All language subtitles for Nolly.S01E01.WEBRip.x264

RHYTHMIC CLICKING

UPBEAT MUSIC

MAN: John, if you're
ready. All right.

Yes, over there, if you could.

Thank you.

Oh, best be careful.

If the lights are too bright,
I could set fire to you.

It's happened before.

Although I've moved on
a wee bit since then,

I built my very first television
out of a hatbox and darning needles.

Good. So, off we go, Alexander.

SPEAKERS CRACKLE

MACHINES WHIRR

Very nice.

Very nice indeed.

I think I'm rather delighted.

Take a look. Do you want to see?

Congratulations.

You're the first woman in the
world to appear on colour TV.

I'm sorry, I'm
forgetting my manners,

I should've said.

I'm John Logie
Baird. Who are you?

Noele. My name's Noele Gordon.

People call me Nolly.

MAN: Nolly! Nolly!

Could you, please... Could
you, please, just back?

Thank you!

Nolly!

Nolly? Oh.

Nolly, bit of a problem.

Tell me, I'll fix
it. What's wrong?

Er, it's the people outside.

There are thousands of them.
I mean, literally thousands.

There's up to 10,000
people standing outside.

And the problem is?

They're in shot. That's
a problem because?

They've come to see Nolly.

But it's Meg who's getting married,
not you, it's your character.

I still can't see the problem.

Meg owns a motel in Birmingham
that has 16 chalets, 16.

I have to put this show on air,

and I can't for the
love of God work out

why I would be showing
10,000 people at her wedding.

Well, then, the problem is you.

If 10,000 people have turned
up to show their love,

then I think that's
a wonderful thing.

If they sit at home every day

and have their tea
and watch Crossroads

and they see Meg
dealing with her family

and her guests and the
staff, in all 16 chalets,

and they think so much of her that
they want to leave their homes

in the cold and the wind
and the rain to stand there

to give a little
cheer, that's all,

a faint little cheer
on a miserable day,

I mean, God knows they can
barely afford the heating

or the gas or the rent,
and yet they still come

to stand out there, together,

then what sort of person

would cut them out
of the picture?

Tell me. What sort
of person is that?

Not me. Problem solved.

Run to record.

NOLLY SNAPS FINGERS

MAN: Sorry, sorry, sorry.

MAN 2: Miss Gordon.
Thank you, Anthony.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH

WHISTLING

I'll see you
inside, Miss Gordon.

Thank you, Adams.

Hello, Joe. Morning, Belinda.

If you could just sign
this, Nolly. Absolutely.

Just your name, along the
edge. I feel sorry for Meg,

why did they have to
kill off your husband?

Well, he was kidnapped in
Australia and had a heart attack

climbing out of the
window, what can I say?

THEY CHUCKLE Just there.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE

ELEVATOR DINGS

NOLLY HUMS

Ah, I think Pamela's
going to be late.

I drove past her
at the bus stop.

Morning, Nolly.
Morning, Rodney.

Now, I wanted a word
with you about Wednesday.

You are forcing us all into
an impossible situation.

You must be Poppy. We
spoke on the phone.

I'm Liz. Welcome aboard.

That's the schedule,
and the call sheet.

So, these are the sets.

You'll get used to it,
it'll make sense in no time.

And over here is the green room.

And I call you out
scene by scene.

I call everyone by their
character name cos it's easier.

We rehearse in order,
green for Monday,

yellow for Tuesday,
pink for Wednesday.

Here's a little kitchen.

Er, best to bring your own mug
cos that can lead to arguments.

And, er, yeah, here's everyone.
We should start bang on nine.

Liz, did we ever get an
answer back about the hearse?

Yes, we did. We
can't. Erm, hold on.

Er, five minutes? Thanks, love.

MUTTERING

CLAMOURING

Sorry, am I not allowed?
That's Noele Gordon's chair.

She'd kill you, the Godmother.
She'd have your guts for garters.

