we call them biscuits here.
346
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,960
And by the place itself, the people.
347
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,280
I sometimes wish
I could get distracted.
348
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,400
Ten-page-a-day man,
rain or shine.
349
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,280
Wow. That's scary.
Ten pages a day,
how do you do that?
350
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:45,880
Oh, Greg,
Glen.
351
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,280
I wouldn't presume
to give an academic tips.
352
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,120
Matter of fact,
I read one of your books--
353
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:53,320
Another distraction.
--I thought it was decent stuff.
354
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:59,440
Well, how do I do it?
I just get on with it, Greg.
355
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:03,840
[MlMlCS NICHOLAS]
''We call them biscuits here.''
356
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,080
To the muse.
The muse.
357
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,280
However you find her.
358
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,200
WRlTERS [SOFTLY]:
Cheers.
359
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,440
Who's that?
360
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,560
GLEN:
That's Tamara Drewe.
361
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,080
NICHOLAS: No, it isn't.
GLEN: I met her with Andy.
362
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,880
Good God, what's happened to her?
She had a nose job, Dad.
363
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,680
NICHOLAS:
She's completely different.
364
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:26,960
GLEN:
That's what Andy said.
365
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,960
Poor Tamara, she's such a sad girl.
366
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,840
She used to come
help you wash the car,
didn't she, Nicholas?
367
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,360
NICHOLAS:
When she was a teenager.
368
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,480
She liked a bit of family
after her dad left.
369
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,200
Is that Tamara Drewe
that writes a column
370
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:39,600
in one of the Sundays?
Used to.
371
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,840
Writes for The lndependent now.
Oh.
372
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:46,320
BETH:
She spent weeks
going on about her nose job.
373
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,600
Was her old one an awful conk?
Yes.
374
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:53,440
BETH:
She's poured herself
into those shorts.
375
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,400
Hope they don't give her thrush.
376
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,640
Hello. Sorry to intrude.
377
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:02,360
Hi, Tamara.
Poppy. How are you?
378
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,360
I love your new hooter.
379
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,080
Thanks. It's not actually new,
it's just smaller.
380
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,600
Tamara. So sorry about your mom.
381
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,840
Thanks.
Are you staying down for long?
382
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,000
I'll have to.
There's so much to be done.
383
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,000
Well, let us know if we can help.
384
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,480
Could you spare
a pair of strong arms?
385
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,960
I've got a skip coming tomorrow,
and...
386
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:23,960
Nicholas?
387
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,760
I'm available.
I do skips.
388
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,400
BETH: Nicholas?
Oh, bug--
389
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,440
Oh. Um...
390
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,560
Thank you, everyone.
You're very kind.
391
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,480
Is Andy around at all?
392
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,360
Oh, I-- I can't spare Andy.
393
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,920
He's making a new coop
for my Buff Orpingtons. Heh.
394
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,120
We'll soon have that dry,
don't worry. Heh-heh.
395
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,720
She's had Glen down there
helping her all morning.
396
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,760
I hope she realizes
he's here to work.
397
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,200
Can't believe what a difference
her nose makes.
398
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,920
I think it's a mistake.
Taken away all her character.
399
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,360
Come on, she looks 1 0 times better.
Huh.
400
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,360
And she knows it.
I found those shorts really irritating.
401
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,280
Going around with half her bum
hanging out. I mean, why?
402
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,080
To annoy people like you.
Hmm.
403
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,680
I might get a pair myself.
404
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:10,520
Of course you wouldn't.
Why not?
405
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,520
Because you're not desperate,
are you?
406
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:16,440
There was always something
desperate about Tamara Drewe.
407
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,240
GLEN:
Why did you change your face?
408
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,040
Changing my face
is the best thing I ever did.
409
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,200
I don't care
what anybody else thinks.
410
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:29,000
You think it would work for me?
Maybe, if you did the wrinkles too.
411
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:30,920
Oh, you're just
coming on to me now.
412
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,120
[TAMARA CHUCKLES]
413
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,640
In your column,
you write about yourself.
Does that come easily?
414
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,120
Not easily. It just feels right.
415
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,560
My first novel is definitely
going to be autobiographical.
416
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,120
Your first novel? You're gonna
dash one off, just like that?
417
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:52,800
Heh. ldeally,
I'd like to make it into fiction
before I'm 30.
418
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,800
Then maybe a swimwear collection,
chat show, pasta-sauce range.
419
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,000
What?
420
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,000
Life sure comes easy
for the beautiful.
421
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,280
You know,
before I had the nose job,
422
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,280
I had no problem
being taken seriously.
423
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,760
Maybe when they removed
that bit of cartilage,
424
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,440
they pulled out my brain
by mistake.
425
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,680
What do you think?
426
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:17,720
Thank you.
427
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,320
[CHUCKLES]
428
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,880
She's single, you know.
429
00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:26,640
Well, it's not exactly a relationship.
We have an occasional thing.
430
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,520
Zoe doesn't wanna be tied down--
Not Zoe.
431
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:30,720
[SlGHS]
432
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,520
Tamara.
433
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,800
You should get in there.
Marry the girl.
Then you could live
434
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,680
in your ancestral home again.
No. Not her type.
435
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,680
Andy, you know, the trouble with you
is that you think like a loser.
436
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:46,880
I know this because I'm the loser
that all other losers come to for tips.
437
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:48,760
I am a loser's loser.
438
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,600
I'm a pedigree loser.
439
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,080
Had a graphics business, went bust.
440
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:54,880
Then with
my great business acumen,
441
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,720
I invested in a polytunnel
full of ganja.
442
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:02,080
Spent six years
stoned out of my box.
I'm only just getting it back together.
443
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,080
Besides,
444
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,360
even if I was the last man
in the world,
445
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,240
Tamara Drewe wouldn't have me.
446
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:10,800
Why not?
447
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,080
I dumped her.
Oh, you are a loser.
448
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,680
I was 20.
449
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:19,680
And my mates thought
I was cradle-snatching.
450
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:23,000
And they used to call her Beaky.
Beaky?
451
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:24,560
Beaky?
452
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:28,840
[GRUNTS]
453
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,200
[GROANS]
454
00:26:30,360 --> 00:26:31,480
[SOBS]
455
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:51,600
TAMARA:
Boys know nothing.
456
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:56,840
I've been reading Inchcombe's Dose.
The bit where Dr. Inchcombe
457
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,800
finds himself having thoughts
about the dead guy's daughter.
458
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:06,000
You describe her light smattering
of freckles and her striking profile.
459
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:10,680
So who did you base her on?
460
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,360
Have you noticed me?
461
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,040
Because I've noticed you.
462
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,560
You're making yourself ridiculous.
463
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,400
Nichol-arse!
464
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,520
A man can dream, huh?
465
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:32,880
[SlGHS]
466
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:34,600
No.
467
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,320
[SlGHS]
468
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,720
Oh, write, you numbskull.
469
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,120
MAN: The best ham I've had in ages.
WOMAN: Good.
470
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,400
BETH:
How's Thomas Hardy?
471
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,240
I'm wasting my sabbatical.
Oh, dear.
472
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:59,280
I've been writing this book forever.
Don't know why I can't finish it.
473
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,040
Two years behind
on my delivery date,
474
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,640
and Fantail could ask
for their chickenshit advance back.
475
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,520
I can't write. I'm fucking constipated.
476
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:11,920
It's a disaster.
477
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,440
Crikey.
478
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:15,360
[HORN HONKS]
479
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:19,560
Oh. Uh, sorry, Glen. Um--
I've gotta grab Andy
before he rushes off.
480
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,640
Tamara's asked him
to do up her house.
481
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,960
Why? She knows
how hard he works for me.
482
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,120
Is this all his fan mail?
483
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,800
Yeah. I do a couple of sessions
a week to keep on top of it.
484
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,480
Pretty good
at forging Nick's signature.
485
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:43,360
Why don't we have
a proper chat about it?
486
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,600
Always used to help Nicholas--
You'd do that? You have time?
487
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:50,080
I'll just, uh...
488
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,600
Tam?
489
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:57,960
Tam?
490
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,600
Tam?
491
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,000
Got some color charts
for you to see.
492
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:16,160
What color do you think
it should be in here?
493
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,560
Well, I was thinking, um,
494
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,200
this one for down here.
495
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,360
And, um...
496
00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,320
This one for the bedroom.
Okay.
497
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,560
So, uh, what do you have to do
to get a cup of tea around here?
498
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:46,600
Make it. Tea, sugar, fridge.
499
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:49,640
I'm off to work.
500
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:55,680
[SWlPE SlNGlNG
''WHERE ARE YOU NOW?'']
501
00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:01,160
GUARD 1 :
Hey!
502
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,760
This is our village! Our fucking field!
GUARD 1 : Go on.
503
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:06,920
CASE Y: Get off!
JOD Y: Come on, bastard. Let us in!
504
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:09,160
GUARD 2:
Kiss your mother with that mouth?
Fuck off.
505
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,640
Get on, shove it.
506
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:13,680
[CROWD CHEERlNG]
507
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,840
[SWlPE PERFORMlNG
''THlS lS A LOW'']
508
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:08,960
Bullshit! Fuck off!
509
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:13,440
Swipe is fucking finished!
Steve Culley is a--
510
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:14,680
[STATlC SQUEALS]
511
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,840
Fuck off.
Fran has been
shagging that tosser.
512
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,640
FRAN: Steve, stop it!
Come on then.
513
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,840
FRAN: Stop it!
Uhn!
514
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:23,760
I'm Tamara Drewe.
What?
515
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:27,440
I'm supposed to be interviewing you,
for The lndependent.
516
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:29,680
It was scheduled for later,
517
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,680
but is now a good time?
518
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,200
CROWD [CHANTlNG]:
Swipel Swipel Swipel
519
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,960
Swipel Swipel Swipel
520
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,600
They should let us in for free.
RYAN: Too right.
521
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:47,080
They come here, drink our water,
use our fields.
522
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,360
And they leave all their crap
in our drains.
523
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,000
RYAN:
Nice girlfriend, mate.
524
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:53,880
Ben. Ben!
525
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,520
What are you doing?
That's Ben from Swipe.
526
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,840
And he's got his dog. Ben!
527
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,720
Ben! Ben!
528
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,080
That's Boss.
529
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,400
[GRUNTS]
530
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:27,720
Up.
531
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,040
Boy. Come on.
532
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,840
Hi, Boss.
There.
533
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,960
Not allergic, are you?
To indie drummers?
534
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:36,600
Maybe.
535
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:38,560
Who the fuck's she?
536
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,200
I've seen her up at Stonefield.
She's got a nose made of plastic.
537
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,600
So who are your influences?
538
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,800
Everyone asks that.
539
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:53,960
I mean,
what do you want me to say?
Phil Collins?
540
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,160
Animal from The Muppets?
541
00:32:58,120 --> 00:32:59,800
This your house?
Yeah.
542
00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:02,480
Do you want to buy it?
No.
543
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,280
I want something else.
544
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:11,920
How come she gets Ben?
I've loved him since March.
545
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,280
[SlGHS]
546
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,400
Would you like a beer?
Yeah.
547
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:20,480
Maureen Tucker.
Who?
548
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,400
Moe Tucker. The Velvets.
Five-foot-nothing.
549
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:24,760
Used to stand up to play.
550
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,560
Put the snare drum on its side
and whacked it with mallets.
Mentalist.
551
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,040
You write a lot of songs.
