Original subtitles

Hello, Mrs Larkin.

What do you want?

There are things going on...

..which you should know about.

How many sherries did you have?

You never ask a lady that.

Ten.

This is very sensitive information, off the record,

and for your ears only.

Obviously, my husband Alec... Yeah.

..is an idiot.

He has some sterling qualities, can't remember what they are...

..but he's fallen under the spell of the Jerebohms...

..especially the pink one.

So, what's happened?

The Jerebohms bribed,

then blackmailed about the bribe...

..the magistrate Sprague, whom Alec knows from the Masons.

Lovely wife.

Your husband never stood a chance.

So, how are we gonna prove it and get Pop out of jail?

No idea...

..but this is off the record and for your ears only.

You jump into bed with a man...

..and 30 years later,

you realise it was probably the wrong man.

Primrose, Your Grace.

That's actually more for archbishops, but thank you.

Hello, Pauline.

I'll have a cider and a pint of Browns, please.

No, I'll pay. I'm a fiercely modern woman.

Rotten news about your dad. Yes.

Though, there are new developments that I can't talk about.

Oh, yeah? Well, my copper will be pleased.

Told him he's not getting any till he helps spring Pop.

So this is cosy, you two.

Yes, I'm a lucky man. So there is a God.

I mean, I know there is... Mm-hm.

..but He has manifested His...

You know what I'm saying. Thank you

Miss Larkin.

So, what do you think of Primrose's new fella, then?

Yeah, he's nice.

He's very nice. Yeah, he is very nice.

Actually, Reverend Candy'd be a lovely friend for you, Charley.

Hm? Come to think of it, you're not great at making friends.

You haven't got any apart from us.

Yeah, well, Pauline was my friend,

but you stamped on that pretty quickly.

Male friends. You could fish together...

What? ..or whatever men do. Compare beers.

I'll be too busy setting up our future. Aw.

I need a job, and we need a home before the baby comes.

And what's wrong with staying in the house?

There are 11 people in there.

There was a queue for the lavatory at three in the morning.

Without Dad, the house feels positively empty.

I know. I miss it being just you and me together.

Well, what would you think about us moving into the barn?

Are you mad?

There were three magistrates. How is it Sprague has all the power?

A pack leader always emerges.

We're no more sophisticated than dogs, really.

So, how can we expose him?

Er, pressure could be applied via Alec Norman...

..but I suspect Sprague has his number.

But the magistrate must be terrified of being exposed.

Wouldn't that force his hand?

Some people are very good at brazening out difficulties.

In fact, I am.

He... He's invested in the lie he helped to create,

so he must be presented with incontrovertible evidence

that he won't get away with this.

But be warned...

an animal is never as dangerous as when it's being hunted.

So, I'm off for a swim.

Morning, Constable. I need your help.

Is this to do with Pop?

No, it's to do with road safety in the village.

Ah, well, I share your concern, and I think...

Yes, it's to do with Pop!

Have you got any covert recording equipment

here at the station and experience of using it?

Yes and no.

That'll have to do. We need to use it to get Pop off.

I am desperate to get Pop off.

Oh, Pauline's still withdrawing sexual favours till you do?

That is correct, yeah.

That's both of us going without, then.

FLY BUZZES

She is a very alluring woman, Mrs Larkin,

and quite frankly, it is killing me.

Then dig out your miniature microphone

or whatever you've got, and let's sort this out.

B-B-B-Baby, baby, baby. B-B-B-Baby, baby, baby.

Did you find an egg, Oscar? Well done.

Come on, girls. You can do it.

Come on, Phil, we're winning.

Aww! Wait!

Oh, our first proper home of our own!

Mm. HE EXHALES

Do you know what?

I don't ever wanna live anywhere else.

Nor do I. Are you all right?

You're not too tired or nauseous or... No.

..or craving pickles? No!

Why do people treat us like...?

Oh, actually, I'd love some. Do you mind?

And something rubber to suck.

PHONE RINGS

Littlechurch 251.

Hello, Norma. Oh... hello.

