All language subtitles for Ghosts.2021.S01E18.1080p.WEB.H264-CAKES-NHI

It was spectacular.

Hey, guys,
what's going on?

Oh, Samantha just showed
us the musical Hamilton.

Oh, how was it?

It was a triumph.
An inspiration.

The pinnacle
of human achievement.

It was fine.

Hello.

Hello. Uh, do you
have a moment?

Uh, sure. Come in.

- Oh.
- Oh, hey,

it's those neighbor people.

The Farnsbys.

We just wanted to come by
and drop off a tin

of Margaret's
award-winning lemon bars.

And offer you our sincerest

congratulations
on the imminent opening

of your bed and breakfast.

Oh, that's
so nice of you.

Slightly out
of character.

So, you're really going
through with it, then?
Yep.

As I told you when you
came over for dinner

and tried to extort us...

So sorry about that.

...we're opening up the B and B,

and that's just
all there is to it.

Well, then, you have
left us no choice.

We are sorry, but we would
like to purchase your house.

Wait, what?

We'll pay
a fair price.

We just don't want to deal
with the headache

of living next door
to a B and B.

I mean, the traffic,
the noise.

The middle class trudging past
in their Volvos.

- They are hard to root for.
- I'm sorry,

but no. Our first guests
are arriving in a few days,

so you're just gonna
have to get used to it.

Well, then
this isn't over.

You have incurred
the wrath of the Farnsbys.

Enjoy those
lemon bars.

Sam!

♪

Screw those rich people.

We're not selling.
Who do they think they are?

Yeah, with their fancy cars
and their pickleball courts.

Babe, let-let's
not drag pickleball into this.

I mean, I've actually gotten
pretty into it lately.

What? Since when?
Hey, guys.

Hey.
Oh, I played
a couple games with Mark.

We're pickle bros.

Again, that term
is not catching on, Jay,

but, yeah,
this guy's good.

What's not good
is the termites

I just found
in your basement.

Oh, hate the news,
love the segue.

Yeah, that was some
pretty nice wordplay.

Come on,
I'll show you guys.

Ugh, it's just
one thing after another

with this house,
right?

Seriously, it's like
we're cursed.

Oh, boy. This is not good.
What's the big deal?

They'll just
spray or tent.

I mean, it's not gonna be
a pleasant few days,

but we literally can't die,
so there's that.

No, Jay is right,
they are cursed.

I know because

I cursed them myself.
What are you talking about?

When they first move in here,

we tried
haunting them out,

and haunting fail,
so to prevent

the B and B from opening,

I place Norse curse
on them.

Sure, makes sense.

Then bad things
start to happen.

Sam falls down the stairs,

and the curse makes me
light the gazebo on fire.

Now, the opening
approaches,

the curse only grows
stronger.

Come on. Curses
aren't real, right?

We're stuck in
an endless purgatory.

We saw a guy go down on us
a couple weeks ago.

And curses is where
you draw the line?

Okay.
Those are some valid arguments.

Thor, you got to go
tell Sam about this.

It's pointless.

Curse cannot be erased.

Plus, if we tell Sam,

she might take TV away.

You see that blistering
in the wood?

Termites.

Unfortunately.

Yup. Termites love oak.

Actually,
I think that's pine.

Pine? Are you some kind
of idiot, Stuart?

Look at the grain.

Is this something that needs

to be taken care of right away?

It's just, our first guests
arrive in a couple days.

You don't need to tent today,

but I wouldn't put this off
for too much longer.

Hey, how's my boy Pete
doing, huh?

Hello.

Oh, okay, I get it.

You're too good to talk
to a cholera ghost.

Well, la dee dah.

So...

have there been any updates
on the Nigel front?

No, no.

No, sadly.

Ever since our
awkward conversation

where he tried
to take things in a more

romantic direction, and I...

Responded by running away
through a wall, mm-hmm.

Yes, ever since that,

we haven't spoken.

I think
he's avoiding me.

I probably blew it.

Don't think
like that, Isaac.

You're letting fear lead you.
You need to go for

what you want.
You only have one afterlife.

Do not sacrifice
your shot.

Please tell me you're not
quoting that musical Hamilton.

Incorrectly,
I might add.

I am, and
I am deeply sorry,

but it was just
so inspirational.

Oh, God. I wish Sam
never had shown us that.

But you're right.

