Original subtitles

[LOCK JIGGLING]

ADULT MARK: The old man slept like a baby.

A teething baby.

[QUIETLY] Locked.

Unlocked.

Locked. Unlocked.

ADULT MARK: Dad couldn't sleep until he double-checked,

triple-checked, and quadruple-checked the locks.

MIKE SR.: Off.

Off.

ADULT MARK: And checked and blessed every burner.

... the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost...

MARY: Will you quit packin' around and come to bed?

POP: Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!

Shut up yourself, you old coot!

ADULT MARK: Everything in the house had to be unplugged.

Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. Off!

ADULT MARK: Dad worked on American bases during the war,

and the army safety films had burned themselves into his brain.

ANNOUNCER: Plug in that Christmas tree, and whammo!

This GI's Christmas has gone up in smoke!

- [DOOR SLAMS] - [MARY GASPS]

POP: For crying out loud!

MIKE JR.: Sorry, sorry!

Better make sure that door's locked.

Oh, for frig's sake!

MIKE SR.: Locked... Unlocked...

Locked... Unlocked...

Locked... Unlocked...

MARY: Mike, honey, get your arse in gear.

The cab'll be here soon!

ADULT MARK: Normally there was no privacy at all

in our little house, but this night was a perfect storm.

My brother was working the night shift

at the radio station,

Pop would be asleep by 7,

and my folks were celebrating their 20th anniversary

by going somewhere they'd never been...

Out!

MIKE SR.: I don't know, Mary. Freezing rain.

It's gettin' pretty greasy out.

Well, that's why we're taking a cab!

That and I plan on having two fuzzy navels.

Oh, a night out!

I don't care if it's spitting lava.

I'm having fun!

Mark!

You and Ritchie enjoy your movie and behave yourselves.

MARK: Sure, Mom.

Can't wait.

ADULT MARK: We pooled our money to rent a VCR!

With no one watching us, we could watch what we wanted.

Porky's.

The Citizen Kane of teen sex comedies.

Ritchie "borrowed" his dad's copy.

?

?

?

Uh, I don't know, Ritchie.

It's rated R.

That means we need parental guidance.

This thing is supposed to be filthy!

You want to see boobies with your parents at home?

ADULT MARK: I was getting cold feet,

but Ritchie was boiling over.

Gross! No!

This is supposed to be the biggest film in Canadian history.

I'm strictly interested in the comedic elements.

It's research.

Sure. Okay.

You close your eyes when there's boobies, then.

Let's not get carried away.

?

?

Hell of a bad night.

Hey, look at the wires on that thing!

My God, you're gonna blow a fuse!

NEWS ANCHOR: A storm warning tonight across the province,

as extreme weather is expected to continue.

Power lines are already...

MIKE SR.: This could be the worst ice storm we've ever seen.

POP: Pssht, I've seen worse storms in a snow globe!

NEWS ANCHOR: [ON TV] High winds, black ice,

freezing rain, and poor visibility.

The RNC are encouraging drivers to stay where you're to.

Mary...

I think we should stay home out of it.

This is a death trap.

I'm not staying home on our 20th anniversary!

People on death row gets out more than I do!

Uh, she has a point, Dad.

It's Ponderosa!

Twenty years of marriage is a long time,

but I hear the salad bar is endless!

What's a little freezin' rain?

POP: The boy's right, you know? This is nothing.

I mean, when I was his age, we didn't even have electricity.

I had to use an outhouse!

Oh no, once it was so cold,

I went out to have a pee and it froze.

I had to break it off midstream!

DICK: [ON RADIO] Kiwanis Club bingo night is cancelled.

The Bonavista Sunday Stitch & Bitch is cancelled.

It's bad out there, folks!

Since when do you listen to Dick Dunphy?

I think it's clearing up.

MIKE SR.: Mary...

I just saw the light and power boys go up the road.

They'll have the lights back on by the time we gets there.

- Mary... - I know.

I'm never gonna see the inside of that packin' Ponderosa.

ADULT MARK: And I'd never see the outside of Kim Cattrall.

They couldn't stay!

Did you give up on 20 years of marriage

when things got tough?

Queen-size-cut prime rib dinner

with all-you-can-eat salad bar and baked potato,

all for $5.39?

The only ice you should be worrying about

is the ice in your Dr. Peppers!

RITCHIE: Yeah!

DICK: [ON RADIO] The Avalon mall is closed.