Well, she gets a bit particular.
And that's been hers for 18 years.

You can have this one, darling.

POPPY CHUCKLES

It happened again, Nolly.

Did they say you
can't sit in my chair?

I'm sorry, I didn't know.
No reason why you should.

I don't mind. We all
have equal status.

The star of the
show is the motel.

MAN CLEARS THROAT

Who are you?

I'm Poppy. I'm playing Honour.

Honour? Who's Honour?

I'm... your family.
Meg's family.

How does that work?

Oh, it says here, Mother.
It's pink, scene 12.

Kitty sponsored her
adoption back in 1964.

Oh, what the hell does
"sponsored her adoption" mean?

Haven't you read the script?

No, never. Not until
the first rehearsal.

Bet you've learnt the whole
thing off by heart, haven't you?

Yeah. Don't.

Darling, have you got a pen?

NOLLY SIGHS

I wanted to say, Miss Gordon...

I don't mean to
interrupt, but...

I'm just ever so
sorry about Sandy.

Well, that's really
immensely kind.

Roger. His name was Roger.

Yes, but you're right,
everyone knew him as Sandy.

He was absolutely
lovely. He was...

..remarkable.

He was the funniest
man you'll ever meet,

tell you that for nothing.

He had me in stitches.

It was only four months ago.

He was 35 years old, poor soul.

I know he wasn't your real son,
but he must've been like family.

That's exactly what he was like.

Now, then, Poppy.
Everyone calls me Nolly.

And I think we're on.

We're on greens!

Episode 3499, scene
one. Sitting room.

That's Meg, Jill, Adam's on
his way, Diane and Honour.

Right.

You nervous? Terrified.

It's my mum, she put
the fear of God into me.

She said, "Remember you're
not just there for yourself,

"you're representing the
entire Black community."

Oh, I wouldn't worry about
that, we've done abortion.

Apologies, Miss Gordon,
I was parking the Rolls.

Where are we? Green.

Scene one. Meg's sitting room.

Meg's standing by the window.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, not
with the lighting over there.

Does nobody watch this thing?

No, I'll stand
here by the settee.

Jill and Honour. Ooh.

Facing me, I think.
Adams, you go there.

Er, Rodney, does that work, yes?

Yes, fine. Meg on
three, swap with one.

Meg on three, swap with one.

It says, "Adam sitting."

Why would he sit? He never sits.

I-I can stand.

Standing on two.
Standing on two.

Cue daughter.

I say, "Surprise!"
Dum di-dum di-dum.

"Honour," etcetera,
"Adam and Meg."

And I say, "I've got the letter,
but to be honest, Honour..."

"To be honest, Honour", has
anyone ever said this out loud?

Where's the letter?
Letter for Meg!

Thank you.

So I say, "I've got the
letter, but to be honest..."

I'll cut the word "Honour".

Cut the word "Honour".
Cut the word "Honour".

I wouldn't stand here
with a letter, would I?

Who would actually
stand with a letter?

No, I think this letter
should go on the bureau, yes?

Actually on it.

On the bureau. On the bureau.

Letter on the bureau!

Then I say, "I think our lawyer
should study the letter."

No, we say solicitor.
Solicitor. Solicitor. Solicitor.

And I say, "No, it... No,
look, it says here..."

Oh, sorry. I do need the letter.

Letter for Meg.

"Everything in this letter
is absolutely true."

And enter slut. Here I am!

Slut does her stuff.

"Oh, sorry, Mrs M,
kitchen needs to confirm,

"etcetera, etcetera."

Yah-da-da-da. I say,
"Wait five minutes."

Yeah, and exit
slut. Slut exits.

DOOR CREAKS OPEN
Good morning, Pamela.

Sorry I'm late.

And I say, er... my line.

And cue Poppy.

"It's very nice to meet you.
It's such a lovely motel."

Is that what you're doing?

Is that how you're doing it?

Is that what you're going to do?

I mean, is it?