That's pretty rare for a drummer.
552
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,880
Yeah, well, everything you've heard
about drummers is complete shit.
553
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:36,600
You mean they don't
spontaneously combust?
554
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:37,960
No.
555
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,320
Only sometimes.
556
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:00,520
[GlGGLES]
557
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:12,040
[STOPS DRUMMlNG]
558
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:13,400
Any more questions?
559
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,480
[SWlPE'S ''THlS lS A LOW''
PLAYlNG]
560
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:26,480
[CHUCKLES]
561
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,520
[MlMlCS GUN FlRlNG]
562
00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:58,960
[COWS MOOING]
563
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,200
Jesus. Oh, my God.
564
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:12,880
Hello.
565
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:14,880
Who are you?
566
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,280
AND Y:
You know anything about this dog,
Tam?
567
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,560
You want some breakfast, Tam?
568
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,200
Tam?
569
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:47,960
[TAMARA AND BEN
MOANlNG AND YELLlNG]
570
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:14,880
How goes the opus?
Fine, Nicholas, just fine.
571
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:20,520
GLEN:
It's his most obscure novel,
The Well-Beloved.
572
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,600
Most people have never
even heard of it.
573
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:26,800
It's about a young guy of 20
who falls in love
with a beautiful young woman.
574
00:36:27,240 --> 00:36:30,680
Then when he's 40,
he meets the woman's daughter
and he falls in love with her.
575
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,920
And finally, when he's 60,
he meets her granddaughter.
576
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:35,560
Oh, he doesn't.
577
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:39,080
Yeah. Falls in mystical love.
578
00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:41,520
Hardy was the same in his life too.
579
00:36:41,720 --> 00:36:45,040
Even as he aged,
he only had eyes for young women.
580
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:48,200
It's like, in one essential way,
he never grew up.
581
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:49,840
In his trousers. Ha.
Yeah.
582
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,720
He was still at it in his 80s,
you know.
583
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,040
Snow on the rooftop,
fire in the cellar.
584
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,880
Ha-ha.
Why won't it come for you, Glen?
585
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:00,360
The way you talk about it
is so engaging.
586
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,240
Do you wanna try?
587
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,560
Well, there's an academic style,
you know?
588
00:37:05,720 --> 00:37:09,280
Who are you writing for?
Who's your ideal reader?
589
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,560
lf wrote the way you spoke,
you'd make me want to read Hardy.
590
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:14,280
Really?
Yeah.
591
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,560
lf you wrote like you were talking
to a friend. Try it again.
592
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:20,040
[MOTOR STARTS]
593
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:24,560
Oh.
594
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:28,560
Oh! Ha-ha-ha.
595
00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:39,440
No, no, no.
It's not as if I'm avant-garde.
596
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:43,320
I simply pander to popular taste.
Your books are far more than that.
597
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:46,680
Just airport fodder. I think
I write them in my sleep sometimes.
598
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:48,480
I wish I wrote so well awake.
599
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,160
Your prose are so economical,
so vivid, like the greats.
600
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:53,920
Like Raymond Chandler.
Oh, come on.
601
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,160
Graham Greene.
I'm just earning a crust.
602
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:58,440
You created Inchcombe.
603
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:01,000
lf only he were real.
He's my kind of man.
604
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:05,400
Yes. Sophisticated, jaded,
but so vulnerable.
605
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,640
Cynical, but a man of total integrity.
606
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,000
My books don't say anything
remotely profound.
607
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:17,280
I can't pretend to be an intellectual,
not like the professor here,
608
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:21,520
illuminating our ignorance
with his critical glow.
609
00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:24,800
I love prose. I turn a decent plot.
That's pretty much it.
610
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,080
Excuse me.
NICHOLAS: People like crime fiction,
611
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:30,200
because no matter how violent
or shocking, it comforts them.
612
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:32,960
Secretly, Nicholas hates all this.
613
00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,360
These crime weekends
really take it out of him.
614
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,120
NICHOLAS:
--in my case, a jaded doctor.
615
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:38,400
Let me help.
616
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,400
Oh, well, they need dusting with this.
617
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,080
Restoring order to--
618
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:44,120
I went to my room today,
619
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,600
and I wrote for three hours.
The time, it just vanished.
620
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:49,880
That's great. That's brilliant.
621
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,720
I feel like a man
who's just passed
a gargantuan stool.
622
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,560
Oh, super.
623
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,320
Oh! Uh--
624
00:38:58,560 --> 00:38:59,640
Sprig of mint on top.
625
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:03,560
NICHOLAS:
Of course, my life isn't like that,
so I just make stuff up. Ha-ha.
626
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,440
The real secret of being a writer
is learning how to lie,
627
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,560
because that's what storytellers are,
thieves and liars.
628
00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:16,440
''The basis of all excellence is truth.''
Samuel Johnson.
629
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:23,040
[GUlTAR PLAYlNG]
630
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:28,400
! I met a girl on a farm
Her name was Tamara !
631
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:29,760
Ben, I'm trying to write.
632
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:33,240
! I wanted to write her a song
But one thing caused me alarm !
633
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:34,840
Please, Ben, it's a new story.
634
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,240
! Her name didn't rhyme
With anything !
635
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,520
! Not a single thing
I wanted to sing !
636
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:41,640
It comes from my heart,
it's about my mom and dad.
637
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:45,240
! All she wants to do is type
It's making me want a little bite !
638
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:50,640
! So cook me pasta carbonara
Because I'm ravenous, Tamara !
639
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:53,920
! Then shag me
Wearing your tiara !!
640
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,520
[BOSS BARKS]
641
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,320
[YELLS THEN WHlSTLES]
642
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,000
Andy.
643
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,400
Let me dog in, will you?
644
00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:21,560
Cheers, mate.
645
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:32,440
[BOSS BARKS]
646
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:36,160
He must like kissing plastic.
He doesn't really love her.
647
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,360
He's just on the rebound
from losing Fran.
648
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,920
Numbing his pain
with loads of empty rampant sex.
649
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,160
What he really needs--
650
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,560
Is a 1 5 year old from Ewedown?
So? Stranger things happen.
651
00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:49,960
He's only 1 0 years older,
and that's nothing. lf he met me--
652
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,440
lf he just met me--
It'd be love, right?
653
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:55,440
Yeah. But I'd settle for sex.
654
00:40:55,800 --> 00:41:00,400
Cooer, in your parents' bedroom?
Still, I suppose being an exhibitionist
655
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:02,880
is part of his job,
strutting about on stage.
656
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,320
He doesn't strut. He's a drummer.
657
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,360
He sits on his ass.
658
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,520
He's very good-looking, isn't he?
Poppy YouTubed him.
659
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,480
We both got quite hot and bothered.
660
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,400
Is that his car? The yellow Porsche.
Yep.
661
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,240
Yeah, a bit brash,
vrooming through the village.
662
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:22,280
Fancy our Tamara bagging
a bona fide rock star.
663
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:27,680
She was such an ugly duckling.
She must be thrilled to bits.
664
00:41:28,240 --> 00:41:30,240
[ROOSTER CROWlNG]
665
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:36,840
[TlRES SCREECH]
666
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,640
We're not open for another hour.
667
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,480
Good.
668
00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:56,120
[BOTH MOANlNG]
669
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:06,720
I mean, she used to be so funny.
So human.
670
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,560
What does she see
in that London knob?
671
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:13,920
He even wears fucking makeup.
How did she get so shallow?
672
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:19,400
Andy, are you really
going on about her now?
673
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,160
Oh.
Where are your manners?
674
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:23,600
I'm sorry.
675
00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:27,960
Bide your time, you big prick.
676
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,200
[TAMARA AND BEN
MOANlNG AND YELLlNG]
677
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:35,440
TAMARA:
Oh, Ben.
678
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:40,760
[COW MOOING]
679
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:44,880
[BOSS BARKlNG]
680
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:48,480
PENNY:
Come here, you wretched beast!
681
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,160
Stinking animal!
682
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,160
Filthy hound!
683
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,160
[BARKlNG & MOOING CONTlNUE]
684
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,240
[GRUNTS]
685
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,280
Fuck soup.
686
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:04,720
Here.
687
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,800
What's this?
What does it look like?
688
00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:11,680
Ben.
689
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,200
Which finger?
690
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,080
Wherever you want.
691
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,840
That one's nice.
692
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:24,920
Stick it on that one.
693
00:43:26,720 --> 00:43:30,960
Those girls could have aborted.
Calm down, Penny. I'll sort him out.
694
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,480
It beats me
why you people
want to live in the country.
695
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:37,560
You have no sense of responsibility.
It's not our dog.
696
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,360
Hello, Penny. How's tricks?
697
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:43,440
Oh, Nicholas.
You're looking good. Terrific coat.
698
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:46,480
Oh, what, this old thing?
You look like royalty.
699
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:50,360
Well, I try.
Can't wait for your next book.
700
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,320
Inchcombe's such a saucepot.
701
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,480
Giles always says,
''What are you reading, Penny?
702
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:56,360
You've got steam
coming out of your ears.''
703
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,000
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
704
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,520
What's the ring saying, Ben?
705
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:13,080
''Hello, I'm a ring.
Will you marry me?''
706
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:17,920
What?
707
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,120
I didn't know.
708
00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:22,440
Didn't know what?
709
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,200
That you're in love with me.
710
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:31,000
The ring is saying,
''I'm platinum with a long guarantee.
711
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:32,240
Will you marry me?''
712
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,400
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
713
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,280
Yes.
714
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:43,000
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
715
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,160
What?
BETH: Oh, is Tamara there?
716
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:47,880
She is being proposed to.
717
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:49,200
[LAUGHS]
718
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,080
[ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG
OVER CAR STEREO]
719
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,240
[HORN HONKlNG]
720
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,240
Shh. There are writers here
trying to write.
721
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:04,440
[MUSlC STOPS]
722
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:07,040
[MOANS]
723
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:11,200
BETH:
Hello.
724
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:15,880
Oh, um, this is, uh,
a Buff Orpington.
He's a bit peaky today.
725
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:19,200
They're not great layers,
but they're very decorative. Heh.
726
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,160
We're, um--
We're fully organic here.
727
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:27,680
Though, uh,
I like to think our champion product
is, uh, the written word. Heh-heh.
728
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,480
NICHOLAS:
The famous Ben.
729
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:32,960
Swipe, eh?
730
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:36,480
No, Swipe's over.
I thought the whole world knew that.
731
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:38,400
It wasn't on Newsnight, no.
732
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:40,800
Ben's engaged to Tamara.
lsn't that lovely?
733
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:42,960
He'd just popped the question
when I rang.
734
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,000
And she said yes?
735
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:48,080
We're delighted for you both.
736
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,080
[BOSS BARKlNG]
737
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,520
Why is he on a fucking chain?
738
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:55,800
He was out of control.
739
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,000
How would you like
to be chained up?
740
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,880
He was chasing livestock.
He could have got shot.
741
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:06,240
They shoot him,
I'll fucking shoot them.
742
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:09,120
Unbelievable.
743
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,320
Here, pooch.
I think the word is gobshite.
744
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:15,320
BETH:
I hope he makes her happy.
745
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:17,720
It's hard for girls
when their dads walk out.
746
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,520
Gives them bad taste in men.
747
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,400
What's that supposed to mean?
748
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:25,640
Oh, just saying Tamara's father left
when she was a girl and--
749
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:28,120
That is 1 0-pence psychology.
