Original subtitles

Joey!

Joey!

Joey!

Just for that, I'm not taking you to the carnival on Saturday.

And while I'm there tonight, think about this.

I'll get even. You won't know when or where,

but I'll get you so bad you'll never forget it!

Never!

The bride of Frankenstein!

What time is it, Daddy?

It's after nine. I don't know where you're going tonight,

but don't go to that damn carnival.

It went through Fairfield last year,

when they found the bodies of those two girls in the creek.

I don't see why you date a guy who works in a gas station.

It's our first date, we're not getting married.

Can't even come at a decent hour.

Did you hear what I said about that carnival?

They needed dental charts to identify...

I heard you, Daddy.

Where are you going tonight?

Well? Answer your father.

To the movies.

Liar.

It's Buzz.

Does he have to wake the neighborhood?

Bye.

You've got 10 seconds to get to bed, young man.

- Hi. - Hi.

I got off work a little late.

That's OK. Listen,

how about the movies tonight...

instead of the carnival?

Movies? What for?

It's the same carnival that went through Fairfield County...

when they had trouble.

Terrific! Maybe we'll get a little action around here.

- Terrific? - You're not afraid, are you?

No, I'm not afraid. I just don't feel like it.

Besides, I told my father we'd go to the movies.

Forget him. He's just trying to bum the evening.

How can you say that?

You don't even know my father.

Look, it's late.

Aren't we supposed to pick up your friends Liz and Richie?

Hey, loosen up, will you?

So, go on.

Just show me the electrical outlet and I'll set the act up.

Well, the MC says, "I don't understand,

what do you need an outlet for?"

The duck trainer says,

"I need to plug the hotplate in. You think he dances by himself?"

Baby, the duck doesn't dance,

it burns its feet on the hotplate.

Earth to Mars. Come in, Amy.

So, Richie, you still in school or what?

Yeah. One more year.

Going to college?

If I get in.

Will you loosen up?

- Enjoy it? - Yeah, really terrific.

What's the rush?

Hey, listen.

Did I do something wrong?

Huh?

Hmm?

Well, I get the feeling you're mad at me.

I'm not mad at you, no.

Yes, you are.

Well, if it's what I said about your old man...

Your father...

I'm sorry, OK?

I don't think they're hitting it off.

Did they have a fight?

Of course they're hitting it off. Buzz is a terrific guy.

You know, Richie,

when you're stoned, Charles Manson's a terrific guy.

What do you say we just start over?

Hey, you don't want to spoil Liz and Richie's evening.

Do you?

No, I guess not.

Friends?

Friends.

Buzz is cute!

Oh, excuse me.

Is he a weakling or a Samson?

Can he make the grade? Don't take all day, my boy!

Is he a weakling or a Samson? What'll he do?

Hey, we got a winner. Y'all need a look.

OK. See Skinny and pick a prize.

Is that all I get?

You want this?

OK. Who's next?

- You'll take care of it? - Yeah.

Hey, tubby! Try to work off some fat.

You have to picture the little duck's beak...

just hopping round like it's dancing.

I get the joke, OK.

- You do? - Yes.

Get it!

Richie!

So, what do you think?

I think he's nice.

Nice? God, I think he's a hunk.

He is an absolute pistol.

You know, if you play your cards right,

you may not have to stay a virgin.

- Liz? - What?

Fuck up.

God!

Sorry.

God is watching you.

I beg your pardon?

He hears everything.

I hate people who preach.

Especially in bathrooms!

Anyway, I don't know what you're saving it for.

Who says I'm saving it?

God is watching you.

Hey, kid?

What are you up to?

What are you doing around here?

You want a lift?

Huh? You wanna come for a ride?

These are all creatures of God, ladies and gentlemen, not man.

They are authentic and they are alive.

Alive, alive, alive.

Let's go.

Alive, alive, alive.

"Oliver the steer. Double cranium, cleft palate."

"Born June 1975, St Paul's, Iowa."

Oh, Wilbur!

Boy, that's ugly. Phew!

Looks like Latiner, the gym teacher.

Rich, you're so full of it.

Noooooo!

What happened to your hand?

Oh, it looks so sad.

Think we can pet him?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, it's not gonna rub off on you.

Let's hope not.

- You touch it. - Not me!

- I think I've seen enough. - Me too. Let's go.