Jade Gardens is closed.

And the Ponderosa has closed.

The magic wok has closed...

Aw, frig.

I'm just really sorry for you.

[RADIO STATIC]

Good God!

Dead air!

I gotta get up to the station, Mary.

They're gonna need all hands on deck for this one.

Happy friggin' anniversary.

ADULT MARK: In Newfoundland, we put salt on everything.

Fish, potatoes...

MIKE SR.: Augh!

ADULT MARK: And the steps.

MIKE SR.: Mary! You didn't salt!

Mike!

MIKE SR.: Ah, I packed my back!

Abort mission! Unplug the VCR!

Um, is it the red wire or the white wire?

No time! Just pull them all!

Just all of them!

Okay.

MIKE SR.: Aah, my back!

Oh God, my back!

- POP: Watch out. - MIKE SR.: Augh!

MARK: Are you okay, Dad?

POP: All right, nice and easy.

Easy, easy.

Augh, God!

Augh!

Even your back goes out more than I do.

Look, if you're not going to the Ponderosa, then...

What are we gonna do for supper?

Oh, jeez.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello? It's young Mike.

The station! Give it, give it, give it!

Come on, will ya?

Hello?

The weight of the ice toppled the power line, Mike.

She's gone.

MIKE SR.: Yeah, so's my back. I can't come up.

So, what do we do?

MIKE SR.: All right, listen carefully, Dick!

You gotta go out to the generator, all right?

There's a big yellow box.

Pull the lever inside and the generator will kick in.

- Right on, Mike. - Thanks, Dad.

I can get the generator going, but she's old.

I'll have to stay up there and keep an eye on her.

You'll have to go on the air by yourself

till the road's clear enough to get someone else in.

But that could be all night!

You got the gift of the gab from your old man...

And your mudder.

?

[RAIN POURING]

After 20 friggin' years you'd think I'd get one night off

for good behaviour.

MIKE SR.: [GROANS]

I guess we could watch the movie that the boys got.

No!

Oh.

Aw, Porky's.

The little pig with the stutter, sin.

I could use a laugh.

How do you turn it on?

Uh, actually it won't work.

'Cause of the storm, you know?

Yeah.

Oh, the doohickeys are out.

There.

Hm! See?

When did you start work at Radio Shack?

The FBI? Is this even legal?

ADULT MARK: I never needed therapy

because I already know where all my problems come from:

Watching Porky's with my parents!

Oh...

What did I miss?

ADULT MARK: A black out...

Right before I would have blacked out!

The damned thing blew a fuse!

I'll get it.

Dah... aaaugh! My back!

ADULT MARK: I prayed the lights never came back.

[PHONE RINGING]

MARK: Come on, open! Open up!

Hello?

Oh... It's Alice.

She says the power's out all over the city.

That damn thing blew the power for the whole city?

No! It's because of the ice storm,

you stunned arse!

The tape's stuck inside!

We need to get it out before the lights come back on!

We can't without power!

No!

You'll ruin my dad's tape!

My dad will ruin us if he sees a b-o-o-b!

Okay, I have an idea.

Get me a butter knife.

Okay.

Okay, go.

It's gonna get cold, so you better bundle up, hm?

Okay.

[CHUCKLES] Come on, boys.

This is nothing!

You know, before he led Peary to the Pole,

Captain Bob Bartlett and I used to take the dog sleds

way up north just to relax!

Yeah.

Of course when it got really, really cold,

the dogs died.

Imagine being so desperate for survival

that you eat your best friend.

First you lose your fingers...

Then you lose your toes...

Then finally... your mind.

[SLURPS LOUDLY]

Ooh...

Pineapple crush?

Hm?

[WHIRRING AND BUZZING]

Uh, hello!

This is Mike Critch.

Not my dad, Mike Critch.

He's not with us.

The other Mike Critch, his son.

Me.

Um...

Do you have power where you are?

Call in and let me know.

MIKE SR.: Come on...

OLD WOMAN: [ON RADIO] It's so dark!

I'm froze to death! I can't...

VOCM's back on!

MIKE JR.: It'll all be over soon, ma'am.

I bet you've survived worse than this.

Where the hell is Dick?

It's a major news story, he's got a child on the air!

OLD WOMAN: I was a little girl then...

- MARY: Aw! - OLD WOMAN: ... But I remembers!

MIKE JR.: You know what they say

about the weather in Newfoundland?

