All language subtitles for Four.Samosas.2022.1080p_EngCP

Believe it or not,
this is actually a love story.

Or maybe it's a story
about finding your voice again

after you've smashed it
so deep down inside of yourself

and made it so small and hard

that even you can
hear it no more.

Well, maybe it's just a story
about stories.

Now, this one, this is a really
nice Banarasi sari.

It's got your classic motifs,

but with some modern touches.

Now, if I was a royal king
of Rajput or something

and my queen came in
wearing this piece of fire,

I'd be like, "Alright,
now we're talking."

But then you could always go...

Kasavu.

You can never go wrong
when you go Kasavu.

I mean, it's deceptively simple.

But I'm telling you, man,
it is stylin'.

So, why don't you
check them all out?

There's some in there
in the back for you,

and see which one hits you
where it hurts.

Okay. Thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Pushpa.

I've been testing out
some new rhymes

You want to hear them.

Okay, cool.

They're still rough,
but check this.

What's up?

What do you think?

No, no, you're right.

Need some work.

I don't know.

I don't know
why it's not happening.

I know that ever since Rina
broke up with me,

I ain't been feelin' it.

I know it was three years ago,

but I keep telling you,
pain's got its own clock, yo.

Anyway, I'mma hit up
the chat house.

Want a snack?

Dosa?
Panipuri? Bhel puri?

Dahi puri? Chana chaat?
Delhi chaat, Samosa?

Dhokla?

You don't want dhokla?

Suit yourself.

Hey, guy.
Hey, little cos.

You chillin'?
Chillin'

You chillin'?
Chillin'.

- So?
- So?

Are you gonna do the show
or what?

What show?

Little India Cultural Show.

Auditions are in
a couple of days.

You should try out.
Yeah.

You know, I'm not ready
to release these new rhymes.

I'm still rollin' them,
moldin' 'em, shapin' 'em.

I'm in a process, yo.

Yeah. Yeah, I hear you, bro,

but like, sometimes
you want to put

the process in a town square.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

You're the one who told me that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did.

It's just...

I don't know.

I got to find me a new style.

Yeah, I feel you, bro.

So, what about you?

You gonna lay down
at this thing?

Yeah, cos.
I got this new track.

Can you come
by the pizza place later

and give me some notes?
Sure, I got you.

Cool.

Damn

Damn.

Sunny!

- Yo.
- Hey.

Which one's this?

"Sunny and Salim,"
a Bollywood classic.

A pair of twins
separated at birth.

One becomes a cop,
the other a criminal.

Then they join forces
to find their mother's killer.

That's the same actor, right?

He plays a double role.

When he has the mustache,
his Salim.

When he doesn't, he's Sunny.

That's genius.

I-I think she likes me.

You think?

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Hi.
Hey.

Can we move this along already?

Oh, yeah.
The Great Little India Times.

It's a free newspaper.
Never heard of it.

You should have,
because it's great,

even though it's only a little.

We cover lots of social causes.

I'm the publisher
and the editor.

I also write all the articles.
I do a lot of stuff.

- Did you want to leave a stack?
- Oh, my gosh. Can I?

Yeah, sure.

Cool.

And maybe one day, I can write
an article about you too,

for the entertainment section.

Look what the wind farted in.

Mr. Juneja, welcome.
Good to see you.

Please sit.

Did you see that?
You see how we ignored me?

It's like it doesn't
even know who I am.

I don't think he does
know who you are.

I dated his daughter.

I went out for dinners with him.

How could he not know who I am?

- It was three years ago.
- That don't matter.

You know how it really
makes his money, right?

Yeah, the grocery store.

That's just a front.

He smuggles
in uncertified diamonds.

You know what they call those?

Dirty diamonds.

What's he doing here, anyway?

He's sponsoring the food at the
Little India Cultural Show

to celebrate
his big announcement.

What announcement?

You haven't heard?

Heard what?

Uh, Rina...

- Rina what?
- Yeah, Rina what?

Rina got engaged.

- Rina got engaged?!
- Rina got engaged?

Why didn't she tell me?

She should have told me.

I got your back.

I don't know who Rina is.

Sanjay?

If it isn't the American born

confused loser?

I thought they sent you back
to your village

so you could
become a goat dung expert?

Oh, mission accomplished, bro.

You're looking at the number one
rate officer of

excrement in the district
of Ludhiana.

And, now, now I just come back
to claim my prize.

What? You?

You're marrying Rina?!

What can I say?

The girl wants a future,
and the future

is goat shit.

And I'm the GOAT of goat shit.

No way.

I'm not going to
let that happen.

Are you going to try to stop it?

Yeah, I think I am gonna
try and stop it.

Really, really?
You're gonna try to stop it?

Absolutely!
I know I can stop it!

Billu!

You don't come out and block me.

This is Billu.
I brought him in my luggage.

You see, I'm a big shot now.