I'll leave too, so you can ask her out.

Lovely.

But there's still the one next door.

Let's check something else out.

- Hey, you guys! - What?

Get a load of this.

Huh?

Forget it. I don't want to see, OK?

You have to.

- What the hell is that? - It's a mutation.

It's a fake.

It's like magicians do.

It's probably made of rubber.

"Born to Mr. And Mrs. Latiner, Cedar Falls, Iowa."

Richie, you're so full of shit.

I'm getting some air.

Wait up.

Hey, wait. Don't go.

It's moving.

It's waving to ya.

Goodbye! Goodbye!

So long, fella.

Damn!

- What? - Bastard bit me!

Come on. What?

It bit me. Look at that.

Asshole!

Hey, watch who you're calling asshole.

Asshole.

Liz'll clean you up.

Come on in and see Daisy May, our two-headed cow.

See a sheep with six legs.

Yes, six. Count 'em yourself, six legs.

And these are creatures of God, ladies and gentlemen, not man.

All authentic and all alive.

Inside, behind that lovely tent,

you'll see the most beautiful girls you ever saw.

Six of the loveliest in the world, like my sister Mona here.

Give 'em a little show, girl.

Open it up... No, that's all.

Just a tease.

Who will dare to face the challenge of the Fun House?

Who is brave enough?

How about you, sir?

Who is man enough...

to enter that world of darkness?

Terrifying terror ride.

You will scream with terror.

You will beg for release.

But there will be no escape.

For there is no release...

from the Fun House.

So, what about it?

- Huh? - Huh?

What do you wanna do? It's your choice.

What? What?

How about the magician? Wanna come?

Yeah. Good idea.

Hell, I love magicians.

I met an uncle once who was a magician.

I mean it.

Oh, he was bad.

One, please.

Have you seen two guys and two girls on a double date?

Hey, kid, I ain't the fortune teller.

Now, I need a volunteer from the audience.

A young lady, preferably attractive.

Come on, now. Don't be bashful.

You.

You. Come on.

No, I couldn't.

Of course you could. Come on.

Come on. Let's give our little lady a big hand.

You're not afraid, are you?

Yes!

Smart girl.

Please step into the coffin.

Go ahead. Right inside.

I promise you'll feel no pain.

Get a regular job.

Comfy?

No.

Good.

Now a little history.

A little history.

In the fifth century, Vlad V of Wallachia,

known as Vlad the lmpaler to his friends.

Tortured 23,000 prisoners in a device not unlike this.

Tiring of his name, he decided to change it.

He selected his father's name, Dracul,

meaning devil.

He added the letter A and became...

Dracula.

Literally, 'son of the devil'.

And so legends are born.

With that history in mind,

I present, without further ado,

The lmpaler.

Notice, if you will,

that a hole has been cut in the front of this box,

right over the human heart within.

I insert the stake gently.

Do you feel that?

- Yes. - Good.

And now, without further ado, I present

The lmpaler.

Oh, my God! Is there a doctor in the house? Lights! Lights!

Ladies and gentlemen,

my charming daughter, Carmella.

Thank you for your patronage. The next show is in two hours.

Gimme a drag!

Hey! Went out.

Wait a sec. Let me get that.

You ready?

- See ya, Richie. - Hey! Come on, man!

Hey, who wants to go on The Cobra?

Ooh, I do.

Hey, me too.

Hey, you guys, it isn't even finished yet.

Hey, Richie! Come on!

Come on!

Hey, Buzz, look. Fortune teller.

This is a very serious business for Madam Zena.

Don't be concerned. The aspects are wonderful for tonight.

A deep, mystic cross.

Good.

It means you were born...

with a knowledge of the occult.

Are you sensitive?

Do you have premonitions that often come true?

No.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Please, I need to concentrate.

Wait. Wait...

Three bracelets.

That is good.

That means a long life-line...

springing from the mouth of truth.

Shh!

Wait.

Quite a break in the faith line.

Hmm. It makes sense.

A tall, dark stranger will enter and change your life.

Larry Latiner, right?

Do not mock the stars.

Hey, I thought she was reading her palm?

Out! Out of here, you bad brats!

I have performed in front of crowned heads of Europe!

Don't come back...

or I'll break every bone in your fuckin' bodies.

Beat it!

Plain burger coming up.

What do you want?

You dropped something.

