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1
00:00:03,921 --> 00:00:05,421
- Please make sure
your seatbelt is fastened.
2
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:06,588
We ask that you keep
your seatbelt fastened
3
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:07,881
while seated in case
we encounter
4
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:08,507
some unexpected turbulence.
5
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,512
- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
6
00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:14,096
Hey. [whistles]
7
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,309
You've lit the spark.
Might as well keep
8
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,395
the fire burning.
- Ma'am, I've just served you.
9
00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:23,272
- I don't need anything
complicated--just another
10
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,858
one of these teeny tiny
bottles of bourbon--two.
11
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:29,570
Mm--three?
12
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,488
- I'll catch you
on the way back.
13
00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:43,000
[mischievous string music]
14
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:45,419
- I used to be afraid
of flying.
15
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,504
I couldn't help but think
of how this big metal tube
16
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,798
was probably gonna crash
right back to Earth.
17
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:52,009
I still think about
how the plane might crash.
18
00:00:52,053 --> 00:00:54,470
In fact, this one
actually will,
19
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:57,514
and I just don't care anymore.
20
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,850
My name's Allison Pyke--
at least, that's my name now.
21
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,811
And I'm already dead, so
I could crash all the damn day,
22
00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,021
and I don't care at all.
23
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:07,024
[plane rattles,
passengers gasp and chatter]
24
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:08,692
[tense, discordant music]
25
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,361
♪
26
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,405
There's a gremlin on the wing.
27
00:01:13,449 --> 00:01:16,033
Kidding.
The engine's on fire.
28
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:18,285
[flames boom,
passengers scream]
29
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:20,079
- This is your captain
speaking.
30
00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:21,455
We're having some
slight engine trouble,
31
00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:24,124
and we'll be returning
to the airport shortly.
32
00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:26,001
- What's happening?
- I don't know.
33
00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:27,836
- Baby.
Baby, can you hear me?
34
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,380
Are you there?
Hello?
35
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,133
- Hey, any luck
on that bourbon?
36
00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:34,927
I'm an angel now.
37
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,429
Yup, seriously.
38
00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:39,014
But being an angel
isn't a reward.
39
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:41,350
It's a punishment.
40
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:42,101
Like, when you're an all-around
great person,
41
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,560
you die, you go up there.
42
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,854
When you're like a B, B-minus
person, you become an angel
43
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:47,606
and get a sentence on Earth,
44
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,817
and that sentence
is a number of points,
45
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,652
and you get points
when you perform a miracle.
46
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,654
It's a little like
a prison with time off
47
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:54,988
for good behavior.
48
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,156
You know,
but it could be worse.
49
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,284
I never flew first class
when I was alive.
50
00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:01,286
Hell, I never got
out of Nebraska.
51
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:02,663
[doo-wop Christmas music]
52
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,541
The second I'm old enough,
I'm getting the hell out
53
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,210
of Nebraska.
- What's better than Nebraska?
54
00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:09,962
- This is my best friend,
Patrick.
55
00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:12,131
New York.
56
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,299
And this is me.
Yep, I used to be
57
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:15,676
a white girl with a uni-brow.
58
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,970
- I'd like to go to New York
and see the giant piano
59
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,763
from "Big."
- Fine.
60
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:23,517
Come.
Here. Open it.
61
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:26,603
- ♪ That our love
was all wrong ♪
62
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,815
- Wow.
This is a truly terrible gift.
63
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:30,858
Something worse for you.
64
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,276
♪
65
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:35,404
- ♪ This Christmas
- Wow!
66
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:36,280
These are the kind
truckers pee in.
67
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:36,780
I'm gonna go see if they work.
68
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,785
- So I was a weird white girl
with a uni-brow,
69
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,329
and somehow, I had no idea
Patrick had a major crush
70
00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:45,789
on me...until a few
Christmases later.
71
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,292
[Tchaikovsky's "Dance of
the Sugar Plum Fairy"]
72
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,711
I'm sorry I'm late.
73
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,672
It's a commemorative
porcelain plate
74
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:55,299
featuring the portraits
of the members
75
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:55,757
of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
76
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,010
♪
77
00:02:58,053 --> 00:02:58,719
- Can I kiss you?
78
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:03,307
- In case you were wondering,
he got me a pair
79
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,643
of talking parrot earrings
and a case of iguana food.
80
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,229
I found my soul mate
when I was 15.
81
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,106
We were excited to spend
82
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:12,357
the rest of our lives
together,
83
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:15,027
which turned out
to be way shorter for me
84
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:18,155
than for Patrick.
85
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,323
But back to our story.
86
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,617
- We lost both the engines!
87
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:24,369
We're gonna make
an emergency landing!
88
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:26,496
- Here's a good travel tip:
89
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,623
they don't charge
for sandwiches on flights
90
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:30,751
if everyone thinks
they're gonna die.
91
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,336
- I love you so much.
92
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,379
I'll see you
in heaven, my angel.
93
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:35,505
- If only it were that easy.
94
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,717
[sighs]
95
00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:41,136
Oh! Here we go.
- Brace for impact.
96
00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,888
- We're gonna die.
97
00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,431
- [scoffs] I wish.
98
00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:46,934
[playful, thrilling music]
99
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:50,062
♪
100
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:51,146
Hi, guys.
Sorry about this.
101
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:54,608
I'm taking over.
102
00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:56,485
- It is truly a miracle
on the river.
103
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:59,363
- The hero pilot who saved
hundreds of lives
104
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,489
all by himself...
105
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:03,784
- So I landed in the river.
Sue me.
106
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:07,329
I'm not a professional pilot.
But they needed me.
107
00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:08,497
They needed someone
who could get things done
108
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,916
and didn't care
if they lived or died...
109
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,084
'cause you can't die twice.
110
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,503
[phone chimes]
111
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,053
[sighs pleasantly]
112
00:04:23,097 --> 00:04:24,554
This was 2008,
right after I had died.
113
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,724
40,000 down, 10,000 to go.
114
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:28,558
I was on my way out
of here in no time.
115
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,811
[festive jingling music]
116
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:35,357
But since then, my miracles
have slowed down...a lot.
117
00:04:35,401 --> 00:04:36,608
Excuse me.
[scoffs] Excuse me.
118
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,319
The sidewalk is not wide.
You move your feet
119
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,612
to make it work.
One foot in front of the other.
120
00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:43,991
You've done it your whole life.
Oh!
121
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:47,369
Here you are, sir.
122
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:50,455
Two points?
What are these papers?
123
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,374
Permits to demolish
an orphanage?
124
00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:54,418
[phone chimes]
- ♪ Red and yellow
125
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,628
♪ And blue and green
- Ugh, come on.
126
00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:59,089
In the past nine years,
I've barely gained
127
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,632
any points at all.
128
00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:03,385
Jason, my angel advisor,
thinks it's because
129
00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:04,678
I have a bad attitude.
Other angels call me
130
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,513
a one-miracle wonder
behind my back.
131
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,682
You know, but I say screw them.
132
00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:12,144
It's not my fault.
The Universe is against me.
133
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,354
Screw the Universe too.
134
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:15,814
- ♪ Christmas is
waiting for you ♪
135
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:18,483
- And I just lost 15 points
for saying that.
136
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:19,484
Who knew the Universe
was so sensitive?
137
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:24,156
♪
138
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,908
- I know it's a bummer you have
to work Christmas,
139
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,744
but there's going to be big
tips, so, you know,
140
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:29,494
there's that, okay?
141
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:36,752
- [whispering]
I don't ask for much.
142
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:39,296
You know, just that
you start work on time.
143
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,756
- Well, Connie, I told you,
with my schedule,
144
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,258
I need a floating
15-minute window.
145
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:44,760
- Yeah, but you're
two hours late.
146
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,094
- Well, from my perspective,
147
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:48,764
it's an hour 45.
148
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,308
It's kind of a raw deal
being an angel.
149
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,559
I mean, we're charged
with performing
150
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:53,810
these important
miracles on earth,
151
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,145
but we still need
food and shelter
152
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:59,232
and all that crap, and so
we have to have jobs too.
153
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,609
I mean, you'd think someone
in the afterlife
154
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:01,818
could at least pay
my credit card bills.
155
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,653
Ugh.
156
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,821
This music is total garbage.
157
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,741
[pop-rock music playing]
- Oh, my God,
158
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:08,825
what are you doing?
I like that song.
159
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,078
What are you,
Scrooge in skinny jeans?
160
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,829
- [scoffs] They're just
all so stupid.
161
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,331
And the worst one is
"12 Days of Christmas."
162
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,957
- Well, I guess I'm
an idiot then,
163
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:19,086
because my grandma and I would
sing it together every December
164
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,545
up until she died,
and it's really the only thing
165
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,590
that I have left of her.
- Okay, can we just start over?
166
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:24,883
- Oh, sure.
How about you take
167
00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,386
that coffee pot, go over
to your favorite regulars,
168
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:28,887
give them a little
coffee-coffee?
169
00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:32,891
- ♪ I don't wanna be
on my own tonight ♪
170
00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,684
- Hey.
How are you guys doing?
171
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,019
- I like your shirt.
172
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,523
- I never got attention
like this in my old body.
173
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,900
[orchestral
easy listening music]
174
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:48,657
♪
175
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,119
Excuse me.
176
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,662
Where am I?
177
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,256
- Hi, Megan.
178
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,216
- Yeah, that's me.
179
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,427
Where the hell am I?
Am I...
180
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,014
- [mouthing word]
both: Dead.
181
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,099
- Yes, dead.
You're very dead.
182
00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:16,017
Sorry.
Bummer.
183
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,018
Now, if you will follow me,
184
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,562
we have got
a lot of work to do.
185
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,022
[chuckles, clicks tongue]
Gloria.
186
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,150
- I recognize you, right?
187
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,443
Did you go to school
with my uncle Don?
188
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,861
- No.
189
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,904
No, I'm, uh...
190
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,615
I'm Jason Biggs.
[chuckles]
191
00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,076
I did that big teen movie
in the late '90s.
192
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,663
- It's not ringing any bells.
- Really?
193
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:38,999
Okay, well, I did many
other movies.
194
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,084
Also some TV shows...
195
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,503
uh, Broadway--
a couple of times.
196
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:46,339
Also off-Broadway.
Off-off-Broadway once, but...
197
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,591
some modeling
when I was a kid.
198
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,510
Nothing? Huh.
199
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:52,429
I usually bat 1,000
with dead Americans 18 to 49.
200
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:56,391
- And you died when I died?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
201
00:07:56,435 --> 00:07:58,685
I died many years ago
at the ripe old age
202
00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:01,146
of 96 in Ukraine.
Yeah, I didn't start acting
203
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:02,898
until I came back
to Earth as an angel.
204
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,858
- You're an angel?
- Yeah.
205
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,943
Most celebrities are
actually angels in disguise.
206
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,487
Yeah, it, uh--
you know, it helps--
207
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,864
thanks, Brenda.
It helps with access
208
00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:13,158
and, you know, gets us
into places mortals cannot.
209
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:16,745
Sign there and there.
Yep.
210
00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,497
Drake is an angel.
- Mm.
211
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,790
Sandy--Bullock.
You know her?
212
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,166
She's an angel.
She's a good one.
213
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:23,502
RuPaul.
214
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,171
- Ooh, is that a trial?
- Yep.
215
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:28,465
That's angel court.
216
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,174
- Like "Judge Judy"?
'Cause, you know,
217
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,009
I always imagined God
218
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,011
like an all-knowing Judge Judy.
219
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:34,721
- It is nothing like
"Judge Judy."
220
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:38,099
No, angel court is more
like "Judge Joe Brown."
221
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:41,228
Mm-hmm.
Okeydokey,
222
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,104
who's ready to get
their new body?
223
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:45,232
[chuckles]
224
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,735
That's a rhetorical question.
The answer is you.
225
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,363
So after we die,
our souls change bodies.
226
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,281
I got this one--lucky me--
and you're about
227
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,867
to get a new one of your own.
228
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,286
Just enter that changing room,
close the curtain,
229
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:01,122
and press three random buttons.
230
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,791
Now, I know you must have
a lot of questions
231
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,668
about how it all works...
- I have a million questions.
232
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,335
- But we don't have time.
233
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,420
I'm being interviewed
234
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,255
by Kelly Ripa in,
like, an hour,
235
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,965
so, if you would...
236
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,092
Yep, just...
237
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,343
Uh-huh. yeah.
238
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:16,179
Seriously, it's, like,
in a half hour now.
239
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:19,057
[machine humming strangely]
240
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:21,142
See the buttons?
- Yes.
241
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:21,643
- Great.
Hit three of them.
242
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,022
[buttons clicking]
243
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,190
Great.
244
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,817
[machinery clicks]
245
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,110
[sighs] Son of a...
246
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,820
Oh, come on!
247
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:35,282
I've asked the Universe, like,
a dozen times to fix this.
248
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,200
Okay.
249
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,327
[grunts, sighs]
250
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,413
[groaning] Oh, God!
All right.
251
00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,790
Whoo!
252
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,626
Unnecessary, you guys.
253
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,337
All right, now...
254
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:50,255
I'm just warning you,
you might be in
255
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:52,007
for a bit of a shock.
256
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,425
I knew someone
who went from a short,
257
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:57,220
hunched, bald doctor in Kiev...
258
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,263
to a New Jersey heartthrob.
259
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,267
- Oh, my God.
260
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,352
[pleasant piano melody]
261
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,062
♪
262
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,189
- [chuckling]
263
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:11,568
- [gasps]
Man!
264
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,403
How many sit-ups does
this girl do a day?
265
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,322
- Well, this girl is you.
266
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,324
How many sit-ups
do you do a day?
267
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:20,619
- So...this is...heaven?
268
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,912
- [stammering]
269
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,373
No--oh, no, no, no.
No, Heaven...
270
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:28,668
Heaven is right over there.
271
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:31,129
[quirky string music]
272
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:34,799
- Heaven is...clouds?
273
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,635
- It's behind the--
it's behind the clouds.
274
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,887
- Well, I don't see anything.
275
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,847
- I wasn't expecting it
to be so overcast.
276
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:43,183
It's a little...little gray.
But it's there.
277
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:48,688
Imagine a place with
no sadness, with no struggle,
278
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:52,150
where everything
you could want...
279
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:53,485
is right at your fingertips.
280
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,153
Hmm?
281
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:56,571
- So it's like Olive Garden.
282
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:57,614
- What?
283
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,909
- [exhales] I'm ready.
284
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,620
- [laughs sharply] You're cute.
No, we're not--
285
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,622
you're not ready right now.
You're not--you're--
286
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,415
you don't actually get
to go there--not yet.
287
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,249
You know, you lived
a good life,
288
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:11,086
but not that good.
289
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,671
The Universe still thinks
you have some work to do.
290
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,965
So...chop-chop.
291
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,676
[poppy Christmas music]
292
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,304
- So chop-chop I did, knocking
out miracles in New York City,
293
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,891
but all work and no play
makes for a dull angel,
294
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:27,852
so I found myself a playmate.
295
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,646
Hey, sexy.
- You know what today is, Pyke?
296
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:32,065
- Uh, Tuesday?
297
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,608
- No, it's Saturday--the 23rd.
298
00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:35,527
[bell dings]
299
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:36,069
I've been working
here for a year,
300
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,696
which means...
301
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,364
we've been
hanging out for a year.
302
00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,366
- Has it been a year?
303
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:43,493
Happy sexual-versary.
304
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:44,911
What is the official gift
for one year
305
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:45,745
of emotion-free sex?
- Traditionally,
306
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,331
it's a wink and a thumbs-up,
307
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,040
but I went ahead
and broke convention...
308
00:11:49,084 --> 00:11:51,251
I got you a high five.
309
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,335
- I got you the same thing.
[both chuckle]
310
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,753
Now let's celebrate
with dinner.
311
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,755
I'm free tomorrow night.
- Really? On Christmas Eve?
312
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,425
That would be great, 'cause--
- Ooh, I have to cancel.
313
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,677
Sorry, Barker.
314
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:01,761
- That's kind of weird,
'cause you just said
315
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,138
you were free, and--
- Yeah, I know,
316
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,807
but Christmas Eve dinner feels
very couple-y, and...
317
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,350
- Yeah.
- We're not a couple, so...
318
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,643
best not to confuse things.
319
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:09,811
- Got it.
Yeah.
320
00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:12,105
- ♪ Suzie wants a sleigh
321
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,815
- Do you ever want
more from this?
322
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,276
- I don't know, Barker.
Tell me.
323
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,819
What more do you want from me?
324
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:20,655
A quickie
in the storage closet?
325
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:21,823
- Okay, I see
what you're doing here.
326
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:25,827
You're trying to avoid
intimacy through sex,
327
00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:28,747
and I'm actually
at my job, so--
328
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,040
[phone chimes]
- Mm-hmm-hmm--mm-hmm...
329
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,626
Oh! I have to go.
330
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,170
- Weird, 'cause I was gonna
reject you anyway.
331
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,297
You know, we're at work
during business hours.
332
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,174
The last five times,
I swore...
333
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,801
I would never do that again.
334
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,511
- Connie, I need to take off
the rest of the day.
335
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:44,596
- But that would imply
you worked some of the day.
336
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:45,889
- Sorry, but it's
life or death.
337
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,348
- Who's gonna die
if you finish your shift?
338
00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,725
- A guy at Madison and 22nd.
339
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,851
- [stammers, sighs]
340
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,562
♪
341
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:53,897
- [grunts] Excuse me.
342
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,649
- Oh, come on, Leonard.
Let me have this one.
343
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,942
- Ah, Heaven likes those
who hustle.
