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1
00:00:04,101 --> 00:00:07,434
[ Chorus ]
" The Simpsons "
2
00:00:07,538 --> 00:00:09,506
[ Tires Screeching ]
3
00:00:10,641 --> 00:00:12,609
D'oh!
[ Screams ]
4
00:00:30,461 --> 00:00:33,521
[ Snoring ]
5
00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:39,668
[ Snoring ]
6
00:00:42,439 --> 00:00:44,339
[ Alarms Blaring ]
7
00:00:44,441 --> 00:00:47,001
[ Woman's Voice On P.A. System ]
Core meltdown in 1 0 seconds.
8
00:00:47,111 --> 00:00:49,511
Nine, eight--
9
00:00:49,613 --> 00:00:51,513
- [ Alarms Stop ]
- Meltdown averted. Good boy.!
10
00:00:52,616 --> 00:00:55,084
[ Moaning, Yawning ]
11
00:00:56,654 --> 00:00:59,179
[ Snoring, Purring ]
12
00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:01,451
[ Whimpering ]
13
00:01:04,561 --> 00:01:06,085
[ Buzzes ]
14
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,096
[ Mr. Burns Groaning ]
What?
15
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,598
How dare you disturb me
during nap time?
16
00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:12,601
We're from
the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.
17
00:01:12,703 --> 00:01:14,694
This is a surprise test
of worker competence.
18
00:01:14,805 --> 00:01:16,705
There must be some mistake.
19
00:01:16,807 --> 00:01:19,241
We, uh-- We make cookies here.
20
00:01:19,343 --> 00:01:21,743
Mr. Burns's Old-Fashioned
Good-Time Extra-Chewy--
21
00:01:21,845 --> 00:01:23,745
Get the ax.
22
00:01:27,518 --> 00:01:31,113
The watchdog of public safety.
Is there any lower form of life?
23
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:35,681
Don't worry, sir. I rounded up our less-gifted
employees and led them into the basement.
24
00:01:35,793 --> 00:01:37,693
- [ Dripping ]
- [ Mouse Squeaking ]
25
00:01:37,795 --> 00:01:40,423
Duh, Homer, why are we down here?
26
00:01:40,531 --> 00:01:44,524
Oh, geez! I told ya, Bernie--
to guard the bee!
27
00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:47,536
- But why?
- Oh, you guys are pathetic.
28
00:01:47,638 --> 00:01:51,074
No wonder Smithers
made me head bee guy.
29
00:01:52,743 --> 00:01:56,201
- Uh, it's gettin' away.
- Oh, we did bad!
30
00:01:56,313 --> 00:01:59,111
- [ Buzzing ]
- Hey! Uhh! Oh! Hey! Come back!
31
00:01:59,216 --> 00:02:01,707
Is there a Homer Simpson present?
32
00:02:01,819 --> 00:02:04,014
No, I'm afraid
he couldn't ''bee'' here.
33
00:02:04,121 --> 00:02:06,021
[ Both Chuckling ]
34
00:02:06,123 --> 00:02:08,023
Oh, yes, he's in Geneva...
35
00:02:08,125 --> 00:02:10,025
chairing a conference
on nuclear fission.
36
00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:11,856
[ Mutters ]
Yes, that should stick.
37
00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:15,155
D'oh!
The bee bit my bottom!
38
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:16,892
Now my bottom's big!
39
00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:18,468
[ Sighs ]
40
00:02:18,569 --> 00:02:20,696
Homer, this is an exact replica
of your workstation.
41
00:02:20,804 --> 00:02:22,169
[ Quietly ]
Hmm?
42
00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:25,503
Now we're going to simulate
a power surge in core sector 8.
43
00:02:25,609 --> 00:02:27,907
What the hell are you talking about?
44
00:02:29,113 --> 00:02:32,241
What do I do? What do I do?
[ Sobbing ]
45
00:02:32,349 --> 00:02:34,749
In the name of God,
you've gotta tell me!
46
00:02:34,852 --> 00:02:37,719
Relax. It's just a simulator.
Nothing can go wrong.
47
00:02:37,821 --> 00:02:40,415
[ Muttering ] Just poke blindly
at the controls until they let you go.
48
00:02:43,093 --> 00:02:45,653
- [ Rumbling ]
- Oh! Ohh!
49
00:02:45,763 --> 00:02:48,231
Oh, no. No!
This can't be happening!
50
00:02:48,332 --> 00:02:50,800
[ Bystanders Screaming ]
51
00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:52,869
[ Gasps ]
52
00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:58,434
For the love of God, sir!
