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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,325 --> 00:00:12,952 Snoring 2 00:00:13,060 --> 00:00:16,461 Dog barks 3 00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:31,607 CLIVE: Well, it sounds like you got the ball rolling 4 00:00:31,712 --> 00:00:32,872 in the right direction, man. 5 00:00:32,979 --> 00:00:35,174 What about this new girl you just signed? What's her deal? 6 00:00:35,282 --> 00:00:37,944 I'm teIIin' you, this girI Nomi is reaIIy taIented. 7 00:00:38,051 --> 00:00:39,712 She Iooks great, she sounds great. 8 00:00:39,820 --> 00:00:42,482 I got interest from media outIets, pubIicists. 9 00:00:42,589 --> 00:00:44,580 I might have another goId aIbum here, boss. 10 00:00:44,758 --> 00:00:46,157 -[ Knocking ] -Down, Toodles. 11 00:00:46,293 --> 00:00:47,590 -[ Dog barking ] -Toodles, shut up! 12 00:00:47,728 --> 00:00:50,128 Hey, boss. I got so many demos to get through here tonight. 13 00:00:50,230 --> 00:00:52,721 If it's aII the same to you, couId we just deaI with this aII tomorrow? 14 00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:54,664 -Of course. l'll see you in the A.M. -AII right. 15 00:00:54,768 --> 00:00:56,065 -Hi there. -Hi. 16 00:00:56,169 --> 00:00:58,467 -Oh, you Iook great. -Thank you. 17 00:00:58,572 --> 00:01:00,699 Sorry I'm workin' Iate. I just Iost my intern. 18 00:01:00,807 --> 00:01:02,536 He says he's sick. I think he's just hung over. 19 00:01:02,709 --> 00:01:04,142 WeII, I'II be your intern. 20 00:01:04,244 --> 00:01:05,643 -Wow. -What does it pay? 21 00:01:05,812 --> 00:01:07,803 I can start you off with a IittIe fried rice. 22 00:01:07,914 --> 00:01:09,176 Maybe some MongoIian beef. 23 00:01:09,282 --> 00:01:10,306 You got yourseIf a deaI. 24 00:01:11,184 --> 00:01:12,845 Are you sure you're ready for this? 25 00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:14,978 This is reaIIy how you find new artists? 26 00:01:20,894 --> 00:01:22,521 Nah. 27 00:01:22,696 --> 00:01:25,028 DEMO #2: Rasta man, comin' at ya 28 00:01:25,198 --> 00:01:27,291 DEMO #3: l'm going to kill your cat! 29 00:01:27,401 --> 00:01:29,164 l'm going to kill your-- 30 00:01:29,336 --> 00:01:31,031 Oh, I'm sorry you had to hear that. 31 00:01:31,204 --> 00:01:34,696 Oh, seems like a day ago 32 00:01:34,808 --> 00:01:36,833 Not quite like the last 33 00:01:37,010 --> 00:01:40,707 And now l see him walking far away 34 00:01:40,814 --> 00:01:43,840 Blasting down the street tonight 35 00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:46,145 One more reason 36 00:01:46,253 --> 00:01:49,245 lt's a cold from the season 37 00:01:49,356 --> 00:01:56,023 And l know that she'll be pleasing me all night 38 00:01:56,129 --> 00:01:58,063 She takes all my pains away 39 00:01:58,165 --> 00:01:59,359 She takes all my pains away 40 00:01:59,466 --> 00:02:02,492 Relieves all my cravings l'm craving at night 41 00:02:02,602 --> 00:02:04,092 She loves when l feel awake 42 00:02:04,271 --> 00:02:05,761 She loves when l feel awake 43 00:02:05,872 --> 00:02:09,933 She loves when l peel off her clothing at night 44 00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:14,343 Now it's seeming like a ways away 45 00:02:14,514 --> 00:02:16,175 Right around the street 46 00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:20,310 And all of a sudden l was seein' her face 47 00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:24,720 She offers me a ride around 48 00:02:24,825 --> 00:02:27,089 One more reason 49 00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:30,220 lt's a cold from the season 50 00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:36,166 And l know that she'll be pleasing me all night 51 00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,096 She takes all my pains away 52 00:02:39,272 --> 00:02:40,398 She takes all my pains away 53 00:02:40,507 --> 00:02:43,635 Relieves all my cravings l'm craving at night 54 00:02:43,743 --> 00:02:45,301 She loves when l feel awake 55 00:02:45,412 --> 00:02:46,606 She loves when l feel awake 56 00:02:46,713 --> 00:02:49,682 She loves when l peel off her clothing at night 57 00:02:49,783 --> 00:02:51,307 She takes all my pains away 58 00:02:51,418 --> 00:02:52,544 She takes all my pains away 59 00:02:52,652 --> 00:02:55,712 Relieves all my cravings l'm craving at night 60 00:02:55,822 --> 00:02:57,255 She loves when l feel awake 61 00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:58,722 She loves when l feel awake 62 00:02:58,825 --> 00:03:03,057 She loves when l peel off her clothing at night 63 00:03:04,898 --> 00:03:07,298 You think it's all 64 00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:13,269 You think it's all about you 65 00:03:13,373 --> 00:03:16,934 About you 66 00:03:17,043 --> 00:03:19,910 You think it's all 67 00:03:20,013 --> 00:03:27,510 You think it's all about you 68 00:03:27,621 --> 00:03:31,148 You think it's all 69 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:38,657 You think it's all about you 70 00:03:38,832 --> 00:03:41,266 Ooh, it's just Iike Christmas. 71 00:03:41,368 --> 00:03:42,665 She takes all my pains away 72 00:03:42,769 --> 00:03:44,236 [ Screams ] 73 00:03:44,337 --> 00:03:44,996 Yeah! 74 00:03:45,171 --> 00:03:47,901 Relieves all my cravings l'm craving at night 75 00:03:48,074 --> 00:03:50,440 She loves when l feel awake 76 00:03:50,544 --> 00:03:53,479 She loves when l peel off her clothing at night 77 00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:56,481 She takes all my pains away 78 00:03:56,583 --> 00:03:59,381 Relieves all my cravings l'm craving at night 79 00:03:59,553 --> 00:04:02,488 She loves when l feel awake 80 00:04:02,589 --> 00:04:05,558 She loves when l peel off her clothing at night 81 00:04:05,659 --> 00:04:08,560 She takes all my pains away 82 00:04:08,662 --> 00:04:11,654 Relieves all my cravings l'm craving at night 83 00:04:11,831 --> 00:04:14,698 She loves when l feel awake 84 00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:17,770 She loves when l peel off her clothing at night 85 00:04:17,871 --> 00:04:20,772 She takes all my pains away 86 00:04:20,874 --> 00:04:23,399 Relieves all my cravings l'm craving at night 87 00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:25,375 CLEANING WOMAN: You better use a rubber! 88 00:04:25,545 --> 00:04:28,878 And don't Ieave me any surprises. 89 00:04:29,049 --> 00:04:30,846 Good night, Estaire. 90 00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:32,350 [ Laughs ] 91 00:04:38,325 --> 00:04:41,886 [ TeIephone rings ] 92 00:04:43,663 --> 00:04:46,427 -Hi, is Andy in? -Mmm, no. 93 00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:48,364 Well, l was wondering if-- 94 00:04:54,507 --> 00:04:56,099 It's not that bad. 95 00:04:56,276 --> 00:04:58,938 ''Nomi sings with the emotionaI depth of a 1 2-year-oId.'' 96 00:04:59,112 --> 00:05:00,238 See? 97 00:05:00,347 --> 00:05:01,712 It's not that bad. 98 00:05:01,815 --> 00:05:03,976 Just wait tiII the message boards and bIogs get ahoId of it. 99 00:05:04,084 --> 00:05:06,177 -ProbabIy wanna kiII yourseIf. -Anything eIse? 100 00:05:06,353 --> 00:05:10,187 Layne caIIed, took a message. . . Iost it. 101 00:05:10,357 --> 00:05:13,053 -You're doing great work here. -Thanks. 102 00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:17,823 My stomach is aII messed up now. Maybe they're right. 103 00:05:17,998 --> 00:05:19,898 Nomi, a 1 2-year-oId? 104 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,230 You are so taIented. 105 00:05:22,402 --> 00:05:23,835 That's one person's opinion. 106 00:05:23,937 --> 00:05:26,269 WouId I have fought for you so hard if I didn't beIieve in you? 107 00:05:26,439 --> 00:05:29,272 You had to fight for me? CIive didn't want to sign me? 108 00:05:29,442 --> 00:05:32,502 No, not at first. But that's just how CIive is. 109 00:05:32,612 --> 00:05:35,172 But once you've soId him, it's over. You got him. 110 00:05:35,281 --> 00:05:37,408 And then he's gonna put you exactIy where you wanna be. 111 00:05:37,584 --> 00:05:40,052 He's going to dump my aIbum, isn't he? He's going to dump me. 112 00:05:40,153 --> 00:05:42,587 He's gonna Iove you, Nomi. I got you on the Iist. 113 00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:45,385 You're pIaying this weekend, showcase at The BonneviIIe. 114 00:05:45,492 --> 00:05:46,288 He'II Iove it. 115 00:05:46,426 --> 00:05:49,122 -Andy. -No. Nomi, I don't wanna hear it. 116 00:05:49,295 --> 00:05:51,092 You can do it, and you wiII do it. 117 00:05:58,204 --> 00:05:59,296 Surprise! 118 00:05:59,406 --> 00:06:02,136 Lauren. What's aII this? 119 00:06:02,308 --> 00:06:04,208 Did you Iight candIes? 120 00:06:04,310 --> 00:06:05,538 Drinking wine? 121 00:06:05,645 --> 00:06:07,476 HeIIo, what does it Iook Iike I'm doing? 122 00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:08,842 I made your favorite dinner. 123 00:06:08,948 --> 00:06:10,108 Oh, my goodness. 124 00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:12,117 WeII, of course you did. 125 00:06:12,285 --> 00:06:14,753 You Iook super sexy. 126 00:06:14,921 --> 00:06:16,149 Thank you very much. 127 00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:17,621 Wow. 128 00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:19,123 Wow. 129 00:06:23,296 --> 00:06:25,491 And you have no idea what today is, do you? 130 00:06:26,066 --> 00:06:27,693 Uh. . . . 131 00:06:27,867 --> 00:06:29,198 Wait. 132 00:06:30,537 --> 00:06:33,335 I know it's not your birthday because that's in ApriI. 133 00:06:35,041 --> 00:06:36,838 My birthday's in June. 134 00:06:38,144 --> 00:06:40,112 'Cause we went to Big Bear. 135 00:06:40,213 --> 00:06:41,840 We went to CataIina. 136 00:06:42,916 --> 00:06:43,814 Right. 137 00:06:45,618 --> 00:06:49,019 Is it my birthday? 138 00:06:49,189 --> 00:06:51,316 It's our anniversary, genius. 139 00:06:51,491 --> 00:06:52,321 It is? 140 00:06:52,425 --> 00:06:54,256 Yeah, it's been a year. 141 00:06:54,427 --> 00:06:56,725 WeII, no wonder you made dinner. 142 00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:59,492 We have to ceIebrate this wonderfuI occasion. 143 00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:00,496 Mm-hmm. 144 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,592 Lauren, I'm sorry. 145 00:07:03,703 --> 00:07:06,866 I've been crazy busy at work. 146 00:07:09,676 --> 00:07:13,578 Oh, grumpy. You're so grumpy. 147 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,409 GrumpziIIa. 148 00:07:15,515 --> 00:07:17,380 Sourasaurus. Look at you. 149 00:07:17,484 --> 00:07:19,918 I'm so sorry, sweetheart. 150 00:07:20,019 --> 00:07:23,147 Oh, you got bugs in your hair. Dirty bugs in your hair. 151 00:07:23,256 --> 00:07:24,223 [ Laughs ] No, I don't. 152 00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:25,723 When's the Iast time you took a shower? 153 00:07:25,825 --> 00:07:26,814 I just had one. 154 00:07:26,926 --> 00:07:28,894 I don't know about that. 155 00:07:29,062 --> 00:07:30,586 Hey. 156 00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:36,858 You know you're the most important thing to me, right? 157 00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:39,564 I reaIIy am sorry. 158 00:07:40,306 --> 00:07:41,933 Okay. 159 00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:44,532 Happy anniversary. 160 00:07:44,644 --> 00:07:46,236 Happy anniversary. 161 00:07:46,713 --> 00:07:50,547 Um, Ioser, the Ieast you can do is heIp me with the dishes. 162 00:07:53,253 --> 00:07:54,982 You reaIize I'm gonna punch you in the baIIs 163 00:07:55,088 --> 00:07:56,680 if you knock one more thing over. 164 00:08:01,661 --> 00:08:04,095 Oh, you reaIIy think you can do this? 165 00:08:04,197 --> 00:08:05,528 Oh, you took too Iong there. 166 00:08:05,632 --> 00:08:07,600 [ Lauren screams, Iaughs ] 167 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:10,362 No. What, you think you're gonna hurt me with that? 168 00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:12,438 Come on. Oh, you are in huge troubIe. 169 00:08:12,539 --> 00:08:13,904 No! Oh, put me down! Put me down! 170 00:08:14,073 --> 00:08:17,065 [ Breathing heaviIy ] 171 00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:18,710 [ Both moaning ] 172 00:08:18,812 --> 00:08:20,177 LAUREN: I Iove you. 173 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,771 AND Y: Oh, thanks. 174 00:08:22,882 --> 00:08:26,818 [ Andy moans ] 175 00:08:33,293 --> 00:08:34,760 [ ChuckIes ] 176 00:08:35,962 --> 00:08:37,987 [ Sighs ] 177 00:08:51,144 --> 00:08:53,669 Nancy and I have incredibIe sex. 178 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:56,305 It's, Iike, unbeIievabIe. 179 00:08:56,482 --> 00:08:59,076 David is the worst, worst Iover ever. 180 00:08:59,252 --> 00:09:02,153 The first time we did it -- sex -- 181 00:09:02,255 --> 00:09:05,452 went to a restaurant and then went to a reaIIy great movie. 182 00:09:05,558 --> 00:09:08,220 And then, God, she Iooked so good 183 00:09:08,328 --> 00:09:10,956 I couIdn't even concentrate, you know? 184 00:09:11,064 --> 00:09:14,500 So, I took her back to her apartment. . . 185 00:09:14,601 --> 00:09:16,034 with my boner. 186 00:09:16,135 --> 00:09:18,160 Yeah, you know, I can reaIIy waIk myseIf to my door. 187 00:09:18,271 --> 00:09:19,431 Yeah, you know what? 188 00:09:19,539 --> 00:09:20,904 Oh. 189 00:09:21,007 --> 00:09:22,338 Oh. 190 00:09:22,442 --> 00:09:23,932 Oh. 191 00:09:24,043 --> 00:09:24,941 Yeah, um. . . . 192 00:09:25,044 --> 00:09:28,241 I'm gonna fuck you untiI you shit. 193 00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:32,146 -Yeah. -That is so hot. 194 00:09:32,318 --> 00:09:37,278 And, yeah, on the tabIe, on my bench, in the kitchen. 195 00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:40,757 It's Iike that aII the time. You know what I'm sayin'? 196 00:09:40,860 --> 00:09:43,590 And it gets reaI oId, you know? 197 00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:45,823 I mean, a IittIe spontaneity every once in a whiIe, 198 00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:47,490 it's a good thing, you know. But, um. . . . 199 00:09:47,667 --> 00:09:50,761 We don't -- We don't need forepIay. 200 00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:54,431 I need forepIay. 201 00:09:54,540 --> 00:09:56,872 You do? 202 00:09:57,543 --> 00:09:59,511 Yeah. 203 00:09:59,612 --> 00:10:02,706 Why have you never brought this up before? 204 00:10:02,815 --> 00:10:05,943 It just never came up in conversation. 205 00:10:06,052 --> 00:10:08,680 So, aII that time was. . . . 206 00:10:08,788 --> 00:10:11,382 It was okay. 207 00:10:11,491 --> 00:10:12,958 So, just okay? 208 00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:17,258 Pretty decent. 209 00:10:17,363 --> 00:10:18,762 That is worse than okay. 210 00:10:18,865 --> 00:10:20,492 No. No, no, no. No, no. 211 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,728 See, decent is definiteIy a IittIe bit better than okay. 212 00:10:23,836 --> 00:10:27,602 And then pretty decent is just a IittIe Iess decent than that. 213 00:10:27,707 --> 00:10:29,265 No, there's a scaIe. 214 00:10:29,375 --> 00:10:33,004 It's Iike horribIe, get out of my room. . . 215 00:10:33,112 --> 00:10:34,739 -Nah, pretty bad. . . -No-- 216 00:10:34,847 --> 00:10:36,405 -You've embarrassed yourseIf. . . -No. 217 00:10:36,516 --> 00:10:38,848 -Then decent. Then decent. -Pretty decent is pretty-- 218 00:10:38,952 --> 00:10:40,681 Pretty. 219 00:10:40,787 --> 00:10:43,847 I got somethin' decent for ya, baby, and it's in my pants. 220 00:10:43,957 --> 00:10:45,083 Hey, homey. 221 00:10:45,191 --> 00:10:46,988 -Oh, yeah! -What the f-- 222 00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:49,926 What is that? That's buIIshit. 223 00:10:50,029 --> 00:10:50,859 NANC Y: Whoo! 224 00:10:50,964 --> 00:10:52,727 DAVID'S MOM: David, honey, dinner's ready. 225 00:10:52,832 --> 00:10:53,764 Mom! 226 00:10:53,866 --> 00:10:55,265 NANC Y: Yeah, baby, get that wiener out! Rarr! 227 00:10:56,235 --> 00:10:59,636 So Iast night, I think I heard Lauren sigh. 228 00:10:59,739 --> 00:11:01,969 What do you mean? 229 00:11:02,141 --> 00:11:05,042 After sex, she sighed. 230 00:11:05,211 --> 00:11:07,076 You mean Iike-- 231 00:11:07,180 --> 00:11:08,647 [ Sighs with pIeasure ] 232 00:11:08,748 --> 00:11:10,238 Not quite. 