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1
00:00:15,838 --> 00:00:17,965
{\an8}Ladies, no. No running in the hallway.
2
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:21,342
What the fuck?
3
00:00:26,556 --> 00:00:29,350
Kappa Girls are we!
And everywhere we are!
4
00:00:29,350 --> 00:00:32,354
We wear the sacred letters!
K, B and R!
5
00:00:32,354 --> 00:00:34,981
It's 7:45 in the morning!
What is happening?
6
00:00:34,981 --> 00:00:37,109
Is she in trouble
or are they celebrating her?
7
00:00:37,109 --> 00:00:39,236
I don't know.
I'm just clapping to be safe.
8
00:00:39,236 --> 00:00:41,781
Leighton Murray, you have been elected
9
00:00:41,781 --> 00:00:44,492
- Kappa Social Chair for next year!
- Me?
10
00:00:44,492 --> 00:00:47,203
Do you accept this crucial role
in our sisterhood?
11
00:00:48,037 --> 00:00:48,996
I do!
12
00:00:50,288 --> 00:00:53,876
The position comes with one of
the absolute best rooms in the house.
13
00:00:54,334 --> 00:00:55,835
I'm so excited for you to move in.
14
00:00:56,295 --> 00:00:59,214
So, you're like moving
to Kappa next year?
15
00:01:00,174 --> 00:01:02,968
Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am.
16
00:01:02,968 --> 00:01:04,469
Let's go, ladies!
17
00:01:06,347 --> 00:01:09,308
Kappa Girls are we!
And everywhere we are!
18
00:01:09,308 --> 00:01:12,311
We wear the sacred letters
K, B and R!
19
00:01:12,311 --> 00:01:15,064
Kappa Girls are we!
And everywhere we are...
20
00:01:15,064 --> 00:01:16,356
Wait, where's Kimberly?
21
00:01:17,358 --> 00:01:19,692
I just got pulled into their group
like a riptide.
22
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:35,084
All right, everyone, as you know,
the year is nearing its end,
23
00:01:35,084 --> 00:01:37,127
and your housing forms are due soon.
24
00:01:37,127 --> 00:01:40,464
If you don't submit one,
you'll have to enter the rooming lottery.
25
00:01:40,464 --> 00:01:43,300
And live with the weirdos
and losers no one else wants?
26
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,386
Oh, no, thank you.
That sounds bleak as hell.
27
00:01:45,386 --> 00:01:46,594
Truth.
28
00:01:46,594 --> 00:01:49,098
Well, as you all heard at dawn,
I'm moving into Kappa,
29
00:01:49,098 --> 00:01:51,767
and I am feeling very blessed.
30
00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:54,352
So please do remove me
from this floor's text thread.
31
00:01:54,352 --> 00:01:55,520
Damn, okay.
32
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,023
And for those of you
who haven't figured it out yet,
33
00:01:58,023 --> 00:01:59,442
I advise you to think on it.
34
00:01:59,442 --> 00:02:01,359
The deadline is coming up fast.
35
00:02:01,359 --> 00:02:02,527
Frude, related question,
36
00:02:02,527 --> 00:02:06,114
if someone sort of destroyed their walls
by putting up wallpaper using cheap glue,
37
00:02:06,114 --> 00:02:08,575
will his or her or their parents
be charged for that?
38
00:02:08,575 --> 00:02:09,785
Most definitely.
39
00:02:09,785 --> 00:02:11,828
Okay. The second related question,
40
00:02:11,828 --> 00:02:13,455
does anyone here have some spackle?
41
00:02:25,259 --> 00:02:27,260
Hey, can I ask you something?
42
00:02:27,594 --> 00:02:29,387
Yeah, for sure. What's up?
43
00:02:29,889 --> 00:02:32,391
Do you wanna room with me again next year?
44
00:02:32,391 --> 00:02:33,726
Oh, my gosh, yes.
45
00:02:33,726 --> 00:02:36,519
I was thinking the same thing,
but I felt like a total loser for asking.
46
00:02:36,519 --> 00:02:39,230
Totally. I have zero interest
in moving into the Kappa house.
47
00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:41,233
And I like that we already know
each other's quirks.
48
00:02:41,233 --> 00:02:42,484
Oh, what are my quirks?
49
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,527
Wait! Actually, I don't wanna know.
50
00:02:44,527 --> 00:02:46,946
Okay. But sometimes you
51
00:02:46,946 --> 00:02:49,283
talk to someone named
Grandma Joan in your sleep.
52
00:02:49,283 --> 00:02:52,244
I've heard that before.
People gossiped a lot about it at camp.
53
00:02:52,744 --> 00:02:55,956
Should we consider a triple
and include Bela,
54
00:02:55,956 --> 00:02:57,750
or doubles and just us?
55
00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:00,502
- Maybe we consider both?
- Sure.
56
00:03:01,252 --> 00:03:02,295
- Hey, guys!
- Bela.
57
00:03:02,295 --> 00:03:03,922
When the door is closed, you knock.
58
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:05,758
It's the end of the year.
Those rules don't apply anymore.
59
00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:08,718
Look at this.
I'm in a magazine and I look great.
60
00:03:08,718 --> 00:03:10,053
You do.
61
00:03:10,053 --> 00:03:12,348
Sitting at a piano
looking like a sexy Beethoven.
62
00:03:12,348 --> 00:03:13,723
I can't wait to read it,
63
00:03:13,723 --> 00:03:15,309
but I got to get to class.
64
00:03:15,309 --> 00:03:17,228
Fine. But, Kimberly, clear your schedule
65
00:03:17,228 --> 00:03:19,522
because we're gonna pass these out
to every student on campus.
66
00:03:19,522 --> 00:03:20,981
How many copies did you grab?
67
00:03:20,981 --> 00:03:22,775
Like, 75? Come on.
68
00:03:23,651 --> 00:03:26,444
Hey, read this.
I'm featured on pages 31 and 32.
69
00:03:26,821 --> 00:03:28,488
Oh, and in the table of contents.
70
00:03:28,488 --> 00:03:31,908
Bela, you come off amazing in this!