There are two seats!
53
00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:00,510
I like to put my feet up.
54
00:03:04,048 --> 00:03:07,848
[ Mr. Burns Groaning ]
55
00:03:12,022 --> 00:03:15,287
[ Roaring ]
56
00:03:15,392 --> 00:03:18,657
Must destroy mankind.
57
00:03:18,762 --> 00:03:21,663
- [ Beeping ]
- Ooh! Lunchtime. [ Blubbering ]
58
00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:25,766
We're still not sure
how he caused the meltdown.
59
00:03:25,869 --> 00:03:27,996
There wasn't
any nuclear material in the truck!
60
00:03:28,105 --> 00:03:30,005
Very well.
It's time for your bribe.
61
00:03:30,107 --> 00:03:34,066
Now, you can either have the washer and
dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing...
62
00:03:34,178 --> 00:03:37,841
or you can trade it all in
for what's in this box.
63
00:03:37,948 --> 00:03:39,848
The box.
The box!
64
00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:43,716
Burns, this is a big problem. You just can't
throw money at it and make it go away.
65
00:03:43,821 --> 00:03:45,721
Gentlemen, I've decided
there will be no investigation.
66
00:03:45,823 --> 00:03:48,348
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll go away.
67
00:03:48,459 --> 00:03:53,260
You're in big trouble, Burns. Simpson's job
requires college training in nuclear physics.
68
00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:56,764
You get your man up to speed,
or we'll be forced to take legal action.
69
00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:58,767
Is that so?
70
00:03:58,869 --> 00:04:01,269
Well, I have the feeling you'll be...
71
00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:03,532
dropping the charges.
72
00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:08,038
- The painters moved your desk, sir.
- Oh, yes.
73
00:04:08,145 --> 00:04:10,113
[ Doorbell Rings ]
74
00:04:12,182 --> 00:04:16,312
Hello, Simpson. My lawyers and I were in
the neighborhood and thought we'd stop by.
75
00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:19,651
Would you like to come in
for tea and marshmallow squares?
76
00:04:19,756 --> 00:04:23,317
- [ All Murmuring ]
- Yes, he would.
77
00:04:23,427 --> 00:04:26,555
- So you want me to go to college?
- College?
78
00:04:26,663 --> 00:04:28,824
- Ha! Barber or clown?
- Bart!
79
00:04:28,932 --> 00:04:31,833
Remember, your job
and the future of your family...
80
00:04:31,935 --> 00:04:34,369
hinges on your successful completion
of Nuclear Physics 1 01 .
81
00:04:34,471 --> 00:04:36,871
Oh, and one more thing.
82
00:04:36,974 --> 00:04:39,272
You must find the jade monkey...
83
00:04:39,376 --> 00:04:41,776
before the next full moon.
84
00:04:41,879 --> 00:04:43,779
Actually, sir,
we found the jade monkey.
85
00:04:43,881 --> 00:04:45,781
It was in your glove compartment.
86
00:04:45,883 --> 00:04:48,351
- And the road maps and ice scraper?
- They were in there too, sir.
87
00:04:48,452 --> 00:04:50,352
Excellent!
88
00:04:50,454 --> 00:04:52,445
It's all falling into place.
89
00:04:52,556 --> 00:04:56,117
I think this is a great opportunity.
You could learn so much.
90
00:04:56,226 --> 00:04:59,457
Maybe you're right.
I did always want to go to college.
91
00:04:59,563 --> 00:05:02,031
But fate stood in the way.
92
00:05:04,334 --> 00:05:07,235
Homer, sign this application
and you're a shoo-in.
93
00:05:07,337 --> 00:05:09,237
- [ Panting ]
- [ Laughing ]
94
00:05:09,339 --> 00:05:12,240
That dog has somebody's ham!
This I gotta see!
95
00:05:12,342 --> 00:05:14,242
[ Door Opens ]
96
00:05:14,344 --> 00:05:17,245
- [ Growling ]
- Give me that ham, you stupid dog!
97
00:05:17,347 --> 00:05:19,781
- [ Grunting, Yelling ]
- [ Sighs ]
98
00:05:24,054 --> 00:05:25,954
[ Frustrated Growl ]
99
00:05:26,056 --> 00:05:28,616
Dad, don't let these
application essays throw you.
100
00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:32,627
Let's see: ''List your three favorite books
and how they've influenced your life.''
101
00:05:32,729 --> 00:05:35,220
- Is TVGuide a book? Son of Sniglet?