And you're still a tiny, tiny,
tiny loser of a shot.

Let's go.

Billu, I said, let's go, huh?

I said go.

Billu, go to the car.
C-A-R.

You're engaged to Sanjay?

- Maybe.
- You is or you isn't.

So, is it or isn't?

What if it is?

You and I broke up
three years ago.

It's none of your business.

Of course it's my business.

We were meant
to be together forever.

Then how come we're not?

Well, because you never
believed that I was

good enough for you,
and your moneybags daddy.

You never believed you were
good enough for me

and my moneybags daddy.

What does that mean?

You were so insecure.

Was not.

You was, too.

You were always testing me,
making sure I knew

where the door was in case
I decided to leave.

Yeah, and you did leave.

Because I got tired
of waiting for you

to realize you might deserve me.

But you never realized,
which meant you didn't.

That makes no sense.

Life makes no sense.

But still we persist.

But to that guy?
The king of goat shit?

Goat shit or bullshit.

It's all shit.

And love is dead anyways.

You don't really believe that.

I can't believe
she's doing this.

How could you get engaged
to that guy?

What?

I said I can't believe
she's doing this to me.

It's your own fault.

Oh, why is it my fault?

You're all talk, talk, talk,
no action.

A woman likes a man of action.

Your father was a man of action.

Oh, yeah. So full of action
he abandoned us.

At least he did something.

While you're a rapper
who doesn't rap.

I do things.

It's just that since
she broke up with me...

- Three years ago.
- Whatever.

I'm just...
I'm biding my time. Okay?

I'm in preparation mode
until I...

Until I relaunch myself
upon the world.

Well, you better do it quick.

You don't know how long you be
here before your time runs out.

Look at your auntie in India.
She's got bad valves.

They say she's going to die
because she can't afford

the operation.

What? Which auntie.

Is it the Bengaluru auntie?

No, that's Kalyani auntie.

She's already dead.

Kalyani auntie lives in Chennai.

She's going to die because
she can't afford an operation?

Apparently so.

What do you think so far?

What even is it?

It's a crown for King Ashoka.

- King who?
- King Ashoka,

India's greatest emperor.

He slaughtered
thousands of people,

then felt bad about it,
making him Buddhist.

Why are you making him crowns.

For the histrionic society.

They're auditioning
for the culture show

with the play about him.
Shit.

I told Nikki I give her notes
on her song.

Now there's a rapper
who's actually rapping.

So hello to my niece.

Hey, guy.

What do you want?

Sign our petition,

and you get a free,
sweet lentil bowl.

- You mean a laddu?
- Exactly, a laddu.

What's it for?

It's a petition saying
we want to reappropriate

this tract of land
and declare it the independent

South Asian state of Aisetra.

Um, Aisetra is just Artesia
spelled backwards anyway.

Anyway, Aisetra will
be the chivalrous

51st state of America.

And we're going to build
a palace on this land.

We've got the tools
and everything.

No, I ain't signing this.

This is America,
and I want to keep it that way.

What's up?
You got culture shame?

No, but if I wanted
to live in South Asia,

then I'd go live in South Asia.

What about a laddu
You don't want to free laddus?

I don't like laddus.

These are my dad's laddus,
sellout!

Yeah, they're her dad's
laddus, sellout!

It's gonna pizza,
it's gonna be a P

That was wild, cos

Thanks.
You got any notes?

Maybe switch it up a little,

maybe add some different topics.

Yeah, cool.

Inspirational, though.

I feel inspired.
Yeah? Which part?

All of it.

The get a life bit though,
that resonated.

I throw that in just now.

Wow.

Loser!

Yeah.

I'm gonna get me a life.

You want to do what?

Reappropriate the wealth.

What does that even mean?

It means that it's not right

that people
like Rina's dad get rich

while good people
like my auntie are dying

because they can't afford
an operation.

So, you want to break into
a store and steal his stuff?

Just the stuff
he shouldn't have.

Like those dirty diamonds.

And what are you going
to do with them?

We're going to sell them,
and we're going to use

the money to do good
in this world.

Like getting my auntie
some new valves

and getting you a plane ticket

so you can go to Bollywood
and become an actor,

achieve your potential.

It'll be like that movie,
"Sunny and Salim."

We'll be fighting
bad guys together,

putting the world to rights.

Huh?

I'm in.

What are you doing here?

Walking my dog.

You don't have a dog.

Whoops There he goes.

It's alright.
He knows how to get home.

How much you hear?

All of it.

And yeah, I in.
I'll help you do it.

I'm all about reapportion.

Who said we even
needed your help?

Oh, you do.
You just don't know it yet.

I'm good at all sorts of things.

Useful things.

And I think you'd make
a great Bollywood actor,

so you should do it, too.

How can you say no now?

So, that's it?

He keeps them in his office.

- How do you know?
- Rina told me.