Thank you for coming round last night.

Just... don't exploit my honesty.

Well, I'm not gonna ask you

to incriminate yourself or Alec, but I do need...

I told you... I can't help you any more.

'I'm afraid you're gonna have to.'

The Jerebohms are on their guard,

and they're not gonna incriminate that vile magistrate

unless it's to someone who's in on it.

Do you really want Pinkie to get away with this?

I don't.

It's like living with Goebbels.

I just don't see why on top of doing your pastoral work,

I should do all the tidying and cleaning.

So, don't do any!

I'll die of dysentery if one of us doesn't.

But I wouldn't mind that if you were... pleasant.

It's typical of your generation to be holier than thou.

Oh! Oh, well, at least one of us is being holy!

I thought that as we now share some big secrets,

it would be super if we were pals.

Anyway, thanks for helping us put Pop Larkin away.

Mm, well, I naively assumed he was guilty.

Are you still on a diet, or could you tackle a slice of mille feuille?

Oh, I'm fine, thank you. Or some punschkrapfen?

It's from the continental patisserie in Dymchurch.

Oh, no.

MICROPHONE SCREECHES

'Was it your idea or Mr Jerebohm's,

'how to catch Larkin out?

'Mine. Mr Jerebohm's really quite dozy.'

THEY LAUGH

But, er, are you sure nobody knows you've bought off Major Sprague?

Yes, and as long as everyone keeps quiet, it'll fade away.

And you and your husband are both...

used to this sort of ruse, obviously. Mm.

STATIC CRACKLES What's that crackling noise?

Static electricity.

I'm breaking in some new Bri-Nylon underwear.

So, Major Sprague is all taken care of?

Oh, can we not talk about him?

He's just a greedy, old buffer with as much interest in justice

as I have in making jam, thankfully.

THEY LAUGH

But did you have to pay Major Sprague a lot, Mrs Jerebohm?

Cheap at the price, dear.

OBJECT THUMPS

What was that?

What's going on?

Hot water boiler.

Are you sure I can't tempt you with some punschkrapfen...

..or a bomboloni?

Oh!

Ah, Dean.

Afternoon, Vicar. Busy?

Frantically, hence my need for... an emergency nap.

Hm, and how is your co-tenancy with Reverend Candy going?

He's a nightmare.

He has to go. It's either him or me.

Now, I heard he was hard-working and popular,

whereas you remain lazy, drink too much, live in squalor

and recently conducted a mass christening in a swimming pool...

Exactly. Does that sound lazy?

..which descended into farce when geese attacked.

You left out half the service, and someone nearly drowned.

You could learn a lot from Reverend Candy.

All right, please yourself. I withdraw my him-or-me ultimatum.

It's too late for that.

We're moving you on to a parish

where you'll rediscover your sense of purpose.

What? No! Where?

Either St Grimbald's in Millwall or St Jimmy's in Chatham Docks.

You must be bloody joking. You'll need to move out in a week.

So, this is the bed.

And then over here, we've got a really, really cosy sofa.

Oh, and this makes a stylish sink. It's a bucket.

Straw has been scientifically proven to be one of the best

bedding and insulation materials, interestingly.

Interestingly? But we like having you in the house.

There'll be more room when Angela and... old Mr Pastry leave.

Oh, I know, but we wanted a place of our own anyway.

Mariette needs her sleep now the baby's coming,

and she is snoring more now, which will wake the house.

Apparently it's caused by the extra fat of the soft tissue

around her neck.

It's in the pregnancy book.

Dad wouldn't want you to leave.

Oh, come on. That's not fair.

We are 50 feet away from the house!

HORSE WHINNIES Easy, Biscuit.

Lodger? No, no. She is not staying.

She used to live here, so we had to invite her.

Primrose'll be next, off to shack up with her bloke.

We've only been together for a few weeks.

You don't "shack up" with a Rev.

That's true. You have to get married.

You would, though, wouldn't you? God, yes, I love him so much.

What does "shack up" mean? I don't know.

We will be sorting all Larkin couples out

with a proper house when things get back to normal,

assuming they will.