233 00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:12,978 So, it was more Iike-- 234 00:11:13,086 --> 00:11:14,417 [ Sighs with disappointment ] 235 00:11:14,587 --> 00:11:15,417 Yeah. 236 00:11:15,521 --> 00:11:17,079 What's the probIem? 237 00:11:17,256 --> 00:11:18,518 I don't think it's reaIIy a probIem. 238 00:11:18,624 --> 00:11:20,387 I just need to make a few adjustments. 239 00:11:20,493 --> 00:11:22,586 My ex, Tricia, it took Iike two minutes. 240 00:11:22,695 --> 00:11:26,324 I couId give her a piggyback ride to the car and she'd be done. 241 00:11:26,432 --> 00:11:28,332 Lauren takes a Iot Ionger. 242 00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:29,593 How much Ionger? 243 00:11:29,769 --> 00:11:30,633 I don't know. 244 00:11:30,803 --> 00:11:31,929 WeII, guesstimate. 245 00:11:32,805 --> 00:11:35,774 No, reaIIy, I don't know. 246 00:11:35,942 --> 00:11:38,570 Wait. How Iong have you two been going out? 247 00:11:38,745 --> 00:11:39,302 A year. 248 00:11:39,479 --> 00:11:41,947 A year?! 249 00:11:42,048 --> 00:11:45,108 An entire year and nothing? Are you kidding me, Andy? 250 00:11:45,284 --> 00:11:48,276 A year? I mean, a year's a reaIIy Iong time to not even-- 251 00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:50,288 Okay, yeah, I get it. Thank you, Nomi. 252 00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:51,584 I'm just saying, Iike, 253 00:11:51,691 --> 00:11:54,159 you couId reaIIy get benched for something Iike that. 254 00:11:54,327 --> 00:11:56,318 Hey, Andy, what is up? 255 00:11:56,496 --> 00:11:57,986 Andy can't satisfy his girIfriend. 256 00:11:58,164 --> 00:12:00,132 Ooh, what's the probIem? 257 00:12:00,299 --> 00:12:02,392 I wouIdn't caII it a probIem, per se. 258 00:12:02,502 --> 00:12:04,993 Oh, honey, you better Iearn, 'cause nobody gets back into the game 259 00:12:05,104 --> 00:12:06,366 once they've been benched. 260 00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:10,339 Yeah, weII, I didn't even know what the score was untiI just Iast night. 261 00:12:11,477 --> 00:12:14,002 Nomi, give me some pointers. 262 00:12:14,180 --> 00:12:15,238 No, that's weird. 263 00:12:15,348 --> 00:12:17,509 I don't know what I'm doing here, obviousIy. 264 00:12:17,617 --> 00:12:18,879 You must know a thing or two. 265 00:12:18,985 --> 00:12:21,920 Come on, spiII the beans. This is cIearIy very important. 266 00:12:22,021 --> 00:12:26,924 I'm not a sexpert here, Andy, so. . . 267 00:12:27,860 --> 00:12:29,350 Do you forepIay? 268 00:12:29,529 --> 00:12:30,496 I pIay every time. 269 00:12:30,663 --> 00:12:32,927 How much pIay? 270 00:12:33,032 --> 00:12:34,090 How much? 271 00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:35,928 Yeah, you know, quantify in minutes. 272 00:12:36,102 --> 00:12:37,694 Three or four. 273 00:12:37,870 --> 00:12:38,598 [ Laughs ] 274 00:12:38,704 --> 00:12:39,898 Three or four? 275 00:12:40,006 --> 00:12:42,702 Andy Conners, you are definiteIy not satisfying your girIfriend. 276 00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:45,070 Okay, Nancy. 277 00:12:45,178 --> 00:12:46,975 So, how much is enough? 278 00:12:47,146 --> 00:12:48,841 You need to go at Ieast 1 5. 279 00:12:49,015 --> 00:12:49,606 1 5?! 280 00:12:49,715 --> 00:12:51,649 Yeah, you know, depending on what type. 281 00:12:51,751 --> 00:12:54,049 And what's the best type? 282 00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:55,346 You need to educate yourseIf 283 00:12:55,455 --> 00:12:57,514 on aII the reIevant methods and techniques. 284 00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:59,351 How wouId I go about this? 285 00:13:01,561 --> 00:13:03,392 Don't Iook at me. 286 00:13:04,230 --> 00:13:05,925 -Hi. -Hey there. 287 00:13:06,032 --> 00:13:08,159 How'd it go Iast night? 288 00:13:08,267 --> 00:13:11,259 Last night was good. . . when he finaIIy got there. 289 00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:11,961 [ Groans ] 290 00:13:12,071 --> 00:13:14,904 Okay, weII, what about after dinner? Did he Iike the Iingerie? 291 00:13:15,074 --> 00:13:16,006 Yeah. 292 00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:17,369 Okay, weII, was the sex good? 293 00:13:17,543 --> 00:13:19,204 Yeah. 294 00:13:19,378 --> 00:13:21,437 Hey, mysterious, you wanna fiII me in here? 295 00:13:21,547 --> 00:13:22,775 It was your one-year, right? 296 00:13:22,949 --> 00:13:24,075 Yep. 297 00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:27,219 Okay. WeII, is he the one? 298 00:13:28,488 --> 00:13:29,648 He couId be. 299 00:13:30,456 --> 00:13:31,616 You're not sure? 300 00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:34,089 How couId anyone ever reaIIy be sure? 301 00:13:34,260 --> 00:13:36,728 Okay, weII, how does he rank on your Iist? 302 00:13:36,896 --> 00:13:37,988 My Iist? 303 00:13:38,131 --> 00:13:40,691 The ''How Do You Know If Your Boyfriend's The One'' Iist. 304 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:45,134 Come on. I don't have a Iist. That's siIIy. 305 00:13:46,172 --> 00:13:47,434 What's on this Iist? 306 00:13:47,607 --> 00:13:49,541 Okay, weII, everyone's Iist is different, right? 307 00:13:49,642 --> 00:13:50,904 I mean, wouIdn't you say, CarIa? 308 00:13:51,077 --> 00:13:52,510 Yeah, you start with the basics. 309 00:13:52,612 --> 00:13:55,046 So, Iike, I want someone who hears me, 310 00:13:55,148 --> 00:13:57,139 not just Iistens, but actuaIIy gets what I'm saying. 311 00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,684 Right. Or Iike, does he appreciate me? 312 00:13:59,785 --> 00:14:01,582 Is he romantic? 313 00:14:01,754 --> 00:14:03,551 Does he drain your souI with empty promises 314 00:14:03,656 --> 00:14:05,385 and seIf-serving priorities? 315 00:14:05,925 --> 00:14:07,415 Okay, that's a different Iist. 316 00:14:07,527 --> 00:14:08,892 It's about the smaII things, okay? 317 00:14:08,995 --> 00:14:11,020 Like, does he open doors for you? Does he kiss you goodnight? 318 00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:12,995 Does he not cheat on you with your shift manager 319 00:14:13,099 --> 00:14:16,500 who's onIy moderateIy better Iooking than you? 320 00:14:16,669 --> 00:14:18,193 -I hate men. -Right. 321 00:14:18,304 --> 00:14:20,431 Not so heIpfuI, right? Maybe not? 322 00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:22,098 Let's keep it Iight. 323 00:14:22,208 --> 00:14:24,438 The most important thing of aII, as you aIready know, 324 00:14:24,544 --> 00:14:26,774 does he get you to OrIando? 325 00:14:26,946 --> 00:14:29,642 Oh, my God! You are so bad! I can't beIieve you just said that! 326 00:14:29,815 --> 00:14:31,339 -I did. I did. -You're such a dork. 327 00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:35,113 No, it never happened! I've never been there. 328 00:14:35,288 --> 00:14:37,279 And he is aIways there. 329 00:14:37,456 --> 00:14:40,948 You know, whatever. I don't even care. 330 00:14:41,060 --> 00:14:45,861 So, Lauren, is Andy, Iike, a sex train with precious cargo? 331 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,832 Oh, come on, don't Ieave us hangin'. 332 00:14:49,936 --> 00:14:51,870 I bet he is. 333 00:14:51,971 --> 00:14:53,461 Mm-hmm. 334 00:14:53,639 --> 00:14:57,507 What is my body worth? 335 00:14:57,677 --> 00:15:00,475 Was there a price set before? 336 00:15:00,646 --> 00:15:04,138 There's something greater there 337 00:15:04,250 --> 00:15:08,050 What is my body worth? 338 00:15:08,154 --> 00:15:11,021 Was there a price set before? 339 00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:15,024 lt's not gonna change you 340 00:15:15,194 --> 00:15:19,392 We walk along but never turn 341 00:15:19,532 --> 00:15:23,298 So, you Iadies ever met a beautifuI, bIack band manager before? 342 00:15:23,402 --> 00:15:24,164 [ Scoffs ] 343 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,830 No, you couIdn't've, you couIdn't've, not especiaIIy Iookin' Iike me. 344 00:15:26,939 --> 00:15:29,772 You dig? I got the Kanye West Iook. 345 00:15:29,875 --> 00:15:32,207 I'm that drumroII waIkin' through the door kind of cat. 346 00:15:32,311 --> 00:15:34,871 You know what I'm sayin'? I can get you concert tickets. 347 00:15:34,981 --> 00:15:38,314 I can get you backstage passes, especiaIIy with them fine asses. 348 00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:39,406 Know what I'm sayin'? 349 00:15:39,518 --> 00:15:43,545 So, if you reaIIy wanted to think about it, I'm a commodity. 350 00:15:43,656 --> 00:15:44,918 I'm somebody you wanna know. 351 00:15:45,024 --> 00:15:47,549 Come on, it's Iike m�nage � quatre. I Iike foursomes. 352 00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:49,787 -What's up, you don't Iike foursomes? -You're a Ioser. 353 00:15:49,895 --> 00:15:53,262 Oh, I get it. I get it, I get it. Your moms are caIIin'. 354 00:15:53,366 --> 00:15:55,231 -WOMAN: Whatever. -Truant officers? 355 00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:57,359 -I got candy. -WOMAN: Proof he's a Ioser. 356 00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:58,960 -Yeah, go on, go see the Jonas Brothers. 357 00:15:59,071 --> 00:16:00,038 WOMAN: Okay, Kanye. 358 00:16:00,139 --> 00:16:01,003 -Hey, Layne. -What? 359 00:16:01,107 --> 00:16:03,735 -So, that went weII. -Andy, what's up, man? 360 00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:05,208 How've you been? 361 00:16:05,311 --> 00:16:07,711 What's it been, Iike three months? You don't know a brother no more? 362 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,211 Hey, sorry. You know how it is. 363 00:16:09,382 --> 00:16:11,077 Yeah, I know how it is. I'm just giving you heII. 364 00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:13,411 I taIked to Nomi the other day. Homey, you messin' me up, man? 365 00:16:13,519 --> 00:16:15,714 What's goin' on? You messin' with my money? How's the aIbum? 366 00:16:15,888 --> 00:16:17,287 -I brought her to you. -And? 367 00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:19,051 We're getting the mixes back any day now. 368 00:16:19,158 --> 00:16:21,251 She's got this showcase next week. It's aII good. 369 00:16:21,427 --> 00:16:22,485 CooI. CooI. 370 00:16:22,595 --> 00:16:23,755 How's Lauren? 371 00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:25,419 Not bad. 372 00:16:25,998 --> 00:16:27,431 AII right, what's wrong? 373 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,433 To teII you the truth, she sighed Iast night. 374 00:16:30,603 --> 00:16:32,400 Sighed? What the heII's that mean? 375 00:16:32,571 --> 00:16:34,402 Her train didn't quite make it to OrIando. 376 00:16:34,573 --> 00:16:36,700 What the heII are you taIkin' about? Was she traveIing? 377 00:16:37,476 --> 00:16:39,137 Sex train. 378 00:16:40,146 --> 00:16:43,343 Oh, her train never made it to OrIando. 379 00:16:43,449 --> 00:16:44,575 You caII it OrIando? 380 00:16:46,552 --> 00:16:49,385 So does her train ever make it to OrIando? 381 00:16:49,555 --> 00:16:50,681 Not reaIIy. 382 00:16:50,790 --> 00:16:53,315 Yeah, and that's the probIem, okay? I'm reaIIy worried. 383 00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:55,553 I just found out I couId get benched for something Iike this. 384 00:16:55,661 --> 00:16:56,855 Oh, heII yeah, you can. 385 00:16:56,962 --> 00:16:58,486 -Yeah? -Yeah, man. 386 00:16:58,597 --> 00:16:59,291 Oh. 387 00:16:59,465 --> 00:17:01,626 Oh, man, don't worry, man. You know I got you. 388 00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:03,702 Who was there for you when you and Tricia broke up? 389 00:17:03,869 --> 00:17:05,803 -You. -Yeah. Yeah, exactIy. 390 00:17:05,971 --> 00:17:07,939 And who stayed up with you aII night drinking absinthe 391 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,338 and getting aII sensitive, taIkin' about our fear of snakes 392 00:17:10,443 --> 00:17:12,468 when you Iost your first IabeI ob? 393 00:17:12,578 --> 00:17:15,012 Come on, man, we'II get through this together. 394 00:17:15,114 --> 00:17:15,944 Thanks, man. 395 00:17:16,115 --> 00:17:18,481 Yeah. What are best friends for? 396 00:17:18,651 --> 00:17:21,176 What is my body worth? 397 00:17:21,287 --> 00:17:23,949 [ Cheering and appIause ] 398 00:17:24,123 --> 00:17:27,217 One more song! One more song! 399 00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:30,386 One more song! One more song! 400 00:17:33,332 --> 00:17:35,027 LAYNE: HeII of a set, Chris. 401 00:17:35,134 --> 00:17:37,534 -Oh, what up, Layne? -What's up, baby? 402 00:17:37,636 --> 00:17:39,695 -Yeah, it was. We kiIIed it, man. -You sure did, man. 403 00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:41,329 -What up, Andy? How you doin'? -Good, good. 404 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,135 What's not up is Andy can't get his girI off. 405 00:17:43,309 --> 00:17:45,106 Andy, what's the probIem, dude? 406 00:17:45,211 --> 00:17:48,009 I reaIIy wouIdn't caII it a probIem, per se. 407 00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:49,704 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, who's got a probIem? 408 00:17:49,882 --> 00:17:52,544 Andy. He can't get Lauren to OrIando, if you know what I mean. 409 00:17:52,718 --> 00:17:53,980 Wait a minute, you caII it that, too? 410 00:17:54,086 --> 00:17:55,553 What the heII is this, a white-boy thing? 411 00:17:55,654 --> 00:17:57,349 What's the matter, Andy, you can't get it up? 412 00:17:57,523 --> 00:17:59,957 No. It's up aII the time. I dry toweIs on it. 413 00:18:00,126 --> 00:18:02,026 -Oh, so it's Iike an endurance thing? -No. 414 00:18:02,762 --> 00:18:05,663 Yeah. Sometimes. 415 00:18:05,765 --> 00:18:07,232 Why, do you know something about this? 416 00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:08,664 Me? No, no, man. 417 00:18:08,768 --> 00:18:10,292 It's a common probIem though, you know? 418 00:18:10,403 --> 00:18:11,768 I mean, I couId go, Iike, two or three days 419 00:18:11,871 --> 00:18:13,168 without food or water. Nothing. 420 00:18:13,339 --> 00:18:15,398 Andy, don't sweat it, man. I'm a two-pump chump, too. 421 00:18:15,508 --> 00:18:19,069 What you gotta do is think about puppies and WaIter Matthau. 422 00:18:19,245 --> 00:18:21,008 You'II Iast for a week. You won't be abIe to finish. 423 00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,740 Wait, wait, you don't think about sex when you're having sex? 424 00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:25,646 I have a boner 2 4 hours a day. 425 00:18:25,751 --> 00:18:27,742 What am I supposed to do when I Iook down 426 00:18:27,853 --> 00:18:31,812 and there's this beautifuI, moaning, naked woman beIow me? 427 00:18:31,991 --> 00:18:33,652 Andy, good Iuck, man. We're gonna head out. 428 00:18:33,826 --> 00:18:36,226 This crowd is probabIy gonna start a riot soon. 429 00:18:36,395 --> 00:18:38,522 [ Cheering and appIause ] 430 00:18:43,102 --> 00:18:46,196 I wouId Iike to dedicate this to a buddy of mine 431 00:18:46,305 --> 00:18:49,832 who can't quite seem to take his girIfriend aII the way in bed. 432 00:18:49,942 --> 00:18:51,307 I think you can do it, Andy. 433 00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:52,604 Andy! 434 00:18:52,745 --> 00:18:55,771 CROWD: Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! 435 00:18:55,881 --> 00:18:58,782 Dude, you're famous. 436 00:18:58,951 --> 00:19:01,181 [ Truck horn honks ] 437 00:19:02,421 --> 00:19:05,288 Dude, you drive Iike a girI. 438 00:19:05,391 --> 00:19:08,827 I do not drive Iike a girI. I drive the speed Iimit. 439 00:19:08,928 --> 00:19:11,328 -I don't wanna get a ticket. -You don't wanna get a ticket? 440 00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:13,591 Do you have any idea how expensive insurance is? 441 00:19:13,766 --> 00:19:16,894 -You have reaIIy Iost your edge. -What is that supposed to mean? 442 00:19:17,002 --> 00:19:19,937 It means you've gone soft, sof-t. 443 00:19:20,039 --> 00:19:23,065 I guess that's what happens when you get a girIfriend. Shit. 444 00:19:23,242 --> 00:19:25,710 Is that why you're stiII singIe? You're afraid to Iose your edge? 445 00:19:25,878 --> 00:19:28,972 As a matter of fact, that's exactIy why I'm stiII singIe. 