344
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:01,154
Got to go!
- [sighs]
345
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:03,323
- [in sing-song]
Sorry...coming up...
346
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,950
- [panting]
347
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:09,662
- All right, here we go.
- [wheezing]
348
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,664
- [laughs] Are-are--
are you serious?
349
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:12,999
That was, like,
200 feet, if that.
350
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,418
- I haven't run in years.
I mean, no need to get
351
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,962
into shape when your body just
always magically stays
352
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,881
the same shape.
[mysterious chiming music]
353
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,382
- See, that's your problem.
354
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,259
You don't take
this job seriously.
355
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,385
You want to get up there,
you got to be ready
356
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:25,762
for any miracle
that comes your way,
357
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:26,930
and that means
you got to be strong.
358
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:27,722
- Well, how's this for strong?
359
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:31,726
[grunting]
360
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:33,728
[straining]
- Okay.
361
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,314
Pyke, stop.
You're touching me.
362
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:38,024
Look, you have
10,000 points to go.
363
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,901
This isn't gonna make
a dent for you.
364
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,319
I, on the other hand,
am almost back up there.
365
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:44,072
[phone beeps, man screams]
Oh--all right, move out--
366
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:45,198
- Leonard, dibs.
- Move out of my way.
367
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,282
[man screaming]
- [grunts]
368
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,078
- It's all right.
You're safe now.
369
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,955
Have a good day, sir.
370
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:52,705
[phone chimes]
371
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,669
[building pop-rock music]
372
00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:00,964
Did he just check his pockets
to see if I stole his wallet?
373
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:04,050
- Yep.
- Tough out here,
374
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,844
being a black angel.
- Mm-hmm.
375
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,512
- ♪ Bright lights
are shining ♪
376
00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:10,056
- Hey, when you said
you were almost back up there,
377
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,141
what'd you mean?
I mean,
378
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,226
you've been there already?
- What, you really
379
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:14,143
don't remember me
telling you this?
380
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,062
- No.
- Everything was perfect
381
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,856
until I got kicked out.
- Wait,
382
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,482
I didn't know angels
got kicked out.
383
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,900
- Yeah, about 10%
of all the angels on Earth
384
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,151
got kicked out of Heaven.
Don't you read
385
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,778
my angel union emails?
- There's just so many.
386
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,947
They're like the LinkedIn
invite of the afterlife.
387
00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:28,616
Hi, can I get a large,
triple-shot caramel mocha,
388
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,159
extra whip,
and go crazy on the drizzle.
389
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,787
- And I'll just
get a black coffee.
390
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,163
Keep the change.
Really?
391
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,833
- I can eat whatever I want
without gaining weight.
392
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,209
What part of that
do you not understand?
393
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,712
- [laughing] Okay, just because
you can do something
394
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,213
doesn't mean you should.
- Yeah, I disagree
395
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:43,965
with every part
of that advice.
396
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,925
- Mm...
- So what did you think
397
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,844
of Heaven?
- Oh, my gosh--Heaven, it's--
398
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,221
it was a perfect paradise,
and then...
399
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:52,265
after a century,
I just got bored.
400
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:55,518
I started to act out.
I stole Gandhi's Ferrari, I--
401
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,895
- Wait.
Gandhi has a Ferrari?
402
00:14:56,938 --> 00:15:01,107
- Oh, baby, Gandhi is super
materialistic up there.
403
00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:02,233
But he left the keys
in the ignition--like,
404
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,276
what was I supposed to do?
- I get it.
405
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,486
- Right?
- I get it.
406
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:06,279
- Gandhi, Lincoln--FYI,
they run Heaven.
407
00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:08,364
- Oh, well, tell me more.
408
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,283
- I don't know.
I messed up.
409
00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:12,577
I took all of that perfection
for granted,
410
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,287
and it wasn't until
I came back down here
411
00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,788
that I realized how good
I had it up there.
412
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,957
- Leonard?
- Yes.
413
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,001
- Your order's up.
- Thank you so much.
414
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:20,919
- Do you think I'll ever
get up there?
415
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,295
- Not a chance.
416
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,422
I'm-I'm just saying.
Hey, you--
417
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:25,715
I've seen a lot of angels
get to Heaven,
418
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,258
and the ones that get up there
419
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,135
are the ones
who really want to.
420
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,345
- [scoffs sharply]
What does that mean?
421
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:32,639
I mean, of course
I want to get up there.
422
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:34,015
I'm really bad at my job...
- [laughs]
423
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,558
I've kept distance
from everyone.
424
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,977
No real relationships,
no real friends--
425
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,979
Well, except you...
I guess.
426
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,439
- "I guess"?
427
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,441
Look, you don't
show initiative.
428
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:44,817
That's your problem.
You don't!
429
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,361
Okay, tell me:
when's the last time
430
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:49,948
you did a miracle on your own,
without the app?
431
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,241
Uh-huh.
See?
432
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,451
Stuff like that
gets noticed.
433
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,662
The Universe,
the guys upstairs,
434
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:58,414
they're looking for you
to prove something.
435
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,959
And you'd know this if you
attended any of the meetings.
436
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:04,087
- There are meetings?
- Pyke, you're so bad at this.
437
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:15,139
♪
438
00:16:15,183 --> 00:16:17,308
[indistinct voice over PA]
439
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,018
- 11th Street Station.
440
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:21,688
Transfers available for
the J, M, and Z lines.
441
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,527
- Oh! Ma'am!
442
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,277
- Oh--
- I think you dropped this.
443
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,570
- Thank you so much.
444
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,572
- Aw, you're welcome.
445
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:32,740
I find it's the little gestures
like this
446
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:33,700
that really add up in the end.
447
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:36,911
- You're a real angel.
- [laughs]
448
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:37,704
- Two points?
449
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:40,915
Ugh, damn it.
450
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:43,543
[AlunaGeorge's
"Turn Up The Love"]
451
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,168
Hey, Barker.
What are you up to?
452
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,712
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
453
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:48,089
Really?
454
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,173
Listen, I'm just gonna
interrupt you
455
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:49,716
and get to the point:
I'm coming over.
456
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,593
See you in 30.
457
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,720
- ♪ What's up
on the other side? ♪
458
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,138
♪ Is it greener?
Is it better? ♪
459
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,306
- Thanks.
- [exhales]
460
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,642
I needed that.
I kind of had a tough day.
461
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,644
It feels good to hang out
with a friend.
462
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,229
- [chuckles] Oh, yeah?
Is that what we are?
463
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:04,981
'Cause your last ten texts
to me just say, "you up?"
464
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,567
- [chuckles] Look, I care about
you in a non-romantic way.
465
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:08,860
That's what I'd call a friend.
466
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:09,777
- All right.
Let me ask you a question.
467
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:12,947
- Mm.
- What's my first name?
468
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:13,781
- ♪ Some new stakes,
some new stones ♪
469
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:17,785
- I want to say...Colton.
470
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,370
- Mm, nope.
It's James.
471
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,330
- Oh.
Okay then, James.
472
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,541
Ah, nope.
It's weird.
473
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:27,336
Barker, you, uh...
you mind if I stay over?
474
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,337
It's coming down
pretty hard out there.
475
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,839
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
476
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,300
- Wow.
Somebody finally wants
477
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,384
to sleep over.
- Don't make a big deal
478
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:35,470
about it.
And please,
479
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:37,555
do not spoon me.
The last thing I need
480
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:38,723
is you draped over my back
like a meat blanket.
481
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,558
- Nope, nothing romantic.
482
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:41,851
Just a couple friends
sharing the same bed
483
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,687
that they just had sex in.
Night, Pyke.
484
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:45,855
- Night, Barker.
485
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:48,941
♪
486
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:52,862
I know this afterlife thing
seems like a pretty good deal.
487
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:53,905
I get to eat whatever I want,
live in New York,
488
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:57,533
have great sex, be hot.
489
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,410
You know, but it gets old
after a while.
490
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:00,411
You know, I feel like
I'm...stuck,
491
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:01,913
but stuck forever.
492
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,916
You know, I can't have a life,
because I'm trying to leave,
493
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:05,917
and that can happen
at any moment.
494
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,377
I also can't have a life
because...
495
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,005
technically, I'm dead.
496
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:12,465
The rule is, you can't
contact anyone
497
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:13,966
from your old life--
no one.
498
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,510
Parents, siblings, friends.
499
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:19,388
Like, I can't see them,
I can't ask how they're doing.
500
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,390
They can't know about
any of this.
501
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,268
If I contact anyone,
I lose all of my points.
502
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:25,603
I can't see my husband.
503
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:28,856
I can't call Patrick
and be like, "Don't be sad.
504
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:32,568
I have a waitress job
and great hair, so I'm fine."
505
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,613
Like, I'm not supposed to,
but I check up on Facebook.
506
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:39,033
Most angels aren't on Facebook,
so I haven't gotten caught.
507
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,577
[touching piano music]
508
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:48,292
♪
509
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:10,773
[inhales deeply, sniffs]
510
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,831
Man, this girl likes
a lot of soup.
511
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,249
- Huh?
What soup?
512
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,342
[birds tweeting,
dog barking]
513
00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:44,015
Aww, hey, sleepyhead.
Time to wake up.
514
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:44,932
- [murmurs]
- I made you
515
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,184
a little breakfast.
516
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,145
- Well, thank you.
- Yeah.
517
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,188
Yeah, the eggs are
totally organic--
518
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:52,064
locally and ethically
raised hens,
519
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,941
so, we're good.
520
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,194
- Oh, great.
521
00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:59,447
Wow--never seen your bedroom
in the daylight before.
522
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,616
What's with all this
Parisian crap?
523
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,618
- Do you really want to know,
or are you just
524
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:05,286
gonna make fun of me?
- No, we are having
525
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:05,953
a real conversation.
I'm taking it seriously.
526
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,788
- Hm.
Okay.
527
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:11,417
Well, it's always been a dream
of mine to go to France.
528
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,294
- Why would I make fun of that?
529
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,213
Just because you share
the same dream
530
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,757
as every
basic 12-year-old girl.
531
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,635
[giggles] Do you also dream
of holding hands
532
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:22,094
with Harry Styles and
brushing your horse's mane?
533
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:23,846
- Oh, see, see, see?
I knew it.
534
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,640
I knew you couldn't be nice to
me for more than five seconds.
535
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:29,435
- Oh, I can be nicer to you
for a lot longer than that.
536
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,520
- Nope.
I gotta save my strength
537
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,481
for my morning run to Maspeth.
538
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:35,191
- You are gonna leave me
and this warm bed
539
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,193
to go running around
540
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,194
some abandoned buildings
in the snow?
541
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,820
- Yeah.
I like to run
542
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,322
where I can have some space
to think.
543
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:41,864
It's what I do.
[phone chimes]
544
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,450
- Hmm...
545
00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:45,993
oh, looks like
I have to go too.
546
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:49,080
I'm trying this new strategy of
showing some ambition at work.
547
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:50,206
- Oh, that'll make
Connie happy.
548
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:52,291
- Oh, God--not at the bistro.
549
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,626
You know, I told you--
at my other job--you know,
550
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,837
the one that's getting me
closer to, uh...Nebraska.
551
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:02,385
- Hey, so while
you're swallowing
552
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,178
that breakfast whole
like a duck,
553
00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:06,222
there's something that
I want to talk to you about.
554
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,099
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm cooking
555
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,684
a little Christmas
dinner tonight
556
00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:10,434
for a few friends--
preparing everything fresh,
557
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,687
even the eggnog.
Now,
558
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,438
my homemade eggnog recipe
is the best.
559
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:17,316
It's the perfect ratio
of rum to nog.
560
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,860
- Mmm.
- Anyway,
561
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,279
it would mean a lot to me
if you were there.
562
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:25,408
- Barker, this was delicious,
but I told you before,
563
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,450
my schedule at this other job
is very demanding.
564
00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:29,412
It's a lot of work
to get to Nebraska.
565
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:30,454
I just--I can't make
plans like that.
566
00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:32,623
I'm sorry.
- I think it wouldn't be
567
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,083
that hard to get to Nebraska.
- Ugh, believe me,
568
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:36,243
it's nearly impossible.
569
00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:38,296
- Look, just promise me
whenever you do leave,
570
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:39,463
you'll talk to me first.
- Promise.
571
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,508
Bye, Barker.
572
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:44,135
[door slams closed]
573
00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:47,471
[determined music]
574
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:54,270
♪
575
00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:02,570
Hi--oh, my God,
the memories.
576
00:22:02,613 --> 00:22:05,489
- What?
- I lived in this exact room.
577
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:06,574
I didn't decorate it with quite
578
00:22:06,617 --> 00:22:09,869
as many old bowls
of cereal, but...
579
00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:11,495
- Who are you?
- I'm Allison, class of '99.
580
00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:17,418
You look like a...smart guy.
581
00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:18,586
Are you perhaps working
on an important project
582
00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:21,589
on your computer?
Something big, maybe?
583
00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:22,631
Bigger than Facebook
or Candy Crush?
584
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,800
Something the world
desperately needs?
585
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,635
- How did you know?
586
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,013
- You have that air about you.
587
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,598
[awkward
string-plucking music]
588
00:22:30,641 --> 00:22:31,682
You know,
when I was back in school,
589
00:22:31,726 --> 00:22:33,017
I accidentally fried
my computer?
590
00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:37,021
You know, you really should
get a surge protector.
591
00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:38,105
Problem solved.
592
00:22:41,486 --> 00:22:45,363
Six points?
593
00:22:45,406 --> 00:22:46,280
I thought you said
you were working on something
594
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,990
that the world needed.
595
00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:50,701
- I am.
It's a love song.
596
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:53,162
- I am so angry right now,
597
00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:54,080
I think I might throw up.
598
00:22:57,543 --> 00:23:00,086
- Yo, Pyke, what's good?
[horn honks, carolers sing]
599
00:23:00,129 --> 00:23:01,420
Hey!
Oh, no, you can't park here.
600
00:23:01,464 --> 00:23:04,006
You got to keep going.
Thank you so much.
601
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:05,132
Merry Christmas.
[horn honking]
602
00:23:05,176 --> 00:23:06,717
The finger's not necessary.
603
00:23:06,761 --> 00:23:08,135
- Are you on a parking job?
- Don't judge me.
604
00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:09,637
I got to grind out
these points somehow.
605
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,264
Mother of three needs a space
in front of her pediatrician.
606
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:14,809
- Look, I need your advice on
an unsanctioned love miracle.
607
00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:17,395
- Showing initiative.
I like it.
608
00:23:17,438 --> 00:23:18,771
Hey, and Pyke,
those points can be huge
609
00:23:18,815 --> 00:23:20,481
if the couples
are well matched.
610
00:23:20,525 --> 00:23:22,775
- Unfortunately, I think
this guy's one of a kind.
611
00:23:22,819 --> 00:23:24,527
- Well, it's not like
I can help you anyway.
612
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:26,737
Pyke, you know I'm not good
with the emotional stuff.
613
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:29,782
My dad, he raised me
old-school, okay?
614
00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:30,783
When he was on his deathbed,
I said good-bye
615
00:23:30,827 --> 00:23:32,576
with a handshake.
Good-bye!
616
00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:34,787
- Look, can you just tell me
how the other angels do it?
617
00:23:34,831 --> 00:23:37,248
- Yes.
The ones who succeed--
618
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:38,833
oh, my gosh.
You are hilarious.
619
00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:41,335
There's cute spots down there.
I promise.
620
00:23:41,379 --> 00:23:42,128
carolers: ♪ Bring us
some figgy pudding ♪
621
00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:44,338
Yes, the ones who succeed
622
00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:46,132
usually have a natural sense
of compassion and empathy,
623
00:23:46,175 --> 00:23:47,341
so... [laughs]
You're screwed.
624
00:23:50,096 --> 00:23:53,264
- [exhales forcefully]
625
00:23:53,307 --> 00:23:55,433
Okay, so tell me
about this girl you like.
626
00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:57,351
- Katie.
627
00:23:57,395 --> 00:24:00,980
She's this...
this girl... I like.
628
00:24:01,023 --> 00:24:04,316
- Okay, well,
does she like you?
629
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,776
- Oh, we've never
actually spoken,
630
00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:09,029
but I spent the last two weeks
writing her this song
631
00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:10,906
for Christmas.
632
00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:13,868
I'm a DJ--mostly ambient dub,
633
00:24:13,911 --> 00:24:16,495
but also a little Euro-trance.
634
00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:18,622
[bubbly electronic music
playing]
635
00:24:18,666 --> 00:24:21,333
♪
636
00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:22,918
[to the tune of "O Holy Night"]
♪ Oh, Katie
637
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,628
♪ Your star is
brightly shining ♪
638
00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:26,922
♪ It is the night
of our dear Katie's birth ♪
639
00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:29,550
- Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie.
640
00:24:29,594 --> 00:24:32,136
Katie, Katie.
- ♪ A thrill of hope
641
00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:33,304
- Katie.
- ♪ My weary heart rejoices
642
00:24:33,347 --> 00:24:34,638
- That's--okay, yeah--
- ♪ Yonder breaks
643
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:36,974
♪ a new glorious...
- That's good--thank you,
644
00:24:37,018 --> 00:24:38,976
Thank you.
Um...so...question:
645
00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:42,980
what inspired...this?
646
00:24:43,024 --> 00:24:46,442
- I see her every day,
647
00:24:46,486 --> 00:24:49,320
and it's like...
she's the best.
648
00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:53,657
So this song is like my secret
649
00:24:53,701 --> 00:24:57,453
that I'm finally ready
to share with her.
650
00:24:57,497 --> 00:24:58,996
- Where does this Katie live?