She says he keeps
them stuffed in a jar

and then put in a pickle
locked in his safe.

What kind of safe is it?

- And what kind of pickle is it?
- I don't know.

You don't know
what kind of safe it is

or what kind of pickle it is?

I don't know either.

- Neither.
- Whatever.

But this is why we're here,
to do some reconnaissance,

work the exits
and get pictures of the safe.

But how do we get in
to do the reconnaissance?

Oh, I know.

We go underneath.

Underneath?

We start at
the flight control channel.

I jump in the river.
I'm a really good swimmer.

I'm going to locate
the underwater pipe entrance

and travel through
the drainage system.

I'll be wearing one of those

locating tagging devices,

and you'll be able
to track my progress.

I'll then reappear in the Cash
and Carry loading bay,

and I'll be sure
to be really stealthy.

I'll then don the disguise
of a chapati maker,

including requisite chef hat.

So once I'm in, I can do
all the reconnaissance required.

No, I know.
You're right.

Where why would I even get
a chef's hat from?

Also, the store opens
in five minutes.

We could just walk in.

We still got to get
in the office.

Well, I have an idea
for that, too.

Mr. Juneja, thank you so much
for agreeing to see me.

Who are you?
What are you talking about?

We spoke on the phone, remember?

I'm doing an article for the
Great Little India Times

for our community's
most successful entrepreneurs.

I didn't speak to anybody from
the Great Little India Times.

I've never even heard
of the Great Little India Times.

Well, you should have,
because it's great,

even though
it's only very little.

Anyway, we want to know
your secrets

for becoming
a wildly accomplished,

successful businessman,
man, man.

Well, I suppose I could give
you a few minutes of my time,

and perhaps you could even write
about the culture show.

I'm sponsoring it, you know?

I had no idea.
Tell me.

Okay, she's been
in there long enough.

You ready?

Yeah.
Yeah, I'm ready.

Remember, she said
it's got to be big.

I know how to go big.

Sir, you can't do that.
Get down from there.

That's not a stage.

Sunny!

Salim.

- Sunny.
- Salim.

- Sunny.
- Salim.

- Sunny.
- Salim.

- Sunny.
- Salim.

- Sunny.
- Salim.

- Sunny.
- Salim.

Double role.

God, he's good.

There is certain innate skill
to be a successful businessman.

Something in your DNA,
you might say.

In fact, you can say something
about my superpower,

a certain sixth sense.

As a matter of fact...
Oh!

What is happening over there?

What the bloody hell?

Ooh.

Oh, yeah. Flip that hair.

Oh, girl, you lookin' fabulous.

Listen up,
get down right this instant.

- What's going on?
- I-I don't know, sir.

I tried to get him down.
Get down!

He isn't listening

Get down this bloody...

Out! Out!

Out!

Hey. The article?
What about the article?

Oh, it's going to be great.

You've given me so much
to work with.

You said you wanted a photo.

Oh, I got so many photos.

You get the pictures?

Oh, yeah.

She's pretty, right?

It's a combination safe.

So, we can't open it
without the code?

Let's go find someone
who can open it.

Someone with technical know how?

You mean like a malcontent
engineer with time

on their hands
and an ax to grind?

You know one of those?

Nope.

I do.

I went to IIT,
the mother copulating

India Institute of Technology.

You know how hard
it is to get into IIT.

No. Whatever you're thinking,
exit by 20.

Oh, yes.

Now you're getting the idea.

The sacrifices
my parents had to make.

They would spoon feed me
while I studied

so I wouldn't break
my concentration.

They would have clean the shit
for my ass if they had to,

but I told them
that was going too far.

Except for that one time.

At IIT, you are fighting against
the best of the best.

If you fall, the other
students will not pick you up.

Oh, no. They are fanatic head
of the injustice system,

solid waste.

Every last one of them.

After I graduated,

I was offered a job in America.

Everyone wants to go to America.

So I got an H-1B visa.

I started working here, saving?

Then, I applied
for my green card.

You know what happened?
You know?

- Uh...
- 10 cadaver

inseminated years ago!

And so here I am.

No visa, no job,
a never arriving green card,

and an inevitable
deportation summons.

And... is stale.

So, hell yes I want to rob
some money

crushing diamonds.

Great. That's great.

And you know how to open it?

The safe?

This is it.

Okay. I see.

Yes.

Uh-huh.

First, I will need snacks.

Lots of snacks.

- They have to be extra tasty.
- Yes.

No. Yes.

Too plain, tasteless.

Oh, very perfect, very yummy.

Too gassy.

Ah, two of those, and more.

That's it, more.
Coconut.

Ah, yes.

These are going
to work very well.

How are they going to
help you open up the safe?

They help me concentrate,
you fecal head.

But I'll also need tools,
but no renting or buying?

We don't want a paper trail.

Do you have any tools?
Huh?

Like, big mop bangin' tools?

No, but I know
some people that do.