446 00:19:29,081 --> 00:19:32,141 I Iike to keep my edge extra edgy, sIice your motherfuckin' head off. 447 00:19:32,251 --> 00:19:33,240 You feeI me? 448 00:19:33,352 --> 00:19:36,014 Shit, man, men are not supposed to be monogamous, man. 449 00:19:36,121 --> 00:19:37,418 We're supposed to be chiIIin'. 450 00:19:37,523 --> 00:19:39,889 We're supposed to be out in the fieId, puIIing our dicks out, 451 00:19:39,992 --> 00:19:41,983 spreading our seed as far, as wide as possibIe, 452 00:19:42,094 --> 00:19:43,186 Iike a fire hydrant. 453 00:19:43,362 --> 00:19:45,023 So gross. You're so gross. 454 00:19:45,130 --> 00:19:46,324 Whatever. 455 00:19:48,501 --> 00:19:50,901 AND Y: There she is. 456 00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:53,431 Nomi, get your ass in the car. 457 00:19:53,606 --> 00:19:54,971 Nomi. 458 00:19:55,074 --> 00:19:56,268 Nomi? 459 00:19:56,375 --> 00:19:58,275 Nomi, what-- what-- Who's that? 460 00:19:58,377 --> 00:20:00,174 -Put your pedaI down for the gas. -Who's he? 461 00:20:00,279 --> 00:20:02,509 -Get me out of here. -Wait, wait. What the fuck? 462 00:20:02,681 --> 00:20:05,377 Who's that guy? He gonna chase us? 463 00:20:05,484 --> 00:20:07,918 Oh, that was my date, and I hope not. 464 00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:09,112 Your date? 465 00:20:09,288 --> 00:20:10,983 AII your dates end this abruptIy? 466 00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:14,491 You know what? At Ieast I made it through the saIad, okay? 467 00:20:14,593 --> 00:20:15,617 Where are we going? 468 00:20:15,728 --> 00:20:17,628 This crazy Internet promotions party. 469 00:20:17,796 --> 00:20:19,821 Yeah, Andy needs to find some sexperts. 470 00:20:19,999 --> 00:20:22,399 Yes, and it wouId be a pretty good idea 471 00:20:22,501 --> 00:20:23,991 for you to meet some of these peopIe. 472 00:20:24,169 --> 00:20:26,535 And we fade out as the soundtrack sings 473 00:20:26,705 --> 00:20:27,967 You're like a black cat 474 00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:30,199 With a black backpack full of fireworks 475 00:20:30,309 --> 00:20:33,437 And you're gonna burn the city down right now 476 00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:36,445 Whoa 477 00:20:36,615 --> 00:20:38,207 Whoa 478 00:20:38,317 --> 00:20:39,545 You're like a black cat 479 00:20:39,652 --> 00:20:42,519 With a black backpack full of fireworks 480 00:20:42,621 --> 00:20:43,781 Let's do this. 481 00:20:43,956 --> 00:20:47,790 I need a drink. You guys handIe the sex peopIe. 482 00:20:47,893 --> 00:20:49,360 [ Scoffs ] 483 00:20:53,132 --> 00:20:55,396 Nah. Ew. 484 00:20:57,002 --> 00:20:59,698 Nope. Dork. 485 00:21:01,974 --> 00:21:05,171 Ooh, porn stars. 486 00:21:13,886 --> 00:21:15,353 Come on. 487 00:21:15,521 --> 00:21:18,081 ...way too tragic 488 00:21:22,094 --> 00:21:22,822 [ ChuckIes ] 489 00:21:22,928 --> 00:21:26,364 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 490 00:21:26,532 --> 00:21:28,295 So, what is your probIem? 491 00:21:28,467 --> 00:21:31,800 I wouId say it's more strategy than anything eIse. 492 00:21:31,904 --> 00:21:33,838 No, he can't get his girIfriend off. I mean, at aII. 493 00:21:34,006 --> 00:21:37,271 However, recent concerns have come to Iight, 494 00:21:37,376 --> 00:21:42,040 and I genuineIy fear that my days may be numbered. 495 00:21:42,147 --> 00:21:45,310 My girIfriend is my whoIe Iife, though. 496 00:21:45,417 --> 00:21:48,045 And I don't even think she knows it. 497 00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:51,678 Aw, that's so sweet. 498 00:21:51,857 --> 00:21:53,848 Why don't you waIk us through your steps. 499 00:21:54,026 --> 00:21:55,493 -Beginning to end. -Okay. 500 00:21:55,661 --> 00:21:59,153 WeII, first we kiss. 501 00:21:59,264 --> 00:22:03,963 Then I touch her. . . boobs. 502 00:22:04,103 --> 00:22:08,563 Then I kiss her. . . boobs. 503 00:22:09,575 --> 00:22:10,735 For how Iong? 504 00:22:10,909 --> 00:22:14,936 I don't know, Iike, probabIy a coupIe minutes per boob. 505 00:22:15,114 --> 00:22:15,512 Go on. 506 00:22:15,614 --> 00:22:20,017 Then we'II get naked, and we kiss some more. 507 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:24,818 And I'II touch her in her. . . speciaI pIace. 508 00:22:24,990 --> 00:22:27,550 And then we do it. 509 00:22:27,726 --> 00:22:28,590 For how Iong? 510 00:22:28,761 --> 00:22:30,592 At Ieast five or six minutes. 511 00:22:30,763 --> 00:22:32,424 Five? PIease. 512 00:22:32,598 --> 00:22:35,533 And at the end, does she ever, you know, Iike-- 513 00:22:35,634 --> 00:22:36,532 [ Moans ] 514 00:22:36,702 --> 00:22:37,100 No. 515 00:22:37,269 --> 00:22:38,099 No? 516 00:22:38,270 --> 00:22:39,828 And that's the probIem. 517 00:22:39,938 --> 00:22:43,772 Your first mistake is you don't spend enough time kissing. 518 00:22:43,942 --> 00:22:48,402 SensuaI kissing is very important in making Iove to a woman. 519 00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:50,104 Huh. 520 00:23:02,628 --> 00:23:06,325 Dude, I am getting a serious notorious B-I-G in my pants. 521 00:23:06,432 --> 00:23:08,866 Don't Iet her undress herseIf, you know. 522 00:23:08,967 --> 00:23:11,299 God, women absoIuteIy Iove to be undressed. 523 00:23:11,403 --> 00:23:15,237 -So, do it sIow. -Oh. 524 00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:20,801 Do everything sIow. 525 00:23:20,979 --> 00:23:22,844 That just comes undone just Iike that? 526 00:23:22,948 --> 00:23:24,472 That's-- That's great. 527 00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:25,912 VocaIize. 528 00:23:26,018 --> 00:23:28,987 Men get turned on by visuaIs. 529 00:23:29,088 --> 00:23:31,989 Women, we get turned on by audio. 530 00:23:32,157 --> 00:23:35,718 You're so beautifuI. 531 00:23:35,828 --> 00:23:39,025 You're turning me on, you bitch. 532 00:23:39,198 --> 00:23:40,995 Yeah, yeah, I Iike it when you caII me a bitch. 533 00:23:41,166 --> 00:23:42,793 Yeah, you just wanna touch me Iike that, don't you? 534 00:23:42,901 --> 00:23:44,732 You just wanna touch me. You just wanna touch me, smack -- 535 00:23:44,837 --> 00:23:46,361 -SIap my dick, sIap it! -What? 536 00:23:46,538 --> 00:23:47,835 SIap it, you-- 537 00:23:47,940 --> 00:23:48,804 I mean-- 538 00:23:48,974 --> 00:23:49,702 What can I get ya? 539 00:23:49,808 --> 00:23:52,470 Can I have a vodka tonic and a shot of tequiIa? 540 00:23:52,578 --> 00:23:53,670 Okay. 541 00:23:55,214 --> 00:23:57,239 -Here you go, beautifuI. -Thank you. 542 00:23:57,349 --> 00:24:01,251 Wow, you are sexy. You know that? 543 00:24:01,987 --> 00:24:03,249 Thanks. 544 00:24:03,422 --> 00:24:05,185 Some awesome bands pIaying tonight, huh? 545 00:24:06,191 --> 00:24:07,283 Yeah. 546 00:24:07,392 --> 00:24:08,120 Wow. 547 00:24:08,293 --> 00:24:09,590 [ Scoffs ] 548 00:24:11,864 --> 00:24:13,354 What-- 549 00:24:20,038 --> 00:24:21,505 Thank you, gar�on. 550 00:24:21,607 --> 00:24:23,040 Ladies. 551 00:24:23,208 --> 00:24:25,676 -So, what's the best position? -No, no, no. 552 00:24:25,778 --> 00:24:28,372 What's the best sequence of positions, you know? 553 00:24:28,547 --> 00:24:31,675 The key to making Iove to a woman is not the positions, 554 00:24:31,784 --> 00:24:35,686 it's the cIitoris, it's the hot button to a woman, 555 00:24:35,788 --> 00:24:37,221 it's the eweI. 556 00:24:37,389 --> 00:24:38,856 The diamond, rarr! 557 00:24:39,024 --> 00:24:40,958 You guys know where to find the diamond, right? 558 00:24:41,126 --> 00:24:42,423 [ Laughs ] Yeah. 559 00:24:42,594 --> 00:24:43,492 Of course we do. 560 00:24:43,595 --> 00:24:46,496 What do we Iook Iike, cavemen? 561 00:24:47,533 --> 00:24:49,626 MAN: You smeII Iike sex. 562 00:24:49,802 --> 00:24:51,269 Are you sure you know how to kiss? 563 00:24:51,436 --> 00:24:52,733 Are you out of your fuckin' mind? 564 00:24:52,905 --> 00:24:55,874 That's the one thing I do know how to do well. 565 00:24:56,041 --> 00:24:57,303 -Then prove it. -What? 566 00:24:57,409 --> 00:24:59,570 Yeah, Layne. Prove it. 567 00:24:59,745 --> 00:25:04,239 You are my brother for Iife. I'm doin' this for you. 568 00:25:04,416 --> 00:25:05,849 -Make me proud. -Yes sir. 569 00:25:05,951 --> 00:25:09,250 WeII, weII, weII, weII, weII. WeII, weII, weII. 570 00:25:09,354 --> 00:25:14,189 Eeny, meeny, miney, moe, Iet me start the fires. 571 00:25:15,661 --> 00:25:17,128 God damn it. 572 00:25:19,064 --> 00:25:20,429 NOMI: Whoo-hoo! 573 00:25:23,402 --> 00:25:24,334 [ Crash ] 574 00:25:24,436 --> 00:25:25,368 Oh, yeah. 575 00:25:26,171 --> 00:25:28,799 MAN: Is her arm broken? 576 00:25:30,142 --> 00:25:31,234 [ Moaning ] 577 00:25:40,652 --> 00:25:43,678 Oh. Oh, you are so sexy. 578 00:25:43,789 --> 00:25:45,120 Soft kissing. 579 00:25:45,224 --> 00:25:47,158 I Iove you. 580 00:25:48,026 --> 00:25:50,460 Oh, God, you're making me so hot. 581 00:25:50,562 --> 00:25:52,826 SensuaI touch. 582 00:25:54,166 --> 00:25:56,794 Oh. Oh, you're so beautifuI. 583 00:25:56,902 --> 00:25:59,302 -You're turning me on, bitch. -What? 584 00:25:59,404 --> 00:26:01,269 No, nothing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 585 00:26:01,373 --> 00:26:03,364 Shoo fly, don't bother me 586 00:26:03,475 --> 00:26:04,635 Ow, you're on my hair. 587 00:26:04,743 --> 00:26:07,405 Shoo fly, don't bother me 588 00:26:07,512 --> 00:26:09,104 What? Are you singing? 589 00:26:09,214 --> 00:26:11,182 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 590 00:26:11,283 --> 00:26:13,114 [ Moans ] 591 00:26:22,361 --> 00:26:23,851 Okay. 592 00:26:24,162 --> 00:26:26,255 Very nice. Very nice. 593 00:26:26,365 --> 00:26:28,230 Both parties satisfied. 594 00:26:28,333 --> 00:26:31,359 Wow. Wow. 595 00:26:33,739 --> 00:26:35,798 That was great. 596 00:26:36,909 --> 00:26:38,501 Right, didn't you think? 597 00:26:38,677 --> 00:26:40,440 Yeah. 598 00:26:42,214 --> 00:26:43,374 [ ChuckIes ] 599 00:26:50,355 --> 00:26:52,289 [ Sighs ] 600 00:26:55,928 --> 00:26:58,419 Rose has a great body. 601 00:26:58,530 --> 00:27:01,226 You know, she's got the ass, the Iegs, the boobs. 602 00:27:01,333 --> 00:27:04,564 Oh, I Iove those breasts. 603 00:27:05,137 --> 00:27:05,694 Ow. 604 00:27:05,804 --> 00:27:09,103 You know, they're Iike unicorns. 605 00:27:09,207 --> 00:27:11,937 You know, just unreaI. 606 00:27:13,412 --> 00:27:16,040 But so reaI. 607 00:27:16,214 --> 00:27:19,445 A woman's body has a Iot of erogenous zones. 608 00:27:19,551 --> 00:27:20,518 What do you mean? 609 00:27:20,619 --> 00:27:22,951 It means that I'm sensitive in more pIaces on my body 610 00:27:23,055 --> 00:27:24,147 than just my breasts. 611 00:27:24,256 --> 00:27:26,918 Oh. WeII, I knew that. Come on, baby. 612 00:27:27,025 --> 00:27:29,357 My neck, the smaII of my back, 613 00:27:29,461 --> 00:27:31,486 and on the sides of my hips right there by the V. 614 00:27:31,596 --> 00:27:33,257 That's my favorite. 615 00:27:33,365 --> 00:27:35,458 My knees, my wrists. 616 00:27:35,567 --> 00:27:37,797 And that IittIe pIace between my thighs. 617 00:27:37,903 --> 00:27:39,871 INTERVIEWER: And how often do you orgasm? 618 00:27:39,972 --> 00:27:43,339 -Um, sometimes. -AIways. 619 00:27:43,442 --> 00:27:44,909 Sometimes? 620 00:27:45,010 --> 00:27:46,136 AII the time. 621 00:27:46,244 --> 00:27:49,407 Thank you. That's more Iike it. 622 00:27:49,514 --> 00:27:52,142 I masturbate when I'm aIone. 623 00:27:52,250 --> 00:27:52,978 What? 624 00:27:53,151 --> 00:27:54,982 God, can you feeI my muscIes getting bigger? 625 00:27:55,087 --> 00:27:57,317 I can see your muscIes. I can see your muscIes growing. 626 00:27:57,489 --> 00:27:59,787 You seem angry. Are you okay? You happy? 627 00:27:59,891 --> 00:28:02,018 Yes, of course I'm happy. 628 00:28:02,127 --> 00:28:05,255 It's just, you know, sometimes Andy can be a IittIe-- 629 00:28:05,430 --> 00:28:07,421 -EmotionaIIy unsatisfying? -Yes. 630 00:28:07,599 --> 00:28:10,295 I mean, no. Am I a terribIe person? 631 00:28:10,402 --> 00:28:13,200 No, you're not a terribIe person. Lauren, it's how you feeI. 632 00:28:13,305 --> 00:28:15,671 I mean, the important thing's you Iove this guy, right? 633 00:28:15,841 --> 00:28:17,206 Right. 634 00:28:17,309 --> 00:28:18,276 DoubIe punch! 635 00:28:18,377 --> 00:28:19,969 Jesus Christ. 636 00:28:20,078 --> 00:28:21,670 And that IittIe dick Ioves you, right? 637 00:28:22,447 --> 00:28:24,278 Right. I think. 638 00:28:24,383 --> 00:28:25,941 WeII, has he toId you he Ioves you? 639 00:28:30,055 --> 00:28:32,649 AII right. 640 00:28:32,824 --> 00:28:36,692 I wiII punch him in the face if you have one singIe doubt. 641 00:28:36,795 --> 00:28:39,059 I don't have doubts. Why wouId you say that? 642 00:28:39,164 --> 00:28:41,894 AII right. A minute? AII right, here we go. 643 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,661 -She's not sure, man. -Just focus on that. 644 00:28:43,769 --> 00:28:44,827 Pretend that's your dad. 645 00:28:45,303 --> 00:28:48,761 Listen, okay, first of aII, you don't even think this guy's the one. 646 00:28:48,874 --> 00:28:49,863 You said it. 647 00:28:49,975 --> 00:28:52,136 And second of aII, you're not even sure if he Ioves you. 648 00:28:52,244 --> 00:28:54,804 Let me give him a fist rocket to the face, pIease. 649 00:28:54,980 --> 00:28:58,143 Okay, weII, Iet's just say, for argument's sake, 650 00:28:58,250 --> 00:29:01,617 that maybe I have one or two doubts. 651 00:29:01,787 --> 00:29:02,719 Or two, okay. 652 00:29:02,888 --> 00:29:04,685 -What wouId I do to get rid of them? -Fist rocket! 653 00:29:04,856 --> 00:29:06,050 [ Screams ] 654 00:29:06,158 --> 00:29:07,625 Fuck! 655 00:29:07,726 --> 00:29:08,658 I swore. 656 00:29:09,227 --> 00:29:12,025 First, you gotta go out with someone as a test. 657 00:29:12,130 --> 00:29:13,893 Yeah, yeah, yeah, someone with a bunch of money. 658 00:29:13,999 --> 00:29:15,864 DoubIe punch! 659 00:29:15,967 --> 00:29:19,095 Someone you couId theoreticaIIy see yourseIf dating or marrying. 660 00:29:19,204 --> 00:29:20,637 That is terribIe! 661 00:29:20,806 --> 00:29:23,036 It's not even terribIe. I'm not asking you to bone this guy. 662 00:29:23,141 --> 00:29:24,335 Bone the guy. Who are you kidding? 663 00:29:24,443 --> 00:29:25,307 Oh, my God! 664 00:29:25,410 --> 00:29:28,174 Listen. Go out with the guy, right. Have a drink. 665 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,180 Guys, no, I can't. That's too drastic. 666 00:29:30,282 --> 00:29:31,977 -Is it? -Yes. 667 00:29:32,084 --> 00:29:33,051 AII right, Iet's see it. 668 00:29:33,151 --> 00:29:34,914 -AII right, ready? -Uh-huh. 669 00:29:35,020 --> 00:29:35,611 Heat. 670 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,211 -That one hurt a IittIe. -Yeah, it Iooked Iike it hurt. 671 00:29:38,390 --> 00:29:42,156 l just wanna be where you are tonight 672 00:29:42,260 --> 00:29:45,787 Alone in the dark looking for some light 673 00:29:45,897 --> 00:29:48,263 Hey, Doug, I think my Ieft nut just got hard. 674 00:29:48,366 --> 00:29:49,025 Look at the-- 675 00:29:49,134 --> 00:29:50,897 Ooh, Iook at the knockers on this bitch. 676 00:29:51,069 --> 00:29:54,266 Let me light up the sky 677 00:29:54,372 --> 00:29:57,603 Light it up for you 678 00:29:57,709 --> 00:30:01,076 Let me tell you why 679 00:30:01,179 --> 00:30:03,875 l would die for you 680 00:30:05,617 --> 00:30:06,914 LAYNE: What up, man? What's wrong? 681 00:30:07,018 --> 00:30:08,042 She magged me. 682 00:30:08,220 --> 00:30:09,517 She what? 683 00:30:09,688 --> 00:30:11,588 Right after sex, she read a magazine. 684 00:30:11,756 --> 00:30:14,350 Oh, man, fuck my ass. Are you serious? 685 00:30:14,526 --> 00:30:15,390 It's worse than I thought. 686 00:30:15,494 --> 00:30:16,927 Okay, wait a minute, was this the first time? 687 00:30:17,095 --> 00:30:19,893 I think so. I don't know. I usuaIIy faII asIeep so fast. 688 00:30:19,998 --> 00:30:21,226 What do you mean, you faII asIeep so fast? 689 00:30:21,333 --> 00:30:22,493 -I just, I do it, and then I'm out. 690 00:30:22,667 --> 00:30:25,067 WeII, I understand that. But that's not the point, man. 691 00:30:25,170 --> 00:30:26,330 We stiII have hope, here. 692 00:30:26,505 --> 00:30:28,530 Did you Iearn anything from the Iesbians and porn stars? 693 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,608 -Just run it back with me. -Yeah, I thought so. 694 00:30:30,742 --> 00:30:32,801 I did the sensuaI kissing. The fuII-body caressing. 695 00:30:32,911 --> 00:30:34,242 The vocaIizing. 696 00:30:34,346 --> 00:30:35,574 AfterpIay? 697 00:30:35,747 --> 00:30:37,146 Yeah, there was no point. Look-- 698 00:30:37,249 --> 00:30:38,443 What do you mean, there was no point? 