Original subtitles

# When the world in which you're living

# Gets a bit too much to bear

# And you need someone to lean on

# When you look there's no-one there

# You're gonna find me # Ba-ba-ba-ba

# Out in the country # Ba-ba-ba-ba

# You're gonna find me # Ba-ba-ba-ba

# Way out in the country # Ba-ba-ba... #

(SHEEP BLEATS)

(DUB MUSIC)

Do you remember when we first talked about moving here?

I used to dream about lying awake listening to the sounds of the country.

The rustle of a badger. The occasional hoot of an owl.

(JUNGLE MUSIC)

It's the third night running.

It's like bloody Glastonbury. I wish it was!

At least at Glastonbury you can pack up and go home.

It was quieter when we lived in the middle of Leeds.

You would get music like this but it would drive off when the lights changed.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Thank God for that.

Let's try and get some sleep.

(OWL HOOTS) You can shut up as well.

(MUSIC STARTS AGAIN)

(BOTH SIGH)

You'll have to have a word with him. What do I say?

"Hi, Grizzo. Thing is, me and Nicky haven't had any sleep for a week

and we were just wondering, any chance you could grow up and stop behaving like a hyperactive gibbon?"

(TEXT ALERT)

(SIGHS) Bloody hell! It's another one.

This big web design company is stealing all my clients.

Stealing? Poaching.

Offering better deals.

It's all very well but they can't provide a personal service.

Someone who cares about their clients. Who's left you?

That idiot in Derby who sells those stupid tropical fish.

I hope he gets eaten by his own piranhas.

Shall we just go back to bed? Might as well.

There's nothing to stop us.

Cooee! Oh, God!

Only us. Hi!

Sorry, we thought you'd be up and about. It's such a beautiful morning.

We didn't get much sleep thanks to Grizzo and his friends.

Come on. You must have heard it.

Thumping away till five in the morning.

Nothing disturbs us. I've slept like a top ever since we've moved here.

Silas and Pipps have always been good sleepers.

I made a bowl!

That's it?

Sorry, I... He did that all by himself.

It's lovely, Silas.

That's why we're here. Meena's taken up pottery.

I've started making bowls. Salad bowls. Cereal bowls.

Soup bowls. Dessert bowls.

Knick-knack bowls.

Oh! Right! I don't think we need any bowls at the moment, thanks.

No, no.

The reason we're here, we thought it was about time Meena had a website.

Oh, right, well... I said, "We know somebody that designs websites."

Well, I mean, I... Why don't we ask him for some tips?

You mean you're going to do it yourself?

How hard can it be?

And as a thank you I could make you a salad bowl.

Well, maybe a knick-knack bowl.

I wasn't too rude, was I? No, God, no.

Meena had taken the kids out by then anyway.

What's the matter with people?

Why does everyone want to pay for stuff with knick-knack bowls and cake?

Money's a good system. It's worked for thousands of years.

But apparently it hasn't caught on here.

Let's hope it doesn't, seeing as we haven't got any.

What are you doing with that? I'm gonna put it in the shop window.

Might as well advertise your services. Never know.

You gonna go and see Grizzo? He'll be asleep. Let's see how he likes it.

Have you seen my car keys? No. Sorry.

If only we had some sort of... knick-knack bowl!

(BIRD SQUAWKS)

Ow! Get off, you little...! (SQUAWKS)

Hello, mate. How's it going?

Yeah, it's... Are you OK?

Yeah. I just got bitten by a peacock.

Which one? I don't know. I bet it was Elton.

He's always doing that. You'd better come in.

All right, keep your hair on.

So, what's up?

What it is, Grizzo, the last few nights -

Can you keep your voice down? The band are asleep. They've been up all night.

I know. That's why I'm here. It was pretty loud.

Oh, right!

It's the new album.

I want to know what it would be like at a festival. A big enough sound?

I can tell you it is big enough.

Really? Could you hear the keyboard?

Yes. And the drums? What about the hi-hat?

(FAST DRUMMING)

Definitely hear that. Quite a lot actually.

When the bass kicked in, could you hear the bass?

I could feel the bass. Nicky's bedside lamp fell off the table.

Oh! Sam!

I've got these new speakers.

Custom-built for the Foo Fighters. Dave Grohl said they were too loud.

So he rings me up. Do you wanna see 'em?

I spotted them on the way in.

They're next to the tank.

6.50.

I know the feeling. I was awake all last night.

That music. Did you hear it?

Gareth! Did we hear any music last night?

You what?! Did we hear any music last night?

Last night? We watched The X Factor auditions.

So, no.

Erm...I wanted to put this in the window.

£10. A fiver a month after that.

Sorry. Do you know that lad's taking things?

Yeah. That's Bronson, our son.

Oh! Who wants me?

I was just saying... She were accusing you of nicking stuff.

No worries. I don't nick off my own. You do!

What's that, then? That's...just... My husband's a website designer.