You want to do what?

We want to borrow your tools.

Why We let you borrow
these bad girls?

Because we need them for a job.

Once the job is done,
we'll make it worth your while.

How about we do this?

You volunteer your countrymen

to a series of one-on-one
tournaments of chivalry

based on the ancient games
Aisetra.

You mean Artesia
spelled backwards?

Whatever. If you win,
you get to borrow the tools.

If we win,
you sign our petition.

What kind of tournaments?

Last dancing dancer wins.

My father's laddus.

Whoever eats the most
wins the battle.

What? That's it.

Hey.

Are you going to finish those,
huh?

Pros and cons of agrarian
versus industrialized society.

Go.
Oh, I'll go for this.

Let me start by quoting
the World Health Organization

ending international
economic moral support...

It came out just two years ago.

And how is the financial,
health and societal

and rapid urbanization
in relation to both nuclear

and extended family structures.

For the person...

In conclusion to my postscript,

which included
my initial conclusion

for, I would have to say

I'm very much in favor
of my postulation

from the aforementioned
conclusion's conclusion.

So, I got to take
on both of you?

What's the matter? You scared?

No, I ain't scared.

This is what I do.
I'm a rapper.

I rap about stuff all the time.

You can start.

No, I'll let you.

Okay, then.

How dare you come here
on this sacred land?

This Aisetra new soil
and think you can be

A foil to this roving Singh band

Of merry men and kick ass women

Your blessed

I don't give you no condition

At times you walk
and makes you beg

For your contrition

What she says is right

You ain't down for this fight

You come here With these
fools trying to get

Our tools of empire building

While we horticulture
our culture

So you go pack up your samosas

Before we comatosa

Before we comatosa your...

Yeah, before we comatosa
your mimosas

Yeah.

Shit!

Ah, okay.

Now we're in business.

It shame we didn't get to show
them how great you are

at that rapping thing.

Oh, yeah.
It would have been ugly.

For them, I mean.

So, how long will you need
to open it, the safe?

One hour.

Two hours.

Three hours.

Maybe four, possibly five.

That's we've got to go in
at night when the stores closed.

So we got to break into
the store, and into the safe?

Unless we get into the store
before they closed

and then get out when they open.

You mean get ourselves
locked in there for the night?

Exactly.

I love it.

I did a sleepaway camp
at a dinosaur museum once,

and it was so scary,
but really fun.

What about cameras?

They'll record everything
and be able

to see who we are?

Yeah, that's true.

Then we have to be in disguises.

- Disguises?
- Oh, did you say disguises?

That's a great idea.

I can make it happen.

Trust me,
I'm so good with disguises.

Okay, then.
We're doing this tomorrow.

Right now I got to go see a man
about a God.

What do you think
they're reversing?

- I think it's about King Ashoka.
- I concur.

It's definitely
about King Ashoka.

You know,
he killed thousands of people,

felt like a monkey's
sphincter about it

and then became a Buddhist.

Okay, you're finished.

That's it.

That's it.

Oh, wait.

Oh, and flowers.

I have flowers.

Okay, now you're finished

I'm properly blessed, right?

- The best I can do.
- Good.

Good, because I'm gonna
need all the blessings.

- Okay.
- Because, you know, ever since

Rina broke up with me...

Wasn't that three years ago?

That don't matter.

Look, the point is, I'm doing

something about it tomorrow.

Something big.

Okay.

But maybe I shouldn't do it.

Maybe it's kind of,
like, dangerous.

- Okay.
- Might get me in trouble

and stuff, and maybe...

Maybe I need to be told
not to do it.

Do you want someone
to tell you not to do it?

I mean, I'm not going to force
someone to tell me not to do it.

If they think I shouldn't do it,
then they should just

tell me not to do it.

Oh. You mean God?

He should tell you not to do it?

Yeah.
God, whoever.

They should tell me
if he cares not to do it.

God doesn't want or not want
you to do anything.

It's up to you
to fulfill your destiny.

But whatever you do,
do it with a right mind.

With clarity.
Ah.

And.

Is that what you're doing?

You're doing all this
with clarity and devotion?

No regrets.

Okay, then.

If that's all God's
got to say about it,

I'll be doing it then.

Okay.

But if God doesn't want me
to do it,

this really is his last chance
to tell me.

Okay.

Well, I shall finish my prayers.

Goodbye.

Okay, then.

Uh, good chat.

So, who wants to go first?

I still don't get why
I had to be the old woman.

Well, he's clearly too pretty
to be the old woman,

and I think you've got
a natural propensity for it.

I really think this thobe
is too big on me.

Yes, but you're doing
all the physical work,

so I wanted
to give you room to maneuver.

And you don't think
this nose ring is too much?

It makes your eyes sparkle.

Really?

I can barely look at you.

You guys ready for this or What?

- Yes.
- Ready.

- Yep.
- Ready.

