Original subtitles

["COME BACK" BY LEAN PLAYING]

MCENROE: Since Devi had patched things up with Paxton,

she didn't feel like fleeing the country anymore.

Now, all she had to do was smooth things over with Ben.

- Heard you're not moving to India anymore. - Yeah! My mom decided we should stay, so...

That's too bad. Now I have to look at your face for the rest of the year.

- [DOOR SLAMS] - [BELL RINGING]

MCENROE: Seems like he still needs some time.

Regardless, her days of being a two-timing girlfriend were over,

and she was happy going back to being the one and only nerdy Indian girl

- at Sherman Oaks-- - [MUSIC STOPS]

Who the hell is that?

Everybody, we have a new transfer student.

Aneesa, please, introduce yourself.

Uh, hey, what's up? I'm Aneesa.

I transferred from Toluca Prep.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Oh, shit, should I say more? Shit! Sorry for saying "shit!"

Okay, yeah. Am I nailing this?

[CLASS LAUGHING]

Uh, I don't know what to say. I play soccer.

For real? What position?

Defense.

Checks out. She's legit.

[CLASS MURMURING]

MCENROE: Devi was in awe of this cool Indian teen.

She had always assumed her unpopularity was because of racism,

but this new kid was proving that Devi might just be objectively lame.

But, Aneesa, that is such a... unique name.

Is that Arabic?

Yeah, I'm Muslim.

As-salamu alaykum.

I insist that you pray in my class anytime you need to.

In fact, I have a prayer mat in my car if you ever want to borrow it.

Great. Thank you, sir.

You're welcome, Devi.

- Uh... - [CLASS LAUGHS]

- I mean, Aneesa. - BOY: No way! [LAUGHS]

No, what? Who said that? Me? I, um...

I resign. I cancel myself.

Yeah, right. Aneesa's like Devi 2.0.

No offense, Devi 1.0.

[ALL LAUGHING]

["MY TERRITORY (EDIT RADIO)" PLAYING]

♪ My territory ♪

♪ It's where I have my fun ♪

♪ My territory ♪

I'm so excited for our sleepover this Friday.

And honestly, I have to get out of the house.

My dad and Sharon are suffocating me.

Ever since my mom left, it's been like a constant stream of,

"Are you okay? Are you sad? You need to talk?"

It sounds like they're just trying to comfort you.

I don't need comforting.

So what my mom left me to be an extra on The Good Fight?

Who cares? It's not that big of a deal!

Do you want me to ask follow-up questions? Or do you want to anger-eat that apple?

- Apple. - Okay.

In that case, let me change the subject. What do you think about Aneesa?

Boring, but kind of a try-hard, right?

I would argue the opposite. She seems effortless.

Mmm, I don't know. Look how she's sucking up to the popular kids.

I get a self-hating Indian vibe from her. I bet she doesn't have any Indian friends.

Neither do you.

What? I'm friends with my cousin. Where are all of your Chinese friends?

[SCOFFS] I have tons of Chinese friends!

Ed, Grace, Wei, David, Lee, Ann.

You would know them if you came and saw

my Chinese a capella group, the Shang-High Notes.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]

Devi, here you are. [CHUCKLES]

As you know, we have a new student. We need someone to show her around.

Principal Grubbs, are you serious? [SCOFFS]

Put the Indian kids together since we're all the same.

What? No! You and her have the exact same schedule.

And don't you try to play the race card.

I will Reverse, Draw Four, and Uno you in that game.

[SIGHS]

So what should I know about Sherman Oaks?

Who do we love? Who do we hate?

Is it safe to drink from the water fountains?

That's a hard no. If you turn them on, the hallway will smell like farts,

so don't do that.

So, uh, what kind of things are you into?

Uh, normal teen stuff.

Kickin' it old school. Kickin' it new school.

I actually threw a pretty huge rager a couple of weeks ago.

Whoa, that was your party? I heard about that.

It sounded wild.

Yeah, Zoe said there was a crazy girl there

that pushed the captain of the swim team in front of a car.

[SIGHS]

[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

No, you can't write another paper on how Haim are like the Brontë sisters.