71
00:03:31,908 --> 00:03:33,077
I know, right?
72
00:03:33,494 --> 00:03:35,454
Dude, this could be, like, huge
for my career.
73
00:03:35,454 --> 00:03:37,665
I sent it to tina.fey
at all the big emails.
74
00:03:39,082 --> 00:03:40,209
I'm so happy for you.
75
00:03:40,209 --> 00:03:42,420
You've been working so hard,
and it's finally paying off.
76
00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:43,545
Thanks, man.
77
00:03:43,545 --> 00:03:46,424
Hey. Have you and Whit talked
about housing stuff for next year yet?
78
00:03:46,798 --> 00:03:48,384
Oh, no.
79
00:03:48,384 --> 00:03:49,634
What were you thinking?
80
00:03:49,634 --> 00:03:52,470
I'm gonna move off-campus with Evangeline
and Jo from the comedy magazine.
81
00:03:52,470 --> 00:03:53,723
Oh, okay. That makes sense.
82
00:03:53,723 --> 00:03:56,600
Yeah, it's gonna be great.
We're gonna live together, write together.
83
00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,102
Maybe try drugs together.
84
00:03:58,102 --> 00:03:59,644
It's gonna be like SNL from the '70s,
85
00:03:59,644 --> 00:04:01,563
but, like, with way more women
and non-whites.
86
00:04:01,563 --> 00:04:03,607
- Okay.
- We'll still hang out all the time though.
87
00:04:03,607 --> 00:04:07,402
- Yeah, for sure.
- Bela! This article rules.
88
00:04:07,402 --> 00:04:09,238
That's so sweet.
89
00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:10,406
This is Jorja.
90
00:04:10,406 --> 00:04:13,117
She's one of the newer writers
from the Foxy.
91
00:04:13,117 --> 00:04:15,911
Hey, I'd love to send you
some pieces I've been working on
92
00:04:15,911 --> 00:04:17,705
- and get your thoughts on them?
- I'd be happy to help.
93
00:04:17,705 --> 00:04:20,249
Oh, my God, thank you. Amazing.
94
00:04:20,249 --> 00:04:21,708
I'll text you later.
95
00:04:23,918 --> 00:04:26,088
That was awesome!
96
00:04:26,088 --> 00:04:28,215
You're like a campus celebrity.
97
00:04:28,215 --> 00:04:29,966
{\an8}I know, right? I kinda am.
98
00:04:29,966 --> 00:04:33,179
{\an8}You're more famous than that chubby
squirrel we feed French fries to.
99
00:04:33,179 --> 00:04:35,096
Oh, my God. I haven't seen him in a while.
100
00:04:35,096 --> 00:04:36,264
Me neither.
101
00:04:37,515 --> 00:04:38,476
Oh, no.
102
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:44,065
Well, then,
with all due respect,
103
00:04:44,065 --> 00:04:48,401
President Lacey is a giant penis
who hates all women. Quote me, bitch.
104
00:04:49,487 --> 00:04:51,446
We are making friends like usual, huh?
105
00:04:51,446 --> 00:04:54,199
- Essex just cut our funding in half.
- Seriously?
106
00:04:54,199 --> 00:04:56,534
- This is gonna kill us.
- Wait, why would they do that?
107
00:04:56,534 --> 00:05:00,121
I don't know. Maybe because
the cis white hetero male board
108
00:05:00,121 --> 00:05:03,458
doesn't care about women
or trans, or non-binary folk.
109
00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:06,420
Why don't you take a seat,
help us figure out what we can do.
110
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,129
No, I'm good.
111
00:05:08,129 --> 00:05:11,341
I was just popping in on my way
to a very important Kappa event.
112
00:05:11,341 --> 00:05:14,553
Oh, something that no one
has ever said in this building.
113
00:05:14,553 --> 00:05:16,471
Well, I am sure you'll find your fix.
114
00:05:16,471 --> 00:05:18,515
Okay? But, for the future,
115
00:05:18,515 --> 00:05:20,309
why don't you just let Tova
handle the calls, okay?
116
00:05:20,309 --> 00:05:21,684
They are much more likable than you.
117
00:05:21,684 --> 00:05:23,437
I just said that about myself.
118
00:05:23,437 --> 00:05:25,021
Good news, everyone.
119
00:05:25,021 --> 00:05:27,525
Guess who just made us $40
120
00:05:27,525 --> 00:05:31,027
by donating blood
at two different locations?
121
00:05:31,027 --> 00:05:33,696
Ginger, are you okay?
You look really pale.
122
00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:36,032
I can't lose this place!
123
00:05:36,032 --> 00:05:37,075
Okay.
124
00:05:39,578 --> 00:05:42,206
Hey, when you're done with that work,
can I talk to you for a sec?
125
00:05:42,206 --> 00:05:43,331
Oh, this isn't work.
126
00:05:43,331 --> 00:05:46,043
I'm trying to figure out
what it's called when four people 69.
127
00:05:46,043 --> 00:05:47,670
I think it's 138-ing.
128
00:05:47,670 --> 00:05:49,505
Well, I feel kind of weird
for saying this,
129
00:05:49,505 --> 00:05:53,259
but I think I have feelings
for a coworker.
130
00:05:53,259 --> 00:05:57,054
Kimberly, I am so flattered,
but I don't see you that way.
131
00:05:57,054 --> 00:05:58,097
This is about Canaan.
132
00:05:58,596 --> 00:05:59,764
I don't know what to do.
133
00:05:59,764 --> 00:06:01,850
Obviously, I can't talk
to my roommates about it
134
00:06:01,850 --> 00:06:03,393
because of Whitney and him.
135
00:06:03,393 --> 00:06:04,978
Listen, I totally get why you're into him.
136
00:06:04,978 --> 00:06:08,899
Canaan is a hot boy with rippling muscles
and two heaping scoops of ass,
137
00:06:08,899 --> 00:06:11,693
but you and I both know
that you can't act on this.
138
00:06:11,693 --> 00:06:13,111
It could totally blow up
your friend group,
139
00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:15,823
your rooming situation,
and your work life. It ain't worth it.