If you don't like the weather, just wait a minute!

Oh, Mike, our son's on the radio!

Good God, he should be interviewing the mayor,

not some old bat!

I gotta get over there.

MARY: Ah, geez.

MIKE JR.: My pop says, tea is the remedy to anything, huh?

OLD WOMAN: I'm scared I'm gonna fall,

and I'm all alone.

Where you at, ma'am?

OLD WOMAN: 31 Gower Street.

Okay, if anyone's listening around Gower Street,

and you've got spare blankets or a kerosene heater

and you can get there, we could really use your help.

OLD WOMAN: Oh, bless your heart!

So sorry to hear your father is no longer with us.

- Oh! No, no, no, he's just... - [PHONE HANGS UP]

MIKE JR.: Mike Critch Junior...

He's up there making an arse of it.

- I gotta get up there. - Absolutely not!

MIKE JR.: The phone lines are full right now...

- Mary! - [RADIO SWITCHES OFF]

You boys are freezing. Where are your blankets?

Where is that kerosene heater?

What are you doing?

Uh, nothing!

Just playing with knives!

ADULT MARK: Ritchie wasn't the sharpest knife in the VCR.

Uh...

It's so rare to have the family all together,

with no TV to distract us.

This is quality time.

You know, we should be swapping stories, trading tales,

getting to know each other better!

Well, sure, I know you,

but do I know-know you?

Well, for instance, Dad, what's your favourite colour?

I dunno.

Plaid.

Ask your mudder.

He's right.

Why be alone on our 20th anniversary

when we can be with family?

And Ritchie.

[KNIFE CLANKS DOWN]

All right, what do you wanna know?

Well... is this the coldest you've ever been?

Good God, no.

This is nothing compared to Greenland.

Greenland?

Oh, when were you in Greenland?

Oh, years ago.

Before I met you. With the Yanks.

You guys don't really want to hear

a bunch of old boring stories from 30 years ago, do you?

I do!

Well, I worked on some American bases after the war.

Nothing special, just some...

Office administration.

I'm not supposed to say, but what the hell.

It was a long time ago now.

In the 60's, I worked at a secret base

under the polar ice cap in Greenland.

Project Ice Worm, they called it.

We had 600 nukes stored there.

You know, in case of a war with Russia.

You don't know cold until you've experienced Cold War cold.

Anyway, my point is, it was freezing.

You were basically a henchman in a bond movie!

Mike.

Twenty years of marriage, and you never told me that!

Nukes!

Cool!

No.

That's not the important part.

The interesting thing is, it was bitterly cold.

ADULT MARK: I thought I knew everything about my father.

But I realized I didn't know much at all.

What else?

You don't really want to hear all this old stuff, do ya?

ALL: Yes! Please.

[SIGHS] All right.

MIKE SR.: Well, there was this one time, I got the call.

Yes, sir.

MIKE SR.: Red alert.

A Russian plane had wandered into our airspace,

and for the first time ever, it was all systems go!

POP: Lord almighty!

Oh, it's sweltering in here!

I found these popsicles in the freezer.

You better eat 'em before they melt,

which won't be long in this heat!

Mmm, mm-hm.

Line 2, you're on the air!

MAN: The missus just went into labour

and the ambulance can't get up the road!

Where're you at, sir?

- MAN: Downing Street! - MIKE JR.: Okay!

Uh, if you can get to Downing Street, we need shovels!

WOMAN: Honey, my contractions!

[SCREAMS]

Cold?

[EXHALES]

You can't even see your breath in here.

I mean, you crowd, you're so soft.

The great sealing disaster of 1914.

Now, that was cold.

Men died hugging each other for warmth.

They froze like that.

Should have seen them!

Being lowered from the deck of their ship like statues.

[WIND WHISTLING EERILY]

Mark... if we die,

you're not gonna let him eat me, will you?

Don't let him distract you!

Think about Porky's. Stay warm that way.

And get that tape out!

Okay.

[GRUNTS]

This isn't working!

I think I need something smaller.

Oh.

I know. A popsicle stick!

Popsicle stick...

?

?

Pop, you took the heater!

It's a million degrees in here!

Close the door, b'y!

You're letting all the heat out!

Pop was living like a rotisserie chicken.

Pop! You're hogging all the heat!

You know, Bob Barlett made over 40 expeditions

to the arctic, and he died warm in his bed.