- Devi! - Yo, Mr. K.

Yo-yo-yo!

Boom, boom, boom. [CHUCKLES]

Aneesa Qureshi?

I'm Mr. Kulkarni. I'm the English teacher, but I'm also the girls' soccer coach.

I saw you at the state finals last year. Girl, you like a little Megan Rapinoe.

- [LAUGHING] Boom! - [LAUGHS]

- Are you down to join the team? - Uh, for sure.

Yes!

MCENROE: Devi watched in horror as the one cool teacher,

who used to play favorites with Devi for obvious cultural reasons,

was won over by Aneesa's inviting personality.

And as the day wore on, he wasn't the only one.

Whoa! Watch out!

Trent! You crazy...

♪ You're gonna hit me with the truth Wi-wi-with the truth ♪

♪ There's no IOU It doesn't matter what I do ♪

♪ You're gonna hit me with the truth Wi-wi-with the truth ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la, la-la-la La-la, la-la, la, la-la-la ♪

♪ I cut your ass loose ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la, la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la, la-la, la, la-la, uh ♪

Thanks for helping me get my bearings today.

It's actually cool to have another Indian classmate for once.

- [SLAMS DOOR] - Yup. Well, see you around.

Yo! We still on for tutoring this week?

Yeah. But let's go to your house.

I think my grandmother has a crush on you.

So, saw you talking to Neese.

You guys friends? She's dope.

[SIGHING] Yeah, pretty dope.

I'm so excited for you to visit.

I've forgotten what you look like in person.

Are you just head and shoulders?

My bottom half is actually a keyboard. Is that a deal-breaker?

Not at all.

I can't believe I get to have an actual date night

instead of doing grunt work at the lab.

I'm surprised Evan let you have the night off

after what you told me about him.

That he's a sexist schlub who is more dandruff than man?

[LAUGHS] Yeah, I was surprised too.

Well, you won't have to think about Evan on Friday night.

It will be just you and me eating Spanish tapas together.

[CHUCKLES] I can't wait to ask the waitress

how many dishes we should order,

and have her say, "Well, how hungry are you?"

"Pretty hungry. We're at a restaurant, aren't we?"

[BOTH LAUGH]

[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

How dare he?

How dare who?

Dr. Jackson. He put me on his mailing list.

Oh! That cocky... Look at this!

It's inviting me to make an appointment with his facialist, Gabrielle.

- Can I get a facial? - No, Devi.

Facialists don't belong in medical doctors' offices.

Oh my God. The nerve of this man.

I mean, he is so infuriating, but everyone you speak to just loves him.

- Sounds like Aneesa. - Who's Aneesa?

She's my Dr. Jackson, and she sucks!

Everyone's like, "Oh my God, she's so cool!"

"You should be best friends because you're both Indian."

- Honestly, it's a little racist. - What?

- She's Indian? You should be best friends! - What? No!

What's her last name? Where in India is she from?

- Do her siblings attend Ivies? - I don't know.

What is this, "I don't know"? You invite her over for dinner on Friday.

But Friday, Eleanor is coming over for a sleepover.

Perfect. She can join. I'm sure she won't mind your weird friend.

- Eleanor's not weird. - Oh please.

This will be good. I want you to have an Indian friend for once.

I'm friends with my cousin!

No, you're not.

You're rude to Kamala and constantly scheming to make her ugly.

She almost shaved her eyebrows because you told her it was a trend.

I was being helpful. She's not gonna get sex-trafficked if she's not hot.

You know what? Maybe this Indian girl will be a good influence on you.

She's coming over to dinner on Friday. Conversation over.

I figured out my mom's Netflix password and turned off the parental restrictions.

Now we can watch movies with bad words and butts and stuff.

Oh, tonight's gonna be so lit!

Mm-hmm.

'Sup, queens?

Thank you so much for inviting me to your house.

Can I bring anything? Snacks, soda, MDMA?

- Uh, for real? - What?

No, I'm sorry. That was a joke.

Don't have access to drugs, but I do have access to some highly addictive snacks.

- Uh, that's okay. I think we're all good. - Cool. I'll see you guys later then.

