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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,997 Santa? 2 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:44,838 Holy crap, Boyd. What the hell you doing back there, buddy? 3 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,406 Waiting on Santa Claus? 4 00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:48,842 Aren't you getting a little old for Santa Claus? 5 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:50,177 I'm five. 6 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,946 It's all a sham, Boyd. The whole Goddamn deal. 7 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,515 I'm the only Santa you're ever gonna know. 8 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:58,385 If you know the truth, it's easy to get through it all. 9 00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:01,455 In fact, let's see what he brought you. 10 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,658 Meet my father, Mitch Mitchler. 11 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:07,494 All we need is a couple of Chinese workers. 12 00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:10,061 He was a little bit complicated. 13 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:23,577 Maybe I was destined to become an overcompensator as a dad, 14 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:27,181 Christmas being the most obvious manifestation of that. 15 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,947 Alright, here we go. Okay, lean in, everyone. 16 00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:33,725 I'm also a realist. I can't control everything... 17 00:02:33,826 --> 00:02:36,757 - the weather, for instance. - Look Dad, it's snowing! 18 00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:40,694 - Well, Bug, that's actually fake snow. - Because of global warming. 19 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:45,565 The warmest winter on record in the Midwest assured a non-white Christmas. 20 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:49,402 The bigger issue by far, was the Santa conundrum. 21 00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:52,439 Vera was very much on the fence, Santa-wise. 22 00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:54,675 But Douglas still believed. 23 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,576 Dad, why are there two Santas? 24 00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:57,978 But for how much longer? 25 00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,755 That guy's not Santa, Bug. He probably smells like pee 26 00:03:00,856 --> 00:03:02,716 and burnt hair because he's a welfare person. 27 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,416 - Vera! - Santa's not real anyway. 28 00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:08,288 Santa's not real, Dad? 29 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:12,425 Of course Santa's real. No one's not real. 30 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,927 Everyone's real, including Santa. 31 00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,867 Vera, a word please. 32 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:23,703 Whatever you think you know, Vera, you don't. 33 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,972 Most kids in my class don't believe in Santa anymore. 34 00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,575 But Madison and me... I mean Madison and I, 35 00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:31,478 we kinda still did, except that Madison's sister, 36 00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,682 the one who did the BJ to this kid... 37 00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:38,084 Vera, you don't actually know what the B... 38 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:42,106 - what that expression means, do you? - It stands for butt jam, 39 00:03:42,207 --> 00:03:44,658 and I think it has to do with jamming stuff up your butt for money, 40 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:48,295 but anyway, Madison's sister, she showed us this website, nosanta.org. 41 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,664 Well, Madison's sister is a deceitful little strumpet. 42 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:55,235 What Dad means is that it's okay for you to decide about Santa, but Douglas... 43 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,571 He absolutely believes. 44 00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,707 And we won't want to do anything to spoil Christmas for him, right? 45 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:05,078 Oh, right, I won't spoil it for Bug, Dad. Sorry. 46 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,178 Thank you. 47 00:04:11,216 --> 00:04:14,287 You are a very kind and generous young man. 48 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:20,260 And you are going to have a very merry and special Christmas. 49 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,860 Oh ho ho ho! 50 00:04:29,702 --> 00:04:32,270 Hey, you wanna... 51 00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:38,812 I wasn't gonna ask if you wanna smoke meth or kill a drifter. 52 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:44,050 I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just... I'm exhausted. 53 00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:46,686 I'm with you. I just thought I should ask. 54 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,822 One day we're gonna have to, right? 55 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:52,823 Or, we could just enjoy the slow descent into celibacy. 56 00:04:57,663 --> 00:05:00,600 How many years do you think Bug has left 57 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:05,104 where he walks into the living room Christmas morning, 58 00:05:05,404 --> 00:05:07,307 he sees the tree, 59 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:10,876 and presents, his stomach just drops, 60 00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:14,478 because holy crap, Santa came? 61 00:05:16,548 --> 00:05:21,752 Can you imagine still having that kind of belief in magic? 62 00:05:22,154 --> 00:05:25,225 Yeah, it's really cool. 63 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:29,696 Do you think you're overcompensating 64 00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:33,800 - on the Christmas thing, just a tad? - Overcompens... on the Christmas thing? 65 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:36,703 No! I don't think that at all. He's six years old. 66 00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,107 - Okay, this is your brother, again. - Pass. 67 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,309 You can't keep pretending your family doesn't exist. 68 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,244 I'm pretty sure I can. 69 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:48,245 Come on babe, take the call, before it wakes the kids up. 70 00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:51,585 Hi, Nelson. 71 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,254 - Whoa, that is spooky. - How'd you know it was me? 72 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,489 We have caller ID, so your number comes up. 73 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,892 Just right there on the phone? 74 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,894 Boy, that is something. I gotta look into that. 75 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,796 - You know, that's a miracle of science. - Yeah, you bet. 76 00:06:04,096 --> 00:06:06,164 Hold on one sec, Boyd. 77 00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:12,105 Sorry to call you so late by the way. Is it night time where you are, too? 78 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,407 No, it's 10 here too, because Chicago and Wisconsin- 79 00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:17,744 What is in the same time zone! 80 00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:20,046 Yeah, we're in the same time zone. 81 00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:23,383 I don't know if you caught that, I said it like Jeopardy. 82 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,185 So what do you need? 83 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,654 Oh, oh, right. So anyway, I'm calling to tell you: 84 00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,156 I scored myself a kid, a little boy. 85 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,359 - I'm a dad. - Really? 86 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,794 - He seems to have procreated. - Eeww. 87 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,330 I was calling to say, 88 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:41,501 - I want you to be the godfather. - Really? We would be honoured. 89 00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:44,916 That is just the best, Boyd. Jeez, that is so... 90 00:06:45,017 --> 00:06:48,074 I know it's short notice but the baptism's on the 24th. 91 00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,377 Oh, absolutely. We wouldn't miss it for the world. 92 00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:52,946 - Sweet. - January or February? 93 00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:56,282 No Boyd, December. December 24th. Oh, you can't wait for it. 94 00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,884 December? What? 95 00:06:58,984 --> 00:07:02,455 Nelson, you can't have a baptism on Christmas Eve. 96 00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:04,324 It doesn't... 97 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,826 Wait that would mean 98 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:10,864 that I'd have to spend Christmas with Dad. 99 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,233 I'll smoke in my Goddamn house if I want to. 100 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:16,436 It's my house. Name's right there on the mortgage. 101 00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:19,839 Right there on the mailbox. His name on the mortgage, Donna? 102 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:23,777 His name on the friggin' mailbox? No sir, it is not, didn't think so. 103 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:27,313 Ipso facto ergo, not his Goddamn house. 104 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,450 Jeezo! Man you exhaust me, Mitch. 105 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:34,788 You know it is a dream come true for me to have my family home on Christmas. 106 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,057 There's no way they were gonna get a motel room now 107 00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,325 at this late date, and with Boyd's asthma... 108 00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:43,029 Asthma? Any other restrictions Captain Wheezy wants to put on me? 109 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:46,097 Well, there is one more thing. 110 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:49,636 I was planning on doing venison for Christmas Eve supper, 111 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:52,872 but apparently, Boyd's family doesn't eat red meat 112 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,240 - and I was... - Christ's sake! 113 00:08:12,524 --> 00:08:14,327 Is that all of Douglas' stuff? 114 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,363 - Si. What about Vera's? - I hid it in the car this morning. 