140
00:06:15,823 --> 00:06:18,408
I know, but maybe
he has feelings for me too.
141
00:06:18,408 --> 00:06:20,034
- He does not.
- How do you know?
142
00:06:20,034 --> 00:06:21,746
I know his type, and you're not it.
143
00:06:21,746 --> 00:06:23,872
He told me you remind him
of his third grade teacher.
144
00:06:23,872 --> 00:06:25,207
Maybe she was really cool.
145
00:06:25,207 --> 00:06:26,750
He said she had cankles.
146
00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:29,544
- Oh. Got it.
- That would be you in the situation.
147
00:06:29,544 --> 00:06:30,712
Yeah, I said I got it.
148
00:06:30,712 --> 00:06:33,256
I'm so sorry. I feel like I shot Bambi.
149
00:06:33,256 --> 00:06:37,177
But, if I were you, I would avoid him for
the rest of the year and forget about it.
150
00:06:37,177 --> 00:06:38,304
Yeah, I know you're right.
151
00:06:38,304 --> 00:06:40,764
Listen, we all have crushes
that we can't act on.
152
00:06:40,764 --> 00:06:42,640
Like me and the Pepsi delivery guy.
153
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,728
Sure, I left him
Polaroids of my tits in his truck,
154
00:06:45,728 --> 00:06:48,897
but that is as far as I'll take it,
because I'm a professional.
155
00:06:48,897 --> 00:06:50,691
I think he can hear you.
156
00:06:50,691 --> 00:06:52,193
Yeah, I want him to.
157
00:06:52,193 --> 00:06:53,694
Hey, Jorge.
158
00:06:58,324 --> 00:07:00,366
You're declaring your major?
159
00:07:00,366 --> 00:07:03,996
Yeah. I'm officially on the biochemistry
and biophysics track.
160
00:07:03,996 --> 00:07:06,873
So, you're gonna do
the same major as your boyfriend?
161
00:07:06,873 --> 00:07:08,958
He is not my boyfriend.
162
00:07:08,958 --> 00:07:10,711
But I do think I'm his girlfriend.
It's bad.
163
00:07:10,711 --> 00:07:13,088
Whitney!
You don't like him.
164
00:07:13,088 --> 00:07:16,634
You need to end this
before you take 30 more classes with him
165
00:07:16,634 --> 00:07:18,052
and end up marrying his ass.
166
00:07:18,052 --> 00:07:19,095
I will handle it.
167
00:07:19,844 --> 00:07:21,305
I'm going to talk to him today.
168
00:07:21,305 --> 00:07:23,224
Great. You've only tried
to break up with him
169
00:07:23,224 --> 00:07:25,725
two other times before,
so hopefully this one will stick.
170
00:07:33,651 --> 00:07:35,277
How's everyone doing?
171
00:07:36,611 --> 00:07:37,779
What the hell, Bela?
172
00:07:37,779 --> 00:07:39,907
This article is entirely about you.
173
00:07:39,907 --> 00:07:43,661
It literally says your name
more than the name of our magazine.
174
00:07:43,661 --> 00:07:44,994
How did this happen?
175
00:07:45,662 --> 00:07:47,915
I'm so sorry. I have no idea.
176
00:07:47,915 --> 00:07:49,917
I would have assumed
he would have written about all of us.
177
00:07:51,043 --> 00:07:53,462
Maybe the reporter
has a crush on me or something.
178
00:07:53,462 --> 00:07:55,923
Nice try. He's seeing someone,
179
00:07:55,923 --> 00:07:59,176
which he told me
after he rejected me brutally.
180
00:07:59,176 --> 00:08:03,304
Then I have no idea how this happened.
This is so strange.
181
00:08:03,304 --> 00:08:06,559
It makes it look like
you created the Foxy all by yourself.
182
00:08:06,559 --> 00:08:09,060
Did he show this to you
before he printed it?
183
00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:12,689
No. If he had, I would have asked him
to photoshop my boobs to look bigger.
184
00:08:14,190 --> 00:08:16,068
You know what?
I'll reach out to him right now
185
00:08:16,068 --> 00:08:17,361
and make sure he prints a retraction.
186
00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:19,905
It's fine. Let's just forget it.
187
00:08:22,991 --> 00:08:24,367
I don't think I can.
188
00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:27,036
In fact, you're uninvited
to my half birthday party.
189
00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:31,332
For those of you who are coming,
I'm registered at Claire's,
190
00:08:31,332 --> 00:08:33,960
and I would like it
if at least one of you RSVP'd.
191
00:08:35,921 --> 00:08:37,631
You can right now, vocally.
192
00:08:41,093 --> 00:08:42,470
Let's just get back to work.
193
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:46,973
There she is.
194
00:08:47,891 --> 00:08:49,851
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, Dad.
195
00:08:50,936 --> 00:08:53,438
Hey, can we talk about the shirt?
196
00:08:53,438 --> 00:08:56,816
Yes. I just wanted to show the world
how much I support you.
197
00:08:56,816 --> 00:09:00,111
{\an8}That's great. It just makes it seem like
you're proud to be a gay dad.
198
00:09:00,111 --> 00:09:01,905
{\an8}Because I am. And I just want...
199
00:09:02,531 --> 00:09:03,865
{\an8}Oh!
200
00:09:03,865 --> 00:09:07,495
{\an8}That's why the barista
called me Zaddy. Yes.
201
00:09:07,495 --> 00:09:09,621
- Oh, sweetheart.
- Hi.
202
00:09:09,621 --> 00:09:11,499
- Oh, you look great.
- Thanks.
203
00:09:11,499 --> 00:09:13,167
And your father told me.
204
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:16,212
That I'm lesbian. Yes, I am.
205
00:09:16,212 --> 00:09:18,630
I just wish you felt comfortable
telling me yourself.
206
00:09:18,630 --> 00:09:20,758
You are not exactly the chillest.
207
00:09:20,758 --> 00:09:24,512
I seem to remember you crying
when I asked to wear sneakers on vacation.
208
00:09:24,512 --> 00:09:26,472
It was St. Barts.
