Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:04,236
[gasps]
What the...
2
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:07,006
ANNE: Why are we--?
JENNY: [gasps] Huh?
3
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,640
VAL: [gasps]
SLOANE: Oh, shit!
4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,709
VAL: Nooo!
5
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,011
KATE: Okay, what happened?
6
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,045
I don't remember anything.
7
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,246
Me neither!
8
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,614
Why are we on the floor?
9
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:16,615
How long have we been here?
10
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,650
KATE: Who are we?
11
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,119
I'm fucking around.
I know who we are.
12
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,121
But I don't know anything else.
13
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,323
JENNY: Why would you joke
at a time like this?
14
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:25,724
KATE: Well, you know,
just trying to make light--
15
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:26,125
SLOANE: Shh!
Who was that?
16
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:30,262
♪
17
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:31,830
ANNE: Alice?
18
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,665
What are you doing here?
19
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:37,869
I don't know.
20
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,438
Mom?
21
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,940
ANNE: Yes, honey?
22
00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,742
What the fuck
happened last night?
23
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:48,047
♪
24
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:50,082
♪
25
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,154
I guess we just
drank our faces off?
26
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,356
How hammered do you have to get
27
00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,059
to not remember the entire
night, start to finish?
28
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,560
Wait, do you guys
feel hungover?
29
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,162
SLOANE: No.
KATE: No.
30
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:04,463
Then how does that
make any sense
31
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,265
if we were that shitfaced?
32
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,299
Maybe we were good girls
and pounded water
33
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,101
before blacking out.
34
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,702
ANNE: Wait, let me have
a look at you.
35
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,671
Yeah.
Yeah, you look okay.
36
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,473
Maybe we don't tell
your dad about this.
37
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,308
Tell him what?
38
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:18,177
That you and your friends
got me so drunk
39
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,311
we can't even remember
what happened?
40
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,880
Yeah, that.
41
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,515
VAL: I don't think this level
of confusion is just alcohol.
42
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,716
Something else is going on here.
43
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:27,186
What the hell are these?
44
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,726
That's cake, alright.
Buttercream.
45
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,129
ANNE: That's it!
Cake, yes.
46
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,531
We were...
we were celebrating.
47
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,334
JENNY: Celebrating what?
48
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:44,136
Celebrating Alice.
49
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:49,308
♪
50
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:52,411
ANNE: We're here!
ALL: Surprise!
51
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,413
ALICE: [laughs awkwardly]
What-- what is all this?
52
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,515
I-I thought...
53
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,716
you were just...
picking something up.
54
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,418
Oh!
55
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,721
Welcome to your
coming-of-age party.
56
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,724
We're here to celebrate you and
to commemorate your first time.
57
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,159
My first time what?
58
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,760
KATE: Ah, slappin' wrinklies!
59
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,529
Hittin' pinkies!
60
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,030
Bumpin' stinkies!
61
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,832
What?
62
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:17,436
Your first time having sex.
63
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:21,173
[dance music
playing in background]
64
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:23,442
No, no, no, no!
Wait, wait, just wait.
65
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,744
Just hear me out, okay?
66
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:27,346
I made a mistake.
67
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,781
A woman's first time
is something
68
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,151
that should be honoured,
not shamed.
69
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:35,053
Now, these women
are some of the smartest
70
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,856
and the strongest broads
that I know,
71
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,559
and we are here to celebrate you
72
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,962
and to impart some wisdom as you
embark on the rest of your...
73
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,397
sexual journey.
74
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,798
Mom, this is...
75
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,667
so humiliating.
76
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,869
I-I actually want to die.
No, thank you.
77
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:54,273
ANNE: No, no no--
VAL: Happy Slut Mitzvah!
78
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,208
No, we're not
calling it that!
79
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,476
Do you think calling me
a Jewish whore
80
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:58,777
makes up for what you did?
81
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,479
No one's calling you that.
82
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,814
"Mazel Tov you dirty whore"?
83
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,216
Val, I did not tell you
to write that on the cake!
84
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,685
So I took some liberties!
85
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,287
Buttercream...
