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1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,062
(sighs)
2
00:00:05,064 --> 00:00:06,897
Huh?
3
00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:08,899
Stupid old couch.
4
00:00:08,901 --> 00:00:11,084
Aah! What the...
5
00:00:11,086 --> 00:00:13,262
(screaming)
6
00:00:15,424 --> 00:00:16,498
(grunts)
7
00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:17,725
(groans softly)
8
00:00:19,428 --> 00:00:21,094
Hmm.
9
00:00:21,096 --> 00:00:24,398
I always wondered
what was down here.
10
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,436
You weren't worth
the trouble up there,
11
00:00:29,438 --> 00:00:32,089
and you aren't worth
the trouble down here.
12
00:00:32,091 --> 00:00:33,532
-MAN: Homer.
-Huh?
13
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,758
It's me, kiddo.
14
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:35,850
The Mick.
15
00:00:35,852 --> 00:00:37,761
My Mickey Mantle rookie card.
16
00:00:37,763 --> 00:00:39,780
The greatest treasure
of my youth.
17
00:00:39,782 --> 00:00:41,098
I'm still in mint condition.
18
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,266
-Huh?
-Do you know how rare...
19
00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:44,434
-Aah!
-HOMER: Mm.
20
00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:45,544
My Rubik's Cube!
21
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,695
The greatest treasure
of my youth.
22
00:00:47,697 --> 00:00:49,790
Let's see here.
23
00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:51,091
(grunting)
24
00:00:52,961 --> 00:00:55,128
No-good pile of garbage!
25
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:57,631
MALE VOICE:
Not the first time
I've heard that.
26
00:00:57,633 --> 00:00:58,757
Ha!
27
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,375
(gasps)
I know that voice.
28
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:04,805
ALF. Oh, ALF,
you were canceled too soon.
29
00:01:04,807 --> 00:01:07,974
No, Homer, I was canceled
at exactly the right time.
30
00:01:07,976 --> 00:01:09,717
MARGE:
Homer.
31
00:01:09,719 --> 00:01:11,070
Homer, where are you?
32
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,405
Darn.
I guess I should go.
33
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,132
Go? Ha!
34
00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:16,983
You're part of the couch now.
35
00:01:16,985 --> 00:01:18,468
ALL:
Part of the couch.
36
00:01:18,470 --> 00:01:21,655
-Aah!
-The key to solving me
is patience.
37
00:01:21,657 --> 00:01:22,897
Never!
38
00:01:22,899 --> 00:01:23,916
-(panting)
-(snarling)
39
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:24,917
(yells)
40
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:25,992
(grunts)
41
00:01:25,994 --> 00:01:27,160
(whimpering)
42
00:01:27,162 --> 00:01:29,830
(snarling, hissing)
43
00:01:29,832 --> 00:01:31,256
(whimpering, grunts)
44
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,833
MARGE:
What is this thread?
45
00:01:32,835 --> 00:01:34,635
This couch is falling apart.
46
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,262
Hmm.
47
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:38,155
(grunts)
48
00:01:38,157 --> 00:01:39,581
(yelling)
49
00:01:39,583 --> 00:01:40,657
(grunts)
50
00:01:40,659 --> 00:01:42,843
(snarling, groaning)
51
00:01:42,845 --> 00:01:44,161
(panting)
52
00:01:44,163 --> 00:01:45,920
-(grunts loudly)
-Whoa.
53
00:01:45,922 --> 00:01:48,590
Home again, safe and sound.
54
00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:49,591
(meows)
55
00:01:49,593 --> 00:01:51,026
Hey, knock it off.
56
00:01:52,762 --> 00:01:53,837
Aah!
57
00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:55,989
♪
58
00:02:00,362 --> 00:02:02,538
("Requiem in D Minor"
by Mozart playing)
59
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,007
(indistinct chatter)
60
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,194
(gasps) It's a fire!