750
00:46:28,240 --> 00:46:30,720
You don't know
what you're talking about.
751
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,240
BEN:
Poor little man.
752
00:46:35,720 --> 00:46:37,720
[lNAUDlBLE DlALOGUE]
753
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,200
''My Buff Orpingtons.''
''Oh, the written word.''
754
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,200
What a fucking freak.
755
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,360
TAMARA:
It's a shame the ring doesn't fit.
756
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,640
Why didn't you bring one of mine
along when you bought it?
757
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,080
I didn't know you then, did I?
758
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:12,840
So when did you buy it?
759
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,560
Was it for someone else?
760
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:21,120
You bought it for Fran, didn't you?
761
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:22,400
So?
762
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:24,760
It's yours now.
763
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:28,720
She never wore it. She didn't want it.
764
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,520
Did you ask her to marry you?
Just as a gesture,
765
00:47:31,720 --> 00:47:34,640
when she started seeing Steve.
That backfired.
766
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:37,360
Look, it's you I wanna marry now.
767
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:38,920
The ring-- The ring doesn't matter.
768
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:41,200
The ring's just
a consumerist piece of zinc.
769
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,520
What matters is that I love you.
770
00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:45,400
Do you?
771
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,240
Yes.
772
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,080
With my whole heart.
773
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:54,680
And all the other stuff.
774
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:59,720
[lN DEEP VOlCE]
Like me brain, me entrails.
775
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:04,280
Me pancreas.
776
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:07,080
It all wants to marry you.
777
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:10,200
Hmm?
778
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:14,320
BETH:
She wondered if you had a delivery
date in mind. I said Easterish.
779
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:16,760
Oh, mind that cocoa, it's hot.
780
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,040
There's a few invites.
I'll pop them there.
781
00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:21,280
You just tick the ones
you want to go to.
782
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:26,200
Oh, and, uh, Tim wants
to know if you'll do your
Christmas signing in Hadditon.
783
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:29,680
I know he's always ungrateful,
but I think it's so important
784
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,560
to keep these little bookshops open,
don't you?
785
00:48:32,720 --> 00:48:34,320
Mm-hm.
786
00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:41,600
Come in soon, my love.
787
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,120
[DOOR CLOSES]
788
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,120
Look at that cellulite.
789
00:49:12,240 --> 00:49:15,480
She been sitting on a bead car seat
or what?
790
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,400
''Her latest tattoo count was nine,
791
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:23,880
including a Sumatran tiger
and 'eternity' written in Sanskrit.''
792
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:27,400
She'll be getting
a bar code done next,
right across there.
793
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:31,360
And Judy Garland's face
right on there.
794
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:35,560
Nice baby, though.
795
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:37,560
I'd like one that color.
796
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,000
[RYAN SHOUTS]
797
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:43,360
RYAN:
Shut the fuck up.
798
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,640
That Ryan's a dick.
I think he's cute.
799
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:49,640
No, you don't. Would you snog him?
800
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:54,200
Maybe.
Be like having a slug in your mouth.
801
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:56,520
RYAN:
Shit.
802
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:58,240
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
803
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:00,280
RYAN:
Shut up, fat arse. It ain't funny.
804
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:01,840
Ben.
Ben?
805
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:03,920
Come on, let's do some messing.
806
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:13,760
What about you, Glen? Sorry.
Where will you be?
807
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:16,240
In London
with a collection of spare academics.
808
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:19,760
We'll be decking the halls
in our own erudite way.
809
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:21,000
I'll miss our chats.
810
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,600
Yeah. I've been in a state
of writerly bliss these past weeks.
811
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,640
I hope I get to come back.
Oh. Me too. We'd love to have you.
812
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,640
You know, these are the best
mince pies I've ever had.
813
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:31,840
[LAUGHS]
814
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:34,320
lf it were possible
to have an orgasm from food,
815
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:36,760
these mince pies would do it.
816
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:38,720
Golly. Heh.
817
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:42,600
[MOUTHS]
Fuck.
818
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:49,600
She keeps this here for Andy.
819
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:53,040
What if she's got an alarm?
Soon find out.
820
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:58,080
What if they come back?
lf you're too chicken, go home.
821
00:51:21,240 --> 00:51:22,640
[BELL JlNGLES]
822
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:34,040
What the fuck are we doing here?
It's kind of research.
823
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,680
I want to write about them.
They're funny.
824
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:38,880
Come on, Ben.
825
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:43,280
2001 was the best year.
I just sold my last three cases.
826
00:51:43,440 --> 00:51:46,960
It's a perfect wine for the price.
Besides, I want to show you off.
827
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:49,440
What am I, arm candy?
828
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,120
More like arm fungus with that face.
829
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:57,360
I got her this gorgeous
Rajasthani Ghagra skirt.
830
00:51:58,200 --> 00:51:59,680
Divine.
831
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:01,960
She'll probably loathe it. Ha-ha.
832
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:04,200
But if she does, I'll have it.
Glen.
833
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:06,200
GLEN: Hi.
Meet Ben. Ben, Glen.
834
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:07,920
Hi, Ben.
Ben's my fianc�.
835
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:09,360
You're getting married?
Uh-huh.
836
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:12,240
Okay. Beautiful dress,
magazine photo shoot.
837
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:14,440
Everything
the aspiring novelist needs.
838
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:18,000
I knew you'd be pleased.
Have a mince pie? No.
839
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:20,400
Congratulations.
840
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,280
Can we get the fuck out of here?
Wait.
841
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:29,560
In Field of Tares,
you made Fred a corporal,
842
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,840
but there's no such thing
in the Royal Artillery.
843
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:35,200
They call them bombardiers.
844
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:38,200
Oh, thank you for that.
Very good.
845
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:41,600
Sorry.
846
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:43,760
Hello.
Tamara.
847
00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:46,560
Would you make that out for Ben?
848
00:52:46,720 --> 00:52:49,520
To Ben.
My fianc�.
849
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,880
We're getting married
in the summer.
850
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:54,560
So I hear.
851
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:05,360
My heartiest commiserations,
Tamara.
852
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:09,000
Merry Christmas, Nichol-arse.
853
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,480
Casey, look.
854
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:18,480
The sticks.
855
00:53:20,240 --> 00:53:22,240
No, don't touch.
856
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:26,440
[SNlFFlNG]
857
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,480
Pour Homme.
858
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:30,120
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
859
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:33,080
Smells like men.
860
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,920
Live the dream, Case.
Live the dream, Jode.
861
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:39,120
His boots.
862
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,600
BOTH:
! This is a call
for a domestic dispute !
863
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:46,440
! She's got me in the corner
And she's put in-- !!
864
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:50,360
Ben.
865
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:54,160
Oh, my God.
866
00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:00,040
TAMARA:
Look, stop going on about it.
867
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:03,640
I've invested a lot of time
into this house.
868
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:07,160
Why don't you sell it, then?
Because I've started writing.
869
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:09,360
BEN:
You can write anywhere.
870
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:11,440
JOD Y:
Yes, we've done it.
871
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:13,600
[BOTH LAUGHlNG]
872
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:18,120
No, Ben, this is proper.
It's not just stuff for the paper.
873
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,600
It's about my teens,
and it's actually working for me here.
874
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:24,800
I'm glad it's memory lane for you,
but it's doing my fucking head in.
875
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:27,880
I want some London.
Some noise, some urban.
876
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:29,120
[BOSS BARKlNG]
877
00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:31,080
I've had enough.
Are you with me or what?
878
00:54:31,240 --> 00:54:32,440
Of course, I'm with you.
879
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:35,640
It's depressing here. It's boring.
880
00:54:36,720 --> 00:54:39,760
And every time
I look out the window,
I see Andy Cobb's arse.
881
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:41,800
What's that about?
882
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:43,920
[GEESE HONKlNG]
883
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:49,200
BEN:
Oi!
884
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:52,440
Tammy says
you got Christmas geese.
885
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:54,160
Yep.
886
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:58,600
We're leaving, thank fuck.
887
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:01,160
Well, give us one then.
888
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:02,880
Right now?
889
00:55:03,280 --> 00:55:04,840
Yeah.
890
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,840
That one's spare. Help yourself.
891
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:10,160
BEN:
You having a laugh?
892
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:12,520
What?
It's fucking alive.
893
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:15,440
I suppose you'd better kill it then.
894
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:18,520
How?
895
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:24,560
Gently put its head down there.
896
00:55:24,720 --> 00:55:27,760
Quick in the back of skull with this.
Pluck it while it's warm.
897
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:31,320
Little pot to catch all the blood.
898
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:33,440
You enjoy that?
899
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:35,600
No.
900
00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:38,880
But in my low-wage economy,
this flock's worth a lot.
901
00:55:41,360 --> 00:55:42,400
[CLEARS THROAT]
902
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:45,280
You are one sick fuck, Andy.
903
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:47,960
Grow up.
What, mate?
904
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:51,360
I said, grow up.
905
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,360
Little drummer boy.
906
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:13,040
Tam phoned this morning.
907
00:56:14,240 --> 00:56:16,040
Told me to finish the house.
908
00:56:16,160 --> 00:56:20,560
Goes on the market in the spring,
and that's it. Over.
909
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:25,440
Why does the asshole
always get the girl?
910
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:30,000
Come on, or you'll miss that train.
911
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:32,120
[DRUMS PLAYlNG]
912
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,200
[PHONE RlNGS]
913
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:51,880
Andy.
914
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:56,480
So, what about this shed?
Am I dismantling it or mending it?
915
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:58,160
Hang on.
916
00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:02,600
[SlGHS]
917
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:05,560
I don't know. The shed.
918
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:07,040
What do you think?
919
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:10,040
I recommend preserving it.
920
00:57:10,240 --> 00:57:11,640
Really?
921
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:15,840
Always useful, a good shed.
922
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:20,440
Well, then keep it.
923
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:35,280
Oh...
924
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:38,800
Classy job, Uncle Andy.
925
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:43,000
It's like, transformed.
926
00:57:43,200 --> 00:57:45,080
Ben won't like this.
927
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:47,240
Bit boring.
928
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:50,520
Bit old folks.
929
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:53,520
I like those curtains. And I like that.
930
00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:56,680
No, don't like those lamps,
or that paper.
931
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:59,800
I'd have gold leaf embossed
all round there,
932
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:02,040
and a wall of flamingo.
933
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:06,120
Ben would like that.
That's a lovely chair.
934
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:09,200
What's under here?
935
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:17,680
[COMPUTER TURNS ON]
936
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:21,600
I'd have a bead curtain.
937
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:27,560
And the bathroom
needs to be darker,
like deep chocolate or velvet plum.
938
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:31,040
And I'd bathe in scented oils.
939
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:37,760
And then I'd be ready for Ben.
940
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:43,160
It won't just be a shag, Case.
It'll be an event.
941
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:48,920
I'll be wearing, like,
a gossamer shirt
and a bra set, Prada.
942
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:51,160
And he'll be wearing a black T-shirt.
943
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:56,560
And it'll be all taut over his buff bod.
944
00:58:56,720 --> 00:59:00,840
And underneath,
Calvin Klein boxers, black.
945
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:06,080
And he'll have a tattoo of my name,
and lush pecs.
946
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:09,400
And I'll smell of Allure by Chanel.
947
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:14,920
And he tries to resist me
but I'm a vision.
948
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:17,400
And it will be like: ''Ahh.''
949
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:19,680
But also respectful.
950
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:23,280
And my V plates will melt
into nothing.