- No. No.
102
00:05:35,332 --> 00:05:36,959
- Katherine Hepburn's Me?
- No!
103
00:05:37,067 --> 00:05:38,762
Ohh! I suck!
104
00:05:38,869 --> 00:05:43,829
It was the most I ever threw up,
and it changed my life forever.
105
00:05:43,941 --> 00:05:45,841
You the man, Homer!
106
00:05:45,943 --> 00:05:48,844
Thanks, boy.
Now for the crowning touch.
107
00:05:51,515 --> 00:05:53,949
I don't know, Dad.
Don't you have a better picture?
108
00:05:54,051 --> 00:05:56,019
Relax. A photo
can't make any difference.
109
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:57,687
- He looks crazy.
- Agreed.
110
00:06:04,328 --> 00:06:05,295
Reading his essay would
only waste valuable seconds.
111
00:06:05,362 --> 00:06:06,329
[ TV.:Announcer ] Finally,
the great taste of Worcestershire Sauce...
112
00:06:06,396 --> 00:06:07,363
in a soft drink.!
113
00:06:07,431 --> 00:06:09,160
[ TV.:Man ]
Ahh.! Steaky.!
114
00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:12,463
Sorry, son, but there's a program
about campus life that I really should watch.
115
00:06:12,569 --> 00:06:14,935
We now return to
School of Hard Knockers...
116
00:06:15,038 --> 00:06:16,938
starring Corey Masterson.
117
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:21,602
Dean Bitterman, I hope nothing
unsavory happens during my visit.
118
00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:24,510
As you know, I am the president
of the United States.
119
00:06:24,615 --> 00:06:29,518
Oh, don't worry. I've expelled
those rowdy members of Chug-a-Lug House.
120
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:32,589
Oh, I hate that lousy dean.
121
00:06:34,558 --> 00:06:36,788
Your bra bomb better work, Nerdlinger.
122
00:06:36,893 --> 00:06:38,827
- Mm-kay!
- [ Explosion ]
123
00:06:40,163 --> 00:06:42,154
[ Gasps ]
124
00:06:42,266 --> 00:06:44,166
Cory!
125
00:06:44,268 --> 00:06:46,463
[ Chuckles ]
Don't worry, Mr. President.
126
00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:49,232
I-- Mr. President!
127
00:06:49,339 --> 00:06:51,239
Lighten up, Bitterman!
128
00:06:51,341 --> 00:06:54,242
That youngster will make
a perfect addition to my cabinet.
129
00:06:54,344 --> 00:06:57,541
Secretary of partying down!
130
00:06:57,648 --> 00:07:00,708
[ Angry Growling ]
131
00:07:00,817 --> 00:07:03,081
Yes! Take that, Bitterman!
132
00:07:03,186 --> 00:07:06,644
Homie, here are the responses
from the colleges you applied to.
133
00:07:08,125 --> 00:07:09,490
D'oh!
134
00:07:09,593 --> 00:07:11,493
D'oh! D'oh!
135
00:07:11,595 --> 00:07:14,428
Whoo-hoo!
A flyer for a hardware store!
136
00:07:14,531 --> 00:07:16,931
- D'oh!
- Pop, what are you gonna do?
137
00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:21,266
Something I should have done
a long time ago.
138
00:07:23,307 --> 00:07:25,901
- You don't know, do you?
- No, ma'am.
139
00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:27,909
Don't worry, Simpson.
140
00:07:28,011 --> 00:07:31,913
It just so happens
I have a chair at Springfield University.
141
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:35,650
[ Growling ]
142
00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:38,152
I'm sorry, Mr. Burns,
but I must object.
143
00:07:38,255 --> 00:07:40,815
- This Simpson is not qualified.
- [ All Murmuring Agreement ]
144
00:07:40,924 --> 00:07:42,824
- [ Continues Growling ]
- I see.
145
00:07:42,926 --> 00:07:45,827
Well, you know, fellas, I look at
the admissions board a lot like a baseball team.
146
00:07:45,929 --> 00:07:47,829
You all like baseball, don't you?
147
00:07:47,931 --> 00:07:50,058
[ All Murmuring Agreement ]
148
00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:54,103
Yes, well, to have a successful baseball club
you need teamwork.
149
00:07:54,204 --> 00:07:57,799
Not some hot-dog admissions officer
playing by his own rules!
150
00:07:57,908 --> 00:08:00,206
[ Grunting ]
151
00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:03,676
Excuse me.
What are you doing?