Mmm.

I think it's great you invited her.

It's important to give nice people a chance.

WOMAN: Eleanor!

Ugh. Sharon, what are you doing here?

- DEVI: Hi, Mrs. Wong. - Hi.

DEVI: See you tonight, El.

Hi, kiddo!

There was a nitrous leak at the office, so I thought I'd come and see

if you wanted to hit the mall before your sleepover.

Oh, I don't think so. I think I have a lot of homework I need to do.

Okay. But sometime, I'd love to have a girl-hang with you.

Hey, what if we do a TikTok dance together?

I've seen mothers and daughters doing that.

And I've learned a lot of really cool moves from Zumba.

Sharon, we're not mother and daughter.

You're just my stepmom.

Bonjour, mademoiselle.

Bonjour.

- Who is that? - Malcolm.

And do we like Malcolm?

No, of course not. I'm with Oliver.

That doesn't mean you don't like Malcolm.

[SCOFFS] It doesn't matter. He doesn't even like me.

He's basically famous, and I'm...

Forget it. Can we get In-N-Out on the way home?

I'm hungry, and I wanna house a Double-Double.

- Do you want to share a milkshake? - Sharon!

MCENROE: As Devi prepared for the sleepover,

she promised herself she would be on her best behavior with Aneesa.

- [DOORBELL RINGS] - Maybe she was overreacting.

It's not like Aneesa was actually perfect.

[GASPS]

Ferrero Rocher pyramid! How elegant!

- Come in, come in! - MCENROE: Are you kidding me?

For Indian people, that's the Rolex of confection gift boxes!

Hi, Aneesa.

I see you've already met my mom and grandma.

Guys, this is Aneesa.

- Namaste, auntie. - NIRMALA: Namaste!

ANEESA: How is your health?

Uh, very poor, kanna. My whole body is in constant agony.

And feel my hand. See how cold it is?

ANEESA: Wow, that is very cold.

So how can I help out, auntie?

Oh. Uh...

[STUTTERING]

Sorry, um, no one's ever asked me that before.

MCENROE: In her 15 years,

Devi had never seen one of her friends

greet her family the way her family wanted to be greeted.

[PANTING]

Yo! I drank a whole Slurpee on the way over, and I gotta wazz!

- Shoes! - ELEANOR: Oh yeah!

Please, come upstairs. I'm just making my special pani puri.

Can't you just make pizza rolls or something?

Pani puri is legit my favorite.

That's my favorite.

[LAUGHS] Can I help you prep in the kitchen?

Oh, no, no, kutty, you go upstairs. You enjoy with the girls.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm sad Fabiola's away at a robotics competition.

She's gonna love you, Aneesa.

[GASPS] And your ability to freehand-draw really straight lines.

I can't wait to meet her.

If she's like you, I'm stoked to have her in my new gang. [LAUGHS]

MCENROE: Devi was not loving how comfortable

Aneesa seemed to feel on Devi's turf.

So, Aneesa, why did you transfer from a fancy private school

to a dump like Sherman Oaks?

Our library is just 100 copies of Dianetics donated by the Celebrity Centre.

I think Sherman Oaks is cool.

You know how it is with rich, private school girls.

Like, so much drama.

Well, there's drama here too.

A few weeks ago, Devi had a party

where she made the hottest boy in school get hit by a car.

Mm, I didn't make him get hit by a car!

I mean, you sort of did.

It was right after he found out he was one of your two boyfriends.

Damn! Two boyfriends? My parents won't even let me have one.

My mom won't let me date either. But I just did it anyway. Classic me.

Whoa! I've never met a rebellious Indian kid before. Go off!

- [LAUGHS] - [PHONE CHIMES]

Oh my God.

Malcolm Stone just texted me.

[LAUGHS] He's so funny.

I'm not one to talk about infidelity, but you remember you have a boyfriend?

Yeah. Of course!

I just respect him as a fellow actor.

Mm-hmm.

Aneesa, you're cool. What should I text back?

Like a kissy face? Or a winky face?

MCENROE: Now, Devi's friend was looking to Aneesa for advice?

This had gone too far.

You know what would be better than texting with him?

