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1
00:00:12,443 --> 00:00:16,522
♪ Baby, baby, baby
B-B-B-B-B-Baby, baby, baby... ♪
2
00:00:16,523 --> 00:00:19,402
Have you forgotten the words?
No, them's the words, baby.
3
00:00:19,403 --> 00:00:20,607
HE LAUGHS
4
00:00:20,632 --> 00:00:23,271
So, how you enjoying your last
few weeks of school, Prim?
5
00:00:23,296 --> 00:00:25,615
I'm experiencing a
kaleidoscope of emotions.
6
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:26,799
Oh, yeah, I bet.
7
00:00:26,850 --> 00:00:29,089
All that time at
school. I left at 12.
8
00:00:29,114 --> 00:00:30,913
Midday? What did you
do in the afternoons?
9
00:00:31,203 --> 00:00:34,122
Ah! Sharp as a lemon.
Forgot how grown up you was.
10
00:00:34,123 --> 00:00:36,682
Those boys in your class, y'know,
ain't half gonna miss you.
11
00:00:36,683 --> 00:00:39,482
And I'll miss them. Yeah.
12
00:00:39,483 --> 00:00:42,443
But I'm done with boys.
I'm ready for a man.
13
00:00:43,563 --> 00:00:45,683
Where did that come from?
14
00:00:53,643 --> 00:00:55,283
BEEPS HORN
15
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,843
Thanks, Pop. Bye-bye, Prim.
16
00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:09,722
♪ Well, you may go to college
And you may go to school... ♪
17
00:01:09,723 --> 00:01:11,603
BICYCLE BELL RINGS
18
00:01:47,563 --> 00:01:49,282
Hey, Ma.
19
00:01:49,283 --> 00:01:51,482
Primrose!
20
00:01:51,483 --> 00:01:53,163
Anything happening
in the village?
21
00:01:58,603 --> 00:02:01,802
Yes. A beautiful
prince passed through,
22
00:02:01,803 --> 00:02:03,922
and then he went on his
way, never to be seen again.
23
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:05,922
Well, that happens a
lot in the village.
24
00:02:05,923 --> 00:02:07,202
PRIM LAUGHS
25
00:02:07,203 --> 00:02:10,362
What's your massive brain
full of this morning?
26
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:13,042
My future. I don't know what
I want to do with my life.
27
00:02:13,043 --> 00:02:15,402
I'd say just enjoy that feeling.
28
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:18,802
You're 18, you don't need
to make any big plans.
29
00:02:18,803 --> 00:02:22,002
That said, shouldn't
you be going to college?
30
00:02:22,003 --> 00:02:25,682
Take at me and Pop -
self-taught, brilliantly,
31
00:02:25,683 --> 00:02:28,322
but I can't tell Proust
from a box of spanners.
32
00:02:28,323 --> 00:02:30,762
PRIM LAUGHS Everyone's
expecting you to go.
33
00:02:30,763 --> 00:02:32,362
Mm, the head begged me to,
34
00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:35,242
to help raise the school's number
of pupils who've gone to university.
35
00:02:35,243 --> 00:02:37,362
Raise it to what? One. Me.
36
00:02:37,363 --> 00:02:39,402
Well, get yourself up to Oxford,
37
00:02:39,403 --> 00:02:42,242
become the first ever
Larkin to go to university,
38
00:02:42,243 --> 00:02:45,522
and show off a bit. THEY LAUGH
39
00:02:45,523 --> 00:02:47,682
There is a poet
called Philip Larkin.
40
00:02:47,683 --> 00:02:49,202
Any relation?
41
00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:51,802
He doesn't remind me of
Pop, let's put it that way.
42
00:02:51,803 --> 00:02:53,123
Hm.
43
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:58,242
I think I love it here too much.
44
00:02:58,243 --> 00:02:59,802
Well...
45
00:02:59,803 --> 00:03:02,842
Course, Pop and I, we'd
rather that you stayed around.
46
00:03:02,843 --> 00:03:06,243
But you've never been one to
take our advice, have you?
47
00:03:19,603 --> 00:03:21,202
You sure you want
to pull it down?
48
00:03:21,203 --> 00:03:23,122
Oh, yeah. It's cheaper
than fixing it up, Ivor.
49
00:03:23,123 --> 00:03:25,002
I'd rather share the
land out anyway, y'know,
50
00:03:25,003 --> 00:03:26,802
give a few acres to
Mariette and Charley.
51
00:03:26,803 --> 00:03:28,802
Right, I'll be back
with some jelly.
52
00:03:28,803 --> 00:03:32,602
Jelly? I want to flatten
it, not make a trifle.
53
00:03:32,603 --> 00:03:34,563
POP LAUGHS
54
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,562
Oh, hello. Who's this?
55
00:03:37,563 --> 00:03:38,962
How can I help you, my darling?
56
00:03:38,963 --> 00:03:41,362
Are you the proprietor?
I certainly am.
57
00:03:41,363 --> 00:03:43,402
Good afternoon, I'm Pinkie.
58
00:03:43,403 --> 00:03:44,642
Oh, aren't you just?!
59
00:03:44,643 --> 00:03:46,562
I love your house.
60
00:03:46,563 --> 00:03:48,362
I took the liberty of
perusing it earlier,
61
00:03:48,363 --> 00:03:50,562
after a rude vicar told
me it was unoccupied.
62
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,563
Oh, yeah, we're pulling it down.
63
00:03:53,523 --> 00:03:54,762
But you can't!
64
00:03:54,763 --> 00:03:57,362
Well, I've been trying to find
the time to do it all year.
65
00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:59,282
But Mr Jerebohm and
I have been looking
66
00:03:59,283 --> 00:04:02,082
for a country house for months,
and this place dovetails magically.
67
00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:04,922
Except it is falling down.
68
00:04:04,923 --> 00:04:06,202
Then we'll prop it up.
69
00:04:06,203 --> 00:04:08,202
I adore the countryside!
Yeah, it's good, innit?
70
00:04:08,203 --> 00:04:11,842
I have a couple of tearaways who
would love to call this place home,
71
00:04:11,843 --> 00:04:13,362
if you're prepared to sell it?
72
00:04:13,363 --> 00:04:15,042
Well, I, er...
73
00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:17,523
Please, you have
to sell it to me!
74
00:04:19,163 --> 00:04:22,163
Oh, look, my husband.
He'll persuade you.
75
00:04:47,803 --> 00:04:49,603
KNOCKING AT DOOR
76
00:04:55,603 --> 00:04:58,482
Oh! H-Hello, Vicar.
77
00:04:58,483 --> 00:05:00,962
I thought you might have
collapsed inside the house.
78
00:05:00,963 --> 00:05:02,402
Why would I do that?
79
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,842
Because you weren't answering,
80
00:05:04,843 --> 00:05:08,002
and the Dean said you're a
bit of a worry, and need help.
81
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,083
HE GROWLS SOFTLY
82
00:05:10,283 --> 00:05:11,762
It's a lovely area.
83
00:05:11,763 --> 00:05:13,802
I took a bicycle...
Stop talking!
84
00:05:13,803 --> 00:05:16,402
Who are you, and what the hell
are you doing here? Talk now!
85
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,522
The diocese have sent
you letters about me.
86
00:05:18,523 --> 00:05:20,562
I can't spend all
day opening letters.
87
00:05:20,563 --> 00:05:23,402
Oh, so you're not expecting me.
88
00:05:23,403 --> 00:05:24,722
I'm Reverend Candy.
89
00:05:24,723 --> 00:05:27,002
I'm here to join
you at the parish.
90
00:05:27,003 --> 00:05:28,803
I don't need another vicar.
91
00:05:30,403 --> 00:05:33,283
Well, you've got one.
Isn't that exciting?
92
00:05:38,363 --> 00:05:40,322
Mr Jerebohm loves it!
93
00:05:40,323 --> 00:05:43,082
Oh, seen a lot of
places? Sixty-three.
94
00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:45,442
And this place just dovetails
with our needs, doesn't it?
95
00:05:45,443 --> 00:05:47,362
How much? Needs a lot of work.
96
00:05:47,363 --> 00:05:49,362
You'll end up hating it.
Oh, for God's sake, man,
97
00:05:49,363 --> 00:05:51,443
stop your tiresome games
and name your price.
98
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,682
Nineteen thousand.
JEREBOHM COUGHS
99
00:05:54,683 --> 00:05:57,362
Do you like the countryside,
or is it just Pinkie here?
100
00:05:57,363 --> 00:05:59,682
I... He loves it.