152
00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:05,680
[ Grunting Continues ]
153
00:08:05,782 --> 00:08:08,216
I'm giving you
the beating of your life!
154
00:08:08,318 --> 00:08:10,218
Look, if--
Stop that.
155
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,379
If you wanted him that badly,
why didn't you just say so?
156
00:08:12,489 --> 00:08:13,786
[ Yells ]
157
00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:17,417
Smithers, dismember the corpse
and send his widow a corsage.
158
00:08:17,527 --> 00:08:20,087
Whoo-hoo!
I'm a college man!
159
00:08:20,197 --> 00:08:23,428
I won't need
my high school diploma anymore!
160
00:08:23,533 --> 00:08:26,730
" I am so smart
I am so smart "
161
00:08:26,837 --> 00:08:29,965
" I am so smart
I am so smart "
162
00:08:30,073 --> 00:08:33,167
" S-M-R-T
I mean, S-M-A-R-R-T "
163
00:08:41,151 --> 00:08:44,643
My first day of college.
I wish my father was alive to see this.
164
00:08:44,755 --> 00:08:46,052
Hey!
165
00:08:46,156 --> 00:08:48,488
- How long have you been back there?
- Three days.
166
00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,958
Nerd!
167
00:08:54,064 --> 00:08:55,964
Homer--
That isn't very nice.
168
00:08:56,066 --> 00:08:57,966
Marge, try to understand.
169
00:08:58,068 --> 00:09:01,162
There are two kinds of college students:
jocks and nerds.
170
00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:03,432
As a jock, it is my duty
to give nerds a hard time.
171
00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:04,837
- Hey, pal! Did you get a load of the nerd?
- Pardon me?
172
00:09:11,481 --> 00:09:12,641
" [ Rock ]
173
00:09:19,856 --> 00:09:21,756
[ Chuckling ]
174
00:09:21,858 --> 00:09:24,486
I'll be a campus hero.
175
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,597
[ Spits ]
Attention, everyone.
176
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:32,065
- The punch has been spiked!
- [ All Gasping ]
177
00:09:32,169 --> 00:09:35,570
Don't worry. Your parents have been called
and will be here to pick you up shortly!
178
00:09:35,672 --> 00:09:36,798
[ All ]
Yea!
179
00:09:36,907 --> 00:09:40,308
Marge, someone squeezed
all the life out of these kids.
180
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:43,038
And unless movies and TV
have lied to me...
181
00:09:43,146 --> 00:09:45,671
it's a crusty, bitter, old dean.
182
00:09:45,782 --> 00:09:48,683
Hi there. Hello. I'm Dean Peterson,
but you can call me Bobby.
183
00:09:48,785 --> 00:09:52,846
I just want you to know, if you ever feel
stressed out from studying or whatever...
184
00:09:52,956 --> 00:09:55,186
I'm always up
for some Hacky Sack.
185
00:09:55,292 --> 00:09:59,820
Or if you just want to come by and jam,
I used to be the bass player for the Pretenders.
186
00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,830
" [ Fast Riff]
187
00:10:01,932 --> 00:10:05,800
Boy, I can't wait to take some of
the starch out of that stuffed shirt.
188
00:10:07,637 --> 00:10:11,664
Good morning
and welcome to Nuclear Physics 1 01 .
189
00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:15,871
I see a lot of new faces,
but you know the old saying--
190
00:10:15,979 --> 00:10:19,073
''Out with the old, in with the nucleus.''
191
00:10:20,517 --> 00:10:22,576
Now we'll begin by--
Oops.
192
00:10:22,686 --> 00:10:27,055
[ Laughing Loudly ]
193
00:10:27,157 --> 00:10:29,625
Ah, did you see that jerk?
194
00:10:29,726 --> 00:10:31,990
[ Laughing Continues ]
195
00:10:32,095 --> 00:10:34,086
Dropped his notes!
196
00:10:34,197 --> 00:10:37,462
[ Laughing More Loudly ]
197
00:10:39,035 --> 00:10:41,503
Now, if anyone would like to stay...
198
00:10:41,605 --> 00:10:44,233
I'm going to hold a comprehensive
review session after every class.
199
00:10:44,341 --> 00:10:46,070
- Do we have to?
- No.
200
00:10:46,176 --> 00:10:49,737
Then kiss my curvy butt good-bye.
201
00:10:52,582 --> 00:10:55,244
[ Giggling ]
202
00:10:55,352 --> 00:10:57,252
Whoo-hoo!