115 00:08:17,463 --> 00:08:20,366 - Oh, you're aces! - Tu tambien! 116 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:23,309 - So, you ready to see your dad? - Yeah, can't wait. 117 00:08:23,410 --> 00:08:25,839 - I'm actually looking forward to it. - Really? 118 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,942 No, I'd rather be sodomized by an angry clown! 119 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:32,078 I just want the kids to have a good Christmas. 120 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,179 Me, too. 121 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:36,249 - Dad? - Hey, hi, what are you doing? 122 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,417 Hi, Dougie doodle. 123 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,352 Who's gonna feed Dale while we're gone? 124 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,387 - Oh, that would be... - Farhad. 125 00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:43,490 - Who's Farhad? - Mom's ESL student. 126 00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:46,893 - What's ESL? - Remember, English as a second language? 127 00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,426 - Why don't you tell him, Dad? - I'll race you upstairs. 128 00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:03,176 Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way 129 00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:07,714 Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh 130 00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:10,317 Dashing through the snow 131 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,919 In a one-horse open sleigh 132 00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,221 O'er the fields we go 133 00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:17,557 Laughing all the way 134 00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,859 Bells on Bobtail ring 135 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:22,226 Making spirits bright 136 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:28,234 - Son of a bitch. - Mom, Dad said "bitch." 137 00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:31,171 Bitch isn't a bad word, Bug. Neither is bastard or ass. 138 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,603 Hey, you guys, come on. 139 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:43,150 Hey, we're twins! Ha ha ha, merry Christmas! 140 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:46,284 Licence and proof of insurance, please. 141 00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:48,922 Awesome. 142 00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:53,193 So, I did clock you doing 67 in a 45, Mr. Mitchler. 143 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:57,113 Yeah, the bum deal about that is, it's a 450-dollar infraction, 144 00:09:57,214 --> 00:10:02,168 but there is some good news. You can pay online now, in the state of Wisconsin. 145 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,504 Yeah, it's a real sweet website, takes Discover, 146 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:09,409 so you get the cash back which, you know, helps out. 147 00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,544 Alright, kids, hope Santa treats you good! 148 00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:13,046 Take care! Merry Christmas! 149 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:16,149 - Merry Christmas. - You bet. 150 00:10:22,287 --> 00:10:26,492 - Oh, where the heck can they be? - Oh, don't get your knickers in a knot. 151 00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:29,229 - You having a good time, Dad? - Oh yeah, I'm delirious. 152 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,031 I want some milk. 153 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,633 You have to wait 'til supper like the rest of us, Cale. 154 00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:37,170 - Where is the sex offender? - He's not a sex offender! 155 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:40,173 What should I call him then, Willy Wanker? 156 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,175 With the help of our marriage counsellor, 157 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,144 me and Dave have worked through his transgressions. 158 00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:49,680 So my husband, Dad, is outside smoking a heater. 159 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,530 Dad, Rance is being a gomer! 160 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:07,533 Hey you guys, cut it out! Where the hell did you get that thing from? 161 00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:08,602 I took it. 162 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:11,602 Well, put it the hell back from where you took it from! 163 00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:18,011 Thank you. 164 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:22,815 Aw, crud, I can't find my camera. Mitch, go look for it, will you? 165 00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:24,717 For cripe's sake, we're not National Geographic. 166 00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,219 They're not some bunch of bonobos. 167 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,955 Mitch, they have never been here for Christmas. 168 00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:32,258 Well, whose fault is that? Not mine. Boyd's the one who thinks he's too good for us. 169 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,961 Having my family here means everything to me. 170 00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:40,397 So quit being such an a-hole, and go look for my G-D camera! 171 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,104 They're here! 172 00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:47,005 Shut up, tramp stamp! 173 00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:51,578 Mitch, hurry up, Boyd's here. 174 00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,747 - Boyd! - Hey! Oh, honey! 175 00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,884 - Mom! - I love you. 176 00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:02,255 I love you. It's great to be home. You are looking fine as wine. 177 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:05,058 Can you believe it, Boyd, all of us together at Christmas! 178 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,126 I know, it's great. Well, where's the Nel? 179 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,395 Nelson and the baby are meeting us at church. 180 00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,514 - Gotcha. - Isn't this perfect, Boyd? 181 00:12:11,615 --> 00:12:13,498 This is perfect. 182 00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,741 Stop! Don't hurt me! 183 00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,607 Don't... don't... 184 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,619 - Dad, you okay? - I'm fine. 185 00:12:31,719 --> 00:12:35,186 You're welcome, anytime. You're family. 186 00:12:40,725 --> 00:12:42,963 You okay? 187 00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:45,264 Puba! 188 00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,467 Dougie Doodle! How are you, little bugger? 189 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:52,372 Everybody get together for a quick photo, and then we gotta get ready for church. 190 00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:57,574 That glorious song of old 191 00:12:58,109 --> 00:13:04,114 From angels bending near the earth 192 00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:09,319 To touch their harps of gold 193 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:17,394 ...goodwill to men from heavens all gracious king 194 00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:21,768 I really don't know the words to say 195 00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:26,871 So now I don't have to sing 196 00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:35,047 Well, of course most of you remember my wife, Cindy, 197 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,950 and might have known that when I was in basic, 198 00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:41,521 over by Fort Digs, she ran off with this Mexican guy, 199 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,424 who played a little minor league ball for the Wombats. 200 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,627 Pretty halfway decent shortstop. 201 00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:50,797 Anyhow, he got her pregnant, this Mexican guy did, 202 00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:54,133 so Cindy comes by the house one day, and goes, 203 00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:58,171 "Hey Nelson, would you mind looking after the baby for a while?" 204 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:01,240 And I said, "Yeah, yeah sure, no sweat." 205 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:05,244 And anyhow, that was six months ago and I still got this kid of hers, so. 206 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:10,116 He don't have a name that I know of, so I've just been calling him Baby. 207 00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:13,119 But you know, he is a real, real good boy. 208 00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:16,589 And that's why I want to name him Boyd, 209 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:21,360 after my own big brother, who is just a heck of a good guy himself. 210 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:24,197 So, I am presenting Boyd Jr. 211 00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:29,799 as a candidate for holy baptism. 212 00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:35,372 Except I figure I'm gonna call him BJ. 213 00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:40,179 Welcome to the family, BJ. 214 00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:44,717 Dear God, I look around this table, and I see a family. 215 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:48,921 I know we're not perfect, Lord God, even though some people think they are. 216 00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:53,793 We've all got foibles, peccadilloes if you will. 217 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,929 I'm not gonna name names, Dave; it's not the time or the place. 218 00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:59,432 Anyhow I just want to say, thank you, Lord Jesus, 219 00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:02,335 Lamb of God, for bringing us together here. 220 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,358 And now each one of us is gonna say something they're thankful for. 221 00:15:05,459 --> 00:15:08,374 - Donna, do it. - Oh, 222 00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:12,676 I'm thankful little BJ's christening went okay. 223 00:15:13,478 --> 00:15:16,716 But mostly I'm thankful we're all here together. 224 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,451 That's a dream for me. 225 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:21,087 - Skol. - Skol! 226 00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,122 It's a prayer Donna, not a toast, come on. 227 00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:26,859 - Shauna, you're up. - Oh. I'm grateful 228 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:31,130 that through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, 229 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:35,701 I'm able to forgive all of you for all the pain you've caused me, 230 00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:39,138 and, thanks to me and Dave's marriage counsellor, 231 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:41,874 we are back on the marriage train, 232 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:45,745 and we are gonna ride it all the way into the station. 