Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,851 --> 00:00:02,418
>> MALORY (sighs): Ruined.
2
00:00:02,420 --> 00:00:03,419
Completely...
3
00:00:03,421 --> 00:00:04,420
>> ARCHER: Mother, come on,
4
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,421
we're not...
5
00:00:05,423 --> 00:00:06,422
>> MALORY: Shut up.
6
00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:07,423
And utterly...
7
00:00:07,425 --> 00:00:08,424
>> ARCHER: We're not...
8
00:00:08,426 --> 00:00:09,425
>> MALORY: Shut up. And ruined!
9
00:00:09,427 --> 00:00:10,426
>> ARCHER: We're not "ruined,"
10
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:11,427
Camille.
11
00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:12,428
We've got 2,000 pounds
12
00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:13,429
of cocaine.
13
00:00:13,431 --> 00:00:14,430
>> LANA: Minus the 20 kilos
14
00:00:14,432 --> 00:00:15,431
you sold for Monopoly money, oh,
15
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:17,033
minus however much Pam ate,
16
00:00:17,035 --> 00:00:18,534
probably two kilos.
17
00:00:18,536 --> 00:00:20,369
>> PAM: Or three, or whatever.
18
00:00:20,371 --> 00:00:21,370
>> ARCHER: Quit eating all the
19
00:00:21,372 --> 00:00:22,538
goddamn cocaine!
20
00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:25,541
>> PAM: Make me!
21
00:00:25,543 --> 00:00:26,542
(Archer yells)
22
00:00:26,544 --> 00:00:28,444
>> ARCHER: My point, unless Pam
23
00:00:28,446 --> 00:00:30,046
ate it, is that things could be
24
00:00:30,048 --> 00:00:31,047
a lot worse.
25
00:00:31,049 --> 00:00:32,048
>> MALORY: How?
26
00:00:32,050 --> 00:00:33,082
You sold a million dollars of
27
00:00:33,084 --> 00:00:34,383
product for this worthless stack
28
00:00:34,385 --> 00:00:35,451
of paper.
29
00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:39,221
How could it be any worse?
30
00:00:39,223 --> 00:00:40,456
(groans)
31
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,557
>> CYRIL: I, uh, hate to agree
32
00:00:41,559 --> 00:00:43,559
with Archer, but it could be
33
00:00:43,561 --> 00:00:44,560
worse-- these are actually
34
00:00:44,562 --> 00:00:45,561
really good fakes.
35
00:00:45,563 --> 00:00:46,562
I mean, not good enough to
36
00:00:46,564 --> 00:00:47,563
deposit in a bank, but...
37
00:00:47,565 --> 00:00:48,564
>> ARCHER: Good enough to pass
38
00:00:48,566 --> 00:00:50,232
in, say, a deli?
39
00:00:50,234 --> 00:00:51,734
>> CYRIL: Yeah, I guess, but...
40
00:00:51,736 --> 00:00:52,735
>> ARCHER: Shut up.
41
00:00:52,737 --> 00:00:53,903
So you take a hundred,
42
00:00:53,905 --> 00:00:55,104
go buy a pack of gum, and walk
43
00:00:55,106 --> 00:00:57,139
out with $99.50 in change.
44
00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:58,240
>> CYRIL: Hey, that's brilliant,
45
00:00:58,242 --> 00:00:59,241
Archer.
46
00:00:59,243 --> 00:01:00,242
>> ARCHER: Yeah, plus gum?
47
00:01:00,244 --> 00:01:01,243
>> CYRIL: So you're gonna do
48
00:01:01,245 --> 00:01:03,412
that 10,000 times?
49
00:01:03,414 --> 00:01:04,413
>> ARCHER: Well, not me
50
00:01:04,415 --> 00:01:05,414
personally.
51
00:01:05,416 --> 00:01:06,415
>> MALORY: Not anyone
52
00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:08,084
personally; it's idiotic.
53
00:01:08,086 --> 00:01:09,919
What we need is a big-ticket
54
00:01:09,921 --> 00:01:10,920
item.
55
00:01:10,922 --> 00:01:11,921
>> PAM: Like a big bag
56
00:01:11,923 --> 00:01:12,922
of cocaine!
57
00:01:12,924 --> 00:01:13,923
>> LANA: The last thing we need
58
00:01:13,925 --> 00:01:14,924
is more cocaine.
59
00:01:14,926 --> 00:01:15,925
>> PAM: Disagree.
60
00:01:15,927 --> 00:01:16,926
>> LANA: Because you are
61
00:01:16,928 --> 00:01:17,927
addicted to cocaine.
62
00:01:17,929 --> 00:01:18,928
>> PAM: Your words.
63
00:01:18,930 --> 00:01:19,929
>> ARCHER: Hey, wait a second,
64
00:01:19,931 --> 00:01:21,097
I've got the perfect big-ticket
65
00:01:21,099 --> 00:01:22,264
item-- Cadillacs!
66
00:01:22,266 --> 00:01:23,265
>> RON: Nope.
67
00:01:23,267 --> 00:01:24,266
>> ARCHER: Let me finish.
68
00:01:24,268 --> 00:01:25,267
>> RON: Oh, I'm sorry, please,
69
00:01:25,269 --> 00:01:26,268
uh, skip ahead to the part where
70
00:01:26,270 --> 00:01:27,603
I'm out 50 Caddies with your
71
00:01:27,605 --> 00:01:29,105
counterfeit money in the one
72
00:01:29,107 --> 00:01:30,473
hand and my schlong in
73
00:01:30,475 --> 00:01:31,474
the other.
74
00:01:31,476 --> 00:01:32,475
>> ARCHER: Well, not now.
75
00:01:32,477 --> 00:01:33,476
You ruined it.
76
00:01:33,478 --> 00:01:34,477
>> MALORY: The mental image
77
00:01:34,479 --> 00:01:35,478
alone.
78
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:36,479
>> LANA: And besides, what
79
00:01:36,481 --> 00:01:37,480
were you planning to do with
80
00:01:37,482 --> 00:01:38,481
50 Cadillacs?
81
00:01:38,483 --> 00:01:39,482
>> ARCHER: Um, open a
82
00:01:39,484 --> 00:01:40,516
dealership?
83
00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:42,284
What? Ron's done very well.
84
00:01:42,286 --> 00:01:43,452
>> MALORY: Speaking of,
85
00:01:43,454 --> 00:01:44,620
why aren't you at work?
86
00:01:44,622 --> 00:01:45,621
>> RON: Everything's on
87
00:01:45,623 --> 00:01:46,622
autopilot.
88
00:01:46,624 --> 00:01:47,656
There's nothing for me to do.
89
00:01:47,658 --> 00:01:48,791
I am so bored.
90
00:01:48,793 --> 00:01:50,459
>> PAM: Have you tried cocaine?
91
00:01:50,461 --> 00:01:51,627
>> RON: No, no, nah.
92
00:01:51,629 --> 00:01:53,295
Smoked a reefer cigarette once.
93
00:01:53,297 --> 00:01:54,296
>> LANA: Uh, let me guess, with
94
00:01:54,298 --> 00:01:55,464
some Negroes?
95
00:01:55,466 --> 00:01:56,799
>> RON: As luck would have it.
96
00:01:56,801 --> 00:01:57,967
>> CYRIL: What about guns?
97
00:01:57,969 --> 00:01:59,335
>> RON: No, no, they seemed
98
00:01:59,337 --> 00:02:00,336
nice, jazz cats.
