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1
00:01:39.820 --> 00:01:43.991
Have you ever confused
a dream with life?
2
00:01:46.368 --> 00:01:50.163
Or stolen something
when you have the cash?
3
00:01:54.167 --> 00:01:56.336
Have you ever been blue?
4
00:01:58.880 --> 00:02:02.759
Or thought your train moving
while sitting still?
5
00:02:04.928 --> 00:02:07.347
Maybe I was just crazy.
6
00:02:09.224 --> 00:02:11.727
Maybe it was the '60s.
7
00:02:12.602 --> 00:02:14.938
Or maybe I was just a girl...
8
00:02:16.481 --> 00:02:17.858
...interrupted.
9
00:02:18.233 --> 00:02:20.235
Put her in restraints.
Withdraw blood.
10
00:02:20.444 --> 00:02:21.278
Hold on.
11
00:02:21.486 --> 00:02:24.720
Give her five milligrams
of Valium, IV.
12
00:02:25.407 --> 00:02:27.409
Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate.
13
00:02:27.784 --> 00:02:28.702
There you go.
14
00:02:29.911 --> 00:02:31.913
Aspirin fragments
and vodka, I think.
15
00:02:32.205 --> 00:02:35.830
Don't tell me what you think.
Take it to the lab.
16
00:02:36.100 --> 00:02:39.421
You should check my hand.
There's no bones in it.
17
00:02:39.629 --> 00:02:40.589
A wrist banger.
18
00:02:41.631 --> 00:02:45.677
-Is that why you did this?
-And other things.
19
00:02:46.345 --> 00:02:48.347
Her parents are on the way.
20
00:02:49.970 --> 00:02:51.224
Sometimes it's hard...
21
00:02:51.850 --> 00:02:54.190
...for me to stay in one...
22
00:02:54.478 --> 00:02:55.896
...place.
23
00:02:56.104 --> 00:02:58.482
Susanna...
24
00:02:58.690 --> 00:03:01.234
...if you had no bones
in your hand...
25
00:03:02.444 --> 00:03:04.488
...how did you pick up the aspirin?
26
00:03:14.915 --> 00:03:17.417
What is my mother doing?
27
00:03:17.709 --> 00:03:19.711
Would you answer my question, please?
28
00:03:20.545 --> 00:03:25.550
How did you pick up the aspirin
if you had no bones in your hand?
29
00:03:26.760 --> 00:03:29.120
By then, they'd come back.
30
00:03:32.307 --> 00:03:33.600
I see.
31
00:03:34.810 --> 00:03:37.437
No, you don't.
32
00:03:37.729 --> 00:03:38.897
Well...
33
00:03:40.691 --> 00:03:42.275
...indulge me, then.
34
00:03:43.443 --> 00:03:45.153
Explain it to me.
35
00:03:47.823 --> 00:03:49.324
Explain what?
36
00:03:49.616 --> 00:03:54.746
Explain to a doctor that the laws
of physics can be suspended?
37
00:03:55.380 --> 00:03:58.830
That what goes up
may not come down?
38
00:04:03.255 --> 00:04:04.756
Explain...
39
00:04:05.700 --> 00:04:07.384
...that time...
40
00:04:07.592 --> 00:04:10.804
...can move backwards and forwards...
41
00:04:11.130 --> 00:04:14.570
...and now to then and back again...
42
00:04:14.641 --> 00:04:16.601
...and you can't control it?
43
00:04:17.352 --> 00:04:19.104
Why can't you control it?
44
00:04:22.482 --> 00:04:23.442
What?
45
00:04:23.900 --> 00:04:25.777
Why can't you control time?
46
00:04:45.505 --> 00:04:49.801
Where were you?
Everyone is here. Come on.
47
00:04:53.430 --> 00:04:56.600
-Mary, you remember Susanna.
-Yes, I do.
48
00:05:00.437 --> 00:05:01.730
You're wearing this?
49
00:05:01.980 --> 00:05:05.359
I didn't know it was so early.
I would've changed.
50
00:05:05.609 --> 00:05:08.195
Everybody, look who's here.
51
00:05:08.904 --> 00:05:11.310
-Happy birthday, Dad.
-Thanks, sweetie.
52
00:05:12.115 --> 00:05:14.760
I'm sorry, I want to say hi to her.
53
00:05:14.284 --> 00:05:19.414
Sweetie, would you hold this for me?
I just want to say hi to Susanna.
54
00:05:19.915 --> 00:05:21.500
Excuse me. Susanna!
55
00:05:22.793 --> 00:05:24.920
-Susanna!
-Professor Gilcrest's wife.
56
00:05:25.170 --> 00:05:27.339
Barbara Gilcrest.
You remember me?
57
00:05:27.547 --> 00:05:29.883
Bonnie's mom. I'm Bonnie's mom.
58
00:05:30.133 --> 00:05:32.386
Your skin is so beautiful.
59
00:05:32.678 --> 00:05:34.554
Wasn't Bonnie in your lit. class?
60
00:05:35.472 --> 00:05:37.349
Yeah. How is she doing?
61
00:05:37.933 --> 00:05:40.600
She just got accepted to Radcliffe.
62
00:05:40.310 --> 00:05:41.853
What a conundrum.
63
00:05:42.104 --> 00:05:43.605
I'm a Wellesley girl, myself.
64
00:05:43.814 --> 00:05:47.401
But I think young women should
make up their own mind, don't you?
65
00:05:51.905 --> 00:05:53.615
Are you stoned?
66
00:05:57.160 --> 00:05:58.829
Do you smoke pot?
67
00:06:01.415 --> 00:06:03.208
Take LSD?
68
00:06:06.712 --> 00:06:08.171
No drugs?
69
00:06:14.344 --> 00:06:16.346
How do you feel right now?
70
00:06:19.975 --> 00:06:21.351
I...
71
00:06:22.853 --> 00:06:24.688
...don't know.
72
00:06:25.314 --> 00:06:27.399
I don't know what I'm feeling.
73
00:06:30.819 --> 00:06:32.821
You need a rest.
74
00:06:33.947 --> 00:06:36.740
Well, I'll go home, take a nap.
75
00:06:36.325 --> 00:06:40.412
No. You need to go somewhere
where you can get a genuine rest.
76
00:06:41.330 --> 00:06:43.400
And you're very lucky.
77
00:06:43.290 --> 00:06:45.709
The best place
for someone like you...
78
00:06:46.100 --> 00:06:48.712
...is less than
a half an hour from here.
79
00:06:48.962 --> 00:06:50.964
You don't mean Claymoore?
80
00:06:53.133 --> 00:06:55.520
Four days ago...
81
00:06:55.260 --> 00:06:58.805
...you chased a bottle of aspirin
with a bottle of vodka.
82
00:07:00.766 --> 00:07:02.851
I had a headache.
83
00:07:08.482 --> 00:07:10.651
Your father is a friend of mine.
84
00:07:11.193 --> 00:07:14.363
He's a colleague.
He asked me to see you...
85
00:07:14.571 --> 00:07:17.449
...even though I don't do this anymore.
86
00:07:18.158 --> 00:07:21.828
You're hurting everyone around you.
87
00:07:23.330 --> 00:07:28.293
Now, Claymoore is a topnotch place.
88
00:07:29.200 --> 00:07:31.254
A lot of people go there.
89
00:07:31.505 --> 00:07:32.631
Even writers.
90
00:07:32.881 --> 00:07:34.299
Like you.
91
00:07:37.928 --> 00:07:39.346
Great.
92
00:07:53.193 --> 00:07:56.613
Yes, I'd like a cab
at 1240 Milford, please.
93
00:07:58.115 --> 00:07:59.908
My mother's here.
94
00:08:00.117 --> 00:08:03.537
It'll be less emotional
if we do it this way.
95
00:08:03.745 --> 00:08:06.456
Your parents and I talked about it.
96
00:08:44.770 --> 00:08:46.663
Now make sure, no stops.
97
00:09:43.637 --> 00:09:45.722
Susanna, you there?
98
00:09:51.645 --> 00:09:53.480
I want to see you again.
99
00:09:53.689 --> 00:09:55.941
It was a one-time thing, okay?
100
00:09:56.191 --> 00:09:57.859
Just come to my office tonight.
101
00:09:58.680 --> 00:09:59.569
We're opening the presents!
102
00:09:59.778 --> 00:10:02.300
Tell them you're going to a friend's.
103
00:10:02.239 --> 00:10:03.782
Who should I tell first?
104
00:10:04.320 --> 00:10:06.868
My parents, the department chairman,
or your wife?
105
00:10:07.119 --> 00:10:07.953
No.
106
00:10:14.793 --> 00:10:16.378
What did you do?
107
00:10:17.796 --> 00:10:19.506
What did you do?
108
00:10:21.466 --> 00:10:23.510
Excuse me?
109
00:10:25.554 --> 00:10:27.180
Well, you look normal.
110
00:10:29.933 --> 00:10:31.601
I'm sad.
111
00:10:32.936 --> 00:10:34.938
Well, everyone's sad.
112
00:10:36.481 --> 00:10:38.358
I see things.
113
00:10:38.859 --> 00:10:40.694
You mean, like tripping?
114
00:10:43.322 --> 00:10:44.573
Kind of.
115
00:10:45.615 --> 00:10:48.327
Then they should put
John Lennon away, huh?
116
00:10:50.454 --> 00:10:52.664
I'm not John Lennon.
117
00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:41.460
Don't get too comfortable.
118
00:11:51.223 --> 00:11:52.474
Shouldn't my parents...?
119
00:11:52.683 --> 00:11:54.518
You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen.
120
00:11:54.768 --> 00:11:57.562
You're over 18.
This is your decision.
121
00:12:09.825 --> 00:12:11.576
I didn't try to kill myself.
122
00:12:14.790 --> 00:12:18.208
That's the kind of thing you talk
about in therapy, honey. Not here.
123
00:12:23.672 --> 00:12:25.173
Miss Kaysen?
124
00:12:26.133 --> 00:12:29.110
You have the distinction
of being the only senior...
125
00:12:29.261 --> 00:12:31.138
...not going on to college.
126
00:12:36.393 --> 00:12:38.312
May I ask what you plan to do?
127
00:12:39.521 --> 00:12:41.982
I plan to write.
128
00:12:43.984 --> 00:12:45.736
Well, what do you plan to do?
129
00:12:47.237 --> 00:12:52.750
Look, I'm not gonna burn my bra or
drop acid or go march on Washington...
130
00:12:52.284 --> 00:12:55.370
...I just don't want to end up
like my mother.
131
00:12:55.912 --> 00:12:58.123
Women today have
more choices than that.
132
00:12:59.416 --> 00:13:00.834
No, they don't.
133
00:13:01.376 --> 00:13:02.794
And here.
134
00:13:04.880 --> 00:13:07.382
You forgot one, dear. Here.
135
00:13:10.886 --> 00:13:15.849
Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself,
welcome to Claymoore, Susanna.
136
00:13:19.519 --> 00:13:22.689
This is the women's ward,
also known as South Bell.
137
00:13:22.939 --> 00:13:26.777
This is where you'll be staying,
and this is where I work.
138
00:13:27.402 --> 00:13:29.988
All right, this is the second floor.
139
00:13:30.197 --> 00:13:34.760
I need you to stay close to me
because it's easy to get lost here.
140
00:13:39.581 --> 00:13:41.583
This is our ward.
141
00:13:44.127 --> 00:13:47.798
All right, let's start with this room.
142
00:13:49.883 --> 00:13:52.219
This is the art room.
143
00:13:53.845 --> 00:13:54.972
Polly.
144
00:13:55.514 --> 00:13:56.682
What are you doing here?
145
00:13:57.641 --> 00:14:00.227
I feel very musical today.
146
00:14:00.477 --> 00:14:03.271
-Can I just, for just a second?
-Not today, honey.
147
00:14:12.197 --> 00:14:15.784
That's Polly. Come on.
148
00:14:21.581 --> 00:14:25.168
Margie, Polly was in
the art room by herself.
149
00:14:25.377 --> 00:14:27.450
I'm sorry, Val.
150
00:14:30.674 --> 00:14:32.259
The living room.
151
00:14:33.510 --> 00:14:34.970
Everyone hates it.
152
00:14:45.630 --> 00:14:47.232
And these are the phones.
153
00:14:47.482 --> 00:14:50.610
To make a call, pick up
the handle, tell the nurse...
154
00:14:50.819 --> 00:14:52.529
...she'll connect you.
155
00:14:52.779 --> 00:14:56.366
This is the nurses' station,
which is self-explanatory...
156
00:14:56.616 --> 00:14:59.786
...and this is the TV room,
where everyone hangs out.
157
00:14:59.995 --> 00:15:02.390
I want my fucking clothes!
158
00:15:02.289 --> 00:15:06.430
Then you'll have to
eat something, won't you?
159
00:15:07.586 --> 00:15:08.754
The check-in board.
160
00:15:09.400 --> 00:15:11.715
You check in here to take
a walk on the grounds.
161
00:15:11.923 --> 00:15:13.634
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay
162
00:15:13.884 --> 00:15:16.887
Gotta jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of cotton
163
00:15:17.950 --> 00:15:19.389
Jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of hay
164
00:15:20.599 --> 00:15:22.309
She thinks that bothers me.
165
00:15:22.559 --> 00:15:25.312
You're an ' R, ' which means
' restricted to the ward.'
166
00:15:25.562 --> 00:15:28.106
But soon you'll
move up to two-to-ones...
167
00:15:28.315 --> 00:15:30.567
...which is two nurses
to every patient.
168
00:15:30.817 --> 00:15:33.987
I won't be here that long.
I'm just here for a rest.
169
00:15:34.237 --> 00:15:38.158
It's all right. Everybody gets
the same tour free of charge.
170
00:15:44.122 --> 00:15:47.292
Georgina, this is Susanna,
your new roommate.
171
00:15:47.542 --> 00:15:49.419
Oh, great. Hi.
