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1
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:22,673
Everybody's coming down
for the hunting season, don't you know.
2
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:24,756
The flea hunt, isn't it?
3
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,914
What are you trying to do?
Knock yourself off?
4
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:33,474
Doc Michel told you
this paint'll poison you.
5
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:37,559
Dude, look.
The old lady's had her moments.
6
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:45,196
This on the emmis?
You really got yourself a kid?
7
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:48,835
Don't sit there slobbering.
Answer me. Is this your kid?
8
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,520
- No.
- Those crumbs, taking me for a sucker.
9
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:53,995
- (glass smashes)
- Oh!
10
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:57,715
- My baby!
- All right, Annie. Stand up. It's all right.
11
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:00,400
Dude knows all about it.
He's a godfather too.
12
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,080
I don't want you
casing the waterfront again.
13
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:07,159
I was born in a place like this and I don't
wanna come back. That's why I need you.
14
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:10,556
What's all this malarkey about a kid?
15
00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:22,554
She's coming over with a count.
She's going to marry his son.
16
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:24,830
Royalty.
17
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,872
They're coming over to meet me.
18
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,876
Me.
19
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:38,429
Wait till they get a load of Apple Annie.
That'll be a laugh. Eh, Dude?
20
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:44,476
Wait till they meet
her crummy old lady. Eh, Queenie?
21
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:47,876
And see this dump.
22
00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:53,199
Annie, you can't do this. Come on now,
you old souse. Get up out of there.
23
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,676
Take it easy. She's an old souse
maybe, but she's full of dreams.
24
00:46:56,800 --> 00:47:02,113
- She's full of gin. Where are the apples?
- Here are your lousy apples.
25
00:47:02,240 --> 00:47:06,631
Old fool, getting herself in a jam like this.
26
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:11,792
Now come on, let's go.
27
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:15,071
You're acting like Darcey already.
You can't leave her.
28
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:18,351
You want me to tuck her in bed?
Sing her a lullaby? Come on.
29
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:22,155
And her daughter? By the time
she gets here, she'll be in a psycho ward.
30
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:26,956
She'll sleep it off. She'll be all right in
the morning. I'll send Dr. Michel. Come on.
31
00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:40,389
What am I going to do, Queenie?
What am I going to do?
32
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:47,153
Poor creep. Some Dude must've
gotten in your blood once too.
33
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:50,431
(Dude) Come on, Queenie!
I'm way past post time.
34
00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:54,792
I got troubles, Annie, but boy, you...
you need a miracle.
35
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,195
What am I going to do?
36
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,430
(Smiley)
What are you gonna do, Mr. Dude?
37
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,915
- About what?
- About Miss Annie.
38
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:07,955
- What do you expect me to do?
- You could get her into the Marberry.
39
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:11,595
Apple Annie in the Marberry?
You're crazy.
40
00:48:11,720 --> 00:48:14,917
- Just for a week.
- Now listen, Mr. Dude.
41
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:18,953
We already took up a collection, we did.
42
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:22,072
We all chipped in 65 bucks to get her in.
43
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:26,391
You did? Well, 65 bucks is a tip
at the Marberry. You're all bats.
44
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:29,353
- What about your playboy friend?
- Rodney Kent.
45
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:33,519
- He's got a penthouse at the Marberry.
- You keep out of this. Move it, Junior.
46
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,108
Annie at the Marberry... I said move it!
47
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:45,436
His luck is gonna turn awful bad.
48
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:49,515
Apple, be lucky today.
49
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:54,350
All you little people in there,
you start workin' real hard.
50
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:58,631
All right. When you get home,
call Doc Michel to see Annie.
51
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:02,036
She'll be all right.
She's on a bender, that's all.
52
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:05,869
Hmm? Ain't it a fact?
You've seen her swacked before.
53
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:10,232
What the hell do I care?
I got what I want: the city of New York.
54
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:14,319
This great big town and those heels that
pushed me around, it's all mine now,
55
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:17,318
stretched right out on a silver platter.
56
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:20,113
Cos Darcey's come around to my way.
57
00:49:20,240 --> 00:49:24,392
What do I need
that old apple souse for anyhow?
58
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:28,229
You know, they say luck is superstition.
59
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:31,397
Nah, it ain't superstition at all.
You know what it is?
60
00:49:31,520 --> 00:49:35,638
Luck is an art. An art I got.
61
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:40,038
So I lose the old lady
and her apples. So what?
62
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:45,036
Apple Annie at the Marberry Hotel?
63
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:50,478
What do you expect me to do,
for cryin' out loud?
64
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:52,556
(clears throat)
65
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:55,514
Look, will you say something?
66
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,794
Look, will you say something?
67
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:11,552
OK, Mr. Big Shot.
Now keep your date with Darcey.
68
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,156
And no more gin, huh?
69
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:28,356
Hey, boss. These rich guys
use chequers with horses on 'em.
70
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:30,232
Put that down!
71
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:32,635
I oughta have my head shrunk,
doing this.
72
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:36,514
You at the Marberry! Why didn't you
swipe stationery from the White House?
73
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:39,791
You could've said
you were Eleanor Roosevelt.
74
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:48,675
- Whom did you wish to see, sir?
- Is this here Rodney Kent's igloo?
75
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:53,874
This is Mr. Kent's penthouse, yes,
but unfortunately Mr. Kent is in Havana.
76
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:58,232
He is? Well, where'd you get the idea
that I give a hang where he is?
77
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,477
- I just assumed...
- Come over here.
78
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,558
I'm gonna tell you something
that'll make you wet all over.
79
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:06,193
Really?
80
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,551
I don't care anything about Rodney Kent.
81
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:11,636
I'm lookin' for Dave the Dude.
82
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:14,115
- Who is that?
- He's here, ain't he?
83
00:51:14,240 --> 00:51:16,196
Well... yes.
84
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:23,713
Well, what are you standin' there for,
growin' in the carpet? Take me to him.
85
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,880
Wait here, will you, please?
86
00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,956
There is no carpet.
87
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:36,916
Sir? A gentleman. Rather primitive.
88
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:41,548
You tryin' to make me crazy?
What's goin' on?
89
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:44,069
Come here, come here.
90
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:46,555
- Where you been?
- Where have I been?
91
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:50,195
- I've had to do everything myself.
- I've been through a meat grinder.
92
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,959
For 24 hours I've been locked up
in Little Switz
93
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:56,595
listening to that seasick gorilla.
I'm alibiing like crazy.
94
00:51:56,720 --> 00:51:59,871
- What are you alibiing for?
- For you, for not showing up.
95
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,833
So I didn't show up.
How'd you leave the big man, hm?
96
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:05,474
- Headfirst and landed in the gutter.
- Good.