951
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:27,080
Are you listening?
952
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:29,560
I like this.
What?
953
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,760
There's this bit where Tamara's dad
takes her out for dinner,
954
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:36,040
and she thinks it's some big treat,
but what he's doing, right,
955
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:39,880
is telling her that he's leaving them,
and she-- Right, she's gutted.
956
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:43,480
She yaks up her food into her napkin
and puts it on his plate.
957
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:46,840
So?
It's painful.
958
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:51,920
But funny.
It's about her, Plastic Fantastic.
959
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:57,400
Jode, she's sad.
Sad? She's a lucky cunt.
960
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:04,640
I've been re-reading
Inchcombe Etherised,
961
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:06,640
one of Nicholas's early books.
962
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:10,800
There's a character, Theo,
who's an adulterer.
963
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:16,680
And Theo has a list of golden rules
called Lulling the Spouse.
964
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:21,920
''To allay suspicion,'' he says,
''you must first arouse it.''
965
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:24,560
Nicholas rang me earlier
to say he was going to be late home.
966
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,120
Yeah, I just bumped into
Raoul and Celia.
967
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:30,760
I said, ''Oh, that's nice.''
968
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:34,040
And thought, ''Have you?''
969
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,320
And I couldn't shake the suspicion.
970
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:39,240
So after an hour, I phoned Raoul.
971
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:40,600
[PHONE RlNGS]
972
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,480
Hello? Yeah, he's right here.
973
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:46,440
And he put Nicholas
straight on the line.
974
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,480
Hello.
975
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:52,520
He's been telling the truth a lot
recently.
976
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:55,560
Is he lulling me?
977
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:04,080
I might remind him
that in Inchcombe Etherized,
978
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:07,960
Theo's wife runs him through
with a carving knife.
979
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:11,920
[TYPlNG]
980
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:17,400
[TAPPlNG]
981
01:01:22,560 --> 01:01:24,360
What are you doing?
Just messing.
982
01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:26,360
I got three valentines.
983
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:29,280
One from Mom,
one from that peanut Ryan,
984
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:31,400
and a mystery one from Ben.
985
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:33,840
I sent you that.
986
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:36,560
Is that theirs?
987
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:38,920
It's my mom's.
They don't drink this shit.
988
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:41,560
Come upstairs
and look at what I'm doing.
989
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:47,400
I've got into her e-mails.
We have to get Ben to come back.
990
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:49,920
I'm sending him a valentine.
991
01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:51,840
No, you're not.
From her address.
992
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:54,560
Then he'll think it's from Tamara,
you dipshit.
993
01:01:54,760 --> 01:01:56,960
But I know it'll be from me.
994
01:01:57,120 --> 01:02:00,480
Subject: Hot love.
995
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:03,120
Oh, God. Jody.
996
01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:06,880
''Contacts.'' Where are you, Ben?
997
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:09,800
There's that bloke my mom works for,
Nicholas Hardiment.
998
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,400
Let's put him on. Who else?
999
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:15,720
Uncle Andy.
Andy Cobb.
1000
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:19,160
Come to Winnards Farm.
1001
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:25,200
I'll give you the biggest shagging
of your life.
1002
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:27,680
Love, Tamara. Kiss, kiss, kiss.
1003
01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:31,640
Don't ever, ever send that.
I just did.
1004
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:36,120
What the fuck is this?
1005
01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:39,680
''Come to Winnards Farm,
1006
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:44,880
and I'll give you
the biggest shagging of your life.''
1007
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:48,520
''I'll give you the biggest shagging
of your life.''
1008
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:50,880
[DRUMS PLAYlNG]
1009
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:52,720
Are you listening to me?
1010
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:56,720
Ben, will you stop drumming?
I didn't write that e-mail.
1011
01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:58,240
Why don't you believe me?
1012
01:02:58,400 --> 01:02:59,880
When Fran started
fucking Steve Culley,
1013
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:02,320
at least she had the decency
not to tell the whole world.
1014
01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:03,920
What's that supposed to mean?
1015
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:09,320
She must want a foursome
or something.
1016
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,840
You fancy a foursome
with Nicholas Hardiment?
1017
01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:14,360
Bugger that.
1018
01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:15,960
What was she thinking?
1019
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:19,120
Well, maybe she's trying
to make you jealous.
1020
01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:21,880
Or maybe she's trying
to make the boyfriend jealous.
1021
01:03:22,080 --> 01:03:25,160
Or maybe she's just trying
to give him a really big hint
1022
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:26,920
that she's not getting enough.
1023
01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:30,320
Or maybe she's just a bit kinky.
Or maybe she's crazy.
1024
01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:33,360
Or maybe she was off her face.
1025
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:34,600
She was pissed.
1026
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:37,160
TAMARA [OVER PHONE]:
I wasn't pissed or depraved
or anything.
1027
01:03:37,320 --> 01:03:38,480
It's okay. It's okay.
1028
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:41,600
Can you go look at the house?
To make sure no one's been in.
1029
01:03:41,760 --> 01:03:43,480
No problem.
Thanks.
1030
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:45,000
Ben's really pissed off.
1031
01:03:45,160 --> 01:03:47,320
He's massively got the hump.
Have I?
1032
01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:50,240
I've just asked Andy
to have a look at Winnards.
1033
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:52,840
I've got to go, I'm sorry.
1034
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:54,720
Are you a fucking idiot?
What?
1035
01:03:54,840 --> 01:03:58,320
Are you thick? lsn't it obvious
who wrote that e-mail?
That tosser Andy Cobb.
1036
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:00,760
Andy wouldn't do that.
Making himself cozy in your house,
1037
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:03,400
going through your stuff.
Probably got a pair of your pants on.
1038
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:05,240
Bet it was him who nicked
my black T-shirt.
1039
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:08,080
Of course, he didn't.
Oh, that's it, jumping to his defense.
1040
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:11,160
He hasn't done anything.
Boss. Boss.
1041
01:04:11,320 --> 01:04:13,200
[BOSS BARKlNG]
1042
01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:15,040
What are you doing?
1043
01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:17,400
You know Fran's having a baby.
1044
01:04:17,560 --> 01:04:20,640
She wanted to see me.
I wasn't going to, but now,
1045
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:23,040
why not?
1046
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:26,200
Come on, Boss, let's go for a crap.
1047
01:04:27,840 --> 01:04:30,800
Come on, mom,
she's just stirring shit.
Tamara's always done that.
1048
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:34,440
Yes, but why?
You know how subversive she is.
1049
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:38,400
She once sent me a valentine
from Prince Harry and I believed it.
1050
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:41,320
It's her sense of humor.
She likes causing trouble.
1051
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:44,840
At school, she used to give us
first-years tips on how to shoplift.
1052
01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:47,280
She taught you how to shoplift?
1053
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,760
Mom, she's marrying Ben Sergeant.
1054
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:53,000
Why would she look at an old git
like Dad?
1055
01:04:53,120 --> 01:04:55,080
BETH:
Hmm. I just don't get the joke.
1056
01:04:55,320 --> 01:04:57,600
And why is your father on the e-mail?
And Andy?
1057
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:00,640
It's so tasteless.
Help me out with these, would you?
1058
01:05:00,800 --> 01:05:02,880
POPPY:
I have to work on my thesis
on the Taliban.
1059
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:04,840
BETH:
Taliban, I know.
1060
01:05:09,840 --> 01:05:13,080
What do you make of that e-mail
from Tamara?
1061
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:15,160
Don't make any sense.
1062
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:19,040
That London boyfriend's trying
to fuck her up. That's my theory.
1063
01:05:19,160 --> 01:05:21,360
She could do so much better.
1064
01:05:21,720 --> 01:05:23,600
I couldn't agree more.
1065
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:25,000
[THUNDER RUMBLlNG]
1066
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:32,000
It's Ben.
''Who's the Daddy?''
1067
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:34,400
''Steve Culley and Fran Redmond
1068
01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:37,400
recently announced
they were expecting.
1069
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:42,360
But in a valentine-tryst shocker,
Fran is snapped
with ex Ben Sergeant.
1070
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:44,360
Ben and Fran, we say, 'Get a room.'''
1071
01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:47,920
He's back with Fran?
After you sent that e-mail, Jode.
1072
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:50,080
No way. No way.
1073
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:53,800
There's Plastic.
1074
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:57,960
Oh, my God, what have I done?
What have you done?
1075
01:05:58,160 --> 01:05:59,800
What if Ben's dumped her?
1076
01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:03,840
What if he never comes back?
1077
01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:07,640
[DOOR CLOSES]
1078
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,040
[THUNDER RUMBLlNG]
1079
01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:32,120
I'll never see Ben again
and it's all my fault.
1080
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:34,840
What's all your fault?
None of your business.
1081
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:37,920
I'm bloody sick of you looking
like a wet weekend.
1082
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:39,280
Who's Ben?
No one.
1083
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:40,920
What have you done?
Nothing.
1084
01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:44,040
You in trouble?
No, leave me alone.
1085
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:46,640
You take care with boys, Jody.
1086
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:49,240
You know what can happen.
1087
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:52,160
What can happen?
1088
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:56,720
What can ever, ever happen
in a place like this?
1089
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:08,360
Hello. I thought you were in London
with Ben from Swipe.
1090
01:07:08,560 --> 01:07:12,000
I'm looking for Andy.
Well, he's not up at Stonefield.
1091
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:15,280
So where's this shag
you've been offering me?
1092
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:16,960
Fuck off.
Come on. I saw that e-mail.
1093
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:18,520
Well, I didn't send it.
1094
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:23,240
And I wouldn't shag you
if you were the last man left
after a nuclear winter.
1095
01:07:23,800 --> 01:07:25,680
I'll come round tomorrow then,
about 3?
1096
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:28,480
Drop dead, you smug prick.
1097
01:07:32,480 --> 01:07:33,560
Watch out.
1098
01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:35,120
[HORN HONKS]
1099
01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:12,960
[SOBS]
1100
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:28,120
Yeah, I'll--
I'll probably stay at the library
another hour or two.
1101
01:08:28,600 --> 01:08:30,440
Yeah.
1102
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:35,080
Yeah,
just checking some law reports.
1103
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:38,400
You're a marvel.
1104
01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:41,560
Okay.
1105
01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:43,720
[KNOCKlNG]
1106
01:08:58,160 --> 01:08:59,800
Hello.
1107
01:09:02,440 --> 01:09:04,080
So,
1108
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:06,480
Nicholas.
1109
01:09:15,680 --> 01:09:18,000
You can tell me to leave.
1110
01:09:21,480 --> 01:09:24,040
You can throw me right out.
1111
01:09:28,600 --> 01:09:30,840
Just say the word,
1112
01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:33,960
and I'll go.
1113
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:51,440
[SlGHS]
1114
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:05,480
TAMARA:
Do you smoke after sex?
1115
01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:07,320
NICHOLAS:
I don't know, I've never looked.
1116
01:10:07,480 --> 01:10:08,840
[TAMARA CHUCKLES]
1117
01:10:10,960 --> 01:10:12,840
I used to watch you
out of my window,
1118
01:10:13,040 --> 01:10:15,760
helping your daughter
skateboard up the lane.
1119
01:10:16,440 --> 01:10:18,680
Bit of an obvious crush, wasn't it?
1120
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:23,040
Is that why I'm here?
To expurgate the crush?
1121
01:10:23,200 --> 01:10:24,680
I don't know.