86
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,388
KATE: Okay...
87
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,089
Hey.
88
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:13,692
Look, I know this is weird.
89
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:17,196
No one wants to talk about sex
with their mom, or her friends,
90
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,631
but I promise,
if you stick this out,
91
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,400
you will walk out
of this lighter.
92
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:24,236
And so will your mom.
93
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,904
Okay?
Look.
94
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:28,440
This is gonna be great, alright?
95
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:29,841
When I was your age,
no one threw me a party.
96
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,043
No one told me anything.
97
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,412
I thought you couldn't pee
when you wore a tampon.
98
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,714
I'd hold it for eight hours.
99
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,049
I didn't realize there was
a hole to put the tampon in.
100
00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,618
I used to just slip it between
my lips like a hot dog.
101
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,452
KATE: Val...
ALICE: Ew.
102
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:41,220
KATE: I'm sorry.
103
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,321
It worked.
104
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,822
Alice...
Sloane.
105
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:46,225
You don't know me.
106
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,660
I'm here because you deserve
a better introduction to sex
107
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,329
than what your fucked-up mom
did to you and your boyfriend.
108
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,731
ANNE: Thanks.
109
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,467
JENNY: And, Alice, your mom
and I haven't always seen
110
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:58,470
eye-to-eye, but she made an
effort when I was going through
111
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:01,240
a very hard time,
so I am here to give back.
112
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,342
Guys, let's get
this party started, okay?
113
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:04,843
Val, where's that hooch
you demanded to supply?
114
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,645
I thought you'd never ask.
115
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,447
Look who's one of
the big girls!
116
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:09,648
L'chaim, sluts!
117
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:10,482
[cork pops]
118
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:14,286
♪
119
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:18,490
You know, I'm honestly glad
I can't remember more.
120
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,958
Can we please go home now?
121
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,293
Maybe we should just go home.
122
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,362
Sleep it off.
123
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,696
I'm sure our memories
will come flooding back
124
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,298
after a good night's sleep.
125
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,300
Obviously we just
drank too much.
126
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:32,504
Yeah, you're right.
Let's call it, come on.
127
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,574
"Zero percent alcohol,
one hundred percent good times"?
128
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,777
♪
129
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,680
Is this all alcohol-free booze?
130
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:45,484
What the fuck, Val?
131
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,119
Well, you all got so angry
when I didn't bring alcohol
132
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,521
to the haunted house,
but I couldn't risk
133
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,723
tainting my milk supply!
134
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,726
And Alice is underage,
if anyone cares about that!
135
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:58,930
And, you're welcome, Sloane,
my sister in lactation arms!
136
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,399
Sloane...?
137
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,602
Sloane?
138
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,304
SLOANE: What the hell is that?
139
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:09,408
What the hell is that?
140
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:13,412
[mysterious music]
141
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:15,547
It's obviously
a dick throne.
142
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:16,948
But what on Earth
is it doing here?
143
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,217
Alright, no, fuck this.
144
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,620
We definitely didn't black out
on alcohol-free booze,
145
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,555
and that thing, well,
that's just terrifying.
146
00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:26,358
Uh-uh, we are not leaving here
147
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:27,959
until we know what the hell
happened to us last night.
148
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,528
SLOANE: 100%.
149
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:30,362
VAL: Good idea.
ALICE: Really?
150
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,563
Yes.
151
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,431
Ugh!
152
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,536
Alright, what do you remember?
153
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,037
Think, bitches, think!
154
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,339
Okay, let's go!
155
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,940
Slut Mitzvah!
156
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,742
KATE: Slut Mitzvah.
ANNE: Mm-hm.
157
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,143
JENNY: Dick throne!
158
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,178
Dick throne!
159
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,246
SLOANE: Fake booze!
160
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:49,748
Uh...
161
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,383
Black out?
162
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,951
[marker squeaking furiously]
163
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,854
KATE: Great...
164
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:59,858
What else, what else?
Come on!
165
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,861
Dammit!
Gah...
166
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:06,164
What?
167
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,966
Whose is this?
168
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,468
Oh!
I remember this!