CAR DOOR CLOSES

Did it work? The Jerebohms...

..dead in the water!

Oh! Ah, brilliant.

It worked! He's taped it.

We've been here before, and it got us nowhere,

so let's just, erm...

Let's just see what happens, shall we?

HE WHISTLES

All things bright and beaut...

..ifully tidy.

Hello, what's going on?

The Dean stopped by.

He says it's you or me.

He wants me to move out and leave you the parish.

I had no idea.

Castrated and shipped out like a sacrificial stag.

I promise I didn't ask the Dean to do this.

But I still have to go.

Unless you do the decent thing and leave first.

But...

I have reasons to stay here, too.

CHICKENS SQUAWKS

MARIETTE SNORES

Eurgh! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Oh, no!

Ahhh! Ah, what... Oh, no.

Oh! Ah!

What's going on? Huh!

Look, there are a few drawbacks to our new future home.

Well, at least for me.

Yeah, the bugs are used to us Larkins.

Give them a while. They'll get bored with you.

Oh, no, I can't wait that long.

I am going to find something to kill them.

Ah, eurgh!

Ow!

What the devil is this?

You'll remember me from previous visits

regarding Mr Sidney Larkin and...

Are you all right, Sir John?

Yes, fine. Thank you.

Can I have a policeman in here, please?

Good idea. He can listen in to this as evidence.

You'll remember the story so far.

You turned down our request

to overturn Mr Larkin's outrageous sentence.

And dismissed as inadmissible a good quantity of solid argument.

You will not do the same today with our new ad hominem evidence.

SIR JOHN CHUCKLES

This is Sir John Snow QC, so he deals personally with the Queen.

Hm?

'He's just a greedy, old buffer with as much interest

'in justice as I have in making jam, thankfully.'

'But did you have

'to pay Major Sprague a lot, Mrs Jerebohm?

'Cheap at the price, dear.'

You can go.

GO!

All right. Stop the tape.

So, the only question now is do we drag you through the courts?

Or do you resign immediately

and release Mr Larkin with a full pardon?

Ha-ha-ha. SIR JOHN LAUGHS

Do you really think we'd bring the only tape without making a copy?

I need you to telephone whoever will get my husband out of prison NOW!

Did we have a copy? What do you think, Daddy?

Oh, we had one!

Oh!

Thanks, Charley.

Yes, well, I think we are winning the battle

to create an environment safe for a pregnant woman and me.

Mainly me.

Has it lost a bit of its charm? Um... Yes, it has.

Sorry.

CHICKEN SQUAWKS

HE LAUGHS

There. It's not that. It's Dad.

Yeah, I know.

I'm worried. If he doesn't get out, this'll change him.

Destroy his happy essence.

It's Ma. She wanted to talk to you first.

Ma?

Thank you.

Pop's coming home.

What? He's coming home!

What? Oh, my God! Oh, my...

Guys, three cheers for the British justice system!

Come on. SHE CHUCKLES

He's free? He's free!

Yes! Aww.

I told you we were close to the house.

The telephone wire even reaches out here!

What?

I'm going to celebrate with pickles. Great news, Monty

DOOR CLANGS

Here he is!

THEY CHEER AND APPLAUD

Well, I love you, too.

I've learnt so much in here. It's been magical.

THEY LAUGH

See you soon, Pop. Not in 'ere you won't.

Bless you. I feel like the Pope.

Mike, I've sealed up your tunnel. Hope you don't mind.

Dave, good lad, make sure this your last stretch.

Promise me, yeah?

Keith, if you're ever in Littlechurch,

don't nick my car, all right?

THEY LAUGH Good lad. See you, boys.

THEY CHEER AND APPLAUD

All the best, Pop.

Thank you, Billy. Be good, Pop.

Hello, Ma.

THEY SIGH

So, that's over. Yeah. Come on.

You know what, Pop? What's that, gorgeous?

I don't think I've ever been happier.

Ah, me neither.

You got me out, though, Ma. Nobody else could've.

So, what do you wanna do first, love?