97
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:10,310
Says he won't talk to messenger boys.
Says he barbecues them.
98
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:14,228
- Used the blowtorch, eh?
- Says next time I'll be inside the shirt.
99
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:18,512
Bluffing, Joy Boy. That's his psychology.
Pay no attention to him.
100
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:23,236
- What's this?
- Meet the new queen of society.
101
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:26,559
This is Annie, the Duchess of Apples.
102
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,319
What's your daughter doing in Spain?
103
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:31,396
Who's her father?
104
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:38,876
Aw, boss, that ain't a polite question
to ask a dame like Annie.
105
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:43,630
Wait a minute. You tellin' me Rodney Kent
gave you his apartment for this owl?
106
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:47,116
Yeah. He's a bigger sucker than I am.
He even threw in the butler.
107
00:52:47,240 --> 00:52:52,030
Not against my will, sir. I love
Cinderella stories. Don't you, sir?
108
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:54,116
Take a walk, huh?
109
00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:00,073
- Junior, what happened to Queenie?
- I don't know.
110
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:04,034
Dave, you gotta forget all this.
You gotta meet with Darcey.
111
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:07,550
That's the deal of a lifetime.
That's our living. What is all this?
112
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:09,989
I don't know.
And I don't want you to tell me.
113
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:14,352
But what are you? A boy scout?
Are you a tambourine shaker?
114
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:19,508
A million do-gooders are standin' in line
to help the hardly-ables like Apple Annie.
115
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:22,074
Stay in there and pitch, sister.
116
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,431
You see, you're Dave the Dude,
not Little Boy Blue.
117
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:28,597
What are you talking about?
Little Boy Blue? Come here.
118
00:53:28,720 --> 00:53:32,110
- Ain't she always been lucky for me, huh?
- Yeah, yeah.
119
00:53:32,240 --> 00:53:36,199
If I don't help her out of this jam,
how long d'you think my luck would last?
120
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:40,757
You wanna help her? Help her. But you
can't palm that crocodile off as society.
121
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:43,440
She couldn't fool
a pedigree cocker spaniel.
122
00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:47,872
- (Dude) We'd have to clean her up some.
- Some? Look at her.
123
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,594
A ragpicker wouldn't
stick his hook into her.
124
00:53:50,720 --> 00:53:52,870
(door opens)
125
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,195
Well, here they are. The miracle workers.
126
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:58,915
Here's my maid, manicurist,
hairdresser, chiropodist, masseuse,
127
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:03,397
and the pi�ce de r�sistance, Pierre
of the Saxon Plaza. Pierre the divine.
128
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:05,590
- Take a bow, toots.
- Madame.
129
00:54:05,720 --> 00:54:07,836
All right, gang. Here's your challenge.
130
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:11,509
Come on, Annie.
Stand up and meet your makers.
131
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:15,189
This has got to be a complete overhaul,
kids, from top to bottom.
132
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:18,392
- Don't forget a new set of kidneys.
- Let's go, Annie.
133
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:20,875
Come on, wizards. Let's wiz.
134
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:30,349
My old lady always said you can't make
a pig's ear out of an old sow.
135
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:34,155
Monsieur, your old lady was not Pierre.
136
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:35,872
Huh!
137
00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:41,629
- Wait a minute. He can't go in there.
- Oh, that's all right.
138
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:44,718
Believe me, fellas, it's all right.
139
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:51,593
(door opens)
140
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,550
(butler hums cheerfully)
141
00:55:03,720 --> 00:55:07,918
- Hey, boss, you payin' for all of this?
- Fun, eh?
142
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:12,272
Let's see if we can get it back from
the bookies. What's running at Hialeah?
143
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:16,313
- Here's the morning lineup.
- Thanks. Read 'em off to me.
144
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,398
People! Go figure them.
145
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:22,637
- Scratch 5, 7 and 12.
- Right.
146
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:25,672
(snoring)
147
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:29,836
(snoring)
148
00:55:40,720 --> 00:55:44,349
It's important that these apples
are kept here all the time.
149
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,232
- What's your handle?
- Pardon?
150
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:49,511
- Your name.
- It's Hutchings, sir. Hutchings. With a g.
151
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:53,997
OK, Hutch. This oughta take care of the
help for a while. Split it up amongst them.
152
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:56,998
- They know to keep their mouths shut?
- And their ears.
153
00:55:57,120 --> 00:56:00,635
- Told 'em what'd happen if they didn't?
- Yes, sir. (imitates machine gun)
154
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,877
- Don't do that, please.
- (door opens)
155
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:05,956
(snoring)
156
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,470
(woman) Oh, my feet.
I never wanna see shoes again.
157
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:23,556
(muttering)
158
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:45,310
(imitates fanfare)
159
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:51,037
Gentlemen, may I present
Mrs. E Worthington Manville.
160
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:57,429
(# "March" from "The Nutcracker Suite"
by Tchaikovsky)
161
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:27,436
She's like a cockroach
what turned into a butterfly!
162
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:31,715
Dude,
163
00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:34,195
I'll never forget this.
164
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:37,756
Never.
165
00:57:37,880 --> 00:57:39,518
God bless you.
166
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,954
Well... You... You could've fooled anybody.
167
00:57:57,400 --> 00:58:02,952
Well, you're gonna need a little
walking-around money, so...
168
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:05,036
here you go.
169
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:11,112
I guess everything's all set now, huh?
170
00:58:12,400 --> 00:58:14,755
Good luck, Annie.
171
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:16,950
Joy Boy, Junior, come on.
172
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,999
- How do we contact Little Switz?
- They call your apartment every hour.
173
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:26,634
- We make the next call.
- Hey!
174
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:30,150
- Where do you think you're going?
- I did what you wanted, didn't I?
175
00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:34,193
I postponed my wedding a week because
you asked me to make a lady out of her.
176
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:38,279
Don't think you can run off and leave me
holding the bag. No offence, Annie.
177
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:41,358
Look, woman, the Dude
has gotta make some bread.
178
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:44,631
If I can stall my wedding,
he can stall his short cut to Sing Sing.
179
00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:47,433
For Pete's sakes, Queenie,
what else do you want?
180
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:52,156
I don't want anything. But what about
the husband she's supposed to have?
181
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:55,033
- Husband?
- That's a man who marries a woman.
182
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:57,469
- Whose husband?
- Annie's!
183
00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:02,435
The Honorable E Worthington
Shmerthington! Who's gonna dig him up?
184
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:04,118
Dude?
185
00:59:04,240 --> 00:59:05,992
Louise...
186
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:07,678
my daughter...
187
00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:11,156
does expect a stepfather.
188
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:13,236
Well... go get her one.
189
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:17,194
- Can't you do anything yourself?
- Who's she gonna get?