101
00:05:59,683 --> 00:06:01,922
I'll stretch to £12,000.
102
00:06:01,923 --> 00:06:06,642
Oh, well, in that case you must
find yourself a house worth £12,000.
103
00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:08,842
More. Add more money.
104
00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:12,082
Did I mention around these
parts no-one ever dies?
105
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:13,242
It's in the air, you see.
106
00:06:13,243 --> 00:06:15,242
They live forever, a
bit like tortoises.
107
00:06:15,243 --> 00:06:16,722
WHISPERS: Tortoises?
108
00:06:16,723 --> 00:06:19,002
£15,000 is my final offer.
109
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,562
No, I can get more from the
demolition rats, you see.
110
00:06:21,563 --> 00:06:23,362
My builder, Big Ivor,
111
00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:25,802
he's round the back
with a bag of gelignite.
112
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:29,402
Darling, you're rather
undermining my negotiating power.
113
00:06:29,403 --> 00:06:30,882
Well, what do you want me to do?
114
00:06:30,883 --> 00:06:32,962
Pretend it's a pile
of crap and I hate it?
115
00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:34,842
You could err on
that side, yes. OK.
116
00:06:34,843 --> 00:06:36,522
A bloke from Birmingham,
117
00:06:36,523 --> 00:06:40,242
he offered me £1,000 for
the wood panelling alone.
118
00:06:40,243 --> 00:06:42,242
Same for the big
window at the front.
119
00:06:42,243 --> 00:06:44,442
Don't mind me, I'm just
making conversation.
120
00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:47,722
I'm worried about getting
staff. Will they be available?
121
00:06:47,723 --> 00:06:48,923
Oh, yeah, yeah.
122
00:06:51,123 --> 00:06:52,603
Fifteen and a half.
123
00:06:53,723 --> 00:06:55,722
Seventeen thousand, cash,
124
00:06:55,723 --> 00:06:58,442
and I will take a
"yes" or a "goodbye".
125
00:06:58,443 --> 00:07:00,122
Cash?
126
00:07:00,123 --> 00:07:01,803
I never trust
money I can't bury.
127
00:07:03,803 --> 00:07:06,962
SHE MEWLS PLAINTIVELY
128
00:07:06,963 --> 00:07:08,402
Yes.
129
00:07:08,403 --> 00:07:09,683
SHE SQUEALS
130
00:07:11,843 --> 00:07:14,922
Shall we celebrate
with a bit of wet?
131
00:07:14,923 --> 00:07:16,242
Bit of what?
132
00:07:16,243 --> 00:07:18,082
A bit of wet. Drinks.
133
00:07:18,083 --> 00:07:20,802
Oh, no, couldn't possibly.
I'm on a very strict diet.
134
00:07:20,803 --> 00:07:23,123
Pills and celery.
135
00:07:32,443 --> 00:07:34,042
Room.
136
00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:35,602
Another room.
137
00:07:35,603 --> 00:07:37,123
Some sort of cupboard.
138
00:07:38,523 --> 00:07:42,762
Do you have a cleaner? Possibly
inexperienced, or blind?
139
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,242
I prefer to save money
and do it myself. Really?
140
00:07:45,243 --> 00:07:47,002
It's such a big house.
141
00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:50,123
Is it? I never go upstairs.
142
00:07:55,523 --> 00:07:57,242
Oh, my God!
143
00:07:57,243 --> 00:08:00,123
Yeah, this room could
probably do with a clean.
144
00:08:09,963 --> 00:08:13,522
I need to eat every hour. Me
too, otherwise I feel faint.
145
00:08:13,523 --> 00:08:16,122
Yeah, pills and
celery, my derriere.
146
00:08:16,123 --> 00:08:17,922
That's a recipe for sadness.
147
00:08:17,923 --> 00:08:20,522
Still, they made us an
offer we could not refuse.
148
00:08:20,523 --> 00:08:22,122
We'll have to tell
Mariette and Charley
149
00:08:22,123 --> 00:08:24,162
we'll find 'em some land nearby.
150
00:08:24,163 --> 00:08:27,722
Yeah, we'll slip Mariette a grand
for her birthday next month.
151
00:08:27,723 --> 00:08:29,602
Y'know, start her off
nice. Where are they now?
152
00:08:29,603 --> 00:08:32,482
Still on the Italian Riviera.
They're heading to Greece next.
153
00:08:32,483 --> 00:08:34,282
How long are honeymoons
supposed to last?
154
00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:37,122
Well, till the money runs out,
or they get homesick, I suppose,
155
00:08:37,123 --> 00:08:40,842
or... till they realise the
marriage was a big mistake.
156
00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:43,362
That is in such poor
taste. Not funny.
157
00:08:43,363 --> 00:08:44,442
Outrageous.
158
00:08:44,443 --> 00:08:45,842
I'm joking! Blimey O'Reilly.
159
00:08:45,843 --> 00:08:47,362
So, what are our
new neighbours like?
160
00:08:47,363 --> 00:08:48,802
Bit sprauncy.
161
00:08:48,803 --> 00:08:51,602
Erm, she's called Pinkie, cos
she always dresses in pink.
162
00:08:51,603 --> 00:08:52,642
Nutter. Yeah.
163
00:08:52,643 --> 00:08:55,842
And her old man, Mr Jerebohm,
he works in the city,
164
00:08:55,843 --> 00:08:56,962
he's got a face to match.
165
00:08:56,963 --> 00:09:00,802
They're both gonna have to
learn to kick off their shoes -
166
00:09:00,803 --> 00:09:02,162
and anything else that chafes -
167
00:09:02,163 --> 00:09:04,882
and surrender to the power
of the great outdoors.
168
00:09:04,883 --> 00:09:07,642
Yeah, they'll soon soften
up after use - or sell up.
169
00:09:07,643 --> 00:09:09,202
Got a couple of
nippers, apparently.
170
00:09:09,203 --> 00:09:12,482
How much profit did you make?
Trade secret, you bold girl.
171
00:09:12,483 --> 00:09:15,962
Let's just say we doubled
our money in a year.
172
00:09:15,963 --> 00:09:17,122
Ahem.
173
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,082
They're not gonna like
it if they find out.
174
00:09:19,083 --> 00:09:20,682
Spend it on a camel.
175
00:09:20,683 --> 00:09:23,962
Actually, that is
top of our list.
176
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:26,002
Is it? No!
177
00:09:26,003 --> 00:09:27,643
We're gonna put it in the bank.
178
00:09:30,363 --> 00:09:32,843
LAUGHTER
179
00:09:34,123 --> 00:09:35,642
I've got an idea.
180
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,762
And this is gonna
blow your socks off.
181
00:09:37,763 --> 00:09:42,522
Right, stand by for one of my
best, and I've had some stunners.
182
00:09:42,523 --> 00:09:44,322
Speak!
183
00:09:44,323 --> 00:09:45,562
A swimming pool.
184
00:09:45,563 --> 00:09:47,242
GIGGLING
185
00:09:47,243 --> 00:09:49,682
Ooh! Yeah.
186
00:09:49,683 --> 00:09:52,122
And not just for us, but
for all our pals, an' all.
187
00:09:52,123 --> 00:09:54,923
I'm gonna cry. Great!
188
00:10:09,883 --> 00:10:11,883
CRASH
189
00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:20,642
I love it when a
new family moves in.
190
00:10:20,643 --> 00:10:22,602
Yes, it's terrific news.
191
00:10:22,603 --> 00:10:24,642
There'll be more people
like us in the village.
192
00:10:24,643 --> 00:10:26,882
How are they like you?
193
00:10:26,883 --> 00:10:28,122
A prosperous city commuter
194
00:10:28,123 --> 00:10:31,002
and his solid middle-class
housewife wife. Ring any bells?
195
00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:34,442
Oh, I'm more than a
solid housewife wife.
196
00:10:34,443 --> 00:10:36,642
But, er, we can
discuss that later.
197
00:10:36,643 --> 00:10:38,602
They've already thrown
a fortune at the house,
198
00:10:38,603 --> 00:10:40,122
builders round the clock.
199
00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:42,442
And I hear a golden
lavatory was delivered.
200
00:10:42,443 --> 00:10:44,282
I don't know what to say.
201
00:10:44,283 --> 00:10:46,802
Ah, my favourite people!
202
00:10:46,803 --> 00:10:48,802
Talking to Alec and Norma.