233 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,511 Right? 234 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:52,628 Well, I got one. I thank God that he gave me the ability to give 110 percent, 235 00:15:52,729 --> 00:15:54,954 and take first for the WISEA under-fourteen regionals. 236 00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:59,225 WISEA stands for Wisconsin Competitive Eating Association. 237 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:04,030 Rancer ate 27 Johnsonville brats in five minutes. 238 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:07,064 - That's a lot of brats. - Way to go, Rance. 239 00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,504 That is... that is really neat. 240 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,873 Let's give it the devil, Rancer. Come on, pound these back. 241 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,308 Go, Rancer! 242 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,109 Go, go, go, Rancer! 243 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:21,278 Get it. Go-o-o, Rancer. Go, go, go, Rancer. 244 00:16:27,955 --> 00:16:30,555 Time! 245 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:33,993 That's what I'm talking about! Come on! 246 00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,562 Wow, that is really, really neat. 247 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,497 How many hot dogs can you eat, Dougie doodle? 248 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:42,335 - We're not allowed to eat hot dogs. - We're a macrobiotic household. 249 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,403 For crying out loud, Boyd, what's this crap? 250 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,205 You're gonna turn your kids into a couple of beatniks. 251 00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:49,042 - Our kids are fine! - I know they're fine. I'm just saying, 252 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,277 you don't want your boy to turn into a Sally, do ya? 253 00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:54,814 - Don't tell me how to raise my kids. - Don't tell me what to do in my house! 254 00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:57,717 Is your name on the mailbox?! I didn't think so! 255 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,552 Oh really, the mailbox line again, Dad? 256 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:02,388 Great, you sparked Nelson's PTSD. 257 00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:05,758 Post-traumatic stress disorder. 258 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,328 When things get tense, Nelly gets a little squirrely. 259 00:17:09,428 --> 00:17:13,398 He has to go into a dark, quiet space. 260 00:17:13,998 --> 00:17:15,901 It's from the war. 261 00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:17,603 What war, Mom? 262 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,939 He fell out of the back of a Humvee during basic training and was discharged. 263 00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,140 A head injury! 264 00:17:23,975 --> 00:17:26,777 He got a head injury serving his country! 265 00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:33,917 Okay. 266 00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:40,993 What... 267 00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,995 Why are there shotgun pellets in my chicken? 268 00:17:46,364 --> 00:17:47,664 Dad. 269 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,201 Because it's squirrel. 270 00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:01,880 Honey, no, we're not leaving. 271 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:05,782 He fed me a rodent for Christmas dinner. 272 00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:10,456 Well, you're the only one who ate squirrel. Ours was really chicken. 273 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,742 You did say that you could handle anything as long as the kids 274 00:18:12,843 --> 00:18:17,127 were having a good Christmas, and the kids are having a great Christmas. 275 00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:22,968 Think you can just flex those emotional muscles, 276 00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:26,603 just a little bit, and think of Douglas? 277 00:18:30,508 --> 00:18:33,010 I want some more dessert! 278 00:18:43,054 --> 00:18:45,257 And that's how you make 50 dollars an hour. 279 00:18:45,357 --> 00:18:47,093 - Puba? - Yeah, Dougie? 280 00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:49,328 I want us to leave Santa a snack, 281 00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:51,864 but Rance ate all the cookies in like, 10 seconds, 282 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,866 and then he drank a whole gallon of milk. 283 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,401 Whoa. 284 00:18:55,501 --> 00:19:00,403 So, I was wondering if you had anything else that I could give to Santa? 285 00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,710 Of course I do, Bug. 286 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:07,944 I know something that Santa loves a lot more than milk and cookies. 287 00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:15,488 Dear Santa, Puba said you would enjoy this bourbon and asparagus. 288 00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:20,126 I hope you like it a lot. Love, your very good friend, Douglas Mitchler. 289 00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:23,829 Shake that ass, bitch, and let me see what you got 290 00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:27,466 Shake that ass, bitch, and let me see what you got 291 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,668 Shake that ass, bitch, and let me see what you got 292 00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:32,605 Whoa, that's pretty neat, Pam. 293 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,740 I know, I've got over 75 hits so far. 294 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,443 Your average is zero stars 'cause you suck, turdbait. 295 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,976 Shut up, jackwipe! 296 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:46,183 Hey, that's not very Christmassy behaviour. Gather up. 297 00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:51,857 So, we have a tradition in our family 298 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:55,394 where we read The Night Before Christmas 299 00:19:55,494 --> 00:19:59,029 the night before Christmas. Get it? 300 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,567 This is mentally challenged. 301 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:05,471 Do you think this is a joke, Rance? This isn't a joke. This is Christmas. 302 00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:10,142 We're not two, Uncle Boyd! I mean, all this Santa crap is for babies! 303 00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:12,111 Every dumbass knows there's no such thing! 304 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:17,914 Shut up! Shut your mouth! Shut your big, eating mouth! Right now, shut it! 305 00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:25,958 - Santa will find me here, right Dad? - Of course he will, Bug. 306 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:31,330 In fact, Santa just texted me to say that he made you an amazing present! 307 00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:34,798 But you're gonna have to wait until morning to see it. 308 00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:39,505 Okay. 309 00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:43,676 Look at this pile of crap. This country's so damn excessive it makes me wanna puke. 310 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,743 Oh put a sock in it, Mitchler. 311 00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:48,614 Well, they're all down. 312 00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:51,682 - Oh that's super, honey. - Good job. 313 00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:58,021 - Where's Douglas' stuff? - Oh gosh, buried in there somewhere. 314 00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:07,533 - Everything's out of the car? - I got the last of it out of there. 315 00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,268 Well, none of it's here. 316 00:21:10,468 --> 00:21:16,638 None of Douglas' presents are here. 317 00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:24,250 No, that's impossible. You put them in the car this morning. 318 00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:27,253 - I didn't, you did. - No, you gave me the thumbs up! 319 00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:31,223 - Meaning you do it, and you nodded! - Wait, what are you two saying? 320 00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:34,059 - Boyd... - Not Boyd, Luann! 321 00:21:34,159 --> 00:21:37,162 Boyd and I left all of Douglas' stuff in Chicago. 322 00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:39,736 - Oh, jeez. - It's gonna be fine! 323 00:21:39,837 --> 00:21:42,669 We'll think of something! Right? 324 00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:47,172 Oh I have an idea. What's it called, Toys "R"... 325 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:48,741 Us. 326 00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:52,211 Babe, the mall closes at six, all right? Just sit there and look pretty. 327 00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:55,781 Okay, listen, Randy Sickle over there in Commercial, they're open 24 hours, 328 00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:58,117 we'll go over there, pick him up maybe one of those singing bass plaques 329 00:21:58,217 --> 00:22:00,446 and a mesh hat. Hey, come on, he's seven. 330 00:22:00,547 --> 00:22:04,090 Throw in a pack of grape hike shoes boom, it's done. What do you say? 331 00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:07,092 The kid's never gonna know the difference. "Christmas, hey!" 332 00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:11,797 That's exactly what you would do! Nice parenting, really nice! 333 00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:15,624 Last time I checked, it ain't exactly great parenting ruining your kid's Christmas, 334 00:22:15,725 --> 00:22:18,071 - Prime Time! - I should knock you on your ass. 335 00:22:18,171 --> 00:22:22,539 Oh really? Bring it Sally! I'd love to see you try! Come on! 336 00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:28,113 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 337 00:22:29,513 --> 00:22:31,784 Now if we're gonna do this, we're gonna need some ground rules. 338 00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:34,420 I'm going. I'm driving back. It's not even 11. 339 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,522 That gives me eight hours until he's up. I'm going. 340 00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:39,392 - Boyd, don't go! - You can't do it, it's too far! 341 00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:43,093 He's not going anywhere, Donna, he's all show and no go. 342 00:22:46,798 --> 00:22:49,368 Boyd. Boyd, stop. 343 00:22:49,468 --> 00:22:52,338 You've had four hours of sleep. You're gonna kill yourself! 