203
00:10:59,155 --> 00:11:01,783
" [ Rock ]
204
00:11:01,892 --> 00:11:04,588
Homer, we have
a perfectly good bookcase.
205
00:11:04,694 --> 00:11:07,322
Yeah, but this is what
they're doing on campus.
206
00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:11,127
Besides, it isn't costing us. I swiped
the cinder blocks from a construction site.
207
00:11:12,669 --> 00:11:14,637
Sir, six cinder blocks are missing.
208
00:11:14,738 --> 00:11:17,969
There'll be no hospital then.
I'll tell the children.
209
00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:21,202
This proton accelerator
destabilizes the atom...
210
00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:23,779
in this chamber here,
then propels it--
211
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,280
Uh, excuse me,
Professor Brainiac...
212
00:11:26,383 --> 00:11:29,682
but I worked in a nuclear power plant
for 1 0 years...
213
00:11:29,786 --> 00:11:33,119
and, uh, I think I know
how a proton accelerator works.
214
00:11:33,223 --> 00:11:37,284
- Well, please come down and show us.
- All right. I will.
215
00:11:37,394 --> 00:11:39,453
[ Screaming ]
216
00:11:41,197 --> 00:11:43,893
- In there, guys.
- [ Both ] Thanks, Homer.
217
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,468
Homer, no one blames you
for the accident.
218
00:11:46,570 --> 00:11:49,698
We simply feel you might benefit
with a little outside tutoring.
219
00:11:49,806 --> 00:11:51,774
I researched these names myself.
220
00:11:51,875 --> 00:11:54,503
Yeah, you won this round, Dean...
221
00:11:54,611 --> 00:11:57,910
but the war isn't over.
222
00:11:58,014 --> 00:11:59,914
- [ Rings ]
- Hello.
223
00:12:00,016 --> 00:12:02,484
[ Homer]
Hello, Dean. You're a stupid-head!
224
00:12:02,586 --> 00:12:04,315
- Homer, is that you?
- [ Yelps ]
225
00:12:09,593 --> 00:12:11,493
Hiya, gang.
226
00:12:11,595 --> 00:12:14,860
- Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
- Stop the humanoid.
227
00:12:14,965 --> 00:12:17,058
[ Chortling ]
228
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:19,465
Look, I'm supposed to
get a physics tutor.
229
00:12:19,569 --> 00:12:23,266
You've come to the right place.
If there's one thing we know, it is science.
230
00:12:23,373 --> 00:12:26,399
- And math.
- And the words to every Monty Python routine.
231
00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:29,501
We are the knights who say ''Ni!''
232
00:12:29,613 --> 00:12:32,104
Ni! Ni! Ni!
[ Giggling ]
233
00:12:32,215 --> 00:12:34,080
[ Chuckles ]
Ni.
234
00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:38,245
We played Dungeons and Dragons
for three hours.
235
00:12:38,355 --> 00:12:40,016
Then I was slain by an elf.
236
00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:42,887
Listen to yourself, man.
You're hangin' with nerds.
237
00:12:42,993 --> 00:12:45,018
- You take that back!
- Homer, please.
238
00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:48,029
These boys sound very nice,
but they're clearly nerds.
239
00:12:48,131 --> 00:12:50,122
Really? But nerds
are my mortal enemy.
240
00:12:50,233 --> 00:12:54,363
Dad, nerds are nothing to fear. In fact,
they've done some pretty memorable things.
241
00:12:54,471 --> 00:12:58,430
Some nerds of note include
popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher...
242
00:12:58,541 --> 00:13:02,033
rock star David Byrne
and Supreme CourtJustice David Souter.
243
00:13:02,145 --> 00:13:04,545
[ Gasps ]
Oh, not Souter!
244
00:13:04,648 --> 00:13:06,548
Oh, no!
245
00:13:06,650 --> 00:13:08,618
Come on, Mr. Simpson.
246
00:13:08,718 --> 00:13:12,347
You'll never pass this course
if you don't know the periodic table.
247
00:13:12,455 --> 00:13:14,355
- I'll write it on my hand.
- Oh!
248
00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:17,392
Including all known
lanthanides and actinides?
249
00:13:17,494 --> 00:13:20,429
- [ Chuckling ] Good luck.
- [ All Chuckling ]
250
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:22,794
Come on, guys.
251
00:13:22,899 --> 00:13:25,834
Look at yourselves!
All you do is study.
252
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:29,234
I'm gonna show you
the true meaning of college.
253
00:13:29,339 --> 00:13:31,500
We're gonna go out and par-ty!