Like computers? Bronson's good at computers.

Got me a second-hand laptop. Oh, that's nice.

Cracked the password. Got it up and running in no time.

Right. Well done.

Hm, so...

..you don't need a website designing, do you?

Anyway, I'd better get back to the mixing.

Do you ever sleep? I try not to.

But no more loud music. All done.

Probably stay in tonight and get a takeaway.

If this lot ever wake up!

(SQUAWKING) Elton! Elton!

Right. I'll be off.

So that's all sorted, then? Yeah.

It's fine. Cheers for that, Nicky.

See you tomorrow. OK.

Oh, crap!

Cooee! Oh, hi.

What have you got there? I'll give you three guesses.

Bowls?

Yes. Ta-da!

The lady in the shop is gonna sell Mummy's bowls.

And the lady's going to sell my bowl.

Oh, lovely! How much money does that cost?

Nicky! £5?

Thank you! Oh, thanks, Nicky!

Come on, kids. Let's go. Bye!

A tank? Yeah. A Russian one, I think.

In his garden. But why?

Don't ask me. I'm not the nutter.

He's finished his album so...

What's the matter?

I got bitten by a peacock. Called Elton. Twice actually.

Nasty. I got home to find I'd lost another of my clients,

so I've had better days.

What? Well, it's just I was in the shop talking to Shannon...

Bronson came in. You've met the dreaded Bronson. What's he like?

Yeah! He's...

Anyway, I don't know how it happened... What have you done?

I said he could do some work experience with you.

What?! I know. He saw your card.

And his mum said he's into computers.

He's into everything unless it's chained to the wall. Which he should be.

I'm sorry. I just thought if we're to be accepted by the locals...

We have to start letting them nick our stuff?

Come on, give him a chance. He seemed like a nice lad. Deep down.

Actually, I might just take this upstairs.

Oh, no!

Here we go.

Dad. What brings you here?

I've got some good news. I've found you a bit of work.

I stopped off at the village earlier, got talking to Stan.

He's broken his hand at bowling. Really?

How did he do that? Punched the club secretary.

He had it coming. Anyway, the upshot is he needs somebody to do his garden for him.

Thanks, Dad! Thanks, Ken.

At least one of you'll be earning since your business is struggling.

I wouldn't say struggling. Wouldn't you? I would.

I saw your card in the window next to an ad for a second-hand pram.

That doesn't shout success to me.

Actually, that was my idea.

Oh, aye. And whose idea was it to give the Artful Dodger work experience?

You've heard about that? You're the laughing stock of the village.

Why do you keep rubbing yourself?

Oh.

I was attacked. Attacked?

By a peacock.

Dear oh dear.

(OWL HOOTS)

(SIGHS)

It's no good. I can't sleep.

What's the matter?

It's too quiet. I keep thinking about Bronson.

Probably out there creeping about in the dark,

casing the joint. Don't be daft.

Come on. It'll be fine.

(GUNSHOT, SECOND GUNSHOT)

(THIRD GUNSHOT)

(GUNSHOTS)

Not lambing! Lamping!

What the hell's that?

It's when farmers go out with lamps and shoot foxes. That's nice.

That's the countryside for you. How many foxes are there?

Sure they're not shooting back?

I think I preferred Grizzo's music.

Lambing?

How could it have been lambing?!

That's me off. Oh, no.

You haven't lost another client? No. Look at this.

Matt and Meena's website.

"Wholly Bowly"?!

He looks like some sort of demented cult leader.

And, look, none of these menus work properly.

This is what happens when amateurs design their own websites.

At least there's no danger of them selling anything. Don't be so sure.

I saw them take a couple of boxes into the shop.

That shop never sells anything. They've got fish fingers in their freezer from the 1970s.

I might see if they're on special offer. Good luck with Bronson.

Don't be surprised if you come home to find me tied up with tape over my mouth.

Not sure I'd go that far on a first date.

(RAP MUSIC ON PHONE)

So, if I was designing a website, say, for a band,

I'd start off with a basic theme.

And then I can...

Sorry, are you...? I'm looking at it on here.

How did you do that? Bluetooth. Screen-sharing.

How did you know my password? I saw you type it in.

I think I might just log out of that.

Um... I'll show you an example of a really bad website.

I mean, look, it's pathetic.

The fonts are really boring. The menus don't work.

Press that and you don't get -

Go on.

Sorry, you can't smoke in here. Why not?

It's my house. And technically it's a place of work so it's actually illegal.

I thought them rules had stopped now we've got Brexit.

No. I think we're keeping that rule.

At least we are here. So if you wouldn't mind...

Oh. Right.

Might need some energy.

Big gardening job.

Did he turn up, then? Bronson?

Oh, yeah. Just as I was leaving.

Good. About time he earned some money.

Oh, right. Erm...

Well, obviously it's just work experience.

Yeah? And when you go to work you get paid.

That is the experience.

What happened to the bowls? Sold 'em.