1122
01:10:24,880 --> 01:10:26,760
Or as revenge on your ex?
1123
01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:29,920
I don't know, Nicholas.
1124
01:10:30,240 --> 01:10:31,400
Why are you here?
1125
01:10:32,680 --> 01:10:34,280
I should have thought
that was obvious.
1126
01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:35,800
[CHUCKLES]
1127
01:10:37,080 --> 01:10:40,680
Since you climbed over that stile
in the summer,
1128
01:10:41,480 --> 01:10:44,320
I haven't thought about
very much else.
1129
01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:54,120
When can we do this again?
What about Beth?
1130
01:10:54,280 --> 01:10:56,560
Beth and I have this kind of open--
Bullshit.
1131
01:10:56,720 --> 01:11:00,000
Thursday?
lsn't life complicated enough?
1132
01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:02,400
Don't put me in your column.
1133
01:11:03,080 --> 01:11:05,280
In your dreams.
1134
01:11:08,320 --> 01:11:09,680
[SlGHS]
1135
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:13,880
[CHUCKLES]
1136
01:11:14,040 --> 01:11:16,160
LUCETTA:
Structure can be so sterile, can't it?
1137
01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:18,600
I always think of it
as a 3-dimensional--
1138
01:11:18,680 --> 01:11:20,600
Oh.
LUCETTA: Oh, here he is.
1139
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:25,120
Oh, poor you. Was it awful?
I was starting to worry.
1140
01:11:25,320 --> 01:11:29,520
Bloody terrible. Didn't move
till well past Chiswick, but look.
1141
01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:32,400
I popped into Fortnum's.
My favorite teas.
1142
01:11:32,600 --> 01:11:34,600
[BOTH CHUCKLlNG]
1143
01:11:35,640 --> 01:11:39,480
Oh, my goodness,
you feel like my buzzy toothbrush
just after I've charged it up.
1144
01:11:39,600 --> 01:11:43,080
You should go to London more often.
Well, maybe I will.
1145
01:11:43,240 --> 01:11:46,840
Oh. Sorry, everybody.
Traffic was a pig. Do carry on.
What have I missed?
1146
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:50,240
Well, I'm trying this magic realist bit
at the end of Chapter 3.
1147
01:11:50,440 --> 01:11:52,760
Oh. That sounds very innovative.
Oh, you think so?
1148
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:56,280
Yes. I think I've always been waiting
for the, uh, magic realist crime novel.
1149
01:11:56,400 --> 01:11:57,400
[LAUGHlNG]
1150
01:11:57,560 --> 01:12:00,560
LUCETTA:
Wuthering Heights,
it's kind of Angel of the North.
1151
01:12:00,760 --> 01:12:02,760
[CHATTERlNG]
1152
01:12:12,560 --> 01:12:17,960
So after two years of radio silence,
I contact my editor,
1153
01:12:18,560 --> 01:12:22,160
and she loves-- I mean,
she loves the chapters
I did in the fall.
1154
01:12:22,400 --> 01:12:25,040
Oh, Glen. Ha-ha.
1155
01:12:25,640 --> 01:12:27,240
GLEN:
I tried writing at the library
1156
01:12:27,360 --> 01:12:30,840
but I could feel that awful paralysis
descending again.
1157
01:12:31,000 --> 01:12:35,120
I missed everything that I've been,
you know, finding here.
1158
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:37,640
Oh, my God.
1159
01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:40,600
It's so beautiful.
1160
01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:42,520
Well, I'm very glad
you've come back.
1161
01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:44,520
Yeah, in a few solid weeks--
1162
01:12:44,680 --> 01:12:46,800
Holy cow!
1163
01:12:48,760 --> 01:12:50,720
ldiots!
JOD Y & CASE Y: Ha-ha.
1164
01:12:51,160 --> 01:12:52,680
Morons!
1165
01:12:52,840 --> 01:12:54,440
Ha-ha.
1166
01:12:56,720 --> 01:13:00,440
Hey, writers, let's egg
the self-regarding sacks of shit.
1167
01:13:00,640 --> 01:13:03,680
It's half term, they're just bored.
1168
01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:08,840
There's this theory
that Hardy gave his wife syphilis,
you know.
1169
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:11,880
No evidence, but the symptoms fit.
Poor woman,
1170
01:13:11,960 --> 01:13:15,720
she starts to get eccentric and then
she moves her bed up to their attic.
1171
01:13:15,960 --> 01:13:16,960
The bastard.
1172
01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:20,160
Meanwhile, Hardy falls in love
with a woman 39 years
younger than him.
1173
01:13:20,360 --> 01:13:24,160
I don't believe it.
Yeah, he was 65 and she was 26.
1174
01:13:24,320 --> 01:13:26,840
Geoff.
Glen.
1175
01:13:27,000 --> 01:13:28,560
Henry James?
Thomas Hardy.
1176
01:13:28,760 --> 01:13:31,760
That's it, a Hardy book.
Coming well?
1177
01:13:31,880 --> 01:13:34,440
Yes, actually.
He gave his wife syphilis.
1178
01:13:34,560 --> 01:13:36,560
Jolly good.
1179
01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:40,760
Oh, he-- He's completely distracted.
1180
01:13:40,920 --> 01:13:42,920
He's up and down to London
all the time.
1181
01:13:43,040 --> 01:13:46,200
This latest Inchcombe's
taking everything he's got.
1182
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:49,000
It's really preying on him.
1183
01:13:50,520 --> 01:13:52,960
Is it any good?
Because I keep changing things
1184
01:13:53,040 --> 01:13:54,040
and--
NICHOLAS: Shh.
1185
01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:02,480
It's brutally candid.
1186
01:14:03,320 --> 01:14:06,800
You lay yourself completely bare.
1187
01:14:09,880 --> 01:14:14,880
It's a bit over-written.
It needs a good edit, but, uh,
1188
01:14:16,440 --> 01:14:17,960
it's very moving.
1189
01:14:19,320 --> 01:14:20,840
Thank you.
1190
01:14:20,960 --> 01:14:22,680
So,
1191
01:14:23,600 --> 01:14:25,360
have I done my duty?
1192
01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:27,400
Admirably.
1193
01:14:27,840 --> 01:14:29,880
Now do I get my treat?
1194
01:14:31,600 --> 01:14:34,280
You are so cheesy.
1195
01:14:35,320 --> 01:14:37,320
[BELL TOLLlNG]
1196
01:14:40,680 --> 01:14:43,400
Zero Ben sightings
in two whole months.
1197
01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:48,560
Last time I saw Plastic,
she looked like a minger.
1198
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:50,520
All red-eyed and gutted.
1199
01:14:50,720 --> 01:14:52,520
Ben's a love rat.
1200
01:14:52,720 --> 01:14:54,560
You gotta face it,
she should move on.
1201
01:14:54,720 --> 01:14:56,200
She's probably topped herself.
1202
01:14:56,640 --> 01:15:00,920
I would, if Ben dumped me.
Jode, don't say that.
1203
01:15:01,080 --> 01:15:02,960
What if she's done something?
1204
01:15:03,120 --> 01:15:05,800
Like got in the bath
with her heated tongs?
1205
01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:09,160
Like taken a stack of pills.
Think she might be lying there,
1206
01:15:09,240 --> 01:15:12,000
all choked in vomit and drug froth?
That'd be dire.
1207
01:15:12,200 --> 01:15:15,080
lf we find her, we'll get in the papers.
Oh, my God.
1208
01:15:15,160 --> 01:15:17,120
Rock chick dead at Winnards Farm.
1209
01:15:33,600 --> 01:15:35,760
[WHlSPERlNG]
What's Uncle Andy doing here?
1210
01:15:48,240 --> 01:15:50,320
Ass biscuits.
1211
01:16:00,080 --> 01:16:01,840
No answer.
1212
01:16:01,880 --> 01:16:05,320
She could've been there days.
She could be all putrid-like, rancid.
1213
01:16:05,520 --> 01:16:07,440
Oh, no, gonna chuck.
1214
01:16:07,680 --> 01:16:11,400
All bloated and all greeny.
Uncle Andy will find her by the smell.
1215
01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:13,400
Ugh. Shh.
1216
01:16:14,760 --> 01:16:16,080
Andy.
1217
01:16:16,240 --> 01:16:19,400
Oh, bollocks, she's alive.
AND Y: Haven't seen you for a while.
1218
01:16:20,080 --> 01:16:22,360
Thought you might be ill
or something, or depressed.
1219
01:16:22,480 --> 01:16:24,800
I've had my head down, writing.
1220
01:16:24,920 --> 01:16:26,000
Come for a drink.
1221
01:16:26,600 --> 01:16:28,800
Let's lighten up.
I'd love to, but,
1222
01:16:29,800 --> 01:16:32,960
I'm kind of on one with my writing,
and...
1223
01:16:34,280 --> 01:16:35,800
Can we do it soon, though?
1224
01:16:36,000 --> 01:16:39,480
I really would like to.
Just not right now.
1225
01:16:40,200 --> 01:16:41,800
Sure.
1226
01:16:52,440 --> 01:16:54,240
NICHOLAS:
What is he doing here?
1227
01:16:54,440 --> 01:16:56,320
Oh, he just came by
on the off-chance.
1228
01:16:56,520 --> 01:16:58,400
Off-chance of what?
1229
01:16:58,520 --> 01:17:01,000
Something about the roofing
for the shed.
1230
01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:09,680
Do you think he's in with a chance?
No way.
1231
01:17:09,840 --> 01:17:12,840
Why not? He's fit. I'd do him.
Jody, he's my uncle.
1232
01:17:12,960 --> 01:17:15,960
She'd be mad not to have him.
Bet he goes like a train.
1233
01:17:16,120 --> 01:17:17,440
[ENGlNE STARTS]
1234
01:17:22,880 --> 01:17:24,400
Let's go, my knickers are wet.
1235
01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:26,720
CASE Y:
Wait, wait.
1236
01:17:30,400 --> 01:17:33,320
Oh, my God.
1237
01:17:37,280 --> 01:17:38,520
Nicholas, go.
1238
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:50,040
''Prolific author
of intelligent crime novels.''
1239
01:17:50,160 --> 01:17:53,120
Fucking D-list.
How could she do that after Ben?
1240
01:17:53,280 --> 01:17:56,440
He's not even a proper celeb.
Maybe she's numbing the pain.
1241
01:17:56,640 --> 01:17:57,680
Trying to tear love--
1242
01:17:57,840 --> 01:17:59,480
Oh, shut up, Case.
She's just a slag.
1243
01:17:59,640 --> 01:18:02,440
She went out
and pulled a married man.
1244
01:18:03,000 --> 01:18:06,200
Like that bitch
that went off with my dad.
1245
01:18:07,800 --> 01:18:10,840
I know who I feel sorry for.
1246
01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:17,880
Then there'll be the divorce
and acrimony,
1247
01:18:18,000 --> 01:18:20,720
and Beth's world will fall apart.
Yeah.
1248
01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:25,080
But maybe one day,
she'll put the bitterness behind her,
1249
01:18:25,200 --> 01:18:26,480
and find a new love.
1250
01:18:26,680 --> 01:18:29,320
Don't be daft. She's old, you sop.
1251
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:31,280
See?
1252
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:34,800
That's D-list's car.
1253
01:18:36,400 --> 01:18:39,640
This is where he hides his car
when he goes to shag Plastic.
1254
01:18:39,800 --> 01:18:42,800
Yeah. Dirty git.