651
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,540
- 239, across the hall.
652
00:25:01,584 --> 00:25:05,961
- [inhales heavily]
653
00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:08,881
[sobs dramatically]
654
00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:11,050
[mischievous music]
655
00:25:11,093 --> 00:25:14,678
[sobbing softly]
656
00:25:14,722 --> 00:25:19,099
♪
657
00:25:19,143 --> 00:25:22,353
- [sobs] Katie, I've...
I've left him.
658
00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:24,980
He's all yours.
- Left who?
659
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:27,024
- Jesse.
My boyfriend Jesse.
660
00:25:27,068 --> 00:25:29,109
- Jesse?
661
00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:31,111
From down the hall?
662
00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:34,740
I've never even spoken to him.
663
00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:38,911
- I can feel
the chemistry from here.
664
00:25:38,955 --> 00:25:41,205
Take good care of him.
665
00:25:41,249 --> 00:25:42,831
He knows how to make a girl
feel really special.
666
00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:45,042
Just enjoy it.
667
00:25:45,086 --> 00:25:47,169
[sniffs]
668
00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:49,797
[sweet acoustic guitar music]
669
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:56,637
♪
670
00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,932
Ugh....
671
00:25:59,976 --> 00:26:07,022
♪
672
00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,065
[phone chimes]
673
00:26:11,279 --> 00:26:13,904
What?
674
00:26:13,948 --> 00:26:15,948
What is happening?
Oh, my God.
675
00:26:15,992 --> 00:26:20,244
♪
676
00:26:20,288 --> 00:26:21,203
Oh, my God, I did it.
677
00:26:26,627 --> 00:26:28,961
[children's choir singing
"Ding Dong Merrily on High"]
678
00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:31,630
- ♪ Glo-o-o-oria,
glo-o-o-ria ♪
679
00:26:31,674 --> 00:26:34,842
♪ Glo-o-o-oria
- ♪ Gloria, gloria
680
00:26:34,885 --> 00:26:38,512
♪ Hosanna in the highest
681
00:26:38,556 --> 00:26:41,599
♪ E'en so,
here below, below ♪
682
00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:43,142
- Pyke.
- Oh, hi.
683
00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,227
- You did it.
684
00:26:45,271 --> 00:26:47,605
And it only took you
nine years--
685
00:26:47,648 --> 00:26:48,981
one of my longest projects
ever,
686
00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:50,399
so they sent me to
congratulate you personally,
687
00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:54,069
which was a bit of a hassle,
since I was on set, but...
688
00:26:54,113 --> 00:26:55,654
- Oh, that's cool.
Like a local commercial?
689
00:26:55,698 --> 00:26:57,573
- Like a television series
690
00:26:57,617 --> 00:27:01,160
that'll be seen by millions
of people, but whatever.
691
00:27:01,203 --> 00:27:02,661
We don't have time for this.
692
00:27:02,705 --> 00:27:03,704
You have got to get
to the Newark bus station
693
00:27:03,748 --> 00:27:06,415
and catch the 1:05
to Schenectady.
694
00:27:06,459 --> 00:27:08,584
- Wait, wait, wait.
I'm taking a bus...
695
00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:10,544
to Heaven?
In Jersey?
696
00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:11,712
- Yeah, I know we're
supposed to say
697
00:27:11,756 --> 00:27:13,505
the Universe does
everything for a reason,
698
00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:15,716
but sometimes I think they just
make it up as they go along.
699
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:17,593
- [chuckles]
- Oh, and you've got to be
700
00:27:17,637 --> 00:27:19,720
on that exact bus,
701
00:27:19,764 --> 00:27:22,097
or your points go back to zero.
- Back to zero?
702
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:25,934
That's unnecessarily harsh.
- Well, there's precedent.
703
00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,353
St. Francis of Assisi
went out drinking
704
00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:31,273
after he finished his project,
got some girl pregnant.
705
00:27:31,317 --> 00:27:33,192
[chuckles]
Frankie, no bueno!
706
00:27:33,235 --> 00:27:35,819
You can catch the C train
just around the corner.
707
00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,738
It'll get you there on time--
if you hustle!
708
00:27:37,782 --> 00:27:39,782
- Okay.
Ah--okay, well...
709
00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:42,242
I guess I'm out of here.
- Go, please--
710
00:27:42,286 --> 00:27:43,786
before they realize
what a mistake they made.
711
00:27:43,829 --> 00:27:46,622
- I'll keep a pie warm for you.
712
00:27:46,666 --> 00:27:49,875
- I always knew
you knew who I was!
713
00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:51,377
Hi.
- Hey.
714
00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:55,839
- Yeah, it's me.
It's me.
715
00:27:55,883 --> 00:27:57,257
Sorry, nope.
I got to get back to set.
716
00:27:57,301 --> 00:27:58,550
No pictures.
717
00:27:58,594 --> 00:28:05,224
♪
718
00:28:05,267 --> 00:28:06,392
- Excuse me--excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me.
719
00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:07,851
No, no. [gasps]
I need one ticket
720
00:28:07,895 --> 00:28:09,728
for the 1:05 to Schenectady.
721
00:28:09,772 --> 00:28:11,897
- Okay, well, there's a 1:15.
Should be here any minute.
722
00:28:11,941 --> 00:28:14,650
- No, no, no.
I need the 1:05--
723
00:28:14,694 --> 00:28:15,901
that exact bus.
If I don't get on the 1:05 bus,
724
00:28:15,945 --> 00:28:17,903
I can't go.
- In ten minutes,
725
00:28:17,947 --> 00:28:19,405
there's a bus to Schenectady.
726
00:28:19,448 --> 00:28:21,365
Get on it,
and you'll go Schenectady.
727
00:28:21,409 --> 00:28:23,075
It's how buses work.
- [stammers]
728
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,244
- I need the 1:05.
- There is no 1:05.
729
00:28:25,287 --> 00:28:27,913
It's Christmas Eve.
It's a holiday schedule.
730
00:28:27,957 --> 00:28:30,874
And the next 1:05
to Schenectady is on the 26th.
731
00:28:30,918 --> 00:28:33,293
Now, you can wait two days,
732
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:35,963
or, you know, you can wait
ten minutes for the 1:15.
733
00:28:36,006 --> 00:28:39,299
- Yeah, Merry Christmas.
734
00:28:39,343 --> 00:28:41,385
- You know what's funny?
If we were filming
735
00:28:41,429 --> 00:28:43,971
a movie right now,
this would just be water.
736
00:28:44,014 --> 00:28:45,931
[laughs] Isn't that crazy?
Just a little
737
00:28:45,975 --> 00:28:46,432
inside of Hollywood for you.
[phone ringing]
738
00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:49,226
Oh...huh.
739
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:50,561
Hi. What are you doing?
Are you on the bus?
740
00:28:50,604 --> 00:28:51,979
- There is no 1:05 bus.
741
00:28:52,022 --> 00:28:54,273
There is a 1:15 bus
because of Christmas.
742
00:28:54,316 --> 00:28:55,983
The 1:05 isn't until the 26th.
743
00:28:56,026 --> 00:28:58,777
- Okay, cool.
So, uh...
744
00:28:58,821 --> 00:28:59,987
looks like you got
a two-day extension.
745
00:29:00,030 --> 00:29:03,031
Enjoy it, and then get
back there on the 26th.
746
00:29:03,075 --> 00:29:05,409
Margo, will you slice me off a
little more of that headcheese?
747
00:29:05,453 --> 00:29:06,910
- Of course.
- A little bit.
748
00:29:06,954 --> 00:29:08,036
Thanks.
- What is headcheese?
749
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,663
- You can take the boy
out of Ukraine...
750
00:29:09,707 --> 00:29:10,914
[laughing] Right?
751
00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:13,584
Mmm...mmm.
752
00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:17,171
Mmm.
Thank you.
753
00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:18,297
- How are you already
with a woman?
754
00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:19,131
I left you
less than an hour ago.
755
00:29:19,175 --> 00:29:20,048
- How?
Pyke,
756
00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:22,760
beautiful women all over
757
00:29:22,803 --> 00:29:24,052
this great country appreciate
the body of work
758
00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:27,931
that I've put out over
the last 20, 25 years, okay?
759
00:29:27,975 --> 00:29:29,892
Plus, I let them put it
on their social
760
00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:31,310
if they promise not to tag me.
761
00:29:31,353 --> 00:29:32,102
You're not gonna tag me, right?
762
00:29:32,146 --> 00:29:33,687
- No.
- Okay.
763
00:29:33,731 --> 00:29:35,105
[clears throat]
You know, Pyke,
764
00:29:35,149 --> 00:29:38,901
I will never understand
why you got a job as a waitress
765
00:29:38,944 --> 00:29:40,110
instead of trying
to become a celebrity.
766
00:29:40,154 --> 00:29:42,070
[laughs]
What were you thinking?
767
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:45,532
- Well, I didn't plan on
being here for nine years.
768
00:29:45,576 --> 00:29:47,493
Look, I lost everything
when I died.
769
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:48,577
Being an angel doesn't
make me happy like you.
770
00:29:48,621 --> 00:29:51,205
- Yeah.
771
00:29:51,248 --> 00:29:56,001
Happy...like we were.
772
00:29:56,045 --> 00:29:59,296
[sighs] Like me.
773
00:29:59,340 --> 00:30:02,633
- Are you crying?
- What?
774
00:30:02,676 --> 00:30:06,053
[clears throat] Stop, stop.
I'm--no, I'm not crying.
775
00:30:06,096 --> 00:30:09,389
[clears throat] I just got
a little...
776
00:30:09,433 --> 00:30:12,100
headcheese stuck--
no, listen, Pyke.
777
00:30:12,144 --> 00:30:14,019
Pyke, do not get
in trouble, okay?
778
00:30:14,063 --> 00:30:16,188
You are still
considered active.
779
00:30:16,232 --> 00:30:17,815
You can still lose points.
Okay?
780
00:30:17,858 --> 00:30:20,234
- Look, I am not gonna do
anything for the next two days.
781
00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:23,028
I am going to lock my doors,
get into bed,
782
00:30:23,072 --> 00:30:24,696
and watch
a "Real Housewife" or seven.
783
00:30:24,740 --> 00:30:26,865
- Great.
784
00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:29,910
[TOPS' "Cloudy Skies"]
785
00:30:29,954 --> 00:30:32,204
[alluring indie rock music]
786
00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:34,915
♪
787
00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:38,043
- ♪ I'm looking at
the cloudy skies ♪
788
00:30:38,087 --> 00:30:40,254
♪ I look ahead
and see my sorrow ♪
789
00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:44,299
♪
790
00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:46,593
♪ No choice
but to live tomorrow ♪
791
00:30:46,637 --> 00:30:50,180
♪
792
00:30:50,224 --> 00:30:52,307
♪ Nothing else left to do
793
00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:55,018
♪
794
00:30:55,062 --> 00:30:56,979
- Oh, crap.
- "Crap"?
795
00:30:57,022 --> 00:30:58,856
"Oh, crap" what?
796
00:30:58,899 --> 00:31:00,315
- Patrick?
- Who's Patrick?
797
00:31:00,359 --> 00:31:01,900
Wait, Patrick--
your husband Patrick?
798
00:31:01,944 --> 00:31:03,819
- Patrick.
799
00:31:03,863 --> 00:31:05,988
Patrick.
800
00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:08,031
- Yes?
801
00:31:08,075 --> 00:31:09,491
- Pyke?
802
00:31:09,535 --> 00:31:11,076
Wait.
803
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,704
[gentle ringing music]
804
00:31:13,747 --> 00:31:16,206
♪
805
00:31:16,250 --> 00:31:18,709
- I'm sorry, do I know you?
806
00:31:18,752 --> 00:31:20,377
- Hi, babe.
Sorry I lost you
807
00:31:20,421 --> 00:31:23,005
for a minute there.
I was just in the bathroom.
808
00:31:23,048 --> 00:31:25,382
There was this really nice lady
sleeping on the floor,
809
00:31:25,426 --> 00:31:27,050
but I just wanted to make sure
810
00:31:27,094 --> 00:31:29,428
she wasn't exposing
herself any longer.
811
00:31:29,471 --> 00:31:31,263
Who's this?
812
00:31:31,307 --> 00:31:33,432
- I don't know.
Uh...
813
00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:35,183
I feel like
I've seen you before.
814
00:31:39,106 --> 00:31:40,439
- We all know
the rules--all angels.
815
00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:42,649
You cannot communicate
with anyone from your old life.
816
00:31:42,693 --> 00:31:44,443
You know, it confuses
the whole life and death thing
817
00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:46,737
and screws up the system.
818
00:31:46,780 --> 00:31:48,322
Like, if by any chance you run
819
00:31:48,365 --> 00:31:50,157
into someone
from your old life,
820
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,242
you must turn around
without saying a word,
821
00:31:52,286 --> 00:31:54,202
and so that is exactly
what I'm gonna do.
822
00:31:57,666 --> 00:32:00,500
Hi, Patrick.
I'm Allison Pyke.
823
00:32:00,544 --> 00:32:04,212
- How do you know my name?
824
00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:10,177
- I know because...
I'm an angel.
825
00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:12,512
What I mean is, I'm a part
of a New York City
826
00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:15,641
Christmas initiative for locals
827
00:32:15,684 --> 00:32:18,226
to help out-of-towners
get around the city.
828
00:32:18,270 --> 00:32:19,853
I am here to help
and show you the sights.
829
00:32:19,897 --> 00:32:22,731
- Hmm...
830
00:32:22,775 --> 00:32:24,566
[clears throat]
831
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:26,693
[whispering] Patrick,
remember what your dad
832
00:32:26,737 --> 00:32:28,570
showed us online about
New York City scammers?
833
00:32:28,614 --> 00:32:30,030
She could be trying
to get us into a van,
834
00:32:30,074 --> 00:32:32,616
take us to a secure location,
steal our identities,
835
00:32:32,660 --> 00:32:34,034
charge a bunch of things
on our credit cards,
836
00:32:34,078 --> 00:32:35,494
and then get us
hooked on drugs.
837
00:32:35,537 --> 00:32:36,578
- Sweetie, I think
you've been watching
838
00:32:36,622 --> 00:32:38,372
too many Liam Neeson movies.
839
00:32:38,415 --> 00:32:39,373
- Well, at least
in a Liam Neeson movie,
840
00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:40,582
there'd be someone
protecting us.
841
00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:43,543
Neither of our dads are
in good enough shape
842
00:32:43,578 --> 00:32:46,171
to get revenge.
- Uh, guys, just so you know,
843
00:32:46,215 --> 00:32:46,922
I can hear most
of what you're saying.
844
00:32:50,469 --> 00:32:51,426
- See, this is exactly
why I wanted
845
00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:52,636
to take a direct flight to JFK
846
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:54,262
instead of trying
to save a buck
847
00:32:54,306 --> 00:32:55,681
on a cheap Internet bus deal.
848
00:32:55,724 --> 00:33:00,477
These bus stations are
like magnets for con artists.
849
00:33:00,521 --> 00:33:02,312
- Guys, look,
I'm not a con artist.
850
00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:03,730
I'm not even a regular artist.
851
00:33:03,774 --> 00:33:06,274
I'm just here to make sure
you have a nice Christmas.
852
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:08,026
That's my only job.
853
00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:10,862
[hopeful music]
854
00:33:10,906 --> 00:33:13,991
♪
855
00:33:14,034 --> 00:33:15,450
- I think it--
- We appreciate it--
856
00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:18,328
we really do--but we've been
traveling all day, and anyway,
857
00:33:18,372 --> 00:33:20,706
we have the nice people
at the Midtown Travel Suites
858
00:33:20,749 --> 00:33:23,166
to show us around just fine.
Right?
859
00:33:28,757 --> 00:33:31,174
- Siri, call
the Midtown Travel Suites.
860
00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:32,718
[swanky music]
861
00:33:32,761 --> 00:33:36,722
- I'm sorry, but it looks like
your reservation was cancelled.
862
00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:39,182
- What?
- What?
863
00:33:39,226 --> 00:33:40,559
- How can it be cancelled?
We just got here.
864
00:33:40,602 --> 00:33:43,729
- Well, there's a note
right here.
865
00:33:43,772 --> 00:33:46,189
You called, said you wouldn't
be able to stay here
866
00:33:46,233 --> 00:33:48,525
because you had bedbugs,
867
00:33:48,569 --> 00:33:50,193
and the bedbugs are crawling
all over your skin
868
00:33:50,237 --> 00:33:54,031
because you're a gross person
who does gross things.
869
00:33:54,074 --> 00:33:55,157
- That does not sound like her.
- No.
870
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,616
I never made
that phone call, okay?
871
00:33:56,660 --> 00:34:00,203
I am not a gross person.
I've never done gross things.
872
00:34:00,247 --> 00:34:04,207
I've never even passed gas in
front of another human being.
873
00:34:04,251 --> 00:34:07,961
- Can you un-cancel it, please?
Just find us a room.
874
00:34:08,005 --> 00:34:08,837
- We're all booked up.
875
00:34:08,881 --> 00:34:10,922
It's Christmas, you know?
876
00:34:10,966 --> 00:34:12,841
- Oh, my God.
877
00:34:12,885 --> 00:34:16,344
You two again?
What an incredible coincidence.
878
00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:20,307
- Oh, my God, the con artist.
879
00:34:20,350 --> 00:34:22,934
- Is everything okay?
880
00:34:22,978 --> 00:34:24,603
- They don't have a room
for us.
881
00:34:24,646 --> 00:34:26,313
- I am so sorry.
882
00:34:26,356 --> 00:34:28,940
You happen to be in luck.