What all of 'em? Someone came in and bought the whole lot.

Really? Who?

Gareth! Who was it who bought them bowls?

You what? Who was it bought them bowls?

The homemade ones? In the different colours?

That were in the display rack? That's the ones.

Can't remember. He can't remember.

But in the end they let me off cos I were only 13.

Ah, good. I had to go on this arson-awareness course.

Well, arson can be very serious. That's what they said.

But it were only an empty barn. How did you know it was empty?

Cos I'd had all the stuff out of it the week before.

Oh, right. Are you sure you don't want a tea?

No, I don't like hot drinks.

Got any biscuits?

Er... Yeah.

Cheers.

You got any kids, then? We both have.

Bit older than you. Do they visit you?

Not really. We get on well but they prefer the city.

Don't blame 'em.

I grew up round here and there was nothing to do.

It's all right when you're young. You can have fun smashing stuff up, nicking cars.

But as soon as you turn about ten, you've done all that and you realise it's a dump.

Yeah. Anyway, better get on.

A bit up against it lately.

How do you mean?

It's this big web design firm nicking all my clients.

And you're just gonna take it? Not much I can do about it.

There you go. Oh, ta.

You're doing a good job.

Your dad said you was a grafter. Did he?

Aye. What happened at the bowling club, then?

Hear there was an altercation.

I don't know about that.

I know I punched Harry Conway.

Right.

Chocolate? Is that from t'shop?

No, thanks.

Unbelievable. She doesn't seriously expect me to pay him, does she?

It's work experience. Offer to design a website for the shop instead.

"Click here for out-of-date bacon. Buy some rancid butter and get a free homemade bowl."

Oh, no. They sold those.

All of them? Someone came in and bought the whole lot apparently.

The ones Meena made? They're rubbish. Who would buy them?

I'm clearly in the wrong business.

Look at the state of me.

Aw. Tell you what you need.

Some sort of work-experience boy.

(CRUNCHING)

(DRINK CAN OPENING)

# When it's done and all this is gone

# Just find the feeling, pass it on

# Just find the feeling, pass it on

# Just find the feeling, pass it on #

(STEAM ENGINE)

All right, Nicky? How's it going? Grizzo!

Do you like it? Got it for my dad's birthday.

Is he a collector?

Er, I don't know. Right.

Well, I'm sure he'll be delighted.

Yeah. Bit of a bone-shaker though.

Got to drive it down to his place. Where does he live? Walthamstow.

Got a nice little flat there. Right. Is that where you're off to now?

Just to the shop. Thought I'd take it for a spin.

It's a good little shop that. Sells everything.

This shop in the village? Tell you what I bought the other day.

A whole stack of bowls. Oh, it was YOU! Yeah.

After we finished the album I ordered a Chinese for everyone.

Got it helicoptered in from Manchester. Chef came, didn't bring any bowls.

So I got on the internet. Matt and Meena's website pops up.

There's a load of bowls in the shop. So you bought the lot.

Why not?! Then I used 'em for a bit of clay-pigeon shooting.

Would that have been about three in the morning? Yeah!

Tell you who's the best at it. Katie Melua. Unbelievable shot.

Anyway, I gotta go. (WHISTLE BLOWS)

Right, that's you well and truly knackered.

What? What are you doing?

The company you told me about, Techmaton Limited...

The one that nicked your customers.

I know who you mean. What have you done? Hacked into their server.

Crashed all their websites. You can't do that! Just have.

They'll trace it back to me. No, they won't.

I'll go to prison! There is literally no way they can trace it.

It's impossible.

How did you do it again?

Oh, no. It just crashed?

It seems to have happened quite a lot.

I don't think Techmaton are all they're made out to be.

Oh, no! No hard feelings. Course not.

Listen, I love tropical fish as much as you.

So I'm just glad to have you back.

Another returning customer?

Good old Bronson. He earned his money.

You paid him? Too bloody right! He's a genius!

He showed me how he did it. Way over my head.

What's happened to your arms? I cut them on some brambles.

I was pulling Stan's old Chopper out.

I might rephrase that. Please do.

I was gonna say he was happy it was still working, but I won't now.

(KNOCK AT DOOR) Meena!

Matt? Are you all right? No.

Someone's hacked into our website.

Oh, no. Oh, how awful.

Who would have done a thing like that?

Someone whose idea of fun is to make vile suggestions about what we should do with our pottery.

If you click on "salad bowl", it comes up with the word...

I can't even say it. Luckily, the children didn't see it.

That is good. We were wondering if you might be able to fix it for us.

For money or...

..for a bowl?

Mummy, what's a...?

subtitles by Deluxe

# When the world in which you're living

# Gets a bit too much to bear

# And you need someone to lean on

# When you look there's no-one there

# You're gonna find me # Ba-ba-ba-ba

# Out in the country # Ba-ba-ba-ba

# You're gonna find me # Ba-ba-ba-ba

# Way out in the country... #