190
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:21,108
- Shimkey, the blind man? Or Smiley?
- You find her one.
191
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:23,879
You're the one who needs her,
Mr. Big, not me.
192
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,958
I got cafeterias. I don't need apples.
193
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:30,959
The Dude's whole future depends upon
this deal. Can you get off his back?
194
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:34,629
His whole future depends on Annie,
and don't you forget it, frog-face.
195
00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:37,479
- You're a troublemaker.
- You're a selfish schtoonk!
196
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:43,436
All right, all right, all right!
I'll find her a... a husband.
197
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:48,509
This is beautiful. All right, Joy Boy, go
tell Darcey that the Dude ain't available
198
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:52,952
cos he's diggin' up a husband for some
old souse cos he's nuts about her apples.
199
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:57,278
Where am I gonna find a husband?
200
01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:05,596
Where am I gonna find a husband?
In Macy's basement?
201
01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:08,280
They don't sell 'em there, boss.
202
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:10,356
(Joy Boy groans)
203
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:20,750
Yeah.
204
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,157
Me?
205
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:25,793
You.
206
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:28,878
I think he'd be just precious!
207
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,514
Oh, that would be a great idea.
208
01:00:31,640 --> 01:00:34,359
There's only one problem.
209
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:37,278
I got a wife that's very fussy.
210
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:41,234
She don't like for me
to go around marryin' people!
211
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:44,750
Now, I know that might sound
very selfish to you,
212
01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:48,395
but she's very funny that way.
213
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:52,318
I know his wife. He's right.
She's a selfish buffalo.
214
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,034
- Dude?
- What?
215
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,390
I got an idea.
216
01:00:57,520 --> 01:00:59,112
What?
217
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:03,518
I know one real gentleman
I'm sure we can trust.
218
01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:06,393
We? Oh, now we're all partners!
219
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:08,476
You know Judge Blake?
220
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:13,436
Judge Henry G Blake. That's our man.
221
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:15,792
When did you ever trust a judge?
222
01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:21,119
For a proposition like this
we need a guy with class, with dignity,
223
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:24,630
a gentleman of the old school, and...
224
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:26,113
a thief.
225
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:31,718
Judge Blake, the guy that told you you
could shoot pool was yankin' your ankle.
226
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:33,913
Sucker's ready to bite.
227
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:38,033
Up in Providence, where I'm out of,
an amateur like you would lose his pants.
228
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:42,790
An excellent argument
for never visiting Providence.
229
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:47,118
I hate to do this to you, Judge,
but I got a reputation to keep up.
230
01:01:47,240 --> 01:01:49,196
- And that does it.
- Astonishing!
231
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:51,276
Willie Hoppe couldn't do better.
232
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:53,470
You pool-hall poltroons.
233
01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:58,879
Once again you lured me into a game with
a master, solely for your own amusement.
234
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:04,677
- You're just warmin' up. Another game?
- I came here to slay a somber afternoon,
235
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:08,634
not to be made sport of
by Pecksniffian oafs.
236
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:11,718
Aw, go on, Judge. It's only a nickel a ball.
237
01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:14,274
What do you say
we double the bet one time?
238
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:17,437
Ten cents a ball?
Why, that's a veritable fortune.
239
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:19,516
- Afraid, huh, Judge?
- Afraid?
240
01:02:19,640 --> 01:02:24,395
- I'll make it 50 cents a ball.
- OK. You got yourself a deal.
241
01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:26,476
Attendant, rack 'em up.
242
01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:28,556
(laughter)
243
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:33,436
Hey, Judge.
244
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:41,277
If you will excuse me, while you break,
I'll have a word with an associate justice.
245
01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:46,599
Greetings, my intellectual giant. What
brings you down to Kew in lilac-time?
246
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:48,915
The Dude wants to see you.
247
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:52,430
Your master's timing
is most regrettable, my dear Junior.
248
01:02:52,560 --> 01:02:56,269
- I have a plump pigeon in my sights.
- Huh?
249
01:02:56,400 --> 01:03:00,598
Within the hour Providence is going to
provide next month's room rent.
250
01:03:01,080 --> 01:03:06,438
- Come on, Your Honor. It's your shot.
- By your leave, sir. My pigeon is cooing.
251
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:08,198
A little shaky, huh, Judge?
252
01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:12,632
My boy, the impatient blade
is about to descend...
253
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:14,716
on your red hick's neck.
254
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:19,316
- Oho!
- (laughter)
255
01:03:22,960 --> 01:03:24,916
- Oho!
- (laughter)
256
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:28,872
That was the bedroom.
257
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:31,560
Over here, that's the billiard room.
258
01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:33,511
Down here's the guest rooms.
259
01:03:33,640 --> 01:03:36,916
- Pretty classy layout, huh, Judge?
- Lovely, lovely.
260
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:40,476
The beauty of the Taj Mahal,
the serenity of Melrose Abbey.
261
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,554
Sir, "If thou wouldst view
fair Melrose aright..."
262
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:46,114
"Go visit it by the pale moonlight."
263
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:51,439
"For the gay beams of lightsome day
Gild, but to flout, the ruins grey."
264
01:03:51,560 --> 01:03:53,835
- Oh, my!
- To Scott.
265
01:03:54,880 --> 01:03:56,836
- He'll do.
- Yeah.
266
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:02,716
Judge, think you could force yourself
to shack up here for a week?
267
01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:04,796
- Is he for real?
- He comes with the coop.
268
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:09,198
If this is a deal, you get yourself
a new set of rags and 100 clams.
269
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:13,836
What do you expect from me for all this
opulence? I'm a poor hand at violence.
270
01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:17,032
You're a lock for this gag.
All you gotta do is be a husband.
271
01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:20,914
A husband? Impossible.
I'm twice a widower now,
272
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:24,191
thanks to my fleetness of foot
and the grace of distance.
273
01:04:24,320 --> 01:04:27,949
No, you don't have to marry the dame.
Just be a husband for one week.
274
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:30,389
Queenie! Come here a minute, will you?
275
01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:33,478
Judge, you've heard of
Queenie Martin, haven't you?
276
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:36,239
My cup runneth over.
277
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:39,033
Queenie, meet the judge.
278
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,594
I told you I'd find you a good husband.
279
01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:43,676
Madam, this is a great honor,
280
01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:45,756
a rare experience,
281
01:04:45,880 --> 01:04:48,474
and a pulsating pleasure.
282
01:04:48,600 --> 01:04:50,272
Oh, Your Honor.
283
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:53,278
Yeah. With a new set of clothes
he'll just make it fine.
284
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:59,350
Thank you. I'll do my best. But at my age
the libido is most unpredictable.
285
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,436
Don't worry about that.
286
01:05:02,560 --> 01:05:05,154
- What'd you say?
