Original subtitles

Previously on young Sheldon...

- Here we are. - What is this?

A dorm room. And it's all yours.

You can study, take naps, do whatever you want.

No one's living here?

Well, we had an Indian exchange student, but he developed a taste for barbecue,

so, his parents made him go home.

Wait. He has a room here and at school?

You have your own room. I never had that growing up.

And then I was in the barracks and then I married your mother.

- Dang. - Yeah, tell me about it.

What happened to appreciating what you have?

Yeah, yeah. Bla, bla, bla.

- Wait. You have a single? - Uh-huh.

And you don't even sleep here?

We”, sometimes I take naps, but that mattress is lumpy-wumpy.

I was learning to enjoy the perks of university life,

including a dorm to study and nap in.

And since this was college,

I was even allowed to have girls in my room.

There we go, nice and clean.

Did you use the unscented detergent?

You've got a nose. Sniff it yourself.

I even had my own bathroom,

which gave me the perfect place to store my impressive collection

of sunscreens and bug repellents.

However, one thing I would never get used to

was college students' love of blasting rock and roll music.

- Uh, who are you? - I'm in the room next door.

Oh, you're that smart kid.

- Who is it? - That smart kid.

Tell him to come in.

- Wanna come in? - No, I'm here to complain.

- He's here to complain. - Then don't let him in.

You can't come in.

I'm trying to study and your loud music is very distracting.

You mean the game?

"The game"? I'm not up on today's one-named pop stars.

No, it's a video game.

You have video games?

A bunch. You play?

My meemaw and I beat quest of adeera.

Dude, this kid beat adeera.

Tell him to come in.

Come in.

- Hello. - What's up, homie?

Why do you have a rosetta stone poster?

Linguistics major.

Sit. You can play next.

So, how old are you?

- Twelve. - Damn.

And they let you live here by yourself?

That room is just for during the day to study.

- Didn't I see some lady in there? - That must have been my mom.

Dude, his mom is hot.

What is wrong with you? Don't listen to him.

He thinks any female with a pulse is hot.

- I don't think your mom is hot. - Congratulations.

You're more mature than him.

Don't feel bad. I'm more mature than most people.

You're up.

Grownups and the elderly had always liked me,

and now, I had won over undergrads.

Like a beloved board game, I'm fun for ages nine to 90.

Look at these prices.

I could make this dress for missy.

Meemaw, make her stop!

Come on, Mary. You already got one kid that gets picked on.

Oh, cute.

Oh, it's a little short.

It's supposed to be this length.

It's adorable.

Thank you.

- Does it come down any? - Mom!

Come on, Mary, it's fine.

Well, you're not getting it.

All my friends dress like this.

Arms by your sides. I wanna measure.

See, it's shorter than your fingertips.

What the hell is happening?

She wants to ruin my life.

The school dress code says that

all bottoms must extend past the fingertips.

It's close enough and they don't even check.

Well, I am not wasting good money on something that you can't wear to school.

Then I'll wear it on weekends.

Go try on something else.

I'll get it for her. I don't mind wasting my money.

Please?

Fine. But you're not wearin' it to school

and you're not wearin' it without tights.

Love you.

Hey, I'm the one paying for it!

Love you more!

Hear that?

Hey, Tom, you wanted to see me?

Yeah. Why don't you shut the door and have a seat?

The door? This can't be good.

Uh, look, you know, your team didn't have a great year.

I'm aware.

I'm aware, too, 'cause I've been hearing about it everywhere.

The grocery store, gas station, barbershop...

And I'm only in there 30 seconds, George.

I know people are upset, but we're going to turn things around.

Look, I'm on your side, but you should know the boosters got pitchforks out.

I mean, not literally, but Charlie Dean owns that feed store, so...

Are you saying I'm losing my job?

No, I'm just saying you just got some fires to put out.

What am I supposed to do?

Talk to the boosters and tell them something encouraging.

Yeah, got it.

And say it like your job depends on it.

Not that it does.

But it does.

- Watch out for the cybertoad. - What's a cybertoad?

They're evil little robot frogs.

Although they're only known as cybertoads in the west.

- In Japan, they're known as... - Mechagamas.

- Can I finish my own thoughts, please? - He's very sensitive.

I'm protective of my fun facts, too.

I'm hungry. You wanna order something?

- Chinese? - Little man, you want Chinese?

I don't know. I've never had Chinese food.