- Yeah.
- Let's do this.

Can you hurry up? It'll take us
an hour to get in there.

This is how my character walks.

You can do it in the store.

You don't have to do it now.

Hello, young lady.

What a pretty sari.

- Thanks.
- The store will be closing

in 15 minutes.

You two head in the restroom.

I'll get Paru.

Yeah.

This way.

Wait here.
I'll let you out later.

It's freezing in here.
Hey.

My brain is going to shiver
to the size

of your uncle's testosterone
producing anatomy.

It won't be long, okay?
Just keep out of sight.

I'm leaving.
See you tomorrow.

Yes, sir.

Hello.

Anyone here?

Stores closing.

Snacks.
I need snacks.

The drill.

Yeah, just as I thought.

We'll need the blow torch.

You sure you know
what you're doing?

You think I got your mother's

for nothing?

Come out!

So much for II F'ing T.

This is worse than
the immigration system.

Keeping me locked out.

So, no diamonds, huh?

How many numbers
would the combination have?

Eight.

Which means there are 40,320
different permutations.

How did you?

Rina's birthday.

Ah, mango pickle.

Oh.

Dirty diamonds.

Why does it say
for Rina's wedding?

I don't know. I don't know
how he label his shit.

What the hell?!

What do you think?
Turquoise or aquamarine?

Why?

What? Why what?

Why'd you steal them?

Steal?

Steal what?

My dad said somebody broke
into his office

and stole my wedding diamonds.

So, why did you do it?

I didn't.

I didn't do it.

Well, it doesn't
change anything.

I'm still going to marry him.

Wait.

Why are you marrying
that guy anyway?

Because...

I know it can never break
my heart,

even if he tried.

Oh, and by the way,
if my dad finds out it was you,

he's going to kick your ass.

And if I did get my ass kicked,
would you care?

I always cared.
You were the one

who couldn't
jump in all the way.

What if I jumped in now?

What if I was ready now?

Then you should tell me.

But not by robbing
my dad's store.

You're not the one
that's supposed to be stupid.

I don't know what all that
diamond stuff was about.

Not a clue.

- So, we sell them?
- Of course sell them.

Or donate them
to the cat shelter.

Or not.

Well, maybe we just keep them.

But what about your
aunties' valves?

And him going to Bollywood?

And appropriation?

And cash in the bank
to compensate

for my never arriving
addendum sucking green card?

Okay, whatever.
I'm just talking.

The question is, who are
we going to sell them to?

Gangsters. We have to find
some gangsters.

Like Russian ones or Irish ones

or any other
ethnic gangster group.

- You know any?
- No.

I knew some gangsters at IIT,

but now they're working
in Silicon Valley.

Why don't we sell them
back to him?

- Back to who?
- Rina's dad.

I mean, he'd want them back,

and he ain't going to
call the cops

because they're illegal anyway.

I like it.
It's a good idea.

We make him pay twice
for his nefariousness.

And maybe he won't ever be
nefarious ever again.

But he gets the diamonds back.

Yeah, but he still reappropriate

some of his illegal wealth.

I mean, that's why
we're doing this, right?

It doesn't make sense.

Why would they take the diamonds

but not the cash, too?

Maybe it's because
they're really stupid.

You're our expert on
that subject, aren't you?

Thank you,.

You guys, I think
these might be disguises.

Of course they're bloody
disguises.

Catch eight-year-olds
moving around like that.

Right. No, no, no. I was just
confirming it for myself.

- What.
- Sir, someone on

line two wants to talk to you
about the break in.

Hello? Who is this?

Mr. Juneja, I need you

to listen up
and listen up close.

What? I can't understand
what you're saying.

I said I need you
to listen to me.

Where are you?
Who am I talking to?

That ain't the way this goes.

You listen to me
and I ask the questions.

Unless I ask the questions,
and then you give me the answer.

What is this all about?

It's about the diamonds.

We've got your diamonds.

Well, then you better
return them to me,

if you know what's good for you.

Well, you can't have them back.

You understand what I'm saying?
You can't have them.

Then why are you calling me,
you moron?

To make you an offer.

An offer you better not refuse.

I don't know who you are
or what stupid

accent you're doing.

He said my accent is stupid.

I like it. I think it's good.

It's so good.

Listen, we want $40,000
or we pass your filthy

diamonds on to the cops and tell
them where we what we got them.

So, baseball field tomorrow,
11 A.M..

Don't be late, and just you.

Hey, wait.

I think I swallowed
some Kleenexs.

Are you going to give them

the 40,000 American?

Of course I'm not going to give
them 40,000 American.

I'm going to give them a beating
that they'll never forget,

whoever they are.

Okay.

I think I see their milk wagon.

So we're clear, right?
You get the money.

You bring it back here, and only
then you take the diamonds over.

Roger that.

I still don't see
why she has to do it.

I mean, it's kind of dangerous.