203
00:10:48,803 --> 00:10:50,602
That's a howler
you lot have made,
204
00:10:50,603 --> 00:10:52,362
selling Bluff Court
to the Jerebohms.
205
00:10:52,363 --> 00:10:53,962
Oh, why's that, Alec?
206
00:10:53,963 --> 00:10:56,402
Obviously, they're
your social superiors.
207
00:10:56,403 --> 00:10:59,002
What's that actually
mean, Norma?
208
00:10:59,003 --> 00:11:01,082
Let us put it in words
you'll understand.
209
00:11:01,083 --> 00:11:04,003
You're like jackals living
next to a pride of lions.
210
00:11:05,323 --> 00:11:08,842
Well, in this fairy tale
animal hierarchy of yours,
211
00:11:08,843 --> 00:11:10,043
what does that make you two?
212
00:11:11,123 --> 00:11:13,402
Well, I suppose we're,
erm... Dung beetles?
213
00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:15,242
No, we're not dung
beetles. Bats?
214
00:11:15,243 --> 00:11:17,242
I'm thinking turkeys.
215
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,402
LAUGHTER
216
00:11:18,403 --> 00:11:20,882
Stop them comparing us
to ugly animals, Alec!
217
00:11:20,883 --> 00:11:24,322
Oh, talking of ugly, have you seen
the vicar's new young reverend?
218
00:11:24,323 --> 00:11:27,522
We don't go to church much,
what with... not wanting to.
219
00:11:27,523 --> 00:11:30,282
So, was he hard on the eyes,
Edith? Bag-over-the-head job?
220
00:11:30,283 --> 00:11:32,922
LAUGHTER No, he's very handsome.
221
00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:35,642
Looks like an angel.
Cycling fanatic.
222
00:11:35,643 --> 00:11:37,842
He hasn't taken
any services yet.
223
00:11:37,843 --> 00:11:40,562
Tragically, I think he
might not last the week,
224
00:11:40,563 --> 00:11:42,642
what with the vicar
being how he is.
225
00:11:42,643 --> 00:11:44,842
Blunt. Flies buzzing round him.
226
00:11:44,843 --> 00:11:47,042
Yes, I'm told the
vicarage is very dirty.
227
00:11:47,043 --> 00:11:48,922
You don't walk
through the house.
228
00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:50,442
You wade! LAUGHTER
229
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,642
I'm just...
230
00:11:52,643 --> 00:11:53,803
Yep.
231
00:12:04,763 --> 00:12:05,923
Good morning.
232
00:12:07,083 --> 00:12:08,762
I'm new here. Don't be alarmed.
233
00:12:08,763 --> 00:12:11,522
Yes. I'm so glad you
haven't already left.
234
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,762
Why would I leave?
235
00:12:12,763 --> 00:12:15,322
VICAR: Never open the door,
it'll only be lunatics!
236
00:12:15,323 --> 00:12:17,643
Or the poor. Oh, yes,
there, there is that.
237
00:12:18,843 --> 00:12:20,282
I just wanted to say hello
238
00:12:20,283 --> 00:12:23,642
and assure you that we are a
vibrant and spiritual village.
239
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:25,202
And very loving.
240
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:27,242
Don't let anyone
in, I'm not decent.
241
00:12:27,243 --> 00:12:28,643
He really isn't.
242
00:12:33,283 --> 00:12:34,522
Well, thank you.
243
00:12:34,523 --> 00:12:37,882
Anyway, I'm Primrose
Larkin. Miss.
244
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,482
Reverend Candy.
245
00:12:39,483 --> 00:12:41,042
And...
246
00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:42,523
Good.
247
00:12:43,963 --> 00:12:46,762
I look forward to seeing you
in church, if not before.
248
00:12:46,763 --> 00:12:48,443
Indeed.
249
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,403
HE CHUCKLES
250
00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:07,683
Oh, what a dinky little shop.
251
00:13:09,043 --> 00:13:11,242
Let's get this over with.
252
00:13:11,243 --> 00:13:14,002
Good day to you. You
must be the Jerebohms.
253
00:13:14,003 --> 00:13:15,242
How do you know that?
254
00:13:15,243 --> 00:13:17,362
Of course they know that.
We live in the big house.
255
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,282
I am the headmistress
of the village school.
256
00:13:19,283 --> 00:13:21,442
I highly recommend it
for your two children.
257
00:13:21,443 --> 00:13:23,882
No, we don't believe
in state education.
258
00:13:23,883 --> 00:13:25,122
But we do very well.
259
00:13:25,123 --> 00:13:27,602
Take Primrose Larkin, whose
parents owned your house.
260
00:13:27,603 --> 00:13:29,762
She achieved three
As at A level.
261
00:13:29,763 --> 00:13:31,122
You see, in our experience,
262
00:13:31,123 --> 00:13:33,002
it isn't how clever or
hard-working you are,
263
00:13:33,003 --> 00:13:35,082
it's who you know.
Isn't that wrong?
264
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:36,522
No, we like it, as a system.
265
00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:39,363
Hello. Alec and Norma Norman.
266
00:13:40,563 --> 00:13:42,042
Hello.
267
00:13:42,043 --> 00:13:43,762
In fact, all the
Larkins are special.
268
00:13:43,763 --> 00:13:46,322
And Mr Larkin in particular
is ludicrously attractive.
269
00:13:46,323 --> 00:13:48,402
Oh, yes, we were thinking
of having them over
270
00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:50,562
for a dinner party, to show
off all our improvements.
271
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:52,762
We'll be there, the Normans.
272
00:13:52,763 --> 00:13:54,122
We're your sort of people.
273
00:13:54,123 --> 00:13:56,962
When is it? I'll
put it in my diary.
274
00:13:56,963 --> 00:13:58,482
You're not invited.
275
00:13:58,483 --> 00:14:00,442
Does anybody know
of a local girl
276
00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:02,322
who could help us
with catering events?
277
00:14:02,323 --> 00:14:04,602
Berndt does all our
catering and child-minding,
278
00:14:04,603 --> 00:14:06,642
but he's bad with people.
279
00:14:06,643 --> 00:14:08,683
Touch me again, and I'll
have the law on you!
280
00:14:10,323 --> 00:14:12,282
It's OK, we're going steady.
281
00:14:12,283 --> 00:14:14,683
Well, kind of.
One day at a time.
282
00:14:16,243 --> 00:14:18,203
SHE GIGGLES
283
00:14:28,683 --> 00:14:30,322
Don't act stupid.
284
00:14:30,323 --> 00:14:33,243
They're from London, so
they'll be all sophisticated.
285
00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:43,482
What?
286
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,682
We're from the farm
just over the way.
287
00:14:45,683 --> 00:14:47,002
Came to say hello.
288
00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:48,962
You don't know anyone yet,
289
00:14:48,963 --> 00:14:50,762
so do you want to
go out and do stuff?
290
00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:52,282
We know all the
kids in the village.
291
00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:53,643
We can show you some otters.
292
00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:57,162
Why would WE spend
time with YOU?
293
00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:58,523
Bog off.
294
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:14,203
SCREAMING, WAILING
295
00:15:18,163 --> 00:15:20,043
You try to be cordial.
296
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,483
Hey up, Ma. High society.
297
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,082
Drive your own
motor, you nitwits.
298
00:15:40,083 --> 00:15:41,642
Takes all sorts, Ma. Come on.
299
00:15:41,643 --> 00:15:43,242
Oh, no, you're right.
300
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:47,042
I'm gonna hire my own
full-time... hat-maker.
301
00:15:47,043 --> 00:15:48,922
Oh, now you're talking.
I'll have a magician.
302
00:15:48,923 --> 00:15:52,082
Oh, that'll be nice.
I'm gonna have... Hello!
303
00:15:52,083 --> 00:15:54,002
Hello, Larkins.
304
00:15:54,003 --> 00:15:57,642
We should put your Roller with
ours, see if they make a baby.
305
00:15:57,643 --> 00:16:00,362
It's very fecund,
is Larkin Farm.
306
00:16:00,363 --> 00:16:02,282
Nice to meet you. We
haven't talked properly.
307
00:16:02,283 --> 00:16:06,002
Exactly, and that's why we'd love
to invite you over for din-dins,
308
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:08,682
wouldn't we, dear? Yes.
309
00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:11,042
Oh, din-dins, yeah. We never
say no to din-dins, do we, Ma?
310
00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:13,802
No, never knowingly
no to din-dins, no.
311
00:16:13,803 --> 00:16:18,002
Seven-thirty tomorrow. Good.