254
00:13:31,608 --> 00:13:33,576
Wait a minute.
I'll put on my snow pants.
255
00:13:33,677 --> 00:13:35,144
- Me too.
- Me too.
256
00:13:35,245 --> 00:13:37,975
Ah, the college road trip.
257
00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:40,777
What better way to spread
beer-fueled mayhem?
258
00:13:40,884 --> 00:13:43,478
If you're going for a ride,
I'd like you to take Bart and Lisa.
259
00:13:43,586 --> 00:13:47,545
But, Marge, we're college guys,
and we're up to no good.
260
00:13:47,657 --> 00:13:50,251
Mr. Simpson,
Gary spilled his ear medicine.
261
00:13:52,295 --> 00:13:54,490
Oh, those baby ducks
were so cute.
262
00:13:54,597 --> 00:13:57,395
I can't believe they let us
walk right up and feed them.
263
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,968
- I need to go to the bathroom.
- We stopped five minutes ago.
264
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,197
Someone knocked on the door,
and I couldn't go.
265
00:14:02,305 --> 00:14:07,265
I'm telling you. A big, crazy prank
is just what the doctor ordered.
266
00:14:07,377 --> 00:14:10,244
[ Giggling ]
The dean will go nuts.
267
00:14:10,346 --> 00:14:12,246
I got it!
268
00:14:12,348 --> 00:14:15,977
We wait by his mailbox,
and when he comes outside...
269
00:14:16,086 --> 00:14:19,852
we roll him up in a carpet
and throw him off a bridge!
270
00:14:22,859 --> 00:14:27,057
-[ Scraping Sound ]
- [ All Groaning ]
271
00:14:27,163 --> 00:14:30,132
So it's a prank
you're looking for, is it?
272
00:14:30,233 --> 00:14:32,201
I'll give you your prank.
273
00:14:32,302 --> 00:14:35,533
The only other college in 50 miles
is Springfield A&M...
274
00:14:35,638 --> 00:14:37,538
so they're our best target.
275
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,905
- Those bastards.
- Meet Sir Oinkcelot...
276
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,604
the beloved mascot
of Springfield A&M.
277
00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:46,443
Here he is presiding
over last year's homecoming.
278
00:14:46,549 --> 00:14:49,518
Here he is conferring
an honorary degree on Richard Nixon.
279
00:14:49,619 --> 00:14:52,053
And here he is rolling in his own filth.
280
00:14:52,155 --> 00:14:56,421
Gentlemen, I propose
we kidnap Sir Oinkcelot.
281
00:14:56,526 --> 00:15:00,155
And then we roll him up in a carpet
and throw him off a bridge!
282
00:15:00,263 --> 00:15:03,232
[ Laughing ]
What?
283
00:15:09,672 --> 00:15:12,300
- [ Squeals ]
- Look, you pull its tail straight...
284
00:15:12,408 --> 00:15:14,706
and it curls right back up again.
285
00:15:14,811 --> 00:15:17,302
Curly, straight.
Curly, straight.
286
00:15:17,413 --> 00:15:20,280
- Curly, straight. Curly, straight.
- [ Squealing ]
287
00:15:20,383 --> 00:15:22,817
Mr. Simpson,
I don't think he likes that.
288
00:15:22,919 --> 00:15:26,878
[ Giggles ] Of course he does.
He's a cute little piggy.
289
00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:29,982
Curly, straight.
Curly, straight. Ow!
290
00:15:30,093 --> 00:15:33,062
- Why, you little--
- Mr. Simpson, stop!
291
00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:35,393
- It's a defenseless animal!
- [ Screams ]
292
00:15:35,498 --> 00:15:38,228
[ Groaning, Snorting ]
293
00:15:38,334 --> 00:15:42,134
- The pig's acting kinda funny.
- He and Mr. Simpson split a case of malt liquor.
294
00:15:42,238 --> 00:15:44,638
Guys, he's really sick.
295
00:15:44,741 --> 00:15:48,472
Hello!
That sounds like a pig fainting.
296
00:15:48,578 --> 00:15:50,637
[ Squealing ]
297
00:15:53,583 --> 00:15:55,483
I'm sorry, boys.
298
00:15:55,585 --> 00:15:59,851
I-I've never expelled anyone before,
but that pig had some powerful friends.
299
00:15:59,956 --> 00:16:02,652
Oh, you'll pay.
Don't think you won't pay!
300
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:09,223
Guys, believe me.
I didn't mean to get you expelled.