Am I doing it wrong?

But this is the motel.

Birmingham accents
belong over there.

The Brownlows. The
garage. The barge.

Why we have scenes set on a
barge, I've never understood.

Excuse me, Nolly,

but it does say she's a kleptomaniac
with a very rough upbringing.

Pink, scene 12.
What if she was?

What are we saying?

I was practically
brought up single-handed.

My mother worked night and
day, God bless her soul,

and I haven't got a hint
of Scottish Presbyterian.

Not a speck.

Not a vowel, not a
single glottal stop.

Look at Adams, brought
up on a fishing boat. Mm.

His mother had an affair

with the deputy manager
of a coal mine. Mm.

In Spitsbergen.

She said I was conceived in a
boathouse on a coil of rope.

And she was 16 stone. Mm.

And yet, he ended up cut glass.

Can you do RP?

Are you trained? What do
you think? Can you do it?

I think I can, yeah.

Well, let's try that,
then. Do it now.

POSH VOICE: "It's
very nice to meet you.

"It's such a lovely motel."

That's good.

It's fine. I'm happy.

I'm happy. I'm happy.

Happy, happy. Good.

And you can tell Jack
we changed her accent.

And if he wants to know why,

you can tell him that I
am making this show better

if I have to haul it out
of the grave, line by line.

Well done, Poppy. Page two!

Monday and Tuesday, we rehearse.

Wednesday, we have
the producer's run.

That's with Jack Barton.

"And what have you got to say
for yourself, young lady?"

POSH VOICE: "It's
very nice to meet you.

"It's such a lovely motel."

"It was once a family home.
But when my husband..."

Sorry, but, Poppy, we did
specify a Birmingham accent.

You might have. I did not.

It's just, that...

I think the rest of
television speaks in RP,

and Poppy gives us a
chance to... And I said no.

To continue.

"It was once the family home.

"But when my husband
died 18 years ago,

"I converted it to survive."

And then we hit the big time.

Thursday and Friday are studio.

Now, it's not live,
but it's as live.

So don't make any mistakes,
because we cannot afford to stop.

Ready to record!

Places, please, everyone,
as fast as we can!

Little bit of hush!

And whatever happens,

hope and pray we
don't get an underrun.

What's an underrun? Well,
it's when we run under.

Sixty seconds! Quiet, please!

Every single episode is
19-and-a-half minutes exactly.

But if we rattle through
the dialogue too fast,

or somebody drops out...

They said Gary's
put his back out.

There you are. If there's
a gap, we have to fill.

Well, what do we do?
Keith gives a signal.

And upstairs, they make
the telephone ring,

and we have to answer it.

On the spot? Yeah.

On camera? Yeah.

And do what? We improvise.

Well, how? Thirty seconds!

Don't worry, I'll answer it.

Leave it to Nolly.

WHISPERING: Now, get ready.

Just think, all those
people watching.

We get 15 million
viewers a night.

Three episodes a week.

Which means 45
million viewers...

looking at you.

Well, no.

I'm sorry? It's
not 45 million.

It certainly is. No, but
15 million every night...

Ready, studio, in ten... ..means
it's the same 15 million.

It's only 15 million.

It's not 45 million,
is it? It's 15.

Isn't it?

Grams and action in three...

CROSSROADS THEME PLAYS

This may be quite a surprise,
but say hello, everyone.

This is Honour.

Honour, this is Adam,
he's our deputy manager.

And this is my
mother, Meg Mortimer.

I have to apologise, young
lady. I've got the letter here.

But, to be honest,

this has come as
something of a surprise.

I think our solicitor should
study that letter, just in case.

KNOCKING

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs Mortimer...

THROUGH HEADPHONES:
'Keith, just heard,

'Gary's gone to hospital, we
have lost him from scene five.'

How much does that
lose? 'Forty seconds.'

So that's an underrun?
'It's an underrun.'

Thank you very much.