172
00:15:50.300 --> 00:15:52.673
You're lucky.
Georgina's an excellent roommate.
173
00:15:53.423 --> 00:15:54.591
Why, thank you, Valerie.
174
00:15:55.800 --> 00:15:56.510
You're welcome.
175
00:15:57.427 --> 00:16:00.970
The cops are bringing Lisa.
She was at the park.
176
00:16:03.580 --> 00:16:06.561
Will you excuse me?
I have business I have to attend to.
177
00:16:07.200 --> 00:16:10.774
Georgina, will you take Susanna
to the dining room in a half-hour?
178
00:16:12.234 --> 00:16:13.986
Yes means yes, Georgina.
179
00:16:14.444 --> 00:16:16.113
I know.
180
00:16:32.671 --> 00:16:33.797
Groovy box.
181
00:16:35.173 --> 00:16:36.550
That.
182
00:16:37.342 --> 00:16:39.261
Yeah, they're French.
183
00:16:39.511 --> 00:16:42.389
The French Resistance
smoked them, I think.
184
00:16:49.563 --> 00:16:51.523
-Read this?
185
00:16:53.108 --> 00:16:56.153
No. I saw the movie
a bunch of times, though.
186
00:16:56.820 --> 00:16:58.905
The movie's based on the first book.
187
00:16:59.114 --> 00:17:03.760
I read that one too, but there were
no ruby slippers in it originally.
188
00:17:03.285 --> 00:17:06.496
They added that.
This takes place afterwards.
189
00:17:06.747 --> 00:17:09.708
Dorothy doesn't really have
such a big part in this one.
190
00:17:13.712 --> 00:17:15.547
Fucking pig.
191
00:17:18.342 --> 00:17:19.718
Get off me!
192
00:17:32.314 --> 00:17:33.190
Thanks, Gretta.
193
00:17:34.441 --> 00:17:36.652
Hey, Dais, let anyone
in your room yet?
194
00:17:40.489 --> 00:17:43.283
Hey, girls! Hey, sexy.
195
00:17:47.370 --> 00:17:48.914
It's good to be home.
196
00:17:52.209 --> 00:17:54.294
-Hey, Torch.
-Hey, Lisa.
197
00:17:54.503 --> 00:17:56.713
-You miss me?
-Not much.
198
00:17:58.590 --> 00:18:01.426
Get her to her room.
Gretta will do the strip search.
199
00:18:02.302 --> 00:18:03.845
Who's that with Georgie-girl?
200
00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:06.264
-Where's Jamie?
-I can't deal with this.
201
00:18:06.515 --> 00:18:08.517
Don't give me a hard time.
202
00:18:09.434 --> 00:18:10.936
Where is she? Where's Jamie?
203
00:18:15.691 --> 00:18:17.150
Who are you?
204
00:18:17.401 --> 00:18:21.290
Her name is Susanna, Lisa.
She smokes French cigarettes.
205
00:18:21.405 --> 00:18:24.658
-Why is all your shit on her bed?
-Open the damn door!
206
00:18:24.908 --> 00:18:26.368
Why? Where's Jamie?
207
00:18:26.618 --> 00:18:29.579
I don't know what
you're talking about!
208
00:18:31.415 --> 00:18:33.333
What the hell are you doing, Lisa?
209
00:18:35.430 --> 00:18:36.860
Back off her.
210
00:18:36.712 --> 00:18:39.600
Back off!
You've been gone for two weeks.
211
00:18:39.339 --> 00:18:42.134
A lot of shit has gone down.
Back off!
212
00:18:42.384 --> 00:18:43.552
How'd she do it?
213
00:18:44.177 --> 00:18:45.429
How'd she do it?
214
00:18:46.305 --> 00:18:47.889
How did she do it, Valerie?
215
00:18:48.140 --> 00:18:49.975
Get the fuck off me!
216
00:18:50.225 --> 00:18:53.770
You weak people. You're all weak
fucking people! You're victims!
217
00:18:54.210 --> 00:18:55.522
You people are fucking sick!
218
00:18:55.772 --> 00:18:58.525
What? No, no.
Val, please. Please!
219
00:19:02.821 --> 00:19:04.614
Get her legs.
220
00:19:05.991 --> 00:19:06.825
Get her feet!
221
00:19:07.750 --> 00:19:08.201
-I got her.
-Get off!
222
00:19:11.163 --> 00:19:12.539
Help!
223
00:19:18.462 --> 00:19:20.464
We have got to cut those nails again.
224
00:19:26.470 --> 00:19:30.474
My God! What the hell was that?
225
00:19:30.974 --> 00:19:32.643
That was Lisa.
226
00:19:34.190 --> 00:19:36.146
And Jamie was your roommate?
227
00:19:36.396 --> 00:19:38.273
Jamie was Lisa's best friend.
228
00:19:39.240 --> 00:19:41.234
She was sad because Lisa ran away...
229
00:19:41.485 --> 00:19:43.654
...so she hung herself with
a volleyball net.
230
00:19:53.872 --> 00:19:55.499
Meds!
231
00:19:57.960 --> 00:19:59.836
Cynthia Crowley.
232
00:20:01.296 --> 00:20:03.423
Susanna Kaysen.
233
00:20:05.384 --> 00:20:07.302
Susanna Kaysen.
234
00:20:09.429 --> 00:20:12.570
I am Mrs. McWilley,
and these are for you.
235
00:20:12.265 --> 00:20:14.643
-What are they?
-They'll help you sleep.
236
00:20:15.394 --> 00:20:17.896
-It's 10:30. I'm not gonna...
-For chrissake.
237
00:20:18.105 --> 00:20:20.983
You can discuss it in the morning
with your doctor.
238
00:20:21.233 --> 00:20:23.568
In the meantime,
we'll agree to disagree.
239
00:20:27.280 --> 00:20:29.449
Take them here. Have some water.
240
00:20:32.744 --> 00:20:34.705
Polly Clark.
241
00:20:35.122 --> 00:20:36.999
You can go now.
242
00:20:42.450 --> 00:20:43.380
Teresa McCullian.
243
00:20:49.303 --> 00:20:51.388
Daisy Randone.
244
00:20:54.891 --> 00:20:57.227
Angela Coury.
245
00:21:00.439 --> 00:21:02.649
Jacqueline Lights.
246
00:21:05.319 --> 00:21:07.237
Donna Smith.
247
00:21:46.818 --> 00:21:48.612
Ryan Reed...
248
00:21:49.237 --> 00:21:52.449
...yearbook editor and member
of the honour society.
249
00:21:52.699 --> 00:21:54.868
Heading off to Tulane University.
250
00:21:55.770 --> 00:21:56.662
Congratulations, son.
251
00:21:57.371 --> 00:22:02.501
Andrea Jacobs, president of
the French club and honour society...
252
00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:05.420
...and on her way to Sarah Lawrence.
253
00:22:08.215 --> 00:22:09.967
Susanna Kaysen.
254
00:22:11.343 --> 00:22:14.137
-What is she doing?
-Some kind of a stunt.
255
00:22:24.481 --> 00:22:26.483
Wake up, freak.
256
00:22:28.819 --> 00:22:29.695
Checks.
257
00:22:49.506 --> 00:22:51.717
Why do they do that?
258
00:22:53.510 --> 00:22:55.262
They're just doing checks.
259
00:22:55.512 --> 00:22:58.598
They'll space them out
after you've been here awhile.
260
00:23:03.353 --> 00:23:06.523
That girl, Polly.
261
00:23:07.774 --> 00:23:09.651
How did she get all...?
262
00:23:11.194 --> 00:23:13.300
When she was 10...
263
00:23:13.363 --> 00:23:16.575
...her mother told her
she had to give away her puppy...
264
00:23:16.783 --> 00:23:19.619
...because he was giving her a rash.
265
00:23:20.120 --> 00:23:23.810
And so Polly went...
266
00:23:23.915 --> 00:23:26.543
...and found her father's gas can...
267
00:23:27.850 --> 00:23:30.797
...and she poured it all over
where she was getting the rash.
268
00:23:31.840 --> 00:23:33.425
And then...
269
00:23:35.510 --> 00:23:37.512
...she lit a match.
270
00:23:39.264 --> 00:23:41.160
Oh, my God.
271
00:23:46.855 --> 00:23:49.240
Well, what about you?
Why are you here?
272
00:23:50.192 --> 00:23:52.736
Pseudologia fantastica.
273
00:23:54.446 --> 00:23:55.947
What's that?
274
00:23:58.283 --> 00:24:00.952
I'm a pathological liar.
275
00:24:55.757 --> 00:24:57.884
-What are your plans this fall?
-What?
276
00:24:58.930 --> 00:25:00.178
What are your plans this fall?
277
00:25:00.387 --> 00:25:01.930
I don't have any.
278
00:25:02.139 --> 00:25:04.641
I'm gonna be an ethnobotanist.
279
00:25:04.975 --> 00:25:07.728
Full scholarship to M.I.T.
280
00:25:07.978 --> 00:25:09.855
I'm going to join the Krishnas.
281
00:25:10.630 --> 00:25:13.734
Hare Krishna?
That's interesting, actually.
282
00:25:14.192 --> 00:25:16.280
I was kidding.
283
00:25:31.918 --> 00:25:33.754
You're Susanna, right?
284
00:25:35.714 --> 00:25:38.258
I'm Toby.
Andrea Jacobs' brother.
285
00:25:40.100 --> 00:25:42.950
I was at graduation.
286
00:25:47.768 --> 00:25:49.561
You're pretty when you sleep.
287
00:25:51.630 --> 00:25:54.399
Checks. It's 7:00.
288
00:26:08.789 --> 00:26:12.376
I mean, everybody thinks
about it at some point.
289
00:26:14.294 --> 00:26:16.880
How would you do it?
290
00:26:18.340 --> 00:26:19.883
I don't know.
291
00:26:20.634 --> 00:26:23.804
I guess I haven't really
thought about it.
292
00:26:28.684 --> 00:26:31.144
See, once it's
in your head, though...
293
00:26:33.188 --> 00:26:34.690
...you become this...
294
00:26:35.649 --> 00:26:37.234
...strange, new breed.
295
00:26:38.235 --> 00:26:42.948
A life form that loves
to fantasize about its own demise.
296
00:26:43.198 --> 00:26:46.451
Make a stupid remark, kill yourself.
297
00:26:46.743 --> 00:26:51.164
You like the movie, you live.
You miss the train, kill yourself.
298
00:26:52.833 --> 00:26:53.667
What?
299
00:26:54.918 --> 00:26:57.337
Let's not talk about
this anymore, okay?
300
00:26:57.546 --> 00:26:59.470
Why?
301
00:27:03.302 --> 00:27:04.970
Because it's...
302
00:27:06.138 --> 00:27:07.806
...stupid.
303
00:27:15.814 --> 00:27:16.732
What?
304
00:27:21.445 --> 00:27:22.279
What are you doing?
305
00:27:23.530 --> 00:27:27.743
What? Because I don't want to kill
myself? That's not cool to you?
306
00:27:28.869 --> 00:27:30.912
I don't wanna die.
I was just talking.
307
00:27:31.163 --> 00:27:34.166
Look, Susanna, the world
is fucked up, okay?
308
00:27:34.416 --> 00:27:36.543
It's so fucked up that if some...
309
00:27:36.793 --> 00:27:39.921
...draft zombie pulls my
birthday out of a barrel...
310
00:27:40.172 --> 00:27:41.673
...I'm gonna die.
311
00:27:43.500 --> 00:27:44.217
When's your birthday?
312
00:27:46.386 --> 00:27:48.138
December 30th.
313
00:27:51.183 --> 00:27:52.726
I'll pray for you.
314
00:27:55.437 --> 00:27:56.271
Checks.
315
00:28:24.424 --> 00:28:26.218
You asked for this?
316
00:28:37.104 --> 00:28:38.271
Are you gonna watch?
317
00:28:39.648 --> 00:28:43.944
Afraid so. That's why there's
so many fuzzy-legged women here.
318
00:28:48.907 --> 00:28:50.993
Has anybody ever watched you shave?
319
00:28:51.952 --> 00:28:54.871
I got two kids and one bathroom.
What do you think?
320
00:28:56.331 --> 00:28:58.750
I think you should lock the door.
321
00:29:00.585 --> 00:29:04.381
-September 14th.
322
00:29:07.509 --> 00:29:10.120
-Zero-zero-two.
-Bingo.
323
00:29:12.550 --> 00:29:14.433
-Bingo. Bingo.
-December 30th.
324
00:29:15.684 --> 00:29:17.311
Oh, my God.
325
00:29:18.312 --> 00:29:20.220
-Bingo.
-Zero-zero-three.
326
00:29:22.274 --> 00:29:24.651
A guy I know was just drafted.
327
00:29:25.736 --> 00:29:26.862
What's his name?
328
00:29:29.614 --> 00:29:30.449
Toby.
329
00:29:32.492 --> 00:29:34.202
He's dead now.
330
00:29:41.168 --> 00:29:42.169
Get out, Lisa!
331
00:29:42.419 --> 00:29:44.755
I'm not in your room.
I'm right here.
332
00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:47.966
-I was gonna offer you nail polish.
-Get out!
333
00:29:49.801 --> 00:29:53.221
-You're looking better, Lisa.
-Why, thanks, Margie.
334
00:29:53.472 --> 00:29:55.515
-How's the engagement?
-You know.
335
00:29:55.724 --> 00:29:57.142
No, I don't.
I've been away.
336
00:29:57.976 --> 00:30:00.896
Joe wants me to...
Before the wedding.
337
00:30:01.980 --> 00:30:04.650
Fuck his brains out.
Use a rubber.
338
00:30:05.734 --> 00:30:07.361
Gosh, hell, no.
339
00:30:27.339 --> 00:30:28.924
Can I bum one?
340
00:30:30.384 --> 00:30:31.385
Go ahead.
341
00:30:54.366 --> 00:30:57.285
So have you had your
first Melvin yet?