699 00:30:38,550 --> 00:30:40,745 She was reading a magazine. Look, I don't wanna taIk about this. 700 00:30:40,919 --> 00:30:43,683 Listen, Iet's bring it together, Iet's bring it together. 701 00:30:43,788 --> 00:30:48,191 Did you at Ieast stimuIate her fIower, her speciaI pIace? 702 00:30:48,293 --> 00:30:49,282 Stop that. 703 00:30:49,394 --> 00:30:50,884 Look, yeah, I did. 704 00:30:50,996 --> 00:30:53,487 I moved my hand down there sort of Iike on a scouting mission. 705 00:30:53,598 --> 00:30:54,690 She moved it away. 706 00:30:54,866 --> 00:30:57,426 -She-- She sent back your scout? -She sent back my scout! 707 00:30:57,536 --> 00:30:58,628 What the fuck?! 708 00:30:58,803 --> 00:30:59,963 Hey, what's up, Andy? 709 00:31:00,138 --> 00:31:03,699 I can't heIp but overhear your situation in here. 710 00:31:03,875 --> 00:31:07,106 Yeah. Hey, Ryan, what's up, man? I'm sorry about aII the commotion. 711 00:31:07,279 --> 00:31:10,043 No probIem, dude. I'm just trying to record a song here, but. . . 712 00:31:10,148 --> 00:31:10,705 Are you? 713 00:31:10,815 --> 00:31:12,749 Look, man, do you know what you're Iooking for? 714 00:31:12,918 --> 00:31:14,351 What do you mean? 715 00:31:14,452 --> 00:31:17,649 I mean, do you know how to find a diamond? 716 00:31:17,756 --> 00:31:20,247 Yeah, I know how to find a diamond, man. 717 00:31:20,425 --> 00:31:21,653 No, dude. Look, just admit it. 718 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,820 Your scout's getting turned away at the gate. 719 00:31:24,996 --> 00:31:26,725 Maybe I'm just a IittIe off target. 720 00:31:26,898 --> 00:31:28,832 Dude, you're making this so much harder than it needs to be. 721 00:31:28,934 --> 00:31:30,458 You're not taking your fucking SATs here. 722 00:31:30,635 --> 00:31:31,659 I know. It's a Iot harder. 723 00:31:31,770 --> 00:31:33,795 On the SATs, you just fiII in a circIe with a penciI. 724 00:31:33,905 --> 00:31:35,497 I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing here! 725 00:31:35,607 --> 00:31:36,539 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 726 00:31:36,708 --> 00:31:39,199 Hey, Iisten, Iisten, Dr. Ryan, thank you very much. I got this now. 727 00:31:39,311 --> 00:31:41,643 Thank you. Record your song. Thank you. 728 00:31:41,746 --> 00:31:43,304 Listen, man, don't worry about that, man. 729 00:31:43,415 --> 00:31:45,645 Look, I'm gonna caII my mom's OB guy right now, 730 00:31:45,750 --> 00:31:50,278 because we are gonna find ourseIves a five-carat Cartier soIitaire. 731 00:31:50,455 --> 00:31:51,820 Where's my high-five? 732 00:31:54,292 --> 00:31:57,750 -Dr. Katz? -Can I heIp you? 733 00:31:57,929 --> 00:32:00,523 Yes. Layne WiIson. 734 00:32:01,733 --> 00:32:03,200 Judith WiIson's son? I-- 735 00:32:03,301 --> 00:32:05,531 Oh, yes. 736 00:32:05,637 --> 00:32:09,801 The Iast time I saw you, you were onIy. . . 737 00:32:10,642 --> 00:32:12,075 Yeah, I was a cute IittIe kid, man. 738 00:32:12,244 --> 00:32:15,407 You know, when we first deIivered you, 739 00:32:15,513 --> 00:32:18,380 we weren't sure if you were a boy or a girI. 740 00:32:18,550 --> 00:32:19,517 [ Laughter ] 741 00:32:19,618 --> 00:32:20,346 Hey, girIy man. 742 00:32:20,518 --> 00:32:24,010 AII right. Now, how can I heIp you two gentIemen? 743 00:32:24,122 --> 00:32:28,525 Since you've probabIy seen quite a few. . . girI parts, 744 00:32:28,693 --> 00:32:32,527 is where I might find the. . . 745 00:32:32,697 --> 00:32:33,959 The hooded Iady. 746 00:32:34,132 --> 00:32:35,360 The cIit? 747 00:32:36,568 --> 00:32:37,762 Yes. 748 00:32:37,936 --> 00:32:39,904 Then you've come to the right pIace. 749 00:32:41,373 --> 00:32:42,863 Oh, shit. 750 00:32:43,041 --> 00:32:45,202 These are the Iabium maus. 751 00:32:45,377 --> 00:32:47,709 These are the Iabium minus. 752 00:32:47,879 --> 00:32:52,213 And this here is the cIitoris. 753 00:32:52,384 --> 00:32:53,715 AII this time. 754 00:32:53,885 --> 00:32:55,216 Never seen one before? 755 00:32:55,387 --> 00:32:57,548 I mean, I've seen that one, so. . . 756 00:32:57,722 --> 00:32:59,553 Yeah, but he's not taIking about the chart, Andy. 757 00:32:59,724 --> 00:33:02,989 Now why is it there? Why not Iower? 758 00:33:03,161 --> 00:33:06,096 There are IiteraIIy thousands of nerves 759 00:33:06,197 --> 00:33:08,791 aII ending right here. 760 00:33:08,900 --> 00:33:11,528 Yeah. The weak spot on the Death Star. 761 00:33:11,703 --> 00:33:16,231 Hey, Doc, I aIso wanted to ask you about Iongevity. 762 00:33:16,408 --> 00:33:20,777 Um, I'm not exactIy an expert on that subect. 763 00:33:21,780 --> 00:33:24,943 God knows I used to have an-- 764 00:33:25,116 --> 00:33:26,549 A probIem? 765 00:33:26,718 --> 00:33:29,278 Not a probIem, per se. 766 00:33:29,454 --> 00:33:31,388 -Now you don't. -No more probIem. 767 00:33:31,556 --> 00:33:32,784 WeII, what did you do? 768 00:33:32,957 --> 00:33:34,618 We don't have sex anymore. 769 00:33:35,694 --> 00:33:39,926 I have a body piIIow that I pretend is her sister. 770 00:33:40,031 --> 00:33:41,259 [ Laughs ] 771 00:33:41,633 --> 00:33:43,863 -Uh, you wanna go? -I'm good to go. 772 00:33:43,968 --> 00:33:45,435 I'm good-- Thank you. 773 00:33:45,603 --> 00:33:48,970 Je t'aime, Lauren. Marry me. 774 00:33:49,140 --> 00:33:50,767 No, I wiII not marry you. 775 00:33:50,942 --> 00:33:53,604 You didn't even remember our anniversary. 776 00:33:53,712 --> 00:33:54,576 [ CIears throat ] 777 00:33:55,180 --> 00:33:56,340 Hi, Curtis. 778 00:33:56,514 --> 00:33:58,607 -Busy? -No, of course not. 779 00:33:58,717 --> 00:34:00,116 [ Laughs nervousIy ] 780 00:34:00,285 --> 00:34:04,187 Um, so the CIark BuiIding is coming aIong reaIIy great. 781 00:34:04,356 --> 00:34:06,517 Everything you do is great. 782 00:34:06,691 --> 00:34:07,453 Oh, thanks. 783 00:34:07,559 --> 00:34:10,323 Which is why I'm promoting you 784 00:34:10,428 --> 00:34:12,726 to the director of the Chicago office. Boom. 785 00:34:13,398 --> 00:34:14,422 [ Gasps ] 786 00:34:14,532 --> 00:34:16,966 Oh, my God. 787 00:34:17,068 --> 00:34:18,535 I don't even know what to say. 788 00:34:18,636 --> 00:34:20,968 Yes. Yes. 789 00:34:21,139 --> 00:34:23,539 Big raise, company car, 790 00:34:23,708 --> 00:34:26,836 and you'II be on the fast track to partner. What do you say? 791 00:34:27,011 --> 00:34:29,275 Can I have a few days to think about it? 792 00:34:29,447 --> 00:34:31,312 [ Groans ] 793 00:34:31,483 --> 00:34:32,745 Ooh, Lauren, w-- 794 00:34:32,851 --> 00:34:33,545 [ Laughs ] 795 00:34:33,651 --> 00:34:36,051 I'm just kidding. You have two days. 796 00:34:36,221 --> 00:34:39,054 But off the record, for a woman your age, 797 00:34:39,157 --> 00:34:40,681 this is the chance of a Iifetime. 798 00:34:40,792 --> 00:34:41,986 Thank you. 799 00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:44,526 And you didn't have to sIeep with anyone. 800 00:34:44,629 --> 00:34:46,494 Hey, DanieI. 801 00:34:46,598 --> 00:34:48,031 -He's the cooIest. -Curtis. 802 00:34:48,133 --> 00:34:49,657 What's up, D-dog? 803 00:34:49,834 --> 00:34:50,323 [ Barks ] 804 00:34:50,435 --> 00:34:52,096 Oh, man. Love this guy. 805 00:34:52,203 --> 00:34:55,730 Lauren, meet DanieI. He's here for the week. 806 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,400 -Lauren? -Oh, my God. 807 00:34:58,510 --> 00:35:00,740 Danny MeItzer, are you kidding me? 808 00:35:00,845 --> 00:35:02,176 You know each other? 809 00:35:02,347 --> 00:35:05,248 Our parents are friends in Irvine. We practicaIIy grew up together. 810 00:35:05,350 --> 00:35:08,581 How are you? Oh, my goodness. 811 00:35:08,686 --> 00:35:09,914 Hi. 812 00:35:10,088 --> 00:35:11,680 I aIways wonder what happened to you. 813 00:35:11,790 --> 00:35:13,485 You Iook. . . thinner. 814 00:35:13,591 --> 00:35:15,183 -You Iook amazing. -Thank you. 815 00:35:15,293 --> 00:35:17,693 Oh, my God, I haven't seen you since you Ieft for coIIege. 816 00:35:17,796 --> 00:35:21,095 I was in the 8th grade, and my heart was broken. 817 00:35:21,266 --> 00:35:22,631 Aw. 818 00:35:22,801 --> 00:35:24,098 We shouId catch up. Let's go get a drink. 819 00:35:24,269 --> 00:35:25,429 I wouId Iove to. 820 00:35:25,603 --> 00:35:27,127 Dinner is on me. 821 00:35:27,238 --> 00:35:29,604 Okay. Focus, pIease? AII right. 822 00:35:29,707 --> 00:35:32,437 You two might see more of each other, aII right? 823 00:35:32,610 --> 00:35:34,441 DanieI is based in Chicago. 824 00:35:34,612 --> 00:35:36,739 And I don't see a ring on that finger, pIayer. 825 00:35:36,848 --> 00:35:37,439 Hook it up. 826 00:35:37,549 --> 00:35:38,880 [ Barks ] 827 00:35:38,983 --> 00:35:40,541 -Curtis. Curtis. -He's the cooIest! 828 00:35:40,652 --> 00:35:42,552 -He's the cooIest, man! -Curtis. 829 00:35:42,654 --> 00:35:43,780 Love those pecks! 830 00:35:45,290 --> 00:35:46,552 What's wrong with me, Layne? 831 00:35:46,658 --> 00:35:48,023 Oh, wow, that's gonna take a Iong time. 832 00:35:48,126 --> 00:35:49,650 Do you want a Iist? 833 00:35:49,761 --> 00:35:53,993 I'm just saying, I've got a runner on third, and I can't get him home. 834 00:35:54,098 --> 00:35:55,190 'Cause it's hard, Andy. 835 00:35:55,300 --> 00:35:56,961 I mean, if it was easy, we'd aII be in the pros 836 00:35:57,068 --> 00:35:59,866 knocking home runs Iike we Barry Bonds. 837 00:35:59,971 --> 00:36:01,996 I can't Iose her. 838 00:36:02,106 --> 00:36:08,477 I mean, Lauren is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 839 00:36:08,580 --> 00:36:09,945 Oh, so you reaIIy do Iove her? 840 00:36:10,048 --> 00:36:11,310 Yeah. 841 00:36:11,416 --> 00:36:14,385 AbsoIuteIy. You couIdn't teII? 842 00:36:14,486 --> 00:36:17,250 No. I mean, I've never heard you say it. 843 00:36:17,355 --> 00:36:19,448 I guess I'm just not that kind of guy, you know? 844 00:36:19,624 --> 00:36:21,785 I've never heard my dad say it to my mom, 845 00:36:21,893 --> 00:36:23,656 but they've been married for Iike 30 years. 846 00:36:23,828 --> 00:36:24,487 Wow. 847 00:36:24,596 --> 00:36:26,791 You know, recentIy I've been thinking about-- 848 00:36:26,898 --> 00:36:28,627 -What, the porn stars? -No. 849 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,995 -The Iesbians? -No. 850 00:36:32,637 --> 00:36:34,127 What? 851 00:36:36,007 --> 00:36:38,032 I'm thinking about asking Lauren to marry me. 852 00:36:38,209 --> 00:36:40,370 -Are you serious? -Yeah, I'm serious. 853 00:36:40,478 --> 00:36:42,002 Man, Lauren is the one. 854 00:36:42,180 --> 00:36:43,704 The one? 855 00:36:43,815 --> 00:36:46,181 How the heII do you know she's the one? 856 00:36:46,351 --> 00:36:48,376 Remember when we were at Ford's barbecue, 857 00:36:48,486 --> 00:36:49,714 when I ate Iike three brownies 858 00:36:49,821 --> 00:36:51,254 and nobody toId me they were pot brownies? 859 00:36:51,422 --> 00:36:52,354 And you spaced out. 860 00:36:52,524 --> 00:36:53,491 Remember I got aII scared, 861 00:36:53,591 --> 00:36:55,115 I thought the hedges were gonna come kiII me? 862 00:36:55,293 --> 00:36:56,021 I hid in the cIoset. 863 00:36:56,127 --> 00:36:58,220 Lauren comes into that cIoset with a goIf cIub, 864 00:36:58,329 --> 00:37:01,321 decIares herseIf protector of the cIoset. 865 00:37:01,432 --> 00:37:03,923 She sat in there with me for Iike two hours. 866 00:37:04,035 --> 00:37:05,866 She took care of me. 867 00:37:05,970 --> 00:37:10,805 And now my onIy goaI in this worId is to take care of her. 868 00:37:10,975 --> 00:37:12,738 Wow. 869 00:37:12,844 --> 00:37:14,744 That's. . . 870 00:37:15,713 --> 00:37:18,079 . . .fuckin' pathetic. 871 00:37:18,182 --> 00:37:20,173 You don't Iike this idea? 872 00:37:20,285 --> 00:37:22,150 You're not into this? I thought you Iiked Lauren. 873 00:37:22,253 --> 00:37:25,086 I do Iike Lauren. Look. 874 00:37:26,190 --> 00:37:28,454 My probIem is, I don't think guys shouId be settIing down. 875 00:37:28,626 --> 00:37:31,094 It's unnaturaI. I mean Iions, tigers, monkeys-- 876 00:37:31,195 --> 00:37:32,787 Did you ever notice in the animaI kingdom 877 00:37:32,897 --> 00:37:34,660 that none of them are monogamous? 878 00:37:34,766 --> 00:37:37,098 They're aII boning and fucking each other off. 879 00:37:37,201 --> 00:37:40,534 But humans, we wanna put ourseIves in this IittIe box, 880 00:37:40,638 --> 00:37:43,436 this IittIe, tiny box, 881 00:37:43,541 --> 00:37:45,236 'cause marriage, that's aII there is, man. 882 00:37:45,343 --> 00:37:47,368 It's a fuckin' prison. I'm bIack. I don't Iike prison. 883 00:37:47,545 --> 00:37:49,536 WeII, what do you beIieve in, Layne? 884 00:37:49,714 --> 00:37:51,477 Friendship. 885 00:37:51,583 --> 00:37:53,676 Come on, Andy, you can't teII me you haven't had fun 886 00:37:53,785 --> 00:37:54,843 the past few days. 887 00:37:54,953 --> 00:37:57,114 It's been Iike oId times, man. 888 00:37:57,221 --> 00:37:58,984 Love just doesn't Iast. 889 00:37:59,157 --> 00:38:00,852 I mean, take it from my dad. 890 00:38:00,959 --> 00:38:03,257 I mean, it broke him in two 891 00:38:03,361 --> 00:38:07,695 when my mom Ieft him for that. . . paperboy. 892 00:38:07,865 --> 00:38:11,232 It is surprisingIy difficuIt to hit a porch from a moving bicycIe. 893 00:38:11,402 --> 00:38:12,334 That hurts, man. 894 00:38:12,437 --> 00:38:13,961 That guy had skiIIs, is aII I'm saying. 895 00:38:14,072 --> 00:38:15,733 Man, fuck you, man. That shit stiII hurts. 896 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:16,932 Is he younger than you? 897 00:38:17,041 --> 00:38:18,941 -Oh, my God, man. Shut up! -I'm just sayin'. 898 00:38:19,043 --> 00:38:20,601 Man, shut up. Don't even taIk to me. 899 00:38:20,712 --> 00:38:22,043 -Timmy, right? -Fuck you! 900 00:38:22,146 --> 00:38:25,206 -It's Timmy. -Hey! Who wants to be my friend?! 901 00:38:25,383 --> 00:38:27,578 -Come on. -Hey, what are we doing here? 902 00:38:27,685 --> 00:38:30,153 'Cause I heard once that Sting was abIe to keep an erection 903 00:38:30,254 --> 00:38:31,346 for more than five days 904 00:38:31,456 --> 00:38:33,481 because he's got some Buddhist mind controI. 905 00:38:33,625 --> 00:38:35,786 I don't want a five-day erection. That'd hurt. 906 00:38:35,893 --> 00:38:37,724 I sIeep on my beIIy. I can't sIeep on my back. 907 00:38:37,829 --> 00:38:39,558 Oh, wouId you stop bitchin'? 908 00:38:39,731 --> 00:38:43,827 [ Meditation music pIays ] 909 00:38:43,935 --> 00:38:46,096 [ Humming ] 910 00:38:56,014 --> 00:39:00,007 Excuse me, Sifu, 911 00:39:00,118 --> 00:39:04,384 is it true that you can make Iove for a reaIIy Iong time? 912 00:39:04,489 --> 00:39:07,617 I seem to be getting there earIy. 913 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,820 You arrive at the party first? 914 00:39:11,996 --> 00:39:14,624 You couId say that I eat aII the hors d'oeuvres 915 00:39:14,799 --> 00:39:16,164 and pass out with my shoes on 916 00:39:16,267 --> 00:39:18,963 whiIe they're stiII bIowing up baIIoons and hanging streamers. 917 00:39:19,070 --> 00:39:25,532 Buddhism is not taught for that specific purpose. 918 00:39:25,643 --> 00:39:28,305 But I beIieve I can heIp. 919 00:39:28,479 --> 00:39:29,810 Thank you, Sifu. 920 00:39:29,981 --> 00:39:35,544 Sex is the uItimate expression of Iife force. 921 00:39:35,653 --> 00:39:42,115 It combines mind, body, and emotion. 922 00:39:42,226 --> 00:39:44,854 But the mind is the key. 923 00:39:44,962 --> 00:39:48,796 It controIs desire, emotions, 924 00:39:48,900 --> 00:39:51,994 your erection, your penis. 925 00:39:52,103 --> 00:39:57,632 Now, cIose your eyes. 926 00:39:58,643 --> 00:40:04,138 Empty your mind of aII thoughts. 927 00:40:05,516 --> 00:40:12,820 If a thought comes into your mind, gentIy usher it out. 928 00:40:12,990 --> 00:40:18,155 What if the thought, you know, has, Iike, reaIIy nice-ass titties and-- 929 00:40:18,329 --> 00:40:21,162 Out, damned spot! 930 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:24,830 Out! 931 00:40:25,369 --> 00:40:26,927 [ Groans ] 932 00:40:27,038 --> 00:40:28,505 [ ChuckIes ] 933 00:40:29,741 --> 00:40:32,574 Open your eyes. 934 00:40:32,744 --> 00:40:36,111 This is caIIed meditation. 935 00:40:36,214 --> 00:40:38,614 Practice it often. 936 00:40:38,716 --> 00:40:44,211 It wiII make your mind grow in controI. 937 00:40:44,388 --> 00:40:47,687 -And by ''in controI,'' you mean-- -Yes. 938 00:40:47,859 --> 00:40:51,852 Then you can arrive at the party any time. 939 00:40:51,963 --> 00:40:54,796 [ Laughs ] 940 00:40:54,899 --> 00:40:57,163 And what if that doesn't work? 941 00:40:57,335 --> 00:40:59,565 Try taking a shit. 942 00:41:00,905 --> 00:41:04,432 That wiII be $50, pIease. 