DOOR CLOSES

Well, what have you got to
say for yourself, young lady?

It's very nice to meet you.
It's such a lovely motel.

It was once a family home.

But when my husband
died 18 years ago,

I converted it to survive.

Mummy worked night and day.

She turned it into the
motel you can see today.

And it's been hard work.

But we're so proud of it.

It's amazing to think
I'm part of the family.

I think you'll be
very welcome here.

It's a fresh start
for all of us.

PHONE RINGS

RINGING CONTINUES

Hello, Crossroads Motel.

Oh.

SHE GASPS It's for you.

DOOR UNLOCKS

SOFT MUSIC

"I don't care what Henry says,

"if David wants to move to
Guernsey, he should come to me."

IF David want to move to
Guernsey, he should come to me.

If...

Hmm... "If David wants
to move to Guernsey,

"he should come to me."

He should come to ME.
HE should come to me.

"I keep worrying
about Stonebank Farm.

"It's not my responsibility,
but I can't ask...

"I can't ask Benny to
leave, not since all that...

"Not since all that trouble."

WHISPERING: Not since
all that trouble.

JINGLE ON TV

'And now on ATV, it's 7:30,
it's Coronation Street.'

Oh, God, no.

'And there's bad news
for Fred and Eunice Gee.'

FLOORBOARDS CREAK ABOVE

PHONE RINGS

'Darling, I want to go
shopping, are you free?

'Please say yes.'

Nolly, it's late.
Everything's closed.

We don't live in New York,
darling, as much as we'd like.

I mean, window shopping.

Oh, come on, Tony. Please?

I'll fetch the
Rolls, Miss Gordon.

Thank you, Adams.

Ooh, what do you
think? Not my colour.

Matches your eyes.
TONY CHUCKLES

That's nice. Mm.

Hm. Bit young for me.

And you say...?
Nonsense, Miss Gordon!

Thank you, Adams.

WOMAN GASPS Oh.

It's really nice
to see you, Nolly.

I love you in Coronation Street.

Yeah, Crossroads.
Crossroads, yes!

But why did they get
rid of your husband?

He was a lousy fuck, darling.

Oh, you're wonderful.

Lots of love. Lots of love.

You were a bit tough
today, do you think?

Poor little Poppy.

Yes, and then I went
upstairs to Jack

and told him she was excellent.

You sound almost maternal.
Oh, that ship has sailed.

It's funny to think, isn't it?

Little Poppy, she can have a
career with a regional accent.

Do you think we sound
old-fashioned, these days?

DEEP VOICE: Mm. You
have abominable diction.

I have a bomb in my kitchen?

NOLLY LAUGHS

Oh, yes, they've all
got soap operas now.

Take The High Road in
Scotland. Taff Acre in Wales.

Welsh accents in lead roles!
My mother would switch off.

My mother would punch
them. Yes, she would.

My mother sailed up
the Amazon in a canoe.

People never believe me
when I tell them that,

she really did.

She had five oarsmen
paddling away.

I still hear a
creak, sometimes...

from upstairs. Mm!

I think, "Here she comes."

I'd hear those footsteps,
then I'd think,

"Right, I have 30 seconds
to put the kettle on."

Thirty seconds exactly, tap-tap.
"Here she is, here's Mum."

It's been two years now.

Oh, that's gorgeous.
You'd look lovely in that.

There's a dinner tonight.

Variety Club at the
Town Hall. I see.

Thank God I'm not there.

He'd have been top table. Hm.

His favourite charity.

Mm. With his wife. Mm.

I'd have a seat as
far away as possible.

Like we barely knew each other.

How long's it been
since he died?

Nine years.

I'm sorry.

You should've turned up
tonight with me on your arm.

I gather the phrase for
that nowadays is "toyboy".

Tony. Tony the toyboy.

HE GASPS At your service, ma'am.

A-ha! Mwah!

Oh, you know what I
always say, Adams.

I wanted a man in my life,
so I got the next best thing,

which is you.