99
00:02:00,338 --> 00:02:01,337
>> CYRIL: No, why don't we buy
100
00:02:01,339 --> 00:02:02,538
guns?
101
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,140
I mean, I assume rival drug
102
00:02:04,142 --> 00:02:05,307
dealers aren't gonna be too
103
00:02:05,309 --> 00:02:06,342
happy with us...
104
00:02:06,344 --> 00:02:07,476
>> LANA: And since the FBI
105
00:02:07,478 --> 00:02:08,978
seized all the ISIS weapons when
106
00:02:08,980 --> 00:02:10,179
they took the building.
107
00:02:10,181 --> 00:02:11,180
>> ARCHER: Oh, my God.
108
00:02:11,182 --> 00:02:12,348
All we have now is my Walther
109
00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:14,150
and what, Lana, your TEC-9's?
110
00:02:14,152 --> 00:02:15,151
>> LANA: Yeah, for which I have
111
00:02:15,153 --> 00:02:16,152
no ammo.
112
00:02:16,154 --> 00:02:17,153
>> ARCHER: What?
113
00:02:17,155 --> 00:02:18,154
>> LANA: I used to get it from
114
00:02:18,156 --> 00:02:19,155
work.
115
00:02:19,157 --> 00:02:20,156
>> ARCHER: Okay, if we're doing
116
00:02:20,158 --> 00:02:21,157
a list?
117
00:02:21,159 --> 00:02:22,158
Bullets.
118
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,159
>> MALORY: Oh for... Sterling,
119
00:02:23,161 --> 00:02:24,393
Lana, go through the old ISIS
120
00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:25,694
files and find an arms dealer.
121
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:28,030
Cyril, go lock up the product
122
00:02:28,032 --> 00:02:30,232
before Cokie Monster here
123
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,367
gobbles it all up, and Ron, take
124
00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:32,368
me to lunch.
125
00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:33,369
>> RON: It's 8:30 in
126
00:02:33,371 --> 00:02:34,370
the morning.
127
00:02:34,372 --> 00:02:35,371
>> MALORY: A bar, then!
128
00:02:35,373 --> 00:02:36,372
Whatever!
129
00:02:36,374 --> 00:02:37,673
Ooh, or maybe a jazz club.
130
00:02:37,675 --> 00:02:39,008
We can smoke reefers with these
131
00:02:39,010 --> 00:02:40,209
Negroes you're suddenly so nuts
132
00:02:40,211 --> 00:02:41,210
about.
133
00:02:41,212 --> 00:02:42,678
>> RON: It was 1940!
134
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:43,846
>> CYRIL And where am I supposed
135
00:02:43,848 --> 00:02:45,014
to lock up 2,000 pounds
136
00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:46,015
of cocaine?
137
00:02:46,017 --> 00:02:47,183
>> ARCHER: Cyril, look around.
138
00:02:47,185 --> 00:02:48,350
Somewhere in this mansion, I
139
00:02:48,352 --> 00:02:50,352
have to assume, is a gigantic,
140
00:02:50,354 --> 00:02:54,056
Scrooge McDuckian vault.
141
00:02:54,058 --> 00:02:57,359
>> PAM: Scrooge McDuck, eh?
142
00:02:57,361 --> 00:02:59,695
(gobbling cocaine)
143
00:02:59,697 --> 00:03:02,098
(coughs)
144
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,433
Sweater.
145
00:03:43,773 --> 00:03:44,773
>> MALORY: All right.
146
00:03:44,775 --> 00:03:45,774
Where are we?
147
00:03:45,776 --> 00:03:46,775
Lana, did you find an
148
00:03:46,777 --> 00:03:47,776
arms dealer?
149
00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:49,245
>> LANA: Mmm, no, all we've got
150
00:03:49,247 --> 00:03:50,613
so far is Spyridon Skorpio
151
00:03:50,615 --> 00:03:51,780
and Conway Stern.
152
00:03:51,782 --> 00:03:52,781
>> CYRIL: Geez, those are old
153
00:03:52,783 --> 00:03:53,782
files.
154
00:03:53,784 --> 00:03:54,783
>> LANA: One of whom we blew
155
00:03:54,785 --> 00:03:55,784
up, the other of whom's hand we
156
00:03:55,786 --> 00:03:57,119
gruesomely ripped off.
157
00:03:57,121 --> 00:03:58,587
>> ARCHER: And both of whom
158
00:03:58,589 --> 00:04:00,256
bring up extremely uncomfortable
159
00:04:00,258 --> 00:04:01,991
sexual memories for...
160
00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:03,926
uh, 40% to 60% of the people in
161
00:04:03,928 --> 00:04:04,960
this room.
162
00:04:04,962 --> 00:04:05,961
>> MALORY: Hmph.
163
00:04:05,963 --> 00:04:07,296
Oh, what about Ray's brother,
164
00:04:07,298 --> 00:04:08,497
the pot farmer?
165
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,498
He had lots of guns.
166
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,499
>> LANA: Yeah, he's doing life
167
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:11,767
in prison.
168
00:04:11,769 --> 00:04:13,302
>> RAY: Now, that's the song
169
00:04:13,304 --> 00:04:14,970
you should write.
170
00:04:14,972 --> 00:04:16,138
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Ugh, or maybe
171
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:17,606
one about a crippled cyborg, who
172
00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:18,841
all he did was pussy-ache about
173
00:04:18,843 --> 00:04:21,944
being a crippled cyborg!
174
00:04:21,946 --> 00:04:23,279
(Ray cries)
175
00:04:23,281 --> 00:04:24,647
>> MALORY: Well, keep looking.
176
00:04:24,649 --> 00:04:25,814
And, Cyril, you've got the
177
00:04:25,816 --> 00:04:26,949
product under lock and key?
178
00:04:26,951 --> 00:04:27,950
>> CYRIL: Yup, in the kitchen
179
00:04:27,952 --> 00:04:28,951
pantry.
180
00:04:28,953 --> 00:04:29,952
There's no Scrooge McDucky
181
00:04:29,954 --> 00:04:30,953
vault.
182
00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:31,954
>> MALORY: No what?
183
00:04:31,956 --> 00:04:32,955
>> ARCHER: Uh, how about an
184
00:04:32,957 --> 00:04:33,956
old-timey gymnasium full of
185
00:04:33,958 --> 00:04:35,991
Indian clubs and medicine balls?
186
00:04:35,993 --> 00:04:37,626
>> WOODHOUSE: Hello?
187
00:04:37,628 --> 00:04:39,695
I've finished!
188
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:40,963
>> CYRIL: There is one of those.
189
00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:41,964
>> MALORY: Oh, and it was a good
190
00:04:41,966 --> 00:04:42,965
idea to lock up all the
191
00:04:42,967 --> 00:04:43,966
counterfeit money.
192
00:04:43,968 --> 00:04:44,967
>> CYRIL: Yeah, good job,
193
00:04:44,969 --> 00:04:45,968
whoever did that.
194
00:04:45,970 --> 00:04:46,969
>> LANA: Wait, did you not?
195
00:04:46,971 --> 00:04:47,970
>> CYRIL: Mmm, no, I...
196
00:04:47,972 --> 00:04:48,971
>> MALORY: What?
197
00:04:48,973 --> 00:04:50,139
Well, where the hell is it?
198
00:04:50,141 --> 00:04:51,840
>> PAM: Welp!