169
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,269
It was a guy that stopped by!
170
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:12,671
KATE: Guy?
ANNE: What guy?
171
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:13,972
I think his name was Mom?
172
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,607
No, Ram!
173
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:16,608
What?
174
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:20,579
♪
175
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,780
KATE: Look who's one
of the big girls!
176
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,582
VAL: Here you go.
177
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,384
ANNE: Okay,
take it down a notch, Val.
178
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,218
Oh, relax, Anne.
You need to loosen up.
179
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:28,620
RAM: Uh-oh.
180
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:29,488
I'm... interrupting something!
181
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,423
KATE: Oh!
182
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,624
SLOANE: Oh, this party
is gettin' started!
183
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,793
Take it off, take it off!
184
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,027
Val, please tell me
you didn't hire a stripper.
185
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,496
Gross.
He's... old.
186
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,798
KATE: Okay, guys, stop.
187
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,634
This is Ram Javeri.
He's my client, not a stripper.
188
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,202
Ah, that you know of.
189
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,504
[chuckles]
190
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:48,907
ANNE: Wow, this is Ram.
191
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,709
SLOANE: Let's, uh,
take a little looksy at you.
192
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,611
KATE: Alright,
I am so sorry about them.
193
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,312
You wanna talk in the boardroom?
RAM: Okay.
194
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,114
ALL: Woo!
KATE: Will you fucking stop?
195
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,315
You guys are so immature,
you know that?
196
00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:59,317
Stop it!
Don't mind them.
197
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:00,619
They're just stupid
and obnoxious.
198
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,621
They're all stupid.
199
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,522
[in a whisper]
Shut the fuck up!
200
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,056
[all giggling]
201
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,025
VAL: Mm...
202
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,327
♪
203
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,865
I-I only closed the blinds
204
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,234
because you guys
were acting like idiots!
205
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,538
Then what were you doing in here
with your saucy friend?
206
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,139
I can't remember!
207
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,140
How long were we in here?
208
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,475
Like 5...
209
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:24,543
Maybe 45 minutes?
210
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,478
45 minutes!
211
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,447
Jesus Christ,
that's a long time for sex.
212
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,148
And you're sure
I closed the blinds?
213
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,483
Because maybe we--
I probably didn't.
214
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,452
I don't always close blinds.
215
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:34,352
You 100% immediately
closed all the blinds,
216
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:35,954
like, super fast.
217
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,557
Fuck!
218
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,892
Can we get back
to this dick throne?
219
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,561
And why was it at what was
supposed to be a respectful
220
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:43,695
coming-of-age party
for my daughter?
221
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:44,863
Val, I'm looking at you!
222
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,365
I don't rememberrrr...
223
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:51,269
♪
224
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:55,106
This chair is a ceremonial
display piece I found online
225
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,476
to celebrate Alice's entry
into a elite group:
226
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,778
Women who conquer.
227
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,313
Specifically,
women who conquer dick.
228
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,783
By sitting on this throne,
229
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:08,787
you are saying that you are
in charge of your sexual self.
230
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,188
That's pretty good,
actually.
231
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,790
KATE: Love that.
ANNE: Yeah.
232
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,925
Now, in the spirit
of beginnings,
233
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,393
I thought we could each
take a turn on the throne
234
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:16,194
and tell our virginity stories.
235
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,329
I'll start.
236
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,998
I was 19 and working
part-time as a party clown.
237
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,933
I was 17...
238
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,902
I was young.
Fifteen.
239
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,604
I didn't have sex
until college.
240
00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,806
My boyfriend and I
both had headgear,
241
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,308
which we wore the first time
we tried to have sex.
242
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,610
Wanted to get it over with.
243
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,545
It was all business.
244
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:36,314
My first time was with Brad,
my ex-husband.
245
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,550
I mean, I rounded all
the other bases plenty, but...
246
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,619
ALICE: La, la, la, la, la, la!
KATE: Oh, come on.
247
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,921
I met a charming magician.
248
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,223
He convinced me that my
clitoris was inside my bum.
249
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,025
And I believed him.