- I know. - You know?

Hey, Buzz,

How come you never asked me out before?

I don't know.

I didn't think you'd go out with me.

Oh, I would.

I'm glad you did.

Who will dare to face the challenge of the Fun House?

Who is brave enough?

Hey, come on, you guys. It's getting late.

- Want some cotton candy? - No, thank you.

Who is man enough to enter that world of darkness.

Right. Here we go!

Terrifying terror ride.

Goblins, ghosties and ghoulies.

18 of the worst mistakes...

that nature ever visited on man or beast.

They are all inside and alive.

My own lovely sister.

Right here.

Mona. The beautiful Mona.

She wiggles and she dances.

You ever been in one?

No.

Oh, come on. It's three bucks apiece.

Besides, you have to be 21.

There she goes. Turn around, darlin'.

Give 'em a look.

Come on. They always have holes back there.

Really?

They wiggle and they dance.

Six beautiful girls. They wiggle and they dance.

They wiggle and they dance.

Well, come on.

Step right up. They wiggle and dance.

Right this way.

Step right up. They wiggle and dance.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have girls, girls, girls!

Beautiful girls!

Remember what Al Jolson said.

Ha ha! Wait a minute. You ain't heard nothing yet!

Careful.

The one and only Liza!

Here she is.

I'm sorry, her name is Marilyn,

but a rose by any other name...

Her name is none other than Suzanne! There she is.

And now the piece de resistance,

the one and only Sherry! There she is! Yes, sir!

What's happening?

You're not gonna like it.

Is it gross?

That's disgusting.

What about me?

Wait your turn.

Shit, I'll find my own hole.

Can't believe I said that.

Where you going?

Jesus, sweetie!

You scared the shit outta me!

I dropped my cotton candy, creep.

What's a sweet little thing doing back here anyhow?

Get away, you pervert.

Hey, what's going on?

Nothing. Just you goddamn kids!

Everybody else paid to come here!

I take a leak and you take advantage of me!

Is that your dad?

You OK?

Yeah. Wasn't he strange?

Hey, looks like old Frankenstein has to get his jollies also.

It's time to go home.

What do you mean, it's time to go home?

It's early.

Boy, is he a weird dude!

I wonder if he sleeps in that outfit.

I just had the greatest idea.

What?

Let's stay.

Let's spend the night.

What?

In the Fun House.

You're crazy!

Fred and Eddie did it in Fairfield County.

Right. And you believe them.

Rich, you're so full of shit.

I'm telling you, they did it.

And so can we.

That is, if we wanted to.

What do you mean?

I told you, he's full of shit.

- Who's full of shit? - You're full of shit.

OK, then,

let's do it.

Hell, it's settled. We're done.

Hello, Ma?

I'm gonna be spending the night at Amy's.

Yes, I won't be coming home tonight.

Hi, Mama.

Could you put Daddy on, please?

Everything's fine.

Could you put him on?

Hi, Daddy.

I'm gonna spend the night at Liz's house, OK?

Yeah.

I won't, Daddy.

Is Mama all right?

Yeah, OK. Well, um...

I'll call you in the morning, OK?

Hey, listen,

tell Joey the movie was great, all right?

Bye.

Any problem?

No.

Hey, are you sure you wanna do this?

- Sure you want to? - No.

Who is man enough to enter that world of darkness?

Have fun! Bye.

Hang on. This is it.

- This better be good. - It's gonna be great.

Richie!

What do we have here?

Ow!

Right, we gotta take it around back,

then come all the way around front, now, right?

What about a beer first?

All right.

God is watching you!

Damn!

- Did you hear that? - Yes, I did.

Hey, Dawson, d'you hear that?

Amy?

OK, I'm coming.

Well?

Well what?

Some people don't know a good thing when they trip over it.

Oh.

Remember, I don't come cheap.

Oh!

You're a smart boy, just like your father.

Not enough.

- More. - More.

Nothing in life comes cheap, my friend.

More.

You strike a hard bargain,

but OK.

What are you standing around for?

I haven't got all night!

Hurry.

You want to take off the mask? Huh?

No? OK.

Hurry.

Lie down!

What are you standing there like an idiot for?

Nothing to be afraid of.

Ah, you're not afraid.

An eager young fella, you are, huh?

Hmm?

Does it feel good, huh? Hmm?