209
00:09:26,472 --> 00:09:28,599
We could have run into Lorne Michaels.
210
00:09:29,808 --> 00:09:32,228
Well, I read several articles
about what to say to you,
211
00:09:32,228 --> 00:09:35,106
so I acknowledge your sexuality
and I love you.
212
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:37,733
I love you, too.
213
00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:40,777
So, are you excited
to go to the Kappa Spring Festival?
214
00:09:40,777 --> 00:09:43,738
Oh, honey. I have been looking forward
to going to this event with you
215
00:09:43,738 --> 00:09:45,783
since the moment you got in,
216
00:09:45,783 --> 00:09:49,494
and I cannot wait to see
which of my classmates have aged poorly.
217
00:09:49,494 --> 00:09:51,664
Well, you girls have fun.
218
00:09:51,664 --> 00:09:55,584
I'm off to destroy the only copy
of a very hurtful op-ed I wrote in 1992.
219
00:10:02,632 --> 00:10:03,759
What are you doing?
220
00:10:03,759 --> 00:10:05,510
I'm sifting through a bag of beans.
221
00:10:05,510 --> 00:10:07,388
Lila thinks she dropped an AirPod in here.
222
00:10:08,805 --> 00:10:09,931
What happened to your shirt?
223
00:10:09,931 --> 00:10:12,601
I tripped and spilled
a gallon of oat milk on myself.
224
00:10:12,601 --> 00:10:13,644
Oh!
225
00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:20,900
Oh, will I be seeing you
at the Theta party tonight?
226
00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:24,404
No. I don't think I can make it.
227
00:10:24,905 --> 00:10:27,491
It's too bad.
If you change your mind, text me.
228
00:10:28,117 --> 00:10:29,076
Okay.
229
00:10:31,453 --> 00:10:33,247
How do I look?
230
00:10:34,373 --> 00:10:35,915
- Dry.
- Right.
231
00:10:37,376 --> 00:10:38,335
See ya.
232
00:10:45,008 --> 00:10:47,970
- There she is!
- Oh, my God. Hi.
233
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:50,597
Ready to watch me
kill this presentation? Whoop!
234
00:10:51,431 --> 00:10:52,849
Yeah.
235
00:10:53,641 --> 00:10:54,602
Something up?
236
00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:59,398
Yes. But don't worry about it.
237
00:10:59,398 --> 00:11:01,441
I don't wanna throw you off.
We can just talk after class.
238
00:11:01,441 --> 00:11:02,693
No, let's talk about it now.
239
00:11:02,693 --> 00:11:05,154
I'm not gonna be able to focus
on my experiment if you don't tell me.
240
00:11:05,154 --> 00:11:06,322
I think we should break up.
241
00:11:06,739 --> 00:11:07,697
Shit.
242
00:11:08,239 --> 00:11:10,493
Okay. It's not what I thought
you were gonna say.
243
00:11:10,493 --> 00:11:11,535
I'm sorry.
244
00:11:12,368 --> 00:11:13,662
No, it's cool.
245
00:11:14,163 --> 00:11:17,082
We're both super busy, so this is, like...
246
00:11:17,958 --> 00:11:19,627
It's mutual. It's good.
247
00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:21,295
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
248
00:11:21,295 --> 00:11:23,630
Let's get in there as friends. Come on.
249
00:11:25,591 --> 00:11:30,179
So, I'll keep titrating the solution
until some precipitate forms,
250
00:11:30,179 --> 00:11:33,139
which, according to my estimate, should...
251
00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:35,893
Should...
252
00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,604
Sorry. Lost my focus.
253
00:11:41,899 --> 00:11:43,441
Dude, are you crying?
254
00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:47,612
No. My eyes are just
really humid right now.
255
00:11:48,072 --> 00:11:52,368
Anyway, so if you'll focus
on the bottom of the beaker, you'll see...
256
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:56,704
Okay. Now, yes, I am crying.
257
00:11:57,790 --> 00:12:00,250
I think I need a minute
alone in the hallway.
258
00:12:04,379 --> 00:12:08,259
So, Ashlie, are you excited
to be Kappa president next year?
259
00:12:08,259 --> 00:12:09,509
Oh, my goodness, yes.
260
00:12:09,509 --> 00:12:11,928
You know, I was president my senior year
261
00:12:11,928 --> 00:12:15,141
and I got us a computer
with the Internet on it.
262
00:12:15,141 --> 00:12:16,684
Yes, you did.
263
00:12:16,684 --> 00:12:18,269
Cool story, Mom.
264
00:12:18,269 --> 00:12:21,187
You need to buckle up, Ashlie.
You are in for a lot.
265
00:12:21,187 --> 00:12:22,440
I'm on the alumni board
266
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,483
and every day
it feels like some new crisis.
267
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,695
A Kappa crisis? Like what?
268
00:12:27,695 --> 00:12:30,031
Did they install unflattering lighting
in the bathrooms?
269
00:12:32,282 --> 00:12:34,659
No. Did you hear what happened
at the Syracuse chapter?
270
00:12:34,659 --> 00:12:36,745
- No.
- They banned the word "sisterhood."
271
00:12:37,329 --> 00:12:38,497
Why would they do that?
272
00:12:38,497 --> 00:12:40,123
Well, they said it's not accurate
273
00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:42,333
and that some of their members
aren't women.
274
00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:43,501
What?
275
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:46,212
I don't know.
I actually think that's a good thing,
276
00:12:46,212 --> 00:12:48,674
you know, to create
more inclusive language
277
00:12:48,674 --> 00:12:50,133
for trans and non-binary folk.
278
00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:53,345
Well, I just think
if you don't see yourself as a woman,
279
00:12:53,345 --> 00:12:56,182
then form your own group.
Let us be sisters.
280
00:12:56,182 --> 00:12:58,059
But how can they form their own clubs
281
00:12:58,059 --> 00:13:00,977
with no support
or funding from the school, you know?
282
00:13:00,977 --> 00:13:02,270
Just to be clear,
283
00:13:02,270 --> 00:13:04,815
- my best friend is a homosexual.