344 00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:57,710 Any day now, Douglas is gonna wake up and realize the world is a mean, nasty place 345 00:22:57,810 --> 00:23:00,626 where your hopes and dreams eventually get smashed to bits. 346 00:23:00,727 --> 00:23:04,316 - Until then, he needs this. - I'm sorry, who needs this? 347 00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:08,854 If I can just make him believe for one more Christmas. 348 00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:11,490 Having Christmas is not about stuff, Boyd. 349 00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:15,027 Look, just wait. Okay, go tomorrow, when you've had some sleep. 350 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:19,698 We'll say that we delayed Christmas a day. We'll make it fun. 351 00:23:19,798 --> 00:23:23,002 I understand. Mitch ruined Christmas for you, 352 00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:27,594 but you have proven a million times over, you're not him. 353 00:23:27,695 --> 00:23:32,108 You're such a great dad. This is just crazy! 354 00:23:32,410 --> 00:23:36,315 Hey, hey. Look, you're running away from your father again! 355 00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,417 You can't keep doing this! 356 00:23:38,617 --> 00:23:41,153 Boyd, wait, I'm coming with you! Let me just put up some coffee! 357 00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:43,522 It's about an eight-hour round trip, 358 00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:46,825 which gets me back here at what, sevenish, 359 00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:50,296 so just make sure the kids stay downstairs until 7:30. 360 00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:54,064 - This is doable, but I gotta go now. - Be careful, honey! 361 00:24:03,808 --> 00:24:05,842 Merry Christmas. 362 00:24:32,270 --> 00:24:34,706 I made this ornament when I was a kid once, 363 00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:36,943 out of a pine cone. 364 00:24:37,043 --> 00:24:40,379 It had the googly eyes on it and the white cotton deals, 365 00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:43,082 - you know what I'm talking about? - Shut the hell up, you degenerate. 366 00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:45,551 - Pervert. - He's not a pervert! 367 00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:49,255 A guy who exposes himself to a busload of old folks on their way to Oneida bingo, 368 00:24:49,355 --> 00:24:52,925 what the hell should I call him if not pervert? Friggin' pillar of the community? 369 00:24:53,025 --> 00:24:55,160 I have explained this situation to you a hundred times. 370 00:24:55,260 --> 00:24:57,630 - In Dave's defence, he was drunk! - Very! 371 00:24:57,730 --> 00:25:01,067 And in his second defence, someone double-dog dared him to do it, so that... 372 00:25:01,167 --> 00:25:04,486 Okay. Who wants to look at some slides? 373 00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:08,071 Or, I know, how about a game of cribbage? 374 00:25:08,941 --> 00:25:10,707 Oh, I've got that. 375 00:25:12,610 --> 00:25:15,181 - Hello? - Is it him? Is he okay? What happened? 376 00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:18,948 He's fine, but... Aw crud. 377 00:25:21,586 --> 00:25:23,187 Dammit. 378 00:25:38,302 --> 00:25:43,676 Looky here. BMW. Short for Bavarian Money Waster. 379 00:25:43,776 --> 00:25:45,978 Looks like the sheisse hit the fan here. 380 00:25:46,078 --> 00:25:47,411 - I'm gonna hitchhike. - Really? 381 00:25:47,511 --> 00:25:50,115 Christmas Eve, no one's gonna pick you up. Come on, let's go. 382 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:53,785 I'm not giving up. You go ahead and go home. I don't need you. 383 00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:55,921 Yeah, but Douglas does. 384 00:25:57,021 --> 00:25:59,758 So come on. Get in the truck, Gladys. 385 00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:02,460 We got Christmas to save. 386 00:26:18,411 --> 00:26:22,581 Silent night 387 00:26:23,281 --> 00:26:27,714 Holy night 388 00:26:28,621 --> 00:26:33,692 All is calm 389 00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:39,164 All is bright 390 00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:44,469 Round yon virgin 391 00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:49,744 Mother and child 392 00:26:50,086 --> 00:26:54,005 Holy infant 393 00:26:54,106 --> 00:27:00,030 So tender and mild 394 00:27:00,486 --> 00:27:06,989 Sleep in heavenly peace 395 00:27:09,126 --> 00:27:11,630 - It don't add up, boy. - You got a guy tootin' around 396 00:27:11,730 --> 00:27:13,499 the whole Goddamn planet in one night. 397 00:27:13,599 --> 00:27:17,602 That sleigh'd have to be going 25, 30,000 miles per hour, minimum. 398 00:27:17,702 --> 00:27:19,471 Now, if we had that type of technology, shit, 399 00:27:19,571 --> 00:27:22,494 we'd be blowing the tits off the friggin' Viet Kong. 400 00:27:22,594 --> 00:27:28,080 It's all a sham. Eastern bunny, Sham. Valentine's Day, Sham. 401 00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:31,049 Tooth fairy? What the heck's up with that son of a B? 402 00:27:31,149 --> 00:27:32,317 You know what he is, right? 403 00:27:32,417 --> 00:27:34,119 - Sham. - Damn right. 404 00:27:34,219 --> 00:27:36,455 What kind of creep goes sneaking into a kid's room 405 00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:38,157 and putting chump change under a pillow? 406 00:27:38,257 --> 00:27:41,093 What the hell's he need all those teeth for? Pervert. 407 00:27:41,193 --> 00:27:44,596 The whole world is full of lies, Boyd. 408 00:27:44,696 --> 00:27:48,968 The only road to happiness is realizing there's no road to happiness. 409 00:27:49,068 --> 00:27:52,168 Alright, I'm going to bed. You finish it up on your own. 410 00:27:54,272 --> 00:27:58,906 Oh yeah, eat me! Prick. 411 00:28:02,513 --> 00:28:05,082 First off... 412 00:28:06,318 --> 00:28:09,821 And second, I have asthma, Dad, asthma. 413 00:28:09,921 --> 00:28:15,394 And it is not all in my head, as you have so astutely hypothesized in the past. 414 00:28:15,494 --> 00:28:19,298 It is an actual medical condition that could actually kill me. 415 00:28:19,398 --> 00:28:23,902 So please, put out the damn cigar. 416 00:28:24,002 --> 00:28:28,738 What the hell's that all about? You on the friggin' rag? Come on. 417 00:28:41,585 --> 00:28:46,157 Come on, lighten up, Boyd. We got all night ahead of us. 418 00:28:46,257 --> 00:28:49,226 Let's have a little fun here. 419 00:28:56,934 --> 00:29:00,172 - I bet they're having a ball. - Yeah, yippee! 420 00:29:00,272 --> 00:29:02,908 It does make me feel better that Mitch went with him. 421 00:29:03,008 --> 00:29:05,711 Them two hate each other's guts, I thought. 422 00:29:05,811 --> 00:29:11,116 Okay, cut it out, you guys, we're a family. And it's Christmas, jeez. 423 00:29:11,216 --> 00:29:16,188 You know, Mom, I, don't want to make you feel bad with what I'm about to say, 424 00:29:16,288 --> 00:29:20,225 being that it's Christmas and all but, a lot of this is your fault. 425 00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:24,362 Dave and I's marriage counsellor says that a lot of my self-esteem problems 426 00:29:24,462 --> 00:29:28,600 come from the fact that you never confronted Dad about his drinking. 427 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:33,805 So it's why I seek approval from people who treat me like wet dog crap. 428 00:29:34,305 --> 00:29:39,811 Who needs anything? We've got leftovers, we've got hot dish. Beer? 429 00:29:39,911 --> 00:29:43,513 Reeb me! That's beer spelled backwards, honey. 430 00:29:50,888 --> 00:29:52,722 Vera. 431 00:29:53,891 --> 00:29:55,227 Yeah, Bug? 432 00:29:55,327 --> 00:29:59,395 Was Rance about to say that there's no such thing as Santa? 433 00:30:00,964 --> 00:30:03,835 Rance is a certified moron, Douglas. 434 00:30:03,935 --> 00:30:07,806 So whatever he was about to say would have been certified moronic. 435 00:30:07,906 --> 00:30:09,875 Of course there's a Santa. 436 00:30:09,975 --> 00:30:12,411 - Promise? - I promise. 437 00:30:12,511 --> 00:30:15,714 When you see your presents under the tree in the morning, 438 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,983 you'll believe again, you will. 439 00:30:19,783 --> 00:30:22,385 Now lie down. 440 00:30:25,189 --> 00:30:27,190 Okay. 441 00:30:44,575 --> 00:30:48,012 Wow, 53 degrees. So much for a white Christmas. 442 00:30:48,112 --> 00:30:51,183 Who needs one? Yesterday I was golfing. You would have caught me in my shirtsleeves. 443 00:30:51,283 --> 00:30:53,585 Kicked Bill Gorsky's ass, the fat pollack. 444 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,555 I said "if this is global warming, I'll take it." 445 00:30:56,655 --> 00:30:59,291 - Pollack. Nice, Dad. - Technically he's a bohunk. 446 00:30:59,391 --> 00:31:01,624 I got more if you need 'em. 447 00:31:04,094 --> 00:31:07,797 - Hi, where's the... - Just past the cheese. 448 00:31:17,076 --> 00:31:22,211 I can guess your nationality without even seeing you. European. 449 00:31:23,013 --> 00:31:25,750 You get it? You're a-peein'. 450 00:31:25,850 --> 00:31:29,852 - Ha, yeah, got it. - Ho ho ho. 451 00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:33,155 Hey, you got any bourbon? Just a... 452 00:31:34,424 --> 00:31:38,494 - I wish I did, sorry. - That's okay, that's okay. 453 00:31:39,964 --> 00:31:45,468 So, you having yourself a merry little Christmas? 454 00:31:46,971 --> 00:31:48,440 I wouldn't say that exactly. 455 00:31:48,540 --> 00:31:52,611 Well, nobody said it was easy now, did they? I mean, take my journey here tonight. 456 00:31:52,711 --> 00:31:55,747 I mean, logic-wise, that whole deal doesn't really add up, does it? 457 00:31:55,847 --> 00:32:02,384 I mean my sleigh'd have to be doing what, 25, 30,000 miles an hour? Minimum? 458 00:32:06,457 --> 00:32:09,127 But I always make it. Somehow I always do, you know. 459 00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:11,648 I mean, it's not always easy, like I say, but miracles never are. 460 00:32:11,749 --> 00:32:14,866 They're tricky little things, miracles. Sometimes they look at you right in the face. 461 00:32:14,966 --> 00:32:17,459 They're right in front of you, staring at you in the mirror, 462 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,803 and you didn't even see them. It's crazy. 463 00:32:23,474 --> 00:32:27,012 - Have a merry Christmas, Santa. - I always do, buddy. 464 00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:30,612 I always do. 465 00:32:32,616 --> 00:32:35,086 - Have fun in there. - I'll name it after you. 466 00:32:35,186 --> 00:32:36,621 Hi, can I get a couple of coffees? 467 00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:39,658 That's your old man? Virgil Mitch. Ole Mitch? 468 00:32:39,758 --> 00:32:42,227 - Yeah, I'm Boyd. - You're Boyd! 469 00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:47,499 Yeah, you're the smart one. You got a full ride at the UW. 470 00:32:47,599 --> 00:32:51,170 And now you're a stockbroker, is it? Down in Chi-town? 471 00:32:51,270 --> 00:32:53,873 - I manage a hedge fund. - Oh yeah, that's right. 472 00:32:53,973 --> 00:32:57,509 But your dad tells me you make a truckload of money. 473 00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,811 I don't know about that. I work too much. 474 00:32:59,911 --> 00:33:04,149 Well, anyhow, nice to have a face with the name. 475 00:33:04,249 --> 00:33:07,085 Your pop, that crazy old son of a... 476 00:33:07,185 --> 00:33:09,721 he's in here pretty near once a week, 477 00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,922 and I get an earful about your family. 