312
00:16:18,003 --> 00:16:19,163
POP CHUCKLES
313
00:16:20,443 --> 00:16:23,203
PINKIE CHUCKLES, GEESE SQUAWK
314
00:16:27,163 --> 00:16:28,762
What are they doing here?
315
00:16:28,763 --> 00:16:30,403
Inviting us to din-dins.
316
00:16:31,883 --> 00:16:33,603
Family of berks.
317
00:16:34,603 --> 00:16:35,963
Language!
318
00:16:40,163 --> 00:16:42,402
Still, must do our
duty if we're invited.
319
00:16:42,403 --> 00:16:45,122
This looks lovely. Maybe I
should wear this more often.
320
00:16:45,123 --> 00:16:47,922
Do the washing up in
it. Yeah, beautiful.
321
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,082
That is raw sexuality,
that is, right there.
322
00:16:50,083 --> 00:16:52,843
SHE LAUGHS
323
00:16:55,043 --> 00:16:56,283
Hey.
324
00:16:59,323 --> 00:17:00,962
Ooh! Hello, trouble.
325
00:17:00,963 --> 00:17:03,843
Good evening, and
welcome to Bluff Court.
326
00:17:05,923 --> 00:17:08,603
Run for your life,
it's gonna be grim.
327
00:17:10,283 --> 00:17:12,523
POP LAUGHS
328
00:17:27,803 --> 00:17:30,482
How are you enjoying the
peace and tranquillity?
329
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:33,122
We love it. Dream come true.
330
00:17:33,123 --> 00:17:35,763
Yeah, very powerful, silence.
331
00:17:38,003 --> 00:17:40,163
Sorry to interrupt the banter.
332
00:17:47,923 --> 00:17:50,003
I hope everyone
likes prawn cocktail.
333
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:13,562
Shall I stay while you eat that, or
come back in a couple of seconds?
334
00:18:13,563 --> 00:18:14,802
Stay.
335
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,362
Ruff!
336
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,162
MA CHUCKLES
337
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:19,802
How's your diet
going, Mrs Jerebohm?
338
00:18:19,803 --> 00:18:23,042
Smashing. Although I'm
taking the evening off.
339
00:18:23,043 --> 00:18:25,002
Yeah, have a blow-out.
340
00:18:25,003 --> 00:18:27,362
We put quality over quantity.
341
00:18:27,363 --> 00:18:28,803
We like a bit of both.
342
00:18:34,523 --> 00:18:36,402
Yes, so...
343
00:18:36,403 --> 00:18:39,363
Do you... have any pets?
344
00:18:40,363 --> 00:18:42,802
Nah, it's a working farm. We
love our animals, you know.
345
00:18:42,803 --> 00:18:45,523
Take care of 'em,
and then... eat 'em.
346
00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:48,563
PINKIE CHUCKLES That's
very droll, well done.
347
00:18:49,723 --> 00:18:52,402
It's a shame our children
didn't hit it off, isn't it?
348
00:18:52,403 --> 00:18:55,562
Yes. Mine want me to
sue yours for assault.
349
00:18:55,563 --> 00:18:58,162
Kids, eh? In my day,
we'd have a scrap,
350
00:18:58,163 --> 00:19:00,242
then have a cry, then
we'd be pals for life.
351
00:19:00,243 --> 00:19:03,042
Really? What a super
system. POP CHUCKLES
352
00:19:03,043 --> 00:19:05,562
Or it got worse and worse
until someone got badly hurt.
353
00:19:05,563 --> 00:19:06,963
MA LAUGHS
354
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,802
KNOCK AT DOOR
355
00:19:09,803 --> 00:19:11,922
Oh, is it the cavalry
with a loaf of bread?
356
00:19:11,923 --> 00:19:14,642
POP LAUGHS Are you
handing that wine round,
357
00:19:14,643 --> 00:19:17,282
or making it last
till Harvest Festival?
358
00:19:17,283 --> 00:19:21,082
Evening, we were just
passing. Alec Norman.
359
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:24,122
And Norma... Norman.
Norma Norman.
360
00:19:24,123 --> 00:19:25,922
Proud housewife. HE CHUCKLES
361
00:19:25,923 --> 00:19:27,842
As you can see,
we're entertaining.
362
00:19:27,843 --> 00:19:29,562
Not a problem, we are
also entertaining!
363
00:19:29,563 --> 00:19:30,722
THEY LAUGH
364
00:19:30,723 --> 00:19:33,402
Shall I call the
police? What?!
365
00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:34,682
No, don't.
366
00:19:34,683 --> 00:19:36,122
Look, we're people like you.
367
00:19:36,123 --> 00:19:38,722
We're completely solvent.
368
00:19:38,723 --> 00:19:40,082
We'd make excellent friends.
369
00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:41,442
No, I don't think so.
370
00:19:41,443 --> 00:19:42,962
ALEC GRUNTS
371
00:19:42,963 --> 00:19:45,042
We've prepared some anecdotes!
372
00:19:45,043 --> 00:19:46,842
You must come to
our house, then!
373
00:19:46,843 --> 00:19:49,002
Get off me! Get
your hands off me!
374
00:19:49,003 --> 00:19:50,482
Get off my suit! Ow!
375
00:19:50,483 --> 00:19:52,163
DOOR SLAMS
376
00:19:56,523 --> 00:19:57,803
Ah.
377
00:20:01,683 --> 00:20:04,403
Blimey, and they say splitting
the atom takes some doing.
378
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:10,842
Let's face it, we've turned your
sow's ear into a silk purse.
379
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:13,442
Well done. You wouldn't say
that if you'd worked with pigs.
380
00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:16,682
Wise animals - with
gorgeous lugholes.
381
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,802
Spoken like a country bumpkin.
382
00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:20,962
Spoken like a
pri... Easy, tiger.
383
00:20:20,963 --> 00:20:22,483
..ckly city type.
384
00:20:25,363 --> 00:20:28,162
The panelling that you
said was worth £1,000
385
00:20:28,163 --> 00:20:29,442
is full of woodworm.
386
00:20:29,443 --> 00:20:32,082
Oh. Well, we appreciate
your honesty,
387
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,403
but they're yours to keep.
388
00:20:37,163 --> 00:20:39,122
Ah, the gaiety.
389
00:20:39,123 --> 00:20:41,362
Hm, yeah, it's a
big old project.
390
00:20:41,363 --> 00:20:43,242
I warned you off it,
391
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:45,322
but if you love it
like you said you do,
392
00:20:45,323 --> 00:20:47,042
then, er, you'll
enjoy it, won't you?
393
00:20:47,043 --> 00:20:49,362
But you took advantage of
our good faith and generosity
394
00:20:49,363 --> 00:20:51,002
and wildly overcharged us,
395
00:20:51,003 --> 00:20:53,762
so we want a substantial
rebate of our purchase price.
396
00:20:53,763 --> 00:20:57,042
That is why we've been
summoned to the big house.
397
00:20:57,043 --> 00:20:58,842
Do you wanna take
this, or shall I?
398
00:20:58,843 --> 00:21:00,802
After you, Ma.
399
00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:02,722
You bought the house as seen,
400
00:21:02,723 --> 00:21:05,162
flashing your cash to
make your Pinkie happy.
401
00:21:05,163 --> 00:21:07,042
If you'd sold us the house,
402
00:21:07,043 --> 00:21:09,202
would you be giving
us the money back?
403
00:21:09,203 --> 00:21:10,642
CHUCKLES
404
00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:13,243
Answers on a postcard,
please, ladies and gentlemen.
405
00:21:26,123 --> 00:21:28,962
JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS
406
00:21:28,963 --> 00:21:31,403
WOMAN ON TV: 'Oh,
that's a super hover.'
407
00:21:40,123 --> 00:21:42,082
SHE INCREASES VOLUME
408
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:45,203
MUSIC CONTINUES
409
00:22:00,683 --> 00:22:05,122
Reverend Candy, you dance,
I might say, divinely.
410
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:07,642
AS CANDY: "Not as well as
you, you gorgeous thing.
411
00:22:07,643 --> 00:22:09,923
"Though I love you
equally for your mind.
412
00:22:14,883 --> 00:22:16,683
"Are we completely alone?"
413
00:22:21,003 --> 00:22:24,682
Completely. The children
wanted to sleep in the barn.
414
00:22:24,683 --> 00:22:28,203
I love your dog collar.
Is it made of ivory?
415
00:22:30,003 --> 00:22:32,722
Two shillings for you
to not tell anyone.
416
00:22:32,723 --> 00:22:35,003
OK.