61
00:02:17,196 --> 00:02:18,637
(gasps) Oh, my God, oh, my God!
62
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,213
At the Flanders'.
63
00:02:20,215 --> 00:02:22,307
Flanders? Go back to sleep.
64
00:02:24,961 --> 00:02:26,979
Ned, what's wrong?
65
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,796
(chuckles) I don't know.
66
00:02:28,798 --> 00:02:30,798
Guess God just loves to test me.
67
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,192
Oh, look, here comes a truck.
68
00:02:33,562 --> 00:02:36,155
Lord, thank you for this tree
that I'm about to hit.
69
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,662
("It's Bad You Know"
by R.L. Burnside playing)
70
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,562
I found a pregnancy test.
71
00:02:52,564 --> 00:02:53,463
Yay!
72
00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:55,674
(sizzles)
73
00:02:59,996 --> 00:03:01,405
How you doin'?
74
00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:03,307
♪
75
00:03:08,004 --> 00:03:09,354
(hisses)
76
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,265
Ned Flanders,
is everything okay?
77
00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:14,100
Well, let's just say
I may be okily,
78
00:03:14,102 --> 00:03:16,695
but I'm definitely not dokily.
79
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,738
(alarm chirps)
80
00:03:18,941 --> 00:03:20,440
Aw. Dang it.
81
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:25,370
(gasps) You've got
to tell someone what's wrong.
82
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:28,281
Maybe we can discuss it
right now over cocoa.
83
00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:30,934
Sure. Just let me get the mail.
84
00:03:30,936 --> 00:03:32,085
Aah!
85
00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:39,033
(sniffles) Do you ever
question your life, Marge?
86
00:03:39,035 --> 00:03:40,944
You ever say, "What's the point
of going to church
87
00:03:40,946 --> 00:03:41,945
this Tuesday?"
88
00:03:41,947 --> 00:03:43,871
-What?
-Sorry, sorry.
89
00:03:43,873 --> 00:03:46,058
I've been going through
a lot of stress.
90
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,143
Losing my hair
where it counts most.
91
00:03:49,654 --> 00:03:51,563
(gasps) A postiche.
92
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,899
That's right.
It converts to eyebrows.
93
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:57,069
It all started back when
I was briefly Bart's teacher.
94
00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:58,812
You were Bart's teacher?
95
00:03:58,814 --> 00:03:59,905
Oh, yes, I was.
96
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:00,906
You can look it up.
97
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,741
C, A, D, F, 12.
98
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,910
Those were his grades
and the days he was absent.
99
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,079
C, A, D, F, 12.
100
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,823
Geez,
I really don't recall that.
101
00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:11,733
Well, that job
meant something to me.
102
00:04:11,735 --> 00:04:13,493
It-it-it truly did.
103
00:04:13,495 --> 00:04:14,811
Anyway, one day...
104
00:04:14,813 --> 00:04:16,646
This was right before the Supreme Court
105
00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:17,923
ignored the Constitution
106
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,408
and blessedly let God back in the schools.
107
00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:23,077
Class, with all the troubles
in the world today, uh,
108
00:04:23,079 --> 00:04:24,596
I'd like you to pause
and take a moment
109
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,840
of silent contemplation.
110
00:04:26,842 --> 00:04:29,676
Teacher, who should I pray to?
111
00:04:29,678 --> 00:04:32,329
FLANDERS: Don't say Jesus. Don't say Jesus.
112
00:04:32,331 --> 00:04:33,921
Jesus.
Pray to Jesus.
113
00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:35,107
Okay, pal, hold it right there.
114
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,000
This is a public school.
115
00:04:37,002 --> 00:04:40,428
No trying to save sinners!
116
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:41,363
Uh, y-yes, sir.
117
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,449
Are you praying
for my soul right now?
118
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,786
-I am.
-That is the one and only thing
119
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,346
I can punish you for.
120
00:04:49,348 --> 00:04:50,330
Get out!
121
00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:01,374
Get out and stay out!