478 00:33:13,058 --> 00:33:18,196 No! Mitch talks a blue streak about how good you're doing. 479 00:33:18,296 --> 00:33:23,468 Must be nice for y'all to have Christmas together, ain't it? 480 00:33:24,568 --> 00:33:26,468 It is. 481 00:33:27,271 --> 00:33:30,008 - What do I owe you? - No, come on. 482 00:33:30,108 --> 00:33:32,611 Merry Christmas now, Boyd. 483 00:33:33,311 --> 00:33:35,111 Merry Christmas. 484 00:33:44,211 --> 00:33:46,211 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 485 00:33:54,864 --> 00:33:57,534 You know how to drive a manual, tranny? 486 00:33:58,434 --> 00:34:01,940 You don't remember the day you taught me how to drive a stick? 487 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,408 Should I? 488 00:34:03,508 --> 00:34:07,645 October 26, 1983, you may recall, was my 12th birthday. 489 00:34:07,745 --> 00:34:12,317 You may also recall that you were too hammered to drive home from my party, 490 00:34:12,417 --> 00:34:15,284 so I drove home. 491 00:34:15,785 --> 00:34:17,188 Is that right? 492 00:34:17,288 --> 00:34:20,158 Well, I must have been doing something right, 'cause you still remember how. 493 00:34:20,258 --> 00:34:22,694 Yes, it is one of life's greatest indignities 494 00:34:22,794 --> 00:34:26,328 that you never won the Father of the Year award. 495 00:34:28,333 --> 00:34:31,102 - Hey, careful! - Can't you take a joke, Sally? 496 00:34:31,202 --> 00:34:33,238 - Now you're pissing me off. - Oh, am I pissing you... 497 00:34:33,338 --> 00:34:37,607 Maybe you need to piss on the radiator. Whoa, what was that? 498 00:34:41,478 --> 00:34:43,145 Tit. 499 00:34:45,649 --> 00:34:48,119 - Want me to go peek in on BJ? - No, I'll do it, Shauna. 500 00:34:48,219 --> 00:34:49,654 Wait a second, where's Nelson? 501 00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:53,224 Last time I saw him he was going ape-crap because Mitch and Boyd were scrapping. 502 00:34:53,324 --> 00:34:57,093 - Well, that was two hours ago. - Oh, shoot, Nelson! 503 00:34:57,795 --> 00:34:59,195 Nelson! 504 00:35:00,099 --> 00:35:01,700 Nelson. 505 00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:05,301 Nelson, baby, come on. 506 00:35:05,936 --> 00:35:08,170 Nelson. 507 00:35:10,207 --> 00:35:12,242 Nelson. 508 00:35:13,811 --> 00:35:15,612 Where are you? 509 00:35:17,548 --> 00:35:19,951 He's not where he usually goes. 510 00:35:20,551 --> 00:35:25,490 Whenever he gets panicked he just falls asleep in the craziest places. 511 00:35:25,590 --> 00:35:28,626 I found him all balled up in the middle of the road a coup... 512 00:35:30,626 --> 00:35:32,661 Oh my God. 513 00:35:33,296 --> 00:35:36,234 Nelson! Where are you, baby? Wake up! 514 00:35:36,434 --> 00:35:38,537 - Nelson! - Nelson! 515 00:35:38,637 --> 00:35:40,972 Nelson! Where are you, Nelson? Wake up! 516 00:35:41,072 --> 00:35:42,640 Donna, be careful! 517 00:35:42,740 --> 00:35:45,178 Nelson! Nelson! 518 00:35:46,678 --> 00:35:49,047 Oh... oh, dear Lord Jesus. 519 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:51,649 Jingle all the way 520 00:35:51,749 --> 00:35:54,052 - No, you can't sing low. - I know, high. 521 00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:55,553 Way 522 00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:58,020 Oh no, stop, stop, stop! 523 00:35:59,356 --> 00:36:01,426 Oh what fun it is to ride 524 00:36:01,526 --> 00:36:06,695 - Dude, you just hit something. - ...open sleigh 525 00:36:10,167 --> 00:36:11,904 Good night. 526 00:36:12,304 --> 00:36:14,804 Put your hands down and let's do this. 527 00:36:17,007 --> 00:36:18,476 Ahem, I love you ve... I love you very much. 528 00:36:18,576 --> 00:36:19,844 - Let's go, come on. - See? 529 00:36:19,944 --> 00:36:24,516 - Mom, has Santa come yet? - No honey, not yet, it's still early. 530 00:36:24,616 --> 00:36:27,049 Santa's got a long night ahead of him. 531 00:36:27,751 --> 00:36:30,922 - Can Dad tuck me in? - Who? Dad? 532 00:36:31,422 --> 00:36:35,357 No, because, Dad and Puba... 533 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,261 are getting massages. 534 00:36:40,664 --> 00:36:45,501 - Oh, okay. Good night, Mom. - Okay, good night. 535 00:36:55,746 --> 00:36:57,646 So who else isn't tired? 536 00:37:01,018 --> 00:37:05,356 Oh, I forgot to ask you. Did Santa Claus accost you in the bathroom? 537 00:37:05,456 --> 00:37:06,391 Excuse me? 538 00:37:06,491 --> 00:37:09,494 You know, the grubby old guy in the Santa suit in the truck stop bathroom. 539 00:37:09,594 --> 00:37:12,395 I didn't see anybody in the bathroom. 540 00:37:17,134 --> 00:37:19,537 Santa's coming home soon. 541 00:37:20,837 --> 00:37:23,371 Gonna bring you lots of gifts. 542 00:37:30,747 --> 00:37:33,918 Oh, son of a bitch! Oh! 543 00:37:34,018 --> 00:37:36,921 I forgot to tell you, the speedometer's off by about 10 miles an hour. 544 00:37:37,021 --> 00:37:39,021 Oh it's good to know that. 545 00:37:47,931 --> 00:37:49,968 Well, I'll be! 546 00:37:50,068 --> 00:37:53,771 Merry Christmas, Mr. Mitchler! Again. 547 00:37:54,271 --> 00:37:56,040 What brings you gents out so late? 548 00:37:56,140 --> 00:37:58,609 Well, numbnuts here forgot his kid's presents in Chi-town. 549 00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:04,083 Numbnuts, that's funny. Haven't heard that one in quite some time! 550 00:38:04,330 --> 00:38:06,598 My foster mom, she... 551 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:09,821 Oh, I see you guys are in the portable john business? 552 00:38:09,921 --> 00:38:13,424 Indeed we are, sir. Mitch Mitchler, North Central Wisconsin king of the crappers. 553 00:38:13,524 --> 00:38:16,694 For 25 years, Mitchler's Handi-crappers have been supplying luxury johns 554 00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:21,032 for all your business needs. I always say, if you gotta go, go in style! 555 00:38:21,132 --> 00:38:25,936 I like that a lot. Riddle me this, do you guys do family reunions? 556 00:38:26,036 --> 00:38:27,105 My cousin actu... 557 00:38:27,205 --> 00:38:30,174 We're actually in a really big hurry, Trooper Zblocki, so. 558 00:38:30,274 --> 00:38:33,942 I could tell, Mr. Mitchler. Caught old numbnuts here doing 91. 559 00:38:34,513 --> 00:38:37,682 I'll be back with your citation, STAT. 560 00:38:38,982 --> 00:38:40,316 Numbnuts. 561 00:38:42,287 --> 00:38:44,587 Funny little elf. 562 00:38:45,687 --> 00:38:47,687 It's a good one. 563 00:38:49,593 --> 00:38:53,864 Well, Mr. Mitchler, I caught you doing 91, yikes! 564 00:38:54,464 --> 00:38:57,365 It's like, "Arriba, arriba, andele, andele!" 565 00:38:57,668 --> 00:38:59,468 Bart Simpson. 566 00:39:01,806 --> 00:39:04,876 But, it's Christmas, so you know what? 567 00:39:05,376 --> 00:39:09,611 - I got candy canes for you three guys. - Three? 568 00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,089 Nelson? 569 00:39:18,189 --> 00:39:21,989 Jeez, I must've fell asleep in here. 570 00:39:23,993 --> 00:39:25,794 Who's that guy? 571 00:39:27,564 --> 00:39:31,169 A child is the most important thing a mother has, Nelson. 572 00:39:31,269 --> 00:39:34,006 Jeez, I'm sorry I had you worried, Mom. 573 00:39:34,106 --> 00:39:36,975 If anything had happened to you... 574 00:39:37,275 --> 00:39:38,310 Aw, jeez. 575 00:39:38,410 --> 00:39:42,113 Mom, could you put little BJ on the phone? I want to tell him I'm okay. 576 00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:47,185 He's sleeping in his crib, hon. Plus he's not even a year. 577 00:39:47,285 --> 00:39:50,955 Well, maybe just go in there and tell him I love him? 578 00:39:51,555 --> 00:39:55,860 And, could you sing him that pretty little song he likes? 579 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,797 Hot tortillas, crisp tostadas 580 00:39:59,897 --> 00:40:02,934 Best in Me-hi-co 581 00:40:03,034 --> 00:40:07,238 Enchiladas, empanadas 582 00:40:07,338 --> 00:40:11,074 How I love them so 583 00:40:14,311 --> 00:40:17,148 It is a miracle that you got pulled over, 584 00:40:17,248 --> 00:40:19,951 because I could have froze to death in there, or worse. 585 00:40:20,051 --> 00:40:21,819 Not cold enough to freeze to death. 586 00:40:21,919 --> 00:40:23,788 Okay, real quick, what could possibly be worse 587 00:40:23,888 --> 00:40:25,957 than freezing to death in a portable toilet, Nelson? 588 00:40:26,057 --> 00:40:30,294 HIV, AIDS, Lou Gehrig disease, cancer, spina bifida... 589 00:40:30,394 --> 00:40:32,663 Okay, all good ones. 590 00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:36,234 I could think of one worse. A guy getting his gonads lobbed off by his wife 591 00:40:36,334 --> 00:40:39,335 because he forgot his kid's Christmas presents. 592 00:40:51,981 --> 00:40:52,917 Get 'im! 593 00:40:53,017 --> 00:40:56,187 I'm not supposed to play video games, but you're really awesome at them, Rance. 594 00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:57,355 Yeah, I know. 595 00:40:57,455 --> 00:40:59,657 We should totally put your picture on Craigslist, Vera. 596 00:40:59,757 --> 00:41:02,958 Your judgement is really questionable, Pam. 597 00:41:11,234 --> 00:41:14,372 - You gonna stay up with us, Dave? - Oh no, I... I get hungry at night 598 00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:17,679 so I like to make myself a meal so I have something to eat between sleep 599 00:41:17,780 --> 00:41:20,913 - and breakfast. I call it breep. - Okay. 600 00:41:21,013 --> 00:41:24,548 It's an anagram I came up with, much like brunch or NASA. 601 00:41:24,649 --> 00:41:28,583 It's a way for me to remember what I like. 602 00:41:29,353 --> 00:41:31,690 Hon, let's go hit the sack. 603 00:41:32,390 --> 00:41:34,959 - Good night. - Night. 604 00:41:36,194 --> 00:41:37,962 Oh, Daver. 605 00:41:39,464 --> 00:41:41,864 You are too good for me. 606 00:41:53,543 --> 00:41:56,380 You know, maybe I will try one of those beer-tomato-juice thingies. 607 00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:00,482 Well now you're talking. One red beer coming right up. 608 00:42:04,754 --> 00:42:07,823 Holy cripes, it's a castle. 609 00:42:08,725 --> 00:42:11,393 You really are doing alright, Boyd. 610 00:42:18,569 --> 00:42:21,593 - You've never seen this house before? - No, your mom has. 611 00:42:21,694 --> 00:42:25,343 Last time I was here, you had that apartment by the lake. 612 00:42:25,443 --> 00:42:27,743 It's going on seven years. 613 00:42:29,112 --> 00:42:32,150 What's this you got on the walls here? Is that brick? 614 00:42:32,250 --> 00:42:34,750 Yeah, it's... it's a brick house. 615 00:42:37,887 --> 00:42:41,390 - Boy, that is something. - Yeah. 616 00:42:52,302 --> 00:42:55,073 Son of a bitch! 617 00:42:55,273 --> 00:42:58,040 I left my damn keys in my damn car! 618 00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:09,050 Hey Hamburglar, will this help? 619 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,630 The presents are in the mudroom, so... 620 00:43:18,930 --> 00:43:23,101 Hey Boyd, I gotta take a squirt. You guys have a bathroom, or... 621 00:43:23,501 --> 00:43:25,436 Yeah, it's upstairs. 622 00:43:25,836 --> 00:43:28,571 - Make yourself at home, Dad. - Yeah. 623 00:43:59,603 --> 00:44:01,173 Dad? 624 00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:04,073 Nelson? 625 00:44:27,530 --> 00:44:29,267 What's going on? 626 00:44:29,567 --> 00:44:32,000 What are you doing in my house? 627 00:44:32,302 --> 00:44:34,638 I am Farhad. 628 00:44:35,438 --> 00:44:37,242 Who are these people? 629 00:44:37,342 --> 00:44:40,478 Ms. Mitchler is say, 630 00:44:41,178 --> 00:44:45,781 my family to sit in the house, 631 00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:48,853 to feed dog... 632 00:44:48,953 --> 00:44:51,553 there, the dog. 633 00:44:52,055 --> 00:44:54,492 To sit in the house. 