- Your humble servant, madam.
287
01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:07,635
And your eager spouse.
288
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:12,038
- That's the best offer I've had all day.
- No wonder he's drooling.
289
01:05:12,160 --> 01:05:17,359
Listen, you fricasseed Casanova. Not her.
You're gonna marry Apple Annie.
290
01:05:17,480 --> 01:05:19,869
- Apple Annie?
- Apple Annie.
291
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:23,709
Even as a jest, Dude, that's an insult.
292
01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:25,796
Junior!
293
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:31,797
Apple Annie. Preposterous!
294
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:36,755
A creature of the pavements, a... a...
a frowsy hag, with the breath of a dragon.
295
01:05:37,320 --> 01:05:43,190
Sir, despite my larcenous impulses,
I am a gentleman.
296
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:45,072
Good afternoon.
297
01:05:45,200 --> 01:05:47,509
Good afternoon, Annie.
298
01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:51,513
Annie?
299
01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:53,517
(Dude) That's Annie.
300
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:58,950
Apple Annie?
301
01:05:59,080 --> 01:06:02,834
Annie, the judge was just saying
how pleased he'll be to be your husband.
302
01:06:02,960 --> 01:06:05,315
Thank you, Judge.
303
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:08,635
I'm deeply grateful.
304
01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:15,719
The pleasure, I assure you,
305
01:06:15,840 --> 01:06:18,912
dear kind and charming lady,
306
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:20,996
is entirely mine.
307
01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:31,352
You're all set now, Annie. You got yourself
a husband. Now you'll go to the boat.
308
01:06:31,480 --> 01:06:34,153
Yeah. God bless you, Dude.
God bless you.
309
01:06:34,280 --> 01:06:36,555
OK.
310
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:38,033
Joy Boy, let's go.
311
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:41,630
Sure you don't wanna kill a couple
of hours, take some family pictures?
312
01:06:44,880 --> 01:06:46,552
Sir?
313
01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:48,159
Sir!
314
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:50,356
Sir, pardon me.
315
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:54,439
I will see that everything is done, sir,
notwithstanding my cardiac.
316
01:06:54,560 --> 01:06:56,516
- What?
- Oh, you can trust me, sir.
317
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:59,234
I've had commando training.
The Boer War, you know.
318
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:02,670
I shall need at least a score
of your henchmen, very rugged ones.
319
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:05,951
- A hollow square will hold them.
- What are you talking about?
320
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:09,436
The ship's reporters.
They interview the arriving celebrities.
321
01:07:09,560 --> 01:07:12,518
They will want to know from the count
why he came to America.
322
01:07:12,640 --> 01:07:15,393
Holy Toledo. I forgot about the reporters.
323
01:07:15,520 --> 01:07:18,956
- Why didn't you think of that?
- Why didn't I think of it?
324
01:07:19,080 --> 01:07:22,834
Come on, Junior. We gotta round up
the boys. What time does the ship get in?
325
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:24,916
I hope it sinks.
326
01:07:25,560 --> 01:07:27,278
Take a walk.
327
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:35,756
(ship's hooter)
328
01:07:38,680 --> 01:07:41,831
(band plays "A Life on the Ocean Wave")
329
01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:50,756
Has she seen the kid yet?
330
01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:55,074
- She's still looking.
- She's still looking.
331
01:08:02,520 --> 01:08:05,751
- How do I look?
- Beautiful. Like a star.
332
01:08:07,800 --> 01:08:14,069
I can hardly believe it. In a few minutes
I'll have my baby in my arms.
333
01:08:20,120 --> 01:08:23,078
- Do you see her yet?
- No, not yet.
334
01:08:24,480 --> 01:08:26,948
Dude, stay close to me. I'm so frightened.
335
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:29,833
At least the boat's on time.
336
01:08:29,960 --> 01:08:32,235
- What about reporters?
- I took care of 'em.
337
01:08:32,360 --> 01:08:36,717
The Dude has woven a chain
of missing links around us.
338
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:40,469
(band plays
"The Man on the Flying Trapeze")
339
01:08:49,600 --> 01:08:52,478
Hey, look. There's Dave the Dude.
340
01:08:52,600 --> 01:08:55,876
Yeah, with his whole mob.
341
01:08:58,800 --> 01:09:04,511
Let's stick around. I've been waiting
ten years to pin something on that Dude.
342
01:09:04,640 --> 01:09:06,596
(ship's hooter)
343
01:09:19,040 --> 01:09:22,191
There she is! There she is! Louise!
344
01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:25,517
Louise! Louise, darling!
345
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:33,316
Louise! Louise!
346
01:09:33,440 --> 01:09:34,873
Louise!
347
01:09:35,680 --> 01:09:38,274
Louise!
348
01:09:38,680 --> 01:09:41,831
Louise! Louise!
349
01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:53,553
She saw me. She recognized me.
350
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:54,829
Louise!
351
01:09:57,320 --> 01:10:00,357
Mama! Mama!
352
01:10:00,480 --> 01:10:02,232
Mama!
353
01:10:09,520 --> 01:10:13,433
My baby. My baby.
354
01:10:13,560 --> 01:10:15,516
My Louise.
355
01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:21,238
I can't believe it, after all these years.
356
01:10:21,360 --> 01:10:23,874
Why, you're a grown woman.
357
01:10:25,120 --> 01:10:29,477
- And so beautiful.
- Oh, Mama, you are too.
358
01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:31,591
I would've known you anywhere.
359
01:10:31,720 --> 01:10:34,792
What are they doin' now, Sal?
360
01:10:34,920 --> 01:10:36,478
Huggin' and kissin'.
361
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:38,750
Is she happy?
362
01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:44,953
- She's crying.
- She's crying.
363
01:10:46,680 --> 01:10:51,196
I want you to meet Count Alfonso Romero
and his son Carlos Romero.
364
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:53,276
This is my mother.
365
01:10:53,400 --> 01:10:55,868
- How do you do?
- Madam.
366
01:10:57,680 --> 01:11:00,319
How do you do?
367
01:11:00,440 --> 01:11:04,752
Darling, this is your stepfather,
Judge Manville.
368
01:11:04,880 --> 01:11:08,839
Mother's written me
so much about you, Father.
369
01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:15,552
I want you to meet Count Romero
and his son Carlos.
370
01:11:15,680 --> 01:11:19,389
- How do you do?
- Welcome to America, my dear Count.
371
01:11:19,520 --> 01:11:22,796
We've looked forward to your visit
with considerable relish.
372
01:11:22,920 --> 01:11:26,117
This is a glorious moment for everyone.
373
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:28,993
Oh, how stupid of me.
374
01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:31,634
- Louise, this is your, um...
- Aunt. Aunt Betty.