417
00:22:40,523 --> 00:22:44,682
I never thought I was gonna feel
sorry for Alec and Norma. Nor me!
418
00:22:44,683 --> 00:22:46,602
So, I'm gonna jump in
419
00:22:46,603 --> 00:22:48,802
and say the Jerebohms
are a living nightmare.
420
00:22:48,803 --> 00:22:50,282
No, Ma, I love 'em!
421
00:22:50,283 --> 00:22:53,842
From their massive portions
to their easy bonhomie (!)
422
00:22:53,843 --> 00:22:56,602
I can't see 'em hanging around
down here for long, can you?
423
00:22:56,603 --> 00:22:59,482
And Pinkie's enthusiasms
obviously last about ten minutes.
424
00:22:59,483 --> 00:23:01,282
We'll see, won't we? Yeah.
425
00:23:01,283 --> 00:23:03,362
What're we gonna
have when we get in?
426
00:23:03,363 --> 00:23:05,722
Half a goose each and a bottle
of Champagne in the bath?
427
00:23:05,723 --> 00:23:07,042
I should cocoa.
428
00:23:07,043 --> 00:23:08,762
Ooh, hello.
429
00:23:08,763 --> 00:23:11,042
Evening, all. Good evening.
430
00:23:11,043 --> 00:23:14,482
Oh, you must be
our rev's new chap.
431
00:23:14,483 --> 00:23:16,242
I am.
432
00:23:16,243 --> 00:23:18,162
I just... needed a
little break from him.
433
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:20,202
Yeah, he's a rough
diamond, the vic, in't he?
434
00:23:20,203 --> 00:23:21,922
Well, he's rough, anyway.
435
00:23:21,923 --> 00:23:23,602
Ma and Pop Larkin.
436
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:25,602
Ah, yes, I met your...
437
00:23:25,603 --> 00:23:27,842
Erm, Reverend Ian Candy.
438
00:23:27,843 --> 00:23:30,162
May I say, your name suits you.
439
00:23:30,163 --> 00:23:31,762
Thank you.
440
00:23:31,763 --> 00:23:34,282
So, how are you and the vic
gonna divvy up the work, then?
441
00:23:34,283 --> 00:23:37,562
Well, it seems the plan is
for me to do... everything.
442
00:23:37,563 --> 00:23:41,563
Yes, we thought he might
suggest something like that.
443
00:23:49,283 --> 00:23:52,403
MURMURS: Bless me, Rev,
for I have sinned...
444
00:24:08,083 --> 00:24:10,802
Phil, what shape shall
we make the pool?
445
00:24:10,803 --> 00:24:13,042
Oh, look, come here. Come
here. Come here. Move. Move.
446
00:24:13,043 --> 00:24:15,922
Come here, look. No, look at
thi... What about this? Phil?
447
00:24:15,923 --> 00:24:17,642
What about Mount Everest?
448
00:24:17,643 --> 00:24:20,762
GUNSHOTS
449
00:24:20,763 --> 00:24:23,082
HORSE WHINNIES
450
00:24:23,083 --> 00:24:24,843
GUNSHOTS CONTINUE
451
00:24:30,723 --> 00:24:33,643
GUNSHOTS CONTINUE
452
00:24:37,603 --> 00:24:41,723
GUNSHOTS CONTINUE
453
00:25:10,523 --> 00:25:12,802
GUNSHOTS CONTINUE
454
00:25:12,803 --> 00:25:14,922
Well, it's disappointing.
455
00:25:14,923 --> 00:25:17,803
Do we think they're trying
to make a point? Just a bit.
456
00:25:19,603 --> 00:25:21,522
Hello, Prim. Hello.
457
00:25:21,523 --> 00:25:22,802
GUNSHOT
458
00:25:22,803 --> 00:25:25,122
They're STILL doing that!
Haven't they heard of reading?
459
00:25:25,123 --> 00:25:28,362
Ah, they can let off steam, then
we'll see how the land lies.
460
00:25:28,363 --> 00:25:30,003
They're not doing
anything illegal.
461
00:25:32,203 --> 00:25:34,162
Well, last week of
school, my Larkin-in-oes.
462
00:25:34,163 --> 00:25:35,922
New vic's comin' in.
463
00:25:35,923 --> 00:25:39,202
Vic-AR, please. Bit of respect
for the Reverend Candy.
464
00:25:39,203 --> 00:25:42,122
Ma likes him, cos he's a
pretty boy, apparently.
465
00:25:42,123 --> 00:25:45,002
Oh, talking about me
again? How awkward.
466
00:25:45,003 --> 00:25:47,522
Still, good looks brings
great responsibility.
467
00:25:47,523 --> 00:25:48,722
GUNSHOTS
468
00:25:48,723 --> 00:25:51,402
Ignore it. They'll
have had enough soon.
469
00:25:51,403 --> 00:25:53,522
It'll be summink quiet
next week, like nudism.
470
00:25:53,523 --> 00:25:55,242
ALL: Eurgh...
471
00:25:55,243 --> 00:25:56,803
GUNSHOTS
472
00:26:00,243 --> 00:26:02,402
GUNSHOT Argh!
473
00:26:02,403 --> 00:26:05,042
One more shot and I'm gonna
do something I regret!
474
00:26:05,043 --> 00:26:07,203
GUNSHOT, SHE SCREAMS
475
00:26:09,483 --> 00:26:11,323
GUNSHOTS
476
00:26:12,563 --> 00:26:15,083
RATTLING
477
00:26:17,763 --> 00:26:21,123
GUNSHOTS
478
00:26:29,323 --> 00:26:31,123
SMASHING
479
00:26:35,563 --> 00:26:37,603
GUNSHOT
480
00:26:45,643 --> 00:26:49,522
It's getting boring. We need
living creatures to kill.
481
00:26:49,523 --> 00:26:52,122
We've scared them all off,
Blanche. Buy some, Daddy.
482
00:26:52,123 --> 00:26:53,643
Yes.
483
00:27:04,643 --> 00:27:06,243
Just coming.
484
00:27:10,043 --> 00:27:12,042
Morning, Mr Larkin. Edith!
485
00:27:12,043 --> 00:27:14,082
Come on in, we're
swimming in kedgeree.
486
00:27:14,083 --> 00:27:15,802
Thank you, but my
stomach is in knots.
487
00:27:15,803 --> 00:27:16,962
GUNSHOT, SHE GASPS
488
00:27:16,963 --> 00:27:20,882
Oh, yeah, that. It gets
on your wick, don't it?
489
00:27:20,883 --> 00:27:22,122
I tried ear-plugs,
490
00:27:22,123 --> 00:27:24,362
but I have unusual ears
and everything falls out -
491
00:27:24,363 --> 00:27:26,162
family trait, one
of many misfortunes.
492
00:27:26,163 --> 00:27:27,722
Well, relax, Edith.
With any luck,
493
00:27:27,723 --> 00:27:29,842
they'll accidentally
shoot each other dead.
494
00:27:29,843 --> 00:27:32,242
I'm not sure I'll last that
long, and I hear the Chands...
495
00:27:32,243 --> 00:27:35,402
GUNSHOT, SHE GASPS ..are
contemplating suicide too.
496
00:27:35,403 --> 00:27:38,683
Oh. Well, come on.
Let's take a walk, then.
497
00:27:45,523 --> 00:27:48,802
Whoa, whoa. Hello! Can I just
interrupt your ritual slaughter?
498
00:27:48,803 --> 00:27:50,402
If you're quick.
499
00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:52,802
Mr Larkin, please don't
complain about the noise.
500
00:27:52,803 --> 00:27:54,042
This is our new passion.
501
00:27:54,043 --> 00:27:56,282
We're bonkers for
gunning things down.
502
00:27:56,283 --> 00:27:58,522
No, Pinkie, you're
gonna have to shout -
503
00:27:58,523 --> 00:28:00,522
me ears have gone,
so's Miss Pilchester's.
504
00:28:00,523 --> 00:28:03,242
How's it been, Edith?
Absolutely ghastly.
505
00:28:03,243 --> 00:28:04,722
Just be like normal folk
506
00:28:04,723 --> 00:28:06,962
and shoot for a
couple of hours a day.
507
00:28:06,963 --> 00:28:09,762
We'll do what we
fancy, thank you.
508
00:28:09,763 --> 00:28:10,922
Your kids started it.
509
00:28:10,923 --> 00:28:13,882
But we're using real guns,
because we're richer.
510
00:28:13,883 --> 00:28:15,162
OK, couple of things there.