122
00:05:01,376 --> 00:05:02,542
God loves you.
123
00:05:02,544 --> 00:05:04,194
Nobody loves Willie!
124
00:05:05,121 --> 00:05:08,122
FLANDERS: (sniffles) I'd lost two wives, two jobs.
125
00:05:08,124 --> 00:05:11,143
I desperately needed to hit the pews and talk to the Lord,
126
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,795
but, uh, no such luck.
127
00:05:13,797 --> 00:05:16,106
♪
128
00:05:23,048 --> 00:05:25,048
Then I saw a Catholic church.
129
00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:26,566
Normally not a kneeler,
130
00:05:26,568 --> 00:05:29,244
but, uh, beggars can't be choosers.
131
00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:34,891
Can I help you, my friend?
132
00:05:34,893 --> 00:05:37,652
What brings you here
in such agita?
133
00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,563
Oh, nothing
you haven't heard before.
134
00:05:39,565 --> 00:05:42,156
Out of work.
Single father with two boys
135
00:05:42,158 --> 00:05:44,301
full of mischief and mayhem.
136
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,213
Did you just blink?
137
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,556
No.
138
00:05:52,094 --> 00:05:53,852
Maybe I could help you.
139
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,262
I'm always looking
for new opportunities.
140
00:05:56,264 --> 00:05:58,506
I could be--
what do they call it--
141
00:05:58,508 --> 00:06:00,842
your angel investor.
142
00:06:00,844 --> 00:06:02,085
(laughing)
143
00:06:02,087 --> 00:06:03,695
My associates,
144
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,365
Mr. Rude and Dr. Jerkov.
145
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:09,684
-Whoa.
-Whoa! Look at me, I'm a doctor.
146
00:06:09,686 --> 00:06:10,927
(growls)
147
00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:13,688
Now, what is it that you do?
148
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,281
I sell left-handed merchandise.
149
00:06:15,283 --> 00:06:18,025
You don't say.
I was left-handed myself
150
00:06:18,027 --> 00:06:21,213
until the nuns
beat it out of me.
151
00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:23,698
Perhaps you and I
could go into business together.
152
00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:27,052
I back your store
and you show your appreciation
153
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,553
at a later date.
154
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,037
This date may never come,
155
00:06:30,039 --> 00:06:31,965
but, actually, it will.
156
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:34,559
And surprisingly soon.
157
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,119
Won't you accept help
158
00:06:36,121 --> 00:06:38,138
from a sinister source?
159
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,305
Well, I...
(gasps)
160
00:06:39,307 --> 00:06:41,942
"Sinister"
meaning "left-handed."
161
00:06:43,052 --> 00:06:45,295
Well, sir,
you seem like a godly man,
162
00:06:45,297 --> 00:06:47,297
and I'm a wee bit desperate.
163
00:06:47,299 --> 00:06:49,649
Let me do my due diligence
and get back to you.
164
00:06:49,651 --> 00:06:52,202
You do your due.
165
00:06:54,473 --> 00:06:57,732
You went into business
with the Mob?
166
00:06:57,734 --> 00:06:58,825
I googled him.
167
00:06:58,827 --> 00:07:00,252
It said "legitimate business."
168
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:02,328
I never dreamed
the Internet would lie.
169
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:04,831
Stupid, stupid, stupid Flanders.
170
00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:06,332
(groans)
171
00:07:06,334 --> 00:07:09,136
At first, it was
too good to be true.
172
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,826
Buy the scissors.
173
00:07:16,828 --> 00:07:18,161
But I'm right-handed.
174
00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:20,847
-How'd you like to be no-handed?
-Mm.
175
00:07:20,849 --> 00:07:23,608
FLANDERS: In my new Leftorium, all was right.
176
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,760
And I did something I hadn't done in, uh,
177
00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:27,170
I don't know how long.
178
00:07:27,172 --> 00:07:29,189
God help me, I smiled.