I have. I have spent
the last two centuries

letting fear rule me.

It must come
to a stop.

I'm gonna go tell Nigel
how I feel.

This is a very important
moment, Isaac.

I'm honored to be here
bearing witness to it.

In the room where
things are happening.

Oh, my God. Please.
I'm sorry.

No, just stop.
I will. I'll try.

So catchy.

You're not gonna believe this,

but Josh and Leeanne
just canceled.

Our guests? Really?

Oh, it gets
so much worse.

They say they found
another B and B that is nearby,

that is much nicer and cheaper

and has a pickleball court.

The Farnsbys.

That's right. We turned down
their buyout offer,

so they opened a rival B and B
to drive us out of business.

They're sociopaths.

They're calling it
The Farnsby & B.

The Farnsby & B.

That's a clever name.

But also awful of them to do.

But, geez, pretty darn clever.

Welcome to The Farnsby & B.

We are just
returning your tin.

Thank you for
the lemon bars.

Do you have time
for a quick word?

We're a little busy.

We are hosting the most lovely
couple from Erie, P.A.

Josh and Leeanne.

I believe you may have
heard of them.

Come on, man.
What are you doing?

This is crazy.

If your point is, it's annoying
to have a bustling business

in your backyard,
then yes, we empathize.

Although, if you like,
my offer still stands.

We are not selling you
our place.

Well, then, game on.

And this is a game
you cannot win

because we don't need
to make money.

We can beat your prices

and bleed you dry.

Holy Toledo,
you can see me?

And without an income,

how long can you two
really hold out?

Because we can do this
a long time.

We are loving this Newhart life.

Oh, hello. Henry, Josh
needs the Wi-Fi password.

Again? This is
the fourth time.

I mean, no problem.
I live for helping my guests.

Hey,
I think the batteries

in the TV remote
are dead.

Well, then go outside.
It's lovely.

I mean, one minute,
dear customer.

You two can see
yourselves out.

Hey.

Did the actor from
Bedtime for Bonzo

really become president
in the '80s?

I'm sorry, we have to go.

Wait a minute,
who are you talking to?

Do they have
ghosts, too?

So creepy.

What? I'm just referring
to the situation,

not you
in particular,

whoever you are.

Uh, very sorry for
your loss of yourself.

Knock, knock.
Anybody home?

Oh, Jenkins.

I'm sorry, I was
looking for Nigel.

Oh, you haven't heard.

Heard what?
I'm...

sorry to have
to tell you this, as I know

the two of you
have grown quite close,

but Nigel...

is no longer with us.

You mean...

He got sucked off.

Hey, ghosts,
we're home.

Hey, team.

Oh, man.

I wish they'd stop
walking over that.

Yeah, that pine's
not looking good.

Oh, again
with the pine?

Are you trying
to piss me off, Stuart?

Look, I'm not an expert--
No!

The only thing
you're an expert at

is giving people cholera!

Welp, just got an email
from the Millers.

They're canceling for next week.

Oh, boy.

You got to tell them
about it, Thor.

Any guesses on where
they're booked now?

I'm gonna go with Farnsby & B.

It's like the B and B,
but with their name.

I don't get it.

Sam.

I have something
to tell you.

Long time ago,
when you first move in,

uh, I may have

put a curse on you and Jay.

Excuse me?
Yeah.

It was to prevent you from ever
opening up a bed and breakfast.

Okay, small update.

Thor apparently placed
a Norse curse on us

to stop us
from opening the B and B.

Are you serious?

Okay, I'm gonna jump on
the skeptic side here.

I don't think
Thor's curses work.

Of course, anything's possible.

Okay, so assuming
the curse is even real--

Whoa, whoa, babe, a little
bit more definitive, please.

Hey, Norse gods,
just to be clear,

we believe you
have powers, so...

love and respect.

Yeah, you never want to poke
a curse-- just makes it angry.

Fine. Thor?

How do we even
break the curse?

There is one way.

But it involves boiling
ingredients in cauldron.

And ingredients
impossible to come by.

Requires sailing
to distant lands to procure.

Thor's saying
we'd have to travel

to distant lands
to get stuff.

So what would we need to get?

Hesitant to even say.

That is how futile

this knowledge will be.

One pound...

...sugar.

Oy gevalt.

Oh, oh, sugar?
Like, regular sugar?

Entire pound--
did you not hear?

And that's not all.
Also need

rare spice from faraway land.