She's the one that has
the best disguise.

It's true, I do.

I know, but still it's...
It's okay.

I know we got each other's back.

Give me the cash.

Looks good, no?
Almost looks real.

You're engaged to my daughter.

What else do you want?
A bloody medal?

No, no, no, no.
Just a kind word would be nice.

Now, listen, as soon as I have
the diamonds,

come and grab whoever's there.

These won't mess with me again.

Got it?
Mmhmm.

He's lucky to be having me
as a son-in-law.

He's there.

- You good?
- Oh, yeah.

Super good.

Hello, young sir.

What a lovely morning.

We can drop the old man act.

I've seen the security footage.

I know how nimble you are.

I'm going to stay in character,
if you're not be minding.

I'm very committed.

Where are my diamonds?

Your money first.

Here. Now, my diamonds.

I need to check the paper,
then I get your diamonds.

There you check.
Now, my diamonds.

I need to check it properly!

Done.

- Cash first.
- Diamonds.

It doesn't look like
it's going that well.

- Show me the cash!
- The diamonds, the diamonds!

Give me the cash!

Oh.

You're a very bad man.

Who are you? Huh?

Who are you?

Maybe we should go help?

I mean, he doesn't
have the diamonds.

He said to wait
until he had the diamonds.

Maybe we should just go anyway.
No, no, no.

He might get upset,
but then he might

get upset if you don't go.

So maybe we should just go

Go get her.

She needs help.

Give me the diamonds.
We'll just give them back.

No, they don't get them back
till we get the money.

Just give me the diamonds.

These aren't even the diamonds!

What?

They're pieces
of costume jewelry.

I... I switched them out.

This is nothing
like "Sunny and Salim."

Wait.
You're not in disguise.

They'll know who you are.

- What about you?
- Don't worry about me.

Okay.

Go.

We have to help him.

Fine then.

Get him in the car.

At IIT would say that
this particular hypothesis

has been poked in the face
and proved to be falsifiable.

You were here a few days ago
making a big song and dance

on my checkout counter.

What is that about?

Tell him, tell him now.

Tell him!
Will you tell him?

Tell him now.

Tell him, tell him.
Tell him!

Tell him, tell him.

Fine.

And the girl from the newspaper,

she was here the same time.

Does she have anything
to do with you?

Tell him.
Tell him now.

Tell him!
Better tell him.

Tell him.
Tell him.

Would you like a soda?

How about a soda?

Yes?

A soda.

Take it!
Better take it.

Drink it, yeah.

Did you guys see?

I think you're trying
to force him to drink

some kind of truth serum.

We've got to get him
out of there.

Any ideas?

Oh, yeah, I got one.

What is it?

- We go in through the roof.
- The roof?

By way of a helicopter.

They'll never be expecting it.

We lay down
some plastic explosives

in a really neat circle.

Or better get in the shape
of a rangoli so it's auspicious.

The explosives are wired
to a remote.

We press it, and it blows
a hole in the roof.

Then we jump through
the hole and rescue him.

No, you're right.

We don't have any rope.

Does anyone have a doable idea
of how we can get in there?

You could always try walking in.

Unless you're really dumb.

So, these are the four idiots

who thought
they could steal from me.

Now, even your friends realize

what an American-born
loser you are.

You two acquainted?

He used to date Rina,

until she realized
what a deadbeat he was

and dumped his ass
and found herself a real man.

You used to date my daughter?

For two years.

I was in and out of your house.

I went out for dinner
with you and everything.

You don't remember me?

I have no recollection.

But here is one thing I do know.

I want you to take
this other idiot

my daughter is now engaged to...

- That's me.
- And bring back my diamonds.

You mean your dirty diamonds.

What do you mean,
dirty diamonds?

They belong to
my great grandmother.

And the only thing dirty
about those diamonds

where the four British soldier
she killed

when they tried
to steal them from her.

Hey, I'm just going
to pick something up.

Hello, auntie.
How are you?

You friend of Vinny?

Oh, yes.

In his dreams.

Mom, have you seen a tin in here

with costume jewelry?

You mean this one?

What happened to
the stuff inside?

Oh, the pieces of glass?

I used them to decorate
King Ashoka's crown,

and he sparked.

The King Ashoka?

It stuck on Ashoka's crown?

Uh-huh.

I can't take King Ashoka's
crown, bro.

It's India's greatest emperor.

He slaughtered thousands,
felt bad about it,

then became a Buddhist.

Looks like he's ready
to hand it over anyway.

King Ashoka.

Please forgive me.
Hey, Hey!

I can't believe you lied to me!

I brought you diamonds.

Go.

I had to fight
King Ashoka for this.

I won.

He lost.

Well, at least we tried.

Tried is not good enough.

Not when you're back in
the same place you was before.

Hey, it's not all bad.

My mother lovin' green card
came in the mail today.

That's great.
Congratulations.