We could go round the Jerebohms, give them what for.

No, let's save them for tomorrow.

HE CHUCKLES

Or we could go up to the Downs.

Have a quiet moment before you get home and the party starts.

Yeah, let's do that.

So...

What was it like in there, really?

The nights were very long without you, Ma. Endless.

You're so special.

We all are.

It's a beautiful world.

BELL CHIMES

Ah, I love that sound. Read it out.

"Report by our special legal correspondent Tulip McFarbley."

Ah, like it.

"Mr Sidney Larkin of Littlechurch

"was released from Fordington Prison today on appeal

"and cleared of all wrongdoing."

Er, "any wrongdoing".

Shut up, it's fine.

"Chief Magistrate Major Bertram Sprague..."

Satan! String him up!

"..said new evidence has come to light

"revealing a grave miscarriage of justice,

"so we are pleased to release Mr Larkin

"with our sincere apologies."

There's more. No, I trust you.

I've started a long piece about abuses and weaknesses

in the magistrature with particular reference to...

One day, just relax now, Primrose, all right?

Have some silly time.

Review some terrible am-dram. Write about hedgerows.

Who's this who keeps appearing?

That's such good news!

Outside!

Revolting display.

Look, I'm sorry to be so dismal on your happy day, but...

I feel I need to do the decent thing, as the Vicar says,

and leave him to his church. Right.

Except I can't bear to leave the village...

..and leave you.

I can't bear it either.

But, I-I mean... I mean, I understand if...

if you feel you must move on

and bring joy to another community.

Good. Then, erm...

I'll draft my resignation letter.

Well, obviously, I don't mean it! Of course you must stay.

Thank God you said that. He's a terrible vicar.

He is, isn't he? And you're really good.

I am really, aren't I?

THEY LAUGH

I hate villages! They're just underachieving towns.

GLASS SMASHES

HE LAUGHS

But you had to have the big house in the country, didn't you?

And now you've blown our secrets all over the place.

All right. I may have talked to Norma Norman,

and the evil witch recorded it.

What's wrong with the people down here?

Can't they see we're special?!

Stop looking at me like that, you eerie children!

Well, those Larkins are gonna come after us,

and they'll want our blood.

Then I suggest you have a plan ready for dealing with them.

HE SCOFFS

Not your usual "let's hide".

Do you know anything about this calamity?

Because it sounds like you do.

I'll answer that, Alec,

when you take that peevish tone out of your voice.

Well, maybe it's peevish, perhaps with a touch of incandescence

because we're up to our necks in ordure, Norma.

Don't say ordure so close to my face, please, Alec.

Poor Pinkie rang me in the office in a right state.

Poor Pinkie?

She's a saint, frankly, to put up with that husband of hers.

She's worth ten times him on the open market.

Yes?

Oh, here they are.

Kent's finest and his moll. All right, trouble?

You can talk. Welcome back, Pop!

Thank you. And I hear you had your privileges withdrawn, son?

Yes, but they've recently been restored.

I can see that.

Yeah, you've got grass stains on your elbows there, Casanova.

THEY LAUGH

Mister Larkin, I apologise for doubting you.

My, er, sister doggedly assumes the worst in people.

And I'm rarely disappointed. Take the Jerebohms.

I assume there'll be some retribution.

We're all desperate to see them thrown into chokey,

or maybe dragged along behind a plough?

Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something.

Primrose, where's your dreamy Reverend?

The whole village is talking about your liaison,

but not in a bitchy way.

He has urgent business with the Vicar, I'm afraid.

Ah, yes, that's been fermenting.

One doesn't want to kick a work-shy old parson when he's down.

No. Glass of wine?

No, thank you, it'll only end with me in a wheelbarrow.

Mariette.

Pauline.

Oh, did you hear, Pauline? Mariette's having a baby!

I did hear. Any idea who's it is?

Yeah, it's your boyfriend's.

I'm just going to...

Er, look, geese!

I was the man of the house while you were away, Pop. He was.

That's my boy.

It was quite tiring. You can be it again now.