Come on. Work in the morning.

Ooh, big day tomorrow.

Michael's seeing
Charles Denton. Oh.

About my contract.

Once he's done, we can come
back and buy everything!

TONY CHUCKLES

NOLLY HUMS

CAR HORNS BEEP

Ah, Michael. Good to see you.

Charles. Looking very
well, I must say.

I'm hearing exciting
things about Nottingham.

Oh, well, we're
getting there, slowly.

Slower than I'd like, but...

I have one or two new clients
based in the Midlands,

you might be interested
in seeing them.

But first, Miss Gordon.

Did you have a chance to
read my proposal? Yes.

I think this might not be the
conversation you imagined.

I am not backing
down on holidays. No.

Erm, how do I put this?

All good things
must come to an end.

DOOR UNLOCKS

PHONE RINGS, NOLLY HUMS

This is Noele Gordon speaking.

'Nolly, darling, it's Michael.'

Oh, good. Ooh, did I
tell you, I saw Louise?

We had a proper old catch-up,
she's on really good form.

Anyway, how did it go?

'Er, not very well.'

I did consider driving up to see
you, but... you know, things.

And? 'It was remarkable.'

Denton was... clinical.

It wasn't like him at all,

it was like a man
reading a weather report.

'Just facts.' Well,
tell me what he said.

'He said...'

He said there's no new contract.

'That it's goodbye.'

SHE SCOFFS For God's sake.

Tell him I am not
backing down on holidays.

'No, darling, there
wasn't any negotiation.'

He simply said it,
and that was that.

Michael, I sometimes think you
don't know how this industry works.

'I mean, let's face it, the
last time you were an actor,

'you played one of the Daleks.'

Which God knows was a stretch
of your emotional range.

But now you are an agent.
And you are MY agent.

'And it is your job...'
Nolly, it wasn't like that.

..to go back and tell him
I work five days a week,

every single week till
nine o'clock at night.

'Which means all my charity
work...' Listen to me.

Nolly, you've been sacked.

He said they have plans
for the future of the show,

without you.

Oh, don't be
ridiculous! 'Nolly.'

What have you done?

I beg your pardon?

'Well, have you done anything
to annoy them, or to vex them?'

It was the most extraordinary
meeting I've ever had in my life.

I've been sacked? 'Yes.'

He sacked me? 'Yes.'

Well, what did he say?

He said you're sacked.

NOLLY LAUGHS

That is the sort of thing
a man like that says.

Oh, Michael, you idiot.

It's a deal, it's a game!

'Meg is going to die.

'He said they'll give you six
months and then they kill her.

'They're gonna write the story
of the death of Meg Mortimer,

'and that's the end.

'God knows why, I have no
idea why, but you're out.'

I...

DOOR BUZZES

Now, look, I know
what we're like.

Us theatricals, we do
tend to exaggerate.

Let's be serious.

When he says sacked, doesn't
he mean have a month off?

Which you've been asking
for since time immemorial.

So, maybe they listened.

I was told Jack Barton will phone
me at eight o'clock exactly.

Well, that's now. So...

Oh. ..listen on
the other phone.

I think you'll find it's
all a storm in a teacup.

My mother won the King's Cup
for flying solo around England,

and she always
said... PHONE RINGS

Oh, my God!

Wait, wait, wait.

DOES BREATHING EXERCISE

This is Noele Gordon speaking.
'Nolly. Quite a day.'

Isn't it? Yes.

How are you?
'Fine, thank you.'

And you? 'Well,
I am distraught.'

Well, yes, understandably.

Then it's true?

'Yes.'

I've been sacked.

'Yes.'

And Meg is going
to die. 'Yes.'

Erm...

And whose decision was this?

'Charles Denton.'

Did he... Tell you why!

'Did he tell you why?'

He said it was a
professional decision,

and it's time for
the show to move on.

'Yes, but why me?'

I was told.

'An order from above. I don't
ask why, I just do my job.'