One pinch worth
more than 30 horses.

Goes by name of...

cinnamon.

Oh, my God.
Oh, child.

Yeah, I think
we'll be all right.

Okay, babe.

Pound of sugar
and a cinnamon shaker.

Why even open
bed and breakfast?

Sell cinnamon,
and live like kings!

So what's the procedure, Thor?

You'll take sugar and cinnamon,
put in boiling water.

I'll say incantation,
and then we wait.

How long do we wait?

50 years.

No, just
a little curse-breaking humor.

Curse break immediately.
It's good.

So? How did everything go?

Uh, it's fine. I don't really
want to talk about it right now.

All right,
well, here we go.

Uh, hold up-- is this gonna
reverse the bad things

that happened
as a result of the curse?

Or is just gonna stop

more bad things from happening
in the future?

Interesting
curse question.

Again, never had
this much sugar,

so it's... hard to say.

Wait, why are you asking,
Alberta?

Well... Thor said

the curse made
Sam fall down the stairs.

Which is the thing that
gave her the ability to see us.

Y'all get
where I'm going with this?

Oh, boy, you're not
pouring the sugar.

Why are you not
pouring the sugar?

The ghosts are saying
this could result

in me not being able
to see them.

What? For real?

They say there's a chance.

Very small
chance, like...

size of Jay's forearm,
so should be fine.

Yeah, it actually doesn't
make any logical sense that

the effects would be reversed,
so I think you're good.

You'll be fine.

Okay, they-they think it's okay.

Mm. By "okay,"
you mean you will continue

to see dead people
wherever we go.

Yes.
Oh, thank God.

Okay, let's do this.

W-Wait.

Um...

I-I recently learned

that you should say things
to people before it's too late.

So even if this
isn't goodbye,

I think I speak for us all
when I say, Sam,

you have changed our afterlives

for the better.

And we are forever grateful.

Yeah.
Absolutely.

Thank you, guys.

And please finish my biography!

You have really dropped
the ball on that.

Okay. You may proceed.

Wait! Just in case, I, too,

just want to say, that it has
been a true honor knowing you.

You arrived here a stranger
with harlot hair,

but you have won
my heart.

And become...

like a daughter...
with harlot hair.

I'd also like to say something.

I did say I spoke for us
all, just a reminder.
He did.

Sam...

you can be a part
of my troop any day.

Also, please tell Jay

I love him and that Mark sucks

and he shouldn't be friends
with him anymore.

Thorfinn want to thank you

for giving me Viking funeral.

Sorry for putting curse on you.

You can't be mad
'cause I said sorry.

Aah, Sam!

If this is goodbye...

Okay, so the floodgates
are just open.

...I'm gonna miss you.

And I forgive you
for not solving

my murder,
although I guess you could still

keep working on it. Oh,
and if you make any progress,

just stand
in the middle of the room

and just tell me. I'll be here.

Thank you for everything, Sam.

For helping me
tell my story.

Oh, and also for making
all those pepperoni pizzas.

Please keep doing that.

Hey, Sam, thank you
for being a true friend.

I'll be here,
watching your life.

And when you die, God willing,
you'll become a ghost.

And I don't even care
how old you get first.

I know you'll keep it tight.

There it is.
Mm.

Sam, you're the best thing
that's happened to me

since shrooms.

Which did lead
to my death.

But which then led to you.

Thanks, shrooms.

Thank you.

Thank all of you.

All done?

Great, can we break
this thing?

I can't do this.

Yeah, I couldn't hear
anything they were saying,

but your face says it all.

If there is even a small chance
that this could make them

all go away, then I-I don't want
to take that chance.

So...
we're gonna live with a curse?

The curse might not even
be real-- we don't know!

I mean, Pete got shot
with an arrow.

Is he cursed?
The truth is

life is going to throw obstacles
in our way,

but you know what?
We will take them as they come.

I mean...

we can treat the termites.

We can replace
an old chandelier--
Okay.

Yes, but what are we gonna do
about the Farnsby & B?

We can't compete with them, Sam.

Their place is way nicer,
they can charge next to nothing.

They're beating us
at our own game.

Then maybe we need

to beat them at their own game.

Pickleball, I'm...

I'm talking about pickleball.

It was so unclear, babe.

Okay, here's the deal--
you're running the B and B

to put us out of business,
but we know you hate it.