Feels good, huh?

Now relax. Just relax.

Oh. Too late, huh?

Nothing to be ashamed of. Happens to the best of us.

Felt good, huh? Well, of course it felt good.

You just relax.

I know what you're thinking.

You want the money back.

Too late, my friend. A bargain is a bargain.

It's not my fault if you can't control yourself.

Leave me alone.

I'm going to tell your father.

Do you actually think I'd let you do it to me, you freak?

Be thankful for small favors!

Leave me alone or I'll curse you and your whole lot!

Oh, Buzz.

What are we gonna do now?

Let's just get the hell outta here.

Let's try over here.

Richie, be careful.

There's nothing over there. Let's go the other way.

Let's try down there.

Whoa!

- I'm really scared, Richie. - It's OK. It's OK.

I can't see a thing in here.

Straight ahead.

Hold it. I can see something.

It's a door.

Wait a minute.

- It's open. - Shut up!

Wait a goddamn minute.

- I'll be right back. - Where are you going?

I'm just gonna make sure she's dead.

She's dead.

OK. Now easy.

Shit!

- What's the matter? - It's locked.

- Hey, would you... - It's a steel door with a chain.

Can't you force it?

Not without waking the dead.

There's got to be other exits.

- Well, let's try. - Yeah, let's.

Richie?

Richie, wait for me.

God damn it!

I don't know which way.

- God damn this! - There's a light.

Liz, you OK?

Careful.

Oh, this is the front door.

Try the side. I got this one.

Damn!

Shit!

Take it easy. Let's go.

It's OK. It's OK.

Just take it easy.

Damn. How often have we checked these damn doors?

Just spend the night over, right?

So he's lying there and he is exhausted.

And he looks over and says,

"Darlin', you're the greatest. What was your name again?"

And he sees these big eyes, blinking in the dark,

and suddenly he hears "grrr"!

Wrecking the place of my business...

Ain't you got no respect?

'Course you ain't.

Shit!

Damn it!

What the hell've you done now?

She looks dead all right.

Sweet Jesus!

You didn't tell me it was Zena the goddamn fortune teller.

You did it this time.

You killed one of the family. Damn!

I told you, didn't I?

I don't care about that dirty business with locals.

But you do nothing with our kind, understand me?

Damn you!

Shoulda killed you when you was born and been done with it.

Father.

I told you never to call me that.

Don't you ever call me that.

Can't stand the sound of your filthy voice.

Quiet, now. I gotta think.

I said quiet! I got to think!

It'll be all right, just... be quiet

Gotta get us out of this one.

Silly whore.

It'll be all right. Just gimme time to think, will ya?

Illy huh.

Never gonna buy that with your fingerprints all over.

Maybe the...

Where we gonna...

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, I got it.

We'll blame it on the locals.

That's what we're gonna do.

We'll just go and dump her some place.

Then we'll blame the goddamn locals.

Sure. That's the way.

What you got there?

Give it here.

A hundred dollars?

Where the hell did you get a hundred dollars?

You paid her a hundred dollars?

Jesus, I coulda got you one of them tent girls for fifteen.

You never did understand the value of a dollar, did you?

A hundred bucks for Madam Zena.

All right. Where is it?

Where's the rest of my money?

Where is it?

Where's the rest of it?

What did you do with it, you idiot?

Where is it? God damn it!

Has she got it?

Did you give it to her?

Tell me where it is. God damn you!

All right. Maybe I'm just gonna have to help you remember.

I'll make you talk!

Do it so I won't hit you, boy! Hit yourself! Attaboy!

Hit it or I'm gonna kill ya! Hit it, boy!

That's it. You do it or I'm gonna.

Tell me where my money is! Where is it?

Tell me who got it. Come on.

Do you got it? Tell me. Who took it?

You're dead. You tell me or remember.

Did she take it? You tell me where...

Who's there?

Who's up there?

Who's up there?

You think we got company?

Hey, you, up there.

Come on down, now. I wanna talk to you.

Come on.

Ain't nothin' to be afraid of. I just want a few words.

Come on. I just want to give you your lighter back.

What are y'all doing up there?

You know you're trespassing on private property.

Come on.

You have to sooner or later,

there ain't no other way outta here.

Come on, now!

There ain't no reason to be afraid of him.

He's harmless.

Once he's been fed.

All right.

