All language subtitles for Young.Sheldon.S05E06

Previously on young Sheldon...

What's going on?

Are you Connie Tucker?

A secret casino room?

The cops shut me down.

Let's get this going again.

I'm listening.

I was thinking about Chuck E. Cheese.

Grown up people don't...
Don't gamble to win a Teddy bear.

I'm trying to help you.

You think

that grown-ups are going
to gamble for some stuffed animals?

Yeah, that you're buying back from 'em.

It seems I owe you an apology.

Come on in.

When children reach adolescence,

a cascade of hormones are released...

Causing mood swings,
impulsive behavior

and an unbelievable amount
of e ye-rolling.

During this time of change,
members of the opposite sex

who caught my sister's fancy included,

new kids on the block,
rufio from the movie hook,

and, oddly enough, our new Sunday
school teacher, pastor Rob.

Was Mary magdalene Jesus' girlfriend?

No, just one of his followers.

Yeah, Jesus didn't have a girlfriend.

Do you have a girlfriend?

No. No, I don't.

I don't have a girlfriend, either.

All right. You and me, Billy.
Couple of bachelors.

Are you allowed to have a girlfriend?

In the baptist church, yes.

Pastor Jeff is married.

And was married before.

So he's had two wives,
but not at the same time.

- That's not allowed.
- Thank you, Sheldon.

At least not anymore.

In the old testament, Abraham had two,

Jacob had four
and Solomon had a thousand.

But those were largely
for political alliances.

Fun fact, only 700 of those were wives.

The other 300 were concubines.

I wouldn't count on the Bible for facts,
but that was fun.

So, boyfriends and girlfriends are okay?

The way I see it, god is love.

So, if we love someone else

in a committed relationship,

we're feeling god.

So holding hands is okay?

Sure.

What about kissing?

Maybe at some point when you're older.

And what exactly is third base?

I'm thinking it might be a good idea

if we gave the kids
a talk about the facts of life.

You mean, like,

s-e-x?

Who are you spelling that for?

G-o-d.

You really think that's
an appropriate topic for kids their age?

Well, they seem
to have a lot of questions about...

S-e-x.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Get over it.

I just think that's a subject
best left up to the parents.

Glad you feel that way

because it was your daughter
who had the most questions.

Even if...

- Missy had one or two questions...
- It was a lot of questions.

It doesn't matter how many questions.
We can answer them at home.

I'm sure you can.

I just think this is our chance to
get in first before they learn it on TV.

That is true.

I flipped past mtv the other night
and a song was on called

"I want to sex you up."

What does that even mean?

I turned it off
before the young man could clarify.

Well, if you ask me, I think it means...

No one asked you.

See, even we have questions.

Why wouldn't the kids?

I think they deserve honest answers.

You seem to know a lot about children
for someone who has none of their own.

So what's my title here?

Manager? Supervisor?

Your title is "grandson"
who can go home now.

What are you talking about?
We're in this together.

I'm sorry, did you buy these machines?

No. But it was my idea
how to get 'em up and running again.

And thank you.
Now go home before I tell your mother

you want to work in a secret casino.

Oh, yeah?

Maybe I should tell her
you own a secret casino.

Is that the way you want to play this?

Yeah, it is.

Missy was asking about sex.

What?

You don't think that she's...

But she's clearly interested
in the topic.

Well, that's it.
She's grounded until she is 21.

George.

Maybe it's good this pastor
wants to talk about it.

I sure as he” don't.

You're unbelievable.

I had to do it with Georgie,
and it was a disaster.

Well, here is a chance to do it right.

I have two words for you... not it.

Fine.

You can be my assistant manager.

I like the sound of that.

So it's a deal?

We”, hold on.
How much you gonna pay me?

Did I mention that assistant manager
comes with a spiffy name tag?

Does it also come
with a spiffy paycheck?

How much did Dale pay ya?

Uh, minimum wage
plus five percent commission.

I'll give you half of that.

So, two and a half percent commission?

No, half of the minimum wage part.

What about a percentage of these?

Yeah, right.

I'm serious.

If it wasn't for me,
none of this would be happening.

I'm your grandmother.

If it weren't for me,
you wouldn't be happening.

How about this?

No hourly wage. Just a cut.

What kind of cut you thinking?

Five percent.

- Three percent.
- Five.

Three.

You're supposed to go
in the middle and say four.

Why don't you say four?

Fine, four.

- Two.
- Come on.

I'll tell you what.

We're in the gambling business.

Why don't we gamble for it?

Okay.

Great.

The number I'm thinking of
in my head, is it odd or even?

How dumb do you think I am?

In my defense, you used to be dumber.

Why don't you two have a seat?

In here?

Did somebody die?

No, I just want to talk to you.

They're getting divorced.

At least they waited
until one of us was in college.

We are not getting a divorce.

Just sit.

So, you two are both growing up,

and I thought that maybe it might be
time to have a talk about...

That and...

Some of the things
that go along with... that.

