Original subtitles

♪ Who's the improbable duo that you heard about?

♪ Faster than a scooter stronger than metal

♪ Who's the little girl and her domesticated rodent?

♪ Who's still standing when you see the dust settle?

♪ It's Hamster Hamster, Hamster

♪ Hamster and Gretel

♪ If they can't do it then nobody can

♪ Hamster, Hamster, Hamster

♪ Hamster and Gretel

♪ There's also Kevin in the minivan ♪

(WHISTLING)

How are you whistling so well?

(BLOWING AIR) You could, too.

Take off your mask. I can't.

You see, the zipper got caught years ago,

and I can't reach back there.

Could you help me? Sure.

You know, it's my first day on the job.

Yes, I did.

Now, just stand in this precise spot

that's not a blind spot for the security cameras.

Okay. (BLOWS LANDING)

Hey! (WHISTLING)

Wait! You can whistle.

What really hurt was the lying.

CAROLINA: My sister Melissa is almost here.

I need this house clean now.

Gretel, iron the couch cushions.

I'm not supposed to touch the iron.

You're right. Kevin, iron the couch cushions.

Gretel, go clean door frames.

The doors are the windows to the house.

Aren't the windows the windows to the...

Shh! Less talking and more ironing.

Dave, everything has to be perfect.

We can't give Melissa any reason to look down on us.

With her fancy lawyer job

and her fancy lawyer briefcase.

I need to refill the bird feeders.

Is she gone? For now?

You know how your mom gets.

She and her sister are a little competitive.

My alligator is smarter than your frog. Nuh-uh.

My hair grows faster than yours. Nuh-uh.

I'm more moody and sullen than you.

Nuh-uh.

But they love each other in their own special, slightly concerning way.

(DOORBELL RINGING) Wait, wait!

Okay. Now, we are ready.

Caro! I love what you've done with the place.

Is it smaller?

And look at you.

You're aging so gracefully.

And look at you.

The confidence to pull off those earrings with that face shape.

You're an inspiration.

I try. Now, where's my niece and nephew?

Hi, Tia Meli. Tia Meli.

I brought presents. Cash.

KEVIN AND GRETEL: Thank you, Tia Meli.

Money, money, money, money, money, money!

(OVEN TIMER DINGS) Dinner's ready.

Oh, you planned a dinner.

What kind of big sister would I be

if I didn't serve an elaborate dinner?

I'm sorry. I can't stay.

What? Yeah.

I have a very important lawyer meeting.

I just came by to drop off my bags.

But I'll be back later.

Okay, bye!

Who's ready for food?

Wait, wait. Where's Melissa?

She left, She said she has a fancy lawyer meeting.

Her voice only gets that high when she's lying.

We should follow her, like spies.

Like handsome, dangerous spies.

Kids, your dad and I are going to follow your aunt

like handsome, dangerous spies.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

We really should put the food away.

Okay.

ANNOUNCER ON TV: It's Double Trouble tonight

as PLOW Superstars all team up to bring home the champion belt.

♪ The professional league of wrestling

♪ Plow ♪

This is so fake.

Don't let Fred hear you say that.

Let's break some bones!

VERONICA: Breaking news!

Authorities are shocked by the daring escape

of masked supervillain The Luchador.

Earlier today, he pulled his signature move,

the Acute Angle Tangle,

bending the guard's arm into a 42-degree angle.

It was my first day!

The only clues left behind were flyers for tonight's wrestling championship,

and a map with many arrows

pointing to the wrestling arena.

Where could this man possibly be?

Wait. I have a theory.

Luchador is going to the wrestling match to win his belts back.

Whoa! Can you read minds now?

Is that a new superpower?

No, I just put two and two together.

I can read your mind.

Oh, yeah? Okay. Well, what am I thinking right now?

That I can't read your mind.

Lucky guess.

You'll never know for sure.

CAROLINA: Okay, that's a lot of carbs.

What is she doing, running a marathon?

This is not a fancy lawyer meeting.

The woman who was just here, where did she go?

No idea.

But she did ask how to get to the Fancy Pants store.

Which fancy pants store?

Fancy Pants. They sell fancy

and other cool, funky pants,

but mostly fancy pants.

Oh, thank you.

MAN: We've got another injured male in the training room.

Make sure the beds can fit arms bent in a 42-degree angle.

Come on, we need to get in.

He's definitely here.

How? It's sold out.

Wait. There's a press booth right there.

I say we pose as a fan podcast,

and we get press passes.

What if they ask you wrestling questions?

I can fake it. It's all about confidence.

Name me one current wrestler.

I... I will call Fred.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Kev, you better have an emergency.

We tracked El Luchador to the match,

and we need your knowledge to pose as wrestling podcast hosts.

Yeah, all right.

Hello. I'm checking in,

and I'm with a Canadian wrestling podcast,

and I know everything about wrestling.

Don't oversell it.

Not everything.

I mean, I know a little about wrestling.

FRED: Well, don't undersell it.

I know enough about wrestling,

(IN CANADIAN ACCENT) aboot wrestling

to run a Canadian podcast, eh?