199
00:04:51,842 --> 00:04:52,841
I've got good news and good
200
00:04:52,843 --> 00:04:54,043
news.
201
00:04:54,045 --> 00:04:55,811
>> MALORY: Amphetamines?!
202
00:04:55,813 --> 00:04:57,179
>> PAM: Right?
203
00:04:57,181 --> 00:04:58,547
And I know it sounds crazy, but
204
00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,149
I like them as much as cocaine.
205
00:05:00,151 --> 00:05:01,850
>> MALORY: Where did you get
206
00:05:01,852 --> 00:05:02,851
them?
207
00:05:02,853 --> 00:05:03,852
>> PAM: Okay, okay, okay, so
208
00:05:03,854 --> 00:05:04,853
remember how I used to
209
00:05:04,855 --> 00:05:05,854
drift-race with the Yakuza?
210
00:05:05,856 --> 00:05:06,855
>> ARCHER: The Yakuza?
211
00:05:06,857 --> 00:05:07,856
>> PAM: Hai.
212
00:05:07,858 --> 00:05:08,891
>> MALORY: What, were the
213
00:05:08,893 --> 00:05:09,892
Hells Angels busy?
214
00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,860
>> PAM: Busy being pussies.
215
00:05:11,862 --> 00:05:13,562
You know, relatively.
216
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:14,697
When compared to the deadly and
217
00:05:14,699 --> 00:05:15,831
terrible Yakuza.
218
00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:16,865
>> ARCHER: Yeah, and on a
219
00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:18,000
related note, Pam, what do you
220
00:05:18,002 --> 00:05:19,168
think's gonna happen when they
221
00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:20,169
realize the money is
222
00:05:20,171 --> 00:05:21,170
counterfeit?
223
00:05:21,172 --> 00:05:23,339
>> PAM: Oh, my God, right?
224
00:05:23,341 --> 00:05:24,573
Can you imagine?
225
00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:25,841
>> LANA: Yes, Pam, we can.
226
00:05:25,843 --> 00:05:26,875
>> CYRIL: Oh, my God, they chop
227
00:05:26,877 --> 00:05:28,210
off their own fingers.
228
00:05:28,212 --> 00:05:29,211
>> MALORY: Do they know how to
229
00:05:29,213 --> 00:05:30,713
find you?
230
00:05:30,715 --> 00:05:32,681
>> PAM: Um...
231
00:05:32,683 --> 00:05:34,216
Well, they know I work at ISIS,
232
00:05:34,218 --> 00:05:37,186
but that won't do them any good.
233
00:05:37,188 --> 00:05:38,254
>> MALORY: Well, thank...
234
00:05:38,256 --> 00:05:39,855
>> PAM: Although...
235
00:05:39,857 --> 00:05:41,757
Whooooo!
236
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,892
Domo arigato, fellas.
237
00:05:43,894 --> 00:05:45,194
Two of them have been
238
00:05:45,196 --> 00:05:46,895
to my apartment.
239
00:05:46,897 --> 00:05:48,864
You, too, Ojiisan.
240
00:05:48,866 --> 00:05:50,399
Or three, or whatever.
241
00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:51,400
>> ARCHER: Oh, Jesus Christ.
242
00:05:51,402 --> 00:05:52,401
Can the mind vomit?
243
00:05:52,403 --> 00:05:53,402
>> PAM: But now I live here,
244
00:05:53,404 --> 00:05:54,403
so...
245
00:05:54,405 --> 00:05:55,404
>> MALORY: Well, thank God,
246
00:05:55,406 --> 00:05:56,405
the...
247
00:05:56,407 --> 00:05:58,907
>> PAM: Although...
248
00:05:58,909 --> 00:06:01,377
>> YAKUZA TOUGH: Hmm?
249
00:06:01,379 --> 00:06:03,045
>> YAKUZA TOUGH 2: Hmm.
250
00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:04,780
Hmm-hmm.
251
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,749
Mmm, mm-hmm.
252
00:06:06,751 --> 00:06:08,784
(laughs)
253
00:06:23,233 --> 00:06:25,067
>> ARCHER: Ugh, yes, the mind
254
00:06:25,069 --> 00:06:26,402
can, in fact, vomit.
255
00:06:26,404 --> 00:06:28,871
(phone ringing)
256
00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:33,742
(gobbling pills)
257
00:06:33,744 --> 00:06:36,145
>> PAM: I'm not here.
258
00:06:43,253 --> 00:06:44,253
(phone ringing)
259
00:06:44,255 --> 00:06:45,788
>> WOODHOUSE: Oh, dear God.
260
00:06:45,790 --> 00:06:47,122
Telephone clanging away, and me
261
00:06:47,124 --> 00:06:48,757
trapped.
262
00:06:48,759 --> 00:06:49,792
It's a good servant's worst
263
00:06:49,794 --> 00:06:51,260
nightmare.
264
00:06:51,262 --> 00:06:52,961
I don't know how this could
265
00:06:52,963 --> 00:06:54,296
possibly be any wor...
266
00:06:54,298 --> 00:06:56,265
(doorbell ringing)
267
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:57,933
Oh.
268
00:06:57,935 --> 00:06:59,768
>> KRIEGER: Hey, so, did
269
00:06:59,770 --> 00:07:00,936
somebody order Chinese?
270
00:07:00,938 --> 00:07:01,837
>> MALORY: They're Japanese,
271
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:02,771
you idiot!
272
00:07:02,773 --> 00:07:03,772
(groaning)
273
00:07:03,774 --> 00:07:04,773
>> KRIEGER: Oh, for... I don't
274
00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:05,774
get all pissy every time
275
00:07:05,776 --> 00:07:06,775
you mistake a Dutchman
276
00:07:06,777 --> 00:07:07,776
for a Swede!
277
00:07:07,778 --> 00:07:09,445
Either time that happened!
278
00:07:09,447 --> 00:07:10,779
(phone rings)
279
00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:11,780
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Answer the
280
00:07:11,782 --> 00:07:12,781
goddamn telephone!
281
00:07:12,783 --> 00:07:13,849
>> GILLETTE: Now, there's
282
00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:14,783
your song!
283
00:07:14,785 --> 00:07:15,351
>> PAM: No!
284
00:07:15,353 --> 00:07:16,285
>> MALORY: Answer it!
285
00:07:16,287 --> 00:07:17,186
>> PAM: Make me!
286
00:07:17,188 --> 00:07:18,287
(sobbing): Holy shitsnacks.
287
00:07:18,289 --> 00:07:19,688
>> LANA: I will break both of
288
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:20,689
your collarbones, and then pull
289
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:21,690
them out of your body,
290
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,025
and then use them to play,
291
00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:24,660
in its entirety and on your
292
00:07:24,662 --> 00:07:25,694
head, "Moby Dick."
293
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,196
>> KRIEGER: Bonham's a pussy.
294
00:07:27,198 --> 00:07:28,664
>> HOLOGRAM: Maybe you pussy!
295
00:07:28,666 --> 00:07:29,665
>> LANA: Pam?
296
00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:31,200
(Pam clears throat)
297
00:07:31,202 --> 00:07:33,035
>> PAM (posh accent): Hello?
298
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:34,470
>> MOTO: Shiro kabocha.
299
00:07:34,472 --> 00:07:36,138
>> PAM (gasps): It's Mr. Moto!
300
00:07:36,140 --> 00:07:37,373
>> MOTO: Shiro kabocha,
301
00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:39,808
I am very ashamed...