I know an amazing Airbnb.
883
00:34:28,984 --> 00:34:32,652
My boss, Connie's, place--
Upper West Side.
884
00:34:32,696 --> 00:34:36,114
- Really?
'Cause that sounds amazing.
885
00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:38,283
- So how about it?
886
00:34:38,327 --> 00:34:39,743
- Uh, again, thanks so much,
but I think it's best
887
00:34:39,787 --> 00:34:40,952
if we find our own way.
888
00:34:40,996 --> 00:34:43,997
- Honey, we don't have
any other options.
889
00:34:44,041 --> 00:34:45,415
- You can trust me.
890
00:34:47,795 --> 00:34:48,919
- We can trust her.
891
00:34:48,962 --> 00:34:52,255
♪
892
00:34:52,299 --> 00:34:54,466
- It's Christmas Eve.
893
00:34:54,510 --> 00:34:55,717
Every hotel in the city
is gonna be booked.
894
00:34:55,761 --> 00:34:58,303
You have nowhere to go,
and here I am,
895
00:34:58,347 --> 00:35:00,680
willing to show you
a place to stay.
896
00:35:00,724 --> 00:35:06,770
Or, you could find a dark,
cold, feces-smeared alleyway
897
00:35:06,814 --> 00:35:08,396
and sleep on a bed
of rat carcasses.
898
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:10,315
You know, your choice.
899
00:35:10,359 --> 00:35:11,483
- You hate feces.
900
00:35:15,072 --> 00:35:16,738
- Fine.
- Ah, great! Luggage.
901
00:35:16,782 --> 00:35:19,282
Oh, heavy.
You know, why don't you
902
00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:20,742
carry your own luggage?
Patrick, there are a ton
903
00:35:20,786 --> 00:35:23,829
of places I know you'd love.
- Oh, Jill actually wants
904
00:35:23,872 --> 00:35:25,038
to see the tree
at Rockefeller Center first.
905
00:35:25,082 --> 00:35:27,749
- Oh, yeah.
It's on my bucket list.
906
00:35:27,793 --> 00:35:29,042
I've wanted to see it
since I was a little girl.
907
00:35:29,086 --> 00:35:29,960
- Want to know
what's on my bucket list?
908
00:35:30,003 --> 00:35:30,627
Never see stupid crap.
909
00:35:36,176 --> 00:35:37,134
[sirens wailing]
- Are we any closer
910
00:35:37,177 --> 00:35:39,177
to our place
on the Upper West Side?
911
00:35:39,221 --> 00:35:40,470
- I mean, sure.
You're...
912
00:35:40,514 --> 00:35:42,222
closer than you were yesterday.
913
00:35:42,266 --> 00:35:45,016
So here we have a special place
914
00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:47,477
in rock and roll history.
Lou Reed wrote the song
915
00:35:47,521 --> 00:35:49,187
"Heroin" right here,
immediately after he bought
916
00:35:49,231 --> 00:35:51,398
heroin from right over there.
- No way.
917
00:35:51,441 --> 00:35:52,899
- Well, makes sense.
- Pyke, thank you
918
00:35:52,943 --> 00:35:57,195
for this very detailed history
of the music of New York.
919
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,073
I mean, the stuff
about the Stooges
920
00:36:00,117 --> 00:36:01,199
and Velvet Underground--
I was obsessed
921
00:36:01,243 --> 00:36:03,160
with them in college.
- Yeah, I thought
922
00:36:03,203 --> 00:36:04,870
you might like it.
923
00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:10,625
- Okay, maybe we should
go back to a main road.
924
00:36:10,669 --> 00:36:14,713
I think we're close
to the Empire State Building.
925
00:36:14,756 --> 00:36:19,009
- So, Patrick, what made you
want to come to New York?
926
00:36:19,052 --> 00:36:21,261
- Well, I've been planning it
927
00:36:21,305 --> 00:36:24,181
for a long time--
since I was a teenager--
928
00:36:24,224 --> 00:36:26,224
and...well, the timing
was finally right.
929
00:36:29,146 --> 00:36:32,022
- The beard suits you.
930
00:36:32,065 --> 00:36:35,066
- Thank you?
931
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:37,110
- Okay.
Uh, we might be able to see
932
00:36:37,154 --> 00:36:39,779
the Statue of Liberty up here.
- Do you want to see
933
00:36:39,823 --> 00:36:43,283
where Iggy Pop threw up
on Andy Warhol's entourage?
934
00:36:43,327 --> 00:36:44,284
- Does David Bowie
wear eyeshadow?
935
00:36:44,328 --> 00:36:45,911
[both laughing]
936
00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:48,622
♪
937
00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:49,331
- I am sorry that I had
to cut the tour short
938
00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:52,751
because of my blisters,
939
00:36:52,794 --> 00:36:54,753
but I did not expect
to have to walk 12 miles.
940
00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:56,755
You know, I want to keep
my feet fresh for ice-skating
941
00:36:56,798 --> 00:36:58,673
at Rockefeller Center.
- Ah, New York has a way
942
00:36:58,717 --> 00:37:00,675
of finding out who's tough
enough to handle it.
943
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,636
Plus, it gave us the perfect
excuse to sit down
944
00:37:02,679 --> 00:37:04,346
and have a meal at one
of the best places
945
00:37:04,389 --> 00:37:05,388
in all of New York.
The dumplings here
946
00:37:05,432 --> 00:37:08,225
are transcendent.
- Dumplings?
947
00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:10,685
Wow.
- Oh, don't worry, Jill.
948
00:37:10,729 --> 00:37:11,770
I ordered you soup.
I know it's your favorite.
949
00:37:11,813 --> 00:37:13,313
- How do you know
that I like soup?
950
00:37:13,357 --> 00:37:15,023
- Just based on that outfit.
951
00:37:15,067 --> 00:37:17,400
[phone buzzes]
952
00:37:20,656 --> 00:37:24,991
- Two order dumpling,
one order chicken feet soup.
953
00:37:25,035 --> 00:37:27,077
- Mm.
954
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,328
- You don't have to eat that.
955
00:37:28,372 --> 00:37:29,454
We could share dumplings.
- Nope.
956
00:37:29,498 --> 00:37:32,749
That's...that's okay.
We are guests here,
957
00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,292
and I do not want to
insult our hosts.
958
00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:41,299
Okay, well,
959
00:37:41,343 --> 00:37:43,301
I think I'm just gonna
go wash my hands.
960
00:37:43,345 --> 00:37:45,512
Where's the bathroom?
- No bathroom.
961
00:37:45,555 --> 00:37:48,932
- Oh, there's a donut shop
across the street.
962
00:37:48,976 --> 00:37:51,059
- Do you need me
to go with you?
963
00:37:51,103 --> 00:37:52,644
- No, no, no.
[clears throat]
964
00:37:52,688 --> 00:37:56,773
♪
965
00:37:56,817 --> 00:37:58,942
- I'm so excited to get
to take you here.
966
00:37:58,986 --> 00:38:01,569
These are gonna be the best
dumplings you've ever had.
967
00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:03,321
- I've had a few dumplings
in my life.
968
00:38:03,365 --> 00:38:04,990
- [laughs] Well, not these.
969
00:38:05,033 --> 00:38:05,699
- Here goes.
- Ready?
970
00:38:09,579 --> 00:38:12,247
- Mmm--oh, my God.
- Right?
971
00:38:12,291 --> 00:38:13,164
- You were so right.
These are so good.
972
00:38:13,208 --> 00:38:16,293
- So good.
[both laugh]
973
00:38:16,336 --> 00:38:18,920
- Mmm.
- So, um...Patrick,
974
00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:21,589
why, um...why is, um...
975
00:38:21,633 --> 00:38:23,591
now the right time
to visit New York?
976
00:38:28,140 --> 00:38:31,975
- I had a hard few years.
977
00:38:32,019 --> 00:38:33,601
- I'm sorry.
978
00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:37,188
- It's okay.
You know?
979
00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:40,442
And...I always wanted
to come to New York.
980
00:38:40,485 --> 00:38:41,651
I've been talking about it
since I was a kid,
981
00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:44,029
and I met Jill a few years ago,
982
00:38:44,072 --> 00:38:45,655
and she said
she'd come with me.
983
00:38:45,699 --> 00:38:48,366
I thought it would help,
you know?
984
00:38:48,410 --> 00:38:50,452
To make peace with some stuff.
985
00:38:53,707 --> 00:38:56,082
I feel like what
we're doing today,
986
00:38:56,126 --> 00:38:57,417
it was the exact way
I wanted to see the city.
987
00:38:57,461 --> 00:38:59,711
[chuckles] I mean, I could have
kept going for hours.
988
00:38:59,755 --> 00:39:01,463
- [laughs]
- I just--
989
00:39:01,506 --> 00:39:04,132
there's stuff on Jill's list
that she wants to see,
990
00:39:04,176 --> 00:39:05,717
and I want to make her happy.
991
00:39:05,761 --> 00:39:09,262
- Is she hard to make happy?
- No.
992
00:39:09,306 --> 00:39:11,765
She's actually wonderful.
993
00:39:11,808 --> 00:39:15,185
Honestly, I don't know
how I would have gotten through
994
00:39:15,228 --> 00:39:15,894
the last few years without her.
995
00:39:15,937 --> 00:39:17,729
[gentle music]
996
00:39:17,773 --> 00:39:21,399
She wants to get married.
997
00:39:21,443 --> 00:39:24,027
I want to marry her.
I-I'd love to.
998
00:39:24,071 --> 00:39:25,779
I...I don't know
if I can marry anyone.
999
00:39:25,822 --> 00:39:28,865
♪
1000
00:39:28,909 --> 00:39:33,787
I was married before, and...
1001
00:39:33,830 --> 00:39:36,081
- Um, what was she like?
1002
00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:37,791
Your wife.
1003
00:39:37,834 --> 00:39:41,795
- She was...
[bell dings]
1004
00:39:41,838 --> 00:39:44,339
She was--
- Guys, so weird.
1005
00:39:44,383 --> 00:39:47,217
I just saw the guy who was
in that movie, you know,
1006
00:39:47,260 --> 00:39:48,259
where all of his friends
try to stop him
1007
00:39:48,303 --> 00:39:49,386
from marrying the wrong girl?
1008
00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:53,848
Oh, he had that--
he had old sitcom on TV
1009
00:39:53,892 --> 00:39:55,433
where he played a guy
living in New York
1010
00:39:55,477 --> 00:39:57,852
with his three friends.
- You literally just described
1011
00:39:57,896 --> 00:39:59,562
every old sitcom.
1012
00:39:59,606 --> 00:40:00,688
- She's talking about
Jason Biggs.
1013
00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:01,856
- Yes!
- Oh!
1014
00:40:01,900 --> 00:40:05,026
[bell dings]
- There she is.
1015
00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:06,528
Pyke.
We need to talk.
1016
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:17,914
You can't do this.
1017
00:40:17,958 --> 00:40:20,625
- I'm not doing anything.
1018
00:40:20,669 --> 00:40:21,918
I ran into him,
and I haven't lost any points.
1019
00:40:21,962 --> 00:40:24,295
I've been checking.
- Yet.
1020
00:40:24,339 --> 00:40:25,422
But it's only
a matter of time.
1021
00:40:25,465 --> 00:40:27,340
No one is paying
any attention today,
1022
00:40:27,384 --> 00:40:28,842
because most of the bigwigs
are at a birthday party.
1023
00:40:28,885 --> 00:40:29,968
- Oh, right.
Birthday.
1024
00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:32,637
Christmas.
Yeah, that makes sense.
1025
00:40:32,681 --> 00:40:33,930
- Hi. Could you please
wrap this up for me?
1026
00:40:33,974 --> 00:40:36,266
- Huh?
Oh, no, no.
1027
00:40:36,309 --> 00:40:37,642
Not, um--not him.
It's also
1028
00:40:37,686 --> 00:40:40,603
this angel Carl's birthday.
He's a real sweetheart.
1029
00:40:40,647 --> 00:40:41,688
It's actually
a laser tag party.
1030
00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:43,356
That's not the point.
1031
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,774
They are going to find out
up there if you do not
1032
00:40:44,818 --> 00:40:46,025
get rid of them right now.
1033
00:40:46,069 --> 00:40:48,528
- I'm handling it.
- You are not handling it.
1034
00:40:48,572 --> 00:40:49,988
You are the opposite
of handling it.
1035
00:40:50,031 --> 00:40:53,741
- [whispering]
That's Jason Biggs over there.
1036
00:40:53,785 --> 00:40:56,244
- If you say one word
to either of them
1037
00:40:56,288 --> 00:40:59,205
about who you really are
or what you do,
1038
00:40:59,249 --> 00:41:00,623
I'm authorized to take
all your points away.
1039
00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:05,712
- But you wouldn't do that...
because we are friends.
1040
00:41:05,755 --> 00:41:08,756
- [sighs]
Okay, look.
1041
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,759
When I was being directed
by Woody...Allen...
1042
00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:15,305
- What other Woody could it be?
- I was having trouble
1043
00:41:15,348 --> 00:41:16,222
on a scene.
You know what he told me?
1044
00:41:16,266 --> 00:41:19,267
He said, "Jason.
Jason...
1045
00:41:19,311 --> 00:41:22,061
"You are here to do a job,
1046
00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:24,939
"and all you have to remember
1047
00:41:24,983 --> 00:41:28,693
is to Do. That. Job."
1048
00:41:28,737 --> 00:41:31,863
Understand?
1049
00:41:31,907 --> 00:41:33,990
See them on their way.
1050
00:41:34,034 --> 00:41:37,243
If you don't...
1051
00:41:37,287 --> 00:41:38,912
I can't help you.
1052
00:41:38,955 --> 00:41:41,706
[somber music]
1053
00:41:41,750 --> 00:41:47,170
♪
1054
00:41:47,214 --> 00:41:48,713
- Okay, uh, change of plans.
1055
00:41:48,757 --> 00:41:53,176
I am sending you guys off
to the Upper West Side.
1056
00:41:53,220 --> 00:41:55,512
- Really? Are you sure?
I thought we--
1057
00:41:55,555 --> 00:41:58,223
- Can we...can we get
a picture with Mr. Biggs?
1058
00:41:58,266 --> 00:42:00,600
- Sure, of course.
Yeah.
1059
00:42:00,644 --> 00:42:02,185
But, you know,
why don't we take it outside?
1060
00:42:02,229 --> 00:42:03,394
The light's much
better out there,
1061
00:42:03,438 --> 00:42:05,813
and that way
I can hail you a cab.
1062
00:42:05,857 --> 00:42:09,275
- Okay.
1063
00:42:09,319 --> 00:42:10,193
- Say good-bye to your friends.
1064
00:42:10,237 --> 00:42:13,029
♪
1065
00:42:13,073 --> 00:42:15,114
- [clears throat]
1066
00:42:15,158 --> 00:42:16,824
Bye, Patrick.
1067
00:42:16,868 --> 00:42:18,993
♪
1068
00:42:19,037 --> 00:42:20,703
- Bye, Pyke.
1069
00:42:20,747 --> 00:42:22,914
[hopeful music]
1070
00:42:22,958 --> 00:42:25,583
- Bye, Jill.
1071
00:42:25,627 --> 00:42:28,002
- Okay, losing light.
- Whoo-hoo!
1072
00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:31,631
♪
1073
00:42:31,675 --> 00:42:33,633
[phone chimes]
1074
00:42:33,677 --> 00:42:36,719
- [sighs]
1075
00:42:36,763 --> 00:42:39,681
- Hey, Pyke.
If I sound happy right now,
1076
00:42:39,724 --> 00:42:41,015
it's because I've been
sampling my homemade eggnog.
1077
00:42:41,059 --> 00:42:44,561
Don't tell anyone, but I added
a secret ingredient:
1078
00:42:44,604 --> 00:42:46,312
Maple syrup.
It's delicious.
1079
00:42:46,356 --> 00:42:48,398
We're drinking it tonight.
You're missing out.
1080
00:42:53,071 --> 00:42:55,655
[stirring piano melody]
1081
00:42:55,699 --> 00:42:59,867
♪
1082
00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:02,370
- I got the cab to stop because
I forgot my leftover soup.
1083
00:43:02,414 --> 00:43:04,581
Yeah.
1084
00:43:04,624 --> 00:43:08,251
You know, it really
is quite good.
1085
00:43:08,295 --> 00:43:11,504
- Oh, hey, hon,
maybe we ask Pyke.
1086
00:43:11,548 --> 00:43:12,297
Do you know the best place
in New York
1087
00:43:12,340 --> 00:43:13,965
to get a glass of eggnog?
1088
00:43:14,009 --> 00:43:19,762
♪
1089
00:43:19,806 --> 00:43:21,723
- I actually know
the perfect place.
1090
00:43:21,766 --> 00:43:25,226
How would you guys like to have
a genuine Christmas dinner
1091
00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:27,812
with the best homemade eggnog
1092
00:43:27,856 --> 00:43:29,063
you have ever tasted?
1093
00:43:29,107 --> 00:43:29,647
It's got maple syrup in it.
1094
00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:36,029
- We'd love to.
Thank you, yeah.
1095
00:43:36,072 --> 00:43:37,530
- Great. [sighs happily]
1096
00:43:37,574 --> 00:43:39,198
This is gonna be great.
[laughs]
1097
00:43:43,538 --> 00:43:44,912
[Johnny Staton's
"Ride On Santa"]
1098
00:43:44,956 --> 00:43:46,748
♪
1099
00:43:46,791 --> 00:43:49,876
- When you guys try this
eggnog, you are going to flip.