- Ralph?
284
00:13:05,148 --> 00:13:06,316
- Yes.
- Love Ralph.
285
00:13:06,901 --> 00:13:08,486
Isn't he funny?
286
00:13:08,486 --> 00:13:11,489
Sure, I'm gay, too,
but that is actually meaningless
287
00:13:11,489 --> 00:13:14,157
in the context
of this conversation, isn't it?
288
00:13:14,157 --> 00:13:15,910
Leight, can I borrow you for a sec?
289
00:13:18,496 --> 00:13:21,831
Look, I know these boomer alums
aren't the most up to date on things,
290
00:13:21,831 --> 00:13:24,959
but today is sort of
about getting donation checks from them.
291
00:13:24,959 --> 00:13:26,712
I promise it's not worth engaging.
292
00:13:26,712 --> 00:13:30,799
Right. But if we don't engage with them,
then who is going to?
293
00:13:30,799 --> 00:13:32,176
Maybe you should go talk to somebody else.
294
00:13:41,351 --> 00:13:42,978
Oh, Zoe, I don't mean to rub it in,
295
00:13:42,978 --> 00:13:46,148
but you really missed out on not going
to that Econ banquet with Canaan.
296
00:13:47,774 --> 00:13:48,817
What Econ banquet?
297
00:13:48,817 --> 00:13:50,360
The one where Canaan got that award.
298
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,613
It was so fun, and the food was so good.
299
00:13:52,613 --> 00:13:56,534
I loaded up on soup, and then I realized
it was just the appetizer.
300
00:13:56,534 --> 00:13:58,701
Yeah. I don't know
what you're talking about.
301
00:13:58,701 --> 00:14:00,370
Really?
302
00:14:00,370 --> 00:14:03,457
He said he invited you before inviting me,
and you were busy.
303
00:14:03,457 --> 00:14:05,167
That definitely did not happen.
304
00:14:07,961 --> 00:14:09,213
Will you excuse me a moment?
305
00:14:09,839 --> 00:14:12,006
Lila, do you wanna go
to that Theta party tonight?
306
00:14:12,006 --> 00:14:13,591
Bitch, I've been going to go.
307
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:16,803
And I'm wearing a dress
that makes my tits sing.
308
00:14:18,347 --> 00:14:19,681
Thanks again for meeting up with me.
309
00:14:19,681 --> 00:14:20,849
Of course. I'm happy to.
310
00:14:20,849 --> 00:14:23,144
Oh, and thank you for meeting me
during your final exam.
311
00:14:23,144 --> 00:14:24,352
No other times worked for me.
312
00:14:24,352 --> 00:14:27,397
You're just so impressive.
I want to learn as much as I can from you.
313
00:14:28,983 --> 00:14:31,068
So I read your packet and...
314
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:34,696
I think you should consider
quitting the Foxy.
315
00:14:34,696 --> 00:14:36,699
- Quit?
- Jorja, I think you're cool
316
00:14:36,699 --> 00:14:39,452
and smart and funny, and in that way,
you really remind me of myself.
317
00:14:39,452 --> 00:14:41,245
But not everyone who is cool
and smart and funny
318
00:14:41,245 --> 00:14:43,080
has what it takes to be a comedy writer.
319
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,123
Okay?
320
00:14:45,081 --> 00:14:47,041
Oh, you know what
I think you'd be great at?
321
00:14:47,459 --> 00:14:48,836
- Advertising.
- What?
322
00:14:48,836 --> 00:14:50,336
I bet you could write
really cute commercials
323
00:14:50,336 --> 00:14:53,214
for, like, cleaning products,
or, like, a clever yogurt ad.
324
00:14:53,590 --> 00:14:55,300
I'm not really interested in that.
325
00:14:56,050 --> 00:14:58,721
Do you seriously not have
any feedback for me
326
00:14:58,721 --> 00:14:59,971
on anything I wrote?
327
00:15:00,306 --> 00:15:02,641
I could tell you all the things
that didn't really work in here,
328
00:15:02,641 --> 00:15:04,934
but I just don't think
that's a good use of either of our time.
329
00:15:05,935 --> 00:15:08,647
Well, at least you're honest.
330
00:15:08,647 --> 00:15:10,523
Always. You got this, Jorja.
331
00:15:10,523 --> 00:15:12,777
I mean, not this, but something else.
332
00:15:15,737 --> 00:15:17,530
Oh, did you want me
to throw this away for you?
333
00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:25,081
Thank you so much for these.
They're gonna do a lot of good.
334
00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:27,957
Kappa kisses.
335
00:15:32,588 --> 00:15:35,173
Honey, are you okay?
336
00:15:35,173 --> 00:15:36,801
You've been quiet all day.
337
00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:37,968
Yeah. I don't know.
338
00:15:39,344 --> 00:15:40,679
I...
339
00:15:41,429 --> 00:15:43,015
I don't think I want this anymore.
340
00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:46,726
Oh, sweetie, what is going on?
341
00:15:47,061 --> 00:15:48,978
I wanted to be in Kappa just like you,
342
00:15:48,978 --> 00:15:52,191
but I don't feel like me when I'm here.
343
00:15:52,191 --> 00:15:55,735
I think you've just changed,
and that's okay.
344
00:15:55,735 --> 00:15:58,322
I'm really sorry. I know how bad
that you wanted this for me
345
00:15:58,322 --> 00:16:00,573
and I just didn't want to let you down.
346
00:16:00,573 --> 00:16:02,659
Oh, no, no, stop.
347
00:16:02,659 --> 00:16:04,161
I just want you to be happy.
348
00:16:04,619 --> 00:16:06,329
If you don't wanna be in Kappa,
then don't.
349
00:16:07,372 --> 00:16:11,210
Life is too short to waste on things
that don't bring you happiness.
350
00:16:12,211 --> 00:16:14,088
That's why we don't see Grandma anymore.
351
00:16:15,171 --> 00:16:16,214
I love you, Mom.
352
00:16:16,214 --> 00:16:18,509
I love you so much, Leighton.