302
00:07:39,810 --> 00:07:43,145
Your new home is so beautiful,
303
00:07:43,147 --> 00:07:44,680
but I did not bring
304
00:07:44,682 --> 00:07:46,315
a housewarming gift.
305
00:07:46,317 --> 00:07:47,483
>> PAM: Hey, you know what?
306
00:07:47,485 --> 00:07:48,984
Don't even sweat it,
307
00:07:48,986 --> 00:07:50,386
because... Hmm?
308
00:07:50,388 --> 00:07:53,822
Hai. Hai.
309
00:07:53,824 --> 00:07:55,691
Hai. Mm-kay, bye.
310
00:07:55,693 --> 00:07:56,892
>> ARCHER: Wait-- didn't you
311
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:57,826
shoot that guy?
312
00:07:57,828 --> 00:07:59,161
>> MALORY: Oh, who remembers?
313
00:07:59,163 --> 00:08:01,196
Well, what did he say?
314
00:08:01,198 --> 00:08:02,331
>> PAM: Well, he's not happy,
315
00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:03,499
obviously, and he wants his
316
00:08:03,501 --> 00:08:04,733
drugs back, and that guy
317
00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,168
who sold 'em to me's not
318
00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:07,403
gonna be playing the violin any
319
00:08:07,405 --> 00:08:08,737
time soon.
320
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:09,872
>> ARCHER: Because?
321
00:08:09,874 --> 00:08:11,006
>> PAM: Because a violin would
322
00:08:11,008 --> 00:08:12,007
probably dissolve in the same
323
00:08:12,009 --> 00:08:13,008
big drum of acid they dissolved
324
00:08:13,010 --> 00:08:14,009
that guy in.
325
00:08:14,011 --> 00:08:15,010
>> ALL: Ew!
326
00:08:15,012 --> 00:08:16,178
>> LANA: But if all Moto wants
327
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:17,179
is his drugs...
328
00:08:17,181 --> 00:08:18,180
>> MALORY: Then he can give us
329
00:08:18,182 --> 00:08:19,181
a refund.
330
00:08:19,183 --> 00:08:20,182
>> LANA: Of worthless
331
00:08:20,184 --> 00:08:21,183
counterfeit money?
332
00:08:21,185 --> 00:08:22,184
>> CYRIL: It's not exactly
333
00:08:22,186 --> 00:08:23,185
worthless.
334
00:08:23,187 --> 00:08:24,186
The right buyer would probably
335
00:08:24,188 --> 00:08:25,721
pay about 15 cents on the dollar
336
00:08:25,723 --> 00:08:26,755
for it.
337
00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:28,524
Why didn't you say that?!
338
00:08:28,526 --> 00:08:29,892
>> CYRIL: Uh, I don't know.
339
00:08:29,894 --> 00:08:31,093
I assumed you knew.
340
00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:32,194
>> RON: Everybody knows that.
341
00:08:32,196 --> 00:08:33,095
>> MALORY: Ron?!
342
00:08:33,097 --> 00:08:34,396
>> LANA: I say screw the money.
343
00:08:34,398 --> 00:08:35,898
Let's just give Moto his drugs
344
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:37,199
and be glad we dodged
345
00:08:37,201 --> 00:08:38,534
this giant metaphorical bullet.
346
00:08:38,536 --> 00:08:39,935
>> ARCHER: Hey, and where are we
347
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:41,370
on that list?
348
00:08:41,372 --> 00:08:43,038
>> LANA: Malory?
349
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,206
>> MALORY: Oh, all right!
350
00:08:44,208 --> 00:08:45,874
We obviously can't go to war
351
00:08:45,876 --> 00:08:47,042
with the Yakuza.
352
00:08:47,044 --> 00:08:48,043
>> ARCHER: Uh, not without
353
00:08:48,045 --> 00:08:49,044
normal-size, non-metaphorical
354
00:08:49,046 --> 00:08:50,045
bullets.
355
00:08:50,047 --> 00:08:51,280
>> MALORY: But, Pam, if there
356
00:08:51,282 --> 00:08:52,748
ever are any, this comes out
357
00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:56,251
of your share of the profits.
358
00:08:56,253 --> 00:08:57,920
(Pam sobs)
359
00:08:57,922 --> 00:08:59,955
How is that not fair?
360
00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,223
>> PAM: Moto doesn't just want
361
00:09:01,225 --> 00:09:04,059
the pills...!
362
00:09:04,061 --> 00:09:06,228
He also wants my
363
00:09:06,230 --> 00:09:09,898
heh-heh-heh-head!
364
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,567
Non-metaph-phuh-phuh-phuh-phuh-
365
00:09:11,569 --> 00:09:12,901
>> ARCHER: ...phorically
366
00:09:12,903 --> 00:09:14,236
speaking, Pam, we got it.
367
00:09:14,238 --> 00:09:15,137
>> CYRIL: Wait-- he's still
368
00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:15,971
gonna kill you?
369
00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,239
>> LANA Even if you give back
370
00:09:17,241 --> 00:09:17,940
the pills?
371
00:09:17,942 --> 00:09:18,974
>> PAM: Yes!
372
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:20,242
>> LANA: Oh, hey, hey, shh.
373
00:09:20,244 --> 00:09:22,244
Come on. We're not gonna let the
374
00:09:22,246 --> 00:09:23,946
Yakuza kill you.
375
00:09:23,948 --> 00:09:25,581
>> MALORY: Although...
376
00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:27,583
(Pam sobs loudly)
377
00:09:27,585 --> 00:09:28,917
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Christ on
378
00:09:28,919 --> 00:09:29,585
drums, people! What?!
379
00:09:29,587 --> 00:09:31,086
>> ARCHER: Pam screwed the
380
00:09:31,088 --> 00:09:32,254
Yakuza out of a million bucks
381
00:09:32,256 --> 00:09:33,589
of amphetamines, so now they're
382
00:09:33,591 --> 00:09:34,990
gonna cut her head off.
383
00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:35,791
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Wait--
384
00:09:35,793 --> 00:09:37,459
>> RON: You had breakfast here?!
385
00:09:37,461 --> 00:09:38,260
>> MALORY: Ron!
386
00:09:38,262 --> 00:09:39,261
>> LANA: And apparently, they've
387
00:09:39,263 --> 00:09:40,128
got your house completely
388
00:09:40,130 --> 00:09:41,129
surrounded, so...
389
00:09:41,131 --> 00:09:42,331
>> CHERYL/CAROL: So call
390
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:43,465
the police.
391
00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:44,600
>> MALORY: Ooh, good idea, and
392
00:09:44,602 --> 00:09:46,168
when they get here, we can show
393
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,436
them the drugs we bought
394
00:09:47,438 --> 00:09:48,604
with the counterfeit money we
395
00:09:48,606 --> 00:09:50,439
got from selling cocaine.
396
00:09:50,441 --> 00:09:51,940
Oh, and by the way, Officer,
397
00:09:51,942 --> 00:09:52,941
there's another 2,000
398
00:09:52,943 --> 00:09:54,142
pounds of it in the pantry!
399
00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:55,110
>> CHERYL/CAROL: So, then
400
00:09:55,112 --> 00:09:56,111
pay them!
401
00:09:56,113 --> 00:09:57,446
>> MALORY: With what?!
402
00:09:57,448 --> 00:09:59,481
>> CHERYL/CAROL: $1 million!
403
00:09:59,483 --> 00:10:00,449
Yes, real dollars.