Really?

We get it, like, two, three times a week.

Chinese food three times a week? That seems excessive.

How have you never had an egg roll?

Mom, can I please be picked up later?

No, your meemaw is already on her way.

But the people next door want me to try an egg roll.

What people? Don't take food from strangers.

They're not strangers. They're Oscar and Darren.

Well, they're strangers to me.

Well, maybe when meemaw gets here, she can wait in the car for a few hours?

That is not happening and you know it.

Can we at least have Chinese food for dinner?

I'm makin' rice-a-roni, does that count?

Nothing Chinese ends in "a-roni."

Well, their loss.

Oh, I know that face.

Heartburn? Gas? What are we working with?

Not in the mood, Wayne.

Are you in the mood for tums? I could hook you up.

Apparently, the football boosters think I'm not doing my job

just 'cause they give a little money to the team.

A lot of money.

They give some amount of money to the team.

And a new scoreboard.

Okay. But I give my time, my talent, my sweat.

You see any boosters out there doing two-a-day summer practice?

- I do not. - Damn right.

If they really wanna help, you know what they can do?

Give birth to stronger, faster kids 'cause theirs ain't cutting it.

You know you're gonna have to talk to them, right?

Yes.

You know you can't say that stuff about their kids, right?

What if it comes up organically?

Maybe I should come.

I'm not gonna insult their children.

Are you sure?

Okay, come.

Where's the coffee?

I finished it.

When you finish a pot, you're supposed to make more.

- Oh, is that the rule? - It is for him.

Why are you reading my paper?

Well, pardon me for keeping up on events of the day.

Tomorrow's headline. "Father strangles son."

Good luck, my horoscope says things are looking up.

- Well, don't you look nice! - Nice and boring, thanks to you.

Is everyone gonna be crabby today?

I've been a delight.

Dad, can we just leave?

- I haven't had my coffee yet. - I'll give you a ride.

Thanks.

Where are the damn filters?

They're in the cabinet, where they always are.

These two. Fightin' like the Serbs and Croatians in Bosnia.

Mom make you wear that?

Yeah.

She did the same thing to me with pleated khakis.

I looked like pastor Jeff.

Well, she doesn't know that I brought a change.

Good for you.

I tried cutting the khakis into shorts.

- Did it help? - No. I looked like Sheldon.

That's tragic.

You never get any glory without a little pain.

I know we've had our share lately.

We've got the pieces in place for next year, and with your support,

we're gonna make it happen.

I think we can agree that our boys are in good hands here.

So, thanks for coming out.

- Go, wolves! - I got a question.

Go ahead, Roy.

That game against Tyler,

what in the hell were you thinking,

punting with a minute twenty-four on the clock?

That's a fair question.

Sure is.

That was a tough one, but our offense was giving up 30 pounds

to everyone across the line and we had a quarterback who had an...

Uneasy relationship with...

Holding on to the ball.

So, you're blaming our kids?

- Well... - No.

- No? No. - No.

Look, they're great kids. A lot of heart.

But they were getting killed out there.

It's a coach's job to know when to pull back.

So, your strategy is to surrender.

That's not what I'm saying.

You know who don't surrender? That new coach they got up at carthage.

- Oh. You know he played for the packers. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, come on. He played for two minutes,

broke his collarbone, and that was his career!

That's two minutes more than you played!

Help me.

Vince lombardi never played for the pros.

So, now this clown is Vince lombardi?

I'm not lombardi, but I don't need to put up with this crap.

Wait. What I think we're all seeing is the passion

that coach Cooper brings to the field.

What you're seein' is me runnin' out of Patience. Meeting's over.

There it is, the Cooper surrender.

- The Cooper surrender. - Bye-bye!

Straight up now tell me

do you really want to love me forever oh, oh, oh

or am I caught in a hit and run?

Straight up now tell me

is it gonna be you and me together oh, oh, oh

or are you just having fun?

- What's the matter? - Everything.

Did somebody die?

- No. - Then we can fix it.

Come on.

Come here.

I was wearing the new skirt. I felt really good.

- Cute skirt. - Thanks.

Your legs are so hairy.

- Ew. - Gross.

Those bitches.

Thank you.

Is that why you got on sweatpants?

It gets worse.

Oh, boy.

I came home and I was in the bathroom

and I saw mom's leg razor...

Oh, no, please tell me you also saw shaving cream?