353
00:16:18,509 --> 00:16:20,219
Lovely to see you, Mimi.
354
00:16:20,219 --> 00:16:23,138
Oh, always a pleasure, Mona. Kappa kisses.
355
00:16:23,556 --> 00:16:25,891
What a dumb whore. Am I right?
356
00:16:25,891 --> 00:16:27,727
Oh, my God.
357
00:16:27,727 --> 00:16:30,354
You know, she once asked me
how to spell the word "biscuit."
358
00:16:30,354 --> 00:16:32,940
Mom, you are such a bitch.
359
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:35,358
Oh, my God, we would have been
good friends in college.
360
00:16:35,358 --> 00:16:37,193
For sure, we would have been.
361
00:16:39,904 --> 00:16:42,992
Last pregame of freshman year, let's go!
362
00:16:56,087 --> 00:16:59,050
I can't believe this is the last shot
we'll take in this room. I could cry.
363
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:01,468
Guys, can I just say that this is
the hottest we've ever looked?
364
00:17:01,468 --> 00:17:02,886
I mean, Whitney, that dress.
365
00:17:02,886 --> 00:17:04,764
Serving purple and serving tits?
366
00:17:04,764 --> 00:17:06,182
You look like a sexy Barney.
367
00:17:06,182 --> 00:17:07,974
Thank you. Thank you.
368
00:17:07,974 --> 00:17:10,560
Listen, I'm single, and I'm ready
to end this year with a bang.
369
00:17:11,687 --> 00:17:13,688
Okay. Well, I am just excited
to have fun with my girls.
370
00:17:14,189 --> 00:17:15,398
Me, too.
371
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:16,941
Holy shit.
372
00:17:16,941 --> 00:17:18,194
Guys, stop!
373
00:17:18,194 --> 00:17:19,737
What's wrong?
374
00:17:19,737 --> 00:17:21,613
- I'm getting canceled.
- What?
375
00:17:21,613 --> 00:17:24,325
This girl from the Foxy is blasting my ass
on social media.
376
00:17:24,325 --> 00:17:26,160
- I'm sure it's not that bad.
- Yeah.
377
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:30,371
"Five things I learned at Essex's
so-called feminist comedy magazine."
378
00:17:30,371 --> 00:17:33,500
Maybe it's a nice post.
She said she learned things.
379
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:37,170
"Bela Malhotra is a misogynistic
comedy dictator
380
00:17:37,170 --> 00:17:39,506
who hates all women, including herself."
381
00:17:40,508 --> 00:17:41,926
Fuck. This is so bad.
382
00:17:41,926 --> 00:17:43,761
Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to quit comedy
383
00:17:43,761 --> 00:17:45,762
and become a pharmacist
like all my dumb cousins.
384
00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:47,765
There has to be a misunderstanding.
385
00:17:47,765 --> 00:17:50,183
Yeah, I agree. I mean,
you definitely don't hate yourself.
386
00:17:50,183 --> 00:17:52,519
- If anything, you like yourself too much.
- Exactly.
387
00:17:52,519 --> 00:17:55,022
Listen, just talk to this girl tomorrow
and smooth it over.
388
00:17:55,022 --> 00:17:57,108
- Yeah.
- You don't need to let it ruin your night.
389
00:17:57,108 --> 00:17:59,735
I'm with Whitney. I mean, the girl has,
like, 40 followers, okay?
390
00:17:59,735 --> 00:18:00,820
Nobody will ever see that.
391
00:18:01,402 --> 00:18:03,948
Yeah, you're right. All right,
let's take one more shot before we go.
392
00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:05,491
Yes. Thank you.
393
00:18:05,491 --> 00:18:07,450
Or we could take
a five-minute nap and then go.
394
00:18:07,450 --> 00:18:08,619
- Are you fucking kidding me?
- No!
395
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:10,036
All right.
396
00:18:20,589 --> 00:18:22,757
Shit! This party is going off.
397
00:18:22,757 --> 00:18:25,594
My favorite bitches!
398
00:18:25,594 --> 00:18:26,970
Yeah!
399
00:18:26,970 --> 00:18:28,847
Welcome to the Dare or Dare Party.
400
00:18:28,847 --> 00:18:31,809
You are obligated to do the dare written
on the bottom of your cup.
401
00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:33,936
Oh! What kind of dares?
402
00:18:33,936 --> 00:18:36,604
I've read them all.
On the side of the table, they're horny.
403
00:18:36,604 --> 00:18:39,650
And here, they're just plain nasty.
I took one of both.
404
00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:40,860
Oh.
405
00:18:40,860 --> 00:18:42,610
"Smash face with a redhead."
406
00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:44,113
I want that one.
407
00:18:44,113 --> 00:18:45,280
- Okay.
- Thank you.
408
00:18:46,449 --> 00:18:49,994
Damn it, Jocelyn, I'm not gonna jiggle
a stranger's tit at this party.
409
00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:53,372
Twerk? I can't twerk. I wasn't allowed
to dance with my bottom half growing up.
410
00:18:53,872 --> 00:18:55,791
We don't actually have to do these, do we?
411
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:58,919
Oh, Jocelyn seems to think we do.
412
00:18:59,544 --> 00:19:01,297
Oh, my God.
413
00:19:02,548 --> 00:19:04,716
That is a lot of tongue.
414
00:19:06,551 --> 00:19:08,345
I brushed my teeth
so good tonight,
415
00:19:08,345 --> 00:19:12,266
I am 1,000% making out with someone
at this party.
416
00:19:12,266 --> 00:19:14,684
Let's pick out some hotties
and wingwoman each other hard.
417
00:19:14,684 --> 00:19:17,980
Okay. Okay, sure. Let's see my options.
418
00:19:18,439 --> 00:19:22,359
Okay. We got a guy slurping
a Taco Bell fire sauce packet.
419
00:19:23,526 --> 00:19:26,739
And a dude
who's dancing tragically off the beat.
420
00:19:26,739 --> 00:19:29,200
Yeah. I don't think
any of these guys are my type.
421
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,867
So, what are you looking for?
422
00:19:36,415 --> 00:19:38,374
I will let you know when I see it.