Yeah, I'm very friggin
happy for you.

But what about Zak here?

He don't get to go to Bollywood
and achieve his dreams.

I cooled on that idea anyway.

I've got plenty
of dreaming to do here.

You sweetheart.

Oh, and an angel investor
told me he wants to take

Great Little India Times online

as a self uploading video portal

automatic blockchain, NFT,
social media

sharing site for charity.

Yeah, that is great.

But my Kalyani auntie's
heart valves are still shot,

and she don't got no money
for an operation.

It was auntie.

I got that wrong, by the way.

Got what wrong!

It wasn't heart valve.

She was talking about
the plumbing in her bathroom.

She needed some kind
of new valves there.

But still pretty expensive.

Gave her heart palpitations
when she saw the bill.

Well, she should be dying.

You all should be dying,
like I am.

Dying.

Because Rina's still engaged.

Nothing's changed.

So, tell me.

What's going on?

I don't know.

But ever since Rina
broke up with me,

I've been too scared
to do anything.

And then when I finally
did do something,

I didn't do what I thought
it was going to do.

So, why do anything at all?

Sometimes the doing
doesn't always reap

the rewards we expect.

Sometimes we gain
and we lose other things.

And sometimes
we have to ask ourselves

are we doing the right doing.

Or are we just do-doing it out?

Was being my dad just
do-doing around for you?

Is that why you cut out
on me and Mom?

I didn't cut out on you.

I'm still here.
I'm still around.

It's just my focus
is on higher things.

Maybe I needed
some of that focus.

Maybe I needed you to see me
so I wouldn't be such a loser.

I see you.

I see the eternal flame in you.

And in all creatures,
and the plants.

But I ain't
a goddamn plant, Dad.

The Chicken Tikka pizza's
tight, huh?

Yeah.

Your dad knows what he's doing.

That's why I gotta
sing about it.

He's an inspiration.
Like you, Vin.

Me? I ain't no inspiration,

I'm just loser,
like everybody thinks.

Yo, cos, you inspire me.
You always have.

You're the one told me
to find that

little voice inside me
that's just mine

and make it big.

Because that's
your heart's voice, you said.

- I said that to, huh?
- Yeah, bro. Yous an artist.

It ain't easy to be an artist.

Take some dirt digging, and you
got dirt digging in spades.

You think?

You just gotta believe
you're worthy, bro?

It ain't easy when no one else
believes in you.

I believe in you.

What about you?

Don't you got your audition

for the culture show tonight?

I don't know if I'm going
to put up, though.

What do you mean
you ain't going to put up?

I don't know if I want to be
a solo artist anymore.

Hmm.

You need some backup, huh?

I need to find me a crew, bro.

Yeah, It's better
when you got a crew.

You know what?
I got you.

Cool.

Thanks for coming.

I'm sorry I lost it.

And I really am glad
for you all.

I'm glad you guys
found each other.

That makes you happy.

It does. Thanks.

And I'm glad about what you
said about your newspaper.

You mean about it going online

as a self-reporting
media portal,

automatic blockchain, NFT,
social media

sharing site for charity?

- Yeah, that.
- Oh

And I'm glad you finally got
your mother lovin' green card.

Okay, but there's reason
to swear about it.

And I'm glad we all did
what we did,

even if it didn't work out
because we did it together.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, we did

- Definitely.
- Together.

Together.

Anyways, my cousin Nikki and me
is needing a crew.

So, you guys think you might
be down for another job?

Here go your tools back.

And how many names
you got on that petition so far.

How about us Samosas
give you four more signatures?

Stylin'

Let it

Stylin'

I said I got you.

Oh, worth it.

Very nice. Thank you.

I think they did
a wonderful job.

Yes. Yes, they did.
Yes.

We'll see you at the night
of the show.

Thank you.

And great costumes, Kamala.

And the next addition
is Nikki Little Slice,

backed by her cousin,
Big Boy Vin.

Oh, him again.

Boo!

This is an honor
my dad's awesome pizza.

One, two, one, two, three, four!

You start with a pizza

You start with a P

You start with a pizza

You start with a P

You start with a pizza

You start with a P

Chicken Tikki, Chicken Tikki

Chicken Tikki, Chicken Tikki
Chicken Tikki

- Chicken Tikki
- Chicken Tikki

Chicken Tikki

It start with a pizza

It start with a P

Jalapeno, jalapeño
jalapeño, jalapeño

- Jalapeno
- Jalapeno

- Jalapeno
- Jalapeno

You start with a pizza

You start with a P

You start with a pizza

You start with a P

Get a life, get a life

Get a life!

Well, that certainly made me
feel very hungry.

We'll see you at the night

of the show, Little Slice.

Piece.

And next, we have Guru Ram
and his sitar.

Actually, um,
I... I have another song

I like to do with my crew.

Ugh.

Oh, okay.
Very good, let's hear it.