375
01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:34,274
- Aunt Betty.
- And Uncle David.
376
01:11:34,400 --> 01:11:39,918
- I never knew I had an aunt and uncle.
- Yes, dear. David is your father's brother.
377
01:11:40,040 --> 01:11:44,397
I'm so pleased.
Mother never wrote a word about you.
378
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:49,833
That's because he's always been
the black sheep of the family.
379
01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:54,316
May I present Count Romero,
and Carlos Romero.
380
01:11:54,440 --> 01:11:58,035
This is my Aunt Betty and my Uncle David.
381
01:11:58,160 --> 01:12:01,675
- How do you do?
- Nice to meet you. Will you excuse me?
382
01:12:03,600 --> 01:12:05,955
Excuse me. I'm the ship news reporter.
383
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:08,275
You lookin' for somebody, kid? What is it?
384
01:12:08,400 --> 01:12:10,834
- You talking to me?
- No, your Aunt Tillie.
385
01:12:10,960 --> 01:12:13,918
- They made me the ship news reporter.
- No kiddin'?
386
01:12:14,040 --> 01:12:17,589
- I gotta check the passengers.
- There's no passengers on that boat.
387
01:12:17,720 --> 01:12:22,510
- What do you call those people?
- Spanish sailors. They all dress like that.
388
01:12:22,640 --> 01:12:26,474
- Hey, what kind of a gag is this?
- This is no gag. You gotta go to pier four.
389
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:30,957
- The Jersey ferry just hit an iceberg.
- Then it got shot up by a submarine.
390
01:12:31,080 --> 01:12:32,957
- One of ours.
- A catastrophe.
391
01:12:33,080 --> 01:12:36,152
- Terrible thing.
- Worse than the Lusitania.
392
01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:38,236
Take this man to pier four in the Bronx.
393
01:12:38,360 --> 01:12:41,716
- Pier four ain't in the Bronx.
- It's in the Bronx. It moved.
394
01:12:43,160 --> 01:12:46,436
- How many is that?
- That's five, and we're runnin' out of cars.
395
01:12:46,560 --> 01:12:49,518
(man) You wait here
while I get Count Romero.
396
01:12:51,040 --> 01:12:53,235
You will come with me.
397
01:12:53,360 --> 01:12:55,316
Take a walk.
398
01:12:57,120 --> 01:12:59,953
I want you to take some
very good pictures of the count.
399
01:13:00,080 --> 01:13:02,310
- Can I help you, mister?
- I doubt it, sir.
400
01:13:02,440 --> 01:13:05,557
- I am the Spanish consul and...
- I was just looking for you.
401
01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:07,636
- You were?
- Yes. Immigration.
402
01:13:07,760 --> 01:13:11,116
We're holding Count Romero
because of some rare Spanish disease.
403
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:15,313
Rare disease? But there is
no such thing as a Spanish disease.
404
01:13:15,440 --> 01:13:17,396
- Lieutenant.
- Yes, Sergeant?
405
01:13:17,520 --> 01:13:22,913
It's worse than expected. They say they'll
take the count away in a straitjacket.
406
01:13:23,040 --> 01:13:25,873
I'm sure the consul here
can straighten things out.
407
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:28,753
- Take the consul to the count's cabin.
- Aye aye, sir.
408
01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:31,599
- This way.
- Don't get too close to the count.
409
01:13:31,720 --> 01:13:36,396
This is fantastic! I am going to take this
to the secretary of state himself.
410
01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:38,476
You should, sir.
411
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:45,436
Looks like the Dude's
got a new swindle going.
412
01:13:45,560 --> 01:13:48,791
The Dude's too smart to pull anything
in the open. Let's go.
413
01:13:48,920 --> 01:13:52,230
Wait a minute. Let's have
a little chat with him anyway.
414
01:13:52,360 --> 01:13:53,315
OK.
415
01:13:53,440 --> 01:13:56,876
(Smiley) Gangway. Gangway. Gangway.
416
01:13:57,000 --> 01:14:01,198
Mr. Dude, sir, a couple of coppers
are comin' to put the arm on you.
417
01:14:03,920 --> 01:14:06,036
Holy cow.
418
01:14:06,160 --> 01:14:08,720
Junior, start a brannigan.
Sock the Weasel.
419
01:14:08,840 --> 01:14:12,628
- Sock the Weasel? He's my brother!
- Don't argue. Sock the Weasel.
420
01:14:12,760 --> 01:14:15,911
- Hey, Weasel. How's Ma?
- Ma's OK. She's all right.
421
01:14:16,040 --> 01:14:17,393
Good.
422
01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:24,033
Ma told you not to hit me no more!
423
01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:29,238
Fight!
424
01:14:29,360 --> 01:14:31,316
(women scream)
425
01:14:36,160 --> 01:14:40,278
- Amscray. A couple of ullbays.
- Folks, I think we'd best be on our way.
426
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:42,356
(police whistle)
427
01:14:45,880 --> 01:14:47,836
Hi, fellas.
428
01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:52,309
Boy, have I seen New York
in the past four days!
429
01:14:53,680 --> 01:14:56,319
Boss, Queenie says for you
to eat these sandwiches.
430
01:14:56,440 --> 01:15:00,115
- How's tricks with the social mob?
- It's going so great, I'm scared.
431
01:15:00,240 --> 01:15:02,595
First thing, breakfast on gold plates.
432
01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:06,110
Then Queenie herds us into the car
and we go sightseeing all over.
433
01:15:06,240 --> 01:15:08,196
Did you know New York was an island?
434
01:15:12,280 --> 01:15:14,430
- What do you want, boss?
- Got a pastrami?
435
01:15:14,560 --> 01:15:16,869
Yeah. Ma thought I was nuts.
436
01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:21,516
Hey, Joy Boy. We passed by a zoo,
and what do you think I saw? A cow!
437
01:15:22,320 --> 01:15:24,356
Here's your yoghurt.
438
01:15:24,480 --> 01:15:29,600
- Guess who's buried in Grant's Tomb.
- Will you leave me alone with the tomb?
439
01:15:29,720 --> 01:15:32,075
You're sure the count
ain't talked to nobody?
440
01:15:32,200 --> 01:15:35,158
Count Romero? He don't get
a chance to talk to himself.
441
01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:40,035
When the judge runs out of gas about
cowboys and Indians, Queenie sings.
442
01:15:40,160 --> 01:15:43,197
- Enough already! Please!
- You ain't heard nothin' yet.
443
01:15:43,320 --> 01:15:48,075
You should see the way Annie looks at
her daughter - like she was a banana split.
444
01:15:48,200 --> 01:15:52,159
Hey, boss, those two kids better
get married, or else they're gonna bust.