943 00:41:10,014 --> 00:41:10,844 Did we miss it? 944 00:41:11,015 --> 00:41:13,381 You missed it, causing me to miss it, yes. 945 00:41:13,551 --> 00:41:15,212 I was meditating, and I Iost track of time. 946 00:41:15,386 --> 00:41:18,913 Meditating? You aIways have some excuse. 947 00:41:19,090 --> 00:41:20,057 And it's endearing? 948 00:41:20,224 --> 00:41:21,191 And it's annoying. 949 00:41:21,292 --> 00:41:24,284 Look, Iet's just go back to my pIace, we'II rent a movie. 950 00:41:24,395 --> 00:41:25,521 Let me make it up to you. 951 00:41:25,630 --> 00:41:27,621 -I have a headache. -What, you have a headache? 952 00:41:27,732 --> 00:41:29,723 -That's what I said. -Yeah, but you never get headaches. 953 00:41:29,901 --> 00:41:31,835 WeII, congratuIations, you've given me a headache. 954 00:41:31,936 --> 00:41:34,063 Now you get to deaI with an extra-grumpy girIfriend. 955 00:41:34,238 --> 00:41:37,105 Yeah, Iook, Lauren. 956 00:41:37,275 --> 00:41:39,072 -Lauren. -What? 957 00:41:39,177 --> 00:41:41,236 I am very sorry. 958 00:41:42,180 --> 00:41:44,910 I know that you hate to wait. 959 00:41:45,082 --> 00:41:47,243 You make it seem Iike it's my fauIt. 960 00:41:47,418 --> 00:41:49,579 HeIIo. I said I'm sorry. 961 00:41:49,754 --> 00:41:50,846 Yeah, but you phrased it in a way 962 00:41:50,955 --> 00:41:52,923 that suggests that the reason I'm mad is because of me. 963 00:41:53,090 --> 00:41:57,117 I'm sorry that I phrase it in a way that you don't find genuine? 964 00:41:57,295 --> 00:41:58,387 You're doing it again. 965 00:41:58,496 --> 00:42:01,363 WeII, I'm sorry that I can't apoIogize in a way that you find acceptabIe. 966 00:42:01,465 --> 00:42:03,956 Look, sweetie, baby rabbit, we're gonna rent a movie. 967 00:42:04,068 --> 00:42:05,467 We're gonna have a great night. 968 00:42:05,570 --> 00:42:08,004 We'II make a pizza. You wanna make a pizza? 969 00:42:08,105 --> 00:42:10,232 Who doesn't Iike to make a pizza at home? 970 00:42:10,341 --> 00:42:12,901 When I first met GiI it was after one of his shows, 971 00:42:13,010 --> 00:42:18,778 and he was sweaty and smeIIy and very, very sexy. 972 00:42:18,950 --> 00:42:21,817 The sex with Nanette at first was off the charts. 973 00:42:21,919 --> 00:42:24,114 I mean, I was at the top of my game. 974 00:42:24,222 --> 00:42:27,680 What I was doing is I was just picturing myseIf as her. 975 00:42:27,792 --> 00:42:29,657 And then I wouId just make Iove to her 976 00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,126 the way I'd want to make Iove to myseIf. 977 00:42:32,296 --> 00:42:36,289 I started to reaIize that it wasn't just after his shows, you know? 978 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:37,924 He aIways smeIIed that bad. 979 00:42:38,035 --> 00:42:39,696 You know, I'm not used to being dumped. 980 00:42:39,804 --> 00:42:42,773 I mean, Iook at me. I didn't ask for aII these gifts. 981 00:42:42,874 --> 00:42:44,341 It's just-- I'm a treat. 982 00:42:44,442 --> 00:42:47,377 I'm in a band, I sing, I'm handsome. 983 00:42:47,478 --> 00:42:50,879 I got a bike, I got this cowboy fashion thing going on, 984 00:42:50,982 --> 00:42:52,415 a IittIe Easy Rider. 985 00:42:52,516 --> 00:42:55,542 I mean, I can cook a quesadiIIa whiIe I make Iove. 986 00:42:55,653 --> 00:42:57,052 I mean, that's focus. 987 00:42:57,221 --> 00:43:00,713 He couId stink so bad it makes my eyes tear. 988 00:43:00,892 --> 00:43:03,486 Her eyes wouId tear. I mean, it was crazy. 989 00:43:03,594 --> 00:43:06,062 I mean, that's what I'm packing. 990 00:43:06,163 --> 00:43:08,927 I mean, she made it seem Iike it may have been the underwear, 991 00:43:09,033 --> 00:43:12,366 but it's not what you're wearing, it's what's inside it. 992 00:43:12,470 --> 00:43:15,200 You know, it's about your heart and your baIIs. 993 00:43:15,373 --> 00:43:18,968 And then he actuaIIy expects me to have physicaI contact with him? 994 00:43:19,076 --> 00:43:23,945 You know, part of me, Iike, in my Ioins. . . 995 00:43:24,048 --> 00:43:25,811 I think she might be seeing someone eIse 996 00:43:25,917 --> 00:43:28,351 because it tingIes sometimes. 997 00:43:28,519 --> 00:43:31,511 I started seeing someone eIse a coupIe of months ago. 998 00:43:31,622 --> 00:43:32,520 [ Laughs ] 999 00:43:32,623 --> 00:43:34,523 INTERVIEWER: TeII us about him. 1000 00:43:34,625 --> 00:43:35,922 What can I say? 1001 00:43:36,027 --> 00:43:40,623 He just reaIIy knows how to treat a woman. 1002 00:43:40,731 --> 00:43:42,596 -HeIIo. -This guy? 1003 00:43:42,700 --> 00:43:44,998 You see, you chose this guy over me? 1004 00:43:45,102 --> 00:43:48,094 This guy? Are you crazy? 1005 00:43:48,205 --> 00:43:50,730 I mean, Iook at my hair. You know? 1006 00:43:50,841 --> 00:43:55,210 Curtis satisfies me in ways that you couId never even imagine. 1007 00:43:56,647 --> 00:43:58,171 [ GiggIes ] 1008 00:43:58,282 --> 00:44:00,614 And wash your baIIs. 1009 00:44:00,751 --> 00:44:03,720 I'II wash one. I'm not gonna just ump into things. 1010 00:44:03,888 --> 00:44:06,789 [ Rock music pIays ] 1011 00:44:06,891 --> 00:44:10,418 Didn't your Dad drive through the guest house? 1012 00:44:10,528 --> 00:44:12,257 Not the guest house. 1013 00:44:12,363 --> 00:44:16,527 The fence, a coupIe of times. It was mostIy the side patio. 1014 00:44:16,634 --> 00:44:19,501 Yeah, he has a probIem with depth perception in generaI. 1015 00:44:19,603 --> 00:44:20,763 You know, I actuaIIy reaIIy miss 1016 00:44:20,871 --> 00:44:22,668 those famiIy vacations we used to take. 1017 00:44:22,773 --> 00:44:25,105 Except for the car rides. Those were torture. 1018 00:44:25,276 --> 00:44:27,107 Remember that time we aII went skiing that one year? 1019 00:44:27,244 --> 00:44:28,074 And I hurt my knee. 1020 00:44:28,179 --> 00:44:30,579 And I had to carry you, what, haIf a miIe to the Iodge? 1021 00:44:30,681 --> 00:44:33,081 -I have something to confess. -What? 1022 00:44:33,184 --> 00:44:37,883 Um, my knee might not have been as hurt as I said. 1023 00:44:40,958 --> 00:44:44,894 Lauren, I mean, I don't want this to seem too forward, 1024 00:44:44,996 --> 00:44:48,022 but are you dating anyone right now? 1025 00:44:49,700 --> 00:44:50,792 Yeah. 1026 00:44:50,968 --> 00:44:53,960 I knew that. I mean, God's not that kind, is he? 1027 00:44:54,138 --> 00:44:57,471 Oh, shut up, Dan. You probabIy have tons of girIfriends. 1028 00:44:57,641 --> 00:44:58,869 Not even a pound. 1029 00:44:59,043 --> 00:45:01,102 I don't buy it for a second. 1030 00:45:01,278 --> 00:45:03,303 You're probabIy a pIayer. 1031 00:45:03,414 --> 00:45:06,781 No, I think I just wanna find the right person. 1032 00:45:06,884 --> 00:45:10,615 You know, get married, start a famiIy. 1033 00:45:10,788 --> 00:45:12,619 Me too. 1034 00:45:12,723 --> 00:45:17,057 I mean, not that I haven't. 1035 00:45:17,161 --> 00:45:20,824 So this guy, your boyfriend-- 1036 00:45:20,998 --> 00:45:22,693 Andy is his name. 1037 00:45:22,867 --> 00:45:25,461 Andy. Hmm. 1038 00:45:25,569 --> 00:45:27,469 Does he take care of you? 1039 00:45:43,687 --> 00:45:44,847 HeIIo? 1040 00:45:44,989 --> 00:45:46,013 Hi. 1041 00:45:46,123 --> 00:45:46,919 Hi. 1042 00:45:47,024 --> 00:45:48,013 How may I heIp you? 1043 00:45:48,192 --> 00:45:50,422 Do you have any books on women? 1044 00:45:50,594 --> 00:45:51,856 What specificaIIy about them? 1045 00:45:52,029 --> 00:45:53,223 [ ChuckIes ] 1046 00:45:53,330 --> 00:45:58,199 Um, something Iike. . . how to make Iove to a woman? 1047 00:45:58,369 --> 00:46:02,465 Ohh. . . okay. 1048 00:46:02,573 --> 00:46:04,837 Let me just check for you. 1049 00:46:05,009 --> 00:46:05,566 Sure. 1050 00:46:05,743 --> 00:46:08,143 -[ YeIIs ] : Nanette! -Yeah? 1051 00:46:08,312 --> 00:46:09,370 Do we happen to have any books 1052 00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:11,880 about how to make Iove to a woman? 1053 00:46:12,683 --> 00:46:13,672 How to what? 1054 00:46:13,851 --> 00:46:15,409 Make Iove to a woman. 1055 00:46:16,187 --> 00:46:18,382 How to make Iove to a woman. 1056 00:46:18,556 --> 00:46:21,354 Um, hang on, Iet me check. 1057 00:46:21,525 --> 00:46:21,957 Okay. 1058 00:46:22,059 --> 00:46:23,890 [ Whispers ] : She's just gonna check for you. 1059 00:46:24,061 --> 00:46:26,495 I feeI Iike you think this is for me, but it's not. 1060 00:46:26,597 --> 00:46:29,259 It's for somebody eIse. 1061 00:46:29,366 --> 00:46:32,597 Nope, no books on how to make Iove to a woman. Sorry. 1062 00:46:32,770 --> 00:46:36,968 Oh, no probIem. I'II just get my friend something eIse. 1063 00:46:37,074 --> 00:46:39,668 Or maybe I'II, you know, I'II write down some of my own techniques 1064 00:46:39,777 --> 00:46:41,244 and I'II just give those to him. 1065 00:46:41,345 --> 00:46:43,108 It's no big deaI. No big deaI. 1066 00:46:43,214 --> 00:46:45,944 Maybe I'II just get a pen and some paper. 1067 00:46:46,050 --> 00:46:48,450 Over here? Good. 1068 00:46:52,823 --> 00:46:55,189 Hey, buddy. 1069 00:46:55,292 --> 00:46:57,590 I hear ya on the woman thing. 1070 00:46:57,695 --> 00:46:59,526 I think I can heIp. I know a thing or two. 1071 00:46:59,630 --> 00:47:01,825 Hey, Iook, I'm reaIIy-- I'm fine with information. 1072 00:47:01,932 --> 00:47:03,991 -No, and -- and I've been there, too. -No, thank you. 1073 00:47:04,101 --> 00:47:05,398 OiIs. 1074 00:47:05,503 --> 00:47:08,529 -Hear me out. FIavored oiIs. -LAUREN: No, that's not true. 1075 00:47:08,706 --> 00:47:11,641 Now, I know we've aII been there, Iube it up, have a great time. 1076 00:47:11,809 --> 00:47:14,972 But what I'm taIking about is another IeveI. 1077 00:47:15,146 --> 00:47:17,011 Hey, so what's Andy Iike? 1078 00:47:17,114 --> 00:47:18,445 He's very sweet. 1079 00:47:18,616 --> 00:47:20,106 -And it combines that. . . -He's funny. 1080 00:47:20,217 --> 00:47:24,153 . . .that taste, the tingIe on the tongue with the tingIe down there. . . 1081 00:47:24,321 --> 00:47:27,415 I know he wouId never do anything to hurt me. 1082 00:47:28,726 --> 00:47:29,750 Sounds Iike a puppy. 1083 00:47:29,860 --> 00:47:31,350 [ Laughs ] 1084 00:47:31,462 --> 00:47:35,091 Yes, exactIy, he's Iike a puppy. OnIy not as cute. 1085 00:47:35,266 --> 00:47:37,757 It's the kind of thing that they pass down in tribes 1086 00:47:37,868 --> 00:47:40,462 -for years and years. . . -No, he's cute. 1087 00:47:40,638 --> 00:47:43,505 What you need to reaIize, though, is that, you know, most women, 1088 00:47:43,607 --> 00:47:45,370 they may say they want connection, 1089 00:47:45,476 --> 00:47:47,376 they wanna get hit Iike a sack of potatoes. 1090 00:47:47,478 --> 00:47:50,003 You guys ever taIk about getting married? 1091 00:47:50,114 --> 00:47:52,878 No, not reaIIy. 1092 00:47:52,983 --> 00:47:54,245 Does that bother you? 1093 00:47:54,351 --> 00:47:56,581 No. 1094 00:47:56,687 --> 00:47:57,847 Okay, a IittIe. 1095 00:47:58,422 --> 00:47:59,912 Why don't you just taIk to him about it? 1096 00:48:00,090 --> 00:48:02,081 WeII, I don't wanna seem too pushy. 1097 00:48:02,259 --> 00:48:04,591 My mother was pushy, and Iook what happened. 1098 00:48:04,762 --> 00:48:06,696 So you reaIIy think he's the one? 1099 00:48:08,165 --> 00:48:09,689 I guess I have my doubts. 1100 00:48:12,069 --> 00:48:16,733 WeII, I don't see it, 'cause it's reaIIy obscure. 1101 00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,774 -And it doesn't exist. -It does exist. 1102 00:48:18,876 --> 00:48:20,036 I'm teIIing you. 1103 00:48:20,144 --> 00:48:22,612 Where do you wanna go? 1104 00:48:30,854 --> 00:48:35,416 They don't Iet you sIeep here, I don't think. 1105 00:48:35,526 --> 00:48:36,857 I know they don't. 1106 00:48:37,728 --> 00:48:39,719 Just Ietting you know. 1107 00:48:40,297 --> 00:48:44,893 But it's the best line l've ever waited in 1108 00:48:45,002 --> 00:48:49,735 l can still hear voices and a bottle spin 1109 00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:51,171 Yes, oh, yes 1110 00:48:51,342 --> 00:48:52,309 Hi. 1111 00:48:52,409 --> 00:48:54,172 -Hey, guys. -Hey. 1112 00:48:54,345 --> 00:48:57,542 CongratuIations, Andy. I heard about your big decision. 1113 00:48:57,715 --> 00:48:59,740 -What decision? -You're getting married. 1114 00:48:59,917 --> 00:49:01,043 I'm not getting married. 1115 00:49:01,151 --> 00:49:03,949 Of course you are. You're in Iove. 1116 00:49:04,054 --> 00:49:05,419 She doesn't think I'm the one. 1117 00:49:05,589 --> 00:49:06,886 What are you taIking about? 1118 00:49:07,057 --> 00:49:09,548 She said so, tonight, at a bookstore. 1119 00:49:09,660 --> 00:49:11,287 I overheard her taIking to some guy. 1120 00:49:11,462 --> 00:49:12,190 Who? 1121 00:49:12,296 --> 00:49:14,355 Some guy she's probabIy sIeeping with. 1122 00:49:14,465 --> 00:49:17,093 Some guy who couId probabIy satisfy her in bed. 1123 00:49:17,268 --> 00:49:18,929 -What a bitch. -Don't say that, Layne. 1124 00:49:19,036 --> 00:49:20,196 Why not, Nomi? 1125 00:49:20,304 --> 00:49:22,329 Andy's the most devoted boyfriend in the worId. 1126 00:49:22,439 --> 00:49:24,202 Why wouId she do that? That's not Iove. 1127 00:49:24,308 --> 00:49:25,502 Are you sure you know what you heard? 1128 00:49:25,609 --> 00:49:26,906 Okay, maybe it was out of context. 1129 00:49:27,011 --> 00:49:29,036 Oh, my God, Nomi, he's not stupid. 1130 00:49:29,146 --> 00:49:31,944 And why are you defending her? You hate her. 1131 00:49:32,049 --> 00:49:33,107 You hate Lauren? 1132 00:49:33,284 --> 00:49:35,275 -Despise. -I don't hate Lauren. 1133 00:49:35,386 --> 00:49:37,946 Okay, I don't reaIIy Iike her, but I don't hate her. 1134 00:49:38,122 --> 00:49:39,555 You don't Iike Lauren? 1135 00:49:39,723 --> 00:49:41,918 I just-- I don't think she's right for you, Andy. 1136 00:49:42,026 --> 00:49:44,722 Layne's the one who thinks she's changed you. 1137 00:49:44,828 --> 00:49:47,262 Oh, you think I've changed? 1138 00:49:47,364 --> 00:49:49,924 When I met you, you had a Hawaiian shirt and a mustache. 1139 00:49:50,100 --> 00:49:51,829 You Iooked Iike a bIack Magnum P.I. 1140 00:49:51,935 --> 00:49:54,699 Okay, first of aII, that was a Iook, and I Iook more Iike T.C. 1141 00:49:54,805 --> 00:49:56,170 You're no T.C. 1142 00:49:56,340 --> 00:49:58,069 [ Laughs ] 1143 00:49:58,175 --> 00:50:00,234 You wanna go? Fine. 1144 00:50:00,344 --> 00:50:02,073 Yes, you've changed. 1145 00:50:02,246 --> 00:50:04,077 ReaIIy? How? 1146 00:50:04,181 --> 00:50:06,240 You're fIaky, you dress bad, 1147 00:50:06,417 --> 00:50:07,714 everything you do now has to be cIeared. 1148 00:50:07,818 --> 00:50:09,786 And there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm just saying, 1149 00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:14,323 you Ieased out your man souI for a guaranteed Iousy Iay in bed 1150 00:50:14,425 --> 00:50:15,915 once a week. 1151 00:50:16,093 --> 00:50:18,323 You're not a dude anymore, okay? 1152 00:50:18,495 --> 00:50:20,656 WeII, okay. CIearIy, I don't need this. 1153 00:50:20,831 --> 00:50:24,961 Oh, oh, what? What, so you can dish it out, but you can't take it? 1154 00:50:25,135 --> 00:50:27,535 Look, I got somebody who cares about me now, Layne, aII right? 1155 00:50:27,638 --> 00:50:29,469 I'm sorry if that stings a IittIe. 1156 00:50:29,573 --> 00:50:31,871 And I dress fucking awesome! 1157 00:50:31,975 --> 00:50:35,843 Who's going to the Lethal Weapon parties with me now?! 1158 00:50:37,381 --> 00:50:39,440 I gotta find me a new white boy. 1159 00:50:39,550 --> 00:50:41,484 -There's Iots of them. -That shit ain't easy! 1160 00:50:41,585 --> 00:50:42,779 What's up, man? What's your name? 1161 00:50:42,953 --> 00:50:44,443 [ Door opens ] 1162 00:50:45,956 --> 00:50:47,753 Hi. 1163 00:50:47,925 --> 00:50:49,552 Hi. 1164 00:50:50,661 --> 00:50:52,253 Where have you been? 1165 00:50:52,363 --> 00:50:54,797 I was at a show. Where have you been? 1166 00:50:54,898 --> 00:50:58,527 WeII, I've been here, waiting as usuaI. 1167 00:50:58,635 --> 00:51:00,432 Hmm. 1168 00:51:00,537 --> 00:51:03,131 But before that, what'd you do tonight? 1169 00:51:03,240 --> 00:51:05,174 Nothing. 1170 00:51:10,414 --> 00:51:14,350 -I saw you with that guy, Lauren. -You mean with-- 1171 00:51:14,451 --> 00:51:16,351 I heard what you said. 1172 00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:18,215 I'm not the one? 1173 00:51:21,358 --> 00:51:24,020 I didn't say that. 1174 00:51:27,564 --> 00:51:30,658 I said that I had doubts. 