- What if you snuck out and met with him? - What? Really? Yes.

I've never snuck out before. I'm so down.

MCENROE: Devi was a little nervous of this plan,

but right now, the fear of losing face in front of Devi 2.0

was scarier than any punishment from her mom.

We'll wait until everyone's asleep and then we'll dip.

Mmm.

I don't like it here.

This is like where bad teens get chainsawed to death.

Malcolm?

Hi! It's me, Eleanor.

From the text chain? Remember? "Sup, LOL"?

How could I forget? Come join me.

I was just making a wish on that shooting star.

- Uh, that's a helicopter. - MALCOLM: Huh?

- [HELICOPTER HOVERING] - Oh. So it is. Good eye.

[SIGHS] I thought Eleanor was coming alone.

Ben? What are you doing here?

Uh, Ben and I are old Hebrew school comrades.

We used to wear matching Clippers yarmulkes.

Sorry. Malcolm didn't tell me Ben would be here.

I understand if you wanna leave, but I really don't want to.

Oliver?

Guys, this is Aneesa. She's new. This is Ben. This is Malcolm.

Hi! Nice to meet you in this creepy abandoned lot.

Since you're new, I should tell you that you're hanging out with a social grenade.

I'm not gonna take social advice

from a guy who looks like he gets his hair cut by a children's barber.

MCENROE: Yes, Aneesa! She just burned Ben so hard.

Maybe Devi had been wrong about her.

- [GIRLS CHUCKLE] - So? I've seen Antoine since I was five.

He knows my scalp better than anyone, and I get free candy.

[CHUCKLES]

Now that you're done with your Disney show, what's next for you, Malcolm?

[SIGHS] I don't know. I'm ready to move on from that kid stuff.

I wanna play like a heroin addict or like an ugly person.

Or you know what I think that I would have a fresh take on?

The Joker.

In my version, the smile is hiding his sadness.

Uh, wow. That's so dark and twisted.

I know. I want people to see me as more than just a kid

who drives around in a magical limo.

You could do what a lot of teen stars do and punch a photographer.

- Or you could get a bunch of tattoos. - That's a great idea.

Not the photographer one, the tattoo. I'm gonna get a tattoo tonight.

- [SNAPS FINGERS] - Oh! What?

Wait. You wanna go to a tattoo parlor tonight?

- Damn, this night is getting fun as hell! - Right?

- [SQUEALS] - [ANEESA LAUGHS]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, it's really great to see you again.

And not with your aunt hovering in the back trying to eavesdrop.

[LAUGHS]

She likes to give me notes on our conversations.

Apparently, I need to blush more.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

And actually, I have a surprise for you. I'm moving to LA.

What? Really?

Yes!

[PHONE VIBRATING]

[SIGHS]

I'm so sorry. I need to take this.

[EXHALES]

- Hello? - Hey, sorry.

I know I gave you the night off, but I need you to come to the lab.

I'm right in the middle of dinner.

Yeah, I was doing this spot-on impression of Neo in The Matrix, dodging bullets,

and I knocked over a bunch of your samples,

so we need you to come back and redo them.

Can I do it tomorrow? I'm out to dinner with my boyfriend.

[ON PHONE] EVAN: Listen, I get it,

but that's the kinda sacrifice that Dr. Peters expects from us.

[TSKS] Yup, I got it. I'll be there shortly.

- That's a good girl. See you-- - [DISCONNECTS CALL]

Should I cancel our little plates?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[TATTOO MACHINE BUZZING]

Are you sure we're allowed to be here?

Don't worry. My stand-in, Jerry, owns this spot and he never cards anyone.

What's up, Jerry?

Your boy needs some ink!

Wonderful. I do love painting on a virgin canvas.

All right! Tat me up, brother!

Yo, why is that kid Ben such a dick to you?

- That's actually my fault. - You girls thinking about getting pierced?

For real, just looking at you,

I think you could totally pull off a nose ring.

You think?

Well, who knows? Maybe I'll get one tonight.

Right. You're way too scared of your mom to do it.

No, I'm not. I'd do it.

Yeah? Okay. If you get a nose ring, I'll get a tattoo.