Okay.

This song goes out to...

Well, she'll know who.

Should have opened up my heart

My heart

Give it every part

Every part

Should have made you
the star of movie

My movie

If you give me one more chance

One more chance

I will be your final dance

Final dance

Put your name
above the titles so truly

So truly, yeah

Should have told you long ago

Long ago

And now I really, really know

Really know

I want you no matter the weather

The weather, yeah

So tell me if I can

If I can

Be your new man

Your new man

'Cause I think that I am

Yeah, I think that I am

Your best old and new plan

And I-I-I-I love

Love you

Well, the boy is not afraid
to make a fool of himself.

I'll give him that.

Fool is right.

That's, um, me too,
I feel the same.

We'll be in touch.

Guru Ram?

Well, I mean,
I put it out there.

- You put it out there.
- You put it out there.

You might get knocked down,
but at least you tried.

- At least you tried.
- Trying's what's important.

Gotta try.

And we make a good crew, right?

- We make a good crew.
- Very good.

Hey.

Hey.

That was a really nice song.

Thanks.

Yeah.

It was in your style.
I'm trying, you know?

Well, it worked.

Kind of honest.

But your eyebrows are a mess.

They are? Ah...

You really haven't been looking
after them, have you?

Uh...

Not like properly.

Come in tomorrow,

and we'll see
if they're saveable.

And I don't give those out
to just anybody.

Ooh, free eyebrow trimming

That's a major score
right there.

Yeah.

I think it might well be.

Mm-hmm.

So, what do you guys think?

Let's get some chaat.

I freaking love chaat.

Always down for snacks.

- Okay then.
- Yeah.

- Let's do chaat.
- Let's go.

Hey, cos.

You doing chaat?
Yeah, we doing chaat.

Cool. I'm writing
a song about chaat.

A song about chaat?
How's it go?

- What is it? How's it go?
- It's like...

Samaso chaat, samaso chaat,
samaso chaat

Samaso chaat, samaso chaat,
samaso chaat

Samaso chaat, samaso chaat,
samaso chaat, samaso chaat

La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da

La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da

Like I said, a story about love
or finding your voice again.

Or maybe it's just a story
about finding a crew.

Yeah, yeah.

Definitely a story
about finding your crew.

Definitely.

Wake up and it's Monday

Shit, Monday ain't my fun day

Boss on our ass, all we tryin'
do is pass the time

Sit around
with the homies unwinded

Just relax, bear in mind

Glass half full,
one step at a time

Ain't in a rush,
gonna get what's ours

Chillin' by the pool,
man, happy in the hours

Don't know what's comin' my way

Could be bad, could be good

But in the end it's okay, see

It's about the moment right here

Gonna celebrate
this woman right here

Friends and family by my side

We can do it all, man,
nothing to hide

Let's live for the day,
even if it's Monday

Take a deep breath in day by day

La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da

La, la, la, la

That was some wonderful
picking Guru Ram.

We will see you at the night
of the show.

- Thank you.
- And the next addition

is a song by Pushpa, I believe.

Oh, Pushpa, you work at my
favorite sari store, don't you?

I didn't know you were a singer.

In your own time.

Movie sold out,
only rush line tickets

Lined around the block
and in the show no crickets

Don't matter who you know,
don't matter how you knock

Only way you're gettin' in
is if you win, win, win

Because they want
to hear our story

Time for us to take
a bit of glory

Come along for the journey, hey

They gonna put you on a gurney

Lay it on the seat, man,
film it like a Polaroid

Samosas on your timeline,
this ain't daytime

It's primetime

Never seen it comin'
but we're comin' up on time

The sun is shinin'
and we're all reclinin'

Reflections refinin' on you

They say it's time
and we ain't declinin'

We're up here, we're flyin'

It's true.

The sun is shinin'
and we're all reclinin'

Reflections refinin' on you

They say it's time
and we ain't declinin'.

We're up here, we flyin'

It's true

It's a better day,
it's a brighter day.

It's a better, better, better,
brighter day

It's a better day,
it's a brighter day

It's a better better, better,
better, brighter day.

Chana chaat, chana chaat

Chana, chana, chana, chana,
chana chaat

Chana chaat, chana chaat

Chana, chana, chana, chana,
chana chaat

Delhi chaat, delhi chaat

Delhi, delhi, delhi, delhi,
delhi chaat

Delhi chaat, delhi chaat

Delhi, delhi, delhi, delhi,
delhi chaat

The sun is shinin'
and we're all reclinin;

Reflections refinin' on you

They say it's time,
and we ain't declinin'

We're up here, we're flyin'

It's true

The sun is shinin'
and we're all reclinin'

Reflections refinin' on you

They say it's time
and we ain't declinin'

We're up here, we flyin'

It's true

Damn.

Sunny!

Sunny!

Sunny, Sunny.

Sunny!

Sunny.

Sunny!