342
00:30:57.619 --> 00:30:58.745
Who's that?
343
00:30:59.246 --> 00:31:01.999
Bald guy with a little pecker
and a fat wife.
344
00:31:02.666 --> 00:31:04.209
Your therapist, sweet pea.
345
00:31:06.169 --> 00:31:07.170
Unless...
346
00:31:07.421 --> 00:31:09.631
...unless they're giving you shocks.
347
00:31:09.881 --> 00:31:12.900
Or, God forbid, letting you out.
348
00:31:12.259 --> 00:31:14.845
Then you'll see the great,
wonderful Dr. Dyke.
349
00:31:15.950 --> 00:31:16.596
She means Dr. Wick.
350
00:31:19.990 --> 00:31:21.351
I've seen his office
but haven't met him.
351
00:31:21.643 --> 00:31:23.770
He's a she.
Dr. Wick's a girl.
352
00:31:24.271 --> 00:31:26.815
That's right, M-G.
Wick's a chick.
353
00:31:27.441 --> 00:31:29.670
Hence the nickname.
354
00:31:30.694 --> 00:31:33.572
Hey, Lil.
When the fuck is my checkup?
355
00:31:34.156 --> 00:31:37.284
It's now, Lisa.
You said you'd be in your room.
356
00:31:37.492 --> 00:31:40.120
Can't sit too long
without popping the hood.
357
00:31:56.178 --> 00:31:57.346
Asshole!
358
00:31:57.596 --> 00:32:01.580
You have Melvin in half an hour.
I'll take you there.
359
00:32:02.309 --> 00:32:03.393
I'm sorry.
360
00:32:03.644 --> 00:32:07.220
-Why are you using the past tense?
361
00:32:07.689 --> 00:32:09.358
What do you mean?
362
00:32:09.608 --> 00:32:11.401
Well, he was...
363
00:32:11.693 --> 00:32:15.947
...only drafted today,
so chances are, he's not dead yet.
364
00:32:16.698 --> 00:32:19.951
He probably has several months...
365
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:22.245
...before he even reports.
366
00:32:23.914 --> 00:32:28.502
He was just a nice guy, that's all.
And it made me feel bad.
367
00:32:28.752 --> 00:32:30.796
You've been feeling bad in general.
368
00:32:31.505 --> 00:32:34.257
Right?
You've been feeling depressed.
369
00:32:36.176 --> 00:32:39.471
I haven't exactly been
a ball of joy, Melvin.
370
00:32:39.972 --> 00:32:42.683
I understand you tried
to kill yourself last week.
371
00:32:43.517 --> 00:32:46.144
Anything you want to
tell me about that?
372
00:32:46.603 --> 00:32:48.313
I had a headache.
373
00:32:49.731 --> 00:32:54.690
So I assume you took the recommended
aspirin dosage for a headache.
374
00:32:55.280 --> 00:32:56.655
I didn't try to kill myself.
375
00:32:56.863 --> 00:32:58.532
What were you trying to do?
376
00:32:58.782 --> 00:33:01.760
I was trying to make the shit stop.
377
00:33:02.285 --> 00:33:04.663
The time-jumps, the depression...
378
00:33:05.956 --> 00:33:08.830
...the headaches, the thing
with your hand?
379
00:33:09.459 --> 00:33:11.440
All of the above.
380
00:33:13.130 --> 00:33:14.339
I see.
381
00:33:16.717 --> 00:33:18.885
Paul is dead!
382
00:33:27.728 --> 00:33:30.647
What is it?
Are you puzzled about something?
383
00:33:31.982 --> 00:33:34.401
Yeah, I guess I am, Melvin.
384
00:33:34.609 --> 00:33:38.300
I'm puzzled as to why
I have to be in a mental institution.
385
00:33:38.572 --> 00:33:40.240
You put yourself here.
386
00:33:40.490 --> 00:33:42.242
My parents put me here.
387
00:33:45.780 --> 00:33:46.204
No, they didn't.
388
00:33:46.872 --> 00:33:48.999
Everyone here's fucking crazy!
389
00:33:49.750 --> 00:33:51.168
You wanna go home.
390
00:33:54.504 --> 00:33:56.298
Same problem.
391
00:33:57.174 --> 00:34:00.520
M-G, look at me.
392
00:34:00.302 --> 00:34:01.803
Play with me.
393
00:34:02.596 --> 00:34:06.990
Don't be sad. Don't be sad.
394
00:34:15.359 --> 00:34:16.401
Thank you.
395
00:34:51.190 --> 00:34:53.480
-What are these?
-Colace. It's just a laxative.
396
00:34:53.689 --> 00:34:55.732
I don't need them.
397
00:34:56.191 --> 00:34:57.651
Are we going to have a problem?
398
00:34:59.945 --> 00:35:02.300
Are we going to have a problem?
399
00:35:02.322 --> 00:35:04.282
Are we going to have a problem?
400
00:35:05.117 --> 00:35:06.368
May I see?
401
00:35:06.576 --> 00:35:07.744
Thank you.
402
00:35:07.995 --> 00:35:09.705
Surrender.
403
00:35:10.414 --> 00:35:12.165
Are we going to have a problem?
404
00:35:14.459 --> 00:35:16.440
No problem.
405
00:35:16.295 --> 00:35:18.630
Phone call, booth one.
406
00:35:21.842 --> 00:35:24.303
-Hello?
-Hold on.
407
00:35:26.388 --> 00:35:28.390
-Susanna?
-Hi, Mom.
408
00:35:28.598 --> 00:35:30.142
Hi, honey.
Your father's on too.
409
00:35:30.350 --> 00:35:33.228
He's just back from reserves.
He got stuck at Dulles.
410
00:35:33.729 --> 00:35:35.220
How are you, honey?
411
00:35:35.439 --> 00:35:38.108
-I'm fine, Dad.
-You know, sweetheart...
412
00:35:41.280 --> 00:35:44.364
If you can't give me Ex-Lax,
can I please have some Colace?
413
00:35:44.614 --> 00:35:46.992
No. No more laxatives.
414
00:35:48.702 --> 00:35:50.787
I can get her some prune juice.
415
00:35:51.622 --> 00:35:53.810
Prune juice!
416
00:35:53.707 --> 00:35:55.500
This is outrageous!
417
00:35:55.751 --> 00:35:59.546
She was wondering if you'd
made new friends, and I said.:
418
00:36:00.470 --> 00:36:02.841
"No, Mom, this isn't Camp Winnetka. "
419
00:36:06.428 --> 00:36:08.555
-Daisy?
-Fuck off.
420
00:36:09.931 --> 00:36:12.590
I have something you want.
421
00:36:18.899 --> 00:36:20.192
Come in.
422
00:36:51.348 --> 00:36:52.683
You're all packed up.
423
00:36:53.392 --> 00:36:55.435
Yeah, I'm leaving in a month.
424
00:36:55.686 --> 00:36:57.437
My dad got me an apartment.
425
00:36:57.688 --> 00:37:01.441
-Really? Where?
-It's near the airport.
426
00:37:01.775 --> 00:37:05.904
One bedroom, two baths, eat-in chicken.
He fix ed it up real nice for me.
427
00:37:06.154 --> 00:37:07.489
You mean eat-in kitchen.
428
00:37:08.198 --> 00:37:10.492
That's what I said, asshole.
429
00:37:10.867 --> 00:37:12.953
So what do you have that I want?
430
00:37:18.410 --> 00:37:19.251
Put it on the bed.
431
00:37:19.751 --> 00:37:20.961
Put yours on the bed.
432
00:37:21.378 --> 00:37:23.880
Oh, Jesus. Get out!
433
00:37:23.338 --> 00:37:24.673
Get out!
434
00:37:24.923 --> 00:37:27.301
Don't take advantage
just because she's new.
435
00:37:27.551 --> 00:37:28.427
Pony up some Valium.
436
00:37:28.677 --> 00:37:31.722
Get the fuck out,
or I'm calling Valerie! Valerie!
437
00:37:31.972 --> 00:37:33.849
Why don't you call Valerie?
438
00:37:34.570 --> 00:37:38.270
Call Valerie and ask her for some
Colace, like Susie Q's got in her hand.
439
00:37:38.478 --> 00:37:40.230
Why does it stink in here?
440
00:37:41.189 --> 00:37:42.482
I don't take Valium.
441
00:37:42.733 --> 00:37:44.318
I know. That's the point.
442
00:37:44.568 --> 00:37:47.154
They give them to you,
and you don't take them.
443
00:37:47.362 --> 00:37:49.720
Are you gonna eat that?
444
00:37:49.323 --> 00:37:50.699
Checks.
445
00:37:51.330 --> 00:37:52.701
You've got visitors, Daisy.
446
00:37:52.951 --> 00:37:54.786
I want some fucking Colace.
447
00:37:55.370 --> 00:37:57.372
Talk to Melvin tomorrow.
448
00:38:08.425 --> 00:38:12.387
You know what I think?
I think you want to poop, Daisy.
449
00:38:12.596 --> 00:38:14.473
I think it's been days.
450
00:38:15.599 --> 00:38:17.225
Look, it's okay. I don't care.
451
00:38:17.434 --> 00:38:19.478
I do! I do care.
452
00:38:23.231 --> 00:38:27.402
So Daddy buys you a private,
and no one gets in, huh?
453
00:38:28.612 --> 00:38:32.282
You never leave except when Valerie
makes you go to the cafeteria...
454
00:38:32.532 --> 00:38:35.619
...where you never eat.
You're a laxative junkie.
455
00:38:36.662 --> 00:38:41.792
I always thought you were like Janet,
but here you are with this chicken.
456
00:38:43.430 --> 00:38:45.128
So what's with that, huh?
457
00:38:45.504 --> 00:38:49.174
My dad owns a deli, asshole,
with a rotisserie.
458
00:38:49.383 --> 00:38:53.261
I like my dad's chicken. When
I eat something else, I puke.
459
00:38:53.929 --> 00:38:58.183
But why do you eat it here? Why don't
you like to go to the cafeteria?
460
00:38:58.558 --> 00:39:00.394
Which do you like better?
461
00:39:00.644 --> 00:39:02.854
Taking a dump alone
or with Valerie watching?
462
00:39:03.897 --> 00:39:04.940
Alone.
463
00:39:05.607 --> 00:39:08.527
Everyone likes to be alone
when it comes out.
464
00:39:08.777 --> 00:39:10.612
I like to be alone when it goes in.
465
00:39:10.862 --> 00:39:13.865
To me, the cafeteria's
like being with...
466
00:39:14.116 --> 00:39:16.201
...20 girls all at once taking a dump.
467
00:39:17.452 --> 00:39:19.329
That is fucked up, Daisy!
468
00:39:21.832 --> 00:39:22.833
Come on.
469
00:39:26.586 --> 00:39:30.382
All right, assholes.
Fine, here.
470
00:39:36.722 --> 00:39:37.931
Here.
471
00:39:47.816 --> 00:39:49.670
Lisa, don't!
472
00:39:49.318 --> 00:39:50.485
No, please...
473
00:39:50.694 --> 00:39:52.571
Dios-fucking-mio!
474
00:39:57.326 --> 00:39:59.244
That's how Daddy
knows she's eating.
475
00:39:59.453 --> 00:40:03.749
When I get five, Valerie
makes me throw them away.
476
00:40:17.179 --> 00:40:19.560
Scribble, scribble, scribble.
477
00:40:19.431 --> 00:40:21.580
Written anything about me yet?
478
00:40:21.266 --> 00:40:22.976
Don't do that.
479
00:40:34.988 --> 00:40:36.782
Is Daisy really getting out?
480
00:40:41.370 --> 00:40:42.996
She coughed up a big one.
481
00:40:43.705 --> 00:40:47.334
How can...?
I mean, she's insane.
482
00:40:47.793 --> 00:40:50.295
That's what 'ther-rape-me'
is all about.
483
00:40:50.504 --> 00:40:54.508
That's why fucking Freud's
picture's on every shrink's wall.
484
00:40:54.716 --> 00:40:59.721
He created an industry. You lie down,
confess your secrets, and you're saved.
485
00:41:00.931 --> 00:41:04.601
The more you confess, the more they
think about setting you free.
486
00:41:04.810 --> 00:41:07.312
But what if you don't have a secret?
487
00:41:09.189 --> 00:41:11.525
Then you're a lifer, like me.
488
00:41:12.442 --> 00:41:14.945
I was changing her diaper...
489
00:41:15.404 --> 00:41:17.739
...and I turned to get the powder...
490
00:41:18.448 --> 00:41:21.535
...and while my back was turned,
she rolled off the bed.
491
00:41:23.495 --> 00:41:26.331
She rolled off the bed
and broke her leg.
492
00:41:28.292 --> 00:41:31.670
The doctor put her in a body cast,
but also strapped her down.
493
00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:34.256
-This has nothing...
-You never told me this.
494
00:41:34.464 --> 00:41:36.591
Carl planned this trip
to Santa Monica.
495
00:41:36.842 --> 00:41:41.221
He had a commitment at RAND.
So we took her with us.
496
00:41:42.140 --> 00:41:45.170
On the back seat, strapped to this
board, 4000 miles.
497
00:41:45.267 --> 00:41:48.729
If you like, Mrs. Kaysen,
we can discuss this...
498
00:41:48.937 --> 00:41:51.648
...further on the way out.
499
00:41:51.898 --> 00:41:54.693
Just how long is my daughter
going to be here?
500
00:41:54.901 --> 00:41:56.737
With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen...
501
00:41:56.987 --> 00:42:01.199
...psychiatry and economics
are different.
502
00:42:01.408 --> 00:42:04.578
The length of Susanna's stay
isn't fix ed.
503
00:42:04.786 --> 00:42:07.706
It depends on her response
to treatment.
504
00:42:07.914 --> 00:42:10.876
For what? Depression?
505
00:42:11.126 --> 00:42:15.797
It's almost Christmas. What do we say
to the people who care about her?