1100
00:43:49,919 --> 00:43:51,461
- Are you sure that the host
1101
00:43:51,504 --> 00:43:53,963
didn't want us
to bring anything?
1102
00:43:54,007 --> 00:43:55,506
- We did.
Soup.
1103
00:43:55,550 --> 00:44:00,136
- ♪ Laid in my bed
and I didn't say a word ♪
1104
00:44:00,180 --> 00:44:01,679
Barker! Hey, Connie.
- ♪ I just pretend
1105
00:44:01,723 --> 00:44:02,889
♪ That you wasn't heard
- Pyke?
1106
00:44:02,932 --> 00:44:04,182
I can't believe
you actually came.
1107
00:44:04,225 --> 00:44:06,684
- We brought soup.
She already ate half of it.
1108
00:44:06,728 --> 00:44:08,186
- Oh, soup.
Hey.
1109
00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:10,772
Who'd you bring with you?
1110
00:44:10,815 --> 00:44:12,190
- These are two
Christmas orphans I found.
1111
00:44:12,233 --> 00:44:15,652
This is Patrick.
He is the best.
1112
00:44:15,695 --> 00:44:18,821
I totally vouch for him.
And that's Jill.
1113
00:44:18,865 --> 00:44:20,239
- Great.
The more, the merrier.
1114
00:44:20,283 --> 00:44:23,368
Well, I'll just get
a few more chairs in here.
1115
00:44:23,411 --> 00:44:26,120
No problem at all.
Guys, these are Pyke's friends.
1116
00:44:26,164 --> 00:44:27,997
- Yeah, let's go with friends.
1117
00:44:28,041 --> 00:44:29,457
- Guys.
- And, of course,
1118
00:44:29,501 --> 00:44:31,501
Wendell, Gwendolyn.
- Hi.
1119
00:44:31,544 --> 00:44:32,251
- You know Pyke.
- Patrick, I promised
1120
00:44:32,295 --> 00:44:34,754
you eggnog.
Hey, Connie.
1121
00:44:34,798 --> 00:44:36,255
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, God, I hate this song.
1122
00:44:36,299 --> 00:44:38,508
- No!
[dance music playing]
1123
00:44:38,551 --> 00:44:40,301
- Wow, Barker.
You really went all out.
1124
00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:42,387
You cooked up a feast.
- Oh, come on.
1125
00:44:42,430 --> 00:44:43,888
It was no big deal.
[chuckles]
1126
00:44:43,932 --> 00:44:46,182
- I didn't realize you were
like the male Martha Stewart.
1127
00:44:46,226 --> 00:44:48,184
- I prefer male Julia Child,
1128
00:44:48,228 --> 00:44:49,227
but there's a lot
you don't know about me
1129
00:44:49,270 --> 00:44:50,603
besides my first name.
1130
00:44:50,647 --> 00:44:52,230
- Barker is better
and you know it.
1131
00:44:52,273 --> 00:44:54,607
- Hey, so no big deal,
1132
00:44:54,651 --> 00:44:56,317
but...I got you
a little something,
1133
00:44:56,361 --> 00:44:57,944
because I had a feeling
you'd show up.
1134
00:44:57,987 --> 00:45:00,321
Merry Christmas.
1135
00:45:00,365 --> 00:45:03,241
- ♪ Ain't got
no funny feeling ♪
1136
00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:07,286
♪ To be without you
1137
00:45:07,330 --> 00:45:09,163
- It's pretty special, right?
1138
00:45:09,207 --> 00:45:10,990
- I could use it now.
1139
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:16,087
♪
1140
00:45:16,131 --> 00:45:17,755
- Oh. You know,
there's rum in that already.
1141
00:45:17,799 --> 00:45:19,340
- Not enough.
1142
00:45:19,384 --> 00:45:21,008
Merry Christmas, Barker.
1143
00:45:21,052 --> 00:45:23,970
- Okay.
1144
00:45:24,013 --> 00:45:25,054
- Yeah...
- You are going to love it.
1145
00:45:25,098 --> 00:45:27,515
- Thank you.
1146
00:45:27,559 --> 00:45:28,433
- ♪ Ain't got
no funny feeling ♪
1147
00:45:28,476 --> 00:45:30,601
♪ Ain't got no funny feeling
1148
00:45:30,645 --> 00:45:32,353
- I'll be right be back, okay?
Cheers.
1149
00:45:32,397 --> 00:45:35,064
♪
1150
00:45:35,108 --> 00:45:38,234
Please tell me it's not gonna
be that kind of night.
1151
00:45:38,278 --> 00:45:39,485
- Look, I am spinning a lot
of plates right now,
1152
00:45:39,529 --> 00:45:40,445
and I spin better
when I'm drunk.
1153
00:45:40,488 --> 00:45:43,156
- Yeah, but who saved
who, really?
1154
00:45:43,199 --> 00:45:45,408
[both laugh]
- Who are your new friends?
1155
00:45:45,452 --> 00:45:47,452
- Honestly, just some randos.
1156
00:45:47,495 --> 00:45:51,372
Jill--she does not seem
good enough for Patrick, right?
1157
00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:52,457
- But it's nice.
- Nothing that we've planned
1158
00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:53,875
has happened today.
[both laugh]
1159
00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:55,376
- Just spontaneity, you know?
Spice of life, right?
1160
00:45:55,420 --> 00:45:57,628
- Oh, my God.
1161
00:45:57,672 --> 00:46:00,298
You like that guy.
1162
00:46:00,341 --> 00:46:02,425
And you brought him
and his girlfriend
1163
00:46:02,469 --> 00:46:03,843
to Barker's party?
- What? No.
1164
00:46:03,887 --> 00:46:06,804
Look, I just think there's
something off about Jill.
1165
00:46:06,848 --> 00:46:08,514
I mean, look at her.
- Nutmeg, I guess.
1166
00:46:08,558 --> 00:46:09,932
[both laugh]
- Do you see what
1167
00:46:09,976 --> 00:46:11,267
I'm talking about?
- You're not even playing
1168
00:46:11,311 --> 00:46:14,395
with fire right now, Pyke.
You're already engulfed
1169
00:46:14,439 --> 00:46:16,522
in flames.
Are you even listening to me?
1170
00:46:18,443 --> 00:46:22,028
♪
1171
00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:24,572
[all laughing]
1172
00:46:24,616 --> 00:46:26,324
- Cheers.
- Merry Christmas.
1173
00:46:26,367 --> 00:46:30,077
- All right, everybody.
I just want to say how grateful
1174
00:46:30,121 --> 00:46:32,622
I am to all of you--old friends
and new friends alike--
1175
00:46:32,665 --> 00:46:36,584
for spending your
Christmas Eves at my place.
1176
00:46:36,628 --> 00:46:38,544
- Mm!
- My family has a tradition
1177
00:46:38,588 --> 00:46:40,588
at Christmas.
We go around the table,
1178
00:46:40,632 --> 00:46:42,673
and everybody says
what they were grateful for
1179
00:46:42,717 --> 00:46:44,634
in the past year,
1180
00:46:44,677 --> 00:46:46,928
and what they are hopeful
for in the new year.
1181
00:46:46,971 --> 00:46:48,346
- Then what do you do
on Thanksgiving?
1182
00:46:48,389 --> 00:46:51,724
Exchange gifts under a tree?
Boom! Barker family burn.
1183
00:46:51,768 --> 00:46:54,268
[snickering]
1184
00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:56,145
- Well, Pyke,
since mine's about you,
1185
00:46:56,189 --> 00:46:59,690
I guess I'll go first.
1186
00:46:59,734 --> 00:47:04,654
You are challenging,
secretive, and elusive,
1187
00:47:04,697 --> 00:47:08,032
but getting a chance
to know you,
1188
00:47:08,076 --> 00:47:11,994
despite your best efforts,
has...been the thing
1189
00:47:12,038 --> 00:47:14,497
that I am most grateful
for this past year.
1190
00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:18,709
And what I'm most looking
forward to in the new year
1191
00:47:18,753 --> 00:47:24,632
is what it brings
for you...and for us.
1192
00:47:24,676 --> 00:47:28,052
- Oh, that is so cute, Barker.
[laughs]
1193
00:47:28,096 --> 00:47:30,304
Okay! Me next?
1194
00:47:30,348 --> 00:47:34,100
It's not really my thing.
Can we just...skip my turn?
1195
00:47:34,143 --> 00:47:36,477
[chuckles]
- I'll go next.
1196
00:47:36,521 --> 00:47:38,312
- Mm.
- Thank you, again, Barker,
1197
00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:42,859
for inviting me to this dinner.
My family lives far away,
1198
00:47:42,902 --> 00:47:44,777
but I also like to think
of some of you
1199
00:47:44,821 --> 00:47:47,780
as family--even you, Pyke.
Well, on a good day.
1200
00:47:47,824 --> 00:47:49,824
That's it.
1201
00:47:49,868 --> 00:47:52,368
- Um...
1202
00:47:52,412 --> 00:47:54,412
I think I need
another minute.
1203
00:47:54,455 --> 00:47:55,496
[all chuckling]
Could you go?
1204
00:47:55,540 --> 00:47:57,456
- Okay.
1205
00:47:57,500 --> 00:48:00,459
Well...
1206
00:48:00,503 --> 00:48:04,839
three years ago, I was--
I was in a really bad place.
1207
00:48:04,883 --> 00:48:09,844
Um...and then I met this man...
- [chuckles]
1208
00:48:09,888 --> 00:48:11,888
- In a grief support group...
1209
00:48:11,931 --> 00:48:15,224
because my fianc...
1210
00:48:15,268 --> 00:48:17,894
died in a car accident.
1211
00:48:17,937 --> 00:48:20,605
Stewart.
1212
00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:21,939
- Oh, honey.
- No.
1213
00:48:21,983 --> 00:48:23,357
You can't start liking her.
1214
00:48:23,401 --> 00:48:24,901
That's what she wants us to do.
1215
00:48:24,944 --> 00:48:27,361
- So first,
we got really close,
1216
00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:30,615
because, you know, we were both
going through so much,
1217
00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:34,619
but then we...
we really...fell in love.
1218
00:48:34,662 --> 00:48:39,206
I mean, he is
so sweet and kind,
1219
00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:42,627
and he's always so excited
about everything.
1220
00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:44,921
And, um...
1221
00:48:44,964 --> 00:48:47,924
he taught me that
life is for living.
1222
00:48:47,967 --> 00:48:52,261
So thank you, Pat.
1223
00:48:52,305 --> 00:48:54,388
[smooth piano version of
"O Christmas Tree"]
1224
00:48:54,432 --> 00:48:56,974
♪
1225
00:48:57,018 --> 00:48:59,852
- I'm Pat.
[chuckles]
1226
00:48:59,896 --> 00:49:00,978
Also one of
the total strangers
1227
00:49:01,022 --> 00:49:03,981
who just walked in
on Christmas Eve dinner.
1228
00:49:04,025 --> 00:49:04,982
[all chuckle]
1229
00:49:05,026 --> 00:49:07,193
Uh, but this isn't the weirdest
1230
00:49:07,236 --> 00:49:08,986
situation I've found myself in,
1231
00:49:09,030 --> 00:49:10,947
though, on Christmas Eve.
I, uh...
1232
00:49:10,990 --> 00:49:14,241
I was married before.
1233
00:49:14,285 --> 00:49:16,827
I knew her my whole life.
1234
00:49:16,871 --> 00:49:19,205
I proposed by, um...
[laughs]
1235
00:49:19,248 --> 00:49:21,707
I put a ring in a dumpling.
1236
00:49:25,088 --> 00:49:27,546
She swallowed it, naturally,
1237
00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:30,549
[all laughing]
1238
00:49:30,593 --> 00:49:33,761
And then, um...
she made me swallow my ring
1239
00:49:33,805 --> 00:49:36,097
so we could be even.
1240
00:49:36,140 --> 00:49:38,182
Then we spent
that Christmas Eve
1241
00:49:38,226 --> 00:49:41,102
in the emergency room.
[all laugh]
1242
00:49:41,145 --> 00:49:44,480
It was never my dream
to come to New York.
1243
00:49:44,524 --> 00:49:48,192
It was Megan's.
1244
00:49:48,236 --> 00:49:52,488
And I'm thankful
to you, Jill...
1245
00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:56,409
and to you, Pyke,
who I just met today...
1246
00:49:56,452 --> 00:50:00,037
for letting me have, today...
1247
00:50:00,081 --> 00:50:02,581
one-one last day for Megan.
1248
00:50:02,625 --> 00:50:04,583
Thank you all.
1249
00:50:04,627 --> 00:50:06,085
[phone vibrates]
1250
00:50:10,758 --> 00:50:14,218
- That was a really sad story
about your wife who died.
1251
00:50:14,262 --> 00:50:18,305
She sounds cool.
1252
00:50:18,349 --> 00:50:19,306
I was married once before too.
1253
00:50:22,979 --> 00:50:26,480
I was happy.
I loved someone.
1254
00:50:26,524 --> 00:50:30,568
I also knew him my whole life.
1255
00:50:30,611 --> 00:50:34,530
He liked "Dr. Who,"
especially those old episodes
1256
00:50:34,574 --> 00:50:37,283
where the sets were
still made out cardboard.
1257
00:50:37,326 --> 00:50:42,371
He also loved Bowie
and Iggy and the Beatles,
1258
00:50:42,415 --> 00:50:44,165
but his favorite Beatle
was George,
1259
00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:47,543
because he didn't make
a big deal about it.
1260
00:50:47,587 --> 00:50:49,211
We couldn't afford
expensive Christmas gifts,
1261
00:50:49,255 --> 00:50:55,509
so...we would buy the worst
gifts we could find...
1262
00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:58,345
[chuckling sadly]
Like used orthopedic shoes,
1263
00:50:58,389 --> 00:51:01,307
or...cans of iguana food.
1264
00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:04,852
Bad stuff.
1265
00:51:04,896 --> 00:51:07,271
But we loved it.
1266
00:51:07,315 --> 00:51:10,733
We were happy.
1267
00:51:10,777 --> 00:51:13,027
You know, and I always said
that I was gonna leave,
1268
00:51:13,071 --> 00:51:17,198
but...I never meant that
I was gonna leave him.
1269
00:51:17,241 --> 00:51:18,783
Whenever I thought
about leaving, you know,
1270
00:51:18,826 --> 00:51:21,410
I thought it was something
we were gonna do together.
1271
00:51:21,454 --> 00:51:24,163
So it does suck.
1272
00:51:24,207 --> 00:51:27,083
And it's not fair.
1273
00:51:27,126 --> 00:51:28,417
I didn't want to go.
1274
00:51:31,297 --> 00:51:33,547
I don't want to be here.
1275
00:51:37,470 --> 00:51:39,386
- I'm sorry, uh, I just--
I need a minute.
1276
00:51:43,643 --> 00:51:44,183
- Excuse me.
1277
00:51:47,814 --> 00:51:48,479
- Let's clear the table.
1278
00:51:56,948 --> 00:51:59,532
Okay, look, I have tried
to be understanding,
1279
00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,450
but what the hell
is going on here?
1280
00:52:01,494 --> 00:52:04,411
You were married?
You invite these people
1281
00:52:04,455 --> 00:52:06,455
to my place?
- I wish I could tell you,
1282
00:52:06,499 --> 00:52:08,833
but you just wouldn't
understand.
1283
00:52:08,876 --> 00:52:11,127
- Try me.
All right? I meant what I said.
1284
00:52:11,170 --> 00:52:13,504
I need you to share with me.
Please.
1285
00:52:13,548 --> 00:52:15,506
- Look, okay, I do have
something to share.
1286
00:52:15,550 --> 00:52:18,134
I am leaving forever
in a day and a half.
1287
00:52:20,888 --> 00:52:22,471
- Well, that's great, Pyke.
1288
00:52:22,515 --> 00:52:23,764
I'm glad.
1289
00:52:23,808 --> 00:52:24,557
Merry Christmas.
1290
00:52:28,062 --> 00:52:29,520
- How's he doing?
- Um...
1291
00:52:29,564 --> 00:52:31,856
he just needs
some time alone.
1292
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:33,524
He...he can get like this.
1293
00:52:33,568 --> 00:52:36,068
You know,
Christmas makes him emotional.
1294
00:52:36,112 --> 00:52:37,570
- Yeah, he's not the only one.
1295
00:52:37,613 --> 00:52:40,322
[phone vibrating rapidly]
1296
00:52:42,577 --> 00:52:43,909
[sighs]
1297
00:52:43,953 --> 00:52:46,412
[phone vibrating]
1298
00:52:56,841 --> 00:52:58,841
Hi.
- Hi.
1299
00:52:58,885 --> 00:53:03,429
- [sighs]
1300
00:53:03,472 --> 00:53:08,809
I'm gonna get into so
much trouble telling you this.
1301
00:53:08,853 --> 00:53:11,562
And I shouldn't.
1302
00:53:11,606 --> 00:53:13,647
I shouldn't be here.
I should have...
1303
00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:15,232
I should have let you leave.
I should have never
1304
00:53:15,276 --> 00:53:16,317
talked to you.
1305
00:53:20,990 --> 00:53:21,655
Why do you think I know
everything about you?
1306
00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:24,575
- [scoffs] Yeah...
1307
00:53:24,619 --> 00:53:29,705
are you an identity thief
or a...a genius hacker?
1308
00:53:29,749 --> 00:53:32,208
A con artist?
- [snickers]
1309
00:53:32,251 --> 00:53:33,709
And what am I conning
you out of?
1310
00:53:33,753 --> 00:53:36,128
Your credit card debt?