You'd never! You're always talking about being buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Yeah, my family has a plot next the Kravitzes.

I'll still be buried there because you'll never get a piercing.

MCENROE: After weeks of being iced out, this return to their normal repartee

gave Devi a glimmer of hope.

She could get back in with Ben and impress Aneesa

just by poking one tiny hole in her nose.

You're on.

My mom doesn't tell me how to live my life.

- Megan Thee Stallion does. - [LAUGHS]

You don't have the guts.

One hot-girl nose ring, please!

And a tattoo for me.

Okay, get in the chair.

You go in the back and see Jerry.

He's got a million ways to put "mom" on your arm.

- [LAUGHS] Oh. - [ANEESA LAUGHS]

- [DOOR OPENS] - MALCOLM: So check it out.

[SNAPPING FINGERS] When I got back there,

I said to myself that I wanted to do something good for the world,

so,

I got this.

"Be anally."

What? It clearly says, "Be an ally."

Huh, I should've noticed that.

This could be good for you though.

You'll definitely never work on the Disney Channel again.

Whoa, Devi, did you get a nose ring?

What's your mom gonna say?

Nothing. I'll take it out before she sees it,

and if she notices the hole, I'll just say I got hit by a dart.

I got my tattoo.

- What is that? - [SIGHS] It's a teeny basketball.

- He asked me what I liked, and I panicked! - [ALL LAUGH]

- [KNOCKING] - Prashant?

It's 2:00 in the morning. What are you doing here?

I thought all the schlubs might be gone by now,

so figured I'd bring date night to you.

Restaurants are closed at this hour, so I brought a spread

of the finest cuisine from the gas station.

I'm so sorry, Prashant.

You flew all the way here, and I'm cleaning up after my lab mates.

It's okay. Now that I'm gonna be a Cali boy,

we'll have plenty of time to spend together.

I can't believe you're moving here.

Well, are you even happy about it?

Yes, of course!

I'm sorry, I'm just annoyed about my loser lab mates.

Do you know what they're doing right now while I work?

K-pop karaoke. I saw on Instagram.

They bought matching outfits and little wigs.

[SIGHS] Setseg sounds amazing though.

Listen.

I've worked with plenty of Evans before.

Sometimes the only way to deal with them is just to play the game, you know?

What game? I don't think they play sports. We have a cabinet just for inhalers.

No. I just mean that if you pretend to like their nerdy activities,

they'll invite you out, and might include you more in the lab.

- Shouldn't they include me without that? - Of course, they should.

But guys like that will always be threatened by girls like you.

So make Evan feel cool, and he might give you a chance.

Okay.

Hey, so I got Funyuns.

They're delicious, but not great date food.

So maybe before we rip them open...

[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

The sun now kisseth the horize, so 'tis time I bid you good e'en.

That's like fake Shakespeare, right?

Goodbye, sweet Eleanor. Thanks for being my best supporting actress tonight.

Yeah, I know. I'll break up with Oliver.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

What the hell? [SCOFFS] Your tattoo was temporary?

Yup. I lied to you.

But I just permanently altered my nose.

Hmm. I guess it feels bad to commit to something,

not knowing the other person was lying the whole time.

Okay, I'm sorry. You win. Can we just be even now?

No. No, we're not even.

We're not even close to even.

Devi, you followed him.

I'm out.

BEN: At the party, you followed him and you left me behind!

We're not friends, so stop pretending like we are.

[SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING]

MCENROE: Devi couldn't sleep with the memory of Ben's words still stinging.

Unfortunately, with Ben on her mind,

she forgot to take care of one small thing before she went to bed.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

NALINI: Is that a nose ring?

Oh shit.

I found this at the bottom of the trash can this morning.

- Why were you looking in the trash? - Your grandma threw away her teeth again.

And thank God she did! How dare you leave the house in the night

to go get a face piercing at Jerry's Tats & Holes?

Do you know how many staph infections I treat coming out of this place? Hmm?

Auntie, it's my fault. I'm so sorry.

Last night, Devi and I were talking about how hard it is

to be South Asian girls in a country that only celebrates western beauty.