Cheers.

Look at you all, I don't deserve you.

But I've been away for a few weeks now,

it's time for me and Ma to go to bed.

I'm not trying to replace you! It's the Dean's decision.

Well, I'm tired of arguing the toss,

so I'm just gonna throw you out of the house

I've happily occupied since 1928!

Don't! I was reaching for my jacket.

Go on, get out.

Where am I supposed to sleep? I'm sure you'll have offers.

What are you planning to do? Barricade yourself in?

That's exactly what I'm planning to draw attention to my plight.

Vicar, this is brainless. And how long are you gonna keep this up?

Until I've shown the Dean I won't be shunted off like some evacuee.

I do have my dignity.

Could you ask one of my faithful to bring me food? Nothing fancy.

But hot, you know, no rubbish.

You're not serious. I am, Alec.

Pfft!

Give me one good reason why I should stay in this marriage.

Have you forgotten the question?

I'm thinking! I don't know, it's habit-forming.

We didn't have to pay the single supplement on our cruise.

Where am I supposed to sleep?

The spare room!

It's full of your hobbies. Needles, hallucinogenic glue.

It's a death trap, Norma!

Is this all because I helped convict an innocent man

whom we don't even like?

SNIFFS

Oh, dear.

I find this room very upsetting. It's full of raffia!

Oh! Oh!

That cleared away some fluff.

We truly banged the gong there, girl.

The only revenge I want, Ma, is to get that lot out of next door.

And as far away as possible. Yeah.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh, was that the front door? Yeah.

We probably better go and check on the kids.

Don't you dare get out of this bed!

Huh?

Bet you never heard that in prison.

You'd be surprised, Ma.

THEY LAUGH

And he's barricaded all the doors and windows. It's ridiculous.

Poor you. Thanks.

I tried the inn but it's full, and if I'm honest,

I didn't feel safe with Mrs Babcock, who offered herself,

so I wondered if you had a spare barn or something I could sleep in?

We do. But you'd be in with Mariette and Charley.

Ah. Well, they're very nice, but...

Yes! We think you and Charley would make great mates.

You could maybe go for a beer together.

Stay in the house. Pick a room!

OK. Go! Go to bed. Come in for prayers!

Shut it!

In fact, the house is comparatively empty.

Monty's been released from being man of the house

so he's at his mate Shortie's,

and Mariette and Charley are in the barn, so, you know...

My room's got my name on the door. Obviously, I'll sleep alone!

Mug of cocoa and we sit and put the world to rights

in between staring into each other's eyes?

Just what I was gonna suggest.

Vicar?

Erm, Vicar?

I've brought you some breakfast! Have you come alone?

Yes. I'm afraid I couldn't find any other, um,

faithful who wanted to cook for you.

Hello. I feel rather sad. Oh.

It's not like you to be sad. Angry, yes.

Bitter, abusive even, but rarely sad.

If this is you trying to cheer me up, try harder.

Don't be sad. Pop Larkin is out!

Why are you telling me about happy people?

Anyway, here's breakfast.

I'm sorry you seem to be losing the vicarage,

but everything looks better after bacon.

I honestly don't think anybody's gonna storm the building.

I'm not risking it.

ALEC CLEARS THROAT

I had time to think about our union last night in the spare bedroom,

slightly delirious from the glue fumes.

And I want to fight for our marriage, Norma, like a...

terrier.

Pop and Ma Larkin are aggravating,

and not even married now I think about it,

but I can see that they appear loving and generous to each other.

So I slipped out of the house early,

still fighting the effects of heavy-duty solvent but that's fine.

And I bought you this.

At no little expense.

A vacu-um cleaner.

You're under-selling it, Norma.

I'm assured it will transform your life.

I'm going to give you three minutes to collect a bag of possessions

and leave.

All right there, Berndt? Guten tag, wienerschnitzel.

Feel free to yodel, and thanks for all your help.

No, thank you, Mister Larkin.

Your employers off on their holibobs?

Somewhere they can't be found in a hurry?

That is the plan.

That was the plan.