506
00:42:16.548 --> 00:42:18.550
See, what's going on here is...
507
00:42:18.759 --> 00:42:23.555
...my parents are having a little
holiday cocktail Christmas party crisis.
508
00:42:23.764 --> 00:42:24.848
What?
509
00:42:26.808 --> 00:42:29.645
What's the ' borderline' business
you mentioned?
510
00:42:32.939 --> 00:42:35.317
I don't think that's useful to Susanna.
511
00:42:35.567 --> 00:42:37.778
-I mean, not...
-What ' borderline business'?
512
00:42:38.280 --> 00:42:39.905
-The mind...
-Borderline what?
513
00:42:40.155 --> 00:42:42.366
Borderline between what and what?
514
00:42:43.575 --> 00:42:45.577
It's a condition, Susanna.
515
00:42:45.786 --> 00:42:48.330
And it's called
Borderline Personality Disorder.
516
00:42:48.580 --> 00:42:50.707
Oh, God.
517
00:42:51.291 --> 00:42:53.100
It's not uncommon.
518
00:42:53.585 --> 00:42:55.629
Especially among young women.
519
00:42:56.213 --> 00:42:58.298
What causes it?
520
00:42:58.548 --> 00:43:00.258
We're really not sure.
521
00:43:00.467 --> 00:43:03.595
-Is it genetic?
-Oh, Christ!
522
00:43:04.680 --> 00:43:07.990
It is five times more common...
523
00:43:07.432 --> 00:43:10.268
...among those with a borderline...
524
00:43:10.894 --> 00:43:11.937
...parent.
525
00:43:14.231 --> 00:43:18.986
I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't.
I can't do this.
526
00:43:33.375 --> 00:43:37.504
' Razors pain you; rivers are damp;
acid stains you; drugs cause cramp.
527
00:43:37.754 --> 00:43:40.700
Guns aren't lawful;
nooses give...
528
00:43:40.215 --> 00:43:43.343
...gas smells awful;
you might as well live.'
529
00:43:43.635 --> 00:43:44.803
Gin.
530
00:43:56.773 --> 00:43:59.443
-Asshole.
-Fatso.
531
00:44:06.700 --> 00:44:07.743
Call me a cab.
532
00:44:08.452 --> 00:44:09.703
Okay, you're a cab.
533
00:44:15.417 --> 00:44:17.711
Lisa said you got into Daisy's room.
534
00:44:19.870 --> 00:44:21.890
And it was full of chickens.
535
00:44:21.298 --> 00:44:23.592
Susanna, you have a phone call.
536
00:44:27.804 --> 00:44:30.307
So what's your "diag-nonsense"?
537
00:44:30.515 --> 00:44:33.810
-Who is this?
-What'd he say to Mom and Pop?
538
00:44:42.653 --> 00:44:44.696
I have a borderline personality.
539
00:44:45.697 --> 00:44:47.616
Well, that's nothing.
What else?
540
00:44:47.866 --> 00:44:50.827
He didn't say. He thought
it would affect my recovery.
541
00:44:52.204 --> 00:44:53.622
Tongue your meds tonight.
542
00:44:53.872 --> 00:44:56.750
After 1:00 checks,
Gretta always goes for a smoke.
543
00:44:56.959 --> 00:45:00.545
Check the mirrors. If they're
clear, go to Hector's closet.
544
00:45:00.754 --> 00:45:03.966
It's near the art room,
and it will be open.
545
00:45:20.190 --> 00:45:21.566
Torch!
546
00:45:22.901 --> 00:45:24.236
Come on.
547
00:45:43.505 --> 00:45:46.133
This is how Lisa gets out
when she escapes!
548
00:45:50.120 --> 00:45:54.160
We're under administration, so....
No good here.
549
00:45:54.474 --> 00:45:56.643
Good thing this place has
a sliding scale.
550
00:45:56.893 --> 00:45:59.688
We get to mingle with
the lock-picking trash.
551
00:46:25.130 --> 00:46:26.798
Good job!
552
00:46:29.900 --> 00:46:30.636
Susanna, you're up!
553
00:46:30.886 --> 00:46:33.639
No, no, no. I've only done
this once in my life.
554
00:46:34.970 --> 00:46:35.980
-Come on.
-Please.
555
00:46:35.349 --> 00:46:38.685
-We came all the way here.
-Come on!
556
00:46:55.994 --> 00:46:57.287
All right!
557
00:47:30.404 --> 00:47:34.616
They put the tunnels in so the loons
didn't have to go out in the cold.
558
00:47:34.825 --> 00:47:36.952
I must've missed that in the brochure.
559
00:47:41.123 --> 00:47:42.958
Hey, open the door.
560
00:47:56.722 --> 00:47:58.390
What the fuck are you doing?
561
00:48:11.361 --> 00:48:14.310
Dr. Wick's office.
562
00:48:28.300 --> 00:48:30.464
All right. Georgina Tuskin.
563
00:48:42.684 --> 00:48:44.686
Susanna Kaysen.
564
00:48:47.397 --> 00:48:49.660
Polly Clark.
565
00:48:52.690 --> 00:48:54.279
Cynthia Crowley.
566
00:48:54.529 --> 00:48:56.406
-Congratulations.
-Thank you.
567
00:48:57.824 --> 00:48:59.493
Janet Webber.
568
00:49:02.454 --> 00:49:04.810
Lisa Rowe.
569
00:49:38.240 --> 00:49:39.825
Fuck you, Melvin.
570
00:49:45.380 --> 00:49:46.331
Wanna see mine?
571
00:49:47.457 --> 00:49:49.126
Let me see yours.
572
00:49:58.510 --> 00:50:01.138
' Lisa Rowe.
573
00:50:01.388 --> 00:50:03.974
Highs and lows increasingly severe.
574
00:50:04.766 --> 00:50:07.311
Controlling relationships with patients.
575
00:50:07.519 --> 00:50:10.605
No appreciable response to meds.
576
00:50:10.814 --> 00:50:15.152
No remission observed.'
That was before you ran away.
577
00:50:15.777 --> 00:50:17.571
We're very rare, and mostly men.
578
00:50:17.779 --> 00:50:20.699
Lisa thinks she's hot shit
because she's a sociopath.
579
00:50:20.907 --> 00:50:22.868
-I'm a sociopath.
-No, you're a dyke.
580
00:50:23.201 --> 00:50:26.288
' Borderline Personality Disorder.
581
00:50:26.496 --> 00:50:30.208
An instability of self-image,
relationships and mood.
582
00:50:30.417 --> 00:50:32.127
Uncertainty about goals.
583
00:50:32.377 --> 00:50:35.631
Impulsive in activities
that are self-damaging...
584
00:50:35.839 --> 00:50:38.342
...such as casual sex.'
585
00:50:38.800 --> 00:50:39.968
I like that.
586
00:50:40.177 --> 00:50:42.638
'Social contrariness and a generally...
587
00:50:42.888 --> 00:50:45.724
...pessimistic attitude
are often observed.'
588
00:50:47.351 --> 00:50:48.560
Well, that's me.
589
00:50:49.436 --> 00:50:50.604
That's everybody.
590
00:50:50.854 --> 00:50:53.398
I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual?
591
00:50:53.857 --> 00:50:56.193
They mean promiscuous.
592
00:50:56.693 --> 00:50:58.487
I'm not promiscuous.
593
00:51:03.158 --> 00:51:05.350
I'm not.
594
00:51:22.427 --> 00:51:23.762
Jesus.
595
00:51:24.429 --> 00:51:25.973
Look at Janet.
596
00:51:26.515 --> 00:51:27.933
No. It's all right.
597
00:51:29.977 --> 00:51:34.106
You know, taking us
for ice creams in a blizzard...
598
00:51:34.398 --> 00:51:36.984
...makes you wonder who
the real whack jobs are.
599
00:51:37.192 --> 00:51:38.944
You know, I think it's
kind of nice.
600
00:51:39.152 --> 00:51:43.532
I mean, I think it's nice to do
something nice on Daisy's last day.
601
00:52:12.227 --> 00:52:13.478
Oh, fuck!
602
00:52:13.729 --> 00:52:15.105
I'll have peppermint stick.
603
00:52:15.355 --> 00:52:17.650
Me too.
Can I have peppermint stick?
604
00:52:17.316 --> 00:52:18.692
Sure.
605
00:52:18.942 --> 00:52:21.153
It's just called peppermint.
606
00:52:21.403 --> 00:52:22.821
Peppermint dick!
607
00:52:24.323 --> 00:52:25.949
Peppermint clit!
608
00:52:29.453 --> 00:52:31.913
Okay. We're just gonna
have four cones.
609
00:52:32.164 --> 00:52:33.498
Four cones.
610
00:52:34.708 --> 00:52:36.668
Susanna, do you want anything?
611
00:52:36.877 --> 00:52:37.961
I'm fine.
612
00:52:43.634 --> 00:52:45.135
Ronny.
613
00:52:45.427 --> 00:52:46.511
Got any hot fudge?
614
00:52:47.179 --> 00:52:48.472
Yes.
615
00:52:48.972 --> 00:52:52.434
Can I have a vanilla sundae
with hot fudge...
616
00:52:52.726 --> 00:52:56.146
...and sprinkles.
Rainbow, not chocolate.
617
00:52:57.648 --> 00:52:59.232
And...
618
00:53:03.111 --> 00:53:05.864
...whipped cream, cherries...
619
00:53:06.823 --> 00:53:08.533
...and....
620
00:53:09.576 --> 00:53:10.410
Nuts?
621
00:53:19.628 --> 00:53:21.588
Let's have a seat, ladies.
622
00:53:23.382 --> 00:53:28.387
Melvin thought that I should
live in a halfway house.
623
00:53:29.346 --> 00:53:32.683
But my father knew
that I deserved my own apartment.
624
00:53:33.183 --> 00:53:35.227
So he got me the prettiest apartment.
625
00:53:35.435 --> 00:53:37.688
It has an eat-in chicken...
626
00:53:37.896 --> 00:53:42.234
...and all this beautiful
wicker furniture, which is fantastic.
627
00:53:42.442 --> 00:53:43.735
Wicker butterflies.
628
00:53:45.700 --> 00:53:46.863
My very favourite part...
629
00:53:47.720 --> 00:53:49.320
...is like in the phone book.
630
00:53:49.241 --> 00:53:51.868
There's a sign
right outside that says:
631
00:53:52.770 --> 00:53:53.954
' If you lived here...
632
00:53:54.288 --> 00:53:55.330
...you'd be home now.'
633
00:53:55.914 --> 00:53:57.207
Hello, Susanna.
634
00:53:57.916 --> 00:53:59.840
Do you remember me?
635
00:54:00.200 --> 00:54:03.171
-You must remember me.
-Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest.
636
00:54:03.922 --> 00:54:05.900
Susanna, you okay?
637
00:54:05.590 --> 00:54:07.592
I'm fine.
638
00:54:08.552 --> 00:54:11.263
-Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe?
-Wellesley.
639
00:54:11.763 --> 00:54:13.974
I'm enjoying it.
It's strong in art.
640
00:54:14.182 --> 00:54:15.517
Going to the Sorbonne.
641
00:54:15.726 --> 00:54:19.313
-That's great.
-You know, I know all about you...
642
00:54:19.563 --> 00:54:22.274
...and I hope they put you away forever.
643
00:54:23.650 --> 00:54:24.901
Is this the professor's wife?
644
00:54:25.152 --> 00:54:26.320
What professor?
645
00:54:26.570 --> 00:54:28.710
So you told everybody.
646
00:54:29.990 --> 00:54:30.949
Lady, back off.
647
00:54:31.491 --> 00:54:32.951
-Was I talking to you?
-Let's go.
648
00:54:33.201 --> 00:54:35.996
No, you're spitting on me,
so mellow-fucking-out.
649
00:54:36.246 --> 00:54:37.372
Don't tell me what to do.
650
00:54:37.581 --> 00:54:40.876
Look, she gave your husband
a rim job. Big fucking deal!
651
00:54:41.126 --> 00:54:44.129
He was begging for it,
and I heard it was like a pencil.
652
00:54:44.379 --> 00:54:45.672
How dare you!
653
00:54:45.922 --> 00:54:49.760
Some advice: Don't point your
fucking finger at crazy people!
654
00:54:53.130 --> 00:54:54.264
Let go of me!
655
00:54:55.849 --> 00:54:56.683
Mother?
656
00:54:56.933 --> 00:54:58.977
Get that out of my face, asshole!
657
00:55:01.730 --> 00:55:02.564
Let go!
658
00:55:03.650 --> 00:55:03.899
Now.
659
00:55:05.567 --> 00:55:06.777
Stop it!
660
00:55:07.611 --> 00:55:11.114
' Rank' you!
Come again, Mrs. Professor!
661
00:55:11.615 --> 00:55:13.825
You shared a man with that woman?
662
00:55:20.540 --> 00:55:23.460
-Did you enjoy the fresh air?
-Yeah, thanks.
663
00:55:23.669 --> 00:55:27.470
Good. Because it's the last time
you're leaving the ward.
664
00:55:28.382 --> 00:55:30.926
Is that a dare or a double dare?
665
00:55:33.804 --> 00:55:38.100
Okay, raise your arms. Very good.
We're going to be trees.
666
00:55:38.517 --> 00:55:41.895
Feel the strength in your arms
as the branches.
667
00:55:42.145 --> 00:55:44.815
And reach those branches up to the sky.
668
00:55:45.650 --> 00:55:48.568
Come on, Susanna, reach.
Very good!
669
00:55:48.819 --> 00:55:50.654
Lisa, all right.
670
00:55:50.862 --> 00:55:53.824
Reach your arms, girls.
Reach. Really lift.
671
00:55:54.320 --> 00:55:55.951
Feel the stretch through the hip.
672
00:55:56.159 --> 00:55:58.704
Very good.
Let your arms be branches.