404
00:10:00,451 --> 00:10:01,817
Duh, look at my house.
405
00:10:01,819 --> 00:10:03,852
I bet I got rugs worth a...
406
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,121
Ugh! Fine, $2 million.
407
00:10:06,123 --> 00:10:08,290
Okay, $5 million.
408
00:10:08,292 --> 00:10:09,958
Fine, $10 million!
409
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,160
$50 million!
410
00:10:12,162 --> 00:10:14,129
A jillion million!
411
00:10:14,131 --> 00:10:16,498
Jesus! Be more gross
412
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:17,966
and Chinese-y!
413
00:10:17,968 --> 00:10:19,968
(sad trombone melody plays)
414
00:10:19,970 --> 00:10:21,303
>> ARCHER (laughs): Been waiting
415
00:10:21,305 --> 00:10:22,871
forever to use that.
416
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:23,639
(Pam sobs)
417
00:10:23,641 --> 00:10:24,973
>> LANA: Why did you insult him?
418
00:10:24,975 --> 00:10:25,974
>> CHERYL/CAROL: A, "Chinese-y"
419
00:10:25,976 --> 00:10:26,975
is not an insult.
420
00:10:26,977 --> 00:10:27,976
>> ARCHER: Mm, no.
421
00:10:27,978 --> 00:10:28,977
>> CYRIL: No, it totally is.
422
00:10:28,979 --> 00:10:29,978
>> RON: Not to a Chinaman.
423
00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:30,979
>> CHERYL/CAROL: And B,
424
00:10:30,981 --> 00:10:31,980
which is, like, so un-Chinesey,
425
00:10:31,982 --> 00:10:32,981
he doesn't even care
426
00:10:32,983 --> 00:10:35,150
He said it's a debt of honor,
427
00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:36,552
and it can only be paid with
428
00:10:36,554 --> 00:10:37,553
Pam's blood. (Pam sobs)
429
00:10:37,555 --> 00:10:38,987
And since I can't write a
430
00:10:38,989 --> 00:10:40,222
genre-defining country song
431
00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:41,356
with you people screaming
432
00:10:41,358 --> 00:10:42,991
about a horde of Chinese
433
00:10:42,993 --> 00:10:44,026
daylight vampires, who are
434
00:10:44,028 --> 00:10:45,494
probably scuttling up the drain
435
00:10:45,496 --> 00:10:47,396
pipes even as we speak,
436
00:10:47,398 --> 00:10:48,530
go out there and kill them!
437
00:10:48,532 --> 00:10:49,565
>> ARCHER: Don't even get me
438
00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:50,332
started on that.
439
00:10:50,334 --> 00:10:51,333
>> LANA: How about get started
440
00:10:51,335 --> 00:10:52,167
on that list?
441
00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:53,335
>> ARCHER: I'm not
442
00:10:53,337 --> 00:10:54,670
your secretary, Lana!
443
00:10:54,672 --> 00:10:56,171
We don't really have weapons
444
00:10:56,173 --> 00:10:57,172
or ammo.
445
00:10:57,174 --> 00:10:58,173
>> CHERYL/CAROL: You're
446
00:10:58,175 --> 00:10:59,174
shitting me.
447
00:10:59,176 --> 00:11:00,208
>> ARCHER: Mm, no.
448
00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:01,209
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Ugh!
449
00:11:01,211 --> 00:11:02,411
>> ARCHER: Whoa, I stand
450
00:11:02,413 --> 00:11:03,512
extremely corrected.
451
00:11:03,514 --> 00:11:04,379
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Yeah, and
452
00:11:04,381 --> 00:11:05,247
they're all loaded.
453
00:11:05,249 --> 00:11:07,049
This was the best house to be a
454
00:11:07,051 --> 00:11:08,383
kid in.
455
00:11:08,385 --> 00:11:09,518
>> ARCHER: Mmm, yeah, and so...
456
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,019
anything post-World War I?
457
00:11:11,021 --> 00:11:12,187
>> CHERYL/CAROL: I don't know.
458
00:11:12,189 --> 00:11:13,522
I think Grandpapa lost interest
459
00:11:13,524 --> 00:11:14,690
once he filled the Museum of
460
00:11:14,692 --> 00:11:15,691
Natural History with
461
00:11:15,693 --> 00:11:16,692
dead animals.
462
00:11:16,694 --> 00:11:17,926
Then he got real big into model
463
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:18,927
trains, and then it was a sort
464
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:20,596
of very long, sad slide into
465
00:11:20,598 --> 00:11:22,030
dementia, and ultimately,
466
00:11:22,032 --> 00:11:23,065
into death.
467
00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,366
And the whole time he was
468
00:11:24,368 --> 00:11:25,934
screwing the asses off all the
469
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,036
colored maids. (gasps)
470
00:11:28,038 --> 00:11:29,438
No, that's a terrible
471
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,439
country song.
472
00:11:30,441 --> 00:11:31,440
>> ARCHER: Here's your country
473
00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:32,541
song right here!
474
00:11:32,543 --> 00:11:34,610
(mimics wailing guitar solo)
475
00:11:34,612 --> 00:11:36,044
>> LANA: Have you ever heard
476
00:11:36,046 --> 00:11:37,212
a country song?
477
00:11:37,214 --> 00:11:39,281
>> ARCHER: Um, "Danger Zone"?
478
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,250
>> LANA: Okay, listen up, there
479
00:11:42,252 --> 00:11:43,452
are way too many windows and
480
00:11:43,454 --> 00:11:45,053
doors to cover, so we need
481
00:11:45,055 --> 00:11:46,288
to concentrate on chokepoints.
482
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:47,723
(squealing laughter)
483
00:11:47,725 --> 00:11:49,558
Not that kind of chokepoints.
484
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:50,959
Chokepoints as in junctions,
485
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:52,094
like the main foyer, the
486
00:11:52,096 --> 00:11:53,228
kitchen, the top of the
487
00:11:53,230 --> 00:11:54,229
grand staircase, the...
488
00:11:54,231 --> 00:11:55,230
>> MALORY: What are you doing?
489
00:11:55,232 --> 00:11:56,231
Here.
490
00:11:56,233 --> 00:11:57,232
>> RON: Noop...
491
00:11:57,234 --> 00:11:58,233
>> MALORY: What do you mean,
492
00:11:58,235 --> 00:11:59,234
"noop"?
493
00:11:59,236 --> 00:12:00,235
Take it!
494
00:12:00,237 --> 00:12:01,269
>> RON: Woman, I am not getting
495
00:12:01,271 --> 00:12:02,270
in a shootout with the
496
00:12:02,272 --> 00:12:03,572
goddamn Yakuza because you
497
00:12:03,574 --> 00:12:05,273
people decided to steal
498
00:12:05,275 --> 00:12:06,274
their drugs!
499
00:12:06,276 --> 00:12:07,409
>> MALORY: Well, I support you
500
00:12:07,411 --> 00:12:08,276
in your work!
501
00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:10,078
Not that you ever do any, but...
502
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,446
>> RON: If you were honest with
503
00:12:11,448 --> 00:12:12,581
yourself, you would realize
504
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:13,749
I have been incredibly
505
00:12:13,751 --> 00:12:15,584
supportive of you!
506
00:12:15,586 --> 00:12:16,585
Get arrested for treason,
507
00:12:16,587 --> 00:12:18,153
I stand by you; become
508
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,756
a drug dealer, I stand by you.