179
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:32,692
Flanders is in trouble
with the Mob.
180
00:07:32,694 --> 00:07:34,453
Finally, he does something cool.
181
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:37,530
Ned, no offense, but how could
you get mixed up with Fat Tony?
182
00:07:37,532 --> 00:07:39,958
I mean, that sounds
like something I would do.
183
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,293
(laughs)
184
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,610
(chuckling)
185
00:07:42,612 --> 00:07:43,628
You're right.
186
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,371
(laughing)
187
00:07:45,373 --> 00:07:46,998
Homer is stupid, all right.
188
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,526
"PhD" is how he spells "food".
189
00:07:49,528 --> 00:07:50,694
(laughs)
190
00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:51,953
(giggling)
191
00:07:51,955 --> 00:07:53,546
(laughing)
192
00:07:53,548 --> 00:07:55,122
(chuckling)
193
00:07:55,124 --> 00:07:56,382
(barking laugh)
194
00:07:56,384 --> 00:07:58,793
All right, I'm stupid.
That's enough.
195
00:07:58,795 --> 00:08:00,061
Eh, it's funny.
(chuckles)
196
00:08:04,893 --> 00:08:07,301
It's true--
I do trust everyone I meet.
197
00:08:07,303 --> 00:08:10,280
But I did ask
some probing questions.
198
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,218
Buona fortuna.
Things are good?
199
00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:16,828
Uh, little too good.
200
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,571
So, I must ask, uh,
201
00:08:18,573 --> 00:08:20,406
are you a good fella?
202
00:08:20,408 --> 00:08:21,482
A goodfella?
203
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:23,076
Indeed I am.
204
00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:25,987
And I heard you're a wise guy.
205
00:08:25,989 --> 00:08:27,747
Some call me such.
206
00:08:27,749 --> 00:08:29,582
I have to run an errand.
207
00:08:29,584 --> 00:08:31,134
Come with me.
208
00:08:33,997 --> 00:08:36,139
♪
209
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,760
You're a little light.
210
00:08:40,762 --> 00:08:42,595
(gasps)
Take-a my hat.
211
00:08:42,597 --> 00:08:44,597
Take-a my second hat.
212
00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:46,082
Uh, take-a my bald wig.
213
00:08:46,084 --> 00:08:47,433
(panting)
214
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:51,363
Ooh, if I knew that
mobsters like Italian food,
215
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:53,423
I would have-a stuck
to the sushi.
216
00:08:53,425 --> 00:08:55,759
I used to cut-uh the fish
and make-uh the rice
217
00:08:55,761 --> 00:08:57,944
and serve-uh the fish
and chop-uh the thing.
218
00:08:57,946 --> 00:09:00,354
They took me in
as one of their own.
219
00:09:00,356 --> 00:09:03,099
♪ The record shows ♪
220
00:09:03,101 --> 00:09:05,435
♪ We took the blows ♪
221
00:09:05,437 --> 00:09:08,454
♪ And, Lord, we did it Thy ♪
222
00:09:08,456 --> 00:09:11,624
♪ Way. ♪
223
00:09:11,626 --> 00:09:12,717
(song ends)
224
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,628
-This guy.
-This guy.
225
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:17,630
No, this guy.
226
00:09:17,632 --> 00:09:18,798
Am I right?
227
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,967
I used to be this guy.
228
00:09:20,969 --> 00:09:23,878
FLANDERS:We had some of the most intimate and vague conversations
229
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,121
I've ever been a part of.
230
00:09:25,123 --> 00:09:28,733
So, did that thing go down
with our friend?
231
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:32,462
If you replace "that thing"
with "ice pick,"
232
00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:35,465
"our friend"
with "Benny the Barber"
233
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:38,577
and "down"
with "into his eyeball,"
234
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,662
you may have your answer.
235
00:09:42,307 --> 00:09:43,973
Did I miss anything?