634 00:44:54,592 --> 00:44:59,461 House-sitting is different than sitting in my house! 635 00:45:01,596 --> 00:45:04,764 It's Boyd. Hi, is everything okay? 636 00:45:04,865 --> 00:45:08,038 Fine, okay. Farhad is here. 637 00:45:08,138 --> 00:45:11,175 Yeah, I gave him the key so he could feed Dale. You knew that. 638 00:45:11,275 --> 00:45:16,514 No, but his whole family is here. It's like Goldilocks and the 30 Iranians. 639 00:45:17,314 --> 00:45:19,250 Boyd, they're from Afghanistan. 640 00:45:19,350 --> 00:45:22,653 I don't care where they're from, I care why they're here, in my house! 641 00:45:22,753 --> 00:45:25,423 Maybe there was confusion over the translation of house-sit. 642 00:45:25,523 --> 00:45:27,291 You know, they're an amazing family. 643 00:45:27,391 --> 00:45:29,594 They've only been in the country two months, 644 00:45:29,694 --> 00:45:32,663 so, whatever, let them have a nice Christmas. 645 00:45:32,763 --> 00:45:34,298 You're not saving the world! 646 00:45:34,398 --> 00:45:36,401 What do you think, you're... you think you're Bono? 647 00:45:36,501 --> 00:45:38,336 I have a law degree! I'm a teacher! 648 00:45:38,436 --> 00:45:40,638 You're supposed to be teaching refugees English, 649 00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:44,308 and based upon my conversation with this guy, it's not exactly working out, is it? 650 00:45:44,408 --> 00:45:46,277 If anyone's to blame, it's you! 651 00:45:46,377 --> 00:45:49,514 - You for being an ass sponge! - I'm the ass sponge? 652 00:45:49,614 --> 00:45:53,384 - Yes, you are the ass sponge, ass sponge. - I'm not having this conversation. 653 00:45:53,484 --> 00:45:56,187 - I am not having this conversation. - Fine. 654 00:45:56,287 --> 00:45:59,590 Oh my God! He acts like the sweetest, 655 00:45:59,690 --> 00:46:02,993 nothing-bothers-me guy, but the slightest little pressure 656 00:46:03,093 --> 00:46:06,928 - turns him into a total... - Ass sponge? 657 00:46:07,798 --> 00:46:09,700 He sounds just like his father. 658 00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:14,071 You know, in case those guys don't make it back in time somehow, 659 00:46:14,171 --> 00:46:16,741 maybe we oughta have something else for Douglas. 660 00:46:16,841 --> 00:46:17,775 Like what? 661 00:46:17,875 --> 00:46:23,082 Maybe we oughta go up to the attic and wrap some old toys and that, just in case. 662 00:46:23,182 --> 00:46:25,484 Yeah, okay fine. 663 00:46:26,384 --> 00:46:32,289 Donna, do you have something else that maybe doesn't taste like... this? 664 00:46:32,389 --> 00:46:33,758 Vodka? 665 00:46:33,858 --> 00:46:36,494 Hey Doug-lass, you wanna do something really cool? 666 00:46:36,594 --> 00:46:38,095 Yes! 667 00:46:38,195 --> 00:46:39,530 Sweet. 668 00:46:39,630 --> 00:46:43,400 You know, I wasn't a competitive eater 'til I was like, nine. 669 00:46:43,500 --> 00:46:47,405 If I would have started at seven, who knows how much more friggin' awesome I'd be? 670 00:46:47,505 --> 00:46:50,174 Let's see how fast you can take these bad boys down. 671 00:46:50,274 --> 00:46:53,509 - A whole jar of pickles? - Do it. 672 00:46:56,746 --> 00:46:59,650 Please don't, Douglas, it's stupid. You'll be sick for Santa! 673 00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:04,152 You want to be cool or retarded? Man or mouse, Douglas? 674 00:47:07,257 --> 00:47:09,024 Yes! Oh my God! Look at him go! 675 00:47:13,296 --> 00:47:15,833 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 676 00:47:15,933 --> 00:47:19,904 Douglas, stop! These pickles were canned during the Nixon Administration! 677 00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:21,740 You're gonna die! 678 00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:25,340 I can't feel my legs. 679 00:47:38,688 --> 00:47:40,822 What the hell? 680 00:47:55,638 --> 00:47:57,906 He erased me. 681 00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:01,043 Ain't that a kick in the pants? 682 00:48:04,514 --> 00:48:07,851 Presents. Gifts. Ho ho ho? 683 00:48:08,051 --> 00:48:11,922 Gift? Gift, yes, yes. 684 00:48:12,322 --> 00:48:14,224 Thank you. 685 00:48:14,324 --> 00:48:18,129 No, Farhad. Those are Douglas' gifts! 686 00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:20,631 My son! Douglas. 687 00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:25,400 No Farhad son! No! My son's gifts! 688 00:48:25,969 --> 00:48:27,605 Girls, those are my power tools! 689 00:48:27,705 --> 00:48:30,540 That's Boyd's power drill and that is very... 690 00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,408 Jesus! 691 00:48:34,110 --> 00:48:35,479 Hey, Boyd. These your roommates? 692 00:48:35,579 --> 00:48:38,247 Hey Boyd, you got a nail sticking out of your hand there. 693 00:48:45,855 --> 00:48:48,158 Oh, we've been learning Nari, which is kind of like Farsi, 694 00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:51,862 over at basic because my reserve unit was going to be going over by Afghanistan... 695 00:48:51,962 --> 00:48:53,364 Oh! 696 00:48:53,464 --> 00:48:57,134 And I fell off of that Humvee, and I got just a touch of brain damage. 697 00:48:57,234 --> 00:49:00,237 But the part that remembers Nari is just fine. 698 00:49:00,337 --> 00:49:04,875 So, can you tell him that his family can stay? 699 00:49:04,975 --> 00:49:09,744 - I just need Douglas' gifts. - Well, I can sure as shoot try. 700 00:49:10,247 --> 00:49:12,248 Let's see... 701 00:49:18,022 --> 00:49:20,989 Please, no, no. No, no, no, please! 702 00:49:21,859 --> 00:49:26,664 Hey, hey. Hey, hey, it's okay. You can keep everything. 703 00:49:26,764 --> 00:49:29,032 The only thing I want 704 00:49:29,532 --> 00:49:31,232 is that. 705 00:49:53,656 --> 00:49:56,694 Hey, it's, 3:45, so we have less than four hours 706 00:49:56,794 --> 00:50:01,629 if we're gonna get back before the kids get up. So I need you to motivate. 707 00:50:02,565 --> 00:50:05,766 You don't need me, you never did. 708 00:50:17,413 --> 00:50:20,050 It's all gonna be okay, Bug. 709 00:50:20,150 --> 00:50:22,386 Boing! 710 00:50:22,486 --> 00:50:24,422 It's okay, Bug. 711 00:50:25,322 --> 00:50:27,057 Boing, hello Rance! 712 00:50:27,157 --> 00:50:29,660 They told me there'd always be people like you. 713 00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:33,297 I don't know, I've never seen anybody this way from pickles! 714 00:50:33,397 --> 00:50:37,568 Rotten food can cause hallucination, Rance. Everybody knows that, you dummy. 715 00:50:37,668 --> 00:50:40,635 It's gonna be okay, Bug, just lie down. 716 00:50:47,309 --> 00:50:49,210 Cheese. 717 00:50:50,646 --> 00:50:53,347 How about this for Douglas? 718 00:50:55,452 --> 00:50:59,623 Bridge, like the card game? For kids? 719 00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:01,659 I don't know, it seems like a horrible idea. 720 00:51:01,759 --> 00:51:05,062 Boyd loved bridge for juniors, it was his favourite game! 721 00:51:05,162 --> 00:51:09,631 He did? Okay, bag it and tag it, I guess. 722 00:51:11,334 --> 00:51:16,040 That was Mitch's drink of choice. Vodka and cranberry juice. 723 00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:20,778 - It must have been so hard. - I don't know. 724 00:51:20,878 --> 00:51:25,749 I left a couple times when it got too hard. Took the kids to my folks, 725 00:51:25,849 --> 00:51:31,488 then when his bender was finished, he'd call bellyaching, 726 00:51:31,888 --> 00:51:35,093 "Come back, come back. I'll change, I'll change," 727 00:51:35,193 --> 00:51:37,692 blah, blah, you know. 728 00:51:39,429 --> 00:51:41,899 He was always... 729 00:51:42,299 --> 00:51:44,868 a very attentive lover, though. 730 00:51:44,968 --> 00:51:47,271 If you know what I mean? 731 00:51:47,371 --> 00:51:50,004 I do. Yes, wow. 732 00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:53,911 Boyd and I haven't had sex for six months. 733 00:51:54,011 --> 00:51:56,346 Oh, wow. 734 00:51:56,446 --> 00:51:57,848 That is bad for you. 735 00:51:57,948 --> 00:52:00,851 It's so bad. It's just, you know, 736 00:52:00,951 --> 00:52:03,353 he works all the time, and... or we're tired, 737 00:52:03,453 --> 00:52:05,456 or the kids are around and you know, it just... 738 00:52:05,556 --> 00:52:08,645 But then he has this whole thing about how everything has to be so perfect, 739 00:52:08,746 --> 00:52:10,794 and it can't be. It's not. It's not perfect. 740 00:52:10,894 --> 00:52:15,900 - Do you want me to talk to him for you? - No, that's okay, thank you. 741 00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,000 That would feel a little inappropriate. 742 00:52:20,037 --> 00:52:21,707 Yep. 743 00:52:23,207 --> 00:52:24,707 What? 744 00:52:40,389 --> 00:52:42,760 Two days later, Papa passed away 745 00:52:42,860 --> 00:52:45,729 And I became a man that day 746 00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:48,463 So I told Mama I'm gonna quit school 747 00:53:00,009 --> 00:53:02,405 I packed my grandmother's trunk, 748 00:53:02,506 --> 00:53:06,250 - and in it I put an apple. - Nice. 749 00:53:06,350 --> 00:53:11,386 God, we used to play that when we'd drive to Nana's cottage up north, you remember? 750 00:53:12,589 --> 00:53:18,962 Okay, I packed my grandmother's trunk and in it I put an apple and a bagpipe. 751 00:53:19,062 --> 00:53:21,563 Nice one. Okay Dad, you're up. 752 00:53:23,266 --> 00:53:24,968 Dad, it's your turn. 753 00:53:25,768 --> 00:53:28,172 Come on Dad, it's been a crap day. 754 00:53:28,272 --> 00:53:31,706 Everything that possibly could go wrong already has. 755 00:53:34,243 --> 00:53:36,744 What, you on the rag, Sally? 756 00:53:37,614 --> 00:53:40,294 I packed my grandma's trunk, 757 00:53:40,395 --> 00:53:44,855 and in it I put an apple, bagpipe, 758 00:53:45,055 --> 00:53:50,124 and a kid who's so ashamed of his old man, he cut him out of a family photo. 759 00:53:52,028 --> 00:53:55,332 Okay, so you're spelling kid with a C then. Fair enough. 760 00:53:55,632 --> 00:53:57,932 I don't know what to say, Dad. 761 00:53:59,168 --> 00:54:02,473 Fine, as long as we're being honest with each other, 762 00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:06,377 yes, I was embarrassed of you in that photograph. 763 00:54:06,477 --> 00:54:09,346 You were wearing that filthy Handi-crapper T-shirt 764 00:54:09,446 --> 00:54:13,381 for a family portrait. I mean come on! 765 00:54:14,316 --> 00:54:16,983 What, you're suddenly sensitive? 766 00:54:18,455 --> 00:54:21,391 Besides, it's not like you were ever proud of me. 767 00:54:21,491 --> 00:54:25,462 I always supported you, whatever it was you wanted to do, always! 768 00:54:25,562 --> 00:54:27,796 Are you high? 769 00:54:29,700 --> 00:54:31,466 What is that? 770 00:54:33,404 --> 00:54:37,839 Oh my gosh! Hoho! 771 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:44,782 Is that... 772 00:54:44,982 --> 00:54:49,186 - Bea Arthur? It sure is. - Why? 773 00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:52,723 Boyd went through a phase where he really got into Bea Arthur. 774 00:54:52,823 --> 00:54:55,325 Like is... like sexually? Or... 775 00:54:55,425 --> 00:54:58,061 No! It started with Golden Girls. 776 00:54:58,161 --> 00:55:03,533 Wait, he liked bridge and Golden Girls? What did you raise, a 75-year-old woman? 777 00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,636 Look, there's a whole series. 778 00:55:05,736 --> 00:55:09,273 You know how what's-his-futz just painted blue stuff? 779 00:55:09,373 --> 00:55:12,509 Well, Boyd only painted Bea Arthur. 780 00:55:12,609 --> 00:55:14,745 This is so silly. 781 00:55:14,845 --> 00:55:17,047 My Boyd who played football and basketball, 782 00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:20,751 who's a type-A hedge fund manager? No, no! 783 00:55:20,851 --> 00:55:23,654 He was real arty-farty when he was a little shaver. 