Your sweet job
1311
00:53:36,172 --> 00:53:37,713
at your dad's tire store?
1312
00:53:37,757 --> 00:53:40,674
- How do you know that?
Okay, just tell me
1313
00:53:40,718 --> 00:53:44,011
who you are, please.
1314
00:53:44,055 --> 00:53:44,637
- It's me.
1315
00:53:47,558 --> 00:53:49,433
It's Megan.
1316
00:53:55,483 --> 00:53:56,315
- Why are you doing this to me?
1317
00:53:59,278 --> 00:54:01,779
Megan's dead!
- Look, I died,
1318
00:54:01,822 --> 00:54:05,574
but I came back
in this body and this city,
1319
00:54:05,618 --> 00:54:08,494
and I've been
stuck here ever since.
1320
00:54:08,537 --> 00:54:09,787
I've been trying to get up
there for nine years,
1321
00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:13,791
but...now I'm screwing that up.
1322
00:54:13,834 --> 00:54:16,669
But I had to tell you.
1323
00:54:16,712 --> 00:54:19,129
Do you believe me?
- No. This is insane.
1324
00:54:19,173 --> 00:54:20,381
- Patrick, it's me.
1325
00:54:23,386 --> 00:54:27,137
- If you're telling the truth--
and I feel like an idiot
1326
00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:29,848
for even contemplating it,
but...
1327
00:54:29,892 --> 00:54:33,852
you were here the whole time?
1328
00:54:33,896 --> 00:54:36,230
I needed you.
1329
00:54:36,274 --> 00:54:39,233
- I couldn't see you.
1330
00:54:39,277 --> 00:54:41,652
Look, it's unfair, but
the Universe has these rules.
1331
00:54:41,696 --> 00:54:43,404
- Megan never cared
about the rules.
1332
00:54:43,447 --> 00:54:45,906
- Well, I'm breaking
all of them now.
1333
00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:49,660
Patrick, it's me.
It's Megan.
1334
00:54:49,704 --> 00:54:51,537
You know it's me.
1335
00:54:55,459 --> 00:54:57,918
- I came on this trip...
1336
00:54:57,962 --> 00:55:01,922
so I could move on.
1337
00:55:01,966 --> 00:55:03,549
So I could
be happy with Jill.
1338
00:55:07,805 --> 00:55:10,389
But it's been so hard,
because I love you.
1339
00:55:17,064 --> 00:55:19,481
Her.
1340
00:55:34,081 --> 00:55:35,706
- Pat...
1341
00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:36,373
- [gasps]
1342
00:55:41,213 --> 00:55:41,754
- Jill!
Jill, wait!
1343
00:55:49,889 --> 00:55:51,972
[quirky ambient music]
1344
00:55:52,016 --> 00:55:58,854
♪
1345
00:56:04,445 --> 00:56:08,405
- Excuse me--um, do you know
how long I've been here?
1346
00:56:08,449 --> 00:56:10,866
- You're in luck, 'cause
I spend my Christmas morning
1347
00:56:10,910 --> 00:56:13,619
watching drunk, messed-up girls
sleeping on the subway
1348
00:56:13,662 --> 00:56:18,540
with a stopwatch,
just in case they need to know.
1349
00:56:18,584 --> 00:56:20,459
- A simple no would
have been enough.
1350
00:56:20,503 --> 00:56:22,795
[indie rock rendition
of "Jingle Bells"]
1351
00:56:22,838 --> 00:56:28,467
♪
1352
00:56:28,511 --> 00:56:31,804
- ♪ Dashing through the snow
1353
00:56:31,847 --> 00:56:34,431
- Oh, crap.
1354
00:56:34,475 --> 00:56:37,393
- ♪ In a one-horse
open sleigh ♪
1355
00:56:37,436 --> 00:56:39,019
- ♪ Over the fields we go
1356
00:56:39,063 --> 00:56:41,563
[cell phone ringing]
- Oh, sorry--will you--
1357
00:56:41,607 --> 00:56:44,191
- ♪ Laughing all the way
- Could you just excuse me?
1358
00:56:44,235 --> 00:56:45,609
Let's just take five.
[clears throat]
1359
00:56:45,653 --> 00:56:48,987
Well, well, well.
Look who's alive.
1360
00:56:49,031 --> 00:56:51,073
Merry Christmas
from Hollywood--
1361
00:56:51,117 --> 00:56:53,033
well, actually I'm
in Vancouver,
1362
00:56:53,077 --> 00:56:53,742
hosting a Christmas Day
telethon.
1363
00:56:53,786 --> 00:56:55,077
I'm wearing a mustache!
1364
00:56:55,121 --> 00:56:56,578
- Do you know what happened
last night?
1365
00:56:56,622 --> 00:56:58,580
- Before you ruined everyone
1366
00:56:58,624 --> 00:56:59,915
who cares about you's life
or after?
1367
00:56:59,959 --> 00:57:02,376
- After.
1368
00:57:02,420 --> 00:57:04,086
- You passed out,
you got in a cab,
1369
00:57:04,130 --> 00:57:04,878
but then you threw up
in that cab,
1370
00:57:04,922 --> 00:57:06,296
so you called another cab,
1371
00:57:06,340 --> 00:57:08,757
but then you kicked the driver
in the shin and told him
1372
00:57:08,801 --> 00:57:10,342
he was an instrument
of the patriarchy.
1373
00:57:10,386 --> 00:57:11,135
- Do you know
I lost 5,000 points?
1374
00:57:11,178 --> 00:57:14,096
- Yeah, well, you're lucky
1375
00:57:14,140 --> 00:57:16,390
the powers that be
didn't take away
1376
00:57:16,434 --> 00:57:18,559
all of your points,
thanks to me.
1377
00:57:18,602 --> 00:57:20,811
- Thank you, Jason.
- You're welcome.
1378
00:57:20,855 --> 00:57:24,606
Seriously, they wanted to take
away every last point of yours
1379
00:57:24,650 --> 00:57:26,191
that you have earned
this whole time.
1380
00:57:26,235 --> 00:57:28,694
I begged them not to.
1381
00:57:28,737 --> 00:57:32,281
So now you only have to make up
5,000 points by tomorrow.
1382
00:57:32,324 --> 00:57:33,782
I'm a hero.
- Wait, it took me years
1383
00:57:33,826 --> 00:57:36,076
to get to 5,000; how am I
supposed to do that in one day?
1384
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,829
- I don't know.
1385
00:57:38,873 --> 00:57:41,498
It's Christmas, Pike.
There's people everywhere.
1386
00:57:41,542 --> 00:57:43,208
Pick one.
- Well, that's what I've been
1387
00:57:43,252 --> 00:57:45,377
trying to do for years.
Any other ideas?
1388
00:57:45,421 --> 00:57:48,672
- Well, you know, you did make
quite the mess last night.
1389
00:57:48,716 --> 00:57:51,258
I would imagine there are
some points to be earned in,
1390
00:57:51,302 --> 00:57:53,510
you know, cleaning it all up.
1391
00:57:53,554 --> 00:57:57,014
- Yeah, but they
all hate me now.
1392
00:57:57,057 --> 00:57:59,224
[sighs]
I don't blame them.
1393
00:57:59,268 --> 00:58:02,728
How can I ever repair
all that damage I've done?
1394
00:58:02,771 --> 00:58:06,356
- I don't know, but I know
that you can try.
1395
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:07,274
- Do you really think
I could do it?
1396
00:58:07,318 --> 00:58:09,610
- I really don't.
Got to go.
1397
00:58:14,283 --> 00:58:15,866
[jazzy festive music]
1398
00:58:15,910 --> 00:58:18,368
♪
1399
00:58:18,412 --> 00:58:21,663
- ♪ Have yourself a holiday
1400
00:58:21,707 --> 00:58:24,082
♪ A happy day
1401
00:58:24,126 --> 00:58:27,336
- Hey, Connie.
1402
00:58:27,379 --> 00:58:30,005
Was I really that bad
last night?
1403
00:58:30,049 --> 00:58:31,340
- I don't like to judge people.
1404
00:58:31,383 --> 00:58:33,550
- Are you kidding?
You love to judge people.
1405
00:58:33,594 --> 00:58:35,135
We love to judge people.
It's why we're friends.
1406
00:58:35,179 --> 00:58:39,139
We invented that game--
"daughter or girlfriend?"
1407
00:58:39,183 --> 00:58:41,016
Table seven, daughter.
1408
00:58:41,060 --> 00:58:42,476
- Girlfriend.
- Daughter.
1409
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:43,352
- Definitely girlfriend.
- [laughs]
1410
00:58:43,395 --> 00:58:45,687
It's always the girlfriend.
1411
00:58:45,731 --> 00:58:48,148
The truth is, you were awful
last night--
1412
00:58:48,192 --> 00:58:50,442
the worst I've ever seen.
1413
00:58:50,486 --> 00:58:51,401
- I want to make it right.
Look, is Barker here?
1414
00:58:51,445 --> 00:58:52,778
- No, he took today off.
1415
00:58:52,821 --> 00:58:56,907
You know, I really think
that you should let him be.
1416
00:58:56,951 --> 00:58:59,451
You broke his heart last night.
I warned him about you.
1417
00:58:59,495 --> 00:59:01,703
I said you were like
a pet chimp.
1418
00:59:01,747 --> 00:59:03,247
You know, like cute at first,
but eventually,
1419
00:59:03,290 --> 00:59:04,706
they're just gonna
rip your face off,
1420
00:59:04,750 --> 00:59:06,833
like what happened
to that woman in Florida.
1421
00:59:06,877 --> 00:59:09,294
- Thank you for that.
1422
00:59:09,338 --> 00:59:12,923
- You are a terrible waitress
and a bad friend,
1423
00:59:12,967 --> 00:59:14,633
but I kept you
on this whole time
1424
00:59:14,677 --> 00:59:17,010
because I thought
you could change.
1425
00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:19,471
- Connie, look,
don't give up on me now.
1426
00:59:19,515 --> 00:59:23,308
Please?
Look, I got you something,
1427
00:59:23,352 --> 00:59:25,143
but you have to come over
the bar to get it.
1428
00:59:25,187 --> 00:59:27,187
Come on.
You're gonna love it.
1429
00:59:27,231 --> 00:59:28,897
Get over here. [laughs]
- No, I'm busy.
1430
00:59:28,941 --> 00:59:30,274
- Jake, turn up
the Christmas carols!
1431
00:59:30,317 --> 00:59:33,527
[jazzy rendition of "12 Days
of Christmas" playing]
1432
00:59:33,571 --> 00:59:36,780
♪
1433
00:59:36,824 --> 00:59:38,490
♪ On the first day
of Christmas ♪
1434
00:59:38,534 --> 00:59:40,951
- Merry Christmas.
It's a pear tree.
1435
00:59:40,995 --> 00:59:42,411
- ♪ A partridge
in a pear tree ♪
1436
00:59:42,454 --> 00:59:45,664
- How did you track down
a pear tree on Christmas Day?
1437
00:59:45,708 --> 00:59:48,875
- Through the miracle
of Craigslist.
1438
00:59:48,919 --> 00:59:50,669
I thought you could use
something to remind you
1439
00:59:50,713 --> 00:59:51,545
of your grandma.
The tree should sprout
1440
00:59:51,589 --> 00:59:54,006
in about six to eight months,
1441
00:59:54,049 --> 00:59:56,717
so until then...
they're organic.
1442
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,552
- ♪ On the third day
of Christmas ♪
1443
00:59:58,596 --> 00:59:59,386
- There may be a half-eaten one
in there.
1444
00:59:59,430 --> 01:00:02,055
- Wow.
1445
01:00:02,099 --> 01:00:03,223
Thank you,
you little jerk-face.
1446
01:00:03,267 --> 01:00:05,225
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, it's okay.
1447
01:00:05,269 --> 01:00:07,436
- ♪ A partridge
in a pear tree ♪
1448
01:00:07,479 --> 01:00:09,354
- Look, I wish
I could stay, but...
1449
01:00:09,398 --> 01:00:10,814
I have to make the next stop
on my apology tour.
1450
01:00:10,858 --> 01:00:13,650
- Do you know where he is?
- Barker only does one thing
1451
01:00:13,694 --> 01:00:15,193
on his mornings off.
1452
01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:18,030
[rock music]
1453
01:00:18,073 --> 01:00:23,619
♪
1454
01:00:23,662 --> 01:00:27,623
[panting]
1455
01:00:27,666 --> 01:00:30,917
- Fine. What?
1456
01:00:30,961 --> 01:00:33,086
- [panting] Well, I...
was gonna do
1457
01:00:33,130 --> 01:00:34,463
this whole dramatic thing
and jog with you
1458
01:00:34,506 --> 01:00:35,672
until you talked to me,
but...I hate running
1459
01:00:35,716 --> 01:00:39,676
and you're fast.
- What do you want, Pyke?
1460
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:42,721
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, cool.
1461
01:00:42,765 --> 01:00:45,515
- Wait, wait--please?
Look, I want to make
1462
01:00:45,559 --> 01:00:47,684
things right.
What do I need to do
1463
01:00:47,728 --> 01:00:49,770
to get you to forgive me?
Anything, please.
1464
01:00:49,813 --> 01:00:51,605
- You think this is only
about last night?
1465
01:00:51,649 --> 01:00:54,608
- I was always honest with you
about what this was.
1466
01:00:54,652 --> 01:00:56,735
- Honesty from you
just feels mean.
1467
01:00:56,779 --> 01:00:58,570
- Wait--Barker.
I mean... [sighs]
1468
01:00:58,614 --> 01:01:02,532
you had a weird thing
with a weird girl for a year.
1469
01:01:02,576 --> 01:01:03,742
Believe me,
things could be worse.
1470
01:01:03,786 --> 01:01:06,578
- Not for me.
- What are you talking about?
1471
01:01:09,667 --> 01:01:13,877
- A while back, I got accepted
into a cooking school in Paris.
1472
01:01:13,921 --> 01:01:17,172
And then I met Allison Pyke.
1473
01:01:17,216 --> 01:01:18,715
- You can't put that all on me.
- I only blame myself.
1474
01:01:18,759 --> 01:01:22,928
You were always very up front
about how little you cared.
1475
01:01:22,971 --> 01:01:25,430
Let me ask you something, Pyke.
1476
01:01:25,474 --> 01:01:27,391
Have you ever done
anything--anything at all--
1477
01:01:27,434 --> 01:01:29,685
that was truly
for someone else?
1478
01:01:29,728 --> 01:01:31,645
- Yes--that's actually
the thing I do all the time.
1479
01:01:31,689 --> 01:01:33,146
- No, no, no,
I mean just to be good,
1480
01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:35,399
not for any other reason.
1481
01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:36,650
Not because you expect
something in return.
1482
01:01:36,694 --> 01:01:38,360
Just one selfless act.
1483
01:01:44,827 --> 01:01:46,868
- No.
You're right.
1484
01:01:46,912 --> 01:01:48,954
You are absolutely right.
1485
01:01:48,997 --> 01:01:53,667
I'm...I'm...not a good person.
1486
01:01:53,711 --> 01:01:55,877
But maybe I can be.
1487
01:01:55,921 --> 01:01:57,671
- I don't think you can.
1488
01:01:57,715 --> 01:02:00,298
[melancholy piano music]
1489
01:02:00,342 --> 01:02:02,217
♪
1490
01:02:02,261 --> 01:02:03,885
[phone chimes]
1491
01:02:03,929 --> 01:02:06,847
[animated music]
1492
01:02:06,890 --> 01:02:09,099
♪
1493
01:02:09,143 --> 01:02:10,976
- [groans]
1494
01:02:11,019 --> 01:02:17,482
♪
1495
01:02:17,526 --> 01:02:19,943
- Leonard, this one's mine.
- You are too out of shape
1496
01:02:19,987 --> 01:02:22,529
to be making
a decision like that.
1497
01:02:22,573 --> 01:02:23,947
- Okay, no more running.
Please, please.
1498
01:02:23,991 --> 01:02:26,491
[panting]
Look, we still have a minute.
1499
01:02:26,535 --> 01:02:27,951
- Wait.
Pyke, why are you even here?
1500
01:02:27,995 --> 01:02:29,786
It's not like
you need the points.
1501
01:02:29,830 --> 01:02:31,580
[ethereal choral music]
1502
01:02:31,623 --> 01:02:35,917
Unless...you screwed it up?
1503
01:02:35,961 --> 01:02:38,420
- I screwed it up.
1504
01:02:38,464 --> 01:02:40,005
- Pyke.
[sighs shortly]
1505
01:02:40,048 --> 01:02:43,550
Listen, I'm just
1,000 points away,
1506
01:02:43,594 --> 01:02:44,634
but I feel bad, 'cause
I stole your last miracle.
1507
01:02:44,678 --> 01:02:46,803
♪
1508
01:02:46,847 --> 01:02:49,473
You can have this one.
1509
01:02:49,516 --> 01:02:53,518
- [stutters, sighs] No, look.
I want you to have it.
1510
01:02:53,562 --> 01:02:55,896
It's like you said:
just because angels have to
1511
01:02:55,939 --> 01:02:57,647
help the living doesn't mean
we can't choose
1512
01:02:57,691 --> 01:03:00,025
to help each other.
1513
01:03:00,068 --> 01:03:02,569
- Are you quoting
my angel union email?
1514
01:03:02,613 --> 01:03:06,490
- Yes, and for the record,
you are a terrible writer.
1515
01:03:06,533 --> 01:03:10,744
But...I can't imagine a Heaven
without you in it.
1516
01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:18,251
- You're sweet.