445
01:15:52,280 --> 01:15:55,238
See? I told you guys.
446
01:15:55,360 --> 01:16:01,310
Helping that old doll...
it kinda gets me, right here.
447
01:16:01,440 --> 01:16:03,192
You know what I mean?
448
01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:07,393
You know, boss, it gets me too.
Only higher.
449
01:16:08,520 --> 01:16:11,717
I hate to tell you where it gets me.
450
01:16:11,840 --> 01:16:14,035
And I'm gonna tell you.
451
01:16:14,160 --> 01:16:18,039
You're playin' with your darts,
and you're happy with the banana,
452
01:16:18,160 --> 01:16:20,276
but me, I'm scared.
453
01:16:20,400 --> 01:16:25,155
Three days and nights we're waitin'
by the phone. Darcey ain't called.
454
01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:27,999
You know what that means?
I can feel the bullets.
455
01:16:28,120 --> 01:16:30,918
Darcey's gotta knock us off now,
or we're done.
456
01:16:31,040 --> 01:16:33,873
All right. I don't complain. No.
457
01:16:34,000 --> 01:16:38,152
You say no bullets. All right.
You say no guns. All right.
458
01:16:38,280 --> 01:16:42,159
No bodyguards. All right.
You say don't lock the doors. All right.
459
01:16:42,280 --> 01:16:46,239
It's crazy, but I've been with you
for ten years. I'll go along for the ride.
460
01:16:46,360 --> 01:16:51,753
But not this. I'm not gonna sit here,
sweat, feel hot lead, and at the same time
461
01:16:51,880 --> 01:16:55,839
listen to that sugar-coated malarkey about
the beggar woman and her daughter.
462
01:16:55,960 --> 01:16:58,554
That's all! Finished! Done! Goodbye!
463
01:16:59,880 --> 01:17:01,836
(phone rings)
464
01:17:01,960 --> 01:17:04,394
That's Darcey.
465
01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:08,229
I wish I could worry like him,
but I don't know how.
466
01:17:08,360 --> 01:17:09,554
Talk.
467
01:17:09,680 --> 01:17:11,716
Aw, for cryin' out loud.
468
01:17:11,840 --> 01:17:15,958
It's Annie's butler.
That's the bum from the Boer War.
469
01:17:16,080 --> 01:17:17,957
Now what?
470
01:17:18,080 --> 01:17:19,559
Yeah?
471
01:17:19,680 --> 01:17:21,750
I'm sorry to trouble you, Mr. Dude,
472
01:17:21,880 --> 01:17:24,872
but the count just asked me
to telephone the Spanish consul.
473
01:17:25,000 --> 01:17:28,470
- What does he want to talk to him for?
- I don't know why.
474
01:17:28,600 --> 01:17:31,558
But I did hear him say
that he was tired of sightseeing
475
01:17:31,680 --> 01:17:33,557
and he wanted to meet some people.
476
01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:37,753
- Joy Boy, how's your Spanish?
- As good as my French. They both stink.
477
01:17:39,080 --> 01:17:42,231
Junior, did you learn anything
from Spanish Lena?
478
01:17:42,360 --> 01:17:44,920
Spanish Lena was a Hungarian.
479
01:17:45,040 --> 01:17:48,635
Don't nobody know nothin'?
And where's Queenie?
480
01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:51,957
- Put the sucker on. I'll fade him myself.
- (door buzzer)
481
01:17:52,080 --> 01:17:54,036
It's open.
482
01:17:56,280 --> 01:17:58,316
Hey, you're Darcey's boys.
483
01:17:58,440 --> 01:18:01,398
Mr. Darcey don't never send "boys".
484
01:18:01,520 --> 01:18:05,559
- Mr. Darcey wants to see you.
- We were waiting for his call.
485
01:18:05,680 --> 01:18:07,636
Why don't you make yourself at home?
486
01:18:07,760 --> 01:18:09,557
And you were worried!
487
01:18:09,680 --> 01:18:11,750
Hello? Hello?
488
01:18:11,880 --> 01:18:15,509
Soy el conde de Romero.
�Por qu� no fue a recibirme?
489
01:18:15,640 --> 01:18:21,112
(Japanese accent) Very sorry.
Nobody home. They all go far away.
490
01:18:21,240 --> 01:18:23,196
They all go... California.
491
01:18:23,320 --> 01:18:25,959
Lots of sunshine in California.
492
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:29,675
So this Japanese houseboy.
So sorry. Ooh, very sorry.
493
01:18:29,800 --> 01:18:31,950
No, I'm very sorry, they're not home.
494
01:18:32,080 --> 01:18:36,631
Ooh, very sorry. No, I'm very sorry.
They're not home. Nobody home. Just me.
495
01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:38,512
OK. Bye-bye.
496
01:18:40,840 --> 01:18:44,071
That's very good, Mr. Moto.
Now let's go do some business.
497
01:18:44,200 --> 01:18:46,714
I'll be with you in a minute.
Where is Little Switz?
498
01:18:46,840 --> 01:18:49,195
- We'll take you personal.
- Yeah.
499
01:18:49,320 --> 01:18:53,279
But first I have a little personal business.
I wanna stop off and buy my apple.
500
01:18:53,400 --> 01:18:56,551
You ain't stoppin' nowhere.
Mr. Darcey's through playin'. Up!
501
01:18:56,680 --> 01:18:58,636
You, fancy-pants, over there.
502
01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:01,194
You, Mr. Apples, over here. Turn around.
503
01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:04,949
- Turn around! Up! Up!
- All right, all right.
504
01:19:06,880 --> 01:19:10,475
- Hey, your hand's bleeding.
- Oh! Argh!
505
01:19:10,600 --> 01:19:13,831
- This way, gentlemen.
- We'll tie 'em, lock 'em in the bathroom.
506
01:19:13,960 --> 01:19:19,717
When he gets his apple, we'll be back
to pick you up. Now get in there! Move!
507
01:19:21,040 --> 01:19:25,875
Wait. Lock 'em in the closet, Joy Boy.
They may just wax the bathroom floor.
508
01:19:28,440 --> 01:19:32,194
- Yes, sir?
- I am Se�or Cortez, the Spanish consul.
509
01:19:32,320 --> 01:19:34,675
- The Spanish consul?
- Yes.
510
01:19:34,800 --> 01:19:39,351
- Is Count Romero to be found here?
- Well... I don't believe he's in just now.
511
01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:42,358
- So if you'd care to leave your card...
- Se�or Cortez?
512
01:19:43,400 --> 01:19:45,356
Se�or conde.
513
01:19:45,480 --> 01:19:48,040
Count Romero will receive you.
514
01:19:50,080 --> 01:19:53,117
It has been very difficult
for me to locate you, Count Romero.