509
00:12:20,758 --> 00:12:22,157
Oh-oh-oh! And you don't seem to
510
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:23,158
mind driving around
511
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,159
in a new Cadillac, do you?
512
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,160
>> MALORY: A floor model.
513
00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:26,161
>> RON: Oh, for...
514
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:27,162
(loud crash)
515
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,163
What the...?
516
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,164
>> MALORY: Sterling?!
517
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,165
What in the...?!
518
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:31,166
>> MOTO: Hell does he think
519
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,167
he is doing?
520
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,168
>> ARCHER: Going Josh Randall on
521
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,169
these dicks!
522
00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:35,170
Cheryl, build a fire and get
523
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:36,171
some pokers hot!
524
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,172
(Cheryl/Carol squeals)
525
00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:38,173
>> LANA: Yeah, great, start
526
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:39,174
shooting.
527
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:40,175
I can't wait to meet every cop
528
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,176
in Manhattan.
529
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:42,177
>> ARCHER: Ugh, right, damn.
530
00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:44,012
Hey, Carol, you got any
531
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:44,780
old-timey silencers?
532
00:12:44,782 --> 00:12:46,148
>> LANA: Silence, yes, aspire to
533
00:12:46,150 --> 00:12:47,649
that while I think of a plan.
534
00:12:47,651 --> 00:12:49,351
Okay, Cheryl... (glass breaks)
535
00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:50,619
Goddamn it, Archer!
536
00:12:50,621 --> 00:12:51,987
>> ARCHER: I didn't do it!
537
00:12:51,989 --> 00:12:54,289
I was just...
538
00:12:54,291 --> 00:12:56,358
>> MALORY: Wha... Ron?!
539
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,292
(Ron groans)
540
00:12:57,294 --> 00:12:58,527
Ron!
541
00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:00,162
>> PAM (laughs): Talk about a
542
00:13:00,164 --> 00:13:01,463
floor model.
543
00:13:01,465 --> 00:13:02,698
Oh, come on, we were all
544
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:04,366
thinking it.
545
00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:05,500
>> ARCHER: Get down!
546
00:13:05,502 --> 00:13:07,803
(all grunting)
547
00:13:07,805 --> 00:13:09,504
>> MOTO: Tadashi, what is wrong
548
00:13:09,506 --> 00:13:11,139
with you?!
549
00:13:11,141 --> 00:13:12,307
You shoot like an old
550
00:13:12,309 --> 00:13:13,308
blind woman!
551
00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:18,146
You bring shame on your family!
552
00:13:18,148 --> 00:13:20,782
(sad trombone melody plays)
553
00:13:27,490 --> 00:13:29,491
>> RON: Oh, my God, the
554
00:13:29,493 --> 00:13:30,726
darkness, babe, I'm slipping
555
00:13:30,728 --> 00:13:31,493
into the darkness!
556
00:13:31,495 --> 00:13:32,394
>> MALORY: They're just
557
00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:34,396
pulling the drapes!
558
00:13:34,398 --> 00:13:35,697
>> RON: Still, though... (gasps)
559
00:13:35,699 --> 00:13:36,698
And what is this?
560
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:37,499
An ocelot pelt?!
561
00:13:37,501 --> 00:13:38,233
>> ARCHER: Wait, what?!
562
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,234
>> MALORY: It was all
563
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:39,901
I could find!
564
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:40,836
>> ARCHER: Oh, my God,
565
00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:41,670
if that's Babou...!
566
00:13:41,672 --> 00:13:42,571
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Ugh, I wish.
567
00:13:42,573 --> 00:13:43,538
He's around here somewhere,
568
00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:44,706
either puking or pissing on
569
00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:46,575
something I care about.
570
00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:47,576
>> LANA: Hey, so...
571
00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:48,577
Ron's gonna die?
572
00:13:48,579 --> 00:13:49,578
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Wait, Ron's
573
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:50,579
gonna die?!
574
00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:51,880
>> RON: Aah, the darkness!
575
00:13:51,882 --> 00:13:53,181
>> LANA: Especially if he goes
576
00:13:53,183 --> 00:13:54,349
into shock, which is why I'm
577
00:13:54,351 --> 00:13:55,584
speaking quietly.
578
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:56,718
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Smart.
579
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:57,753
>> LANA: We have to get him to a
580
00:13:57,755 --> 00:13:58,754
hospital, so are you sure
581
00:13:58,756 --> 00:14:00,255
there's no other way out of here
582
00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,256
besides the front door?
583
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:02,257
Like, maybe a helicopter pad,
584
00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:03,258
or...?
585
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:04,259
>> CHERYL/CAROL: The only thing
586
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:05,260
I can think of is all the
587
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:06,261
secret tunnels.
588
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:07,262
(Lana swallows)
589
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:08,563
>> LANA: I'm sorry?
590
00:14:08,565 --> 00:14:09,564
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Yeah, they go
591
00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:10,565
everywhere.
592
00:14:10,567 --> 00:14:11,566
My... I want to say my
593
00:14:11,568 --> 00:14:12,868
great-great-great-uncle?
594
00:14:12,870 --> 00:14:14,269
He built them trying to tap into
595
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:15,437
the Underground Railroad.
596
00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:16,438
>> LANA: Wait, did he think it
597
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,439
was literally...?
598
00:14:17,441 --> 00:14:18,440
>> CHERYL/CAROL: A subterranean
599
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:19,574
railroad, yeah, so...
600
00:14:19,576 --> 00:14:20,776
>> PAM: So why'd he build a
601
00:14:20,778 --> 00:14:21,777
bunch of tunnels?
602
00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:22,778
>> CHERYL/CAROL: To capture
603
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:23,779
runaway slaves and sell them
604
00:14:23,781 --> 00:14:25,380
back to their rightful owners.
605
00:14:25,382 --> 00:14:26,748
>> PAM: Wow.
606
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:27,783
>> LANA: Ugh, whatever, can
607
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:28,784
we...?
608
00:14:28,786 --> 00:14:29,951
>> CHERYL/CAROL: I want to say
609
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,386
his plan was to dress like a
610
00:14:31,388 --> 00:14:32,788
ghost?
611
00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:34,422
>> LANA: Can we get Ron
612
00:14:34,424 --> 00:14:36,391
to a hospital?
613
00:14:36,393 --> 00:14:37,392
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Oh, totally.
614
00:14:37,394 --> 00:14:40,228
And then this one here goes all
615
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:41,630
the way up to Lenox Hill
616
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:42,631
Hospital.
617
00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:43,632
>> LANA: Jesus, that's like a
618
00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:44,633
mile.
619
00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:45,734
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Yeah, you don't
620
00:14:45,736 --> 00:14:47,302
want to walk that, so I'd come
621
00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,771
up around here and get a cab.
622
00:14:49,773 --> 00:14:51,406
That'll be way quicker.
623
00:14:51,408 --> 00:14:53,408
Plus I bet there's mole people.
624
00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:54,476
>> CYRIL: Okay, I think her
625
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:55,811
point was, with all this, your
626
00:14:55,813 --> 00:14:57,312
great-whatever uncle must have
627
00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:58,580
really wanted to catch some
628
00:14:58,582 --> 00:14:59,581
slaves.
629
00:14:59,583 --> 00:15:00,582
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Oh, it
630
00:15:00,584 --> 00:15:01,616
bankrupted him, and the crazy
631
00:15:01,618 --> 00:15:04,286
part, is this was, like, 1890.