250
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,627
ANNE: He insisted
we be absolutely silent.
251
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,762
"Not a peep," he would say.
252
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,031
We were terrified.
He was so sweet.
253
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,432
I think I scared
my little partner.
254
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,768
Poor Jimmy Iverson.
255
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,937
I lost my anal virginity
to Sam the Spectacular.
256
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,172
Lesson learned.
257
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,441
Never trust someone
who tricks people for a living.
258
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:06,144
KATE: He actually threw up
right after he came.
259
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,446
Which I never knew if I should
take as a compliment.
260
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,649
SLOANE: I don't know
how he even stayed hard
261
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,251
given how emotionless
and clinical it was...
262
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,654
Now that I think about it,
263
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:18,657
he did have to thumb it in...
a lot.
264
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,560
Dong like a tiger, though,
I'll tell you what.
265
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:24,162
ANNE: I just thought that
if I waited long enough,
266
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:27,465
I would be sure to have
the perfect first time, but...
267
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,167
I don't think that exists.
268
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,369
Honestly, my first time
269
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:35,206
was pretty freakin',
flippin' perfect.
270
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:38,677
[all mutter]
VAL: Mmm!
271
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:42,080
Mmm...
Mmm!
272
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:48,019
You guys ever eat cake
with just your face?
273
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,287
You alright, Val?
Are you feeling okay?
274
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,189
SLOANE: No...?
275
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,891
[Vengaboys,
"We Like to Party" playing]
276
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,693
Quite fucked up,
now that you mention it.
277
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,394
♪ We like, we like to party!
278
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,196
♪ We like to party!
279
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,432
♪
280
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:04,903
♪
281
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:09,641
♪
282
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:14,112
♪
283
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:17,215
♪ I've got something to tell ya. ♪
284
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,852
♪ I've got news for you.
285
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,723
♪ Gonna put some wheels in motion. ♪
286
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:28,660
♪ Get ready 'cause we're comin' through. ♪
287
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:32,263
♪ Hey now, hey now! Hear what I say now! ♪
288
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:35,667
♪ Happiness is just around the corner! ♪
289
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,837
♪ Hey now, hey now! Hear what I say now! ♪
290
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:42,040
♪ We'll be there for you!
291
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:45,276
♪ The Venga Bus is coming, and everybody's jumping! ♪
292
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:48,647
♪ New York to San Francisco, an intercity disco! ♪
293
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,548
♪ The wheels of steel are turning ♪
294
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:51,883
♪ And traffic lights are burning ♪
295
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,652
♪ So if you like to party
296
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,086
♪ Get on and move your body!
297
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:58,156
♪
298
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,692
♪
299
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:04,963
♪
300
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:09,500
♪
301
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,570
♪ The Venga Bus is coming!
302
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:13,972
Well, it certainly
seems like we had fun!
303
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,907
Val...
304
00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,476
We still have no idea
why we blacked out!
305
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,680
Hey, so, when I was here
in the boardroom with Ram, um...
306
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,281
did you...
307
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,516
did you hear any sex sounds?
308
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,086
When I walked out,
did I seem dry-ish?
309
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,088
Was my hair normal?
Did I look pleased?
310
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,691
Dude, I don't know.
311
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,525
I mean, is it still cheating
if I don't remember?
312
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,594
Yeah, pretty sure.
313
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:37,729
It's not a "tree falls
in the forest" situation.
314
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:41,499
Well, fuck.
315
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,201
Meat boy?
316
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:44,903
Forrest?
317
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,738
Mm?
Oh...
318
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:48,306
KATE: What the hell
are you doing here?
319
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,341
FORREST: Model adjustments.
320
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,143
Just Head needed some
side-to-side improvements
321
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,913
just to bring it
over the top, you know?
322
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,547
How did you get in here?
323
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,917
Father gave me a key.
324
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:00,318
I've been coming in every
weekend, using his work bench.
325
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,420
It's called a desk,
Forrest.
326
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:03,354
Well, wait, do you know
what happened last night?
327
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,923
FORREST: Sorta.
328
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:08,226
It's all a little fuzzy...