515
01:19:53,240 --> 01:19:56,789
This is most confusing.
I just had your office on the phone,
516
01:19:56,920 --> 01:19:59,912
and your Japanese houseboy
assured me you were out of town.
517
01:20:00,040 --> 01:20:01,268
- Japanese?
- S�.
518
01:20:01,400 --> 01:20:04,153
What would I be doing
with a Japanese houseboy?
519
01:20:04,280 --> 01:20:08,239
- That is what we were wondering.
- Very strange.
520
01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:12,315
- May I?
- S�, s�.
521
01:20:13,600 --> 01:20:17,559
It is my impression that there's
something peculiar about Mrs. Manville.
522
01:20:17,680 --> 01:20:19,557
- Mrs. Manville? Peculiar?
- Yes.
523
01:20:19,680 --> 01:20:23,878
I've telephoned several society editors
and they know nothing about her.
524
01:20:24,000 --> 01:20:26,958
- I would be very cautious if I were you.
- Of what?
525
01:20:27,080 --> 01:20:32,598
- Father, I resent these insinuations.
- You did not even meet me at the pier.
526
01:20:32,720 --> 01:20:34,950
Believe me, I was there.
527
01:20:35,080 --> 01:20:38,550
But an official told me
you were having difficulty with your shots.
528
01:20:38,680 --> 01:20:40,033
Shots? What shots?
529
01:20:40,160 --> 01:20:43,516
A gentleman from the immigration
service said you could not land
530
01:20:43,640 --> 01:20:47,474
because you had contracted
a peculiar disease.
531
01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:51,673
And later, the ship's captain told me
you were a guest of this Mrs. Manville.
532
01:20:51,800 --> 01:20:55,873
Se�or, I had no trouble landing.
I am in perfect health.
533
01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:58,389
You are a most confused man.
534
01:20:58,520 --> 01:21:03,196
When I try to reach you on the phone I find
your confusion has spread to your staff,
535
01:21:03,320 --> 01:21:07,757
where a Japanese listens to Spanish
and answers in pidgin English. Caramba!
536
01:21:07,880 --> 01:21:11,714
Se�or, give the gentleman his hat.
537
01:21:15,880 --> 01:21:19,509
Very well, Count Romero. But in taking
my leave, let me add only this.
538
01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:23,269
That a bellboy in this very hotel
assured me that this penthouse
539
01:21:23,400 --> 01:21:28,076
is permanently leased by an American
novelist named Rodney Kent.
540
01:21:28,200 --> 01:21:32,273
Is this the way our diplomats conduct
our affairs? Questioning bellboys?
541
01:21:32,400 --> 01:21:37,679
Good day, sir. This episode
will raise some eyebrows in Madrid.
542
01:21:37,800 --> 01:21:40,109
- Rodney Kent!
- It's ridiculous.
543
01:21:40,240 --> 01:21:44,199
For years Louise has corresponded
with her mother at this very hotel.
544
01:21:44,320 --> 01:21:46,276
- If I may, sir?
- S�, s�.
545
01:21:46,400 --> 01:21:48,356
Thank you.
546
01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:51,119
- Rodney Kent does live here.
- What?
547
01:21:51,240 --> 01:21:54,232
In these books, sir. See?
548
01:21:54,360 --> 01:21:56,316
Pulitzer Prize winner.
549
01:21:56,440 --> 01:22:00,956
The judge - Judge Manville -
writes under that name.
550
01:22:01,080 --> 01:22:02,433
Ah. Ah!
551
01:22:02,560 --> 01:22:05,632
- After the fashion of Mr. Mark Twain.
- And O Henry, Father.
552
01:22:05,760 --> 01:22:09,548
O Henry. S�, se�or. Yes.
553
01:22:09,680 --> 01:22:13,275
- I trust this confidence will be respected.
- Of course.
554
01:22:13,400 --> 01:22:14,958
Thank you.
555
01:22:15,080 --> 01:22:18,197
Tea is served, sir, on the terrace.
556
01:22:18,320 --> 01:22:20,595
Now, what are we gonna do after tea?
557
01:22:20,720 --> 01:22:24,429
- What does the count like to do most?
- Well, he rides a bicycle a great deal.
558
01:22:24,560 --> 01:22:26,516
Six-day bicycle races.
559
01:22:26,640 --> 01:22:29,200
Great. I'll call for tickets.
560
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:31,993
Oh, dear Count, I have
such a surprise for you.
561
01:22:32,120 --> 01:22:36,830
We just decided to go to the six-day
bicycle races at Madison Square Garden.
562
01:22:36,960 --> 01:22:41,750
- But we'll not be here for six more days.
- Hi, everybody. Just came to say hello.
563
01:22:41,880 --> 01:22:46,317
And... buy one of your delicious apples.
564
01:22:46,440 --> 01:22:50,797
Oh, here we are. You see, Count,
it's sort of a family joke.
565
01:22:50,920 --> 01:22:54,230
I always feel that
these apples bring me luck.
566
01:22:54,360 --> 01:22:59,753
What a charming idea.
I have the same feeling about onions.
567
01:22:59,880 --> 01:23:04,317
- What is it, Hutchings?
- A journalist to see you, sir. Second call.
568
01:23:04,440 --> 01:23:06,396
(Dude) That guy out there is a reporter.
569
01:23:06,520 --> 01:23:09,956
(judge) What provoked the curiosity
in this wretched scribe?
570
01:23:10,080 --> 01:23:13,709
- He requests a biography of Mrs. Manville.
- Absurd.
571
01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:16,638
Brother David, perhaps you
can handle this inquisitor?
572
01:23:16,760 --> 01:23:19,991
Don't worry about a thing, Judge.
Everything's taken care of.
573
01:23:26,520 --> 01:23:29,751
- What's the pitch, Brisbane?
- From the society desk at the Star.
574
01:23:29,880 --> 01:23:32,519
I wanna do a feature
on Mrs. E Worthington Manville.
575
01:23:32,640 --> 01:23:35,791
- She's not in the Social Register.
- Not in the Social Register?
576
01:23:35,920 --> 01:23:38,150
Or the phone book,
not even the Yellow Pages.
577
01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:39,713
Did you look under M's?
578
01:23:39,840 --> 01:23:43,799
Look, I'm tired.
The Spanish consul called my editor...
579
01:23:43,920 --> 01:23:47,037
- Say, aren't you Dave the Dude?
- What is he talking about?
580
01:23:47,160 --> 01:23:49,913
Sure. I seen you around
Queenie Martin's club.
581
01:23:50,040 --> 01:23:53,157
You know, you're wasting your time
with society news.
582
01:23:53,280 --> 01:23:56,909
You could be a great big reporter,
and we could give you a great big story.