673
00:55:58.912 --> 00:56:01.164
There's strength in those branches.
674
00:56:01.540 --> 00:56:06.461
Reach, reach all the way up
into the sky. Very good.
675
00:56:06.753 --> 00:56:10.674
Let the wind blow the leaves
and let your fingers be the leaves.
676
00:56:10.924 --> 00:56:13.385
Good, M-G, very good.
Feel the wind.
677
00:56:13.802 --> 00:56:16.540
Good. Good, Lisa.
678
00:56:16.305 --> 00:56:18.560
Very good.
679
00:56:18.432 --> 00:56:21.685
Just lift up. Lift up.
Very good, girls.
680
00:56:21.935 --> 00:56:24.354
Now feel your feet.
Feel your feet be rooted.
681
00:56:24.563 --> 00:56:26.898
Go down into a plié.
Very good.
682
00:56:27.149 --> 00:56:29.818
Good, girls. Polly, very good.
683
00:56:30.680 --> 00:56:33.697
Now stretch it. The wind's blowing
really hard this way.
684
00:56:34.448 --> 00:56:37.451
That is not fair.
That is not fair!
685
00:56:37.659 --> 00:56:38.952
That is not fair!
686
00:56:40.329 --> 00:56:42.247
Seventy-four is the perfect weight!
687
00:56:45.959 --> 00:56:47.502
Good luck, crazy bitch.
688
00:56:47.711 --> 00:56:51.340
What kind of tree can you be
down there on the floor?
689
00:56:51.548 --> 00:56:54.217
I'm a fucking shrub, all right?
690
00:58:16.216 --> 00:58:19.761
Martin Luther King Jr. was killed
tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.
691
00:58:19.970 --> 00:58:23.932
He was shot as he stood
on the balcony of his hotel room.
692
00:58:24.391 --> 00:58:26.184
Last night, he said this.:
693
00:58:26.393 --> 00:58:28.812
I don't know what will happen now.
694
00:58:29.604 --> 00:58:32.107
We've got some difficult days ahead.
695
00:58:33.567 --> 00:58:36.280
But it really doesn't matter
with me now...
696
00:58:36.278 --> 00:58:38.905
...because I've been
to the mountaintop.
697
00:58:50.667 --> 00:58:52.878
Susanna, you have a visitor.
698
00:58:57.549 --> 00:58:58.759
What are you doing here?
699
00:59:03.597 --> 00:59:06.160
I ship out next week.
700
00:59:07.726 --> 00:59:08.935
Here.
701
00:59:26.411 --> 00:59:27.913
Checks.
702
00:59:28.622 --> 00:59:30.207
Sorry.
703
00:59:30.916 --> 00:59:34.711
No. It's okay. We have
10 minutes till they come back.
704
00:59:45.180 --> 00:59:46.431
Hey, Torch.
705
00:59:47.391 --> 00:59:49.393
What you doing?
706
00:59:50.310 --> 00:59:51.478
Nothing.
707
00:59:52.620 --> 00:59:55.440
Well, why don't you go to
your room and do nothing?
708
01:00:06.368 --> 01:00:07.953
Checks.
709
01:00:10.122 --> 01:00:11.498
Checks.
710
01:00:14.918 --> 01:00:16.128
Checks.
711
01:00:19.715 --> 01:00:20.716
Hey, Margie.
712
01:00:20.966 --> 01:00:22.968
-Hey, Lisa.
-What you doing?
713
01:00:23.176 --> 01:00:25.304
-Checks.
-How's Joe?
714
01:00:25.554 --> 01:00:27.347
He's fine.
715
01:00:27.931 --> 01:00:29.516
I have to do my checks.
716
01:00:29.766 --> 01:00:32.936
Taking five minutes for me
would be a dereliction of duty?
717
01:00:34.438 --> 01:00:36.106
What if I had a punctured artery?
718
01:00:36.356 --> 01:00:38.609
You'd go on your rounds,
ignoring my wounds?
719
01:00:38.859 --> 01:00:41.570
-Stop it.
-Stop what? Look at this.
720
01:00:42.290 --> 01:00:43.113
Go ahead. Go ahead.
721
01:00:43.363 --> 01:00:44.615
That's enough!
722
01:00:44.823 --> 01:00:47.451
Take one step
and I'll jam this in my aorta!
723
01:00:47.701 --> 01:00:48.827
Stop it.
724
01:00:49.360 --> 01:00:50.912
Your aorta is in your chest.
725
01:00:52.956 --> 01:00:54.416
Good to know.
726
01:00:55.250 --> 01:00:58.128
-I'll make a note of that.
-Good.
727
01:01:06.970 --> 01:01:09.723
You have grounds privileges.
Why don't you take a walk?
728
01:01:10.390 --> 01:01:12.517
Go get a cup of coffee.
729
01:01:16.730 --> 01:01:18.523
We should get out of here.
730
01:01:34.790 --> 01:01:36.333
The cafeteria's this way.
731
01:01:36.541 --> 01:01:38.430
My wheels are here.
732
01:01:38.293 --> 01:01:40.170
Wait. What are we doing?
733
01:01:42.839 --> 01:01:44.883
We're going to Canada.
734
01:01:50.931 --> 01:01:52.724
You're not crazy.
735
01:01:52.933 --> 01:01:55.394
Okay? You don't need to be here.
736
01:01:56.895 --> 01:01:59.564
I tried to kill myself, Toby.
737
01:01:59.982 --> 01:02:04.152
-You took some aspirin.
-I took a bottle of aspirin.
738
01:02:05.362 --> 01:02:09.825
That buys you a year in this place?
That's bullshit, okay?
739
01:02:10.330 --> 01:02:11.159
They're breaking you.
740
01:02:11.660 --> 01:02:14.621
Come on. All right?
Everything's changing, man.
741
01:02:14.871 --> 01:02:17.124
What do they know
about being normal?
742
01:02:19.960 --> 01:02:21.712
I have friends in here.
743
01:02:22.921 --> 01:02:25.632
Who? Them?
744
01:02:26.490 --> 01:02:28.930
Those girls...
Susanna...
745
01:02:29.636 --> 01:02:33.515
...they're eating grapes
off of the wallpaper.
746
01:02:33.932 --> 01:02:35.434
They're insane.
747
01:02:35.976 --> 01:02:38.520
If they are, I am.
748
01:02:42.733 --> 01:02:44.526
No, baby.
Listen, come with me.
749
01:02:49.239 --> 01:02:50.407
Look...
750
01:02:51.450 --> 01:02:53.785
...my dad gave me five grand.
751
01:02:54.369 --> 01:02:58.373
Okay? We can go up there.
We can build a cabin in the woods.
752
01:03:00.626 --> 01:03:03.300
Look, I know that this sounds crazy...
753
01:03:05.255 --> 01:03:07.900
...but I think I love you.
754
01:03:08.508 --> 01:03:10.886
So come with me. Okay?
755
01:03:12.596 --> 01:03:14.389
Come with me.
756
01:03:22.731 --> 01:03:25.901
You wanna leave, don't you?
757
01:03:26.109 --> 01:03:27.277
Yes.
758
01:03:27.819 --> 01:03:29.821
I wanna leave.
759
01:03:33.200 --> 01:03:35.350
But not with you.
760
01:03:38.872 --> 01:03:40.457
Not with you.
761
01:03:42.167 --> 01:03:43.794
I'm sorry.
762
01:03:45.879 --> 01:03:47.965
Susanna, wait a second.
763
01:04:33.385 --> 01:04:35.304
Why did you do that?
764
01:04:38.932 --> 01:04:41.560
Fix the light bulb at night?
765
01:04:43.645 --> 01:04:45.897
I'm not here in the morning...
766
01:04:46.273 --> 01:04:49.860
...and that's when you like to draw
your pictures and stuff.
767
01:04:50.152 --> 01:04:51.236
So....
768
01:05:02.497 --> 01:05:03.498
John?
769
01:05:10.631 --> 01:05:12.633
Why do you like me?
770
01:05:15.636 --> 01:05:17.763
I just like you.
771
01:05:18.972 --> 01:05:20.641
That's all.
772
01:05:21.808 --> 01:05:24.436
I wish you were getting
better, though.
773
01:05:25.228 --> 01:05:26.813
I would....
774
01:05:28.148 --> 01:05:32.270
I'd take you out to go see
a movie or something.
775
01:05:34.696 --> 01:05:36.406
That'd be nice.
776
01:05:38.450 --> 01:05:39.618
My face!
777
01:05:42.454 --> 01:05:43.830
My face!
778
01:05:44.810 --> 01:05:46.166
I'm okay. I'm okay.
779
01:05:46.416 --> 01:05:48.335
-Let her be. She's fine.
-My face!
780
01:05:48.585 --> 01:05:49.711
My face!
781
01:05:50.300 --> 01:05:52.255
Seclusion.
Take her to Seclusion. Come on.
782
01:05:52.756 --> 01:05:54.341
I got you.
783
01:05:57.302 --> 01:05:58.720
-My face! Why?
-Open it.
784
01:05:59.972 --> 01:06:01.640
My face!
785
01:06:01.848 --> 01:06:03.266
My face!
786
01:06:03.517 --> 01:06:07.896
Quieten down. Quieten down.
You're all right.
787
01:06:09.523 --> 01:06:12.442
I'm ugly! My face!
788
01:06:12.651 --> 01:06:15.988
I'm ugly! Why?
789
01:06:40.950 --> 01:06:41.888
What happened to Polly?
790
01:06:44.349 --> 01:06:47.352
What needs to happen?
No one's ever gonna kiss her.
791
01:06:49.896 --> 01:06:52.524
They're building a new
Disneyland in Florida.
792
01:06:53.660 --> 01:06:56.403
If I could have any job,
I'd be a professional Cinderella.
793
01:06:57.154 --> 01:06:58.822
You could be Snow White.
794
01:06:59.720 --> 01:07:01.533
Polly could be Minnie Mouse and then...
795
01:07:01.742 --> 01:07:03.702
...she'd be hugged, kissed
and loved...
796
01:07:03.910 --> 01:07:07.331
...and no one would know
what's inside that giant head.
797
01:07:08.749 --> 01:07:10.667
Give me your keys.
798
01:07:36.777 --> 01:07:38.820
Hey, Polly.
799
01:07:40.720 --> 01:07:41.730
It's Susanna.
800
01:07:41.281 --> 01:07:42.866
Just play something.
801
01:07:43.283 --> 01:07:46.536
If talking did shit,
we'd be out of here by now.
802
01:08:07.474 --> 01:08:11.812
When you're alone
And life is making you lonely
803
01:08:12.200 --> 01:08:15.190
You can always go
804
01:08:15.399 --> 01:08:17.234
Downtown
805
01:08:25.575 --> 01:08:29.579
When you've got worries
All the noise and the hurry
806
01:08:29.788 --> 01:08:33.417
Seems to help, I know
807
01:08:40.299 --> 01:08:42.920
Downtown
808
01:08:43.552 --> 01:08:46.221
Just listen to the music
809
01:08:46.430 --> 01:08:49.990
In the traffic in the city
810
01:08:49.558 --> 01:08:54.210
Linger on the sidewalks
Where the neon lights are pretty
811
01:08:55.647 --> 01:08:57.399
How can you lose?
812
01:08:58.734 --> 01:09:01.653
The lights are much brighter there
813
01:09:01.903 --> 01:09:06.783
You can forget all your troubles
Forget all your cares and go downtown
814
01:09:07.340 --> 01:09:08.702
Back to your room, please.
815
01:09:08.910 --> 01:09:12.831
Things will be great when you're
Downtown
816
01:09:13.400 --> 01:09:15.292
McWilley is gonna wake up.
817
01:09:15.542 --> 01:09:16.918
Give me the guitar.
818
01:09:19.129 --> 01:09:20.672
You're gonna get me fired.
819
01:09:20.922 --> 01:09:24.468
You'll be dancing with him
Before the night is over
820
01:09:24.676 --> 01:09:26.595
-Give me the guitar.
-Happy again
821
01:09:28.263 --> 01:09:29.806
No. No.
822
01:09:30.182 --> 01:09:32.351
It's okay. It's okay.
Come here.
823
01:09:32.601 --> 01:09:34.895
You'll get me fired.
You know that?
824
01:09:46.448 --> 01:09:49.201
Downtown
825
01:09:50.577 --> 01:09:53.800
Everything's great...
826
01:09:53.580 --> 01:09:57.876
...when you're downtown
827
01:10:24.152 --> 01:10:25.696
I'm writing you up.
828
01:10:25.946 --> 01:10:28.365
I am sick of this bullshit.
829
01:10:33.453 --> 01:10:35.247
Is she here?
830
01:10:35.747 --> 01:10:37.708
You can go in now.
831
01:10:44.172 --> 01:10:47.592
-What did she do?
-They drugged Nurse McWilley.
832
01:10:53.890 --> 01:10:56.351
-Good morning, Susanna.
-Good morning.
833
01:10:56.560 --> 01:10:57.644
How are you?
834
01:10:59.605 --> 01:11:01.732
I'm fine, I guess.
835
01:11:03.275 --> 01:11:04.860
Sit down.
836
01:11:14.411 --> 01:11:15.871
You look tired.
837
01:11:18.810 --> 01:11:23.450
Polly freaked out last night and we
stayed up singing to her, Lisa and l.
838
01:11:24.838 --> 01:11:27.591
Have you become friends with Lisa?
839
01:11:29.635 --> 01:11:31.261
Why? Is that bad?
840
01:11:31.511 --> 01:11:34.264
-Does it feel bad?
-No.
841
01:11:34.973 --> 01:11:38.185
Before you came here, did you
have many girl friends?
842
01:11:38.810 --> 01:11:40.312
Not really.
843
01:11:42.356 --> 01:11:46.318
Would you say that before you came here,
your friends consisted mainly...
844
01:11:46.526 --> 01:11:47.986
...of boys, of men?