329
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,762
You see, I was in the zone, when
I heard through my headphones
330
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,430
the unmistakable sound
of older women having...
331
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,365
fun.
332
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:17,368
ALL: Go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go!
333
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,138
Whoa...
334
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,539
Meat Boy!
335
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,642
Forrest?
336
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,946
Is that breast milk?
337
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,647
There's more where
that came from, Meat Boy.
338
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:30,849
Can I play with you guys?
339
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:31,850
ANNE & KATE: No.
340
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:32,951
VAL: Yes, you can.
341
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,653
Holy... shit.
342
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,555
KATE: Where did you
get this get-up?
343
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,958
Her.
She made me wear it.
344
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,960
[gasps] I can't imagine
what we were doing
345
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:43,795
that would necessitate that!
346
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,463
Nes...
347
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,398
Nesse...
Necessiss...
348
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,566
KATE: Necessitate.
FORREST: Necessi...
349
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,201
KATE: Just stop talking.
350
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,971
♪
351
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,605
Which has more nerve endings,
the penis or the clitoris?
352
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,074
Um... the clitoris?
353
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:58,009
ALL: Yeah!
354
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,211
FORREST: Correct!
KATE: I'm so proud of you!
355
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:01,279
FORREST: You may advance.
KATE: I'm so proud of you!
356
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,081
Val, I am impressed!
357
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,883
I can't believe
you put this together!
358
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:07,218
VAL: Oh, it was nothing.
FORREST: Silence!
359
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,488
Alice, now, where on this
diagram is the prostate located?
360
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,423
Um...
361
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:13,992
ANNE: I mean, God,
does it even matter?
362
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,093
Of course it matters, Anne!
363
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,895
No, I know this one!
364
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:17,829
I stick fingers up
people's buttholes!
365
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,297
No helping!
366
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,698
Alice!
Now!
367
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,701
Um, I...
368
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:26,437
KATE: His balls!
ALL: Noooo!
369
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,406
I'm sorry,
but the answer's incorrect.
370
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,909
And you know your punishment.
371
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,011
[sound of hair clippers]
372
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,813
Wait, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
373
00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,414
I don't make the rules, Alice.
374
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,215
You literally
made these rules!
375
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,250
Mom!
376
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,518
I mean, they're the rules!
You know the rules!
377
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,020
It'll be over soon!
378
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:42,253
Oh my God!
[clippers buzzing]
379
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,656
ALICE: Oh my God!
380
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,925
What the hell, Mom!
What were you thinking?
381
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,526
Well, I don't know, Alice!
382
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,228
That's the whole problem,
isn't it?
383
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,930
ALICE: Aah!
FORREST: Excuse me...?
384
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,131
Mothers, daughters,
I have to bounce.
385
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,266
I ran out of shrooms,
386
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,035
and I need more before
I lose my creative juices.
387
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,069
Did you just say "shrooms"?
388
00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,537
He shroomed us!
389
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:00,438
What?
No, you little freak.
390
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,139
I would never.
391
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,241
Prove it!
392
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,076
I strictly limit myself
to three grams a week.
393
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,744
Otherwise I would get stupid.
394
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:09,047
And we wouldn't want that,
would we?
395
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,849
How much is three grams?
396
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,683
VAL: Oh, Anne,
don't embarrass yourself.
397
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,285
Look, shit was already
litty like a titty
398
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,154
before I found you all.
KATE: No.
399
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,456
No way, it had to be you.
You drugged us.
400
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:19,357
Otherwise, we still don't
know what the fuck happened
401
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:20,691
to us last night!
402
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,295
That's a bummer, for sure.
403
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,663
Let me know
when you figure it out.
404
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,465
Hey!
Hey!
405
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,766
KATE: [in a whisper]
Piece of shit.
406
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,501
[phone ringing]
407
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,371
Hey... that's my phone!
408
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,875
Where is it?
409
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,781
ALICE: Gimme that!
410
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,183
Why do you have my phone?
411
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,685
Uh...
412
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,923
Oh, yeah.
413
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,396
This Slut Mitzvah
is turning into a real bust.