Erm... And, erm...

Well, is this just me, or is
anybody else getting the chop?

'No, it's just
you.' Oh, really?

Because I think there's quite a
bit of dead wood in that cast.

I don't think Tony's
been committed for ages.

'I wouldn't say that. We've
got very big plans for him.'

Oh, well, that's all
very nice, I'm sure,

but that leaves me, erm...

Jack, I won't beg.
'Don't expect you to.'

I will not beg. 'Absolutely.'

I am not gonna beg for my job.

'In fact, Denton
said six months,

'which would see me
off-screen February,

'but I fully expect to
find work immediately.'

And I don't think I
can wait that long.

What do you
suggest? Christmas?

Oh, yes, I thought
you could kill me off

at Christmas like the
Little fucking Match Girl!

Oh, for Christ's sake,
don't be so bloody maudlin!

November? Done!

Good. Thank you.

Well, better not
keep you any longer,

I know you've got rehearsals
at nine. Bye, then.

Goodbye.

Not a word, Adams.
Not a word to anyone.

Morning, Nolly! I wondered
if you could sign this.

It's for my best friend's
birthday. She's gonna be 55.

So, in this scene, when
she says she's sorry,

do you think she's really sorry?
Because in the next scene,

when Meg's gone, she
sounds a bit mean.

I think she's lying, don't you?

I was thinking, Noele,
if you don't mind,

the script says Meg's
by the kitchen door,

but I thought if you were at
the bar that could be nice,

cos I can get a good angle on
three, if that's OK with you?

Sure. Great. Thanks.

And Poppy, if you can
come in from the entrance.

I'm worried about Meg.
Are you? In what way?

Is it me, or does she
seem... distracted?

Well, we can't exactly
have helped, can we,

with all our... troubles?

I told you. We're over all that.

As long as James Corbett
has your manuscript,

I don't think
we'll ever be free.

But that's not the point.
I was talking about Meg.

I think we've taken
our eye off her.

And I'm not being
rude... Makes a change.

No, stop it, darling.

Sometimes I think...

Don't you think
she's getting... old?

As are we all.

But it makes me wonder, David.

How long she can stay
running a business like this?

She built this motel
from the ground up.

She built it as a monument
to her dead husband,

who's long since dead and gone.

And time moves on, David.

Time moves on.

What are you
getting at, Barbara?

I'm saying that one day,
Meg might not be here.

And there's an awful lot of
work for those left behind.

Plus... an awful lot of money.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

It was me. I stole it.

And then I tried to blame
Benny. I'm really sorry.

I don't know why I did it.

All I can say is I'm
very disappointed.

In fact, I am outraged.

I took you in as a
member of my family.

It's a problem I've had for
a long time, Mrs Mortimer.

I'm really trying hard.
I won't do it again.

Well, it's a sword that
cuts both ways, isn't it?

If I trust you, I can't win.

If I don't trust
you, I can't win.

So, what am I to do?

Are you all right?

I never meant to upset her.

Well, it's a bit late for
tears now, young lady.

You need to find a way to
regain her trust, and pronto.

Don't mind me.

I've just seen Mrs Mortimer.
She's got a face like thunder.

Hope everything's OK.

Oh, Diane, it's been a
very upsetting morning.

But I don't get why. They
must have said something.

I think they want to kill
the show, cut off the head.

I'm not being rude, Nolly,
and forgive me for saying it,

but, well, you do have
a certain predilection

for married men.

I mean, you and this Charles
Denton didn't...? Absolutely not!

Well, he sounds like
a spurned lover.

I wouldn't touch him
with a barge pole.

Well, they're
going to regret it.

You'll walk straight into
another job, top billing.

Not after I've been sacked.
My name is going to be poison.

Never mind my age.

But they haven't told the press?

I think they're waiting for
me. Well, that's it, then.

Tell them you resigned.
That's what you do!

Get in there first and tell
the papers it's a resignation.