511
00:28:15,163 --> 00:28:18,362
First - you're an odd child,
got to find some friends.
512
00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:22,682
Second - I asked you nicely, but
you're shooting without licences
513
00:28:22,683 --> 00:28:25,922
and out of season, using
a purveyor of dodgy birds,
514
00:28:25,923 --> 00:28:28,162
all due respect, Vivian. Pop.
515
00:28:28,163 --> 00:28:30,202
Why would I listen to
a hillbilly like you?
516
00:28:30,203 --> 00:28:33,042
Oh, I'm gonna shoot someone
myself if this rudeness continues.
517
00:28:33,043 --> 00:28:36,802
Just, just take some advice:
I know you're using real guns,
518
00:28:36,803 --> 00:28:38,522
but in case you dozed
off during the war,
519
00:28:38,523 --> 00:28:39,842
they can put a
hole in your head.
520
00:28:39,843 --> 00:28:42,082
Don't say that.
Don't be ridiculous.
521
00:28:42,083 --> 00:28:43,682
SHOT, GRUNT
522
00:28:43,683 --> 00:28:45,922
Whoops (!) Oh, dear.
523
00:28:45,923 --> 00:28:48,122
Cheers, Viv. Cheers, Pop.
524
00:28:48,123 --> 00:28:50,323
Come on, get up. Stop it!
525
00:28:57,083 --> 00:29:00,283
Of course we'll be
friends for ever, Robin.
526
00:29:01,763 --> 00:29:04,962
Don't cry. Settle
down, children.
527
00:29:04,963 --> 00:29:08,042
Or should I say... young adults.
528
00:29:08,043 --> 00:29:09,482
GIGGLING
529
00:29:09,483 --> 00:29:11,962
You've seen and heard enough of
me over the last dozen years,
530
00:29:11,963 --> 00:29:14,162
so let me introduce
you to someone new.
531
00:29:14,163 --> 00:29:16,203
Hello, everyone.
I'm Reverend Candy.
532
00:29:21,003 --> 00:29:24,763
What's the matter?
Nothing. Sorry. I'm...
533
00:29:25,923 --> 00:29:29,162
I was still studying last
year, at vicar school,
534
00:29:29,163 --> 00:29:31,442
and I don't feel
much older than you.
535
00:29:31,443 --> 00:29:34,162
So you may be thinking: "Why
should I listen to you?"
536
00:29:34,163 --> 00:29:35,483
We're not thinking that.
537
00:29:37,283 --> 00:29:38,682
Um, where was I?
538
00:29:38,683 --> 00:29:40,483
You were talking... beautifully.
539
00:29:41,603 --> 00:29:42,843
Thank you.
540
00:29:46,923 --> 00:29:50,362
It's quietened down, but
I don't see it lasting.
541
00:29:50,363 --> 00:29:51,842
No.
542
00:29:51,843 --> 00:29:55,362
The blood-curdling teenager and
her Daddy ain't the happy kind.
543
00:29:55,363 --> 00:29:59,962
And Pinkie is as daft
as a rabbit in March.
544
00:29:59,963 --> 00:30:01,602
Daft?
545
00:30:01,603 --> 00:30:04,482
Or as unhappy as him? Eh?
546
00:30:04,483 --> 00:30:07,122
Her husband does her bidding.
547
00:30:07,123 --> 00:30:09,242
It's all about status with him.
548
00:30:09,243 --> 00:30:11,442
He's got the big
house in the country,
549
00:30:11,443 --> 00:30:14,123
and he wants to keep
hold of the pretty wife.
550
00:30:15,363 --> 00:30:19,163
I'll have a go at winning
her over. Woman to woman.
551
00:30:22,083 --> 00:30:23,523
After all...
552
00:30:24,843 --> 00:30:28,763
..how different can two
people be, under the surface?
553
00:30:31,643 --> 00:30:33,243
Hello.
554
00:30:34,563 --> 00:30:38,482
Oh, hello. Brought a
snack for the journey?
555
00:30:38,483 --> 00:30:40,482
CHUCKLES
556
00:30:40,483 --> 00:30:43,002
No, I've brought a selection
of produce for you,
557
00:30:43,003 --> 00:30:45,243
in case you relax
your dietary rules.
558
00:30:46,443 --> 00:30:49,002
I know our families
haven't been getting along.
559
00:30:49,003 --> 00:30:51,682
But how about you and me -
we show 'em how it's done.
560
00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:54,682
Well, I, erm, keep myself
on a very tight leash.
561
00:30:54,683 --> 00:30:56,962
My husband's scared
I'll balloon.
562
00:30:56,963 --> 00:30:58,562
And what do you think?
563
00:30:58,563 --> 00:30:59,923
I, erm...
564
00:31:02,123 --> 00:31:03,883
Well, they've gone
up to town, so...
565
00:31:09,563 --> 00:31:11,643
Mmm... Mmm!
566
00:31:13,723 --> 00:31:15,362
Are you all right there?
567
00:31:15,363 --> 00:31:17,403
Yes. Don't look at me.
568
00:31:19,963 --> 00:31:23,202
OK. Mmm...
569
00:31:23,203 --> 00:31:27,802
We don't need to be the
same, or even good friends,
570
00:31:27,803 --> 00:31:32,283
but we share a community,
and a small wound can fester.
571
00:31:33,923 --> 00:31:35,962
The wound isn't of our making.
572
00:31:35,963 --> 00:31:38,682
We can't sell the house
without making a big loss,
573
00:31:38,683 --> 00:31:41,603
which Mr Jerebohm can't abide,
so we're stuck down here.
574
00:31:43,243 --> 00:31:45,082
So all this shooting is revenge?
575
00:31:45,083 --> 00:31:46,882
How could you think that?!
576
00:31:46,883 --> 00:31:48,802
We ADORE shooties,
577
00:31:48,803 --> 00:31:52,442
especially my crazy husband and
my slightly disturbing daughter.
578
00:31:52,443 --> 00:31:55,203
Violence can be so
cleansing, don't you think?
579
00:31:56,603 --> 00:31:58,162
To be honest...
580
00:31:58,163 --> 00:32:01,202
I think you'd all be better
off having a lie-down
581
00:32:01,203 --> 00:32:04,203
amongst the daisies
and the sunflowers.
582
00:32:07,603 --> 00:32:09,843
SHE SCOFFS
583
00:32:15,643 --> 00:32:19,642
After 30 years in education,
I thought I was used to noise.
584
00:32:19,643 --> 00:32:23,802
Me, too. Ditto, ditto, ditto,
army, ditto, ditto, ditto.
585
00:32:23,803 --> 00:32:26,522
The same way I've got used to
children wetting themselves.
586
00:32:26,523 --> 00:32:31,042
If I had a pound for every wet
patch, I'd be a happy woman.
587
00:32:31,043 --> 00:32:33,402
But the shooting
was driving us mad.
588
00:32:33,403 --> 00:32:35,522
Well, Pop's done his
best to stop 'em,
589
00:32:35,523 --> 00:32:36,842
but it's all gonna blow up.
590
00:32:36,843 --> 00:32:39,522
They say the countryside's
quiet, but actually,
591
00:32:39,523 --> 00:32:41,482
it's full of noise, isn't it?
592
00:32:41,483 --> 00:32:43,762
Birds, and crickets,
593
00:32:43,763 --> 00:32:45,362
and cows... Very true, Libby.
594
00:32:45,363 --> 00:32:47,642
Tractors. People whistling.
595
00:32:47,643 --> 00:32:50,723
Oh, the bells! That's
enough noisy things now.
596
00:32:53,523 --> 00:32:56,602
Good evening, everyone.
Oh, good evening. Hello.
597
00:32:56,603 --> 00:32:59,402
Hi. Evening.
598
00:32:59,403 --> 00:33:01,722
Let me get everyone a drink.
599
00:33:01,723 --> 00:33:04,242
Oh! Ah! You're so lovely!
600
00:33:04,243 --> 00:33:06,282
So... three holy
waters on the rocks?
601
00:33:06,283 --> 00:33:08,323
LAUGHTER
602
00:33:10,963 --> 00:33:13,003
I'm still in charge here.
603
00:33:17,643 --> 00:33:22,122
It might seem a bit cocky, Ivor,
but it's more fun than rectangular.
604
00:33:22,123 --> 00:33:23,882
The shape of your head?
605
00:33:23,883 --> 00:33:26,962
Yeah, look, look!
606
00:33:26,963 --> 00:33:28,523
See?