What is happening?

I think she's trying to have
the human reproduction talk.

Oh, god.

Uh... speaking of god, he is very clear

about the do's and the don'ts,

especially the don'ts.

I'm not talking about this with you.

I don't think you'll have
any new information for me,

but I'm happy
to chime in with biology facts.

I don't have any questions.

I'm good. Can we be done now?

So you will ask pastor Rob,
but you won't ask me?

I didn't ask you
'cause I know what you'll say.

You don't know what I'm going to say.

"It's a sin.

You're too young. Wait till marriage."

Well, it is. You are and you should.

You can't be too young
if you're an aphid.

Some of them are born pregnant.

I didn't do anything wrong.

I just asked some questions.

Well, you can ask me.

I'm not asking you anything, ever.

It's just her hormones.

Would you like to learn more?

When children reach adolescence,
a cascade of hormones are released.

What are you doing?

Making sure you don't run away.

Because that's what happened
the last time you and mom fought.

I'm not going anywhere.

Now get out of here, creepo.

Why did you get so mad at mom?

I don't want to talk to you
about that stuff. It's so embarrassing.

If you have to ask,
then something's wrong with you.

But the topic was procreation
and she clearly has procreated.

Hey, you got a minute?

Sure. Come on in.

I just wanted to say
about yesterday...

- You were right.
- Oh.

I don't have kids.

I overstepped my bounds.

And I'm sorry.

Thank you for saying that.

Forgiveness five?

Sure.

Oh, come on now,
that didn't feel like you forgave me.

All right.

I'm feeling it.

Okay, well, I'll let you get back to it.

Actually, um...

I might have overstepped yesterday.

In fact, I...

Think there might be
some value in the kids

hearing some of these things
from people other than their parents.

Great.

Hey, maybe it's something
you and I could do together.

Oh, no, no, no.

This was your idea.

Yeah, but you've got
way more experience...

With kids, I mean.

I know what you meant.

Plus, it would be great
for them to hear from a woman.

It's either you or peg, so...

Oh, I want to scare 'em,
but not that much.

So you'll do it?

Okay.

I'll tell pastor Jeff.

I like watching his face
get all red when I mention

S-e-x.

Hey, yours does, too.

Oh.

So, you're going to give us your ticket

and we're going to
give you the Teddy bear.

Why would I want a Teddy bear?

'Cause then we're going
to buy the Teddy bear back.

But I said I don't want a Teddy bear.

I want cash.

You're going to get the cash.

Then why do you keep talking
about a Teddy bear?

'Cause this way it ain't gamblin'.

But I want to gamble.

Gambling is illegal.

This is a gray area.

Just give him the cash.

No, he's gonna get this.

I don't think he is.

Listen to your meemaw. I don't get it.

Just give me your ticket.

Wow, that is a nice Teddy bear.

I'd like to buy that from you.

I don't think he got it.

And then missy said it was embarrassing

to talk to our mother
about reproduction.

Interesting.

Yet the two of you are living proof

she has at least a working
knowledge of the subject.

That's what I said.

Then missy said
something's wrong with me.

Oh, I think you're as normal as I am.

Thank you.

Although I have been called an odd duck.

And one time, a quirky Turkey.

Those people were probablyjealous.

You know, there's some science
to indicate

that adolescents
process embarrassment

with a different part
of their brain than adults do.

Really?

So maybe missy's right,
and I'm an outlier.

Perhaps.

Let's increase our sample size.

Andy, would you feel embarrassed talking

about sexual intercourse
with your mother?

Stammering, red-faced.

He does seem embarrassed.

Although he may just be
embarrassed by the subject in general.

How would you feel discussing it

with a co-worker?

Say, say me, for example.

And now we know, conversations
like that can cost you your job.

You learn something new every day.

I think

I corinthians 7:2 is actually
a pretty good place to start.

Each man should have relations
with his own wife

and each woman with her own husband.

Yeah, I'm just not sure
quoting scripture

is the most exciting way to engage.

I was going more for guilt and fear.

Well, those are classics for a reason.

I just think that if we make
the fruit too forbidden,

someone might want to sneak a bite.

They look up to you.

If you say that abstinence
is the way to go, they'll listen.

Well, abstinence is important,
but I also believe in honesty

and abstinence wasn't my journey.

That's none of my business.

That's okay, I'm not saying
I'm proud of everything I've done

but, you know, I was young.
The mustache was just coming in...

You can stop right there.

Look, all I'm saying is
I was a little wild,

but it's all part of what
led me to the lord.

That is good to hear.

Actually, this is great.

You can tell the kids
how you waited till marriage.

I think it'll be really powerful
for them to hear your story.

Uh-huh. Right. Right.

Right.

Something seems... not right.

Um, it's just, um...

I didn't wait all the way
until marriage.

Hey, none of my business.

Thank you.

But I appreciate the honesty.

- This just got a little awkward.
- Yeah.

- All right, have a good one.
- Okay.