784 00:55:23,754 --> 00:55:25,823 Well Mitch must have loved that. 785 00:55:25,923 --> 00:55:29,793 Mitch, he used to tease Boyd all the time. I felt terrible about it. 786 00:55:29,893 --> 00:55:34,765 He drilled legs into the frame of this one. He turned it into a card table. 787 00:55:34,865 --> 00:55:37,901 He used to play euchre on it with his drinking buddies. 788 00:55:38,001 --> 00:55:42,740 Look, there's the rings from the glasses on the canvas, there. 789 00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:45,442 And I think Bill Gorsky puked on it here. 790 00:55:45,542 --> 00:55:48,946 That is so mean. Isn't that so mean? 791 00:55:49,046 --> 00:55:53,851 Lookit, that is so mean! He was just a little artist, creating his art, 792 00:55:53,951 --> 00:55:58,088 and that's... I mean, it just makes me very sad, isn't that so sad? 793 00:55:58,188 --> 00:56:01,158 Boyd never really painted much after that. 794 00:56:01,258 --> 00:56:04,528 Mitch is a bastard! And I have been trying to get those guys to reconcile, 795 00:56:04,628 --> 00:56:08,109 but do you understand how much Boyd hates his job? He hates it so much, 796 00:56:08,210 --> 00:56:13,638 and all he wanted to do was be a sweet little Bea Arthur painter! Or something. 797 00:56:13,738 --> 00:56:16,740 I just feel like I could puke. 798 00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:23,079 It blows my mind. You have the capacity to feel sorry for yourself! 799 00:56:23,179 --> 00:56:25,455 - Oh, what a jackass. - If I loused up so bad, 800 00:56:25,556 --> 00:56:29,619 how come you have such a nice life? Nice house, nice wife, nice job. 801 00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:33,390 I hate my job! And I haven't had sex with my wife in six months! 802 00:56:33,490 --> 00:56:35,359 Can you blame that on me? Jiminy crickets! 803 00:56:35,459 --> 00:56:36,994 Jeez, come on, guys! 804 00:56:37,094 --> 00:56:41,398 I'm sorry I didn't snuggle or cuddle you enough! I'm sorry I'm not perfect! 805 00:56:41,498 --> 00:56:45,268 Perfect? My entire approach to parenting 806 00:56:45,368 --> 00:56:49,406 is based on what I call the WWMD principle. 807 00:56:49,506 --> 00:56:52,142 What Would Mitch Do? I ask myself that question, 808 00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:54,778 and then I do the exact opposite. 809 00:56:54,878 --> 00:56:57,680 Come on Boyd, you know I get jittery 'cause of the war! 810 00:56:57,880 --> 00:57:03,048 - You didn't go to war! - He's still a hero! He's still a hero! 811 00:57:04,687 --> 00:57:09,190 Son of a bitch! No, no, no, no, no! 812 00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,864 No, Boyd, slow down! What are you doing? 813 00:57:13,964 --> 00:57:15,997 Not sure if you can see me back here, Mr. Mitchler... 814 00:57:17,968 --> 00:57:19,934 See that? See it! 815 00:57:20,604 --> 00:57:22,305 Come on, Boyd, you're gonna get us killed! 816 00:57:22,405 --> 00:57:23,740 Pull over, Boyd! 817 00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:28,378 My whole life I've never been your kind of man, a man's man, a real man. 818 00:57:28,478 --> 00:57:32,380 Well, let's see who the real man is now! Hold on! 819 00:57:43,159 --> 00:57:46,360 Shut up, Sally. You sound like a little bitch. 820 00:57:57,373 --> 00:58:02,645 Yeah, suck on that, Zblocki! Suck on that! Eat it, bitch! 821 00:58:02,745 --> 00:58:04,114 Yes, yes! 822 00:58:04,214 --> 00:58:05,582 Yeah, go ahead. 823 00:58:06,682 --> 00:58:10,587 Yeah. I'm out at... 824 00:58:11,687 --> 00:58:13,290 Mr. Mitchler, he... 825 00:58:13,390 --> 00:58:16,057 everything okay? 826 00:58:17,059 --> 00:58:18,896 Eff this. 827 00:58:19,396 --> 00:58:21,465 Just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas, Don! 828 00:58:21,565 --> 00:58:24,534 I'm calling her a night. Gonna head home to the fam. 829 00:58:24,634 --> 00:58:26,734 Roger that. 830 00:58:32,841 --> 00:58:35,643 Oh God, that felt good! 831 00:58:36,478 --> 00:58:41,183 You're not this guy, Boyd. You're not some idiot who'd run away from a cop like that. 832 00:58:41,283 --> 00:58:43,621 Hell, that's the kind of asshole stunt that I'd pull. 833 00:58:43,721 --> 00:58:46,220 You got the asshole part right. 834 00:58:49,191 --> 00:58:52,728 I suppose maybe you're right about that. 835 00:59:00,469 --> 00:59:02,770 This has been a weird night. 836 00:59:04,673 --> 00:59:06,574 I'm sorry. 837 00:59:07,643 --> 00:59:10,914 I'm sorry to both of you. 838 00:59:11,014 --> 00:59:15,750 Mainly you, Boyd. I'm sorry. 839 00:59:16,952 --> 00:59:19,700 Suppose I might have said it sooner if I hadn't been so hammered 840 00:59:19,801 --> 00:59:25,626 for most of the last 30 years but you know? There it is, I said it. 841 00:59:29,833 --> 00:59:32,169 You're a good man 842 00:59:32,269 --> 00:59:34,305 and, 843 00:59:35,605 --> 00:59:38,639 I'm so sorry. 844 00:59:46,983 --> 00:59:49,152 I'm sorry, oh! 845 00:59:50,052 --> 00:59:53,321 - What the hell was that?! - Did we hit somebody? 846 00:59:54,224 --> 00:59:56,326 I'm telling you, Boyd, that was a person! 847 00:59:56,426 --> 01:00:00,697 Nelson, it wasn't a person. It can't have been a person. 848 01:00:00,797 --> 01:00:03,233 What would a person be doing in the middle of the road... 849 01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:05,669 - Maybe it was a deer. - Yeah, it was a deer! 850 01:00:05,769 --> 01:00:09,170 - It wasn't a deer. - Yes, of course it was a d... 851 01:00:11,206 --> 01:00:13,774 Oh, no. 852 01:00:29,792 --> 01:00:32,028 Oh, God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 853 01:00:32,128 --> 01:00:34,598 What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? 854 01:00:34,698 --> 01:00:38,534 - Okay, Boyd, just calm down. - Calm?! Calm? 855 01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:42,339 I just killed a man! This is not the time to be calm! 856 01:00:42,439 --> 01:00:44,207 We just gotta... we just gotta call the cops. 857 01:00:44,307 --> 01:00:46,142 No, we're not gonna call the cops! I just outran the cops! 858 01:00:46,242 --> 01:00:49,329 - The last thing we need are the cops! - Boyd's right, no cops. 859 01:00:49,430 --> 01:00:51,481 - My life is over! - No it isn't! 860 01:00:51,581 --> 01:00:53,417 I'm gonna go to prison. I'm going to prison. 861 01:00:53,517 --> 01:00:56,686 Boyd, just glass-half-full it for a sec here, okay? 862 01:00:56,786 --> 01:01:00,590 - Prison these days is not half bad. - I'll take the heat! 863 01:01:00,690 --> 01:01:02,659 I mean, come on now, it's the least I can do, 864 01:01:02,759 --> 01:01:05,729 you know, being shitfaced and emotionally abusive most of your childhood. 865 01:01:05,829 --> 01:01:09,199 No, Dad, no. No, no, no, no, no, no! 866 01:01:09,299 --> 01:01:11,802 Boyd, Boyd, Boyd! 867 01:01:13,102 --> 01:01:15,705 - There's other ways out of this. - How? 868 01:01:15,805 --> 01:01:17,674 This guy... 869 01:01:17,774 --> 01:01:21,409 We're not exactly talking doctor, lawyer, Indian chief here, right? 870 01:01:22,611 --> 01:01:26,950 He's off the grid. So if he, disappeared. 871 01:01:27,050 --> 01:01:30,120 I got this friend, Mike Marcort. 872 01:01:30,220 --> 01:01:33,389 You know, we play cribbage, and he owes me and... 873 01:01:33,489 --> 01:01:37,761 he's got a warehouse down by Campbell Sport full of HCl. 874 01:01:37,861 --> 01:01:41,865 - HC what, Dad? - Hydrochloric acid. And so? 875 01:01:41,965 --> 01:01:45,101 Well, you know, I'm saying... not that he doesn't have value in God's eyes; 876 01:01:45,201 --> 01:01:48,538 I'm just saying that we soak this guy in a vat of HCl for a couple of hours? 877 01:01:48,638 --> 01:01:52,275 - This son of a bitch will just fizzle away. - Wait a minute. 878 01:01:52,375 --> 01:01:54,809 We're not really thinking about this? 879 01:01:55,577 --> 01:01:59,547 He's right, Dad. Nelson's right. 880 01:02:02,551 --> 01:02:05,155 We don't have time to go to Campbell Sport. 881 01:02:05,255 --> 01:02:07,755 You're right, it's too far. What was I thinking? 882 01:02:08,991 --> 01:02:11,027 Dad, do you have a shovel? 883 01:02:11,127 --> 01:02:13,229 Does Flipper pee in the sea? I got that! 884 01:02:13,329 --> 01:02:16,366 - No, no, guys... - Well, do you have a better idea? 885 01:02:16,466 --> 01:02:17,868 Do you? Because I'd love to hear it. 886 01:02:17,968 --> 01:02:20,861 No, but have you ever dug a foxhole before, Boyd? Because I have 887 01:02:20,962 --> 01:02:25,840 - and it takes a super long time! - Oh, he's right! Nelson's right. 888 01:02:28,877 --> 01:02:31,748 We could... we can burn him. 889 01:02:31,848 --> 01:02:34,084 You know, like a fire. 890 01:02:34,184 --> 01:02:37,353 Burning could work, burning's good! 891 01:02:37,753 --> 01:02:40,857 That's good, Nel... What's going on, Dad? 892 01:02:40,957 --> 01:02:44,792 If we're gonna burn him, it's a hell of a lot easier if you parcel him out. 893 01:03:00,175 --> 01:03:02,676 You got any bourbon? 894 01:03:06,515 --> 01:03:08,952 Hey, Doug! 895 01:03:09,052 --> 01:03:12,253 - Dougie doodle. - Who said that? 896 01:03:15,557 --> 01:03:17,427 - Bingo. - You can talk? 897 01:03:17,527 --> 01:03:19,396 You're seeing my lips move, ain't ya? 898 01:03:19,496 --> 01:03:21,965 Well then, that would constitute talking, wouldn't it? 899 01:03:22,065 --> 01:03:24,872 - Is this a dream? - "Is this a dream?" 900 01:03:24,973 --> 01:03:28,638 Maybe, maybe it's a dream, or maybe I'm your subconscious, 901 01:03:28,738 --> 01:03:33,243 secretly trying to unearth truth for you in the form of a waking hallucination. 902 01:03:33,343 --> 01:03:36,552 Listen Doug, let me get to the gristle of why I woke you up here. 903 01:03:36,653 --> 01:03:41,551 It breaks my heart to tell you this, but Santa ain't gonna find you, 904 01:03:41,651 --> 01:03:44,354 not here, not anywhere. 905 01:03:44,454 --> 01:03:48,056 - Why not? - Because he doesn't exist. 906 01:03:49,625 --> 01:03:52,729 Yeah, don't take it so hard, buddy. 907 01:03:52,829 --> 01:03:56,300 As you get older, you'll learn there are much worse things you could be told 908 01:03:56,400 --> 01:04:00,270 than some fat guy in a red suit doesn't exist. 909 01:04:00,370 --> 01:04:03,106 Alright then, sleep tight, kid. 910 01:04:03,206 --> 01:04:06,974 And oh Merry Christmas. 911 01:04:10,913 --> 01:04:13,014 Radiator's shot. 912 01:04:16,885 --> 01:04:19,289 - Who ya calling there, Boyd? - Luann. 913 01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:21,124 Let her know we're not gonna make it. 914 01:04:21,224 --> 01:04:24,694 Not gonna make it? Hold on a sec, Boyd. 915 01:04:25,394 --> 01:04:28,297 Hey look, I know that we have been through a lot, 916 01:04:28,397 --> 01:04:33,570 well, me getting stuck in the john and you getting pegged with a nail gun by some kid, 917 01:04:33,670 --> 01:04:36,372 and running from that cop, and trying to figure out different ways 918 01:04:36,472 --> 01:04:41,019 to dismember a transient, but it's Christmas, 919 01:04:41,120 --> 01:04:45,448 and if we quit now, it's like the baby Jesus died up on that cross for nothing. 920 01:04:45,548 --> 01:04:47,584 I think that's Easter, actually. 921 01:04:47,684 --> 01:04:52,181 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. My point is, you know, 922 01:04:52,282 --> 01:04:54,895 I suppose I don't know much about being a father yet, 923 01:04:54,996 --> 01:04:58,628 since BJ's only been around a couple of months and he's technically 924 01:04:58,728 --> 01:05:03,963 some Mexican's, on top of that but, you know, what I seen you do today, Boyd... 925 01:05:04,064 --> 01:05:07,203 go to the ends of the earth for your son like that... 926 01:05:07,303 --> 01:05:10,473 jeez, that's what being a father's all about. 927 01:05:10,573 --> 01:05:16,844 And I just don't think you should quit now. There's still time. 928 01:05:31,159 --> 01:05:35,696 Hey, I'm really sorry we almost killed you back there. 