845
01:11:49.529 --> 01:11:51.990
Does it say in there
that I'm promiscuous?
846
01:11:52.699 --> 01:11:54.701
Why do you choose that word?
847
01:11:54.910 --> 01:11:58.497
How many guys would I have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
848
01:11:58.705 --> 01:12:00.874
Textbook promiscuous?
849
01:12:01.458 --> 01:12:02.876
What do you think?
850
01:12:03.126 --> 01:12:06.463
Ten. Eight. Five.
851
01:12:07.255 --> 01:12:10.884
How many girls would a guy have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
852
01:12:11.930 --> 01:12:13.530
Ten? 20? 109?
853
01:12:13.261 --> 01:12:15.263
Someone who's compulsively
promiscuous...
854
01:12:15.514 --> 01:12:18.850
...might engage in a sex act
with a guest in their room...
855
01:12:19.590 --> 01:12:24.189
...and then engage in another sex act
during the same day with an orderly.
856
01:12:28.527 --> 01:12:33.365
Am I in trouble for kissing an orderly
or giving my boyfriend a blowjob?
857
01:12:35.450 --> 01:12:37.327
Melvin says...
858
01:12:37.536 --> 01:12:41.915
...you have some very interesting
theories about your illness.
859
01:12:42.124 --> 01:12:46.211
You believe there is
a mystical undertow in life.
860
01:12:46.420 --> 01:12:49.715
'Quicksands of shadows.'
861
01:12:49.923 --> 01:12:54.940
Another one of my theories is that you
people don't know what you're doing.
862
01:12:54.344 --> 01:12:57.306
You acknowledge a problem
coping with this quicksand.
863
01:12:57.556 --> 01:13:01.518
I have a problem coping with this
hospital. I wanna leave.
864
01:13:03.520 --> 01:13:04.646
I can't do that.
865
01:13:04.855 --> 01:13:07.524
I signed myself in,
I can sign myself out.
866
01:13:07.774 --> 01:13:11.278
You signed yourself into our care.
We decide when you leave.
867
01:13:11.612 --> 01:13:13.447
You're not ready for it, Susanna.
868
01:13:13.947 --> 01:13:16.700
Your progress has plateaued.
869
01:13:18.493 --> 01:13:20.495
Does that disappoint you?
870
01:13:20.996 --> 01:13:22.748
I'm ambivalent.
871
01:13:23.415 --> 01:13:25.667
In fact, that's my new favourite word.
872
01:13:25.876 --> 01:13:28.420
Do you know what that means,
ambivalence?
873
01:13:28.962 --> 01:13:30.130
I don't care.
874
01:13:30.380 --> 01:13:32.382
If it's your favourite word,
I would've...
875
01:13:32.591 --> 01:13:35.177
It means ' I don't care.'
That's what it means.
876
01:13:35.427 --> 01:13:37.971
On the contrary, Susanna.
877
01:13:38.221 --> 01:13:43.143
Ambivalence suggests strong
feelings in opposition.
878
01:13:43.393 --> 01:13:46.438
The prefix, as in ambidextrous...
879
01:13:46.647 --> 01:13:48.231
...means ' both.'
880
01:13:49.240 --> 01:13:52.444
The rest of it, in Latin,
means 'vigour.'
881
01:13:53.700 --> 01:13:55.948
The word suggests that you are torn...
882
01:13:56.657 --> 01:13:59.117
...between two opposing courses
of action.
883
01:14:02.829 --> 01:14:04.998
Will I stay or will I go?
884
01:14:05.332 --> 01:14:08.710
Am I sane or am I crazy?
885
01:14:09.440 --> 01:14:10.754
Those aren't courses of action.
886
01:14:11.546 --> 01:14:15.175
They can be, dear, for some.
887
01:14:15.425 --> 01:14:17.469
Well, then, it's the wrong word.
888
01:14:17.844 --> 01:14:19.120
No.
889
01:14:19.721 --> 01:14:21.431
I think it's perfect.
890
01:14:35.362 --> 01:14:38.156
'What world is this?
891
01:14:38.657 --> 01:14:40.200
What kingdom?
892
01:14:41.493 --> 01:14:44.621
What shores of what worlds?'
893
01:14:44.913 --> 01:14:49.876
It's a very big question
you're faced with, Susanna.
894
01:14:50.544 --> 01:14:53.297
The choice of your life.
895
01:14:54.506 --> 01:14:57.801
How much will you indulge
in your flaws?
896
01:14:59.520 --> 01:15:02.140
What are your flaws?
Are they flaws?
897
01:15:02.806 --> 01:15:07.936
If you embrace them, will you commit
yourself to hospital for life?
898
01:15:09.313 --> 01:15:13.250
Big questions, big decisions.
899
01:15:14.359 --> 01:15:18.447
Not surprising you profess
carelessness about them.
900
01:15:25.412 --> 01:15:26.997
Is that it?
901
01:15:28.915 --> 01:15:30.542
For now.
902
01:15:39.551 --> 01:15:41.803
This way, Susanna.
903
01:15:56.680 --> 01:15:58.570
John was moved to the men's ward.
904
01:16:00.113 --> 01:16:03.700
And Lisa never came back
from Dr. Wick's office.
905
01:16:31.728 --> 01:16:34.220
We live in a time of doubt.
906
01:16:35.232 --> 01:16:38.527
The institutions we once trusted
no longer seem reliable.
907
01:16:43.198 --> 01:16:46.576
Daisy sent us a postcard
all about her new apartment.
908
01:16:47.160 --> 01:16:49.371
She got a pussycat.
909
01:16:50.247 --> 01:16:52.291
Where's Lisa?
910
01:16:53.333 --> 01:16:55.419
You know where she is.
911
01:16:56.753 --> 01:16:59.214
They just put her in another ward.
912
01:17:10.684 --> 01:17:13.353
I think you need to get up.
913
01:17:13.770 --> 01:17:17.566
I'm just gonna rest for a while,
just a little while.
914
01:17:25.699 --> 01:17:26.617
What are you doing?
915
01:17:29.870 --> 01:17:31.121
Fuck!
916
01:17:33.874 --> 01:17:35.459
Sorry, too cold?
917
01:17:35.709 --> 01:17:39.546
What the fuck are you doing?
Get me the fuck out of this tub!
918
01:17:40.500 --> 01:17:41.173
Get yourself out.
919
01:17:41.882 --> 01:17:43.550
Where's Lisa?
920
01:17:44.635 --> 01:17:46.303
Where the fuck is Lisa?
921
01:17:46.928 --> 01:17:48.805
Can't hack it without her?
922
01:17:49.560 --> 01:17:53.268
You banish her for singing to Polly.
We were trying to help her!
923
01:17:53.936 --> 01:17:58.774
We were trying to help her! This place
is a fucking fascist torture chamber!
924
01:17:58.982 --> 01:18:00.192
No.
925
01:18:00.442 --> 01:18:04.279
I worked in state hospitals.
This place is a five-star hotel.
926
01:18:06.406 --> 01:18:08.158
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of cotton
927
01:18:09.159 --> 01:18:13.872
You know, I can take a lot of crazy
shit from a lot of crazy people...
928
01:18:14.810 --> 01:18:15.207
...but you?
929
01:18:15.582 --> 01:18:17.292
You are not crazy.
930
01:18:17.542 --> 01:18:19.294
Then what's wrong with me?
931
01:18:19.544 --> 01:18:22.464
What the fuck's going on
inside my head?
932
01:18:22.673 --> 01:18:25.300
Tell me Dr. Val, what's
your diag-nonsense?
933
01:18:25.509 --> 01:18:29.554
You are a lazy, self-indulgent
little girl...
934
01:18:29.805 --> 01:18:32.641
...who is driving herself crazy.
935
01:18:35.602 --> 01:18:39.523
Is that your medical opinion? Huh?
936
01:18:39.731 --> 01:18:43.277
Is that what you've learned in your
studies at night school...
937
01:18:43.485 --> 01:18:45.737
...for Negro welfare mothers?
938
01:18:46.530 --> 01:18:50.617
I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue.
Wick is a psycho. And you...
939
01:18:50.867 --> 01:18:52.286
...pretend you're a doctor.
940
01:18:52.494 --> 01:18:56.832
You sign charts and dole out meds, but
you's ain't no doctor, Miss Valerie.
941
01:18:57.400 --> 01:19:00.127
You's ain't nothing
but a black nursemaid.
942
01:19:03.213 --> 01:19:05.549
And you're just throwing it away.
943
01:19:31.783 --> 01:19:33.910
You still wanna go to Florida?
944
01:19:36.496 --> 01:19:39.374
Lisa, we need money, don't we?
945
01:19:39.625 --> 01:19:42.419
-You've tongued your meds?
-Yeah, but I only have...
946
01:19:42.628 --> 01:19:44.963
They gave me shocks again.
947
01:19:45.380 --> 01:19:47.174
Jamie, I have to get out of here.
948
01:19:49.843 --> 01:19:51.637
I'm Susanna.
949
01:19:52.763 --> 01:19:55.150
I'm Susanna.
950
01:20:13.951 --> 01:20:15.827
What are we doing?
951
01:20:18.705 --> 01:20:20.415
What is it?
952
01:20:21.750 --> 01:20:25.337
' Dear sir, please give
Daisy Randone assistance...
953
01:20:25.545 --> 01:20:29.174
...installing a telephone
at 23 Vicar Street.'
954
01:20:29.383 --> 01:20:31.930
I thought we were going to Florida!
955
01:20:31.343 --> 01:20:34.388
We just need a place to crash
till we get plane tickets.
956
01:20:36.556 --> 01:20:37.933
Come on.
957
01:20:49.278 --> 01:20:51.710
Nice coat.
958
01:21:55.469 --> 01:21:56.762
What?
959
01:21:58.130 --> 01:22:00.432
You don't want me, Tony.
960
01:22:00.682 --> 01:22:02.643
Yes, I do, baby.
961
01:22:02.893 --> 01:22:05.562
No, you don't.
I'm a crazy girl.
962
01:22:05.812 --> 01:22:08.148
You're crazy, so we can't
have one night?
963
01:22:08.398 --> 01:22:11.526
I am a crazy girl. Seriously.
964
01:22:12.903 --> 01:22:15.739
-You've been in a hospital?
-Yes.
965
01:22:21.828 --> 01:22:23.497
Do you see purple people?
966
01:22:25.207 --> 01:22:27.542
My friend, he saw purple people.
967
01:22:28.430 --> 01:22:31.171
And so the state came
and took him away.
968
01:22:32.297 --> 01:22:34.910
He didn't like that.
969
01:22:34.299 --> 01:22:36.426
Some time went by...
970
01:22:36.885 --> 01:22:39.763
...and he told them he didn't see
purple people no more.
971
01:22:39.972 --> 01:22:41.390
He got better.
972
01:22:42.182 --> 01:22:45.600
No. He still sees them.
973
01:22:47.938 --> 01:22:48.772
We gotta split.
974
01:22:49.220 --> 01:22:50.649
Somebody stop her!
975
01:22:50.899 --> 01:22:53.318
She took my fucking wallet!
976
01:23:03.996 --> 01:23:05.998
Identify yourself.
977
01:23:06.665 --> 01:23:08.917
It's Susanna and...
978
01:23:09.126 --> 01:23:12.450
It's Susanna. Daisy?
979
01:23:18.593 --> 01:23:19.761
You got Valium?
980
01:23:36.111 --> 01:23:37.279
Cool pad.
981
01:23:39.489 --> 01:23:41.330
Peace, man, peace.
982
01:23:41.491 --> 01:23:43.619
I'm sorry for being a bitch.
I was a drag.
983
01:23:43.827 --> 01:23:45.412
That's for you.
984
01:23:54.630 --> 01:23:56.256
That's Ruby.
985
01:23:57.490 --> 01:23:58.967
My dad bought her for me.
986
01:24:01.136 --> 01:24:03.597
This is a Castro Convertible.
987
01:24:04.431 --> 01:24:06.183
-It pulls out.
-Cool.
988
01:24:06.934 --> 01:24:08.393
-Where's your bathroom?
-Right there.
989
01:24:12.606 --> 01:24:13.941
You don't have a tub.
990
01:24:14.149 --> 01:24:16.109
No, I don't.
991
01:24:17.110 --> 01:24:18.862
-What about upstairs?
-Nope.
992
01:24:21.573 --> 01:24:24.451
So, what, did you two
escape or what?
993
01:24:24.701 --> 01:24:27.329
Actually, we're going to Florida.
994
01:24:27.579 --> 01:24:30.499
All you have is mustard
and your chickens.
995
01:24:31.830 --> 01:24:34.503
So what are you girls going
to do in Florida?
996
01:24:35.879 --> 01:24:39.700
I'm gonna be Cinderella at
Walt Disney's new theme park.
997
01:24:39.675 --> 01:24:41.760
Susanna's gonna be Snow White.
998
01:24:42.219 --> 01:24:44.513
You can come if you want.
999
01:24:45.970 --> 01:24:47.975
You can be the cocker spaniel
that eats spaghetti.
1000
01:24:49.893 --> 01:24:51.228
I wanna make pancakes.
1001
01:24:51.603 --> 01:24:53.397
I'm tired.
I wanna go to bed.
1002
01:24:53.647 --> 01:24:55.941
I want to make pancakes
in the morning.
1003
01:24:56.149 --> 01:24:57.734
There's a market on the corner.
1004
01:24:58.193 --> 01:25:00.279
Pans are under the sink.
1005
01:25:00.487 --> 01:25:02.489
Silver's in that drawer.
1006
01:25:05.909 --> 01:25:07.494
Do you have any money?
1007
01:25:08.870 --> 01:25:11.957
Do you have some sort
of a safety net down there?
1008
01:25:13.500 --> 01:25:16.295
People you know down there in Florida?
1009
01:25:16.920 --> 01:25:18.422
Relatives?
1010
01:25:19.339 --> 01:25:22.134
Friends? Anything?