Do you know how he did that?

How?

POP: Because when the crap hit the fan,

he knew it was every man for himself.

ADULT MARK: I was too cold to argue.

?

RITCHIE: I can feel my nose again!

MIKE JR.: [ON RADIO] Dick Dunphy, if you can hear me...

MIKE SR.: Aah!

MIKE JR.: ... I could really use a pee, so get back when you can.

Mike Critch Jr., keeping you company in the dark!

Keep callin' in, folks.

You're really the only way I know

if anyone out there is listening!

You look like a beached whale.

I've gotta get to the station.

It's devolved into chaos!

MIKE JR.: [ON RADIO] If anyone spots a white tabby

in the East End, her name is Kat with a K.

Sounds like Mike's handling it just fine.

But I gotta...

You know, every year on our anniversary,

you have to work.

And I say, "that's okay. It's just our 18th."

Or, "that's fine. It's only our 19th."

Well, now it's our 20th friggin' anniversary,

and the only thing that gets your attention

is that packin' radio!

Mary?

Mary!

[GRUNTS]

MIKE JR.: [ON RADIO] Okay, what else? Um...

Oh, Bell Island ferries are tied up for the night.

ADULT MARK: It took a blackout to make Dad

finally see the light.

[GRUNTING]

?

Next caller, you're on!

MAYOR: This is the mayor calling.

Mr. Mayor! Hello, sir!

Wha... what can I do for you?

MAYOR: Firstly, I want to thank you and everyone at VOCM.

You're the only station still on the air.

We are?

MAYOR: And condolences on the loss of your father.

Big shoes to fill.

Oh, no, here's the thing. He's not...

[PHONE HANGS UP]

And that was an exclusive update from Mayor Murphy

on the only station still on the air.

So I guess...

We're number one!

This is Mike Critch for the VOCM News Service.

Junior!

Mike Critch, Junior.

Pop? Would you like a candle?

You shaggers!

Hey, don't tell Mike and come and join us.

Pick it up.

- MARY: Boys, pick it up! - MARK: Mom!

- MARY: Move! - MARK: Okay, okay, okay.

Never in my life have I seen such selfish,

greedy buggers as you lot!

What the frig are you doing there?

Happy 20th anniversary, Mary.

There's nobody I'd rather be trapped with.

Did you crawl all that way to do this?

Oh...

?

POP: Don't blow it out!

Argh, it's freezing in here!

Come here.

Remember what Captain Bob Bartlett said:

It's important to share bodily heat.

Didn't he say it was every man for himself?

- POP: Did he? - MARK: Yeah.

POP: I don't remember that.

But my brain is frozen.

Here.

Oh, good.

I'm so sorry your anniversary got ruined, Mom.

You know, there's no better way for me to spend it.

Just me and my family.

And Ritchie.

Yes!

[QUIETLY] Oh, nice.

It's nice to be included.

ADULT MARK: I had started asking questions to stall,

but now I was asking questions to listen.

Mom, when did you two meet?

Well, that was a long, long time ago.

I had just gotten my first apartment.

And so, the fella who used to live there,

he showed up at my door and he wanted his mail.

So we got to talking, and I gave him his letters,

and then he came back the next week.

And the week after that.

Eventually he asked me out to lunch.

I kept mailing myself letters so I'd have an excuse

to talk to the gorgeous girl in apartment 5.

You never told me that!

MARK: Well... He's good at keeping secrets.

I mean, after all, he was basically a spy.

ADULT MARK: Telling secrets, sharing stories...

connecting with the people in your life

can make the dark times seem brighter.

[ALL GASP]

- MARY: The power's back! - POP: Hallelujah!

Turn the bloody heat up!

MIKE JR.: Hey!

MARY: Oh, thank God!

You're back in one piece, my radio star!

I didn't really do all that much.

I just let everyone else do the talking.

Ah, the most important part of reporting isn't talking.

It's listening.

Oh, that reminds me: The news!

ADULT MARK: The best movies I'd ever seen

lived in my family's memories.

Who needed Porky's when you had stories about Bob Bartlett,

secret bases, and romance?

You know, there's a part of me that almost wishes

that the power would go back out.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, sweet! You guys got Porky's!

- MARK: No, don't! - RITCHIE: No!

MIKE SR.: Oh no, that's just some old cartoon the kids got.

[UPBEAT FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

Good God, is that a boob?

?

?

?

?

?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0