Do you think?

You've got enough contacts. All
those journalists. Reel them in.

Tell them you're off to
star in the West End.

Hey, tell them you're doing
Whatever Happened To Baby Jane

with Diana Dors - and I want 10%
for that, thank you very much.

But this is great,
it's good news.

It's Noele Gordon leaving
behind her tatty old soap...

I'm sorry, Tony. Oh,
God, no, it's shit.

..and becoming the
star she always was!

Announce your resignation,
Nolly, take centre stage,

and beat those bloody men!

LIFT DINGS

HUBBUB

Where did they come from?
Shall I ask them to go?

I don't know, have we got
security? Do we need them?

What's going on? Ask her.

What is it? What are they
there for? What's wrong?

Nolly, what exactly
is happening?

SHE BREATHES DEEPLY

In ten.

Now, remember, you've resigned,

this is fine, this
was always your plan,

you've handed in your resignation,
because you wanted to.

The decision to resign
is yours and yours alone.

Gentlemen, I have been sacked!

Or... that.

NOLLY: The news
was given to me...

They can't sack Mother!

Why would anyone do that?

That's ridiculous.
They... They can't.

What about us? Hold on a
minute, what happens to us?

Sister George.

But I am shattered
and devastated.

I have been brutally axed,

and my heart is utterly broken.

Nolly, I'm from ATV Today. Do you
have a message for your loyal fans?

Oh, you're from ATV, are
you? Well, let me just say,

you wouldn't have a job
if it wasn't for me!

I think we should... No, I
wasn't just an actress here.

I was staff.

I was the spine of ATV.

And the heart. And the soul.

And the guts.

I practically
invented daytime TV.

Crossroads was built around me.

Everyone says the star of the show
is the motel, but let me tell you,

the star of the show
is not a bunch of flats

held together by plywood
and Sellotape and spit.

The star of the show
has been sacked.

Charles Denton sacked me.

He... sacked... me.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

KEYS JANGLE

SHE SIGHS

TV: In the headlines today,

the Queen of the Midlands
has lost her throne.

'The actress Noele Gordon
has spoken out today,

'to say she is shattered
and devastated at the news

'she has been sacked

'from the long-running
television programme, Crossr...

PHONES RING We love Nolly,

but all I know is what
the boss has said.

I'll give Nolly your
love. I will, I promise.

She's loved by all of
us. I'm really very sorry

but there's nothing
more I can do, bye-bye.

Hello, Crossroads,
can I help you?

No. No!

There's no need for
that kind of language.

Right. No. No.

THUDS

THUDS

You stirred up quite
a hornet's nest.

HE SCOFFS

Nolly. Nolly. CLAMOURING

A few words for our
readers, Miss Gordon?

A few words? Please, Nolly?

THEY CHANT: 'Save our
Meg! Save our Meg!'

Meg is magic! Save our Meg!

THEY CHEER

We haven't decided
how she'll die.

It could be an explosion.

Concorde could fall out of
the sky and land on her head.

She could be hit by a bus
or... or swallowed by a whale.

HE LAUGHS Yeah!

If that's your final word on the
matter, I wish you good luck.

But, I warn you...
I'll be waiting.

CROSSROADS THEME TUNE PLAYS

And recording break,
hold it there,

wait till we get the clear...

I thought that was cruel.
The Concorde remark.

I mean, this is your
death. Where's the respect?

'And that's a clear! We're
on to yellow, scene seven.

'Quick as we can, everybody,
bit of a big scene,

'let's keep it down.

'And we're dressing it
for the Harvest Festival.'

Well done. That was
very nice. Thank you.

OK, Nolly, we need you on set.

Erm, Miss Gordon?
We're on scene seven.

HE GROANS

OK, everyone, we've
got a little problem,

Editec's gone down,

we'll be two minutes,
stay in position.

'Less headroom, a bit
closer, camera two.'

I wouldn't blame her
if she never came back.