- [laughs]
1517
01:03:18,295 --> 01:03:21,379
Wait, wait, are you actually
being nice to me,
1518
01:03:21,423 --> 01:03:22,798
or are you just doing this
because you think
1519
01:03:22,841 --> 01:03:24,132
it'll get you more points?
- A little from column A,
1520
01:03:24,176 --> 01:03:26,343
a little from column B.
- Mm-hmm.
1521
01:03:30,974 --> 01:03:33,266
Hey.
1522
01:03:33,310 --> 01:03:34,768
- Excuse me.
I have somewhere to be.
1523
01:03:34,812 --> 01:03:37,646
[stirring instrumental version
of "O Come All Ye Faithful"]
1524
01:03:37,689 --> 01:03:44,402
♪
1525
01:03:58,085 --> 01:04:01,837
- Ooh!
1526
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,214
1,000 points.
1527
01:04:04,258 --> 01:04:07,133
- Stand clear
of the closing doors.
1528
01:04:07,177 --> 01:04:08,218
- Hope I see you up there,
Pyke.
1529
01:04:08,262 --> 01:04:10,345
- Maybe you will.
1530
01:04:10,389 --> 01:04:11,429
- Maybe I will.
1531
01:04:22,526 --> 01:04:25,402
[contemporary string rendition
of "Carol of the Bells"]
1532
01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:31,741
♪
1533
01:04:31,785 --> 01:04:33,827
- ♪ Hark how the bells,
sweet silver bells ♪
1534
01:04:33,871 --> 01:04:35,704
♪ All seem to say,
"Throw cares away" ♪
1535
01:04:35,747 --> 01:04:38,039
♪ Christmas is here,
bringing good cheer ♪
1536
01:04:38,083 --> 01:04:39,583
♪ To young and old,
meek and the bold ♪
1537
01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:40,292
- [sighs]
- ♪ Ding-dong, ding-dong
1538
01:04:40,335 --> 01:04:43,086
♪ That is the song
1539
01:04:43,130 --> 01:04:44,337
♪ With joyful ring,
all caroling ♪
1540
01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:47,173
♪ One seems to hear
words of good cheer ♪
1541
01:04:47,217 --> 01:04:48,341
- ♪ From everywhere,
filling the air ♪
1542
01:04:48,385 --> 01:04:52,345
- Oh. You.
How did you find me?
1543
01:04:52,389 --> 01:04:55,473
- This is literally
the only place I looked.
1544
01:04:55,517 --> 01:04:56,349
Look, can we talk?
1545
01:04:56,393 --> 01:04:58,268
- I'd rather be left alone.
1546
01:04:58,312 --> 01:05:02,397
- Look, I hear you, and I will
totally leave you alone,
1547
01:05:02,441 --> 01:05:06,067
so I will walk...
all the way over here
1548
01:05:06,111 --> 01:05:10,280
as I apologize to you.
1549
01:05:10,324 --> 01:05:13,491
Look, it wasn't Patrick's
fault. It was my fault.
1550
01:05:13,535 --> 01:05:15,201
I kissed him.
He didn't kiss me.
1551
01:05:15,245 --> 01:05:16,411
- I know it was your fault.
1552
01:05:16,455 --> 01:05:18,580
I never thought it was
anybody else's fault.
1553
01:05:18,624 --> 01:05:22,959
You have been lying to me
and Patrick this whole time.
1554
01:05:23,003 --> 01:05:26,338
Could you just be honest
for a moment?
1555
01:05:26,381 --> 01:05:30,216
- I owe it to you to try.
1556
01:05:30,260 --> 01:05:32,427
We dated...a lifetime ago.
1557
01:05:32,471 --> 01:05:35,138
- ♪ Merry, merry, merry,
merry Christmas ♪
1558
01:05:35,182 --> 01:05:39,643
- So long ago that I look
completely different now,
1559
01:05:39,686 --> 01:05:43,063
so he didn't recognize me.
1560
01:05:43,106 --> 01:05:44,481
Look, I didn't tell him
who I was
1561
01:05:44,524 --> 01:05:48,026
because I didn't want
to make things weird,
1562
01:05:48,070 --> 01:05:50,236
which clearly turned out great.
1563
01:05:50,280 --> 01:05:53,615
["Silent Night" on bells]
1564
01:05:53,659 --> 01:05:56,534
- Do you...hate me
for some reason?
1565
01:05:56,578 --> 01:05:59,871
- What? No.
I like you.
1566
01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:01,998
I just--I didn't want
to believe
1567
01:06:02,042 --> 01:06:04,584
that there was anyone else
out there good enough for him,
1568
01:06:04,628 --> 01:06:07,253
and the fact that you are
just made it worse.
1569
01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:12,509
Look, he loves you.
1570
01:06:12,552 --> 01:06:15,470
And he's always
gonna love you, Jill.
1571
01:06:15,514 --> 01:06:19,391
- You clearly haven't been
hanging around Patrick lately,
1572
01:06:19,434 --> 01:06:22,394
because the only person
that he loves is Megan.
1573
01:06:22,437 --> 01:06:24,396
- No, he went after
you last night.
1574
01:06:24,439 --> 01:06:28,191
Look, you're the one he wants,
1575
01:06:28,235 --> 01:06:31,403
and he can love more
than one person.
1576
01:06:31,446 --> 01:06:35,323
I mean, you still
love Stewart, right?
1577
01:06:35,367 --> 01:06:38,493
That's what brought you
two together.
1578
01:06:38,537 --> 01:06:40,620
You both have big enough
hearts for that.
1579
01:06:40,664 --> 01:06:43,248
♪
1580
01:06:43,291 --> 01:06:45,834
I'm really happy he found you.
1581
01:06:45,877 --> 01:06:52,590
♪
1582
01:06:54,511 --> 01:06:58,221
You were right.
1583
01:06:58,265 --> 01:07:00,098
This place is beautiful.
1584
01:07:00,142 --> 01:07:02,267
[music swelling]
1585
01:07:02,310 --> 01:07:05,478
- Do you think he'll ever
be able to move on from her?
1586
01:07:05,522 --> 01:07:08,690
♪
1587
01:07:08,734 --> 01:07:09,566
- I think so.
1588
01:07:18,952 --> 01:07:25,665
♪
1589
01:07:27,919 --> 01:07:28,460
- [clears throat]
1590
01:07:32,007 --> 01:07:34,466
We need to talk about things.
1591
01:07:34,509 --> 01:07:35,717
- We do.
1592
01:07:42,601 --> 01:07:45,268
This is where they moved
the giant piano from "Big."
1593
01:07:45,312 --> 01:07:50,732
- [chuckles] I know.
It's why I came.
1594
01:07:50,776 --> 01:07:52,984
Where else would Patrick Dorsey
from Hastings, Nebraska,
1595
01:07:53,028 --> 01:07:55,236
want to go?
1596
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:58,448
- I figured you'd find me...
1597
01:07:58,492 --> 01:08:02,035
if you're really you.
1598
01:08:02,079 --> 01:08:04,412
- You believe me?
1599
01:08:04,456 --> 01:08:06,414
- I had a feeling
at the beginning,
1600
01:08:06,458 --> 01:08:08,166
but--well, we're from Nebraska.
1601
01:08:08,210 --> 01:08:11,169
This stuff doesn't happen
there, not even in Omaha.
1602
01:08:11,213 --> 01:08:13,296
- [chuckles]
- I mean, Megan, you died,
1603
01:08:13,340 --> 01:08:16,800
and you came back
in a whole new body.
1604
01:08:16,843 --> 01:08:20,095
- It's hard to keep living
after you die.
1605
01:08:20,138 --> 01:08:23,890
I just...I just felt
like I was stuck.
1606
01:08:23,934 --> 01:08:26,851
- So when you get to heaven,
you can be happy.
1607
01:08:26,895 --> 01:08:28,478
- I already was happy.
1608
01:08:32,192 --> 01:08:33,274
- We were happy, huh?
[chuckles]
1609
01:08:38,657 --> 01:08:41,407
- I want you to be happy again.
Jill's great.
1610
01:08:41,451 --> 01:08:42,992
- What are you talking about?
You can't stand her.
1611
01:08:43,036 --> 01:08:44,994
- No, of course I like her.
1612
01:08:45,038 --> 01:08:46,788
She ate the feet soup.
[laughs]
1613
01:08:53,421 --> 01:08:57,382
- Jill does make me happy,
1614
01:08:57,425 --> 01:08:59,008
and for a long time,
I didn't think
1615
01:08:59,052 --> 01:09:01,344
that was possible.
1616
01:09:01,388 --> 01:09:04,931
I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
1617
01:09:04,975 --> 01:09:08,560
- I'm glad.
1618
01:09:08,603 --> 01:09:09,435
[exhales]
1619
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:14,774
Patrick...
[sniffs]
1620
01:09:14,818 --> 01:09:16,901
this has to be the last time
we see each other.
1621
01:09:16,945 --> 01:09:17,443
- I know.
1622
01:09:21,491 --> 01:09:24,117
I'll never totally get
over you, Megan.
1623
01:09:24,161 --> 01:09:27,370
I carry you with me now,
1624
01:09:27,414 --> 01:09:30,790
and I think that's okay,
as long as I just--
1625
01:09:30,834 --> 01:09:34,502
I keep looking forward.
1626
01:09:34,546 --> 01:09:36,337
- I'm really happy
to hear that.
1627
01:09:39,885 --> 01:09:41,509
- I got you something.
1628
01:09:41,553 --> 01:09:45,430
I mean, I buy you one
every Christmas.
1629
01:09:45,473 --> 01:09:47,765
I just--I always see something.
1630
01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:51,978
- [crying]
1631
01:09:52,022 --> 01:09:53,563
- Open it.
1632
01:09:53,607 --> 01:09:54,689
[exhales]
1633
01:09:57,611 --> 01:09:59,861
- Here, give me that.
- Okay.
1634
01:09:59,905 --> 01:10:02,614
- [crying softly]
1635
01:10:02,657 --> 01:10:05,033
This is, um...
1636
01:10:05,076 --> 01:10:07,285
this is truly awful.
1637
01:10:07,329 --> 01:10:09,579
- I know.
It is, right?
1638
01:10:09,623 --> 01:10:11,915
- I'm sorry I didn't...
[sniffs]
1639
01:10:11,958 --> 01:10:13,583
I didn't get you anything.
1640
01:10:13,627 --> 01:10:16,294
- You did.
1641
01:10:38,944 --> 01:10:41,527
- Pyke.
1642
01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:42,987
- How'd you get back
from Vancouver already?
1643
01:10:43,031 --> 01:10:44,697
- Oh, uh, Drake.
1644
01:10:44,741 --> 01:10:45,698
He lets other angels
use his private plane.
1645
01:10:45,742 --> 01:10:48,034
He's a real sweetheart
like that.
1646
01:10:48,078 --> 01:10:49,702
Saw what you did.
1647
01:10:49,746 --> 01:10:51,788
You brought Jill and Patrick
back together.
1648
01:10:51,831 --> 01:10:57,710
It was another love miracle,
and it got you a ton of points.
1649
01:10:57,754 --> 01:11:03,007
You did it.
You're going to Heaven.
1650
01:11:03,051 --> 01:11:05,760
[bittersweet chiming music]
1651
01:11:05,804 --> 01:11:07,887
How are you not jumping
for joy right now?
1652
01:11:07,931 --> 01:11:09,764
You made it!
1653
01:11:09,808 --> 01:11:11,599
- Merry Christmas, Jason.
1654
01:11:15,063 --> 01:11:16,688
- Merry Christmas, Pyke.
1655
01:11:16,731 --> 01:11:23,444
♪
1656
01:11:26,491 --> 01:11:32,704
♪
1657
01:11:47,095 --> 01:11:49,846
- Pyke, what's happening?
1658
01:11:49,889 --> 01:11:52,515
Oh...are you miserable?
1659
01:11:52,559 --> 01:11:53,850
Or is this just
your general sour face
1660
01:11:53,893 --> 01:11:57,186
that you always have?
1661
01:11:57,230 --> 01:11:58,938
- Do you think I was
good enough?
1662
01:11:58,982 --> 01:12:01,482
I mean, do I deserve to go?
1663
01:12:01,526 --> 01:12:03,568
- I don't know. Who cares?
I don't.
1664
01:12:03,611 --> 01:12:05,236
- Are you surprised
that I got in?
1665
01:12:05,280 --> 01:12:07,780
- Yeah, a little bit.
1666
01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:09,907
But you didn't have to be
the best ever on Earth.
1667
01:12:09,951 --> 01:12:13,369
Not everyone's a saint.
Lord knows I wasn't.
1668
01:12:13,413 --> 01:12:14,787
You just have to
leave people better off
1669
01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:15,413
than how you found them.
1670
01:12:19,419 --> 01:12:21,586
Uh, is that really the shirt
you're wearing up to Heaven?
1671
01:12:21,629 --> 01:12:24,922
- [chuckles]
Actually, it's a new gift
1672
01:12:24,966 --> 01:12:27,383
from an old friend.
- Ah, okay.
1673
01:12:27,427 --> 01:12:29,802
You know, this bus actually
comes with an attendant
1674
01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:32,972
who can bring you whatever
you want, like a new wardrobe.
1675
01:12:33,016 --> 01:12:35,058
- Welcome.
- Oh!
1676
01:12:35,101 --> 01:12:36,392
- Oh.
- Thank you.
1677
01:12:36,436 --> 01:12:40,355
- Mm-hmm.
1678
01:12:40,398 --> 01:12:41,981
Mmm!
1679
01:12:42,025 --> 01:12:45,902
How I've missed Heaven.
- [chuckles]
1680
01:12:45,945 --> 01:12:52,658
♪
1681
01:12:55,705 --> 01:12:58,039
[playful music]
1682
01:12:58,083 --> 01:13:01,542
This place is everything
Leonard said it was--
1683
01:13:01,586 --> 01:13:03,252
a paradise where you're
able to get anything
1684
01:13:03,296 --> 01:13:05,588
you'll ever want, instantly.
1685
01:13:05,632 --> 01:13:06,672
For example, right now,
I'd love a lemonade...
1686
01:13:09,969 --> 01:13:12,345
With a little booze...
1687
01:13:12,389 --> 01:13:14,097
and a splash of iced tea.
1688
01:13:18,103 --> 01:13:19,477
Perfection.
You know, but now that
1689
01:13:19,521 --> 01:13:22,063
I'm here, I understand
why Leonard took perfection
1690
01:13:22,107 --> 01:13:23,523
for granted:
because he's an idiot.
1691
01:13:23,566 --> 01:13:26,150
Heaven is like the greatest
club in the Universe.
1692
01:13:26,194 --> 01:13:29,237
It's never crowded.
The people are amazing.
1693
01:13:29,280 --> 01:13:31,489
Thanks, Todd.
Like right now,
1694
01:13:31,533 --> 01:13:33,241
I'm in the middle of kicking
Mrs. Roosevelt's butt
1695
01:13:33,284 --> 01:13:33,866
in croquet.
1696
01:13:36,371 --> 01:13:38,162
- Oh!
1697
01:13:38,206 --> 01:13:41,249
- Sorry, it's how the game
is played, Eleanor.
1698
01:13:41,292 --> 01:13:43,543
Every waking moment
here is fun.
1699
01:13:43,586 --> 01:13:45,920
Like instead of walking,
we drive golf carts,
1700
01:13:45,964 --> 01:13:47,880
which apparently I'm great at,
since I'm about
1701
01:13:47,924 --> 01:13:49,882
to win this race.
[gasps]
1702
01:13:49,926 --> 01:13:52,343
- You did it!
- Bingo!
1703
01:13:52,387 --> 01:13:55,513
- Sweet.
If I was gonna make a list
1704
01:13:55,557 --> 01:13:56,889
of the best things
about my first year in Heaven,
1705
01:13:56,933 --> 01:13:59,475
I would say they are...
inter-dimensional Frisbee.
1706
01:13:59,519 --> 01:14:06,232
♪
1707
01:14:06,276 --> 01:14:08,317
[thrashing rock music]
1708
01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:10,236
A vibrant local punk scene!
1709
01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:12,822
Tanning for an eternity
without burning.
1710
01:14:12,866 --> 01:14:14,907
Spritz.
1711
01:14:14,951 --> 01:14:17,702
♪
1712
01:14:17,745 --> 01:14:21,372
My morning breath
now tastes amazing.
1713
01:14:21,416 --> 01:14:22,790
[smacks lips]
Mmm, cucumber water.
1714
01:14:22,834 --> 01:14:24,709
♪
1715
01:14:24,752 --> 01:14:27,795
Best book club ever.
1716
01:14:27,839 --> 01:14:30,339
You know, I guess I'm not
surprised that Bigfoot is real,
1717
01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:31,382
but I am surprised
by the depth of alienation
1718
01:14:31,426 --> 01:14:32,967
that's present in his writing.
1719
01:14:33,011 --> 01:14:35,887
What do you think, Becky?
1720
01:14:35,930 --> 01:14:37,305
Maybe it's not fair
to tell you
1721
01:14:37,348 --> 01:14:39,765
how good this hot tub feels,
1722
01:14:39,809 --> 01:14:41,642
because you have to deal
with everyday Earth hot water,
1723
01:14:41,686 --> 01:14:44,061
which is basically like
sitting in warm spit
1724
01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:45,855
compared to this thing.
1725
01:14:45,899 --> 01:14:48,441
Oh, man, it's like being
hugged by a hot cloud.
1726
01:14:48,485 --> 01:14:51,444
- Breadsticks?
- Oh, thank you.
1727
01:14:51,488 --> 01:14:54,363
- Breadsticks?
- Nope, I'm good.