236
00:09:43,975 --> 00:09:45,992
We've been talking
about a lot of murders.
237
00:09:45,994 --> 00:09:48,253
Eh, I mean, nothing.
238
00:09:49,998 --> 00:09:51,906
-(knocking)
-Something wrong, T?
239
00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:53,925
Business difficulties.
240
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,927
(grunting)
241
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,822
Time for another IKEA run.
242
00:09:58,824 --> 00:09:59,931
Want to talk about it?
243
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,992
You know, I will talk about it.
To you.
244
00:10:02,994 --> 00:10:04,769
I have many operations.
245
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:08,331
One of those is, um,
selling medicine
246
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:11,943
to, um, patients
on the street, as it were.
247
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,094
Aw.
248
00:10:13,096 --> 00:10:15,096
But a rival, shall we say,
249
00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:17,282
pharmacist from New Jersey
250
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:20,360
is trying
to put the squeeze on me.
251
00:10:20,362 --> 00:10:21,769
We may have to
252
00:10:21,771 --> 00:10:23,771
go to the mattresses.
253
00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:26,182
Well, a healthy night's sleep
is always important,
254
00:10:26,184 --> 00:10:27,626
but I think
you'd feel a lot better
255
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:31,688
if you did a few exercises from
this, uh, self-esteem workbook.
256
00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:33,206
Che diavolo!
257
00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:36,693
See, you can pencil your way out
of your "maze of miseries,"
258
00:10:36,695 --> 00:10:38,970
draw a little frowny face
for self-expression.
259
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,621
Come on, you know you wanna.
260
00:10:40,623 --> 00:10:41,789
I don't wanna.
261
00:10:41,791 --> 00:10:43,308
(singsongy):
Yes, you do.
262
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:46,561
All right, all right,
I'll draw the freakin' frown.
263
00:10:48,890 --> 00:10:50,315
What do you know.
264
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:53,443
I actually feel better.
265
00:10:55,563 --> 00:10:58,990
(gasps) You just gave me
the kiss of death.
266
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,233
(chuckles)
267
00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:01,826
And a pinch to grow an inch.
268
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,662
(chuckling)
269
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,891
FLANDERS: Then that wonderful summer ended in a fall.
270
00:11:07,893 --> 00:11:09,893
(humming a tune)
271
00:11:09,895 --> 00:11:12,653
She walked in.
272
00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:14,172
-What do you want?
-Hi.
273
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,491
I'm selling band candy
and I only need 2,000 more boxes
274
00:11:17,493 --> 00:11:20,161
to go on a trip to Cincinnati
and then I'll be on my way.
275
00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:22,422
No trouble.
(chuckles nervously)
276
00:11:22,424 --> 00:11:23,682
Mr. Flanders?
277
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,934
(quietly): Come with me.
278
00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:28,928
You, the best man on our block,
279
00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:31,338
accidentally joined
a criminal gang?
280
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,692
Criminals? Criminals?!
281
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,601
Oh, my God. (sighs)
282
00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:37,195
I see it all now.
283
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,221
Well, you've
got to get out of there.
284
00:11:39,223 --> 00:11:42,200
So, Ned, who is this young lady
who has seen a lot
285
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,427
and possibly too much?
286
00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:46,371
Just leave me alone,
Little Miss Busybody.
287
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,206
I find a place
where I'm welcome,
288
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,375
but you know
what's best for me.
289
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,769
-I just meant...
-Well, maybe the real criminal
290
00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:55,362
is the neighbor who borrows
my stuff and never returns it.
291
00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:58,216
Your dad has
my garage door opener.
292
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,793
-Why?
-Okay. Geez.
293
00:12:00,795 --> 00:12:03,054
Just trying to sell band candy.
294
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,556
(quietly):
Put me down for a dozen.
295
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,557
Now scoot.
296
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,267
Oh...
297
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,786
Um... (clears throat)
My friend,
298
00:12:09,788 --> 00:12:12,455
do you mind if I have a word
with you, uh, about, uh...