929 01:05:36,966 --> 01:05:40,336 I don't suppose you have a vehicle we could borrow? 930 01:05:40,436 --> 01:05:45,539 'Cause we're about 10 miles from where we're supposed to be here, and... 931 01:05:47,342 --> 01:05:49,879 I don't know how else to put this, except... 932 01:05:49,979 --> 01:05:53,213 we're hoping for a friggin' Christmas miracle. 933 01:06:01,023 --> 01:06:03,827 Fall on your knees 934 01:06:03,927 --> 01:06:07,096 Oh, hear the radiant voices calling 935 01:06:07,196 --> 01:06:10,531 Oh God, oh God Boom, boom, boom 936 01:06:13,536 --> 01:06:16,272 Oh, shoot! Luann, are you okay? 937 01:06:16,372 --> 01:06:18,872 I'm okay, I'm okay. 938 01:06:27,215 --> 01:06:28,516 Yeah! 939 01:06:29,785 --> 01:06:33,988 Come on you guys, wake up! Let's go up and see if Santa came. 940 01:06:55,143 --> 01:06:57,945 They're breathing. Come on! 941 01:07:12,094 --> 01:07:14,194 Come on, whoa, whoa! 942 01:07:15,064 --> 01:07:19,100 See, I told you Santa's real! Now we can find our stuff. 943 01:07:23,705 --> 01:07:25,308 Pull up there, there! 944 01:07:25,408 --> 01:07:27,908 What do you think you got, Bug? 945 01:07:29,111 --> 01:07:31,612 I don't think I got anything. 946 01:07:36,952 --> 01:07:41,388 - We can't thank you enough. - Merry Christmas, it's been a flight! 947 01:07:51,466 --> 01:07:53,879 - Where you goin', they're up? - Yeah. He's up. 948 01:07:53,980 --> 01:07:55,398 - All the kids have their presents. - So what, 949 01:07:55,499 --> 01:07:59,440 - go on in there and give him the thing! - He'll know there's no Santa, Dad! 950 01:08:10,152 --> 01:08:13,556 Maybe Santa took your presents to the wrong house, or... 951 01:08:13,656 --> 01:08:16,726 No. There is no Santa. 952 01:08:16,826 --> 01:08:20,160 Look. Puba said he loved bourbon. 953 01:08:37,478 --> 01:08:39,379 Merry Christmas. 954 01:09:02,370 --> 01:09:04,204 Good luck. 955 01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:08,141 No Douglas, don't! 956 01:09:21,955 --> 01:09:24,894 - You must be Douglas. - Are you Santa? 957 01:09:24,994 --> 01:09:27,396 Oh, yes indeed. Yes, I am. 958 01:09:27,496 --> 01:09:31,000 Why'd you drink all that bourbon, Santa? Won't it make you drunk? 959 01:09:31,100 --> 01:09:35,504 Well, Douglas, bourbon gives Santa the energy 960 01:09:35,604 --> 01:09:39,139 that he needs to keep his appointed rounds. 961 01:09:39,408 --> 01:09:42,111 And asparagus. Puba told me that. 962 01:09:42,311 --> 01:09:47,416 Yep, asparagus, too. Smart fella. 963 01:09:47,516 --> 01:09:51,818 Oh my goodness, I almost forgot your present. 964 01:09:53,288 --> 01:09:57,660 - Merry Christmas, Douglas. - Thank you, Santa. 965 01:09:57,760 --> 01:09:59,693 I believe. 966 01:10:00,528 --> 01:10:03,163 And I hope you always do. 967 01:10:04,099 --> 01:10:07,603 Santa, don't you want your asparagus? 968 01:10:07,703 --> 01:10:12,806 That's okay, Douglas, you keep it. Asparagus makes my urine smell funny. 969 01:10:13,341 --> 01:10:15,343 Merry Christmas. 970 01:10:22,150 --> 01:10:24,451 I think it was a big success. 971 01:10:27,088 --> 01:10:30,857 On second thought this may have not been such a hot idea. 972 01:10:33,528 --> 01:10:37,000 No matter how this pans out, you tried your best. 973 01:10:37,300 --> 01:10:40,767 Bottom line, you're one hell of a good dad, Boyd. 974 01:10:42,704 --> 01:10:44,805 Thanks, Dad. 975 01:10:53,015 --> 01:10:55,415 Merry Christmas, Bug. 976 01:10:56,018 --> 01:10:58,819 Dad, why did your massage take so long? 977 01:11:00,788 --> 01:11:02,422 Let me help you. 978 01:11:05,060 --> 01:11:07,163 Nice wrap job there. What is it? 979 01:11:07,263 --> 01:11:09,566 - What is it? - I built it, the whole thing. 980 01:11:09,666 --> 01:11:11,801 I even sanded the runners myself. 981 01:11:11,901 --> 01:11:16,370 It's really something. Really something. 982 01:11:17,939 --> 01:11:20,376 It's pretty cool? 983 01:11:20,476 --> 01:11:24,447 Neat, but no snow. Let's see what else there is. 984 01:11:24,947 --> 01:11:30,484 Hey Bug! Look, I found this outside for you. Santa must have dropped it. 985 01:11:40,295 --> 01:11:44,901 Bridge for children! I've always wanted to learn how to play bridge! 986 01:11:45,001 --> 01:11:48,935 Woo-hoo, alright! Neato, look at what I got! 987 01:11:53,108 --> 01:11:56,412 - I'm sorry. - I'm drunk. 988 01:11:56,912 --> 01:11:59,015 I remain sorry. 989 01:11:59,415 --> 01:12:01,915 But I accept your apology. 990 01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:08,058 Oh for cripe's sake, Boyd, get a Goddamn room if you're gonna be doing that. 991 01:12:08,158 --> 01:12:10,393 Dave's the designated pervert in this family. 992 01:12:10,493 --> 01:12:12,993 He's not a pervert! 993 01:12:31,880 --> 01:12:35,082 - Hey, hey! - Rancer! 994 01:12:37,886 --> 01:12:41,558 - You think I would have known better. - Oh, I suppose. 995 01:12:41,658 --> 01:12:43,426 But if we always learned from our mistakes, 996 01:12:43,526 --> 01:12:46,626 nobody'd ever spend Christmas with their family. 997 01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:50,718 What the hell good is getting a sled in this day and age of global warming? 998 01:12:50,819 --> 01:12:54,671 - You should have got the kid a boat. - Shut up, Dad. 999 01:12:55,271 --> 01:12:59,238 Dad, can we go inside and play some bridge now? 1000 01:13:22,730 --> 01:13:25,701 Look Dad, it's snowing! 1001 01:13:25,801 --> 01:13:29,737 - You're right, Bug. - It's probably ash. 1002 01:13:49,057 --> 01:13:51,927 More, more, more, more 1003 01:13:52,027 --> 01:13:54,530 Can't you hear it? 1004 01:13:54,630 --> 01:13:57,133 More, more, more, more 1005 01:13:57,233 --> 01:13:59,869 Love comes through 1006 01:13:59,969 --> 01:14:02,304 Give me happiness 1007 01:14:02,404 --> 01:14:04,940 You're like the sun 1008 01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:10,343 You're my holiday, my favourite one 1009 01:14:13,014 --> 01:14:15,985 More than I wished for 1010 01:14:16,085 --> 01:14:18,587 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1011 01:14:18,687 --> 01:14:21,023 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1012 01:14:21,123 --> 01:14:23,692 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1013 01:14:23,792 --> 01:14:26,629 More than I wished for 1014 01:14:26,729 --> 01:14:29,065 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1015 01:14:29,165 --> 01:14:31,834 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1016 01:14:31,934 --> 01:14:34,503 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1017 01:14:34,603 --> 01:14:37,438 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1018 01:14:40,109 --> 01:14:42,445 Ring, ring Ring, ring 1019 01:14:42,545 --> 01:14:45,314 I hear the birds 1020 01:14:45,414 --> 01:14:47,716 Sing, sing Sing, sing 1021 01:14:47,816 --> 01:14:50,319 Sweet Noel 1022 01:14:50,419 --> 01:14:55,324 Peace for everyone, be all good cheer 1023 01:14:55,424 --> 01:15:01,327 A merry, wonderful time of year 1024 01:15:03,965 --> 01:15:06,635 More than I wished for 1025 01:15:06,735 --> 01:15:09,405 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1026 01:15:09,505 --> 01:15:11,874 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1027 01:15:11,974 --> 01:15:14,610 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1028 01:15:14,710 --> 01:15:17,113 More than I wished for 1029 01:15:17,213 --> 01:15:19,882 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1030 01:15:19,982 --> 01:15:22,618 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1031 01:15:22,718 --> 01:15:25,087 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1032 01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:28,522 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1033 01:15:31,227 --> 01:15:36,365 You're my angel and the sun You are my mistletoe 1034 01:15:36,465 --> 01:15:41,871 You're my star that's shining bright You are my Silent Night 1035 01:15:41,971 --> 01:15:47,076 You're the sweetest little thing You are out of a dream 1036 01:15:47,176 --> 01:15:49,712 You're my sugar and my spice 1037 01:15:49,812 --> 01:15:52,581 You're the naughty to my nice 1038 01:15:52,681 --> 01:15:57,186 You are the one You're more than I wish for 1039 01:15:57,286 --> 01:15:59,855 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1040 01:16:00,055 --> 01:16:02,591 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1041 01:16:02,691 --> 01:16:05,327 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1042 01:16:05,427 --> 01:16:07,930 More than I wished for 1043 01:16:08,030 --> 01:16:10,633 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1044 01:16:10,733 --> 01:16:13,135 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1045 01:16:13,235 --> 01:16:15,771 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1046 01:16:15,871 --> 01:16:19,074 More than I wished for 1047 01:16:19,174 --> 01:16:22,676 Bu-doo-bum, boom boom 1048 01:16:29,117 --> 01:16:33,422 Joy to the world, the Lord has come 1049 01:16:33,522 --> 01:16:37,860 And he's drivin' a big green bass boat 1050 01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:41,997 Circling around your castle's moat 1051 01:16:42,097 --> 01:16:47,600 He's the new favourite late night talk-show host 1052 01:16:49,137 --> 01:16:55,775 That's why we try to love 1053 01:16:58,579 --> 01:17:02,851 Now that you're here, come gather round 1054 01:17:02,951 --> 01:17:07,056 Check out these treasures that I found 1055 01:17:07,156 --> 01:17:10,960 One makes a flash, the other makes a sound 1056 01:17:11,060 --> 01:17:15,829 But none will catch you from crashing down 1057 01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:22,371 That's why we try 1058 01:17:22,471 --> 01:17:25,772 To love 1059 01:17:56,037 --> 01:18:00,175 Life just kicks you, 1-2-3 1060 01:18:00,275 --> 01:18:04,246 Keeps us guessing him or me 1061 01:18:04,346 --> 01:18:08,181 There's always more to see, always more want 1062 01:18:12,121 --> 01:18:18,727 That's why we try to love 1063 01:18:18,827 --> 01:18:24,634 That's why we try to love 1064 01:18:55,329 --> 01:18:57,466 The weather outside is frightful 1065 01:18:57,566 --> 01:19:00,769 And the fire is so inviting 1066 01:19:06,542 --> 01:19:09,011 The sound of sleigh bells ringing 1067 01:19:09,111 --> 01:19:12,912 Is all the more delightful 1068 01:19:18,087 --> 01:19:24,623 The sight of snow falling lightly on her cheek 1069 01:19:29,965 --> 01:19:36,468 The things around this little town aren't so bleak 1070 01:19:41,143 --> 01:19:45,678 And the lights are up on the door 1071 01:19:46,815 --> 01:19:51,050 They say it's Christmas time 1072 01:19:52,520 --> 01:19:57,123 And I felt this once before 1073 01:19:58,326 --> 01:20:03,862 And I can't get it out of my mind 1074 01:20:10,406 --> 01:20:16,309 We can go out walking till the snow starts to gleam 1075 01:20:19,247 --> 01:20:25,153 Do you remember the stories I told you? Or was it all a dream? 1076 01:20:30,491 --> 01:20:36,362 I still can't believe that you are with me once again 1077 01:20:36,597 --> 01:20:40,900 My dear 1078 01:20:51,112 --> 01:20:54,316 Deck the halls with boughs of holly 1079 01:20:54,416 --> 01:20:57,886 Fa la la, la la la, la la la 1080 01:20:57,986 --> 01:21:00,623 Tis the season to be jolly 1081 01:21:00,723 --> 01:21:03,725 Fa la la, la la la, la la la 1082 01:21:03,825 --> 01:21:06,395 Don we now our gay apparel 1083 01:21:06,495 --> 01:21:08,997 Fa la la, la la la, la la la 1084 01:21:09,097 --> 01:21:12,234 Troll the ancient Yuletide carol 1085 01:21:12,334 --> 01:21:15,137 Fa la la la la 1086 01:21:15,237 --> 01:21:18,106 La la la... 1087 01:21:18,206 --> 01:21:21,374 La... La! 1088 01:21:22,043 --> 01:21:25,581 Ah... 1089 01:21:28,650 --> 01:21:32,785 That's what you gotta commit to a song. That's why we don't get first place. 89610