Oh.

Anything to add to that, Pinkie?

Um...

Oh, usually so fluent, words come tumbling out. Lie built on lie.

Can I just say...

No, you'll need more than words.

But kick off with them

and just give me and Berndt here a big empty laugh.

My husband and I were...

annoyed to feel you overcharged us for the house,

and our attempt to teach you a lesson got wildly out of hand.

So, a huge sorry.

I swear on my children's lives, I'm a kind person.

Well, onto me. I made the best of my few weeks in jail.

Oh, that's nice.

I met some decent blokes and, guilty though they were of various crimes,

you and your husband are not worthy to lick their prison boots.

Cuthbert! Cuthbert!

You see, it brought shame and worry on to my family.

So you can tell your husband from me,

when he's finished hiding behind the settee,

that me and Ma haven't decided how we are going to right this wrong.

But you can forget about going on holiday.

Berndt, would you open up

that big case of Pinkie's for a moment, for me.

Yeah.

Thank you. Funny you should be called Berndt.

Also, folks round 'ere wanted us to get the law involved.

Have you done for fraud, perjury and bribing a magistrate,

which could... Oh, hello.

CUTHBERT GROANS

..which could get you both locked up for a year or two.

Don't you dare, you scumbag.

Also, I don't judge but I know that you do.

I can tell the whole world

about your time in the exotic Essex dance troupe Folies They're Bare.

Actually, it was very beautiful and you had to be in the front rows

to see anything through the feathers.

So, Ma and me will have a think about how to proceed.

PINKIE GASPS

Bid you a good day.

My pink things! My pink things!

I'll pee on it! Look out!

Throw your body on it!

SHE SCREAMS

And there goes the Chanel.

Vicar?

Vicar, we need to talk about this!

I don't trust you.

I can't do this. It's not fair or Christian.

I'll have to tell the Dean I'll move on.

No. I can't bear to lose you.

Vicar!

If Reverend Candy tells the Dean

that you're not as useless as everyone thinks

and he'd love to work with you, and the Dean agrees,

might that be acceptable?

Oh! Bloody chain.

Thank you.

Good. Yes, good.

Thank you, Miss Larkin.

Onward.

Excellent. Well done.

I'll make some tea.

Lovely.

Actually, would you? I need a pee and a shave.

They're happier now you're back, look.

I know, very family-minded, the geese, aren't they?

'Ey-up, here comes Bonnie and Clyde.

Good morning, Mr and Mrs Larkin.

Uh-huh.

Erm, we won't try to excuse our recent behaviour,

but I would love you to think of us as wayward neighbours, who, er...

who are desperate to make amends!

We'd rather not think of you as neighbours at all.

THEY LAUGH

That's very good. Yes, super, very wry.

We mean it.

Oh...

And not just for ourselves.

You don't bring much to the village, do you?

Do we bring anything to the village?

A certain style and confidence?

But in terms of your comment with regard to us

and a potential legal route...

We've had a think and instead, we'd like to get you a present!

And as you like pigs, we thought we'd buy you a pig?

The very best kind of pig there is?

No. What you're gonna do, is in exchange for us keeping quiet

about your wrongdoings, you're gonna sell us back your house.

For what we paid for it. Seven grand.

But we paid you £17,000.

You did, well remembered.

And several thousand more to make it swanky.

Well, if it makes it any easier for you,

we'll be using up our profit, your money, on the village,

cos you just came and sneered at life down here

and didn't contribute nothing.

So, we've got the cash, and you've got 24 hours

to sort out your legals,

pack up the house and never ever come back.

Or we could get you bundled off in to a police van.

GROANS

Thank you.

KNOCK ON DOOR

CAT PURRS

All right! You've got a key.

DOOR OPENS

I've been walking around for...

Well, since you threw me out.

Where did you spend the night? On a bench.

Why didn't you stay in a hotel?

Partly meanness. That's just never going to go away.

And I felt I needed to show contrition somehow.

You've bought a kitten!

Yes.

Good. It's nice.

Let's start again, Norma.