299
00:12:12,457 --> 00:12:13,456
Hell?
300
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:16,809
Language.
You disrespect this photo,
301
00:12:16,811 --> 00:12:18,528
which I believe to be my mother.
302
00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:22,407
Well sir, I'll just
come right out and say it.
303
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,660
You, my friend,
are a rotten tomato.
304
00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:29,730
Let me explain something to you.
305
00:12:29,732 --> 00:12:32,976
You have aligned yourself
with a secretive organization
306
00:12:32,978 --> 00:12:34,586
with many, many traditions
307
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:37,146
we are not proud of.
308
00:12:37,148 --> 00:12:38,923
I know.
You're Catholic.
309
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,407
You do not know.
310
00:12:40,409 --> 00:12:43,653
You have joined
"this thing of ours."
311
00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:44,787
What thing of yours?
312
00:12:44,789 --> 00:12:46,097
You know the thing.
313
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,099
I don't know the thing.
You people are less direct
314
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,509
than a corkscrew.
315
00:12:49,511 --> 00:12:50,843
-(whispering)
-What the...
316
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:53,179
No.
Whackery?
317
00:12:53,181 --> 00:12:55,848
Well, as I told the people
at Equinox health clubs,
318
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:58,109
no matter what I signed,
I want out.
319
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,760
(phone dings)
320
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:01,020
Oh!
321
00:13:01,022 --> 00:13:02,322
(grumbles)
322
00:13:03,432 --> 00:13:05,858
I'm afraid
from our association
323
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:09,120
there is only one way out.
324
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,606
Just checking--
uh, what floor are we on?
325
00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:14,775
First.
326
00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:16,443
FLANDERS:
I'll pay for the window!
327
00:13:16,445 --> 00:13:20,206
So, for safety, I sent
my boys to their grandpawpaw.
328
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:23,526
And thank You, Lord,
for the macaroni and the cheese.
329
00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:26,195
And God bless the little strings
on our bananas.
330
00:13:26,197 --> 00:13:27,621
Oh, man, oh, man.
331
00:13:27,623 --> 00:13:30,883
How did my family tree
get such square roots?
332
00:13:30,885 --> 00:13:34,020
But as for me, I'm gonna
tough this out at home.
333
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,025
♪
334
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,992
Okay.
Time for plan B:
335
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,702
asylum at the Church.
336
00:13:52,057 --> 00:13:54,907
Oh, dear God.
337
00:13:54,909 --> 00:13:56,726
Papa just got himself
338
00:13:56,728 --> 00:13:58,485
a new set of trains.
339
00:13:58,487 --> 00:14:04,050
("Musica Poetica II"
by Carl Orff playing)
340
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,098
All right.
Let's see what we've got here.
341
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:20,416
I-I don't know, Lou.
342
00:14:20,418 --> 00:14:23,027
That yellow tape clearly says,
"do not cross."
343
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,196
Uh, that doesn't
apply to cops, Chief.
344
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,283
I just want to know
where the hell is Ned Flanders.
345
00:14:34,115 --> 00:14:36,599
Now, Flanders, in the spirit
of neighborliness,
346
00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:39,785
you can hide
in our garage until, uh...
347
00:14:39,787 --> 00:14:41,212
how does Thursday sound?
348
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:44,365
-Today's Thursday.
-You're welcome.
349
00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:48,945
Poor Ned. At least
my kids are safe. Sort of.
350
00:14:48,947 --> 00:14:51,631
-(grunts)
-Oh, yeah.
-Mmm.
351
00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:53,449
So, tough day at work?
352
00:14:53,451 --> 00:14:54,559
No chitchat.
353
00:14:57,546 --> 00:14:59,063
Where is he?
354
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,399
-Where is who?
-You know who.
355
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,459
I'm just a stupid nobody
who doesn't have any Flanders.
356
00:15:03,461 --> 00:15:05,795
I mean answers.
