Original subtitles

J you're breakin' my heart you're tearin' apart.

J so fuck you j

j all I wanna do is have a good time now I'm blue j

j you wanna boogaloo run down to tramps

j have a dance or two ooh j

j you're breakin' my heart you're tearin' apart.

J but fuck you j

j you're breakin' my heart you're tearin' it apart ooh j

j you stepped on my ass you're breakin' my glasses too j

j you wanna drive my car buy a lot of stuff,

j I've had enough of you ooh j

j I'm goin' insane there's no one to blame j

j so fuck you j

"Her nipples now so erect they

"seemed to reach out for him.

"Then in one quick movement,

"the took her full inside his mouth.”

Listen to this.

Hey, guys, wait for me!

Hi, Sharon.

Hi, jan.

J well my baby and me went out late Saturday night j

j I had my hair piled high and my baby just looked so right j

j well pick you up at 10 gotta have you home by two j

j your mama don't know what I catched off of you j

j but that's all right

j 'cause we're looking as cool as can be [j

come on, hurry up.

We're gonna miss them!

They're gonna be dressed already.

Come on!

= "never had she wanted a man this much.

"Her longing swelled from deep inside her."

J well we found a little place j

j that really didn't look half bad 7

come on, bubba, I can't hold you forever!

J I had a whisky on the rocks

j and change of a dollar for the jukebox j

j well I put the cold rock into that can j

j but all they played was disco man j

come on, bubba, we can't hold you much longer!

J come on baby baby let's get out of here right away j

j we're gonna rock this town rock it inside out j

okay!

Ow!

Bubba!

J we're gonna rock this town make 'em scream and shout j

j let's rock rock rock man rock j

j we're gonna rock till we pop

j we're gonna rock till you drop j

j we're gonna rock this town rock it inside out j

Hey!

Oh, bubba.

Dang!

I got it!

I got one!

Ooh!

J well we're havin' a ball j

j just a-boppin" on the big dance floor j

j well there's a real square cat he looks a 1974 j

j; Well he looked at me once he looked at me twice j

= no!

That way!

Move it, chump. That way!

Move it, move it!

Come on, get over that way.

Move it, get over there.

"She felt as if she'd been pierced to

"the very soul by a bolt of lightning."

Betsy, listen to this.

"And then, just then, he raised himself up above her

"and plunged his fullness into her waiting..."

Can you believe this?

Hello, chrissie, darling!

Betsy.

Hi, Jordan.

Is anything wrong?

Wrong?

Not at all.

Come on!

I just can't get dressed for the big event

till my roommate finishes ironing my blouse!

Well, do you want to borrow something of mine?

You can't be serious.

I mean, that's very sweet of you, chrissie,

but I couldn't possibly.

Tell me, do you have any of that gaudy nail Polish?

I wanna do my toes.

J we're gonna rock this town rock it inside out j

j we're gonna rock this town make 'em scream and shout j

I just don't feel dressed till my toes are done.

What's this color called?

Naked pink.

J we're gonna rock this town rock it inside out j

j we're gonna rock this town rock it inside out j

look at her picture!

Hey, bubba, you all right?

Thanks for the nail Polish, chrissie.

Where you going?

The stables.

She's given us so much horseshit,

it's only fair we give some back.

Christine ramsay makes me sick.

If I have to spend one more night watching her

and Jim green slobber all over each other,

I think I'm gonna scream.

It sounds like maybe you're a little jealous.

Jealous?

I could have Jim in a minute!

That's some big horse.

Oh, god!

Excuse me.

Oh, gross, Betsy, that stinks!

Sure does!

You've got to let me light it.

You've got to let me light it.

Fire!

Fire!

J I heard you say no j

j when I put my arms around you j

j but your eyes said go j

j and I'm so glad I found you

j I heard you say no j

j when I put my arms around you j

this is embarrassing!

Just try this.

Here.

It's gonna be great.

Hi.

= come on.

Do you wanna dance?

Do you wanna dance?

No.

Do you wanna dance?

J your hand was shaking

j your mouth was sweet j

j your eyes said yes j

j I was yours for the taking j

j I heard you say no j

j when I put my arms around you j

j but your eyes said go j

j and I'm so glad I found you

j you say j

Good evening.

Really!

Uh, for those of you who do not know who I am,

I am the headmistress here at cherryvale,

prudence dutchbok.

Good old miss douchebag!

I would like to take this opportunity

to welcome some very special guests.

The outstanding ladies of the cherryvale building committee.

A round of applause.

Largely due to their generosity,

we will soon have our new wing.

I would also like to welcome our neighbors,

the young men from the freemount academy for men.

And now, all you boys and girls

have a grand and glorious time.

J when you smiled and hold out your hand

= would it be like that?

Like in that book, I mean?

Oh, no, of course not.

It wouldn't?

No, I mean, it would be.

It would be just exactly like the book.

Well, okay, then.

Maybe we should try it.

Really?

Do you really want to do it?

All right!

Shh!

J but I've just gotta try j

look, Chris, this isn't something you just jump into,

you know?

I mean, I wouldn't want you to do anything

you're not totally ready for or anything.

What do you mean?

Well, it's just that it's such a big step

and everything and...

I love you, Jim.

J just one touch j

I love you, too, Chris.

J and I'm lost inside your love

you're perfect, you know that?

J just one touch j

yeah, I guess I am.

J means more than words can say j

j just one touch and I know I'm gonna stay j

j for always j

j when you whisper your feelings inside j

I'm telling you, the closer he gets,

the bigger it gets!

J I'll always need you near me j

j and I just can't help wondering why

j; People have to live a lie j

j when you're the only thing that matters in my life j

j just one touch and I'm lost inside your love j

j just one touch means more than words can say j

j just one touch and I know I'm gonna stay j

j for always j

- Peter. - Holy shit.

= this is miss birdie fallmouth.