This would never have
happened with Reg Watson.

I'm telling you, they want
to axe the show. We're next.

But that doesn't make sense. Just
axe it, don't pick on Mother.

Well, it's all contractual,
if you look at the paperwork

because, two years ago

she hit retirement age
on, er, Christmas Day,

which means she's
now on a pension -

which is money from
a different source -

so this way, means they don't
have to pay an extra wage on top.

Like Benny says in that
scene tomorrow, erm...

Oh, what is it? You know,
what's the, what's the line?

I've got a proposition.

I say - if she goes, we all go.

Are you serious? We go
upstairs, we say to Jack,

"If you get rid of Nolly,
we're walking out. All of us!"

'I think that might
be a little...'

..hasty. Well, you
would say that.

Because if she goes,

then there's room at the
top of the Crossroads Motel,

and some people
stand to benefit!

Excuse me. Are you
making accusat...?

Do you mean us?
Oh, let's face it,

you're one of the
last two debutantes

to be presented to the Queen.

You've always wanted
to rule this place.

That's... slanderous.
SHE SCOFFS

But gosh, if that's true, Mother
will be absolutely devastated.

It doesn't really matter what
she thinks, she'll be gone!

Harsh but true. In
this modern world,

it's every man for himself. Oh,
you stand to profit as well!

You'll have more to do
around here! How dare you!

Money is the root of
all evil, Miss Diane.

Look, like it or not, she's going,
and if we play our cards right,

Crossroads will
reap the rewards!

I am shocked to the core!

Do you seriously
want Mother gone?

It's about time someone said
it, she's a relic of the past.

I'll no listen to one
more word of this!

That fine woman, being
denigrated by people not fit!

Well, if she goes...

that's the last this motel
will see of Shughie McFee!

Well...

I find this harvest loaf a
very great weight to bear.

You know what this
means, don't you?

Mark my words, it's the end
of the Crossroads Motel!

Best episode ever.

LIFT BELLS DINGS

Molly, Amrita, canteen, come on.

Thank you, Ivor.

HE CLEARS THROAT

Nolly. Jack. Problem?

Concorde... was that a joke?

We haven't decided how she dies
yet, we've got to have meetings.

Yes, but you wouldn't do that?

You wouldn't have an aeroplane
land on my head, would you?

Life is strange. All the same,

I really don't think... I mean,
look at poor Jo Richardson.

Shot her last scene,
walked out of that studio,

flew to the Seychelles,
went for a swim -

drowned or murdered, we still
don't know, and that was real life.

Yes, but this is a choice.

This story is
going to be chosen.

That's it, isn't it?
That's the point.

That's our job - to
sit up here and choose.

Death by gunshot? Death
by dog? Death by canal?

Death on her wedding day

when Maureen fell under
the wheels of a bus...

How unlucky was that?

..but that's what
we're paid to do. Hmm.

Yes, but you plan this
stuff in the boardroom,

with no idea what it's like
on the shop floor. Excuse me?

No, I'm not having that.

Charles Denton can recline
in his London club,

not me, I've done the hard work.

Left home when I was 14, ran
off with the circus, literally.

I lived with the family
of Coco the Clown,

and let me tell you, backstage
with clowns, that's savage!

I have seen it all, Nolly. Then,
why the fuck don't you care?!

I said I won't beg...

..but...

I don't want her to die.

It's not a real death.

But still... My
hands are tied.

Orders from above.

And the budget has been drawn
up for next year without you.

Oh, I'm not asking to stay.

I'll go. I've lost. I'm leaving.

You can write me out.

I accept that.

But...

I have been here for so long.

My mother died...
I came to work.

That boy...

played my son...

He was my son for 18 years.

He died, four months ago,
and then they do this to me.

So, I'm asking you, please...

..don't kill me.

Change the story.

Save my life.

But you're not dying.

This is Meg we're
talking about. Is it?

Back to work.

LIFT BELL DINGS

SHE SCREAMS

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