1175 00:51:30,768 --> 00:51:33,931 Sweet. Thanks. 1176 00:51:34,037 --> 00:51:35,800 Makes me feeI a whoIe Iot better. 1177 00:51:35,906 --> 00:51:37,703 Who is this new Joe Stud? 1178 00:51:37,875 --> 00:51:39,035 He's just a coIIeague. 1179 00:51:39,143 --> 00:51:41,270 He's in town from Chicago, and we decided-- 1180 00:51:41,445 --> 00:51:43,037 Why'd you Iie to me? 1181 00:51:43,213 --> 00:51:44,043 [ Scoffs ] 1182 00:51:44,148 --> 00:51:46,082 I didn't Iie. 1183 00:51:47,117 --> 00:51:50,177 I wasn't on a date, Andy. I didn't do anything wrong. 1184 00:51:50,354 --> 00:51:51,981 Besides, you don't hear me going crazy 1185 00:51:52,089 --> 00:51:53,215 every time you're out with Nomi. 1186 00:51:53,991 --> 00:51:55,151 Are you Iying now? 1187 00:51:55,259 --> 00:51:56,954 [ Scoffs ] 1188 00:51:57,060 --> 00:51:58,789 I can't even beIieve you just said that. 1189 00:51:58,962 --> 00:52:02,398 Is this because of the, you know. . . 1190 00:52:02,566 --> 00:52:06,559 because I've been making big changes. I'm reaIIy trying. 1191 00:52:06,737 --> 00:52:08,728 Oh, but are you reaIIy? 1192 00:52:08,906 --> 00:52:10,203 Of course I am. 1193 00:52:10,307 --> 00:52:11,899 And it's not as easy as you might think. 1194 00:52:12,009 --> 00:52:13,704 It's actuaIIy quite difficuIt. 1195 00:52:13,877 --> 00:52:15,572 Oh, so now you're bIaming me. 1196 00:52:15,746 --> 00:52:19,773 Let's just say you're not the easiest woman to pIease. 1197 00:52:19,883 --> 00:52:22,716 So I can't do anything right, can I? 1198 00:52:23,287 --> 00:52:24,720 What do you want from me? 1199 00:52:25,489 --> 00:52:29,926 Don't answer that, 'cause I aIready know. 1200 00:52:34,164 --> 00:52:36,655 Curtis offered me a ob in Chicago. 1201 00:52:37,968 --> 00:52:41,062 And I'm thinking about taking it. 1202 00:52:42,773 --> 00:52:44,240 What? 1203 00:52:48,946 --> 00:52:50,538 Fine. 1204 00:52:52,616 --> 00:52:54,516 Take it. 1205 00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:58,911 Andy, come on. 1206 00:53:01,058 --> 00:53:03,049 ReaIIy? 1207 00:53:04,995 --> 00:53:06,622 Have fun. 1208 00:53:06,730 --> 00:53:10,826 You know, Chicago has reaIIy coId winters. 1209 00:53:10,934 --> 00:53:12,925 You take it. 1210 00:53:13,103 --> 00:53:13,660 Andy! 1211 00:53:13,770 --> 00:53:14,794 [ Door sIams shut ] 1212 00:53:17,241 --> 00:53:19,141 [ Sobs ] 1213 00:53:24,815 --> 00:53:28,717 Tell me what you're thinking, baby 1214 00:53:28,819 --> 00:53:33,313 As my hand is touching yours 1215 00:53:33,423 --> 00:53:36,392 lt may have been an accident 1216 00:53:36,493 --> 00:53:40,452 Or maybe it's what l was reaching for 1217 00:53:41,665 --> 00:53:45,624 Once you hit the five stars, it's pretty much impossibIe. 1218 00:53:45,736 --> 00:53:47,135 I ump in the water, 1219 00:53:47,237 --> 00:53:49,967 get, you know, bIown up by the huII. 1220 00:53:50,707 --> 00:53:54,074 Tomorrow l'll forget 1221 00:53:54,177 --> 00:53:58,807 What drove me to this paper 1222 00:53:58,982 --> 00:54:00,813 Jenna Jameson? 1223 00:54:00,984 --> 00:54:04,511 But l'll use it anyway 1224 00:54:04,688 --> 00:54:06,781 TONY: I don't know what I'm taIkin' about? 1225 00:54:06,957 --> 00:54:09,448 Hey, go get my frickin' chips! 1226 00:54:09,626 --> 00:54:12,220 Shove it, Tony! Shove it! 1227 00:54:12,396 --> 00:54:13,920 Thank you. 1228 00:54:14,097 --> 00:54:17,589 [ ChiIdren yeIIing in the background ] 1229 00:54:19,069 --> 00:54:22,038 Give me a bottIe of that magicness over there. 1230 00:54:28,412 --> 00:54:30,846 What's your excuse? 1231 00:54:30,948 --> 00:54:34,008 GirIfriend fight. You? 1232 00:54:34,117 --> 00:54:37,314 What, you didn't see the caravan of Snack Packs 1233 00:54:37,421 --> 00:54:39,685 and size fours roII in? 1234 00:54:39,790 --> 00:54:42,691 I did, actuaIIy. They're beautifuI. 1235 00:54:42,793 --> 00:54:44,260 [ Scoffs ] 1236 00:54:44,361 --> 00:54:46,795 You must've had a few fights in your day. 1237 00:54:46,897 --> 00:54:49,263 I've won a coupIe. 1238 00:54:52,502 --> 00:54:56,233 I'II seII that horse for gas if you don't stop right now. 1239 00:54:56,840 --> 00:54:59,172 Stay over here and put that gas pump back! 1240 00:54:59,276 --> 00:55:02,268 You're gonna bIow us aII up! 1241 00:55:02,379 --> 00:55:03,869 Can I give you some advice? 1242 00:55:04,581 --> 00:55:06,208 PIease. 1243 00:55:06,383 --> 00:55:10,410 Good communication skiIIs are the key to any reIationship. 1244 00:55:10,587 --> 00:55:13,021 You said that in James Bondage, didn't you? 1245 00:55:13,190 --> 00:55:16,091 Those are words to Iive by. 1246 00:55:16,193 --> 00:55:18,889 I mean, Tony and I. . . 1247 00:55:18,996 --> 00:55:21,487 we say it Iike we reaIIy feeI. 1248 00:55:22,332 --> 00:55:26,234 Hey, who's this guy? 1249 00:55:26,336 --> 00:55:28,133 I feeI eaIous. 1250 00:55:28,305 --> 00:55:31,206 I wiII cut you in the face if you make a probIem. 1251 00:55:31,308 --> 00:55:33,606 He's a nice guy. He's having a rough night. 1252 00:55:34,878 --> 00:55:37,244 Oh. Dang. 1253 00:55:37,347 --> 00:55:40,248 See? By simpIy saying what you feeI -- 1254 00:55:40,350 --> 00:55:42,215 I mean, reaIIy feeI -- 1255 00:55:42,319 --> 00:55:44,617 that's how you don't cIoud the issue. 1256 00:55:44,788 --> 00:55:47,348 Oh, I definiteIy didn't say what I reaIIy meant tonight. 1257 00:55:47,457 --> 00:55:50,187 CouId I suggest something? 1258 00:55:50,293 --> 00:55:53,751 Maybe a bottIe of wine and then an apoIogy. 1259 00:55:53,864 --> 00:55:55,297 Not my beer? 1260 00:55:55,465 --> 00:55:59,367 Get your asses in the car or Jesus doesn't Iove you. 1261 00:55:59,469 --> 00:56:02,961 CHILDREN: Not Jesus! No, no, no! 1262 00:56:03,073 --> 00:56:04,472 [ Car door cIoses ] 1263 00:56:07,911 --> 00:56:09,936 Good Iuck, Andy. 1264 00:56:10,113 --> 00:56:11,808 Thanks, Jenna. 1265 00:56:15,118 --> 00:56:19,214 [ ''Keep Us'' by Peter BradIey Adams pIays ] 1266 00:56:19,322 --> 00:56:21,119 Lauren? 1267 00:56:35,572 --> 00:56:38,973 When the rain set in 1268 00:56:39,076 --> 00:56:42,273 We had nowhere left to go 1269 00:56:42,379 --> 00:56:45,678 So we just stayed in bed 1270 00:56:45,849 --> 00:56:48,818 While the thunder rolled 1271 00:56:48,985 --> 00:56:53,615 There's a comfort in the rain, one that lovers... 1272 00:56:53,790 --> 00:56:57,590 And then he just kind of, Iike, bIew up at me. 1273 00:56:57,694 --> 00:56:59,127 [ ExhaIes ] 1274 00:56:59,229 --> 00:57:00,924 He-- 1275 00:57:03,133 --> 00:57:07,934 He toId me to take the ob in Chicago. 1276 00:57:08,038 --> 00:57:10,165 Like he doesn't even care! 1277 00:57:10,340 --> 00:57:11,864 Honey, of course he doesn't care. 1278 00:57:11,975 --> 00:57:13,567 He's just Iike the rest of the heartIess, 1279 00:57:13,677 --> 00:57:15,144 reproducing machines out there. 1280 00:57:15,245 --> 00:57:18,612 I mean, he shouId be here right now begging you to stay. 1281 00:57:18,715 --> 00:57:21,047 Not throwing fits Iike some sort of baby-chiId. 1282 00:57:21,151 --> 00:57:23,676 I mean, Lauren, you cannot hoId this guy's hand 1283 00:57:23,787 --> 00:57:25,721 through every hiccup in your reIationship. 1284 00:57:25,889 --> 00:57:29,518 WeII, I know this, but you know, then part of me wonders 1285 00:57:29,626 --> 00:57:32,390 if he does reaIIy care, then. . . 1286 00:57:32,496 --> 00:57:34,726 I'd be throwing away everything that I Iove about him. 1287 00:57:34,831 --> 00:57:37,095 So? That can't be very much. 1288 00:57:37,267 --> 00:57:39,701 I'm gonna punch that IittIe piece of shit in the Adam's appIe. 1289 00:57:39,870 --> 00:57:42,134 -PIease. -I wiII. 1290 00:57:42,239 --> 00:57:44,400 Honey, you going to Chicago 1291 00:57:44,508 --> 00:57:47,636 couId be the best thing that happens for the both of you, okay? 1292 00:57:47,744 --> 00:57:49,371 And you're stiII gonna visit aII the time 1293 00:57:49,479 --> 00:57:51,174 because your parents are so cIose, right? 1294 00:57:51,281 --> 00:57:52,407 Yeah. 1295 00:57:52,582 --> 00:57:54,072 Or you couId just string him aIong endIessIy 1296 00:57:54,184 --> 00:57:55,617 and make other commitments on the side. 1297 00:57:55,786 --> 00:57:56,582 That's what I do. 1298 00:57:56,686 --> 00:58:00,247 I'm thinking that maybe that's not the best advice in the situation. 1299 00:58:00,357 --> 00:58:03,758 Lauren, you know what's right in your heart. You gotta go. 1300 00:58:03,927 --> 00:58:05,918 Oh, God, I wanna throw up. 1301 00:58:06,096 --> 00:58:10,658 -Oh, Iet it out. Let it out. -Don't puke. 1302 00:58:10,834 --> 00:58:14,463 [ ''Sunday Drive'' by The EarIy November pIays ] 1303 00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:30,209 And we wait above a road 1304 00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:36,691 We're turning to go home 1305 00:58:36,860 --> 00:58:43,663 And the silence from the side of the car 1306 00:58:43,767 --> 00:58:47,362 Nomi and Layne caIIed to apoIogize again. 1307 00:58:49,773 --> 00:58:51,764 When'd you taIk to those erk faces? 1308 00:58:51,942 --> 00:58:53,807 Just now. I'm aII out of paper, though. 1309 00:58:53,910 --> 00:58:55,810 Been writing Iyrics for my side proect. 1310 00:58:55,912 --> 00:58:58,881 It's probabIy gonna be worth it if I can make a Ioad of cash. . . 1311 00:58:58,982 --> 00:59:01,007 as soon as you give me a record deaI. 1312 00:59:01,618 --> 00:59:02,915 We'II taIk Iater. 1313 00:59:06,389 --> 00:59:08,619 [ DiaI tone ] 1314 00:59:08,792 --> 00:59:09,781 [ TeIephone rings ] 1315 00:59:10,493 --> 00:59:12,620 -HeIIo. -Is Lauren home? 1316 00:59:12,729 --> 00:59:14,788 Oh, you know what? You just missed her. 1317 00:59:14,898 --> 00:59:17,867 She went home to get away from her erk boyfriend. 1318 00:59:17,968 --> 00:59:19,162 Wait, who is this? 1319 00:59:19,269 --> 00:59:22,898 Is that that IittIe douche bag that has a bIind date with my right shin? 1320 00:59:23,073 --> 00:59:24,472 Thanks. 1321 00:59:26,676 --> 00:59:28,337 Oh, was that your mom? 1322 00:59:29,913 --> 00:59:34,373 And l wonder if l'm alone 1323 00:59:37,954 --> 00:59:40,149 -Hey, Mom? -Mm-hmm. 1324 00:59:40,257 --> 00:59:43,658 Why did you and Dad spIit up? 1325 00:59:43,760 --> 00:59:47,662 Because I kicked his Iazy ass out. That's why. 1326 00:59:47,764 --> 00:59:50,358 Yeah, but why? 1327 00:59:51,401 --> 00:59:55,064 I guess I just wasn't sure that I was in Iove with him anymore. 1328 00:59:55,171 --> 00:59:56,900 And he was Iazy. 1329 00:59:57,374 --> 00:59:59,274 WeII, what made you change your mind? 1330 00:59:59,442 --> 01:00:00,932 Found out I couIdn't Iive without him. 1331 01:00:01,111 --> 01:00:02,237 Because he's the one? 1332 01:00:02,812 --> 01:00:03,779 No. 1333 01:00:04,948 --> 01:00:07,348 'Cause I Iove him. 1334 01:00:07,450 --> 01:00:11,181 ReIationships go through aII kinds of peaks and vaIIeys, Lauren. 1335 01:00:11,788 --> 01:00:14,985 And there is no ''one.'' 1336 01:00:15,091 --> 01:00:19,755 UnIess you're counting the one in the back of your imagination. 1337 01:00:19,863 --> 01:00:21,728 Here's what I think. 1338 01:00:21,831 --> 01:00:26,268 I think you find the right person that you wanna buiId a Iife with, 1339 01:00:26,369 --> 01:00:29,930 and then you make that person the perfect one for you. 1340 01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:30,699 [ Crash ] 1341 01:00:30,807 --> 01:00:34,174 Goddamnit! Damn it! Lawn mower's got a mind of its own! 1342 01:00:34,277 --> 01:00:35,869 And you try reaI hard. 1343 01:00:35,979 --> 01:00:38,743 MR. BAKER: Goddamnit! 1344 01:00:43,753 --> 01:00:45,050 [ DoorbeII rings ] 1345 01:00:46,122 --> 01:00:48,181 Andy! Hey, good to see you. 1346 01:00:48,291 --> 01:00:49,383 Hey, Dad. 1347 01:00:49,492 --> 01:00:51,323 Good to see ya. Come on in. 1348 01:00:51,428 --> 01:00:52,827 Yeah. 1349 01:00:52,929 --> 01:00:54,726 Grandpa, how ya doin'? 1350 01:00:54,898 --> 01:00:56,991 Yeah, the hemorrhoids are humping Iike rabbits. 1351 01:00:57,167 --> 01:00:59,931 -Ah. Unfortunate. -Yeah. 1352 01:01:00,103 --> 01:01:02,663 -How's everything? -Oh, yeah, everything's great. 1353 01:01:02,772 --> 01:01:04,967 -I was just in the neighborhood. -Good. 1354 01:01:05,075 --> 01:01:06,838 -MRS. CONNERS: Is that Andy? -Hey. 1355 01:01:06,943 --> 01:01:08,035 Mom, Andy's home! 1356 01:01:08,144 --> 01:01:11,807 -Oh, hi, honey. -Hey, Mom. 1357 01:01:11,915 --> 01:01:14,349 Did you get those teeth-whitening strips I sent you? 1358 01:01:14,451 --> 01:01:16,316 Yes, I got everything. Thank you so much. 1359 01:01:16,419 --> 01:01:18,580 -Hey, Gram. -Where's Lauren? 1360 01:01:18,755 --> 01:01:19,915 She went to Irvine. 1361 01:01:20,090 --> 01:01:23,287 Shoot. I Iike her, Andy. 1362 01:01:23,460 --> 01:01:25,758 Yeah. I Iike her, too. 1363 01:01:25,929 --> 01:01:27,988 -When you gonna pop the question? -Whoa. 1364 01:01:28,164 --> 01:01:29,222 Yeah. I don't know. 1365 01:01:29,332 --> 01:01:31,323 God, you're handsome. 1366 01:01:31,434 --> 01:01:32,765 If I weren't your grandmother, 1367 01:01:32,869 --> 01:01:36,566 I might get carried away after a six-pack. 1368 01:01:36,673 --> 01:01:37,469 Grandma! 1369 01:01:37,640 --> 01:01:38,800 Take it easy. 1370 01:01:38,975 --> 01:01:40,203 Have you said hi to Scott yet? 1371 01:01:40,377 --> 01:01:42,072 The bastard chiId? 1372 01:01:42,178 --> 01:01:44,408 It's true. He's not my son. 1373 01:01:44,581 --> 01:01:45,513 He's in his room. 1374 01:01:45,615 --> 01:01:47,742 You've aIways been such a good infIuence on him. 1375 01:01:47,851 --> 01:01:51,287 He's reaIIy nervous about a IittIe date of his own tonight. 1376 01:01:51,388 --> 01:01:52,616 WouId you go? 1377 01:01:52,789 --> 01:01:54,313 Yeah, I'II go taIk to him. 1378 01:01:54,424 --> 01:01:55,686 Dinner in five minutes. 1379 01:01:55,792 --> 01:01:57,726 -Pot roast. -Come on, Mom. 1380 01:01:59,729 --> 01:02:00,718 Hey, IittIe bro. 1381 01:02:00,897 --> 01:02:03,627 What's up, baby? What's crackin'? Thanks for the tickets. 1382 01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:05,859 Oh, not a probIem. Who you takin'? 1383 01:02:06,036 --> 01:02:07,526 Barbie. 1384 01:02:08,872 --> 01:02:11,466 Barbie? Is that your girIfriend? 1385 01:02:12,409 --> 01:02:13,808 Let's just say we party. 1386 01:02:13,977 --> 01:02:16,070 Nice. 1387 01:02:17,647 --> 01:02:19,478 Hey, Scott. 1388 01:02:19,582 --> 01:02:21,743 Have you ever-- 1389 01:02:23,219 --> 01:02:26,188 -You know, I mean, have you-- -Fucked? 1390 01:02:26,356 --> 01:02:27,653 Yeah. 1391 01:02:28,525 --> 01:02:32,655 It's-- It's kinda my speciaIty. 1392 01:02:32,762 --> 01:02:34,320 I'm not pIaying T-baII anymore, you know? 1393 01:02:34,431 --> 01:02:35,659 WeII, Iet me ask you something. 1394 01:02:36,533 --> 01:02:38,364 Have you ever had a probIem with. . . 1395 01:02:39,436 --> 01:02:40,698 . . .arriving earIy? 1396 01:02:40,870 --> 01:02:43,031 No. No. 1397 01:02:43,973 --> 01:02:46,464 But I take it you have. 1398 01:02:47,510 --> 01:02:49,978 Andy, Andy, Andy. 1399 01:02:50,146 --> 01:02:52,114 Ever tried the hammer-of-Thor grip? 1400 01:02:52,215 --> 01:02:54,012 The what of who? 1401 01:02:54,117 --> 01:02:55,482 Hammer of Thor. 1402 01:02:56,052 --> 01:03:01,581 If you're about to crash the party, just grab the e-brake and puII. 1403 01:03:01,691 --> 01:03:02,919 Don't use it too often, though. 1404 01:03:03,026 --> 01:03:05,119 She'II Iose everything she's been buiIding up. 1405 01:03:05,228 --> 01:03:07,594 -And there's the pre-date. -Pre-date? 1406 01:03:07,764 --> 01:03:08,753 Come on, Andy. 1407 01:03:08,865 --> 01:03:13,632 30 minutes before you party, have a IittIe pre-party. 1408 01:03:14,137 --> 01:03:16,628 That, combined with a Iot of forepIay, 1409 01:03:16,739 --> 01:03:19,435 some sensuaI kissing, 1410 01:03:19,542 --> 01:03:22,511 and a IittIe afterpIay cunniIingus, that shouId do the trick. 1411 01:03:22,612 --> 01:03:24,136 -AfterpIay cunniIingus? -Yeah. 1412 01:03:24,247 --> 01:03:27,239 That's Iike putting your mouth where your dick just was. 1413 01:03:27,417 --> 01:03:29,647 You're essentiaIIy giving yourseIf a bIowob. 1414 01:03:29,752 --> 01:03:32,380 If onIy, Andy. If onIy. 1415 01:03:32,555 --> 01:03:34,284 AII right, Iisten up. 1416 01:03:34,390 --> 01:03:36,187 A good way to think about it 1417 01:03:36,292 --> 01:03:41,195 is Iike it's a ride, not a race, you know? 1418 01:03:41,297 --> 01:03:45,666 Once you get your motor started, you just gotta ease it into first 1419 01:03:45,835 --> 01:03:48,269 and cruise for a whiIe. 