607
00:33:31,723 --> 00:33:34,082
What's up? Too big-headed
for you, is it?
608
00:33:34,083 --> 00:33:36,842
GUNSHOTS
609
00:33:36,843 --> 00:33:38,682
We could empty the
earth over 'em.
610
00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:42,323
Don't tempt me, Ivor. I'm
going to sort this out.
611
00:33:43,563 --> 00:33:45,923
Pull!
612
00:33:57,003 --> 00:33:58,843
Pull!
613
00:34:02,483 --> 00:34:06,203
FLURRY OF GUNSHOTS
614
00:34:23,163 --> 00:34:26,042
Where's Ma? Village.
615
00:34:26,043 --> 00:34:27,842
Where's Pop?
616
00:34:27,843 --> 00:34:30,242
Sorting out our peculiar
neighbours once and for all.
617
00:34:30,243 --> 00:34:32,882
Where's... Mariette
and Charley?
618
00:34:32,883 --> 00:34:34,762
Getting on a ferry in Brindisi.
619
00:34:34,763 --> 00:34:37,402
The twins are probably in the
barn re-staging their wedding,
620
00:34:37,403 --> 00:34:40,362
Oscar's asleep, Victoria's
stripping a lawnmower...
621
00:34:40,363 --> 00:34:44,082
Ta... and I'm in emotional turmoil
because I'm missing Mariette
622
00:34:44,083 --> 00:34:47,083
and I wish she was here to
help me decide what to do.
623
00:34:50,403 --> 00:34:51,923
Can I help?
624
00:34:58,483 --> 00:35:00,562
I'm about to leave school,
625
00:35:00,563 --> 00:35:03,202
so this feels like a
pivotal moment in my life,
626
00:35:03,203 --> 00:35:06,843
and I am going to be brave and
modern in everything that I do.
627
00:35:13,683 --> 00:35:14,923
Starting today.
628
00:35:23,163 --> 00:35:26,003
GUNSHOTS
629
00:35:29,163 --> 00:35:31,682
Morning, Norma,
Alec. Good morning.
630
00:35:31,683 --> 00:35:34,522
What have you been
buying - ear plugs?
631
00:35:34,523 --> 00:35:37,482
You two never
disappoint, do you?
632
00:35:37,483 --> 00:35:39,922
There's a world of
light and joy out there,
633
00:35:39,923 --> 00:35:41,883
and you always
seek the darkness.
634
00:35:45,363 --> 00:35:47,042
Oh, shut up.
635
00:35:47,043 --> 00:35:48,802
I was actually
feeling sorry for you
636
00:35:48,803 --> 00:35:51,402
after our neighbours'
unfortunate dinner party.
637
00:35:51,403 --> 00:35:53,922
Well, for all their faults,
I'm glad to see the Jerebohms
638
00:35:53,923 --> 00:35:56,362
are taking on you
Larkins, as I predicted.
639
00:35:56,363 --> 00:36:00,082
Good luck living next
door to all that shooting.
640
00:36:00,083 --> 00:36:02,122
SHE CHUCKLES
641
00:36:02,123 --> 00:36:05,163
Very, very good,
Norma. Thank you.
642
00:36:11,923 --> 00:36:13,323
Pull.
643
00:36:21,683 --> 00:36:25,442
I'm bored. I want to
shoot something dead.
644
00:36:25,443 --> 00:36:28,642
Yes, well, I tried, wumpit,
but nobody will supply us
645
00:36:28,643 --> 00:36:31,962
with any of those... grouses,
or whatever they're called.
646
00:36:31,963 --> 00:36:35,762
RUSTLING, GROWLING
647
00:36:35,763 --> 00:36:37,682
It's a big one. SNARLING
648
00:36:37,683 --> 00:36:38,842
Big what?
649
00:36:38,843 --> 00:36:40,682
How would I know? I'm
from Knightsbridge.
650
00:36:40,683 --> 00:36:42,763
GRUNTING
651
00:36:47,523 --> 00:36:49,803
WHIMPERING
652
00:36:53,163 --> 00:36:55,403
Argh...!
653
00:36:57,643 --> 00:36:59,922
I'm sure it's just
a flesh wound.
654
00:36:59,923 --> 00:37:01,963
Don't look back.
All right, Daddy.
655
00:37:14,363 --> 00:37:16,562
Oh, hello again. Hello there.
656
00:37:16,563 --> 00:37:18,882
Do you want to see the
vicar? He's just gone...
657
00:37:18,883 --> 00:37:21,882
Why would I want to see him
when you're on the premises?
658
00:37:21,883 --> 00:37:24,282
It was nice to see you
at your leaver's event.
659
00:37:24,283 --> 00:37:27,042
I hadn't realised you
were still at school.
660
00:37:27,043 --> 00:37:29,162
Well, that was rather
the point of it.
661
00:37:29,163 --> 00:37:31,162
In 24 hours, I
won't be at school,
662
00:37:31,163 --> 00:37:33,762
and I was wondering, Ian,
663
00:37:33,763 --> 00:37:36,402
if you'd like to go to
the pictures with me?
664
00:37:36,403 --> 00:37:39,162
Thank you, but I'm
afraid I really can't.
665
00:37:39,163 --> 00:37:40,962
Oh...
666
00:37:40,963 --> 00:37:43,362
Are you rushed off your
feet? Please say yes.
667
00:37:43,363 --> 00:37:45,402
Yes, but that's not the reason.
668
00:37:45,403 --> 00:37:46,523
Oh, right.
669
00:37:47,523 --> 00:37:50,522
You have a girlfriend. I'm sorry,
I should have checked, but...
670
00:37:50,523 --> 00:37:52,162
No, no, I don't
have a girlfriend.
671
00:37:52,163 --> 00:37:55,202
Do you not... want
one? Yes, but...
672
00:37:55,203 --> 00:37:58,322
I've only just taken on the job,
so that should have priority.
673
00:37:58,323 --> 00:38:01,483
Of course. Well, maybe when
you've settled in a bit.
674
00:38:03,283 --> 00:38:04,963
Or is there another reason?
675
00:38:06,243 --> 00:38:07,802
You know...
676
00:38:07,803 --> 00:38:09,323
you're very young.
677
00:38:11,843 --> 00:38:16,802
Well, as I'm so young,
let's watch Dumbo, shall we?
678
00:38:16,803 --> 00:38:20,043
Or Snow White And The Seven
Dwarves? Something I'll understand?
679
00:38:33,763 --> 00:38:37,482
Good afternoon, Officer.
It's Constable, in fact.
680
00:38:37,483 --> 00:38:40,402
Oh, is there a difference? Yes,
about ten long, hard years.
681
00:38:40,403 --> 00:38:41,602
Oh.
682
00:38:41,603 --> 00:38:44,242
Are you Mrs Jerebohm, of,
er, this address? I am.
683
00:38:44,243 --> 00:38:47,482
If you want my husband
I will have to wake him,
684
00:38:47,483 --> 00:38:49,642
er, because he's been
asleep for many hours.
685
00:38:49,643 --> 00:38:51,762
We all have.
686
00:38:51,763 --> 00:38:54,442
YAWNS LOUDLY Hello, Officer.
687
00:38:54,443 --> 00:38:57,122
I'll let that
misclassification go.
688
00:38:57,123 --> 00:39:00,962
Now, have you or anyone in your
household been using guns today,
689
00:39:00,963 --> 00:39:04,362
for recreational or
other purposes? No.
690
00:39:04,363 --> 00:39:07,922
No, we USED to, but we gave
it all up a few days ago
691
00:39:07,923 --> 00:39:09,322
because our neighbour Mr Larkin
692
00:39:09,323 --> 00:39:11,762
suggested that the noise
was causing a disturbance.
693
00:39:11,763 --> 00:39:13,123
Hmm.
694
00:39:15,283 --> 00:39:18,442
Right. Perhaps Mr
Larkin's shot someone.
695
00:39:18,443 --> 00:39:20,123
Who said anyone's been shot?
696
00:39:24,283 --> 00:39:28,002
Yes, there has been a serious
shooting in the locality.
697
00:39:28,003 --> 00:39:30,202
Gosh. Very upsetting.
698
00:39:30,203 --> 00:39:31,562
Mm.
699
00:39:31,563 --> 00:39:34,722
I'll return if I have
any other enquiries.
700
00:39:34,723 --> 00:39:37,243
Mm. Good.