I mean answers about Flanders.
357
00:15:05,797 --> 00:15:08,131
You can't choke me from behind
if I'm standing in front of you.
358
00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:10,199
-(exclaiming)
-(grumbling)
359
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,328
(sighs) Ooh.
360
00:15:14,489 --> 00:15:15,321
Oh.
361
00:15:15,323 --> 00:15:17,081
My friend, if you know something
362
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,641
and withhold from us,
363
00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:21,068
it will not go well.
364
00:15:21,070 --> 00:15:22,403
Mmm. (whimpers)
365
00:15:22,405 --> 00:15:25,665
What he means is...
(imitates cutting) Oh, crap,
366
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:27,300
my fingernails are too sharp!
367
00:15:28,244 --> 00:15:29,669
Aah! I can't see!
368
00:15:29,671 --> 00:15:31,095
(gangsters whimpering)
369
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:33,264
Oh, you did good, Homer.
370
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,434
You didn't stop them,
but you made them very mad.
371
00:15:42,258 --> 00:15:44,591
We got him now
as long as he don't look back.
372
00:15:44,593 --> 00:15:47,520
With that fat neck?
Fuhgeddaboudit.
373
00:15:47,522 --> 00:15:50,365
("Mud Island Chase"
by Dave Grusin playing)
374
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:10,969
Oh, how many dinners
can this guy have?
375
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,137
He eats more than
Frankie Eats Too Much.
376
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,473
Our nicknames--
they're so judgmental.
377
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,475
♪
378
00:16:32,066 --> 00:16:35,142
Oh. Oh, God. Oh God.
Where's Ned?
379
00:16:35,144 --> 00:16:36,719
I don't know.
I came back
380
00:16:36,721 --> 00:16:39,313
to bring him fresh towels
and he disappeared.
381
00:16:39,315 --> 00:16:41,165
He wouldn't just leave
without drying himself off.
382
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,409
-He wouldn't!
-(gun chambers rack)
383
00:16:43,411 --> 00:16:45,061
No Flanders!
384
00:16:45,063 --> 00:16:47,730
And who knew fatso
had such a hot wife.
385
00:16:47,732 --> 00:16:49,232
Eh, it's a sitcom thing.
386
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,567
King of Queens,
Fred Flintstone,
387
00:16:51,569 --> 00:16:52,844
Timmy and Lassie.
388
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,328
Such a beautiful dog.
389
00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:58,057
Where the hell
would Flanders go?
390
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,348
Well, this would be
a good time for a prayer.
391
00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:16,609
Let's see.
392
00:17:16,611 --> 00:17:19,929
May I suggest a prayer
from the Klingon Language Bible?
393
00:17:19,931 --> 00:17:23,432
(speaks Klingon)
394
00:17:23,434 --> 00:17:26,026
(sighs)
Even I think this is idiotic.
395
00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:27,628
Eh, good luck.
396
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,128
Why are you here?
397
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:40,058
Because, deep down, I believe
you are a good man, Fat Tony.
398
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,209
The... Well, that's not
your Christian name.
399
00:17:42,211 --> 00:17:44,395
Let me call you... Anthony.
400
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,046
Anthony.
401
00:17:46,048 --> 00:17:48,307
Mama used to call me that.
402
00:17:48,309 --> 00:17:50,217
Mm-hmm. And a man
who loves his mother
403
00:17:50,219 --> 00:17:52,570
as much as you do
can't be all bad.
404
00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:55,389
Mommy.
405
00:17:55,391 --> 00:17:58,242
And someone who bought
that much band candy
406
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,894
must have a very soft heart.
407
00:18:00,896 --> 00:18:02,580
Maybe I like candy.
408
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,989
You are right.
409
00:18:03,991 --> 00:18:07,159
I'm hard on the outside
and soft on the inside.
410
00:18:07,161 --> 00:18:10,329
Like the world's
most murderous cannoli.