1011
01:25:33.103 --> 01:25:35.314
This is for your pancakes.
1012
01:25:36.940 --> 01:25:39.484
Don't make a lot of noise
in the morning.
1013
01:25:40.485 --> 01:25:42.613
I like to sleep late.
1014
01:25:43.322 --> 01:25:45.532
I'll come down when I'm ready.
1015
01:26:14.895 --> 01:26:16.438
Give me the Valium.
1016
01:26:17.606 --> 01:26:19.608
We don't need your daddy's money.
1017
01:26:20.108 --> 01:26:22.270
Then leave it there.
1018
01:26:22.486 --> 01:26:25.155
Just give me the fucking Valium.
1019
01:26:31.360 --> 01:26:32.245
What's this?
1020
01:26:32.496 --> 01:26:33.664
-What's this?
-Let go.
1021
01:26:33.914 --> 01:26:36.875
-Trying out your new silver?
-Get the fuck off me.
1022
01:26:37.584 --> 01:26:38.877
Less appealing for Daddy.
1023
01:26:40.253 --> 01:26:42.214
Look at your own arm, asshole.
1024
01:26:42.464 --> 01:26:44.508
I'm sick, Daisy. We know that.
1025
01:26:44.758 --> 01:26:48.720
But here you are in so-called
recovery, cut up like a ham.
1026
01:26:48.929 --> 01:26:50.889
Just stop it, okay?
1027
01:26:52.182 --> 01:26:54.810
Help me understand.
1028
01:26:55.602 --> 01:26:58.981
I thought you didn't do Valium.
Tell me how this works.
1029
01:27:00.107 --> 01:27:03.652
Tell me that you don't drag that blade
across your skin...
1030
01:27:03.860 --> 01:27:07.531
...and pray for the courage
to press down.
1031
01:27:09.740 --> 01:27:13.161
Tell me how your daddy
helps you cope with that.
1032
01:27:13.578 --> 01:27:15.455
Illuminate me.
1033
01:27:18.410 --> 01:27:20.252
My father loves me.
1034
01:27:22.796 --> 01:27:24.470
I bet.
1035
01:27:24.298 --> 01:27:27.259
With every inch of his manhood.
1036
01:27:27.509 --> 01:27:29.428
Oh, God.
1037
01:27:33.682 --> 01:27:35.684
I'm going to sleep now.
1038
01:27:45.270 --> 01:27:46.695
Please be gone in the morning.
1039
01:27:50.730 --> 01:27:51.992
You're just jealous, Lisa...
1040
01:27:53.368 --> 01:27:55.287
...because I got better.
1041
01:27:56.288 --> 01:27:58.206
Because I was released.
1042
01:27:59.291 --> 01:28:01.752
Because I have a chance.
1043
01:28:03.253 --> 01:28:04.921
And a life.
1044
01:28:06.840 --> 01:28:09.468
They didn't release you
because you're better.
1045
01:28:09.885 --> 01:28:11.553
They just gave up.
1046
01:28:12.763 --> 01:28:14.598
You call this a life?
1047
01:28:14.848 --> 01:28:19.478
Taking Daddy's money? Buying your
dollies and your knickknacks?
1048
01:28:19.686 --> 01:28:23.607
Eating his fucking chicken?
Fattening up like a prize heifer?
1049
01:28:24.566 --> 01:28:26.693
You changed the scenery,
but not the situation...
1050
01:28:26.902 --> 01:28:29.279
...and the warden makes house calls.
1051
01:28:29.488 --> 01:28:31.657
And everybody knows.
1052
01:28:32.157 --> 01:28:35.118
Everybody knows that he fucks you.
1053
01:28:36.578 --> 01:28:37.955
What they don't know...
1054
01:28:39.373 --> 01:28:40.791
...is that you like it.
1055
01:28:42.834 --> 01:28:45.420
-You like it.
-Shut the fuck up!
1056
01:28:45.629 --> 01:28:48.600
Man, it's cool. It's okay.
1057
01:28:48.215 --> 01:28:49.508
It's fucking fine!
1058
01:28:49.758 --> 01:28:53.345
A man is a dick is a man
is a dick is a chicken...
1059
01:28:53.553 --> 01:28:54.930
...is a dad...
1060
01:28:55.138 --> 01:28:58.850
...a Valium, a speculum, whatever.
1061
01:28:59.142 --> 01:29:00.769
Whatever.
1062
01:29:02.200 --> 01:29:03.772
You like being Mrs. Randone.
1063
01:29:05.649 --> 01:29:07.651
Probably all you've ever known.
1064
01:29:11.710 --> 01:29:13.282
Have f un in Florida.
1065
01:31:05.310 --> 01:31:06.937
Has she come down yet?
1066
01:31:07.688 --> 01:31:08.730
No.
1067
01:31:10.274 --> 01:31:13.360
But she's been playing
that shit all morning!
1068
01:31:15.112 --> 01:31:18.949
Why does my heart go on beating?
1069
01:31:21.743 --> 01:31:25.789
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
1070
01:31:28.792 --> 01:31:31.461
Don't they know
1071
01:31:31.712 --> 01:31:35.132
It's the end of the world
1072
01:31:35.382 --> 01:31:38.593
It ended when you said
1073
01:31:39.761 --> 01:31:42.848
Goodbye
1074
01:32:32.522 --> 01:32:33.899
Daisy?
1075
01:32:53.377 --> 01:32:55.379
Oh, my God!
1076
01:33:07.307 --> 01:33:09.142
What an idiot.
1077
01:33:17.943 --> 01:33:21.822
-Yes, I need an ambulance.
-Make it a hearse.
1078
01:33:23.198 --> 01:33:27.202
Daisy Randone. She killed herself.
1079
01:33:29.413 --> 01:33:34.251
23 Vicar Street.
Yes. Please hurry!
1080
01:33:45.721 --> 01:33:48.849
You pressed her buttons.
Now you're taking her money.
1081
01:33:50.475 --> 01:33:53.228
I didn't press shit.
She was waiting for an excuse.
1082
01:33:53.437 --> 01:33:54.896
Pack up.
We have to go.
1083
01:33:55.147 --> 01:33:57.399
All right?
We have to go!
1084
01:33:57.608 --> 01:33:59.401
Now we have money.
1085
01:34:03.113 --> 01:34:05.240
Don't be stupid.
1086
01:34:08.785 --> 01:34:11.496
All right, fine.
Be stupid.
1087
01:36:24.171 --> 01:36:27.883
We should send someone
for a litter box.
1088
01:36:57.955 --> 01:36:59.790
Can I pet the kitty?
1089
01:37:02.542 --> 01:37:04.169
Be careful.
1090
01:37:07.798 --> 01:37:10.759
-Hello, puddy-cat.
-Kitty!
1091
01:37:11.635 --> 01:37:13.762
You are so cute.
1092
01:37:25.899 --> 01:37:27.693
Checks.
1093
01:37:29.444 --> 01:37:31.280
Where's Georgina?
1094
01:37:32.155 --> 01:37:34.449
She's staying with Polly tonight.
1095
01:37:35.200 --> 01:37:37.494
They're playing with your cat.
1096
01:37:41.415 --> 01:37:43.458
Did they find Lisa?
1097
01:37:44.835 --> 01:37:45.877
No.
1098
01:38:04.605 --> 01:38:07.316
I couldn't stand up to her.
1099
01:38:11.570 --> 01:38:15.320
A decent person would
have done something.
1100
01:38:17.409 --> 01:38:19.202
Shut her up.
1101
01:38:23.248 --> 01:38:25.334
Gone upstairs.
1102
01:38:26.430 --> 01:38:27.961
Talked to Daisy.
1103
01:38:30.756 --> 01:38:33.175
Melvin said you went upstairs.
1104
01:38:35.469 --> 01:38:37.137
Too late.
1105
01:38:39.598 --> 01:38:41.934
What would you have said to her?
1106
01:38:43.644 --> 01:38:45.479
I don't know.
1107
01:38:47.230 --> 01:38:49.232
That I was sorry.
1108
01:38:54.738 --> 01:38:57.699
That I'll never know what
it was like to be her.
1109
01:39:02.370 --> 01:39:05.916
But I know what it's like
to wanna die.
1110
01:39:10.450 --> 01:39:12.589
How it hurts to smile.
1111
01:39:14.549 --> 01:39:18.110
How you try to fit in,
but you can't.
1112
01:39:19.554 --> 01:39:22.849
How you hurt yourself
on the outside...
1113
01:39:23.580 --> 01:39:26.353
...to try to kill the thing
on the inside.
1114
01:39:28.605 --> 01:39:33.443
Susanna, it's all well and good
to tell me all this.
1115
01:39:34.444 --> 01:39:38.310
But you've got to tell
some of this to your doctors.
1116
01:39:44.371 --> 01:39:46.331
How am I supposed to recover...
1117
01:39:46.540 --> 01:39:49.418
...when I don't even
understand my disease?
1118
01:39:50.419 --> 01:39:52.796
But you do understand it.
1119
01:39:53.880 --> 01:39:56.633
You spoke very clearly
about it a second ago.
1120
01:39:57.467 --> 01:40:00.637
But I think what you've got
to do is put it down.
1121
01:40:00.887 --> 01:40:03.265
Put it away.
Put it in your notebook.
1122
01:40:03.473 --> 01:40:05.475
But get it out of yourself.
1123
01:40:06.184 --> 01:40:10.147
Away, so you can't
curl up with it anymore.
1124
01:40:17.700 --> 01:40:19.531
Lisa thinks it's a gift.
1125
01:40:22.326 --> 01:40:25.162
That it lets you see the truth.
1126
01:40:28.373 --> 01:40:30.876
Lisa's been here for eight years.
1127
01:40:39.426 --> 01:40:41.637
I'm so sorry.
1128
01:40:42.950 --> 01:40:45.182
-I was a pig.
-It's all right. Listen.
1129
01:40:47.768 --> 01:40:50.270
Do not drop anchor here.
1130
01:40:51.521 --> 01:40:52.481
Understand?
1131
01:41:05.911 --> 01:41:08.330
When you don't want to feel...
1132
01:41:09.247 --> 01:41:12.840
...death can seem like a dream.
1133
01:41:13.850 --> 01:41:15.837
But seeing death...
1134
01:41:16.463 --> 01:41:18.465
...really seeing it...
1135
01:41:18.840 --> 01:41:22.928
...makes dreaming about it
fucking ridiculous.
1136
01:41:23.804 --> 01:41:27.724
Maybe there's a moment,
growing up...
1137
01:41:27.933 --> 01:41:30.180
...when something peels back.
1138
01:41:30.435 --> 01:41:34.815
Maybe we look for secrets because
we can't believe our minds.
1139
01:41:35.230 --> 01:41:38.986
Though I missed Lisa,
life was easier without her.
1140
01:41:39.194 --> 01:41:41.530
A thought is a hard thing
to control.
1141
01:41:43.532 --> 01:41:45.784
All I know is that
I began to feel again.
1142
01:41:45.993 --> 01:41:47.202
Crazy? Sane?
1143
01:41:47.411 --> 01:41:52.820
Whatever I was, I knew there was
only one way back to the world...
1144
01:41:52.291 --> 01:41:54.793
...and that was to use the place...
1145
01:41:55.430 --> 01:41:56.503
... to talk.
1146
01:41:57.212 --> 01:42:01.133
So I saw the great and wonderful
Dr. Wick three times a week...
1147
01:42:01.341 --> 01:42:04.344
...and I let her hear
every thought in my head.
1148
01:42:08.265 --> 01:42:12.600
Do you think maybe I have ESP
or something, that I'm gifted?
1149
01:42:13.610 --> 01:42:14.563
Perhaps.
1150
01:42:26.825 --> 01:42:29.703
You think I can be home
by Thanksgiving?
1151
01:42:33.624 --> 01:42:36.335
Nothing's happened
in weeks, you know.
1152
01:42:37.127 --> 01:42:39.755
The point is control.
1153
01:42:40.500 --> 01:42:44.134
Yeah, and here I am,
in control, off meds...
1154
01:42:44.384 --> 01:42:47.596
...no headaches, sleeping sound.
1155
01:42:56.210 --> 01:42:58.315
Oh, will you help me?
Can you help me?
1156
01:42:58.523 --> 01:43:00.442
You don't need to be helped
any longer.
1157
01:43:00.651 --> 01:43:02.945
You've always had the power
to go back to Kansas.
1158
01:43:03.820 --> 01:43:04.738
I have?
1159
01:43:04.947 --> 01:43:06.531
Then why didn't you tell her before?
1160
01:43:06.740 --> 01:43:09.760
Because she wouldn't have
believed me.
1161
01:43:09.326 --> 01:43:10.786
She had to learn it for herself.
1162
01:43:10.994 --> 01:43:13.800
What have you learned, Dorothy?
1163
01:43:17.793 --> 01:43:19.419
I think that it...
1164
01:43:19.628 --> 01:43:23.632
... that it wasn't enough just to want
to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em...
1165
01:43:25.300 --> 01:43:28.553
...and if I ever go looking
for my heart's desire again...
1166
01:43:28.762 --> 01:43:31.974
...I won't look any further
than my own back yard.
1167
01:43:32.266 --> 01:43:34.685
Because if it isn't there...
1168
01:43:34.893 --> 01:43:38.188
...I never really lost it
to begin with.
1169
01:43:39.147 --> 01:43:41.608
-Is that right?
-That's all it is.
1170
01:44:02.963 --> 01:44:04.548
Thanks, Joe.
1171
01:45:06.234 --> 01:45:10.906
Go away. Go away!
1172
01:45:16.662 --> 01:45:18.163
It's me.
1173
01:45:33.262 --> 01:45:35.681
It's been a while...
1174
01:45:36.974 --> 01:45:39.851
...and I just wanted to say hey.
1175
01:45:43.772 --> 01:45:45.482
You okay?
1176
01:45:46.775 --> 01:45:48.610
Fabulous.