Okay. Who won the championship belt

in the Transylvanian Takedown?

Van Helsing.

Van Helsing?

All right, go on in.

That's it? What a waste of my expertise.

Not you. You have to be at least 13 to enter.

Hey, but she's my assistant.

(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)

It's okay. I'll send over your older assistant.

Who is older.

I am middle aged.

All right, go on in.

This custom order is perfect.

I'm gonna be the best-looking one.

First, she doesn't eat my food,

and now she's shopping without me?

She probably thinks I only wear scrubs.

Honey, look, handsome and dangerous.

♪ Dave ♪

That woman you were with, where did she go?

Not sure, but she did ask for directions to the wrestling arena.

DAVE: Hey, honey, look!

A platypus.

Stop bucking for a crossover.

I'm with a Canadian fan podcast.

What happened here?

I was working on my gains

when some dude just jumped me from behind.

Bent my arm at a 42-degree angle

and stole my one-of-a-kind skobeloff colored mask.

I really liked that mask, too. (GROANS)

What's a skobeloff?

Uh, is it a type of snake, or, like, a deli meat?

Skobeloff is a color.

More on the earthy, dark shade of cyan.

That's just teal.

You clearly don't work in design.

CAROLINA: Wrestling?

Why would Melissa be here?

We need to get in. Only ticketed customers.

It's a medical emergency.

I'm a nurse. That's a gym membership card.

Nurses can go to the gym.

I suppose that's true.

Oh, how about him?

Kevin, again, that's teal.

We're looking for skobeloff.

ANNOUNCER STEVE: Holy plot twist!

The Skobeloff Sorcerer injured his own tag team partner.

Skobeloff? That's him. That's the Luchador.

I need no partners.

I will win both belts myself.

One for each arm.

(SMOOCHING)

Is there no one to challenge me?

THE LITIGATOR: All rise!

Court is now in session!

Whoa! It's everyone's new favorite superstar.

The Litigator!

That's Tia Melissa.

Wait, is this what lawyers do?

I thought that they sued people and stuff.

Apparently she's a wrestler now.

We got to get in there before she gets hurt.

Hold on, folks. Who is this?

Call me The Bearded Stranger.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Who are you?

I'm your new tag team partner.

If we go after him at the same time,

this should be over quickly.

Actually, you have to wait for me to tag you.

You know that, right?

Yes. But explain it again.

We can't be in the ring at the same time

unless I tag you.

Then I have 15 seconds to get out.

Excuse me, senoritas.

I am a gentleman,

so I will let you quit now

so you don't get violently obliterated.

(THE LITIGATOR GRUNTS)

Whoa!

She could be anywhere.

I didn't even know that Meli was a fan of wrestling.

I'd like to file a motion

of pain!

What the... (HORN BLARING)

That's gotta hurt.

Weaponizing the referee is against the rules.

But the referee is the only one

that can make that call.

It's pandemonium, Steve.

Uh, sir,

how many fingers am I holding up?

(SIGHS) Purple.

Oh, yeah, you're done.

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(BONES CRACK)

The Acute Angle Tangle!

That move has been banned.

What is going on?

Oh, the humanity.

Only the referee can interfere,

making the Skobeloff Sorcerer...

No, it is me, El Luchador.

No way! Holy plot twist.

So predictable.

Tia Mel... (CLEARS THROAT)

(DEEP VOICE) Litigator, tag me in.

CAROLINA: Melissa Corrina Josefina Gomez,

what's going on?

Caro. Don't "Caro" me.

You don't eat my food,

you go shopping without me.

And now, I don't even understand what you're doing.

Explain yourself.

Uh, I got a new job.

Surprise.

Why didn't you tell me?

I never liked being a lawyer.

My dream was always to be a wrestler.

But I didn't want to disappoint the family,

especially you.

You're a nurse. You save lives.

And you're my big sister.

CROWD: Aw!

And you're my little sister, and I love you,

which is why I have to do this.

Ow!

CAROLINA: Sorry.

Now, go in there and bring down

the gavel on him.

Well, technically, a judge is the one...

Just go hit him with this chair.

THE LITIGATOR: Remember that 15 second rule?

If we keep tagging each other,

we can take him on together.

Wait. We can use furniture?

(HORN BLARES)

BOTH: Yeah!

The Bearded Stranger just smacked El Luchador with an antique credenza.

Who's supplying the furniture?

ANNOUNCER AUSTIN: Oh, I wish I could tell you.

ANNOUNCER STEVE: Oh, there's the armoire!

ANNOUNCER AUSTIN: Ouch! A sectional!

ANNOUNCER STEVE: No!

Without a referee, they can't be declared the winners.

Great. Now what?

Okay, new plan.

ANNOUNCER AUSTIN: Wait, look!

ANNOUNCER STEVE: Wow! The refs are getting shorter every year.

One! Two!

Three!

Congrats, Tia...

The Litigator and The Bearded Stranger!

Yeah!

I'm proud of you, hermanita

and weirdly-shaped stranger.

I wonder if we'll ever see him again.

GRETEL: You never know.

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