- I didn't. - Soap?

Water? Lotion? Anything?

Hey, it's Darren.

Hello.

Any chance you play dungeons & dragons?

And how. I once created a campaign set in 1940s London,

where Alan turing was a character,

and I had the mathematicians be magic users with theorems instead of spells.

- The intelligence officers were... - "Yes" works.

We're playing tonight and we're down a magic user.

- You in? - When are you playing?

We start at 7:00. We'll go till whenever.

My mom didn't let me stay past 6:00 yesterday.

- She'll never let me stay till whenever. - Bummer.

Mm. You could play at my house.

- No. - Bummer.

I've never said that before. Did it sound cool?

- No. - Bummer.

Oh, before you open that,

could you pick up Sheldon, so I can get dinner on?

- Do I have to? - I'm sorry.

I guess I'll do all the parenting around here.

I'm havin' a hell of a day. Can I get five minutes of peace?

When do I get five minutes of peace?

Honestly, can you just take this one thing off my plate?

- Hello. - Dad.

My friends are playing dungeons & dragons.

Can I please stay the night in my dorm room? I promise it's safe.

Fine with me.

Thank you. Bye.

That was easy.

- Who was that? - Sheldon.

He's gonna stay the night in his dorm.

Why would you let him do that?

One more thing off your plate.

You did not just tell our son that he could stay the night by himself.

The campus is safe, and he's not by himself.

- He's with friends. - Friends that we don't know!

What if there is alcohol?

Then they're going to get a lot of fun facts

about the history of fermented beverages.

- I am serious. - So am I.

How else would I know that monkeys get drunk

by eating rotten fruit off the jungle floor?

He is not ready for this kind of situation.

Mary, he's a good kid.

He's not gonna drink anything he shouldn't.

And if he cared about peer pressure, he wouldn't wear a bow tie.

I don't know. I don't think I should.

It's just root beer.

This late in the evening, my mother wouldn't approve.

Okay.

Then again, I didn't think they'd let me stay and they did,

so maybe it's fine.

I know. Why don't you roll for it?

Ooh, good idea.

Seventeen. Guess I'll have it.

- We playing? - Hold on. Do you have a coaster?

Yeah, it's in the China cabinet.

And where would that be?

You're good with band-aids.

I've had practice on Sheldon. He's a fragile boy.

I don't want to go back to school tomorrow.

You have to. You can't let them win.

But wear pants. This is hard to look at.

I heard women in Europe don't shave. Maybe I should move there.

They also drink warm beer. They don't know what they're doing.

Will you show me how to do it the right way?

Shave? Yeah. Drink? Your dad's the expert.

Boys have it so easy. They can be as hairy as they want.

Yeah. But they got to walk around being dumb and smelly all the time.

Who wants that?

So I have to shave forever,

then marry someone who's dumb and smelly?

Not necessarily, but there's a good chance.

That's depressing.

That's where the drinking comes in.

Where are you going?

- To get our son. - Mary, leave him alone. He's fine.

We have no idea who he's with, and you don't even care.

You're right. Do whatever you want.

What is your problem?

- Doesn't matter. - Hey.

If something is going on, tell me.

They're coming after me at work.

Who?

The boosters. They want a new coach.

Are you getting fired?

I don't know.

Maybe.

Don't you have to go?

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

You open the gate of the crypt

and you see two identical elven princesses.

Sheldon, what do you do?

I don't feel so good.

What's going on?

My stomach hurts.

- How much did you eat? - Well...

- Dude. - I need to lie down.

Oh, I don't wanna throw up.

- We don't want you to throw up. - If he throws up, I throw up.

- What should we do? - I don't know. Why are you asking me?

You're the closest to a mom here.

I don't know. Call his mom.

Oh, no. Don't call my mom.

She'll never let me do this again.

Get him something to throw up in.

No, not the skittles.

Here.

Next door, there's an emergency alka-seltzer tablet

in my bathroom medicine chest.

- You have a bathroom? - Why does he get a bathroom?

Go throw up in your own bathroom.

I don't know if I can make it.

Get his door!

- 4tslocked. - The key. I'm not gonna make it.

- Please make it. - What is going on?

Sheldon, are you okay?

My stomach hurts.

- He's gonna throw up. - Did you give him beer?

- Did they give you beer? - Just root beer.

It's gonna be okay, baby.

Why is it so colorful?

- Too many... - Skittles.