What? We love it.

It's so much fun.

Oh, by the way,
we need to pick up

some more hand soap
for Leeanne and Josh.

What are they doing,
eating it?

Okay, fine,
we don't love it.

And frankly it's even
ruining Newhart for me.

I feel like I'm at work
now when I watch it.

So why don't we settle this
B and B feud once and for all?

One game of pickleball
for all the marbles.

You win and we sell you
our place and leave town.

What?!
Ah-ah-ah, don't worry, remember?

- Jay's a ringer.
- We win,

and you close down
Farnsby & B for good.

You think you can beat us?

At pickleball?
The reigning

B-League mixed doubles
seniors champions?

Is that good?

I can't tell.

Fine. You've got a deal.

Our court is closed until May.

So we'll play
at the country club.

Wait, you belong to a
pickleball country club?

Is it just pickleball
or is there golf?

I have a lot of
follow-up questions.

The only question that matters
will be answered on the court,

this afternoon.
Come along, Margaret.

Is there a dress code?

♪

Here we go.

Looking forward to owning your
house at a fair-market price.

Looking forward
to putting you out of business.

They're back.

Here they come.

Well, how did it go?

Well, it didn't start out great.

Zero, zero, two!

Aha!

The rare pickle ace!

This is way harder in real life.

What?

"Real life"?
What does that mean?

It turns out Jay hasn't actually
been playing pickleball.

He's been playing
a pickleball video game.

It's basically
the same thing.

It's a simulator.

It's the same reason
I can land a 747.

Jay, we
bet the house!

Would you bet the house
on landing a 747?

I mean, if it came to that,
there'd be a lot more

on the line
than a house.

So what happened?
Did y'all win?!

Well, it was
neck and neck.

Back and forth.

And then...

11, ten, two.

Ow! Ow!

Henry!
Margaret!

My back, my back!
Oh, get the IcyHot.
Oh, no.

Get the IcyHot!
Oh!

So forfeit due to injury?

Yeah, baby!

We won by default!

But a W is a W.

But they are shutting down
their B and B?

Yeah, Josh and Leeanne are
on their way over here

to check in right now.

♪ Because they
have no other ♪

♪ Options.

Any chance we could call
this place Farnsby & B?

I hate to see
that name go to waste.

Oh, like B and B!

That's so clever.

Ah, there you are!

Nigel!

But how are you here?

This doesn't make
any sense.

You got sucked off.

You wish I got sucked off.

So you and your bearded floozy

could continue galivanting
without my knowledge!

What are you talking about?

Not sure what's happening,
but I am here for the drama.

Oh, I'm right there
with you, Sass.
Mm.

I'm talking about you
and your lover.

The Viking?

I mean, I think you're
a great guy, Isaac...

What?

You think I'm with that brute?

Hurtful.
But Jenkins said--

Jenkins told me
that you got sucked off!

What do you think,
tacos for dinner?

Oh, dear, I think
I know what this is.

Well, tell me, Nigel,
because I am

thoroughly confused--
what is going on?

150 years ago,

Jenkins and I had
a brief tryst.

And apparently
he's never gotten over it.

So he was lying
to both of us,

to keep us apart.

Oh... why would he care

about keeping two buddies apart?

Oh.

Um...

sure, Isaac.

Well, I guess I'll just go,

since that's cleared up.

Nigel, wait.

I like you.

You...

like me?
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, please don't
make me say it again.

Well...

I like you too, Isaac.

This is so sweet.

I knew.

I already knew.
It has been very hard

keeping this secret,
but he already told me.

And I'm sure
you all are as shocked

as I was when I first heard.

Color me flabbergasted.

What's going on?!

Oh, my God.

That must be them.
It's our first guests!

Babe, we made it!

Yes, suck on that, curse!

Whoa! Hey, are you nuts?

Hey, Norse gods,
that was just a joke.

You know Sam... she's, like,
the Loki of the house.

Again,
it's probably not even real.

And even if it is, it's okay.

The curse was to prevent us
from opening the B and B.

Now we're open. We won.

I guess, yeah.

You ready?

Let's do this.

Welcome to Woodstone B and B.

Babe...?

Oh! Oh, my God!

It's all good--
it's just an old house!

It's not a curse.

Enjoy your stay!

Oh, hey, Pete.

Oh. Hey, Nancy.

Stop flirting,
it's not happening, geez.

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