1728
01:14:54,407 --> 01:14:56,616
Pyke, enough with
the breadsticks, okay?
1729
01:14:56,659 --> 01:14:58,367
You're getting crumbs
all in the tub.
1730
01:14:58,411 --> 01:15:01,412
- Sorry, I can't help it.
1731
01:15:01,456 --> 01:15:02,205
It's just that
I can't get over the fact
1732
01:15:02,248 --> 01:15:04,499
that the Olive Garden here
1733
01:15:04,542 --> 01:15:06,375
has literally
unlimited breadsticks.
1734
01:15:06,419 --> 01:15:07,627
Like, I can have
infinity breadsticks.
1735
01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:09,545
- [laughs]
1736
01:15:09,589 --> 01:15:11,923
Why? Why?
Why do you still use the phone?
1737
01:15:11,966 --> 01:15:13,633
- Oh, it's just a habit.
1738
01:15:13,676 --> 01:15:15,593
I got pretty addicted
to that angel app.
1739
01:15:15,637 --> 01:15:17,386
Ooh, a woman's about
to get attacked
1740
01:15:17,430 --> 01:15:19,305
by a bird in Central Park.
- Ooh, who cares?
1741
01:15:19,349 --> 01:15:21,599
Okay?
Just sit back. Relax.
1742
01:15:21,643 --> 01:15:24,101
Life on Earth
isn't our concern anymore.
1743
01:15:24,145 --> 01:15:25,686
- Someone just accepted
the miracle.
1744
01:15:25,730 --> 01:15:26,437
- Put the phone away.
1745
01:15:26,481 --> 01:15:29,190
Please enjoy Heaven.
1746
01:15:29,234 --> 01:15:30,441
- But the Heaven Phone
is so cool.
1747
01:15:30,485 --> 01:15:33,444
It's indestructible.
1748
01:15:33,488 --> 01:15:34,445
- Okay, yeah.
I get it.
1749
01:15:34,489 --> 01:15:36,656
- [chuckles]
- All right.
1750
01:15:36,699 --> 01:15:38,449
Yo, we should probably think
about getting out of here soon.
1751
01:15:38,493 --> 01:15:40,201
- How long have
we been in here?
1752
01:15:40,245 --> 01:15:42,495
- Two weeks.
- Okay, look,
1753
01:15:42,539 --> 01:15:44,497
I say we soak
for a couple more days,
1754
01:15:44,541 --> 01:15:45,540
and we should probably
join Lincoln's game
1755
01:15:45,583 --> 01:15:46,499
of running charades.
- I like that.
1756
01:15:46,543 --> 01:15:48,960
[both pop lips]
1757
01:15:49,003 --> 01:15:51,712
- Your boy's
not even pruning.
1758
01:15:51,756 --> 01:15:53,714
- Aliens are real?
1759
01:15:53,758 --> 01:15:55,675
And they're tiny.
1760
01:16:01,140 --> 01:16:02,348
[phone chimes]
1761
01:16:02,392 --> 01:16:03,641
Hmm.
1762
01:16:12,026 --> 01:16:14,569
[gentle ringing music]
1763
01:16:14,612 --> 01:16:17,405
Maspeth?
1764
01:16:17,448 --> 01:16:20,283
Barker.
1765
01:16:20,326 --> 01:16:22,577
[quickening music]
1766
01:16:22,620 --> 01:16:24,954
Come on, come on.
Someone take the miracle.
1767
01:16:24,998 --> 01:16:28,958
♪
1768
01:16:29,002 --> 01:16:31,168
Come on.
1769
01:16:34,048 --> 01:16:34,964
[phone ringing]
1770
01:16:35,008 --> 01:16:37,758
- Hi, hey!
1771
01:16:37,802 --> 01:16:38,926
How is it up there?
You met John Lennon yet?
1772
01:16:38,970 --> 01:16:40,219
- Look, I need a favor.
1773
01:16:40,263 --> 01:16:42,513
- Ooh, what about the girl
from "Poltergeist"?
1774
01:16:42,557 --> 01:16:44,223
If you do, have her say,
"Carol Ann."
1775
01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:45,641
It's so creepy-cute.
1776
01:16:45,685 --> 01:16:48,227
It's like it's creepy
but it's also really cute.
1777
01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:50,605
- Can you help me out
with a miracle in New York?
1778
01:16:50,648 --> 01:16:52,231
Someone I care about--
he hates me,
1779
01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:55,526
but I still care about him--
- Pyke, Pyke, Pyke, Pyke, Pyke,
1780
01:16:55,570 --> 01:16:56,152
I'm gonna stop you
right there, okay?
1781
01:16:56,195 --> 01:16:57,945
You have moved on.
1782
01:16:57,989 --> 01:17:00,239
You can no longer interfere
with the lives of the living
1783
01:17:00,283 --> 01:17:02,867
once you are up there.
1784
01:17:02,910 --> 01:17:05,911
Besides, look around you.
Isn't it awesome?
1785
01:17:05,955 --> 01:17:07,663
Why would you want to do that?
1786
01:17:07,707 --> 01:17:09,332
Remember, you drove
through the gates,
1787
01:17:09,375 --> 01:17:11,250
and they closed behind you.
1788
01:17:11,294 --> 01:17:12,293
You're in there now.
That's it.
1789
01:17:12,337 --> 01:17:14,337
You're done. Mazel.
- No, I know.
1790
01:17:14,380 --> 01:17:15,796
I get that, but can you
1791
01:17:15,840 --> 01:17:18,341
maybe make an exception?
1792
01:17:18,384 --> 01:17:20,301
- [sighs] Well,
you are asking so nicely.
1793
01:17:20,345 --> 01:17:23,763
No! Of course not.
Are you kidding?
1794
01:17:23,806 --> 01:17:25,348
I am up to my neck
in paperwork right now,
1795
01:17:25,391 --> 01:17:26,724
and it's pilot season.
1796
01:17:26,768 --> 01:17:30,353
Besides, afterworld traffic
is so backed up right now.
1797
01:17:30,396 --> 01:17:32,021
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
1798
01:17:32,065 --> 01:17:35,608
Pyke?
Pyke?
1799
01:17:35,652 --> 01:17:37,985
[tranquil classical
piano music]
1800
01:17:38,029 --> 01:17:40,029
♪
1801
01:17:40,073 --> 01:17:42,073
- Leonard!
[whispering] Leonard.
1802
01:17:42,116 --> 01:17:44,367
♪
1803
01:17:44,410 --> 01:17:47,203
- What do you want?
Okay, Michelangelo's
1804
01:17:47,246 --> 01:17:48,371
teaching this class.
He does not like it
1805
01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:50,748
when we have visitors.
- I need advice.
1806
01:17:50,792 --> 01:17:52,375
Someone I care about
is in trouble down on Earth.
1807
01:17:52,418 --> 01:17:54,710
If I don't help him,
he's gonna die.
1808
01:17:54,754 --> 01:17:55,670
- Pyke, I'm sure he lived
a great life.
1809
01:17:55,713 --> 01:17:57,963
- No, he didn't.
1810
01:17:58,007 --> 01:17:59,382
He put off all of his dreams
for a chance to be with me.
1811
01:17:59,425 --> 01:18:03,052
Now he's gonna die without
ever realizing any of them.
1812
01:18:03,096 --> 01:18:04,387
- Let him die, okay?
1813
01:18:04,430 --> 01:18:06,347
What's about to happen now
isn't your responsibility.
1814
01:18:06,391 --> 01:18:07,973
- It is.
1815
01:18:08,017 --> 01:18:10,559
He was right about me.
1816
01:18:10,603 --> 01:18:11,811
I don't know if I've ever
done something good
1817
01:18:11,854 --> 01:18:13,979
that wasn't selfish.
1818
01:18:14,023 --> 01:18:16,440
But...maybe I still can.
1819
01:18:16,484 --> 01:18:18,359
- Look at me.
Don't do anything stupid.
1820
01:18:18,403 --> 01:18:21,529
Gandhi's throwing one of
his legendary house parties
1821
01:18:21,572 --> 01:18:22,822
tonight,
and I'm gonna get funky.
1822
01:18:22,865 --> 01:18:24,490
- [sighing] Oh, God...
1823
01:18:24,534 --> 01:18:27,410
Gandhi.
- Are we good here?
1824
01:18:27,453 --> 01:18:28,244
- Yeah-yeah-yeah, thank you.
1825
01:18:32,542 --> 01:18:34,834
Gandhi.
1826
01:18:34,877 --> 01:18:37,336
[percussive electronic music]
1827
01:18:37,380 --> 01:18:44,093
♪
1828
01:18:48,599 --> 01:18:52,560
- ♪ When I was younger,
I was insane for fame ♪
1829
01:18:52,603 --> 01:18:54,812
♪ In the glitters
of the lights ♪
1830
01:18:54,856 --> 01:18:56,313
♪ I could see my name
1831
01:18:56,357 --> 01:18:58,399
♪ Since my mouth could move
1832
01:18:58,443 --> 01:18:59,859
♪ I've had something to say
1833
01:18:59,902 --> 01:19:04,196
♪ Now I'm a little older,
but I remain the same ♪
1834
01:19:04,240 --> 01:19:06,031
♪ You can't cheat,
you can't defeat ♪
1835
01:19:06,075 --> 01:19:08,409
♪ You can't beat me
1836
01:19:08,453 --> 01:19:10,161
♪ What you do,
I do it better ♪
1837
01:19:10,204 --> 01:19:11,871
♪ Don't compete with me
1838
01:19:11,914 --> 01:19:12,621
♪ You can't cheat,
you can't defeat ♪
1839
01:19:12,665 --> 01:19:16,125
♪ You can't beat me
1840
01:19:16,169 --> 01:19:18,294
♪ The world is my stage
1841
01:19:18,337 --> 01:19:19,837
♪ I've got it made
1842
01:19:19,881 --> 01:19:22,006
♪ I want it
1843
01:19:22,049 --> 01:19:23,591
♪ I own it
1844
01:19:23,634 --> 01:19:25,718
♪ I want it
1845
01:19:25,762 --> 01:19:28,637
♪ I've got it
1846
01:19:28,681 --> 01:19:31,557
♪ I want it,
I own it ♪
1847
01:19:31,601 --> 01:19:33,601
♪ I want it
1848
01:19:33,644 --> 01:19:38,522
♪
1849
01:19:38,566 --> 01:19:42,234
[door chimes]
1850
01:19:42,278 --> 01:19:44,320
- The Universe works
in strange ways.
1851
01:19:44,363 --> 01:19:48,532
When you go to Heaven,
it's on a Greyhound bus,
1852
01:19:48,576 --> 01:19:50,993
but when you return,
it's on the Q train,
1853
01:19:51,037 --> 01:19:54,163
or the M train, or the R.
1854
01:19:54,207 --> 01:19:54,872
I still don't know
why they have three trains
1855
01:19:54,916 --> 01:19:56,707
going in the same place.
1856
01:19:56,751 --> 01:19:58,417
[Electric Guest's
"Back For Me"]
1857
01:19:58,461 --> 01:20:00,753
- ♪ Watched you drive away
1858
01:20:00,797 --> 01:20:03,088
♪ You're back out
on the road ♪
1859
01:20:03,132 --> 01:20:06,091
- Maspeth, Queens.
I'll give you a $50 tip.
1860
01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:07,635
Now drive like it's
a life-or-death situation.
1861
01:20:07,678 --> 01:20:11,931
Go!
- ♪ A second place for home
1862
01:20:11,974 --> 01:20:15,184
♪ And I know we've got
1,000 ways to go ♪
1863
01:20:15,228 --> 01:20:18,145
♪
1864
01:20:18,189 --> 01:20:20,022
- Thank you!
- ♪ And there's not
1865
01:20:20,066 --> 01:20:23,400
♪ Much more I know
I can control ♪
1866
01:20:23,444 --> 01:20:24,819
- [panting]
Oh, God.
1867
01:20:24,862 --> 01:20:28,823
- ♪ Are you coming back
1868
01:20:28,866 --> 01:20:30,491
- Barker!
- ♪ For me?
1869
01:20:30,535 --> 01:20:32,827
♪
1870
01:20:32,870 --> 01:20:36,413
♪ Hope you're coming
1871
01:20:36,457 --> 01:20:38,541
- Barker!
[wires hissing]
1872
01:20:38,584 --> 01:20:40,626
[quietly] James...James!
[shrieking] James!
1873
01:20:40,670 --> 01:20:42,503
James!
1874
01:20:42,547 --> 01:20:44,839
♪
1875
01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:47,550
[pipe groans, crashes]
1876
01:20:52,139 --> 01:20:53,931
- [panting]
- Are you okay?
1877
01:20:59,564 --> 01:21:02,022
I was so scared for you.
You almost got crushed.
1878
01:21:02,066 --> 01:21:03,816
- I'm still a little shaken up.
1879
01:21:03,860 --> 01:21:06,485
- [chuckles]
1880
01:21:06,529 --> 01:21:08,696
Well, at least
you're good now.
1881
01:21:08,739 --> 01:21:11,699
- Yeah...are you French?
- [laughs] Yes.
1882
01:21:11,742 --> 01:21:14,285
I guess you can tell, right?
- Yeah. [laughs]
1883
01:21:14,328 --> 01:21:16,954
Well, I think my run is
officially over for the day.
1884
01:21:16,998 --> 01:21:19,331
- Yeah. [laughs]
1885
01:21:19,375 --> 01:21:20,583
- Would you maybe want
to grab some coffee?
1886
01:21:20,626 --> 01:21:22,918
- Oh, yes.
I mean, sure.
1887
01:21:22,962 --> 01:21:24,461
Why not?
- Yeah, I actually love France.
1888
01:21:24,505 --> 01:21:28,966
I've been dying to go.
It's kind of a dream of mine.
1889
01:21:29,010 --> 01:21:32,469
- For once, the Universe
gave me a miracle
1890
01:21:32,513 --> 01:21:34,471
I could get behind.
I thought it was just about
1891
01:21:34,515 --> 01:21:37,016
saving Barker until I saw
that jogger chick was French,
1892
01:21:37,059 --> 01:21:39,602
which--come on--seems
pretty convenient to me.
1893
01:21:39,645 --> 01:21:46,191
Unless...the Universe does
do everything for a reason.
1894
01:21:46,235 --> 01:21:48,193
Saving Barker
was the real test,
1895
01:21:48,237 --> 01:21:51,655
not all those arbitrary
points I collected.
1896
01:21:51,699 --> 01:21:54,366
I've finally proved that...
1897
01:21:54,410 --> 01:21:55,826
[mellow acoustic guitar music]
1898
01:21:55,870 --> 01:21:58,537
I belong up there.
1899
01:21:58,581 --> 01:22:03,459
When I was alive, I thought
loving Patrick was enough.
1900
01:22:03,502 --> 01:22:06,420
I closed myself off
to everyone else.
1901
01:22:06,464 --> 01:22:10,049
But now I realize
the most important thing is...
1902
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:11,508
- I'm gonna stop you
right there,
1903
01:22:11,552 --> 01:22:13,135
because I've got a thousand
more of these today, so...
1904
01:22:13,179 --> 01:22:15,721
- Wait, what?
- Allison Pyke.
1905
01:22:15,765 --> 01:22:18,015
I find you guilty of theft
of afterworld property
1906
01:22:18,059 --> 01:22:19,224
and banish you back to Earth.
1907
01:22:19,268 --> 01:22:21,101
Sentence is 100,000 points.
1908
01:22:21,145 --> 01:22:24,104
Next!
[angels chattering]
1909
01:22:24,148 --> 01:22:26,482
- [whistles]
1910
01:22:26,525 --> 01:22:29,693
[chuckling] Well,
that took a hard turn.
1911
01:22:29,737 --> 01:22:30,694
Are you okay?
1912
01:22:33,199 --> 01:22:34,740
- Yeah.
1913
01:22:34,784 --> 01:22:37,159
I am.
1914
01:22:37,203 --> 01:22:39,912
I mean, I've done it once.
1915
01:22:39,956 --> 01:22:40,412
I can do it again.
1916
01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:47,127
- [chuckles]
1917
01:22:47,171 --> 01:22:49,171
I am highly skeptical of that.
1918
01:22:49,215 --> 01:22:51,215
[anticipatory string music]
1919
01:22:51,258 --> 01:22:53,175
♪
1920
01:22:53,219 --> 01:22:55,803
[jet engines blazing,
alarm blaring]
1921
01:22:55,846 --> 01:22:58,681
- Brace for impact.
1922
01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:00,307
- Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God...
1923
01:23:00,351 --> 01:23:02,309
- We're all gonna die.
1924
01:23:02,353 --> 01:23:03,477
We're all gonna die.
1925
01:23:03,521 --> 01:23:05,229
[gripping music]
1926
01:23:05,272 --> 01:23:07,773
- Everyone, keep calm.
1927
01:23:07,817 --> 01:23:09,566
I've done this before.
1928
01:23:14,407 --> 01:23:16,740
[blippy electronic music]
1929
01:23:16,784 --> 01:23:17,992
- ♪ Katie, Katie, Katie
1930
01:23:18,035 --> 01:23:19,910
♪
1931
01:23:19,954 --> 01:23:21,578
♪ Katie, Katie, Katie
1932
01:23:23,958 --> 01:23:27,001
♪
1933
01:23:27,044 --> 01:23:27,918
♪ Katie, Katie, Katie
1934
01:23:27,962 --> 01:23:31,463
♪ Katie, Katie,
Katie ♪
1935
01:23:31,507 --> 01:23:34,800
♪ Katie, Katie
1936
01:23:34,844 --> 01:23:42,432
♪ Katie
141166
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