And... And the nose ring is such a powerful symbol of Indian femininity.

Devi just wanted to decolonize her nose,

and I stupidly suggested we do it last night to surprise you.

Now I see how irresponsible that was.

I'm so sorry.

Was there any alcohol or... or kissing boys?

Absolutely not. I don't do either of those things.

This was just a halal moment of rebellion.

Yeah! It was halal as hell.

Well,

I'm glad that Aneesa is helping you appreciate your culture.

And actually, it looks... it looks nice on you, Devi.

You cannot go to a tattoo parlor in the middle of the night! It's not safe!

- I know, and I won't do it again. - NALINI: Yeah, you better not.

I'm gonna call the pharmacy.

Come downstairs. I need to put you on antibiotics.

There's definitely MRSA brewing in there.

[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Evan, hi.

I wanted to show you something.

When I was redoing my samples,

I noticed there were clear phenotypic differences

between the two cell populations

that weren't commensurate with our initial hypothesis.

- I wrote up my findings-- - I'll take a look at that later.

Oh.

- Okay. - [EVAN TYPING]

Um, I noticed that you guys were at karaoke last night.

I don't know if I ever told you, but I love K-pop. Huge BLACKPINK fan.

What? No way, you're a Blink too?

Who isn't? I'm such a Rosé!

Really? I mean, my work vibe, obviously, is more of a Jisoo,

but when I'm with my friends, I'm a total Lisa.

- Yes! - You see it, right?

- I see that. - Do you?

- Mm-hmm. - Good, yeah.

So if you ever go karaoke-ing again, I'd love to come.

Yeah, okay. Hey, are you into bitcoin drama and anime deep cuts?

Mm-hmm. That sounds really, really good.

That's really, really awesome 'cause you're in.

Hey, Kamala, why don't you take today off

'cause you've been working really, really hard?

- Thank you. - BLACKPINK!

You know it!

[BOTH LAUGH]

- Awesome. - Awesome. Okay.

Dude, thank you for talking my mom down. How did you know how to do that?

[SCOFFS] I have Indian parents too.

I recently had to convince my mom that I'm not forsaking my religion

because I tweeted, "Harry Styles is my god."

[LAUGHS] Nice.

Does your mom also constantly compare you to your weird cousins?

Cousins, friends, neighbors.

A friendly telemarketer who was trying to sell knives. [LAUGHS]

All right, I should go.

If my mom sees you wearing your oversized sweatshirt

and give you a speech about how girls dress like boys.

I know that speech by heart.

MCENROE: Devi couldn't believe her mom was right,

but having Indian friends was awesome.

[SINGING IN MANDARIN]

MCENROE: Aneesa got things about Devi that no one else did.

Aneesa knew what it was like

to have your teachers constantly mispronounce your name,

have people ask you where you were "really from,"

and get bullied by your ancient eyebrow-threading lady.

Devi felt ashamed of herself for feeling so threatened before.

What was she thinking?

There was obviously room enough at this school for both of--

- [LAUGHING] I really like your jacket! No! - [LAUGHING] Yeah.

MCENROE: Oh no!

This bitch has got to go.

["KARMA" PLAYING]

♪ Careful what you say Karma like a bitch, ah ♪

♪ Shots back at you Like a rubber band, ah ♪

♪ Ha, don't believe what you see, ah ♪

♪ Now you're in way too deep, ah ♪

♪ The hand that you bite Had the upper hand, ah ♪

♪ Karma kills you quicker Than the reaper can, ah ♪

♪ Ha, don't believe what you see, ah ♪

♪ Ha, karma come in your sleep, ah ♪

♪ Careful what you say Karma like a bitch, ah ♪

♪ Shots back at you Like a rubber band, ah ♪

♪ Ha, don't believe what you see, ah ♪

♪ Now you're in way too deep, ah ♪

♪ The hand that you bite Had the upper hand, ah ♪

♪ Karma kills you quicker Than the reaper can, ah ♪

♪ Ha, karma come in your sleep, ah ♪

♪ Make room For the queen of the Hindustan ♪

♪ Stand up for the daughter of the King ♪