All right, have it your way.

Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers

Take off them damn gloves. We got work to do.

It was you. You took the money, didn't you?

So what? I thought we were getting out.

You stupid shit. You're gonna get us killed.

Let me see it.

You stupid shit!

I thought we were getting out. You had the door open.

- It was dumb. - I was gonna split it.

Did you see those eyes?

Maybe we can give it back.

It's too late now.

- So what do we do? - We wait.

Till they make their first move.

I think they just made it.

Look, they're just trying to spook us.

Shit, they are.

- I just heard something move. - Where?

There.

Come on.

Stay together.

Arrgh!

Slow down, you prick!

Amy.

Amy!

Amy!

- Take this. - I don't want it.

Take it, God damn it!

I just want to get outta here!

We witnessed a murder, man. They're gonna try to kill us.

Understand? You got it?

I'm scared!

Listen, just calm down, Liz.

I don't know what that thing is,

but we'll be a hell of a lot safer if we stay together, OK?

I ain't askin' you to do somethin' you ain't done before.

Come on, boy!

I didn't mean to hurt you.

It's just that...

sometimes I get to drinkin'...

and I forget to be careful with you.

Come on.

You need me, boy.

You know what they'd have done in Dallas,

if I hadn't been there, don't you?

Them little half-pint girl scouts in Memphis.

Oh, that was the worst.

The worst.

Yeah.

It's been hard on me.

Real hard.

Ever since your mama...

And you're little brother Tad on display over there, like...

I don't want that for you, boy.

I don't want that for you!

So come on!

Come on.

Come on.

If you just do this one last thing for me,

one bad thing,

and then we'll bury 'em and I'll take you fishing,

or anything you want.

Just like we used to.

Cos we gotta take care of each other.

As God is my witness,

I don't hate the sound of your voice.

When I was a kid,

I once tried to spook my older brother...

by hiding in his closet.

And while I was waiting in there,

to jump out and scare him,

a weird thought came into my head.

What if he knew I was in there...

and he was standing outside the closet door,

waiting to jump out and scare me?

So what happened?

He locked you in, didn't he?

I was in there for three hours, till my parents got me out.

I was too scared to touch the door knob.

I pissed in my pants.

He's resting real good now.

You oughta see the trouble I had getting your number.

I washed him up real good.

He's got a fever and ain't talkin' much.

Yeah we'll get him straight home to bed.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

Yeah.

God damn it, listen to me!

We can't help him now!

Richie! Oh, God!

It's all right. It's gonna be OK.

Kill him!

No! Richie!

No!

Open it! Open it!

Liz, can you hear me?

Hey, I'm sorry we caused you all this trouble.

No trouble. I was young once myself.

What's the matter, Joey?

"I'll get even."

"I'll get you so bad you'll never forget it."

What's the matter, son?

"Never!"

Run!

Liz!

Run!

Father!

- What's the matter, son? - Guess the cat's got his tongue.

Well, I know one little boy who won't run away again.

Come on, let's go.

Daddy!

Daddy!

What do you want?

Please don't hurt me!

Please!

I swear I'd never tell if you'd let me go.

Please.

Oh, please, let me go.

I know you like girls.

I can be nice to you.

L... l... I... You wouldn't have to pay me anything.

I could make you feel good.

I could make you feel good.

Please don't hurt me!

Please don't hurt me!

Please... don't... hurt... me.

Let's try over here.

Everything's locked.

I've been expecting you.

Oh! Buzz!

Hold it, there, sonny.

Drop that knife.

I said drop it!

Why are you doing this?

I'm just protecting my family.

Your family?

It's not even human.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, little lady.

Oh, hell, he ain't such a bad fella.

Gets himself in all sorts of trouble though, don't he?

Anyway,

blood is thicker than water.

And he'll be a comfort in my old age.

Now, how many people know you're here?

Lots.

They all know.

Well, no matter.

We'll be pulling outta here tomorrow morning.

There's plenty of other carnivals around.

What did you do with the other girl?

Oh, I expect by now he's just finishing up with her.

We'll just wait here till he gets back.

Oh, my, my!

That is a gruesome sight.

Oh, you're real tough, ain't you, son?

Get up!

Come on! Get up.

Come on!

You all right?

Oh, my God!

He's gotta have keys on him.

No! Buzz!

Get out of here! Run! Run!

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