632
00:15:04,288 --> 00:15:05,787
>> MALORY: Will you hurry up?
633
00:15:05,789 --> 00:15:06,788
We're losing him.
634
00:15:06,790 --> 00:15:07,823
(Ron moans)
635
00:15:07,825 --> 00:15:09,257
>> ARCHER: Ron, shut up!
636
00:15:09,259 --> 00:15:10,258
Okay, Carol, you know the
637
00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:11,493
tunnels, you lead the group.
638
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:12,494
Cyril and Pam, you carry Ron.
639
00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:13,495
Lana...
640
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:14,496
>> PAM: Why do I have to carry
641
00:15:14,498 --> 00:15:15,497
him?
642
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:16,498
>> ARCHER: Because remember
643
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,499
before when this whole goddamn
644
00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:18,600
thing was your fault?!
645
00:15:18,602 --> 00:15:19,601
>> PAM: Just asking.
646
00:15:19,603 --> 00:15:20,602
>> ARCHER: Lana and Mother, you
647
00:15:20,604 --> 00:15:21,603
should go with them, because my
648
00:15:21,605 --> 00:15:22,938
plan may not work.
649
00:15:22,940 --> 00:15:23,939
>> MALORY: What plan?
650
00:15:23,941 --> 00:15:24,940
>> ARCHER: Okay, this tunnel
651
00:15:24,942 --> 00:15:26,508
here tees into a utility tunnel
652
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:27,809
right in front of the house.
653
00:15:27,811 --> 00:15:28,844
>> LANA: So...?
654
00:15:28,846 --> 00:15:30,312
>> ARCHER: So I need my slightly
655
00:15:30,314 --> 00:15:31,346
darker-black black suit.
656
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,849
Woodhouse!
657
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:35,450
Goddamn it, where the hell
658
00:15:35,452 --> 00:15:36,451
is he?
659
00:15:36,453 --> 00:15:38,486
>> WOODHOUSE: Slowly dying, for
660
00:15:38,488 --> 00:15:40,989
all anyone cares.
661
00:15:40,991 --> 00:15:42,624
But the saddest part is
662
00:15:42,626 --> 00:15:45,026
no one does.
663
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,328
>> ARCHER: Oh, who cares?
664
00:15:46,330 --> 00:15:47,329
(Ron moans)
665
00:15:47,331 --> 00:15:48,463
>> PAM: Aw, quit your literal
666
00:15:48,465 --> 00:15:49,698
bellyaching.
667
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:50,699
>> LANA: Yeah, I'm staying.
668
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:51,800
Because if your plan is what I
669
00:15:51,802 --> 00:15:53,001
think it is, you are totally
670
00:15:53,003 --> 00:15:54,703
gonna need rescuing.
671
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:55,804
>> ARCHER: No, I'm not, Lana, so
672
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:57,639
shut your dicktrap.
673
00:15:57,641 --> 00:15:58,874
(laughs)
674
00:15:58,876 --> 00:16:00,976
But if I do, I-I apologize for
675
00:16:00,978 --> 00:16:03,378
that remark, and ask that you
676
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,713
definitely do rescue me.
677
00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:06,314
Or avenge me as appropriate.
678
00:16:06,316 --> 00:16:07,315
>> MALORY: That's it, I'm
679
00:16:07,317 --> 00:16:08,316
staying, too.
680
00:16:08,318 --> 00:16:09,317
>> RON: What?
681
00:16:09,319 --> 00:16:10,385
You're picking him over me?
682
00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:11,386
>> MALORY: Oh, for... It's not a
683
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,554
competition, Ron!
684
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:13,822
He's my child.
685
00:16:13,824 --> 00:16:15,357
But seriously?
686
00:16:15,359 --> 00:16:16,358
A floor model?
687
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:17,359
>> RON: Aw!
688
00:16:17,361 --> 00:16:18,560
What are you people, hourly?
689
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:19,728
Let's go here.
690
00:16:19,730 --> 00:16:20,862
(moaning)
691
00:16:20,864 --> 00:16:22,898
(Archer chuckling)
692
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,065
>> LANA (sighs): Are you
693
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,066
laughing at "dicktrap"?
694
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:26,334
(Archer laughs loudly)
695
00:16:26,336 --> 00:16:27,569
>> ARCHER: Uh-huh, but
696
00:16:27,571 --> 00:16:28,837
seriously, though, if it comes
697
00:16:28,839 --> 00:16:30,672
down to it, please do rescue me.
698
00:16:30,674 --> 00:16:31,740
>> PAM: Okay!
699
00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:32,741
Sorry!
700
00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:33,742
I'm walking backwards here.
701
00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:34,910
>> RON: God, you're killing me
702
00:16:34,912 --> 00:16:36,044
here is what you're doing.
703
00:16:36,046 --> 00:16:37,846
>> CYRIL: Just try to stay calm.
704
00:16:37,848 --> 00:16:38,847
>> CHERYL/CAROL: Yeah, chill
705
00:16:38,849 --> 00:16:40,415
out, Ray got shot in the stomach
706
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,751
and he's, like, totally fine.
707
00:16:42,753 --> 00:16:43,752
(snoring)
708
00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:45,353
(groans)
709
00:16:45,355 --> 00:16:47,022
(snoring)
710
00:16:47,024 --> 00:16:48,023
>> CYRIL: Here we go, stepping
711
00:16:48,025 --> 00:16:49,357
it up! Hey-oh!
712
00:16:49,359 --> 00:16:50,759
(Ron yelling)
713
00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:51,927
>> ARCHER: Jesus, Ron, man up.
714
00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:53,762
I've been shot...
715
00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:56,364
holy shit, 26 times?
716
00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:57,732
Can't be good for me.
717
00:16:57,734 --> 00:16:58,733
I mean, in gangster movies,
718
00:16:58,735 --> 00:16:59,734
they're always like...
719
00:16:59,736 --> 00:17:00,735
"He got a bad case of
720
00:17:00,737 --> 00:17:02,070
lead poisoning, see!"
721
00:17:02,072 --> 00:17:03,738
But think about it, every
722
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:05,073
bullet's got to leave at least a
723
00:17:05,075 --> 00:17:06,541
teeny bit of residual lead in
724
00:17:06,543 --> 00:17:07,709
your body, right?
725
00:17:07,711 --> 00:17:09,444
Shit.
726
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,612
By the time I'm 60, I bet I'll
727
00:17:10,614 --> 00:17:12,881
be mad as a goddamn hatter.
728
00:17:12,883 --> 00:17:15,450
(grunts)
729
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:16,451
>> LANA: I don't believe it.
730
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:17,452
He made it.
731
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:18,453
>> MALORY: You never give him
732
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:19,721
enough credit.
733
00:17:19,723 --> 00:17:20,889
And honestly, not your best
734
00:17:20,891 --> 00:17:22,424
trait.
735
00:17:22,426 --> 00:17:23,458
You may want to work on that,
736
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:24,893
since you'll be a mother soon.
737
00:17:24,895 --> 00:17:26,061
Unless...
738
00:17:26,063 --> 00:17:27,595
well, I suppose that all depends
739
00:17:27,597 --> 00:17:29,130
on what kind of mother you want
740
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,700
to be.
741
00:17:33,903 --> 00:17:36,071
>> ARCHER: Uh...
742
00:17:36,073 --> 00:17:37,806
Konnichiwa?
743
00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:38,807
Hmm?
744
00:17:38,809 --> 00:17:40,575
The door-san?