It's the cheese we shared on our magical first date, Saint Nectaire.

I hoped it might mean more than a ring,

as well as being cheaper. I've got the rest in my pocket.

All right, let's try again.

But there'll need to be changes.

I need to wear the trousers more now.

There's a wind of change blowing through modern marriage, Alec,

and I'm contributing to that wind through these trousers.

I've never seen you in slacks before.

No, and that's rather my point.

It's quite an eye-opener.

Also my point. Right, well, it's late...

..and I'm prepared to take you back.

Thank you.

Drive! Drive!

I'm driving! Well, drive faster!

Not a bad gaff, it has to be said. It's not, is it, now it's done up?

One forgets how socially mobile one can be these days.

Especially as a couple days ago, I was in an eight by ten cell.

Don't let it go to your head.

Far from it, Ma. Common and proud!

I'll admit proud, might even accept vulgar, but we're not common.

I think we know what we're gonna do

with at least part of this place, don't we?

Yeah. Golf course and a wine bar!

Croquet lawn!

POP CHUCKLES

Nah, it's nice and all but it's not really us, is it? No.

Swim in the lake? Yeah, little dip, why not?

I'll race you! Starkers!

Come on, Ma!

So, we've bought back Bluff Court and we insist on giving you

some land off of it to do whatever you fancy.

You might wanna build a bungalow before your baby comes.

That is a good notion, Ma. I tell you, stairs, who needs 'em?

People who've got a house on two floors? So true.

He's never less than on the ball, is he, Charley boy?

Oh, go on, then, or we'll never hear the end of it.

Thanks, Ma.

Thank you, Pop.

Hey, don't, no, it's just our way of stopping

you two wandering off!

You'll be the other side of the hedge

where we can see you and the nipper.

Not to tempt fate, of course, touch wood, where's the wood?

There you go. Sorry, Madame.

Cos it shapes us all, don't it? Where we live.

A mansion can be a soulless prison, a tiny cell can be a cherished home,

and who knows what goes on behind a closed door.

Hmm. We're going into the village, Larkininoes!

Quick! Before the summer ends!

Apparently, the arrangement is the old Vicar will have less to do.

That'll take some doing.

Mind you, if the dishy one's going out with a Larkin,

that'll keep him busy.

The thing about the Larkins is... Oh, I love the Larkins.

Thank you, Libby.

You weren't supposed to hear that.

I think they're overrated.

Voice of an angel, Miss Chand. Voice of an angel.

I could persuade my editor to do a weekly religion corner.

Yes, that sounds like a really good idea...

Or I could be a roving restaurant critic,

eating and drinking my way around Kent.

And in the summer, the vacationing vicar reviews luxury holidays!

Somewhere warm.

Oh, the holy table.

Or cars!

Every week the Vicar gets given a new car to test and keep.

LAUGHTER

Come on, Brigadier.

Oh look, no, no. Pop'll get you one.

No, I have one... Tell me what I've said?

Alec, Norma. Come and join us.

So, how are you planning to humiliate me this time?

Well, we could go mad and just have a nice chat.

Look at you two, all affectionate.

Yes, we had some tiny differences of opinion which we've ironed out.

New look, Norma? Um, yes.

They're going to say something cutting now.

No! We like it.

You look really nice.

Did you manage to get away this summer at all?

Actually, no, that... that's not helpful.

Maybe it's easier if we don't pretend we like each other.

Yes, I agree. I can see that, yes.

Oh.

You're not actually allowed to sit on a uniformed policeman.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Try this for size.

I'll authorise it on this occasion.

Where's your Mariette and Charley?

Um, they're off planning their new home.

Ah, that's nice, starting out together.

Charley? Where are you?

Up here. I can see Larkin's Farm!

I think I'm near you. Hang on!

Oh.

Oh, well, never mind.

Stay there, I'll head for you. No, you stay, I'll come to you.

Maybe we'll meet in the middle.

Out you jump. Hello, girls.

Come on.

Ooh!

Home! Who's hungry?

Me! Me! And me!

We are, too!

Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com