423
00:19:45,591 --> 00:19:47,509
- Hey.
- Hey!
424
00:19:47,509 --> 00:19:48,969
I thought you said you weren't coming?
425
00:19:48,969 --> 00:19:50,554
Turns out I am, and did.
426
00:19:50,970 --> 00:19:52,013
What are you doing?
427
00:19:52,013 --> 00:19:54,599
I'm trying to find a cup
with a dare I actually wanna do.
428
00:19:54,975 --> 00:19:57,685
This one says, "Motorboat Lila,"
and it has her phone number.
429
00:19:57,685 --> 00:19:59,355
Yeah, she definitely wrote that one.
430
00:19:59,355 --> 00:20:01,148
Can you just be a good citizen
and throw it out?
431
00:20:03,650 --> 00:20:04,734
Wait, what's that one?
432
00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:07,780
"Kiss a stranger."
433
00:20:08,905 --> 00:20:09,948
That one's not a bad one.
434
00:20:11,367 --> 00:20:14,661
Well, we both know each other,
so you're in the clear, sir.
435
00:20:15,329 --> 00:20:16,663
Yeah.
436
00:20:18,289 --> 00:20:20,583
- Yo, Canaan!
- Oh!
437
00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:23,294
My friends just got here, so I'm gonna...
438
00:20:23,294 --> 00:20:24,422
Yeah, of course. Go.
439
00:20:24,422 --> 00:20:25,923
- I'll go. All right.
- Yeah.
440
00:20:33,305 --> 00:20:36,350
Ginger, love that you're
wearing a long coat indoors.
441
00:20:36,350 --> 00:20:39,102
Thank you!
It belonged to my elderly neighbor.
442
00:20:39,102 --> 00:20:40,563
But I can't stay long.
443
00:20:40,563 --> 00:20:43,773
I gave blood twice again this evening,
so I am feeling weak.
444
00:20:44,399 --> 00:20:46,943
Also, I do not like the way
that guy is looking at me.
445
00:20:50,156 --> 00:20:52,033
- Why don't you go sit down?
- Okay.
446
00:20:53,450 --> 00:20:54,492
I'll go deal with that later.
447
00:20:54,492 --> 00:20:55,911
- You sure she's good?
- She's fine.
448
00:20:55,911 --> 00:20:58,163
So, how is Kappa?
449
00:20:58,705 --> 00:21:00,124
I quit.
450
00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:02,625
Oh, no. Did you find
an even blonder place to live?
451
00:21:03,794 --> 00:21:05,170
Wait, are you being serious?
452
00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:09,258
I am. I decided I would rather
spend my time at the Women's Center,
453
00:21:09,258 --> 00:21:12,595
you know, with people I actually like.
454
00:21:13,471 --> 00:21:16,639
If this is because you vandalized
another statue and got community service,
455
00:21:17,182 --> 00:21:18,224
I will find out.
456
00:21:18,725 --> 00:21:21,520
Also, I have this.
457
00:21:25,191 --> 00:21:28,359
Holy shit! $30,000?
458
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,487
My mom was gonna donate it to Kappa,
459
00:21:30,487 --> 00:21:32,781
so I told her
where it would do better things.
460
00:21:32,781 --> 00:21:35,700
This is going to
completely save us!
461
00:21:39,412 --> 00:21:41,706
I am so sorry.
I should not have done that.
462
00:21:41,706 --> 00:21:43,500
No, no, no, no, no. You should have.
463
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,126
What about your girl Tatum?
464
00:21:45,126 --> 00:21:47,921
I ended things with her.
The night of your fundraiser, actually.
465
00:21:47,921 --> 00:21:50,132
Because of how hot I looked
in my Elton John costume?
466
00:21:50,132 --> 00:21:51,591
You know, I still have that.
467
00:21:51,591 --> 00:21:53,094
I could go get it right now.
468
00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:54,136
Shut up.
469
00:22:06,315 --> 00:22:08,484
Canaan, are you leaving?
470
00:22:09,109 --> 00:22:11,152
Yeah. A bunch of us are headed to a party
on Edgewood.
471
00:22:12,113 --> 00:22:13,072
You wanna come with?
472
00:22:15,907 --> 00:22:17,367
Oh!
473
00:22:19,536 --> 00:22:21,579
No. I'm going to stay.
474
00:22:22,707 --> 00:22:23,749
Have fun.
475
00:22:23,749 --> 00:22:24,792
Okay, bye.
476
00:22:37,804 --> 00:22:40,348
- Bela.
- Hey!
477
00:22:40,348 --> 00:22:42,392
There's a couch here
that they're trying to get rid of.
478
00:22:42,392 --> 00:22:43,811
Should we take it for the house next year?
479
00:22:43,811 --> 00:22:46,855
They call it the sperm bank,
but we don't have to call it that.
480
00:22:46,855 --> 00:22:48,982
That post from Jorja is so messed up.
481
00:22:48,982 --> 00:22:51,152
I know. Huge overreaction, right?
482
00:22:51,652 --> 00:22:53,320
Copywriters need to have a thick skin.
483
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,281
Look at all the stuff that happened to me
at the Catullan.
484
00:22:55,281 --> 00:22:57,491
Dude, we're not agreeing with you.
485
00:22:57,491 --> 00:22:59,701
What happened to you
at the Catullan was horrible.
486
00:22:59,701 --> 00:23:03,288
And our magazine was created to be
a better alternative to that toxic shit.
487
00:23:03,830 --> 00:23:05,081
Don't you remember?
488
00:23:05,081 --> 00:23:07,626
I mean, since you were the one
who created our group.
489
00:23:07,626 --> 00:23:09,879
Wait, is that what this is about?
490
00:23:09,879 --> 00:23:13,214
You guys are just mad that I'm still
getting too much credit in that article.
491
00:23:13,214 --> 00:23:15,176
We talked
to the reporter, Bela.
492
00:23:15,176 --> 00:23:18,512
He showed you the article.
You lied to us.
493
00:23:18,512 --> 00:23:21,932
That article was one thing.
That was normal, selfish Bela.