745
00:17:40,577 --> 00:17:41,977
(man grunts)
746
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:43,144
Thanks, Kato!
747
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,714
(both grunting)
748
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,817
(Moto yells in Japanese)
749
00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:50,585
>> MOTO: Yoshi!
750
00:17:50,587 --> 00:17:51,820
(yells)
751
00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:53,655
>> ARCHER: I'm sorry, uh, Yoshi
752
00:17:53,657 --> 00:17:54,823
is indisposed.
753
00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:55,824
>> MOTO: You!
754
00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:57,425
>> ARCHER: Me.
755
00:17:57,427 --> 00:17:59,094
Scrooch!
756
00:17:59,096 --> 00:18:00,662
>> MOTO: You must know...
757
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:02,430
>> ARCHER: Hang on.
758
00:18:02,432 --> 00:18:03,431
(coughs)
759
00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:04,432
Oh, God.
760
00:18:04,434 --> 00:18:05,433
Sorry, I don't want to get a
761
00:18:05,435 --> 00:18:06,434
dry socket.
762
00:18:06,436 --> 00:18:07,669
>> MOTO: You must know that even
763
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:10,005
if you kill me, the Yakuza will
764
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,606
never forgive this debt of
765
00:18:11,608 --> 00:18:12,607
honor.
766
00:18:12,609 --> 00:18:13,608
They will kill...
767
00:18:13,610 --> 00:18:14,676
(yells)
768
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:15,844
>> ARCHER: Right?
769
00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:17,512
That's so bad for your ears.
770
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,014
But I get it, the Bushido code,
771
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:20,615
the whole Japanese thing, I get
772
00:18:20,617 --> 00:18:21,683
it, but...
773
00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:22,684
>> MOTO: What do you know about
774
00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:23,818
being Japanese?
775
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:24,953
>> ARCHER: I guess only the
776
00:18:24,955 --> 00:18:26,154
clichés, really.
777
00:18:26,156 --> 00:18:28,023
Karaoke, pachinko, subway
778
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:29,024
frottage...
779
00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:30,025
>> MOTO: Enough!
780
00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:31,526
>> ARCHER: Hang on.
781
00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:32,527
Uh, tentacle porn, uh...
782
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:33,795
>> MOTO: Enough!
783
00:18:33,797 --> 00:18:34,829
>> ARCHER: Hang on!
784
00:18:34,831 --> 00:18:36,164
Those vending machines that sell
785
00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:37,699
used schoolgirl panties.
786
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:38,967
Okay, done.
787
00:18:38,969 --> 00:18:40,201
Now, here's what I propose.
788
00:18:40,203 --> 00:18:42,203
>> MOTO: You dare to propose...
789
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,805
>> ARCHER: I swear to God I can
790
00:18:43,807 --> 00:18:44,973
do that all day.
791
00:18:44,975 --> 00:18:46,641
I mean, to me, it sounds like
792
00:18:46,643 --> 00:18:48,176
bubble wrap.
793
00:18:48,178 --> 00:18:50,845
>> MOTO: What is your proposal?
794
00:18:50,847 --> 00:18:52,013
>> ARCHER: I know the Yakuza
795
00:18:52,015 --> 00:18:53,148
will hunt us down forever, but I
796
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:55,183
bet ycan forgive the debt of
797
00:18:55,185 --> 00:18:56,651
honor, right?
798
00:18:56,653 --> 00:18:57,719
>> MOTO: Only if blood has been
799
00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:58,720
shed.
800
00:18:58,722 --> 00:18:59,721
>> ARCHER: Well, my stepfa...
801
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,222
my mother's husband is about a
802
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,991
quart low-- you shot him.
803
00:19:02,993 --> 00:19:04,526
So I'm thinking you take back
804
00:19:04,528 --> 00:19:05,994
all... well, almost all the
805
00:19:05,996 --> 00:19:07,495
pills-- Pam ate a bunch, and I'm
806
00:19:07,497 --> 00:19:08,830
not gonna lie to you, I had a
807
00:19:08,832 --> 00:19:11,066
couple, or six-- plus you keep
808
00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:12,567
the counterfeit million.
809
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:13,835
>> MOTO: But...
810
00:19:13,837 --> 00:19:14,836
>> ARCHER: Plus if you don't,
811
00:19:14,838 --> 00:19:15,837
I'll kill you.
812
00:19:15,839 --> 00:19:16,838
Probably should have led with
813
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:17,839
that.
814
00:19:17,841 --> 00:19:19,007
(Moto grunts)
815
00:19:19,009 --> 00:19:20,842
>> MOTO: I must accept.
816
00:19:20,844 --> 00:19:23,044
But I cannot lose mentsu.
817
00:19:23,046 --> 00:19:24,913
What you call "face."
818
00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:26,247
My men must think this was my
819
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:28,016
decision.
820
00:19:28,018 --> 00:19:29,184
That you somehow
821
00:19:29,186 --> 00:19:30,885
"sweetened the deal."
822
00:19:30,887 --> 00:19:32,020
>> ARCHER (yawns): Well, at this
823
00:19:32,022 --> 00:19:33,688
point, the reds are wearing off
824
00:19:33,690 --> 00:19:35,023
and the bourbon's kicking in,
825
00:19:35,025 --> 00:19:36,858
so, uh, you can pretty much name
826
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:38,193
it.
827
00:19:38,195 --> 00:19:40,929
(Moto grunts)
828
00:19:46,035 --> 00:19:48,603
(Moto speaking Japanese)
829
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:52,707
(Archer laughs)
830
00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:54,576
>> ARCHER: That is so true.
831
00:19:54,578 --> 00:19:55,777
>> MALORY: That was Cyril.
832
00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:57,245
Ron's in surgery, but the bullet
833
00:19:57,247 --> 00:19:58,713
missed everything, and his
834
00:19:58,715 --> 00:19:59,747
prognosis is excellent.
835
00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:00,748
>> LANA: Oh, my God, that's
836
00:20:00,750 --> 00:20:01,749
great, so...
837
00:20:01,751 --> 00:20:02,884
>> ARCHER: So win-win!
838
00:20:02,886 --> 00:20:03,885
>> MALORY: Wha..? Win-win?
839
00:20:03,887 --> 00:20:04,886
>> ARCHER: Ow!
840
00:20:04,888 --> 00:20:05,887
>> LANA: Malory.
841
00:20:05,889 --> 00:20:06,888
>> MALORY: A gut-shot husband
842
00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:07,889
and an idiot son who just
843
00:20:07,891 --> 00:20:09,224
gave away $5 million
844
00:20:09,226 --> 00:20:10,725
worth of cocaine?
845
00:20:10,727 --> 00:20:13,528
I call that a lose-lose-lose!
846
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,064
(sad trombone melody begins)
847
00:20:16,066 --> 00:20:17,799
(melody abruptly stops)
848
00:20:20,569 --> 00:20:22,971
(Archer laughing)
849
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,809
What could possibly
850
00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:29,744
be funny?
851
00:20:29,746 --> 00:20:32,981
>> ARCHER (laughing): The phone!
852
00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:35,750
It was Woodhouse's!
853
00:20:35,752 --> 00:20:36,751
Captioned by
854
00:20:36,753 --> 00:20:37,952
Media Access Group at WGBH
855
00:20:37,954 --> 00:20:40,555
access.wgbh.org
856
00:21:00,609 --> 00:21:03,878
>> MAN: Made... in Georgia.
53020
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