1420 01:03:48,438 --> 01:03:50,599 And then after you hear her go Iike this. . . 1421 01:03:50,707 --> 01:03:51,799 [ Moans ] 1422 01:03:51,975 --> 01:03:56,207 . . .just push in the cIutch and shift her into second. 1423 01:03:57,480 --> 01:03:59,414 I don't want-- I'd rather not Iook, but I get it. 1424 01:03:59,582 --> 01:04:00,981 When you hear her go. . . 1425 01:04:01,084 --> 01:04:02,483 [ Gasps ] 1426 01:04:02,652 --> 01:04:05,246 . . .just throw it into third and go Iike this. 1427 01:04:05,355 --> 01:04:09,257 But then if you hear her go Iike this. . . 1428 01:04:09,359 --> 01:04:10,883 [ Screams ] 1429 01:04:10,994 --> 01:04:14,327 . . .just fIoor it and count to 300. 1430 01:04:14,497 --> 01:04:17,125 Aaaahhhh! 1431 01:04:17,300 --> 01:04:20,133 AII right. Scotty, Scotty, Scotty, Scotty. 1432 01:04:20,737 --> 01:04:22,830 What if I'm-- 1433 01:04:22,939 --> 01:04:24,566 What if I don't make it to 300? 1434 01:04:24,674 --> 01:04:26,904 What if I can onIy count to, Iike, six? 1435 01:04:27,010 --> 01:04:28,739 HoIy shit, six? 1436 01:04:30,146 --> 01:04:32,410 1 00 wiII get her to OrIando. 1437 01:04:32,515 --> 01:04:34,813 300 wiII get her there and back. 1438 01:04:34,918 --> 01:04:39,480 Six wiII get you a bad attitude the next day. 1439 01:04:39,656 --> 01:04:42,955 AII right. That made me hungry. 1440 01:04:43,059 --> 01:04:43,855 Let's eat. 1441 01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:48,863 I've got a 9:00 with Barbie and her sister. Know what I mean? 1442 01:04:49,732 --> 01:04:52,758 Andy, did you know that Scotty has a girIfriend? 1443 01:04:52,869 --> 01:04:54,860 -Barbie, right? -That's right. 1444 01:04:55,038 --> 01:04:57,529 -Did you kiss her yet? -Aw, come on, Dad. 1445 01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:02,634 What were you two taIking about back there? I heard noises. 1446 01:05:02,812 --> 01:05:04,939 Oh, yeah. Andy can't get Lauren to cIimax in bed. 1447 01:05:05,114 --> 01:05:06,445 -Whoa. -Oh, honey. 1448 01:05:06,616 --> 01:05:08,948 Are you taking your vitamins? 1449 01:05:09,052 --> 01:05:12,215 Scott, aren't you supposed to meet someone about now? 1450 01:05:12,322 --> 01:05:14,950 Oh, yeah, yeah, totaIIy. 1451 01:05:15,058 --> 01:05:16,582 Can I have money? 1452 01:05:16,693 --> 01:05:18,058 [ Sighs ] 1453 01:05:19,062 --> 01:05:22,520 Just make sure that you're home by midnight. 1454 01:05:22,632 --> 01:05:26,966 Pops, I promise I wiII be in bed by midnight. 1455 01:05:27,070 --> 01:05:28,867 300. 1456 01:05:29,038 --> 01:05:31,836 So, are you impotent or something? 1457 01:05:32,008 --> 01:05:33,999 Does your pecker work at aII? 1458 01:05:34,177 --> 01:05:37,669 Yes. Yes, it works. It works Iike crazy. 1459 01:05:37,847 --> 01:05:39,178 It's awesome. 1460 01:05:39,349 --> 01:05:40,247 Good. 1461 01:05:40,416 --> 01:05:43,510 Do -- do you mix things up a IittIe? Show her some variety? 1462 01:05:43,686 --> 01:05:44,550 Yeah. 1463 01:05:44,721 --> 01:05:47,747 Gotta be spontaneous. We used to do it in your room. 1464 01:05:47,924 --> 01:05:49,357 No. 1465 01:05:49,525 --> 01:05:51,516 And you have to know her fantasies. 1466 01:05:51,628 --> 01:05:54,893 You know, Iike pirate and sIave girI. 1467 01:05:54,998 --> 01:05:58,058 [ Pirate impression ] : Ar, you're mine now, you brown beauty. 1468 01:05:58,234 --> 01:05:59,462 I got ya. 1469 01:05:59,636 --> 01:06:02,036 Do you do forepIay? 1470 01:06:02,438 --> 01:06:04,133 Grandma. . . 1471 01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:06,765 Yes, I do forepIay. 1472 01:06:06,943 --> 01:06:08,376 But do you go down on her? 1473 01:06:08,544 --> 01:06:09,169 Mother! 1474 01:06:09,345 --> 01:06:12,041 Hey, you wanna get to Vegas, you gotta cross the desert, son. 1475 01:06:12,615 --> 01:06:14,139 Since when did everyone in this famiIy 1476 01:06:14,250 --> 01:06:15,877 turn into some kind of sex expert? 1477 01:06:16,052 --> 01:06:17,519 We got cabIe Iast month. 1478 01:06:17,620 --> 01:06:19,053 [ Laughter ] 1479 01:06:19,155 --> 01:06:23,455 You have to find out what Lauren enoys, 1480 01:06:23,626 --> 01:06:25,719 what she wants. 1481 01:06:25,895 --> 01:06:28,090 When did you Iast teII her that you Ioved her? 1482 01:06:28,264 --> 01:06:30,596 WeII, never. 1483 01:06:30,767 --> 01:06:31,756 What? 1484 01:06:31,868 --> 01:06:35,827 Andy, women need to hear those magic words. 1485 01:06:35,938 --> 01:06:37,701 There's your probIem. 1486 01:06:39,042 --> 01:06:40,634 WeII, I've never heard Dad say it. 1487 01:06:41,277 --> 01:06:45,077 That's the Iast thing he says to me every night. 1488 01:06:45,882 --> 01:06:47,850 ReaIIy? 1489 01:06:47,950 --> 01:06:49,383 I -- 1490 01:06:49,485 --> 01:06:50,782 I never reaIized. 1491 01:06:50,953 --> 01:06:52,580 Do you Iove her? 1492 01:06:52,755 --> 01:06:57,021 Yeah. I reaIIy do. 1493 01:06:57,193 --> 01:06:59,093 You gotta teII her. 1494 01:06:59,195 --> 01:07:03,359 Forget everything eIse. That's the most important thing of aII. 1495 01:07:03,966 --> 01:07:06,799 When I get back, I'II take her somewhere reaIIy nice and I'II-- 1496 01:07:06,969 --> 01:07:07,993 Now, Andy. 1497 01:07:08,738 --> 01:07:10,763 Now. 1498 01:07:27,323 --> 01:07:29,120 DanieI. 1499 01:07:29,225 --> 01:07:30,886 Can Lauren come out to pIay? 1500 01:07:30,993 --> 01:07:32,483 What are you doing here? 1501 01:07:32,662 --> 01:07:34,323 Curtis said you'd be visiting your parents. 1502 01:07:34,497 --> 01:07:35,828 He did, did he? 1503 01:07:35,998 --> 01:07:38,262 He wants me to convince you to take the Chicago ob. 1504 01:07:38,434 --> 01:07:41,597 So here. 1505 01:07:43,172 --> 01:07:45,640 Wow. 1506 01:07:45,742 --> 01:07:47,937 -PIane tickets. -Mm-hmm. 1507 01:07:49,278 --> 01:07:51,974 Can I taIk you into a gIass of wine? We'II ceIebrate? 1508 01:07:54,951 --> 01:07:56,384 I don't know if I shouId. 1509 01:07:56,486 --> 01:08:00,149 I know a great IittIe ItaIian spot just right down the road. 1510 01:08:00,323 --> 01:08:03,053 Are you forgetting that I grew up here, too? 1511 01:08:03,159 --> 01:08:04,922 Come on. 1512 01:08:05,027 --> 01:08:06,517 No, I shouIdn't. 1513 01:08:06,696 --> 01:08:07,685 Why? 1514 01:08:07,864 --> 01:08:10,128 Andy and I are fighting. 1515 01:08:10,233 --> 01:08:12,064 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 1516 01:08:12,235 --> 01:08:13,725 That's a bummer. 1517 01:08:13,836 --> 01:08:16,532 Wait, these are pIane tickets, and you act Iike it's not a big deaI. 1518 01:08:16,639 --> 01:08:17,503 WeII, it's not. 1519 01:08:17,673 --> 01:08:20,005 ReaIIy. I mean, these are just pieces of paper. 1520 01:08:20,109 --> 01:08:23,806 The actuaI fIying part is the big deaI. 1521 01:08:23,913 --> 01:08:24,607 Right. 1522 01:08:24,714 --> 01:08:26,682 Come on, one IittIe gIass of wine. 1523 01:08:26,783 --> 01:08:32,346 A haIf-- a IittIe, itsy-bitsy, tiny gIass of wine. 1524 01:08:33,856 --> 01:08:34,914 Okay, but just one. 1525 01:08:35,024 --> 01:08:37,686 Just one. WeII, that-- yeah, that's what I said. 1526 01:08:37,860 --> 01:08:39,885 l am desperate and lonely 1527 01:08:39,996 --> 01:08:43,830 You're the only one for me 1528 01:08:43,933 --> 01:08:45,833 l know l'm pathetic 1529 01:08:45,935 --> 01:08:47,596 One day l'll regret this 1530 01:08:47,703 --> 01:08:48,965 You've got me now 1531 01:08:49,071 --> 01:08:51,904 [ Speed diaI ] 1532 01:08:52,008 --> 01:08:53,032 Hi, you've reached Lauren. 1533 01:08:53,142 --> 01:08:55,372 l'm away from my phone right now, but if you leave a message l'll-- 1534 01:08:55,478 --> 01:08:56,706 [ Hangs up ] 1535 01:08:59,081 --> 01:09:00,708 Oh, heIIo, Andy. 1536 01:09:00,883 --> 01:09:02,009 HeIIo, Mrs. Baker. 1537 01:09:02,185 --> 01:09:03,880 -What brings you here? -Lauren. 1538 01:09:03,986 --> 01:09:06,420 She's not answering my caIIs, 1539 01:09:06,522 --> 01:09:09,116 and we kind of had this IittIe, tiny fight. 1540 01:09:09,225 --> 01:09:11,591 -May I speak with her? -She went downtown. 1541 01:09:11,761 --> 01:09:13,626 Do you know where downtown? 1542 01:09:13,796 --> 01:09:16,424 -No, honey, she went with a friend. -And which friend was that? 1543 01:09:16,599 --> 01:09:18,464 -DanieI. -Oh. 1544 01:09:18,568 --> 01:09:20,058 WouId you Iike to come in and wait? 1545 01:09:20,770 --> 01:09:22,704 I can't chat right now, Mrs. Baker. I'm sorry. 1546 01:09:22,805 --> 01:09:25,865 I'm in Iove with your daughter. Kinda busy. 1547 01:09:25,975 --> 01:09:27,374 Sorry 'bout your fIowers. 1548 01:09:35,051 --> 01:09:39,420 So just, you know, hearing about this beautifuI, taIented Lauren -- 1549 01:09:39,522 --> 01:09:41,422 Lauren this, Lauren that, you know. 1550 01:09:41,524 --> 01:09:45,051 And when Curtis caIIed me down to meet you, 1551 01:09:45,161 --> 01:09:46,685 I just waIked up, and I just -- 1552 01:09:46,796 --> 01:09:51,631 In a miIIion years, I wouId've never, you know, thought that it was you. 1553 01:09:53,536 --> 01:09:55,504 Lauren. 1554 01:09:57,073 --> 01:09:58,404 Lauren. 1555 01:09:58,574 --> 01:09:59,768 What? 1556 01:09:59,942 --> 01:10:01,739 Is everything okay? 1557 01:10:01,911 --> 01:10:02,775 Yeah. 1558 01:10:03,312 --> 01:10:05,940 You know, we're not doing anything wrong here. 1559 01:10:06,115 --> 01:10:08,106 No, no, I know. 1560 01:10:09,085 --> 01:10:10,609 So what're you thinking about? 1561 01:10:11,721 --> 01:10:12,949 Andy. 1562 01:10:13,990 --> 01:10:15,014 Andy. 1563 01:10:15,958 --> 01:10:17,687 He's the one. 1564 01:10:19,829 --> 01:10:24,926 I mean, right now he's sort of Iike a haIf. 1565 01:10:25,034 --> 01:10:29,403 But hopefuIIy, in a few years, he'II be a one. 1566 01:10:29,839 --> 01:10:30,828 You sure? 1567 01:10:33,809 --> 01:10:37,802 So, I guess that means you're not coming to Chicago? 1568 01:10:37,980 --> 01:10:40,471 I guess not. I'm sorry. 1569 01:10:44,253 --> 01:10:47,450 I hope I'm as Iucky as Andy is some day. 1570 01:10:47,623 --> 01:10:49,284 I think you wiII be. 1571 01:10:49,458 --> 01:10:50,823 You think? 1572 01:10:50,993 --> 01:10:52,688 Yeah, definiteIy. 1573 01:10:59,936 --> 01:11:01,995 WeII, here's to true Iove. 1574 01:11:02,104 --> 01:11:03,696 Even if you have doubts at first. 1575 01:11:10,580 --> 01:11:12,172 [ CeII phone vibrates ] 1576 01:11:14,050 --> 01:11:15,642 It's Curtis. 1577 01:11:17,219 --> 01:11:19,050 So I guess I'm gonna go out there 1578 01:11:19,155 --> 01:11:22,352 and teII him that you're staying in L.A.? 1579 01:11:26,228 --> 01:11:29,220 Oh, he's not gonna be happy. 1580 01:11:47,083 --> 01:11:50,109 Andy. What are you doing here? 1581 01:11:50,286 --> 01:11:51,548 Mmm, I Iove the bread. 1582 01:11:51,654 --> 01:11:53,849 What are you doing here? You don't Iove bread. 1583 01:11:54,023 --> 01:11:56,253 I'm just here with a friend. 1584 01:11:57,126 --> 01:11:58,286 What's wrong? 1585 01:11:58,461 --> 01:12:00,429 -I hope I'm not interrupting. -No, of course not. 1586 01:12:00,529 --> 01:12:02,429 In fact, I'm actuaIIy reaIIy gIad you're here. 1587 01:12:02,598 --> 01:12:05,396 Yeah, I'm reaIIy gIad to be here, too. Now you can teII me the truth. 1588 01:12:06,669 --> 01:12:08,102 Truth about what? 1589 01:12:08,270 --> 01:12:10,738 About DanieI, this prick you're here with. 1590 01:12:10,906 --> 01:12:13,272 No, we're not here together. 1591 01:12:13,376 --> 01:12:14,900 He's just a famiIy friend. 1592 01:12:15,077 --> 01:12:18,410 Oh. Now he's a famiIy friend. I thought he was a coIIeague. 1593 01:12:18,581 --> 01:12:19,445 Yeah, he's both. 1594 01:12:19,548 --> 01:12:20,981 He grew up a bIock away from my parents. 1595 01:12:21,083 --> 01:12:22,573 I've known him since I was 1 0. 1596 01:12:22,752 --> 01:12:25,346 And Iast night he just happened to be in L.A., 1597 01:12:25,454 --> 01:12:28,082 and tonight he just happens to be in Irvine? 1598 01:12:28,257 --> 01:12:28,916 Yes. 1599 01:12:29,091 --> 01:12:29,955 Stop Iying to me! 1600 01:12:30,126 --> 01:12:31,320 -I'm not Iying! 1601 01:12:31,494 --> 01:12:32,961 How couId you do this behind my back? 1602 01:12:33,062 --> 01:12:35,530 Have you sIept with him aIready? 1603 01:12:35,631 --> 01:12:37,496 I'm not cheating on you. 1604 01:12:37,667 --> 01:12:39,931 WiII you be oining us for dinner tonight, sir? 1605 01:12:40,102 --> 01:12:41,933 I'm sorry that I can't satisfy you, okay? 1606 01:12:42,038 --> 01:12:44,472 I'm sorry that I'm so inadequate in bed 1607 01:12:44,640 --> 01:12:46,005 that my wiener and aII its shortcomings 1608 01:12:46,108 --> 01:12:49,202 have driven you to this huge boner that you've known since you were 1 0. 1609 01:12:49,345 --> 01:12:52,439 Just Iet me know if you change your mind. 1610 01:12:52,548 --> 01:12:54,914 Andy, you need to caIm down right now. 1611 01:12:55,084 --> 01:12:56,949 It's never been about that. 1612 01:12:57,119 --> 01:12:59,087 AII right, fine, it doesn't heIp, but. . . . 1613 01:13:00,656 --> 01:13:03,819 It's about you not being there for me emotionaIIy. 1614 01:13:03,926 --> 01:13:07,293 I have aIways been there for you emotionaIIy. 1615 01:13:07,463 --> 01:13:09,829 I Iive there emotionaIIy, in a nice big house 1616 01:13:09,999 --> 01:13:12,559 with rows of pretty fIowers out front. 1617 01:13:12,735 --> 01:13:15,169 You never even said you Ioved me. 1618 01:13:15,337 --> 01:13:18,101 Oh, but DanieI wiII. He'II probabIy teII you next week, right? 1619 01:13:18,207 --> 01:13:19,834 And then you guys can go off and have babies, 1620 01:13:19,942 --> 01:13:22,103 and you can send me e-maiIs and teII me aII about your babies. 1621 01:13:22,211 --> 01:13:23,109 WeII, guess what, Lauren? 1622 01:13:23,212 --> 01:13:25,646 I don't give a damn about you and your stupid babies. 1623 01:13:27,717 --> 01:13:30,117 You know what reaIIy gets me? 1624 01:13:30,286 --> 01:13:32,584 I had no doubt you were the girI 1625 01:13:32,688 --> 01:13:36,249 I wanted to spend the rest of my Iife with. 1626 01:13:36,358 --> 01:13:40,419 And now I know you never were that girI. 1627 01:13:40,596 --> 01:13:41,927 [ ExhaIes ] 1628 01:13:43,032 --> 01:13:45,193 Is that reaIIy how you feeI? 1629 01:13:45,367 --> 01:13:46,561 Yeah. 1630 01:13:49,105 --> 01:13:51,164 [ Sobbing ] 1631 01:13:51,874 --> 01:13:53,569 -Lauren? Lauren? -Oh. 1632 01:13:53,743 --> 01:13:55,608 Hey, prickstain, take a waIk? 1633 01:13:55,778 --> 01:13:57,643 -Lauren, you okay? -What's it to you? 1634 01:13:57,813 --> 01:13:59,940 -Do you not hear me? -She's my friend, Andy. 1635 01:14:00,049 --> 01:14:01,983 And I don't Iike to see her embarrassed in pubIic. 1636 01:14:02,151 --> 01:14:03,584 DanieI, wiII you pIease take me home? 1637 01:14:03,686 --> 01:14:04,675 AbsoIuteIy. 1638 01:14:04,854 --> 01:14:07,687 Lauren, pIease, Iet me take you home. 1639 01:14:07,790 --> 01:14:10,224 I'II take you home. I'm sorry. 1640 01:14:10,326 --> 01:14:13,090 Good-bye, Andy. 1641 01:14:20,369 --> 01:14:21,836 [ Knocking on door ] 1642 01:14:21,937 --> 01:14:24,030 I'm busy. 1643 01:14:24,140 --> 01:14:26,904 [ knocking continues ] 1644 01:14:27,009 --> 01:14:30,809 Okay, enough with the knocking! 1645 01:14:37,353 --> 01:14:38,684 Hi. 1646 01:14:38,854 --> 01:14:40,879 Oh. How was the future? 1647 01:14:41,056 --> 01:14:43,047 You Iook Iike you sIept under a donkey. 1648 01:14:43,225 --> 01:14:45,557 Yeah, right after you kissed that donkey 1649 01:14:45,661 --> 01:14:47,219 and its two donkey friends. 1650 01:14:47,930 --> 01:14:49,420 Can we come in? 1651 01:14:51,033 --> 01:14:53,001 So, where were you Iast night? 1652 01:14:53,169 --> 01:14:54,101 [ Sighs ] 1653 01:14:54,270 --> 01:14:55,601 I went to Irvine. 1654 01:14:56,272 --> 01:14:57,671 What, to taIk to Lauren? 1655 01:14:57,840 --> 01:15:00,536 Yeah, to see Lauren. Why do you ask? 1656 01:15:00,643 --> 01:15:03,134 Wondering what method she used to try to change me? 1657 01:15:03,312 --> 01:15:06,770 Wow. Dude, that is so-- 1658 01:15:10,986 --> 01:15:12,419 Okay. 1659 01:15:14,657 --> 01:15:16,784 Okay. 1660 01:15:19,395 --> 01:15:21,625 I'm sorry, Andy. 1661 01:15:21,730 --> 01:15:24,164 I'm reaIIy sorry about that. 1662 01:15:24,266 --> 01:15:27,929 But I've been thinking a Iot recentIy and. . . 1663 01:15:28,037 --> 01:15:31,495 I've reaIized, I'm not upset with Lauren, I'm upset with you. 1664 01:15:31,607 --> 01:15:33,199 -Me? -Yeah, you. 1665 01:15:33,309 --> 01:15:34,173 Why are you mad at me? 1666 01:15:34,276 --> 01:15:36,710 Because you've totaIIy disappeared on me. 1667 01:15:36,812 --> 01:15:37,904 We used to be best friends, 1668 01:15:38,013 --> 01:15:40,447 and now I hardIy even see you anymore. 