Hello, Peter.

= and next is Christian.

Miss fallmouth.

Aren't any of you young gentlemen going to stand up?

Your name?

Oh, I'm Roy, ma'am.

Hi, Roy.

And this is bubba beauregard.

Pleasure to meet you, ma'am.

She's such a nothing.

I absolutely don't understand what he sees in her.

I'd like to see you get a guy as good as Jim.

Why not Jim?

You couldn't!

He's in love with Chris.

Chris is no competition.

Tomorrow in riding class I begin my campaign.

Coach whelan, may I see you a moment?

I wonder if you would keep an eye on our girls

while I show the ladies the drawings of the new wing?

Certainly, miss dutchbok.

Good, good, good.

Ladies.

I think these drawings will take your breath away.

Young man!

Illegal use of the hands.

Right this way to my office, ladies.

Shh, shh, shh!

Hey, douchebag's office.

And the new wing.

Douchebag hall.

I have to warn you, I like a lot of

whatchamacallit?

Foreplay.

Is that enough?

I guess so.

And now, ladies, if you will.

Welcome to my office.

Come, please.

The marvelous renderings of the new wing,

which in your generosity and...

Good morning, girls, and attention.

This is miss dutchbok speaking.

I you can see her walking down on the city street

j the American girl j

j; She's got the passion in her eyes j

j; She's got the blush on her cheeks j

j the American girl j

ji love to watch her move j

j; Her body sways j

j; She whispers then she laughs j

j; Did you hear what she said

j I want to know if she's talking 'bout me j

j doing things her daddy can't see j

j the American girl out in the dark

j she's looking for love oh oh j

j the American girl she breaks hearts

j but that's not enough j

j; She's such a mystery to me j

J love is full of intrigue and full of bogart mystique j

j the American girl j

j; She's got the promise in the night

j the romance in the back seat j

j the American girl j

j I love to watch her move her body sways j

j; She whispers then she laughs j

j; Did you hear what she said

j I want to know if she's talking 'bout me j

j doing things that daddy can't see j

j the American girl out in the dark

j she's looking for love oh oh j

j the American girl she breaks hearts

j but that's not enough j

j; She's such a mystery to me j

good afternoon, class.

I know how much you've been looking forward

to today's lessons of the mechanics of sexual intercourse.

Too many people are embarrassed or ashamed

about the very natural act of sexual intercourse.

Come right in.

Uh, go right ahead with your class, miss copuletta.

We'll just stand here for a tiny moment.

Yes, of course, miss dutchbok.

Thank you.

Now then, during sexual intercourse,

the male undergoes certain biological changes

which cause his organ to become erect.

Now, after a short length of time,

the male organ releases its fertile cargo...

Thank you very much, miss copuletta.

That was very stimulating.

Come, ladies, let's go to lunch.

We have a lovely lunch in the cafeteria!

We're having chicken!

Miss copuletta?

Uh, which do you think is the most important in a penis,

length or width?

Well, I don't think that we have the time

to get into that today.

I mean, we don't have the time today to talk about that.

Now, we are going to see a short film called

the tadpole and his community.

Rita, take care of the blinds, please.

Hello, hotel d'amour?

Uh, I'd like to make a weekend, please.

I mean, I'd like to reserve a reservation

for a weekend in your hotel a week from Friday.

It's Mrs. Christine rams uh, Jones.

No, not rams-Jones, just Jones.

What if they want to see your driver's license

or something?

Uh, listen, it seems that I was wrong about the name.

It's not Jones, it's...

Should I use my name or his?

Youfrss.

Ramsay. Mrs. Christine...

His, use his!

Green!

Uh, ramsay is my married name and

green is my professional name.

Jones was my mother's maiden name.

But, I'm a graphic designer and I really am married,

so that's pretty much my story.

Goodbye.

How was 1?

= terrific.

Out there, you see.

J you see me standing in the shadows j

j but you act like it just doesn't matter

j I see you walking down the street j

j you make my heart skip a beat'

j with just a look just a touch

j I never wanted anything so much

j how do I let you know j

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

J I would do anything you asked me to

j how do I let you know j

j I want to give you my loving forever j

I made the reservation at the hotel d'amour.

The weekend after next.

It's where my parents stayed on their honeymoon.

God, this is gonna be wonderful.

So perfect.

Don't you think?

Don't you?

= of course I do.

Why do you say that?

It just seemed like you were beginning to

me? Doubts?

What, are you kidding me?

Well, that's good.

At least one of us won't be nervous.

= nervous”?

What's there to be nervous about?

J I'll do anything you ask me to j

j how do I let you know j

j I just want to give my love to you j

j how do I let you know j

j all the boys say they need me j

= oh.

Oh, no!

Oh!

Jordan, dear.

J all I need is you/

j I need you!

J how do I let you know j

j I'll give you my love if you ask me to j

j how do I let you know j

surprise!

Yeehaw!

Wool

yeah, go get her, bubba!

J how do I let you know j

j that late at night I'll be good to you

j how do I let you know j

j there's nothing in the world I wouldn't do

j how do I let you know j

that's the finest example of bareback riding

I've ever seen.

J I'd do anything you want me to j

j how do I let you know j

j can't you see I just want to make love to you j

j how do I let you know j

- I'll get them. - I'll get them.

No, really, I'll go in and buy them.

Ah, but up till now you've done everything.

Now it's my turn, all right?

Okay.

I suppose I'd say,

"I'd just like to buy some condoms?”

Well, be a little bit more sophisticated.

Sophisticated?

Sophisticated?

Woo!

Yep, it is fabulous.

It's called fountain of truth

and you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm just gonna do one half of your face

so you can see the incredible difference.

It just relaxes those years right off your face.

Now, let that dry for a few minutes

and I'll be right with you, okay?

Hello there, young fella!

What can I do you for today?

I'd like to buy some prophylactic devices.

= now that is what I like to hear.

You know what they say, "an ounce of prevention.”

You know, most young people today

are too careless about their bodies.

Well, what type of prophylaxis did you have in mind?

What type?

Well, yeah, we have the ones with a little rubber tip

for getting in the hard-to-reach areas

and we have the stimulators

and we have my personal favorite,

which possesses marvelous prophylactic qualities.

All you do is insert the tip of a toothpick into the end

and she's ready to work for you.

Yep.

And, of course, we also carry the full line of flosses

and picks and the bristle brushes

in the various degrees of stiffness.

Did your dentist recommend anything in particular?

My dentist?

Yep, your dentist.

Did you get them?

What the hell is this stuff?

He, uh, he misunderstood me

and it was too much trouble to...

= I'll do it.

Absolutely magnificent.

And you can really feel it working, can't you?

= mm=-hmm.

You know what?

Let's let this little bit in here dry a little bit more

and I'll be with you in two seconds.

Well, hello, young lady.

What can I help you with today?

I'd like to buy some condoms.

Yeah.

Well, let's see.

We have these on sale this week.

This is three dozen for 5.99.

= I'll take them.

However, I don't know if I'd trust them.

They've been on the shelf for quite some time.

Now, we have this new product here.

These are multicolored and ribbed.

Oh, that would be just fine.

No, I don't think so.

I don't think you want anything that tawdry, do you?

No, no.

Or do you?

No. = no.

No, what you want is something really reliable, huh?

Yeah.

Yep.

Well, I have sold literally miles and miles of these

and I've never had any complaints.

Now, does he like them pre-lubricated?

Your husband.

These are for your husband, aren't they?

Yes, for my husband!

They're definitely for my husband

and we're both definitely married!

= mm=-hmm.

And does he like them pre-lubricated, then?

Yeah, uh...

I'll take them!

Get this stuff off my face!

Miss dutchbok!

Good afternoon, miss dutchbok.

Good afternoon, Christine.

Uh, you probably wonder what I'm doing here...

I don't really care!

Buying these various things for my father.

Actually they're not for my father, they're uh, for um...

= fine!

But don't you have homework to do back at school, Christine?

Yes, I do!

I do have lots of homework

and I'll just be paying for these vitamins here

and going on my way.

Thank you.

You know, green really is your color.

Hey, did you win one yet?

So you're finally gonna get into Chris' pants.

I can't believe it!

Hey, scumbag, don't talk about Chris like that.

Oh, our James doesn't approve of your vocabulary,

do you, James?

No, he's right, Roy.

I'm sorry, Jim.

Perhaps I should've said, giving her a hot beef injection?

You guys are animals!

Get out of here!

Hey, big boy.

Think you're man enough to score with me?

Damn right!

Hey, guys!

I have to be in bed early tonight!

Don't worry, honey, you will be.

Oh, don't touch me there!

It's not fair!

Hey, Jim, I'm doing better than you!

Ohl,

oh, ves, yes!

= t did it!

I scored!

I got into her pants!

Yeah, and that's about as close

as you're ever gonna get to nookie.

Hey, Mr. big, I thought you were gonna call chrissie.

You wouldn't want her to cancel her de-virginization,

would you?

Well, I'm sure not gonna call her in front of you nerds.

Oh, why not?

Is jimsie-wimsy afraid to talk his baby talk

in front of roysy-woysy and bubba-wubba?

I'm not afraid to do anything.

He's afraid.

= mm=-hmm.

Get off it!

Well, if you're not afraid, then call.

Go ahead.

Hey, here's a dime.

There's the phone.

Call!

Five bucks says you're chicken.

Do you have five bucks?

= go on.

Well, go on, chicken.

You guys make one sound,

I'm gonna hang up and beat the shit out of both of you.

Hello?

Uh, Chris?

Hi.

- Hi! - Hil

hi, Jim, what are you doing?

You know, hanging out.

Hanging out.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just sitting around.

I've been thinking about you.

I've been thinking about you, too.

You have?

What have you been thinking?

Oh, this is great.

I gotta take some of this down so I can use it for myself.

I've been thinking a lot about our weekend.

- Oh! - Oh, our weekend!

You have?

What have you been thinking about it?

Well, lots of stuff, you know.

Like how much fun it's gonna be.

What else?

How great it'll be.

Mm-hmm, and what else?

Well, lots of stuff like that.

Do you still love me?

Sure.

Well, then, let me hear you say it.

No, not right now.

Why not?

Because.

Come on, let me hear you say it.

No.

Why not?

Because!

Because you're afraid to let anybody hear you.

No, that's not true.

Then say it.

All right.

I love you.

And I love you, too, jimbo.

What happened?

= Jordan was on the extension!

Those scumbags!

I love you.

I love you.

Hey, big boy.

Think you're man enough to score with me?

=I am if bubba is.

Oops, sorry!

Tonight I have to wash my hair.

What?

Oh, Jim!

Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

With Jim, I mean.

I guess I'm kinda scared.

Bets, have you ever really done it?

All the way?

Well, yes and no.

What do you mean, "yes and no?"

Don't you know?

Bubba says we did it once

and that it was very good for both of us.

But I was passed out.

I don't remember a thing.

Well, it's not gonna be like that for me.

What else does bubba say?

He says that I had three orgasms,

that I begged him for mercy

and that I said I've never seen a man so well endowed.

Well, is he?

Is he what?

Is he well endowed?

I don't really know.

I mean, not firsthand.

Just from what bubba tells me.

Jordan thinks that length is most important.

What do you think?

= t think width.

Why width?

Because Jordan thinks length.

All right, girls, let's get a move on.

We're gonna be late for practice.

Who slammed?

Hey, Jordan, how's it going?

Who slammed?

Cut it out with the slamming!

Hut!

Only a floater, Jim.

We go deep, make a play.

Okay, all right!

Okay, let's see it!

All right!

First we're gonna give them cheer number 69.

"Rickety rackety."”

all right, girls?

All right!

What's so funny?

Keep your eye on the coach and Rita.

Why?

Oh, I think we might be seeing a little more of them.

Okay!

Rickety rackety shanty town

who's gonna keep those trojans down?

Nobody, nobody, nobody!

Oh, look!

Oh, bet!

= this is it.

This is the last straw.

I don't know which of you is responsible

for this shocking debacle!

And I don't care!

You're all confined to campus for the next week!

But we...

Silence!

If you don't deserve punishment,

I'm sure each of you will think of something

you have done to deserve it in the past.

Dismissed!

But miss dutchbok, I didn't do anything...

Now, now, how, how, now, now, now, Jordan, dear,

I'm doing this for your own good.

You'll thank me for it in future years.

Run along, dear.

= ah!

Oh, coach whelan, pull yourself together.

Oh, dear!

Here, drink this, it'll do you good.

Oh, no.

I couldn't possibly.

I don't drink.

= mm.

Alcohol is poison to the body.

Oh, don't be silly.

Consumed in moderation, alcohol is perfectly harmless.

Watch.

Mm!

There you are, dear.

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

See?

I'll be back soon, Bertha,

but you stay here as long as you like.

Very soon I will forget all about this morning.

Thank you, miss dutchbok.

By tomorrow we'll have forgotten

all of this.

= mm!

Hey, where'd you get all this stuff, anyway?

My brother jd left it to me when he graduated.

Your brother?

Get up!

If we get caught, we're gonna get expelled.

I don't want to get expelled.

Look, you only go around once in life

and you gotta grab for all the nookie you can get.

Hey, guys.

J that's right pleased to meet you

j I still won't tell you my name j

smile!

J don't you believe in mystery j

j don't you want to play my game j

it's embarrassing!

The girl's desperate.

She's got the bathroom packed with all these

smelly and large, ugh!

And she does enough pushups to make you...

Look, I've got to get a new roommate.

I think Betsy's room is over here, darling.

J don't you want to come with me j

j do you think I'm a nasty girl j

j tonight I'm livin' in a fantasy j

j my own little nasty world

j tonight don't you want to come with me j

j do you think I'm a nasty girl j

j I guess I'm just used to sailors j

j; They got water on the brain j

j I think they got more water upstairs j

j than they got sugar on a candy cane j

hi!

Sugar!

Uh, I don't believe we've met.

I'm Jordan Leigh-Jensen.

Oh, we're unknown visitors here.

My older sister's Christine ramsay.

Mine's Betsy newhouse.

Yes, there is a family resemblance.

Well, your sister's room is right in here.

J tonight don't you want to come with me j

bubba!

J do you think I'm a nasty girl j

but my sister!

Your sister's at the library.

She'll be back any minute.

Bubba!

What are you doing here?

But my sister!

Make yourself at home.

Can I get you anything?

No.

Really, I don't want to be any bother.

Oh, don't be silly.

J do you think I'm a nasty girl j

you're no bother.

J tonight don't you want to come with me j

j do you think I'm a nasty girl j

oh, excuse me!

Miss!

Miss!

Miss!

You know, I was so overheated.

These workouts really do me in.

J do you think I'm a nasty girl j

mm!

J nasty girl do you think I'm a nasty girl j

ah!

Ooh!

J do you think I'm a nasty girl j

j; Nasty girl nasty girl j

j do you think I'm a nasty girl j

ooh!

Mm!

Want some?

Mm!

I ah!

Ah, mm-mm!

Well, I am feeling a little warm myself.

Oh, I'll take care of that.

J that's right pleased to meet you

j I still won't tell you my name j

j don't you believe in mystery j

j don't you want to play my game j

j I'm looking for a man to love me j

j like I've never been loved before j

you know,

vou seem like the kind of girl

that's had some experience with men.

Tell me.

= oh!

Can you see any reason why men wouldn't like my legs?

J tonight I'm livin' in a fantasy j

j my own little nasty world

= uh-uh.

Well, what's wrong with me, then?

Why don't men go for me?

= uh...

Feel my calf.

Go ahead, feel it.

Go ahead, feel it.

J that's right it's been a long time j

well, what do you think?

Tight as a drum, right?

J if you ain't scared take it out

no cellulite in the upper thighs, right?

Uh.

None that I can see, no.

What is it, then?

Why am I so unattractive to men?

I know! My breasts!

Would you call these breasts firm?

Or do you think they're saggy?

Firm.

Definitely firm.

Are you sure?

Are you really sure?

Oh!

Why don't you feel them?

J tonight I'm livin' in a fantasy j

is something wrong?

Wrong?

Oh, no.

It's just that it's so hot in here.

Yeah, we have that problem with the heat all the time.

Let me see if I can make it a little cooler for you.

J; Please please

j; Please please

j; Nasty girl nasty girl j

j do you think I'm a nasty girl j

George Washington.

So, what are we talking about?

Good.

Excuse me, I don't suppose that you'd...

I didn't think so.

I'm just not in the mood right now, bubba.

= not in the mood?

You're not in the mood?

I risked my life sneaking in to see you

and you're not in the mood?

Okay, okay.

But just remember, I like a lot of

foreplay.

Great.

Great!

Go ahead and start without me.

Where you going?

Uh, where am I going?

I'm going to the bathroom, of course,

to have a smoke.

Um...

In Europe, they smoke before instead of after.

It's the latest thing.

Oh, I got a cramp!

Help!

Help!

Ooh, ooh, help, help!

Oh, be a doll, will you?

Grab that bottle of love oil.

Bubba?

You sleazebag!

= oh!

Oh, oh, hi there, Betsy.

Uh, I was just uh...

Yeah, I know that you were just, you pervert!

= ah!

Oh.

Ooh!

Ooh, ah!

Oh, that feels so much better.

There's just one spot that's still a little tight.

Here?

Down just a little.

Here?

Mm, lower.

Here?

Mm, lower.

Here?

Mm.

Oh, my...

Whoa!

That's perfect.

Ooh!

Ah!

Let me turn over now so you can do the other side.

= no!

Jordan, I don't think I can do that!

Oh, how thoughtless of Mel!

Your hands must be tired.

That's all right.

I know, I'll massage you!

No, no, Jordan!

Yes.

Please!

I have to tell you something.

Yes?

I'm not really a girl.

Jordan!

Jordan, please, don't scream!

I never meant for this to happen!

Jim, is that you?

How could you deceive me?

You snuck into my room and took advantage of me!

You tricked me into taking my clothes off

just so you could see me naked!

Chris!

What's going on in here?

T don't know.

I wonder what he was doing in there.

J I know a guy who's tough but sweet

j he's so fine he can't be beat j

j he's got everything that I desire

j sets the summer sun on fire j

j I want candy

j I want candy

I going to see him when the sun goes down j

j ain't no finer boy in town j

j you're my guy you're what the doctor ordered

j; So sweet you make my mouth water j

j I want candy

j I want candy

j yeah j

on a scale of one to 10?

Yeah.

=111

What happened?

It was just unbelievable!

Yeah, yeah, tell me, tell me!

J candy on the beach there's nothing better

j but I like candy when it's wrapped in a sweater j

j someday soon I'll make you mine j

j then I'll have candy all the time j

j I want candy

j I want candy

j I want candy

j I want candy

j hey j

j hey j

j hey j

come on!

Aw, he must be an 11, right?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Would you go out with him again?

Two 11s, unbelievable!

Miss douchebag, get rid of it!

Oh, good evening, girls!

Good evening, ma'am.

Oh, there's nothing as fine as a sauna before bedtime.

Oh, god!

So good for the respiratory system, don't you find?

Mm-hmm. = yes!

Oh yes!

Highly good for the lungs.

If I don't get out of here soon,

I'm gonna end up the size of a prune.

Ah!

J who's that I see walking in these woods »

j why it's little red riding hood

j; Hey there little red riding hood j

j you sure are looking good j

j you're everything a big bad wolf could want j

coach!

I'm okay.

- Listen... - Perfectly okay.

Let me help you.

= oh!

I got enough help from you this afternoon

to last me a lifetime.

Coach!

Let me take you to my room, all right?

You can sleep it off.

J what big eyes you have j

okay, here we are.

Is this my room?

Yep, come on.

J so just to see that you don't get chased

I I think I ought to walk with you for a ways j

j what full lips you have j

j; They're sure to lure someone bad j

j; So until you get to grandma's place j

j I think you ought to walk with me and be safe

j I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on j

j until I'm sure that you've been shown

oh, miss?

Miss!

Excuse Mel!

Pardon me”?

Betsy?

Betsy, I'm sorry.

I was an animal.

Do you forgive me or what?

Oh, I get it.

The old silent treatment, huh?

Well, let me see how we can fix that.

Hmm?

J; The better to love you with j

j little red riding hood j

oh, yeah.

Oh!

J when you smile and hold out your hand j

j it's the only thing that's real in my life j;

j and I can't stand tears in your eyes j

j after all that we've been through and sacrificed »

j and I know it's late j

j but I've just got to try j

j to make you realize

j you're the only thing that matters in my life j

j just one touch and I'm lost inside your love j

j just one touch means more than words can say j

j just one touch and I know I'm gonna stay j

j for always j

J when you whisper your feelings inside j

j I know I'll always need you near me j

j and I just can't help wondering why

j; People have to live a lie j

j when you're the only thing that matters in my life j

j just one touch and I'm lost inside your love j

j just one touch means more than words can say j

j just one touch and I know I'm gonna stay j

j for always j

hey Jim, where's the old pizzazz?

Huh?

The old pizzazz!

Where's the old pizzazz?

Oh, yeah.

Ah, come on, you've got the hottest girl here

chasing after you and you're depressed?

Why don't you just forget dumb old Chris

and give Jordan a chance?

I don't ever wanna hear you say

anything bad about Chris again!

Okay, okay.

What's wrong with him?

I don't know, something about Chris.

Why, Jim!

I didn't expect to see you here today.

How you doing, son?

Well, not too good, actually, Mr. ramsay.

It's Chris.

We had a misunderstanding.

It's all my fault, but Chris won't even talk to me now.

= well, Chris has a mind of her own, you know that.

But I'll put in a good word for you, if you like.

Thanks a lot, Mr. ramsay.

Thank you very much.

Good morning,

we're delighted to welcome you to parents day at cherryvale.

Refreshments are now being served at the pool,

and a full schedule of activities

has been planned for your enjoyment.

Here you go, daddy.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Mm, give me another one of these, would you?

Are you sure?

Okay.

= oh!

I don't have to tell you, coach whelan,

how vital today's parents day is

to the economic future of cherryvale.

Yes, miss dutchbok, that's right.

= oh!

Which reminds me, dear, excuse me.

Uh, Jordan.

Jordan, dear.

Yes, miss dutchbok?

I'm so eager to meet your father,

but it is getting rather late, dear.

= late?

Miss dutchbok, my father is always late.

My father likes to be late so he can make an entrance.

Aha.

Well, if he doesn't arrive soon, I'll just run up

to the parking area to make sure he hasn't lost his way.

Whatever you say.

You look so nice, dear.

She's not gonna like me.

I know it!

Nonsense.

Jordan loves all her new mommies and you're no exception.

Come on, what does little Bambi-wambi

say to the great big growly bear?

I wuv you!

= mm-hmm!

No more baby talk!

Chauncey is watching.

Chauncey, drive!

Stand aside, young man!

Make way!

Make way!

Dad, you remember my roommate, Jordan?

Very pleased to see you again, Mr. flugel.

= Jordan!

Little Jordan!

You and Rita have been so close,

I just feel like a second daddy to you.

Yes, ma'am, you just think of yourself

as frank flugel's little girl anytime.

Isn't that right, Rita?

= oh!

Stop, Mr. flugel!

Oh, what's going on here?

I'm giving bubba another chance.

After what he did?

What the hell?

Maybe you should give Jim a break, too.

Come on, you didn't give up those hotel reservations,

did you?

See, look at it this way.

I'm gonna forgive bubba.

Compared to bubba, Jim's a Saint.

Compared to bubba, anybody's a Saint.

Nice driving, chauncey.

Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, sir.

Come on, check it out!

I got dubs.

Make way, gentlemen, please!

We won't be needing any assistance this afternoon!

Get out of the way!

Let me get it!

Don't touch the car, please.

Right.

Jordan.

Daddy!

You are as beautiful as ever!

Oh, I uh, I want you to meet Bambi, your new stepmother.

How do you do?

What happened to the last one,

Mrs. Lawrence Leigh-Jensen number seven?

Now, now, Jordan, let's not behave like a cross child.

We're all here to have fun.

We want to meet all your friends.

Oh, where is that lovely miss dutchbok

whom I've been corresponding with, hmm?

Mm! Have a little cherry tomato.

= mm!

Yeah, good.

Mm!

Hey, sweetheart!

What class are you in?

I'm not in any class, I'm a teacher here.

Oh, so what do you teach?

Sex education.

What?

Sex education.

Sex education?

That's my favorite subject!

All right.

Here, right here, right here.

Here you go.

Here you go.

Well, back, back, back, back, I'll handle this now.

My dear, I need to give you a little help here.

Back up, back up.

= mm!

= hmm?

= mm!

I think she's gonna be all right.

I guess we should talk.

Nothing happened between me and Jordan.

I love you.

Hello!

Hello!

Yoohoo!

Hoo-hoo!

Yoohoo!

Welcome.

Welcome to cherryvale.

I'm miss prudence dutchbok.

= charmed.

= oh!

And I've already guessed who you are.

Oh, ves, Jordan speaks of you ceaselessly.

She's so proud of her father.

= oh.

And your kind letters and continued support of cherryvale.

I think you're a remarkable man.

Mademoiselle, you are far too kind.

Oh, I hope you'll allow me to give you

a personal tour of the school!

Well, I can think of nothing that I would like better.

Oh, I know you're interested in seeing

the site for the new wing.

Uh, unfortunately, we, it's been difficult

raising funds for the construction beginning, but...

Well, now, let's not go another step further.

Oh, dear, I seem to have left my checkbook in the car.

Would you mind accompanying me back to the car,

miss dutchbok?

= oh!

Oh, I'd love it, and please call me prudence.

Very well, prudence.

= oh!

Oh!

I don't want to take up too much

of your time, Mr. Leigh-Jensen.

May I call you Mr. Leigh-Jensen?

If you wish.

I'm sure Jordan will be anxious to see you.

She's probably wondering where you are.

Don't worry.

No one is gonna find us in here.

Try this.

Oh!

Oh, oh!

What are you doing?

Does it displease you?

Dutchbok?

It doesn't displease me that much.

But do you suppose while you're doing that,

my darling, you could write that check?

Well, of course I could, darling.

Here, here, let me help you with these buttons.

These buttons?

Yes, they're so binding.

I wouldn't want anything to bind you.

I'll take care of the buttons,

vou take care of the check.

As you wish, dearest.

Damn!

What is it?

I've dropped my pen.

Oh, I'll get it.

Oh!

Ooh!

Forgive me, prudence.

A rash impulse.

I couldn't resist.

No need to apologize.

The check, dearest?

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

Damn!

The pen?

I've dropped the check.

Well, let me.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, oh, stop that!

Ooh, ah!

Stop!

Don't!

Stop!

Stop!

Don't!

Oh, my god, use both hands!

But I need one to write the check.

Oh, forget the goddamn check!

Use both hands!

Do you like it like this?

Oh, yes!

Yes!

Don't be so gentle!

Well, then how about this?

Oh! Ah!

Yes! Yes!

And this?

Yes!

Yes, yes!

Hey, wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute.

Something strange is happening here.

There's nothing strange about two people

trying to give each other pleasure,

no matter how bizarre the means.

I know.

And by the way, if you're turned on

to rubber garments, I happen to have...

Oh, shut up, you fool!

Our voices!

It's almost as if they're amplified!

You get off of him!

What are you doing?

Oh, you, miserable...

You, you bit me!

I didn't like you at first and

I don't like you any better now!

Stop!

Let me go!

Get off me!

You bad, bad, bad boy!

Let me out!

Uh-oh!

What do you want me to do?

I don't care!

What do you want me to do?

You can't do a damn thing!

What do you want me to do?

Never, never, never, never, never!

Let the boy go!

1 never liked you, either!

Will you please stop?

Holy shit!

Whose car is this?

= oh!

Hey, bubba!

Bubba?

Home, take me home!

Was that my car?

What did I do?

I nearly died!

What did I do?

You hit the emergency brake!

Get your paws off my derriere!

Mama said there would be men like you!

Hey, hey!

Hey.

How's it going?

It's going.

Okay, you two, have a really great time.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Right.

Blow in her ear.

It really gets broads hot.

Thanks for the advice, bubba.

= pinch her boobs.

It'll drive her crazy.

Great.

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Hey.

Bye.

Okay, read me the current spread.

Let's see.

All right.

The odds against you getting her into the dorm

are two to one.

Now, if you do get her there,

the odds against you getting any of her clothes off

are four to one.

It's seven to one against you getting her top off.

Piece of cake, Roy, piece of cake.

But it's nine to one against you getting

any actual bare tit!

It's 12 to one against you getting down to her panties.

And 15 to one against you getting her mother-ass naked.

22 to one against you scoring in any way, shape or form!

Yeehaw!

I'm gonna be rich!

Hello, can I speak to Jordan Leigh-Jensen, please?

Hello, Jordan?

This is bubba.

Nice place.

Oh, yeah, nice.

How long ago did you say your parents stayed here?

Uh, 23 years ago, on their honeymoon.

May I help you?

I'm the graphic designer.

Excuse me”?

I called you on the phone.

I made a reservation on the phone.

Do you remember?

And what name did you give?

Well, what name do you have?

Excuse me”?

What I believe my wife is trying to say

is that she telephoned about a week ago.

The name is green.

Green, green.

No, no, I'm afraid I have no Mr. Green.

It might be under ramsay.

Ramsay, ramsay, ramsay.

Or possibly Jones.

Jones, Jones, ah, yes, here we are.

Mr. and Mrs. rams-Jones.

The honeymoon suite.

There's late night entertainment in our piano bar.

Of course, you have your world famous sunsets

on the d'amour beach.

And for a slight additional charge, the jacuzzi

and the tennis courts.

Well, here we are.

Is this the honeymoon suite?

They're all honeymoon suites

since the remodeling.

And I hope that you have a pleasant stay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh!

Thank you.

Thank you very much, sir.

You could tape them together.

Well!

So, what do you think?

= it's nice.

It's very nice.

I wonder if this is anything like

when mom and dad stayed here.

Wow, look at this.

Hey, pretty fancy, huh?

This tub looks like it could hold both of us.

I mean, if we wanted it to.

Look at this view.

Yeah.

Someone's at the door.

So what?

Uh, relax, will you?

Who's there?

Some complimentary pink champagne, Mr. rams-Jones.

Hey, thank you.

Well, okay!

Okay, enjoy it.

Thank you.

Wow, complimentary champagne.

This must've cost a mint.

Uh-oh.

What's wrong?

Well, there aren't any glasses.

Well, we can drink out of the

plastic ones in the bathroom.

Nah, don't be silly.

I'll call room service.

I'm dying to give that guy a tip again.

J; Best years of our lives

is that her?

Wool

= t can't believe it!

You actually got her here.

What'd I tell you, numb-nuts?

Okay, I got another 10 bucks says you get her top off,

but no bare tit.

You're on.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

How are we supposed to know how far you get, huh?

Yeah, you don't expect us to take his word for it, do you?

Good as gold.

The man's word is as good as gold.

Trust me.

Oh, trust him!

Bubba's told the truth every time!

Hold it!

I'll tell you what, you get in the closet with Roy,

the rest of you assholes, out.

Hey, how come he gets to watch and not us?

Are you in on this with bubba and Roy?

Sam, every time we...

Hold up here!

I don't give a rat's ass which one of you

is in the closet with Roy,

but I want the rest of you out of here

by the time I get back with Jordan.

All right, gentlemen, last call, here we go!

Four to one clothes off.

Seven to one top off.

12 to one panties down.

22 to one score city.

Who's in?

10 more down on panties!

= don't even mention it.

I'd do anything for that guy.

But I'll tell you, Jordan,

if he weren't my best buddy,

I'd have to put the oid moves on you myself.

But what about Betsy?

Betsy?

Betsy's an amusing girl,

but she and I are just good friends.

I got you both down.

J makes me wanna dance oh j;

j it's a new romance j

well, that's Jim's side.

I'm over here.

J I look into your eyes

what do you think, huh?

Marvelous.

Oh, surely you didn't do all this yourself?

Well, I guess some of the guys in the dorm helped out.

So, how's about a drink?

When's Jim gonna get here?

Any minute.

Any minute.

Uh, you just make yourself comfortable.

Take off your shoes!

Or any other tight, binding articles of clothing.

And I'll mix you that drink.

J 'cause deep down inside all I wanted was you j

j oh makes me wanna dance j

ow!

What's wrong?

Wrong?

Nothing!

Nothing.

You'll have to excuse me, Jordan.

It's just I'm not used to receiving female visitors

in my room.

And I must be a tad nervous.

Nervous, bubba, you of all people?

It's just that, well...

Being here alone with you in this room...

I feel that

my loyalty to Jim might be, well,

compromised.

Compromised?

Yeah.

It isn't perfect.

It just isn't.

And I'm not feeling romantic like I thought I would.

You're not?

Well, what are you feeling?

= nauseous.

Well, this is just what I needed.

What?

Nothing.

No, what was it you said?

Nothing.

Listen, I'm sorry you're not feeling romantic, Chris.

I'm feeling romantic.

You are?

Absolutely.

I mean, look at this place.

It's the most romantic place I've ever seen.

Like this bed.

Have you ever slept in a vibrating bed before?

No, but vibrating beds...

Have you ever had pink champagne and a red fur rug

and a knight in shining armor standing by your bed?

No.

Well, all right.

So here we are in the most romantic place in the world

and here you are with the most romantic guy in the world.

Take me.

Take me and do with me what you will.

Ravage me.

Are you feeling romantic now, my darling?

What I'm feeling is drunk and scared.

And like I'm gonna toss my cookies any second.

Damn!

And after our summer, she begged me to stay, but...

Ar.

That was Paris.

Look, bubba, I'm getting really sick of waiting

for your friend.

Jordan, just a little longer.

For Jim's sake.

Come on, this is ridiculous.

I'm g o n na g o 1

wait!

Wait!

Now, Jim bought a bottle of vintage champagne

just for tonight.

He'd never forgive me if I let you go

without at least trying some.

Please?

Voila!

Red champagne?

The finest money can buy.

Just wait till you try this stuff.

Whoa!

Oh, I'm...

Look what you've done!

My clothes are ruined!

Take them off!

All of them!

Take them off and soak them.

I'll get you a towel.

God!

Oh!

No.

= aha! Got one!

Give me that!

Do you have any soda water?

Soda water?

= to take the stains out!

I'll go see if we have any.

So tell me, Jordan, would you like to dance?

J uh-huh j

j uh-huh j

j uh-huh j

j uh-huh j

oh, Betsy!

What a great surprise.

I was just thinking about you.

Yeah, I'm sure!

What in the world is going...

J uh-huh j

I suppose you two know each other?

What the hell are you doing here?

I came here to meet Jim, if it's any of your business.

Is that right?

Shh!

You expected Jim to leave Chris at the hotel d'amour?

Shh, shh!

No! - Hotel d'amour?

That's right.

They left hours ago.

No.

= Jim is at the hotel d'amour with Chris?

J uh-huh j

I can't believe this!

I spent all night in this pigsty with you,

drinking after-shave Cologne!

J da dada. J

listening to your boring stories

about what a big lover you are!

J da dada. J

where are my clothes?

Oh!

Your clothes?

J da dada. J

j da dada. J

where are my clothes?

How am I gonna go out like this?

J da da da I don't love you you don't love me j

j da dada. J

whoa!

Don't!

Oh!

Oh!

Now, come on, girls.

Can't you take a joke?

I mean, come on, it's funny!

Oh!

J da da da I don't love you you don't love me j

j da da da I don't love you you don't love me j

all right, come on!

- 15 to one. - I'm 10 to one!

All right, Sam!

Hi, there.

I couldn't find you.

I got worried.

I behaved like a real jerk.

So did I.

I love you, Chris.

T know.

I love you, too.

I guess this just wasn't it.

Wasn't what?

The right time, the right place, the right anything.

I tried so hard to pretend that it was.

It just wasn't.

I just, I don't know, like, too...

Tacky?

God, I'm glad you said that.

I was afraid that you liked it.

Really?

I was afraid you liked it!

I never could love anybody more than I love you, Chris.

Oh, Jim.

J just one touch and I'm lost inside your love j

j just one touch means more than words can say j

j just one touch and I know I'm gonna stay j

j for always j

j just one touch j

J just one touch and I'm lost inside your love j

j just one touch means more than words can say j

j just one touch and I know I'm gonna stay j

j for always j

j oh just one touch and I'm lost inside your love j

j just one touch means more than words can say j

j just one touch and I know I'm gonna stay j

j for always j

j; Always j

I can't believe you made me late to my own graduation!

Now, Jordan, your father doesn't get married every day.

Just about every other day.

Yes, miss copuletta.

I mean, mother.

Chauncey, stay with the car this time.

But, of course, Mr. Leigh-Jensen.

I always stay close to the car.

Parents, faculty, honored guests.

Welcome to the 86th commencement exercises

of cherryvale academy.

Well, the year is finally at an end.

It has been a long, hard struggle,

but, girls, we've pulled together,

and now you have finally completed your studies.

I see your teachers aglow with the satisfaction

of a job well done.

1 see...

1 see...

Never!

Your parents, secure in the knowledge

that their daughters have received the very best.

And, you graduates, I see your joy.

The justifiable pride in your accomplishments.

The excitement as you go forward into your futures.

You've blossomed from awkward adolescence

into the full bloom of young womanhood.

But with this joy comes a tug at the throat.

A tiny sorrow.

A tender nostalgia.

Look out!

Hey, watch it, mack.

I can remember my own days

here as a student.

And certainly, a day like today

comes a wide array of varied emotions.

In future years, you'll reflect upon your years here

and remember them, I am certain,

as the happiest time of your life.

What of my own feelings?

Well, we have had our ups and downs,

but I shall miss your shining faces,

even as you go forth to fulfill your bright promise.

And now I shall yield the floor to miss newhouse,

who, for reasons I don't pretend to understand,

has been elected to make

the farewell remarks on behalf of the graduates.

Sunny days?

Sunny days.

Thank you, miss dutchbok.

On behalf of the entire graduating class,

I'd like to thank you for all you've done for us.

No, you won't be seeing our shining faces anymore.

Here's something you can always remember us by.

Ready, girls?

Graduation, cherryvale!

You won't forget us soon!

Sunny days ahead of us!

We leave behind this moon!

Way to go!

Woo!

Wool

J you see me standing in the shadows j

j but you act like it just doesn't matter

j I see you walking down the street j

j you make my heart skip a beat'

j just a look just a touch j

j I never wanted anything so much

j how do I let you know j

j I'd do anything you asked me to j

j how do I let you know j

j I wanna give you my loving forever for two

j how do I let you know j

j late at night with the radio on'

j I sit there waiting by the telephone

j I'm pleasing you in my dreams

j I want you so bad I could scream j

I feel the fever feel the fire j

j I'm burning up with such desire j

j how do I let you know j

j I'll do anything you ask me to j

j how do I let you know j

j I just want to feel my love with you j

j how do I let you know j

j all the boys say they need me j

j but they don't have what I need j

j all I need is you/

j I need you!

J how do I let you know j

j I'll give you my love if you ask me to j

j how do I let you know j

j I just want to make sweet love to you

j how do I let you know j

j how do I let you know j

j that late at night I'd be good to you

j how do I let you know j

j there's nothing in the world I wouldn't do

j how do I let you know j

j tell me how do I let you know [

j I'd do anything you want me to j

j how do I let you know j

j can't you see I just want to make love to you j

j how do I let you know j

j how do I let you know j

j I wanna make love j

j I'd give you my love if you asked me to j

j how do I let you know j

j I wanna make love j

j I just want to make sweet love to you

j how do I let you know j

j how do I let you know j

j that late at night I'd be good to you

j how do I let you know j

j there's nothing in the world that I wouldn't do