494
00:23:21,932 --> 00:23:24,350
But being that brutal to Jorja,
it's not okay.
495
00:23:24,893 --> 00:23:26,854
And what Jorja put online about you?
496
00:23:26,854 --> 00:23:29,314
I'd say it was
pretty fucking well-written.
497
00:23:29,732 --> 00:23:32,275
- You're fired from the Foxy.
- What?
498
00:23:32,275 --> 00:23:36,446
Clearly, you're the only person
who lives up to your own comedy standards,
499
00:23:36,446 --> 00:23:38,281
so go be funny alone.
500
00:23:38,281 --> 00:23:39,408
No, please don't do this.
501
00:23:39,408 --> 00:23:41,910
This is gonna make living together
super awkward next year.
502
00:23:41,910 --> 00:23:44,288
- We gave your room to Carla.
- Wait, we did?
503
00:23:44,830 --> 00:23:45,873
We did.
504
00:23:46,831 --> 00:23:48,374
Fine.
505
00:23:50,794 --> 00:23:52,003
Fuck!
506
00:23:54,172 --> 00:23:56,884
Hey, Lila, can I ask you a question?
507
00:23:56,884 --> 00:23:58,677
I'm not currently taking any questions.
508
00:23:58,677 --> 00:24:00,805
My cup said I had to
find 50 people to kiss
509
00:24:00,805 --> 00:24:02,139
and I've only found 34.
510
00:24:02,931 --> 00:24:05,100
- Oh.
- Okay, 35.
511
00:24:05,100 --> 00:24:07,185
Happy to help. Have you seen Canaan?
512
00:24:07,185 --> 00:24:09,355
- He left a little bit ago.
- Okay.
513
00:24:09,355 --> 00:24:11,856
But if you see him, let him know
that he's gonna open up Sips tomorrow
514
00:24:11,856 --> 00:24:14,026
because I do plan
on calling out sick to myself.
515
00:24:14,026 --> 00:24:16,987
- Okay.
- Bye, 35.
516
00:24:18,030 --> 00:24:20,866
Hi, number 36.
517
00:24:20,866 --> 00:24:24,369
You're cute. You like your women
much, much taller than you?
518
00:24:40,886 --> 00:24:41,886
Canaan!
519
00:24:43,514 --> 00:24:45,099
- Hey.
- Hey.
520
00:24:45,558 --> 00:24:48,643
Can I talk to you for a sec?
521
00:24:48,643 --> 00:24:49,686
Yeah.
522
00:24:50,228 --> 00:24:51,897
Y'all go on. I'll catch up with you.
523
00:24:52,981 --> 00:24:54,275
- What's up?
- You lied.
524
00:24:54,275 --> 00:24:56,318
I lied? About what?
525
00:24:56,734 --> 00:25:00,113
Zoe. You never invited her to that event.
She told me.
526
00:25:00,113 --> 00:25:01,782
Why would you lie?
527
00:25:01,782 --> 00:25:03,117
That's a great question.
528
00:25:03,826 --> 00:25:06,162
Because that lie would make no sense.
529
00:25:06,162 --> 00:25:09,205
You wanted me to go with you.
You invited me first.
530
00:25:13,210 --> 00:25:14,669
Fine, I did.
531
00:25:16,130 --> 00:25:17,673
You trying to embarrass me or something?
532
00:25:48,496 --> 00:25:50,330
So, I have some news.
533
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:52,875
Alicia and I are back together.
534
00:25:52,875 --> 00:25:56,961
And, I'm not gonna lie,
I am really happy about it.
535
00:25:56,961 --> 00:25:58,047
Yay!
536
00:25:59,255 --> 00:26:02,259
Wait, so if you're not moving into Kappa
and Bela's not living off-campus anymore,
537
00:26:02,259 --> 00:26:03,635
then we can all live together next year.
538
00:26:04,469 --> 00:26:06,054
I mean, if you all want.
539
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:08,598
- You know what, I'm down.
- What about you, Bela?
540
00:26:10,975 --> 00:26:13,061
Yeah. Sorry.
I'm just a little distracted this morning.
541
00:26:13,061 --> 00:26:15,146
Is this still about that girl
from the magazine?
542
00:26:15,146 --> 00:26:17,108
Why don't you just talk to her, right?
543
00:26:17,108 --> 00:26:19,025
I'm sure she would be open
to hearing you out.
544
00:26:19,025 --> 00:26:21,821
Yeah. Totally, I have a meeting
about it at 10:15.
545
00:26:21,821 --> 00:26:24,365
Great. Okay, good, I'm glad.
546
00:26:27,450 --> 00:26:30,454
So, Kimberly, how was your night?
Anything interesting happen?
547
00:26:35,208 --> 00:26:36,209
No, not really.
548
00:26:46,386 --> 00:26:47,971
You really taste the peach
in this one.
549
00:26:47,971 --> 00:26:49,390
- Hey!
- Hey.
550
00:26:50,098 --> 00:26:52,810
So, I heard Leighton turned down
that room for next year?
551
00:26:52,810 --> 00:26:54,061
Yeah.
552
00:26:54,061 --> 00:26:55,229
I want it.
553
00:26:55,770 --> 00:26:57,605
Okay. Take a seat.
554
00:27:01,110 --> 00:27:04,738
I was rude and disrespectful
and I feel awful about it.
555
00:27:05,739 --> 00:27:08,032
I came to Essex for the Catullan.
556
00:27:08,993 --> 00:27:10,036
That blew up.
557
00:27:12,746 --> 00:27:15,582
I got kicked out of this new group.
558
00:27:16,333 --> 00:27:17,459
No one wants to work with me.
559
00:27:18,793 --> 00:27:22,048
I have a 1.8 GPA.
560
00:27:22,922 --> 00:27:26,761
I broke an amazing guy's heart
by being selfish.
561
00:27:29,137 --> 00:27:31,432
All I want is for people to like me,
562
00:27:31,432 --> 00:27:35,102
but I just keep hurting people instead...
563
00:27:37,646 --> 00:27:39,147
So I'd like to transfer.
43791
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