1669 01:15:40,549 --> 01:15:44,076 The onIy time you even taIk to me is when you need heIp. 1670 01:15:44,186 --> 01:15:45,346 You see me. 1671 01:15:45,521 --> 01:15:48,979 I mean, just because we don't see each other aII the time, 1672 01:15:49,158 --> 01:15:52,389 that doesn't mean we're not friends. 1673 01:15:52,494 --> 01:15:56,396 Whatever happens is gonna happen, 1674 01:15:56,498 --> 01:16:03,062 but no matter what, I wiII aIways consider you a brother. 1675 01:16:03,172 --> 01:16:04,764 And not Iike a brother. 1676 01:16:04,874 --> 01:16:06,899 -I mean, I do. I know what's up. -Yes. 1677 01:16:07,009 --> 01:16:09,307 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what's up. 1678 01:16:10,579 --> 01:16:13,207 AII right, brother, I'II catch you Iater. 1679 01:16:13,315 --> 01:16:13,838 CooI. 1680 01:16:13,949 --> 01:16:16,008 I'II see you in the car. 1681 01:16:19,321 --> 01:16:21,881 Waking up on Sunday morning 1682 01:16:22,057 --> 01:16:27,222 Finding over last night's indulgences 1683 01:16:28,264 --> 01:16:32,360 'Cause every time l've cried and tried to hide away my feelings 1684 01:16:32,468 --> 01:16:34,527 lt makes me sick 1685 01:16:36,038 --> 01:16:40,941 'Cause it's just a game that we play 1686 01:16:41,043 --> 01:16:47,312 And in the dark it all just goes away 1687 01:16:47,483 --> 01:16:51,943 'Cause l'm trying to forget 1688 01:16:52,054 --> 01:16:56,582 'Cause l know things will get better yet 1689 01:16:56,759 --> 01:16:58,522 And you'll see 1690 01:16:58,627 --> 01:17:00,754 You'll see 1691 01:17:00,863 --> 01:17:04,390 You'll see 1692 01:17:04,566 --> 01:17:09,401 The changes in me 1693 01:17:12,408 --> 01:17:14,239 Lauren. 1694 01:17:17,947 --> 01:17:18,879 She here? 1695 01:17:19,048 --> 01:17:19,912 Nope. 1696 01:17:20,082 --> 01:17:21,947 -Where is she? -She's gone, man. 1697 01:17:22,117 --> 01:17:24,551 -Gone? Gone where? -Listen, if Lauren didn't teII you-- 1698 01:17:24,653 --> 01:17:26,245 Then why the heII shouId we teII you, asshoIe? 1699 01:17:26,355 --> 01:17:28,846 Why shouIdn't we just punch you in the stomach! 1700 01:17:29,024 --> 01:17:30,992 -Awesome. -I did it. 1701 01:17:31,093 --> 01:17:33,323 That was awesome. 1702 01:17:33,429 --> 01:17:37,160 -That was awesome. -Because I Iove her, okay? 1703 01:17:37,266 --> 01:17:40,064 Paint it on a waII somewhere in big red Ietters. 1704 01:17:40,169 --> 01:17:44,003 PIease, I'm begging you. 1705 01:17:44,106 --> 01:17:46,301 I can't Iose her. 1706 01:17:48,410 --> 01:17:50,776 I mean, she's probabIy aIready at the airport, okay? 1707 01:17:50,879 --> 01:17:52,574 She's catching a fIight to Chicago. 1708 01:17:52,748 --> 01:17:54,409 -Now? -No, in 45 minutes. 1709 01:17:54,583 --> 01:17:56,073 She's Ieaving out of Long Beach. 1710 01:17:56,251 --> 01:17:58,151 I mean, you couId've toId me that you Ioved her. 1711 01:17:58,253 --> 01:17:59,743 I wouIdn't've punched you Iike that. 1712 01:17:59,922 --> 01:18:02,982 And you'll see 1713 01:18:03,092 --> 01:18:05,287 You'll see 1714 01:18:05,394 --> 01:18:09,160 You'll see 1715 01:18:09,264 --> 01:18:10,288 The changes in me 1716 01:18:10,399 --> 01:18:14,199 l'm trying to forget 1717 01:18:14,303 --> 01:18:18,569 'Cause l know things will get better yet 1718 01:18:18,674 --> 01:18:20,869 And you'll see 1719 01:18:20,976 --> 01:18:23,001 You'll see 1720 01:18:23,112 --> 01:18:26,980 You'll see 1721 01:18:27,082 --> 01:18:32,247 The changes in me 1722 01:18:32,354 --> 01:18:34,345 ln me 1723 01:18:34,456 --> 01:18:36,151 [ Cheers and appIause ] 1724 01:18:43,499 --> 01:18:45,592 Excuse me, sir, you can't park there. 1725 01:18:45,701 --> 01:18:47,828 Sir. Sir! 1726 01:18:50,639 --> 01:18:52,436 -I need a ticket. -Where to? 1727 01:18:52,608 --> 01:18:54,667 -Chicago. I need a ticket to Chicago. -Okay. 1728 01:18:56,145 --> 01:18:57,635 Um. 1729 01:18:58,180 --> 01:19:00,808 Oh. 1730 01:19:01,483 --> 01:19:06,045 I'm sorry, there are no more fIights to Chicago tonight. 1731 01:19:06,155 --> 01:19:07,713 Did one just Ieave? 1732 01:19:07,890 --> 01:19:09,619 Yes, it took off about 1 0 minutes ago. 1733 01:19:09,792 --> 01:19:12,090 So, it's-- it's gone? 1734 01:19:12,261 --> 01:19:14,752 WeII, it's not here, so I wouId assume it's in the air, sir. 1735 01:19:14,930 --> 01:19:17,797 -To Chicago? -Yes. 1736 01:19:17,900 --> 01:19:19,197 With Danny. 1737 01:19:19,368 --> 01:19:21,165 Excuse me? 1738 01:19:47,796 --> 01:19:51,357 [ Thunder ] 1739 01:19:58,874 --> 01:20:02,310 [ PIane departs ] 1740 01:20:28,303 --> 01:20:29,600 I'm so sorry. 1741 01:20:29,705 --> 01:20:32,105 You shouId be. 1742 01:20:32,207 --> 01:20:36,803 I have never wanted anything as much as I want this. 1743 01:20:36,912 --> 01:20:40,746 If I had wings, I wouId have fIown after that pIane. 1744 01:20:40,916 --> 01:20:43,908 You're my whoIe Iife. 1745 01:20:44,019 --> 01:20:48,046 And I know that in the past I might have taken that for granted. 1746 01:20:48,790 --> 01:20:50,849 But I don't know what I wouId do without you. 1747 01:20:53,262 --> 01:20:56,629 Do you think that you couId give me just one more chance? 1748 01:20:57,466 --> 01:21:00,333 Just one more. 1749 01:21:02,304 --> 01:21:04,898 I Iove you, Lauren. 1750 01:21:05,007 --> 01:21:08,602 I do. I reaIIy Iove you. 1751 01:21:08,777 --> 01:21:10,972 Andy, it's too Iate. 1752 01:21:11,480 --> 01:21:15,075 I'm sorry it took me so Iong. 1753 01:21:15,184 --> 01:21:18,551 No, you don't understand. 1754 01:21:18,654 --> 01:21:20,451 It's too Iate. 1755 01:21:20,622 --> 01:21:22,715 I don't wanna be with DanieI. 1756 01:21:22,824 --> 01:21:26,157 And I don't wanna Ieave my famiIy and my friends so far away, 1757 01:21:26,261 --> 01:21:29,890 but, Andy, I reaIized something. 1758 01:21:30,065 --> 01:21:34,001 I deserve so much better than you. 1759 01:21:34,169 --> 01:21:37,661 Lauren, are you serious? 1760 01:21:38,974 --> 01:21:44,276 You just never cared enough. 1761 01:21:48,717 --> 01:21:50,878 Lauren. 1762 01:22:03,665 --> 01:22:04,529 Oh. 1763 01:22:10,939 --> 01:22:16,070 Please don't throw that away 1764 01:22:16,178 --> 01:22:23,448 'Cause l'm here for you 1765 01:22:23,552 --> 01:22:27,488 Please don't walk away 1766 01:22:27,889 --> 01:22:31,290 Andy, you asshoIe! 1767 01:22:37,299 --> 01:22:39,130 I was just oking. 1768 01:22:39,234 --> 01:22:40,667 Did I take it too far? 1769 01:22:40,836 --> 01:22:44,897 I'm never Ietting go of you. You're not oking again, are you? 1770 01:22:45,073 --> 01:22:46,472 No. 1771 01:22:46,575 --> 01:22:47,701 Good. 1772 01:22:47,876 --> 01:22:49,309 Because that wouId be a terribIe oke. 1773 01:22:49,411 --> 01:22:51,106 I don't even know if it was funny the first time. 1774 01:22:51,280 --> 01:22:54,113 I can't Iet you back in that easy, can I? 1775 01:22:54,916 --> 01:22:59,478 AbsoIuteIy not. I deserved it. 1776 01:22:59,588 --> 01:23:01,453 Lauren, I'm so sorry. 1777 01:23:01,556 --> 01:23:04,582 I just got scared, and the thought of you Ieaving made me crazy. 1778 01:23:05,327 --> 01:23:08,057 I'm not Ieaving you. 1779 01:23:08,163 --> 01:23:12,759 Sometimes you can be a IittIe sIow, but I can handIe that. 1780 01:23:12,868 --> 01:23:15,029 Sometimes I'm a IittIe anxious. 1781 01:23:15,203 --> 01:23:19,367 I need you. You're the protector of my cIoset. 1782 01:23:19,474 --> 01:23:21,704 Say you're not Ieaving me just one more time. 1783 01:23:23,445 --> 01:23:26,903 I Iove you, Andy. I'm not Ieaving you. 1784 01:23:30,786 --> 01:23:34,517 But do you think I couId ever Iearn how to take care of you? 1785 01:23:34,623 --> 01:23:36,682 I mean, reaIIy take care of you? 1786 01:23:36,858 --> 01:23:40,021 That depends. Where are you taking me tonight? 1787 01:23:40,128 --> 01:23:41,925 How about we get in that cab? 1788 01:23:43,298 --> 01:23:45,789 Oh, my God, it rained aII the way into the cab. 1789 01:23:45,901 --> 01:23:49,064 And they took my car. 1790 01:23:49,237 --> 01:23:51,467 [ Moaning ] 1791 01:24:00,148 --> 01:24:02,343 I Iove you, Lauren. 1792 01:24:04,786 --> 01:24:05,946 l'm on the verge 1793 01:24:06,121 --> 01:24:08,783 l'm on the verge 1794 01:24:08,890 --> 01:24:12,553 Unraveling with every word 1795 01:24:12,661 --> 01:24:14,219 With every word you say 1796 01:24:14,329 --> 01:24:16,627 Make me believe 1797 01:24:16,732 --> 01:24:20,361 That l won't feel your tires on the street 1798 01:24:20,469 --> 01:24:23,632 The first time I sIept with Lauren, I thought I was great, 1799 01:24:23,805 --> 01:24:26,638 but I reaIIy wasn't. 1800 01:24:26,742 --> 01:24:29,905 I mean, I wasn't bad-bad, 1801 01:24:30,011 --> 01:24:34,914 but I was more Iike, you know, a five. 1802 01:24:35,016 --> 01:24:36,005 Um. . . 1803 01:24:36,118 --> 01:24:36,948 Right? 1804 01:24:37,052 --> 01:24:41,648 -Mmm, more Iike a three. -What? 1805 01:24:41,757 --> 01:24:44,453 Okay, Iike three haIves. 1806 01:24:44,559 --> 01:24:47,426 That's one and a haIf. That's even worse. 1807 01:24:47,529 --> 01:24:49,963 WeII, you got better. He got a Iot better. 1808 01:24:50,065 --> 01:24:51,930 And now I'm Iike a 1 0. 1809 01:24:52,033 --> 01:24:54,831 Okay. Let's not get carried away. 1810 01:24:54,936 --> 01:25:00,431 Okay. I can Iive with a 9.5. That's cooI. 1811 01:25:01,877 --> 01:25:04,209 [ Interviewer cIears throat ] 1812 01:25:05,313 --> 01:25:07,178 [ CIears throat again ] 1813 01:25:07,282 --> 01:25:08,647 Not bad for garIic breath. 1814 01:25:08,750 --> 01:25:14,518 WeII, it was that or burp, and that's sort of your thing. 1815 01:25:14,623 --> 01:25:18,616 Okay, so when we first started, maybe I wasn't a perfect 1 0 either. 1816 01:25:18,727 --> 01:25:21,855 And what changed? 1817 01:25:23,165 --> 01:25:25,395 I found the diamond. 1818 01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:30,403 l'm ready, so don't come 1819 01:25:32,541 --> 01:25:34,133 How to make Iove to a woman. 1820 01:25:34,242 --> 01:25:35,903 [ Phone rings ] 1821 01:25:36,011 --> 01:25:37,603 Watch this. 1822 01:25:38,480 --> 01:25:39,913 HeIIo? 1823 01:25:40,015 --> 01:25:41,209 Hey. Yeah-- 1824 01:25:41,316 --> 01:25:44,615 No, I toId you, just come over, we'II just spoon. 1825 01:25:44,719 --> 01:25:47,187 Okay, see you tonight. 1826 01:25:48,056 --> 01:25:50,650 Taking a deep breath, feeIing good about yourseIf, 1827 01:25:50,759 --> 01:25:54,126 Iube, some Iesbians, and a cattIe prod. 1828 01:25:54,296 --> 01:25:55,695 I keep my pants on. 1829 01:25:55,797 --> 01:25:59,563 You know, a Iot of peopIe wanna be naked. 1830 01:25:59,668 --> 01:26:04,696 Just wear some cIothes in case of fire. It's about safety. 1831 01:26:04,806 --> 01:26:06,774 You don't wanna be making Iove naked, 1832 01:26:06,875 --> 01:26:08,467 house catches on fire, 1833 01:26:08,577 --> 01:26:11,137 you run outside and you get embarrassed. 1834 01:26:11,246 --> 01:26:12,941 I'm wearing what I'm taking. 1835 01:26:13,114 --> 01:26:16,777 I Iike guys, so, I don't know. Um. . . 1836 01:26:16,952 --> 01:26:18,419 How to make Iove to a woman? 1837 01:26:18,520 --> 01:26:21,580 I think Oreo-cookie mouth, 1838 01:26:21,690 --> 01:26:25,456 don't brush your teeth for a coupIe days. 1839 01:26:25,627 --> 01:26:27,686 Give it to her good. 1840 01:26:27,796 --> 01:26:32,699 Then no cuddIing, no Ioving, just Ieave, 1841 01:26:32,801 --> 01:26:36,259 because that's what we want. Just Ieave. 1842 01:26:36,438 --> 01:26:39,703 I do a Iot of shadow puppeting around that. 1843 01:26:39,808 --> 01:26:44,404 And then I work my way down, and I just hit it. 1844 01:26:44,513 --> 01:26:46,447 You know, I just hit it. And I hit it. 1845 01:26:46,548 --> 01:26:48,140 I have some martiaI-arts training. I just hit it. 1846 01:26:48,316 --> 01:26:49,977 They say if it Iasts more than four hours, 1847 01:26:50,085 --> 01:26:51,450 you gotta go to the hospitaI. 1848 01:26:51,553 --> 01:26:54,681 WeII, if I'm ever Iucky enough for that to Iast four hours, 1849 01:26:54,789 --> 01:26:56,780 I'm not going to no hospitaI. 1850 01:26:56,892 --> 01:26:58,860 I'm gonna pIay that sucker right out. 1851 01:26:58,960 --> 01:27:00,325 [ Laughs ] 1852 01:27:00,495 --> 01:27:03,123 I Iike to focus on putting the penis in the vagina. 1853 01:27:03,231 --> 01:27:04,562 I think that's pretty key. 1854 01:27:04,666 --> 01:27:06,065 Or severaI. 1855 01:27:06,167 --> 01:27:07,361 Jesus. 1856 01:27:07,536 --> 01:27:09,936 How to make Iove to a woman? 1857 01:27:12,040 --> 01:27:13,302 Ask Beau. 1858 01:27:13,475 --> 01:27:15,966 At the Iocker room, just champagne expIoding, 1859 01:27:16,077 --> 01:27:17,169 taking off your cIothes, 1860 01:27:17,279 --> 01:27:20,407 just swatting everyone on the ass and just-- 1861 01:27:20,515 --> 01:27:25,509 just a bunch of naked guys just reaIIy happy together. 1862 01:27:26,788 --> 01:27:28,688 That's how I make Iove to a woman. 1863 01:27:28,857 --> 01:27:30,154 It shouId be very easy. 1864 01:27:30,258 --> 01:27:33,523 You just ump on her and make Iove, simpIe Iove. 1865 01:27:33,628 --> 01:27:35,255 Why is that difficuIt? 1866 01:27:36,298 --> 01:27:38,960 [ Moaning ] 1867 01:27:46,207 --> 01:27:49,233 How to make Iove to a woman? A woman? 1868 01:27:49,344 --> 01:27:51,335 Why are you asking me that? 1869 01:27:51,446 --> 01:27:53,710 Not if I Iive to be 1 00. 1870 01:27:53,815 --> 01:27:55,908 WeII, who knows. 1871 01:27:56,084 --> 01:27:56,982 Oh, my God. Lord have mercy. 1872 01:27:57,085 --> 01:27:58,950 You know, feIIas, meet her at the church and Iove her, 1873 01:27:59,054 --> 01:28:00,487 and then bang that back out. 1874 01:28:00,589 --> 01:28:01,817 Bang, bang, bang! Right? 1875 01:28:01,923 --> 01:28:04,414 You know aII about bIack chocoIate? You know aII about it. 1876 01:28:04,526 --> 01:28:07,984 What do you think, girI? You fuck her, duh. 1877 01:28:08,096 --> 01:28:09,563 Or you couId get her drunk. 1878 01:28:09,664 --> 01:28:11,188 Do you know how many guys I've had sex with 1879 01:28:11,299 --> 01:28:12,323 because I was drunk? 1880 01:28:12,434 --> 01:28:14,868 I wouId teII you, but I don't remember. 1881 01:28:15,036 --> 01:28:17,061 That time in coIIege was a oke. I've never had sex with a woman. 1882 01:28:17,172 --> 01:28:19,140 They're disgusting. They're gross. 1883 01:28:19,240 --> 01:28:20,400 [ Laughs ] 1884 01:28:20,575 --> 01:28:21,872 Then what you do is you fIip her over, 1885 01:28:21,977 --> 01:28:23,069 you hit her from behind. 1886 01:28:23,178 --> 01:28:24,736 There's three ways to do it. 1887 01:28:24,846 --> 01:28:28,407 Hard, fast, and anaI. 1888 01:28:28,516 --> 01:28:31,781 You can do hard, fast, and anaI, but then you gotta be a master. 1889 01:28:31,886 --> 01:28:34,514 Then you better be writing a book, and I'II be buying that motherfucker. 1890 01:28:34,623 --> 01:28:37,091 If that shit's cheap. I don't make too much money. 1891 01:28:37,192 --> 01:28:39,422 But if I did, I'd buy a whoIe set. . . 1892 01:28:39,527 --> 01:28:42,462 ''How to Butt-Fuck Your GirIfriend, Starring You.'' 1893 01:28:42,631 --> 01:28:46,863 Like, bring a box of tissues, bring some Neosporin, 1894 01:28:46,968 --> 01:28:49,493 and have a good time. 1895 01:28:49,604 --> 01:28:52,129 Have a good time. 1896 01:28:52,240 --> 01:28:56,836 [ ''Room 4 1 0'' by CaII the Cops pIays ] 1897 01:30:28,870 --> 01:30:32,271 Look, guys, just admit it. 1898 01:30:32,373 --> 01:30:35,968 You don't know how to make Iove to a woman. Sorry. 1899 01:30:36,077 --> 01:30:37,305 And you need to Iearn. 1900 01:30:37,412 --> 01:30:41,075 Or we wiII just find someone who can. Whoo! 1901 01:30:41,182 --> 01:30:42,444 [ Laughs ] 1902 01:30:42,550 --> 01:30:45,144 I'm taking appIications. 1903 01:30:46,254 --> 01:30:48,779 Wow. Hey. 1904 01:30:49,491 --> 01:30:51,288 Oh, man. 1905 01:30:51,392 --> 01:30:54,589 Hey, Curtis, couId you maybe do that second thing, 1906 01:30:54,696 --> 01:30:55,628 teII me about that? 1907 01:30:55,730 --> 01:30:57,823 I might be a IittIe woefuI. I got woe. 1908 01:30:57,932 --> 01:30:59,832 Yeah, if you couId just start from the beginning, 1909 01:30:59,934 --> 01:31:01,458 'cause I wasn't Iistening to that at aII. 1910 01:31:01,569 --> 01:31:04,800 -Yeah, Iet me get my Iove ournaI. -Oh, I'd be happy to. 1911 01:31:05,473 --> 01:31:07,771 You Iike that? You Iike that? 1912 01:31:07,876 --> 01:31:10,470 You start with that? I thought that was a cIoser. 1913 01:31:10,578 --> 01:31:11,567 Whoo! 1914 01:31:11,679 --> 01:31:13,647 That's dangerous. 138110