414
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,899
Honestly, this is not
what she needs.
415
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,901
What that girl deserves is a
re-do with her little boyfriend.
416
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,003
SLOANE: Yes!
You're right.
417
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,205
Your mom ruins your first time,
418
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:12,510
you get right back up
on that teenage-penis horse.
419
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:13,811
JENNY: I'm gonna steal
her phone before it locks!
420
00:15:13,914 --> 00:15:15,146
Oh!
[chuckles]
421
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:19,717
I like you!
422
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,719
Seamus, Seamus...
423
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,721
There you are.
424
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,557
Hey, sexy man...
[typing sounds]
425
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,726
Yes!
Yes!
426
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,930
Re-do, re-do, re-do!
427
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,732
[both chanting]
Re-do, re-do, re-do, re-do!
428
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,434
Re-do, re-do, re-do, re-do!
429
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,540
The last thing
those two need is a re-do!
430
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,374
What the hell were
you guys thinking?
431
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,543
You know what?
432
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,378
I officially don't care
what happened last night.
433
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,646
I'm leaving.
ANNE: Wait, no, no, no, no!
434
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:49,547
Alice, Alice, Alice, stop.
435
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:50,781
Stop, please.
436
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:53,351
I fucked up.
437
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,386
Tonight was supposed to be
about making it up to you.
438
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,988
Sharing pearls of wisdom,
you know?
439
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,789
Like, um...
440
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,359
Like... like how
it doesn't matter
441
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,861
who you lose your virginity to.
442
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,596
Whether you marry them,
or you never see them again,
443
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,365
you can't control that.
444
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,468
But what you can control
is yourself.
445
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,171
And what you need to know,
what is the most important thing
446
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,473
that you know, is to prioritize
you and your own pleasure.
447
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,776
Well, you clearly prioritize
your own pleasure.
448
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:21,079
Okay, what the hell
does that mean?
449
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,614
Seamus told me all about
your flirty little field trips.
450
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:24,983
I mean, asking him
about his sex life?
451
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,084
Calling that therapy?
452
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,186
What is your problem?
453
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,421
VAL: I'm sorry?
SLOANE: You did what now?
454
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:32,290
You told us that you
walked in on them having sex.
455
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:33,891
Anne, isn't that what you said?
456
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,626
Oh, that's what
she told you all?
457
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,095
Cool story.
458
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,696
I didn't know!
I-I didn't know!
459
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,598
[stammering]
460
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:43,434
For most of the time.
461
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,036
By the way, why didn't
he recognize that we both
462
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,438
have the same last name, huh?
463
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,240
Well, he said Carlson's actually
a really common last name.
464
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,608
[in a whisper]
Common last name, my ass.
465
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,443
ALICE: And don't blame him.
466
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,712
Fine, you're right, okay?
I crossed a line.
467
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,247
I crossed many lines,
and I'm horrified with myself!
468
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,616
But that doesn't matter.
469
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:03,121
What matters is that I am
genuinely and incredibly sorry
470
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,622
for ruining your first time.
471
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,924
Well, you didn't.
472
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:10,228
Wait, you didn't...
473
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,462
You're still a virgin?
474
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,431
No.
475
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,666
It wasn't my first time.
476
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:19,237
Not even close.
477
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,938
Oh, boy.
478
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,073
SEAMUS: Hello?
479
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,741
Uh...
480
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,143
Hey.
481
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,345
Hey, Alice.
482
00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:29,047
ALICE: What--
what are you doing here?
483
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,948
You sent me a text saying
484
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:33,684
"your one way ticket
to smash town"
485
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,853
with a pin to this address?
486
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,289
ALICE: No, I--
[sighs]
487
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,058
Actually, you know what?
488
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,659
That's... that's perfect.
489
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:46,697
Not bad.
490
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:50,101
Oh!
491
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,869
Thanks for this...
special evening.
492
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,475
Let's go.
493
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,081
VAL: Anne...?
Are you okay?
494
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,385
No.
495
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:08,586
I think I gotta go.
496
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,124
You think she's already
slept with more people
497
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,925
than you have your whole life?