1177
01:45:51.613 --> 01:45:54.408
You're gonna be late.
Gretta's waiting for you.
1178
01:45:58.787 --> 01:46:02.165
I gotta go. Dr. Wick.
1179
01:46:04.543 --> 01:46:06.545
They still fucking with you?
1180
01:46:10.173 --> 01:46:11.466
They're....
1181
01:46:13.677 --> 01:46:16.346
Actually, they're letting me out.
1182
01:46:20.183 --> 01:46:21.977
Oh, that's great.
1183
01:46:25.188 --> 01:46:26.982
You better go.
1184
01:46:44.291 --> 01:46:47.878
Well, my dad got me a job,
a part-time job...
1185
01:46:48.860 --> 01:46:50.380
...at a bookstore in Harvard Square.
1186
01:46:51.548 --> 01:46:54.426
And I got an apartment
with a phone so I can...
1187
01:46:54.635 --> 01:46:55.844
Stay in touch.
1188
01:46:57.596 --> 01:47:01.308
And I'll be seeing Sonia
twice a week.
1189
01:47:01.558 --> 01:47:05.395
Is that your long-term plan?
To work in retail?
1190
01:47:09.191 --> 01:47:11.568
My plan? No.
1191
01:47:12.110 --> 01:47:14.112
Then what do you plan to do?
1192
01:47:17.115 --> 01:47:18.659
I plan to write.
1193
01:47:26.458 --> 01:47:28.168
Polly Clark.
1194
01:47:29.211 --> 01:47:31.213
Cynthia Crowley.
1195
01:47:34.633 --> 01:47:36.802
Susanna Kaysen.
1196
01:47:39.137 --> 01:47:41.890
-I don't think I need...
-Sleeping pills, darling.
1197
01:47:42.990 --> 01:47:45.560
You want to be rested for tomorrow.
Last night's a long one.
1198
01:47:45.894 --> 01:47:48.355
Good girl. Katie Cooper.
1199
01:47:50.816 --> 01:47:52.276
Rosemary Jones.
1200
01:47:54.820 --> 01:47:57.720
Teresa McCullian.
1201
01:49:21.990 --> 01:49:23.408
Ruby?
1202
01:50:04.366 --> 01:50:07.744
' If I spread my fingers out,
my hand looked more human.
1203
01:50:07.995 --> 01:50:09.496
So I did that.
1204
01:50:09.746 --> 01:50:13.792
But it wasn't tiring holding my
fingers apart, so I let them relax...
1205
01:50:14.420 --> 01:50:15.919
...and then, I turned my hand over.
1206
01:50:16.336 --> 01:50:18.500
The back wasn't much better.
1207
01:50:18.255 --> 01:50:20.549
My veins bulged.'
1208
01:50:25.120 --> 01:50:27.639
Shut up, I'm reading.
Shut up!
1209
01:50:29.808 --> 01:50:33.687
' I can honestly say that my memory
has been transformed....
1210
01:50:34.730 --> 01:50:37.608
By Freud's definition,
I've achieved mental health.
1211
01:50:38.660 --> 01:50:40.569
And my discharge sheet
reads, 'recovered.'
1212
01:50:41.403 --> 01:50:42.863
Recovered.'
1213
01:50:45.741 --> 01:50:47.659
Don't do this!
1214
01:50:48.493 --> 01:50:49.953
'Whatever it was....'
1215
01:50:55.834 --> 01:50:58.795
' Had I stopped arguing
with my personality?
1216
01:51:00.297 --> 01:51:01.506
Recovered.'
1217
01:51:03.383 --> 01:51:07.137
We were reading your book.
We're having a little read-aloud...
1218
01:51:07.346 --> 01:51:10.182
...celebrate the wisdom you're
taking into the world.
1219
01:51:10.390 --> 01:51:12.768
Try to learn something,
grow as people.
1220
01:51:14.144 --> 01:51:17.105
When you were a baby,
they strapped you to a board.
1221
01:51:17.731 --> 01:51:19.900
You think Georgina doesn't
wanna leave...
1222
01:51:20.150 --> 01:51:21.693
...and I'm criminally insane.
1223
01:51:22.270 --> 01:51:24.446
What are you guys doing here?
1224
01:51:24.696 --> 01:51:28.742
' Lisa's eyes, once so magnetic,
now just look empty.'
1225
01:51:30.869 --> 01:51:32.829
That is mine.
1226
01:51:33.372 --> 01:51:35.207
That is mine.
1227
01:51:37.125 --> 01:51:39.878
'Georgina lies only to people
who keep her here.
1228
01:51:40.870 --> 01:51:42.673
Sometimes I think she wants
to live in Oz forever.'
1229
01:51:42.923 --> 01:51:46.343
-How perceptive.
-You better erase that thing.
1230
01:51:46.885 --> 01:51:51.223
My father is the head of the CIA,
and he could have you dead in minutes!
1231
01:51:51.431 --> 01:51:53.100
' In this world, looks are everything.
1232
01:51:53.308 --> 01:51:57.271
Sometimes I think Polly's sweetness
and purity aren't genuine at all...
1233
01:51:57.479 --> 01:52:00.607
...but a desperate attempt to make it
easier for us to look at her.'
1234
01:52:01.149 --> 01:52:04.236
So nice of you to pass judgment on us
now that you're cured.
1235
01:52:04.778 --> 01:52:06.863
What the fuck are you doing, Lisa?
1236
01:52:07.531 --> 01:52:09.783
I'm playing the villain,
like you want.
1237
01:52:10.330 --> 01:52:12.494
-I give you everything you want.
-No, you don't.
1238
01:52:14.204 --> 01:52:15.580
You wanted your file?
I got it!
1239
01:52:15.789 --> 01:52:19.334
You wanted out, I got you out!
You needed money, I found you some!
1240
01:52:19.584 --> 01:52:22.629
I told you the truth!
I didn't write it in a book!
1241
01:52:22.838 --> 01:52:24.923
I told you to your face!
1242
01:52:25.173 --> 01:52:29.344
I told Daisy what everybody knew and
wouldn't say, and she killed herself.
1243
01:52:29.553 --> 01:52:31.221
I played the fucking villain.
1244
01:52:31.471 --> 01:52:32.556
Just like you wanted.
1245
01:52:32.806 --> 01:52:34.308
Why would I want that?
1246
01:52:35.892 --> 01:52:38.228
Because it makes you
the good guy, sweet pea.
1247
01:52:38.437 --> 01:52:42.608
You come back here, all sweetness
and light and sad and contrite...
1248
01:52:42.816 --> 01:52:47.654
...and everybody wrings their hands,
congratulating you on your bravery.
1249
01:52:48.113 --> 01:52:52.576
Meanwhile, I'm blowing guys at the
bus station for money!
1250
01:52:53.201 --> 01:52:54.703
Stop it, Lisa. She's too...
1251
01:52:54.953 --> 01:52:56.204
Shut up, Polly!
1252
01:52:58.540 --> 01:52:59.750
Where are you going?
1253
01:53:00.584 --> 01:53:02.850
I'm talking to you!
1254
01:53:06.715 --> 01:53:09.676
Where are you going?
I'm talking to you!
1255
01:53:14.139 --> 01:53:15.724
You don't like me anymore?
1256
01:53:15.974 --> 01:53:17.893
No, I don't!
1257
01:53:19.311 --> 01:53:21.146
Because you're free?
1258
01:53:21.438 --> 01:53:23.230
You think you're free?
1259
01:53:23.815 --> 01:53:25.108
I'm free!
1260
01:53:25.609 --> 01:53:28.278
You don't know what freedom is!
1261
01:53:29.710 --> 01:53:30.489
I'm free!
1262
01:53:30.989 --> 01:53:33.492
I can breathe! And you...
1263
01:53:33.742 --> 01:53:36.870
...you'll go choke on your
average fucking mediocre life!
1264
01:53:49.591 --> 01:53:51.510
There are too many buttons
in the world.
1265
01:53:51.760 --> 01:53:53.887
Too many buttons,
and they're just....
1266
01:53:55.722 --> 01:53:58.141
There's way too many,
begging to be pressed.
1267
01:53:58.433 --> 01:54:00.310
They're just begging to be pressed!
1268
01:54:00.519 --> 01:54:03.105
You know, they're just
begging to be pressed.
1269
01:54:03.855 --> 01:54:05.816
And it makes me wonder.
1270
01:54:06.275 --> 01:54:09.987
It makes me fucking wonder.
Why doesn't anybody ever press mine?
1271
01:54:10.237 --> 01:54:11.613
Why am I so neglected?
1272
01:54:11.863 --> 01:54:15.330
Why doesn't anybody reach in
and rip out the truth...
1273
01:54:15.242 --> 01:54:17.619
...and tell me
that I'm a fucking whore...
1274
01:54:17.953 --> 01:54:20.800
...and that my parents
wish I were dead?
1275
01:54:20.580 --> 01:54:23.333
Because you're dead already, Lisa!
1276
01:54:30.173 --> 01:54:32.593
No one cares if you die, Lisa...
1277
01:54:34.110 --> 01:54:36.638
...because you're dead already.
1278
01:54:37.347 --> 01:54:41.226
Your heart is cold!
1279
01:54:43.478 --> 01:54:45.772
That's why you keep
coming back here.
1280
01:54:47.566 --> 01:54:49.568
You're not free.
1281
01:54:50.360 --> 01:54:53.822
You need this place.
You need it to feel alive.
1282
01:54:54.364 --> 01:54:55.365
It's pathetic.
1283
01:55:37.157 --> 01:55:40.350
I've wasted a year of my life.
1284
01:55:45.540 --> 01:55:48.794
And maybe everyone
out there is a liar.
1285
01:55:52.890 --> 01:55:55.259
And maybe the whole world...
1286
01:55:55.509 --> 01:55:59.120
...is stupid and ignorant.
1287
01:56:01.807 --> 01:56:04.226
But I'd rather be in it.
1288
01:56:06.144 --> 01:56:09.982
I'd rather be fucking in it...
1289
01:56:10.232 --> 01:56:12.776
...than down here with you.
1290
01:56:31.420 --> 01:56:33.964
Don't. Don't.
1291
01:56:35.382 --> 01:56:36.758
Don't.
1292
01:56:47.561 --> 01:56:49.104
Oh, God.
1293
01:57:34.107 --> 01:57:35.150
Did you get it?
1294
01:57:38.570 --> 01:57:41.698
I had to trade with a transvestite
in the men's ward.
1295
01:57:44.785 --> 01:57:46.203
Thanks.
1296
01:58:45.220 --> 01:58:47.970
I'm not really dead.
1297
01:58:53.645 --> 01:58:55.188
I know.
1298
01:58:59.693 --> 01:59:02.195
I'm gonna miss you, Susie Q.
1299
01:59:04.698 --> 01:59:08.760
No, you're not.
You're gonna get out of here...
1300
01:59:08.285 --> 01:59:10.662
...and you're gonna come and see me.
1301
01:59:33.852 --> 01:59:35.687
Hey, Georgina.
1302
01:59:35.938 --> 01:59:38.815
You know all that stuff
I write in my journal...
1303
01:59:39.660 --> 01:59:41.151
...I don't know what I'm saying.
1304
01:59:42.270 --> 01:59:45.113
They're just thoughts.
1305
01:59:45.781 --> 01:59:47.783
Maybe I'm the liar.
1306
01:59:49.618 --> 01:59:51.328
Maybe not.
1307
01:59:59.920 --> 02:00:01.338
See you.
1308
02:00:12.266 --> 02:00:16.812
You think if I left Ruby here
you'd take care of her for me?
1309
02:00:17.271 --> 02:00:20.732
Let me play with her
when I come for my therapy?
1310
02:00:31.743 --> 02:00:33.120
Bye, Ruby.
1311
02:00:54.725 --> 02:00:57.190
Remember me when you shave your legs.
1312
02:01:27.466 --> 02:01:29.635
Declared healthy...
1313
02:01:29.843 --> 02:01:32.804
...and sent back into the world.
1314
02:01:33.138 --> 02:01:35.641
My final diagnosis.:
1315
02:01:36.160 --> 02:01:38.518
A recovered borderline.
1316
02:01:39.603 --> 02:01:42.356
What that means, I still don't know.
1317
02:01:43.607 --> 02:01:45.609
Was I ever crazy?
1318
02:01:45.859 --> 02:01:48.445
-Maybe.
1319
02:01:49.237 --> 02:01:51.698
Or maybe life is.
1320
02:01:53.367 --> 02:01:55.118
I remember you.
1321
02:01:57.496 --> 02:01:58.956
Where are you going?
1322
02:01:59.957 --> 02:02:02.251
17 Burlingame.
1323
02:02:02.459 --> 02:02:03.710
All right.
1324
02:02:05.300 --> 02:02:07.839
Crazy isn't being broken...
1325
02:02:08.131 --> 02:02:11.343
...or swallowing a dark secret.
1326
02:02:11.843 --> 02:02:13.929
It's you or me...
1327
02:02:14.179 --> 02:02:16.265
...amplified.
1328
02:02:16.890 --> 02:02:19.518
If you ever told a lie...
1329
02:02:19.768 --> 02:02:21.687
...and enjoyed it.
1330
02:02:23.188 --> 02:02:27.484
If you ever wished you
could be a child forever.
1331
02:02:28.819 --> 02:02:31.710
They were not perfect...
1332
02:02:31.530 --> 02:02:33.824
...but they were my friends.
1333
02:02:35.200 --> 02:02:37.452
And by the '70s...
1334
02:02:37.661 --> 02:02:39.538
...most of them were out...
1335
02:02:39.788 --> 02:02:41.790
...living lives.
1336
02:02:42.541 --> 02:02:44.626
Some I've seen...
1337
02:02:45.836 --> 02:02:48.380
...some, never again.
1338
02:02:49.715 --> 02:02:53.176
But there isn't a day my heart
doesn't find them.
1339
02:07:21.737 --> 02:07:22.779
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