Big old turd.
1255
01:18:43,080 --> 01:18:46,680
He's a rotten cheater.
Like my dad.
1256
01:18:47,680 --> 01:18:50,800
Come on, Case. Let's fuck him up.
1257
01:18:54,920 --> 01:18:57,760
Shit salad.
1258
01:19:01,200 --> 01:19:04,320
Oh, poor you. What a drag.
1259
01:19:04,640 --> 01:19:05,880
Yes, it's a frightful bore.
1260
01:19:06,080 --> 01:19:07,680
BETH:
I'll hold off on the paella then.
1261
01:19:07,880 --> 01:19:09,840
You're a marvel. See you soon.
1262
01:19:09,960 --> 01:19:11,600
Did you--?
1263
01:19:14,800 --> 01:19:17,720
Beth, can I use the printer?
1264
01:19:17,880 --> 01:19:21,680
Nicholas is stuck on the motorway
with a flat tire,
1265
01:19:22,080 --> 01:19:24,360
but I couldn't hear traffic,
just rooks.
1266
01:19:24,520 --> 01:19:25,880
Hmm.
1267
01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:28,640
Sorry, um, did you want me
to read something?
1268
01:19:28,880 --> 01:19:30,880
No. Can I use the printer?
1269
01:19:31,080 --> 01:19:33,080
[ROOKS CROWlNG]
1270
01:19:34,880 --> 01:19:38,800
Nicholas, someone knows.
1271
01:19:38,960 --> 01:19:41,960
Maybe we should--
Who cares?
1272
01:19:51,400 --> 01:19:55,720
Casey, pop them. Pop them.
1273
01:19:58,360 --> 01:19:59,720
[CAMERA CLlCKlNG]
1274
01:20:00,520 --> 01:20:03,440
Fucking bingo.
1275
01:20:08,200 --> 01:20:10,440
Hello, Casey, how are you? Hello.
1276
01:20:10,560 --> 01:20:12,680
All right.
Waiting for the bus?
1277
01:20:12,840 --> 01:20:14,720
Bus got scrapped.
Oh, so it did.
1278
01:20:14,840 --> 01:20:18,160
Well, hope it doesn't rain.
1279
01:20:19,840 --> 01:20:22,840
Gutted for her.
Me too.
1280
01:20:23,480 --> 01:20:25,960
Fat arse though, hasn't she?
1281
01:20:29,320 --> 01:20:31,040
Send her the photo, Case.
I can't.
1282
01:20:31,240 --> 01:20:33,280
Why not?
What if it ruins her life?
1283
01:20:33,480 --> 01:20:35,520
We gotta do something.
Plastic's an idiot.
1284
01:20:35,760 --> 01:20:38,600
She fucked it up with Ben.
We fucked it up with Ben, Jode.
1285
01:20:41,600 --> 01:20:43,520
It's like...
1286
01:20:46,080 --> 01:20:48,920
We've gotta rescue her from D-list.
1287
01:21:18,280 --> 01:21:19,960
Casey.
What?
1288
01:21:20,080 --> 01:21:24,200
She's back in touch with him.
She's got an e-mail from Ben.
1289
01:21:24,600 --> 01:21:27,840
''Tamara, Fran's baby has come.''
1290
01:21:27,960 --> 01:21:31,320
Case, he says it's a little brown girl
with curly black hair.
1291
01:21:31,480 --> 01:21:32,880
Oh, cute.
1292
01:21:33,040 --> 01:21:37,080
''I think we can safely say
it's Steven Culley's, not mine.
1293
01:21:37,240 --> 01:21:39,720
Truth is, I feel free.
1294
01:21:40,000 --> 01:21:42,240
Gig in Paris for a few days.
1295
01:21:42,360 --> 01:21:45,480
lf I bring him down,
would you have Boss?''
1296
01:21:45,680 --> 01:21:49,280
Yes. Yes, he's coming back.
1297
01:21:49,640 --> 01:21:51,960
CASE Y: What are you doing?
Dear, Ben,
1298
01:21:52,120 --> 01:21:55,760
I have found a reliable dog lover
in the village.
1299
01:21:55,960 --> 01:21:57,840
Who?
Please call Jody,
1300
01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:01,920
You can't send that.
on 0 7 700-900-929.
1301
01:22:02,080 --> 01:22:04,960
I'm getting him back down here!
For who? You?
1302
01:22:05,160 --> 01:22:07,280
Why not me?
Are you mental?
1303
01:22:07,400 --> 01:22:10,080
''Reliable dog lover''?
You're making a great big mess--
1304
01:22:10,320 --> 01:22:12,720
I'm making something happen!
1305
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:14,840
Otherwise, my whole life will go by,
1306
01:22:15,040 --> 01:22:17,320
and I'll be 34
and washed up like my mom.
1307
01:22:17,520 --> 01:22:20,640
And no one decent
will ever even have snogged me.
1308
01:22:20,840 --> 01:22:23,720
lf you do this, you're on your own.
1309
01:22:23,800 --> 01:22:25,960
Fuck off, then.
1310
01:22:26,520 --> 01:22:28,800
You twat.
1311
01:22:32,240 --> 01:22:35,280
There's the festival brochure.
You're on in the Lanson marquee.
1312
01:22:35,560 --> 01:22:38,160
And, um, I've marked a few bits,
in case you want to read.
1313
01:22:38,360 --> 01:22:41,280
You're a marvel. Cheers.
1314
01:22:41,440 --> 01:22:43,160
I could come with you.
1315
01:22:43,280 --> 01:22:45,520
Oh, don't. You hate festivals.
1316
01:22:45,720 --> 01:22:48,680
But it's only Hadditon. I'll come.
1317
01:22:48,840 --> 01:22:51,720
It'll be completely boring.
You'll hate it.
1318
01:22:51,920 --> 01:22:53,720
Stay here.
1319
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:04,560
[CLASSlCAL MUSlC
PLAYlNG OVER CAR STEREO]
1320
01:23:06,600 --> 01:23:07,960
Wow.
1321
01:23:12,000 --> 01:23:13,880
[GASPS]
1322
01:23:15,240 --> 01:23:19,440
Wanker! Aah! Right.
1323
01:23:19,520 --> 01:23:21,240
[KE YPAD BEEPlNG]
1324
01:23:21,440 --> 01:23:22,960
Ha-ha-ha.
Finished.
1325
01:23:23,040 --> 01:23:25,920
I'm doing this cake in celebration.
Well done.
1326
01:23:26,160 --> 01:23:27,480
Well, to Hardy.
1327
01:23:27,600 --> 01:23:28,680
[PHONE BEEPlNG]
1328
01:23:28,800 --> 01:23:32,440
Yeah, even though I can't bear
the man for what he did to his wife.
1329
01:23:32,840 --> 01:23:36,040
Oh, thanks, Andy.
Just pop them over there.
1330
01:23:41,680 --> 01:23:44,320
How do I find out who sent this?
1331
01:23:49,880 --> 01:23:52,240
It says ''number withheld.''
1332
01:23:54,760 --> 01:23:56,720
Did you know?
1333
01:23:59,800 --> 01:24:02,080
I couldn't tell you.
1334
01:24:02,440 --> 01:24:04,360
I'm sorry, Beth.
1335
01:24:10,560 --> 01:24:12,360
Her.
1336
01:24:12,800 --> 01:24:14,720
Oh, my God.
1337
01:24:14,840 --> 01:24:17,880
Oh, this is just--
This is just horrible.
1338
01:24:18,080 --> 01:24:19,120
Right under my nose.
1339
01:24:19,280 --> 01:24:21,160
Oh, it's so shitty.
God, I feel sick.
1340
01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:24,120
So insulting. You do not deserve
to be treated like this.
1341
01:24:24,320 --> 01:24:25,960
lf you're kind to me, I'll cry.
1342
01:24:26,120 --> 01:24:29,040
And I don't want to cry,
I must be very clear.
1343
01:24:29,440 --> 01:24:31,880
lf there's anything that I can do...
1344
01:24:32,160 --> 01:24:34,400
I have to do it by myself.
1345
01:24:34,560 --> 01:24:35,680
[STEPS ON BROKEN BOWL]
1346
01:24:35,800 --> 01:24:37,800
[SOBBlNG]
1347
01:24:38,480 --> 01:24:41,120
Oh, come on.
Come on, Beth. Come on.
1348
01:24:41,240 --> 01:24:44,200
I trod in the sponge mix.
1349
01:24:50,560 --> 01:24:53,440
Jody? This is Ben Sergeant.
1350
01:24:54,360 --> 01:24:56,240
Yeah, that's right. I love dogs.
1351
01:24:56,880 --> 01:25:00,600
Yeah, so I'll see you
at Winnards Farm at 2:00.
1352
01:25:00,760 --> 01:25:03,240
Yeah. Perfect.
1353
01:25:05,280 --> 01:25:06,760
[GASPS]
1354
01:25:11,960 --> 01:25:13,640
Andy.
1355
01:25:13,880 --> 01:25:16,560
Hey, how are you?
1356
01:25:18,400 --> 01:25:21,320
I wondered if you wanted
to go for that drink?
1357
01:25:21,840 --> 01:25:24,680
I need a friend at the mo--
You and Nicholas Hardiment.
1358
01:25:24,840 --> 01:25:27,080
That's a nice piece of work, isn't it?
1359
01:25:27,240 --> 01:25:31,160
I get it from his point of view.
He's always been a cheating wanker.
1360
01:25:31,320 --> 01:25:34,040
Loves having his cake and eating it.
1361
01:25:35,200 --> 01:25:38,120
But since when did your standards
drop so low?
1362
01:25:38,360 --> 01:25:39,640
You could have anyone.
1363
01:25:39,800 --> 01:25:42,520
All you have to do is bat your eyes.
Andy.
1364
01:25:42,760 --> 01:25:46,640
I care a lot about Beth.
She helped me out
when I was at rock bottom.
1365
01:25:46,800 --> 01:25:48,360
I'm not going to split them up.
1366
01:25:48,480 --> 01:25:50,320
It's just--
A bit of fun?
1367
01:25:50,360 --> 01:25:53,360
It's none of your bloody business.
1368
01:25:55,520 --> 01:25:58,040
Andy Cobb knows.
Cock pie. Has he told Beth?
1369
01:25:58,280 --> 01:26:00,880
I don't know, but he might.
And I wouldn't blame him.
1370
01:26:01,040 --> 01:26:02,440
I suppose it has
to come out sometime.
1371
01:26:02,680 --> 01:26:03,680
Does it?
1372
01:26:03,880 --> 01:26:06,840
It's a good thing. Feels like a relief.
It means we can think about
1373
01:26:07,000 --> 01:26:09,080
our plans for the future.
What future?
1374
01:26:09,320 --> 01:26:11,840
I know it's been hard for you,
sharing me with Beth.
1375
01:26:11,960 --> 01:26:14,120
But I'm yours now.
I'm gonna leave her.
1376
01:26:14,280 --> 01:26:17,240
Mr. Hardiment. It's time.
1377
01:26:18,480 --> 01:26:22,400
I want a new life with you.
1378
01:26:25,600 --> 01:26:26,800
It's a nice dog, Mom.
1379
01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:30,320
Well, I don't like having dog hair
and slobber all over the place.
1380
01:26:30,480 --> 01:26:31,760
But I said yes.
1381
01:26:31,960 --> 01:26:34,600
No dogs, no way, and that's final.