301
00:16:09,332 --> 00:16:12,961
Don't worry, Mr. Simpson.
We can take care of ourselves.
302
00:16:14,204 --> 00:16:16,104
Ah, wallet inspector.
303
00:16:16,206 --> 00:16:18,970
Oh, here you go.
I believe that's all in order.
304
00:16:19,075 --> 00:16:21,100
I can't believe that worked!
305
00:16:21,211 --> 00:16:25,341
Hey! That's not
the wallet inspector.
306
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,318
- " [ Humming ]
- [ Groans ]
307
00:16:33,423 --> 00:16:35,948
Marge, they don't have
anywhere to stay.
308
00:16:36,059 --> 00:16:38,755
And they're geniuses.
They'll solve all our problems.
309
00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:42,059
They'll elevate us to the status
of kings on Earth!
310
00:16:42,165 --> 00:16:46,397
- Mr. Simpson, we all have nosebleeds.
- Oh, for the love of--
311
00:16:48,771 --> 00:16:51,035
- [ Loud Beeping ]
- [ Groans ]
312
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,405
What's wrong with this phone?
It's making crazy noises.
313
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:57,308
Those crazy noises
are computer signals.
314
00:16:57,413 --> 00:17:01,509
Some guys at M.I.T. are sending us reasons
why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk.
315
00:17:07,290 --> 00:17:08,484
- Ha! They're out of their minds.
- [ Groans ]
316
00:17:08,591 --> 00:17:13,187
Oh, I heard about this. This is the one
where Scratchy finally gets Itchy.
317
00:17:13,296 --> 00:17:14,593
Wow!
318
00:17:26,976 --> 00:17:28,876
[ Cackling ]
319
00:17:31,915 --> 00:17:34,213
[ Whistles ]
320
00:17:40,456 --> 00:17:43,983
My purpose in life
is to witness this moment.
321
00:17:47,397 --> 00:17:50,298
- [ Screaming ]
- We need the outlet for our rock tumbler.
322
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,699
- Plug it in! Plug it in!
- What, the rock tumbler or the TV?
323
00:17:53,803 --> 00:17:55,532
The TV! The TV!
324
00:17:57,073 --> 00:17:59,803
-"Show "
- [ Cheering ]
325
00:17:59,909 --> 00:18:04,312
Wow! They'll never let us show that again,
not in a million years!
326
00:18:04,414 --> 00:18:06,314
[ Chortling ]
327
00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,316
[ Screaming ]
328
00:18:08,418 --> 00:18:12,149
Dad, start digging
some nerd holes.
329
00:18:12,255 --> 00:18:16,453
It's bad enough they put their retainers
in the dishwasher. Can't we do something?
330
00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:20,461
Look, I'm sure we can work something out
where we can all live in harmony.
331
00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:23,760
- Right, Marge?
- No, I want those geeks out of my house.
332
00:18:23,866 --> 00:18:26,198
You really think you can
get us back into college?
333
00:18:26,302 --> 00:18:27,826
Absolutely.
334
00:18:27,937 --> 00:18:30,633
Now, the only antidote
to a zany scheme...
335
00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:32,708
is an even zanier scheme!
336
00:18:32,809 --> 00:18:34,640
Why does it have to be zany?
337
00:18:34,744 --> 00:18:36,712
[ Gasps ]
I've got it!
338
00:18:36,813 --> 00:18:40,613
We're gonna fix it
so you guys save the dean's life.
339
00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:43,880
-[ Engine Rewing ]
- Perfect.
340
00:18:45,121 --> 00:18:47,021
[ Tires Screeching ]
341
00:18:47,123 --> 00:18:50,092
" [ Whistling ]
342
00:18:50,193 --> 00:18:53,526
Okay, guys. We push him out of the way
in exactly three seconds.
343
00:18:53,629 --> 00:18:55,597
Should we correct
for wind resistance?
344
00:18:55,698 --> 00:18:58,098
Hmm, possibly.
What do you think?
345
00:18:58,201 --> 00:19:00,328
-[ Thudding ]
- Oh, my.
346
00:19:00,436 --> 00:19:04,600
Well, Dean, I'm really sorry
for the running-you-over prank.
347
00:19:04,707 --> 00:19:07,870
- Prank?
- And all those other pranks were my idea too.
348
00:19:07,977 --> 00:19:10,377
I'm the one who should be expelled.
349
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,778
Well, I'm touched by your honesty.
350
00:19:12,882 --> 00:19:16,113
And who knows--
Perhaps I've been a bit of an ogre myself.