411
00:18:10,331 --> 00:18:13,424
Knew it. Repeat after me:
I believe in God.
412
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,760
I believe in God.
413
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,336
The creator almighty.
414
00:18:17,338 --> 00:18:19,079
The creator
almighty.
415
00:18:19,081 --> 00:18:21,599
Maker of Heaven and Earth.
416
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,326
Maker of Heaven
and Earth!
417
00:18:23,328 --> 00:18:25,344
And so on and so forth!
418
00:18:25,346 --> 00:18:27,087
(sobs)
419
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:31,734
Now, take my hand
in loving friendship.
420
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:35,262
Okay, kill him.
421
00:18:35,264 --> 00:18:37,097
-What?
-I'm sorry, Ned.
422
00:18:37,099 --> 00:18:39,358
But this is the business
we've chosen.
423
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,543
Although you were
tricked into it.
424
00:18:41,545 --> 00:18:42,695
That's on me.
425
00:18:42,697 --> 00:18:45,181
Any last requests?
426
00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:46,791
Eh, just one.
427
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,126
Can I remove my mustache?
428
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:51,045
I... I want to be clean-shaven
for the Lord.
429
00:18:54,692 --> 00:18:56,359
He's wearin' a wire!
Aah!
430
00:18:56,361 --> 00:18:58,861
I told you
to pat down his schnozz!
431
00:18:58,863 --> 00:19:00,304
-(sirens wailing outside)
-(tires screech)
432
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,473
(ice cream truck music playing)
433
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,552
(music stops)
434
00:19:06,554 --> 00:19:10,297
This whole time,
you've been working for the G.
435
00:19:10,299 --> 00:19:11,816
Not the whole time.
436
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,225
But once a certain young lady
437
00:19:13,227 --> 00:19:15,319
pulled the wool from my eyes...
438
00:19:16,381 --> 00:19:18,823
-I'd like to be a snitch.
-Okay.
439
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,716
But if things go south
and we have to pull you out,
440
00:19:20,718 --> 00:19:23,477
you're gonna wind up
Mr. John Smith in Utah.
441
00:19:23,479 --> 00:19:25,830
Oh, that's a dream
I've always had.
442
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,166
-(handcuffs click)
-I loved you, man.
443
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,525
You didn't even
remember my birthday.
444
00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:31,744
I sent you a card.
445
00:19:31,746 --> 00:19:34,005
Belatedly.
446
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,236
-Flanders.
-Simpson.
447
00:19:40,238 --> 00:19:42,071
I'm proud of you, man.
448
00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:43,756
I can't believe
someone in this town
449
00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:45,666
finally put that guy in jail.
450
00:19:45,668 --> 00:19:47,426
-Yeah.
-What's wrong?
451
00:19:47,428 --> 00:19:49,336
Well, I miss 'em a little.
452
00:19:49,338 --> 00:19:51,747
That guy can really kiss.
453
00:19:51,749 --> 00:19:55,059
Stupid Flanders,
you're a brave man.
454
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:57,177
(short chuckle)
I'm nothing special.
455
00:19:57,179 --> 00:19:59,680
I take my shower in the dark
just like anybody else.
456
00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:01,866
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
457
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,927
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
458
00:20:04,929 --> 00:20:07,020
and TOYOTA.
459
00:20:07,022 --> 00:20:09,373
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
460
00:20:13,696 --> 00:20:16,863
I can't believe it. Pushin'
books. And they're all Y.A.
461
00:20:16,865 --> 00:20:18,441
The Fault in Our Stars.
462
00:20:18,443 --> 00:20:20,943
Only one person dies
and they don't even get whacked.
463
00:20:20,945 --> 00:20:23,221
I did like Divergent.
Lot of people get whacked.
464
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:26,449
This is gonna be one long
15-to-life.
465
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:32,104
-Idiota!
-(both yelling in Italian)
466
00:21:21,672 --> 00:21:22,697
Shh!
33347
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