1382
01:26:34,760 --> 01:26:38,880
You loser, I hate you!
You want to ruin my life!
1383
01:26:40,640 --> 01:26:42,240
Live the dream, Jody.
1384
01:26:42,400 --> 01:26:44,000
Well, it all runs very smoothly.
1385
01:26:44,200 --> 01:26:47,480
I start a book in the summer
and publish it the following spring.
1386
01:26:47,640 --> 01:26:49,640
Bit of a factory, really.
1387
01:26:49,760 --> 01:26:50,800
[AUDlENCE CHUCKLES]
1388
01:26:50,960 --> 01:26:55,120
So you've finished Like The Night,
which is the 1 7th
of the Inchcombe adventures.
1389
01:26:55,280 --> 01:26:58,440
And we all assume
you're planning the next one already.
1390
01:26:58,600 --> 01:27:00,400
Well,
1391
01:27:01,560 --> 01:27:03,600
there isn't gonna be a next one.
1392
01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:04,960
MAN 1 : No.
WOMAN 1 : What?
1393
01:27:05,080 --> 01:27:07,280
Frankly,
I'm sick to death of Inchcombe.
1394
01:27:07,440 --> 01:27:10,040
In fact, I'm about to kill him off.
1395
01:27:10,240 --> 01:27:11,680
WOMAN 2: No.
MAN 2: He can't do that.
1396
01:27:11,840 --> 01:27:14,040
Well, I think
that's what we call in the trade,
1397
01:27:14,280 --> 01:27:17,240
a bit of a bombshell,
for your fans here.
1398
01:27:17,720 --> 01:27:21,840
Yes, but I'm moving on
to fresh pastures.
1399
01:27:22,040 --> 01:27:23,800
WOMAN 3:
No.
1400
01:27:23,960 --> 01:27:26,200
Inchcombe is about to meet
a very sticky end,
1401
01:27:26,360 --> 01:27:29,480
and it's one murder
I'm really looking forward to.
1402
01:27:29,640 --> 01:27:30,680
[AUDlENCE CHATTERlNG]
1403
01:27:30,880 --> 01:27:34,280
Now, at this point,
we should get
some questions, I think.
1404
01:27:34,440 --> 01:27:38,240
And I'm--
Yes, there's a lady over there.
1405
01:27:41,560 --> 01:27:46,560
WOMAN:
You write a lot about adultery,
is that from personal experience?
1406
01:27:47,680 --> 01:27:49,240
NICHOLAS:
Madam,
1407
01:27:51,280 --> 01:27:53,280
what a saucy question. Uh...
1408
01:27:53,400 --> 01:27:55,960
But there's no need
for an author's work
to be autobiographical--
1409
01:27:56,120 --> 01:27:58,000
Why do you cheat persistently
on your wife?
1410
01:27:59,680 --> 01:28:01,560
MAN:
Who's that?
1411
01:28:01,760 --> 01:28:03,640
[AUDlENCE MURMURlNG]
1412
01:28:07,000 --> 01:28:09,120
Because she lets me.
1413
01:28:10,520 --> 01:28:12,240
Tamara.
1414
01:28:13,240 --> 01:28:15,560
Where--?
Nicholas, this has got to stop.
1415
01:28:15,760 --> 01:28:17,960
You're right.
I can't go on using her.
Lying to her.
1416
01:28:18,120 --> 01:28:19,560
It won't be fun
but I've gotta do it.
1417
01:28:19,720 --> 01:28:22,480
I don't feel alive with Beth.
I haven't been living for years.
1418
01:28:22,600 --> 01:28:25,640
She's smothered me like a blanket.
Nicholas, listen to me.
1419
01:28:25,800 --> 01:28:29,560
It was fun,
but it's wrong and it's over.
1420
01:28:30,280 --> 01:28:31,520
[SlGHS]
1421
01:28:32,680 --> 01:28:35,360
I'm in love with you.
I'm sorry.
1422
01:28:35,480 --> 01:28:36,880
No.
1423
01:28:37,080 --> 01:28:40,520
No. No. No. You can't end it.
Tamara--
1424
01:28:40,640 --> 01:28:42,720
Fuck supper!
Will you keep it down?
1425
01:28:42,880 --> 01:28:45,280
My God, you're cold-hearted.
No, I'm not.
1426
01:28:45,400 --> 01:28:48,200
You don't feel a thing, do you?
I do. I do feel.
1427
01:28:48,480 --> 01:28:51,680
I feel like I'm blazing away inside
all the time.
1428
01:28:52,280 --> 01:28:55,560
Why do I do these things?
What am I doing with you?
1429
01:28:56,880 --> 01:29:00,000
There's someone else, isn't there?
Oh, for God's sake.
1430
01:29:00,160 --> 01:29:02,920
Not the narcissist drummer?
Goodbye.
1431
01:29:03,040 --> 01:29:04,720
It's that ignorant lunk, isn't it?
1432
01:29:04,960 --> 01:29:07,800
That muscle-bound wastrel
Andy Cobb.
1433
01:29:08,320 --> 01:29:11,600
Andy Cobb is a far better man
than you.
1434
01:29:11,720 --> 01:29:13,720
[GROUP CHATTERlNG]
1435
01:29:15,160 --> 01:29:16,760
Go on.
1436
01:29:17,480 --> 01:29:19,480
[GROANlNG]
1437
01:29:21,120 --> 01:29:24,840
Mr. Hardiment, will you sign this?
lmagine getting him to sign.
1438
01:29:25,080 --> 01:29:27,560
I love your books.
1439
01:29:44,160 --> 01:29:46,120
Thank you.
1440
01:29:54,040 --> 01:29:55,800
Hello?
1441
01:29:58,480 --> 01:30:01,240
It's Jody Long about the dog.
1442
01:30:05,320 --> 01:30:07,040
Ben?
1443
01:30:12,440 --> 01:30:14,160
Hello?
1444
01:30:17,000 --> 01:30:18,640
Ben?
1445
01:30:25,040 --> 01:30:26,760
Ben?
1446
01:30:32,440 --> 01:30:34,440
[SWlPE'S ''THlS lS A LOW''
PLAYlNG OVER PHONE]
1447
01:30:41,000 --> 01:30:43,040
Well, you gonna answer that?
1448
01:30:44,240 --> 01:30:46,720
Jody, what are you doing
not fucking answering?
1449
01:30:46,880 --> 01:30:48,920
[BOSS BARKlNG]
1450
01:30:50,480 --> 01:30:54,520
Ben's dog is here. It's loose.
It means Ben must be up
at Winnards.
1451
01:30:54,640 --> 01:30:56,360
[PANTlNG]
1452
01:30:56,600 --> 01:30:57,840
Boss!
1453
01:30:59,560 --> 01:31:00,880
Dog minder?
1454
01:31:02,040 --> 01:31:06,320
You've been breaking in, sending
e-mails and fucking people off.
1455
01:31:07,640 --> 01:31:11,000
Did you nick my black T-shirt?
I just wanted to meet you. Just once.
1456
01:31:11,240 --> 01:31:14,320
Just to tell you stuff.
Stuff? What stuff?
1457
01:31:14,440 --> 01:31:16,520
Like, I love you.
1458
01:31:17,160 --> 01:31:19,680
I really, really love you.
1459
01:31:20,160 --> 01:31:22,840
That's really nice.
1460
01:31:24,080 --> 01:31:27,360
I used to lie awake
thinking about you being here.
1461
01:31:27,600 --> 01:31:29,240
In Ewedown.
1462
01:31:29,480 --> 01:31:32,760
In the bum-hole of nowhere.
1463
01:31:33,720 --> 01:31:36,440
When you left, I couldn't bear it.
1464
01:31:36,800 --> 01:31:40,120
I just wanted
to make you come back.
1465
01:31:44,720 --> 01:31:49,520
Do you still love me, Jody?
Even though I wanna lock you up?
1466
01:31:50,840 --> 01:31:52,920
What would you do for me then?
1467
01:31:53,640 --> 01:31:55,800
Would you do anything,
like a proper fan?
1468
01:31:57,320 --> 01:31:59,440
Let's see then, shall we?
1469
01:32:00,760 --> 01:32:04,000
I bet that bitch wants a baby.
Well, she'll find out.
Nicholas doesn't do children.
1470
01:32:04,160 --> 01:32:06,080
He'll leave it all up to her. Oh.
1471
01:32:06,240 --> 01:32:07,840
That'll age her.
Beth.
1472
01:32:08,040 --> 01:32:10,600
Suppose he discovers fatherhood?
They do, these men.
1473
01:32:10,720 --> 01:32:14,600
Second time around,
they get all nappy-happy.
1474
01:32:14,800 --> 01:32:16,600
I was barely 20 when I got pregnant.
1475
01:32:16,760 --> 01:32:20,080
I've never done anything. God.
Yes, you have. Look at this place.
1476
01:32:20,240 --> 01:32:22,480
I've let him walk all over me.
Why? Why have I done that?
1477
01:32:22,600 --> 01:32:23,960
I-- I've wasted my life.
1478
01:32:24,120 --> 01:32:25,920
No. What about the work
you've done here?
1479
01:32:26,160 --> 01:32:27,160
Work?
Yes.
1480
01:32:27,360 --> 01:32:30,320
What, breeding goats?
Baking fucking biscuits?
1481
01:32:30,480 --> 01:32:31,800
It's meaningless!
1482
01:32:32,000 --> 01:32:33,080
[SOBBlNG]
1483
01:32:33,240 --> 01:32:34,720
Beth.
1484
01:32:34,960 --> 01:32:38,000
When I was lost with my book,
you helped me more than you know.
1485
01:32:38,200 --> 01:32:40,440
You asked me
who I was writing it for.
1486
01:32:41,200 --> 01:32:42,880
You.
1487
01:33:05,800 --> 01:33:07,600
NICHOLAS:
Excuse me.
1488
01:33:10,320 --> 01:33:11,880
May I speak with my wife?
1489
01:33:12,040 --> 01:33:15,360
No, you may not.
1490
01:33:17,040 --> 01:33:19,360
NICHOLAS:
Beth. Beth.
1491
01:33:21,120 --> 01:33:22,920
It's over.
1492
01:33:23,880 --> 01:33:25,560
I've finished it.
1493
01:33:25,720 --> 01:33:27,960
She's been chasing me.
1494
01:33:28,080 --> 01:33:30,400
I think there's something
unhinged about her.
1495
01:33:30,560 --> 01:33:32,040
This wild crush.
1496
01:33:32,240 --> 01:33:33,280
[BOSS BARKlNG]
1497
01:33:33,400 --> 01:33:37,520
Ben Sergeant's bloody dog again.
Go on, get out.
1498
01:33:37,760 --> 01:33:42,040
Back to that tart at Winnards Farm.
Go on. Bugger off!
1499
01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:44,520
Beth.
1500
01:33:45,760 --> 01:33:47,480
You know I'm sorry.
1501
01:33:48,280 --> 01:33:51,280
I want you to leave. I want a divorce.
1502
01:33:51,480 --> 01:33:53,480
No, you don't. Don't be ridiculous.
1503
01:33:53,920 --> 01:33:55,760
Now, look--
And I want this place.
1504
01:33:56,520 --> 01:33:57,640
You can't.
1505
01:33:58,120 --> 01:34:01,600
Watch me. I will.
1506
01:34:02,960 --> 01:34:07,040
That's it, lovely. Keep it going,
keep it going. Stop.
Couple of sugars.