351
00:19:16,219 --> 00:19:18,187
- Yes, you have.
- How's this?
352
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,221
I'll readmit your friends...
353
00:19:20,323 --> 00:19:22,848
and we'll forget
this whole silly incident ever occurred.
354
00:19:22,959 --> 00:19:26,986
Oh, Dean. This is what
your new hip is going to look like.
355
00:19:27,096 --> 00:19:30,361
[ Nervous Chuckling ]
You're gonna have to go easy on it.
356
00:19:30,466 --> 00:19:33,526
Oh, it's good to be back
after all these weeks.
357
00:19:33,636 --> 00:19:35,604
Better check our answering machine.
358
00:19:35,705 --> 00:19:39,106
[ Woman's Voice ]
Number of messages received: zero.
359
00:19:39,208 --> 00:19:42,939
- [ All Sighing ]
- We really want to thank you, Mr. Simpson.
360
00:19:43,046 --> 00:19:45,014
Ah, no problem, guys.
361
00:19:45,114 --> 00:19:50,381
The important thing is
that we wrapped up all the loose ends.
362
00:19:50,486 --> 00:19:54,616
So, in conclusion, good luck
on tomorrow's big final exam.
363
00:19:54,724 --> 00:19:56,624
Exam? Oh!
364
00:19:56,726 --> 00:19:59,695
This is just like one of those bad dreams!
[ Screams ]
365
00:19:59,796 --> 00:20:02,594
What are you gonna do, Mr. Simpson?
366
00:20:02,698 --> 00:20:04,962
Actually,
I've been working on a plan.
367
00:20:05,068 --> 00:20:07,628
During the exam,
I'll hide under some coats...
368
00:20:07,737 --> 00:20:10,297
and hope that somehow
everything will work out.
369
00:20:10,406 --> 00:20:15,571
Or with our help, you can cram
like you've never crammed before!
370
00:20:15,678 --> 00:20:16,975
Whatever.
Either way is good.
371
00:20:31,961 --> 00:20:33,861
Whoo-hoo!
372
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,468
Oh, man.
I can't believe you failed.
373
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:45,303
Oh, I'm gonna lose my job
just 'cause I'm dangerously unqualified!
374
00:20:45,408 --> 00:20:47,376
Mr. Simpson, there is a way.
375
00:20:47,477 --> 00:20:50,344
We could, well, use a computer
to change your grade.
376
00:20:50,446 --> 00:20:52,414
[ Gasps ]
Computers can do that?
377
00:20:52,515 --> 00:20:55,973
Oh, yes. The only problem is
the moral dilemma it raises, which requires--
378
00:20:56,085 --> 00:20:59,816
[ Kissing ]
Oh, I love-- Moral whuzzah?
379
00:20:59,922 --> 00:21:03,050
An A-plus!
How did you do it?
380
00:21:03,159 --> 00:21:07,823
Oh, let's just say I had help
from a little magic box.
381
00:21:07,930 --> 00:21:10,262
- You changed your grade with a computer?
- D'oh!
382
00:21:10,366 --> 00:21:11,560
Way to go, Dad!
383
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:15,228
The important thing is
that we all learned a lesson.
384
00:21:15,338 --> 00:21:19,570
These guys learned the richness and variety
of the world outside college.
385
00:21:19,675 --> 00:21:21,575
- No, we didn't.
- Oh.
386
00:21:21,677 --> 00:21:26,410
Then I learned the real value of college
is to study and work hard.
387
00:21:26,516 --> 00:21:31,249
No, you didn't. You only passed your course by
cheating, which you always taught us was wrong.
388
00:21:31,354 --> 00:21:32,651
Hmm. True.
389
00:21:32,755 --> 00:21:35,724
And I learned that in order for you
to set a good example for your son...
390
00:21:35,825 --> 00:21:38,794
you're gonna take that course over again
without cheating.
391
00:21:38,895 --> 00:21:42,661
Oh, Marge! You're worse
than that crusty old dean.
392
00:21:42,765 --> 00:21:46,724
[ Sighs ]
Well, I guess it's back to college for me.
393
00:21:46,836 --> 00:21:50,135
That means it's time to--
What did I teach you guys?
394
00:21:50,239 --> 00:21:52,139
[ Nerds ]
Par-ty down?
395
00:21:52,241 --> 00:21:54,141
Yes!
396
00:21:54,243 --> 00:21:57,440
"[ Rock ]
397
00:22:44,193 --> 00:22:46,161
- [ People Chattering ]
- Shh!
31737
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