We're in the money...

We're in the money...

We've got a lot of what
it takes to get along

we're in the money...

Oh!

Don't take all my money.

I'm just a Texas grandma
trying to make people happy.

Here ya go.

Ooh. Sweet bear.
I'd give you 20 bucks for it.

How we doin'?

There's a problem with the cash box.

- Oh? What's that?
- Can't get it to close.

That is my kinda problem.

Pastor Rob. Well, this is a surprise.

Sorry to show up unannounced.
Can we talk?

Of course. Come in.

Everything okay?

Yes, but I need to tell you
something in confidence.

No one's home. It's just the two of us.

That's what I was hoping.

- Why are you in my bed?
- Why are you?

This is wrong.

Does it feel wrong?

- No.
- Mary Cooper,

I want to sex you up.

I would like that very much.

I wanna sex you up

- Everything okay?
- Yeah, I just, um...

I had a weird dream.

Must've been a doozy. You're all sweaty.

I wanna sex you up

- What a haul, huh?
- Amazing.

Now what happens?

I take it home, pour it on the bed
and just roll around in it.

What about me?

You just go home.

No. We're partners.

First of all, we're not partners.
And second...

Actually, "not partners"
covers it all pretty well.

Fine. Good luck laundering
this money without me.

You know how to do that?

I've seen scarface, like, ten times.

Great. I'll just watch scarface.

Dang it.

Pastor Jeff, you wanted to see me?

Oh. Hello.

Looks like we both
got called to the principal's office.

I guess we've been naughty.

It's not a sin.

You okay?

Yeah, I just didn't sleep too good.

Well, I didn't either,
my phone was ringing off the hook.

Apparently this little talk

y'all were planning on giving
is causing quite the tizzy.

A good tizzy?

There's no such thing as a good tizzy.
There's only bad tizzies.

You know who wasn't afraid
of causing a tizzy?

Yeah, yeah, Jesus.

But he didn't get 14 messages from
angry parents on his answering machine.

There was probably more
but the little tape got full.

Yeah, people have had
some strong feelings,

but I think if they heard us out,

they'd see we're not putting
impure thoughts in anyone's heads.

- Right, Mary?
- No. I mean, yes, we're not.

I mean, ifwe're upsetting people,
we should just back off.

Exactly. The talk is off.

I never want to talk
about the talk again.

Hallelujah.

If you'll excuse me,
I have 14 phone calls to return.

- Well, sorry this didn't work out.
- It's probably for the best.

Do not look at his butt.
Do not look.

Okay, do not look again.

If the weather didn't finish him off,

you can bet that the polar bears did.

- Everything okay?
- No.

- What's wrong?
- Everyone's parents are upset

about the sex talk mom wants to give
and all my friends are blaming me.

What? This wasn't your fault.

That didn't stop Marjorie Jones
from taking my seat at the lunch table.

And I also got uninvited
from two birthday parties.

That's silly.
All you did was ask questions.

And it's ruining my life.
I'm never talking about sex again.

Well, all right.

- Hey there, Connie.
- What do you want?

Is that any way to greet
an officer of the law?

Sorry.

- What do you want?
- I hear you're back in business.

We're not breakin' any laws.

People are just winnin' these prizes.

That you buy back for cash.

- It's a gray area.
- Look, I'm not here to argue.

At the risk of repeating myself...
What do you want?

I've heard that in cash businesses
such as this,

that some owners can benefit

by having a strong relationship
with their local police department.

What are you gettin' at?

I'm just wondering if there's
something you can do to incur goodwill.

- Are you shakin' me down?
- No.

- Are you hittin' on me?
- No.

I'm just saying,

I've heard some business owners
like to invest in local law enforcement.

- You are shakin' me down.
- It's a gray area.

What kind of contribution
are we talkin'?

Well, that's up to you.

I understand that somewhere between
nine and eleven percent is popular.

- Ten percent?
- If you insist.

- How about three?
- Three what?

Three counts of illegal gambling?

Three years in jail?

I'm paying you in quarters.

Missy, I know you're upset.
Would you like a hot beverage?

Go away.

Every culture has their taboos.

In the Ukraine,
it's rude to whistle indoors

and they're correct. Not a fan.

In our society, any discussion
of human reproduction

seems to be so upsetting
it causes nothing but chaos,

lost jobs...

Lost friends...

Sleepless nights...

Even the word "sex" provokes
an uncomfortable reaction.

I thought "fornicate" might work
but that seemed too judgy.

Then I found the perfect word.

A word so bland and clinical

that it would be impossible
to take offense to it.

Coitus. That'll work.

My little angel.

Do you, pastor Rob,
take Melissa Cooper to be your wife?

Heck yeah.

And do you, Melissa Cooper,
take pastor Rob to be your husband?

I totally do.

I hereby pronounce you
Mr. and Mrs. Youth pastor Rob.

You may now take the bride to six flags.

- Yay!
- Yay!

Whoo!