701
00:39:39,483 --> 00:39:42,203
YAWNING
702
00:39:45,723 --> 00:39:47,243
DOOR SHUTS
703
00:39:52,763 --> 00:39:55,162
Listen - that's
how it should be.
704
00:39:55,163 --> 00:39:58,682
And will be now.
Thank you, PC Harness.
705
00:39:58,683 --> 00:40:01,162
Yeah, cool as a cucumber,
not as green, after all.
706
00:40:01,163 --> 00:40:03,722
Well, going out with Pauline
is quite nerve-wracking,
707
00:40:03,723 --> 00:40:05,722
so everything else
seems simple now.
708
00:40:05,723 --> 00:40:08,082
THEY CHUCKLE
709
00:40:08,083 --> 00:40:09,722
I'm appalled, though.
710
00:40:09,723 --> 00:40:12,602
For all they know, they've
shot an innocent person.
711
00:40:12,603 --> 00:40:14,922
Yes, and killed him!
712
00:40:14,923 --> 00:40:17,163
How are you bearing up, General?
713
00:40:23,643 --> 00:40:26,003
GROWLING
714
00:40:31,283 --> 00:40:34,003
GROANING
715
00:40:43,483 --> 00:40:47,282
Sadly, I have experience of
bloody battlefields, so...
716
00:40:47,283 --> 00:40:49,243
strangely emotional.
717
00:40:50,603 --> 00:40:54,082
Yeah, was a cruel trick, but now
we know who we're dealing with.
718
00:40:54,083 --> 00:40:56,802
Well done, Pauline.
719
00:40:56,803 --> 00:41:00,002
Mm, Brigadier, you drink mine -
720
00:41:00,003 --> 00:41:03,202
I've got half a dozen
kids to attend to.
721
00:41:03,203 --> 00:41:04,802
See you, Ma.
722
00:41:04,803 --> 00:41:07,802
Let's hope that family are
sitting there wondering
723
00:41:07,803 --> 00:41:10,243
what the hell they've done.
724
00:41:13,443 --> 00:41:15,083
Don't be late, Pop.
725
00:41:18,043 --> 00:41:20,122
What must I do with it?
726
00:41:20,123 --> 00:41:22,402
I don't know, dump it
in a disused quarry.
727
00:41:22,403 --> 00:41:24,002
Where is a disused quarry?
728
00:41:24,003 --> 00:41:25,322
I DON'T KNOW!
729
00:41:25,323 --> 00:41:27,962
I told you guns were
bad. Did you listen?
730
00:41:27,963 --> 00:41:29,202
I beg your pardon?
731
00:41:29,203 --> 00:41:32,283
I TOLD YOU GUNS WERE
BAD! DID YOU LISTEN?
732
00:41:48,563 --> 00:41:50,122
KNOCKING AT DOOR
733
00:41:50,123 --> 00:41:52,242
Berndt, if that's the
police, tell them we're out.
734
00:41:52,243 --> 00:41:53,843
I'm sure that's illegal.
735
00:41:56,603 --> 00:41:58,522
Maybe we should hide.
736
00:41:58,523 --> 00:42:00,203
I hate the countryside!
737
00:42:01,803 --> 00:42:03,162
Oh, God. It's you.
738
00:42:03,163 --> 00:42:06,482
I wouldn't take that tone with me,
given the trouble you seem to be in.
739
00:42:06,483 --> 00:42:08,002
What are you talking about?
740
00:42:08,003 --> 00:42:09,722
I have my ear to the ground,
741
00:42:09,723 --> 00:42:11,842
and I hear you shot someone
and nearly killed them.
742
00:42:11,843 --> 00:42:13,202
That's utter nonsense.
743
00:42:13,203 --> 00:42:18,122
It is. Because Pop Larkin and
his cronies staged the shooting.
744
00:42:18,123 --> 00:42:20,162
I knew it! What do
you mean, you knew it?
745
00:42:20,163 --> 00:42:23,122
If you knew it, why
didn't you tell me?
746
00:42:23,123 --> 00:42:24,923
Don't do that.
747
00:42:26,723 --> 00:42:30,162
I love what you've done
with the decor. Very swish.
748
00:42:30,163 --> 00:42:32,322
Thank you. You mean he
fabricated an accident,
749
00:42:32,323 --> 00:42:34,482
and we've destroyed
thousands of pounds' worth
750
00:42:34,483 --> 00:42:36,562
of shooting equipment
for no good reason?
751
00:42:36,563 --> 00:42:38,123
Maddening, isn't it?
752
00:42:42,523 --> 00:42:44,962
♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby
753
00:42:44,963 --> 00:42:47,363
♪ Baby, baby,
baby, baby, baby...
754
00:42:48,883 --> 00:42:50,682
♪ Baby...
755
00:42:50,683 --> 00:42:51,923
♪ Come on, baby
756
00:42:53,683 --> 00:42:55,683
♪ I wanna play house with you...
757
00:42:57,363 --> 00:42:59,202
♪ Oh, baby, baby, baby... ♪
758
00:42:59,203 --> 00:43:01,722
How we doin?!
759
00:43:01,723 --> 00:43:05,562
I stayed in the public house
to keep the General company,
760
00:43:05,563 --> 00:43:10,082
as he had been shot several
times earlier in the day.
761
00:43:10,083 --> 00:43:12,643
SOBBING
762
00:43:14,683 --> 00:43:16,483
Oh, I'll eat you in a minute.
763
00:43:22,323 --> 00:43:24,522
WHISPERS: What's going on?
764
00:43:24,523 --> 00:43:26,163
She'll be all right.
765
00:43:28,043 --> 00:43:31,802
What is it? He
thinks I'm too young.
766
00:43:31,803 --> 00:43:35,762
She asked Reverend Candy
out, and he turned her down.
767
00:43:35,763 --> 00:43:39,882
Oh, yeah, but well done for
asking him, though, Primrose.
768
00:43:39,883 --> 00:43:42,362
I mean, we Larkins don't
wait for stuff to happen,
769
00:43:42,363 --> 00:43:43,722
we MAKE things happen.
770
00:43:43,723 --> 00:43:47,603
Yeah, might not always work
out, but we won't die wondering.
771
00:43:50,443 --> 00:43:52,842
Thank you. And you know what?
772
00:43:52,843 --> 00:43:54,962
I'm laying odds...
773
00:43:54,963 --> 00:43:58,322
that the reverend will
come round to you, Prim.
774
00:43:58,323 --> 00:44:02,082
Let's not lay bets on our daughter
getting off with the new vicar, eh?
775
00:44:02,083 --> 00:44:03,802
PRIM GIGGLES
776
00:44:03,803 --> 00:44:06,203
Off to bed with you, pumpkin.
777
00:44:10,643 --> 00:44:12,163
Last day of school tomorrow.
778
00:44:15,923 --> 00:44:17,523
Oh...
779
00:44:21,963 --> 00:44:24,722
Ah, they're good kids. Yeah.
780
00:44:24,723 --> 00:44:26,563
Who are?
781
00:44:31,163 --> 00:44:34,043
Oh, I'm cross! Yes. Yes.
782
00:44:35,283 --> 00:44:39,563
In my experience, the best
remedy for... crossness...
783
00:44:41,123 --> 00:44:44,002
..is, erm... Oh, stop sidling.
That's the last thing I want.
784
00:44:44,003 --> 00:44:46,042
Yep. Sure.
785
00:44:46,043 --> 00:44:48,043
Misjudged the mood.
786
00:44:49,123 --> 00:44:52,322
They may have won
the first skirmish...
787
00:44:52,323 --> 00:44:54,722
but we'll win the war.
788
00:44:54,723 --> 00:44:58,522
HUMS TUNE
789
00:44:58,523 --> 00:45:02,202
You know I've got nothing but
a raging love for you, Pop.
790
00:45:02,203 --> 00:45:04,722
Oh, yeah? And I'm not in the
habit of criticising you.
791
00:45:04,723 --> 00:45:06,882
Well, don't give up
on that now, will you?
792
00:45:06,883 --> 00:45:08,722
But we got greedy, Pop.
793
00:45:08,723 --> 00:45:10,802
We've sold to the wrong people.
794
00:45:10,803 --> 00:45:13,962
Yeah, but, Ma, look, we're stuck
with the old Jelly-bohms now,
795
00:45:13,963 --> 00:45:15,962
aren't we, eh? So...
796
00:45:15,963 --> 00:45:18,322
we might as well make
sure we come out on top.
797
00:45:18,323 --> 00:45:19,643
Know what I mean?
798
00:45:37,843 --> 00:45:40,683
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