1507
01:34:08,880 --> 01:34:10,520
Stir it.
1508
01:34:19,800 --> 01:34:23,200
That is a very good cup of tea.
Which is lucky for you, Jody.
1509
01:34:23,360 --> 01:34:24,400
Had it been shit,
1510
01:34:24,600 --> 01:34:27,160
I'd be on the phone
to the extremely scary
local cops right now.
1511
01:34:27,280 --> 01:34:28,680
Please don't tell my mom.
1512
01:34:28,880 --> 01:34:31,440
I know it's boring round here,
but for fuck's sakes.
1513
01:34:31,640 --> 01:34:33,240
I'm gonna get out soon as I can.
1514
01:34:33,360 --> 01:34:36,840
I'm gonna work in Vegas
as a croupier.
Vegas or a cruise liner.
1515
01:34:37,800 --> 01:34:42,160
Aim high, Jody.
That's what I say. Aim high.
1516
01:34:49,080 --> 01:34:50,880
Ben?
1517
01:34:53,600 --> 01:34:56,680
You've had an infestation.
Of what?
1518
01:34:57,040 --> 01:34:58,640
Jody.
1519
01:35:13,520 --> 01:35:14,560
[SNORTS]
1520
01:35:14,720 --> 01:35:16,680
[COW MOOING]
1521
01:35:19,920 --> 01:35:22,240
NICHOLAS:
Hey, Greg!
1522
01:35:22,400 --> 01:35:25,400
I want a word with you.
It's Glen, asshole.
1523
01:35:25,600 --> 01:35:28,200
You fucking devious bastard.
1524
01:35:28,440 --> 01:35:30,720
I'm devious? I'm a bastard?
1525
01:35:30,840 --> 01:35:34,800
You think I haven't noticed
you've been worming your way in?
1526
01:35:35,040 --> 01:35:39,680
You keep your hands off my wife,
you low-rent pedant.
1527
01:35:40,720 --> 01:35:43,640
You've abused Beth long enough
with all of your goddamn lies.
1528
01:35:43,800 --> 01:35:45,280
I want you out of my house.
1529
01:35:45,480 --> 01:35:48,520
It's Beth's. She made this place.
And I fucking paid for it.
1530
01:35:48,680 --> 01:35:51,000
I've given Beth all this.
What can you give her?
1531
01:35:51,160 --> 01:35:55,200
I can give her integrity.
Obscure literary shit,
1532
01:35:55,360 --> 01:35:56,800
not worth 1 0 pence.
1533
01:35:57,000 --> 01:36:00,800
You know, if I made my fortune
fantasizing about rapes and murders,
1534
01:36:00,960 --> 01:36:02,280
I wouldn't be so proud.
1535
01:36:02,440 --> 01:36:05,800
You cretin.
Fuck you.
1536
01:36:06,320 --> 01:36:07,880
Beth will come to her senses.
1537
01:36:08,040 --> 01:36:12,360
You need an income
to run Stonefield,
and mine's bigger than yours.
1538
01:36:19,480 --> 01:36:24,160
Get up, Nicholas, come on.
Let's talk about this like grown men.
1539
01:36:30,400 --> 01:36:33,200
Oh, my God. Nicholas.
1540
01:36:33,640 --> 01:36:34,840
Nic--
1541
01:36:35,000 --> 01:36:37,400
Uh...
Get up.
1542
01:36:38,720 --> 01:36:40,720
[COWS MOOING]
1543
01:36:45,720 --> 01:36:48,040
Nicholas, get up.
1544
01:36:48,400 --> 01:36:50,960
Run. Come on. Get up.
1545
01:36:51,160 --> 01:36:52,400
[BOSS BARKlNG]
1546
01:36:57,680 --> 01:36:59,920
Nicholas. Nicholas.
1547
01:37:04,400 --> 01:37:05,680
[GROANS]
1548
01:37:05,840 --> 01:37:07,320
[YELLS]
1549
01:37:12,440 --> 01:37:14,440
[BARKlNG]
1550
01:37:30,080 --> 01:37:31,400
[GASPS]
1551
01:37:35,840 --> 01:37:37,600
It was you?
1552
01:37:38,880 --> 01:37:40,960
It was you who sent the e-mail?
1553
01:37:41,080 --> 01:37:44,360
Jody's explained that she did it
out of a deep love for me.
1554
01:37:48,560 --> 01:37:51,840
Tammy.
Ben.
1555
01:38:02,720 --> 01:38:05,400
I think you should have this back.
1556
01:38:06,080 --> 01:38:08,000
I'm sorry.
1557
01:38:09,440 --> 01:38:12,040
[PANTlNG]
Jody! The dog!
1558
01:38:12,200 --> 01:38:14,200
[BARKlNG & MOOING CONTlNUE]
1559
01:38:45,760 --> 01:38:47,240
[GUNSHOT]
1560
01:38:56,480 --> 01:39:00,400
Got him. The beast. Hm.
1561
01:39:11,280 --> 01:39:13,280
[PANTlNG]
1562
01:39:28,720 --> 01:39:30,440
Nicholas.
1563
01:39:33,040 --> 01:39:36,400
God. Oh, God. Nicholas.
1564
01:39:36,560 --> 01:39:38,320
Bitch. Brazen.
1565
01:39:39,080 --> 01:39:40,400
Brazen.
Beth.
1566
01:39:40,560 --> 01:39:44,160
That is brazen.
Beth, don't look! Please, don't look!
1567
01:39:44,360 --> 01:39:46,360
[SCREAMlNG]
1568
01:39:48,360 --> 01:39:50,280
Nicholas?!
1569
01:39:51,880 --> 01:39:54,160
[SCREAMlNG]
1570
01:39:56,600 --> 01:39:57,640
No!
1571
01:39:57,840 --> 01:40:01,840
TAMARA:
No, but you can see it.
It's broken. It's smashed.
1572
01:40:03,080 --> 01:40:06,960
No, I haven't, but it's obvious.
1573
01:40:08,760 --> 01:40:12,440
Yes, his wife. Yes, she is.
1574
01:40:12,640 --> 01:40:15,400
Thank you. Thank you, I will.
1575
01:40:16,960 --> 01:40:19,040
They're on their way.
1576
01:40:20,800 --> 01:40:22,680
Beth, help is coming.
1577
01:40:22,840 --> 01:40:24,240
Aah!
1578
01:40:24,560 --> 01:40:26,720
[PANTlNG]
1579
01:40:27,080 --> 01:40:28,480
[GROANS]
1580
01:40:30,880 --> 01:40:32,800
It's broken.
1581
01:40:54,600 --> 01:40:56,240
[VEHlCLE APPROACHES
THEN STOPS]
1582
01:40:56,400 --> 01:40:58,120
[VEHlCLE DOOR OPENS]
1583
01:40:59,280 --> 01:41:00,480
[VEHlCLE DOOR CLOSES]
1584
01:41:03,000 --> 01:41:04,600
AND Y:
Tamara.
1585
01:41:06,200 --> 01:41:07,880
Listen.
1586
01:41:10,440 --> 01:41:12,560
[SOBBlNG]
I'm sorry.
1587
01:41:14,040 --> 01:41:15,880
Come on.
1588
01:41:16,080 --> 01:41:18,480
Are you blaming yourself?
1589
01:41:20,600 --> 01:41:21,920
It was an accident.
1590
01:41:37,200 --> 01:41:39,600
I'd better get back up to Stonefield.
1591
01:41:40,040 --> 01:41:43,720
Come with me. We'll get this sorted.
1592
01:41:48,800 --> 01:41:51,560
Then get Ben
to take you back to London.
1593
01:41:52,200 --> 01:41:54,760
I don't want to be with Ben.
1594
01:42:11,480 --> 01:42:13,800
MAN:
Put it on the back seat right here.
1595
01:42:18,040 --> 01:42:20,040
[lNDlSTlNCT CHATTER
OVER POLlCE RADlO]
1596
01:42:25,720 --> 01:42:26,680
What are you doing?
1597
01:42:26,880 --> 01:42:29,280
I figured it was best,
you know, that I take off.
1598
01:42:29,400 --> 01:42:31,640
She doesn't want writers
around the place now.
1599
01:42:31,840 --> 01:42:33,920
And police, autopsies, not my thing.
1600
01:42:34,080 --> 01:42:36,480
You can't run away.
I'm not running away.
1601
01:42:36,680 --> 01:42:40,800
I've finished my book.
My time here is up. Destiny calls.
1602
01:42:40,960 --> 01:42:44,520
Beth is asking for you.
Really?
1603
01:42:44,840 --> 01:42:47,160
She's on her own over there.
1604
01:42:47,720 --> 01:42:52,400
Glen, she doesn't need a writer
around the place,
1605
01:42:52,920 --> 01:42:55,040
she needs a man.
1606
01:43:03,880 --> 01:43:06,200
GLEN:
I'm so sorry.
1607
01:43:07,840 --> 01:43:10,320
It was my fault. I let the dog go.
1608
01:43:10,520 --> 01:43:12,600
No. No.
I shooed him away.
1609
01:43:12,800 --> 01:43:16,000
The police said it was an accident,
but if I'd caught him,
tied him up--
1610
01:43:16,160 --> 01:43:17,360
No, it wasn't your fault.
1611
01:43:17,560 --> 01:43:20,760
What I don't understand
is why was Nicholas
in that field anyway?
1612
01:43:20,920 --> 01:43:23,400
He hated cows.
And when he saw them coming,
1613
01:43:23,560 --> 01:43:28,280
why didn't he get out of their way--?
Beth, I have to tell you that--
1614
01:43:40,880 --> 01:43:43,000
You live in the country.
1615
01:43:43,160 --> 01:43:45,280
You share it
with those dangerous beasts,
1616
01:43:45,400 --> 01:43:48,120
and when they get scared,
they run.
1617
01:43:48,360 --> 01:43:50,360
Like we do.
1618
01:43:51,800 --> 01:43:53,360
Oh, Glen.
1619
01:43:56,680 --> 01:43:58,760
Stay with me.
1620
01:44:33,000 --> 01:44:35,640
Kind of suits you.
Don't say anything.
1621
01:44:35,880 --> 01:44:38,200
I always did like the old one.
1622
01:44:41,400 --> 01:44:44,320
You did it on purpose, didn't you?
What?
1623
01:44:44,520 --> 01:44:47,520
Made this place so beautiful
I'd never be able to leave.
1624
01:44:47,760 --> 01:44:50,040
Been dying to get rid of you.
1625
01:44:51,320 --> 01:44:53,200
This is my house.
1626
01:44:53,960 --> 01:44:57,720
I was born in that room.
So you were.
1627
01:44:58,880 --> 01:45:00,880
Welcome home.
1628
01:45:25,000 --> 01:45:26,960
[SOBBlNG]
1629
01:45:41,680 --> 01:45:43,120
[MOUTHlNG]
Pap-pap me.
1630
01:45:43,880 --> 01:45:45,120
[MOUTHlNG]
What?
1631
01:45:45,320 --> 01:45:47,760
Pap-pap me.
1632
01:45:51,760 --> 01:45:54,720
[SWlPE'S ''THlS lS A LOW''
PLAYlNG]
1633
01:47:05,600 --> 01:47:08,600
[DOMlNlC COOPER'S
''JAlL-BAlT JOD Y'' PLAYlNG''
1633
01:47:09,305 --> 01:47:15,535
Encoded by ♪ jDev. ♪
120532
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