498
00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:17,195
KATE: Oh my God, Jenny.
SLOANE: Jenny!
499
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,996
ANNE: I gotta go, I gotta go.
KATE: Yeah, of course.
500
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,931
SLOANE: Kate, Kate, don't.
Let her go.
501
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,101
Let her go scream
in her car all alone.
502
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,402
KATE: [sighs]
You're right, I'm sure.
503
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,804
Fuck.
Now what do we do?
504
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,307
JENNY: Uh, well,
I think I'm gonna go home.
505
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,741
VAL: Moi aussi.
506
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,210
Oh, by all means.
507
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,412
Thanks for helping clean up.
508
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,314
I can't believe
we didn't figure it out.
509
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,615
All six of us blacking out
over nothing.
510
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,417
I know.
511
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,119
Anyway, go home.
512
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,820
I'll help you
clean this up later.
513
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,722
No, it's alright, I got it.
You go.
514
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:46,724
I got it.
515
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,639
Oh...
516
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,443
KATE: You guys are so immature,
you know that?
517
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,745
Stop it!
Don't mind them.
518
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,180
They're just stupid
and obnoxious.
519
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,748
They're all stupid.
520
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:11,982
[in a whisper]
Shut the fuck up!
521
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:15,853
[all giggling]
522
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:18,456
I'm sorry to
crash the weird party
523
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:23,161
that you're throwing out of
your office over the weekend.
524
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:26,997
May I ask what brings you
to my office on the weekend?
525
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:30,468
I was gonna just
leave this at the front
526
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,603
for you to find Monday morning,
but this is way better.
527
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,205
Oh, shit!
Is this what I think it is?
528
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,006
RAM: Horamo.
529
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:36,874
With your slogan
right there on the label.
530
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:38,176
KATE: Oh!
531
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,810
Look at that!
532
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,379
RAM: Yeah, it was
worth the trip
533
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:42,180
just to see that
shit-eating grin.
534
00:19:42,215 --> 00:19:44,882
[chuckles]
535
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,084
Alright, well, uh...
536
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,619
Don't let me keep you
from your party.
537
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,020
Uh, thanks for stopping by.
538
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:54,625
Yeah.
539
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:58,028
Now, uh, walk me out, please?
540
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,430
I don't want to
walk by your friends alone.
541
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:00,698
KATE: Oh, yeah.
[laughs]
542
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,999
[sighs with relief]
543
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,834
[chuckles]
544
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,503
I knew I wasn't a bad person.
545
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,047
ANNE: [clears throat]
RAM: Goodnight, ladies.
546
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:20,418
Have fun!
ALL: Goodnight!
547
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,253
He is a lot cuter
than you let on.
548
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,455
Okay, is he?
He's fine.
549
00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:25,423
Can we just cheers
to Alice, please?
550
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,724
Thanks.
551
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:31,662
[glasses clink]
552
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,731
Mmm, that is delicious.
553
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,132
Yeah, I'm just
gonna say it, Val.
554
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,133
This champagne is cheap as shit.
555
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,269
So friggin' sweet!
556
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,337
Yeah, we're gonna get
killer hangovers for this.
557
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:40,471
Take it easy, Alice.
558
00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,873
Anybody have an Advil?
559
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,074
I don't fuck with champagne
unless I take one of those.
560
00:20:44,276 --> 00:20:45,243
I don't have that, but...
561
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,544
this could do the trick.
562
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,278
Is that your migraine pill?
563
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:49,280
Uh-huh.
564
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:50,348
SLOANE: Any side effects
we should know about?
565
00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,683
Well, there is one.
566
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:53,684
You could drink your tits off
and not get a headache.
567
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,286
SLOANE: Yeah!
568
00:20:55,355 --> 00:21:00,291
Kate, you are a genius!
569
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,659
Bottoms up!
570
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:03,561
♪
571
00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,296
♪
572
00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:09,667
Oh, fuck...
573
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:13,904
♪ Here lies a series of questionable decisions... ♪
574
00:21:13,954 --> 00:21:18,504
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39813
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof