Original subtitles

- So how's Sarah doing? - Living the dream.

If the dream is mounting a low-budget children's musical

in Sacramento while staying with your parents.

- That is one of the saddest full sentences I've ever heard.

- Whoa. Tom, nice sweater.

Finally wearing something I would wear.

- Well, I thought I should upgrade from my usual hoodie,

you know... - Here it comes.

- As a "New York Times" bestselling author.

- You're gonna hear that a lot. - 100% virgin wool. Very nice.

- Thank you.

Hey, how do they know that the sheep haven't...

- That's not what that means. - Okay.

- I have so much to teach you

now that you're not buying your clothes at Costco.

Hey, remember, when I say "Christmas surprise..."

- I do the Christmas surprise.

- Oh, they're gonna freak out. It's gonna be the best one yet.

- [chuckles] - Hey, guys,

I know that Connor's usually the one to make

big family gestures, but it's been a pretty good year

for me, you know, as a...

- He's not gonna. - Oh, he is.

- "New York Times" bestselling author.

- Wait. Are you about to do, like, a holiday gift thing?

- I got us all tickets to see "The Nutcracker."

- Wow. - Ooh.

- You're seeing "The Nutcracker."

You're seeing "The Nutcracker."

You're seeing "The Nutcracker."

- Tom, that's so fun. I love "The Nutcracker."

- That name sounds hilarious. - Move over, bro.

Looks like there's a new big spender in town.

- Oh, yup. Definitely no topping that.

[coughing] Lupe, abort.

- Honey, that's a great Christmas surprise.

- Oh, not... No, not Christmas surprise.

[air horn blaring]

- What's this?

- Oh, it's probably just junk mail.

I'd just throw it out.

- No way. Connor, you're taking us

on a ski vacation to Aspen for New Years?

Oh, my God. - [laughs]

My, gosh. - Hey, sorry, man.

I didn't mean to steal your thunder.

- No, that's all right.

Yeah, I guess old Tom might've been bummed,

but new Tom is psyched. [chuckles]

I guess when you're on top, things don't bug you as much.

- I know, right? It's awesome.

- We can go skiing and to "The Nutcracker."

There's room for both. - Yeah.

- Two equally cool things. - Eh.

- Yeah, equally cool.

- I'm glad new Tom's so chill because there's also this.

Lupe! - Fire in the hole.

- Oh. - [laughs]

- Come on, man. Now, you're just showing off.

- ? Hey, hey, hey, hey ?

[ringtone chiming]

- Brian! Bri-guy.

So how's my favourite money manager?

- Really? Your favourite?

Can I tell people that because that would be huge for me.

- Whatever. So how are things?

- Great. You know what?

I think I have a real shot with Linda in annuities.

- Not what I'm asking about.

- Oh, you meant with you? Oh, uh, yeah. Um, not great.

- Very funny, Brian.

- Look, I wouldn't have called you from our holiday party,

but it's time-sensitive

and, uh, well, I drew the short candy cane.

We just got an update on that investment you made

in the wind farm and the update is...

that it's gone.

- Gone? What do you mean? Like the stock crashed?

- More like a freak storm literally blew

the windmills away and, um,

I mean, now they're gone. - So how much did we lose?

- Before I tell you that number,

I think it's important to remember that you have

many other investments that didn't blow away

and then sink to the bottom of the ocean.

- Okay, so you're saying... W-what are you saying?

- We took a huge hit, but hey, with investments like this...

I mean, you win some, you lose some.

Am I right? - No!

Not me, Brian. I'm all win.

That's kind of my thing.

- Oh, that's a great line. "All win."

Can I use that on Linda?

- Here's what we're gonna do... Take all the money

from the short-term liquid account

and put it in the fund that I'm sending you right now.

- Okay, well, are you sure about that?

'Cause that's gonna tie up a lot of your money.

You know, you're gonna have to tighten the belt

for a little while. - Yeah, no, I'm sure.

I put money in here before and it always surges at year end.

It's like my own, personal golden goose. [chuckles]

We'll be back in the black by New Years.

Commit funds.

- Commit funds. Boom.

You know what? You've inspired me.

I'm gonna go all in on Linda. First step, introduce myself.

- Okay, good bye, Brian.

[dramatic music]

? ?

- Okay, the hotel is confirmed, the plane is chartered,

and the custom "Hayworth Holiday"

ski jackets will be waiting for you all in Aspen.

- Right. Aspen.

- Oh, good news. The helicopter you like

is available for heli-skiing... - Oh.

- And yes, they can serve lobster in the air.

- Oh. - Though they strongly advise

against hot butter. - Oh, great.

Great. Hey, Lupe, um...

how much is all this?

- What? - Like, what's the,

like, price? - I...

I have no idea.

You've never asked me that before.

What's wrong? - Nothing.

Just, um... just...

just disappointed about the hot butter.

[upbeat holiday music]

? ?

both: Thank you.

- Enjoy the sugar.

- Christmas Eve is my favourite.

Christmas day is good,

but it takes so long to open all the presents.

- We don't have that problem with our family.

- Lucky.

- My dad makes us save the wrapping paper.

- Hey, it's not about the presents our parents get us.

- It's what Uncle Connor gets us.

I've been dropping little hints about a PlayStation 5.

- Like what?

- Like telling him I want a PlayStation 5.

I think he picked up on it. [notification chimes]

- Oh, no. - What's wrong?

- Santiago, my contractor, he just said our client

wants to start right after the holidays.

- Isn't that a good thing?

- I'm just a little nervous, you know?

It's a big leap for me. And look at his Instagram.

His work is so good. - Ooh, back up.

- I know. That backsplash is insane.

- No, I'm talking about the insanely hot guy

standing in front of the backsplash.

- Oh, that's Santiago.

- That's Santiago?

- Oh, come on. He's not that hot.

And I thought you were... How do I put this?

Into girls. - I'm gay, not blind.

- Connor, should I open more wine?

Your family drink like fish.

- Sup? - [gasps]

[speaks in Spanish]

- Oh, did you think I was Connor?

That's hilarious. I guess it's the new threads.

Well, I have been working out a little bit.

- No, it's the threads. - Ah, good one, Loop.

There it is. - [groans]

- Nope. Okay.

- So many presents.

- Yeah, I guess I went a little overboard.

Well, who cares? It's only money.

[laughs] - Who are you?

- I know, right? I guess this family

has two successful and carefree Hayworth men now.

[chuckles] Give you one more shot at that.

- [groans] - No?

Okay, I'm gonna save this for later.

- Catcher in the Bri, how we doing?

- Not good.

Turns out Linda's married,

and she's pretty into it.

Oh, you meant with you, right. Yeah, also not good.

- What? You got to be kidding me.

- I wish. She's been married six years,

but she doesn't wear a ring.

I guess it chafes when she does cross...

- Brian. - Oh, you meant with you again.

Sorry about that. So yeah, I just stopped back

in the office to check on your fund, and it is still down.

- I don't get it. That was my golden goose.

- I suggest we just sell now, we cut our losses.

And then we regroup in the new year.

- Yeah, I guess I don't have a choice.

[phone chimes] - Oh, this is incredible news.

- What? Stock's back up?

- No, no, no. Linda just texted me.

She has a sister.

- Okay, good bye, Brian.

[sighs]

- Can I please have my phone back?

- Oh, absolutely is what I would say

if I didn't find a shirtless pic of Santiago.

Did you know he's a triathlete? I'd like to try athlete.

- Okay, now it just feels like you're messing with me.

- A little bit. - [sighs]

Denise! - What?

- You liked a picture. - No, I didn't.

Did I? I was just trying to zoom in.

- It's from two years ago. - Maybe it's not so bad.

- Oh, really? What would you think

if the person you just started working with scrolled through

two years of pictures and liked the one

where you were shirtless?

- He's going to think you want to smash.

Stuffed mushroom? - Yes, please.

- I'm just gonna unlike it. - No, don't do that.

- Too late. Why?

- Because he can also see the unlike

and sometimes the unlike does more damage than the like.

Remember that picture of me in the fedora?

- Oh, you saw that I unliked that?

You know, I really wanted to be supportive,

but nothing about that worked.

You looked like a street magician.

- That's what I was going for.

- Now, my new coworker's gonna think I'm a perv.

- Hey, don't say that.

He'll also think you're indecisive.

? ?

- What are you wearing?

- Oh, this?

Tom must've left it when they were staying here.

They hoodie is surprisingly comfortable.

I mean, say what you will, but Kirkland knows

what they're doing when it comes to loungewear.

- Connor, are things that bad?

- They're definitely not good, Lupe.

I don't want to freak the family out, but...

[quietly] I don't think we should do Aspen.

- I'm sure things will work out.

You've had ups and downs before.

- No, that's the thing. I haven't, okay?

When it comes to the money, with me, it's always been ups.

I can always see the smart play,

work the angles, but what if...

what if I've lost my business mojo?

You know, my bojo.

- You're being ridiculous.

You will bounce back.

I know it.

- Thanks, Lupe. I can always count on you.

So what'd you come in here for?

- I was just printing something.

- Right on. [chuckles]

Is this a r�sum�? - No.

- Well, I cannot believe that

we'll be ringing in the new year in Aspen.

- All thanks to Connor. Whoo, Aspen!

- Yeah. Aspen.

So fun.

Although, in a way

aren't we having just as much fun right now?

- More fun than Aspen?

- I mean, if you really think about it,

what's the most fun part of skiing?

Taking off your boots at the end of the day,

having a hot chocolate by the fire.

I mean, does anyone actually enjoy

the skiing part of skiing?

- I love skiing. - So do I.

- Yeah, me too.

Tom doesn't.

He's so scared he'll get hurt, he still says pizza

and french fries the whole way down.

- [chuckles] No. That was the old Tom.

Honestly, I can't wait to get out there,

carve a line in some fresh pow-pow

with the gnarly K2s I just picked up.

Along with a book on ski terms.

- Oh, awesome.

Awe-some.

Man, so we all love skiing. - Mm-hmm.

- Ding. - Did you just say ding?

- No, that was just a text alert I got on my phone.

I wonder what it is. Oh, no.

The conditions are bad.

- I read the weather report. It's supposed to snow all week.

- Apparently, too much snow

is... is what it says

and they say the fresh snow is the...

most dangerous.

Also, someone saw a Sasquatch. - Oh, the kids would love that.

- Yeah, and for the record,

my book say that fresh pow-pow

is the best pow-pow.

- Great. Well, this is all working out.

You know, some people say the true meaning of Christmas

is just being with your family, but not this guy.

No, get me a chartered plane and a five-star hotel

and some shellfish at high altitude.

Who cares how much it all costs, right?

Yay, Aspen!

? ?

- Feels like something's wrong. - Yeah, the indecision,

the nonsensical babbling,

I'd recognise it anywhere.

- He sounds just like you.

- Yeah, well... [coughs]

The old me.

[music box playing "O Christmas Tree"]

Hey, buddy, you okay?

- Is there a waitlist for the new Bentley?

- Did the orangutan from "Dunston Checks In" die?

- No.

I mean, yeah.

Sammy died in his sleep in 2010.

- So sorry. - This can't be about Aspen.

I mean, everyone knows you love skiing.

- And Sasquatches.

- Maybe I'm,

like, worried about the environmental impact

of a ski trip? - Environmental?

- What is even happening? - Connor...

I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but

are you having money problems?

- Yes.

Okay? Are you happy?

I lost some money.

- Connor, we had no idea. - I'm so sorry.

- Yeah, if you want, I can kick in for the ski trip.

I'm doing pretty well,

you know, as a "New York Times" be...

- No. - Okay.

- No, this is a little more than ski trip money.

- Well, what are we talking about.

I mean...

do you need a loan?

- [laughs]

Oh, Tom.

Thanks, man, I needed that.

And I appreciate the offer,

but this isn't the kind of loss that you can cover.

- Like, how much is it?

- I don't think I should say.

- Why don't you just write it down?

? ?

- Ay, Dios m�o. - It's too big.

- Is that a phone number? - I'm gonna be sick.

- Connor, why didn't you tell us that you'd lost so much money?

- [sighs] I didn't know how.

It's never happened to me before.

Honestly, I was embarrassed.

Oh, damn it, that sip was like 30 bucks.

- Oh, my gosh. - Wow.

Did you know your dad was having money trouble?

- We knew Q4 was going to be rocky, but not like this.

- I feel bad fishing for that PS5.

I don't need it.

- This house is full of stuff we don't need.

Wait.

I just got an amazing idea.

- We should rob a bank.

- We should take the things we don't need

and sell it online,

so my dad doesn't need to worry about money.

- That vase has got to be worth something.

- I'll grab the painting.

- Connor, I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.

- Yeah, me neither.

- I do. Cancel the trip.

You know, it's a drop in the bucket, but it's a start.

Don't worry about us. We'll be fine.

Like you said, best part of skiing is taking off

your boots at the end of the day,

having a cup of hot chocolate by the fire.

- Thanks, new Tom.

- Word.

- If you need anything else, just let us know.

- Yeah, always. - I appreciate that, guys,

but you don't have to worry about me.

I'll be okay. Things might be

a little tight for a while, but I still have some money.

- Like, how much?

- Oh, I'd rather not... I'd rather not say.

- Why don't you write it down? - Yeah.

- [sighs] Okay.

? ?

- Are you [bleep] kidding me?

- That's the exact, same number.

- You had us worried for nothing.

- Okay, it's not about how much I have,

it's about how much I lost.

I knew you guys wouldn't understand.

- [sighs]

- Didn't these used to be in a bowl?

? ?

- I can't stop thinking about the like, unlike thing.

- Oh, come on. What's the big deal?

- The big deal is that Tom could've used his book money

on anything, and he used it to bet on me.

I don't want to ruin it because the only contractor

that's willing to hire me thinks that I want to tap that.

- Yeah, that is a big deal.

- I need Santiago to know

that I'm only interested in him as a contractor.

- Okay, how about we post a lovey-dovey photo

of you and Tom on your feed

and then Santiago will think you're in a happy marriage.

- I am in a happy marriage.

- Yes. Exactly.

Bring that energy to the photo.

- Okay. Tom.

Honey, can I borrow you for something?

Oh! Connor, get out of here.

? ?

- Ah, hey. What's up? - Nothing.

Just wanted to say I love you.

- Oh, thank you. [camera clicks]

You know, I love you too.

I was just thinking about the time that we went...

- We got it. We got it. - Okay.

- And myangel,

Iwillalwaysloveyou,

and done. Whew.

Glad that's over.

- I am so sorry I got you in this mess.

[phone chimes] - Just got a comment.

Oh, and another one. - Oh.

[phone chimes] - And another.

"My condolences." [phone chiming]

"Poor Tom, he will be missed"?

- Oh, yeah. This post makes it look like Tom died.

- [groans]

This is just gonna ruin everything.

Maybe I should just text Santiago

and explain the whole thing.

- Yeah, that's probably for the best.

- "He held on for so long."

Oh, boy.

- Well, it's official.

Cancelled Aspen.

- Good, and you'll be fine.

You still have so much money. What are you worried about?

- It's not about the money, Tom.

It's about me. I'm worried I lost my bojo.

That's my business mojo.

- Yeah, no, I put that together.

- What I did is I took the B from business,

I took the ojo... - Right.

- From mojo... - From... yeah. No, I got...

- And if you combine them...

- Wasn't that hard to figure out.

- I just have always had a way with money.

You know, ever since I was a little kid

and I first crushed you guys in that "Monopoly" game.

- [chuckles] - Remember that?

That was the first time I made you cry.

I was only seven, but I just... I already had the touch.

And now it's gone. - Come on, man.

I'm sure this is just a rough patch.

In no time you're gonna be buying new companies,

laying off their employees, and stripping them down for parts.

- That's nice of you to say.

I just wish I believed it.

Well, I'm sorry for ruining Christmas.

I'm gonna head up to bed and finish off this night ham.

See you tomorrow.

- Yikes. Looks like Connor's still pulling a full Tom.

- Right. Well, the old Tom.

- Sure.

- Well, it's a good thing I'm the new Tom

'cause I think I know how to fix this.

Oh, it's so gross.

["We Wish You A Merry Christmas" playing]

? ?

Morning, sleepyhead. - Morning, guys.

- Come hit the slopes.

[laughter] - What's all this?

- This is us enjoying the best part of skiing right here.

- Whew. Got to get these boots off.

I can't feel my feet. - Hot chocolate?

- Yes, please. [laughter]

How'd you come up with this? - Easy.

I just thought about what you'd do

and I did a much, much less expensive version.

- We have a surprise for you, too, Daddy.

We sold some of the stuff from around the house

to make money for you. - We made 72 bucks.

- Ah, wow. Thanks, guys.

- It was easy.

We sold some of the art from the wall

and the dinosaur skull you weren't using.

- Really?

You... you sold that?

[laughs]

This is all great. I mean, maybe I don't need

to crush it business when I have you guys.

Who cares if I lost my bojo forever, right?

- "Maybe I don't need to crush it at business"?

- It didn't work. He's still broken.

- I still got some tricks up my sleeve.

Hang on, buddy.

You didn't open your first present.

- All right.

- What could it be? - No way.

You serious? - No. Is that...

it's Christmas. It's gonna ruin the whole day.

- I'm sorry. It had to be done. - Oh, wow!

Sarah threw mine out the window last time we played.

- With good cause. - Oh, that's such a...

That's such a fun gift to play with the kids on another day.

And he's already setting it up. - I call top hat. Whoo!

- ? It's the most wonderful time ?

- Oh, Denise, take a ride on the Reading

to $200 town. - Oh, no.

It looks like I'm running out of money.

I'll have to stop soon. - Damn it.

- Welcome to Park Place. We have a lovely hotel here.

Can I take your bags? See, the odds of landing

on Park Place or Boardwalk... - Okay.

- Are so low, it's like finding a needle in a haystack,

but if you own the strip, you own the whole haystack.

- How do I make any money?

I only have the Electric Company.

- Trade Tom for the Water Company.

He's desperate. - Come on, man.

- Water and power's a deadly combo, huh?

Huh. [phone beeps]

Remind me to call Bri-guy

about the Burmese hydropower project.

- You did it. You gave him his bojo back.

That's business mojo.

- Yeah, no. No, I know.

All it took was a little brojo.

Brother mojo.

- I don't follow.

- ? Long, long ago ?

- Did Santiago respond? - Oh, yeah.

Apparently, he never checks Instagram,

so had I not texted him,

he never would've known it happened.

- "Glad your lesbian sister-in-law liked my picture.

"Sorry to hear about Tom.

I only met him once. He was clearly very sick."

It's not ideal. - Yeah.

I'll worry about it tomorrow.

It's Christmas. - Yeah.

[laughter]

? ?

- You ready? - Tom, this is a very bad idea.

- Absolutely.

But let's see how this plays out.

- Geronimo! Oh!

New Tom is down.

- [roars] all: [screaming]

- ? Wonderful time of the year ?

? There'll be much mistletoeing ?

? And hearts will be glowing ? - Oh, my God.

A framed copy of the "New York Times" bestseller list.

I love it. - It's just a little something

to say thank you for betting on me.

- Well, you're gonna be amazing.

I mean, I just... I know it. Has she told you about this

hot contractor that she's working with?

- What? - Hot?

- No. - I mean, we're not just, like,

sitting around all day just, like,

looking at pictures of some shirtless guy.

- Stop objectifying men, Tom.

- Yeah, I mean, don't be a part of the problem.

- Get your mind out of the gutter.

- He could be someone's son.

- Okay. Yeah.

Sorry.

- Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

- Hey. - Mom!

- You made it.

- Oh, no, not Mom. I'm Santa Claus, of course.

- [laughs] - Come on, Sarah.

Pull up a seat. - Prepare to get crushed.

- Oh, no. Not "Monopoly."

No. No, no, no. No, no.

Santa promised herself that she would never do this again.

- Nice try, Sarah Claus. - No.

- Come on. - You're being very naughty.

[all chanting "Sarah Claus"]

- No!

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