583
01:23:57,040 --> 01:24:00,794
Yeah, but we better go someplace
where we won't be disturbed.
584
01:24:00,920 --> 01:24:03,354
- Isn't that right, Uncle David?
- That's right.
585
01:24:03,480 --> 01:24:07,189
- Do you want to step this way?
- Right this way.
586
01:24:12,920 --> 01:24:16,515
No more sightseeing. No more buildings.
587
01:24:16,640 --> 01:24:22,317
Mrs. Manville, I have come
to know your daughter that well
588
01:24:22,440 --> 01:24:25,398
that I love her like a father.
589
01:24:25,520 --> 01:24:28,239
Thanks... Thank you.
590
01:24:28,360 --> 01:24:32,069
And so I wish to announce
I will be greatly honored
591
01:24:32,200 --> 01:24:36,910
if your daughter will accept
the proposal of my son in marriage.
592
01:24:37,040 --> 01:24:41,158
Congratulations, Carlos! This is
a great moment, a historic moment.
593
01:24:41,280 --> 01:24:44,636
The union of our two families.
The Montagues and the Capulets.
594
01:24:44,760 --> 01:24:48,435
My dear Count,
this calls for a real celebration.
595
01:24:48,560 --> 01:24:50,755
That is exactly what I was coming to.
596
01:24:50,880 --> 01:24:55,635
It will give me the greatest pleasure
to announce the engagement officially
597
01:24:55,760 --> 01:25:00,356
at a reception for a few
of your intimate friends.
598
01:25:01,880 --> 01:25:04,075
Reception?
599
01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:06,919
- With people?
- S�.
600
01:25:07,040 --> 01:25:08,632
- Father...
- No, no.
601
01:25:09,200 --> 01:25:13,079
Relax and enjoy yourself, newsboy.
You're living at the Marberry.
602
01:25:13,200 --> 01:25:15,555
- It was nice meetin' you.
- (muffled cries)
603
01:25:15,680 --> 01:25:18,911
Watch your diction, watch your diction.
604
01:25:19,400 --> 01:25:21,231
Reporter's taken care of, Judge.
605
01:25:21,360 --> 01:25:25,353
Uncle David, congratulate us.
Carlos and I are engaged.
606
01:25:25,480 --> 01:25:28,631
You're a lucky man, Carlos.
Congratulations.
607
01:25:28,760 --> 01:25:33,390
Brother David, I just told the count we'd
make the announcement at the reception.
608
01:25:33,520 --> 01:25:36,273
Fine. Well, I'll see you folks around.
609
01:25:40,080 --> 01:25:43,277
Reception? What reception?
610
01:25:43,400 --> 01:25:46,836
The count wants to meet
some of our friends.
611
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:51,120
A modest affair. Nothing elaborate.
612
01:25:51,240 --> 01:25:53,959
Just the intimate friends
of the parents of the bride.
613
01:25:54,080 --> 01:25:58,073
About... 100 people, did you say, Judge?
614
01:25:58,760 --> 01:26:01,115
100... friends?
615
01:26:01,240 --> 01:26:03,879
You're the only one
who can handle it, David.
616
01:26:04,000 --> 01:26:09,836
- We must tell Aunt Betty at once.
- Aunt Betty will be the first to know.
617
01:26:09,960 --> 01:26:14,909
Brother Henry, would you come with me?
I think we have to make up a list.
618
01:26:18,080 --> 01:26:22,995
Mrs. Manville, I hope there is
enough time for the preparations.
619
01:26:24,680 --> 01:26:28,036
Why, you two-bit pool hustler.
Sit down there. Sit down!
620
01:26:28,160 --> 01:26:31,516
- I told you not to get used to high living.
- It was the count's idea!
621
01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:34,200
- I oughta belt him.
- Now, now, godfather.
622
01:26:34,320 --> 01:26:39,314
Do you know what this windbag's
got us into? A reception for 100 people.
623
01:26:39,440 --> 01:26:41,271
(door opens)
624
01:26:44,240 --> 01:26:48,199
- Where do you think you're going?
- I'm fleeing from Armageddon, sir.
625
01:26:48,320 --> 01:26:52,279
With my cardiac condition
I just cannot take unhappy endings.
626
01:26:52,400 --> 01:26:56,154
- So I'm off to join Mr. Kent in Havana.
- With two broken legs?
627
01:26:56,280 --> 01:26:58,874
My legs, sir? Oh, they're quite...
628
01:26:59,000 --> 01:27:01,355
Oh. Oh!
629
01:27:01,480 --> 01:27:03,835
Very cleverly put, sir.
630
01:27:03,960 --> 01:27:06,918
Thank you, sir. Yes. Not at all.
631
01:27:15,440 --> 01:27:17,396
You!
632
01:27:19,920 --> 01:27:25,790
- You'll break the poor lady's heart.
- Why didn't you stop it before it started?
633
01:27:25,920 --> 01:27:28,354
- Oh, there you are.
- So we gotta throw a party.
634
01:27:28,480 --> 01:27:31,040
So we just herd up
a bunch of freeloaders.
635
01:27:31,160 --> 01:27:34,914
Society freeloaders. The count
expects 100 of the Four Hundred.
636
01:27:35,040 --> 01:27:36,996
Annie only knows people from sewers.
637
01:27:37,120 --> 01:27:40,635
Which reminds me. You got a couple of
sewer rats trussed up in the closet.
638
01:27:40,760 --> 01:27:42,876
Darcey's mugs. I forgot all about them.
639
01:27:43,000 --> 01:27:45,150
The Weasel's in Annie's place,
so I'm here.
640
01:27:45,280 --> 01:27:49,831
Somebody tell me how I got into this pot.
I didn't wanna be dealt in in the first place.
641
01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:52,918
You, Queenie. You were the one
who suckered me into this.
642
01:27:53,040 --> 01:27:56,430
As long as I was minding my own
business in my own racket, it was fine.
643
01:27:56,560 --> 01:27:59,711
But then I had to start to help somebody,
had to be the big man.
644
01:27:59,840 --> 01:28:01,990
And will you look at me now?
645
01:28:02,120 --> 01:28:04,350
I got oost into this old dame's life,
646
01:28:04,480 --> 01:28:08,314
I got a couple of hoods, a couple of
hatchet men, stashed in that closet,
647
01:28:08,440 --> 01:28:13,116
- a reporter guzzled up in the penthouse...
- You got three reporters in the penthouse.
648
01:28:13,240 --> 01:28:16,710
- Three?
- Two more showed up so we bagged 'em.
649
01:28:16,840 --> 01:28:20,071
That's kidnapping. Do you know
what the newspapers'll do to us?
650
01:28:20,200 --> 01:28:23,988
Does it still kinda get you
a little bit, right here?
55654
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